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starsinthesky5 · 15 days

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wanna get out of here? | joe burrow x reader

description: an impromptu getaway is exactly what you and joe needed

a/n: ahhh my second fic!! all the love on my first one gave me the motivation to go and write another one :) i hope you all like this one!

warnings: smut (hope it’s not too bad since it’s my first time writing it LOL), language

word count: 6 k

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Wednesday

The sounds of hammering rain and thunder were all you could focus on as you were sitting on the couch, curled up in a blanket trying to finish an overly complex project for work. You had been trying to finish the final section for the past week but you simply could not get rid of the restless feeling that had engulfed you over the past few days.

Joe, on the other hand, was sitting right next to you. He was staring at the TV which had on some random rerun episode of The Office. Normally, he’d be laughing along to the show no matter how many times he had seen the episode, but today he was quiet & agitated. He had been overwhelmed this past month with intense rehab for his wrist injury; on top of which he had his off-season workouts every day which had also been incredibly vigorous. He was mentally and physically burnt out and needed something to take his mind off of everything. He noticed that you also had been swamped with work which caused you to be on edge the whole week, preventing you two from having any real 1 on 1 time like you usually do, and he wasn’t having it.

You were typing away on your computer, another idea that would probably lead to nothing, before you heard the TV turn off.

You turned your head to Joe and saw his blank face. “Everything Okay?” you questioned while reaching for his hand.

“Wanna get out of here?” he asked while interlocking your hands, still looking expressionless.

“Joey there is literally a monsoon happening outside right now,” you deadpanned as you squeezed his hand.

“Not out there. I mean do you wanna get out of Ohio?”.

“Who are you and what have you done with my fiancee,” you laughed.

“What?” he asked, looking quizzical as if he had no idea why you said that.

“You, the same man that never leaves his house unless it’s business or football related. And sometimes due to a forced social activity, or occasionally to have fun, wants to leave Ohio? You’re practically a turtle that stays in its shell all day,” you say before going back to your work project.

Joe is slightly taken aback by what you said. Deep down he knows you aren’t wrong, he doesn’t go out very often, which made what he said next even more necessary.

“Let’s go to the Bahamas this weekend. I can call up Ted and get a jet here and we can leave Friday morning. I’m thinking we stay at a lowkey house on a private beach for maybe 4 days,” he says.

You think he’s just messing with you but when you look over at him, he looks serious.

“Where is this coming from?” you say with worry in your voice. In the 5 years, you and Joe have been together, he’d never sprung an idea of a vacation on you by himself, it was always mutual. And you’d never left the States before either. You close your computer and turn to face him.

“I’m just so fucking tired,” he says with a sigh. “These past few weeks have been really intense and I just need a break.”

Your face drops as he continues. He’d been under so much pressure lately with OTA’s slowly approaching and training amping up; plus all the background noise. He’d start throwing in the next month or so and deep down he was nervous. He didn’t know how it was going to go and if all this rehab was even worth it if he was never going to be able to get back to where he was.

“And you’ve been stressed out all week because of work and it feels like we haven’t had just ‘us’ time,” he adds.

Joe was right. He’d be gone all day with either rehab or workouts and the only time you two would get together would be dinner. And by dinner, you’d be too exhausted to do anything but eat and rush off to bed.

You spend a few moments contemplating his offer. It would be nice to get away for a few days and you both needed the change of environment badly.

“Okay, let’s do it," you say with a smile as you pull him in for a hug.

“But just so you know, since we’d be leaving in 2 days, I’m going to be an absolute nightmare when it comes to packing,” you say before planting a kiss on his cheek.

“Oh, I'm well aware. You only get 2 days to stress about packing and not a whole week like usual,” he laughs.

Thursday Evening

You both spent the majority of the day planning your impromptu vacation. You found the perfect beach house on the other side of Nassau, away from the main part of the island. It was hidden by palm trees and had a private beach which made it easy to unwind without any prying eyes. You would spend the week there and pick out a few activities nearby to occupy your time. You also chose a few places to eat although you both decided to cook at home for the majority of your stay.

Currently, you were sitting on your closet floor attempting to pack your suitcase but were majorly failing. Packing was never your strong suit, especially if you had to pack the day before a trip. The closet looked like a war zone, things were everywhere.

“This is the wrong time to not be able to find anything,” you say to yourself while getting up once again to hunt for missing items.

Joe walked into the closet and saw you frantically pacing back and forth looking for something.

“Babe, are you Okay?” He asked while sitting down on the stool.

“Have you seen my new white bikini? Or my sunglasses? Or my tank tops?” You asked, aggravated that you couldn’t find your stuff.

“I literally cannot find anything,” You added before giving Joe a look. He knew that look all too well, you were 1 misplaced item away from having a full breakdown.

He got up from the stool and walked over to where you were, put his hands on your shoulders, and said “Y/N you could wear a potato sack and still look amazing. Stop stressing about it, this vacation is supposed to get rid of the stress. Not add onto it,”

You let out a deep breath and say “You’re right. It’s just us anyway. I’ll just pack some nice dresses and stuff whatever in the suitcase,”

“The fewer clothes the better,” Joe smirks and says before leaning in and planting a kiss on your lips.

“You’re insatiable,” you say against his lips.

After you finish packing your suitcase, you get ready for bed since you have a fairly early flight. It took Joe about 15 minutes to pack his things, which came as no surprise since he is the biggest outfit repeater you know. You’re just about ready to doze off before you feel Joe’s hand creep up your leg and squeeze your thigh.

“Mmm Joe not right now,” you say half asleeply. “Go to bed,”

“Not that,” he states. “I can’t fall asleep,” he mumbles.

You let out a sigh before turning to face him. No way you’re getting any sleep now. “What’s wrong,” you say as you move his messy curls out of his eyes.

“I don’t know, I just can’t fall asleep,” he says.

You knew Joe too well to know when something was bothering him. His confession earlier was only the tip of the iceberg. Something was bugging him and you needed him to talk to you.

“What’s going on in that brain of yours,” you say as you play with his curls.

He stayed silent for a few heartbeats, not knowing if he should unload his heavy thoughts on you right before a vacation. But he knew that it was just you. You’d always listen to whatever he had to say, no matter the time or place.

“Just everything.” He says, meeting your eyes. “Rehab has been going great and training has been too, and I should be happy about that but I just can’t get rid of that feeling,”

“What feeling?” You question.

“Feeling like I won’t be good enough. I know what people are saying; overpaid, overrated, no rings, injury-prone. And they aren’t wrong. I don’t have anything to back up why people think I’m a top 3 quarterback,”

Your heart breaks as he continues to talk. The fact that Joe feels like he isn’t good enough is mind-boggling to you. He’s one of the best damn players you’ve ever seen and you wish you could do something to get rid of his doubts, but you knew that that was something he had to do on his own.

“But you do have things to back it up. You had one of the greatest college football seasons ever. Winning the Natty and the Heisman was only the start of your legacy. You were drafted by an organization that was in desperate need of saving and you made an impact that not many could have done,” you say as you see a small smile on his face.

“You had a shitty rookie season with tearing basically everything in your knee, but you worked hard and came back better than ever fucking before. You went on and led the team to their first playoff win in 30 years and went to the fucking Super Bowl in your first full season,” you add.

“Yeah, you didn’t win. But you put the entire league on notice and showed them who the hell you are. And then you did it again next year even though you didn’t go all the way. This past year was rough and didn’t go the way anyone would have expected, but this is part of what makes you, you.” you say with a smile as he stares deeply into your eyes.

“You thrive when there’s adversity. It makes you work harder for what you want and it always pays off one way or another. You always come out better and stronger. You are a great quarterback and are absolutely more than good enough. You’re going to have your moment soon, and I know it,” you conclude.

Joe stares into your eyes for a few more heartbeats. You knew exactly what to say to bring him back down from whatever cloud he was stuck on and he was so thankful for you.

“I love you,” he said as he pulled you onto his lap, pressing kisses all over your face.

“I love you more, always,” you laugh as he kisses the hell out of you.

You two spent the rest of the night in each other's embrace. You finally felt at peace once you heard Joe’s soft snores fill the room and finally got some sleep.

Friday

You both got up pretty early for your flight, taking a quick shower before packing the car and heading to the airport. After boarding the plane you both took off your shoes, pulled out your fav blanket, and got comfy.

“Are you excited?” Joe beams.

“Excited is an understatement, Burrow,” you smirk. “Getting you out of Ohio might be my favorite part,”.

“I’m so looking forward to getting some sun and swimming in that big pool,” he says, referring to the massive pool that’s a part of the house you rented.

“It’s like you’re a whole new person,” you smile while leaning your head on his shoulder. He smiles and kisses your forehead before pulling out his laptop to turn on a movie.

“Oooo what are we gonna watch?” you excitedly question.

“I was thinking of either ‘Grown-Ups’ or ‘21 Jump Street’,” he responds.

“Hmm, let’s do Jump Street, it’s been a while since we watched that,” you say.

You spent the rest of the flight watching movies, playing a few card games, and eventually taking a small nap before the plane landed.

A few hours later

After the plane landed, you both drove to your house for the week and it was like something out of a fairytale. The house overlooked the beach and the crystal blue water. Lush green palm trees surrounding the house provided ample privacy, especially for the large open pool in the backyard. You two settled into the house before changing into your swimsuits for a nice afternoon dip in the pool. You did end up finding your new white bikini, which was perfect for the occasion.

Joe walked out of the bathroom and saw you brushing your hair in the mirror. His eyes trailed down to your bare legs, up to your perfect ass, then to your toned stomach, and straight to your chest. You looked so sexy and he was in heaven. He walked up to you and hugged you from behind, his warmth causing you to melt into his arms.

Your eyes met his in the mirror, “Like what you see, Burrow?” you teased.

“Absolutely,” he chuckled as he swayed you two back and forth, pressing a kiss on the back of your shoulder while sliding his hand down to your ass. Joe was grinning like a love-struck fool as he watched you close your eyes and melt into his embrace. He was making you feel more relaxed than you’d ever been before and you both were loving it.

You both ventured out to the pool and sat down on the pool chairs, hoping to get a quick tanning sesh in before a swim. A few minutes in, Joe found himself staring at the pool when he got an idea.

“I’m gonna jump into the pool,” he casually said.

You quickly turned your head to him and said, “Are you crazy, the water will get everywhere,” You gasped.

“It’s just us though, nobody around to complain. Besides, I can’t do it in the pool at home since we spent way too much money on redoing the backyard. At least here there isn’t any vegetable garden at risk of being destroyed,” he smirked before quickly running back to the patio door and launching himself into the pool, not giving you a moment to lecture him.

The water did in fact get everywhere but it was worth it when you saw Joe come up from the water. He shook his head back and forth to get the water out of his hair before he took his hand and attempted to slick it back. Your eyes navigated to his muscular chest which had stray water droplets sliding down his abdomen, back into the water. God, he looked so hot like this.

“Like what you see, Burrow,” he teased as he noticed your expression.

“Yes, in fact I do. Very much actually,” you say while getting off the chair. “And I’m not a ‘Burrow’ yet, still gotta wait a few months before that,” you say as you make your way into the pool.

“Well, you’re practically already my wifey sooo,” he trails off before swimming over to the steps and helping you into the pool.

You giggle at his words. He couldn’t wait to marry you and he never failed to make it known.

You immediately latch onto him when you're in the pool. This was pretty normal for you both. You’d always use him as a floatie and make him do all the work while you just lay on him and relaxed.

A few moments later you release yourself from his embrace, making him slightly confused at the sudden loss of contact.

“Y/N come back,” he whines out.

“Someone’s clingy today,” you say while playfully rolling your eyes and swimming away from him.

He stared at you for a few moments, a sad look on his face while you continued to swim around and away from him. You felt bad that you’d left him hanging but you were having too much fun teasing him.

“Come and catch me shiesty,” you yelled. He hated it when you called him that. That nickname was only for football-related individuals to use and he thought it was a little cringe whenever you would use it. Not in a bad way, it’s just he preferred you calling him other names that football-related people can’t use. You knew how he felt about it but you also knew that this would for sure set him off.

“Oh you’re done for,” he playfully growled before swimming after you. The pool was massive so you had just enough space to get away from him.

You two were swimming circles around each other, occasionally splashing water into each other's faces in hopes of catching each other off guard. Your arms began to get tired of swimming around so you stopped by the ledge to take a breather while Joe was settled on the other side of the pool.

Before you knew it, Joe had swum over to you and pulled you back into his arms.

“Got you,” you whispered against your ear.

“I guess you did,” you whispered back.

“You look absolutely gorgeous by the way,” he said looking down into your eyes. “I love this bikini on you,”

You blushed at his sweet comments. He never failed to tell you how pretty you looked.

“Ya know, I look even better with it off,” you tease.

Joe’s face dropped immediately when you said that. He’d been horny since he saw you in that bikini but had to compose himself since you both were looking forward to swimming in the pool. But now that you’d gotten your swim time in, nothing was stopping him.

He slowly pressed you against the wall of the pool and kissed his way up your neck right up to your sweet spot.

“Joe,” you moaned out.

“What baby?” He asked, knowing exactly what you wanted.

“I need you,” you whined.

He looked at you momentarily before lifting you out of the pool and rushing you inside to the large bedroom. You let out a squeal as he pushed you back onto the bed. Joe climbed over you and situated his body in between your thighs, capturing your lips in a passionate kiss. You stayed kissing each other for a few minutes before you felt something hard poke at your stomach.

“Getting eager now aren’t we,” you tease.

“Please, I’ve been waiting to get you in this bed since I saw you in this bikini,” he grinned.

“Then I suggest you do something about it,” you replied.

Joe smiled and started to untie the strands of your bikini top before tossing it to the side. He kissed his way down to your perfect breasts, swirling his lips around your sensitive bud which caused you to let out a breathy moan.

“Joe,” you moaned out while shoving your hands in his hair.

He spent a few moments sucking on your breasts before he continued his way down. He pressed a few sloppy kisses on your stomach before eventually making his way down to where you needed him the most. He slowly peeled off your bottoms which was driving you insane.

“Joe please,” you whined out.

“Patience is key, baby,” he teased.

He threw your bottoms to the side as he made his way back up to your heat. “You’re so wet,” he says while ghosting his fingers over your folds.

“Joe I swear to god-,” You suddenly felt his warm tongue lapping at your folds which caused you to let out another moan, “Ohh Fuck”.

He buried his warm tongue inside your core as he continued to eat you out like a starved man. He moved one of his hands up to cup your breast as the other was firmly on your thigh. Joe moved up and started to rhythmically suck on your clit which made you see stars; something which he made you see often. “Joey, fuck don’t stop,” you said breathlessly.

“You like that?” he chuckled against your core, sending vibrations throughout your body. Those 3 words always managed to get you more horny than you already were. "Yeah," you whispered.

He went back to lapping at your folds as he used his thumb to rub your clit. The combination of his mouth and fingers was sending you over the edge. You started to arch your back which caused you to lift your hips slightly but Joe pushed them back down as he continued to send you into a frenzy. You fisted your hands into his hair and started to pull on the loose curls which caused Joe to let out a soft moan against you.

“Joe I’m so close,” you whispered as you pushed his head closer to your core. You felt a familiar warmth in your belly as you were moaning Joe’s name out (which was driving him insane). Joe thrusted one of his fingers into you, causing the imaginary rubber band in your lower belly to snap; feeling a familiar gush of liquid pool below you. You were overcome with a feeling of pure pleasure and satisfaction as he cleaned up your mess with his skillful mouth. He pressed delicate kisses on the insides of your thighs before moving back up and pushing his lips against yours again.

“You’re so hot,” he said in between kisses.

You felt a blush creep up on your face. “I’m flattered Mr. Burrow, but have you seen yourself”.

“Shut up,” he chuckled before going back to kissing you. You stopped kissing him after a few moments and said “Joe, I need you inside me.”

“Your wish is my command babe,” he replied as he pulled down his swim trunks and threw them to the side. His cock was rock hard and the sight of it had you sizzling with anticipation.

Your core was slick with your arousal which made it easy for him to push his dick into you. The tip slowly teasing your folds before he buries himself inside of you, causing you to let out a loud moan. You will never get tired of the feeling of him inside you.

He started slowly thrusting into you which made you wrap your legs around him, wanting him deeper asap.

“Joe, Fuck,” you moaned out. “Faster baby,”.

He began snapping his hips against you, faster & harder than before. “God, you feel so good Y/N,” he moaned out. You brought him in for another kiss, this time quick, messy, and sloppy. He continued thrusting into you and you bucked your hips each time to match his movements. The sound of your arousal and skin-hitting skin filled the room as you two were caught up in the euphoria that was happening between you.

Joe buried his face into your neck, sucking on your sweet spot, as your hands found themselves in his hair again. You were on Cloud 9 right now and it was all because of him.

“Joe, don’t stop. Shit, you feel too good,” you moaned. You felt him move deeper inside of you as he repeatedly hit your cervix.

He continued to pound into you, making you feel like nothing else mattered but this moment. You both felt your arousal building up, begging to be released.

“Fuck Y/N, I’m close,” he panted as he slowed down.

“Me too,” you whimpered.

