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#but i can easily see people using this special to wallow in their illness
corvidinthewoods · 3 years
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don't watch Bo Burnham's "Inside" if you are not in a safe mental place
before you get mad please let me elaborate
I am in no way saying you should never watch it, or that mentally ill people shouldn't watch it, or that you should only watch it if you are completely mentally healthy. I'm not even saying you should block the tags or avoid engaging with it at all costs
i am saying that if you are actively struggling with your mental health, for example you currently have suicidal ideation or are self harming, please be very careful about watching this special (or clips of it)
if you are struggling in that sort of way but still want to watch it now, please make sure you have a support system that you could turn to in the event that something in the special triggers a severe reaction in you
if you do not have that kind of support system but still want to watch the special, i highly encourage you to wait until you either establish one or make enough progress in your mental health that you can cope with a reaction safely
I just watched Inside and i am really glad that i'm in such a good place with my mental health, because it prominently discusses and depicts Bo Burnham's spiral into severe depression. I'm also glad it didn't come out earlier this year while I was in a depressive episode bad enough I had to increase my med dosage, which had been stable for two years. I can only imagine how watching this during any kind of dangerous mental health episode/crisis could end up. I think Inside is an incredible piece of art, but I worry about people in vulnerable situations where their impulses can lead to very very dangerous places. Plenty of the special is typical comedy music and stuff, especially in the beginning. I personally plan to go back and look for symbolism and metaphors and other subtle shit, but after the first 20-30 minutes, less and less of it is subtle. Bo Burnham made a movie of himself as he fell to a self-described All Time Low, including the ugly and scary parts. So make sure you can be safe if you’re gonna watch the whole thing, and use caution when watching clips.
TL;DR
i believe much of Inside could be very triggering to those prone to self-destruction or suicidal ideation. If that applies to you, please use caution and be proactive about your mental health before going to watch it.
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chalkrevelations · 3 years
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OK, Word of Honor, Episode 9, and I know last time I got deep in the weeds about symbolism, but this week, I’m getting back to basics and rambling on (and on) about what this show is really about: Zhou Zishou and Wen Kexing and their relationship.
First, though, the usual warning: SPOILERS. Not just for this episode, but potentially for the entire show, so drive past and circle back around later if you want to watch all 36.5 eps unspoiled.
Bear with me on this one, because this ep spends a LOT of time on ZZS and WKX, and I think a lot of that time is ZZS making some Monumental Life Decisions, including how he’s going to proceed in this relationship and how he’s going to approach his life moving forward. But I’m finding myself needing to work through it chronologically, and it’s. A Lot. Also, let’s face it, ZZS has been my ride-or-die at least since he dropped to his knees and started disrobing in the middle of the throne room in Ep 1, so a chance to wallow in his emotional journey is a chance I’m gonna take.
So, we do have a brief opener when we find out Dead Guy who the Yueyang disciple was shrieking about at the end of the last ep is Fang Buzhi, AKA the Nine Clawed Fox, the guy who lifted WKX’s (Danyang) Glazed Armor (along with some replicas). He got got by mysterious somebodies in the previous episode, and we find out now that he has three tiny needles in his neck, which ZZS recognizes as a Tian Chuang technique. This leads ZZS to 1) assume it must have been Han Ying who did it, so the (Danyang) Glazed Armor is now in the hands of Tian Chuang, and 2) realize that maybe this is not the best place for the former leader of Tian Chuang to be hanging out right now, so he makes their excuses, because he knows that Gao Chong must be VERY BUSY now that he’s got this corpse on his hands, so they’ll just BE GOING, thanks so much. Gao Chong hopes to see them at the Hero’s Conference, and WKX responds in a Significant Tone that of course he’ll be at the Hero’s Conference, and now ZZS has his Thinky Face on again, because WKX is not nearly as subtle as he seems to think he is when he’s making Pronouncements.
The ZZS/WKX Show really starts kicking into gear that night, at the Getting Lucky Good Luck Inn, where we open on ZZS wandering contemplatively around his room, looking beautiful in the soft light of evening (your FACE, Zhang Zhehan) and ruminating on Prince Jin’s motives for wanting the Glazed Armor, like he’s never met this power-hungry asshole before. Also, he thinks to himself, wtf was that, with Gao Chong keeping anybody from seeing Chengling in the last ep? There’s a knock on the door, which momentarily confuses him - understandably, because as we’ll see, WKX doesn’t generally get the concept of announcing yourself and waiting to be invited in by knocking first, preferring to dramatically bust open doors (at least to ZZS’s bedroom) and grace you with his presence, whatever your thoughts on the matter are. He’s accompanied by waiters and dinner, and ZZS realizes his senses are going, presumably because he can’t smell this spread that WKX has procured in an attempt to prove what a good provider he is (what did I say about food and bonding? ZZS fed him in the market, and now it’s his turn to feed ZZS). WKX tells us that life is just three hots and a cot - which gives away more about your life than you would likely be comfortable with us knowing, Lao Wen, given how close to the vest you’re holding your cards – and that everything else can wait if you can have a meal with someone you like. :coff: (Also, remember this, it will come around again.)
