#but i am still crying over it yeah

[solume]

#soukoku #bsd #bsd s5 spoilers #bsd s5 #yes i am still not over the reveal #what do you MEAN Dazai said all thos things to a CONSCIOUS Chuuya ??? #they make me absolutely insane #wtf was that bullet thing ?? Oh yeah i very casually trust you with my life and the most delicate part of the plan #MY EX PARTNER THAT I VERY MUCH HATE #crying sobbing maniacally lauging #skk is one hell of a drug and i'm on a high #i want them to kiss but also to kill each other but also to live together but also to have the most fucked up divorced energy ever and-

[katierosefun]

actually as much as i love mike and harvey together. i feel so sad for rachel zane because imagine falling in love with your coworker and then you learn that your coworker is a fake lawyer but not only that, your coworker is a fake lawyer who would literally do anything for his boss. he'll literally leave you at the altar to go to prison for his boss. he'll try to quit his job multiple times but keep coming back because his boss asked him to come back. he'll move to seattle with you, and you'll breathe a sigh of relief because it means that it can finally just be the two of you, but then you learn that he's inviting his stupid former boss to join them. and his stupid former boss agrees. you smile because your husband is so stupid happy at the idea of working with his former boss again, but you've seen this film one too many times before, and you are going to be subject to watching your husband choose his stupid former boss-slash-friend over you again and again and again and again and again and ag

#caroline talks #suits #LIKE? ? ??? rachel zane babes i love u but i hope you've divorced mike ross by now <333 #like i'm so sorry girlie!!! your husband loves u i'm sure but also he's been playing stupid chicken with this guy he's been in love with #for YEARS NOW!!!! #it's also like. uh. you KNOW that harvey wouldn't do anything with mike while mike's married to rachel because of ALL THAT BAGGAGE HE HAS-- #and i don't think mike would ever do anything to harvey because HE knows how much baggage harvey has #like. in my head. yeah they're all living together in seattle and rachel's just like ':/// i need to divorce this man bc we could move to #literally antarctica and mike would still find a way to drag harvey along. #and the crazy thing is that harvey would probably FOLLOW HIM.' #like. the way i'm not even exaggerating what happens in the show too?? ? ? #like we have literal scenes of rachel crying and begging mike to just LET HARVEY GO #and to just CHOOSE HER #and mike is always just like '!!! HOW DARE YOU TELL ME TO GIVE UP ON HARVEY' #and it's like. ilysm mike u crazy silly man <333 but also like. i think it's fairly reasonable of the woman you're marrying #to ask you to choose her over your boss slash buddy. y'know? #like. it's not even like rachel and mike are a cute simple girlfriend-boyfriend. #they are literally ENGAGED and they are literally supposed to START A LIFE TOGETHER-- #and mike is still going ':((( i can't leave harvey behind' like actually rachel babe i am SO SORRY

[goldiipond]

graduated 2 years late but who caares im FREEE i can do wjatever i want. i can do anything. i am going to draw my little characters

#skye's ramblings #such a massive weight off my shoulders oogh im gonna cry. its over the plague was simply a temporary setback. fuck the plague. i win #this on top of recent health bullshit has taken a lot out of me n im already feeling better than i have in a while. FUUCK iwant to CREATE!! #idk if im going to pursue college at all (was at college but it was like. a credit recovery program thing. because am special <3 #i just want to focus on my art maan its all ive ever wanted. if i step foot into another school i will simply spontaneously combust <3 #still processing my emotions but just imagine me yelling really big. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKK YEAHHH. YEAH

[girlrandomstuff]

“Every time she entered a room where they were, they smiled. She felt as if she made them happy merely by existing” —Leia, Princess of Alderaan

#star wars #leia organa #breha organa #bail organa #obi wan kenobi #leia princess of alderaan #I'M STILL NOT OVER THE ORGANAS ON KENOBI #i'm still crying over this?? yeah i am #spoilers #sw series #sw novels #i'm never getting over this quote

