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nosferatyou · 4 years

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New Tune: Chapter 4 (Jake Kiszka x Reader)

WC: 3.9k

Warnings: Cursing, Alcohol, Moshpits, Rock and Roll, and general dumbassery.

Summary: Two guitarists meet at a Rock Festival, only having a week with each other before they have to return to their own lives. The bond they create is unfeigned and resolute.

I stir awake, in an incredibly uncomfortable position on the.. Couch? A blanket that I definitely don't remember getting was laying on top of me. I look up at the clock to see that it was 1 PM, and let out a groan. I move the blanket off of myself and trudge to the bathroom. I look in the mirror to see what I can only describe as a gremlin. My hair was a rats nest, my makeup had smudged off onto my face, and my clothes were untucked and wrinkled. The weirdest part was the sticky note posted to my forehead. I grabbed it off and scrawled onto it said

“Y/N, Left to go get coffee even though it's practically the afternoon. Anyways will be back soon. -Jake.

PS I would've moved you into a better position, but I didn't want to wake you.”

Shit, he’s going to be here any minute, and I look like straight up trash. Going for a different look, I grab a very cut up Black Sabbath shirt (with a plunging neckline), simple high-waisted black shorts, fishnet tights, and finally my docs. I quickly combed out my hair, and applied some darker makeup. By the time I was done I heard a knock at the door, I opened it to reveal a sweaty Jake with two coffees in his hand.

“Ah so you finally woke up?”

“Oh hush it, get in here I need coffee.”

He walks on and hands me the cup before splaying himself out on the couch.

“So what's the plan today.” He asked.

A smile grew on my face, I already had plans for tonight, but now I'm definitely dragging him along.

“Okay so.” I grabbed a seat next to him, practically buzzing with excitement. “Did you see the headliner tonight?”

“I honestly wasn’t paying attention.” He took another sip of his coffee, still relaxed on the couch.

“Well.. I already planned on doing this since we got here, but this may be a little out of your comfort zone. I don’t know how wild you get.”

He sat up a little bit, interest peaked.

“And I don't know if the band will be up your alley, but…. Anthrax is playing tonight and they put on some of the most fun shows I’ve ever been to. Anyways I honestly live to be in the pit and was gonna sneak in and have some fun.”

He really doesn’t strike me as the mosh type, but definitely the partying type, so this is all really a gamble.

“You know what, fuck it. The boys and I never went to heavier shows, so I've never moshed, but this place seems as good as any to do it. You also seem like a good mosh pit spiritual guide.”

An even bigger smile grew to my face, and I hopped up off the couch.

“The show starts at 7, that gives us like 5-6 hours of pregame and prep. Up you go, we have work to do.”

I grab his arm and try to pull him off the couch. He just laughs and goes along with it.

“Take me to your bus.”

“Not that im complaining but why?”

“That outfit is completely unacceptable.”

He looked down at himself and then back up to me.

“Wait what, why?”

“Well first off you’re wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and your toes are definitely gonna get squished in those flimsy boots.”

“Hey! They aren’t flim-”

I grabbed his hand again and dragged him off the bus.

“Lets go, Rockstar. Lots of work to do.”

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He suddenly stopped me before entering the bus, putting a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m going to be frank with you. They are weird as fuck, especially Sam and Josh, but seriously, watch out for Sam. He’s especially weird.”

I laugh and mimic his hand on my shoulder with my own on his.

“This’ll be fun then, I'm sure we will get on just fine. “

“Alright, Y/N. Just wanted to let you know ahead of time.”

“Whatever you say, Rockstar.”

I open the door and waltz up the stairs to see an odd scene to say the least. Josh, who I had met nights before, was sitting on the couch playing guitar. It seemed like his first time, but two tall boys were standing over him. One yelling at josh, and very aggressively might I add, trying to fix his positioning. The other was trying to calmly explain it to him, the two boys both breaking their instructions with bickering between the two of them.

“Josh, darling, just use your thumb to steady your hand on the neck. Barre chords are 100% easier that way.”

The two taller boys whipped their attention over to me, but Josh just tried what I suggested instead. He produced a much clearer sound and gleefully yelled because of it, then looked up to me.

“Y/N! Thank you, darling. These two imbeciles couldn't pick a way to teach, and it was nothing but confusion.”

Shortly after Jake clomped up the stairs, taking a place next to me. Josh quickly ran over to his twin to seemingly go in for a hug, instead all Jake got was a hefty punch in the arm.

“You bastard, where have you been?”

Jake rubbed his arm and said “Well we went out for a little smoke sesh and then fell asleep on her bus by accident. Sorry man.”

Josh raised his eyebrows in surprise then said, “Ohhh, well that's all you had to say, little brother. We get it.”

“Don’t be gross, Josh. There is a lady here. Plus I’m only five minutes younger, we've been over this.”

I suddenly burst in.

“By all means, Josh. Be gross. I could barely be described as a lady.”

“She already loves me, Jakey.”

He just let out a sigh and said “Don't forget about the others. This is Sam, the actual little brother”

Sam stuck out his hand and gave me a firm handshake. “I feel like this friendship between us will stick.”

