#but folks im losing it . how dare this show exist.

[aturinfortheworse]

Transformers really is about how war is bad, huh? like that really is the whole deal of the show.

#tfp #theyre not wrong #but folks im losing it . how dare this show exist. #how dare they make a show about how War Is Bad and that show be good #the only thing keeping me sane so far has been my inability to watch things about The Evils of War #my brain provides enough already!!! #(i'd still suck megatron's dick tho)

[thotantics]

⚤   pairing — reader + Kim Namjoon

✎ word count — 2,224

✦ genre — smut, pwp

✗ warnings  — graphic description of sex, voyeurism, mutual masturbation (male + female), unsafe sex (always wear condoms folks)

[requested] I’m so glad requests are open again. Thank you for feeding us with your writing. 😘 Here’s my request: Reader Kim Namjoon / F6 / E15 Voyeurism (not sure if that counts as exhibitionism)            

[A/N] this is unedited and unwarranted and entirely unnecessary i was just having a lot of feelings ab my daddy im sorry :(((

~

You know he’s there almost immediately. His heavy footfalls turn into soft, deliberate steps when he realizes where you are, and you hear a brief intake of breath before he truly goes silent. Smiling to yourself in the mirror, you take your time brushing your wet hair, fresh from the shower, the bathroom all steamed up.

It’s not often that you find yourself staring at your reflection with that look in your eyes. A look of desire and a twinkle of mischievousness. Something about his eyes on you always made you feel like this - daring and sexy. Nobody held more power on the planet than you when Namjoon sought you out, when he spotted you from across the room and had to pause and just watch you exist in the simplest, rawest version of yourself.

No makeup, no work clothes, no date clothes, no shyness crinkling at the corner of your eyes and making you bite your lip, naked and flushed from the heat of the shower head cascading down your body for at least a good hour. You felt fully brand new, exfoliated head to toe and your hair deep conditioned and falling over your shoulders in a silky waterfall, dripping down the curve of your back as you loosen the towel.

From the door frame, Namjoon is struggling to keep quiet. He doesn’t realize you’ve already clocked him standing there and with a tight fist pressed over his mouth, he watches the towel pool around your feet. You’re visible to him from the far left, mostly from the back. He drinks in the curve of your back leading down to the plumpness of your ass, the smoothness of your legs, the side of your breast and in the mirror he can see the soft pucker of your nipples and the way your eyes graze over your own form.

You bite gently at your lip, as if you like what you see in the mirror just as much as Namjoon in the doorway. His heart thunders in his chest when you arch a brow at your reflection, a hand smoothing over the softness of your belly and briefly moving between your legs. His dick responds immediately to the touch of your hand even though you’re easily 10+ feet away as if it was him you were grazing your fingers against. His eyes squint, trying to focus on your reflection in the mirror to see what you’re doing but before he can get a good look, you withdraw your hand from the apex of your thighs. He’s almost disappointed, at least until you bring your fingers up into your line of vision, deliberate as you study them from every angle, letting the light catch the way they glisten with your arousal, and then you press the two middle fingers of your left hand into your open mouth and suck.

Part of the power that his gaze gives you is how easily it is to break him. You hear the creak of the door frame, or maybe a loose step in the hall, and you just know he’s clinging onto the surface, shifting his weight, you can practically feel his eyes burning into you as you stick out your tongue and deliberately lick up and down the length of your fingers. You can’t see him unless you were to turn your head over your left shoulder, the mirror in front of you cuts off at this angle just before the bathroom door is in sight, but you can see him in your minds eye, brows furrowed, knees wobbly, cock straining in his pants.

It fuels you endlessly, knowing how easily he weakens to you. As easy as one, two, three. Drop the towel. Find your confidence. Taste yourself.

It’s unfortunate for Namjoon that you feel so mischievous, trailing spit slicked fingers down your torso until you’re rubbing through your slick folds once more, this time with more intention. It’s not hard to keep your eye on the reflection of the mirror, head tilted to the side and a smile curving your lips as you finger yourself in earnest. Part of you is watching, wondering what he sees in you that makes him as crazy as you know he’s bound to be now.

There’s nothing above average in your appearance, as far as you can tell, but Namjoon is standing just outside in the hall, nails biting into the wood of the door frame, going gaga over the show you’re putting on for him. The rise and fall of your breasts is appealing, you note, lifting your hand to palm one and then the other, smoothing your fingers over your nipples until they harden into tight little peaks. The slick sounds of your sex as you plunge your fingers below your clit, teasing at your entrance is even more so appealing. You can’t resist pulling your hand back for another taste, moaning quietly just for added effect.

Namjoon is straining in his pants to get to you already. It takes every muscle in his body tensing up for him to not move forward into the bathroom, blowing his cover and revealing himself. But he’s invested and he wants to see how far you’re going to go.

In front of the full length mirror, you turn and move the cushioned chair from in front of your makeup area, settling down on it and splaying open your legs wide. Namjoon’s got a full view of everything you have to offer - dripping and swollen, enticingly pink, your fingers pressing into your opening and pulling back just to switch hands. You smooth the slick of your arousal over one breast, massaging at your nipple and use your non-dominant hand to fuck yourself.

You pause long enough to scoot even closer to the mirror, propping one foot up on the side of the sink, uncaring how lewd and debauched you looked displaying yourself like this. Without even being able to see his face, you know Namjoon’s losing it and it fuels you beyond measure. Knowing he can see your pussy spread open, your cunt dripping around your digits noisily fucking into your hole, your hand guiding your nipple, slick with arousal, to meet your extended tongue.

It’s with a surge of power that you continue on, moaning, gasping, fingering yourself head first towards an orgasm all while you stare at yourself in the mirror, knowing Namjoon’s just out of eyesight and watching everything go down. The fact that he’s still trying to remain hidden excites and delights you, and it’s hidden in the sound of your own moans that you can distantly hear the unmistakable sound of a zipper coming undone.

He tried to duck farther into the hallway so the sound was more muted, tried to time the zipper with your moans to mask it, but he can’t move too far away lest he be unable to see, and that’s just not something he’s prepared to give up. But Namjoon’s too far gone to not shove his hand into his pants and free his cock. He can’t resist any longer, the strain in his erection was painful as he watched your greedy pussy swallow three of your fingers. He almost felt jealous, he wanted it so bad.

With a fist gripped tight around his tip, Namjoon milked a heavy drop of precum out the tip of his cock and spread it hurriedly down the length to lubricate himself. Eyes focused on your soaking cunt, he’s quickly frustrated with the lack of wetness on his member and spits into his palm for some sort of relief.

You hear him spitting and it takes everything in you to not laugh, tossing your head back and shutting your eyes, focusing on rubbing tight circles on your clit instead. It’s easy to distract yourself when you think more on the fact that he’s watching you masturbate and couldn’t resist jerking himself off. You’re thrilled with this new development, and in the midst of your excitement you feel yourself starting to cum.

Namjoon watches all the while he pumps his fist fast and tight over his dick, matching the pace that you’ve set from your seat on the vanity chair, chest flushed and breathing rapid, your eyes wild as you lower your head back down, staring at the way your fingers move frantically over your clit. He knows you’re about to cum instantly and he picks up the speed, jerking himself off harder and faster, his breath hitching in his throat.

“F-fuck...Namjoon-!”

The sound of his name leaving your lips is all it takes for him to completely snap. He’s storming into the bathroom on a mission after hiding in the shadows the whole time, waiting to see what you would do. He doesn’t care anymore in that moment, throwing his plans out instead for the taste of your mouth. He grips onto your hair at the back of your head and tips your head back when he reaches you, clashing his mouth to yours and swallowing down your moans and the soft sound of surprise you make when he finally comes into view in the mirror.

You cum on your fingers as he kisses you, his dick hard and leaking across your left breast as you moan wantonly into his mouth. You feel him twitch and throbbing, one hand flying out to stroke him as your body contorts with the pleasure coursing through you.

Namjoon moans low as he pulls back, watching you rub the aftershocks of your orgasm in small circles around your clit, but he doesn’t give you a second to collect yourself before he’s dragging you up out of the chair and looming over you, forcing you to walk backwards until your back is against the wall.

“You did that on purpose.” He states, hiking one of your legs high over his waist and guiding his cock through your slick folds. “You knew I was there.”

You smile at him in response, but it fades into a look of shocked pleasure, mouth falling open in a silent moan, brows knitting together as he rockets himself inside of you in one slick motion.

“Such a fucking tease.” Namjoon grunts, but a smile etches across his features as he smooths a hand up your thigh, gripping your opposite leg and wrapping it, too, around his waist so you’re pressed up against the cool tile of the bathroom wall, pinned between it and his chest. He’s still fully clothed, only taking the time to get his cock out and something about the material of his jeans and black shirt rubbing against your dewy, naked body is making you dizzy. Or maybe it’s the fact that you had just cum seconds before and he was pounding away at you like he was going to pump you full of his cum any second that was making you dizzy?

Your head lolls forward onto his shoulder while he grunts and pants into your ear, hammering you with his cock so hard and fast and deep that your tailbone is bruising against the tile at your lower back but you don’t even care. You cling onto him, so soon after the first orgasm that your body is in shock but you feel the tension snap in your lower belly. A flood gate opens and surges through your veins, pulsing with pleasure and heat, spiking right where you’re joined and spreading to the top of your head and the tips of your toes.

The second orgasm is a thousand times better. The relief you feel, cumming around his cock, as opposed to the needy, desperate way your cunt had clung to your fingers. They’re never enough. They could never fill you the way Namjoon does. He fucks you through your second orgasm, and you bite into his shoulder as he sends you hurtling toward overstimulation. Before you can do more than sob through your clenched teeth, you feel his hips stutter against you.

“Cum in me,” You beg him, hands digging into his hair and hoisting your upper body back enough so you can hold your face tightly to his own, begging for his cum against his mouth. “Please, Joon, cum in me..”