Cut to dinner by flickering candlelight, the better for soft lighting to caress ZZH’s exquisite face, but ZZS isn’t into it at all, staring into space instead of eating WKX’s proffered Courtship Delicacies. This earns what’s possibly WKX’s most hypocritical and amusing comment yet, which is to ask ZZS, “What is it that you can’t tell me?” ZZS - apparently - is still feeling soft about WKX’s help against Tian Chuang’s Chengling-kidnapping attempt - or maybe he’s thinking that a little bit of opening up on his part will soften up WKX - because he hardly has to have a spoon dug into his ribs at all to admit that he’s wondering if it was a mistake to bring Chengling to Five Lakes Alliance. My dude, just steal him back, then. WKX laughs at him and tells him he’s got such a handsome face (true) along with a kind and innocent heart (false, he’s a former government spook and assassin, a part-time ill-tempered gremlin, and a whole-ass troll), and therefore girls will clearly go crazy for him (true, just ask me). ANYWAY, A-Xu, (WKX continues) now that the requisite random no-homo boilerplate is out of the way, are you really thinking of taking on Chengling as a disciple, because now is apparently not too soon to have the adoption conversation about Our Son. I almost expect him to pull out the adoption papers then and there. Instead, he pulls out a story - which is awkwardly placed and kind of clunky, actually, despite being thematically important - of a dog he had once, given to him by Someone Very Important, although of course he’s not going to say who that was (:facepalm:), and his mother warning him that he’d have to take care of it for life, and then he betrayed it.
So, there’s a lot going on here. We’ll eventually find out that ZZS gave Zhen Yan a puppy, so will this story of a gift dog jog ZZS’s memory into realizing that WKX is Zhen Yan without WKX actually telling him, so that WKX can tell his Bundle of Neuroses that it’s not reeeaaallly WKX’s fault ZZS figured it out? Also, WKX sees ZZS being like this about Chengling, and in the Chengling = Zhen Yan equation we’ve already established, is it possible this will prime ZZS to remember another disciple/young boy he took responsibility for, at one point? Of course, on ZZS’s side of things, it’s possible that hearing about this dog that WKX failed is likely to remind him of the way he failed his own responsibility to all the other disciples of Siji Manor, so, excellent way to take a stab at his heart, WKX! However, ZZS breaks the miserable tone we’ve become mired in by smacking WKX, chiding him for comparing their son to a dog, and getting them drinking. See, here, Chengling is the dog. Earlier, the two sisters A-Xiang rescued were the dog. Later, A-Xiang will be the dog. Unfortunately, WKX is going to have a blind spot and never quite realize that, in the Ghost Valley schema he’s set up, the Department of the Unfaithful is also the dog, but we’ll get to that in later eps. For now, cut to later that night: After dinner and a washup, ZZS sits on his bed, and we get some special effects to indicate that his hearing is also giving him problems, so he deploys his special Nightly Nails Torment meditation pose, and then we get the second instance of WKX playing the xiao to help him meditate and rest. (Junjun, your hands on that xiao …) ANYWAY, we get a gorgeous little bit of physical acting from ZZH here that could easily have been overplayed but is nicely restrained and subtle, with just the slightest smile when ZZS realizes WKX is playing, and then his whole body visibly relaxing as he allows himself to sink into WKX’s now-familiar musical embrace the meditation. It is :chef’s kiss:
Cut to next AM, when ZZS is now a very cranky boy, and I get this, because I also am exceedingly irritated when people bust into the room where I’m sleeping with an abundance of cheerfulness and try to get me to interact and do things without at least half an hour to creep my way out of bed, two cups of coffee, and an hour of silence before any attempts to converse like a reasonable human being (I’m looking at YOU, mom), and I don’t even have the excuse of seven Nails pinning me. Also, when WKX whips off the blankets, we learn that ZZH dresses to the right. :hands: I’m just making an observation. So, WKX wants to go to Yuefan Tower like some kind of wide-eyed tourist, and despite some smacking and scowling and death threats, we then smash-cut to the Tower, where ZZS has apparently come to the conclusion that the only way to deal with the ADHD gremlin crawling into his bed is to humor him about this daytrip. I think you could have come up with some more creative ideas that didn’t involve leaving bed, but I guess you’re not the fast one in this relationship, Zhou-ge. Srsly, though, I’m sure WKX would have been happy to do all the work, my dude. (I don’t always have strong top-bottom preferences, but you probably aren’t going to have much luck convincing me that ZZS is not a pillow princess who wants to just lay back and be spoiled. “Aren’t you a very capable man?” indeed. WKX has to do ALL THE WORK, god. I don’t know if I’m swimming against the current here – god knows I was in Inception fandom, where I felt the same way about Eames - but here we are.) Also, I can’t believe WKX didn’t just sit in the bedroom and creep on A-Xu’s beautiful sleeping profile for at least the amount of time it would have taken to drink a pot of tea, another viable option if it was me in this scenario. Tch. What kind of stalker are you, Lao Wen?
