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#but i actually fully cried making this
tomurakii · 4 months
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I like bloodweave. Okay. But I DON'T like the version of them in fanfic where Astarion is a dick and Gale is like. Whining and pleading for him to be emotionally vulnerable (or just. Nice to him) prior to the relationship being established. Because that is just not accurate. Gale needs the player to express interest in him during his weave-teaching scene before he even considers hitting on them properly. Gale is entirely resigned to his fate and needs someone else to pull him away from it. Gale only starts being sweet and romantic and devoted after you accept his love confession and give him hope for the future. Gale says fuck all and then slinks away to cry privately if you break up with him.
Like he isn't chasing after people lmao. He isn't dropping to his knees and crying about anything much less this dickhead he met a week ago. He is overwhelmingly passive about literally everything personal to him up to and including his own death (provided there are no casualties/there is a good reason) until after the player expresses that they care about him. Astarion is not doing that in any of these fics.
Like Gale is friendly and a dork and doesn't wanna get murdered but he fully has a suicide plan. He thought the artefacts would help him survive but he didn't believe he'd ever truly live again. If Gale confessed and Astarion said/did like one (1) mean thing afterward Gale's romance is closed off forever. He's wandering into the forest to cry. He's killing himself immediately. His fragile ego and self worth can't take it. You have to understand that when we joke about him being pathetic it's not bc he's like. Sopping wet and chasing people down and begging for a scrap of attention. It's because he craves affection but would literally rather die than ask or even hope for it until someone else forces that hope back into his serotonin-deficient tadpole brain.
#i feel like u can tell when a bloodweave fic is written by an astarion stan vs a gale stan lol#because the astarion stans are just using gale as a vessel for like. their sopping wet meow meow#who screams and cries until astarion becomes emotionally vulnerable with them#which gale would not do. realistic bloodweave is astarion tries to fuck him in act 1 and he refuses because of the orb#and then astarion is like “boo what the fuck. change of plans” and gale is like “okay” and they never speak of it again lol#anyway#please god the gale characterisation in this place. half of you make him the soppiest most pathetic loser and the other half make him evil#he's not ACTUALLY a loser. when i joke about it the reason its funny is because its not true#hes just a regular guy with depression lol. hes not out here debasing himself begging for some old twink to care abt him#bg3#gale dekarios#bloodweave#gale of waterdeep#does this make sense. i havent slept#i just mean that if you want gale to be sappy he needs to have like. prior assurance that his feelings are reciprocated#because if he doesnt have that and astarion is a dick to him he WILL just give up on the relationship#like hes not hunting people down after they deliberately upset him. i see so many fics where they create tension by lime#*like#having astarion openly fuck someone else after establishing a sort-of relationship with gale. for the drama#like hey. gale fully dumps you if you do that in game!! you have no way to convince him not to. he will dump astarion for that permanently
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cinderswife · 3 months
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ah yes, my favorite media. a grand story about the horror and tragedy of war set featuring a massive space war that was a rebellion against an oppressive colonial empire hellbent on conquest (which also experiments on its subjects), a main cast of mostly female characters, a key romance between two women, and a clone army of female super soldiers.
my favorite character in this story is a woman named rose. though not physically present in the text, her absence echoes throughout the narrative in a way that makes those closest to her do great and terrible things. she comprises one half of the key romance (of which the other half is deeply devoted to her even after she is gone). she has done some deeply awful things in her past, but that doesn't stop me excusing her shitty actions <3
wait, am i talking about steven universe or once upon a time in space?
(meme redraw lol)
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contagiousgrace · 3 months
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I have made the choice to blame everything badly done in Barbie on Noah Baumbach.