His hands crash your body to him as tightly as humanly possible, his knees weakening. You feel him draw you away from the bathroom wall just enough that you feel a spike of fear in your chest thinking maybe you’ll fall, but he steadies himself with a grunt, cock pulsing as he cums in thick bursts inside of you. He plants on hand on the wall at the side of your head, bowing his head onto your shoulder, hips rutting wildly as he finishes himself off, your pussy milking his dick for every drop that he had to give you until he finished with a shiver that went all the way down his back.

Namjoon’s body stills like this, breathing heavy and bowed over you, his breath fogging up your skin where your neck meets your shoulder. He’s so still for so long that you find yourself laughing, tapping out on his shoulder blade.

“Baby, my legs are going numb.” You laugh.

He sits you down carefully, arms shaking lightly from the strain, and when his eyes meet yours, he smiles brightly at you.

#namjoon smut #bts smut #mine #rm smut #this just kinda....ends abruptly lmao i suck at ending shit im sorry

[goji-pilled]

White Knight AU-A rewrite

Alright so Chat Blanc aired and I said that no matter what happens I'm keeping this AU.I still stand to this but I'm changing the origin of this AU because I say so!No but really I loved this episode and my brain really wants to rewrite the origin of this AU to fit the canon at least a little bit.

Also rules of timetravel and timelines?Never heard of her.

Everyone freaks out (People's reaction tp Chat Blanc)

• Things go like in canon up to the point where Ladybug is in Blanc's timeline

• Chat Blanc still sings his song

• Ladybug calls out to him

• When he notices her he immediantly walks up to her

• Instead of trying to grab her Miraculous he cups her face and asks if it's really her.

Poor boy hasn't seen her for god knows how long.He just wants to be sure.

• Ladybug tells him it's really her

• Ladybug freaks out when she hears him say "My Marinette"

• Chat Blanc asks if she can detransform just so he can be sure this is real.He's really close to crying at this point

• She agrees and detransforms.Tikki is silent and Blanc just breaks down crying.

• He's just really happy

• Meanwhile Bunnyx is watching and is completly lost and freaking out.

That wasn't how things we're supposed to go

• For a while Marinette is just holding her Kitty while he cries

• When he calms down he promises to never let her get hurt again.This is when his protectiveness kicks in

• Marinette asks him to give her his akumatized item to which he just says he doesn't want to give up the akuma.He just wants to be by her side and keep her safe.

• Marinette now has to think and ultimatly decides that Blanc can come with her to her present

• Chat Blanc beams and happily agrees

• Bunnyx jumps in and asks Marinette what she's thinking

"Minibug that's an akuma!"

"I know.Your point is?"

• Bunnyx gives up and just let's her keep Chat Blanc but Marinette has to transform and has to erase her name from the gift for Adrien

• Marinette agrees and does exactly that

• Since we are ignoring the rules of timetravel the Chat Blanc timeline still exists but litreally noone is alive.It's just the destroyed moon and the flooded earth.Also Bunnyx isn't in danger of disappearing and the other timelines are fine too.

Why am I doing this you may wonder?Well it's easy,because I want to.

• So then Marinette tells Blanc to already go and wait on a rooftop while she gets rid of her name on the gift for Adrien

• That's when Chat Blanc noticed that this Marinette and Adrien don't know eachother's identity or who Hawkmoth is

• Blanc decides to stay quiet for now untill they're ready.

It's not the time to put the noodles into the water just yet.

• Ladybug still tells Adrien her lie

• She then joins Blanc and the first thing they do is go to Master Fu

• Fu talks to Chat Blanc alone about the timeline he originaly came from

• Chat Blanc doesn't tell him who Hawkmoth is.They both agree to wait untill the time is right

• After that comes the confrontation with Marinette's parents

(If you want to know what exactly happend you should read the 'Everyone freaks out' addition of this AU)

• Now cut to Marinette trying to manage her life with this overprotective white cat in it

(The following points might be familiar to you if you know the first post about this AU but there should be new ones too.Also these are just some aspects of the AU and aren't part of it's origins.Just normal parts.)

• Chat Blanc sleeps on Marinette's chaise or on her balcony

• He has a really hard time with his emotions.

He can control them but's difficult.

• Like when Chat Blanc is sad he can go from just looking sad to an full on breakdown within a few seconds.

When he's angry he can go from normal anger to really wanting to cataclysm something or someone.And it's like that with all his emotions

• Blanc often talks about how happy he and Marinette used to be

• He's a cuddler.Chat Blanc shows a lot physical affection since he's constantly afraid of losing Marinette again

• Whenever he waits for Marinette's classes to be over he sits on the edge of the school's roof at watches the courtyard while singing his song

• He sometimes also wait in front of her classes and starts singing.

Whenever he does that and the class is silently working they can hear Chat Blanc singing outside the room.

Noone dares to ask either him or Marinette about it.All they know is that Marinette has this sad smile when she hears him.

• Chat Blanc often stays awake during the night and just sits on the balcony to make sure that his princess is safe.Should he see an akuma Blanc wakes Marinette and Tikki up.

• He always follows Ladybug to where the battles are just in case something happens so he can take the hit.

It's in his nature to protect her.

• He still tags along for patrol and gets a lot of cuddles

• Chat Noir is definitely jelous that this version of him gets cuddles and not him.

• Ladybug takes pity on him and he gets ear scratches

• Chat Blanc loves watching Marinette when she's lost im her own little world when she designs or bakes

• Chat Blanc always eats dinner with Tom,Sabine and Marinette

• Whenever Marinette wants to pull allnighters Blanc forces her to go to bed

"Just this one project kitty!"

"Princess no-"

"Princess yes."

"No go to sLEEP-"

• Chat Blanc hates Lila's guts with every fiber of his being and he's not afraid of showing it.

Lila starts lying about knowing a celebrity?Blanc keeps asking and points the holes in her lies out.

Lila lies about an injury?Blanc will personally get a doctor to take a look at it.

Lila gets to close to his princess?He's not afraid to immediantly hiss at her untill she's gone.

• Chat Blanc may or may not have threatend to murder Lila in cold blood and cataclysm all of her remains after the events 'Ladybug'

Don't tell Marinette.

• Chat Blanc and Mari's parents get along really well

• Tom still plays matchmaker.

Marinette.exe stopped responding yet again

• Tikki was at first wary of Chat Blanc but once she sees how much he still cares about and loves Marinette she warms up to the situation

• Also she gets cookies from him

• After the events of 'Ladybug' Chat Blanc cuddles Marinette as often and long he can for the rest of the day.

He was just so afraid he lost her.

• Marinette assures him that she'll never leave him again and Blanc cries.

• Chat Blanc bakes with Tom since that is a condition for him staying there.

It was obviously Tom's idea.

• Blanc sometimes bakes cookies for Tikki

That's it for now folks!I think the next addition for this AU will be rewrites of Ladybug,Loveater and Miracle Queen! (and Felix once it aired lol)

#miraculous ladybug #ml spoliers #chat blanc spoilers #told you I'd rewrite it #also i like this version a lot more #white knight au

[nocancer]

