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vegetalass · 4 years

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RDR2 Boys Cooking + Eating Habits

Arthur

Somebody else on here wrote some headcanons about Arthur not being able to cook and just eating microwave food all the time and I just have to say…. That’s canon

Lowkey though he’s trying his best to get better at cooking

Probably the only thing he knows how to make is pasta

He adds a bunch of random frozen veggies to water as the noodles are cooking

And then smothers the whole thing in butter and calls it a meal

Or he puts marinara sauce on it straight from the jar

And yes, that means it’s cold

He’s also getting better at friend rice, too

But he’s really bad at actually making rice

If he doesn’t add too much water… He burns the bottom

Charles makes a mental note to buy him a rice cooker for his birthday

Makes his own popsicles out of random fruit juices and eats them 24/7

Thinks this qualifies him as a chef

Eats pickles and olives straight out of the jar with a fork

And sauerkraut too probably

Just goes over to john’s house on his pizza nights

Puts ketchup on eggs

John

Pizza dad

Probably orders pizza, salad, and a 64oz soda twice a week

Everything else is just Dino chicken nuggets, Eggos, hot dogs, quesadillas, and frozen peas and corn

Food you feed to little kids, basically

Mostly because he does have a little kid

But also because it’s easy and takes minimal effort and he doesn’t mind eating it, too

Abigail would be mad but she has no room to talk

The most you’ll see him actually make is buttered pasta (like Arthur) or sometimes beans and rice

Abigail bought them a rice cooker a while ago so that’s one thing he doesn’t have to worry about

Probably always has some type of dessert laying around

Doesn’t mean it’s good, but it’s there

Abigail buys a bunch of those gross, low calorie ice creams and John ends up having to finishing them

Family lunches consist of a bologna sandwich on wheat bread with American cheese and mayo, a piece of fruit, a bag of chips or crackers, a go-gurt, and some gummies

And yes he makes them for himself and Abigail too

They’re all eating good at the Marston household

(Not really)

Charles

Everything he cooks are things that can’t be made in single batches

Lots of healthy soups, chilis, stew, etc…

Most of the time, he makes too much of whatever it is so he always has leftovers

Everyone is jealous when he brings them for lunch

Probably finds all of his recipes in the newspaper or random magazines he reads while at the grocery store checkout line

Everyone is like, “Charles… Why are you reading Women’s Fitness?”

And he’s like, “Check out this salad recipe, though”

Puts hot sauce on everything

Salad, macaroni and cheese, hamburgers... You name it

And he’s the king of snacking

All of his snacks are healthy, though

Raw veggies and fruit and quinoa chips from Whole Foods or something like that

Nobody likes this

He’s one of those people who brings hard boiled eggs everywhere as a “snack,” too

And yea, he puts hot sauce on those, also

He really likes those weird protein bars that are hard to bite into and taste like chalk

The flavors are either normal stuff like white chocolate macadamia or Protein Power Punch with whey, chia and seaweed

There’s no in between

He’s also a charcuterie board legend

Hosea is jealous of this talent

Micah

Spends all his money on take out

He’s totally one of those weird people who’s entire trash can is just filled with take out boxes and cans of coke or beer

Constantly eating fast food

You ask him what he bought at the supermarket and he’s like “Pub mix and bud light”

SIR

Everything that he does manage to cook only involve one step of preparation

Unseasoned, fried meats and boiled veggies

Sometimes scrambled eggs and bacon

If he’s feeling fancy, he will make plain sandwiches

This is very rare, though

Can and will complain about anyone’s cooking

Even if it’s good and he he likes it

There are certain people he can’t do this to, though, or they won’t let him eat

The only person’s cooking he doesn’t complain about is Dutch’s

Constantly snacking from an entire party sized bag of chips

And yes, he eats straight out of the bag and wipes his fingers on his jeans

His oven is dirty

Hosea

A meal for him is probably a handful of almonds and an applesauce or yogurt cup

He is constantly making a bunch of those Tik Tok recipes where you just put a bunch of random stuff into your crock pot and add ranch seasoning and cream cheese

*insert all of those memes about mom pulling out the crock pot*

If you complain, he says “Well, you’re always welcome to cook, too”

Wears an apron when he cooks

Constantly eating plain toast with butter

And bananas

And cheese sticks

Thinks that this makes him “healthy”

Definitely likes to snack on those cocktail fruit cups and canned mandarin oranges

His entire freezer is just full of ice cream

It’s all weird flavors like Cherry Garcia, chocolate banana, and pistachio though

Everyone hates him for this

Raisins are his late night treat

Has a secret stash of candy no one can find

That’s okay though because it’s mostly Werthers Originals

And Chiclets gum

He picks out all the orange ones, though

Dutch

Tries to re-plate takeout so he can call it his own

Everybody sees through this but they stopped commenting on it like four Thanksgivings ago

Buys a bunch of those meals from Costco that all you need to do is heat up in the oven

He does like fast food but only from the less popular places

Carl’s Jr., Wendy’s, BK, Arby’s, etc.