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Okay I'm not saying that this semester's students suck ass bc I'm not there to teach them, but isn't it just such a coincidence that the vast majority are failing so miserably and they don't have someone who will tutor them outside of class and go over notes and skills with them, while the previous semesters did have that and the majority passed? Super interesting stuff. Too bad we'll never know if things could've been different if they had just fucking paid me :)
#can you tell I'm peeved lmao#i went to one of the classes today just so i can keep it on my resume#and holy fuck#weeks into the semester and they should have the basics down#they do not#absolutely floundering#granted I'm sure I'm not actually the reason lmao#like yeah i helped a shit ton of students outside class too#but they probably could've passed without me#these new ones tho are awful#no drive no nothing just looking for others to blame for their own failures#i didn't even stay the whole time like i was planning#bc i found out that they hired four other fucking people for the program#who all have less experience than me#and have been with the program for a way shorter time than i have#who don't do half the extra shit i do#and don't get me wrong this isn't a slight at them they're all fully qualified#but why the fuck not hire me#like i genuinely am so pissed#have to email my supervisor but I'm too upset to make it sound civil#like fucking fine if you don't wanna pay me you never get to see me again#I'm not working ten hour days plus extra outside of class for nothing anymore that's insane#I'll keeping being a private tutor for the students but I'm not doing a single thing for the program without pay#i mean holy shit hiring at least four other people and not saying shit to me??#like fine that's fine fuck you you're getting an email ultimatum good luck finding someone else willing to do all that for free#i cried about it for like an hour and now I'm just mad lmao having a super normal one rn#anyway#not snz
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seaweedstarshine · 2 months
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Eleventh Doctor Chronicles: Sins of the Flesh is really good. Really really good. Experience with certain attitudes can be so isolating, surrounded by people who won’t bother to understand the impact of growing up in that environment (because the world's so progressive now, right), and so — I'm so glad it exists. I also liked the discussion in the interview commentary about how being a monster and doing monstrous things are not mutually exclusive. Like most things, homophobia is pervasive because it is structural. Religious fervor is not inherently bad — “your god is love,” Valarie says to Lily — but as soon as hellfire is brandished around, it's used routinely to empower monstrous things, in a way that becomes unsafe to debate. Especially for young & dependent people who can't escape it.
Conditional love. Moral panics. Purity culture. Self-hate. Mob mentality. This audio. It's timely.
I appreciated what they said in the interviews about not only about the research, but the four rounds of sensitivity readings. I wish the TV show had that level of care sometimes…
#actually the whole Everywhere and Anywhere boxset is excellent#tw homophobia#valarie lockwood#eleventh doctor#so I listened to the second audio in a muggy headspace when it came out and comprenhended none of it and thought what.#then I listened again today and understood it perfectly and cried the whole way thru. I love Valarie's husband ngl#they SHOULD have a poly marriage with Roanna on Medrüth to add to the timey wimeyness. totally normal to the Doctor#the Doctor emotionally saying Rivers death breaks his hearts in the same episode where he says-#'she looks drained. I guess marriage does that to you'. honestly all of the yowzah refs in eleventh doctor chronicles are kind of gold.#and the first story!!!!!! Valerie's dead mother!!!!!! the Clara mention in the summary was fully clickbait tho#oh and the Doctor telling Valerie about the Ponds at the end? SCREAMING- he didnt tell Clara about the Ponds!#in other audio news im slowly gettin thru eighth doctor audios while working. Neverland/Zagreus/Scherzo were as great as ppl say!#the anti time arc made me finally love charley (and find her interesting)#words by seaweed#this post just lowkey a subtweet at rtd. no offense to rtd for always thinking hes right without consulting the groups he talks about#in ADDITION to the story being cathartic. Cybermen running gay conversion therapy is a *chefs kiss* concept. I'm so glad it exists#I might delete this post later its making me feel low key vulnerable *ramble ramble*#by the way I don't think religion is mostly or uniquely responsible for homophobia.