Why It Rains

~~~~ an excerpt from a working novel by Cancer moon. ~~~~~**

Lately I’ve been channeling from a higher source. And it’s not something I have to keep up with. It feels like, natural almost. Like im always at the same level of it, or at least very close. I’m not gonna lie, I was scared at first. Scared that I would fail. Scared that I wouldn’t live up to the expectations I set for myself while meditating. But so far things are looking up. I even got that new computer I wanted. Who knows, for now I’m just gonna keep writing and go from there. I’m not too concerned with the trivial things that life likes to bother us with, seemingly always at the worst times imaginable. I might check out this internet thing too. It’s promoted as this fun happy place and if I didn’t know any better, I’d of taken that for face value, right off the bat like a sucker. Next thing you know the internet turns out to be a cold and lonely place, and I’m left to wallow in my own self-pity, clutching my knees in the fetal position, mad at myself for failing to see the internet for what it is, a stupid marketing scheme. The point is, I have to see for myself. That’s just the type of person I am. You can ask my mom that. She’ll tell you. Ask her about the time I told the guy who was fixing my alternator to shove it when he was trying to charge me a thousand. Mind you, I had the money. But you’re not supposed to be dishonest to me just ‘cause I’m a millenial. The guy pretty much called me that. He said, hey kid, try to be more polite next time. But I never listened. I don’t need advice from a deadbeat greasemonkey. Anyway, apparently everyone’s connected to the cloud via sites like facebook and instagram. And when people log on to jump in on the action, usually the first thing they do is say hi to their friends, and maybe even drop a smile or two to show them they care. And if they drop a heart then you know they already had a chance to settle in, and are just trying to take it to the next level, now that the internet, in all its digital, impermanent page swiping glory, is owned, unabashedly theirs.

Conscious apples of languid rotundity creep along countless borders of a pale grey sky. 

The pears are unwavering in the efforts of embassy, initiating calls backs when the time calls for it, and deceit when grape factions step in and intervene. 

“What are these meddling affairs, young pear?” asked the grape.

“I don’t know. It’s the apples control our every move. How we live. Our daily lives.”

“Hush with that nonsense. You are nothing but a pear, a young one at that, how could you possibly know who’s behind it all?”

“I don’t know.”

The grape and the young pear sat on a brook and wondered who was behind it all.

-------

You see this all-seeing-eye mural in Atlanta? On the side of Ravine across the street from the federal reserve building? Yeah. I could strip down naked and run to the middle of that intersection there and scream my lungs out until i started coughing up blood and act violent to anyone who approached me and i still wouldnt match the frequency of that demonic shit. People walk by it everyday going to work, going to lunch, going to walk their dog, and nobody bats an eye. An eye for the government, an eye for the media, an eye for world hunger. Not a single raised eyebrow goes towards whats in control of every aspect of their daily lives. Oh the president controls my life. But I voted for him, so its okay. Is what they would say, as they munched on Mcdonalds with vaccines in their arms and got mad at traffic because they were going to miss their favorite show. A show that retroactively fed into a never ending problem and response feedback loop that activates the reptilian part of the brain by broadcasting images of rape and pedophilia via techniques that the producers learned at Harvard’s school of broadcasting, which also used a system of coercion, this time in the blind trust the students had for their professors just because they dressed nice and said big words. You’re going places. This kid’s gonna be a star. 

-----

I’m only half of what I am without your other half to complete me. Only kids ask rhetorical questions. But why should I be any different? 

I live by the way side. Wherever the wind takes me. I notice things that most don’t. I’m not sure if what I think is valid or not. I don’t believe anything is valid. Likewise I dont believe anything is invalid. One things for sure. If there’s one thing I know to be true. Is that I’m not an adult. No, Definitely not. 

-----------

Hiksos lamented blast fully daring the credence of all his undoing. Unjust and bashful forwritten to layers upong layers of drug smitten landscapes. 

“Youre good/” Said Jamie.

I see why she likes so much to hate on anyone she can get her hands on. And im not talking about physical hands. No, these are claws of misfortune. --The bad falls into a category still undefined by our human grasp.--

Apples on seminoles. Berries on amazing places we strove for. 

The graveyard was pure and unassuming as a place for the dead should very well be. And with that we took our ritual to newer, more fulfilling levels. Levels of which determine our outlook as shades between optimistic and cautiously realistic. With our futures in the balance, 

“Whatchu think dawg?” said Jerry. He was on his 2nd beer and 5th shot of vodka sprite. and I was on my mind long enough for nothing to be worth a damn. The vibe was dull, and the smoke gone. I lit a cigarette.

“I feel like shit.” 

“You good?”  J

“Yeah but I’m just tired like overall.” About life.

“Why not be happy about life? It’s all in your head. Just flip the switch. Like a light. On and off. Boom. No more stress.”  J

“If only if it were that easy.”

“It is that easy. That’s the thing.”

Sipping heroically, going farther and phasing out all menial contrivances. Searching for myself like the lost land of atlantis. Humanity will get what it deserves. 

“In due time” said Thomas. 

I look at orion and wonder if those faint stars below its belt are actually indicative of a warrior kneeling on one knee with his shield raised or if its a flaccid penis that hangs all the way down to his knee. Im a pervert, always have been. Theres no stopping how much i will crash thoughtforms together in a heinous way until they stick together and form a common truth. I’m on the last life cycle of a cat’s 9 lives. Theres really nothing to lose by being a pervert. I had a friend in high school who said we’re all gay. I dont remember when. He said it more than once. I dont know if he was gay. I didnt think like that back then, but I wouldn’t to be anything other than who I am today. But again, there’s no stopping a mind so spiritual that it can hold each and every possibility at once and consider them valid. Then an external force canceling out my infinity. And I’m left to deal with people as if playing some sick little game thats suppose to teach me a lesson or something. So that I can ascend to the next plane of existence. At least thats what I’ve heard. But when the night hits and everyone finally shuts up for once it seems much simpler than that. Like im watching myself through a lens bestowed on me by a god with no intelligence. And during the day he becomes intelligent, and I’m left trying to keep up with, on his terms. “Fuck you bitch” I tell it often. “Youre not real” I’d say over and over. “What the fuck” is the saying that gives closure to it all. The only reason God looks good on paper is because it’s a testament to the author being strong enough to have it in his mind and make sense of it. It’s a mark people wear like aushwitz that make their beliefs somehow something you should pay attention to because I’m physical and God’s not but I speak of God so therefore God’s physical so you should listen to me. But then thatd make the speaker God. 

By and by I’ve messed up hastily my dreams and aspirations. Tattooed on a building as ink drips down like an inner angst perceiving things as they are, and not what society says they should be. The happy medium an ephemeral code that could shift and shake into any causality one deems it to. The rulers of the world have taken domain over the one thing every human on earth has in common. I call this desire. They call it money. A body that begets greed and turns hatred to lust. Actions which motivate our inhibitions to phantasmagoria. Until we accept our place as lesser than the pettiness of our common folk. Shy and afraid, contingent upon basement dwelling lab rats who fane logic to reasonable bell curves while sucking nature dry of her own resources. The very nature that sunlight reflects upon his incessant rays which batter and tumble the distance. If only they knew she was her and he was them. But it doesn’t go like that here. Because if it did, then all karmas coming to a head would get their just due, and we’d be in purgatory. While heaven remained for the gods and earth for the mortals. And nothing can be God except authority to mortals when they’ve been tricked into accepting the state and thus have become it..

What a lovely home indeed. No one could bother me here. Except for the only one’s I knew. Because nobody knows I exist except for those who know me. I’d rather keep it that way. For a streak of doubt can enter me at any time and cause worry for my future. A future still so far away  because I lack the initiative to care. Maybe that will change now that I have room to breathe. Just when I thought I was going downhill for good, my dad came around for me. And now I have a responsibility to get me up in the morning. No more waiting in line for luck to befall me in my yoga. The truth is, when reality caved in itself, and I could see the dying whispers in the eyes of those around me, I accepted my estrangement from the happy things in life. My avoidance of the dastardly grotesque was keeping me back this whole time. I like darkness and pitiful efforts of circumstance that vibrate low enough to stay hidden from others, but high enough so that it is detectable by my astral receiver. Two of which is an outward expression of another. The extension of material that is necessary for movement to take place. Before this realization I endured through pain of my own doing.  

“How are you?” people would say.

And I never had a response.  

Telepathic centrifuges would scan my mind. Taking flight off far off reaches of iniquity. All facets calling upon a microverse for an answer. I an I. Then they’d be gone without hesitation.  

“Jerry’s calling” said Thomas.

“for what?” This guy wont leave me alone, I thought.

“I don’t know answer it.”

“Why are you bored?” I said.

“Yes, maybe he has weed.” Said Thomas.

“Ay whatsup man. Me and Thomas we’re just talking about you.”

“Oh word?”

“Yeah and then you call its like divine intervention or something?”

“Yeah thomas was tryna find some weed and you the first person he thought of so you must be doing something right.”

“Yo Thomas.”

“Oh hold up let me put you on speaker.” I said quickly.

“Is Thomas there? Yo Thomas.”

“Jerry, whats good?”

“I got the pack man, I heard you was lookin for a come up. I got the pack man.”

“Aight bet cus im bored as a motherfucka right now ya feel me?”

“It aint my fault.”

“Yo he do gotta big ass house tho I aint gone lie but like shit aint got nothin in it.”

“I just moved here a week ago.”  

“So for a whole week- Yo is today Friday?”  

“Yeah its Friday.” Who cares? I thought.

“So that’s last Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and now Friday, and you still aint got nothin in here but a fridge.”

“You aint even seen the whole house.”

“Nah you know you just in the middle of the carpet with no pillow no blankets or nothin.  

And you wake up and go open the fridge and aint nothin in it. Then you go back to sleep.”

“Ay what he dream about?” Jerry said through the phone.

He aint dream about much ‘cept for one occurring dream. Of a fridge, but this time it’s a mini fridge. And its pink and he’s able to move it around, so he takes it up to his room and opens the freezer door just a little so it’s a little crack and he starts beatin it up till he has a wet dream and wakes up.”

“Alright you took it too far. It was kinda funny before but you killed it.”

“Wait, Where’s the fridge now? It’s not in the kitchen?” Jerry said.  

“Bruh that’s the thing its just in the middle of the living room not even plugged in or nothin.”

“Jerry I know you so concerned about my god damn fridge but this time dude is lying over here.”

haha