“Very bold, Sam. I completely agree.”

Jake continued. “And this is Danny, not blood related, but is basically family.”

He also went in for a handshake, this one a bit softer.

“Pleasure to meet you, Y/N.”

“Pleasures all mine.”

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The boys and I instantly hit it off the bat, maybe it's my chaotic personality, or maybe it's theirs. Either way they grew very comfortable around me quickly, and so did I. Jake was a bit more laid back, he mostly just watched us all interact with a smile on his face. It was oddly endearing.

By that point it was Six and they helped us pregame for the night ahead. Many beers and a couple shots in, and Josh and I were in a heated game of the floor is lava. Well we were but that was until Sam grabbed the chair out from underneath me, causing me to fall onto the couch. Which poor Jake happened to be sitting on, so I partially crushed him, but we were all so tipsy that both of us didn't care. I was too comfortable to move, forgetting about the game.

“Danny, my love. What's the time?”

He checked his watch and said “About 6:30”

I sat up from my reclined position on Jake’s lap and yelled “Shit!”

I quickly got up and yanked Jake up a well, causing him to spill some of his beer.

“We gotta get you better shoes or else your toes are gonna be crushed.”

He laughed and started to push me to the back of the bus. “Well we can't have that can we?”

He led me to a tiny closet near the bunks where he stored his clothing. His shoes were also haphazardly stuffed in there as well.

“Damn this is how you live?”

“Is it not the same for you?”

“You got me there, Rockstar.”

I looked through all of them, stopping on a bright red pair for a moment because they were just so damn fun. But tucked away were some older and heftier leather boots. I grabbed them and stuffed them into his hands.

“Did you bring any normal shirts? Cause button ups won't do, man. Gotta have room to move.”

“Yeah I think I have an old Zeppelin shirt back there somewhere.” He said motioning back towards the closet.

I found it and threw it over to him. I turned around to face him staring at me with an indistinguishable look on his face.

“What are you waiting on? I'm not gonna help you, go get dressed and lets go.”

“Aw what a shame.” He teased.

He dumped his stuff into his bunk before unbuttoning his shirt and taking it off. My eyes slightly widened, and heat rose to my face. I coughed and pulled out my phone as a distraction. A multitude of texts from Sam, my boyfriend, as usual. I ignored them and simply stared at my homepage, just trying to direct my attention from the very tanned shirtless man in front of me.

He tapped my shoulder, pulling me out of my haze.

“Ready to go, little bird?”

“Ready, Rockstar.”

We said our quick goodbyes to the boys before heading off. Josh quickly called out behind us, “Don’t lose an ear!”

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In our drunken state we tried and failed, many times, to hop the fence to the venue. The pit was much harder than expected to get to. Jake tried to lift me over, I tried to lift him over, all ended with one of us almost crushing the other. We were hot, sweaty, and about to miss our chance to join in the fun. Well that was until Jake thought of a different plan of action.

“Y/N!”

I had my hands joined together to grab his foot and lift him up the metal slats, I about dropped him when he yelled my name. Putting all my strength into lifting him, concentrating on a response was hard but I choked out,

“Jesus, Jake. Don’t do that or I’ll drop you again. What is it?”

He scrambled out of my grasp and almost took me down with him.

“I have the best idea I’ve ever thought of.”

“I doubt th-”

He cut me off and grasped my shoulders, shaking me as he spoke.

“We can just jump into the pit!”

I swatted his hands off of me and said

“We’ve been trying that for 20 minutes, dumbass.”

“No!”

He grabbed my hand and practically dragged me toward backstage.

“We are artists, we just go to the wings backstage, sneak onto the stage real fast, jump off into the pit, then join in!”

“Oh my god that is the best idea you've ever had!”

“I know!”

At this point we were in a full on sprint towards the venue, people were giving some strange stares, but we were way too drunk to notice nor care.

We finally reached the inside, laughing as we ran through, navigating through crew members and roadies. When we reached the edge of the wings we stopped for a moment to catch our breath, we both looked at each other for a moment. A look of excitement and adrenaline crossed his face, and i'm sure mine as well.

“Ready, Rockstar?” I asked.

“Let’s go, motherfucker!”

We both ran onto the stage, jumping off the ledge into the space between the barrier and stage. The people at the barrier very quickly noticed us, all very confused by our actions.

“Help me over!” I yelled to them, holding out my hands.

A couple of men grabbed me and lifted me over, I quickly thanked them and looked back over to Jake, still inbetween.

“What are you doing? Get over here!”

He laughed and lifted himself over, pushed close next to me.

“This is quite tight!” He yelled.

“What’d you expect?”

He just shrugged his shoulders and leaned onto the barrier.

“Oh no, Rockstar. This isn’t where we will be.”

He gave me a puzzled look, and I simply responded by grabbing his hand and dragged him away from our spot. I took us deeper into the pit, more and more to the middle. Both of us tightly pressed up against each other. The band wasn’t on stage yet, but the crowd was buzzing with excitement.

“You nervous?”

He looked excited, very drunk, but obviously a bit hesitant about it all.