ANYWAY, at Yuefang Tower, ZZS tells us about the Four Sages of Anji, a senior-citizen polycule of soulmates who are, conveniently, at this very moment, on a boat in the lake beside the tower, playing music and sword-dancing. This is the first time they’ve been seen in 10+ years, after they put down their various swords and ran off together to live like hippies off-the-grid in the woods, probably skipping around naked, drinking “tea,” and having lots of sex. ZZS sighs wistfully while recounting this tale and calls them “a breath of fresh air.” There’s some discussion and poetry quoting and literary references to soulmates, and somewhere in here we get a shot of ZZS and WKX from behind which makes it super-obvious how hard they’re working the costumes to make Gong Jun look as broad as possible. He’s got the power shoulders on this set of robes, compared to Laopo ZZS’s soft, unstructured, flowing robes, and with those shoulders tapering down to the belted waist, they’ve got Junjun seriously working the Chris Evans Dorito silhouette. Meanwhile, focus back on their conversation: ZZS thinks that “the world is not important, finding a soulmate is,” giving some MAJOR FORESHADOWING for the end of the show (which we are accepting as “Ep” 37 because WE ARE), when we get that icy separation from the rest of the world but they have each other. WKX gives him a yearning look. ZZS looks back … there’s really no other way to put this … coyly, not meeting WKX’s gaze directly. This offers WKX and us a chance to admire his profile once again, thank you, Laopo. ZZS waits until WKX looks back out at the lake before looking at him directly, and his face journey, y’all. He’s thinking that it might not be bad to spend his remaining time with this soulmate, I think he’s starting to re-think the slow suicide, and he’s also thisclose to just letting WKX have him. Y’all, he seriously wants WKX so bad, here. It may be the first time we’ve seen this level of interest from him - it may be the first time, in all that we’ve seen of him, that he allows himself to even have that kind of interest. I think this is the next big step from Ep 6, when he allowed himself to enjoy being desired - now he’s allowing himself to desire, to want something again, other than a chance to drink himself to death in the gutter. This, right here, is a crucial point when he makes the decision to spend whatever time he’s got left living rather than just dying, and I’m flailing on the couch. This is the face of a man who’s ready to Make Some Declarations while getting railed within an inch of his life. SOMEONE IS GETTING SOME TONIGHT. Or he would if he wasn’t going to turn out to be such a fuckup. FFS, WKX.
But first, we cut to a scene of them back at the marketplace, wandering through as WKX mocks various sects in town for the conference – including the Mount Hua boys, who apparently look like virgins make their first trip to a brothel – and ZZS supplies background info on them. WKX asks if ZZS can tell what sect WKX is from, and ZZS calls him a messy bitch before asking if WKX can please stop making him play guessing games about everything and just tell him what WKX so clearly wants ZZS to know. (I know, right? But no, because then WKX might get what he wants, and he’s way too terrified for that, so you have to guess. That way, it’s not his fault when you figure out who he is and reject him, as anyone clearly will do because he’s unlovable and unforgiveable and not even really human, A-Xu.) WKX immediately changes the subject to ramble about the Hero’s Conference and how laughable all the sects are for wanting to be seen as heroes, blah blah blah, rinse and repeat. ZZS comments that only inexperienced people want to be heroes, that experienced people know “every character of the word hero is written in blood,” and yes, the character they’re using for hero, “ying,” is still the same character used in Han Ying’s name (which is not, by the way, the “ying” used in Wei Ying’s name, to cross streams for a moment). ZZS says he’s too old to be a hero (I and my knees feel you, my dude), now he’s just a wanderer, and he asks if WKX wants to be a hero or a wanderer, and WKX says that as a wanderer, all he needs is ZZS, and I’m telling you, someone absolutely would be getting some tonight if only he wasn’t such a fuckup, Lao Wen.
I’m’a try to wrap this up soon, because it’s gotten v. long, but we then cut to that night at the Getting Lucky Inn, ZZS drinking in his room, WKX busting in with his usual dramatic flair, with wine, inviting ZZS up to the roof to drink and look at the moon. He clearly has ulterior motives, but unfortunately for everyone, we’re going to discover they’re not the ulterior motives ZZS is expecting. As they lean back on the roof together, hands almost-but-not-quite touching, a romantic tune playing, WKX tells ZZS that he’s like, really happy! Just super happy! So happy! Ask me why I’m so happy, A-Xu! Spoiler alert: It is, unfortunately, not because he’s getting ready to get some from his laopo. This is particularly unfortunate, because ZZS chooses this moment to take another big step in this relationship, telling WKX that he’s not going to ask about things WKX doesn’t want to tell him, that he’ll wait for whatever WKX wants to tell him. On the surface, this comes off a little bit like, I’m done with asking when you’re not going to answer anyway, but in context – particularly on the back of the earlier scene when ZZS watched WKX turn on a dime and immediately change the subject to avoid exposing anything when ZZS asked WKX to stop making him guess everything – this is as good as a declaration of going all-in. ZZS is committing to this relationship on faith, without having all – or even most – of the answers about WKX, and his approach is going to be to wait until WKX is ready to reveal whatever information he feels safe and comfortable revealing. In practice, he’s going to end up being better or worse at this, depending on the day, but what it reminds me of, already, is that moment in the 20s (Ep 21? 22?) when A-Xiang and Cao Weining are arguing about her killing the beggar guy, he approaches her, she yells at him and points to the ground to indicate exactly how close he’s allowed to get to her, and his respect of that boundary she lays down is instantaneous and absolute. That’s what ZZS is saying he’s going to at least try to do, here. It also reminds me of the way he’s going to respect WKX’s decision on whether or not WKX is going to claim his place as a disciple of Siji Manor, without it affecting their relationship, so we really are starting as ZZS means to go on, here.
Unfortunately, we then find out that what WKX is actually so happy about is that his plan to burn down the jianghu is starting its next big step, and their romantic evening is interrupted by a bunch of dudes fighting and killing each other over a bunch of fake Glazed Armor. WKX mentions that he’s so happy the show’s started; he’s alternately amused, satisfied, and smug as they watch various fights; he seems to be expecting ZZS to also be amused; and I feel like the implication is that this was his real motive for inviting ZZS out onto the roof, to be able to watch this show with him. ZZS – who’s spent enough time standing ankle-deep in blood for six lifetimes and was working hard just a few weeks ago at drinking himself to death to try to forget what that feels like - is displeased and horrified, rather than very proud of what WKX has accomplished; he pushes WKX away from him when WKX approaches him to ask if he doesn’t think it’s all so very amusing; and he calls WKX crazy, then turns his back on him and walks away. To make things worse, the next morning, after WKX brings breakfast to ZZS’s room and actually knocks, only to find that ZZS has left in the middle of the night, WKX will witness an angry mob gathered outside the house in the woods where the Four Sages of Anji are staying for the Hero’s Conference, demanding a piece of the Glazed Armor the Sages are supposedly holding for Gao Chong, and eventually leading to the deaths of all four of these peaceful aging hippies whose commune in the woods was ZZS’s ultimate dream, leaving WKX horrified by the fact that his actions have consequences, including some that are going to make his boyfriend even more pissed off at him.