“It’s in my kitchen like a normal person. Like I don’t know I guess you think this shit is funny or something but whatever come through and you can see for yourself.” Don’t talk to him he’s a loser was the attitude I was picking up. I thought they we’re beyond all that and capable of extraneous thought. Oh well, I guess I’m done with these idiots.

No more sitting around all day.

If I can see them for who I want, and not who they really are, it’d make no difference. 

It’s a best of both worlds type situation. I just hate that I have to resort to this.

Its a sporadic and unpredictable endeavor that can detach you from life’s depiction. Seemingly framing a purpose in cosmetics among layer-caked mine field of mind clouds. I want to be a positive addition to those around me. And for them to be honest to me in return. Honest  because everything around me is a nuisance. And dishonest It’s not necessary to have car insurance, police, governments. This realm is alive. 3 dimensions respective of splashes and 3rd parties. Because of this fact, I must be able to flow freely, grounded in freedom, estranged to control. Last summer when I jumped into the alleghany i felt freer than i have in a long ass time. Jerry asked me if he thought we’d still be here next year. I told him I didn’t want to think about it. That I was enjoying the moment.

“Man fuck that bitch.” T

“What? Who you callin’ a bitch?” J

“You know what I mean.” Thomas smacked his lips.

“I really don’t but whatever.” J

“Yo Jerry did you leave yet?” 

“How far away is it? Not too bad right?”

   “Nah it’s not too bad you’re like 30 minutes away. You’re in a nice area. Lots of rich people.” J

“Yeah I came up on it. It kinda just happened.”

“Whatchu mean it fell out of the sky?” Jerry asked.

“It’s been in my family for a while and I was lucky enough to be gifted it.” I said.

“That’s dope, you’ll get some good use out of it.”

“Yeah I’ma take advantage of what I got ya know? Make it so anyone can pull up as long as I fuck with them.” I said.

“Thats why I’m comin’ through. 

Just say its the spot and I’m there.”

“For sure. But yo, if youre bringing your girl over then bring some pillows and blankets to sleep on cus I only got mine.”

“I need some too.” Thomas joined in.”

“We’ll stop then.” I said reluctantly.

“

“And where are we gonna chill? We can’t just sit on the floor.” Thomas took his eyes off the road.

“Alright, theres a home depot near the chinese place we’ll go their while we wait.” I said.

“Does Home Depot have blankets?” Thomas said like he was so concerned.

“No but they got that outdoor patio section for furniture and shit, So I don’t know we’ll find something.”

            “They got mad carhartt jackets for the low low there. You should check them out.” 

           “Alright I’ll check them out.” The streetlights suspended time in space.

“Yo spicy egg rolls, add it to the list.” Jerry said finally.

“Sounds good.” Thomas replied. There was a pause.

“You headin’ out?” T

“Yeah. I am. Right now.” Jerry responded.

“A’ight I’ll see you when I see you.” T

I interrupted.

“I was gonna get spring rolls instead and we don’t want too many rolls so you want dumplings instead?” The thought popped into my head and I had to get it out.

“I dont really care either way” Jerry said.

“So yes on the dumplings? Pork, Chicken or beef?” I said.

“Dude I really dont give a fuck.” 

“A’ight peace.”

“Wait actually get some extra spring rolls. I don’t want my breath to stink.” Jerry was a quick thinker.

“Okay. Peace.” 

I ordered the chinese while Thomas turned the radio down.

It was 7:30 on a Friday. Traffic was still out and slow except on the highway. The plaza where Home Depot was sat on an indent so that a perimeter around us denied the sun a chance of bringing light to the inevitable darkness. Highway barricades exalted the east coast away from our position. I closed my eyes and listened to newly formed divinations stemming from a horizontal after-glow. What was AM was now PM. And just as I would prepare for a weekend of contract work,  I too was going to do the same for the night. Because Friday was in the air, telling me I was the cause of it.

Thomas pulled into the lot and flicked his cigarette a stop-sign to an array of F150s and pug-faced express vans that sat high enough to deem his reliable, good on gas mileage, crusty seated hand-me-down first-car shit-box a worthy proponent of wu-wei. It was the type of car that doesn’t speak for anything or reflect an image onto its owner other than its being there. 

At least this one had a little personality though, fashioned by who was behind the wheel, and the fact that I knew him through drive-ways of careless faces, drive-thrus, and drunken waffle house binges where we kept to ourselves and almost forgot it wouldn’t last. And even though the universe proved its worth to me, I cant help but feel theres in imbalance in my past.

That these were just moments. And days would go by. Blunts would get passed. Pets would die. We’d hope to not hear of our relatives dying, but that would happen to. Cause of death? Old age. It wouldn’t say that on the obituary. It was say something safe like stage 4 cancer or hodgekins lymphona. But everyone knows about the cap put on as at birth. That there’s a limit to how long we get to stay here. Sometimes we’d hear of our friends dying too. But those were rare cases. Few and far between. Unless of course you were the type of kid to attract that sort of stuff. Then you probably deserved it anyway. That pain. Irregardless of the pain it takes to die. You imagine how it must have felt in the body of your friend. Like they we’re on the otherside begging you to come with them. I’m free. They’d say. It only hurts a little. And unlike the old people, their obituary would read suicide. Basically an off-hand way of saying they needed jesus. Because in the end, nobody truly knows what would drive someone to do that to themselves. We can speculate all we want. They we’re bipolar. They wore funny clothes to school and we’re bullied as a result. But only someone with special access could consult them on that. To ask them why they denied life and chose death instead. Only someone who could be objective about the whole thing and not get caught up in their emotions could ask them this. In America that’s Jesus, God of funeral homes, shepherd of lost souls. The frustrating part, at least to me, is that all he can come up with is it was Satan’s fault. But that doesn’t do it for me. No. I need more than that. After all, Jesus, you faked your own death and ran away to the pyrynees. Did you not? You we’re too afraid to commit suicide. You half-assed your commitment. Maybe you knew what awaited you resembled a sleepless dream? Certainly you knew another part of you was fit for ascension. But then wouldn’t be the center of attention like you we’re on earth. You’d be around people who knew a light language and we’re just as smart as you, if not smarter. The applied principles of the sun was common knowledge there. That was like basic shit. Nobody was looking for preachers there. What they we’re looking for was way more advanced than your little yoga techniques. Stop hiding and tell us what’s really going on out here. Something tells me it has something to do with Satan, just not in the way you’re telling us. I have a feeling he holds the keys to a piece of knowledge we never even knew existed. If that’s the case, and I find out we’ve been duped, then I might just take it upon myself and offer you the same fate you offered my friend when he was down bad on that fateful Spring night mad at the world and pissed off at the hypocrisy you created for him.  But this time when I get to you I’ll make sure you won’t be down bad. There will be nothing to numb the pain. No. You’re gonna feel this. Then things will come full circle. Order. I like when things happen that way.

“Yo I need paint. “

“ Paint?”

 “I just remembered. For the walls.” I said in a descending volume.

We walked through the doors in the purgatory between store and street. I grabbed a cart.

“Is that what we’re gonna do for fun? Man I might regret this whole night if we end up hanging dry-wall and shit.”

“I hear you bro but we can play poker, I got a speaker so we can bump some music, and we’ll just kick it.”

Thomas strayed passed the check-out lines and almost ran into a stack of wood hanging from a guy’s trolley.

“Where are you going?” I said.

“Where’s the paint?” He said turning around.

We looked like we should be in the city rather than the hardware store. Everyone was looking and I know I’m not paranoid when I say that. We we’re foreigners visiting a small scale metropolis under construction. A place for bandits to face their acrophobia and not make it across to the next tower without getting grime on their gats ort hope they liked our style.

"They got krylons?" I said. The aisle opened up where the rafters stretched through the ceiling leaving ground level two by fours in their dust. If I focused I could hear an echo reverberate off my skull, taking its merry time and judging me before I could hold my breath. “We used to be so into this.”  Thomas said.

“I don’t know why we stopped.”  I said. He took it as a valid question.

“We got older I guess. Fuck.”

“Remember the overpass on Holcomb Bridge? I wonder if our shits still there.” 

“We need to go back there.”

Gum soles in an unfinished basement. This was the most people I’ve ever seen. a’ve ever seen. The fire marshall could’ve came knocking any moment. Though I don’t think anybody would hear him. Lil Pump was 3 doors down. To the fire marshall, is that everyone was moving as one. To the fire marshal, this could be a good or bad thing in the lens of a fire marshall. Good because if someone started popping shots off with an uzi or something and everyone tried to run out the house through the basement side-door, the main one through the hall at the back by the bathroom, or if they went up stairs and found the wrong door and had to jump off the balcony or something, if shit really started to pop off like this, of shit really hit the fan, then it’d be good to have 1 body instead of a hundred. There we’re straddlers of course, but all they’d have to do is hide in its belly folds and hope to not get lost while the body was hauling ass down the street resorting to the dreaded question, “Can I get a ride?” And simply put it’d be bad because human flesh burns quite well when laced with alcohol. That was a risk we were willing to take and that brought us that much closer together.

When I came in with Katie I noticed the crystalline qualities of blonde hair captivated the vibe and were on display in the trim lining. When you looked across it was like some secret edition of the yearbook where everyone didn’t have to pretend they liked each other.

Only this time there were no profiles, only shadows. And instead of signatures there were tattoos on skin that said things like “im too good for you” and “the sky is watching.”

 What collected at the corners were pushed outside to observe that ways a part equidistant to the cups on the table to the enthusiasm among them. This was inside. Everyone needed to make sense and not be meta. You couldn’t point out how we were all here by chance like Tommy did, “xxxxxxx” What an idiot. You couldn’t speculate as to why Rhea spent the whole month showing out for sympathy on twitter and crying at school over her breakup with Nick but is now falling on top of him, grabbing his arm and shit and Nick’s just going with it like he doesn’t care his best friend got sucked off by yours truly in front of everyone at last weeks party and he was there and she was there and it was all fine like nothing happened. “Well Nick got with Mercedes, and her and Rhea ignore each other now. It’s really awkward.” Despite the fakeness, there was an heir of trust unlike any ive ever seen here unlike back at school where we’d be leaning into our cheeks thinking about how to score more brownie points with the cliques we were in.

