#but honestly i am so grateful for tumblr in 2020

[bsd-bibliophile]

Survey Dates: 11/15/2023 - 12/15/2023

Number of Participants: 326

Tumblr will not allow me to post pictures of all the survey results, so only part of them are included in this post. You can download and view the complete results here or view them in the BSD-Bibliophile Online Library.

Thank you to everyone who participated! If you are interested in viewing the results from past surveys, here are the results from 2018, 2019, 2020, 2021, and 2022.

View the complete survey results here or on the BSD-Bibliophile Online Library.

Comments:

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:)

:3

All my favs are the ones who aren't from Japan💀

As a huge bsd fan, I admire how commited you are to the blog. Have a good day, as well as a happy new year!!!!! I´ve been filling out your annual surveys since 2020, and I´m glad that you still carry them every year. Thanks!!

BSD Bibliophile is generally such a cool and useful resource, I’ve used it both for fun as well as for school work (I didn’t have my physical copy of Akutagawa’s works with me and needed to cite “Spinning Gears”/“Cogwheels”). Thank y’all for everything you do!

BSD-Bibliophile, the website and the Tumblr posts have been invaluable to me in my literary journey. I thank you so much for your service to the community, I can't express how happy I am that the lesser known or completely unknown authors are getting more western attention. Thank you so much!!

comments on my answers: I used to own more books but when I emigrated I could bring only one. The book I brought here from Russia is Dazai’s stories collection. Since many of the books are available in Japanese for free, I also read them on aozora app.

Finding Japanese literature from these authors is actually pretty difficult in Scotland. Also, Dazai and Nakahara are such fangirl answers, but I actually adore both of their works

First of all, sorry for my horrendous English 💀 I love this page so much! I was absolutely lost as to where to read the translations of the LN, wan! And others, it had been so helpful for me when it comes to my time enjoying BSD. Also, I enjoyed a lot that one section of like fun facts of the real authors and I was so happy when I found the bunch of English translation of the real authors, it really made my day.Now when I want to read a book of the real authors, or read something BSD related I know where ti search for first! I absolutely adored all the work you put into this (or the team (?) I don't know how mane people is running the page:(), thank you for all of it, keep going! 💗

for the images included on posts; the only thing i don't like about them is that they're a bit too tall (making the post look too long as well). i think images would still be nice if they were longer width than height! also, thank you for all of the work you do running bsd bibliophile! you've put together such an amazing and invaluable resource for bsd fans and non-fans alike.

Great work!

Have a nice day!!

Hello! - princy :3

Honestly, I would read stuff by the authors but I just don't have that kind of money

hope you are having a great day!

I absolutely love BSD it made me get into japness literature, as well did Bungo To Alchemist. ALSO BSD LIGHT NOVEL ON TOP!!

I appreciate the work you do! It has really expanded my taste in literature, and for that I am very grateful <3

I appreciate your work🥰😘❤

I believe that having more of a separation from the BSD characters and the real life authors in the bibliophile’s posts would be highly appreciated from a lot of other people; and not just myself

I bought Summer of the Ubume by Kyougoku Natsuhiko when it still was in print in English. I took it with me when rereading and lost my copy. I’m kicking myself years later for not buying a used copy for $50. Earlier this year I was able to borrow a copy from a library and took a picture of every page so I can keep it with me that way. I was delighted to find a scan PDF of the novel when your tumblr linked stories to read for Halloween. Thank you for sharing and thank you whomever made that scan. The BSD Gaiden novel is my favorite thing from BSD and I’m deeply thankful to the person who shared their amazing fan translation. It’s led me to buying all of the English translations of Ayatsuji’s works, plus the two volumes of the manga. I’m a newer follower of your tumblr, but have enjoyed reading each new quote and seeing ones I’ve recognized. Thank you for your work, it’ll definitely be inspiration when I want to read more Japanese literature.

I enjoy the BSD-Bibliophile page on tumblr! I like reading parts (?) of the authors' works and i've become more interested in their works. Thanks for all that you do!! :D

I have the page bookmarked in my browser so that I can check it out from time to time. Also I love Chuuya

I honestly love this website like literally. This bibliophile has helped me Soo much like finding the authors I want to read and learning more about the authors featured. Honestly, words can't describe how grateful I am that this site being created to help accessing literature more easier

I just want you to know that i adore all the effort that goes into this page and that its (In my opinion) a staple of the fandom

I look forward to the survey every year to see how far I’ve come in interacting with Japanese literature. Thanks for running the blog and library, it’s an amazing resource. Best, Comical tuber

I love BSD bibliophile so damn much, whatever BSD related author work and BSD manga (both wan and anthologies) weren't possible for me to find this easily. This website is the work of art. My favourite place

I love BSD-Bibliophile Online Library! Thank you for managing it!

I love the 'recently published' section!

I love your blog and what you do for the fandom! It really scratches the itch which is my obsession with BSD and classic/20th C literature <3

I love your site so much, it's made it so easy to get more info about Japanese authors and figure out what else I want to read. Thank you so much!i love your work!!

I personally believe that using advertisement through mangas and animes specially bsd connects me to the world of books one more time Also I’m grateful for free online websites for putting pdfs of books that I can’t easily have access in my country

I really appreciate all the information you have online here. I have learned a lot and I admire you and your passion. This might sound weird but I truly hope I can collect and read Japanese Literature and organise information as you do when I am older.

I really like your blog, keep it up :3

I really want to read Q's Dogra Magra but I think it's only been translated completely in french so far. Thank you so much for your database! It makes it so much easier to access learning.

I think it's so cool that you're doing these surveys! I think this bibliophile project is just awesome in general tho :) (also dang its hard to choose a fave char) lots of <3 <3 <3

I want to read many more books of the real authors so i cannot yet judge who my favorite will be. Dazai's works are the easiest to get access to in my country and I got Chuuya's poems as a gift so I am still hunting for more :)

I want to read some of their books but i'm to scared of telling my mom this fact ┻━┻︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

I wasn't sure if that question about reading Japanese lit was about reading it in Japanese or not

I will try to get more into this Library ! It's really good and good job for the the tumblr blog, i love it !

I would like if the quotes didn't repeat a lot– Like finding more than 4 posts of the same quote is weird to me at least... instead of doing the same authors in repetition, do more characters that have been published a few times in the blog 🙌🏻

I’m a BSD anime fan who would like to try some of the works by the authors the characters are based on but hasn’t gotten around to figuring out a good entry point for people who don’t usually read literature

I'm new to the fandom, but I'm looking forward to check out any translation that are available (I plan to read at least the work the ability is referring to for a start)

I'm so thankful for your website making Japanese literature available, as I live in a somewhat rural area. Keep up the good work!

I'm very grateful for the resources that had been accumulated by bsd bibliophile, really, I've only been able to nurture my interest in Japanese literature and grow to be passionate about it because I had such easy access to the translated works so thanks a lot for the work you do!

I've just decided to make use of the online library and I'm very excited! I'll check of Oda and Nikolai first because they are most interesting to me :)

i've remembered about the bibliophile purely by chance. in a span of a single night, i've read another media that draws heavy inspiration from japanese literature – ""hashihime of the old book town"". i say ""finished"", yet i'm only done with a single route of this novel. i plan on seeing it through the end. i am enamoured by this script. it's as If i've found true literature again. i truly do not know why im saying this. forgive me If my words are unclear in my ramblings. i am simply here to pick up some kyusaku. maybe then i will be able to fully unravel the fabric of this novel, thread by thread.

I've used this blog to help open myself up to more Japanese literature for years now, ever since I first got into bad, and I can't thank you enough for running this!

Just followed a little while ago so my answers probably aren't that helpful, sorry! I'm looking forward to going through your blog though! Hope you have a nice day/night! :)

Just started following the blog recently tbh, but I’m excited to check out the online library!

Keep up the good work!! :)

Keep up with the good work! I'm always happy to see your content

Love your blog and everything you do!!!

My 1st fav character is Atsushi, but Chuuya's also on top :))

My book count is prolly squewed as I had to go off of memory (since I left many behind in the US at my parents house). I counted Japanese fiction from non BSD authors but not manga and light novels. Also I used to watch & read BSD but no longer do so, but still enjoy Japanese literature.

sorry i took this for fun and wanna read a lot of multiple authors works but uh i havent come around to it yet (also money 😭)

Thank you :)

Thank you <3

Thank you for all the posts you have posted! I can find it hard at times to have the motivation to sit down and READ lol but you inspire me to read more with all the quotes you have shared with us on your blog. <3 Take care!

Thank you for all you do

Thank you for all you do <3

thank you for creating and running this beautiful blog anne♡✨.

Thank you for creating this amazing website ! :D through this website i can learn more about the authors and im happy because of it thank you once again !! <3

thank you for everything you do!

Thank you for letting me know of the library! I've been wanting to read the authors' works but couldn't find them along with money issues

Thank you for providing information that I could not find in anywhere else on the internet in English!

Thank you for the hardwork!! <3

thank you for you blog! literally my go to anytime i need any bsd related! it is literally invaluable and im so so grateful to you!

thank you for your hard work <3 i'm currently studying japanese, because i really want to read japanese literature in its original language and translate it, but until then i will continue relying on english translations - most of which i was only able to find on your site. again, i thank you and the translators from the bottom of my heart for providing us with such amazing resources and translations for free <3

Thank you for your hard work and efforts to share and compile the legally available works of the BSD authors! Your site has allowed me to appreciate BSD as well as Japanese literature itself a lot more.

Thank you for your hard work o7

Thank you for your hard work! Have a nice day:)

Thank you for your hard work! Was it not BSD-Bibliophile I'd be completely lost with researching irl authors and their art of writing. You helped me lots of times.

thank you for your hardwork! i appreciate what you do <3

Thank you for your work and your posts! :D

Thank you for your work at BSD-Bibliophile. For the research that I am conducting and for leisure purposes, the curated library is immensely helpful. I am happy to see that interest has grown in Japanese literature alongside the depth of available resources.

Thank you for your work! It’s always a bright spot in my day to see these quotes :)

Thank you for your work! Your blog has been a great source of information for me for a few years now. Sending love and hugs 🌸

Thank you for your work!!

Thank you so much for all you've done for the community!!!

Thank you!

Thanks :D

Thanks for all the work you do

Thanks for all your work! It's because of you guys that I've been able to read as much as I have (and will continue to do)!!!