“A bit. I have a feeling the moment it starts i'll fit right in.”

“Good! It'll be-”

The crowd erupted into cheers and we both looked up to see the band entering the stage. I looked back over to Jake, who’s nervous demeanor had increased substantially. I grabbed his hand, and he looked over to me. He squeezed my hand in response, a smile appearing on his face.

“Don’t let go until you feel ready.. Or if we literally get torn apart.” I yelled to him, barely audible.

“Oh jesus.”

Jakes POV

For the first couple of songs the crowd stood still, well not still, but what I assume is still for this crowd. The music was loud, really loud, and gritty, but the lead guitarist was damn good. Had a clean tone for the genre. It definitely wasn't my crowd, that's for sure, it was a lot of very tall men in tank tops, all older than you'd expect. Y/N definitely stuck out in the crowd. Though she was very much in her element, Dancing with the others, getting a bit rowdier than the rest actually. She knew how to hold her ground in a group like this no doubt about. The music definitely not what I ever ventured into, but I definitely could appreciate it. The band was having fun on stage and messing around, something i'm definitely no stranger to.

Then the band introduced the song “Indians” and all hell broke loose. Y/N’s grip tightened on my hand.

“Get Ready!” She yelled.

The guitars harmonized with a simplistic riff, no other instruments joining in, but boy when they did, the fun began. People around me started to basically push and shove me, basically just running their bodies into me. Jumping into each other and me, Y/N jumped into me at one point. It was tamer than expected, Y/N Joined them as well, pushing into me and jumping into others. It was definitely something I could have handled, I don't know why she hyped it up so much. Everyone took a mutually agreed upon break during the chorus and second verse. Still pushing but just keeping to their spots. Y/N had a huge smile on her face, and looked over to me, her hair wild and her face flushed.

She leaned over to me and tried to yell, “Get ready!”

“Get Ready? Wasn’t that the mosh?”

She threw her head back and laughed before returning to her space. The singer screamed “War Dance!” and the crowd lost it. They were jumping into everyone basically using shoulders and elbows to bounce off of each other. I felt my arm jerk and I looked over to Y/N, and everyone in front of her was.. Running? She tightened her grip and started running with them, and in town, I was dragged along. They all were basically running in a circle in dancing, screaming the lyrics to the song. When we got into a groove something in me grooved with it and I lost every nervous feeling in body. I let go of her hand and ran next to her, jumping into her at some points. She threw her head back with laughter and reciprocated by almost pushing me over. At some point we stopped running, but we slammed and jumped into each other until the song was over. And by that point I was so out of breath it burned.

“Holy shit.” I breathed out.

As the show went on the more into it I got and the more wild Y/N got. Alcohol still very present in our systems, along with adrenaline. Y/N screamed the lyrics with everyone and danced all night, causing a ruckus with the neighboring people, and of course I joined in.

She suddenly clamped her hand on my shoulder in the middle of the song “Antisocial”, surprising me.

“Jake! I have my phone on me, but if I don't make it out, we meet where we jumped in!”

“Don't make it back?” I yelled in confusion.

“Don’t worry ill be right back!”

She leaned over to the taller guys next to us and did her best to talk to them. They both high fived her and she grabbed onto their shoulders. They grabbed her legs and lifted her, passing her forward. The people in front of us very quickly took notice and passed her along. She was having the time of her life, yelling and milking her performance. I would be lying if I didn't say she was cool as fuck, and that I didn't envy her lust for life.

The guy next to tapped my shoulder and yelled “Dude your girlfriend is dope as hell!”

I simply responded “Don't I know it.”

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Y/N’s POV

Eventually I did make my way back to Jake, it just took me awhile to push through, and not get distracted by the crowd, as nice as it was to get recognized, I was worried he got swept away.

I found him attempting to headbang with the guys who helped me crowd surf, it was honestly cute to watch.

“I lived, Bitch!”

He stopped and locked eyes with me, the already huge smile on his face grew bigger,

“I don't want this to end!” He yelled, grabbing me and sweeping me back into my old spot.

“Well I’m sad to inform you we probably have one more song left, Rockstar.”

He gave me an over exaggerated frown and threw his arm around my shoulder and said

“Well I guess that means we have to make it count!”

“I guess it does!”

The crowd gave too much energy in too early on and tried to put everything into the last song, but it didn't compare to earlier. All of our bodies heavy, our breath hard, and sweat was everywhere. Compared to earlier, Jake now looked like a pro. Pushing everyone around him, keeping his balance, a huge smile stuck on his face. Near the end of the song I was completely exhausted and my balance is getting harder and harder to keep. They guy next to me just about pushed me over, except Jakes torso kept me from getting very far. He quickly caught me and wrapped his arms around me looking down at me, stopping for a brief moment. I looked up and our eyes met, our faces were closer than expected, our noses practically touching. The both of us not attempting to move away. Heat rose to my cheeks and I held my breath, unable to move. The relentlessness crowd was ever moving though, and the guy in front of us knocked the two of us into the men behind us, moving us from our position.