He picked up the pace of his thrusts once again, this time moving one of his hands down to your heat, toying with your clit. “Fuck,” you moaned out for what seemed like the hundredth time. “I’m gonna cum,” you whimpered. You felt your walls clench around him, signaling you were almost there. Joe felt you clench around him and pinched your clit which set off your orgasm. Your chest heaved up and down as you whimpered out his name while seeing stars again. He continued to thrust into you, chasing his pleasure.

“Y/N,” Joe moaned out. You knew he was close by the way his thrusts started to become sporadic.

“Come on baby,” you encouraged while pulling at his hair and kissing his neck.

After a few rough thrusts, Joe let out a loud moan as you felt hot spurts of his cum fill you up. He collapsed on top of you as you both panted, needing a moment to recover after the workout you two just had. You moved one of your hands to his back, softly sliding it up and down to help him relax.

“I love you,” he softly said as he kissed your cheek, making you smile.

“I love you more,” you whisper in his ear as he buries his face into your neck again.

The next day

The next morning was pretty chill for you both. You had breakfast at the local beachside cafe, stuffing your faces with delicious fresh fruit from the island before embarking on a pleasant morning walk on the beach.

“This is nice,” Joe says as you both walk hand in hand alongside the water, a content look on his face.

You look up at him and smile, “Very nice,” you giggle. “Although, I don’t know how you’re not uncomfortable with walking on the beach in shoes,” you question while looking at your bare feet and then his shoes.

“You never know when a crab might come up and pinch your toes,” he says with a straight face.

“Righhhht,” you say while relishing the feeling of sand between your toes.

“So, what should we do today? We pretty much have the whole day since we’re cooking at home tonight,” he says while squeezing your hand.

“Hmmm,” you wonder for a second. “We could go out on one of the boats?” you carefully question while looking up at your fiancee.

Joe did not like going on boats. He hated the idea of being out on the open water with no way of getting back to shore other than using the boat. He always questioned what you would do if the boat broke down or even started sinking. You always told him the sinking part was highly unlikely, but you blamed yourself for that worry because you’ve made him watch Titanic with you one too many times. He also didn’t like how you couldn’t see what was in the water. But lucky for you, the water in the Bahamas was crystal clear.

He stayed silent for a few moments, making you a little sad since you wanted to experience something new with him.

“Let’s do it,” he says while flashing you a smile.

You looked up at him, a little surprised. “Really?” you beam.

“Yes, now let’s go before I change my mind,” he says before stopping to pick you up. He doesn’t give you a moment to respond because he throws you over his shoulders causing you to let out a squeal. He leads you both back to the house so you can get freshened up.

You both got changed into your swimsuits before walking over to the docks and renting a boat for the day. You weren’t sure how you managed to get Joe to go on the boat, but you certainly were not complaining.

The driver had taken the boat not too far from shore, which kept Joe’s mind at ease. You swam in the water for a little bit and enjoyed a few drinks.

“Mmm, this like the best Mai Tai I’ve ever had,” you say while taking another sip. Joe was currently in the water in front of you, while you were seated on the steps of the boat, legs partially in the water.

“Come in the water,” Joe says while splashing some water onto you.

“Mmm, I think I’m good up here,” you tease while placing your drink to the side.

Joe swam closer to you and said “Nope.”

You were confused at what he meant but then you felt his wet hand wrap around your wrist.

“Joe, don’t even think about it,” you playfully growled, knowing exactly what he was about to do. He didn’t listen and pulled you into the water, causing a big splash. You came back up to the surface with a frown.

“Someone’s mad,” Joe laughs. You swim over to him while he is fully anticipating an ass-kicking but is pleasantly surprised when you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss his cheek.

You laugh and say, “If this is mad, let me be mad more often,”.

A few hours pass and you both are sitting on the boat in the net seating area that was right above the water. Joe had put on one of his many bucket hats and shades and was laid flat against the net, soaking in the golden sun. You were applying another layer of sunscreen before noticing his chest turning red. You knew he’d be a pain in the ass if he got sunburnt so you took the bottle and moved closer to him.

You squeezed out a dab of sunscreen and started applying it to his chest. He flinched at the sudden contact before realizing it was just you.

You felt him flinch and laughed, “Daydreaming, Burrow?”.

“Maybe,” he smiles while taking off his shades. He looks down and sees you applying sunscreen on him, “Oh, thanks,” he says while meeting your eyes.

You let out a playful sigh and say, “What would you do without me,”.

“For real,” he says. “I’d be walking around like a tomato,” he laughs.

After applying the rest of the sunscreen, you lay back against the net and Joe lifts one of his arms, motioning for you to curl up next to him. He rests his hand on the small of your back while you tangle your legs with his.

You lay there briefly, soaking up the perfect scene before breaking the silence. “Are you enjoying this? I know boats aren’t really your thing and I hope I didn’t force you into this,” you softly say.

“Of course, I’m enjoying this. I will admit, I was a little nervy when getting on but you’re here with me so I’m fine. Besides, If the boat breaks down at least we’d be stranded together,” he jokes.

“I guess that’s true. Better than being stranded with a bunch of randos too. I’m glad we could get a boat just for the two of us,” you reply.

“Yup. This isn’t as bad as I thought. I can see everything below us too so no risk of a random shark popping out,” he deadpans.

“Like that would actually happen,” you say while softly hitting his chest.

“You never know,” he says while shaking your shoulder in an attempt to scare you.

You spent a few minutes messing around with each other before the driver came out to tell you that you were heading back to the island. You both got up and sat on the bench, your back pressed into Joe’s chest and stared out into the open waters, taking in the view before it was time to go back. You were mindlessly sliding your hand along Joe’s leg while he had his arms around your waist, gently squeezing your soft skin. Everything about this moment was peaceful. Joe felt at ease for the first time in a long time and he had his favorite person to thank for it.

Once you got back to the house, you both took a nice shared shower before starting your dinner prep. Before arriving at the house yesterday, you had stopped at the local market to pick up some groceries.

“So, what are we making tonight,” Joe asked as he sat down on one of the barstools.

“I was thinking of shrimp-avocado tostadas and some of that wine we picked up yesterday?”

“Sounds delicious,” he said while rubbing his belly.

You let Joe fry the tortillas and make the avocado mixture while you cooked the shrimp and assembled the tostadas. While you were assembling the dish, Joe found a few candles in the cabinet and got an idea. He went outside to the backyard and set up the candles on one of the patio tables, setting the scene for a nice sunset dinner. He picked out a few flowers from the front of the house and put them in a vase to use as a centerpiece. He then poured the wine into 2 glasses, setting one on each side.

You had finished plating the tostadas and didn’t see Joe anywhere. “Joe? Where are you,” you yelled out.

“Out here! Bring the plates outside,” he yelled back.

You were a little confused but went along with it. You walked outside with your dinner and saw Joe setting the table and your heart melted.

“Joe, this is so romantic,” you cooed while putting the plates on the table.

He gave you a warm smile before pulling out one of the chairs for you to sit in. You sat down as he settled into the chair across from you. You both devoured the tostadas while making small talk about your plans for tomorrow. After you finished eating, Joe took the plates and set them inside; he suggested you both finish up your wine on the daybed since you would get a comfier view of the sky.

Later that night, per your suggestion, you and Joe were sitting in the bathtub surrounded by bubbles and a few candles. You felt so relaxed even though you’d only been here for 2 days, and it was all because of Joe.

“I’m glad we finally get to have ‘us’ time,” Joe says while rubbing your thigh under the water. “I missed just being able to sit with you and do nothing. This past month felt so repetitive, I feel like we barely saw each other,”

“Me too. We needed this,” you said as you pressed yourself into his chest a little more. Your back was to his chest and both your legs were tangled under the water. This was your favorite position; the warmth radiating off of his body felt like a big hug.

“Thank you for doing this by the way,” you add.

“Doing what?” He questioned.

“This trip. I needed it more than I thought I did. Getting away from home and the change of environment was much needed. I think if I stayed in Ohio for another day I might have spontaneously exploded,” you joked, causing him to let out a soft chuckle.

“Anytime,” he replied while kissing the nape of your neck.

“Do you feel better?” You asked. “I hope you were able to get your mind off of things. Your stuff was a lot heavier than mine,”

He lets out a content sigh and says, “Actually, yeah I do feel better. I think I just needed to get out of the chaos and get out of my head. This trip has helped me decompress and realize that not everything has to be so stuffy all the time,” Joe says.

“Exactly,” you chirp as you lean your head back to place a kiss on his neck.

“I can’t do anything about what people are saying, they’ll always talk. But what I can do is work hard to get back to where I’m supposed to be. And I won’t be able to get there if I’m constantly pressuring myself,” he says. “Letting loose and having fun is a part of that journey. I need that balance,” he adds.

“And this is a great start,” you say while smiling up at Joe

“Yes it is,” Joe says while pressing another kiss to your forehead.

You both had spent the rest of the night talking about the rest of your exciting activities planned for the final 2 days of the trip. You even talked about a few fun things you could do around Cincinnati when you get back home so that you could keep the work-life balance that you both so desperately needed.

“This impromptu vacation might have been the best idea you’ve had so far,” you tell Joe as you both are about to fall asleep.

“We should get away more often,” Joe grins.

--The End--

#joe burrow #joe burrow x reader #joe burrow fic #joeburrow #joe burrow imagine #nfl imagine

278 notes · View notes

thevalleyisjolly · 1 year

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There’s a weird recurring take in D20 fan circles that Zac doesn’t play “complex” characters and that people are just waiting for the day when he “finally” plays an asshole, which kind of baffles me. Quite apart from the idea that only morally grey characters are complex or compelling, are you sure we’re watching the same show?

In Fantasy High, we have Gorgug, an adopted biracial teenager whose journey includes realizing his self-worth, coming to terms with his rage (literally), seeking out and navigating new relationships with others (his birth parents, the Bad Kids, Zelda), and discovering what he’s capable of.

From The Unsleeping City we have Ricky, a second-generation Japanese-American, who has a very personal struggle across two seasons between doing the dutiful/sacrificial thing for other people’s benefit and expressing his own needs, wants, thoughts, and feelings; it’s a very particular exploration of immigrant generations and the relationship between the sacrificial model of your ancestors and the culture you grew up surrounded by which emphasizes the self.

There’s A Crown of Candy and Lapin, whose snark and one-liners are honestly less interesting than the way he engaged with and sought to understand religion and faith; the different yet similar ways in which both the Sugar Plum Fairy and the Church exerted control over their followers, and the search for spiritual meaning beyond these figures/institutions.

Then there’s Cumulous, whose every character aspect navigates a space of tension - the ultimate war guy who made himself hardened (literally) and pragmatic to get the job done but who also remains soft and caring and empathetic at the same time; wielding the power of death without glorifying or giving into it; the cousin who both is a member of the family and yet who remains at somewhat of a distance from the centre; a literal warrior-philosopher who is single-minded in battle and quietly thoughtful about the mysteries of life and death outside of it.

As for actual assholes, we have Norman Takamori in A Starstruck Odyssey, a bitter man who is the living embodiment of both the Superior Orders excuse as well as scapegoating. On a side note, the amount of absolute vitriol and double standards which people threw at Norman during ASO for being an unapologetic asshole -and he had less than two full episodes of screen time- kind of underscores the calls for Zac to play a “real” asshole. Zac can and will play whatever type of character he wants, but is fandom really ready for him to play an asshole if that asshole doesn’t have a secret heart of gold?

From the same season, we have Valdrinor/Skip, who starts as the “prince running from his destiny” archetype with a dash of brain slug possession, has a humorous yet oddly profound exploration of what humanity is and what it means to be human, and springboards from there into “wait, who am I really and actually, why are we doing things (brain slug possession) this way when there are other ways to engage with the universe.”

Most recently in Neverafter, we have Pib, who apart from the fascinating meta element of being a literal character archetype, constantly straddles the line between self-absorbed self-interest and putting himself on the line to help others; his repeated demonstration of both at various points throughout the season is a subtle yet intriguing manifestation of free will and choice-making in a story all about lacking free will and agency.

So, I mean, lack of complexity where? Does a character need to be an asshole in order to be deep or compelling? And because I’ve heard this specific rebuttal quite a few times now, does a character need to vocalize their innermost thoughts loudly and frequently in order to prove their complexity? If a character is “less vocal” compared to other characters, does that mean they lack interiority?

Also, other people have brought this up before, but I am once again asking that people remember the difference between fictional characters and real life people. Zac playing one (1) himbo on the show does not make him a himbo in real life, nor does it make him incapable of creating or playing complex characters (especially as said himbo is himself an extremely complex character), nor does it make him a lesser player than other cast members. You don’t have to find all or any of his characters interesting or complex, but can we stop conflating character with player?

#dimension 20 #dimension 20 discourse #dimension 20 spoilers #(in case you haven't seen one of the mentioned seasons)#i haven't listened to naddpod so i can't speak to mavrus and squing is not included but the point still stands generally #1) asshole/morally grey characters are not the only type of characters who are complex or compelling #2) at the same time; zac has actually played both non-asshole and asshole characters who are complex and compelling #3) you don't have to find all his characters deep or interesting but please stop using them to make assumptions about the real life actor

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deviantly-inspired · 8 months

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Dreamling concept

I absolutely love the 600 year slow burn to friendship and then wildfire romance that's in dreamling fics (it's IMMENSELY satisfying) but also, please consider:

after they finally (finally) become friends after 600 years they just... take their time, with romance. They spend years getting to know each other, genuinely, as friends. They don't know eachother, not really, until Dream has held Hob while he sobs over a loved one dying AND when he's seen Hob in his PJs eating ice cream out the pint because his students have stressed him out to the point of needing either ice cream or violence and Hob likes to think he chooses violence less often these days. And Hob doesn't really know Dream until he's heard that awful laugh, some unholy mix between braying donkey and the sound of magma shifting beneath the earth's crust OR until he's watched Dream scowl at the tele because they got to the last episode of "Game of Thrones" and Dream isn't any happier then anyone else is about a lot of those decisions.

And they spend days and weeks and years of being in one another's pockets. Choosing to come together again and again for a pint or a season binge or a silent supporting friend when the weight of living is a little harder. They earn each other's trust, and because they're both a little dense and maybe a lot more walking-wounded, the moment that each of them realizes that the other trusts them is, well, it's something that makes life worth living, for both of them.

Hob realizes Dream trusts him first, something small, something like Hob going to guide Dream out of the way and Dream just goes without any sort of hesitation. Not mountains or meteors could move Dream if he didn't want to, but he just goes to where Hob guides him out of the way so Hob can take the carrots out of the oven. It's enough to humble a man, and Hob might have a little cry over it later, in private, but for now he grins and tells Dream he has to try the carrots with the lamb, he hasn't lived until he's done so.

And Dream is a little slower to realize, I think. Because Hob is pretty open and friendly, it's a bit harder for Dream who's not so good with interacting with people face-to-face, to tell that Hob doesn't really get close to very many people for all that plenty seem to like him. There's a few exceptions, but even they are kept at a distinct distance. And it's maybe something small, like a small party or gathering of some of Hob's friends and it's late and folks are tipsy and Hob just kinda... dozes off against Dream. And Dream doesn't think anything of it, Hob does this quite often but Hob's other friends are immediately very surprised: Hob doesn't sleep in front of others, they explain. A relic from the war/traumatic past/whatever Hob's used to tell them. No matter how late or how tired or even how drunk he is, Hob would rather drive/bus/walk home then sleep where others can see him. You must be pretty special, one of them says. He even fell asleep on you like that: I've never seen him look so relaxed.

And I think that there's something beautiful about the slow, inescapable draw of it. It's like two meteors from opposite ends of the galaxy that have been on a collision course for eons. They both have moments of realizing that they're falling in love. They know it's going to happen, and the tension is slow and sweet and lovely. And there's no need to rush, because there's trust there too. Sometimes they'll meet gazes and they'll know, both of them, in that moment that they're in love. That, someday, what's growing between them is going to be a bloom unlike anything the universe has ever seen before. And they'll smile together and continue watching bad tv dramas or swapping gossip or sharing their pints and maybe their shoulders brush and their touches linger a bit longer that night but it's okay. There's no need to rush. They have forever after all.

And I think also that Dream is just a dramatic romantic enough of a bastard to confess to Hob on June 7, 2089 and i think Hob is just enough of a dramatic romantic to tell Dream that he certainly took his time.

I'm not late, am I, Dream will ask.

Of course not, Hob will laugh, you're exactly on time. We've plenty of it.

And in the Dreaming there will be a quiet warm breeze and gentle sunshowers as in the deepest heart of the dreaming a flower never before seen blooms awake. And in the waking two friends close the gap between them and talk about how Sally next door really needs to stop over watering her flowers she's going to drown the poor things, really.

And then they'll have the absolute longest courtship and engagement of anyone in the universe. There will be entire religions that will rise and fall before they get married. Pantheons will come into existence and be utterly dumbfounded when they're invited to Dream of the Endless and Hob Gadling weddings because weren't they already married? They've been together since the beginning of it all.

It's be great.

#dreamling #the sandman #dev writes #sadman sadman give me a dream

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charcubed · 6 months

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"What did we do wrong?" "I don't know."

🙋🏻 I think I might.

It's the hot cocoa.

Or rather… it's Loki semi-unintentionally siding with Sylvie over Mobius.