SO. All that happened. There were some other people in the episode, too:
We see A-Xiang and Cao Weining having lunch. She asks him why he’s not eating, calls him fat and cute, then proceeds to tell him about Ghoul, who likes to eat the faces of pretty boys. Her conversation skills could still use some work. Cao Weining vows to kill the ghosts of Ghost Valley who would do such awful things. A-Xiang actually ignores this slander about the evil of the residents of the Ghost Valley in a way that she doesn’t usually – usually she looks kind of unhappy when the Evilness of the Evil Inhabitants of the Evil Ghost Valley comes up, going all the way back to ZZS’s comments in Ep 2. Right now, she’s too busy pumping Pooh Bear for information, asking about why the Ghost Valley would have left a pile of heads on Yueyang’s doorstep if the Five Lakes Alliance is so great, so what is Five Lakes going to maybe, perhaps, do about this? Cao-dage is suspicious … that A-Xiang might be scared, but don’t worry, he’ll protect her. Oh, sweetheart. I could eat you up with a spoon, right along with Ghoul. Also, it finally registers that A-Xiang called him cute, but she has to step away for a quick confab with a henchwoman.
We also have to watch Chengling get bullied some more by a Yueyang shixiong who I think is Gao Shan, who we’ll later see bullying some prisoners in the Yueyang dungeon as he admits that he’s doing it to relieve his own frustrations and make himself feel better -  fantastic disciples you’ve got there, Gao Chong, I’m super-impressed by the morality and ethics you’re instilling as a sect. Once again, I have to consider WKX’s position on the jianghu as a hive of scum and villainy. Anyway, once Bullying Hour is over, Chengling runs into A-Xiang, and he can’t manage to prevent the waterworks as he confesses that he thought he’d never see any of them again and that ZZS didn’t want him. UGH. Zhou Zishu, come and get your child back. He’s at least somewhat mollified by Xiang-jie telling him she’s been sent to take care of him, and god knows she’s managed to keep WKX fed and clothed this long, so she has some experience as a minder, as counterintuitive as that seems.
We get a quick shot of Han Ying (My Beloved) with two identical pieces of Glazed Armor, apparently realizing that there are fakes out there.
Deng Kuan shows up, beaten and stumbling, and nearly gets turned away at the front gates of his own sect as a beggar – have I mentioned how unimpressed I am by the Yueyang disciples? Deng Kuan appears to be the only one of them worth anything – before they realize who he is. He is put to bed and tenderly nursed by Gao Xiaolian, who cries over him as he won’t wake up.
Finally, Gao Chong, Shen Shen and Zhao Jing (uh-huh) are horrified to discover that there’s fake Glazed Armor fk’n everywhere in town, making Five Lakes Alliance look ridiculous, which is just fabulous as the Hero’s Conference is coming up, guys. Shen Shen, because everything is a nail, vows to kill anyone who makes problems. Later, Hei Zi, who plays Gao Chong, has an utterly fantastic moment after the deaths of the Four Sages (wow, I did not remember that we wrapped up their entire storyline within a single ep), when he’s haranguing Beggar Gang Chief and is literally all, “You want the Glazed Armor? :pulls a piece out of his robe: HERE. You want some more? :pulls another piece out of his robe: TAKE IT.” It’s a great acting moment, his delivery is perfection.
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erin-gilberts · 3 years
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chariox, please
Gives nose/forehead kisses - Chariot is more physically affectionate where kisses “just because” are concerned. Physical touch is more her love language than Croix’s, and she’s fond of giving casual forehead kisses as a means of reassurance. 
Gets jealous the most - Jealousy is Croix’s critical flaw, and it was her jealousy toward Chariot that led to her becoming the primary antagonist in canon. Croix 100% has trouble sitting with and controlling her jealousy in a relationship context, too. On some level, when their relationship changes to being romantic, it’s born out of a deep-rooted fear that she isn’t good enough for Chariot after everything she’s done and someday her gf will realize this and leave her. So, she gets both jealous of Chariot and how Chariot’s life has gone compared to her own, and jealous of the people who get her gf’s attention instead of her. 
Picks the other up from the bar when they’re too drunk to drive - Neither. They get drunk together and stumble home on public transit inebriated together, laughing and kissing and being ridiculous. They have a recurring silly argument about whether using magic while drunk to get home constitutes “operating a vehicle while intoxicated” and whether or not it’s ethical. Chariot passionately believes it does and it’s not. Croix just plays devil’s advocate to whatever her drunk gf says because it entertains her. 
Takes care of the other on sick days - Croix and only because she has issues around vulnerability and doesn’t let Chariot take care of her when she’s sick. She would much rather push through illness and not show weakness, but she gets worried and anxious when Chariot is sick and goes out of her way to take care of her. 