Thanks for this resource, it's helpful as a Universal Literature student

the online library has really helped in finding japanese literature

The online library helped me so much in getting to know more about japanese literature thanks a lot for you ♥️

The website has been of great help to find my way around the literature! Truly a godsend! Keep up the great work

The world of literature is a big one & some of it aren't really that accessible. It's great that there are more people translating these previously untranslated works so we can see just how unique each author's style is

There were questions asking for "favorite Japanese BSD author", but those questions were very misleading. First of all, the characters in BSD aren't authors; they don't do or haven't done writing for living or anything along the lines. Secondly, said questions made it sound more like you were asking for whether I like Asagiri, Harukawa, Kanai, Hoshikawa or some other creators who are credited as authors of BSD. They are BSD authors, not the characters like you made it sound like in your questions. If you are asking about real-life authors who happen to have characters based on them in BSD, leave out BSD from the questions, or specify them with something like "Which Japanese author do you like the most, who has a character based on them in BSD?". Last I would like to suggest adding option to the question regarding BSD media, where people who are ex-BSD fans could specify that they've been previously fans, but don't consume or follow the series anymore. The option could be literally just "Previously have been BSD fan, but don't consume any of the official content anymore". I'm pretty sure there are plenty of people like me who have enjoyed BSD in the past, but now just enjoy Japanese literature alone or through some other medias that have nothing to do with BSD. Thanks for the annual survey as always. It's been interesting to see how much the fandom reads and who are the authors who people read in the first place. I wish more people would pay attention to some less popular authors, as there are plenty of hidden gems and your favorite author doesn't have to be the same as your favorite BSD character.

there's a redditor in r/templeofes who's working on translating dogra magra and they're working very hard :D

This blog is a national treasure, thank you all <3

This initiative is so beautiful, thank you for all the hard work.

This website is amazing!!!!!! It’s hard to find Japanese classics in America but this list has them all ❤️

Tumblr doesn't show me many of your posts, so I will try to interact more to see them ^.^

Very cool survey! Thanks

Well have have read many of Fyodor dostoevsky books but not any Japanese novels or poems

When I first got into bsd your online library was an invaluable resource and the only reason I have read works by bsd Japanese authors. I use it less now because my hyperfixation has waned but I still really appreciate all that you do and the resources made available to fans. Thank you!

will check the BDS-Bibliophile website <3 hope u have a nice day

yooo!! thanks for this super awesome survey!! happy easter <33 -a migrating tumblrer

You’re one of the best resources I have for BSD and JP literature. I’m eternally grateful for all the work you do

#bsd-bibliophile #survey #results #survey results #2023 #japanese literature #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd

[13tinysocks]

hey dude! What's up :)) been just a little since l've said something

Initially, this is me saying thank you and goodbye

This isn't supposed to be a weird pity story, so l'm so unbelievably sorry if it comes off that way, lol.

When I began reading your work, I was enamoured with fiction because of personal issues (as many usually are, honestly, I know I'm one of god knows how many people trying to run away from life for just a second with fanfics or media in general). I don't know if I will ever be able to communicate this properly, hell, this will even be unbelievable funny or dramatic but I need to get this across because it's coming from a genuine place. Your stories and work thus far has brought me comfort, immense heaps of it, and even still when I deal with things that feel out of reach or too much to actually face head on I find myself wandering back to syg or just your blog in general

I mean this, from my entire heart, thank you and thank Bee. A million times thank you, for making that one silly silly stupid piece of fanfiction, because oh my god it got me through some major stressful hardships within my life for the past 3 years.

I am leaving tumblr, however I’m aware I have submitted asks with my actual accounts before, so you'll likely be able to see they're still gonna be up. I'm just deleting tumblr the app instead of my account, but for other social platforms they will be deleted properly (such as quotev) so I won’t be indulging in much reading anymore when it comes to fanfics and such lol

I don't know if I'll come back, if I do I likely will not be back for long or to be as active as l've been because of the toll social media’s taken. So even as ridiculous as this feels, to tell someone I’m simply a fan of and barely truly know, that their fanfic of murderers and their love story with my self insert kept me pushing through a lot of tough days, I genuinely just had to.

I needed to thank both you and your partner for the work you've both put out. I still have that smiley pin I’d made, and I will cherish what you made quotev have been for me ( I literally found out about the website during early or late 2020 I can barely remember, then later found your fic, I was DEEP DIVING into that shit LMAO )

I hope whatever happens for you and bee in the future is only good, and I only will wish nothing but the best of luck with everything man.

feel free to post this (idk what it’s called but when you publicly reply lol) or not, as long as you read this it’ll mean lots to me !! >:))

your coolest weirdest ticci toby fan whose also named toby, 🐚 annon

I always struggle to convey gratefulness for messages like this and readership- especially repeated readership. My life would be different if it were not for comments and messages egging us on to keep writing from syg to ho1c. While it's easy to say that writing is solely out of passion for the craft there is also the drive to share something with others. Hearing those others loud or quiet as a favorite- does push us forward when we have no motivation or desire to work. That drive has made us closer as a couple, better thinkers, and a halfway decent writing team. I thank you and all the others who send us stuff even if it's shit post asks I never answer because I like having them in my inbox like a personal horde of platonic Valentine's. I like keeping the pieces you give me to myself sometimes. I know it may seem like I'm ignoring you but I find genuine comfort in these messages. That there are so many. That they are so varied. That we have reached beyond our shut-in existence to touch the lives of others.

I find myself wondering where an anon has gone when I do not hear from them in awhile. I wish them well. I wish them better standards than us.

Maybe we'll meet again someday space cowboy. If you're ever back in town feel free to shoot me (a message).

Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for reading. I wish you peace and love and good books.

#though i may be inactive as of lates my thoughts have not been #abby and i talk about you #abby and i talk about a lot of you #we are happy to be present day comforts or 2020 nostalgia #🐚 #anon #reply #long post

[trillscienceofficer]

i just wanted to pop in and say i really enjoy seeing your posts on my dashboard even though im not a super frequent or consistent tumblr user. i always think your takes are so interesting and fun to read through whether i agree with them or not (i tend to agree, though) and it has genuinely widened my perspective on star trek and deepened my appreciation for it. i've also read a few of your works on ao3 and i just adore your writing style and the way you characterise whoever you write about. i don't really have a point or a question or anything else to say, i honestly just wanted to spread some kindness around and one of your posts came across my dashboard so here i am. hope your day is/has been good :)

sorry . this feels like making a heartfelt adieu and leave only to come back because i forgot my bag or something. i was going to add in the original ask that you introduced me to the femslash exchange which i will definitely be participating in next year, it was so fun and cool and even though of course, it was just chance that i happened to see specifically your reblog about it, im very grateful nonetheless, or at least pleased that it happened to happen! :]

This was such a lovely couple of asks to find in my inbox, it was very kind of you to send them, thank you so so much 🥺

I'm very glad to hear that my posts have helped you consider a different perspective on Trek, I definitely don't expect readers to agree with me all the time (I know I have idiosyncratic opinions!), and if people find my angle on it interesting then my tumblr presence is worth it. I am very flattered if it made you appreciate Trek more!! I'm also extremely flattered that you liked the fic of mine you've read, I recognize your url because your comments on AO3 have been so generous and kind. Hearing that you loved both characterization AND style is boosting my confidence so much!!

Also super glad you found out about the Femslash Exchange through one of my posts! It's my favorite yearly fandom event, and I've been participating since 2020. I'm stoked to hear you plan to sign up this year, I'll definitely be there too!

Thank you again for these asks, and I hope you have/have had a good day as well!!

#askbox #TESTIMONIALS

[iwaasfairy]

Missing 2020-2021 HQ tumblr it was so popular the amount of readers and writers back then was actually insane🤩 so many good fics ☹️ I hope when the movie comes out there’s another spark in the fandom bc I miss 20-21 ERA everyday (｡•́︿•̀｡) (probably won’t bc it was back when everyone was home bc quarantine but ya girl can wish) enough rambling i made this to say IM SO HAPPY YOU STILL WRITE ABOUT HAIKYUU MEN I LOVE UU THANK UU

YEa :((( honestly I still feel this way a little now too bc I just can’t help but miss a lot of the friends that were around then they were just really cool n fun and I wish they were still around but yea, after the quarantine everyone just kinda went back to normal life and you can’t blame them yk!!

I’m still here bc I need my writing therapy YGDHHFJFJFJ BUT thank you for sticking around n reading I am very very grateful ♡♡♡

#I do think the movie might bring a very brief revive #but sadly I think with the end of the manga #the best is over #I’ll probably be here until 2030 writing haikyuu smut tho it’s my happy place #pNNFJGJFJGJ #then I’ll get married to Rhi and retire in the woods or smt #honey mail

[codecicle]

Read the intro post

wow what a cool and awesome person...

FUCKING 14 YOU ARE A CHILD MY GOOD SIR??? /LH

1: YOOOOOO YOU THINK IM A COOL AND AWESOME PERSON?? THANKS MAN :DD and 2: LMAOOOOOO YEA I AM!! I've been on here since I was like, 11-ish? not sure. my friend introduced me to tumblr during the beginning of my 7th grade year! (and fun fact: that same friend is both my mutual and the person that gave me my nickname actually!! which turned into my url ^_^)

anyway, I'm going to rant underneath your ask about being a child now im so sorry 😔

It's always been so weird being as young as I am both on tumblr and in the fandom space I'm currently a part of. Like realistically, a 14 y/o boy liking minecraft/mcyt sounds really normal but I don't know anyone my age that is open about being a part of this space. I think growing up on tumblr instead or twitter or tiktok honestly really helped when it comes to being happy in my intrests, since almost every other freshman to ever exist has no idea what this website is and they have no chance of ever finding my posts to make fun of me with them. I still use the other two, but I don't post and I only really open them when a cc like Charlie or Ted posts.

It's hilarious to me that because of my current intrests (jrwi and charlie in general) almost everyone that I'm friends with on here are much older minors or adults, mainly because charlie has a pretty mature and well rounded audience (THANK FUCKING GOD 🙏🙏), but also because everybody else my age that are in this fandom are on tiktok. Using tiktok for me and actually posting is kinda unsafe because of the way the tiktok contact sharing works? if someone from my classes finds it through "recommend accounts" then they can look through my account and harrass me if they recognize who it is. Not to steal a Charlie Slimecicle quote for a second, but I was rewatching an old podcast episode from the very beginning of 2020 and he described it as "elevated highschool" which I 100% agree with. Even 3 years later it's still very much just a higher form of highschool bullshit to have to deal with.