#I think it's like any bigotry or hatred. plus religion is an easy way to claim that god is on their side for ANY hatred they have#which means religious homophobia is a form of homophobic abuse that's not only mental and emotional but spiritual as well#it hits different when they invoke god. the entity who made you the way you are#finally watched Barbie and cried because even tho the message was simple my parents will never understand it#my dad who thinks patriarchy is exaggerated and my mom who thinks god made women to serve men#I’m in my mid 20s now it’s fine. I feel so alone its fine#im fine :D or I wouldn't be subtweeting RTD :D :D :D#I should sleep I have work in the morning ~time to listen to some eighth doctor and charley in the divergent universe~#why is 2024 busier than 2023#anyway sins of the flesh was kinda surface level ngl but I don't think anything deeper would've worked as well#it got the emotional beats (and it doesn't need to be a complex argument to point out the hypocrisy long as the listener aint brainwashed)#the doctor telling the homophobe his hatred killed his daughter and he'll never be forgiven
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alasy · 11 months
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in the end it’s all about my mom saying “I wish all your dreams come true, even those that include you going far away because despite it all our hearts will always remain close”
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arr-jim-lad · 1 year
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at this point im so mentally worn out that it genuinely feels like im about to have a minor breakdown in face of the smallest possible inconvenience
i've been so consistently feeling so miserable that i feel like my hair being pink is the only thing keeping me within any semblance of sanity
#2 days ago i almost cried bc i really wanted to make a paperdoll for my DIO zine but i hated everything i drew#i spent 3 hours almost finishing one just to realize i fucking hated it#so i decided to drop the entire thing because i physically and mentally just Couldn't Do It Anymore#i'm so exhausted at this point. this project has completely drained me. im so tired im so tired im so tired#i thought to myself like ok so the special edition zine won't have a paperdoll i still have other stuff#i thought the paperdoll was a really fun idea and i felt so fucking upsetting to let it go but y'know there's the other things#....... so today i got the prototype keychains.#which i needed to make promotional photos on monday#so that people who want to order the special edition zine would know exactly what they're buying#and of course: Vograce Printed The Keychains Wrong#the design was supposed to have some see-through layers which were even clearly included on the design proof THEY sent me#but the keychains just... don't have it. there are no see-through layers. they are just normal coloured layers.#so now i have keychain prototypes that don't look as they should and ok sure i CAN technically still do the photos with these#but the keychain won't look as it should and that bothers me#and i dont want to wait anymore bc i really want to open preorders next week#but i'll have to order prototypes AGAIN bc i still really need to see how the actual keychain would look when it's done right#i'm so tired i am so fucking tired i am so exhausted#i am just. fully expecting to see my printer on monday just to be told he hasn't even opened my email and hasn't printed anything#i was waiting all day for a guy to install better internet for me#i was told he will come today at 11:30#at 1PM i call my internet provider to ask them where the fuck he is#they tell me. 'oh did you not get a message that his visit was rescheduled to 21st?'#i did not. i received no such message. i've already been waiting A MONTH for this faster internet. and now i'll be waiting another 10 day#btw these keychains? i was also waiting all day for the postman to call me and let me know he's at my building#so that i could go get the package#bc our postmen decided that actually they don't want to deliver packages anymore YOU have to go out and get them#he did not call me. he had my number btw. he just didn't call me. he just left a note in my mailbox#meaning that i had to go to the post myself like 5 hours later because that's when packages return to the post office#there were like two more vents in the tags but tumblr nerfed me#bitching about all this in the tags made me feel a little better tbh
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random pic for tag diary (made these from kneadable eraser)