Drags the other person out into the water on beach day - I have two answers for this. XD On the one hand, totally Chariot, just because she’s a little acrobat who can run on walls and I could 100% see her running around a cliff and diving off of it into the ocean, which sounds fun as hell. But on the other hand, people tend to be either really into the sea or really into space (not both), sometimes to the point of being freaked out by the other one. So I could also argue because Chariot is so into space and astronomy, she’s unnerved by the unfathomable depth and all of the unknowns of the ocean, and she refuses to go out further than ankle-deep into the water. The Loch Ness monster could be out there for all we know. 
Gives unprompted massages - Croix. I see Chariot as a bit more athletic and perhaps a bit physically stronger than Croix, so she has a tendency to be sore more often. Like casual forehead kisses are Chariot’s form of casual affection, unprompted massages are Croix’s version of casual affection. 
Drives/rides shotgun - Croix drives because her magic is so rooted in technological / mechanical engineering. She actually reminds me a lot of Jillian Holtzmann. Chariot rides shotgun because that woman is definitely not a gay who ever learned how to drive. Why would she need to if she can fly on a broom or change the form of her own body to have wings? 
Brings the other lunch at work - Both bring the other lunch at work, mostly so they can convince the other to come have lunch with them or go for a walk during their break. They make excuses to spend time together and to sneak away from their responsibilities for a while. 
Has the better parental relationship - I don’t think either of them had an awful relationship with their parents, but I would definitely say Chariot had a slightly warmer and more openly loving relationship with her parents. I see Croix’s parents as reserved like her when she was a child, and maybe they placed a heavy emphasis on academic success and being the best at all costs. Even when she’s very young, Croix has something to prove, and maybe it’s because she never feels good enough given her parents’ expectations. 
Tries to start role-playing in bed - Croix prefers to think of herself as a top, but she’s in fact Easily Flustered and Aaaaaa 😳 where being intimate with Chariot is concerned. So she definitely tries (key word: tries) to roleplay being a domme from time to time, but despite being so powerful and cool under pressure in other aspects of her life, she’s easily picked apart by her gf. Chariot is extremely aware of the influence she has over her and uses it to her full advantage in bed. I could see her being a bit of a brat, going along with a roleplay to a certain extent only to make Croix’s facade crack with a smile and a well-timed word when she finds it amusing to do so. 
Embarrassingly drunk dancer - Chariot. Just look at this enthusiastic little dork. She gets turned up when there’s a combination of music and drinking. Unlike Croix, Chariot never had any pretenses of looking suave and mysterious. 
Still cries watching Titanic - Chariot. Empathetic and driven by a desire to use her magic to help others, she has a difficult time watching movies about mass tragedies and losses of life. She can’t help but get worked up over what she could have done if she’d been there, despite Croix’s bewildered, sputtered protests that Jack Dawson wasn’t a real person. Chariot insists it’s the principle of the thing while crying on her shoulder, every time. 
Firmly believes in couples costumes - Chariot insisted on best friend costumes when they were kids and she insists on couples costumes now. She can usually charm Croix into going along with it. 
Breaks the expensive gift rule during Christmas - Croix. Gift-giving becomes unfortunately tinged with guilt and regret for her after so many years of distance and envy and anger. She can’t help but feel like she wasted so much time and so many years hurting Chariot and being bitter toward her over something neither of them ever had any control over. She doesn’t necessarily give expensive gifts out of a misguided attempt to atone, but rather, she has trouble sticking to any rules they set about price because she has so many years to make up for not being there and being there in the wrong ways. She’s making up for lost time and she just wants her gf to have the best. 
Makes the other eat breakfast - Both in different circumstances. Chariot is the one who, when her self-care routine slips, is most likely to forget to eat, and Croix is attuned to this enough she makes sure they both eat regularly. Croix is the one who, when she’s actively depressed, will refuse food and wallow, and in this situation, Chariot will make delectable breakfasts she knows her gf can’t refuse. 
Remembers anniversaries - Both are equally likely to remember anniversaries as they are to forget. Listen, they have a lot going on at any given moment. XD They’re both adept at going with the flow if the other acts like the day is a special anniversary. They’ve also both had a handful of sitcom shenanigan moments where they’ve gone, “Oh, shit!” and had to scramble together a date or a present at the last minute. 
Brings up having kids - Chariot would be inclined to see how any children they would have together would be the best of both of them, whereas Croix would be inclined to be fearful of how a child of theirs could be the worst of both of them instead. Croix wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of having kids, but she would have to be gently coaxed out of her worries her child would be like her and her conviction that would be a bad thing.
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thatblondeperson · 3 years
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TimSteph, taking care of chronic injuries!
Hey look, another ask that got buried! Sorry friend!!!! 
This is all preboot, RR/Batgirl era.
Ok so Tim is super extra imo when it comes to treating any kind of sickness, injury, ANYTHING. He’s the type of guy who will go to CVS and buy out the entire “cold + flu” aisle as soon a Steph gets a runny nose. He absolutely drowns her in cough drops and tissues. I can see him being extremely attentive as well. Like bringing blankets and pillows around the clock, happy to carry her from point A to point B, almost insisting to do so on occasion, and just sitting with her for as long as she desires/needs company. He absolutely pays no mind to germs. Steph can cuddle all she wants.
Steph is similar but less extra. She’s got some more classic home remedies that Tim doesn’t have. She absolutely would baby the hell out of him if he got sick though, and probably more often than not she has to put her foot down on him trying to patrol even if he’s completely out of it and burning up. Tim has a hard time relaxing, but eventually the time is used for him to catch up on sleep. Tim getting sick is like a mini-hibernation. I can see Alfred stepping in occasionally if they were both sick because Tim’s an absolute mess, and Steph can only do so much before she gets wiped out. They’re hopeless and completely out of service if they’re both ill at the same time. Error 404: Dorks not found. 