In this episode, that's the tipping point. And so is lack of trust.

What we just watched is the version where things go very wrong and they fail.

But here's the delightful part to remember: things had to go wrong exactly like this, so eventually things can go very right. Because as "wrong" as this was, it had at least one purpose: Loki pruning himself.

That being said... "What's wrong?"

We've got a list.

-Timely's gone.

-Miss Minutes is back (and so is Renslayer).

-Dox and her team are dead.

Now work it backwards.

Miss Minutes / Renslayer get in, Brad is freed, and Dox and her team are killed. D-90 isn't there.

Why isn't he there?

He was sent to be with Victor.

D-90 is killed and Victor is taken at the hot cocoa machine, which delays everything.

Why are they at that machine?

Because Mobius got cocoa.

Why did Mobius get hot cocoa?

Because he wanted pie, but Sylvie yelled at him.

And when Loki didn't defend him in that crucial moment and actually walked away from him instead, Mobius simply got hot cocoa by himself as a pick-me-up.

Therefore: Lokius is the tipping point.

What did they do wrong?

What happened?

Loki and Mobius were separated and weren't on the same page. THAT'S what happened. And so, everything fell apart.

Words – or the lack of them, in Loki's case above when he didn't defend Mobius – can change everything.

For good or for bad.

(These shots are back to back:)

Lack of trust is also why things fall apart.

Sylvie attacks Mobius because he walks away, trusting the work to O.B. and Casey and Victor.

She can't fathom that. She sees it as a weakness. But it's one of his greatest strengths, and it's their only way forward.

It's also part of the "trust for others" theme that's been present from the very first episode of the show, and it's a primary lesson that Loki's first had to learn through his relationship with and love for Mobius.

And the necessity of trust is showcased throughout this episode in other places. Sylvie accuses Loki of putting a lot of faith in the others, and simultaneously she keeps talking about the TVA as a corrupted place / institution instead of seeing the individual people capable of change.

But Loki explains to her that it's about the people. He lists the names of his new family – the people he trusts – as being the heart of things. What's worth saving and worth fighting for.

Brad and Dox are mirroring the trust theme here too, of course.

Brad doesn't trust B-15, and he doesn't pick trusting or aligning with anyone. He dooms Dox and the others to die.

But she sees the big picture and is willing to die with integrity rather than betray the PEOPLE of the TVA.

And Victor?

He says he doesn't trust anyone… but then he chooses to change. With O.B., he chooses to have a partner.

(Not dissimilar to the ways we've seen Loki change over the show, too.)

And were it not for the ~hot cocoa,~ in THIS regard, things were going "according to plan."

So as Victor says in the season 2 trailer in a clip we haven't heard yet (!!!): they have to "make the hard choice," of course.

Trust each other, work to fix what's broken, have hope, and STAY.

And Loki and Mobius, the personification of chaos and order in balance, HAVE to stay together or it turns to shit.

Loki can't turn into a better leader if he ends up being Who Remains all by himself. He's gonna need his partner and the rest of his people for the TVA to truly change.

But how are they gonna do that if they all just blew up? Lmao.

Well… that part of the theory's a work in progress.

But this involves both butterfly effects and time loops. Somehow we'll likely be going backwards to earlier versions of them that will be trying again.

And depending on just how far back they go… Loki and Mobius' influence on each other may be a snake eating its own tail, just like Ouroboros and Victor.

Regardless, pretty sure Mobius is correct here. As he tends to be, lol.

It's gonna be Loki's turn. God of Mischief becoming the Loki Who Remains that Mobius needs, etc.

And it always comes down to the two of them at the heart of things, somehow.

Last thing:

I'm not convinced those versions of them all survived the blast that happened because of these wrong turns, to be honest with you.

But if anyone did… the gods did.

And they're (hopefully) not gonna make the same mistakes twice.

---

Originally posted as a thread on Twitter here.

My other Loki posts on Tumblr are under the tag "chars loki posts."

#lokius meta #loki meta #loki spoilers #loki season 2 #loki #mobius #THE HEART OF THE TVA #loki theories #chars loki posts #this took so long to crosspost because tumblr has a 30 image limit APPARENTLY. I had to improvise

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vettelsvee · 7 days

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FIRST VICTORY (PART 1) | Sebastian Vettel

f1 masterlist | history series masterlist

summary: sebastian gets his first pole position, while diana realizes that perhaps the world of motorsport she had idealized was not as wonderful as she had imagined. except for seb, of course, who was the one who, in part, made her continue in formula 1.

word count: 7060

warnings: curse words, bad language, mentions and act of sexism. mentions of sickness and medical terms. seb and di getting closer. just nico rosberg doing nico rosberg things (friendly reminder that whatever you read here is fiction, and nothing that happens here or how characters act is real)

taglist: [@theseerbetweenus @annewithaneofthegreengable @vincentvanshoe] if you wanna be tagged in each part just tell me in the comments <3

¡! you can read the fanfic as diana or y/n, but the faceclaim will always be my girl emma stone :)

feedback is truly appreciated!

2008

Italian Grand Prix Autodromo Nazionale Monza

September 11 th Thursday

Monza had not welcomed them as they had hoped.

The sun had barely risen on that Thursday, marking the beginning of the Italian Grand Prix, hiding behind multiple dark gray clouds loaded with water that threatened to unleash upon the circuit at the most unexpected moment.

Diana, with her umbrella in one hand, backpack hanging from her back, and her accreditation hanging from her neck, entered the paddock with a downcast look. She had been with the Toro Rosso team for six months already, and although she knew she was living her dream of being part of the sport she loved so much and was aware from the moment she set foot in that world that it wouldn't be a bed of roses, nothing was turning out as she had initially imagined.

The first three or four Grand Prix had gone well, and they had even strengthened her bond with Sebastian due to his DNF situations. However, as the weeks passed and, with them, the months, everything started to go downhill. While initially the team seemed happy to have a girl among them, derogatory comments, an abundance of sexist jokes, and daily attitudes of the same kind became Wagner's burden. She couldn't help but feel undervalued and, above all, useless.

"I'm sure that when Diana gets promoted and becomes my engineer everyone will want her," Vettel said on one occasion when he heard a sexual proposition from one of his mechanics to another. "Trust me, Diana Wagner is going to win championships with me."

No matter how much the dyed-blonde had tried to prevent Seb from defending her to avoid drawing more attention, he didn't mind; on the contrary, he did it willingly.

"I have four amazing women in my life, and I wouldn't want them to be treated like that," the driver explained, showing a photo of his sisters and mother. "Despite being a ladies' man I know there are limits, and respect is above everything for me."

That didn't help at all as Diana ended up being relegated to minor, unimportant tasks. Suddenly, she found herself going back and forth in the paddock carrying coffees, preparing some meals and running errands for anyone, as if her only function was to be a decoration. She didn't know, but she was sure she had worked too hard to show that she deserved that opportunity more than anyone else who had applied for the scholarship. And not only that: she also tried to gain the trust and, especially, the respect of Toro Rosso members, although it seemed to have worked only with the blue-eyed blonde.

Despite proving her worth in every free practice, qualifying and race, and regardless of learning a little more every day, her senior engineer completely ignored her.

As she crossed paths with people on her way to the team's box, she reminded herself that she had arrived there on her own merits; that she had worked for years and that, if this moment was not the right one for her to shine, she would do so in the future. Patience, and especially attitude, along with luck, were the keys to success, and her father had ingrained it in her over her twenty years of life.

A group of Ferrari engineers accompanied by Felipe Massa passed by her arguing heatedly about possible strategies for Sunday's race and some configuration for the race car. As they almost always mistook her for a grid girl, Diana always took advantage of that. This time was no exception. Carefully, she began to follow them, pretending to attend a phone call to listen to as much of the conversation as possible and mentally note everything they said down. Sebastian's performance had improved since the race in Monaco thanks to some contributions she had made to Alex, the driver's engineer, who obviously took credit for it. She knew that no matter how much information she shared, it would not be acknowledged as her own, but the fact that she could help secure at least a podium for Vettel was all that mattered to her.

"Now, apart from being an aspiring intern, are you also a spy?"

Nico's voice made her come to a sudden halt, realizing she had been caught. A blush started to spread across her cheeks, accompanied by an unpleasant nervousness in her stomach.

"I was just snooping around a bit," the girl explained, growing more nervous as she saw the blonde approaching her. "I wanted to find out what's being discussed around here, that's all."

"About Ferrari's strategies, am I right?"

Diana didn't say anything, confirming Rosberg's assumption.

"That's what I like most about you, that you're determined."

"But you've barely seen me," Diana responded a bit curtly. "I just want to learn from the best to be the best, and I would do anything for it," she commented sincerely.

"Would you come with me now for a coffee?"

The young woman began to feel a shiver running down her spine, feeling uncomfortable with the German's suggestion. Every time she had had a chance to talk to the driver it had been in the same way. That had only made him gradually gain more confidence with her, and the hints became more and more direct.

"Thanks for the invitation, but I'm more of a tea girl," the girl said ironically, trying to maintain composure. "Besides, I don't know if you know, but I came to work and prove my worth, not to boost anyone's ego."

Before the Williams driver could reply, a familiar voice joined the conversation. Sometimes, Sebastian Vettel seemed like Spider-Man and appeared just when the Austrian needed him most.

"What are my eyes seeing? Nico Rosberg flirting, again, with our amazing intern?" he questioned, wrapping his arms around Diana. "Come on, lower yourself to that... I didn't expect that from you, Rosberg."

"I was just being friendly with her," the other guy tried to pretend with a smile. "Right, Di?"

Diana nodded, agreeing with him even though she knew it wasn't true. Vettel noticed how the girl's body tensed a bit due to discomfort, something that bothered him a little.

"Di?" Seb replied. "Now you're close to her?"

"Sebastian," she said, interrupting him because she was aware that if she didn't, things would escalate. "I just wanted to go for coffee, really, but I don't feel like it because I have work to do," she approached him, placing her hand on his chest, and said something in a low voice. "There's no need to make a scene."

Sebastian took a deep breath and calmed down a bit. He didn't like the intentions that many guys had with what he considered his friend, and Rosberg was no exception. He had heard many insinuations with that girl coming from many mouths, and every time someone said something he wanted to start a fight no matter how much he tried to control himself.

"Well, Nico, why don't you let Di and I go back to our garage? We need to discuss some private matters."

Nico accepted, with a mocking smile on his lips.

"Of course, I wouldn't want to interrupt whatever private thing you're going to do."

"Don't make things up, you bastard!" Wagner shouted at him as Rosberg winked at them and began to walk away briskly.

The girl thanked Sebastian mentally. Sometimes Nico could be not just a little but too heavy. It's not that she found him ugly, far from it, but she liked to get to know people before throwing herself into their arms and acting as if they had known each other their whole lives.

"Thanks for that, Seb, but I had it all under control," Diana thanked.

"Sure," the driver replied nonchalantly. "Rosberg can be a bit... let's say persistent," he explained as they walked, seemingly aimlessly. "But that doesn't mean he's not a good guy!"

"I haven't said otherwise."

Vettel stopped and looked at the girl. He barely knew her, and although it was true that in the last few weekends they had become closer, he still didn't have enough confidence to talk about certain topics...

She wasn't his close friend.

Even so, there was something she didn't know about her, but that attracted him immensely.

"Do you like Nico?" he asked without hesitation.

"What? No!" Diana shouted, attracting the attention of those around them. "How could I like him? All he does is ask me out, come up to me every time he sees me alone and invite me to his room in the Williams box! I don't want to hook up with him or whatever he has in mind!"

Sebastian started to mock her. Despite being a good girl, sometimes she seemed so innocent that it made the German feel sorry for her. He decided not to continue the conversation because he knew his temper was strong enough to tell him to fuck off.

"Will you join me for the press conference? It's in like half an hour," he commented, looking at his wristwatch.

"I thought Alex needed me to talk to him or something," the girl deflected the proposal. "Anyway, I can't even get in. I'm not a journalist."

"Well, I'm afraid you'll have to pretend to be one."

Diana didn't have time to accept the invitation as the German had already gently taken her by the wrist and started walking briskly towards the room where the press conference would be held.

As soon as they arrived and entered, still holding hands and attracting some curious looks, the Austrian was amazed at the immense proportions of the place. From the outside, it seemed much smaller, but she had before her a spacious and well-lit room, with a long table and five chairs arranged on a platform in the center, where Diana supposed the drivers would sit. Behind it was the Formula 1 logo, followed by a Monza Grand Prix 2008 sign.

The driver and the intern continued walking together, still admiring the last completely stunned at the journalists, cameras and other professionals from around the world present.

"Sit wherever you want, newbie," Vettel pointed to the seats where some reporters were already sitting. "I have to pretend that I love answering questions, and you have to pretend you're the best journalist in the room. Let's get to work and then I'll invite you to whatever you want, okay?"

They both parted with a smile. Wagner proceeded to settle in one of the back rows so as not to attract too much attention. She greeted people around her with a fake smile, trying not to let them discover that she was just an intern that no one wanted.

She watched as the drivers who would attend the press, besides Seb, took their respective seats. Kimi Räikkönen appeared with a serious face, something normal for him; Fernando Alonso exuded confidence, and Lewis Hamilton was relaxed, although alert to what they might ask him: it was only his second year competing, and he had already become one of the candidates to be the world champion of the season.

Vettel, as he seemed to do in any situation, was making jokes and chatting very animatedly with some reporters, receiving reprimands from what the intern knew as his public relations, Britta Roeske.

The event's moderator introduced himself, starting the press conference. Despite already knowing them, he presented each of the drivers present, mentioning their team and asking some unimportant questions.

Sebastian, who was the last in line, seemed visibly bored and acted as such, despite the multiple glances Roeske was sending him from her seat, until it was his turn.

"Now let's move on to one of the youngest on the grid: Sebastian, what do you expect from this weekend?" the curious presenter asked. "And, most importantly, are you worried about the rain?"

The young man regained his composure and approached the microphone.

"I have no expectations: I just want to do my best and not die of boredom until I get my first victory," he commented with his characteristic humor. "Regarding the rain, it's like a surprise visit from your mother-in-law, you know? It can show up at any time, hurt you a lot, and even be uncomfortable and challenging, but you can't deny that it adds excitement," the guy got a bit more serious. "Jokes aside, I think all of us would prefer it to be dry and sunny on Sunday, but rain is also part of the show, and if it comes, I'll welcome it with open arms."

The man, after thanking Sebastian with a look, turned to the audience and opened a brief round of questions to the journalists. Surprisingly, almost all of them were directed at Sebastian, who had become a sensation after his announcement as Mark Webber's future teammate at Red Bull Racing next season.

It was normal for everyone to want to know more about that guy from Heppenheim who showed promise.

"Sebastian, do you think you could outperform any of the Ferraris and achieve a good result for Toro Rosso?"

"I don't know, it could be. What do you think, Kimi?" he laughed, looking at the Finn with humor. "Ferrari is incredible, and Monza is one of their homes. I'm here to compete and try to do my best, so I'll strive for that."

Vettel nodded slightly, thanking in a whisper and giving the floor to a blonde reporter, with light eyes, whose name he thought he remembered being Sally.

"Vettel, next year you'll join Red Bull Racing. Anything you can tell us?"

"The best is yet to come," he replied, winking at her. "I hope to see you then. You know I'm always ready to answer your questions, Sal."

The questions continued, and they were even directed at the other three men accompanying Seb. Some were more technical, and others focused on the driver's mentality or the team's strategies, but that didn't prevent Wagner from getting bored. Throughout the forty-five minutes it lasted, she paid attention and took notes in a notebook she always carried with her because any information, no matter how minimal It was, would help her learn more about that extensive sport. Being there was a privilege she never thought of, so she couldn't waste anything because she didn't know when she would have the chance again.

Time passed faster than she initially thought. When the one who had directed the whole event, named Carlo, declared the session over, Diana remained somewhat mesmerized watching the journalists and photographers begin to gather their belongings and leave the press room, in an orderly manner for security reasons. She thought about staying a little longer, but she ended up succumbing to the pressure, getting up and heading towards the exit while keeping her gaze on Sebastian, who was saying goodbye to his colleagues.

Diana decided to wait for the driver at the entrance, but seeing that everyone, except him, had left, she went to the Toro Rosso box hoping he would be waiting for her there. The girl didn't know what to expect from the blonde, but being stood up after waiting for an hour and a half wasn't among her possibilities.

Although she didn't expect much from the German either. [...]

September 13th Saturday

Even though the pain Diana felt in her stomach was still quite noticeable, she had to put on a brave face and act as if everything was perfectly fine. She knew there were sick leave allowances even for interns, but the girl didn't want nor could she afford to risk losing it all over a simple stomachache.

The day before, Friday, she didn't take part in the two free practice sessions because a noticeable discomfort in her stomach began to manifest in the early hours. Initially, she attributed it to the disappointment she had felt after being stood up by the German; when vomiting started and diarrhea set in, she didn't hesitate to go down to the hotel lobby, ask for the nearest hospital, and call a taxi.

"I'm afraid to say that it might be gastroenteritis, Miss Wagner," the emergency room doctor informed her after running some tests. "Refrain from your work for a few days and stick to a bland diet."

