#but i am: frustrated

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[catmask]

the 'all marriage is gay as far as im concerned' except its me watching a man and woman character in a show i like and accidentally saying 'theyre so gay' because i literally forget thats not the word for romance because to me all romance is gay

#normally i find the way m/f pairings are written to be really frustrating #not because its like 'i hate straight people' or whatever i literally just want them to actually like each other and communicate #or have an interesting enough dynamic i can stay invested #also i am bisexual and m/f pairings can be nice. but liek they actually have to Be Nice and like eachother or be funny at the very least #txt #scratchpost

[evilovesyou]

Please for the love of god just let me click on the user that something was rb from and see the damn post on that blog

#i am so frustrated #tumblr #mine

[vettely]

as someone who is starting a new uni at 23 but is blending in perfectly with the 18-year-olds i'm curious and i need to ask

feel free to reblog and tell me in the tags what age do you get mistaken for, and do you find that to be a bad or a good thing :))

#my whole life people thought i was younger then i really am #and it's honestly been kinda frustrating #but now i find it to be a blessing ngl #polls #tumblr polls

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[bizarrelittlemew]

i can't wait to be 30+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 40+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 50+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 60+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 70+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 80+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 90+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to look back on my life and know that i loved things deeply and passionately and was inspired to create and was part of communities with incredible people from all over the world brought together by the stories that touched us

#and still be mad at shithead executives for unfairly cancelling my pirate show #also imagine what my ao3 word count will be like. gonna be writing my little fics in the nursing home #sometimes when i get frustrated over my writing i have to remember that i've only been doing it for a little over a year #and not in my native language #there is still so much time and so much to learn and try and discover and explore and i am EXCITED #there is something so ancient and beautiful about humans being brought together by stories #storytelling is what humans have always done and will always do and what will always connect us #to our past to the future to each other #sorry for the 1 am ramblings #fandom #🐭📓

[potassiumprincess]

i think marinette is worse at resting when she's sick but adrien is worse at sitting things out if he's injured. i have no explanation, these are just the vibes

#ml #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #okay i lied i do have justifications #adrien probably just. would love being taken care of if he's sick #it's maybe something his mom used to do but not ENOUGH #and marinette would absolutely spoil him #but marinette is all I AM FINE IT IS JUST A COLD I AM FINE meanwhile she nearly falls off a rooftop in a dizzy spell #but adrien hate being kept away from ppl he loves. hates not being able to protect them. and an injury is more long-term and isolating #meanwhile...idk marinette feels to me like an injurt would leave her more defeated. she'd feel like she failed somehow #like she is SUPPOSED to be ladybug she is SUPPOSED to keep herself together to keep the city safe #so i think that would take a lot of her energy she'd be frustrated about it yes but also sort of...admit defeat #adrien would find ways to cheer her up though 🥺

[elliottexists]

i need crowley to call aziraphale archangel. i need him to say "im sorry your supreme highness am i not good enough for you?" sarcastically. i need him to mockingly bow to him. i need him to torment aziraphale with this so damn much.

#disclaimer i am an aziraphale lover #so this is not hate!! #i just think it would be very fun for crowley #and it would frustrate and tear apart aziraphale 👍 #good omens #gos2 #good omens season two #ineffable husbands #archangel aziraphale

[squuote]

this was meant for an ask my friend sent about what if stanley wasn't actually stanley's name but tumblr DELETED IT and now i am pissed take this comic from my hands NEOW

#the stanley parable #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #tspud #tsp #crows art #GUUUUUHHHHH #THE ASK WAS STILL THERE YESTERDAY WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!! #<- not actually super angry but!!!!!! frustrating!!!!!!! #anyway it was a silly fun ask and i loved it a lot >:-( so i drew a comic #just took me forever to actually get to #but here it is. in the flesh #now i am gonna go angrily drink ginger beer

[pumpkinhrat]

jon sims being disappointed by every institution

[Image ID: A digital doodle of Jonathan Sims titled Uni Jon and Archives Jon. On the left, a younger version of him, with just a few gray hair. On the right, an older version of Jon, with lots of gray hair, stubble and scars. There is "fuckin hell.." written under both doodles - this being Jon's reaction. End ID]

#tma fanart #the magnus archive fanart #jonathan sims #the magnus archives #my art #jon sims #tma #ive been thinking about uni!Jon recently #thinking about him being as frustrated with it as i am sdkjflskdfj

[totalspiffage]

Hey. New one piece fan. If you happen to see a family name for Sanji? No you don't. His title is Blackleg Sanji, like his dad Redleg Zeff who found his little eggplant in the trash and went yeah that's mine. That tag you see on ao3? Yeah no you don't, wipe it from your memory. It's a spoiler sure but it's also not what he ever fucking uses!!!!

#every day i am frustrated that the ao3 tag has that name #one piece #sanji #the tag in the opla ao3 should be changed let alone in the main tag grrrr

[ohhgingersnaps]

I'm seeing some frustration over fandom creatives expressing anger or distress over people feeding their work into ChatGPT. I'm not responding to OP directly because I don't want to derail their post (their intent was to provide perspective on how these models actually work, and reduce undue panic, which is all coming from a good place!), but reassurances that the addition of our work will have a negligible impact on the model (which is true at this point) does kind of miss the point? Speaking for myself, my distress is less about the practical ramifications of feeding my fic into ChatGPT, and more about the principle of someone taking my work and deliberately adding it to the dataset.

Like, I fully realize that my work is a drop in the bucket of ChatGPT's several-billion-token training set! It will not make a demonstrable practical difference in the output of the model! That doesn't change the fact that I do not want my work to be part of the set of data that the ChatGPT devs use for training.