Chronic injuries are a constant process. Steph obviously has a ton just from Black Mask alone. I’m sure she gets aches and pains on the regular due to the severity of the torture she experience. Power drills would leave some lasting abdominal pain for sure. Hell, I wonder if it makes cramps worse for her? It could in all honestly. She may need serious pain meds during that time of the month which are of course always kept on hand. On top of that, the physical trauma definitely left endless mental trauma. No question about it. Not to mention that time she got lightly shot in the head. I say lightly because I forgot this was a thing because they don’t really address it again. I imagine that would cause occasional headaches/migraines, and I’m sure Tim likes to run a scan every now and again to make sure there isn’t any lasting damage. And of course, we return to the medicine cabinet for more pain pills. (Thank you @incoherentbabblings for reminding me of the gunshot.)
I headcanon that both of them get nightmares on almost the regular. They’ve both got it set that if one of them is in the middle of a bad nightmare, the other just holds them close, doing whatever they can to soothe them until the calmness sets back in. The nightmares get more spaced out some time after they move in together because I think the constant safeness of having someone beside them every night would eventually help them both sleep through the night better. It is hard to get back to sleep though. Both of them have been put through the ringer, they’ve both seen death of loved ones up close and personal, and I imagine a lot of what they’ve experienced is still very vivid and intense for them.
Tim’s got his own fair share of recurring pain. The boy doesn’t have a spleen and tbh I don’t know how he’s not getting sick more frequently. But extra precautions need to be taken to keep him from getting infections when he gets any kid of open wound, thank GOD Steph is a nurse. Tim has to be kept pretty healthy though if at all possible, which brings us back to my previous headcanon about him not caring about germs when Steph is sick? Yeah, not his smartest move, but Tim’s an idiot and forgets that he’s fragile. 
Both of them have regular joint issues. They’ve dislocated enough things for just about everything to make awful clicking sounds now and again. Steph doesn’t have as much regular muscle pain, she’s far more flexible than Tim is so she stays pretty loose and limber, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have to work at it every day. Steph does yoga as a part of her routine. She gets Tim to join sometimes but he’s not very good at keeping up with it. He’s flexible too but not to her level, and he locks up easier if he’s had an especially tough night. They both try to put the time in to exercise when they can, spotting each other, keeping a routine going, because given how much they both get beaten and battered on the daily, if they don’t keep up with muscle pain, it’ll just get worse. On bad days when the pain makes any mobility difficult, massages ensue. They’ve got at least 15 ice packs in the freezer at all times, and a stack of heating pads in the medicine cabinet. And if all else fails, a nice hot bubble bath never hurts. With Epsom salts and everything. Steph likes to add a touch of lavender oil.
Immediate injuries they’re both very good at treating. Steph obviously has more technical knowhow, and she is the most medically trained of all the Batfam members, but Tim is detail oriented and good at focusing when he needs to so he can keep up just fine. They’re both good at stitches and general wound treatment, but Steph is better at consistent treatment. Tim will absolutely forget to switch out his bandages or clean things because his brain is soup and he cannot be bothered to think about injuries when he’s too busy with 50 other things on the constant. He needs to slow down. We get right back into “more prone to infections” again. Alas. Idiot. 
They both have their fair share of mental health issues, though Tim’s tend to be more intense. Steph has her ways of managing her own mental state but Tim gets stuck often. He falls into some pretty deep depression spells, and his anxiety acts up fairly frequently. Steph has started teaching him how to meditate, but also has a list of distractions and special remedies that she can utilize if need be. Movies and tea are a good base line, though Tim’s mind gets very far away sometimes and it’s hard to pull him back out. Like he almost wants to wallow in his sadness. Often she just tries to ground him as best she can so he doesn’t get so lost that he can’t come back. Steph likes to make sure that he isn’t always using patrol as a crutch for when he’s feeling upset or tense. It’s hard to sway him away from more pain when he lets himself get so close to the edge. It breaks her heart, sometimes she feels helpless.
Steph has anxiety as well, and some psychosomatic tics from her past abuse. She needs a lot of reassurance and gentleness when her mind starts racing. She’s still prone to trust issues, even now when she’s surrounded herself with stable people. She’s been let down and she fears losing her steady ground sometimes. Tim, let’s face it, hasn’t been the most reliable in the past, but I firmly believe that with some growing up he’d step up to the plate and try to be a solid home base for her to the best of his abilities. He’s not going anywhere anytime soon. He’s very good at being gentle. That’s canon as fuck. I will die on the hill that Tim is as delicate with Steph as one would be with a priceless porcelain heirloom. Fight me, the boy would never intentionally try to physically or mentally hurt her. He tries so hard to reassure her but I thinks he feels a little helpless sometimes too. Some of her trust issues are his fault, and he can’t just snap his fingers and reverse his mistakes. He tries his best, but there will always be scars. 