At least that’s what others were thinking about. The teacher’d be talking about solving for y for the millionth time, you know, moving things around by reverse operations to make sure they maintained the same relationship with one another. I never had to study because when it came time to test it’d be like the answers’d just come to me and I’d end up acing the damn thing. I became known as a smart person who didn’t care so everything canceled out and I was able to stay neutral and move between the punks to get drugs, the nerds to get power, and the popular kids to get access to parties like the one I was at now. I know this all sounds vain, but I guess that’s how it works when you’re a teenager still trying to find yourself when everyone else was doing the same but would rather die then admit it. Now that I look back I realize the whole thing was meaningless. There was no substance, no fulfillment. High School was mostly waiting with small pockets of being thrust into the limelight.   Just a series of empty promises leading nowhere. You could of met your better half completely in the midst of knowing each other at a soul level but all indications were that it wouldn’t last so you made excuses and broke it off before it was too late so that your future could be at least bearable when you we’re laying in your cheeks mad at the world wondering why you were the only thing you could think about. You could rest your heart on your decision. The sex flashbacks at the most random times like talking to your grandma or waiting in line at the grocery store didn’t matter anymore. You could put it all on that. Your decision. 

“Daniel, I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Likewise Sharlene, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Oh how sweet of you to say that to me.”

“Wait, why are you guys being so formal?” Katie said like she overheard.

“We should stop.” Sharlene said. Daniel was taller than all of them.

“How was your day?” His eyes got bigger. Crazy.

“Did you have a good day?” Leaning forward with his back against the counter.

“I did have a good day.” Sharlene said. “Did you?” She put her hand up and when she realized this she snapped them across her face and into his. 

“Mr. Sassy?”

“Mr. Sassy!” Some dude in a hat with lettuce coming out said.

These we’re the types of exchanges that went on inside. Loud but cold. All in the vain of attention seeking like some sort of competition or test of brilliance. Only that this time unlike in normal society, where everyone’s trying to get their point across as clear and concise as possible because focus is king over style, this time brilliance was a stage of show. And whoever could hold onto it the longest was most certainly king or queen and surely the apple of their eye. Their being the cult that was the inside.

The 5 of us ended up by an air conditioning unit. We were staring at the moon thinking about what do next because we were already exhausted. Not because we weren’t faded enough. It was quite the opposite. There was too much judgment. And that was as bad of a high you could get when you were on the other end of it. We were over it. We were desperately passing a blunt I’d been eager to light since I rolled it in the car. 

“I needed this.” Jerry said.

“Yeah? Me too.” I looked at Katie. She’s the one I rolled it with earlier in the day when 4 different people we’re blowing up my phone asking if I was coming and telling me who I could bring or not.

“I don’t know it’s just like the vibe or something. Like something’s off.” Tom said.

Katie was mostly quiet and sipping the blunt with her cute little hands and was gravitating towards Miranda in a nonverbal display of boredom.

“We don’t need to talk about it.” Jerry said.

“We really don’t.” I agreed.

“Talk about what?” I’m just saying.” Thomas said after a pause.

“Yeah I know but I’m not about to go behind their backs and gossip like we’re not fuckin’ with it thats cool we can do our own shit.”

“So what are we gonna do?”

“Is there anything close?”

“You tryna go to waffle house?” 

Katie and Miranda laughed. First Katie snorted then Miranda bent over and held her knees.

“What are y’all tryna do?”

“Uhh can we just get out of here?” Katie said towards the street.

“Yeah. Let’s walk.” I said.

You left your memories with me.

So you could live without you.

You left your past in the dark, and

it was something you did for the hell of it because life

was too easy for you.

 "What's wrong?" I said.

"Leave with me." You said.

"Is something bothering you?" I said.

"No." You were always in the dark.

"Where?"

"I don't know. Anywhere but here."

"I can't tell if you're being serious." You threw a rock

down the train tracks, and pointed where I was looking.

"That way's North to Chattanooga." You turned around.

I leaned to the side as if I was peeking down a narrow

hallway.

 "South to Miami. Hmm. It depends." You said rubbing your chin.

"It depends on you finding a girlfriend so you can get back to reality is what it depends on." I said.

I dont think a single car

drove by since we got here. Moving trucks could be seen on the overpass where the crossing signals were, but were inaudible. The only thing audible was the large-scale kithen across the street which would hiss occasionally over its constant hum. It also had steam coming out of it. We walked towards the red-light on stones half the size of our trainers and went to balancing on the rail half to avoid twisting our ankles and half to ammuse ourselves.

"I was gonna say it depends on what's better, a good ol' country bitch who'll cook you catfish till you cant eat no more, or a bad spanish mommy who may or may not be there for you when you really need it."

 "Oh, si senorita Hot like tamales. Muy bueno.

Como te amos rapido rapido mucho Miami me gusto."

"Bro we're hopping trains not borders

you fucking wetback."

"Whoa, hold up ese, you're hopping trains, not me.

Besides, we'll be hopping on a lot more than trains

if we keep this up." I said.

"Trains not borders, puto."

"Man watch your mouth."

"Here comes one now."

ijijiijjiiji

We hid in the bushes. It seemed like the right thing to do.

Me fist then the girls and Jerry while Thomas was last in..

"We should of put a coin on their,:

*End graveyard party and go into chapter about family* BONES laden arrows

----

Just say its the spot and I’m there.

“Jerry just texted me.” I said to Thomas.

“What’d he say?”

“He’s bringing Erica.”

“Why was it even a question?” Thomas said. He was flipping his head back and forth at me. Zig-zagging from hinges to nails to glue guns and floor tiles, biding his time, sulking like i was gonna feel sorry for him.

“I don’t know man. I’m sure it had something to do with his roommates not being out.” I said. 

“Well if his initial reaction was him being scared then what that tell you about what he think of us?”

“Nah. You’re thinking too far into it. He’s tryna get her to let him hit.”

So much was out of context. There was disharmony. I continued.

“Maybe there’s something about two dudes without girlfriends that isn’t exactly the most potent

“

Smoke stacks comply and hesitate partaking in sport. Indulging in an aptitude that continues to see how it feels when you say such simple words as “hello, and, thats cool.” That continues to touch a nonverbal membrane when you move in such a way that broke the color barrier between black and white. So I’ll appreciate you like all the others do. Because I, completely and utterly, should know to carry you with me into infinity. And I should know, for a fact, that distance is dependant on its terminal velocity at the moment of impact. Gorgeous you are when tulips gather around cow pastures only to wither away upon the changing of the guard. Tip toes, necromancy, ice skates, all these make sense to me now, that ever since the day of my christening, good beings struck witherto my intelligence and rendered them useless. These knots, the qualities of which we’re twisted, utterly finagled to a degree that crystallized under pressure. I feel like I was born so I could come into people’s live when they needed someone to blame their problems on. That’s why I always get those stupid looks. Sometimes I just wanna ask them like “what the fuck are you on?” I guess all those diamonds couldnt teleport you out of here huh? Too bad. I ain’t judgin’. 

knotted in purpose. 

Oh how I looked on in brevity the callus threads that stretched for miles upon miles into causeways of blindness which overtook me in haste. Very painstaken I was in the trials before then. But now I see the reason for them. For nothing could have felt better than to be relieved of all that built up stress which churned and churned until a mechanism of ventricles let go in common translation. Like ruminating gats and dust swipers caged so discreetly so as to fixate on unto sizzling barge-heads. Almost as if silly esquires of desperately manifold doldrums exist solely to highlight the difference of deceit and merry.  the difference of you, a you, and I, an I.

“Man I need blankets.” Thomas said.

“Pillows too.” I said tracing the outer perimeter of Home Depot. 

Them Carharrts nice too. Our eyes met at the rack.

“I bet you could fit a gun inside this.” Thomas said feeling the durability of a canvas hoodie in brown. 

“No I don’t have a gun.”

“You should get one.”

“They got em here?”

We fell out of the portal. 

____________

Vicious bar flies and scarcities falsify the other-half.

“It is settled” said Chief Wallitzer

“Then buy more plankton from the Chief” A creature said. Decrepit. Monsteral. Lectivicious. The creature continued.

 “And as soon as I stray a lochness is when the fortifications manifest wholly and without contempt.” I must ignore him.

“What am I to do?” I said on the levy. 

“Take a boat from the garter over thine gully there.” Said the Chief. 

And I summoned a boat from his power.

“I’m crossing.” I said under my breathe. I said aloud. 

“Bless you Chief! Aye. May good fortune amass in your possession!” Because realization finally hit me, that I was to join my comrades in battle, once and for all.

“Aye, and to not flee as well.” This was the last I ever heard of the Chief. 

--------

Today I’m going to buy a car.

Anxiety is a MK Ultra Mind Control Tactic (designed to keep humans subordinate to the matrix) ((which is ran by the 10%))

(((who answer to archonic entities from the 4th dimension)))

Logical reasoning is when an internal problem is identified as separate from the self so that it may not be subject to the whims of ego, which is fleeting and irregular, and stems from an evolutionary need for man to keep desiring more and more mates to reproduce offspring with so that his tribe grows strong in number as opposed to getting complacent with having one or few mates, retiring from the world, and letting him and/or his offspring die without a big enough tribe to defend them from bigger tribes with more man-power. Humans have advanced beyond the need to reproduce. In fact, Over-population is an existential threat to the continuation of humans on Earth. Because of this there should be no desire to reproduce. However, there is still a desire to reproduce. This is because the consequences of over-population like famine, disease, and global warming have yet to be internalized by most humans. Once it does, there will be no desire to reproduce, and all remaining sub-strata will go too. These remaining sub-strata include love, greed, and status all begotten from the main desire of humans, which is to reproduce. The reason that is 

The main desire of humans is that humans want to survive. If humans didn’t want to survive they’d be dead. If humans we’re dead they wouldn’t be living. And if humans weren’t living they wouldn’t exist. Additionally, If humans didn’t exist they’d be nothing. And If humans were nothing they wouldn’t be something. Finally, if humans wouldn’t be something, as in, they we’re in a state of denial towards the very notion of being something 

with the very notion of that word and all the associations it comes with, 

 Finally, if humans wouldn’t be something, as in, they we’re in a state of denial towards being something, 

knowing full-well  the associations it comes with, then humans would be refusing their ego, which is fleeting and irregular.

Once this desire (to reproduce) is gone, then allser forms of this desire like 

and not get his needs are met

 be processed in an objective manner, and not subject to whims of ego

solutions can be formulated in an objective context, and the solutions necessary to overcoming that problem, may not be weighed against emotion, which is fleeting and irregular.

 and it’s existential

consequences, both good and bad, can be weighed objectively against 

solutions that are based in reality

The distinction between needs and desires is a matter of time. Needs are immediate. Desires are built up over time.

The distinction between needs and desires is, in fact, only a matter of time

Anxiety needs to be alleviated when there’s not enough time, but it should anxiety will be alleviated because their is time.  . 

