#but honestly?? almost every time it's been a complete overreaction and i can't let the few times it wasn't continue to rule my life

[eleanorbloom]

Sienna convinces Aurora to go on a date with a dreamy pediatrician. Aurora is not sure about it but she can't think of a good reason not to go. She asks MC to help her pick an outfit. One thing leads to another and MC realizes that she has feelings for Aurora. I'm not sure if you are okay with that idea

Until I Met You

Disclaimer: The characters of this story, except Rosalía, belong to Pixelberry.

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Aurora Emery x f! MC (Rosalía Muñoz)

Warnings: Slight angst and some cussing words Rated: T

Word Count: 5.1k

Prompts: @choicesficwriterscreations​ Silly Love Stories Day 1: Friends to Lovers.

Author’s Note: Hello! I'd been wanting to write an Aurora fic for months, but I never really made the time for it, until now. Thank you anon for this amazing idea!! I enjoyed so much writing it and I must confess I squealed more times than I thought I would. Now I love Aurora even more!

I have another fic in the making, but it'll probably see the light in a few weeks, however I'll definitely keep writing about this precious softie 🥺❤️

If you have any more ideas to write about Aurora please let me know!

I hope you enjoy this and happy February for those who love this month 😊

Taglist: @romereadingshop @mercury84choices @starrystarrytrouble @curiousconch @penda-bear @queenelianar @openheartfanfics

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No one could stop talking about him since day one. He was dreamy: kind, smart, attractive, incredibly sweet, and as if none of the above were enough, he was doing his residency in pediatrics. Almost every person that felt attracted to him would swoon every time they had to interact with him.

The gang used to tease Bryce that James Woods was his most strong contender in Edenbrook Hospital. The surgical resident would snort right away and say it was impossible that the personification of Prince Charming could compare to him when he was the whole damn Disney package with a triple dose of hotness.

Rosalía didn’t give a damn about him, honestly. It wasn’t her type, and that was surprising considering she had had a little crush (and a fling) on Rafael in the past. She was one of the few that wouldn’t sigh every time she had a glimpse of him. Aurora was among that selected group.

That's why it was extremely strange when Rosalía found her talking to James at the cafeteria one morning. It didn't look like it was a work-related thing, a consultation or anything, it was more personal, as Aurora couldn't stop smiling at whatever James was saying.

Something itched inside her, but she couldn't quite tell what it was. Maybe it was her protective instinct because she didn't want to see her get hurt? Or it was just jealousy because she was making new friends? Both options were completely irrational and overreacting, so she tried to shake the feeling off by buying the damn coffee and keeping with her morning as usual.

Later that week, Rosalia approached the boot at Donahue's where her friends had gathered after work and found Sienna and Aurora in an apparent little discussion.

“But why not?” Sienna asked in her usual cheery convincing tone.

“I don’t know, Si, it’s just I’m not sure if something good can come out of this.”

“What if it does? You'll never know if you don't try!"

“It’s just… I haven’t gone on a date for… years," Aurora confessed, looking down at her jar of beer. "After most of the people only wanted to date me for my Aunt, and people outside Med School simply didn’t click with me, I just stopped.”

“This is your chance! You don’t think he’s inviting you for you Aunt, right?”

“No, I don’t think so, he had never mentioned her.”

“What are you girls up to?” Rosalia asked, after witnessing the exchange in silence, knowing perfectly well what was that about.

“Rosie! Please, I need some back up here.”

“What’s the deal?”

“Woods from Pediatrics invited Aurora out,” Sienna said, leaning towards Rosie in an almost confidential tone. More like a gossipy one.

“Woods… James Woods?”

“Yeah, she invited her to try this new Chinese restaurant in Bay Village.”

That strange and uncomfortable itch resurged again. But why? It was just a date. A friend going on a date.

"How did this happen? I didn't know you were close to him,” she lied, feigning she hadn't seen Aurora a few days ago in the cafeteria with him.

“We are. I mean, not close close,” she rectified, with an almost unnoticeable shake in her voice. “We just chat sometimes, usually at the cafeteria, and every time we bump into each other at the hospital he just… talks to me, so today when he saw me he made this invitation.”

"Aurora, he totally likes you! Come on, say yes!" Sienna squealed, hitting the table repeatedly with her hand in excitement.  

“When is it?”

“This Friday. "

“You should totally go, Aurora, " Rosalía said finally, but the words tasted like metal, "he seems fine, I mean, everyone is always talking wonders about him, you should feel pretty lucky he has his eyes on you. ”

“Well, I guess so,” she mumbled timidly, her cheeks profusely blushing at the implication.

"Come on, text him before you have second thoughts!" Sienna ordered, sliding Aurora's phone in front of her.

The resident in front of her simply chuckled and took her phone to type her response.

The following days were inexplicably difficult for Rosalía, between remembering the date and hearing Sienna talking about it, asking if James had done more advancement. And Rosalia couldn’t understand why it bothered her so much.

That Friday evening, Rosalía was having some rest after a strenuous shift, when a knock on the door startled.

“Rosie? Are you awake?”

"Yeah," she responded as she got up from the bed to open the door, and found Aurora on the other side with a blue dress on and a fuchsia blouse in her hand.

“I can’t decide what to wear, would you… help me, please?”

She felt as if someone had punched her in the stomach.

“Sure.”

Rosalía followed her to her bedroom down the hall, and once there, Aurora modeled the blue dress she had on, "I like this, but it's not too comfy, and I feel like it's too formal for a date."

"I agree, it's cute but totally not for Chinese dinner," Rosalía conceded, sitting on the bed, where there were a couple more clothes scattered over the mattress.

Then Aurora approached the bed and took the dress off without worrying she was sitting a few inches from her. It was actually no big deal, they probably had seen each other in underwear at least a hundred times since they started their residency, but her eyes couldn't help but glance at her, at the beautiful white laced underwear she had on, at the curves on her hips and her toned thighs. It was for a brief second, but it was enough. Just that single second made her mouth dry. She wasn't seeing her friend in that white lace underwear, she was seeing…

“How’s this?”

Rosalía looked up at her and observed her new outfit, a pair of white pants and an elegant but chic fuchsia blouse.

She was left speechless for five fine seconds.

“I think it’s too flashy, don’t you think?” she asked, with a bit of self-consciousness in her posture and gestures.

“You look beautiful, Aurora, ” she breathed, completely intoxicated with the view. She didn’t even realize what she said. The words simply went out of her mouth.

“You think so?” Aurora questioned, looking at the mirror and then giving a twirl to see how she looked from behind.

A part of her wanted to say that actually no, she didn’t look that good, because that part of her didn’t want that James Wood could see her this beautiful. But the other part wanted to tell the truth and not be selfish. She deserved to know how astonishing she looked.

Not completely aware of what she was doing, Rosalía got up from the bed and sauntered towards her and stood mere inches behind her, looking at her reflection in the mirror. She was so stunning, she had to fight with all her might to not rest her chin over Aurora's shoulder and wrap her arms around her waist. The only thing she had on her mind was the desire to feel the silkiness of her hair in her cheek, smell the floral notes of her perfume mixed with the warmth of her body, and just feel her body against hers, as simple as it sounded.

Curious about her sudden silence, Aurora turned to her to reiterate her question, but a pair of amber eyes stopped her in her tracks, as they instantly started diving deeply into her chocolate ones, without receding.

For a brief second, Aurora's gaze wandered down, right where it was her mouth, and where her lips parted as a reflex. Rosalía gulped, unable to move, to make a single move. Something inside her was pushing her towards the taller woman, but the confusion for not knowing what was happening was stronger. She stood still in place.

“This is it," Rosalía whispered, her eyes roaming her lips for a millisecond. She had to say something before she could do something she'd regret later. "It’s not flashy, it’s… perfect. It matches amazingly with your skin and your eyes look shinier."

“Thank you," Aurora murmured, not parting her eyes from Rosalia’s, until finally the latter stepped back, feeling her legs wobbling at the feeling of Aurora standing so close to her.

“What time do you meet?” Rosalía asked after clearing her throat.

“He’ll come in twenty, I’ll do my makeup now. ”

“Great.”

“Thanks again, Rosie.”

“Anytime. Good luck tonight.”

Aurora smiled at her before she came back to her room, her chest pounding fast, her mind numb, her hands shaking. What was that? What was she feeling? She couldn't understand it because she’d never felt this for… for a girl before. But how? How could this happen?

She tried to have a logical explanation to what was feeling, that maybe she was experimenting with an aspect of friendship that she had never lived before,  or maybe she was just confusing this with another feeling that was not love.

But the more she tried to pull from the truth, the clearer it became.

This wasn't new, it's just now that she was able to put a name on it. Since the beginning, she'd felt some kind of attraction for her. When Aurora was harsh and ignored her, something pushed her towards her to try to get to know her, to be liked by her. She thought it was just a trait of her personality because she hated that someone didn't like her, at least not without motives, but now Rosalía was realizing it was more than that.

She was always trying to impress her, however she could, because she was brilliant. Every time she had the chance, she wanted to spend time with her, no matter what that could involve, whether it was walking four blocks to have a coffee or lunch, or just getting up earlier than usual so she could go to work in Aurora's car. The excuse she always gave to herself was that it was always good to start the day early, but actually, she just wanted to have alone time with her, just see her first thing in the morning without people around, without the busy routine.

Then that’s what it was? Love? Or was it just infatuation? Maybe nothing of the sort. Maybe she was just confused.

Rosalía couldn't sleep that night. The idea of Aurora having dinner with James, laughing, smiling, and seeing something interesting in him that made her accept a second date, and then maybe have something with him, was too much, even if she was in kind of denial with the whole situation. She didn't want to accept she had feelings for her friend, but at the same time, she hated the idea of her having dinner with James.

She tried to relax by reading a book, but the words before her were like Russian, she didn’t understand a bit.

Hours later,  another knock interrupted her internal fight.

“Rosie, can I come in?”

It was Aurora.

“Yes, come in.”

Aurora opened the door and entered with her purse and jacket in one hand, and a white paper bag in the other.

“Hey,”

“Hey,  how was your date?”

“It was… Good. He’s cute,” she replied as she walked toward her bed and handed her the paper bag,  “I brought you this.”

Rosialía took the bag in her hands, surprised. As she opened it, she found half a dozen spring rolls with soja sauce on a small plastic recipient inside.

“I know you like them.”

Her mind numbed again. Her core felt that buzzing and warm sensation that was pushing her to kiss her, but she was fighting it again.

Why she was being so damn cute?

Yeah, she really liked her. There wasn’t another explanation for this.

“You didn’t need to…”

“It’s a thank you gift for your help today.”

Rosalia smiled sadly at her. The nice gesture had quickly turned into a bittersweet one. It was a thank you for helping her with something she didn't want her to do.