[elegyofthemoon]

well. i finished ch 17 of hi3. but at what cost

#avil plays hi3 #tbf majority of me playing through hi3 just looks like This. #yes the acheron trailer made me get up and finish ch 17 #i. :( #the fight between kiana and mei was so painful :( #ok also i suck ass in the combat and i was so scared of having to restart #BUT I THINK I HURT MORE THE FACT THAT KIANA JUST REFUSED TO GIVE UP ON MEI #BUT MEIS ALSO DOING THIS BECAUSE SHES TRYING TO SAVE KIANA #AND THEY WERE BOTH FIGHTING TO STOP AND TRY TO SAVE EACH OTHER #MEI YOU SAVED KIANA BUT LIKE..... DONT YOU WANT TO LIVE ALONGSIDE HER.... MEI PLEASE #tbh. the way i was going through ch 17 for hi3. #kiana and mei remind me a lot of oz and gil's relationship back in pandora hearts but #now it makes me want to hit my head on a brick wall because #'wow. i really just gravitate tO THE SAME FUCKING MEDIA EVERY DAMN TIME AVIL STOP IT FFS' #also idk i was thinking about it too #mei tried earlier to use the herrschers powers to try and protect kiana but it wasnt enough. she failed that time #and with no other option to save her she just HAD to and it makes me HURT that this was her only option #IN HER HEAD. I BELIEVE IN YOU MEI I THINK THERE COULDVE BEEN ANOTHER OPTION HERE (IDK WHAT BUT I AM SOBBING) #sprawls on the ground #at least i can have an emotional break for a little bit.... hsr update so i can chill w that #and then when i finish catching up w that. then i go back to being hi3's punching bag #can i get off this train now? why'd i sign myself up for this (welt yang doomed me and then i got fucked over by everything else) #idk also the way that both mei AND kiana resorted to using their herrscher powers to stop the other. two stubborn people.... #but its done because they just... they just care so much and want to save the other #okay yeah we did beat each other up about it bUT STILL #MEI I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND 😭😭😭😭😭 #anyways. glad i did. i have the worst stomach ache rn so i was Going through it #but my brain hit a reset so i feel normal now. save for the crying

[vulpinesaint]

mkay not to be like. a little insane or anything. but god i've been going crazy over religion (catholicism) and blood lately. did anyone else drink blood as worship every week since they were seven. was anyone else inundated with images of open wounds as holy. is anyone else consumed by the thought of holding onto a crucifix tightly enough for the edges of it to draw blood. i turned in a poem about drowning in communion wine in an empty church while bleeding from crucifix-inflicted hand wounds and trying to talk to god and my creative writing professor gave me extremely normal critiques i feel like i'm losing my mind

#is ANYONE ELSE here. #also i made my poetry insta and i was gonna backpost but i think i might just sit and stare at it until april sfkghsd #it's me and my few hundred tumblr followers on my poetry acc. and the five thousand pornbots on this one ig #life is so. like. #i CONSTANTLY think that being raised catholic didn't do that much to me but obviously it did SOMETHING #you know what. yeah. cause i didn't end up with guilt over being queer but i did end up having my whole world view torn away from me #cause when god is the fundamental building block to everything... #my parents were extremely reasonable about things all things considered #but losing trust and faith in god is like having the bottom block pulled out of your little tower #and since i was fifteen i feel like i've been trying to either get it out fully without letting it all crumble #or trying to push it back without causing more damage #and the tower's never gonna be the same no matter what. you know. #i suck at self reflection so i never actually think about this stuff but dear god does it consume me #like no i did not end up with catholic guilt really. however being asked to examine yourself as a sinner at 7 will do things to you #HATE myself why am i still awake. so fucking upset i need to be up so early tomorrow skdjfgh #screaming and crying. anyway anyone else up thinking about catholicism and blood??? #valentine notes #catholic tag

[arsonist-chicken]

btw in absolutely unsurprising news I fucked up the exam of that class I'm taking for the third time badly again.

in very surprising news, apparently Something happened, idk if the dean said something to the professor or I looked like a distressed broken down wet rat enough or he just doesn't want to see me in his class again or idk, maybe it's not good for him if someone fails his class three times, but he actually offered that I could do a written exam on friday instead? which. is extremely surprising. good, because it gives me another afternoon to study and I can draw and go back to questions on a written exam, even if I have to shuffle around the other exams and papers now, just. very surprising.