A&W, too, because he’s old and weird

He can totally cook, he just never does

It’s just normal stuff like spaghetti and meatballs or chicken and rice, though

Tuna fish casserole

He over-seasons everything, though

Mostly because he’s trying to prove that he’s a good cook

Eats dessert twice, every night

Once right after dinner, and then later when he’s feeling like a treat

Will eat in bed

Uses a little bib and tray and everything

Likes pumpkin and sunflower seeds

Would eat hot wings with gloves on

He’s the one who taught Arthur to put ketchup on eggs

Kieran

The second I realized that Kieran would probably be white trash, my life changed

Hamburger Helper meals for LIFE

That one cheeseburger pasta? Kieran probably eats that three times a week

He 100% makes the ketchup-butter sketti from Honey Boo Boo

“It’s been a while since I done had roadkill in my belly”

His favorite dessert is ambrosia salad or that weird yogurt/Cool Whip covered jello that was popular in the 2000s

Probably has a TV dinner every once in a while, too

Instant mashed potatoes and minute rice type of guy

Also gives me big microwave cheddar broccoli vibes

I’ve said this before, but his house is probably stocked with all kinds of on-brand goodies

Probably always has some kind of chip and cookie around

Eats dinner in front of the TV

Dips french fries in mayonnaise

All of this said though, he isn’t a picky eater and will eat whatever is put on his plate

That’s why he’s great to take to restaurants, because he never complains

Honestly it’s just so sweet to think of him making big crockpot meals to share with ppl even if his cooking is a lil.... strange

Javier

Thinks that the hot dog combo from Costco is a suitable dinner

Also gets hot food from the grocery store for dinner a lot

Literally will just heat up a can of something and eat it plain

Beans, chili, soup…

Doesn’t doctor it up or change it at all

He’s happy to share but no one wants any

Chips and dip, 24/7

And it’s just Tostitos Hint of Lime chips and hummus

Probably puts hummus on everything, too

Corn chips, tortilla chips, tortillas, vegetables, sandwiches, etc.

Will put anything in a tortilla and call it a sandwich

Eats leftovers cold

The rest of the gang thinks this is a sin

Makes stir fry with whatever is laying around the house

It’s a little gross because he will try to add leftover beans

Refuses to eat fast food

The only exception he’ll make is for french fries and ice cream

Walks around and eats at the same time

Isn’t above asking the other boys to share with him

Despite the fact that this only happens if what they’re eating is good

Which is almost never

Sean

Sean can’t cook. That’s the end of it

The most he can make is that weird microwave Mac and cheese where the pasta is boiled in the mug??

He never does it tho and just sticks with the normal, frozen Mac and Cheese you can microwave instead

Uses his microwaving ability to make mug cakes

And microwave scrambled eggs

Burns his popcorn every single time

He’s probably set of the smoke detector or fire alarm multiple times

He’s Irish though so of course he’s addicted to potatoes and cabbage

And since he’s from the UK, he likes stuff like beans on toast and marmite

He’s a little nasty too so catch him eating bologna sandwiches on wonder bread

Not even the Marstons are that bad

When he does get takeout, he overspends trying to use a delivery app

He’s like, “And do I need the extra side of special sauce for $5…? Yes.”

Cooks like this

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #red dead redemption 2 headcanons #rdr2 headcanons #arthur morgan #i finally wrote the cooking one LOL #hope you enjoy!!#excited to work on some requests now!

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50-percent-winchester-sister · 4 years

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The Emo Phase Part 2

PART TWO OF THE EMO PHASE

This is so fluffy its killing me!

Prompt: While still being grounded because of you got suspended, you surprise your brothers on Fathers Day

Dean: 26

Sam: 22

Y/N: 15

Word Count: 1,986

Sam grounded you for two weeks because you got suspended, reasonably grounding, but still, you don't like being grounded. I mean they're your brothers, not your parents. Nonetheless, they raised you since you were 4, that's when your mother took Adam, your twin brother, and abandoned you, so you had to live with Sam, Dean, and your dad, John. John died when you were 7, and since Dean was 18 at the time, he decided to legally 'adopt' you, adoption papers and all.

Its already been a week since you were grounded and honestly, everything's going better then you thought it would.

I mean, Sam and Dean have been nice to you, you're back talking was kept to a minimum, the teenage angst was cut short since you didn't want to be grounded longer than need be, and Father's Day was tomorrow, so you planned on tomorrow being a good day. You planned everything out. You're their not your dad's, but hey they've been like your dad's since you were 4, so the least you can do is show them you still love and care for them, right?

You wake up early, 4:30, which is an hour and 30 minutes before Sam goes out to run. You called Jody to bring the good beer that Dean used to drink and to get Sams's favorite coffee beans. You waited outside for Jody when you see her cop car park in the gravel outside the Bunker. "

They'll catch on Y/N, you know that" "Not unless I am subtle about it Jody, you know me, master of getting what I want." Jody laughs a bit, you two hug and she leaves.

You got about 40 minutes before Sam wakes up, perfect. You clean up the bunker, the living room, the kitchen, your room, and the library. you got 10 minutes left, so you start making the coffee and the 'green juice' for Sam, (health freak eugh).

You start making breakfast for the boys when you hear Sams door open, you jump a little, nervous about what he's gonna say.

"Mornin' Sunshine," you say to Sam with a genuine grin on your face. Usually, Sam says that to you so confused he says "What are you doing up so early?" "Nothin' just woke up early, breakfast before you go?" Sam sits down when you hand him his crappy green juice and a plate of eggs, toast, and sausage. "Thank you?" He says confusingly.

"Oh Dean, I made breakfast, want some?" "Sure?"

You hand him his plate of food and a bottle of the good beer. "How did you get this?"

"Hmm? Oh, I asked Jody to get it, why?" "How did you call her, we took your phone away" "You know we have something called a home phone, right?" you say as you giggle afterward. 10 minutes later Sam goes out for his run and Dean goes to the library to do research.

"What the-" Dean says as he sees the exact books he was going to pull out on the table. "Y/N, get in here!" Dean yells for Y/N in a worrying tone. "Yeah?"

"Did you do this?" You look at the books, smile and say "Oh yeah, I heard you and Sam talking about the case last night, so I decided to help you out." At this point Deans getting concerned, "Why?" "You love asking questions, do you?" You walk away and you hear the bunker door open, Sam's home!

"Sammy, just in time, look!" You pull something from under the counter, its Kopi luwak, Sams' favorite coffee, it's pretty expensive, but you snatched it at the right time. "Woah Y/N, how did you get that?" "Well I had enough money, Jody just picked it up for me" you nervously says while scratching the back of your neck. "Are you okay Y/N?" "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" "You aren't yourself today. What? are you trying to get out of being grounded huh?" "Sam that's not why"

you way while laughing, "I just wanted to do something nice for you guys, that's all." Walking away you hear Sam sigh, but in actuality, he is...worried?