What was she supposed to do? She probably didn’t feel the same. She had a date with someone. Hell, maybe she didn’t even like girls. Well, she herself didn’t know she liked girls until it happened, but there’s no way Aurora would be in the same situation. She’ll just have to learn to live with it. Probably with time she’d stop feeling things for her.

"Wanna join me for a bit while I try this?" Rosalía proposed as Aurora kept standing in front of her.

“Sure, why not?“ Aurora beamed at the invitation and sat in the space Rosalía made in her bed beside her, before taking a bite of a spring roll.

“Yuummm, this is amazing, Aurora! One of the best I’ve had.”

“Yeah, the food is pretty great, actually.”

“And the company? I want details!”

If Rosalía wanted to move on, the first thing she had to do was acting normal, like a friend, as if nothing was happening inside her heart. Also, probably she’d have to get used to the idea of Aurora dating James.

“It was great, we talked about a lot of things. James is a dog lover, likes to go hiking, and tries to go to concerts as much as he can, he's really interesting.”

“Oh, dog lover, that’s all we needed! Her fans will faint when they find out!”

Aurora chuckled, “Yeah, I think they might.”

“And he likes hiking, eh? Just like you.”

"Yeah, actually we agreed to go hiking sometime."

“Oooooh, you already planned a second date!” Rosalía hated herself, as she felt her excitement was excessive and maybe overacted.

Aurora blushed, “No! I mean, we didn’t set a date to do it, but...”

“Well, if the night went that well, he definitely is going to ask you out again," she assured, as she felt a pang on her stomach at the last words. She didn’t know how she managed to tease and smile at Aurora while she was dying of jealousy and pain inside.

*

Rosalía was confident that she could deal with the situation just like that night. That she could pretend everything was fine, show interest in her date, and tease her about it, but she was wrong. Completely wrong.

Ever since she found out she liked Aurora, the days turned into nightmares. Seeing Aurora under a different light, a light of love, complicated everything. She would feel nervous around her, to the point of making her blush sometimes, and frequently she would avoid group chattings to not risk the possibility of having to hear the gang teasing Aurora with James. All those feelings forced her to start spending less and less time with her friend, and the rest of the group as well.

Aurora noticed the change, of course. They were extremely close and above all, she was smart. She noticed Rosalía wasn't joining her early in the morning to go to work together, to which she would respond that she overslept or that she was too tired and preferred sleeping half an hour more. At the question of why she wasn't joining her at lunch, she would argue she had a lot of paperwork to do with the Diagnostics Team. She had a handful of excuses for her sudden change of behavior.

One afternoon she was leaving for her night shift when she found a couple in sportswear outside the building, kissing. When the man leaned his forehead against the woman's, Rosalía realized, to her misfortune, that the couple was no other than Aurora and James.

“This was great, we definitely should do it some other time," he muttered, gently pulling away from her, "maybe Lola can join us if you like. ”

“Yeah, that would be fun,” Aurora replied, smiling shyly.

Rosalía stood motionless at the portal. She was ready for anything except that. Well, no, she wasn't ready for anything that involved Aurora and James actually.

“Rosie!” Aurora exclaimed, embarrassment on her features, as she realized she was looking at them.

“H-Hey! Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Nonsense. Come on!” she reprimanded, gesturing her to approach them with her hand, “let me introduce you to James. I can’t believe I haven’t had the chance in all these weeks! James, she’s Rosie, Rosalía Muñoz.”

Rosalía sauntered down the stairs, her legs feeling like two heavy pillars of concrete crashing against the staircase, “Hi James, nice to meet you,” she said, her throat constricted.

“Rosie, nice to meet you too! Em has said amazing things about you!”

Em? He already had a nickname for her? A pet name?

“She has?”

“Oh yeah, every time she does it she leaves me with the feeling I want to be your friend too, so I hope this is just the first step to that.”

Fuck. She couldn’t even hate him, he was too nice.

"I've heard plenty of good things about you too, James," she responded, forcing a smile and fighting the tears that were forming in her eyes. "Well, I'm not gonna keep interrupting you, besides I'm on my way to work, so, see you later!" she said, waving her hand as she started walking toward the T-station.

She hadn’t had a train ride that shitty in months. Maybe when she found out Teresa Martinez had died, or maybe when she was suspended from her duties after the Preliminary Hearing about Teresa's death. Either way, it was horrific between trying to fight the tears back and forcing herself to think about anything else but that stupid kiss and the way she was smiling at him. But in the end, the tears were stronger.

The image in her head was too much. Things were getting better than she thought. If they were kissing, it meant that Aurora really liked him; she really was interested in pursuing a relationship with him, and that meant there was absolutely no chance for her. Well, who she was trying to kid, she never had a chance, but it's inevitable to build ideas and prospects in the head. Daydream about it. Clearly, she couldn't do it anymore.

The following days just got worse. She kept finding them everywhere, and one day James even joined them at Donahue's. She considered asking a round of tequila to shut her mind down with alcohol, but then she rejected the idea as she feared she would make a scene drunk. Rosalía didn't want her to know by any means, so instead, she waited fifteen minutes, and then she made up an excuse and went home, alone.

Even if she tried to be subtle, soon her friends started to notice she was distant. Sienna asked her if she was okay, if something had happened with Aurora because she had shown her some concerns about it. She alleged again it was just work. No one kept insisting on the topic.

It was the morning of her free day. All of her friends were at work so she sauntered relaxed toward the kitchen to have breakfast, happy with the palpable solitude.

A  few minutes after she sat up to eat her pancakes, Aurora appeared in the hall to make her own breakfast, “Hey Rosie.”

Her name in her mouth made her shiver. She raised her head, startled, her cheeks flushing instantly, "Good morning," she said and kept eating her breakfast in silence as if she wasn't completely crushed that she was there at that moment.

Aurora served a mug of coffee and made a bowl of fruits, oatmeal, and yogurt and then sat across Rosalía, who had her nose practically buried in her pancakes, unable to look at her. "How much time are you gonna be ignoring me?" she asked after staring at her for a few seconds.

Rosalía’s eyes widened but didn’t look up at her, “What are you talking about?”

“Come on, Rosie. You’re better than that. Are you gonna tell me what has you so… frustrated or distant with me?”

“You’re imagining things.”

The woman sighed with a stern expression on her face, "Rosalía, you've spent the last month ignoring me. We're friends, I know something is bothering you."

A month. Just a month. It felt like an eternity. How much time will it take her to extract Aurora out of her mind? Of her heart?

“Nothing to worry about, it will pass soon,” she said, still looking at her plate.

“Is this for the Benitez case?”

Completely confused with the question, Rosalía raised her head and a pair of worried chocolate eyes met hers, “Benitez case? What Benitez case?”

“The Lyme syndrome case Dr. Banerji made us compete to assist a conference in New York.”

Rosalía tried to remember that case until she found the image of Naveen talking to a group of second-year residents about this competition. Between what was happening with Aurora and the work on the Diagnostic Team, she didn't have the time to fight for it, which was unusual. In better times, Aurora and Jackie would've spent the entire day running to find a solution and throwing dirty looks at each other every time they were in their sights.

“Oh, that. No, no, you deserved it, it’s completely fine.”

“Then what is your problem? Are you really not gonna tell me?”

Rosalía sighed.

Aurora wasn't this pushy. Maybe she was truly concerned, and she couldn't blame her. She had been extremely strange the past months, to the point of making Aurora ask her other friends to find out what was happening, but Rosalía kept telling her everything was fine.

Her heart started racing fast, her cheeks flushed. She couldn't do it. She could not tell her. She prohibited herself to do it.

“I can’t tell you,” she whispered before standing up from her chair and sprint towards her room, but she couldn’t go very far, as Aurora stopped her just a few feet from the table.

“Rosie, please tell me what’s happening,” she said in a soft voice. Rosalia melted. Her eyes fluttered shut at the mention of her name in her mouth, once again. “I’m worried about you.”

"I…" she closed her eyes.  She shouldn't, but all her body was begging for her to tell Aurora the truth. She tried to look for another excuse but stopped instantly and resolutely. She didn't deserve to be lied to that way.

Maybe she will understand, she thought. She’s an adult, maybe it will be awkward at first, but they would eventually move on, and maybe that was the best,  to tell her than keep ignoring her and hiding this from her.

Rosalía opened her eyes again, and Aurora was staring at her, waiting.

“Aurora I….” she sighed, her breath was shaking. “I like you. More than a friend.”

Aurora’s eyes widened in shock for a brief second until she forced herself to school her features, probably to not break her heart more than already was, “But Rosie you…”

“Yes, I’ve always liked guys, until I liked you,” she confessed.

Aurora remained silent for a moment, “I’m sorry I… I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. You wanted to know why I was like this with you, there you have. But don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I just hope things don’t get weird between us,” she said before running away, successfully this time, from the kitchen. Once she reached her cove, she slammed the door shut and locked herself for the day.

Rosalía didn't see Aurora again until the next day at the hospital. They said hi awkwardly to one another and then kept with their routines more or less normally. By the end of the day, nervousness invaded her as she realized she'd have to see her for dinner, but lucky for her, Aurora wasn't at home when dinner was ready, so everyone assumed she had a last-minute date with James. Despite feeling internally relieved that she wouldn't face her again that night, the idea of Aurora with James kept itching just as the day of their first date.

She had finally managed to fall asleep when a knock on her door woke her up. Sleepy, she walked to open the door, only to find Aurora in the dark hall.

“Can we talk?” she said, a hand curling around her middle finger.

She looked so nervous and kind of worried, that didn’t give Rosalía a chance to get nervous too for being in front of her after what had happened, “Sure, come in.”

As she turned the lights of her bedroom on, she realized Aurora was blushing and her posture was noticeably stiff, “Aurora, are you okay? Something happened?” she asked, gently stroking her arms, inspecting her carefully.

Aurora’s body trembled at her touch so she parted her hands instantaneously, “I’m sorry…” she muttered, taking a step away.

“No,” she mumbled, grabbing her by the wrist, and gently pulling her to her body.

Now it was Rosalía’s turn to shudder, the coldness of her skin against hers causing tingles in every inch of her body.  

She looked up at her, seeking for any clue that could indicate what was she doing there, if was something was happening to her, but there was nothing more than a pair of chocolate eyes staring at her in a way she'd never seen before, and even if she couldn't tell what it was, it made her stomach flutter.

It was soft but at times it was interrupted by furrowings that denoted fear and maybe some desperation, as if for moments something inside her was pushing her to do something she wasn't ready to do, and then would find the strength, to finally waver again.

Hoping she wasn't reading all the situation wrong, Rosalía tempted fate by getting closer to Aurora until their bodies were now mere inches away from the other, the coolness of one body mixing with the warmth of the other.

At the advancement, Aurora looked at her as if something snapped inside her, all fears and doubts gone, just determination. Determination and… tenderness.