According to their FAQ, ChatGPT can and will use user input to train itself. The terms and conditions explicitly state that they save your chats to help train and improve their models. (You can opt-out, but sharing is the default.) So if you're feeding a fic into ChatGPT, unless you've explicitly opted out, you are handing it to the ChatGPT team and giving them permission to use it for training, whether or not that was your intent.

Now, will one fic make a demonstrable difference in the output of the model? No! But as the person who spent a year and a handful of months laboring over my fic, it makes a difference to me whether my fic, specifically, is being used in the dataset. If authors are allowed to have a problem with the ChatGPT devs for scraping millions of fics without permission, they're also allowed to have a problem with folks handing their individual fics over via the chat interface.

I do want to add that if you've done this to a fic, please don't take this as me being upset with you personally! Folks are still learning new information and puzzling out what "good" vs. "bad" use is, from an ethical standpoint. (Heck, my own perspective on this is deeply based on my own subjective feelings!) And we certainly shouldn't act like one person feeding a fic into ChatGPT has the same practical negative impact, on a broad societal scale, as a team using a web crawler to scrape five billion pieces of artwork for Stable Diffusion.

The point is that fundamentally, an ethical dataset should be obtained with the consent of those providing the data. Just because it's normalized for our data to be scraped without consent doesn't make it ethical, and this is why ChatGPT gives users the option to not share data— there is actually a standardized way (robots.txt) for website servers to set policies for how bots/crawlers can interact with them, for exactly this reason— and I think fandom artists and authors are well within their rights to express a desire for opting out to be the socially-respected default within the fandom community.

#maybe this is an ice cold take but i've been meaning to go off about datasets for a while so here we are i guess #i can respect what op's frustrations were and what they were trying to get at! but also i do not want my fic in chatgpt's dataset #regardless of whether it will make a practical difference #and again i don't think the people doing this are necessarily bad actors or having a huge negative social impact #chatgpt #chat gpt #ai #fandom #negative #(possibly! i'm trying not to be!! especially because this is very feelings-based and there are many things i am not considering) #the model may not demonstrably change because of your fic. but it does have your fic now and that does matter maybe idk

[uncanny-tranny]

The interesting thing about medically transitioning is how you might just be treated with the wrong framework.

When I get my hormone levels checked, for instance, they check it against the wrong type of person, so everything is flagged. Did you know that testosterone encourages hemoglobin production? Well, my hemoglobin is perfectly in line with male levels, but my levels are checked for the wrong endocrine system. Before I realized this, I was really confused as to why my hemoglobin was two grams over the range given, and was confused as to why that happened, and worried about if I should be worried about that. But it was a normal consequence of my testosterone levels, which are also flagged though they are well-within the range that is typical for my age and health categories.

The way we treat and measure for trans people and trans patients will affect the treatment and education they receive. There are ways in which hormones especially can influence how one's body operates, and with that in mind, you also have to change the way you interact with a trans person. With my testosterone levels, if you were to measure them against the incorrect endocrine system, you would fail to treat me in reality - that being the way my body has changed and maintained homeostasis since being on T.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #trans medicine #i still need to get my levels checked but i've been busy #but since going on T they have been very satisfactory #like even going 'they should go on assigned sex' wouldn't work for somebody like me. #like. i am still on testosterone. and it's changed me and my body. therefore the way i am treated and measured ought to reflect that #hemoglobin is a fun word to say though. try it. say it. out loud. say it (are you afraid.) #i use myself again as an example because i think that experience perfectly encapsulates my frustrations

[wis-art]

Not a big fan of capitalism

#i do not want to charge people to see my art #i have a job on top of doing this little art blog #every time i show this little project of mine people tell me i better find a way to monetize it to make money off of this #its just very frustrating to constantly have to explain that i want people to just see and cherish my drawings #i dont want to be reliant on making art to make my money i think that'd not work with what im going for #and it would turn art into a deeply frustrating experience i try to constantly optimize to get the most amount of money from #rendering experiments and trying out new artstyles something that could legit put me out of eating food 👍 #but really #the job is not good for me i am always do exhausted #it really takes so much effort to draw sometimes

[andsewingishalfthebattle]

Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.

Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU

#knitting #no it's not a real pattern but I can't write one that makes sense because I have no freaking clue what any of that means #How do you make things that aren't basic rectangles #Why has every knitter I've asked for help just said 'patterns are easy; you just have to know how to read them' & then refused to teach me #Where do I even find a goat to sacrifice #How do I join the pattern cult #I am so confused #I've been knitting for almost a decade but I can only make scarves and potholders #I learned one (1) stitch by watching a YouTube video and none of my friends or family knit so I have no IRL resources #And nobody I meet seems to want to take the time to explain the rest to me #I taught myself to sew through trial and error but that doesn't really work with knitting because error is pretty much just... Unraveling? #Anyway sorry for the tag rant I'm just frustrated that I see pretty things I want to make but the instructions are in an alien language #And the gap between 'absolute novice' and 'intermediate' seems to be about 20 years of experience and formal instruction

[gia-d]

Team W! As in Who let them near the fire rods???

Four, Legend and Hyrule

#linked universe #lu warriors #lu wild #lu wind #my art #lu #Warriors' hair and the Slate made me want to scream in frustration #Why do I do this to myself? #I am genuinely so proud of how Wind turned out tho #I just wanna smoosh his cheeks #Also there is no way that boy lives on the ocean and doesn't have a hell of a tan #anyways #feel free to come yell at me about LU!