All in all, I think they’re both very tender and caring with one another. They’re both beyond broken sometimes, and they are a mess and a half. But they know each other, they know each others pain and sadness and I think once they got back together they’d settle very easily into a care routine. Both of them are carrying the weight of countless consequences and mistakes and hardship on their shoulders. Pain is just a side affect that comes with carrying so much baggage, but it’s a little easier to manage when they have each other for support. I do think some of it would get easier over time, and my wish for them is that they can move somewhere just outside the city, maybe by a lake. Far enough away that things are quiet, but not so far that they would completely leave the hero gig behind. I agree with the consensus that neither of them could fully quit. Tim would just sink into the background, but Steph would be out there in the field for many years. Justas long as they have somewhere safe and comfortable to return to, I think they’ll both be just fine. Plus smooches are the best fallback medicine for all ailments and we all know that they never run out of those. 😘💋
THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK! More than half of this was not anything to do with chronic injuries but fuck it. We’ve tapped into the hurt/comfort section of my brain and there is a lot of material there to work with. Idk when you sent this in but I hope it wasn’t too long ago. I hope this answered more questions than you ever intended to ask. 💜❤
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taffystake · 5 years
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The Wicked + The Divine - Adaptation of Archetypal Creatives In The Wicked + The Divine
Now then, before I start, I would like to be very clear: This is not meant to somehow establish that the characters of Wicked and The Divine are basic character archetypes. The characters of Wicked and The Divine are extremely unique, nuanced, and each have unique narratives. All I aim to do with this piece is to establish the archetypal creatives that the gods of Wicked And The Divine are modeled after. I was inspired to this after seeing the most recent issue and the story developments there.
Secondly, while I will be picking a chief style of creative person for each of the gods, this will not be the only one they represent for the most part. It's just the one they draw most heavily on and informs the way their story plays out within the comic.
And finally, I will be avoiding spoilers for the comic until the end, after outlining the creative types that each god embodies. Then, I will explain why these things are so notable and what they mean for the storyline as we approach the end. So with that mostly sorted out, let's get down to brass tacks. Order in this case will be mostly by how easily I can place each character as a specific sort of creator.
So, let us start off with the one whose creative type can be seen in who he takes his design from: Baal. Baal’s ability is taken directly from his own belief in his superiority, that he is better than everyone. So, as he believes this and gains fans who also believe in it, he has to act grander and  more exceptional to match the superiority that his fans have granted him. And to avoid spoilers, I will say nothing about how this ties into the events of the latest issue beyond saying that this is entirely why he only says the two phrases, no justification between. Because he believed he was the superior and that made him what he was. And yes, most of this also applies to the man from whom Baal’s look was taken from: Kanye West.
Next up, let’s take a look towards the one-time lover of Baal, Inanna. With Inanna, we have someone whose abilities are taken from their want, their need, to stand out amongst the crowd. And so he channels that energy into his looks, what he creates, and makes it his persona. Makes it so everything about him is to be the unique one, the one who does things that seem outlandish in order to gain some attention. And it shows in the musician chosen to be his inspiration: Prince, a man whose most notable things outside of his musical talents were his unique outfits and his temporary name change to a symbol called the “Love Symbol”.
Thirdly, we have the mobile rave himself: Dionysus. Here, we have a person who finds himself driven and almost dutybound to brighten and help people. With his particular talents, how he accomplishes this is by helping them out of the dreariness and lack of contact that the regular world has and welcoming them into the small collective that he creates with his talents. He takes this selfless want to help people to the extreme, shown in how his own abilities prevent him from going to sleep and how he keeps using them despite this eventually deadly side effect. And while there isn’t as easy a one to one for the sort of person he was inspired by, it’s simple enough to consider him a broad strokes interpretation of many DJs.
Next on the block is Tara, the most hated of the Pantheon despite her own best efforts. And she draws her powers from her efforts to be normal, to act like the people she is playing to. This even extends to the point that she attempts to perform for an audience without her natural abilities but instead from something she created outside of her persona’s talents. But, even with all these efforts to be ‘the normal girl’, Tara still believes herself to be superior to her audience. She flipped out when her effort to create music without use of her talents bombed, and blamed it on the audience before ending up ostracized by the fans of the Pantheon for ‘wasting’ her talents on her own efforts to create something else. Now, while her style and that are not as easily pinned down as with Baal and Inanna, her attitude and general personality archetype can be identified to general females in pop music in the modern day. But, to give a strong example, Tara’s hatedom and her own ‘girl next door’ schtick are most likely lifted from Taylor Swift.
The Morrigan is our next stop on this tour of the Pantheon and their multitude of creative personalities. And with her, we reach a creative type that tends to end up romanticized in fiction but that is not typically as great in real life: someone who draws their creativity from mental illness. In The Morrigan’s case, its her shifting between her three selves that stands in for most mental illness rather than a more direct attempt to represent Bipolar Disorder as might be assumed by the trio setup she has. And from this, we see how she draws her creative efforts from her mental illness, allowing her create her own thing with this persona. But it’s not like she only has a mental illness in order to facilitate her having some talent, with her illness resulting in many scars and other issues for our next one to be covered. Would give a real life music example but…..that doesn’t exactly seem cool, so….let's give the example everyone jumps to when they think tortured artist: Vincent Van Gogh.
Baphomet’s entire creative type is the non-believer, someone who considers themselves utterly lacking in the talents to create whatever it is that makes them so powerful and known. In Baphomet’s case, this is due to the circumstances that granted him his godhood being so inextricably linked to The Morrigan rather than anything that he would consider having made himself. With this creative, they typically end flipping between more on large bouts of introspection and self-pity and extroverted efforts to distract away from this tumultuous internal life. One major concern with this type of creative is the fact that they will typically remain close to whatever abuse it is that granted them their ability to be creative, which can result in a great number of issues that will be covered at the end of this massive write up. I would give a real life example here but….that feels a little slimy.
And now we reach Urdr, the closest this list has to a midway point. And here, we get an interesting creative that….ends up hard to define concretely mostly due to their presence being mostly built off of being against things. With Urdr, we have a creative who aims to point out the problems with the field they are skilled in. With Urdr in specific, that means proving that the miracles each god performs is a sham. And with this method, the creative ends up in a cycle of attempting to disprove themselves by….doing the things they are trying to disprove. For the prime example of this mindset and creative output in action, it might be best to look at the earlier musical work of Ke$ha, where she was parodying party girl songs to the point it could be easily read as just more party girl songs.