But since I don't post on tiktok I don't really have much to worry about!! My account is blank and it's the same @ as my url so nobody should recognize it and put a face to a name which im grateful for. However, being on tumblr isn't the greatest either;

People on here are all adults and I feel a little bit intimidated? In a sense? I understand that I'm a LOT different than most kids my age and I don't typically have anything to worry about but!! I feel like that's what makes it worse. The other people my age that were or still are on here don't understand tumblr etiquette, don't understand not to act like this is twitter and not have stupid cubito discourse, or just aren't funny? Idk I've just never found anyone my age (with the exception of like 3 of my mutuals you guys are amazing and I love you) that I can really talk to on here, so all of the friends I've made are much much older. I'm smart with who I talk to and how I talk to them so I'm safe don't worry!! My parents raised me right and online safety is such a wonderful thing, but one of my closest mutuals on here is in college right now, and the others are juniors or seniors in highschool. I kept my age out of my bio for so long but honestly that was because I was terrified I would scare away the people that I trusted so much because literally obviously it's going to feel weird for them to be mutuals with a genuine honest to god child. I'm relatively close to turning 15 so I'm getting less and less worried about stuff like that happening but eh that was still a real fear for a while.

Anyway sorry for the rant!! TLDR; highschool sucks, I'm scared of being this young on a platform and fandom full of adults and I have to be extra careful, and also charlie slimecicle is a pretty cool guy to look up to so I feel like him being [vine boom sound effect] my COMFORT STREAMER kinda works out in my favor ngl :D

#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍 #we have mail :] #its so weird now being honest about this i guess?? like its literally nothing crazy its my age in my bio but still #anyway sorta on topic but also not i had recently turned 11 when the dsmp started #literally remember watching the discduo finale during my 6th grade online classes LMAO #also yeah sorry for the being a child jumpscare!! i feel like i dont really act or talk my age that much and im a LITTLE more emotionally #mature than the average freshman but still i digress #tysm for the ask though!! sorry for turning it into this 💀💀

[tiffanylamps]

8 shows to get to know me  I was tagged by @b1uetrees! Thank you for tagging me, I hope you're having a brilliant day with the flowers! 🌷🌻

I actually found this kind of hard to do, 'cause there are so many shows out there and many that I love. But I think I've narrowed it down to shows that represent different parts of me or were influential to who I have become. Also, I'm assuming by "show" it means TV shows and not musicals.

1) Beyond Evil (2021) It's obvious. I'm not going to go into too much detail because a quick search on my tumblr and it becomes pretty clear what this story means to me. It's my favourite show- I think about it every day and have dedicated so many hours to it. It has changed me so profoundly and I feel like no matter how many times I view it, it still finds a way of enriching me. (Before BE, or BBE if you will, my tumblr was a pretty normal place and now, it's just a fanpage to this show lol). I'm so thankful that Netflix recommended this show to me. (for anyone who doesn't know: this is a really important, layered story that just makes any other mystery drama look silly in comparison)

2. Luther (2010) I'm sorry Shin Ha Kyun but the Korean version of Luther is rubbish in comparison. THIS SHOW! Oh my goodness, I love it so much. It was everything to me throughout my late teens and I'm super excited that there are more episodes on Netflix. Honestly, the storytelling and parallels!!! and the use of the colour red really opened my mind to how one can visually tell a story. (It may be time for a rewatch and get scared all over again).

3) Ted Lasso (2020) This is a new addition to my life. Back in 2021 when my partner wanted me to watch Ted Lasso, I outright refused because I didn't want to watch a TV show about football. BUT! But. But then the wonderful @loisroo kept hyping it up (rightfully so) and I decided to give it a go. I binged it at the beginning of this year and it was a beacon of hope during a difficult time. This story and its wonderful characters have reinforced so many life lessons that I tend to ignore. It helps me gain a better understanding of people and friendships, second chances and forgiveness, and when to ask for help. Ugh, it's beautiful and I'm so excited for season 3.

4) Merlin (2008) I mean... I've spoken about it many times so I won't go on and on. But I adore this show (yes, it's janky and awkward at times but that's part of its charm. Plus, Morgana did nothing wrong and I will always stand by that lol), it was the reason I started writing fanfiction. I- ughhhhhh. Yeah. It did a lot for me in my teens.

5) Fleabag (2016) WOMEN. WOMEN WRITERS. WOMEN WRITTEN TO BE FLAWED AND BROKEN AND WRONG BUT STILL HUMAN AND STILL LOVING AND STILL TRYING AND STILL WANTING THE BEST DEEP DOWN EVEN IF THEY DO THINGS THAT HURT THEMSELVES. "I THINK YOU KNOW HOW TO LOVE BETTER THAN ANY OF US, THAT'S WHY YOU FIND IT SO PAINFUL" "I LOVE YOU" "IT'LL PASS" just AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

6) Skins (2007) Yes, it's cringy. Yes, it's kind of embarrassing for me to add it to this list. But this show really helped me throughout my teens. It showed teenagers being messy and making mistakes, hurting one another and themselves. It showcased mental health issues, poor relationships with parents, as well as focusing heavily on sexuality. Being a queer kid from a strict religious background, this show was important. And yes, it got really silly towards the end but there are still so many fantastic moments. It's not perfect but it doesn't have to be. Plus it gave me Dev Patel, which I am forever grateful for. (If anyone's interested, my favourite characters are Tony, Cook, and Katie. I love a troublemaker).

7) Chernobyl (2019) Yeah, I probably should have put Game of Thrones in this slot but I'm still mad about it, so Chernobyl will take its place. What can I say? It's one of the best TV shows ever made (thank you Johan Renck and Craig Mazin)

8) The Last of Us (2023) Yeah, I know. I can already hear people saying it's not even fully out yet and blahblahblah. Listen, this show is a form of therapy to me and I don't care. It's my favourite thing I've seen since Beyond Evil. (I may prefer it to the games..... 👀) (I'm happy this story exists. So thank you Neil Druckmann and Craig Mazin)

(Some honourable mentions: Fruits Basket, Killing Eve, The Tribe, The Pacific, Vincenzo, Scott & Bailey, Silks, annnnnnd idk, there are loads)

Thanks again!!! 😊

no pressure tags: @l-tyrell, @ettelwenailinon, @thoresque, @evil-moonlight, @fridayvelvet, @hanjuwonsupporter, @foolishmortal

#tag game #chatty lamps #thank you <3 #idk what this selection says about me #maybe that's something a therapist could decipher lol

[lusree]

Ackk! I'm sorry for the super late reply 😭 it's already late at night in my country by the time you reply and I'm being held up by other responsibilities as well T^T is it okay to ask what time is in your country? It's almost 11AM here!

Trust me they won't be annoyed at all by your spam. I think they'll even be happy that someone out there is still reading their old and new works! The fact that we recognize their work is already a delight for them and makes them feel appreciated. I'm also excited when I see your enthusiastic comments on the creator's work!

Ah, I do favor Saeran slightly more than Saeyoung but it doesn't mean that I love Saeyoung less! He can do whatever he wants and I'm already blushing and giggling in delight! But I also have to admit that V has a special spot in my heart. There's this connection that I feel when I see him in terms of our passion for art and being afraid to find the courage to pursue what we truly love.

Alright, I'll just send asks to you for the time being. But I will also swing by your DM later! Now that being said, I'm wondering long have you played Mystic Messenger? Are you a new player? I would like to hear your story on how did you discover the game!

Heyyyy! I'm guessing that by the time this reaches you it will again be really late in your timezone..... I'm sorry for that TT. And don't worry! I know we all have our responsibilities! I don't mind however late your reply is! We can still talk whenever as long as our messages reach each other!

Right now, it's 7 PM where I live! I didn't check my tumblr the whole morning so I just saw your ask ;-; I think we both live in Asia. Am I correct? 👀

Ahhh I'm very happy if my spamming really makes the writers feel appreciated!!😭 Because that is my exact intention! They work so hard to give us content and keep the fandom alive! They love this game so much and I'm really grateful for all the work they put in for us. So I want to give them that love back ♡

Oh Jihyun is a very well written character and I appreciate him as well. I think his route is the best written out of all the characters with Saeyoung's being a close second! That said my favorite route is still Saeyoung 😂

I've been in the fandom for almost 2 years! I started playing towards the end of 2020 when the pandemic was still a huge thing and I rarely got to go outside. I actually started playing because I wanted to try something new! I'm fairly new to the otome fandom and Mysme was my first otome game!

I wasn't really into otome games before because I thought they were filled with unrealistic plot and pretentious pretty boys..... (yes I was an idiot) But honestly I don't think any other otome would've been able to draw me in as well as Mysme did.

Mystic Messenger instantly came to my mind when I wanted to download an otome. Because it was the only one I knew about.

At first I was really confused. Like how does this game even work? It just keeps on telling me to download stuff where's the gameplay?? Then one of my new friends said that they also play Mysme and they showed me how it works aaaand Mystic Messenger became our prime bonding activity!

Sooo that's how I started playing Mysme!! Thank you for bearing with my blabber! ><

Now, I want to know about your story. How long are you in the fandom? And how did you find Mystic Messenger? ^^

#friend's ask #princessjung #how I started playing Mysme #mystic messenger

[johnmist]

A Quick Intro

hi! I’m a tumblr veteran, been here since 2011 🤫 My personal blog is @xxmisty but it is - as it’s always been - a big tangled mess of fandoms, memes and highly medicated stupidity! Since it’s always going to be a dumpster fire I thought I’d set up a side blog to reboot my art to in case you just wanted to follow for the pics without all the extra mix of fandoms junk, tumblr nostalgia and other stuff that interests me.

My name’s John, I’m a 40-something trans, bi, disabled artist who’s tired of all the hate, horror and misery out there. I can’t change the world but I can try to brighten it just a tiny bit with some fan art of characters and fandoms that I love.

At the moment I’m struggling big-time with my health. I live with fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, severe crohn’s and UC, endometriosis, narcolepsy, migraines and recurrent meningitis so honestly, sometimes I have to disappear without warning. From one day to the next I never know what I can manage so I try to make the most of every good day, every good hour, every good minute and draw as much as I can when I’m able. Art is one of the things that keeps me going, makes life worthwhile 💙

The other things I love are - in order of importance - my lovely partner of ten years Lucy 🥰 (whom I met on this hellsite, ILY tumblr!!!), Torchwood, food and writing! And after that come a whooooole bunch of other fandoms, most of which I’ve drawn at least a piece or two for over the years.

A non-complete list of fandoms includes:

Doctor Who (classic and new), What We Do In The Shadows, Marvel (mostly MCU, particularly Runaways, Jessica Jones, Wandavision, Doctor Strange, Guardians of the Galaxy, She-Hulk and Cloak & Dagger), Red Dwarf, Homestuck, Ashes to Ashes/Life on Mars, YuGiOh, Splatoon, Animal Crossing, Xenoblade, My Hero Academia, Yakuza, 80s and 90s nostalgia and various other franchises that we dip in and out of from time to time 💙

My lovely partner ruined my life with Torchwood at the start of 2020 and more than three years on I’m still head over heels with hyperfixation so I apologise for the fact at least 75% of art I post is TW-related :P

Yes! I Have OCs! I hope you don’t mind if I share occasionally 💙

If you’d like to help me continue to create art I have a Patreon and a ko-fi and am very grateful for any support; money is a constant struggle and every little helps 💙 If you’d like a hi-res version of any of my sketches in exchange for a ko-fi donation please drop me a message 🥰

patreon: https://www.patreon.com/xxmisty

Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/xxmisty

Thank you for following - I hope you enjoy my art!