Rosalía felt her breath get caught in her throat as Aurora released her wrist to cup both hands on her cheeks, stroking her so gently, as though she was scared of breaking her. It was dazzling the way Aurora was looking at her, with unrestrained sweetness and warmth. All seemed too good to be true. Most of all, because it was in a way she had been wanting for weeks, and maybe, unknowingly, for months.

It didn’t take her long to mirror her, eyes sparkling at the sight of that precious creature of the universe so close to her, her chocolate eyes exposed to discover the hues and stripes drawn in her irises, her hot breath caressing her lips.

Then, as if something was pulling them, both rested their eyes on their lips and started to shorten the distance.

And for the first time, Rosalía didn’t resist. She let herself go and obeyed the most honest desire of her heart.

Kissing Aurora for the first time felt like floating.

No, it was it was even more mighty than flying. It was freeing and lulling, healing and exciting, and more than that, awakening.

The simple act of kissing her had awakened feelings and desires that she didn't know her heart could harbor. Pure and intense, sincere and encouraging.

Driven by all these sentiments, Rosalía wrapped her arms around her neck as both parted their lips to explore more of one another, and that was the beginning of an addiction that would've lasted hours if it wasn't because they had to catch some breath.

They stared at each other in silence until it was inevitably to giggle as if both were incredulous of what had just happened.

“Rosie I…” she shook her head, blinded by the beautiful smile Rosalía was giving her, “Damn, I like you too. So much. I’ve liked you for a long time.”

Rosalía opened her eyes wide, completely off-guarded by her confession, “You what? Are you serious?”

Aurora closed her eyes as she took a deep breath, and when she opened her eyes again, she looked at her amusingly, "I've liked you for, I don't know, several months now, since we started speaking in civil terms to one another. At that time I told you I was mean to you because I didn't want to trust anybody, and you were a threat to my career, but after a while, I realized part of why I tried to hate you so much was because I liked you."

Rosalía chuckled, blown away by how alike their stories were.

"It was hard for me to acknowledge that because I had never… I had never felt that for a girl. But I tried to ignore it, thinking you probably would never feel the same. Then I met James and I thought it was a sign, that maybe he would help me be over you… and I really liked him, you know? He's nice, he's treated me like anyone did before... but then you told me you liked me and… I couldn't believe it, that's why I reacted that way yesterday. I couldn't believe you felt that for me too. I swear I could've never imagined you were.... jealous. Not for a single moment, I linked your behavior to James and me."

Both shared a sad smile until Rosalía broke the silence, "First, I also thought I hadn't had a chance with you because you had only liked men, and second… If it wasn't for James, I don't know when I'd realized I liked you, but the idea of you dating somebody just… ignited something inside me, and the night of your date I finally could tell what it was."

“Oh my god, Rosie,” she laughed, also blown away by her story.

“What about James?”

“I spoke with him. I told him it wouldn’t work out between us because there was someone else.”

“Oh. So that means I have you all by myself now?”

Aurora gave her a mischievous smile as she tucked a strand of her wavy brown hair behind her ear, “Well, if that’s what you want."

Before that moment, Rosalía thought it would be hard for her to respond to that question, as it was something she had never experienced. Being with a girl. But now that she was in the situation, the answer became so easy because what was happening wasn’t anything unknown or terrifying. It was love, and love was simple. Simple and encouraging, so there was nothing to be afraid of.

Rosalía leaned to kiss her deeply before sweetly whispering:

“It is.”

#aurora emery #aurora x mc #aurora emery x mc #open heart #open heart choices #open heart fanfiction #choices #oh choices #playchoices #pixelberry #oh fanfic #oph #oph choices

[guigz1-coldwar]

'An way out' : New chapter for "Redemption in a Spirit in a Cold War" is out !

"An way out"

Chapter Summary : As the day is ending for Yirina and that she wasn't able to find an plan because of the situations she has faced, it was seemed lost....until someone decided to show her....an way out !....

Link of the Picrew used !

To read it on AO3, click here !

Words : +5000

Taglist : @snowgoldwaylon , @clxudtea , @efingart

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Seeing Sonya like this, been totally ignored by Freya about their feelings towards her, it was enough to make me realize that Freya changed an lot in years, that she was almost...mostly obsessed with me like if I was needed in her life to exist. I don't love her anymore but I'm still feeling that sister links in me. That's the only thing I have positively about her and unfortunately, it wasn't big enough today. She was acting only for me and it was making me bad about Sonya, about everything...it must stop before it goes too far, I need an plan.

After that little altercation where Freya gave me back my mother's ring, I was forced to follow her to get back to the same spot we used to sit in hidden sight today as she wanted me to think freely and for me, having to try to talk about my memories I've been thinking and I told her only memories that were talking about her or only the two of us. Sometimes bad, sometimes good, it is what she was feeling when I was talking of these memories, I didn't know if she was feeling regrets for the bad ones, I couldn't know about it.

We only left that spot when the evening came to eat something, going to an other hidden spot for that and like before, it was like before : wanting to know more about my memories but I was out of ideas, having told everything all day with her and that was almost bothering me when she was asking about something else other than me or her. She was pleading each time but still, I had to play an act of an woman who couldn't remember everything right. We then go back to her quarters, preparing to go to sleep for my first 'recovery test'.

"Freya." I called her out when we arrived in the room, her already removing her top along the way to get to the bed.

"Yes, love ?" She whispered, throwing the shirt aside and turning around to look at me, curious.

"These recovery tests...how are they going to work ?"  I asked her, staying near the front door of her room.

"Yiri, you don't need to worry about it, it's all going to go fine." She replied in an sure voice, knowing the lie behind it.

"Listen, I will not worry if you tell me what will happen." I objected, faking to know more about that situation even if I was not stupid and fully aware. "Just, tell me about everything and I will be better."

"I don't think that...."

"Freya, tell me now !" I cut her out, staying friendly to her, not wanting to raise my voice as I moved to face her.

"I....fine, I will tell you." She resigned her, taking my hands in hers as she sit on the edge of the bed with me along it. "We....I mean, Dedov.....he find an process to get your memories back rapidly & surely." She started, looking away from me, probably to hide the fact she was lying.

"How does it go ?" I demanded in an low voice.

"It's hard to say but we will give you injections." She stated, causing me to remove my hands from hers.

"Injections ? What for ?" I raised up my voice, going up from the bed in fear from that word, fainting to be scared of the subject. "Why would you give me injections ?" I added.

"It's to help you." She responded, hearing her to get up from the bed. "We're going to put you to sleep but like I said, it's an difficult & painful moment." She continued, approaching behind me at listening to her footsteps.

"Difficult & painful ? And it's used to help me ?" I muttered, shaking my head away.

"I didn't talk about the process but about me, Yiri." She corrected herself, making me to turn around to face her again. "It's hard to see you like that, having lost the most precious part of you." She said, putting her left hand on my cheeks, feeling her fingers on my skin. "Don't you see the work we're doing to save you ?"

"I don't know." I whispered, an tear coming out of my right eye...an tear that was quickly cleaned up by her hand. "It is all really necessary ? We can just let the time pass and my memories will come back like that." I proclaimed but she shook her head.

"No, we can't." She chuckled, not even removing her hand off me. "Stitch said that he want you to be useful."

"Stitch ? That hooded one-eyed guy ?" She nodded to my remark.

"I know at my part that you & him aren't real friends but he said that...." She then stopped herself in her words, making some good eyes to me. "Listen, better that we don't talk about this." She moved to make me an kiss on the cheek before withdrawing off me to go back to the bed. "Right now, you need to...." She was going to continue until knocks at the front door was heard, getting her attention.

"Do you want me to open ?" I asked her, gesturing to the door and she nodded, allowing me to walk back to the front door and opening it, discovering Sonya Kuzmin, looking an bit sad & apologizing on their face.

"Sonya, what do you want ?" Freya questioned first, seeing them from the bed.

"Uhm...I wanted to say that I'm sorry about earlier that day." They answered, hands behind the back and looking down at their feets. "I did overreact an little to you."

"You almost raised your hands on me, Sonya." Freya spoke up, going up again from the bed. "Now, get lost." She ordered in an clear voice, gesturing to me to close the door like that.

"Wait, I need something from your room....something that's belongs to me." Sonya stopped the door, putting their hands on it as I intentionally started to close it slowly.

"And what exactly ?" Freya was sounding annoyed, looking at her rolling eyes.

"An little box that was under your bed, I believe." They told her, pointing at the bed. "An box with pictures of me." They explained, pleading to have it back according to their voice.

"Alright, just don't move." Freya complied, kneeling to search under the bed and as I was watching Freya in her moves, I was suddenly tapped on my shoulder by Sonya, causing me to turn around and to see them with an note in their hands, saying 'Find me in the restrooms at midnight, trust me !'.

"Trust me." They whispered in an very low voice before moving the note away as Freya was coming back with an little brown box in her hands.

"Here's your little box." Freya mumbled, putting the box in their hands before moving back to the bed. "Now, like I said, get lost." She repeated her order, causing me to close the door slowly again.

"Be there." Sonya told me silently before the door was completely closed, making me curious about their intentions....what do they want ?....

"Come on, Yirina, let's go to sleep." Freya suggested, tapping over the place I use on the bed as she was already under the blankets and I complied, moving to get to the bed, closing the lights before 'sleeping'....

I couldn't sleeping because I wasn't able to find an good plan to escape all day, the spots I was weren't so useful to help me got an better sight on the layout of the base and on any escape points but also now because of that little note that Sonya showed to me, asking me to join them in the restrooms of the buildings at midnight and it was seeming interesting but also dangerous. Could it be an trap against me ? Or could Sonya help me as they know that I wasn't lying to them ?

We were at 9PM and waiting 3 hours on that bed while getting hold by Freya around my chest wasn't so pleasant. Struggling to not close my eyes any second was like an exploit and I was able to hold on....for 3 long hours. When the time came at midnight, I started to got up from the bed, managing to remove Freya's arms around me and putting on the shoes I've been using for days, ready to go see Sonya.

"Where are you going ?" Freya said, her voice low as I could see narrow her eyes as I was putting my boots on.

"Don't worry, I need to go to the restroom." I replied, trying to reassure her at the best I could do. "I will not be too long." I claimed, moving back next to her.

"Don't be too long." She whispered as I acted to pull out an kiss on her forehead.

"I will come back very quick." I affirmed again after that kiss, seeing an smile on her face until I fully got up and leaves the room, going into the restroom direction that was just an floor below.

I didn't cross paths with any guards during my way down and that place was very silent, maybe thinking that Perseus was believing that none of his enemies could actually infiltrate this place. I put that thought away, reconcentrating myself to go meet with Sonya in that restroom and when I entered it, I had to verify that they weren't hidden in the toilets by checking under every door until I stopped myself near the multiple sinks and then, hearing the room door getting opened.