#idkkkk just feeling some type of way?#last weekend i was hanging out with some friends and we were just talking about how long we want to live idk#and my boyfriend is the first person ive heard saying that he wants to get at least 120 bc like so many of us are just sad kids#who are scared of a future that seems so dystopian#and in comes this idiot (affectionately) going 'i need to get at least 120 i want all the time i can get'#i dont fully know why but he said 'life's the only thing we get for free and you know that i cant say no to free things' and i almost cried#it was just so very earnest and sweet and im used to being friends with a lot of cynical people#hes good for me i think. softens me up. bc im definitely more on the rough side and hes just very emotional and (a bit over)dramatic#its really funny actually bc were like. super effeminate boyfriend x super masculine girlfriend and tis probably hilarious from the outside#even if i feel super inadequate sometimes bc he's so thoughtful and romantic and im. well. not really. im more like a block of wood#romantically speaking#idk i just stand there and feel awkward a lot bc i cant deal with affection too well but it helps that hes just so sweet#like when we were on our drive through half of germany and we just talked about so much and it was things like favorite colors#or singing along to the beatles on one of his player pianos (dont ask)#it can get a bit much but hes just so easy to talk to. idk why im making a blog entry from this but hey :)#anyways what i wanted to say. it's nice to have someone in my life whos less cynical than me
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aroaceofthesea · 1 year
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Okay so i havent completely come to terms with it yet but WE WON THE HP CODEWARS (a coding competition in teams) AND WERE ACTUALLY GOING TO HOUSTON TO COMPETE IN NEXT YEAR'S COMPETITION WHAT
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#what what what#what the fuck#(only adding the pic of me alone bc im too lazy to ask my friends for permission lol)#no but really what#like we knew we had options to make podium but no way we were going to win#we didnt even rlly believe we would actually make podium before starting bc there were some rlly good teams#(we kinda know everyone good so that was easy to spot)#and then after the competition we were like huh we did pretty badly we think#then we thought again and compared with last year and we said huh maybe not suuuuper bad but not rlly good either#(last year it was online and you could have a computer per person but this year it was only one so it was rlly different)#amd then we talked with the ppl that we knew and we were like huh were the best so far#then they talked to like everyone good bc they literally know everyone and they were like congraats youre 99% sure winning#and we were like naaaaah impossible you probably missed someone or smth theres no way#like we were pretty sure we were gonna be making podium by then but we somehow didnt even fully believe it#and then at the awards ceremony they gave the first girl team prize to someone else with less points and we were like aaaaa we made podium#and then they announced the third position we literally screamed bc since we knew ppls points we knew it meant we were first#i almost cried istg#like being 2nd or 3rd or 4th or first girl is like yeah im good but im not the best but like being THE best? being first is scary#it feels fake and confusing but also im so happy and i dont know how to express it aaaaaa its so weird#and the fact that were going to HOUSTON next year? what the actual fuuuck feels impossible#like were going to go there? a prize that is only for the first group? rlly? just like that?? whaaaat#also now hp has our data (we obv gave it to them) and they will likely be happy to accept us to work and/or get internships there so yayyy#but im still not over any of this it rlly feels fake like what the fuck one of the important hp research facilities asked for MY email??#what the fuuuuuuuck#also unrelated but they just had a paper mache how to train your dragon dragon just there in the corner of a football field like whaat#(a dragon that was bigger than us not some cute little figure eeh)#mine#life#codewars
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the-pipis · 11 months
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hey i'm sorry about tongs man :-( i hope you feel better soon
Thank you <3 I appreciate it so much <33
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epicrox · 1 year
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As the eldest sibling and only the DAUGHTER in my family, the way the two oldest siblings sometimes acted in Swallows and Amazons actually made my jaw dropped.
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presentfuckingmic · 2 years
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My first watch through of mha, I didn’t care for Mic. I haven’t had a second watch through. I don’t know what happened. Why am I here? How did I get here? Why is he all I think about?