#Personal #about me

[generoustriumphsheep]

12/25

Can't believe it is Christmas Day. We are well into the last hour of it to be precise. Being up this late alone in my room just reminds me of the old times where I really grew and was able to get a sense of myself. It's times like these where I used to journal too, maybe on actual paper though, but it's so funny to see what habits I pick up on or drop. I've always loved journaling and in a way I almost want to share my thoughts with everyone. Maybe deep down I secretly want people to find my words and find parts or aspects of themselves in it. Maybe I'd like to open people's thoughts and ideas of life. I think what makes me such a good writer is my ability to just spill it all out. I love to think out out loud whatever that may be. I think also one of the first times I really felt like myself and found that connection within was when I really took journaling seriously in high school. That was a sad time of isolation, but I think it really shaped me into the person I am today. I think I can thrive in isolation in a way. And that right there is a bold statement because not a lot of people can stand alone and stay alone. I am proud of how far I have come along as a lost teenager to now a young woman. I know most people would say 24 is a insincere year, but come to think of it, 2022 has been THE year for me. It forced me to literally shed the person I used to be. I am so unbelievably grateful for that. I think back to who I was since 2020 and I'm just so confused. Like how could I have possibly lost myself so badly. Back to the matter at hand, journaling has always been comforting to me and I would like to know what people have to say about my words. I've had this account on Tumblr since April maybe, but before that I had another account. Maybe if anyone wants to look back and see the growth it may be interesting. I think it is. I have actually overcome so much and battled a lot of struggles with negative mental health and eating disorders. Not to say I'm perfect now. I do definitely still take time to overthink on my eating habits, but I think the situation now is completely night and day. I think one goal I have for 2023 is to start taking my journaling seriously on here and try to connect with other bloggers. I feel like I do have things to say and I want them to be heard. Ultimately, in my life I would like to write a book, but not sure about what. It would be awesome just to publish these entries. You can in fact see the growth that I overtook this year. Sometimes the hardest time emotionally can set you free if you take the patience and strength day by day. I honestly don't know where this power came from within me. I know that sounds corny, but you never know what you're capable of emotionally until you are faced head on with the issues. I honestly would like to see anyone else overcome the obstacles I did this year. Breaking away from someone you loved that actually emotionally and verbally abused you is definitely not easy. I actually took the time to heal and work through the emotional damage and I am pretty damn proud of myself. It literally sounds so cheesy, but getting away from him allowed me, and I mean literally allowed me to get closer to almost every person in my life. I think the old version of myself from 2016-2018 was so sad and lost she would be so proud of me now. Maybe she would even be in disbelief. That version of me wanted to end her own life quite literally. I did not want to live, I remember crying constantly just wanting everything to end. One of the only reasons I didn't was for my family, I could not do that to them. I felt trapped and empty. I am so happy I was able to overcome those feelings of misery. I feel like I just keep getting stronger as a person. I don't know how to describe it, but overtime if you're lucky, you get to know new versions of yourself so clearly. I feel so in tune with who I am. I am so grateful to be myself and feel comfortable in my own skin. I am ______ fucking ________.

#2022 #emotional #love #abusiverelationship #growth #journaling #blogger #depression #happiness #mentalhealth

[ivashkovadrian]

✨ IVASHKOVADRIAN’s BYE TO 2020 FOLLOW FOREVER ✨

2020 of the Gregorian calendar is coming to an end and uhm... what a year, to say in the least. Although it’s proven to shower us, including me, with challenges, if there is one thing I am most grateful in this (cursed) year for is tumblr! Hence this follow forever, only my second one after my first in...2014. Not only did tumblr show to be an escape full of laughs, but it has been such a safe and supportive space for me throughout this year, either during the highs or the lows of life. I have gotten to really engage and create for this platform while being absolutely amazed at the talent! And I am so lucky to have talked to and meet absolutely lovely and amazing people! I have gotten to become mutuals with people who have blown me away on numerous occasions. Really, tumblr helped me to push through in general and to try new techniques for edits! 2020 was tough but not all of it was bad: I finished the first draft of my novel! I (re)discovered hobbies! I strengthened bonds with my closest friends despite international distance! And I got my (current) Adrian Ivashkov canon url :’) Those are all bonuses to getting through 2020. To mutuals and followers alike, I wish you all the best for the next year, joy, love, success and health! As the gif portrays, let it be a new pretty sunrise for new beginnings! I couldn’t continue on here without all of you, so thank you for everything and for always being so kind, all of you take extra care 💖 Before I list all the gorgeous people I love on here, there are a few I particularly want to thank (all are incredibly talented!):

@daenrystargaryen : Ana, i love you so much! You have revolutionized tumblr for me. You appeared into my life at a time I was thinking of leaving this site and boy, am I glad I stuck around, all thanks to you <3 we have so many common interests and can be so similar, how is it that we weren’t friends before! you are always so sweet and supportive, and you being my Witcher Secret Santa was THE CHERRY ON TOP OF THE CAKE. I teared up, I was so happy. YOU’RE DOING AMAZING, SWEETIE, ROCK ON AND KEEP ON GOING LIKE THE QUEEN YOU ARE

@keirahknightley : you know when you instantly click with someone? this is exactly what happened with Akrivi. You are a pearl. Look, I want to go to Greece just to meet up with you, and I’ve already been to the country a few times. I love you, and I can’t wait to fangirl with you over our next fixation (how is it that we share so much???)

@korra-of-the-watertribe : my diversity queen Shay. I always love discussing with you! Our opinions? One and the same. Seeing you on my dash is always a delight and you’re never afraid to show you’re “out there”. There are few people I trust with the Martells. You? No hesitation whatsoever. “I like his idea of saying ‘You go, girl’ ironically.” You go, girl. (Abed Nadir, 1X13)

@theclashofqueens : although we’ve literally just started to talk, I already consider you a close friend. You being my giftee for the WSS was such a pleasure, I was so happy you had no idea! You are absolutely LOVELY and I always look forward to our exchanges! Your first message after the reveal had me in tears and wondering if this was real life. “She’s amazing, we share so many interests, I just hope I can make Julia happy with this gifset” and then you did. I ascended to some heaven, I think.

In no particular order, all these amazing people that have accompanied me on this tumblr journey, some for so long and others just for a few days, but I love you all and admire you all for the royalty you are <3:

@anya-chalotra  @poirot @fairestcharming @leaveatrail @leroichevalier @maesterleia @daenerys-targaryen @lareinedefer @allisonaergents @yenvengerberg @fairytalespond @thetormentita @martellen @marystewart @timothyolyphant @rubyredwisp @visenyatargaryen @princesselaena @princessofpoldark @qveenofwinter @scinnlaece @viisenya @daynes @hharry @madaboutasoiaf @tragicdeadgirl @rhaella @thelegendofclarke @nightllock @iwillneverletgoipromise @sebastianstaan @achilleius @obatlle @facinaoris @yennefervengerbergs @cassatrix @bluetiefling

And last, people I admire from afar:

@lady-arryn @haticesultanas @henricavyll @ladyeowyn @seance @joannalannister @fitswilliamdarcy @lunaathorne @nobodys @zoewashburne

#follow forever #long post #long text post #THANK YOU ALL I LOVE YOU ALL #i hope i didn't forget anyone but knowing me i probably did #2021 is mere hours away for me so i really am doing this at the last minute #but honestly i am so grateful for tumblr in 2020 #take care y'all

[hacked-by-jake]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BLOG! 🥳🥂

The first anniversary celebration!

(11th July 2020 - 2021)

Today is the day! The day I’ve been waiting for the last few days so excited! *-*

The birthday of my blog and thus somehow also of me!

The day of means that I am on Tumblr for exactly one year now! AHHHHHHHHHH!!

I can’t believe it.

1 year

52 weeks

365 days

8760 hours

525600 minutes

31536000 seconds

When I first started writing a 'thank you', it was still almost two months to this day. And I think I’ve started over 8 times now, so if you can read this, I’ve finally decided. Or I was running out of time.

Well, I could start somewhere and start talking emotional stuff (I’ll probably do that anyway)

But now we come to some facts first:

34 Fanfictions (That’s about 75 thousand words!)

13 Prompt list based fanfictions

16 Headcanons

60 Ask Game short stories

70 (?) Imagine Game stories

I have:

3 Masterlists

1.467 Posts

147 Drafts (xD)

AND 900 FOLLOWER 🤯(And of course a huge thank you for that!🥺🥳❤️) (The next milestone has been reached ahhhhh🥳)

BOOM! WOAHH! AHHHHHH *still crying*

However, I can hardly believe it, in some moments I really doubt that I have been here for a whole year. In other moments I feel like I’ve been here all my life (now I can’t believe it’s actually been a year) This is supposed to mean that I was allowed to spend the best times of my life here on Tumblr.💕

I am grateful for every single second! For every single one!

I have met so many great people this year!

So many incredibly warm people.

So many incredibly creative people.

So many incredibly amazing writers.

So many incredibly amazing artists.

So many incredibly funny people with great memes, slanders, videos, drawings.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

So many beautiful people in one place who only know each other via the Internet, maybe not even personally. Maybe we never had contact but I see each of you. I remember each and every one of you and I appreciate every one of you!

Here on tumblr I found really great friends, such wonderful, loving, funny, nice and supportive people.

It’s just hard to believe.

I am so incredibly grateful to each and every one of you!

I am so grateful for each of your feedbacks, for your insane support, for your great comments, for every single request, for every thought, for every single message. For your compliments and your kind words, for your interest, for everything.❤️🥰

I am so honored when you just randomly send me your thoughts, whether it is about Duskwood or not. It’s so fascinating for me, no matter what message or submission, when I see that someone sent me something (anonymous or not)

The thought of someone reading, hearing, thinking, noticing something and then thinking that the person wants to share this with me is really just an honor for me. There is almost nothing more beautiful than interacting with you.🤭💕

I honestly don’t know exactly what I want to say because I don’t really want to give so much emotional nonesense of myself, but I would also like to say terribly many crying words. I’m just incredibly happy that I decided to / dared to write my first story and post it.