“Well that was close, you almost took me down there.” He laughed, relieving the tension.

“You wish, Rockstar.”

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The walk back to my trailer was silent, it wasn’t a bad silence, just contempt. We both just felt oddly comfortable around each other, and could just live in the moment, not having to force conversation. Comfortable silence is rare, and you've met someone truly special if that can be achieved. Even though it was last night i'm still confused as to how he got me to open up. I make it seem like i’m open with people, joke about my insecurities so they can’t hold them against me. Rarely does anyone ever see past that. I haven't even gotten the chance to throw those jokes around, I haven’t felt like I needed to around him. I've known him all of three days and he makes me feel something. I don't know what it is, its past romantic or platonic, I guess I just feel some sort of kin to him. That scares me.

We were in no rush, taking as much time as we wanted on the walk back. The both of us occasionally just staring at the sky. Crickets and a seldom guitar could be heard, bouncing from bus to bus. A different tune from each player, and even if it was 11, they all seemed to be saying goodnight.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Jake glancing at me every so often. When I turned my head to look at him he just stopped trying to hide it. A small smile played at his lips and the stars almost reflected in his eyes. He seemed at peace. Still, I could see that he had a question he wanted to ask playing through his mind.

“What's on your mind, Rockstar?” I asked.

He seemed taken aback that i’d noticed.

“Oh uh, I was just thinking of asking if maybe you'd like to join me and the boys during practice tomorrow? I mean we played last night, but I what to see what you can really do.” He paused for a moment, a smirk appearing on his face. “Plus I can finally Woo you with my guitar playing. Gets all the ladies.” He finished off his sentence by very animatedly wiggling his eyebrows.

“You wish, I've been playing since I was three, bet you I can do everything you can, and then some.”

“You're on, little bird. You don't know what you're getting yourself into. Lets just say i’ve been playing for a little while.”

“You don't even know what you're getting yourself into.” I mimicked the smirk he gave me and said “Gets me all the ladies.”

He cocked an eyebrow in confusion “ You're taken.”

“Well when I wasn't… Let's just say I never had a shortage of fun.”

“Ooh look at you go.”

I just simply laughed and threw an arm around his shoulder, both of us returning back to our silence. My bus seemed to have snuck up on us because suddenly we were standing at the door. I reached for the door handle, stepping away from him.

“Wait.” He said suddenly, grabbing my hand.

I turned to him seeing that same expression as before, he had something to say.

He hesitated for a moment, his eyes searching for something in mine. I almost waited for him to step closer to me. He didn’t.

“No goodnight for me then?”

I stepped closer and left a lingering kiss on his cheek. He froze for a moment before relaxing under my touch.

I leaned in and whispered “Goodnight, Rockstar.” in his ear.

I moved away turning away for him to reach for the door again, opening it as quietly as I could. His hand slipped out of mine and I stepped onto the bus, but before I closed the door I turned around one more time. His eyes softened when they met mine, and a smile played on his lips.

“Goodnight, Little Bird.” He said softly, before turning around and walking away, humming a familiar tune.

Chapter 5

#jake kiszka #jake kiszka x reader #josh kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner #greta van fleet #greta van fleet fics #can we get a reblog this time #or at least one thats not for me #god i wish that were me

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inbarfink · 5 years

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I feel like a lot of anti-intellectualism AND elitism in media analysis actually has the same root-logic. The idea that 'Undersanding Cinematic Language' (I'm using film as an example, since anti-intellectualism in flim fandom is kind of a Thing right now. But you can put in “Metaphors in Literature”, or “Video Games as Art” and so on instead) is some sort of super-secret brain magic that only the Smart People can do - rather than something all filmwatchers do.

It's just the difference between "This is for the elites, the Regular People can't even understand them and I am better than them and none of them have smart things to say" and "This is for the elites, so why should Normal People like us even bother to try?"

"Cinematic Language" might sound like a bit of a pretentious term, but it's exactly what it is - a Language. The way films communicate their ideas to the audience without just saying "He's the good guy so you should feel good that he won" directly to us. If you can watch a movie and identify who are the good guys and who are the bad guys, when are you supposed to feel sad or that the train is not - in fact - gonna run you over... You know the Cinematic Language. At least the basics of it.

Obviously there are different levels to this stuff, between "Well this guy wears all-black so he's the bad guy and this lady wears all white so she's a good guy" and like... RGU Color Symbolism Essays. But it's important to remember that it's all built on the same foundation.

It's not a completely separate, inscrutable scary thing up on some ivory tower - you start with "ah Peridot is standing in the cleansing rain that washes away her misdeeds and brings new beginnings to start her redemption arc!" and then just... try and think about other stuff more. And trying to *directly resist it* cause some people ARE elitist about it is just gonna lead to totally idiotic reads even of clearly communicated stuff meant for everyone to understand!

And if someone’s gonna say “Oh so we’re just supposed to think a scene is sad cause the music and cinematography tells us it’s sad? That’s manipulative” Lemme just say it directly: all works of fiction is inherently "manipulation".