#lol but next semester is the fucking seminar again with also the same professor #idk how you can teach such shitty classes regularly and never think hmmm maybe i should change something #with the amount of people having to take the classes at least twice #anyway good for me i'll keep crying over uni the rest of the week and the weekend too and then i'll do stuff next week #like i need to call my insurance and annoy them in person until they say yes to any therapist who will have me #and call the other thing #and oh i really need to find a different GP because i'm soundly back at the stage of where i can literally not think two sentences #after each other without trailing off or it taking up extremely much energy just to remember which store i wanted to go to #and i'm aware that stress and mental illness causes brain fog or whatever #but i've been stressed before but this only started last autumn and i need a different doctor to look at it #who won't just say oh it's just iron levels #there's something wrong with my brain and i need someone competent who actually cares to look at it and tell me #if therapy will fix this or if it's a physical problem #please let it be just brain fog htat therapy can fix i don't have time for this #i just want to sleep and cry until this bs is over but semester break starts next week but i still have exams then and a whle list of #stuff to do for uni still plus stuff otuside. like a doctor. and sleep a normal amount instead of in weird horu intervals on my desk and in #my clothes on my bed or floor or wherever i am at the moment my brain decides it's over now #also friends. i wanted to catch up. also a job. like. yeah i need a job even if idk how i'll do uni and a job with the way my brain is righ #now #huh. oh i have another exam in half an hour. send help i don't want to go to uni anymore #mine #still don't know what that class or the seminar next semester are about btw but we moce #*move #goddamn it I'm TIRED and not just in the physical sense #i'm so goddamn done with uni and insurances deciding about psychotherapy and the general state of the world and cost of living #and i miss my friends and i want to visit them but nither them nor me have time and travelling is expensive #and ijust want a goddamn fucking break but i don't see one comign anytime soon. not before summer #but probably not even then #and after that i'll start working so like #at least no goddamn seminars anymore but i still absolutely dread having to decide where i want to work a

[catastrxblues]

hi so i just finished bridge to terabithia and now i’m unwell and my eyes are red because i’ve been crying before i’d even reached 20 minutes of it for i actually knew what was going to happen and by the time i reached an hour something something i just straight up sobbing screaming into my pillow. and now it’s 12 am and i’m still thinking about them. because god, look at them, how they were, the little world they lived in, wouldn’t you just love that, to run away, to escape, to grasp that childhood naivety and innocence that you lost a long time ago, to feel the sun in your skin and the air in your lungs and to paint fantasies and laugh and play and run hidden away from the world and find an old run down tree house and decided to make it your own little shelter and pin up canvases on the worn wood and paint and let your creativity goes wild and have someone understand you and gets you and do it with you, and wouldn’t you just love to have something so constant, so sincere, so genuine, so pure, so real, that there wasn’t anything else. if i knew i was going to cry this much, if i knew how much space this movie would make in my life, i wouldn’t have started this movie tonight. i would have been in peace on the floor of my room, not realizing how badly i actually want something like this even though i would never unironically admit this to anyone in my life or even myself when i’m outside of the familiar place of my mind, for that matters