^^^^^^^^^cap*********

*********************

Anxiety is when an internal problem needs to be alleviated. Its just that the actions required to alleviate said problem seem far off and distant. So much that you begin doubting your abilities as a measly human and turn to a god instead. When this god doesnt fix your problems your anxiety is compounded heavily. Because you have one more problem than you started with. If you couldnt hold a candle to your first problem, being as their solutions were so far out and demanded too much in a short amount of time, then now you got a doozy on your hands. All we can ask for is perfection, and hope we come up short.

********************

************

//All God can ask for is perfection. That’s why he doesn’t relate to us.// If you had a bag that led to another bag you wouldn’t keep the first bag cus it’d already be in the second one. These are the ancestors working behind the scenes.

then what makes you think

Our teachers taught us proper sentence structure in the third grade. A subject followed by a predicate. The subject is invoked and the predicate carries the burden like a hag witch carries  it and thus justifying the subject so that it is not floating in space, susceptible to being bothered by minds whose job it is to question things that float in space for no other reason other than to not have a purpose, and stand as a monument against all these grammar nazis stand for. So viciously chaotic, free in its lightness, completely unencumbered by menial contrivances of formality, it seems, are these subjects without predicates stand unapologetically in the vast concourses of space as monuments against all they stand for. The problem is that words can only do so much when describing a subject. Whether it is a noun or pronoun, abstract or not, a person, place, thing, or idea, it could even be an interjection, the problem is words can only do so much for describing the essence of a thing, the unseen force which discerns certain vibrations as unalike from one another and neatly packages them into a frequency at which the brain can perceive.

certain things as unalike from one another and neatly packages them into a frequency that vibrates at a rate at which the human brain can process through its hypothalamus and perceive them as things in the 3rd dimension.

apart from the rest is limitless when not bound by words, which can only be deduced as a lesser form of magic.

Thomas and I see the same things. Ever since our childhoods we were never separated. And even if we we’re, or it appeared as if we we’re, we always had the same eyes. Not just the same view, but the same eyes. I don’t mean that these eyes were like detachable lenses, that could be passed around to and fro like a can on a string, I mean that we’ve had the same experiences, just in different forms.  And if we ever shared a difference of opinion, which happened a lot, like with this Erica thing, I never had to worry about things getting heated. Because no matter what, I could always fall back on us letting things calm down for a while, alone in our rooms leaning into our cheeks trying not to think about it. until both of us realized we were coming.from the same place, and that where, and to what degree we took it to, was ultimately meaningless.

I must be going now. It’s getting late. What time is it? 2:30? Jesus. Fuck. That’s later than I thought. Already? Oh well. It’s not like I can do anything about it. Anyway. What I wanna talk about is how fucked up you look to me, and I don’t know if you see that. I mean, if you can see what I see. Dread, angst, all of mine and your miseries seem to have burdened you. I want you to know that I’m here. I’m a man. I can fix my own problems. Really. I can. I may not look it but I’m grown. You don’t have to worry about them. Here, look at this picture I took last year. It’s of you and me. Don’t we look so happy? Happy. Is that the right word? Or maybe we’re crumbing for our last breathe of smile in us. Fuck. I’m beginning to think that’s true the more and more I think about it. Because you we’re never happy. Neither was I. But that wasn’t the goal for us like it is for so many others. No. We just wanted to get by. And that’s all we could ever ask for.

--jgcjgcjgcjgcgjc

I wanted to keep this sacred so it’d come across a more genuine when the right person came across it. but now the urge is too strong and the resonance too concentrated for me to dismiss the trailblazing force of circular momentum. And its nice out too. The grass is still damp from yesterday’s rain but not so you couldn’t lie in it. That’s what I did today. That along with thinking. Moving on. I won’t talk about personal experience in this article. The truth is I’m not important. What matters is my guidance. So from now on take my “I’s” as placeholders for something greater. Make it what you want. A parakeet, a landing pad, veganism, law and order, anything. It could even be the universe itself with you and me included. Whatever it is just don’t miss the point that follows this inconspicuous “i” because there is no truth, only different paths to getting there. 

The truth is I haven’t been out the house in a few years. Sure there were gaps in between like parties here and there. But even then I was inside myself, leaving people to wonder if I was as social as I looked. Sometimes I was normal, others I was a wallflower. Only rarely did I meet their expectations and become the center of attention. I still remember those moments because I’m preparing for the next time it happens so I can maintain a sense of self better so that I can let it go and channel what comes out of me more freely. Some call this going into the world. I call it getting out the house. Leaving the nest. All those times i was still at home within myself. I never left my shell. There’s no point when that shell is filled with angels.

Language can be tricky. It can be used for yin and yang. It can be used for contuation or stagnation when concerning the path of self and how one wants to judge said self through language so that it may have something ethereal to manifest from. Before I continue I must say that there is a self because any indication of there not being a self relies on the suppusition there there is a self. Perception plays a role too, as in, agreeing or not to accept the definitions of the words you lay on yourself as true or not. The pessimist sees the world as signs and symbols and interprets stimuli af a higher level then the optimist, who is often naieve to the hidden world where everything comes from. This is why pessimists are often dualists. To the optimist it appears they are one-sided because they take them at face-value. Again, they are unable to see the hidden world where everything comes from. Those who fly under the radar appear that way because they are in direct contact with this world so as to filter their thoughts before speaking them. This world is a place pessimists visit often within themselves and rarely show out of. They show out only in dire situations, and that makes their actions that much stronger because they have kept sacred the hidden world where everything comes from so that it is pure and cutting-edge when it comes time to release it upon the known world. Like an endless stream does their wrath come out of them because they’ve been holding it in so long. 

Anytime you insert the I into a situation is when a princible of measurement can be applied to you as infinite potential to fail or succeed relative to the third party as the perfect amount of what you needed to be faced with. 

with chakra wheels that exist so we can find ourselves in a better light.

[indigomasquerade97]

A Shift In Perspective pt3

Okay, here’s the final part to my entry for @arc852 . Enjoy!

'Where the bloody hell is he?' Jack asked aloud, glancing again at the clock on the wall. It was nearly lunchtime, and Mark still hadn't returned home. He'd been gone nearly twelve hours now.

Jack fidgeted on the couch cushion. Mark had never done this before. He'd never just stay out all night like this.

Worst case scenarios began to form in his head. What if Mark had gotten hurt on his walk? Or kidnapped? What if the giant goober was dead? If anything had happened, there would be no way for Jack to find out. He couldn't open the door or windows, and even if he somehow found a way outside, he'd just be walking aimlessly in a world built exclusively for humans. And if any of them saw him, they were likely to snatch him up and he'd be stolen away from his search. Away from his best friend.

There would be no way for him to fight them, and they wouldn't listen to his pleas for search and rescue. He was just a dumb animal to humans, after all. Why would they ever listen to him?

Click.

Jack's head snapped up at the noise. The front door was creaking open. He sniffed, wiping at his wet eyes. He stood up, determined to hide his moment of indulging in depressive thoughts. He had a giant to reprimand.

As soon as Mark walked through the hallway, Jack let him have it.

'Mark Edward Fischbach! Where the fook have you been? I was worried sick, dude!' He yelled out, used to having to raise his voice to be heard by his human. His natural loudness helped immensely. Mark froze, his relieved smile turning into one of uncomfortable shock. Yeah, you'd better look uncomfortable, Jack thought irritably. How dare his human scare him like that!

Then someone was chuckling. A human wearing a dark cape sauntered in after Mark, looking thoroughly amused by the standoff.

'And I thought Takota was a handful.' He joked. He seemed amused that both of them had green dye through their hair, though the humans was a lighter, more vibrant colour.

'Uhhh... who's that?' Jack asked, trying to repress his initial fright at being around an unknown human. Mark was here. Jack was safe.

'Um... this is Jason.' Mark introduced awkwardly, and Jason waved pleasantly. He was shorter than Mark by a few inches, and younger than Jack first thought. He couldn't be older than eighteen. But he seemed non-threatening.

'Okay, pleasantries aside... Mark, where were you?' Jack demanded. Back on track. I'm mad at 'im!

The two humans shared a glance. Mark looked like he was lost for words. Jason looked amused, silently laughing at his struggle.

'Um... would you believe me if I said I was abducted by giant aliens? And Jason's one of 'em and saved me?'

Jack glared heatedly. Really? Mark was going to go with a ridiculous story like that?

'Do I look like a fookin' idiot?' He asked. Jason snorted, failing to hide his mirth.

'He ain't bluffin, half-pint. I got him and a bunch o' others out of the beginnings of a major slave trade. We only just got around to getting him home, since he's been trying to convince me to come for a drink the last hour.' Jason said, smiling warmly. Jack rounded his glare on him.

'Look, I know you humans think my kind are stupid and gullible, but aliens don't exist!' Jack declared. Jason raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

'A hundred years ago, humans didn't think you guys existed, either,' He said, leaning forward almost ominously, 'Just because you haven't met one, doesn't mean we don't exist.'

Then something frightening happened. Jason's form began to melt and pixilate, becoming a swarm of colours that squirmed and waved before returning to their initial pristine shape. Jack felt himself pale, especially when the kids eyes began flashing different colours.

'Expand your horizons, eh mate?' Jason said, leaning back casually with a small chuckle.

'Uh, anyone want something to drink? Okay, in here.' Mark quickly led Jason into the kitchen, which gave Jack a moment to compose himself. He blinked, a hand clutching at the thick fabric over his heart. Jesus, that was terrifying!

Mark returned soon after, holding a bottle cap full of soda and a giant cookie. He gingerly placed them in front of Jack.

'I, uhh... I'm sorry about scaring ya, dude,' Mark said timidly, smiling hopefully, 'Forgive me?'

Jack glared at him, then glanced at the cookie bribe. It was a chocolate chip, and looked delicious.

'Never! I'll never forgive you for abandoning me!' Jack declared dramatically, bending down to drag the cookie closer, 'I'll just take this with me!' He sat down and pulled off a chunk, taking a bite. Just as chocolatey as he'd hoped. Mark was smirking at him almost triumphantly. Jack pointed at him mock accusingly.

'This means nothing!' Mark laughed, gently nudging him with his knuckle. Jack nearly did a double-take; the familiar action was much slower and gentle, as opposed the the careless speed Mark usually portrayed.