"Are you there ?" I asked in an curious tone as I wasn't in sight of the door, staying near the sinks.

"Of course, it's me." It was Sonya's voice that answered to me, arriving in front of me with an backpack in their hands. "You have to be this loud, it could have been anyone except me." They said, sounding annoyed that I almost blew up everything.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, joining my hands together.

"Don't need to be." They muttered, putting the backpack on the ground and moving to lock the front door of the restroom. "Listen, you maybe wondering why I asked you here ?"

"Honestly no but I have some ideas in my head." I answered honestly to them as they were coming back to the backpack.

"I know that it must be strange for you but...somehow, I knew that you were acting when you stepped in during that moment with Freya." They started, my eyes going wide at hearing this, stunned that they were able to see through me.

"How ?" I breathed.

"Even after what happened to you, what they're trying to do, I knew that you were acting." They repeated, sure of themselves on that and by these words, my acting wasn't needed anymore.

"So....what are we doing here exactly ?" I demanded in an serious tone.

"I wanted to see you to share some details." They replied, taking out some files from the backpack and putting them . "I'm going to help you and the british...well, Park...to escape." They revealed to me, surprising me at my highest point, my jaw dropping from that fact.

"Uh....that's...why ?" I murmured, leaning against the sink behind me

"Because I realized that you don't deserve all of this." They responded, stopping in their moves and putting their hands on the sink next to the one I was leaned on. "When you told me that our talks weren't fake, I had an change of heart." They added, looking at me with saddened eyes. "I won't defect but I will help you."

"You don't have to do this, you know ?" I said, still surprised by their gesture.

"I know but there's no other choices for me, I can't let you & Park suffer that fate." They told me, taking their hands on one of the file they put out. "That's why you need to escape tonight." They handed me the file and I could discover that it was an report on Park's situation.

"Extensive brainwashing needed, awaiting for transfert." I muttered the notes that was marked on the file. "They're going to move her away ?" They nodded to me sadly.

"I'm not for this shit, it's sick." They exclaimed, talking about the brainwashing. "They said that the normal way of brainwashing weren't going to work because of her loyalties so they're getting her away deeper in the USSR." They revealed as I snorted in sadness to see the shitty situation we were now.

"And...and what about Dedov ?" I asked them, maybe thinking that they know about the links I had with him before.

"Stitch...he was curious and he had him left the base earlier this night." They announced, realizing that my attempt to make Dedov doubt his life wasn't so discreet to Stitch's ears for me. "He told me that since you were knowing Dedov before and he, Dedov, was having doubts, he moved him away to follow Park's procedure."

"That's means that Stitch & Freya is staying here to brainwash me while Dedov will be going away to make some extensive brainwashing on Park ?" I suggested, holding the file in my hands before giving it back to them. "We have to do something."

"I know and that's why I'm helping you." They affirmed again, putting the file in the backpack until taking out an gun from it.

"I think that it's belongs to you." They proclaimed, handing me an M1911....my own M1911 that I took in hands....it didn't change. "I don't know why but Freya insisted that your M1911 was kept for you, she said that you were having this gun before."

"Really ?" I whispered, checking out the M1911, surprised to see it back in my hands before taking it with me.

"Yes but....I found also something else in my brother's office." They told me and then, I could see an sort of diary in their hands.

"What's this ?" I demanded when they handed me the book in my hands and when I opened the first page to check it out, I was....shocked to see....who was the person that wrote in it....Eleazar....Azoulay. "Lazar ?" I was trembling by seeing his name on that book but what does it means ?

"There were an description on it : it was stolen along with some CIA files about your brainwashing, it said to have been recovered in an complex in Cuba by the CIA 3 years ago if I remember." They explained to me and I nodded, meaning that I was already aware of what happened that day 3 years ago

"It belonged to an friend." I revealed, holding the book in my hands until Sonya put their hands on the backpack to give it to me.

"I know that it's maybe hard for you to see it but you need it more than us." They proclaimed as I put the book gently in the bag and then, took it behind me. "Listen, at this moment, there's some doctors doing some drugging to Park at the same room they experimented on you." They told me, peaking their head to see if no one was trying to enter the room. "Follow me and we'll save her."

"I'm following you, Sonya." I nodded to them fully as they started to walk to reopen the door.

I couldn't believe that Sonya was the one that was going to help me to get out of this hell but....they're an good person despite everything, the only good person in this base along with Dedov and the fact they, somehow, managed to get their hands on an diary that was to Lazar....it bring an tear to my eyes....this...I wanted to thanks them an hundred times but this wasn't the tome.

They were opening the lead, stopping at each hallway we were going to engage ourselves and by luck, the hallways of the building were all empty as explained by them that Stitch had almost all the men getting involved in his operations in Verdansk, giving us both an chance to move freely around the building to get to the other one where Park was keeping for drugs tests, encountering no Perseus soldiers on the way to the room she was hold.

"Okay, ready to play an act again ?" Sonya demanded in an serious voice as we were arriving near the medical room, stopping near the door of it.

"What do you want me to do ?" I asked them, my M1911 in hands as I could do anything to save Park from Perseus's hands.

"Make them believe that you got me in hostage, I will try to help if it goes wrong." They replied, standing still, causing me to take them as an 'human shield'...ready to play an act. "Stay true to your role and be threatening." They adviced, knowing that I have to be rude and ruthless in that room.

"I'm not going to be gently but okay." I thanked for the advice, preparing myself before opening slowly the door of the room, holding Sonya at gunpoint with my M1911 with safety on. When we entered, we could see Park on that stretcher, half-unconscious as two doctors were making tests. "Put your hands up and free her !" I ordered, stepping in the moment, carefully closing the door behind me violently to get their attention.

"What ? How ?" One of the doctors chuckled, seeing me holding one of their owns with my pistol.

"You're deaf ? Free her or I'll blow their head off." I spoke up, getting my M1911 right on Sonya's head as an act, walking slowly towards the doctors.

"Do what she said, for fuck sake !" Sonya pleaded in an almost scared voice, causing one of the doctor to comply while the second that didn't talk, wasn't moving, near an little trolley.

As the first doctor was removing Park's links to get her free and me watching him, the second doctor decided to act, pushing with his feets the trolley towards me & Sonya. I reacted quickly by throwing Sonya away to the direction we came in to stop the trolley before it hit me violently. On it, there were some scalpels and as my M1911 wasn't silenced and that it couldn bring too attention on us, I took the choice to take one of the scalpel in my hand to throw it like that at the second doctor.

It hit him right in the left eye, causing him to fall on his back, seemingly killing him but then, the first doctor that was removing Park's links also acted by throwing him on me, losing my M1911 in the process and finding himself on top of me, starting to strangle me with his hands at my neck, trying to reach my gun that wasn't afar from my right hand until he put his hand on my arm to avoid me to move.

"Clear !" I heard Sonya almost shout in the room until suddenly, I saw them arriving behind the first doctor with an defibrilator in hands and then, shocked him to death by activating it right between his head in an second. "Bastard !" They spit on him after he was away from me as I got up, catching back my breath.

"Thanks." I said in an low voice, grabbing back my pistol before moving to get to Park.

"No need to." Sonya stated, walking with me to remove the rest of the links that was holding Park on that stretcher.

"Yiri..." Park's voice was audible to me, sounding very low and drugged.

"Park, I'm here, we're getting out of here." I reassured her as we were finished with the links before I hugged her, so happy to find her again after all these times despite that she wasn't so reactive because of her state. "Thank you, Sonya."

"I did what needs to be done, Yirina." Sonya affirmed to me, offering their hands to me. "You & her....I'm not the best on this subject but you're really made for each other." They said as we both shook hands, bringing an smile on my face before I move to hold Park's body in my arms.

"And now ?" I questioned them as they were the one with the plan.

"There's an car in an hangar that you can use." They replied as they took my M1911, knowing that I can't use it while holding Park. "Once we got here, you drove away without looking back from this base and back to your friends."

"And you ?" I whispered but they shook their head.

"I'll be fine, let's go." They ordered, moving back to the door as I start to follow her slowly.

It was true....we were getting out of this hell and it was Sonya that was doing this....you will have your help from the inside....Bell's words to me in those dreams....it was meaning my inside fight but also Sonya's help for us. They were now an friend to me. They were still leading the way to get outside of the building, still cautious of any potentials guards that we can badly cross paths with but that wasn't the case.

We got out of the building and we moved away to get to the place that they talked about to me : an hangar where they prepared an vehicle for us at the other side of the base...of the airstrip but thankfully, there were almost no soldiers around to stop us and when we arrived in that hanger, discovering the military jeep in it, our escape car, I was already feeling the freedom, knowing that me & Park were escaping thanks to Sonya.

"Don't worry, Park, we're leaving." I recomforted Park as I was installing her on the front passenger seat of the jeep.

"Here's the keys." Sonya said, giving me the jeep's keys after I was done with Park, quickly moving to get on the driver seat. "Once you start the engine, drive at full speed through the portal base and be fast." They adviced me as I was getting on my seat.

"I know you said that I don't need to worry but...what if they knew about you ?" I demanded, worried about what could happen to them if their role were discovered in that escape.

"We'll see but I hope for the best." They responded, raising their shoulders, unsure about it. "I don't think that they can accuse me of anything." They scoffed with an grin that I could reciprocate for once.

"Of course, you're an good person, Sonya." I admitted with the smile I had.

"Oh, fuck off." They told me in an funny tone, making me laugh about it. "I'm not used to have that but...thanks, anyway." They added, going away from the car as I was starting the jeep's engine, getting it work until.....

"Don't fucking move !" I heard someone shouted in front of the jeep, passing through an open door.....it was Freya, full dressed in military clothes and holding an pistol towards me.

"What the fuck are you doing here ?" Sonya spoke up, raising their hands as I was frozed in place, my hands still on the keys, trying to move them slowly towards the steering wheel.

"I start to think that she was very long to go to the toilets so I decided to check up." Freya replied, angered about the situation....not this close...."You....you played your stupid act again, Yirina ?" She demanded and I sadly nodded.

"You gave me no choices !" I stated, also angry about her. "You became obsessed by having me back, even forgetting that Sonya was loving you for real." I defended, giving my thoughts as Sonya looked at me, surprised.

"And you ? You became too obsessed with the woman that did fucked up your life ?" She attacked me back on the subject, not paying attention to Sonya.

"Maybe but you....you tried to brainwash me too....the person that was your sister." I exclaimed, managing to get my hands on the steering wheel. "You stole my mother's ring in that airstrip and you also gave me Adler's sunglasses." I added, wondering why I talked about those glasses, still in my pants pocket along with my ring.

"Come on, Freya, put the gun down and let them go." Sonya ordered, wanting to defuse the situation and to put some goods senses in Freya.