#bridge to terabithia #how am i supposed to recover #i wasn’t planning to write a paragraph about it but yeah i kinda love this movie i guess #i needed a good cry and the universe didn’t stop me from choosing this movie i don’t know if that’s nice or simply mean #i was going to watch la la land after this but that’s not gonna happen now #i’m not reading back what i wrote otherwise i would just delete it because i’d think this movie deserves better more coherent thoughts #and i’d say that i’d just rewrite it tomorrow but then i wouldn’t #because nothing would ever beat the “everything i create has to be great or nothing” in me #and i never am proud of what i made unless it’s supposedly only for my viewing #so i actually don’t know if what i just wrote make sense but yeah #my eyes feel so weird right now #also the ending was definitely up to interpretations!! (spoiler alert* just in case) #i myself personally like to believe he dreamed up the last 30 minutes of it and didn’t even go to the museum #and so he’ll just wake up definitely shocked but then still find leslie in her house who was just about to meet him so they could go!! #and because the rope was cut off by the lightning from last night they decide to build the bridge so everyone could cross safe and sound!! #i like my ending better they really should change it #but no all and all the end was really beautiful #even though it took me maybe even an hour to get through it because i keep sobbing and have to repeat over and over to hear what they said #yeah okay anyways sorry for the rant<3 #i’m not sure what this is #but glad i could get it off my chest #let’s see how to tag how to tag #movies #just #childhood #whatever <3 #nadirants

[compacflt]

i'm so curious: what's your favorite thing you've written? something that makes you nod and go, "yeah, that's it right there. i did that." just the best combination of words you've ever churned out in your personal opinion. it makes you proud just Thinking about it. could be a sentence, a paragraph, etc.

very cute ask anon, thank you. im going to assume for your benefit that you mean specifically my icemav writing—obviously I write outside of top gun and am very proud of that stuff but it wouldn’t make sense out of context.

There’s a lot of more recent stuff that I’m extremely extremely proud of on a technical level, but I’m prouder of this paragraph below on a deeper more existential level.

This paragraph was one of the first parts of WWGATTAI i ever wrote—august 12, i think, well before I had fully realized the characters’ voices or their attitudes towards life/each other; I only had about 5k written of what is now a 300k+ project (at the time of writing this paragraph i wanted it to be 10k max) and had no real outline, didn’t know who or what I was dealing with, hadnt seen TGM in two months, had done no research (so it’s not at all politically/militarily accurate or anything, why the FUCK is ice going to fucking GUAM)—and STILL this wound up being my favorite paragraph in the entire fucking series. not to suck my own dick or anything. I’m STILL so proud of this paragraph, 9 months and 275k+ words later, even though i Absolutely Would Not write it this way now.

#narrative distance both incredibly close and incredibly far #he’s trying to rationalize this whole situation and by extent the whole plot of his life #we’re inside his head as he tries to convince both Pete and himself of this huge huge lie #which is that leaving (right after he fucked their relationship and their best friend just died) is worth it for the navy’s sake #and it will make him a good man #in the masculine strong man leadership sense #and Pete (first name instead of last name; über vulnerable in the worst way because he’s crying yet doesn’t want to be seen crying) #counters all of this lie with—does it? does it really mean you’re a good man? it means you’re the weakest most subservient man i know #bending over backwards for the navy instead of your FAMILY #yeah i would absolutely not write this paragraph this way NOW but i am still so proud of what it represents in the story #& the very experimental 2nd person without quotation marks is i think done very well #at least for august 2022 me #some wording/phrasing/detail issues but other than that—a great paragraph! #again not to suck my own dick but you asked! #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #top gun #top gun maverick #top gun fanfiction #edts notes #asks #this is a terrible chapter in aggregate but it has some of the best diamond-in-the-rough moments in the whole series #ughhh the Pete this has nothing to do with Afghanistan; pete this has nothing to do with iraq etc line…. SOO good omg i love it sorry

[thedreadvampy]

I'm like. 99.5% ok about the breakup but boy that 0.5% sneaks up on ya

#red said #i just. i want to Tell Everyone for some reason. like that will help somehow. #there isn't anything to tell except 'we broke up' and i am not enjoying followup questions like 'are you ok' #bc again like. kinda yeah. also no. but mostly yeah #had a nice time with my friend Monday night cause they skated over the 'are you ok' fairly fast and we were able to Actually Talk About It #but like. there isn't. a good story. i don't know what to do with this feeling. #i don't want a shoulder to cry on cause I'm not that kind of sad #i don't want to be like I WANT THEM BACK cause i recognise that this was the right decision #I'm not. angry at them. and i don't particularly want to be. and that's tricky #cause this is the first time I've broken up with someone I've not felt a particular need to be angry at #i still like them i still want to be friends i think they fucked up in some places but i also don't think it was them being shitty #and we've closed it out we've done what needed done so it doesn't need dissecting angrily #but like if i don't want sympathy and i don't want anger i don't know what i DO want? #other than. i want to talk to them. i want to fastforward to the point where we can be friends #and that's not a want that can or should be met just now #so. ????????????.