The cake that Amelie had made for her birthday and that her father had insisted on keeping in the refrigerator for five days, despite being quite poorly made, seemed to be the culprit of her indigestion.

There was barely half an hour left for the qualifying session to begin. Quickly, she passed her accreditation through the scanner as fast as she could, holding onto her belongings tightly, and ran to the Toro Rosso garage as fast as she could, trying to stave off the urge to vomit. She had a terrible night, battling constant stabbing pains and nausea, making her feel like a pregnant woman. If it hadn't been for a pill that had been prescribed to her after insisting a lot, her diarrhea would probably still be continuing at that moment. She clenched her teeth tightly to avoid vomiting right there, and she was grateful that it was raining because her umbrella made her less noticeable.

The moment she saw her workspace, she hurried even more, closing the umbrella and placing it in a stand at the entrance. The looks were already starting to intimidate her, but she didn't feel panic until she reached the area where Alex, Seb's track engineer and, let's say... her boss was.

"Where the hell were you yesterday, Wagner?"

Fiori quickly took off his headphones, leaving them around his neck, and turned to look at Diana sternly. His expression showed a mix of anger and annoyance, and the girl knew that nothing good was coming because this forty-year-old was not particularly known for his empathy and kindness.

"I informed a public relations girl you have around here, I think her name is Martha or something like that," the girl explained, trying to justify herself, "and I also brought the medical certificate. I've had gastroenteritis since Friday morning, and I went to the emergency room. The doctor advised me to take a few days off, but I decided to come today."

The man reluctantly took the paper and examined it thoroughly, looking for any sign that this information might be false. He couldn't believe that a young girl was there; let alone, that he had to endure her.

Although what Alex Fiori hated most about her was that Sebastian praised her so much.

"Are you feeling better now?" the Italian inquired, still absorbed in the medical lines.

"Yes, a little, thank you," the blonde sincerely thanked. "Really, Mr. Fiori, I'm so sorry I couldn't attend yesterday, and I'm even more sorry they didn't inform you. I didn't have anyone else's contact."

The man took the paper grudgingly and examined it thoroughly, looking for any reflection that this information might be false. He couldn't believe that a girl was there; let alone that he had to endure her.

"Let's hope you don't miss again for nonsense like this," he replied indifferently, tearing the paper aggressively. "I need you to be here and fulfill your responsibilities. That's why we tolerate you and pay you every month."

Diana just nodded, threatening tears to escape from her eyes.

"Of course," the girl tried to declare. "I promise I won't miss a day again, Mr. Fiori."

"Don't make promises you won't keep, Wagner," he bluntly replied as he headed towards Vettel. "Now just sit down and stay quiet during qualifying. I don't want to hear you."

The girl felt a knot forming in her throat as she watched her boss approach her pilot. She tried to maintain composure, but it was impossible: she shed a tear easily and wiped them away as quickly as she could to avoid drawing even more attention. She felt frustrated and powerless because she couldn't defend herself or express what she felt in those moments.

She did what his engineer instructed him. She grabbed her headphones, sat a bit farther away than usual, and started watching Q1 on the screen in front of him. It had only been about five minutes, and Alex's comments to Vettel were already resonating in his ears.

"Come on, Seb, you have to try to nail a perfect lap on the first try. We need to secure a spot in Q2."

"Copy," the German replied.

From her seat, Diana could see Sebastian's engineer gesturing wildly with his hands every now and then, upset with any maneuver the driver made. She observed from her monitor the laps he was doing: gradually, his times were improving, and although his performance was not the best, combined with the ineffective car, it was surprising to the Austrian.

"Seb, you're improving," Alex informed him as optimistically as possible. "We just have one chance to complete a lap, so try to concentrate as much as possible."

"Copy."

Sebastian pushed the car to its maximum, hugging every inch of the track without exceeding the track limits. Wagner was amazed, and she could hardly look away.

Fiori informed Seb that, for now, they were through to Q2, although it was still necessary for the German to extract a bit more speed from the car to ensure participation in the next qualifying round by a few milliseconds.

Every second that passed felt eternal for Wagner, who was holding her breath with excitement. Finally, when Vettel moved on to Q2, she could breathe easy. In the garage, cheers of excitement echoed, something that made her laugh because, in reality, he had only advanced about five positions on the grid, not a significant achievement, but a good merit given the ineffective car they had.

After a quick analysis of data and preparation for the Q2 strategy, of which Diana had not been a part but had listened attentively, as if she didn't care, it began.

The girl had heard that they had decided to stick with the wet tires they had used in the previous session. It seemed like a mistake to her because a majority of the other drivers would be using new pairs. Therefore, when they saw Sebastian's times, despite being good, starting to slow down compared to others, they hurried to call him to pit stop. Diana couldn't help but laugh. She wasn't the most qualified to judge, as she wasn't an expert, but if they paid more attention to her, such things wouldn't happen so often.

The girl still had a long way to go, but let's say Wagner saw a few DNFs coming and despite sending direct messages warning, they ignored her.

Maybe that's why her boss disliked her so much.

"We can't afford mistakes, Seb!" Alex shouted over the headset as the German went out on the track again. "You have only one damn chance, so I hope you make the most of it."

Sebastian sighed, possibly a little tired of the man's comments.

"Alex, I know. I'm trying my best."

Diana felt the tension escalating in the box. Bourdais had been eliminated from Q1, and Seb was their only hope. In those moments, every lap was crucial because telemetry warned them that there were only tenths of a second between drivers, making the competition even more fierce.

The shouts continued exchanging between the engineer and the driver, and the girl began to sympathize with Vettel. While she understood the position Alex had to maintain, at the same time, she was aware that he was risking his performance, annoying him and adding even more pressure to the equation.

"You can't just make rookie mistakes at this stage, Vettel! I need you to perform a fast lap. Take advantage now that there's no traffic."

The guy just accepted the order, frustrated with the behavior he was getting from his engineer. It wasn't the first time he had spoken to him like that, but it definitely seemed like his typical qualifying anger was exacerbated by the absence of a certain girl the day before.

Sebastian continued pressing as much as he could, cutting every corner and straightening every turn, trying not to make too many corrections due to the rain, and even overtaking those who were in his way on his lap, even when they were at high speeds and he could risk losing control of the vehicle.

Diana began to feel panic at that moment. He shouldn't risk so much because he could crash or go off the track at any moment.

But we're talking about Sebastian Vettel. Of course, he would try to be the best.

When the session timer hit zero, and the guy crossed the checkered flag, he immediately found himself in the third position. Diana felt immense relief and also a subdued excitement, seeing that Seb had advanced to the final qualifying session.

The path to the pole position was close, and everyone at Toro Rosso was aware of it. Now, more than ever, the Austrian could sense how tense her boss was. The good thing was that his nerves seemed to be under control, as all he did was send encouragement and opponent data to the German.

"Come on, Seb, the pole is yours! Just concentrate and don't think about anything or anyone else."

"Thanks for reminding me, Alex. I was already starting to think about what I would do tomorrow when I won the race," Vettel replied sarcastically.

Diana couldn't help but silently laugh at Sebastian's comment. She didn't understand how, despite the pressure, he always found a way to maintain his sense of humor.

"Sebastian, don't say or do stupid things," Alex scolded him. "We need a bit more time to secure P1 for tomorrow. Hamilton is getting closer to your times quite rapidly."

"I'm trying my fucking best, okay?"

The tension increased with each passing second, and Diana couldn't take her eyes off the screen, following every move the German made on the track. The girl silently prayed, hoping that everything would finally go well for both the guy and her team.

"Seb, the pole position is yours!" the engineer shouted, gripping the microphone tightly as he stood up. "You're the best, you've done incredible!"

The girl felt a wave of joy and, why not say it, relief, upon hearing that Vettel had secured the first position on the grid for tomorrow's race. She was impressed by the guy's skills: it was undeniable that the Toro Rosso didn't measure up to other cars, so this was an impressive achievement and, especially, a reason to celebrate for the whole team.

All team members started celebrating immediately, leaving all their belongings on any surface they found on their way to parc fermé. Everyone was ecstatic, and Diana was no exception. With a smile that covered her entire face, the girl made a motion to get up to join her colleagues and, above all, congratulate the driver on his first major achievement in Formula 1.

Before she could even get up from her seat, Fiori was already in front of her, arms crossed, giving her a cold and disdainful look.

"Where do you think you're going, Wagner? I hope it's not where I think it is. You better stay here. You have no place in the celebration."

Diana felt a bit confused and, above all, hurt by the man's comment. She was aware that she wasn't a favorite among some staff members, including Alex, but the way he belittled her made her feel like garbage.

"Mr. Fiori, I'm also part of the team," the blonde commented. "I would like to congratulate Sebastian on his achievement."

"You don't need to congratulate him, that's the business of the team members, not interns like you. Just stay here and clean everything up. I don't care what time you finish, I want everything to look perfect tomorrow."

The intern nodded with a lump in her throat. She wanted to shout a thousand things at that Italian man who made her feel worse and was, in part, the main reason she wanted to give up on everything she had ever dreamed of. It was clear that all kinds of sexist comments bothered her. The treatment she received, and that she had just received, as if she were a mere servant, made her feel like she was living in Cinderella's story, except that she didn't have evil stepmothers or stepsisters, and of course not a prince charming to save her or, at least, help her.

Hours passed and the rain continued to fall vigorously. Despite this, the party for Toro Rosso did not stop and, as she heard from some people who approached to take their personal belongings, it would move to a nearby bar.

Diana felt a little more at ease when everyone left. Slowly, she went from picking up tools, office supplies and even some pieces of the cars, to sweeping and mopping the floor, ending up cleaning the bathrooms, which seemed not to have received bleach since they were created. It might seem a bit strange, but that was serving the girl to clear her mind and forget everything she had been told and done over six arduous months.

Feeling displaced was an understatement, and she knew she had to do something about it. Her stubbornness and, especially, the fear of losing everything made the Austrian not dare to challenge Alex's authority. She feared that if she didn't comply with what was asked of her, she would be kicked out of her position in the internship program, and an opportunity like that would be hard to come by again.

In those moments, surrounded by the noise of falling drops and the hum of the air carrying a fallen leaf from the trees, she realized she was alone and always would be.

She was the only thing she had in her life, and she had to protect it; breaking down or giving up at the slightest thing was an unviable option.

She had to fulfill a dream and couldn't afford to believe the comments she received every day because, in the end, each and every one of them was a lie.

"Hey, are you here?"

The young woman turned towards the garage entrance and saw Sebastian dressed in a gray team-logo T-shirt, jeans, and a completely wet umbrella in his right hand. His gaze seemed sad, and he appeared concerned for the girl in front of him.

"You shouldn't stay alone here, especially with this shity weather," the driver declared entering the place.

Wagner tried to force a smile, although she couldn't pretend in front of the only person she didn't consider a threat there. Her tears threatened to escape, but she controlled herself enough not to break down.

"I'm fine, Sebastian," the blonde tried to disguise. "Don't worry about me. I just have a couple of things left to pick up, and then I'll head back to the hotel."

"I know you're very smart, that's why I know you know, as much as I do, that you shouldn't be doing this," the guy spat out seriously. "It's not your responsibility: there are people from the cleaning department who take care of it." He approached the girl and embraced her. "You should be at the dive bar we were at, drinking tequila shots and celebrating with the rest of the team that I got a pole position."

"And the first one, by the way," Diana received an unfriendly look from the German, hinting that she should stop making excuses. "Fiori told me to stay here, and I didn't want to intrude on that celebration that seems so important to keep exclusively for team members."

Sebastian felt even worse for the girl. He had heard through his radio everything Alex had said to her before the start of the qualifying, and, even though he was aware that she had been mistreated and belittled by her engineer for a few months now, he now felt very guilty about it. Also, leaving her hanging because he got caught up in a phone conversation didn't help his mood.

"You don't have to listen to Alex. You're part of the team no matter what they tell you, and you have the right to come with us."

"Sebastian," the girl lowered her gaze, trying to calm herself, "I don't want to cause trouble or bother anyone. I'm here to learn and be useful."

"You are useful, Di," Vettel put a hand on her shoulder and lifted her chin to make her look at him, "it's just that no one, apart from me, has seen what you're capable of yet."

The Austrian could see sincerity in Sebastian Vettel's eyes. She was still a little hurt because she had been waiting for him for hours, excited because finally, she could do something different than just going to the hotel, but she knew that there was finally someone who supported her, and, above all, that she wasn't alone.

Perhaps, Wagner thought, she finally had a friend.

"Thank you, Seb... Sebastian, I mean," she expressed with gratitude, correcting herself quickly.

"You can call me Seb. My inner circle calls me like that," the driver explained, "all thanks to my sister Lara. She's ten, but if you saw her with Mick... They seem like two completely different people despite being born just a year apart."

Diana didn't understand much but she just nodded, confirming what the driver had said. She was almost finished mopping the floor, and that meant it was time to take her belongings and go back to her hotel. Tomorrow was race day, and they had to be ready early in the morning.

Both of them made sure everything was perfect and headed toward the exit of the paddock at a calmer pace than they should have. The night was colder than usual, bothering Diana a bit, who was surprised at Sebastian's ability to endure such low temperatures.

Without a doubt, that guy surprised her quite a bit.

"Are you leaving now?"

Vettel stopped a few meters from the girl, looking at her intently. He was heading to the parking lot, and he thought Wagner would too. It was not just a matter of weather conditions, but also the late hours of the night.

"Yes," Diana objected. "My hotel is about half an hour from here. If I hurry, I'm sure I'll be there by ten-something."

"No way you're going to go alone so late," the German replied. "There are a lot of crazy people out there and I don't want anything to happen to my favorite paddock girl before I win my first race."

"Seb, I'm serious," she thanked him, "but I can do it for myself. I do this every weekend, and nothing has happened to me."

Sebastian tilted his head, imperceptible at the words coming out of the girl's mouth.

"No, nothing has happened to you yet," he insisted. "From now on, I don't care what you say or any excuse you come up with, you're going to have a chauffeur and a bodyguard."

Wagner reluctantly accepted her companion's offer, knowing that arguing with him made no sense.

The car journey was enjoyable, and deep down, Diana was thankful that Sebastian had insisted on taking her to the hotel. The night was darker than usual, and the rain had left many streams and puddles of water that were hard to avoid walking. The temperature had dropped noticeably, something she could feel from the cold air seeping through the windows of the BMW that Vettel was driving.

"Thanks for bringing me, Seb," the girl said from the passenger seat. "I have to admit you were right. It would have taken me much longer if I had walked."

The blonde didn't say anything. Instead, he turned on the radio, and a soft melody, the first chords of Viva la Vida by Coldplay, began to resonate throughout the vehicle. Diana, who declared herself an absolute fan of the band, just started humming the song quietly, feeling embarrassed about her own voice.

The driver, glancing at the girl but keeping his eyes on the road, couldn't help but be moved by the scene he was witnessing. He didn't know Wagner well, but he knew she was a girl worth getting to know, and over time, they would become good friends.

"Do you like this song?" Sebastian asked Diana.

The girl just nodded and said it was one of her favorites. Vettel, on the other hand, turned up the volume of the song, which was now at the chorus.

"Come on, sing!" Seb encouraged her. "No need to be shy. It's just you and me."

Diana began to let herself be carried away by the confidence that Sebastian had inspired in her and started singing softly, letting the music fill her. Gradually, her singing voice became louder and more confident, leaving her shyness behind.

"See? I told you, you have an incredible voice!" Sebastian affirmed, utterly captivated by the girl's voice.

Blondie blushed at her companion's comment, but she continued singing enthusiastically. Soon enough, Seb joined the impromptu concert, which, along with the sound of rain hitting the metal roof, mixed with the music and their laughter, created an atmosphere they had never experienced before. They had only known each other for a few months, but at that moment, they felt like they had known each other their whole lives.

The car finally stopped in front of the hotel entrance. Quickly, they were greeted by a valet to whom Sebastian handed over the keys and a tip, which was greatly appreciated. Before Diana could get out of the vehicle, the driver rushed to go and open her door, a gesture that surprised the girl quite a bit. She knew about Vettel's flirtatious side, but the romantic side, not so much.

"Well, thanks for bringing me, Seb. It's time for me to go to sleep because, in case you forgot, I have to be well-rested to see you win your first race."

The German laughed at the clarification, although a bit sad to have to say goodbye to Diana already.

"None of that," he shook his head, "I want to make sure my Cinderella gets safely to her quarters."

The young woman nodded, and both started walking toward the hotel entrance. Throughout the walk to Wagner's room, silence settled between them, and neither seemed to want to break it. They hadn't spent the whole day together, but the hours they had shared had been incredible, and now neither wanted to say goodbye to the other.

As soon as they reached room 374, both knew that the farewell was imminent. Diana, who refused to accept that, opened the door and let the boy in, who accepted without any hesitation.

"Hey, Seb, about yesterday..."

Sebastian felt embarrassed. He knew he shouldn't have left her hanging, but the call lasted longer than expected, no matter how much he insisted that he already had plans with someone.

"Don't worry, Di," Vettel interrupted. "It's entirely my fault, and I apologize. An old friend called me, and I lost track of time."