Manipulation is a bad word in terms of like... interpersonal relationships and stuff like that. Stuff that involves reality. But fiction IS a sort of emotional manipulation. The creators want to feel a certain way about something... something that isn't even real and not happening to real people - and they make you feel that way using music and words and framing and colors and metaphors and editing and lighting.

When people say a work of media is "Manipulative" what they mean is usually that the manipulation wasn't subtle enough. There's a reason why we HAVE cinematic language and we don't just write "this characer is the good guy FEEL HAPPY WHEN THEY WIN" on the screen. And I would say that "All fiction 'manipulates' you into feeling something" is an obvious statement but remember that one tweet about the person who though The Shining was manipulating them cause it used music to scare them? So, you know...

And that's honestly just the most famous example! There's so many Bad Takes from People Who Don't Undertand How Art Works online that are like "Aurgh, that movie tries to makes us like the good guy cause he saves a puppy? How MANIPULATIVE!” Fiction is about making you Feel Things about made up stuff! We read a sad book cause we want the writer to make us feel Sad, because we want them to 'manipulate' us into feeling sad about just some words on page. We watch a romantic movie cause we want the movie to manipulate us into being involved in the relationship between those two made-up people. Who were written on a paper by a screenwriter and played by actors and are projected on the screen with light and technology. The issues arise when this manipulation is too obvious and unsubtle, or when it just flat-out doesn’t work.

This manifests in a very intersting manner in video games. There's a fairly-popular school of though about game design that the best way to make your game world feel "real" is to be as close as possible to being a simulation to real life. And that games achieving that feeling of 'Realness' through smokes-and-mirrors is somehow bad and dishonest and not just... a part of Art.

It's okay if the 'city' isn't an entire modeled open world and it's just feels alive from whatever bits you did render for the game. I remember the first time I thought about it, I was watching a Portal 2 Let's Player. It was the start of "The Fall", where you're walking around the ruins just after... well.. the fall. The LPer was really excited about being outside of a testing area. They said they really felt free and like they can go anywhere they want! As they went down the one, linear path that the game allows you to go. As someone who watched too many Portal 2 LPs to count, I should know.

For a moment I thought "oh this is akward, they got it all wrong!" And then I thought about it more and I realized "Does it matter?" Does it matter that there's only one linear path even though in the story you're totally off the rails? Does it matter when the presentation makes it FEEL like you're just going wherever and exploring? Masking your linear path in a way that makes it look like the player is not actually on rails, making it just look like random wreckage, while also attraction your attention and making it where you WANT to go... That's what we like to call "Good fucking game design”. Like, REALLY GOOD.

As another example, the Photoshop Flowey at the end of the Undertale Neutral Run? It’s not that tough - if you look at it from a purely mechanical standpoint. There’s like, Five Mid-Boss Checkpoints, all the patterns are dodgeable, lot of invincibility, the damage is pretty forgiving... But it doesn’t FEEL like that wehn you’re playing through it. Cause you’re not just seeing the nuts and bolts of the fight, you’re seeing THIS.

The presentation of the battle; from the background of what happened just before it, Flowey’s design and the designs of his attacks, the fact that everything that’s going on totally overturns the established conventions of the game, the music, hitting FIGHT and only taking down one HP, the game closing down every time you lose... all of this battle feel very formidable. And it does effect how you experience it! You feel like you’re struggling by the skin of your teeth through all the battle and whatever forgiveness it gives you is not always easy to notice. This is also some Good Fucking Game Design. You see a lot of skilled players fuck up the Flowey battle because, although mechanically they might be able to one-shot it, the battle just FEELS so hopeless that it effects the way they play.

Battling against Photoshop Flowey can’t be exactly as hard as fighting against a Near-God. You want all of your players to see the Neutral Ending and it’ll be one hell of a diffculty spike - and having to replay it over and over and over a billion times would just get frustrating. And Weird considering in-universe you have lost your SAVE Abillity and are only able to start again because Flowey wants to play with you still. (Unlike the Sans Fight where reloading over and over became Part of the Point). It’s just important that it feels like fighting against a Near-God.

So no, it really does not matter that a game path is linear if you can manipulate your audience into thinking that it's free. It does not matter if your NPC CAN respond to all situations, just enough to make them feel like a person for us. The lines between a boss that feels challanging and a boss that is so on a pure mechanical level is quite blurry. Art is Manipulation, Video games are Art

#meta #Cinematic Language #Video Games #Undertale #Portal

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no-ns-en-si-ca-l · 5 years

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FORMAL EXERCISES IN THE RIGHT USE OF A GRAMMAR • Jamie Green

SCOTLAND

1. rare horrification by made a manichaean slip in the necropolis but quelled chance to scrawl a glasgow feel fleeting not shallow but digger slake of soil flim chaul charcoal flaking so un so coming on not stopping on a solar sex and quasi-scéance blank child.

2. hail notes from a chime-ape drawn revelation of earth blood math but disappeared witness at grave moment and let the big hope perish by hoping way all wrong that no nerves splayed on the firmament, fits nicely a noose round the neck of a star; blindly river driver opens a fluid fix for toothless ether shawl spree wending currents and accounts accounts not an account story but story yes but always how; what is me and what is movie or salt; a hanger very much.