Isn't he supposed to be happy? Of all days you would think that. Its 3:45 PM and you had a bright idea, do the laundry, Sam and Dean went out to get lunch so its a perfect plan! You first go into Sams' room, and then to Dean's room to snag up their clothes. The wash and drying machine is in the garage so you head over there.

Once you're done you bring their clean clothes back up to their rooms and you hear the Bunker door open. What a coincidence! you thought.

"Babe were home" Sam yells for you. You love it when he calls you babe, and when Dean calls you baby girl, you get all happy inside. "Coming!" you run downstairs and into the kitchen. "we got food from Silver Skillet, hope that's okay," says Dean whos putting the food on the counter, "Fine by me." You, Sam and Dean, sit at the kitchen table and just talked about research and the upcoming case that you three will be on in a few days, grounded as it may, Sam or Dean isn't just gonna let you not go hunting, that'll set you off more than anything.

"So, when are we leaving?" You ask and Dean answers with a "Tomorrow morning, it'll be a 10-hour drive so don't get all pissy if we don't stop at a motel." "Dean!" Sam retaliates, "Were getting a motel, it's not like we're just gonna sleep in the Impala" Sam says to both you and Dean.

"It's all cool really if its as easy as we think it is, we can just go there and come right back, 2 days tops, right?" You get up and throw away yours and the boys trash, "Will you guys be here for dinner?" "Yeah, of course, wouldn't miss it," Dean says and you smile, walking away. "Good now that's she's gone, what the hell is she doing Sam?" "I don't know Dean, I mean making breakfast, getting you beer" "Getting you that shitty green shit, getting you that coffee I can't pronounce" "Kopi luwak?" "however the hell you say it, yes" "I mean she also cleaned up the bunker, getting you those books, doing our laundry?"

"Should we be worried, Sammy?"

"Ever since we-" "you" "WE grounded her, there has been less talkback and sass" "Well of fuckin course, you yelling and getting all mad scares her man. but even if, shes been overly nice today." "Is she trying to get ungrounded? ha cause it ain't workin'" "she says she isn't, but I don't know Dean"

"Well, let's see how this rolls out tomorrow and well talk to her okay? don't get a panic attack over something that most likely nothing Sammy"

"Yeah okay," Sam says looking around the cleaned kitchen.

Dean knocks on your door, and you open it with a smile, "Yeah, what?" "Me and Sammy are gonna help out Charlie with whatever, she called us for whatever reason, you need anything while we're gone?" "No I'm good, you two are gonna be back for dinner right?" "wouldn't miss it babygirl" Dean kisses your forehead and Sam comes up and hugs you too "Well be back soon Babe don't worry okay?' "Okay Sam, love you two"

its 6:00 PM and their still and Charlie's. Your getting worried when you decide to text Sam

Babes: you two still at Charlie's?

Sammy Pu: Yeah we are, we'll try to be back for dinner

Babes: Sam?

Sammy Pu: Yes Y/N?

Babes: Be safe okay?

Sam loves it when you worry for them, its cute really. you're growing out of your 'emo phase' so this means everything to him

Sammy Pu: We will, we miss you

Babes: I miss you two too <3

"Were you talking to Y/N, Sam?" Charlie asks, "How is she, she still grounded?" "Yeah I was, she's doing better as Winchesters can get, and yeah she's still grounded, she's got a week left and honestly, she's behaving better than I thought."

"That sucks. sorry for asking you guys here today of all days, you should be spending time with Y/N instead of me. Sam and Dean look at each other confusingly, "Why is that" Dean asks, "Well its fathers day, and me being an idiot took you two from her."

oh...

OH!

That's why you were being annoyingly nice today. Sam quickly turns to Dean a worrying face. "Son of a bitch" Dean commented. "I'm sorry we got to get back to the bunker," Sam says to Charlie while Dean goes to the impala and starts it up. "No it's okay really, no offense taken."

"Dean you're driving a little too fast we-"

"Sam it doesn't fucking matter right now, we promised well be home for dinner and were going to do just that!"

You just finished dinner when you hear the bunker door slam open, worried you grab your gun and when you heard a "Y/N?" that sounded like Sam, you put your gun away. "Sam? Dean? are you two o-" you didn't finish your sentence when Sam runs towards you and gives you the biggest hug you've gotten from him, Dean goes behind you and hugs you too' "-kay? What's going on?"

"Were so sorry we left for so long" Sam says, "At least we made it right?" Dean commented. "Yeah of course, in fact, you two aren't late, you're right on time." Dean scoffs and adds, "No you just made dinner too late, were the late ones" "No arguing, let's just eat," Sam says while walking to the kitchen.

You, Sam and Dean, sit at the kitchen table and eat in a bit of silence before Sam questions you. "So, when were you gonna tell us?" "Hmm? What, that its fathers day? Never I guess, not a big deal, right?"

"Y/N its a huge deal, I mean come on, you're Y/N, having parents isn't your style" Dean lightly laughs.

"Well," you start to look down at your hands, then back up at your brothers. "Don't think I'm weird."

"Trust me we think that all the time." "Dean! What is it, babe?"

You look down at your hands again, too embarrassed but you start talking.

"Ever since I was 7 you two have been there for me, It's not every day you hear of a family that only consists of two older brothers and a younger sister and that it, but that's normal for me. Knowing my mom is still alive but not here is normal for me. Dad being....gone is actually normal for me now. You two are the only ones who actually want me around. You two were there for me since I was 4 years old. Dean, you got me interested in drawing and the drums, Sam you got me into the violin and dancing. I was a total bitch to raise, I know and just randomly being the nicest kid on earth was probably stressful. I don't know, I mean.." You look up at them. "You're my brothers I get that, but you guys have been better parents, better fathers than Dad ever was to me I guess, I'm sorry.."