'Whateva you say, leprechaun.'

'You two are adorable, you know that?' Jason said, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen. He held a small cup of water in one hand, which he didn't drink from.

'You aren't gonna have your drink?' Mark asked. Jason smiled, gently placing the cup on the coffee table.

'To be honest, this form can't actually consume food or liquids like that.'

'Then... why did you come over?'

'Truth be told, I wanted to see your relationship with Jack,' Jason said, looking sheepish, 'You guys really are close friends, huh?'

'Yeah...?' Jack said, glancing up at Mark. But he was too distracted to notice his silent look of inquiry.

'Actually, I was wondering if you two would like to partner up with us,' Jason continued, sitting down in a chair opposite them, 'I need to send a memo to my mentor so she knows this planet is liable to go down a dark road. We want to try and avoid that if possible.'

'And... where do we fit?' Mark asked. Jason sighed.

'This “pet trade” is unacceptable,' He said heatedly, 'I want to create a movement to outlaw the trade and form legal rights for the smaller folk.'

The two friends glanced at each other. A movement to put an end to the horrendous trade? Sure, their friend Phil was a lawyer and was doing what he could to help, but there was little support from the general public to support such a reform. But, if the alien truly wanted to help...

'How would we do this?' Jack asked, his interest peaked.

'We need to show the population that your kind is not the stupid, lesser beings that the media claims you are. If we can prove that, we can begin to show how both your species would benefit from a mutual agreement rather than a master/pet one,' Jason explained, 'They need to see a Tiny being treated as an equal rather than an animal. With enough exposure and prompted discussion, eventually the people will become more open to the idea and we will have a stronger case.'

'Well... it's Jack's choice, really.' Mark stated after a moment.

The two looked down at Jack, who felt put on the spot. He gulped, thinking it over. Their friends were very vocal about their views of Tiny's, and they were practically ridiculed for it. If they went on a higher scale like this, that mild ridicule could morph into full blown hate and death threats. It was risky...

But he thought about his family back in Ireland. They were constantly in fear of being discovered by humans. And if they ever were, they would be damned into a life of servitude for some human. There was no guarantee they would find a kind human, and even most of those still saw them as mere animals. If they could do this, they would not have to live in such fear. They would be free. He, and all his other friends would be free of the looming threat of losing ones free will.

'I want to help.' He declared, feeling determined. Nothing would deter him from this!

'Excellent,' Jason said, standing up, 'I will get in contact with you at a later date. For now, I need to get everything sorted.'

And then Jason fizzed out of existence, leaving no trace of his presence. The two friends were left alone. They looked at each other.

'So... you were serious before? About him being a giant to you?' Jack asked.

'Yeah.'

'… Did he grab you? Or pick you up?'

'… Yeah.'

'Did ya squeal like a wee girl?' Jack grinned as Mark blushed with embarrassment.

'A little, yeah.' Jack began to cackle with amusement.

'Ha! Oh jasus! Now you know what its like!'

~

Marshal strolled through the hallway, practically ripping his hair out. He tried desperately to ignore the men squabbling around him like seagulls, but found it harder than he thought.

'Sir, please-'

'Slow down-'

'Mr President-'

You have been missing for hours-'

'Where have you been?'

They were too loud. He needed to get away. He needed to think. He needed time alone!

He rushed towards his office, the gaggle of men still on his heels. He sighed, turning to face them once he got to his door.

'I will inform you of my whereabouts at a later date,' He said, discretely backing into the room, 'But for now, I need a few minutes to recuperate myself.'

He quickly shut the door, locking himself from their concerned demands. He sighed, resting his head against the cool wood. It was nice to be alone for a moment, even if he could still hear their muffled voices on the other side.

He turned to his office, the symbol on the polished floor shining despite the relative dark. Faint sunlight lit up the edges of the closed curtain, and he reached out to switch the light on. The lights remained stubbornly off, despite the repeated attempts.

Marshal sighed in annoyance, rubbing his temple as he strolled towards his desk. Light outages weren't common, and it made the actual occurrences all the more annoying. But he didn't open the door to inform anyone of the problem. If he did, the room would be invaded by the very people he was trying to get away from. But maybe a nap would be better than catching up on paperwork, anyway?

'Afternoon, sir.'

Marshal gasped, flinching back at the unexpected voice. His big chair spun around, revealing a pretty teen girl. She was wearing modest clothes, all black and making her partially blend into the dark. She had her arms crossed, a serious glint in her blue eyes as she silently appraised him. He took a deep breath, frowning at her. How did a sixteen year old girl get passed security?

'Who are you?' He demanded, 'How did you even get in here?'

'You can call me Ashley,' She said, smirking as she added sarcastically, 'and I fazed through the wall.'

'You aren't supposed to be in here!' Marshal said, stepping closer so he would loom over the shorter girl. His attempt to seem intimidating fell short when he tripped over his own two feet, planting a hand on the desk to keep himself from falling on his ass. She rolled her eyes at the pathetic attempt.

'I have to disagree,' She said, calmly standing up, 'We have a lot to talk about.'

Marshal shook his head, turning his back to her. He had to call in security. While he doubted the girl was a real sort of threat, he still couldn't allow someone to simply break into his office.

But he froze when he noticed the second intruder, idly throwing an apple in the air like a softball. Marshal felt his heart begin racing. Familiar dark green eyes, flaming lime hair, shimmering grey cloak... Jason smirked at his look of horrified recognition.

'Hey mate,' He muttered, cocking his head as he tossed the apple again, 'Didn't I saw we'd see each other again?'

Marshal opened his mouth to scream, but a slender hand covered it and effectively silenced him. He struggled against the girl, but her willowy form betrayed her strength. She had no trouble dragging him to his chair, dumping him into it.

Marshal was near hyperventilating, eyes darting between the two beings. There was little doubt in his mind that the two were aliens, though he didn't know how they were able to appear before him like this. Weren't they meant to be huge?

'W-what do you w-want with me?' He demanded, trying to keep himself from stuttering, and failing miserably. The girl looked sheepish, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly. Jason's hard expression never changed as he tossed the apple.  

'Your planet is progressing to the point where our enemies are becoming aware of you,' She said, shrugging apologetically, 'We need to form a contract with you so we can legally get involved when they inevitably attack.'

'But... your just talking to me?' He asked. First contact should have been important enough to warrant a meeting with all world leaders, right? Then why were they only talking to him?

He flinched when Jason snorted, twirling the apple absently in his hands. As it was twirled, Marshal noticed a large slice had been cut out. With how he concentrated on twirling the fruit, it was almost reminiscent of a calming exercise... His eyes were quite red at that moment, though he never looked right at Marshal.

'Don't let your head swell, mate. The others are talking to other leaders as we speak,' He said, eyes flashing as he looked up to glare heatedly, 'Your not special enough to warrant special treatment!'

'Okay Jay,' Ashley warned, placing a calming hand on his shoulder, to which he backed down immediately, 'The world leaders will be getting in contact soon enough. We just wanted to have a word with you first.'

Marshal gulped, believing he knew exactly where this was going.

'Word about what?' He asked, hoping playing dumb would help him now.

'About that.' Ashley said, nodding to the cage sitting on a nearby desk. It was empty, the bowl of pellets untouched. His young female Tiny was instead sitting on the desk with her blanket over her shoulders, contentedly munching on a slice of apple as she watched the confrontation. When their eyes met, she smiled, but her eyes were full of dark glee and resentment.

Oh fuck...This isn't going to end well.

The end?

#giant/tiny #contest #contest entry #gtjsefanclub #tiny!verse #markiplier #jacksepticeye

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

*ahem*

so am i just gonna have to get specific representation MY DAMN SELF. i mean COME ON. im using my brain to finally work and think about the future and all that. and i feel like i’m being picky but im tired of busted up fucking plot holes and the same old shit every time. only the light skinned women or girls who’re considered conventionally attractive. and they’re either the “right size” or theyre dark skinned (the only one in the show) and have a fucking attitude. when the hell am i going to STOP being viewed as a threat, or a stereotype, and be seen as a fucking person???? with thoughts and feelings and input that deserves to be heard. ESPECIALLY IN THE MEDIA. i know black folks dont get much shit as is, and if we get something half decent, we’re shit all over, or killed, or it’s snatched. and if it isn’t taken from us, we treasure it, waiting for the next good thing to happen, billions of hardships throwing themselves at us. and specifically, as a black queer neurodivergent gal, there’s no fucking space for me. im not going to be seen, nor represented how i wish to be. i’m either a threat, nothing whatsoever, or the life, the being, and the moment until it’s inconvenient for white people to deal with. stealing things people have been ridiculed and teased for, and suddenly it’s all the fucking rage. then after it’s gone, i’m pushed to the curb again, fucking trampled by the same people who said i was at least partially equal to them. 

i cant find even a half decent place that i see myself where it’s not sprinkled, or dare i say, doused in anti-blackness and misogynoir. i mean, but it’s only a show, right? it’s not that big of a deal, shows can’t represent a group of people, or person as to where it impacts them, right?

then tell me why the princess and the frog is my favorite disney movie.....

tell me why hidden figures almost never goes unwatched whenever i see it.

tell me why i have been talking NON-STOP about invincible because a show has just a single black girl who speaks her mind, and is a BADASS.......but amber’s ripped to shreds isn’t she. she “was stupid from not telling mark her mind” and “she led him on” and “i hate amber more than omni-man” and “amber is the real villain” (which is laced with anti-blackness)

it’s because REPRESENTATION MATTERS, fuckass. i wouldnt binge watch things that i fucking hate. if i see myself in something, and it’s authentic, and it’s real, im holding onto it like my fucking life depends on it. oh wait? it does.

cant wear this or that. “she must think she’s grown” NOPE. but i sure as hell can legally work, get vaccinated, and have a learner’s permit. isn’t that “the life” isn’t that what i’m supposed to do? join the society that was broken to begin with until i crumble, lose my job, and find myself in the same place.

or no, i’m still just a child apparently. shouldn’t be speaking for myself, can’t make my own decisions. i “need to be taken down a peg”

and here come the stereotypes again. “angry black girl” “in someone’s face”

and of fucking course when i bring up the fact that something is racist then i need to “lower my voice” and “calm down” and am taken outside the door and told “this happens, just ignore it”