"You betrayed me and you expect me to let you go ?" Freya protested, still pointing her gun to me & Park, still half-unconscious.

"Park....we will do this..." I whispered in an very low voice, putting my right hand on her left arm, taking the occasion to make the car ready to go backwards with the gear box.

"Freya, trust me, it's for your good, put your gun down." Sonya spoke up, still moving towards Freya who wasn't moving at all.

"Stop the car and get out !" Freya ordered in an enraged tone, seeing the darkness in her eyes. "You're belonging to me, Yirina....to me !" She exclaimed loudly. "You're my property, he told me that." She added, feeling so offusqued by the words she was using to describe me, giving no choices that I couldn't back down.

"I'm taking my choices, Freya !" I expressed my thoughts to her before closing my eyes and taking an deep breath. "I'm doing this for me and for Park."  I affirmed before opening my eyes....starting to drive away as my move caused Freya to shot 2 bullets in our direction before Sonya jumped on her to stop her.

I couldn't look back as Sonya told me. I was now focused on getting us away from here, looking behind us to make an drift to drive forwards to the portal of the base as the alarm was getting rang at the moment I could use the accelerator to drive at full speed. I passed through the few soldiers that were trying to do something before I managed to smash the little fence that was serving as an portal, feeling the real freedom after passing through it.

We were now free as I was now driving at full speed away from the base we were kept, going south as Freya unadvertantly gave me the place we were earlier that day and remembering the CIA hideout from an few kilometers from Verdansk....ready to be angry about Hudson giving us up to Perseus when we will arrive but as I was engaging myself on the freeway and arriving near the airport, still at full speed, I realized in horror only now that the windshield was having an bullet hole in it....discovering at the same time that I was wounded at my left shoulder.

"Shit..." I whispered, seeing the blood on my shirt, having not been able to feel the gunshot because of the excitment I had when leaving this base, causing me to press the accelerator like never before.

"You...you're wounded." I could hear Park's voice slowly panicking in an low tone.

"I'm okay, Park." I insisted despite starting to feel weird, knowing that I could pass out at any moment from now. "Don't look...I'm alright." I said, keeping my eyes on the road as I was turning around to drive on the same road that we took to arrive in Verdansk.

"Yirina...you...you...you saved me." Park told me, looking to keep it up.

"I told you that we will escape." I snorted, sounding sad as tears were coming out of my eyes, thinking about the whole situation but starting to cry because I could die of that gunshot...I was struggling to not die in front of her.

"No....don't cry, we made it." She adviced me, trying to recomfort me but I couldn't....no...I couldn't.

"Yes but I'm dying." I chuckled, trying to clean up the tears on my wound but only putting some blood of my wound on it. "I'm trying my best." I added.

"Like you always do." She smiled before she closed her eyes....falling back unconscious.

"Park, stay...stay with me." I ordered, panicked, taking an second to take her pulse at her neck, she was still alive but the drugs must have knocked her out again...."Shit....Park, stay strong !" I continued, still panicking as I was refocused back on driving the jeep to our destination.

It took me....more than 5 minutes to arrive at the CIA hideout, remembering it quickly in my hands and....I was still panicked when I stopped the car, seeing Park unconscious and since that nobody was coming out, I moved with my wound to get Park out of the car, holding with the rest of the strengh remaining that I got in me that was focused on keeping me alive. I was holding her....to save her.

"Help !" I shouted, opening the front door of the safehouse with my right feet violently and then, I could discover inside....Woods...Sims....& Song...all talking together....

"My god....Yirina ?" Woods was the first to spoke up, shocked to see me here, holding Park.

"Grigoriev ?" Song followed up.

"Help us....help her !" I shouted to them, causing them to move quickly towards us. "Get her quick....heal her quick !" I ordered in an clear and loud voice to them.

"I'm taking her !" Sims said, opening his arms to take Park off me, to bring her to the medical room to get her well....to save her....as Woods & Song were getting next to me.

"What happened, Yirina ?" Woods demanded, checking up my state and seeing my wound.

"Woods, she's wounded !" Song stated, moving her hands to hold me too but like that, I refused her help.

"I know but.....where is this fucking traitor ?" I yelled, all angry and forgetting that my wound was more important than to beat the shit out of Hudson.

"Who is fuck is yelli-...." I was surprised when I saw Hudson arriving inside the room in the direction that Sims took with Park and he stopped himself when our eyes met, feeling the whole rage inside of me going up.

"You sold us up to Perseus !" I started, getting Woods & Song hands off me before starting to walk slowly towards him, clenching my left fist and my right hand above my wound "You sold...." I wanted to say until....I couldn't move, having no more strenght to hold on, feeling myself going away....before I fall back hardly on the ground, on my back.

My vision was getting blurred, my whole body wasn't responding anymore at the moves I was thinking about as I could see Woods & Song coming towards me, the light of the ceilling slowly blinding me before I closed my eyes, thinking it was maybe the end of everything for me....feeling that Freya shot me because I was 'her property'.....that I was maybe lost for good....that I lost what I want to keep with me....

We escaped this hell....but at what cost ?

#cod bocw #cod cold war #cod black ops cold war #cod cw #call of duty cold war #cod #call of duty #cod bell #black ops cold war #yirina grigoriev #fem!bell #helen park

[asian-hero]

Emergency request May i ask hdcs momo realising that her femcrush was a child abused by her father(verbally and physically)during a girl's night where reader says that she does not want to have children (because she is afraid to be like her parents). she has a crush on momo but is afraid of a relationship because she thinks that she risks to mistreat her as her father did with her mother. it's actual questions i can't stop asking myself so ... if you're unconfortable just ignore it. thank you.

A/N: Even though I may not know you, the fact that you question yourself on whether or not you would be a bad parent/partner to someone is proof enough that you would never be the way your parent was. It’s understandable that you’d be scared that you may end up hurting the ones you care about most, but please remember that your parents aren’t a reflection of you, and you can grow and develop and be your own person in the world, one that can bring warmth and kindness to everyone around you, please remember that ❤️

It was rather rare that you and the rest of the 1-A girls would have a girl’s night all to yourselves

I say this because, whenever you all try to have one, one of the boys will barge in and demand they be apart of it, and that they feel left out. Pretty soon after, the entirety of 1-A is sitting out in the common area, as you all had to migrate out of whatever dorm room you were in due to the sheer amount of growth your group had

Finally, though, the seven of you are finally able to have a girl’s night without the interruption from any of your other classmates. It was a nice way to just unwind with one another and talk about all the things that have stressed you out, made you laugh, and anything that’s happened to you during the day

If you were completely being honest with yourself, you were mainly excited for these nights with just the girls because you could hang out with Momo without anyone questioning your motives

This was a great excuse for you to hang out with her, but not have to deal with all of the unwanted emotions that would occur if it were just the two of you

As much as you liked her, you felt that she could do so much better than you, so you never wanted to risk anything, and, in the end, you sort of ended up avoiding her. So, these girl’s nights gave you the perfect opportunity to be near her without having to deal with the consequences of it after

While you’re busy being in a heated discussion with Ochako about what flavor of mochi is the best, you don’t notice a certain pony-tailed girl looking your way

It was fairly obvious to everyone else, or at least to all of the girls, that Momo had the biggest crush on you. She would stare at you when she thought no one else was watching, and would just admire your beauty. As cliche as it sounds, she found that you were most beautiful to her when you were in your natural state. Whenever you were talking to your friends, with the biggest grin on your face as you laughed at one of their jokes, she’d find herself being unable to breathe. She could honestly watch you for hours and never be bored of it

Of course, she never really acted on her feelings, mainly because she felt that you were uncomfortable around her. Whenever you two were alone, you refused to look at her, and you’d only talk to her when she asked a question, and even then you’d only answer her in short tidbits. While it hurt her feelings, Momo couldn’t find it in herself to confront you about it. Perhaps it was because she was scared of the answer that would come, or maybe it was the fear that you wouldn’t answer her at all, and then she’d just be standing there all by herself

So, she resigned herself to just watching you from afar, taking happiness from seeing you look so happy with the others. After all, she knew that she’d be able to hang around you during the few girl’s nights you all had, so she’d hold out until then

After a while of talking about your school work, how annoying a certain purple haired boy was, and how you all feel you’ve progressed with your quirks, you had landed on the topic of the future: namely, about your future families

Mina was the first to talk about her future, saying that she wanted to find someone who was strong, kind, and funny. She also went further into her future life, saying that she wanted a wedding by the beach, and wanted to wear a pinkish wedding dress. After her future wedding, she’d want to start having kids immediately, stating that she wanted at least two little ones

After her came Toru, then Ochako, then Asui. Even Jirou had participated in the conversation, albeit a bit reluctantly. Eventually the conversation had found its way to you, and you couldn’t help but feel self conscious, wanting nothing more than to just fold in on yourself to escape the questioning looks of your friends

You took in a shaky breath, attempting to calm your nerves before saying that you weren’t sure you wanted any kids, much less a relationship. Immediately, as you’d predicted, you were bombarded with questions of “why?” and “are you sure you want to shut yourself in like that?”

While you already predicted that they’d react like that, it still didn’t make you feel any better to be proven right

You merely shrug your shoulders, trying to play into the nonchalant role, saying that you just weren’t really interested in having kids, and that really, you’d be doing your imaginary kids a favor, as if they’d been real, you weren't sure that you’d be the best parent

Once again, you were silenced by the other girls telling you that you’d be a great mom, and that anyone would be lucky to have you, and while it felt great hearing that, you couldn’t really imagine a life like that for yourself

As you felt yourself spiraling into dark thoughts about yourself, it was Momo who saved you. She put herself in front of you, scolding the others for pressing the subject when you were clearly uncomfortable.

While the others were apologizing profusely after realizing how uncomfortable you were, Momo was taking you to her own dorm room, telling the others that you’d both be back soon

In all honesty, you really wanted to tell the others that it was fine, and that you were just “overreacting,” but the words wouldn’t come out of your mouth

Once the two of you reached her dorm, she pulled you onto her bed, sitting across from you, waiting for you to say something. After a few more seconds of silence, and the realization that you weren’t going to speak, she sighed, leaning in closer to brush the hair away from your face

“You know, if there’s something bothering you, you can always tell me,” She started, before pulling her hands away, “I won't tell anyone.”