3. gobs of help us want us to help gawks why not let’s us two; counting on meeting stuck pose: her posse such demanding such tightly stretched ugly incalculable clipping on and on okay up to the master wrecking; scores of night rattle assault stories whipping out of shape a clap on the heels stamped to be laid out in monstrous night fall upon an unwatered domestic flatness; no horseshoe a cost a capping ball sputtering face dethrone a trust the form of a core lacking now comes through the thick liquid gazing and fear of a smile or laughing through it; the smell and the smell and kissing furnished biproximate edge warp proxy of erotic steering someway named already to which degree is a voluble knot of bioenergetic parsimony.

4. lazing chandelier, phallic shadow cast upon a sliver of wall paint adjoining windows on high, looking over the night of weiner strasse foibles, jacob is reminded of self. when the score is felt but isn’t known is that called body? is body the crystallizing of spirit snail’s vital juices? the once shimmering coat is dull but just because the words are sharp and bright; the odd cock with shrunken testes looks down from up some mild summer night.

5. a boat, fluck and morris of owe one is (s)cotch: i’m fed and hall. i’m here to tell you a story. it’s about him, morris. morris ensouled a blackened victor but spinning and couldn’t manage him. an older or taller boy shamus telling a joke a tempest groin and slosh taste and morris’ fear came to the front. like a stack of weary flagstones morris’ block head cracked well and white tears owed out. the fissure was remember and a lot of dots of looking made it stick solid are you so scared yet he asked, and a stem more real grew from between the rainbow bands and a flower more real bloomed across the white wreckage of some very old ideas-field.

BEFORE, THEN

1. a foal pecked.

2. on a well-shared hand you’ll have a hoarding and by a sleepless steam-tumble train tracks sparking. there walls making a symbol split in odd manner real fire from five from three from two and such can be word making. a congeries puffs without stretching any container. any container it is is a temple and at a loss at least and at least silently observers sit and some more observe indecent humility and so more even only sits planted on the spot and when split into formal terms of underpowered amatory diction this becomes that rather concerned concern right up to wherein only the split-off part in the one hand striking as while hot opportunity bubbles up primarily as only coins can. a congeries is but difficult to blame but why. a congeries is and difficult at home and that is why: the eyes agape means chance reception of a directed arrow then tremulous shackle-life then the pain of the lingual baptism which begins as a benign point of point and evolves furthermore as an interminably drawn and distended prescription c̄ point. the wonting subject’s already all pointed out and too fatigued to point whilst the point isn’t quite there too but certainly the wonting subject and the point are born of a single dreadful dimension after all and long before there were channels. a flustering gust transmits a stupefaction called specialization why in wintry tome-forms we find entombed plant facts not leaning naturally but made to this wise by a manually rotated and widely trumpeted viewport. now that there but me i also shape! hand hands cup container has and always has in the not-always been the just very same great-big disembodied hiding hands, the invisible mother-fathering of incorrigibly truculent quanta. sway, saffron. sway and saffron.

[VERILY, I SAY...]

verily, i say: a cutting is a pairing.

subject and object are delusional language problems for the disillusioned, further confounded by eyesight.

for instance: these, lips, that, fish, the, flowers. these lips, that fish the flowers. these lips that, fish the flowers. these lips that fish, the flowers. these lips that fish the flowers.

a brainless future. a featureless brain. so one day i can gaze at hole one while fucking hole two.

THIS THAT

this that: in a hallowed, fried world uncatched a whiff, small uh maybe a tattered rug, do a stamp across wafting up red rosies good perfume good for a whiff and straight back down into the fibers

this that: coquettish slack in a charm-wave of glances of exquisitely lyrical arms, unearthly bending doffed the shorts brown skin leg flux cast into the atavistic eye spectacles fitted with lilac glass labor around in an oracular fabrication of a crystal vision of disappointed victory show us the clam

this that: chills, oh! the chills of rapt tossup in the breadbasket of hive life how can one dare to dream erstwhile flap covers one eye as a marlinspike pierces the other... such stark hungriness could up and eat up the rosy cross if it were cooked to keep the hive happy this that: friends, fixety in all matters of leaning you couldn’t pry them open if you tried those awful shoes, anyway

this that: a change on wet collider can mean many more if the vim might catch and endorse the drift or sprinkle rabbits in my heart: to promise change always

this that: i cry lachrymony! the weight of the wind causes leaden shoulders to flex and panoptical concerns, a fluttering crystal wig someway winding by nervous tracts in wild wind

this that: flag of my saggy heart flap who mightn’t flag in this woolen, western wind i vie as a decaying tooth might but after all a tooth is a tooth and i

FAERIE DWELLING

he's bled a tonic at discount jaws and whether porn is school underwater. off lug and want is not as lug of and in. hatch. awful gazelle chest pairing cut nut soporific dangling and is it calm in is. trident gauze alcohol hate for watches hate time and call me when it's gone a free house for now and semi circular aperture for dejected thinkables. am glued callous and turf fire crescent seashell blonde bat check for noise eyes.

as the sincerity of our promise to cultivate and charm fear increases, so do we traverse time to halt the punitive and portentous hand which oversees the garden.