You looked away when you said 'I'm sorry'. silence took over and you felt like you were going to have a nervous breakdown. You start to get up and walk to your room when "Y/N.." You heard Sam's voice crack, oh god no.

You turn around, your voice cracking too. "Sam, Dean, I-"

Right when you turn around you see Sams puppy dog eyes glisten with tears, hell Deans too. Fuck.

Tears start to prick the sides of your eyes when you walk back towards them. "-I love you guys" You way while embarrassingly, but happily crying.

"We love you too Y/N" they both said in unison

#dean and sam #sam and dean #dean x sister!reader #sister!winchester #supernatural #sam x sister!reader #winchester x sister!reader #sister!reader #dean winchester #sam winchester #winchester sister #sister winchester

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networkingdefinition · 4 years

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Mug Quotes

Official Website: Mug Quotes

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• Ale, not beer, in a pewter mug was comme il faut, the only thing for a gentleman of letters, worthy of the name, to drink. – Guy de Maupassant • Alex took a silent step closer to the kitchen door and watched unseen as willow spooned instant coffee into a pair of mugs.With another yawn, she scraped her hair off her face and stretched. She looked so entirely human, so drowsy and sleep-rumpled.For a moment, Alex just gazed at her, taking in her long tumble of hair, her wide green eyes and pixieish chin. Fleetingly, he imagined her eyes meeting his, wondering what she’d look like if she smiled – L.A. Weatherly • Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them. – Dov Davidoff • As long as the “woman’s work” that some men do is socially devalued, as long as it is defined as woman’s work, as long as it’s tacked onto a “regular” work day, men who share it are likely to develop the same jagged mouth and frazzled hair as the coffee-mug mom. The image of the new man is like the image of the supermom: it obscures the strain. – Arlie Russell Hochschild • As things are, and as fundamentally they must always be, poetry is not a career, but a mug’s game. No honest poet can ever feel quite sure of the permanent value of what he has written: He may have wasted his time and messed up his life for nothing. – T. S. Eliot