I really like being here on Tumblr and especially in the fandom. It’s just nice that so many people are interested in the same game and that we could make such a great community out of it. (At this point of course also a thank you to Everbyte for this wonderful game and of course thank you for creating Jake (xD))🎭💻

I had such a great time here that year, such funny moments, such funny conversations and situations. I feel a little special to be able to participate in it, hehe (I didn’t think I would feel so emotional about it xD)🙄😂

(I’m afraid I’m talking too much stuff right now) (I do..) xD

Well, I guess a year ago I just didn’t expect something like this to happen. I didn’t expect to meet such great people that I actually write so many stories that I post memes. Above all, I never expected that there will be memes about me / for me (that such talented people do it)😍

That I will never see fanarts based on my stories, that I could inspire people to write and post. That I will get aesthetics based on my stories, that I would get my personal Duskwood wallpaper. I never thought that I would get this 'reach / follower number.' That I will get such a feedback. That I will get so many requests, that I will be surrounded by such great people. Especially not that I fight over toothpaste and water and waffles or pancakes! xD🤭❤️😂

Maybe for some of you this sounds overdramatic or exaggerated (for myself, a little bit too xD) but it is the truth and all of this is just a refuge from reality and simply a place that is not connected with stress or negativity. <3

(I’m thinking all the time if I should come to the conclusion, but then something important still come to my mind xD)

>Okay, I’ll be brief now (I’ll probably repeat myself, but I don’t care)

Just the most important thing (again):

Thanks to all of you! Thanks for all the support! Thanks for your feedback! I never thought that so many people would follow me and that I am still here after a whole year. Thank you for every single submission, for every single ask, for every single message and for every single request.❤️

Thank you for the great time with you. And above all, thank you for being here. I appreciate every one of you.🥺❤️

So much love to every one of you! Feel tight hugged you all!❤️

I hope you have a wonderful day. Stay healthy and safe! Take care of yourself! Love!🎭🌹❤️

Thank you, detectives! And happy birthday!🥳

On the next year / years! 🥂🥳❤️

Cows to the power!💪🏻🐄

#duskwood #duskwood fandom #duskwood blog birthday #blog celebration #First blog birthday #happy birthday #celebration #milestone #THANK YOU ALL #you're all wonderful #SO MUCH LOVE #SO MANY HUGS #personal #hbj talks

[dreadwulf]

2021 Year-End Fic Review

I was tagged by @tall-wolf-of-tarth 

How many stories did you complete?

Three. Ring of Fire, Half-Life, and The Golden Knight. Definitely better than 2020 where I’m pretty sure I only finished 1. 

What is your total word count for the year?

I totaled up the count for the chapters I published this year on AO3 in my various ongoing and completed stories and came out to 82123. That’s rather more than I feel like I wrote.

That’s not counting the zombie chapters I posted here on Tumblr only.

What fandoms did you write in this year?

Only ASOIAF. I watch, read, and enjoy many things, but I only do one fandom at a time. 

(I do poke around in The Locked Tomb fandom, but I’ve stayed out of fic for now.)

Did you write more, less, or roughly about what you expected?

Always less than I would like. Although looking back at that word count I was more productive than I thought I was. 

What’s your own favourite story of the year?

I was proud of Ring of Fire. Some quibbles here and there, I’d like to take a hatchet to that last chapter, but it did what I wanted it to do. I set out to write a story I had never seen before in J/B fic and I think I did that - started off in a different place, created several unique plot points, and had an ending for J/B that I’m pretty sure no one else had used yet at the time.

What is your most underappreciated story of the year?

Also Ring of Fire. Statistics-wise it had less hits, less kudos, less comments, and I’ve never seen it recced anywhere. Honestly my productivity hit a brick wall at full speed when I finished that story and had less engagement than I did before. But that’s nobody’s fault but mine, I’m easily discouraged.

Biggest fanfic-related disappointment of 2021

We need a ASOIAF announcement to get the fandom excited and engaged again. Any announcement. Even if it’s bad. It’s the limbo that’s killing us.

Biggest fanfic-related surprise of 2021?

SeeThemFlying has a lovely series going based on one of my prompts from the fic exchange, and it’s something I’ve always wanted to read and couldn’t bring myself to write. I’m so grateful. 

Something you’re looking forward to working on in 2022?

Getting to the end of each of my ongoing fics. I have some passages I am very excited about for A Simple Twist of Fate, and A Man For All Seasons. The plotting’s all done. I just have to get myself in order and stitch the last chapters together. I’ll feel a lot better with all the ongoings finished.

I also will transplant the modern zombie fic to AO3. I posted two chapters here and then quickly decided it was stupid and a waste of time, because I have issues. But I do have a lot more done (like, a lot) and when I talk myself into it I’ll get it all up on AO3, because even if I feel weird about it I can’t just throw away a story. It’s still my baby. My ugly, stupid baby.

Also I have NOT forgotten about the prompts people sent me, which inspired The Golden Knight last year, and have also inspired a quickly-flying-out-of-my-control Lady Stoneheart Groundhog Day fic and a few other fills that I can’t even describe without spoiling. They will all emerge at some point. 

In short: I am still writing, though in fits and starts right now due to lack of confidence. But now that I’m getting my stupid frozen shoulder treated I can type again, and my job has finally become much more manageable, so I fully expect to be much more productive in 2022. 

#ask games

[redheadgleekfic]

these inconvenient fireworks - chapter 10

Title: these inconvenient fireworks Fandom: glee Link: FF.net (T rated version). AO3. Tumblr. Warnings: None apply. Rating: Mature to explicit. (we finally earn it!). Pairings: Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson, very slight Kurt/Adam at the beginning.

Written for the @fandomtrumpshate 2020 charity auction for @sunshineoptimismandangels. Completed as part of the @wipbigbang project. Artwork by kaydrew86/aaweth-edain. Thanks to @snarkyhag, @wowbright, and @slowcookedwriting for their handholding, cheerleading, and betaing of this fic. This fic really did require a village.

Summary: After an unexpected Tony award, Kurt Hummel is Broadway's hottest up and coming star, which comes with expectations and some admirers that won't take a hint. When his best friend Elliott Gilbert suggests that they pretend to fake-date to get the leeches to back off, Kurt takes him up on the idea. It's all working out great - until Kurt starts to fall hard for the dark-haired music director of his latest musical.

Read the tenth and final chapter on AO3, the safe for work version on FF.net, or click below to continue reading on tumblr.

*

“Fifteen minutes until curtain!”

“Shit!”

“You’ve got this.” Blaine murmurs encouragingly, his voice pitched low and calm. “Eyes closed. Keep breathing in through your nose … hold 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and out through your mouth, 2, 3, 4. And again. In…. hold…. out.”

The women of the chorus cluster around him, dressed in their black and white habits of the first act, holding hands as they breathe. For some, it’s their first professional performance and sudden nerves had cropped up when he had gathered them for a quick vocal warm-up.

He takes them through the routine of singing scales, gives them a lozenge, and guides them through the meditative breathing as their anxiety decreases. “Alright, you can breathe normally and open your eyes.”

He looks at each one of his girls and his eyes become a little misty. “You are going to be marvelous tonight.” He tells them. “Your hard work these last few months has paid off and look at where you are. You deserve this. I am so proud of you. Now go kick butt.”

He hugs each of them fiercely, sending them to their spot to wait for the curtain to rise and putters around the little alcove just off the stage, where he has water, tea with honey, lemon slices, and throat lozenges set up to soothe their throats in between performances.

Brad is conducting the orchestra tonight—he and Blaine will switch off conducting performances after this—so there isn’t much for him to do doing the performance itself, other than supporting his cast and reassuring them against last minute nerves. Blaine’s restless as he flits backstage, their collective nervousness rubbing off on him, but he’s also confident in their abilities.

Blaine honestly can’t process how much his life has changed in the last two weeks. He and Brad had managed to create an orchestral version of his song and got it recorded in the studio in two days, a feat that Blaine’s still not sure how they managed. He now has an agent recommended by Wes, Santana Lopez, who has a sharp mind and equally sharp tongue. With her help, he’s been navigating the multiple recording deal offers that have cropped up—going viral means that everybody is eager to sign him, but with Santana’s help, he’s making sure that he’s doing what he wants to do.

Mercedes and Marley have also taken him under his wing. During the final weeks of dress rehearsals, they were on set much more frequently, so Blaine has been able to make sure there were no lingering hard feelings with the addition of his song. He’s had dinner with them a couple of times where they’ve talked about the pitfalls of composing music and navigating the complex music scene. Blaine’s grateful that he has the play’s opening to focus on, which allows him a touch of breathing room while he contemplates his future career.

“Knock, knock.” A voice says behind him, jolting him from his thoughts. .

Blaine whirls around. “Hi! Why aren’t you on stage? They’re calling for you.”

Kurt waves away his concerns with one hand. “Oh, I know. I just wanted to give you this first.” He whips out a bouquet of red and yellow roses from behind his back. “To thank you for all that you’ve done for me. These are to celebrate you.”

“Kurt.” Blaine breathes, clutching the flowers close. “They’re beautiful. You didn’t have to—"

“I know. But I wanted to.”

“I should be the one giving you flowers.” Blaine protests lightly. “You’re the star. You’re going to be amazing out there tonight.”

“But I wouldn’t be if not for you. I wouldn’t be half as prepared without your guidance.” Kurt insists.

Blaine pulls Kurt into a hug, careful not to crush either his roses or Kurt’s costume. “Thank you.” He whispers into Kurt’s neck and Kurt clutches him closer. He pulls back slightly to meet Kurt’s ocean-deep eyes. “I… meant what I said, the other day at Callbacks. Your belief in me saved me, Kurt.”

Kurt dips his head, bumping their foreheads together. “You saved me too.”

For a long moment, Blaine doesn’t move as he drinks in the imprint of Kurt’s warmth, his hand tightly pressed against his back, his smell from his cologne and shampoo and mouthwash. It’s heady in its intimacy and Blaine wishes he could stay here forever.

He can’t though. He can’t offer anything more than friendship to Kurt and stay true to himself and he knows this. There’s attraction simmering between them—that’s not the issue. He can’t have an open relationship as much as he wants to date Kurt. He’s letting his emotions get away from him, like he did at Callbacks when he exposed his heart by singing to Kurt. Thankfully, Kurt’s partner’s sudden illness had brought Blaine back to his senses. It’s not fair to him or to Kurt.

“Your friendship means everything to me.” He breaks away with a small laugh and cough before he does something very foolish. “Are you okay, though?” Blaine asks lightly when he can trust his voice not to betray his emotions. “It can’t be easy going on stage when your partner is so sick. Have they left the hospital yet?”

“They’re much better, but I- I’m not dating Chaz.” Kurt says slowly.

“Oh, is it like a branch then? A V? I’m afraid I’m not up to date with my polyamory terminology.” He laughs again, trying to keep the strain out of his voice.

“Blaine.” Kurt steps closer. “I’m not dating either of them. Elliott and Chaz have been in a relationship for years, although after this scare, they’re talking marriage now for legal protections. They’re poly, that’s true, but I’m not.”