Wagner took off her shoes and sat on her bed while continuing to listen to the blonde. Maybe it affected him that she had stood him up, but in the end, being so absent-minded, the same would have happened to her if she had gotten caught up in a conversation with her father and her sister.

"What's your friend's name?," Diana wanted to know.

"Hanna."

"Well, Hanna is a lucky girl," the blonde said candidly, ignoring the discomfort the guy was showing. "I bet we all would all like to have a friend like you: you can drive a car at around 300 kilometers per hour, you endure the cold perfectly, and you know more than one language, I wish I could!"

Sebastian laughed, although the guilt of hiding Hanna's true identity was eating at him. He wanted to be honest with Diana, and at the same time, he wanted to continue respecting his girlfriend's wish that no one knew about them, for now.

"But didn't you know more than one language?," Seb wanted to know.

"Yes: German, English, Spanish, and, if you consider it a language, Catalan."

"You're a catch, and I'm tremendously grateful to have you on my team, Di," Vettel asserted. "Fiori and everyone else may be jerks to you, but rest assured that next year, when I move to Red Bull, I'll fight to have you come with me," Diana looked at him in amazement. "No kidding, okay? I've talked to Britta and we've set in my pre-contract that one of the requirements is your transfer next year, with me. I have to talk to Horner about it," he declared, "but I know he'll be more than happy to agree."

Diana paled at that. Sometimes she forgot that her path in the next season was a bit uncertain, but she tried not to think about it and ruin moments like the one she was experiencing now.

She didn't know if she should ask, but Wagner decided to take the risk:

"Would you like to stay here, with me, for a while? We can keep talking or watch something on TV, but if you're too tired I understand if you want to go back to your hotel."

"Are you sure of what you're saying, Diana Wagner?"

"Absolutely, Sebastian Vettel."

Both young people spent almost until the early hours of the morning talking mainly about the race the next day, exchanging some strategies that, undoubtedly, couldn't be taken into account due to Diana's position as an intern. Seb, who had discovered that his new friend was more than just a pretty face in the first days of her arrival, realized that she knew more than she seemed, and many of her ideas were a thousand times better than Alex's.

They continued chatting until, around one thirty in the morning, exhaustion made Sebastian fall asleep on Diana's bed, who followed suit shortly after.

Maybe Hanna Prater would never find out that, the night before Sebastian's first victory, he spent it with the love of his life. His true love. They didn't do anything beyond talking, but they did get to know each other a little more, and maybe they began to develop feelings for each other. Although it was still early to know for sure.

However, there is a very famous saying that is often said, and that both young people in that hotel room had overlooked: never say never.

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dilscft · 8 months

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I'm a non book reader only watched the show when does Jelly happen and when does she describe her love for him? I've heard the third book is a fanfic a bad one at that so if I do read it I'll consider book 2 the ending hope it's a happy one for my ships I love them both. I get why people are annoyed with Belly constantly going from one to the other but that's not in the books right? I wish she would only choose and love Jeremiah I'm getting stick of Conrad's shit since season 1 he reminds me of those toxic male leads from movies like After not that extreme of course but similar.

There are spoilers for books!!

I just finished book 2 and loved the ending because Belly finally lets go her obsession and love for conrad. Here's the quote I've loved about it:

She literally says that she's not gonna be the only one who says sorry and runs after the person. She finally realizes her worth.

And her description for boys is very different. Ij case of conrad, it is read as some kind of obsession and idolization of the person. And she excuses him always. Like he literally went to his ex in 2nd book, but suddenly this is not considered cheating, but when Jeremiah did the same, he's some kind of villain... Belly is literally the only one who puts on effort and conrad acts only when Belly is with someone else. I know he's been going through a lot, but if he's not ready for a relationship, just don't start it.

And then after realizing what kind of shitty person he is, she realized that she made a mistake for taking him, that she idolized about her and conrad too much, when in reality it wasn't what she has imagined. She came to the conclusion that she should have brought Jermeiah cause he would never do that to her:

She never felt that she was loved fully by conrad. She says this in book 2, I think. He's been crazy about her, but with her, it was usual, nothing exciting for him. Also, it felt like that cknrad just lived that belly liked him. I just feel like it.

And in book2, Jeremiah kisses her and she literally says that the kiss was something she has never experienced cause it was so damn PASSIONATE LIKE HE WAS DROWNING AND SHE WAS AIR, WHILE SHE NEVER FELT LIKE THAT WITH CONRAD!!!!

Also this is the end of book2. Look how she says that Jeremiah is her past, present and future. She says it's true love. While her love for conrad is described as something childish, she says that it's not good love and it's just one time thing cause this type of love will only hurt you!!!

Team jelly till my last breath!!!

Book3 really feels like a bonrad fanfic. I just started it, but the way characters act are just out of character. Jenny Han just wanted to force bonrad into our throats🤢

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revelinmagic · 1 year

Text

Sleepless Nights - the Bad Batch (Crosshair x Reader)

Pairings: Crosshair x FormerJedi!reader (romantic), Hunter x FormerJedi!reader (platonic) [gender-neutral reader]

Warnings: no smut, mentions of insomnia, fluff, first kiss, intense kissing tho (no use of y/n)

Summary: With your insomnia acting up again, you decide to take a late night walk to try and clear your head. Unknown to you, a certain clone who has trouble expressing his feelings follows you, worried for your safety. When you catch him following you, questions are asked and certain mutual feelings come to light...

Word count: 3,329

Authors note: so this is my first fic, hope y’all like it! It does have slow start but it speeds up fast. This story takes place outside of canon story. It exists in a universe where Crosshair came back to the batch after time spent with the Empire but before any of the events of season 2. (this is also cross posted on ao3 , but I did just start writing on there too so there is nothing other than this fic...yet)

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If the Marauder had to break down anywhere, you were glad it was this planet. The days were staying below too hot, but the night also did not get too cold. And you would know, seeing as your insomnia had gotten bad again over the past couple of weeks.

Sleep was constantly on your mind, and you could tell the Batch knew about it. Tech had “coincidently” started informing you on tips and tricks to sleep better, and had tried to pass it off as information he saw as beneficial for the entire team. Hunter was much better at being subtle, softly asking if you needed extra caf; he would also happen to forget to put you on the watch rotation recently. Echo and Wrecker were much more straightforward about their concern, with Echo offering his own extra pillows and blankets he kept to support his metal joints and keep him warmer while asleep, and Wrecker pushing Lula into your hands and announcing “She always helps me sleep!” Your squad truly cared about you.

Omega, too, had picked up on your habits after catching you awake far too late whilst she tried to sneak into the cockpit and scare Hunter (which, of course, never actually worked, though Hunter would sometimes pretend it did for Omega’s sake). Following Wrecker’s lead, she offered to share the stuffed Tooka doll with you.

The only person who had yet to comment on your nightly struggles was Crosshair.

Where the others cut you slack when you were sluggish in training, Crosshair would sneer and push you harder with his mildly cutting comments and sarcastic feedback on your abilities. You never fell behind in combat, though, the adrenaline always kicking you into focus and allowing your skills to shine through. And honestly, you know that is the only reason Hunter hasn’t sidelined you yet, or put you on permanent “Omega watch.”

And so here you were, yet again, lying awake while the rest of your squad slept soundly, or as soundly as possible with Wrecker’s snores snaking through the darkness.

Huffing to yourself, you twist again, trying to find a comfortable position in your bunk. A few more minutes pass with the same routine before you decide that it isn’t worth it to even try. Pulling on the sweatshirt and long pants from the foot of your bunk, you slip on boots as well, cause while the world outside was not cold, you didn’t want the air coming off the damp ground to give you a chill. Padding to the cockpit, you open the door to see the pilot’s seat swivel around, Hunter regarding you eyes containing the same worry they always seemed to have when he looked at you recently.

“Heard me coming?” You question, leaning against the door frame.

Hunter chuckles, crossing his arms before responding: “Heard you tossing and turning actually. Same as last night, and the night before.” You look down, not knowing what to say when he continues, “I suppose you are coming to let me know that you are going for a walk.”

He says it as a statement of fact, and it is. You had gotten into the habit of walking around at night under the guise of patrolling, though you were quite sure that at least Hunter knew that was bogus after you overheard a tense squabble between Crosshair and himself over the fact that you went out by yourself frequently. Crosshair had been saying how it was irresponsible of you to be wandering by yourself, and Hunter had chastised him for his comments.

You nod at Hunter, and he just sighs to himself before turning to unlock the ship’s doors, “Just make sure to stay alert. I know our scanners would have picked up on any threats, but take your blaster with you in case.”

“Yes, Sergeant.” And with that you make your way out of the cockpit, stopping by your bunk to grab your blaster before heading out the door, not noticing that the bunk across from yours was empty as well.

=================================================================

He was laying on the roof of the Marauder when he felt the ship’s doors open and close. Sitting up to see who it was, it came as no surprise when Crosshair saw you step out from the shadows and into the moonlight. With his enhanced eyesight, you were more than just an outline, every detail of you perfectly clear as you took a deep breath of the night air before starting off into the night.

Crosshair was the only one besides Hunter that was fully aware of your nightly walks. The others had noticed your lack of sleep, but none of them seemed to notice the muddy shoes you hid under your bunk, none but Hunter and Crosshair himself.

While watching you walk away from the ship, Crosshair felt that familiar warm lurch in his chest that seemed to arise whenever he looked at you in the past couple of months.

When he had rejoined his brothers, he was surprised to see they had yet another addition besides his younger sister: you. Apparently you were a Jedi healer, trained not only in combat but also in how to use the force to close wounds and soothe minds. You had been rescued from slavers by the Batch, and since then you had stayed with them, becoming one of them and aiding on missions. Cid was also happy, as it had saved her money on supplies as well as the Batch needing less time between missions to inevitably heal back up.

Being the only one of the Batch that held no trepidation in interacting with him once he finally returned, you had since become stuck in his head. Well, interacting as much as he would allow. Crosshair kept his distance, not knowing how to act around you, and that space he kept between you only increased as feelings started to bloom from the seeds of kindness you showed him. And it didn’t hurt that you were one of the most stunning creatures he had ever seen.

So of course he was more worried than he let on about your inability to fall asleep. It distracted him when in action, feeling the need to check on you to make sure you had not fallen due to exhaustion or to simply make sure you were still there.

It was starting to get annoying. And so he of course worked through it the only way he knew how, with sarcasm and aggression masking his true emotions.

He pushed you in training in hopes the exhaustion would finally hit you and grant you at least a few hours of rest. He argued with Hunter about letting you on missions, trying to allow you time to yourself on the ship. Crosshair even convinced Hunter to take you off of watch duty, making the excuse that he would rather take your place himself than leave the safety of the team in the hands of someone who could not even figure out a way to sleep. And his heart had fallen when he turned to see you had heard what he said, not knowing he was trying to help you in the only ways he knew how. And by the gods, he wanted to help you.

As you disappeared into the sparse treeline, Crosshair decided that it did not do any harm to follow you, make sure you did not get into any trouble. Climbing down the side of the ship, Crosshair slung his rifle over his shoulder and followed you into the wood.

Moving quietly, he kept you in sight. He noticed your blaster and smiled to himself. That’s my girl.

Your movements were relaxed yet confident, he noticed, and he guessed it was not the first time you had taken this path specifically. But where were you going?

His question was answered a few moments later when a clearing suddenly appeared, boasting a small, still lake, a perfect mirror to the galaxies above it. Crosshair hid just within the trees as you moved towards the bank and sat down in the grass, pulling your knees to yourself as you gazed at the starry reflection before you.

He spent a few minutes like that, watching you watch the water. It wasn’t often he got to observe you outright like this, or for this long. He made sure to keep his glances short and excusable should he ever be caught by his brothers. But now, he noticed things about you that caused a thrill to run up his spine as he realized he was probably the only one to ever see you in such a relaxed state.

He saw the way the breeze gently riled your hair, how you seemed to sigh with the wind every time. He saw how you gently kneaded the wet ground, feeling the living force of each grass blade around you. He watched as you gently lifted tendrils of water with your mind, creating small spirals that would then cause ripples when they fell, your shoulders moving a bit in what Crosshair assumed was a light laugh.

Crosshair was so focused on you, on the minute details you were exhibiting, that he somehow failed to realize when you sensed a lifeforce you recognized.

“Are you going to come out and join me, Crosshair?”

His breath pushed out of his lungs in one swoop. How long had you known he was there? Did you know he had followed you? Could you sense his heart speed up at the sound of his name from your lips?

Crosshair silently took a deep breath before emerging to join you on the bank.

================================================

You were internally cursing yourself for not realizing he was there sooner as Crosshair came to sit beside you. You blame your sleepless state as the culprit of your failure to stay alert. You had only sensed him when you reached out a bit further with the force to check the trees for any creatures, but there was no way you were going to let Crosshair know that, knowing he would not let it go that a Jedi had failed to notice a threat so close.

The two of you sat together, staring out across the lake you had discovered four nights ago. Glancing at your companion, he was staring at the ground, not likely to speak first, so you again broke the silence.

“So we both know what I am doing out here this late, question is why are you here?” you spoke each word particularly soft, not wanting to scare him off. In truth, your heart had skipped a beat when you recognized his energy. Excitement, nervousness, and heat had rushed through you. How long had he been watching you? Had he followed you? Did he come after you because he cared?

You hoped beyond all reason that he was here because he was worried, because he cared. Kriff, you wanted him to care. To feel something for you beyond the stiff formality of a co-worker’s relationship.

Ever since you had met him, you felt a pull towards the Marksman. You knew that as glad as the other members of the Batch were that he was back, they were just as wary to trust him again. But to you, you who could sense the battle raging in his head, he proved himself without having to say a word. His love for his brothers and Omega was palpable to you, and it had almost knocked the breath out of you when you sensed his determination to gain their trust, to earn back their faith and love (though, you knew they had never stopped loving him). Crosshair seemed surprised when you showed no animosity at his presence, and even more so when you went out of your way to try and befriend him.

That first meeting had been near 200 standard rotations ago, and at least for you, the want to be his friend had grown into something more. You wanted him. All of him; the dark, the light, and everything in between. And here he sat, mere inches away, where to touch him, all you would have to do is shift your weight the slightest bit in his direction. But he didn’t want that. He didn’t want you. Why else would he have built so many walls between the two of you. Why else would he cut conversation short and turn away whenever you managed to start talking about anything real. Why else would he flinch when you had to touch his skin to heal him, and then leave without looking you in the eyes as he muttered a curt “thank you.”

All of this ran through your head as Crosshair didn’t answer your question. He just kept staring at the ground, playing with the grass you yourself had been grabbing at just moments ago.

Typical.

With a sigh, you went to push yourself off of the ground.

“I -” Crosshair started. Freezing, you don’t dare to move. Crosshair takes another breath, “I saw you leave the ship, so I made the decision to follow you. Is that a crime now?” His voice had switched from soft to standoffish, and you knew he was embarrassed to admit he had intentionally filled you out into the forest. That is when you felt it, his unease and… Crosshair was nervous?

Relaxing back onto the ground, you move the slightest bit closer, just brushing your ankle against his, and you hear his quick intake of breath at the contact.

Impossible… Did he actually feel the same?

It is now or never, you realize. This is the moment. You cannot keep living in a state of pining and confusion. You need to know, whatever the outcome. Either he wants you, or he will reject you, and you can start to move on.

“And why did you follow me?” You speak softly, the same way you would speak to a beast prepared to run.

His leg keeps bouncing as he formulates an answer in his head, so you decide to be bold.

Placing a hand on his knee, you lean into his line of sight, “Cross?” Crosshair goes still at the contact and shortened version of his name, gaze switching between your face and your hand on his leg. He makes no attempt to move. He decides on your face, eyes wide guarded but laced with…hope. He looks hopeful. You push again.

“Were you worried about me, Cross?”

Wordlessly he nods, swallowing hard as he can feel something shifting in the air. And he too knows that this is it. This is the moment that will define your relationship for better or worse.

Moving closer again, you raise your hand to cup his cheek, giving him every opportunity to grab it. To tell you to stop. To get up and laugh at you. But he doesn't.

Crosshair can scarcely breathe as your hand meets his face, a shudder running through him as your thumb slowly traces the bottom of his tattoo and his eyes close. The force around you shimmers with tension and warmth, and without even trying to can feel your energies reaching out to each other, begging to unite.

Just one more push, you think to yourself as you brace on the edge of something new and inevitable. And you pray to the force that you have not misread this entire situation.

“Do you care for me as violently as I care for you?” The words are a whisper against Corsshair’s ear, you being closer than even he realized. Though they may as well have been a gunshot the way they tore through him.

Eyes shooting open, his hand grasps the wrist of the hand touching his face. Chest rapidly rising and falling Crosshair studies your face: searching, reading, hoping. You hold your breath as you stay still as possible, all of your cards on the table as you wait for him.

After what feels like a lifetime, Crosshair’s eyes focus on yours. And whatever he was looking for across the rest of you, he must have found it in your gaze because just as your heart starts to fall, one word is muttered from his lips: “Yes.”

You don’t know who moves first, but you also don’t care. The force explodes in and around you as his mouth finds yours. His lips come crashing onto yours with a passion that can only be found in a person who has longed for what they now possess.