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Mug', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_mug').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_mug img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Blustery cold days should be spend propped up in bed with a mug of hot chocolate and a pile of comic books. – Bill Watterson • Caffeine gives me hope. Sometimes, when I brew my wicked strong Irish black tea just perfect, about halfway through the mug I feel a clear and overwhelming feeling of optimism. It didn’t surprise me when a study a few years ago implied that suicide was much less likely among coffee and tea drinkers. – John Vanderslice • Closing his eyes, he sent up a prayer to anyone who was listening, asking please, for God’s sake, stop sending him signals that they were right for each other. He’d read that book, seen the movie, bought the soundtrack, the DVD, the T-shirt, the mug, the bobble-head, and the insider’s guide. He knew every reason they could have been lock and key. But just as he was aware of all that aligned them, he was even clearer on how they were damned to be ever apart. – J.R. Ward • Effectively, it makes the greasepaint permanent, blurring the lines not only between public and private but also between the authentic and contrived self. If all the world was once a stage, it has now become a reality TV show: we mere players are not just aware of the camera; we mug for it. – Peggy Orenstein • Have faith, Ed, all right?’ I search the coffee mug, but there’s none in there. – Markus Zusak • How could he convey to someone who’d never even met her the way she always smelled like rain, or how his stomach knotted up every time he saw her shake loose her hair from its braid? How could he describe how it felt when she finished his sentences, turnec the mug they were sharing so that her mouth landed where his had been? How did he explain the way they could be in a locker room, or underwater, or in the piney woods of Maine, bus as long as Em was with him, he was at home? – Jodi Picoult • I aint such a mug as to put up my children to all I know myself. – George Bernard Shaw • I confess, right at the start, to the doubts – and sometimes outright dreads – that go with me as I climb the stairs to my study in the morning, coffee mug in hand: I have to admit to the habitual apprehension mixed with a sort of reverence, as I light the incense . . . and wonder: what is going to happen today? Will anything happen? Will the angel come today? – Gail Godwin • I gave my mother a matching set [of mugs] for Christmas, and she accepted them as graciously as possible, announcing that they would make the perfect pet bowls. The mugs were set on the kitchen floor and remained there until the cat chipped a tooth and went on a hunger strike. – David Sedaris • I have mugs of hot water every morning because the studio is cold, and also because it makes my throat sound clearer. – Mika Brzezinski • I hight don Quixote, I live on peyote, marijuana, morphine and cocaine. I never know sadness, but only a madness that burns at the heart and the brain. I see each charwoman, ecstatic, inhuman, angelic, demonic, divine. Each wagon a dragon, each beer mug a flagon that brims with ambrosial wine. – Jack Parsons • I like light green, sometimes red is fun to look at, not a fan of yellow, unless it’s in a rainbow or on a coffee mug or on a happy face. – Chris Kattan • I like my mug shot. I think I have a really great mug shot. It looks like a magazine shoot. – Paris Hilton • I wasn’t a great improviser when I started there; I’m not really up on current events. I would always just mug, just try to get my laughs from making faces. So I decided to do a character who should never have become a comic – somebody you would see at the Comedy Store and go, “This person is never going to make it.” – Paul Reubens • Ice is most welcome in a cold drink on a hot day. But in the heart of winter, you want a warm hot mug with your favorite soothing brew to keep the chill away. When you don’t have anything warm at hand, even a memory can be a small substitute. Remember a searing look of intimate eyes. Receive the inner fire. – Vera Nazarian • If you and I took a walk down a shopping street in Jo’burg or Cape Town or London, we see two guys looking in a shop window, we think, “Oh, they’re wondering what they’re going to buy.” A cop looks at them and thinks, “Why are they standing there? Are they doing a drug deal? Are they going to mug someone? Are they going to rob the shop?” – Peter James • I’m a huge Wonder Woman fan – I have about 12 coffee mugs at home! – Kari Wahlgren • I’m pretty sure lurking in a dark alley to mug me with your apology isn’t the usual way to go about saying you’re sorry. But I didn’t read that Mars-Venus book, so who knows. – Jim Butcher • I’m really conscious of the amount of food I eat, but I don’t deny myself anything. For example, I have a really big sweet tooth. At the end of the night, if I’m craving ice cream, I might not have the bowl that I would have when I was a kid, but I’ll put a couple of scoops in a coffee mug, and I’ll eat it slowly, and I enjoy every moment of it. – Summer Sanders • Individually the poor are not too tempting to thieves, for obvious reasons. Mug a banker and you might score a wallet containing a month’s rent. Mug a janitor and you will be lucky to get away with bus fare to flee the crime scene. – Barbara Ehrenreich • Isaac Newton was born at Woolsthorpe, near Grantham, in Lincolnshire, on Christmas Day, 1642: a weakly and diminutive infant, of whom it is related that, at his birth, he might have found room in a quart mug. He died on March the 20th, 1727, after more than eighty-four years of more than average bodily health and vigour; it is a proper pendant to the story of the quart mug to state that he never lost more than one of his second teeth. – Augustus De Morgan • It was one of those mornings when a man could face the day only after warming himself with a mug of thick coffee beaded with steam, a good thick crust of bread, and a bowl of bean soup. – Richard Gehman • It’s a no win situation. It’s a mug’s game. The religions have contrived to make it impossible to disagree with them critically without being rude. They play the hurt feelings card at every opportunity. – Daniel Dennett • It’s the nicest thing on earth if someone comes up to me and says, ‘Every day I drink out of a mug you designed.’ – Jonathan Adler • I’ve always been accused by my detractors of some sort of moral failure, cowardice, or even lack of humanity by not portraying the human form. I respond that I do better by portraying traces of character and intentions of human volition that no mug or body shot can ever exude. – Robert Polidori • I’ve been very lucky. All I wanted was to pay the rent. Then these characters took off and suddenly there were Hulk coffee mugs and Iron Man lunchboxes and The Avengers sweatshirts everywhere. Money’s okay, but what I really like is working. – Stan Lee • I’ve gone through a lot of the same things like Britney Spears. I just don’t have a mug shot. – Fergie • I’ve never been able to write for myself. I was doing a lot. I produced The Green, I wrote it – I didn’t see myself in the world of this film. I’m sure there are elements of dark corners of my psyche that found their ways on screen; you didn’t need my mug up there. There was enough of my essence in the story as it plays out without me acting in it. – Paul Marcarelli • Karl Marx himself preferred a glass of claret to the mug of tea affected by some of his recent converts. – Denis Healey • Listen, boy, just ask the chef to make me a proper Full English Breakfast. You know, bacon, fried eggs, sausages, liver, grilled mushrooms and tomatoes, black pudding, kidneys, baked beans, fried bread, toast and served with strong English mustard, mind – none of this effete French muck – and a large mug of hot, strong Indian tea. – Bryan Talbot • Martha Stewart showed up at Manhattan FBI Headquarters to have her finger prints taken and pose for a mug shot. Then Martha explained how to get ink off your fingers using seltzer water and lemon juice. – Conan O’Brien • Mma Ramotswe had a detective agency in Africa, at the foot of Kgale Hill. These were its assets: a tiny white van, two desks, two chairs, a telephone, and an old typewriter. Then there was a teapot, in which Mma Ramotswe – the only lady private detective in Botswana – brewed redbush tea. And three mugs – one for herself, one for her secretary, and one for the client. What else does a detective agency really need? Detective agencies rely on human intuition and intelligence, both of which Mma Ramotswe had in abundance. No inventory would ever include those, of course. – Alexander McCall Smith • My daughter got me a ‘World’s Best Dad’ mug. So we know she’s sarcastic. – Bob Odenkirk • Nanny Ogg could see the future in the froth on a beer mug. It invariably showed that she was going to enjoy a refreshing drink which she almost certainly was not going to pay for. – Terry Pratchett • Nobody thinks in terms of human beings. Governments don’t, why should we? They talk about people and the proletariat; I talk about the suckers and the mugs. It’s the same thing. – Graham Greene • Not like I need an excuse to enjoy a Moscow mule, but this tray and six-mug set, handmade in Mexico with hammered recycled copper, makes cocktail hour extra special. – Oprah Winfrey • O lovely O most charming pug Thy gracefull air and heavenly mug … His noses cast is of the roman He is a very pretty weoman I could not get a rhyme for roman And was obliged to call it weoman. – Marjorie Fleming • Oh, God above, if heaven has a taste it must be an egg with butter and salt, and after the egg is there anything in the world lovelier than fresh warm bread and a mug of sweet golden tea? – Frank McCourt • On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn’t, he said: Do you mind if I mug you here? – Paul Merton • Once Mo had closed the gates, he returned to his little stone hut, and his half-eaten sandwich of butter and canned sardines, and his mug of thick hot chocolate, which every night he poured carefully into a thermos labeled COFFEE. – Lauren Oliver • One day as a young man, I was walking down the streets. And a group of Zulu guys was walking behind me closing in on me. And I could hear them talking to one another about how they were going to mug me. (Speaking Zulu). Let’s get this white guy. You go to his left, and I’ll come up behind him. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t run.So I just spun around real quick and said (speaking Zulu). Yo, guys, why don’t we just mug someone together? I’m ready. – Trevor Noah • One must be able to say at all times–instead of points, straight lines, and planes–tables, chairs, and beer mugs – David Hilbert • Out of nowhere, Valek appeared before me, yelling in my ear, shaking my shoulders. Stupidly, belatedly, I realized he was the drunk. Who else but Valek could win a fight against four large men when armed only with a beer mug? – Maria V. Snyder • Outside the youth center, between the liquor store and the police station, a little dogwood tree is losing its mind; overflowing with blossomfoam, like a sudsy mug of beer; like a bride ripping off her clothes, dropping snow white petals to the ground in clouds, so Nature’s wastefulness seems quietly obscene. It’s been doing that all week: making beauty, and throwing it away, and making more. – Tony Hoagland • People’s arrest tapes, mug shots, everything is online. – Jane Krakowski • Poetry is a mug’s game. – T. S. Eliot • Revolution? Unscrew the flag-staff, wrap the bunting in the oil covers, and put the thing in the clothes-chest. Let the old lady bring you your house-slippers and untie your fiery red necktie. You always make revolutions with your mugs, your republic–nothing but an industrial accident. – Alfred Doblin • Saiman picked up a coffee mug, stared at it, and hurled it against the wall. It shattered into a dozen pieces. We looked at him. “Your date appears to be hysterical,” Rene told me. “You think I should slap some man into him? – Ilona Andrews • She sits in her usual ample armchair, with piles of books and unopened magazines around her. She sips cautiously from the mug of weak herb tea which is now her substitute for coffee. At one time she thought that she could not live without coffee, but it turned out that it is really the warm large mug she wants in her hands, that is the aid to thought or whatever it is she practices through the procession of hours, or of days. – Alice Munro • Snowflakes swirl down gently in the deep blue haze beyond the window. The outside world is a dream. Inside, the fireplace is brightly lit, and the Yule log crackles with orange and crimson sparks. There’s a steaming mug in your hands, warming your fingers. There’s a friend seated across from you in the cozy chair, warming your heart. There is mystery unfolding. – Vera Nazarian • So violent. You want to mug and tase everybody these days.” “I do,” Zuzana agreed. “I swear I hate more poeple every day. Everyone annoys me. If I’m like this now, what am I going to be like when I’m old?” “You’ll be the mean old biddy who fires a BB gun at kids from her balcony.” “Nah. BBs just rile ’em up. More like a crossbow. Or a bazooka. – Laini Taylor • Something smashed to the ground. Jack looked at me, all the mugs forgotten. “I’m not going to let anyone kill you.” He grinned. “If I don’t get to, no one should. – Kiersten White • Studs Lonigan, on the verge of fifteen, and wearing his first suit of long trousers, stood in the bathroom with a Sweet Caporal pasted on his mug. – James T. Farrell • Suppose there were groups of secularists at hospitals who went round the terminally ill and urged them to adopt atheism: ‘Don’t be a mug all your life. Make your last days the best ones. People might suppose this was in poor taste. – Christopher Hitchens • That was close,”he said, helping himself to coffee. Yeah, you almost opened the door to Morelli.” I wasn’t talking about