“But I thought, you and Elliott—"

“I know.” Kurt bites his lip nervously. “It’s a long, ridiculous story and I’ll tell you all of it, but… I’m not dating anybody right now.”

“Oh.” Blaine says. “Oh. I’m not either.”

“Yeah?”

“Then, um—"

“Kurt!” Adam gestures wildly at them from the hall, breaking the moment. “Come on. Unique’s looking for you. We need to be in spots now.”

Kurt huffs and shakes his head. “We keep getting interrupted. Later?”

“Later.” Blaine promises. On an impulse, he leans in and kisses Kurt lightly, sealing the promise. “Break a leg.”

Kurt blinks at him as he backs away, with those luminous, shiny eyes. “Yeah. Later.”

*

The show is incredible. Not that Blaine ever doubted that it wouldn’t come together, but it’s better than he could have dreamed. The actors all perform superbly without a missed word or hitched note and the audience reacts with gasps and loud laughter. Kitty’s song about politicians keeping their hands out of medicine seems to be an unexpected hit given the spontaneous standing ovation she receives. Tina’s Sister Marigold is saucy and sweet and Adam’s no-nonsense and sensible David is the perfect balance to the inane premise.

But it’s Kurt who steals the show. His Brian is endearing, bitingly humorous, and emotionally vulnerable, and the audience hangs on to every word he says. The crowd is silent when he sings “Wanted” for the first time, his clear voice reaching to the rafters, and Blaine wipes away tears when they explode with applause. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of Kurt singing his song.

Ryan Durphy comes to the stage at curtain call, along with Mercedes Jones and Marley Rose. “I believe in the power of theater to change hearts.” He says simply to thunderous applause. “This is what you have witnessed tonight and I thank you for opening our hearts and welcoming us in.”

“We want to give a special recognition to the people behind the scenes who make musical magic as they are often overlooked.” Tina says as the applause dies down. “Please give a round of applause to our set designers, our costume designers, our choreographers, and our lighting and tech crew.”

“Unique Adams, our amazing stage director,” Kurt continues and looks back directly at Blaine with a bright smile, “and our music directors, Brad Ellis and Blaine Anderson.”

There’s a hand suddenly at his back shoving him through the curtains and Blaine stumbles out into the bright spotlight with Unique. She takes his hand and gives it a squeeze.

“Even with the most talented of performers, these productions are impossible without their talent and hard work. It’s been an honor to work with them.” Kurt finishes with applause of his own and beckons them to take a bow of their own and Kitty hands him and Unique matching bouquets of irises and leans down to give one to Brad, who, true to himself, manages to look both stunned and disappointed at the gesture, but Blaine spies Brad wiping his eyes surreptitiously.

It’s a tangle of hugs and kisses backstage as everybody laughs and the champagne is poured. He loses Kurt in the chaos of congratulations being shared. Ryan shakes his hand somberly and tells him that he looks forward to future collaborations, which he recognizes as high praise from the mogul.

The mingling cast slowly disappears to the dressing rooms to get ready for the cast party. After retrieving his present stored in his locker, Blaine makes his way down the hallway, his flowers clutched in his hand, thinking back to the time just a few months ago, when he had taken a stranger’s hand to find the rehearsal room.

He knocks on the dressing room door. “Come in!” Kurt calls brightly, as if he were expecting him. Maybe he was.

Blaine firmly shuts and locks the door behind him. It feels a little presumptuous, perhaps, but it gives him something to do as he gathers his courage.

He turns around and his mouth goes dry.

Kurt’s half dressed, tight black jeans snug at his hips, and shirtless. The string of candle lights around the mirror make his pale skin glow. His face is cleaned of the heavy stage make-up and he is … beautiful.

Blaine coughs and manages to keep his eyes on Kurt’s face. “Congratulations on tonight, Kurt. You were as amazing as I thought you would be. Here.” He thrusts the tube towards him. “For you.”

“For me?” Kurt opens the tube and pulls out the papers inside.

“It’s your song. ‘Wanted’. They’ve, um, printed it, of course, with the rest of the score, but this is the first version I wrote, that we worked on together. I thought you might like to have it.”

Kurt stares for a long moment at the papers, sliding his fingers over the familiar notes. He carefully puts the music back in the tube and sets it on the table. He takes Blaine’s bouquets from him, setting them on the table as well, and then, Kurt places a hand on Blaine’s jaw and kisses him.

Blaine had expected the kiss to be sex-crazed with all of the simmering pheromones sparking between them, but it’s tender instead. Kurt kisses Blaine slowly, softly pressing his lips to Blaine’s and coaxing them open to deepen the kiss with more pressure.

“You gave me a song.” Kurt says and kisses him again.

Blaine tilts his head under Kurt’s seeking lips. His hands move up Kurt’s sides, feeling the heat from his skin, trying to draw him closer.

Kurt breaks the kiss and Blaine whines, chasing after his lips. “Wait, wait.” Kurt says, leaning away. “Just tell me, you’re not dating Tina, right?”

Blaine stares at Kurt’s mouth dumbly, trying to process the words. “Tina’s my roommate.”

“Right.”

“She’s hooking up with Mike.”

“Oh! Oh, I didn’t know that.”

“I’m gay.”

“Oh, good.”

“You didn’t know I was gay?”

“I didn’t want to presume. There’s more than one type of sexuality, you know. Bi. Pan. And you two were so close.”

“Kurt,” Blaine says, kissing him again, “I have been wanting to do this,” another kiss, “for weeks and I couldn’t because I thought you wanted a polyamorous relationship.” He presses his lips against Kurt’s firmly, before dragging them down his jaw and sucking a kiss just below his ear.

“That’s our problem then,” Kurt says breathlessly, “we presume too much.”

Blaine kisses that spot again. “I presume,” he says with a low laugh, “that you like it when I do that.”

“Blaine. Oh. Oh…” Kurt turns into putty as Blaine continues to suck at his jawline while stroking his hands up and down over Kurt’s soft skin. His breath becomes more ragged in Blaine’s ear as Blaine coaxes out little gasps of pleasure. Kurt pushes his body more firmly between Blaine’s legs and Blaine gasps again at the feel of Kurt’s strong, warm body against him.

Blaine’s eyes catch on Kurt’s nipple, dusky against his white skin, and he bends down to brush his tongue over it. Kurt digs his fingers into the loosening curls at the back of Blaine’s neck, encouraging him on. Blaine licks the pinkening nipple again, before pulling back to rest his hands on Kurt’s hips.

Kurt’s lips are reddened, glistening in the light, looking thoroughly kissed. “No... Why’d you stop? Come here.”

Blaine rubs his hands just above the waistband of Kurt’s pants, caressing the soft skin overlying his hip. “May I? Please? I want to touch you. Please.”

“Yeah. Yeah.” Kurt pants and surges in for another kiss, arms winding around Blaine’s shoulders.

Blaine manages, somehow, to undo Kurt’s buttons and get the zipper down. He’s too intoxicated by Kurt’s taste and sound to be able to figure out how to get the pants off and he needs more of Kurt’s body against him now.

Blaine breaks the kiss. “Turn around?” Blaine asks. “So I can touch you better.”

Kurt gives him another lingering kiss, and then slowly, seductively spins around. Blaine slides his arms around Kurt’s waist, rubbing his hand against Kurt’s abdomen and feeling the muscles contract underneath the soft skin with his touch, while pressing kisses along the knobs of Kurt’s spine. Blaine slides his hand down into Kurt’s underwear, allowing Kurt’s cock to rest fully in his palm, before reaching further down and rolling Kurt’s balls between his fingers until they draw up tight. Kurt whines, taking advantage of the changed position to shove his pants and underwear down his hips, all while Blaine keeps a steady grip on Kurt’s stiffening dick, so perfectly enveloped by Blaine’s hand.

There’s too much distance between them. Blaine needs Kurt on him, against him, surrounding him.

Blaine shuffles them back the short distance towards the loveseat. “Can we?” Blaine says, nudging Kurt’s hip and gesturing to the sofa.

“You’ve got my dick in your hand. I’ll follow you anywhere.” Kurt jokes and Blaine huffs in delighted surprise.

Blaine slumps down on the sofa with a completely ungraceful thump. He tugs on Kurt’s hip, urging Kurt down on top of him as Blaine shifts to lean more fully on the loveseat. Kurt goes easily, landing on Blaine’s lap with a soft moan. Blaine’s own hips buck up involuntarily as Kurt’s bare ass rubs with firm pressure against his own straining, but clothed cock. He contemplates briefly having Kurt get up again so he can remove his own pants and let his cock fully nestle between Kurt’s ass, but with Kurt against his chest, he can’t let go of Kurt long enough to do so.

It’s incredibly intimate this position, Kurt sprawled across his chest, bracketed between Blaine’s arms and legs. Blaine can feel every gasp that Kurt makes—every shudder that Kurt has vibrates across Blaine’s body, feeding his own heightening desire.

Blain pumps Kurt’s cock, hot and heavy in his hand, a living visualization of Kurt’s aroused state. He marvels at the way Kurt reacts to Blaine’s touch: his abdominal walls tightening, his shaft thickening, and his breathing becoming rapid and shallow, and his hands, gods, his hands! The way that Kurt restlessly brings them up to comb through Blaine’s curls, then drags them slowly across his nipples and belly before resting them on top of Blaine’s hand, directing Blaine in how to grip his cock—Blaine doesn’t think he could ever get enough of seeing Kurt in the throes of desire. Blaine twists his hand faster to heighten Kurt’s response, his other hand moving to rub against Kurt���s nipple. Kurt arches his head back on Blaine’s shoulder, allowing Blaine access to that spot on his neck again that keeps Kurt trembling in his arms.

“Oh,” Kurt breathes, his fingers buried again in Blaine’s curls as Blaine mouths again at his neck, “oh, honey, that’s… feels so good.”

Blaine drags his thumb across the tip of Kurt’s erection, coating it with the gathering liquid, as he alternates rubbing against the head with firm twists of his wrist around the shaft. Kurt’s orgasm is close, Blaine can tell, as his breathing is more erratic and his cock is so erect and thick and beautiful in Blaine’s fist and—

“Kurt!” A sharp knock sounds at the door, freezing them both in their compromising position. “It’s Mercedes! Do you have a moment to chat before we go out?”

“Can we… do that another time, Mercedes?” Kurt says, his voice high and breathy. “I’m still getting dressed.”

Blaine twists his hand again, slower but not letting Kurt cool down. He’s thankful that he took the time to lock the door, but with Kurt so close, he’s not letting anyone interrupt them now.

“Of course. I just wanted to talk about a possible collaboration between you, Blaine, and Marley and me.”

“That sounds great. I’d love to hear more about it. Later!”