[goodlucksnez]

personal/emotional vent/observation thing please understand how vulnerable i am right now and respect that

what is my life

i am sitting in a hospital recovering from one of the worse experiences of my life,so traumatic, still sick with infection and pain, AND the fucking Netflix adaptation/live action of avatar --THAT made me realize im broken and i need people...like what the fuck is this timeline....I'm crying like actively sobbing/wailing at the show because fuck i relate to zuko too much. --god i need therapy -but even that, i dont know that would help, im going to do it but fuck depression is SPIRLING

"the truth is we would do anything for the ones we love...we travel incredible distance,risk our life and even fight mosntors ....it is scary to admit you need people....so people might see that as a weakness/liability, after all what greater pain is there for loving someone you lose or worse finding out someone you love has left you behind.

#emtional vent #im sorry for anyone who read this is and like what i baby #i am a baby #im 25 and i am scatred #scared #i dont know what to do #im emtional and sad and scared and bunch of other stuff #in other news i have been taken out of icu just in regular recovery hosital wing BUT i did get phenomena.... #i fuckin told them i had a bad immune systyem and they still didnt belive me when i spiked a fever #but then 2 days ago when i woke unable to breathe they were like of yeah phenomena #love it love my fuckin life #thank god for insurance becuase fuck i would be paything this off for the rest of my life if i did nt have my insurance #im going to keep crying over this show #god i would kill for a hug or something comforting #also spoiler but the fucking “leaves from the vine” chords that they keep putting in the show background music #my heart cannnot take it bro

[bluesidedown]

:'(

#I'm so lonely and it really really sucks #i can ignore it 80% of the time but im just so so lonely that nothing feels really genuinely ok and good #i miss my friends. i miss my community. i miss singing in chapel and hearing all the voices #and i just want to go spill my guts all over the floor of my friend's room and sort through them together #and cry and pray about it #and then go be ridiculous and unhinged and joyful #and i am so tired of knowing that the good things ive clawed my way into over the past 4 years are over forever and i cant go back #and yeah i still carry so much good with me #and yeah there qill be other good things #but I cant go back and have it all over again. and i miss it. #and it really hurts. and im lonely.

[earl-grey-crow]

okay lads what did we think of that

#THAT OPENING SCENE #yeah kat and thomas's relationship was rushed maybe to the point where it felt shoehorned in #but that opening scene OUGH #chyler leigh the actress that you are #the way my heart just sank when kat realized cyrus would be dead if it weren't for her like this girl does not need to feel yet again #that she's messed everything up. oh the parallels! #very good hallmark very good #<- words I should have no right saying and yet here I am #the way home hallmark #though I do feel they rush by the major emotional beats like thomas's and colton's death #and also I'm a bit ?? over the ending because it almost seemed like kat expected jacob? when I thought we all knew he wasn't going back? #and also by pond mechanics he couldn't do that? #I don't think they gave it as much cliffhanger suspense as they could've #also did I cry when del and kat finally finally made up? maybe! #and it was all because of VICTOR my WORD #casey is a mystery and a wonder and a marvel I love them #and SUSANNA good GRIEF that was so good #and I'm still not on board with sam lol #del and colton are perfect it just feels so wrong for sam to come in #what an episode what a season what a series #season three save me save me season three #earl crow ramblings

[epicfirestormer]

Is this not how Water 7 went down?