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datingadviceonreddit · 4 years

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So a few weeks ago, I met this girl I had been chatting to for roughly two months. We matched on Hinge, chatted on there for awhile, and then moved over to messenger and facetime. We both enjoyed talking to each other, so she suggested that we meet up.I should also mention that she is a single mother who has a 10 year old son. She's 28, lives in a house with one other flatmate, and has her son around every second week. Her job is steady and she generally has her life together. I wasn't sure what to think at first when she told me she had a kid, but I was enjoying our chats. She seemed genuine, attractive, and was my type. So I kinda looked past that and also don't mind children. I'm 24, still live at home (not a leech), and at the time had no job due to covid (now currently employed)She also lived in a different city on another island. I live in the top of the south island (Nelson) in New Zealand and she lives in the bottom of the north island (Wellington). So distance was already an issue. I was hesitant at first, but enjoyed talking to her, so I thought why not right? We decided to split the flight costs and I was set to fly up to see her for 4 days.Leading up to the meeting I was quite nervous, like really nervous. I had never done anything like this before and it was something completely out of my comfort zone. I thought to myself that if I dont do this, then I'd regret it later on.So the day comes, I'm nervous as hell, she picks me up from the airport (no hug or anything, was kinda rushed) I get in the car and we start chatting. Things were kinda awkward at first, but I feel that's normal. Soon after, we grabbed some food at a local café and funnily enough met her DAD on the street, who she never sees, which I thought was so weird. Anyway, she then had an eyebrow appointment booked for twelve o'clock that day, as her previous booking got canceled, so the only day that they could do it was the day I arrived! I thought that was hilarious! I sat in the car as she had to put Vaseline over her eyebrows and then cover them with gladwrap before her appointment. She was getting her eyebrows tattooed, must be a lady thing surely.During her appointment, I went for a walk down the street to kill time. I remembered that she was wanting a book called 'Saipens' that she couldn't find in the book store, so I saw it, thought of her, and bought it.Once she was done, we went bowling. It was raining the whole time I was there, so all of the outdoor activities we had planned went out the window. It was fun though and sorta broke the ice a little. We then went back to hers, I gave her the book (which she thought was cute of me to do) and then we chilled and chatted for a bit until I went back to my hotel for the night. I had booked accommodation for the first night as we felt me staying at hers would be a tad full on to start with.I was quite anxious that whole first day, but figured I would calm down and loosen up after the initial meet.The next morning, I still felt extremely anxious and overwhelmed, like a constant anxious feeling. I never normally felt like that so it was strange. Perhaps it was because I was out of my comfort zone, who knows. She text me in the morning and asked what I would like to do for the day. I remember her mentioning a cool craft brewery in our previous conversations, so I suggested we go there as it was raining and windy. She picked me up, we arrived, had a few drinks and a fairly decent chat, but I definitely wasn't myself the whole time. It stopped raining, so we thought a nice walk would freshen things up afterwards. As we drove back to hers, it started raining again! So we came up with a plan to make dinner at hers, buy some alcohol, and have a few drinks.We got back to her house, made and ate dinner, and starting drinking. I still felt really anxious, so it was affecting me big time. We played a few card games and drinking games but things still felt a tad awkward that night between us, we both were indecisive in what we should do. I was trying so hard not to show my anxious energy, it was affecting everything, I couldn't even eat at times. I knew she was picking up on it, but she didn't say anything.I went outside for a breather and came back inside to her watching YouTube videos on the TV. I sat down beside her and got cozy. The drink was certainly helping my anxiety and I soon began to loosen up. We were watching X Factor auditions, videos we found funny, music videos etc. I can't remember much of that night as we drank a lot, but we seemed to be having a more engaging and less forced conversation, obviously due to the alcohol, lower inhibitions and me having zero anxiety.I started to become myself, and at one point, started dancing in front of her! She was playing all these classic pop songs and I was busting moves making her laugh her ass off, she even filmed it. Afterwards we spent all night singing karaoke, dancing together, listening and watching YouTube. It was good fun.Things then got frisky, we started making out on the coach, she was grinding on me, I was grinding on her. It was getting steamy. Next thing you know we are in her bed getting it on. We had non-penetrative sex. Kissed, cuddled, I ate her out, played with her nipples, fingered her etc. until she came. I got nothing in return but figured it was because she was quite drunk.She then told me afterwards that I turn her on so much and that when I was dancing, she had to change her panties during my performance because she was so wet. I was shocked! I should also mention that I was a virgin prior to meeting her and had never done anything like that to a girl, so it was a first for me. We then cuddled and went to sleep.The morning after was the worst though. I was EXTREMELY hungover and my anxiety was through the roof! Things only got worse from here. We ended up staying in bed for hours both quite hungover. Things escalated again while in bed, and I made her cum again literally just with my fingers, she was easily stimulated, which made it easy for me. Then, she whispered in my ear and told me "I want you inside me" my anxiety spiked at this point as I was still a virgin, so I had no experience with PIV. The anxiety also affected my erection, so I also wasn't