Morelli. I was talking about us.” That too,” I said. Ranger sliced a bagel and looked for the toaster. It’s broken,”I told him. He truned the boiler on and slid the bagel into the oven. That’s surprisingly domestic for a man of mystery,” I said to him. He looked at me over the rim of his coffee mug. “I like things hot. – Janet Evanovich • The mug from the washstand was used as Becky’s tea cup, and the tea was so delicious that it was not necessary to pretend that it was anything but tea. – Frances Hodgson Burnett • The mug is a tool. My ace in the hole. To have looks is the bonus on top of what motivates me to be an actor. Not to realize they’re an asset would be counterproductive to the cause; they serve the common good. – Billy Zane • The toughest thing for a homeschooler is the same as for a school teacher – shifting from a weak tea vision of math being grinding calculations to a rich frothy mug of math as an active way of thinking. – John Golden • The world won’t get more or less terrible if we’re indoors somewhere with a mug of hot chocolate,’ Kim said. ‘Though it’s possible it will seem slightly less terrible if there are marshmallows in the hot chocolate. – Kamila Shamsie • There are many differences between a baby and an I-Pod. And one of the biggest is, no ones going to mug you for your baby. – Nick Hornby • There are popular celebrities, there are unpopular celebrities and then there are the walking dead. You know the walking dead when you see them: they look like Mel Gibson, still striving for drunken charm in an L.A. County mug shot, after getting picked up on a DWI charge that included anti-semitic slurs directed at the police. – Jeffrey Kluger • There is more similarity in the marketing challenge of selling a precious painting by Degas and a frosted mug of root beer than you ever thought possible. – A. Alfred Taubman • They were the reason that he kept faith with his stars, that reinforced him in his belief that the universe had more in store for him than the mug’s game of working for a modest salary until he retired or died. – J. K. Rowling • This is ideal, you’ll see. We do everything backward. It’s just how we are. We began with an elopement. After that, we made love. Next, we’ll progress to courting. When we’re old and silver-haired, perhaps we’ll finally get around to flirtation. We’ll make fond eyes at each other over our mugs of gruel. We’ll be the envy of couples half our age. – Tessa Dare • This is no time for drinking a mug of water – which you would do nowhere else in the world. A mug of water! You just don’t drink water from mugs, do ya? Except on the telly. Water out of a mug! Should be a hot drink… mug of water. – Russell Brand • Three years ago, the white hope of the theatre. Today, a mug. That’s New York for you. Puts you on a Christmas tree, and then – the alley. – Ben Hecht • To espresso or to latte, that is the question…whether ’tis tastier on the palate to choose white mocha over plain…or to take a cup to go. Or a mug to stay, or extra cream, or have nothing, and by opposing the endless choice, end one’s heartache. – Jasper Fforde • Tonight, I propose a 21st Century Crime Bill to deploy the latest technologies and tactics to make our communities even safer. Our balanced budget will help put up to 50,000 more police on the street in the areas hardest hit by crime, and then to equip them with new tools from crime-mapping computers to digital mug shots. We must break the deadly cycle of drugs and crime. – William J. Clinton • We have such a long, familiar history with Peter Falk. The minute his mug is on that screen people smile. – Paul Reiser • We need to get past the point where being black and a male means that I am likely to mug you for your wallet, likely to have a minus 15 on my IQ, likely to not go to college and likely to wear my pants below my arse. – John Amaechi • We were talking of DRAGONS, Tolkien and I In a Berkshire bar. The big workman Who had sat silent and sucked his pipe All the evening, from his empty mug With gleaming eye glanced towards us: “I seen ’em myself!” he said fiercely. – C. S. Lewis • What are they teaching these thugs? -Why are there so many of them? -What is the Institute for Higher Aeronautics? -How many of the are there? There are only six of us! Why? -Why is DC public transportation so weird? -Why don’t we mug those Eraser goons for money more often? -Fang’s Blog – James Patterson • What brings you onto my property?” Rhev said, cradling his mug with both hands trying to absorb its warmth. Got a problem” I can’t fix your personality, sorry – J.R. Ward • What I really want is to sit next to someone under an L.L. bean blanket on the beach in the fall and drink coffee from the same mug. I don’t want some rusty ’73 Ford Pinto with a factory-defective gas tank that causes it to explode when it’s rear-ended in the parking lot of the supermarket. So why do I keep looking for Pintos? – Augusten Burroughs • With a face like this, there aren’t a lot of lawyers or priest roles coming my way. I’ve gotta face that was meant for a mug shot and that’s what I’ve been doing for the past thirty years. If I play a cop, it’s always a racist cop, or a trigger-happy cop or a crooked cop – but by and large I play cowboys, bikers, and convicts. – M. C. Gainey • Yes Headwoman Azaze. But I never lie to Rosethorn. She, um, discourages it.” “Evvy and I have an understanding.” She grabbed the teakettle and poured hot water into the mug. “She tells me the truth, and I don’t hang her in the first well we come to. It’s a solution that works tolerably well for both of us. – Tamora Pierce • You can never prepare yourself enough to see your mug shot and DUI. – Tracey Gold • You can tell the future?’ ‘More like the future mugs me from time to time.’ Rachel said ‘I speak prophecies. The oracle spirit kind of hijacks me once in a while, and speaks important stuff that doesn’t make any sense to anybody. But yeah, the prophecies tell the future.- Rick Riordan • You had a package. It was torn, so I looked in.” She lifted one of a stack of firefighter calendars, with his own mug and half-naked body on the cover. “Nice,” she said, a ghost of a smile crossing her lips. “Mr. 2008.” He bit back a sigh. “It’s for charity.” “And you definitely contributed. – Jill Shalvis • You know I’ll never say no, and Nate’s so dedicated, I think he loves our alpha more than me.” “I resent that,” Nate grumbled. “I might love football more than you, but definitely not Lucas’s ugly mug. – Nalini Singh • You should take more pride in your appearance,” I tell him. “You’ll never attract girls with an ugly mug like that. – Darren Shan • You should think about nobody and go your own way, not on a course marked out for you by people holding mugs of water and bottles of iodine in case you fall and cut yourself so that they can pick you up – even if you want to stay where you are – and get you moving again. – Alan Sillitoe • You were safe on a troll. Anyone wanting to mug a troll would have to use a building on a stick. – Terry Pratchett