#one piece #yes im still not over Water 7 shut up #i may be on Thriller Bark arc but i still feel like im on Enies Lobby #physically i am on Thriller Bark but mentally i am on Water 7/Enies Lobby #water 7 was great tho honestly #in love with how stupidly poetic and angsty these two arcs are #am i biased cause it focused on Usopp? #uh yeah. obviously. #water 7 broke me like nothing else alright #and Enies Lobby healed me after also sucker punching me in the guts #i might be crying but it was beyond worth it #one Piece #anyway have i mentioned how much i love Usopp #dont think i have #usopp #op usopp #nico robin #the fire crackles with joy #low quality shitpost #the fire burns #low effort #low quality memes #has someone made this joke yet #yeah definitely

[bejeweledmp3]

computer how do i stop feeling insecure on my writting so that can i write. computer please

#talking tag; #ok so. story time sure why not #today is my first day of uni and i had classes from 8.30 am to 11:45 which was. fine i was exhasuted but it was fine #and then i had to wait to meet some friends for lunch and i started writting and it just hit me that totp is actually over 50k words #and it's like brooooo i literally wrote a novel length fic (that's still not done btw! not close!) and for whattt who even has the time #to read something like that like why bother. it's not even (directly) about the main characters and i just #i'm afraid that i'm repeating myself i'm afraid that chracters are not being developed like i hoped they would i'm afraid that no one will #care and i'm also afraid that the people that do care won't like it #and then i met with my friends who study cinema and they bumped into people from their classes and i was just. #there listening to their conversations without interacting like what the FUCKKK am i doing here pretending that i fit in with the cool #cretive people and that my prose is any good at all #just. 50 thousand words of fanfiction and i'm worried that none of them are any good #but lately my motto is that i will figure it out so. i will figure it out #i did cry about it (lmao) which i'm counting as progress from the empty nothingness i felt around this time of year a year ago #but yeah man it sucks. totp is my baby but (just like kim lmao) my default is being hard on myself. i just can't not be #i think i'll write on my diary about this and then!!! we move on. oh well #i will finish totp that's a promise but yeah. today just hasn't been great i guess #and i have no one in my life to talk to about this so!!!!!! shouting into the void i guess

[swiftfootedachilles]

hey you were wondering so i wanted to let you know that nobody has talked about you in either of the servers. and i know it's really tough when the blocks come from people you really like or were previously friendly with, but i think a lot of people block not because they hate you or even anything close to that. but just because they're not wanting to see the things you post about. i hope this makes you feel a little bit better, but i do really understand why it feels bad man, hang in there!

thank you i was genuinely wondering if someone had said something because it seems all of these users blocked me around the same time

but the thing is my content hasnt changed at all recently. i post the same stuff i always do. some of these users didn't follow me and never interacted with my posts in the first place, so it sucks that i cant look at their blogs anymore because i was a genuine fan of their content. some of them are people who were mutuals with me and have even interacted with me countless times, saying they love my blog and enjoy talking to me. im just not sure what happened but from my perspective, it feels like a switch has been flipped. one day i was a normal member of the fandom, the next im the social pariah. i just cant help but wonder what i did to earn so much backlash

#like is this seriously all because a month ago i said s11 ian should be drawn with body fat? #that's literally the last hot take ive posted. and i personally find it to be ice cold #i genuinely dont understand like is this a zoomer thing am i obsessed with how strangers on the internet see me #i hate to sit here and wine and cry to my dozens of still active and very sweet followers over being blocked by some strangers #but i genuinely have nobody irl that knows me for who i am and cares about me so yeah i rely on this website for validation a lot #i can only be myself here and every time in ny entire fucking life ive tried to be myself i get rejected #its not about the fandom or the people even its about my inability to be rejected by those i feel are in an elite class to myself #rjs will really have you rolling on the floor sobbing throwing up over getting blocked on The Blocking Website #asks #anonymous #sorry for those who followed me for shameless stuff the past year but heres your reminder that my blog is mostly just mental breakdowns #all i do is open this app to bitch and complain tbh