Pulling on your wrist, he drags you onto his lap, your legs straddling his thighs and waist. You hear Crosshair gasp your name as a whimper escapes the stoic clone. His hands then find the back of your neck and your waist as your hands come to run through this coarse silver hair that has grown long enough to grab onto. Tugging slightly elicited a groan from the Marksman, and you take the opportunity to swipe your tongue into his mouth for just a moment before retracting it.

Growling, Crosshair flips your positions, pinning you beneath him and taking a moment to meet your shocked face with a smirk of his own before he takes advantage of your open mouth with his own tongue, eliciting a moan from both of you. His hands travel to your hips while you dig your nails into each of his biceps, earning you another growl.

You let out a whine as his lips leave yours, only to gasp as Crosshair begins lavishing your neck. He kisses down your throat, only to lick up the same strip of skin. Finding the sensitive spot just below your ear he sucks slightly, pulling another moan from you that causes him to chuckle, his stubble scratching slightly against your earlobe. Kissing along your jaw, he dips his head to nip at the base of your neck, soothing each small bite with his tongue. Before long, you can’t take it anymore and pull his lips back onto yours.

After a few more seconds, you each have to pull away, gulping down air. Lifting your head to meet his eyes, a smile starts to form on your face, mirrored on Corsshair’s own. A giggle erupts from your chest as you lean your foreheads against one another. With a dry chuckle, Crosshair pulls away from you and stands, offering you his hand which you gladly take.

Once standing, Crosshair stares at you for a moment before speaking in that spine tingling voice of his, “In case that was not enough of an answer, mesh’la, I will reiterate.” He grins cheekily and you have to look down as you blush at the Mando'an pet name. That is when he takes his finger and raises your chin to him, making sure you are looking him in the eyes for the next thing he says.

“Yes, cyar'ika, I care about you. More than I can probably admit now or ever. I followed you because I was worried and because I wanted to. Because I wanted to be there for you. Because,” his voice drops an octave as he steps so that you are pressed together once again, “I want you, and everything that comes along with you.”

He presses a kiss to your lips, not as fiery and wanting as before, but instead filled with love, devotion, and promise. Pulling away to see that you fully understand what he is saying he watches as you nod, tears threatening to spill from your tired eyes.

Without another word, he reaches down and takes your hand, leading you back to the Marauder just as the first light of day begins to spread its fingers into the sky.

And if the others notice you snuggled up and sleeping soundly for the first time in weeks against Crosshair’s chest, or if they notice the sniper’s normally expressionless face set in a grin while asleep, no one says anything. Or at least not yet.

For now, they let you rest.

#bad batch crosshair #tbb crosshair #crosshair x reader #crosshair x you #bad batch x reader #the bad batch crosshair #tbb x reader #tbb hunter #tbb tech #tbb echo #tbb wrecker #star wars tbb #the bad batch #tbb #the bad batch x reader

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alexxncl · 6 days

Text

‼️NIGHTBRINGER LESSON 31 SPOILERS‼️

normal and hard

masterlist

now idk about the rest of y'all, but it took me a minute to make this choice. i was stuck between not knowing and thinking that he won't. there's a slight chance that he'd tell them in the instance kayden hadn't tried to talk to him and explain, but they did

levi cares too much about mc to let anything bad happen to them. he knows that if he tells one of his brothers, they'll tell lucifer. once lucifer finds out, he'll be furious, and not only that, he'll be terrified

lucifer masks his fear with anger, like we've seen him do in season one of nb and multiple times in the og game. this also makes me really like the peacock theme throught his demon form; they're big ass, scary ass birds who try to show up other birds by flaunting their feathers to make themselves look better. but instead of lucifer doing it for mating tactics, he does it to protect himself and his brothers from any harm that could come their way

leviathan knows this. he doesn't want mc to get hurt, even with the possibility of him never seeing them again looming over his head constantly. he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he caused anything bad to happen to them, especially if it turns out that he had the wrong idea about their conversation with solomon and that all his anxiety was for nothing

also the clock ticking in the background during this scene ??? impeccable tension building on the game devs' part. we're running out of time to make pacts with everyone, and solomon and mc both know it

goofy ass sticker chain 😭

mc 🤝🏽 me

blowing up people's phones when they ignore me or don't answer within 5 seconds

see i was also thinking lotan

but what if it just means they're all gonna have a crying fest once kayden has to leave for good??

...it's probably lotan

what if it's both? AND lotan? and a long awaited reappearance of henry the snake 🫶🏽

baby no :((

i wish he realized his worth more, but removing yourself from a cycle of self-deprication and self-loathing is easier said than done

i think he's feeling guilt on top of his already expressed betrayal and self-loathing. he doesn't think he deserves all the care and patience mc is trying to give him, and he hates the fact that they keep trying to talk to him when he won't budge. he thinks they're wasting time by even trying to be around him because it "doesn't matter" when he's not around, or, at least it shouldn't in his mind

this is even worse than what i thought initially MY HEART

and it hurts even more bc levi might not have been able to say this if he was face to face with mc. he's never said anything quite like this to them in all the screentime he's had when he's being vulnerable around mc

imagine if he hadn't heard the conversation between them and solomon? mc leaving him would've hurt so much more bc he wouldn't have had any proper reassurance from mc to tell him that they love and care for him as much as he loves and cares for them, if he even thinks they feel that strongly about him at all

i guess it was lotan. well

also ending a lesson like that is insane but i digress

me 🤝🏽 mammon

adhd twins

THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS BACK i can die happily now

but why is she talking like chloe from miraculous ladybug (iykyk)

also we STILL haven't made a pact with beel after that hassle of an angel trial i'm sick

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alwaysthefool · 11 months

Text

Hurts Like Heaven (Dazai x You)

warnings; death, angst, disease, unrequited love, double suicide mention

tags; hanahaki disease

[Author's note: Obligatory definition of hanahaki disease (from fanlore dot com lol)-- Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. In this variation, the reader's symptoms peak up when they actually see Dazai. There's no surgery option in this one 😈]

Fuck, not him again. You could almost cry as you saw Dazai at the cafe, flirting with the waitress, making jokes again. There was no way he wouldn't know as your situation was at its worst, and you couldn't run out because you weren't in the physical condition to. The most you could do was hide your face in your arms and pray he didn't see you. You had decided not to get coffee that day, settling with just green tea to make yourself feel a little better, but you knew just seeing him would give you at least a week's worth of dreams. Just the thought hurt so much. Dazai, who had never outright rejected you, who you could never tell your feelings to, scared of the fatal rejection, but more so, rationally knowing you couldn't give him the love he needed, and he couldn't love you. Your worlds were too different-- you couldn't begin to understand him-- and his heart was elsewhere, unable to love again. You were similar too, both sad with an evil past and tragic fates. The only difference was, unlike you, he could be saved.

And thus, you let that little dandelion seed of a wish fly out of your hand, only for it to bloom as a petal in your lungs.

You had known him for only a year and started to like him for less than and a half, and it would kill you in only a matter of weeks.

You'd just smile and hide your pain whenever you saw him, excusing yourself and going around back to cough up blood and petals. That didn't hurt as much, neither did knowing you'd die, but what hurt was seeing him. It hurt like heaven. There he was again, with that smile, those eyes that hid a world you couldn't begin to understand, those bandages that you knew hid more than scars, that hair, those hands you wished so badly to touch, even if it would kill you. Death? Blood? What was that? The only thing that caused any substantial pain was the longing, and you wanted so bad to quash it. Your solution was avoiding him and forgetting all about him eventually, no matter how long it took. As long as he didn't appear before you, it would be okay. So why, still, did you decide to stay in the city?

"If it isn't [Name]!" That rich voice chimed, and you heard the chair across you being pulled. Of course he saw you. Of course it would be like that. Of course you couldn't get your night's rest.

Part of your heart bloomed with feelings, and the other wished you hadn't stepped out of your house that day.

You removed your hands from your face, and gave him a weak smile, trying your best not to let the ache in your chest show.

"I feel like I never see you anymore." He pouted those perfect lips as an extremely deadly joke, forcing a few coughs out of you. You immediately turned away, and hid the blood and petals in your handkerchief.

"Holy shit, are you okay?" As if nothing missed his eye, he exclaimed "Is that blood?!"

"Um." You composed yourself again, despite all the pain, thinking of a lie. "Yeah, actually I... I have pulmonary hemosiderosis."

You thanked the knowledge that came from 20 seasons of Grey's, but also slightly cringed at having to keep up a ridiculous lie in front of a detective.

"Do you need any help?" To your dismay, Dazai stood up and sat beside you, putting a hand on your shoulder, making you feel like you'd explode there and then.

Three weeks of bedrest, five weeks of bad dreams, and an even shortened lifespan.

"Please get away from me." You almost cried, closing your eyes and jerking him off reluctantly.

"Alright, just relax, okay?" Even then, he was so cool as you heard him take his original seat. You slowly opened your eyes again, knowing you'd made a mess of your image in front of him. Perhaps his concerned eyes hid a resentment for you, but you didn't care. You just loved him.

"Yeah, sorry, it can be contagious." You lied, knowing he could go home and google that it was not, and hoped he didn't care about you enough to but Dazai stared at you with a look of absolute sternness. Of course he wouldn't believe your lies. But do you know? I wish you knew.

"That so?" He spoke in a way it didn't sound like a question. "Anyway, you do not seem well. Please let me take you to the hospital. Or Yosano, if you're more comfortable with that."

You had already been to Yosano once before, and she told you she couldn't cure that, wishing you all the best as you lied and told her the person you liked already rejected you. He didn't even like you enough as a friend. You were nothing to him, but the unfair universe made him mean so much to you. It wasn't like you didn't understand him. You did, and deeply, but something had gone wrong in both of your destinies that made you end up that way. Dazai was worlds apart from you, and you couldn't reach him. Maybe that pretty girl he had been talking to recently would, maybe someone like Chuuya could, maybe his friends from the agency could, but not you. No, you were just an acquaintance.

And at that moment, you realised no matter how much you tried to ignore him, it wouldn't help-- that you'd die, and you'd feel happy about it. You lost everything to someone like that, all your dreams, your precious life, your esteem and confidence, only for love. Did your life mean nothing beyond that? If you told him, and he reciprocated your feelings, you'd still die from his inciting dream of a double suicide. If he rejected you, you'd die alone. Maybe not doing anything and taking that impossible chance to make your life your own would mean something, despite the disease having a 100% fatality rate if the feelings are not reciprocated.

"No, this is normal, trust me." You finally gave him a reassuring smile. "Besides, I don't think hospitals can help anymore."

"What?" He looked shocked, reaching out to take your hand, and you let him, comforting him instead by rubbing a fragile thumb on his palm . Did he really not know? Why did he look so shocked? Did he care? Those feelings overcame you, and you coughed a little more, apologizing quickly.

"Please tell me there's a way."

You took a deep breath. "Mine's a special case. Even with surgery, there's no chance."

"No..." Dazai looked away from you, outside the window, that pained and distant expression you'd fallen for crossing his face. In that moment, you finally understood it. It was a longingness for something.

"It's fine, buddy." You pulled your hand away from him owing to the ache in your lungs. "I still want to try, you know. I want to live." He still did not look at you as he put his chin on his shaking palm. "And I wish the same for you."

He forced a smile, finally looking at you with those same dead eyes you were always curious about. Now you knew that it meant despair. Dazai was a poem you could only decipher at the brink of your death, and he was far more beautiful and pure than he knew he was.

"If I could, I'd give up my worthless life for yours."

You commanded your lungs and heart to keep at bay, as if telling death you needed a moment before peacefully accepting its call.

"Your life isn't worthless, you know. You did so many good deeds. If you feel like dying, maybe it's because you just need purpose."

Dazai's eyes widened, and it was as if, for a moment, you thought he could love you back, and things would work out, that you could save him and yourself. But those moments were always fleeting, because you knew you had no purpose either, and you'd fall into his vices like you'd fallen for him.

"Do you think you can manage a walk? The weather's beautiful today."

Dazai helped you up, and held you tightly as the two of you walked out, the blossoms from the trees flying about. The scene was almost like a movie, and you knew you were at the end, using the last of your strength to walk, the disease taking over your body completely, the pain being nothing just because he was holding you.

"You're right." You breathed. "It's beautiful. I-"

You wanted to say more to him, you wanted to be held for a little longer, you had so many dreams, and so much you wanted, but your body finally gave out, as you violently coughed blood and petals, Dazai catching you as your feet lost their hold.

"[Name]!" He yelled as he held you in his lap, scrambling his head to find a way to help you somehow, pausing when he saw the petals blossom out of your mouth. Although the thought of you loving someone else hurt him deeply, he still begged you to tell you who it was, whether you had confessed, if there was a chance.

"Hey..." You croaked through tears and coughs. "It's okay, friend. I'm happy to die in your arms."

"Don't say that! You're not dying!" He wished he knew you better to figure out who it was, and you wished he knew you better to know it could be no one else but him. That no one had showed you the kindness he had shown you, that no one helped you life he did, that no one understood you like he did. You were so happy just to have known him. He made your life better despite also making it end; he made it beautiful and gave it a little meaning.

However, you weren't strong enough to tell him all of that, so you chose your final words carefully. "Thank you for everything, Dazai. I was happy to have loved you."

He held you tightly as your eyes closed, those persistent flowers that had plagued you so finally withering as your breathing stopped. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream at you for not telling him, knowing you could be saved because he loved you too. He wished you knew that you could've saved him, that you were enough for him, that he'd overcome his own insecurities and pursued you first instead.

And in the midst of all that regret as he did nothing but hold your still warm form, a single petal bloomed in his lung.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #hcs #bsd fics #bungou stray dogs x reader #dazai x reader #self insert fics #hanahaki disease #fanfic #bsd osamu dazai #headcanons #drabble #oneshot #angst #major character death

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rickmymanrick · 6 days

Text

one rule | chapter six

[rick grimes x original female character slowburn]

series masterlist

summary: rick confides in daphne, for reasons unknown to her. as she offers him counsel, daphne is also grappling with conflicting feelings of her own.

notes: if you're disappointed by this reaction, this is a friendly reminder that season 1 rick was mr moral high ground. but trust me when i say there WILL be a catalyst for rick's entire wrath and fury. this is just one step closer to that. do not fear, rick will be kicking shane's ass very soon :) also, the pacing is so bad in this, i might rewrite this whole chapter soon. but feel free to comment, i love talking to you all!

I froze. In fact, I think all three of us did and I realized with a jolt how out of my depth I was here. This had nothing to do with me and of course, here I was, in the smack dab middle of it.

Daryl scoffed one more time and then trudged into the woods, mumbling all sorts of things. I stared after him until he disappeared within the trees. His words dawned on me and my eyes slowly traveled over to Shane.

Sure, Rick's sudden appearance had served as a nice distraction from the big glaring problem I had waiting here for me if I got back alive, but reality had to be faced eventually. My inner conflict since last night had been tearing me from the inside-out, as I tried to figure out my feelings for Shane Walsh. After all, he has been generously kind to me in all the years I've known him, albeit flirty but in a respectful way. He didn't cross any lines I'd deemed uncrossable and I wouldn't deny that his concern and priority over my well-being filled me with sensation far beyond gratitude.

The kiss caught me off guard. But now this bucket of ice cold water had been dumped over my head. Just as I began to entertain the idea of harboring romantic feelings for him.

His words from last night echoed in the back of my mind.

"For what it's worth, it's always been you."

Something inexplicable gripped at my throat. But I stayed as silent as possible. Watching these two was like a ticking bomb, any second away from detonating.

Shane stared at Rick with a troubled expression, his foot twisting into the dirt uncomfortably.

I knew in an instant Daryl Dixon did not lie.

Did he know this was my usual spot to gather berries and other edible plants? With his tracking abilities, I wouldn't doubt it, despite not talking to the man much but...

Of all the miles that surrounded our camp, why stretch out the smug admission of a hidden truth, a treacherous affair, until this very spot, just steps away from where I was crouched in the bush, picking for blueberries?

I reprimanded myself at the thought. Why would Daryl Dixon care about my knowing of Shane's personal escapades?

"She..." Shane started quite hesitantly. "Lori... she thought you were dead, man."

"Did you?"

Shane scoffed as if the accusation baffled him. "You heard 'em. I... I tried, Rick. I saw you every chance I got. The day it all went down— I didn't have a damn clue what was going on. Screams from left to right, the military raining fire on anyone who was still breathing. Hell, I tried to get you out of there, man! But it couldn't be the two of us dead because you still had a wife and a child out there! And if I couldn't save you, I could damn well save them!" He was unexpectedly set off, angrier than he should've been. "And let me tell you somethin', I did it for you. I did it for my brother. L-Lori, we were comforting each other in the only way we knew how—"

"I thought you were gone."

His partner's face was crestfallen. His lips parted like the shock was threatening to sink him under, his eyes glazed over from the betrayal.

"After I woke up in that hospital bed, when I saw what the world had become. The first thing I thought about was Carl and Lori. And then you. Our unit. For a moment, I thought you were all dead—"

Rick choked up and Shane's face morphed into something reminiscent of guilt. I couldn't quite tell though. I'd like to think that after years, I knew this man. But now he was completely unreadable.

Running a hand over his face, down his glistening eyes, Rick squared his stance and stared his longest friend in the eye.