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equitiesstocks · 4 years

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Mug Quotes

Official Website: Mug Quotes

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moon-dust-lust · 5 years

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I write bad stand up comedy so thanks

So nice of everyone to come tonight, on a good day I have no more than four people that look at me at one time, so this is definitely making me severely uncomfortable. I'm only 20 years old which means just like every other 20 year old I cry in the shower and use tinder. I at first thought of tinder as a great way to pick up prey as a serial killer. I watched criminal minds a kid and I watch FOX news so every predator showcased on those forums are white dudes. I am also from eugene oregon so pretty much all of tinder looks like the milk aisle. Some are organic, some are fat free and others are being fought over by two different women who will send you death threats over facebook and try and sabotage your relationship. It is just great. Anyways, I recently decided as an in debt 20 year old with too may bills to pay and a customer service job that I'm already dead inside, so if I died it'd be pretty much how it is now except I would no longer have obligations and all the guys from my high school would finally pay attention to me. My first experience was just as about as fucked as it gets. He was this hot guy, six foot, covered in tattoos. He had just moved from utah, or illinois or somewhere else unimportant. He asked me for my snapchat, which ws already a flag because he was 26 and no one except someone over the age of 12, a soccer mom that's had a little too much wine, or a celebrity uses it; but I let it slide. So he's sending me pics and it looks like he's outside. He's sitting in a tent and so I'm like, "oh are you camping? that's fun. Don't let me keep you from anything". He's all, "No I live in a tent". Come to find out he had no job, no car and was living in a tent on someone's property. He was a homeless man. Now, how I found hopefully the only homeless man on tinder is beside me, but the weirdest part is how he had a phone still and also how he thought he could pick up chicks. Like did he think as a date i would let him shower at my place? Or was he thinking my ass would get fully dressed up in make up and heels just to spend the night in his tent? Would he make me bring my own firewood and sleeping bag? My own can of beans? My experiences with men are pretty much summed up by this interaction alone. My first date ever, I showed up at this guy's house and it was infested with rabbits. I am talking ten or twelve. Then he took me up to his room to watch a movie, door open because this was high school and I had never even seen a condom before and his mom was downstairs watching something with jennfier aniston in it. His room was COVERED in pictures of his ex girlfriend. Pictures she drew of them, gifts she gave him, pictures of them together etc. SO, I was so uncomfortable but I was thinking it was probably just because he was too lazy to take them down. I was so wrong. So, so very wrong. Let me preface this by saying this was my first date, EVER. I had no idea what it was supposed to be like. He was a quarter back and he was all in shape and tan and that was pretty much all I knew about it. He had a really cliché rich white name and he was one of the only sophomores with a car and no curfew. He was a real bad boy. So after my date I got approached by his ex girlfriend at a party. She then told me that he was sending pictures of me while I wasn't looking to her and telling her how great of a time he was having and how he didn't need her. This was my first god damn date. I just cannot believe the progress I have made in the 5 years I have been dating. I never dated in middle school because i wore blue eyeliner and had a perm in the late 200s. I was really setting myself up to fail to begin with. I had one relationship that lasted three years. There is this funny thing about guys where they start out pretty normal and then after they really get comfortable they start to cheat on you and go crazy. It is just the weirdest thing. It's like the gremlins except instead of not feeding them after midnight you provide the with emotional stability and all the love in your hard. Big mistake ladies, Am I right? This guy I dated was so much fun. There was one time he told me I was absolutely perfect. He would tell me "Everything about you is perfect, except you could use a boob job". look, I will be the first to say i have the littlest titties in america, but I'll be damned if you dont appreciate them. They are like one piece of chocolate or the very back row of seats of a concert. You're just glad you got a little taste of your favorite thing, okay? I am like the bronze medal you get at a sporting event. Bitch you should just be happy you got any trophy at all. This guy was a real whackadoodle. He would cheat on me and then not let me go out with dudes, or ladies, bisexual pride woot woot, because he thought i would cheat to get back at him. But jokes on him because nobody likes me and I also didn't have any friends. I ended up breaking up with him because he was obviously terrible and he decided to stalk me. All i could think about when he would harass my family and try and show up at my school and had his parents blow up my phone is, "now you miss my lil tities?" who was gonna pay for all this shit in the first place? where did he think i was gonna get the fucking money for this? I am a broke college student, I drive a car that sounds like an eighty year old at the back of a movie theater coughing and I work at a restaurant where everyone is so stoned, it's like I'm at in the middle of portland on a saturday night. I go to the university of oregon. A very fun school, full of people who have no interest in talking to me. In their defense half the time I have my headphones in and I am crying so I guess it's just in everyone's best interest to not get into it. I am a psychology major, which I call the boring white girl major. I got into it to become a sex therapist, mostly because I am not having any and really want to find out if there's a book on how to make people not continuously reject you, but also because sex is a hard topc and I talk about it like a human urban dictionary. The worst part about the university is the talking. There was one time I had a 200 person anthropology class and these girls from a sorority who all obviously took the class together to cheat and not do anything ever, were describing their friend tiffany or gemma or some other rich fake tanned name's vomit. The color, texture, smell, everything. They were analyzing what she had eaten the previous morning and all the alcohol she mixed and all I could think was, " if you spent half as much time talking about your friend samantha's vomit as you would listening you wouldn't be failing this class and self medicating with alcohol to the point where you throw up because youre a bunch of clemintine sharp nailed looking green beans". Like i pay too much to listen to you explain the thong you bought and how it chafes your butthole when you dry hump alex from the frat across the street who is also fucking tina with the fake nose and even though he gave you clamydia six months ago, you trust him now you know? I own one bra and one pencil. I am wearing two completely different socks, one is a knee high and the other is an ankle one. Whenever I am hungry i dont go to sushi, I go to bed. So please Gretchen from Bitch, Bump &grind and beyond stop and let me at least get a C so I can land a job that makes me 12 dollars an hour and I can be poor in a different setting. I work full time and go to school. I am not like most millenials. I don't have time to eat avocado toast or catch HPV. At my little restaurant in junction city, the staff is absolutely questionable. I was the first girl there who was single and under the age of 40, so naturally I became bate for every man in society you hope you never run into in life. The first was our host. He looked like bowzer from mario if he were a white middle class man. He was shaped like a tear drop, so his head was small and oddly shaped and the rest of him just got wider and rounder as you went down. He always wore the same button down shirt, I think to try and impress me, but like it was his only button down shirt. Anyways, he is what I call the lingerer. If you are a woman who has ever had a man like you at work, you know exactly what I am talking about. He would follow around, but like at a creepy slow distance and he would stare at me until he thought i was looking and then looked away. He would also reach over or around me just so he could be close to me. It's weird and painful to watch. He also asked my sister, who also works there, if i was a lesbian because i wasnt immediately interested in him. Let me digress for a moment and say that just because a woman rejects you doesnt mean she loves only vagina. It usually means you arent a good person, or she just doesnt wanna date, or she has a boyfriend already, or you have no common interests, or she doesnt want to mix work with her personal life or maybe she has something personal against blonde guys, white guys, guys with glasses, she dated someone with your name and its weird, she has a lot of issues with touching, you have weird hands, you have bad breath, you are bad at your job, she is asexual, or THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON SHE JUST DOESNT LIKE YOU AT ALL EVER. Men are so vapid about that sometimes. Anyways, he gave me a cash tip off one of my tables and I, trying to be civil was all, "oh i love free money thank you" trying to relate to him because he seemed like the type to bring a gun to work and I really wasnt in the mood to get shot or followed out to my car so i gotta keep is civil you know? so apparently you cannot be friends with sexual predators because then he gets all close and whispers in my ear "is that how I get in your pants, by throwing money at you?". The tip he gave me was only five dollars. If is ass thought having sex with me would cost only five dollars, he has no idea how bad inflation is or how much i spend on amazon a month. Also, even with my little titties and cellulite, no amount of money would let me fuck a guy who looked like barnie the dinosaur if he were a white pale ghost. I have very low standards, but they exist for sure. somewhere. deep down. The next guy i had was this old cook. he was 65 and he cooked in the morning. His wife was obviously dead, in his basement or both because he was always saying nasty things to me. He told me that if he were forty years younger he would hire me as his kid's babysitter so he could fuck me. He also told me he was extremely attracted to me and terrified of me at the same time. He one time came up to me and asked me what i had in my front seat because i was hiding something under a coat. He has rotted out teeth and children older than me. It is men like those guys that make me think, "am I really that bad to the point this is as good as it gets?

#badcomedy #standup #socially awkward #im fragile #trying my best #comedy

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