With just those few words, you felt everything pouring out of your mouth: about your childhood and how your father had been abusive in every sense of the word, how all those years of torture had led you to wanting to be a hero in the first place, as you didn’t want anyone else to live like that, and how those years had damaged how you saw yourself and the world, and that you didn’t feel like you deserved to be happy

She doesn’t interrupt you as you stumble your way through your sentences. Instead, she inches ever so closer, and pretty soon she’s enveloping you in a tight hug, holding your head against her chest

Tears that you didn’t know were there started to dampen her shirt, and you try to push yourself away, with a meek attempt at an apology, but she refuses to let you go, only moving back slightly to stare directly into your eyes

“I’m sorry that you had to deal with all of that by yourself. You didn’t deserve any of what your father did to you, and I promise you that you’re more than deserving of all the good things in life. Please don't ever say that you’re less than, because I can assure you, if there was anyone in the entire world who deserves kindness and love and warmth, it’d be you”

She pulls you into her chest again, this time burying her face into your hair, trying to conceal the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes. With a shaky voice, she speaks again:

“I mean, it’s not like you’re hard to love, either. I know that all the girls love you, and so do the boys, even Bakugou,” She laughs, rubbing her cheek against your head, “Though he’d try to deny it.”

Her voice grows softer, almost as if she weren’t sure of herself, “I love you too, you know.”

You lift your head up, a curious look on your face. Even though your mind is filled with such opposing emotions, and your self doubt hadn’t gone away, you couldn't help but ask:

“As a friend?”

She sighs once more, shaking her head. That’s all the signal you need to realize one thing: somehow, Momo had fallen for you. Despite you pushing her away, not talking to her, she’d still found herself growing to love you. Even though you never once showed much of an interest in even being her friend, she loved you nonetheless

It was a thought that both excited you and terrified you. So, you did the only thing that came to mind: deflect. Scoffing, you turned your head to the side, not wanting to look her in the eye

“You can’t be serious,”

She tilted her head, a saddened look crossing her features, “Would it truly be that bad if I loved you?”

When you didn’t respond, she gently cupped your cheek, forcing you to look at her

“I know it’s hard for you, especially with all that you’ve told me, but I know that you aren’t like that,” She squished your cheek, “You aren’t your father, and neither am I. So, will you please give me a chance? Let me prove to you that love isn't as scary as it seems to be”

It was hard to deny her when she gave you such a cute expression. Still, you frowned, burying your head into her shoulder. “I’m not sure if I know how to love,”

She smiled, rubbing your back. “Don’t worry about that, I’m more than willing to wait for you,”

As the two of you sat there, finding comfort in one another’s arms, you couldn’t help the small warmth growing in the pit of your stomach. What was it? You weren’t really sure. Did it scare you? Of course it did, but you knew that, with Momo, you’d be safe

When the next morning came rolling around, the rest of the girls had checked to see if the two of you were okay, and instead of finding the worst, they found the two of you snuggled up in her bed, with your head resting upon her chest, and her arms wrapped around you protectively, as if trying to shield you from the world

The girls shut the door lightly, and they refused to let anyone near the two of you for the rest of the day

#bnha #mha #bnha imagines #mha imagines #bnha x reader #mha x reader #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #momo yaoyozoru #yaoyorozu x reader #yaoyorozu momo #yaoyorozu momo x reader #momo yaoyorozu x reader #momo x reader

[tysukis]

Hi, first(?) AU anon here. I will absolutely dive down this rabbit hole with you. I went a little overboard (sorry?). I absolutely agree with you on your Zuko take. I think we all kind of land there naturally. But I also think that Zuko would latch onto stability the moment he realized he had it. So this is kind of how I see it going down:

I think the band Sokka is part of would be solid. Just a local hit, right? But Sokka is the plans guy, and the aspirations guy, and they can do *so much better*. I 100% do not know how real life musicians work so add a pinch of salt here, but he would absolutely land them a gig as openers to a mediocre niche headliner just by sheer power of phone calls and charm. (He scripted it as much as possible, we all remember how that canon speech went when he winged it, but he knows how to put words together when he has time).

And yeah I love the idea of Zuko being an academic. I'm assuming Ozai is out of the picture for this, and the boy gets to pursue his passions instead of an expectation. Unfortunately, you mix in passion and the general anxiety of a kid who lived under intense scrutiny and you get an adult who gets tunnel vision during spring finals/prep for a conference/etc. So he doesn't quite rise to the occasion when his boyfriend drops this life changing news, he's proud but distracted, and he's already so bad at words in comparison to Sokka that it's just. Lackluster. And he probably meant to meet them at the bar/house party to celebrate after he got home but he's sleep deprived and his phone is dead because he's a disaster sometimes.

So now you've got Sokka stewing on immediate events, and being a little heartbroken because he went all out every time Zuko accomplished *anything*, even if it wasn't super impressive to Zuko himself. And maybe there's a bit of Zuko assuming Sokka doesn't need that reciprocated. He just doesn't vocalize his important needs, so Zuko assumes they're being met, you know? I like the drama of a blown up confrontation but also the idea that Sokka just confronts him sounding hurt and so damn tired of being the emotional one for that long.

But on the other side you have Zuko with his internalized plan that this is his forever person, and he does go to almost every performance even if they don't play his preferred music. And he assumes Sokka is satisfied with this. Maybe because Zuko can't imagine being happier than near his family - the good ones anyway - or because he genuinely thinks Sokka and the band are happy with being local celebrities and leaving it at that. So he plans for permanence. Because he is still a disaster, Zuko probably never vocalized this beyond doing window shopping for apartments or something. Vague jokes about a wedding that Sokka laughs at/agrees with and Zuko interprets as, "Yes I am also thinking about being here with you forever." He's not the wordsmith, he's the pragmatist and love means house shopping and snuggling over takeout and planning trips to visit their distant family together, right? Sokka's confrontation blindsided him, because he thought they were on the same page, and Sokka didn't have to leave to keep playing music, why is that even a thing??

They're both justified in being jaded because they're dumb as hell (affectionate). This isn't an AU for two grown ass men who have put in therapy time, they're both young and full of their own understanding with poor communication skills.

musician au anon!!! hello welcome back thank you so much for this incredible ask, let’s GO

(I’m gonna pop this one under a read more because otherwise this post will be eight miles long lmao)

Honestly I’m wracking my brain with what I can possibly add to this because you’ve got like. A fully fledged outline here my dude and it’s a good one. Do you write? Because you should, if you don’t. I still love the alternative take of Sokka being the one to leave and honestly this pretty much cements how much potential it has. I absolutely adore how you’ve thought about just how the communication would break down between them - and you’re completely bang on the money with it as well. Zuko is fully a hot disaster and would completely just assume Sokka’s needs are being met if he isn’t vocalising them, and we know Sokka, he’s a complainer but when it really comes down to those he loves - he’s known for being pretty selfless and for putting up brave faces. I can totally see Sokka perhaps almost feeling a bit self conscious about how hurt he is by Zuko’s lack of enthusiasm. Because Zuko loves him, right? And it’s just one show, right? So maybe he’s just overreacting, right? Or maybe he’s actually not even that good. Oh no, maybe Zuko hates his music and is just waiting for the right time to break it to him gently. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I think I might have already said it at some point tonight but Sokka would absolutely spiral until he convinces himself that him leaving would be nothing more than simply just leaving before he gets left. And like you said: Zuko  is out here planning a whole future assuming that they’re on the same page, meanwhile he has no idea.

I totally buy Sokka winging his way into a supporting act spot using his charm and charisma, and yeah his speech in canon didn’t go too well but this could likely be over the phone to only one person which would probably make it easier. I was thinking about how Sokka performing would work in conjuncture with his canon almost stage fright/fear of public speaking - and I’m leaning towards the hc that he embodies a sort of persona in front of large crowds and he’s able to let that take over and act casually and confidently no matter the audience.  (source: I am someone who studied acting and excelled in public speaking most of her life despite having a chronic anxiety disorder - playing parts and speaking on stage didn’t feel like ‘me’ because I was always channeling a character either fictional or an alternative version of myself. It works, folks.)

Are we thinking he broke away from the band and went on to succeed in a solo career? As in, he felt being local heroes was a limited pathway? Or did they all go together? Who else would be in it I wonder.

I LOVE your interpretation of Zuko and how the factors under which he was raised would shape him, especially in a modern setting. He would absolutely go into tunnel vision and that perfectionist mindset he was essentially forced into as a kid would probably be alive and well into adulthood. (And yeah, these aren’t men who have been to therapy - yet! - so we’re probably gonna assume that Zuko views this as a Perfectly Normal And Healthy Way To Live And Not At All A Trauma/Survival Response.)

I’m assuming this confrontation is what leads to their break up and then Sokka going off to pursue music further? I wonder, even all their other issues aside, what Zuko thinks about him travelling so far? As you said, we’re operating under the assumption that he doesn’t understand why Sokka couldn’t continue music and stay local. Even if things were perfect between the two, I imagine they still might not see eye to eye on that, which of course would just be another breaking point for them to tack onto the list.

As for their eventual reconciliation, Kaleigh @zukkau with her gigantic brain, said earlier that Sokka being the one to leave could also tie into a whole ‘I couldn’t ask you to uproot your whole life for me’ anxiety (especially if we’re painting zuko as a bit of a homebody here; hates change, likes routine) and that sets up perfectly for a “I would go anywhere for/with you” moment. All this to say that I think that would slot into this (^) narrative nicely.

If you have (or anyone has) anything more to add or touch on I would absolutely love to hear it, I am now fully in love with this AU and all messages and mentions of it are permanently welcome in my inbox and DMs <3 

#I love this au so much. so much. #all of u with ur big brains #amazing #answered #musician au

[merrythievesfanboy]

"Let me love you" Short story of Matthew Fairchild and Cordelia Carstairs!

Cordelia stood before the small room she would spend the night in. She managed to find an inn in Cornwall,she was there due to her road trip with Matthew. They had a mission,but they could leave that for tomorrow.

The room barely had any light. The moonlight lit the floor through the window,and a detail caught her attention.

There was only one bed.

-Fear not,dear Cordelia. I am more than okay with sleeping on the floor. It's not like i have not done that before either.-Matthew said,smiling.

-But you were drunk,weren't you?-Cordelia asked.

Matthew nodded.

-I was. But that makes no difference now. We cannot share a bed,you are engaged to my Parabatai.-Matthew said.

Cordelia blinked. How could she forget such a thing? Being engaged to James had been her dream for so many years so. And now it was happening,but not quite how she imagined it.

It was a white marriage,to save her reputation. James did not love her,and he said it himself. His heart belonged to Grace Blackthorn.

But she was engaged to Charles,Matthew's brother. Cordelia could be wrong,but it didn't seemed like Grace loved James at all.

She doubted James would ever love her,but she would not love him forever. Maybe someday she would be able to forget him,and find someone that could truly love her back.

James had said that love would come for her in a year. Only if it were that easy.

-But i do not want you to sleep on the floor! Surely we can find another solution.-Cordelia said.

-There is no solution. What kind of Parabatai would i be if i let the future wife of James sleep on the floor? I cannot allow such thing. Parabatai's have a code of honor. You will learn all about it soon enough.-Matthew said.

Cordelia said nothing. Apparently he really was willing to sleep on the floor,which wasn't exactly what she wanted for him.