from the same motherfucker who doesn’t think that white privilege exists, calls m a feminist “derogatory” when i bring up the fact that something is sexist, and literally makes the joke “monkeys climb trees” when we were celebrating black history month, and one of the classroom doors was decorated with a tree. but apparently i need to “chill out” and let the cishet white person get their fucking way like they all have for the past hundreds of years.

that shit sucks. and it stings. and it stays tearing me apart at one in the fucking morning.

also (we’re not done, strap in)

if i see one more fucking person excuse homophobia with the bible, im fucking snapping and finding a girlfriend and posting the picture FRONT AND CENTER of my fucking instagram. or better yet i’ll finally find a pair of fishnets and do what the fuck i want without guzzling down the dredges of my personal disapproval for once. it sounds quite tempting to be honest at this point.

so, story time lovelies.

yesterday (well, er, two days ago, it was friday afternoon) one of my dearest (/j) classmates decided to post a story which held a screenshot of the bible where it mentioned that “a man shall not sleep with another man like he does with his wife” okay and the bible changes like night and day. there’s so many fucked up stories in the bible that justify this, that, and the other. and like?? you expect me to want to BELIEVE that shit. absolutely not. just say you’re a homophobe and LEAVE MY QUEER ASS ALONE. jesus fucking christ.

this isn’t the first time she’s posted something i found quite offensive, and frankly, rage inducing. it was the “there’s only two genders” and taking off 3 years of my life with the “man=penis, woman=vagina” BULLSHIT which is wrong on multiple accounts. intersex people exist and ARE REAL. and gender isn’t tied to genitalia. and it’s also not binary. and clothes and colors dont have GENDERS. they’re fabric and things we fucking see, not an end all be all to the type of person someone is, how they think, talk, act, and what fucking hangs between their legs. job prospects. none of that. another video from a few months back, still on the gender thing in which this cishet man stated (who probably has fucking guns laying on the mantle in front of the fireplace, right below the decapitated dear) that “kids are too young to think about this” little kids don’t give TWO SHITS about gender, they just see people as people, and they love their friends. their biggest worries are what’s for dinner, or who’s gonna play on what on the playground. if we teach them that OTHER TRANS KIDS EXIST. and that they deserve to be treated the same, we won’t have issues. at all. and if they end up being confused, let them ask questions, and answer them accordingly. IT’S NO BIG DEAL.

so...no. so she’s blocked (permanently) and i honestly don’t give a fuck at this point. i have no tolerance for bigotry in my life, or brain, and i have had, im sure, a LIFETIME full of toxic people who think shitty things about me and i just??? bitch? AM I PRESSED ABOUT IT? no. HAS IT CAUSED ME SLEEPLESS NIGHTS AND PANIC ATTACKS? of course, i have trauma and severe anxiety, what else did you expect?

yeah um....i think im done. this has just been RIPPING me to shreds for the past few minutes. had to get it out.

[adambstingus]

Are You The One Season Finale Recap: Just Put Me Out of My Goddamn Misery (PART TWO)

Since everyone bitches and whines about how long my recaps are, I separated them into two parts. Pick up a book, you lazy pieces of shit and read part 1 here >>

Chuck is like, were not going to win so next match ceremony Im picking Britni and everyone is like Chuck and Alec start yelling at each other and having a food fight, which pisses off Alec more because hes a firm believer that you should never waste food.

Alec: WE SHOULD NEVER QUIT Chuck: Eat a dick dude

Chuck goes up to push Alec, which is a huge mistake surfer brah, and Alec shoves Chuck to the ground like hes made of paper. Alec, congrats, your ovaries have officially transformed into a small chode of a penis. Gotta start somewhere.

Britni is like You would shove Chuck, who btw looks like a Ken doll version of the lead singer of AFI, for money?! Thats some shit ONLY poor people would say. Britni, people have done way worse shit for way less money. Read a book, tune into the news, watch Empire (or read my recaps).

Rashida and Devin are like And I agree. I did not sit through 10 weeks of this retarded shit to watch yall give up.

Devin is like If I can get this fresh batch of mentally incapable humans to win this stupid fucking reality show, it would be equivalent to the greatest feat in sports history. Which sport? Speed walking? Turn on ESPN Devin, I fucking dare you.

Zak and Hannah are mourning the fact that they arent a match, and tbh, I am too.

Cheyenne is talking to Devin about how he is disrespectful and is like

Devin: (actual quote) Im a shit head, but not a total shit head. – I honestly dont even need to try and be funny for these recaps, they all say enough stupid shit where I dont even have to try.

THE GAME

Chuck is like, I was hammered last night and said dumb shit and Im going to actually play this thing. Thank god Chuck, otherwise I seriously would have cunt punted you, and your little dog too! (Britni)

The game is the easiest one of the season: its an obstacle course with girls sitting on their back. There is a true/false section, where if the team guesses it right, then they get 30 seconds off their time.

Zak and Kayla are in first, which is crazy because Zak might be the smallest out of all of them. Alec is terrible with this shit and is back to being a giant bitch.

Melanie and Tyler go to the true or false thing, where Mel admits she offered Chuck a threesome, which is a new low.

Kayla and Zak win, being the Italian stallions. Rashida and Devin get second and Mel/Tyler get third because they answered the question right- aka, Mel is a closeted freak.

Stacey is talking to Nelson about how she has no idea who her match is and shes talking so fast I could have sworn it was a Gilmore Girls episode. You can def tell Stacey is fucking hammered in this, but its cool. I love Stacey. And apparently so does Nelson. Okay whatever.

Meanwhile, Alec is flirting with Amanda and Kiki is like WTF. Which is literally her reaction to everything- WTF.

THE DATE

Theyre hanging out on fucking boat that doesnt even have a bar. That sounds like some Life of Pi shit.

Devin and Rashida are flirting and shes like except this shitty white guy with a butt chin.

Zak and Kayla are like you remind me of my family so they must be a match- some fucking Freudian shit right there. Chelsey the aspiring psychologist is probably fucking creaming her pants somewhere in the distance.

Tyler and Melanie are like, were besties and Tyler thinks thats code for match but Mel was like,

THE TRUTH BOOTH

The group makes a smart decision for once ,(they probably all broke out in hives afterwards because we all know they are allergic to brainpower), and send Zak and Kayla to the truth booth. Hannah is like Hannah save the stupid lines for Hunter please, babe.

Zak and Kayla make their way to the truth booth, looking like a set of fraternal twins walking into their grandmas 90th birthday. Not gonna lie, Im stressed right now. Im on bottle number 2 of wine, and shit is REAL rn.

Results are in and- THEYRE A PERFECT MATCH! YAAAAAAASSSS.

Everyone is screaming and jumping while Hannah is like, . Its okay Hanz, its not like these matches are real. Those rules arent even real! They were real that day I wore a vest!

Alec and Kiki are flirting and they are drunk AF and Kiki is like Shes talking about how she got stupid fucking matching bracelets for her perfect match and Im like

Devin is doing his shit math again using red solo cups, I feel like an algebra class is being taught in a frat house. Aka this shit is dumb AF.

They determine there are two scenarios- one where Kiki mtches with Alec, and one where she doesnt. Guess which one best friends forever bracelet Kiki wants?

The decide to use deductive reasoning and rationality.

Jk, they decide to flip a fucking coin. I CANT RIGHT NOW WITH YOU PEOPLE. Hunter is like Here is a quarter and ew, I dont trust anyone who has change offhand like that. Get a fucking debit card, you hillbilly fuck.

Kiki is upset because they get scenario one, but you know if the coin flipped for the scenario she wanted shed be like PERFECT! ITS ALL SETTLED, THIS COIN IS HOLY.

Tyler is like, Fuck your heart Tyler, fuck it. Austin is like WOAH you need to figure this shit out. Like I dont mean to sound aggressive, but if you fuck us all over were probs gonna stab you.

Never did I ever think that the game would rest in Tylers hands. Take a drink to that.

THE FINAL MATCH UP CEREMONY

Devin is like, there is a high possibility we lose- not high, almost definite. But he thinks they chose scenario one for a reason, that reason being a coin flip.

Ryan gives some speech about love and how they need it and its like, save it Ryan. Empire comes on in 20 minutes and I need to get this show on the road.

Austin is first and he picks Britni– basing it off the fact that he wanted a girlfriend who would be a ghost for most of their relationship and they would get together eventually when it was convenient. You know what thats called? A fuckbuddy. You came on a reality show to find a fuckbuddy. May I suggest Tinder next time?

Hunter is next, and Ryan is like, do you all have a strategy? And hes like clearly fate isnt on our side, so we decided to do a coin flip. So, fates not on your side, and you decided to rely on it again? Seems legit.

Ryan is like, And Connor and Chelsey are like

Hunter picks Hannah, which is a weird match but whatever I dont care anymore. Im gonna be honest, this whole season I thought Hunter was secretly gay.

Devin is up next and he picks Rashida. Rashida, girl, I have been praying for you. Clearly I am a sinner because my prayers have not been well received. My b.

Tyler is up next and were all on edge. Hes like I think Melanie is my match truly and this is the biggest plotline he has had all season, so hes rollin with it. Tyler ends up picking Cheyenne, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief.

Alec picks Amanda, and Kiki is like WTF (again). What is she gonna do with her bracelet?!!!!

Nelson picks Stacey and RyDev is like, And shes like, Okay, thatll work. Cant wait for an invite to the wedding.

Chuck is up next and gives an inspiring speech. Well, it would be inspiring if he wasnt talking to a band of idiots who put their fate in a coin toss and if he didnt look like a homeless folk singer.

Chuck picks Melanie. Shes like, well this sucks because well never date because hes still fucking Brittni. Maybe you can get that threesome you wanted, skank.

Kiki is last, and ends up alone, well, because her match is Mike. #tbt to Mike. LOL. She shows those bracelets to Ryan and Ryan tries so hard not to fucking vomit on her. Kiki is like I am not confident at all Mike is my match and honestly, ditto.

The beams and RyDevs dramatic hand motions begin. They get 4 beams, which they have never gotten before, so #progress..They get a 5th, then a 6th, then a 7th. Everyone is on edge as fuck, and I am stunned into complete silence at home. Even my boyfriend, who has migrated out of the room is whispering no fucking way to himself. Idk if he is saying that because hes surprised Im silent for once, or surprised that they just might actually win.

They get 8 OMG, They literally need one more to win the fucking game. Im shaking.

THEY GOT TEN BEAMS! THEY WIN THE FUCKING GAME.

MIRACLES HAPPEN (queue song from The Princess Diaries)

MTV IS THE LAND OF DREAMS

IM CRYING

IM SCREAMING, I FEEL THINGS

Okay, Im back. Wow Im hammered. So its made clear- either MTV is a magical place where miracles prevail, or this shit is staged AF. I mean, we all saw The Hills.

Wow, thats it for this season and this truly unique group of escaped mental patents. Thanks for reading, even though, lets be honest- I made your shitty Thursdays infinitely better. And to the cast who read and tweeted me, thanks for having a thick skin. Low key surprised I havent received a death threat from Britni by now. Good luck existing in the real world, you all are sure gonna need it. And if youre ever in California, come buy me a beer, because god knows I deserve one for putting up with your shit.

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from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/are-you-the-one-season-finale-recap-just-put-me-out-of-my-goddamn-misery-part-two/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/178560286887