“Speaking of Blaine, have you seen him? I haven’t had a chance to talk about my idea with him either.”

“I’ll let him know when I see him.” Kurt says and Blaine kisses his neck again. If Blaine hadn’t been watching the way Kurt is falling apart in his lap, his chest blotched pink with passion and his muscles quivering as he squirms and wriths against Blaine’s aching dick, Blaine never would have guessed from the way he answers Mercedes. Blaine forces back a groan.

“Sounds good, boo!” Mercedes answers and they listen to her walking down the hall.

“You are wicked, Mr. Anderson.” Kurt twists his head to kiss Blaine hard.

“You love it.”

“I do.” And Kurt’s voice is soft as he shifts and trails his finger down Blaine’s nose and across his lips. “I do love it.”

Blaine stills as Kurt brings their mouths together again, achingly sweet and tender. Blaine loses himself again in Kurt’s kiss, feeling precious and … loved.

“You need to get that hand back on my dick, Blaine,” Kurt huffs against his lips, “or I swear- Oh! Gods, yes, right there. Yes. Please.”

“I’ve got you, love.” Blaine murmurs, rubbing his fingers under the sensitive ridge before gripping Kurt’s shaft again. Kurt whimpers and twines his fingers through Blaine’s, wrapping them both tight around his cock. Blaine tweaks again on that pretty nipple and that seems to be the trigger.

Kurt shudders deliciously with his orgasm. Blaine can’t take his eyes off of Kurt—his eyes closed and his mouth slack with pleasure and a faint sheen of sweat across his collarbone.

Blaine caresses his hand over Kurt’s rib cage as Kurt comes down from his orgasm, keeping his other hand loose on Kurt’s dick, loving the way it softens in his hand. He presses another open kiss on Kurt’s neck.

“Mmm.” Kurt says affectionately, loose in Blaine’s arms as he pets at the curls on the back of Blaine’s neck. “That was delightful.”

Blaine smiles and kisses his temple. “It was.”

Kurt shifts and climbs off of Blaine. Blaine pouts as he shimmies his pants back up his hips, tucking his cock back in. “We have to go.” Kurt says.

“Oh. Okay.” Blaine tries to will his swollen dick down and sits up.

Kurt pushes him back down. “But—" he says, tossing a throw pillow off the sofa and placing it under his knees "—I think we’ll let them wait a minute more. Aren’t stars supposed to be fashionably late?” He shoves Blaine’s shirt up and his pants down with two quick moves that leaves Blaine dumbfounded and so very horny.

“Wait,” Blaine says and digs out his wallet from his back pocket that’s now at his knees. He pulls out a condom and hands it to Kurt, who smirks widely at him. “What? I was a boy scout.”

Kurt smiles mischievously as he rolls the condom down and follows it with his mouth. “And so very prepared,” he lifts up to say before going down again. Blaine throws his head back at the sensations as Kurt licks and sucks and worships his dick. God, Blaine loves this man.

It doesn’t take long, as his arousal has been stoked with Kurt’s reactions over the last several minutes and he burns with Kurt’s touch. Molten heat pools in his groin, everything tightening in preparation. “I’m—"

Kurt spreads his legs further, adding a hand to grip Blaine’s aching dick. His other hand plays with Blaine’s balls and the skin just below. In one smooth move, Kurt hollows his cheeks, sucking deeply, while he rubs purposefully over Blaine’s asshole and that does it. Blaine’s belly seizes as his orgasm crests, his cock pulsating in Kurt’s hot, perfect mouth, and for several seconds, Blaine’s not sure he is aware of anything except the points where Kurt is touching him.

Kurt slowly releases Blaine from his mouth and removes the condom. He strokes his fingers up and down Blaine’s dick as Blaine drifts back into awareness. Kurt places a tender kiss on the tip of his softening cock and another on his hip.

Blaine tugs on Kurt’s arms, desperately pulling him up and across his legs so he can kiss Kurt again. He breaks the kiss and runs his fingers across Kurt’s jaw and down his impossibly long arms, before entwining their fingers together. “I haven’t done that since I was a teenager.” He laughs, a little bashfully now that the fiery passion has banked a little. “That was—”

“Perfect. Absolutely perfect.” Kurt presses a kiss to his cheek and pushes himself up and off of Blaine. He holds his hand out. “We really do need to be going, though.”

“Okay.”

“Come home with me? After the party?” Kurt asks. “I mean. We could go for breakfast if you’d like. And I could show you my neighborhood.”

“I want everything with you.” Blaine says and kisses him again. “Everything.”

Their clean up is giddy as Kurt wipes off his chest and Blaine’s dick while Blaine pulls up his pants. “In you go, little Blainers. I’ll see you again soon.” Kurt pats the bulge affectionately before Blaine does up the zipper and Blaine can’t help laughing.

They keep stopping for more kisses as Blaine straightens his clothes and then seeks Kurt’s mouth again.

Kurt finally pushes him off. “You are too distracting. You and that perfect mouth.” He grins as he pulls up his shirt.

Blaine steps in close again. “Let me.” He says softly and buttons it up, brushing his fingers against Kurt’s collarbone, enjoying the intimacy of the moment. They lace their fingers together as they walk out of the dressing room.

They’re just to the stage door, the sound of a loud crowd seeping through the door. Blaine starts to push it open.

Kurt stops him. “You know, it was just about a year ago when I was standing here because The Boy from Oz was closing and I was so sad. I didn’t know what I was going to do.” He smiles at Blaine, that wonderful slow blossom of a smile that wrinkles the corner of his eyes. “A year ago, I didn’t know that I was going to get you.”

He squeezes Blaine’s hand and kisses him again, before pushing the door open and greeting their fans.

The End.

*

Click for the story soundtrack made by Kay.

*

Author end notes: And it's finished. Thank you so much for your likes, comments, and reblogs - I cherish each one of them and several of them have caused me to make a few edits and add details, so this story would not be what it is without them.

Special thanks again to my WIP Big Bang artist, kaydrew86, for the lovely art and soundtrack. Go listen now!

Last Chapter

#klaine #klaine fic #klaine fanfic #blaine anderson #kurt hummel #fandom trumps hate #fth 2020 #wip big bang #redheadgleek writes

[faevorite-main-blog]

TOP 5 OF 2020

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

Thank you so much to @dragontamerdame for the tag! This is seriously such a fun challenge and I’m grateful for the opportunity to reflect on 2020. This year has definitely been a year to remember. I was able to finally return to tumblr and create new artworks that let me express myself in a way I haven’t in years. I met so many new friends and got to enjoy so many new conversations. Thank you so much everyone for the love you have given me and the endless support. I don’t know where I’d be without you.

Number One: Sun and Moon

This artwork was drawn to participate in @yemiello​ ‘s DTIYS challenge. I’m so incredibly proud of how it turned out. It was the start of a new era of art for me where I stopped focusing on the characters only and started implementing both color schemes and complimentary colors. This expanded into a new series (classical painting inspired drarry) that has meant so much to me already as an artist. It has been such a long time since I felt like what I was creating could actually be considered ‘art’ to myself. This artwork was the start of pushing myself to new limits and letting myself grow and it means so much to me. It was also the first work that I made that I looked back on and thought “Wow, I feel like I created something to be proud of today.”

Number Two: Freefall This was the artwork I made directly after “Sun and Moon” I was experimenting with a new perspective for this one, something I’d never done before and it was both terrifying and exhilarating. I’ve never tried to draw a birds eye view angle before and I wasn’t sure that I could pull it off. I also implemented movement for the first time in my art. The motion blur on the sides of their bodies! At first I was worried that it had been too much and over took the whole painting. After encouragement from @l0vegl0wsinthedark​ and @lazywonderlvnd​ I got the courage to post. I’ve never gone back!! I’m so immensely proud of the growth that this art piece brought me. 

Number Three: Something Borrowed

This was the artwork that started my new series!!! (Something Borrowed) When I was drawing it I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to happen. Notice the hair on Harry’s arm?! Like! My first time truly experimenting with body hair. I was nervous that it wouldn’t turn out the way I wanted it to but looking back on it I’m so glad I took the risk. This was another experiment in new art techniques. At first the canvas started up close with them falling in the lower third. I eventually decided I didn’t like that and added extra ground to the bottom and some grass as foreground. LIFE CHANGING. Now I’m obsessed with adding foreground to everything. Who would’ve thought?! Hahaha. I’m really proud of the detail on this drawing and the angle of Draco’s chest. I stared at him for way too long as I tried to decide if he looked anatomically correct.

Number Four: Something Taken

This was the second art installment in my “Something Borrowed” series. THE BACK MUSCLES ON THIS!!! I am so excited about. It took me way too long to get it right but when I did I could literally sob. I’ve always struggled with the anatomy of backs and the backs of arms. They never look like they do in my head and it takes so much time correcting what my brain does incorrectly. I was (and still am) still learning what ratio of linework to painting I like in my artwork. This drawing ended up with a good percentage of both and I honestly wish I could replicate it but I don’t think I ever could. Also werewolf Harry is my weakness.

Number Five: Herbology

This artwork is seriously one of my favorites. I’m especially proud of Draco’s feet and the angle of Harry’s abs. I have a hard time getting Harry’s nose to match how it appears in my brain and this is the closest his face has gotten to my head canon in a really long time. I struggle with Harry’s face so much. I’m really proud of how the foreground turned out in this, and the way the sunlight dapples across the top of the characters. IT TOOK ME SO FREAKING LONG TO FIGURE THAT STUFF OUT. SEriously. I see artists all the time do it almost effortlessly and holy crap it was freaking hard. I’m still not convinced it looks like light shining through trees but despite this I am still freaking proud. I’ve been waiting for years for an artwork where I could dabble in that lighting technique.

ANYWAYS. THANK YOU! So much for the tag! And thank you for reading through this whole monstrocity of a post. It’s so fun getting to look back on our lives and especially things we’re proud of. I TAG ANYONE WHO WANTS TO BE TAGGED. And I also tag @laurisophi​ @aminathescorpio​ @dewitty1​ @lazywonderlvnd​ @l0vegl0wsinthedark​ @polly-weasley​

#top 5 of 2020 #top 5 #2020 #top 5 2020 #art #my art #art pile #art dump #artist note #drarry #draco #harry #harry x draco #drarry art #drarry fan art #harry potter fan art #hp art #harry potter #harry potter art #draco malfoy #werewolf harry #something borrowed

[elytrafemme]

hi. so it is new year’s eve, and because i’m the way that i am, i’m going to get way too personal about myself as sort of a ‘send off’ to this year, and whatnot. just, like, vocalizing my thoughts, i guess.

i have had this blog since May 15th, 2021. i’ve been using tumblr since sometime July 2020, as far as I am aware, but in terms of /this blog/, it’s a pretty new thing. and also probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me but i’ll get to that, promise.

