#but i am learning

[sevilemar]

My mother learned darning socks and mending clothes because they were eight children, and they were poor. They called it Putz- und Flickstunde (cleaning and mending hour), and they all hated it.

I learn darning socks because my mother knitted them for me, and I do not want her love to be thrown away. I feel very connected to my mum and my family right now.

#visible mending #family tradition #solarpunk #i think? #i'm not very good at filling in holes yet #as you can see #but i am learning

[firenati0n]

several sentence sunday <3 :)

hello! :) hope everyone is having a good weekend! <3 thank you for the tags @suseagull04 @kiwiana-writes @eusuntgratie @dumbpeachjuice @nocoastposts @cha-melodius @ninzied @msmarvelouswinchester @leojfitz love y'all

here's a snip from the proposal au titled "the full spectrum of human emotion" which required some...research on roop's part. enjoy lol:

Alex swings one leg around to straddle Henry, one hand holding onto the chair, another resting on Henry’s shoulder. His hips do a slow, dirty grind on a very stressed Henry, taking on a life of their own. Alex is feeling wholly possessed by the horny ghost of cowboy Matthew McConaughey from Magic Mike, a series he felt compelled to revisit after his late-stage bisexual awakening. He tries to focus on the beat of the music, the warmth of Henry’s chest as Alex sways up and down. The bass line of “Pony” has nothing on the thudding of his heart roaring in his ears.  Henry's face tips back as he takes in Alex in his current state—sweaty, gyrating, focused. His eyes close, but not before Alex sees his pupils blown out, only a ring of blue visible. Alex offers up a prayer of gratitude to Steven Soderbergh for giving him a series of movies that is directly responsible for the very delicious position he's in right now. As a self-respecting cowboy, he isn't planning on looking a gift horse in the mouth. Or a gift pony, he should say. 

xoxo roop

coming soon to an ao3 near you :)

+ no pressure tags under the cut:

@getmehighonmagic @tintagel-or-cockleshells @priincebutt @cricketnationrise @sherryvalli @dumbpeachjuice @littlemisskittentoes @ssmtskw @tailsbeth-writes @lizzie-bennetdarcy @songliili @wordsofhoneydew @heybuddy-drabbles @happiness-of-the-pursuit @bigassbowlingballhead @anincompletelist @inexplicablymine @myheartalivewrites @sparklepocalypse @onward--upward @user-anakin @matherines @celeritas2997 @gayrootvegetable @affectionatelyrs @tinyarmedtrex @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @14carrotghoul @orchidscript @rmd-writes @dustratcentral @magicandarchery @leaves-of-laurelin @whimsymanaged @tintagel-or-cockleshells @zwiazdziarka @indomitable-love @anchoredarchangel @theprinceandagcd @gay-flyboys @read-and-write-

#roop writes #fic: tfsohe #several sentence sunday #rwrb #rwrb fic #fics #the videos and articles i watched and read for lap dances were...horrific to say the least #but i am learning #“gift pony” makes me giggle every time unfortunately because i am a simple woman with simple needs

[thegoblinwitch]

i finally took the jump and am ditching my macbook for good for a dedicated linux mini desktop (star labs byte, if you're wondering, you prob aren't), after a literal decade since i was on linux last (though it was on a windows machine, with the issues that entails).

it's pre-installed with ubuntu, 'cause i thought that was the easiest to deal with to start, though i plan to do some distro hopping.

any linux peeps on here have any advise on how to easily (i.e. low need to manually partition and/or install/uninstall constantly) do said distro hopping? and also any distro recs?

my only requirement is that it be low on the need to use the command line to start with, i wanna ease into it, not jump in the deep end without floaters on...!

#i am not all that tech savvy #but i am learning #i hate microsoft/windows with a passion #which is why i switched to mac/apple in the first place #but apple has finally managed to make me ditch them for good #but i need help #i'm useless here #kit's #diary #tech talk #linux #ubuntu #distro hopping #please help #new to linux #much has changed in a decade

[buriedwithoutceremony]

I have drawn so much today even though I hated it. Someone should throw me a treat.

#I am soooo bad at digital media still #but I am learning

[akikos-tribble-army]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 | Módào Zǔshī (Cartoon) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén/Mèng Yáo | Jīn Guāngyáo Characters: Mèng Yáo | Jīn Guāngyáo, Lán Huàn | Lán Xīchén Additional Tags: Immortals, Modern Setting, JGY made it to Dongying, Accidental meeting, it's the 21st century your honor, Idiots in Love, art gallery, Misunderstanding, Hurt, Deutsch | German, they're pining for centuries Summary:

Lan Xichen hatte sie für ihn gemalt. Sie ihm geschenkt und er hatte so sehr gehofft, sie nie wieder zu sehen.

----

Meng Yao war nur aus Neugierde in die Ausstellung gegangen, angelockt von der Aussicht nach über Tausend Jahren wieder etwas von Lan Xichens Malerei zu sehen, doch er hatte nicht damit gerechnet, so viel mehr zu sehen, als nur Kunst.