fully hard. FYI I had condoms, but she told me she had an IUD, I trusted her and was in the heat of the moment.She went on top and I managed to stick it in, but it kept slipping out and I was getting frustrated. We gave up in the end and I just fingered her to an orgasm. She seemed satisfied and didn't seem to worry about my slippage/erection problems. Again though, nothing in return? Maybe she thought I had cum? Surely a girl knows when a guy has cum. This happened on the last night as well, I did the same. Made her cum by fingering her, then decided I'd give penetration another go, but in the missionary position. Again it was so awkward. Obviously it was the lack of experience, but I couldn't get the rhythm and positioning right. I did manage to get a good rhythm going at one point, in which she almost came, but I slipped out at the last second and she was disappointed, understandable! I finished her off with foreplay and she was happy. She then asked "did you cum"? I said no and then nothing. Was it lack of communication on my part? Or was she just selfish?In fairness though, I probably should have told her that I was a virgin, which I regret now. I didn't want to scare her away by telling her, but now I realise how stupid that is.That whole day was honestly so bad, constantly anxious, tired, hungover. The day was pretty unproductive. We went for a walk which was cool, but I just felt horrible during it. I was tired after the walk, so I had a nap while she made dinner. I couldn't even eat dinner I was so anxious. We still managed to chat and have a few laughs, but I was so uneasy and definitely was not in the right frame of mind. We decided after to watch a movie in bed, A Star Is Born! It was good. Although she kept asking me the whole time during the flim "Are you okay?" Like five or six times. I think she knew something was up, even though I was just watching the film.We went to sleep and again, I felt the same the next morning. I honestly just wanted to go home at that point due to how anxious I felt. That's not to say I didn't enjoy her company or anything, I just wasn't in the right frame of mind. We had planned to do a bike ride around the coast later that day. She had another appointment (lazer therapy) and after that, we grabbed some food (which I struggled to eat) She asked me a few times not to stress and kept asking me if I was okay throughout the day, so it was obvious she sensed it. We then went for our bike ride around the coast, which was actually quite nice, as it was a sunny day! My flight was at night, so afterwards we just chatted at hers until I had to go.We chatted back and forth about certain things, she was telling me about her past relationships etc. I was telling her about my job situation etc. She even mentioned why I didn't orgasm, and that she felt bad during sex and if there was something she didn't do. I told her that I wasn't in the right mindset and that it wasn't her at all, I probably should have mentioned my virginity at that point, but ah well. I also mentioned how losing my job caused a lot of my anxiety etc. I then asked her if she saw this going anywhere romantically and she told me that while it was quite awkward at times, she felt that was only normal, that long distance wouldn't work, and it was up to me if I wanted to continue messaging her or not. Things could fizzle out, or things could take off she said. It wasn't really a clear answer.She dropped me off at the airport, told me to message her and I gave her a goodbye kiss.Later that night she messaged me "Hope you're feeling less anxious now, you should definitely try some meditation! Night x"I responded the next morning telling her that I felt a lot better. We conversed back and forth for awhile and she then said "Talk soon, Night :)" I said goodnight, and we didn't message for about five days. I was expecting her to message me, but nothing. I thought hard about it and sent her a text telling her that it wasn't going to work out and that we should go our separate ways. She responded politely telling me that she was waiting for me to message her and told me that it was all cool. She then said thanks for coming to meet me and hoped that she didn't make me feel too uncomfortable and wished me luck with my job search. I left it there and didn't message her after that.After a few days I felt ending it like that was a tad abrupt. I didn't fully express how I felt about it all, and it was bothering me. At the time I thought it was the right thing to do, but I thought about it more and more and realized that I did quite like her and enjoyed her company, it was me that was the problem.I messaged her again later that week and told her that what I said wasn't entirely true. I told her that I liked her and would like to see her again at some point. I said to her that I definitely wasn't in the right frame of mind during my time there, it was me putting unnecessary pressure on myself. If she didn't reciprocate then that was fine, I just wanted to let her know.She responded soon after, and told me that she was taken a little by surprise from my last message. She also liked that I had messaged her again to get my feelings across. The four days were quite difficult for her she said, as my anxious energy could definitely be sensed, and at times it made her feel so horrible, because she didn't know what to do or say.She believed that I wasn't in the right frame of mind during my time there, but for the most part she did enjoy my company, she just had hoped that I would have loosened up a bit. She also agreed to meeting again, and felt it was only fair, as I wasn't 100% myself last time. If we were to meet again, she wants me to be 100% comfortable with who I am first, as she doesn't want me to go through what I felt last time.She thought it was bold of me to jump on a plane, and it was great that I had reflected and acknowledged my experience, which apparently a lot of guys shy away from. She told me that when I was ready to talk again, we could perhaps arrange something, but for now I should just work on being myself. You don't ever have to feel like you should be someone you're not she said.What do you guys think? Should I continue this?Sorry for the long story, I had to get that off my chest. via /r/dating_advice

#dating #dating advice #reddit

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