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thecherrygod · 1 year
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I basically just had a dream of being back in highschool and i was crying by the end. This is new to me. I haven't been in hs in 6 years
#my posts#my dreams#bc i will explain it but. I'm so tired#something in the dream happened like no respect for privacy and stuff in the kind of fucked up bathrooms your brain makes up while asleep#... at least my brain loves making up fucked up bathrooms in my sleep that's okay anyways#there was a lack of respect for privacy and it made me angry and I'm the dream i sorry if reacted how i wanted to in actual hs i guess#like very violent to the point that at first they were laughing but then were very scared#like i was screaming and pushing and grabbing and stuff and people realized it wasn't so funny anymore#also i realized that it didn't matter what kind of relationships i had there up to that point they were all ruined bc of that#i apparently got changed in class to another and they made me sit in the back with no one besides me and i was very some which is#ignoring the violence that was my hs experience sjrarjtkfyñ#by the end the people that used to be on my life i think were trying to get back in but i was sorta always walking looking at the floor#sliding everyone's face bc whenever i passed i heard whispers that i was sure were about me (normal hs experience)#avoiding not sliding dgmzmy anyways yeah#at some point someone finally breaks through me and shows me something that idk how to describe. like meat and a bonsai? idk#sorta like they make me so anger look at it and they were warn and kind and i fully broke down crying and hugged them fnwmhmwk#it wasnt a random person but this dream is sorta personal even tho im writing it here but this is my blog i tend to post this stuff#but i mean i don't want to write his name i don't want it to appear in the main tags on accident#just know that i dreamt with him once before. also hugged him and cried KDNGRMHM#i wasnt going to make that comment thats why i used they pronouns before but nah its a he#also someone else like related to him was there and i think in a way he was trying to help but it was more him finding a business#opportunity and selling his own stuff at maybe an inappropriate time which i think he just does that sometimes gkwgkkf#anyways yeah i am very tired and i should go back to sleep#also i woke up with tears sorta formed in my eyes fkdkgkdg so i sort of still want to cry like in the dream i guess#its not even that early its 9but i don't have anything to do today so back to sleep
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not me crying and listening to lizzo and struggling to believe myself when i say "ive been through a lot but im still flirty" bc my girlfriend like grazed my lower back when she hugged me last night and i had to go home and have a fucking ptsd meltdown about it
#CANT EAT FOOD CANT HAVE SEX WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO AAAAAAAAA#THOSE ARE IN MY TOP FIVE FAVORITE ACTIVITIES TO SHARE WITH OTHERS#IVE BEEN TOO SCARED TO EVEN JERK OFF BC OF THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING IF I HAVE TO UNDO SEX PTSD AGAIN#IM GOING TO BE SO GODDAMN ANGRY#I ALREADY DID THIS#THEY DIDNT EVEN ASSAULT ME RECENTLY IM JUST KIND OF. ONLY BEING HIT BY THE FULL GRAVITY OF IT NOW#WHICH SUCKS BC IF IT HIT IMEDIATELY I WOULDNT HAVE HAD TO DEAL W ALL THE MEDIOCRE SEX I CONTINUED TO HAVE W THEM#I COULD HAVE JUST PUSHED THEM OFF AND BEEN LIKE (SCREAMS CRIES AND HAS A PANIC ATTACK)#SINCE APPARENTLY THATS WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH NOW#MY SHOWER QUITE LITERALLY DOESNT GET ANY HOTTER AND I ALREADY EXFOLIATE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER#IM GONNA JUST HAVE TO START PEELING OFF MY SKIN TO MAKE THIS FEELING GO AWAY IM KILLING MYSELF#*im not. please dont call the helpline on me im already doing that at work#as soon as overtime pay goes away again and im back to a 3 day a week schedule ill go to therapy weekly#work is such ass if the crisis line can be fully staffed 24/7 they should at least be able to have therapy appointments after 3pm#or on weekend#u know...when everyone who works here actually has time!!!!#i have no idea where my other coworkers are fitting in therapy that we all are doing#ohhhhh they werent in toxic relationships that took up all their free time#oh my god i really have a lot of free time now#HOLY SHIT I CAN FINALLY PLAY ALL THE GAMES I BOUGHT#aaaaaaaaaa#oh my god wait i usually have mondays off i can just start having monday afternoon therapy and cafe food#no one likes that time slot for whatever reason but its really perfect for me omg
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soudeko · 8 hours
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they took $2000 off my tax refund for cerb 😭😭😭 yes surely this money will help the government more than it'll help my poor ass. love it
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further-than-forever · 2 months
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not me telling my therapist i will be billing mcr for my therapy like they’re my shitty mum instead of the music equivalent of a bomb shelter for me
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