#xiyao #fanfic #my fanfic #ao3 #german fanfic #XiYao fanfic #mdzs #cql #I wrote something and posted it O.o #Gonna throw this onto Ff.de too #still don't know how to tag stuff #but I am learning #akikos shitpost

[nonebinary-leftbeef]

DEVASTATING the lyric you've been mishearing is better than the real one

#i've been listening to icarus by bastille #and for some reason my brain fills in 'this is how it feels to take a fall' as 'this is how it feels to take off all your skin' #and like fuck man #and I KNOW that’s technically not a misheard lyric but my post my rules cope #anyway my line now #also probably phrased this poorly but its ok #im allowed to be incomprehensible #as a treat #and then fuckin #from we sink by of monsters and men #the original line was 'please look away dont look at me' #and i kept hearing it as 'please learn a way to look at me' #anyway #shoving this post in the queue but please be aware that i am writing it very late at night #q

[astearisms]

catalysts, protectors

#man those episodes #so many things put into perspective #like Simon’s role as a protector and his kindness and empathy and compassion and existence being the catalyst for the rest of ooo to #flourish #and Betty is a protector of Simon #I wonder if the last two episodes will explore more of her character? there’s so much to be explored about her giving so much of herself #to Simon but not thinking about what she wants for herself #do we get to explore her feelings or see her at all? will she have changed or learned to let go #I think there will be some sort of closure for the both of them #but at what cost #I am still crying over that scene with Simon’s memory of Betty and their song #my art #fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #simon petrikov #betty grof #petrigrof #golbetty

[grandma-course]

My blue dog

I need new life breathed in to me, I need someone to need me so badly their skin burns right off their bones without me holding them together.

I need the sun to scorch me, I need to dance on blazing soil with its only promise being it won't burn me if I go fast, blow like the wind over the town and past the church and into the open arms of an infinite sky of angels, so many angels, angels with feathers falling like snow, angels with halos like rings binding them to dead love, angels dropping their rings, their wings, they clank like metal, tinkle like glass.

Every hungry woman needs to swallow the world, how many are there? Bless the hearts content with just a land.

I had a dog once with bright blue fur, of course it was not blue, it was white like cream, but it was blue, cold blue, clear lake blue, the brightest blue I'd ever seen, electric blue.

I think. I remember wrong. Don't I always remember wrong? The blue is as real to me as my mother's love was at the age of four.

I don't think she stopped wanting me dead even after she'd found her smile and her softest voice. I think she wants to eat me up and give it another try. Maybe this time I'll come out as one of the brothers she miscarried.

She was meant to give me so many brothers I wouldn't have known what to do with them. There would have been so many men around me I could not have made sense of it all. She wanted me to feel loved. I know she did. She wanted everyone to love me to make up for the fact that she couldn't, not then, not quite right.

I have never been cross with her, you know? Even when I've been sure she would die by my hand. I've never felt anger, not like she has, not like the anger I was meant to inherit. Mostly, I've spent the bad parts in terror, frozen like prey, afraid to shuffle a single leaf in fear of getting caught with my arteries to the light.

What it means to let go of all the fear now, when it is being condemned so harshly, when it is equited with such violent and terrible things. People want to murder children, I hear, because they are scared. I cannot afford to be scared in a world like that. I cannot forgive myself for fear if that is what it breeds.

My anger does not want to burn the helpless, it wants to burn the world. Not to admire the flame but to make the ground bear fruit again.

But I know that isn't the way forward. I know lashing out only means one day I'll hit, one day I'll cut too deep to give someone any chance of making it.

I need to leash my fury. I will teach it to sit pretty by my side, like a dog, like a dog with blue fur, like a dog that is real when it should not be, when it cannot be. I will let anyone do anything to me to forgive me for I have sinned. Please don't touch my dog.

She bares her teeth more readily than most but I promise she won't bite. To her, every raised hand is just a fist. And it is raised against her. Raise it for a noble cause, she still thinks she should die.

#poetry #free form poetry #free form poem #poem #poets on tumblr #paragraph breaks are my greatest enemy still #but i am learning #i do love this one #i do #wrote it on such a scorching summer's day #felt so alive #i still do #in a different way #have her #find beauty in her #if you will #im just a rambly little vessel for the divine #i hope a piece of it resides here

[gideonisms]

I LOVE being alive so I can be mediocre at SO many different hobbies

#this isn't sarcasm at all i love to try different tasks i get mediocre at a new thing every year #i love to learn about other people's hobbies!! #i am having a great time #there are so many things to do who can blame me for getting distracted from life tasks that are boring when there are all these fun ones

[no-reference-georg]

My pet peeve is when people pronounce desu and de-su

#japanese #learning japanese #pet peeve #no I don’t know Japanese yet #but I am learning

[podcastwizard]

TITS BACK ON TUMBLR???

DON’T MIND IF I DO!!!

#POST TITS

#i don't know how to use community labels #and i will never learn #i am so tempted to blaze this just because how fucking funny would that be #and ten dollars IS under the bit limit #but imagine the emotional toll

[tippenfunkaport]

You know, it would be amazing if Hollywood learned the right lesson from the success of Nimona. Something like "Hey, maybe don't throw out a nearly done movie as a tax write off" or "people want queer stories" or even "don't be afraid to take some storytelling risks and be original" but you just know they're going to come away with some absolutely batshit takeaway like, "next time delete all the evidence and burn it to the ground so the gays can't make us look bad!"