2021 was obviously a fucking terrible year for a lot of people. i’m not going to get super blown-out and existential, but trust me, i do know that. my experiences are, in fact, universal. but... yeah, 2021 was a very weird year for me.

without going into too much detail, the first few months, and really first half (up until July, honestly) of 2021 all made up the worst period of my entire life. i hadn’t really grasped rock bottom just, as a concept, until that period of time ended. i won’t say too much about it specifically, but, it was not very good. and part of that not being good, as idiotic as it sounds, kind of had to do with how i interacted with the internet.

i started posting fanfiction on AO3 when i was 13, for the danganronpa fandom. i started posting SMP-centric content at some point when I was 15, i can’t remember a specific date nor do i care to check. it’s been kind of a long time of me doing this whole fanfiction thing, basically, and i got on discord when i was 14-ish, too, start of the pandemic. tumblr was, as stated before, a month or so before I turned 15.

bad idea. very bad idea, doing all of that at that age. it’s a bad idea i don’t regret, because it got me here and i believe in the butterfly effect really strongly, but. really bad idea for me at the time.

i developed a really bad perspective on what fanfiction writing was supposed to be like. and again i know that sounds really idiotic, because it literally is just fanfiction, but in the circumstances i was in, it had been sort of blown out of proportion for me. it was the pandemic, i was isolated and going through a really shitty time. i did not perceive internet interactions in a really healthy way.

the reason i made this sideblog, since i am not sure i ever said this before, was out of clear paranoia. i was losing sleep and constantly nauseous over my main blog, mostly because it was very exposed to people who i did not want seeing my content anymore, and i felt extremely trapped. dreamSMP content already sort of put a barrier, but it wasn’t enough. i was having literal panic attacks over my tumblr blog because i was so paranoid about who saw it. 

so i made this sideblog, flipped rapidly between advertising it and hiding it, and started almost entirely from scratch. and kind of went from there. 

it’s kind of crazy knowing that this blog was a thing in the midst of my psychotic break, but. many things didn’t really come out of that cleanly, and this blog was one of few that did. i’m really grateful for that honestly; there have been many times where i would think this was the end and i’d have to cut clean and start over. 

this is getting really long. point is, this blog kind of existed in a really hard time for me. and, we get to the second half of this year.

starting from august, 2021, i entered the /best/ period of my entire life. the way that i sort of reached that point involved some weird psychological fuckery that probably was not meant to happen, but it did and it worked. i started writing fanfiction again and, though i seem really stressed about fics all the time, i assure you that this anxiety (which i see as pretty standard for me) is absolutely nothing compared to what it used to be like. 

you might be noticing that this post is a shitshow. i don’t really know where i’m taking this one, either. 

the end of the year is just sort of a lot for me, basically. because within this single year, i went from rock bottom to my peak, with almost a clear divide in the middle of the year. i entirely transformed as a person essentially, and i kind of started over. 

and i wanted to emphasize the blog piece of this mostly just as a way to thank you all? i know i’ve done this before, oversharing then emotionally thanking you guys, but like. you all seriously have no clue how much you guys have meant to me. some of you-- holly, charm, fira, howls-- have been around since the first blog and, as scary as it is to think, probably directly saw me through this massive emotional crisis. a lot of you are sort of newer to me, hopped here be it a few days ago or a few months ago, and have been so incredibly kind and wonderful to me. 

i have a lot of mixed feelings towards 2022. on one hand, january and february are not very good times of the year for me. on the other hand, as my sibling eloquently told me in words i can’t exactly remember, 2021 has to end eventually and it can’t last forever. on the third hand i picked up on the ground somewhere, it’s hard to say goodbye to a year that completely changed your life. 

(or, if you want to get really mindfucky, goodbye to a year that split my life clean in half: age 15 and before, and age 16 and thereafter. almost two different people.) 

sorry for how long this is, just. there’s a lot of shit i’ve held about my weird mentalities towards tumblr. and i know it all sounds stupid, but i’m an exceptionally paranoid person and even small things caused a lot of anguish.

but i’m glad i’m here. because i’m happy with myself, now. 

and i have all the friends i’ve made, too, and all the writing i genuinely love, that can take me to 2022 safely. and hopefully without a psychotic break. man those suck so bad never get those they’re cringe as HELL

sorry this post is such a mess just. thank you guys. so much. i’m sorry i get so sappy so often i know it’s kind of weird or much but. seriously. i appreciate you guys. 

i could probably say it a thousand times in a thousand ways, but i could never come close to expressing how much i care for all of you and how much you mean to me. 

thanks for following for my writing and shitposts. fic tomorrow. CS tuesday. technically requests still open til midnight EST. 

love you. <3

#nightmare.personal #don't reblog because i still am paranoid lmao #sorry this is a lot there's a lot of stuff i've never reeally said about my old headspace #a lot of stuff i'm still not saying but there's a place and time and this is neither #happy new year's eve. reblogging art and shitposts coming soon #not gonna proofread this anymore just posting woohoo

[noa-nightingale]

Queer Watcher 2020

I am looking back on this weird, not-so-wonderful year - and on the ways @wearewatcher made my 2020 so much more wonderful. Originally, I wanted to list all the highlights I could think of, but one of the things I am most grateful for is Watcher’s inclusion and support of LGBTQ+ folks. I am just one queer person but I know there are many more in this fandom.

So, this ended up being a list of things I, as a queer person, appreciate and enjoy, and I am so so happy that I can write this. Buckle up, I have Things to say, and it is going to be emotional.

Ryan’s Pride shoes. I sometimes wonder how many sales Converse owes him. I love my own pair btw.

“Look, all I’m sayin’ is, y’know, hey, uh, love everybody.” - Shane Madej, Gangly Puppet Freak. A PSA from the Weird/Wonderful Shakespeare Theatre vid, regarding bisexuality - he is so awkward with it lmao. Whole video has really great vibes too.

Steve/Stephanos.

Various tweets, including wishing us a happy Non-Binary People’s Day and a happy Trans Awareness week.

Ryan and Shane including their pronouns in their twitter bio. (Little things like this don’t go unnoticed, and they are very appreciated.)

Gay Oars! Ugh, my heart. Their first appearance totally caught me off guard, and I haven’t recovered since. (I also causes me no small amount of joy that the most romantic and tragic song of all time is called “Gore on the Shore”.) I could yell about my love for these guys all day. It is a beautiful thing that these characters exist.

Gay Oars, again - I knew they would show up and I still was not prepared. The song made me cry. I haven’t recovered from that one either. I love the progression from the first, tragic song to the second, joyful and loving song. I have so many emotions about these oars, I probably could make an entire list just for them. (Little fun fact: Even though the song made me cry, my first reaction to that episode was to go on tumblr and yell about it excitedly. Like, I was emotional but in an enthusiastic kind of way. The more difficult emotions hit me about four days later, for some reason. And then I sat in my room and cried my eyes out. Like, as much as I like being queer, sometimes it is just damn hard and the pain seems too much and you have been hurt over and over and don’t know if you can ever recover from it. And it is just really good to know that someone cares about your wellbeing as a queer person. Even if you have never spoken to that someone and he does not even know of your existence. And to be honest, I don’t always know how to deal with that. The kindness? The genuine allyship? I have no idea how to handle that, and it simultaneously heals and breaks my heart.)

Every time the words “his boyfriend” were uttered; I am especially thinking of Are You Scared here.

All the fan art Watcher inspired and continues to encourage and to support. There are many great artists in the fandom! And Watcher’s content inspires me to draw and create more myself! How wonderful!

Toxic masculinity who? It is nowhere to be found.

This... special kind of gentle and kind weirdness? It honestly had such a positive impact on me and the way I interact with other people and let them interact with me.

All of the wonderful people Watcher brought in. I am sure they will work with more amazing folks and I am really looking forward to that. Personally, I am hoping to see Eugene Lee Yang at some point. (Would be really happy to see Thomas Sanders too.)

Here’s What You Do. Just the whole podcast. It was such a delight.

I was hesitant to include this because I believe many of us have negative memories attached to it, and it was not a fun time for anyone (including the lovely people at Watcher themselves). But, yes, I am mentioning it: That one HWYD episode and the follow-up. I can only speak for myself, but the follow-up has an incredibly special place in my heart. To me, it is one of the most important videos Watcher has created. I watched it several times, I journaled about it extensively and it made me a better ally. Hell, I even showed it to my mother and one of my siblings (like, the entire video). I know it was a difficult thing to talk about but at this point: A HUGE thank you to Steven, Ryan, Katie and Shane for handling this in an absolutely fantastic way. I feel welcome and seen and appreciated, and in the end all I want is this: For people to genuinely give a shit about me as a queer person.

On a more lighthearted note, I enjoy it way too much that Ryan is able to say “LGBTQ” without stumbling over the letters. It seems like such a tiny thing but it brings me an unholy amount of joy.

The Professor. I don’t want to call him LGBTQ+ because that has not been confirmed as canon but he IS comfortable wearing clothes that are typically seen as “women’s clothing”, and as a trans/non-binary person I am kind of obligated to mention it.

I think I had an out of body experience when Ryan said “Oh thank you baby” to Steven in Too Many Spirits. Then I had to pause the episode to finish laughing. And then they brought it back in the next episode. Bless them.

Every time they/them pronouns were said.

The entire Hatshepsut PH episode. What can I say, I like it when gender norms/expectations/roles are broken. And even if we can’t call Hatshepsut trans by today’s standards, declaring yourself another gender has such power.

Without giving too many details: I had my struggles and problems in the past with Christianity and ~certain~ Christian people, and it is really good (and I mean REALLY good) to see someone whose faith and integrity are so interwoven and who is inspired by his faith to do good things and to do right by people. I obviously only know the things about his belief that Steven decides to put on the internet but what I’ve seen is almost healing to me, in a way. I am very grateful and happy that he is willing to educate others and to keep working on himself. Warms my heart.

The certainty with which these beautiful people call themselves allies.

Just... the general kindness and compassion, and the willingness to listen and to grow. I promise you, we notice and we love you for it.

I could have expanded on all of these points but I tried to keep this short.

And look. I don’t want to put anyone on a pedestal; that would not be fair. I am just immensely grateful for kind people who genuinely care and who genuinely try to do right by others and to bring joy to others.

And I know we like to have fun here but Watcher’s content is just a lot more than entertaining, meme-able fun (although it is that too, of course).

I had a blast with it this year and I am very much looking forward to the next year. I feel like I can’t adequately put into words the myriad of little (and not so little) ways these people have made my life better this year. Thank you from the bottom of my aroace, non-binary heart.

#watcher #steven lim #ryan bergara #shane madej