"Our marriage... fell apart a long time ago," he shook his head and clenched his jaw. "But that doesn't make this okay."

There was a long moment of tense silence and I didn't realize I was holding my breath until my chest began to burn. I tried to control the air releasing from my lungs.

"I appreciate what you did. Saving 'em. I owe you everythin' but—" Rick cut himself off, glaring at the grass between them. He seemed to be saying these words through his teeth, forcing himself to say them. His hand began to flex angrily and his feet kicked the dirt beneath them in warning.

I stared at them with a mix of emotions.

One was a man that had changed my life forever, taught me how to survive in a post-apocalyptic world where I should've died. He cared for me, never shied away from making it clear that I was his priority. And maybe I was too blinded by the attention to see that there was something going on between him and Lori. That she was also carelessly pushed to the side in the weeks we'd been forming a new life together. And to know that she'd been having sex with him all along, I could only hope that she didn't have actual feelings for him, because it would explain the strange looks I had been catching from her, and my guilt would only increase tenfold.

And on the other hand was her husband, a man I have been pining over since the moment I laid eyes on him in the precinct.

Rick Grimes had an instant hold over me, no matter how minuscule or undetectable it had gotten over the years, and no matter what, he had always truly been the most gorgeous man I've known inside and out.

What does that say about me? Lusting after my friend's husband and then fucking around with the feelings of her goddamn side piece.

I suddenly became nauseous.

"I get it, man. I'll go back to the camp," said Shane after a long stretch of silence. I kept my eyes on Rick, unable to look at Shane with the turmoil brewing inside me. A simmering anger was twisting my insides at the mere sound of his voice.

"Uh— yeah, yeah," Rick mumbled distractedly, not bothering to even look up, fists clenching and unclenching by his sides.

A pair of footsteps stomped away, crunching along the grass until the only thing that could be heard was the chirps of the nearby insects.

As soon as Shane disappeared within the trees, Rick spun around to send his fist flying into a tree, a muffled yell leaving his pressed lips. He was beyond angry, tears lining his lash line, face turning red. I stared with wide eyes, trying not to make a single sound.

I felt incredibly bad for him. I couldn't imagine fighting tooth and nail to make it back to your wife just to find that she had moved on to your best friend so quickly. That although their marriage had already been suffering, she had chosen to sleep with the man he trusted more than anyone else.

Something wet touched my hand. I uncurled my fist to find a handful of crushed blueberries.

"How long you been there?"

I jolted up in surprise, my curls tangled into the bush and the pouch of berries slipped out of my other hand.

"I was here first," I replied defensively, still hidden in the bush.

Rick didn't say anything, just peered past the leaves as if he couldn't quite spot me. But somehow he knew I was there, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

"You were," he eventually said, slowly. "I saw you just before Daryl left."

Relief flooded through me. I slowly untangled myself from the branches, stepping out into the path with tinged cheeks. "I was picking berries. Found the patch a few weeks ago."

His cheeks were flushed, his hands shaking very slightly by his side.

"I can leave you alone," I said after some silence. "I'll go back to camp—"

"No." Rick said firmly, meeting my eye very briefly before glaring back down at the ground.

I halted my escape. "Oh, um, okay."

The awkwardness was threatening to eat me alive. I shifted on my feet, wondering where to look and what to do with my hands.

"Do you..." I eagerly looked up at Rick, glad one of us was talking. "Did you know?"

I studied him. Really, there should be no reason for him to be upset with me too, but I braced myself for his wrath anyway. He'd spared Shane because they were partners, but we were nothing. As much as it bothered me, Rick and I didn't owe each other an ounce of respect in this new world.

"No," I told him honestly. A surge of anger towards Shane rushed through me again. My cheeks felt hot.

"I keep wondering... if I have the right to even be upset. I wasn't a good husband to her, I know this, and you're the last person I should be telling this to but—"

The last person? Should I be offended or something? I decide now wasn't the best time to press for details. "It's fine. I know this can't be easy for you. To wake up to... this."

Rick scoffed a little, but not in a rude way. It was as if I'd said something outlandish and absurd.

"I woke up and the hardest part was done. Seeing the world change— changing with it— becoming the leader of a group you have no responsibilities or ties to. You, you did the hard part."

"Oh— did Shane—?"

"Shane didn't hafta tell me nothin'. Lori and I talked last night. She told me everything that happened since the day I got shot," explained Rick solemnly.

I cringed at the thought of them spending time alone last night. Not that it was crazy to imagine; they were still married.

"I guess I have a lot to be thanking you for," Rick looked up at me with an intense sincerity in his gaze. I tried not to squirm under the pressure of it. He continued. "You saved my family. That is something I will never be able to repay."

He stepped forward and laid a large hand on my shoulder. I could feel some heat rush to my ears. "You have my gratitude."

"Carl's a great kid. And Lori's my friend. I would do it a million times over," I told him truthfully.

He stared at me for a few moments, his hand still holding my shoulder as his eyes scanned every bit of my face. Sighing, he stepped away and brought himself to the ground carefully, sitting with his knees bent and leaning an elbow against them thoughtfully.

It was silent again, but it didn't feel as awkward as before so I sat next to him and began to wash the berries off with the bottle of water I'd brought with me from camp.

"What... what do I do?"

My head shot over to stare at him. "You're asking me."

I didn't state it as a question, more as a statement of shock, thinking about how ironic it was that the fate of a marriage I had once upon a time envied was now partly in my hands. The guilt was still there, painfully tugging at my heartstrings.

Rick shrugged and made a show of looking around at the empty trees around us.

"I can't really tell you what to do, Rick."

"What I really wanna do is break his jaw in. Watch him choke on his teeth."

I'm surprised at the restraint it took for him to not send his fist flying in the first place. I was fully prepared to watch Shane's ass get beat.

"He deserves it," I instigated slightly. I couldn't possibly be as angry as he was but I understood. Shane does deserve a good punch.

He sighed and shook his head at the ground.

"I don't know how to go on. How to look him in the face—" he scowled. "We were brothers. He was my best friend. He knew." Rick snapped.

"He knew...?"

"He was the one person I confided in. I told him about Lori and I. I told him when things started going south. I never thought in a million years I'd have to worry." He spat, shaking his head angrily.

I felt some of that bitterness surge in me as well. I felt completely and utterly deceived by the same goddamn person.

"We never do," I projected a bit. I couldn't help it, the anger was swelling in me as well. Just the thought of Shane's stupid face made me want to punch something. "They fill our heads with all these stupid promises and reassurances just to stab you right in the back anyway."

Am I being overdramatic? Most likely. Hell, I probably deserved this. I led Shane on for so long, I couldn't be mad that he moved on to someone else. I just couldn't understand why he'd said the things he did last night. The kiss.

I've never been more goddamn confused in my life.

It was quiet for a few minutes, my last comment brewing in the silence but I didn't think Rick would pay much mind to it. He had bigger problems of his own.

"Carl— he's so young..." he said idly as if it had just occurred to him.

Too young for a divorce was what he meant.

I couldn't disagree with that. There's no age that seeing your parents separate becomes easier to deal with. But he's not the same nine-year-old Rick had known before he got shot.

"Rick, the world isn't the same anymore. It doesn't excuse Lori's actions or Shane's, but all of that doesn't matter so much when you're trying to keep yourself from getting eaten by dead cannibals. I can't tell you what to do but in the grand scheme of things, I think Carl will learn to understand."

I didn't know whether this brought him any comfort because he seemed to have nothing else to say on the matter. Maybe I was too straightforward, after all Carl was his kid at the end of the day. Despite how much I'd grown to care for him...

"I've been thinking about the man we left behind."

I looked over at him in shock. It was the last thing I'd been expecting him to bring up. But as soon as I looked at his blue eyes, I could almost see the plans he was concocting.

He wanted to go after him.

"You can't be serious," I scoffed. I'd been pushing aside my own thoughts about Merle Dixon. Just one more thing to add to my consciousness. As much of a dickhead as he was, we'd left a human being for dead.

"It isn't right. Leaving him up there to die," insisted Rick.

"He would do the same to any of us," I argued. "You just escaped the city. Survived alone against all odds. You're willing risk that for a douchebag like Merle?"

I observed the incredulous look on his face with disdain. It's different for him. He was just introduced to this new fucked up reality. He still has hope that we can be the heroes of this story-- that we can afford to care about anyone but ourselves.

"This-- what we have here-- this is what we focus on. It's unfortunate but Merle dug his own grave. It isn't worth risking your life, Rick."

I hated the way he was looking at me but I steeled myself. He'd learn soon enough. Men like Merle weren't worth compromising your safety for. It was every man for himself in the old world, and even more so in the new one.

I shoved every silly feeling I've had for Rick to the side and gave him a stern look back. I willed myself not to care about the disgust on his face because soon enough, he'd understand.

He'd understand what we've done to keep his wife and son alive.

Rick opened his mouth and I braced myself, ready to hear something along the lines of me being a murderer and a split second thought ran through my head.

Shane would agree with me.

A blood curdling scream cut through the dense silence.

"MOM! DAD!"

I was up before I could even process it, tearing through the woods with Rick at my heels.

"CARL!" Rick and I yelled in unison. I gripped the pistol Shane had given me tight, not caring if my face was torn up by the stray branches I ran against, heart pounding in my chest as I willed my legs to move faster than they ever have.

"Here!" I tossed a knife back to Rick as I pushed ahead of him, beating him in speed by a milestone.

"MAMA! MOMMY!" A high-pitched voice screamed.

Finally, I stumbled upon where Sophia and Carl were huddled. Making a beeline towards the kids, despite the walker that stood yards away.

I grabbed them by the shoulders, looking them up and down frantically. Trying to find a bite, a scratch, anything.

A body came slamming into mine and I suddenly heard their screams, the rest of the group had been searching as well.

Lori grabbed her son frantically, snatching him from my grasp and patting his arms down in a panic. "Carl! Nothing bit you, nothing scratched you?"

"No, I'm fine," Carl shook his head.

Jacqui came running out of nowhere.

"Soph?" The small blonde girl shook her head frantically before sprinting in the direction of camp, no doubt searching for her mother.

"She wasn't bit. We're both okay." Carl reassured.

I gripped my pistol and set my sights on the walker. It was feasting on a deer, crouched over and ripping its neck to shreds. I grimaced, inching forward with Rick and Glenn at my side.

Shane made brief eye contact with me before the walker suddenly straightened up and whipped around.

Rick wasted no time, slashing its face with the knife I'd handed him. Shane used the end of his rifle and Glenn started beating the damn thing with a stick. Even Morales had a turn before Dale swung his axe and chopped its head off clean.

It was silent as we all stared at the mess of guts and blood in shock.

"That's the first one we've had up here. They never come this far up the mountain," said Dale shakily.

"Well, they're running out of food in the city. That's what," replied Jim, another survivor who was normally a man of few words.

A branch snapped and we all raised our weapons, my safety turning off once more.

I curled my finger around the trigger as the steps got closer.

"Oh, Jesus," Dale sighed in relief as Daryl came stomping out from between the bushes. I lowered my gun and shook my head.

"Son of a bitch! That's my deer! Look at it. All gnawed on by this filthy—" Daryl kicked the headless walker angrily.

"—disease-bearing—"

Kick.

"—motherless—"

Another kick.

"—poxy bastard!"

"Calm down, son. That's not helping."

"What do you know about it, old man?" Daryl sneered at Dale, getting in his face. "Why don't you take that stupid hat and go back to 'on golden pond?' If it wasn't for you idiots running it off earlier, I would've taken it back to camp. Maybe I can cut around this chewed up part. Take some for the road."

"Wouldn't risk that," Shane sighed.

"That's a damn shame," Daryl said, giving Shane a nasty glare before raising his bow and shooting an arrow into the walker's reanimated head.

Huffing, he shoulder-checked Glenn as he passed by, ripping the arrow out with a squelch.

I couldn't blame him for being angry. As much of an asshole as Merle was, he was still Daryl's family.

Glenn rubbed his shoulder and rolled his eyes.

"Daryl!" Rick rushed after him, disappearing into the trees with my knife. I was briefly confused until I remembered where our last conversation left off.

"God help us all," I smacked a hand on my forehead and began to make my way back to camp. Slowly so I wouldn't catch up to Daryl and Rick.

"Hold up, Daph," Glenn caught up to me with a huff. "Were you ever going to tell me about Rick being the Rick?"

"What?"

Glenn glanced behind us. Likely looking for Shane.

"Rick Grimes? Like super hot hip-swaying coworker Grimes? I'm fucking offended, Daph."

"Do you want everyone to hear you?" I whispered harshly, scanning the woods to make sure Rick or Shane weren't lurking about.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

"Sorry, it wasn't really at the forefront of my mind yesterday. I was more thinking about all the dead people trying to eat us."

"What are the freaking odds?" Glenn marveled. "Out of all people, he runs into us. You know, anybody else would've left him for dead."

"Yes, you're a goddamn hero, Glenn."

"Damn right I am. Saved your man from certain death."

My eyes widened comically and I whacked him in the side. "He's not my man. Don't say shit like that around Shane or Lori."

"Of course not. I'm not crazy. You see 'em around here?"

"I dunno. Shane has eyes and ears everywhere."

"True," Glenn nodded, staring at his feet as we walked. Suddenly, he stopped.

"What's up with you two? You've been weird since yesterday morning."

Fuck. I knew it wouldn't slip past him. Glenn knew me too well for this to just slide and the only reason I'd been keeping it from him was because of how selfish and ashamed I felt.

"Don't judge me, okay?"

His eyebrows pinched together in confusion. "Okay?"

I seized his sleeve and took us a little ways off the trail, closer to the blueberry patch. Speaking of which, I left all of the ones I'd collected in the dust. Goddamnit.

"Um— two nights ago, Shane and I... well, we kissed."

His jaw dropped slightly.

"He kissed me." I defended quickly, before Glenn could give me a judgmental look.

"Did you want it?" He asked carefully.

"Yes— well, no— I don't know."

Glenn narrowed his gaze, sending a glance in the direction of camp. His cheeks tinted red and he shifted uncomfortably.

"He didn't force himself onto me, if that's what you think." I said quickly, recognizing the signs of Glenn's impending anger.

His chest fell in relief.

"I just... I screwed up, Glenn. I led him on. I let him kiss me and I kissed him back. I didn't even know if I wanted it. And then Rick of all people shows up! The one person I was holding out hope for. I'm not a homewrecker but I am delusional."

Glenn stayed silent so I continued with a sigh.

"I should've given Shane a chance before the world went to shit. But I didn't and now everything is so much more complicated... he, um, he told me there's no one else."

"Damn."

I closed my eyes frustratingly. "I know."

"That's clearly a lie."

I gave him a side-eyed glare. "I know."

Glenn pursed his lips awkwardly and looked away.

"How long have you known?" I asked with a sigh. Wouldn't be surprised if I was the last one to find out.

"Not long. I stumbled upon them in the woods the other day. I can't get the image out of my head, I think I'm scarred for life." He grimaced. "I would've told you if I knew he was trying to make a move."

"It's fine," I began to walk back over to the path again. "You couldn't have known. It happened late at night and I was wallowing in self-pity yesterday."

I stomped on the fallen leaves, trying to release some of the pent-up frustration before getting back.

"It's just... I told him it'd take time but I was willing to give us a try. All this time I've felt guilty for even missing that part of my life when Lori was still grieving her husband. Just to find out her and Shane are having sex this whole time."

Glenn readjusted his cap. "Gotta wonder if this started now or before."

That's a good point.

I wasn't a good husband to her, Rick had said to me earlier.

I don't know anything about their lives from before. I only knew Rick at a professional level. And whatever Shane would tell me when he was trying to chat me up every other day at work.

I can't really judge Rick or Lori. She thought he was dead and Rick... well, I don't know what he meant by not being a good husband.

This was truly a mess I had no part in.

"I'm taking myself out of this equation. I have enough on my plate for me to worry about this love triangle."

"More like a rectangle."

I gave him a confused look.

"You like Rick. Rick likes Lori. Lori like Shane. Shane likes you and Lori?"

God, I love and hate his out-of-pocket comments sometimes. But Glenn keeps it real. I gotta respect that.

Rick likes Lori.

Well technically, Rick should love Lori and he probably does. She's the mother of his child and I can't pretend to know everything about their relationship, but if what Rick said earlier was true, there wasn't much of a relationship anymore.

"I could really use some vodka," I groaned, feeling a headache forming between my eyes.

"Same," Glenn said sadly as we approached camp.

Everyone had resumed to their usual activities. Lori and Carl were nowhere to be found but I assumed they were in their tent or the RV. Carol was folding clothes with little Sophia at her feet.

I did a double-take when I saw Rick and Shane speaking to the side. I could faintly hear their conversation.

"So that's it, huh? To hell with everybody else? What about Lori?"

"Don't talk to me about her. I'm not saying to hell with anybody. Especially not to my son." Rick said firmly, buttoning up his sheriff's uniform. He started walking past his former partner.

"Tell them that."

Rick whipped around, an unreadable expression on his face as he stared back at his friend.

"They know. You'd best leave me alone. It's in your best interest. This ain't got nothing to do with you."

I started walking over, feeling a fight begin to stir up. Shane didn't look like he was deterred by Rick's unapproachable attitude and there's no way Rick wasn't still upset about his best friend's actions.