#sorry to be cynical on main but all I can think of is instead of watching this and being like wow we made a huge mistake here #disney is just going to be mad because of how foolish this made them look #bc corporate america always learns exactly the wrong lesson #honestly hope I'm wrong and this humbles them and they do better #but also I am a realist #anyway go nimona kick 'em in chip and dale's nuts #nimona #nd stevenson #netflix #disney #oscar nominations #oscar nominee #hollywood

[inkskinned]

i love when words fit right. seize was always supposed to be that word, and so was jester. tuesday isn't quite right but thursday should be thursday, that's a good word for it. daisy has the perfect shape to it, almost like you're laughing when you say it; and tulip is correct most of the time. while keynote is fun to say, it's super wrong - i think they have to change the label for that one. but fox is spot-on.

most words are just, like, good enough, even if what they are describing is lovely. the night sky is a fine term for it but it isn't perfect the way november is the correct term for that month.

it's not just in english because in spanish the phrase eso si que es is correct, it should be that. sometimes other languages are also better than the english words, like how blue is sloped too far downwards but azul is perfect and hangs in the air like glitter. while butterfly is sweet, i think probably papillion is more correct, although for some butterflies féileacán is much better. year is fine but bliain is better. sometimes multiple languages got it right though, like how jueves and Πέμπτη are also the right names for thursday. maybe we as a species are just really good at naming thursdays.

and if we were really bored and had a moment and a picnic to split we could all sit down for a moment and sort out all the words that exist and find all the perfect words in every language. i would show you that while i like the word tree (it makes you smile to say it), i think arbor is correct. you could teach me from your language what words fit the right way, and that would be very exciting (exciting is not correct, it's just fine).

i think probably this is what was happening at the tower of babel, before the languages all got shifted across the world and smudged by the hand of god. by the way, hand isn't quite right, but i do like that the word god is only 3 letters, and that it is shaped like it is reflecting into itself, and that it kind of makes your mouth move into an echoing chapel when you cluck it. but the word god could also fit really well with a coathanger, and i can't explain that. i think donut has (weirdly) the same shape as a toothbrush, but we really got bagel right and i am really grateful for that.

grateful is close, but not like thunder. hopefully one day i am going to figure out how to shape the way i love my friends into a little ceramic (ceramic is very good, almost perfect) pot and when they hold it they can feel the weight of my care for them. they can put a plant in there. maybe a daisy.

#warm up #writeblr. #i am not going to personally comment on the pineapple debate #some things are too big for me. #maybe we could have everything on earth choose their own names. #wouldn't that be fun #it is a creative writing exercise. okay. ily #''why only these languages?'' ..... bc i dont know every language #sorry :( #PLEASE leave me comments about what words u think are correct. i love learning them #btw! this isn't saying these are the most BEAUTIFUL words for it... just the words that are the most CORRECT #like i quite like the word ''keynote'' as mentioned. it's got a lot of fun sounds in it. #but it is not CORRECT. #''gloaming''' is interesting and fun and poetic but it is NOT correct . evening is MORE correct #but less beautiful. #does that make sense?

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[bizarrelittlemew]

i can't wait to be 30+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 40+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 50+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 60+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 70+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 80+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 90+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to look back on my life and know that i loved things deeply and passionately and was inspired to create and was part of communities with incredible people from all over the world brought together by the stories that touched us

#and still be mad at shithead executives for unfairly cancelling my pirate show #also imagine what my ao3 word count will be like. gonna be writing my little fics in the nursing home #sometimes when i get frustrated over my writing i have to remember that i've only been doing it for a little over a year #and not in my native language #there is still so much time and so much to learn and try and discover and explore and i am EXCITED #there is something so ancient and beautiful about humans being brought together by stories #storytelling is what humans have always done and will always do and what will always connect us #to our past to the future to each other #sorry for the 1 am ramblings #fandom #🐭📓

[nedlittle]

genuinely i think it's important for adults, especially in the plague times, to play pretend in our day-to-day lives. when i rub my back down with tiger balm so i can sleep without pain, i imagine i am a valiant knight tending to an old injury i received from a dragon. when i go to the store to pick up eggs and milk, i am a lone cowboy riding into town on a mission. when i turn my collar up against the wind i am a femme fatale who's killed 4 husbands and is scoping out a 5th. when i stomp around in the snow i am a doomed polar explorer. if being a little bit silly about my walk to the pharmacy helps me remember that life can be full of joy and whimsy, then so be it.

#this is a pointless text post #my most embarrassing version of this is that whenever it was foggy at the lighthouse i imagined i was emily bronte #or that i was taking a walk in the fog with my good friend emily bronte :^) #so much of this is also tied into the fact that my body hurts all the goddamn time #i am trying to make my pain something i can live with #is this gonna be how i learn that normal people don't daydream about being In The Past #anyway do u guys imagine these sort of scenarios too or am i just a freak #greatest (s)hits