Cordelia and Matthew have gotten really close to each other during these four months of her engagement with James. He was somehow managing to make her smile,even when she had to face the cruel reality that James loved someone else.

-Excuse me then,Matthew. I am in desperate need of a bath.-Cordelia said.

She entered the small bathroom,the walls were almost yellow,as if the white had gone due to dirt. I didn't took long for Cordelia to enter the bathtub,full of hot water.

Perhaps love stories where indeed something that only happened in books. When she had first arrived in London,the thought that James could really love her made her jump with happiness. But that was only a silly fantasy that she had. A dream of a little girl.

Even after the Whispering Room,James once told her that he had kissed her because he wanted to,but after Grace had visited him,they were only pretending.

Maybe that was the effect true love had on people. Cordelia could be as bright as the sun,but if Grace were standing beside her,James would never look at her.

It was heartbreaking,but the truth was never easy to handle.

After her bath,she had put on her nightgown,it's color resembled the color of wine. Her feet was bare,and the floor felt cold.

She left the bathroom,only to find Matthew laying on the bed,with a bottle of cheap spirits in his hand.

-Matthew! Drinking again!? Must you do that all the time!? I can't have you in a hangover tomorrow! We have a mission,or have you forgotten about it?-Cordelia asked.

Matthew shook his head.

-I did not. And don't be vexed,i wasn't planning on getting drunk if that is what you are thinking.-Matthew said.

He looked at her. Even if the room barely had any light,he could still see her in her nightgown.

She was absolutely gorgeous. James was such a fool. How could he love Grace instead of Cordelia? Grace was like a statue of ice,beautiful but cold and emotionless.

Cordelia was like fire,stunning and warm,and he would never get tired of her flames,if she were to burn him. He should feel nothing for her,she was going to marry his Parabatai. And yet,that was not on his control.

-You should take a bath as well. I can sense the smell of wine from here.-Cordelia said.

Matthew nodded. She was not wrong,he did need a bath. Perhaps freezing water could calm his nerves a little bit.

Sometimes he wished he could be like Dorian Gray. He wished he could do the most scandalous and awful things and remain young and handsome,so that people would always believe he could redeem himself,that he could be better.

But he could not ever be better. He was a murderer,and did not deserve any kindness. Nor love.

The water got rid of the smell of alcohol,and Matthew relaxed a little bit. At least there were no expectations upon him right now. He was unable to deal with all the tenderness his friends had sometimes. No one knew the real Matthew Fairchild. No one knew what he had been capable of.

But secrets were like a terrible flame. Soon Matthew would only be ashes. And he was fine with that. He deserved it.

He was awful,and nothing would ever change that.

Cordelia was trying to read the new chapter of The Beautiful Cordelia Lucie had written,but she could not focus. She would often think about what James thought about her road trip with Matthew. They were Parabatai and trusted each other more than everything. Still,could James feel jealousy due to that?

Cordelia shook her head. Why was she doing that to herself? James was her friend,nothing more. Why would he feel something like that? Wasn't the fact that he loved Grace enough to make her try to forget about him?

The door of the bathroom suddenly opened,revealing Matthew. He only had a towel around his waist.

Cordelia blushed immediately. Was he not seeing here there? Did he not know how improper that was?

But by the Angel,he was handsome. His shoulders were broad,he had a Defense Rune near his chest,and his abs were chiseled.

His body was dripping,his golden hair still wet. He was looking around the room,as if he had lost something.

-Matthew!? Why are you not dressed!?-Cordelia asked,blocking her vision with her hands. She had to force herself not to stare at him.

Matthew turned his attention to Cordelia. She was absolutely right. He had forgotten.

-Oh please forgive me! I never really shared a room with anyone before.-Matthew said.

It was true,to a certain point. He had been in rooms with different people before,though the thing was,he were there to undress,but with Cordelia was completely different.

He would never be intimate with her. And she was engaged. He had no right to stand here in that way. They were only friends.

Matthew grabbed his clothes and entered the bathroom once again,and got dressed. Black trousers and a light green shirt. He left,and sat beside Cordelia in the bed.

-Pardon me,Cordelia. It seems like i have a talent to vex every single one of my friends.-Matthew said.

Strangely,Cordelia laughed.

-Honestly,i think i overreacted. I mean,the entire Enclave believes i have spent a night in James' room,one can only imagine i have seem him...You know,that way.-Cordelia said.

-But you have not. I'm quite sure you have heard many times before people saying that i have a "reputation". I never cared about their opinion,and neither should you.-Matthew said.

-That is easy to say if you are a man. Nothing that you do will make people consider you "ruined". Unlike me,because this engagement is to save my reputation. Sometimes i wonder if i really did the right thing.-Cordelia said.

-You saved James from the Clave,and from Tatiana's accusations. Grace would not have lied like you did. She would obey her mother. If it were not for you,Jamie would be in serious trouble right now.-Matthew said.

But that was not what Cordelia was talking about.

-I don't mean that. I don't regret helping James,i would have done that for you,for Thomas and Christopher as well.-Cordelia said.

-I see. You are talking about the engagement,are you not? Do you have second thoughts about it?-Matthew asked.

-Mariage Blanc was never something i imagined in my life. I know James was kind to propose to me,so that i can keep my honor. But this feels wrong,i don't like lying to my family like this. It's not how i've imagined my engagement with James...-Cordelia was saying,but she suddenly stopped.

What had she done? Had she just revealed her true feelings for James to Matthew?

-I see. You truly love James. This is probably being hard to you. You are soon to be married with the one you love,but his heart belongs to someone else.-Matthew said,as if he was describing the story of a book.

-I am so selfish. He only wishes to help me,as i have helped him. How can i be so ungrateful to his help like this?-Cordelia said,covering her face with her hands.

-You are not selfish Cordelia. I will not accept you saying those awful things about yourself. James may be my Parabatai,but he is being quite foolish. I am sure that Grace Blackthorn does not love him. She will marry my brother,and yet James still believes that they will one day be together.-Matthew said.

Cordelia shrugged.

-Isn't that what true love is? Never losing the hope on your beloved?-Cordelia said.

Matthew shook his head. Talking about love should feel weird for him. What did he knew about love? He destroyed the life of someone that was not born but that he already loved. He harmed his mother and father,the ones who had always loved him.

And yet,there he was,talking about something that would never be allowed to him.

-How can true love bring so much pain? It doesn't seem right to me.-Matthew said.

-Have you ever loved before,Matthew?-Cordelia asked.

Matthew shook his head.

-Love is something that i simply do not deserve,Cordelia.-He said.

Cordelia raised her eyebrows. What was he saying?

-Why not? You have a gentle and kind soul. Why would you not deserve love?-Cordelia asked.

Matthew took a deep breath. Should he tell her? This was something he refused to even tell James. And he had feelings for Cordelia,feelings that he should not feel at all.

But if he revealed what he did to her,if he revealed his greatest sin,she would despise him. He knew she would.

Cordelia was too good. She would never love him. But happiness was not something guaranteed in one's life.

But he was tired. Tired of keeping all of that inside him. And for so many years now.

He needed to tell her.

-I am not gentle,nor kind. I am a wicked spirit. I have blood in my hands Cordelia.-Matthew said.

Cordelia looked at him,her face full of concern.

-What do you mean?-She asked.

-You know that i do not get along with your brother. As a matter of fact,i cannot stand him. Have you ever asked yourself why?-Matthew said.

-Yes. But Alastair never said anything to me,and neither did you.-Cordelia said.

-I will tell you. When i was at the Shadowhunter Academy,your brother began to spread a rumor about my mother,and about Gideon Lightwood.-Matthew said.

A memory suddenly came up in Cordelia's mind. When she was younger,she remembered her parents discussing something about the Consul cheating her husband.

-He told me that i was the bastard son of Gideon. That my father was half of a man,that he could not father children,and that he could not satisfy my mother. And that was why her actions were understandable.-Matthew said.

Cordelia felt a sudden anger inside her chest. How could Alastair say such awful things? All of those were lies!

-My brother spreaded those lies!? By the Angel,Matthew,i...i am so embarassed! I can assure you i will give him a good piece of my mind when we return!-Said Cordelia.

But Matthew only shook his head again,as if nothing she could say would make him feel any better.

-Your brother's words made me go paranoid. But what i did was only my fault. I was desperate,i needed to know the truth about what was happening. I could have simply asked my parents,but who could guarantee they would tell me the truth? I could not accept more lies. So i decided to visit the Shadow Market.-Matthew said.

Cordelia blinked. Shadow Markets could be a very dangerous place,if one were careless. It was usually full of downworlders,and they did not like Shadowhunters in there.

-I found a faerie in the Shadow Market. I asked her for a specific kind of potion. A potion that would make one incapable of lying.-Matthew said.

Cordelia felt worried. That was not a very good decision. Faeries could not lie,but that didn't meant they were trustworthy.

-That day,my mother was at home. I baked some cranberries for her. I used the potion in the cranberries. I wanted to ask her if i was indeed my father's son,or if i was Gideon Lightwood's son. I wanted to ask her if her marriage with father still existed,or if they were only pretending to be okay. But i didn't had the chance. She ate one and fell right in front of me.-Matthew said.

Cordelia remembered that. There was a day when everyone was gossiping about the Consul being ill.

-But she recovered! You did not kill your mother Matthew! There is no blood in your hands as you say.-Cordelia said.

-But there is. I became so obsessed with that lie,that i killed someone. The potion was poison,and my mother was pregnant. She was expecting a girl,something she had always dreamed of. My little sister. I did not gave her a chance to meet us all. I didn't allowed her to live. And her blood will be forever in my hands.-Said Matthew.

His face was wet,tears dropping from his eyes. Cordelia began to cry as well. Her heart was shattered.

-Now Cordelia,tell me. Am i gentle? Am i kind? Do i deserve to be loved? I harmed my own family because i was not capable of believing them.-Matthew asked.

Cordelia had put her hand on his face. Now it was clear,why she had always seen a shadow hanging around Matthew.

The deadly shadow of guilt.

-Oh Matthew...I am so sorry for all of that.-She said.

She hugged him,quite strongly. And she felt Matthew fall apart in her embrace.

-You must despise me now! You can't possibly want to be my friend after all that i have told you. I am a murderer! You must hate me!-He said,almost choking with his own tears.

-I do not despise you! I would never be able to hate you either! Matthew,i cannot lie to you,it will not be easy to handle with the consequences of your actions,but still...Charlotte and Henry are your parents! They will always love you!-Cordelia said.

-But i do not deserve that! I deserve no love! No happiness! Only bitterness and darkness are allowed to my soul.-Matthew said.

-No! Do not say that! I will not accept that self hatred!-Cordelia said.

-Everyone believes i use the green carnation because of Oscar Wilde,but there is another reason. "Green will mend our broken hearts". But my heart will always be broken.-Matthew said.