"Well, look, I--I don't, okay, Rick? So could you just throw me a bone here, man? Could you just tell me why? Why would you risk your life for a douchebag like Merle Dixon?"

"Hey, choose your words more carefully," threatened Daryl, who was standing nearby.

"No, I did. Douchebag's what I meant."

"You have something in common then," said Rick jarringly. I was taken aback, not expecting that type of insult to fly out of Officer Grimes' mouth. He was always the passive one.

Glenn chortled next to me.

Shane took it unflinchingly. "Merle Dixon-- that guy wouldn't give you a glass of water if you were dying of thirst, man."

"What he would or wouldn't do doesn't interest me. I can't let a man die of thirst. Me. Thirst and exposure. We left him like an animal caught in a trap. That's no way for anything to die, let alone a human being. I don't recall asking for your opinion either."

"So you and Daryl? That's your big plan?" Lori asked, more at ease than I would've expected given the tense circumstances.

I observed her easy posture, other than the frustration she was likely feeling over the fact that her husband was trying to go on a damn suicide mission. I watched as her eyes subtly traveled from Rick to Shane. Then I realized Shane must not have told her a damn thing.

Rick looked at her with hardened eyes. And then switched his gaze over to—

Glenn groaned. "Oh, come on."

There's no way in hell.

"You wanna drag someone else on this suicide mission?" I interjected exasperatedly. I gave Rick my nastiest glare, unable to believe his audacity.

"You're really okay with letting a man die?"

"It's like I said before. He'd do the same to any of us," I lowered my voice and stepped closer to Rick, eyeing Daryl's angry pacing over his shoulder. "He was going to get himself killed eventually. And he would've dragged us all down with him."

I'm not evil. I'm not. I just don't want to see Rick die.

Rick stared at me for a moment before setting his attention onto Glenn.

"You know the way," I scoffed as he ignored me completely. "You've been there before. In and out, no problem. You said so yourself."

Glenn took his cap off and started rubbing his head-- a nervous tick of his.

I've never felt so angry with anyone. Knowing he was asking this of Glenn. Asking him to risk his life once more when he already had just to save Rick's skin.

"It's not fair of me to ask. I know that." Rick glanced over to me apologetically. I guess he isn't deaf. "But I'd feel a lot better if you came along."

"That's just great." Shane scowled, stepping closer to me. "Now you're gonna risk three men, huh?"

"Four," said T-Dog from the edge of camp.

Daryl scoffed. "My day just gets better and better, don't it?"

"Be grateful anyone's willing to save that dick," I bristled.

"Yeah, you see anybody else stepping up to save your brother's cracker ass?"

"Why you?" Daryl asked T-Dog.

"You wouldn't even begin to understand. You don't speak my language."

"That's four," said Dale exasperatedly.

"That's not just four. You're putting every single one of us at risk. Just know that, Rick. Come on. You saw that walker. It was here, it was in camp."

Despite it all, Shane and I usually saw eye to eye on most things. We weren't afraid to make hard decisions to keep the camp safe. The first week or so when it was just the five of us, Shane and I would stay up late into the early hours of the morning. Talking about our limits— what we were willing to do to make sure our loved ones stayed alive. Even if prioritizing our safety meant leaving others behind.

It's why I still can't believe Ed Peletier is still a good-for-nothing member of our camp. After his and Shane's scuffle, I was certain Shane and I would find a way to get rid of him. Whereas douchebag volatile Merle contributed brawn and hunting game, Ed contributed nothing.

"They're moving out the city. They come here, they get to camp-- we need every able body we got. We need 'em here. We need 'em to protect camp." Shane emphasized.

"You went through hell to find us," added Lori. "You just got here and you're gonna turn around and leave?"

"Dad, I don't want you to go." Carl pleaded.

"Shane is right. Merle Dixon? He's not worth even one of your lives! Tell me. Make me understand." Lori said angrily, standing up.

Rick sighed and crouched in front of Carl, making a point to speak mostly to him. "I owe a debt to a man I met and his little boy. If they hadn't taken me in, I'd have died. It's because of them that I made it back to you at all. They said they'd follow me to Atlanta. They'll walk into the same trap I did if I don't warn him."

"What's stopping you?" Lori asked from the side.

"The walkie-talkie. I dropped it in the tank I hid in," Rick looked back at Glenn and I. "He's got the other one. Our plan was to connect when they got closer."

"I feel for them. I really do but I can't listen to this shit any longer," I hissed quietly at Glenn before stomping away towards our tent.

Footsteps crunched behind me and I knew he was following me. I slipped off my shoes and threw myself onto my sleeping bag, irritated beyond belief. The second Rick mentioned the walkie he'd left behind, it reminded me of what I had left behind too— the medicine. A shit ton of it. Stuff that we'd need eventually and the vitamins the kids were so desperately lacking.

Goddamnit. Carl was one of my weakest spots. I'd grown to care for him immensely, more than I expected. His now-hallowed cheeks stabbed at my heart.

I watched as Glenn gathered his gun I'd given him from the bag I retrieved for Rick yesterday and the CB.

"You're going."

"He'll die if I don't. He's gonna go with or without me," Glenn sighed.

I stood up and pocketed my pistol. "Then I'm going too."

"What? Weren't you against this whole plan? Number one Merle hater?"

I shoved my shoes back onto my feet. "That's before you decided you were going to put your life on the line too. And I still hate that fucker. I'm not doing it for him. I'm doing it for you."

"You don't have to," Glenn grabbed my arm, halting my exit. "You should stay here."

I shot him an incredulous look. "While you go out there and risk your life?" I lowered my voice so that no one else could eavesdrop. "None of these people mean as much to me as you do. I know this is what you do but if there's any way I can help, I need to be there. Besides, I'm going back for the medicine. We're running low."

With that, I freed my arm and left our tent, beelining for the truck where Daryl was loading his bow and arrows into. I got into the passenger's seat, ignoring Shane as he threw yet another fit at the sight of me. Slamming the door shut, I groaned and closed my eyes, throwing my head back as I wondered why we were all willingly putting ourselves in danger once more.

"Yer comin' too?"

I opened an eye and peeked at Daryl through the side mirror. He was crouched behind my seat, busy with his arrows.

"Clearly."

His lip curled and he shook his head.

I couldn't give less of a fuck if he was mad. He could get over it.

The driver's seat opened and Glenn got in, readjusting his cap and giving me a glance. "Thanks," he whispered.

My anger dissipated a little and I gave him a tiny smile, knowing both of us felt a lot better going into the lion's den together. That smile quickly fell when a foot appeared between us, slamming into the wheel twice.

"Come on!" Daryl hollered, honking the horn obnoxiously.

"Don't do that. There might be other walkers close by, you idiot," I seethed.

He ignored me. "Let's go!"

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1-800-c0sm1c · 1 year

Text

꒰win it all !꒱

to build hype around the new season, your arrival to the games was kept a secret up until it went live, and some legends had more notable reactions than others.

character x legend!reader

includes crypto, octane, and mirage !

a/n : im sorry ive been gone but look i made you some contenttttt daddy made you your favorite open wide 🥳. im noticing a severe lack of apex fanfics rn so here is my contribution 🤲.

warnings : mentions of stalking (average crypto behavior), drugs (average octane behavior), & mentions of hooking up (you guessed it, average mirage behavior).

CRYPTO // TAEJOON PARK:

crypto doesnt like surprises, period. its one thing if its mediocre like a birthday party, but a whole person was hidden under his nose and he had no idea? unacceptable.

in summary, youve shattered his ego simply from your presence. not cool.

hes not really known for looking approachable either, so unless youve got the balls or stupidity to talk to him, hell keep to himself and sulk. this sets back any plans he had in the back of his mind by a whole season.

when you introduce yourself to him on the dropship he practically ignores you, acting as if anything else is more interesting than this small talk.

"hi im y/n, ive heard a lot about you from mirage. nice to meet you!" he rolls his eyes, witt is always one to blabber about others.

you scoff at his response, "dont expect me to be as open and idiotic as elliott." he almost adds you to that list, but holds back on it. if anything lifeline has told him holds weight, you could be useful to get information from the syndicate.

"im crypto by the way." he continues, if he plays his cards right you could almost be worth his time.

getting paired with you and mirage was almost comical, its as if the games were trying to make his life as hard as possible.

you got along annoyingly well with mirage, but you seemed more hesitant when it came to crypto, which was truly bothered him. (it was not jealousy at all. he was not jealous whatsoever. nope, definitely not.)

hes struggling to interact with you, like he does with most of the other legends, but youre a different case due to how useful you could be to him. thats usually the reasoning he uses when he racks his brain for ideas to come across less mean without irreparably ruining his reputation.

as if his prayers had been answered, a few hours after your first game you appear in the doorway to his room with a piece of high tech equipment in your hand. but your expression is different from how it was before. you appear upset, how can you be angry with him already? youve barely interacted!

if you want to be pissy, so can he. "can i help you? he asks, annoyance in his voice. "im almost sure you can, brilliant hacker." you drop the equipment in front of him on his desk, distracting him from his current project. he scowls. "what exactly am i looking at here?" you roll your eyes. "you tell me, this is clearly yours right? found it in my room."

he examines the object, looks like a hidden camera. "ive never seen this before, if you want me to fix it call someone else, im not tech support." he pushes it to the side, but youre not having it. "nuh-uh, you cant brush this off. i know youve created the cameras used to record the games, this has to be your tech!"

so you think hes stalking you? thats a good idea honestly, he wish he had thought of it first. "just because i created those doesnt mean i also designed this. looks like someone else wants to keep an eye on you. got anyone in mind?" you pause for a moment, letting his words sink in. why cant it just be an open and shut case?

"i have no idea, i just got here! is anyone else even knowledgeable enough to design something like this?" he shrugs. "looks can be deceiving." "will you at least help me figure out whos stalking me?" he wants to say no. he knows its bad news, especially for someone like him to get involved in. but its a great opportunity to get closer to you. closer to his end goal, and despite it truly not being the only reason, he decides its good enough for him. "i guess i can make time, tell me about your interactions since youve joined."

from this point on, you and crypto get much closer, it feels like he knows everything about you. (maybe he does honestly 💀.)

but you can tell hes getting frustrated when it comes to the hidden camera, and you cant help but feel like a nuisance.

on the surface, crypto looks like you are whats stressing him out. why hes angrier than usual, why hes drowning himself in his work. and in a way thats true, but not exactly.

in reality, hes more worried for your safety. your arrival was an entire surprise, so how could someone have infiltrated your room to begin with? he cant figure it out, and almost entirely forgets the original reason he wanted to get to know you.

its no longer a matter of getting information, that can wait. he has all season after all. but someone else trying to watch you? he wont tolerate it, and wants it to be the first thing thats fixed, he likes you much better when youre not paranoid, not like him.

OCTANE // OCTAVIO SILVA:

HYPED!!! another legend is always exciting to octane, even more so when he gets lucky enough to be paired with them.

octavio can be a bit much at times, but you match his energy almost perfectly!

dedication to the apex games, and genuinely having a great time, not finding him annoying??? he should ask if youre into hard drugs too at this point.

anyone who goes up against the two of you on a team together should fear for their lives. octane swears hes never had so much fun in a match before. (almost as much fun as id have if kings canyon was in the map rotation this season ☹.)

theres a voice in the back of his head that he cant shake, telling him youre someone sent from the syndicate to mess with him, or maybe something worse.

he doesnt want to risk making you upset with him (like some other legends) so he reluctantly keeps these thoughts to himself, but due to his online personality being so similar to his real self, you almost immediately notice a change.

you decide to confront octane after the match, and originally he completely disregards your questions.

"what are you on about, compadre? im fine, really!" but youre not having it, and octane knows youre not going to drop this so easily.

"i just cant help but think this isnt how you usually act outside of games." you shrug when he asks for your reasoning of pressing on. "well how would you know? you just got here." he chuckles. "which i think is exactly why youre hiding things from me. i understand though, its hard to trust someone you just met. i only had an outsiders perspective up until a few hours ago."

"thats exactly whats so scary about you amigo. you seem like youre some fuckin syndicate spy!" "why? because we get along?" octane sighs. maybe having a legend who understands him is a bad thing. its easier to justify someone who hates him, theres plenty reason to. but like him? enjoy his company? hes confused, to say the least.

hes frantically reaching for one of his stims, if his mind is going to be racing so frantically, the rest of his body might as well do the same. "lets leave this here for now, yeah? ive got some videos to film!" he gets up quickly, but stops dead in his tracks when you offer to help him with his stunts. he whips around back over to you. "you sure?" you nod with a smile that might make him more energetic than any stim could. "alright cmon cmon cmon! i hope you known how to hold a camera, if you miss any good shots im gonna be pissed!"

rumors start about octanes elusive camera operator, all kinds of misinformation spreads too, some of it crazier than others.

you personally find it funny, sometimes tempting the viewers by almost flipping it around to show your face, but youre stopped by octane and his ridiculously fast reflexes everytime.

"hey hey amigo no need to ruin the mystery! plus you totally just didnt film that awesome stunt i just did! what am i paying you for!?"

you try your best to stop yourself from laughing, but at this point youre sure it must be obvious its you behind the camera, youre just going along with the "mystery" because octane asked you to by whispering in your ear that it "increases his interaction" or whatever influencer bullshit. (you were more focused on his voice than what he was saying tbh 🧍.)

the other legends are sick of you two at this point, and are just about ready to expose the "secret" to get octane to shut up 😭. when i say you guys are always together doing stupid shit i mean ALWAYS!!

MIRAGE // ELLIOTT WITT:

a flirt wbk. expect to be invited to lots of yacht parties.

mirage is known to have a very welcoming aura, and you noticed this the second you first interacted on the dropship. (anyone wanna take me out? come find me 🤭.)

you guys are on the same team for tdm, and he is almost constantly by your side.

someone sneaks up behind you? hes already sending a decoy their way so you can get the upper hand.

in case you miss? no worries, hes right behind you with pinpoint accuracy. (talk about a great first impression.)

you guys absolutely crushed the opposite team 50-15, and mirage hurriedly rushes over to you the second the match is concluded to invite you to his celebration party that night.

youre more surprised he has the energy to still keep going after such an intensive match, and you barely get the chance to say maybe before hes walking away excitedly.

uh, actually i might sit this one out-" "cool, cool, cool. ill see you tonight!"

lets just say things get… interesting on the mirage a trois 😀.)

you hooked up on the boat okay, youre not the first (and might not be the last either.)

parties werent necessarily your thing, but after elliott had practically won the game for you today, you figured showing up was the least you could do to return the favor. you were honestly just hoping the yacht didnt blow up like youd heard about his other ones doing…

you arrive way later than everyone else in hopes that you arent the first person there, but your current situation is almost just as awkward as everyone assumes you managed to get lost on your way here. (as if you could miss mirages yacht if you tried…) however, you probably did look just as lost as everyone assumed you were while trying to find mirage in the sea of decoys and other party guests.

when you finally stop getting bamboozled and find the real mirage, you try to explain you were only stopping by out of politeness, but hes not having any of it. "what do you mean youre leaving already? weve gotta make up for all the partying time lost while you werent here!" he hands you a drink and leads you to a table with crypto and wattson, who seem to have just had an… important conversation interrupted with your presence.

"if theres anyone you wanna get to know in the games, other than me of course, these are the legends!" youre almost amazed at how mirage chooses to ignore the awkward atmosphere hes created, and manages to smooth it over in record time as well. crypto looks as annoyed as ever, meanwhile wattson attempts her best at a conversation with the group, and you almost wish you never showed up in the first place.

‘almost’ is the key word here, you knew deep down you didnt really have anywhere else to be, and going along with whatever such an attractive legend says was surely better than staying in your dorm room and missing out on a night of fun. which is exactly why when elliott leaned closer to your ear and said something that definitely wasnt pg-friendly, you downed your drink and made quick goodbyes to his friends before leaving to a secluded area of the yacht with the party host himself.

i think by now the other legends are just waiting for you two to finally announce theres something between you.

everyone, and i mean everyone seems to know, and i swear rampart is one more flirtatious comment away from exposing your corny asses during the next match.

however, youre hesitant. youre still incredibly new to the games, isnt it odd for things to be moving so fast?

sure, elliott is great, but you cant help but have an anxious feeling in your stomach, and making the mistake of looking at comments online surely isnt helping either.

mirage noticed your shift in behavior immediately, hes been around you more than any of the other legends, and he expects to be the first to hear of whats troubling you (if youre okay with it, of course).

he might not seem like it at first glance, but mirage really is a great listener. despite your first impressions of him making him out to be well… a party-loving flirt, he has so many more layers to him than whats on the surface level.

when he gets serious, hes not cracking his usual jokes, although hes still got his awkward charm.

"i just… feel like were moving too fast. its only been a month since ive joined the game after all…"

he thinks for a moment before responding calmly, "well i mean, if you wanna take things slower, all you had to do was ask. besides we have all the time in the world! as long as you dont have some secret plan to leave the games or something, than were fine!" you smile at him.

okay, maybe he does still joke a little bit, put i promise its fine in context 😭😭.

can you tell i like crypto (especially jealous crypto) a totally normal amount 😦 totally not inspired by the mcc song by derivakat 🫶