-No Matthew! Love can change everything! You must believe that your parents,that your friends,would still be capable of loving you!-Cordelia said.

-And you? Would you be capable of loving me?-Matthew asked.

In seconds,Cordelia was kissing Matthew. Their mouths crashed in each other,like moths to a flame.

It felt completely different than kissing James. They seemed to have an urgency in their kiss. A desperate need to fill any empty space. Her unrequited love for James,and his lack of love for himself.

James. He seemed so far from her mind and heart right now. She could only think about and feel Matthew there with her.

His hands ran through her dark red hair,then to her dark skin,she felt as if she was burning in desire.

Matthew got rid of his shirt so quickly that it nearly seemed like magic. Her hands were against his hard chest. She could feel his heart beating against her palm.

He laid on top of Cordelia,his torso pressed against her breasts. Her moment with James in the Whispering Room seemed small if compared to this.

Somewhere deep in her mind,she could hear James' voice,swearing to her that he would not act like a unfaithful husband.

Perhaps she was being unfaithful to him now,but she was not being unfaithful to herself. James did not love her,and he never would. And she was free to love someone else.

Matthew suddenly stopped. He was panting,nearly breathless. There was guilt in his eyes.

-You will become the wife of my Parabatai. I cannot do this to you. You should not get intimate with someone like me.-Matthew said.

Cordelia got rid of her nightgown,revealing herself to Matthew. His gaze was on her body.

-You are gorgeous Cordelia. It was the first impression i had of you,when i saw you at the ball in the Institute.-Matthew said,smiling.

-My marriage to James means nothing. He does not love me,and my honor will be restored after my divorce. You will be able to propose to me by then.-Cordelia said.

-But why me? I am the worst of men. I do not deserve to be loved by anyone.-Matthew asked.

Cordelia shook her head.

-If you can't love yourself,Matthew Fairchild,let me love you.-She said.

Matthew only nodded,he was no longer crying. They kissed again,as Matthew got rid of the rest of his clothes.

James told Cordelia that love would come for her,in a year,she remembered well.

But perhaps James was wrong. Perhaps love would not take that long to come for her.

Perhaps it had always been there,by her side,in that handsome green eyed boy.

#cassandra clare #chain of gold #the last hours #james herondale #grace blackthorn #cordelia carstairs #matthew fairchild #charlotte fairchild #henry branwell #cordelia x matthew #ghosts of the shadow market #cast long shadows

[mollymauk-teafleak]

could you do a ficlet about ham like after philip is born being just so happy that he has this amazing family but also sad bc he remembers he can't share any of this with his mother and how he hopes he making her proud or smthg like that? i'm rambling sorry but your writing is amazing

Oh I am so sorry this took so long, this is such a lovely, wonderful prompt, exactly the kind of stuff I love to write! I hope this was worth the wait!

“Alex, I swear to God, get back in bedand calm down or I’m throwing another book at you,” Eliza groaned tiredly, noteven opening her eyes, not even lifting her head from the pillow.

Her husband wanted to keep arguing. Hewanted to keep insisting that she’d felt a pain, of course that meant that shemust be in labor, she was thirty nine weeks pregnant, what else could it be,they had to go to the hospital right freaking now! But the last time Eliza threatenedto throw a book at him, she’d meant it. And it had been his Study of EuropeanLaw, which was a pretty damn heavy book. Last time he left that thing on thebedside table.

And, to be honest, judging by the factthat Eliza was halfway back to sleep already, the baby probably wasn’t comingright this second.

Alex may have slightly overreacted.Again. For the third time this week.

He sighed, dropping the jeans he’d beenhalf in half out of, the first item of clothing he’d grabbed after he’dcatapulted out of bed, frantic after seeing Eliza wince and moan a little. Butit was nothing, just another false alarm.

Alex huffed and crawled back in bedbeside his wife, but he couldn’t help smiling a little as she sleepily wrappedher arms around him and used his chest as a pillow. He kissed her forehead andplaced his palms gently on her belly, there days they were hardly anywhereelse.

“You need to stop doing this, baby,”Eliza murmured sleepily, “You’re stressing yourself out. And scaring me, to behonest. Stuff like this happens towards the end, it’s supposed to, everything’sokay.”

Alex tensed a little defensively but letgo of it in a heartbeat; he knew she was right. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I’mjust…you know.”

Eliza’s arms tightened around himcomfortingly, understanding exactly what he meant, “It’s okay.”

He opened his mouth to say more butEliza has already gone limp, drifting off within seconds and with no warning,which she’d been doing a lot these days. Alex smiled fondly and kissed the topof her head.

“Pull it together, Hamilton,” he warnedhimself, as he drifted off too.

“I said I’m not hungry, Alex,” Elizamoaned, her whole body tense as she sat grouchily, watching him move aroundtheir tiny kitchen. She’d shifted the chair back a way, her frankly enormousstomach didn’t fit under the table anymore.

“You’ve barely eaten anything all day, Betsey,”he insisted, rummaging through the cupboard for something that wouldn’t make hernausea worse, “Just a piece of fruit or something? Please?”

He waved a kiwi at her hopefully. Heknew they were her favorite.

But Eliza just screwed up her delicateface, “I can’t Alex, the thought of it honestly makes me want to vomit. I justfeel a little strange right now.”

That word made him stop dead in histracks, nearly falling off the counter he was kneeling on (he technicallycouldn’t reach the top shelf). His head snapped over to his wife with wide,panicked eyes.

“Alex!” Eliza warned him, her fingercoming up to point at him accusingly, “You promised!”

He remembered. So he swallowed back hispanic, favoring a scowl instead as he jumped down from the counter.

“All right, all right, I get it. Don’toverreact, don’t panic, I’m sure you’re fine,” he sighed as he walked over,setting a glass of water in front of her.

“Thank you, sweetheart,” she squeezedhis arm, “Can you get my book for me? It’s in the living room?”

“Of course,” he nods, turning on hisheels and calling over his shoulder, “I’ll make sure I don’t panic on the way there!”

Eliza smiled and shook her head gently,“Don’t! I’m fine.”

Alex was stood in the front room,scratching at his goatee and wondering what book she meant from the piles onnearly every available flat surface, when he heard her cry out.

Feeling like he’d just been drenched incold water, Alex pelted back into the kitchen. Eliza was braced against thetable, shivering, her eyes screwed shut. The water had overturned and was now drippingonto the floor but there was a lot more on the tiles than could ever be held inthat glass.

“Ohshit…” Alex breathed.

Eliza moaned through gritted teeth, “Alex.I think it’s happening.”

Alexander Hamilton had made a lot of baddecisions in his life. Like, a lot. But one of his absolute worst was turningto his scared, distressed wife, five seconds after her waters broke andexclaiming “Well, I told you so! I was right!”

There was a moment of awful, terriblesilence.

“I fucking hate you, AlexanderHamilton,” Eliza moaned weakly, holding her stomach.

As he frantically apologized and ran toher side, Alex thought to himself how that probably wasn’t the only time shewould say that to him in the next twenty-four hours or so.

He wasn’t wrong.

Eight am the next morning and Alex’shear were ringing slightly from Eliza repeatedly screaming that she hated himand detailing the various interesting and colorful ways she was going to removehis reproductive organs, his fingers were bruised and he had long scratch marksdown his arms.

But his Eliza was safe and sleeping, agentle smile on her exhausted face. And Philip Hamilton was here, tiny andperfect and so beautiful, napping in his dad’s arms.

And Alex really couldn’t make himselfcare about anything beyond that.

He hadn’t stopped crying or smiling inthe hour since he’d held his son for the first time and he say no plans tochange that fact. He was just so happy. Sohappy that it was almost painful. It felt like the entire focus of his life hadshifted, like his internal software had been rewritten. Everything that hadseemed important before now made him want to laugh deliriously, how had he evercared so much about that stuff? Nothing mattered now apart from his son, hiswonderful little son, the best gift he’d ever received in his life.

Everything Alex did from now on, he didfor his family.

Alex cradled him gently against hischest, standing near the window of the hospital room so his little boy couldsee his first sunrise. He could hear Eliza’s soft snores from where she slept,utterly and understandably exhausted, but that didn’t stop him craning his neckto check on her every so often, struck by how much he adored her.

“Your mother is the best, Pip, isn’tshe?” he smiled, his voice rusty from hours of coaching Eliza (which had turnedout to mean just repeating exactly what the doctor said) but warm.

He got a frown and tiny squeak from thesleeping newborn in his arms, which he took as complete agreement as well asthe cutest thing he’d ever seen in his life.

Alex sighed happily and studied hisson’s face, memorizing every feature; the slope of his nose, the dawn color ofhis skin, slightly lighter than his father’s, the little birthmark on hiseyelid, his heart shaped face. He had great fun sorting the features intoboxes, what was his and what was Eliza’s, all the different parts and piecesthat made his son so wonderful. That made him Philip.

Although there was one thing he keptsticking on. One thing that made his throat tighten for a completely differentreason than simple happiness.

Baby Philip had a head full of soft,dark curls, fluffy and delicate like tiny feathers. Alex could hardly keephimself from running his hands across the crown of his head. But every time hedid, it made him so terribly sad.

Because that hair wasn’t his and itwasn’t Eliza’s, they both had perfectly straight hair.

It was all Rachel’s.

Alex knew that hair well, he’d ran hisfingers through it as a boy as his mother would lie next to him in bed and readhim stories and sing him songs. He’d buried his face in it when he’d beenupset, when his father had been yelling and he was scared and mama was cryingbut he didn’t know why, he just knew he wanted to help. He’d seen it wet andstiff with seawater when mama had taught him to swim down at the beach. He’dseen the sunlight bouncing off it as she’d stood at the counter of the store,working away, making him think that his mama was the prettiest lady ever.

He’d rested his head against in in themiddle of the night, when he’d been sick and scared and desperate for some kindof comfort, when she’d used what must have been the last of her strength tosing him his lullaby.

Alex swallowed hard to clear his throat,pulling his baby son closer to his chest. Of course he knew the words withoutneeding to think, he’d never forgotten them.

“Una mariposita, que del cielo bajó. Con sus alas extendidas. Y en el pico una flor. ¿Para quién son las flores? Si no son para mí. Ay mamita del alma. Yo me muero por ti. Cuando venga papito Se lo voy a decir Que esa mariposita No me deja dormir 

¡Dormir!”

Alex wasn’t the best singer and hisvoice broke more than a few times but it meant more than him than words couldsay, to be stood here holding his own child in his arms and singing hismother’s words.

He gave Philip a gentle kiss on hisforehead, feeling one tiny little hand close around his thumb, holding fast.

“You’d love them, mama. You reallywould. I love them so much,” Alex murmured thickly.

“I hope I made you proud.”

#ficlet #hamliza #fluff #cute baby stuff #this is my jam #dad alex is the best alex #poor eliza