Sahkmet stands as an inverse to Baphomet. Whereas Baphomet draws his creativity from embracing and wallowing in his abuse, Sahkmet’s creative type instead embodies someone who draws their creative drive from their efforts to avoid whatever abuses have befallen them. Which is why her character is so associated with practices that amount to rampant hedonism, with extreme amounts of sex, drugs, and liquor that all end up being how she creates. If you want to see this sort of mindset in a musical artist, the best example would be to look at the character Ke$ha played during her earlier albums. While it may not be accurate to the person she actually is, the character represented there is someone who very much hides away from any pain in the world through party girl antics.
Amaterasu, the God in this iteration of the Pantheon who is a very special case. Mostly because she takes her exceptionalism to heart much like Baal, but takes it to heart in a very different way. With Amaterasu, she represents a creative who gains their creativity from their own beliefs and uses her works as a way to convey her specific beliefs to people. And because of this, an innocent belief in the superiority of their spiritual ideas generally develops within the creative, whether they acknowledge it or not. While I am not particularly familiar with precise real life examples for this type of creative that are agreed upon, I do know that they exist out there.
Lucifer, the eternal rebel. And yes, Lucifer’s creative type is that simple: she represents the rebels, the people who derive their energy and creativity from going against the grain of society. Whether it be against the time’s cultural norms, a specific political system, or simply rebelling against what's mainstream, going against something is what they end up known for and what they usually make their best work in response to. While you could theoretically point at any number of punk bands and find an okay example, the top example would be Green Day. To be specific, the band during one album that is still hyped as their best work, American Idiot.
And now let’s cover one god who you don’t encounter until much later into the comic series, Persephone. Who…..you probably already know where she comes from if you look into the comic with even a casual glance. Well, let’s go. Persephone represents a creative type that is similar and different from the everyman that Tara is: the fan ascended. Someone whose most notable work before becoming empowered with creativity was following and being a fan of another creative to a massive degree. They tend to draw their creativity initially from borrowing ideas that the person they were a fan of has or had done creatively. To find this sort of person, you can typically look towards someone most famous for doing covers of other peoples’ songs or who are most known for directly using someone else’s style.
Woden. If you know the comic at all, you may have just inadvertently rolled your eyes because….yeah, Woden is a slimeball. And good news, the creative he embodies definitely ends up usually being a creepy slimeball like this. Woden’s creative type is a manager or producer who does not have a great deal of musical talent, but has the ability to make sure others are empowered to be creative. Y’know, within the boundaries he sets for them. So while he may not be the one making his art, he is at least able to generate exceptionalism within others. For an example of this that….isn’t as slimy as Woden can be, you can look at producers like DJ Khaled for a person whose exceptional skill is getting exceptional people together more than it is being personally exceptional.
And to round out our collection of gods and goddesses, we have Minerva. Now, while it isn’t shown well in the first few issues, Minerva occupies what I would consider one of the creative types that is quintessential: the legacy creative. Someone whose talents and exceptionalism are inextricably linked to her family to some degree, rather than being exclusively their own. And they get their creative energy by drawing on this history in order to best implement what has come before into the current age of creative endeavours. And for an example here, you can look at...pretty much any son or daughter of a musician who went into music, although it's usually most directly represented by those who go into the same genre of music as their parents.
So there we go, all of the wide variety of creatives represented most prominently by the gods and goddesses of The Wicked + The Divine. To all those not interested in spoilers, you may exit this post at this time.
Seriously.
This will be major spoilers for the most recent issues.
Like…...will shatter how you see the initial issues level of spoilers.
Just making sure all y’all who want to read on regardless understand what’s happening here.
Okay?
Okay.
So, why are all these creative types so important to the Pantheon in the most recent issues? Simple. Because the 2 year time limit on their lives is not a set timer for when their godhood burns through them and kills them. It's the average amount of time it takes for the personas that their creative types represent to become more of their personality than what personality they possessed before their godhood. And once a god or goddess buys into their own hype to that degree, their actions slowly become more reckless and self-destructive until their own godhood ends up killing them not through burning them out, but by their god-enhanced nature making them commit to actions that get them killed. The best example of this conclusion can be seen in the special comics that have been released over the years, with the 1300s Occurrence comic demonstrating it most clearly with the nun Lucifer who vastly exceeded the typical 2 years a god lasts.
And the god’s godhood consuming and killing them in this manner is what allowed for the relinquishment of their powers in the latest issue. By acknowledging that they are actual people with their own personalities and that they are not simply the personas that their creative types are engineered to display, they become able to move beyond their godhood and all the things it grants. You can even see through their creative types why it is that they said what they said when each relinquished their power and can even infer that Persephone was the first to do so because of being a fan of the Pantheon and being able to see this perspective once she was able to experience what being part of the Pantheon is actually like.
So yeah.
Also, this is my insight/neurotic ramblings. None of this is confirmed. Hell, Kieron Gillen might spot this post and call it out for how ridiculously wrong it is because I missed something or ended up focused on an aspect of a character that wasn’t as represented in the comic as I remember it being. But it feels very fitting for a comic about fame and creativity to have its massive storyline end with a story that acknowledges how to move beyond your own hype and internalized ego to continue being creative and improving your art. So that’s why I will stand by this as a decent interpretation of events.
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dramaplustautology · 5 years
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Where Belief Goes to Die - Chapter 2
Summary: A Thorn spy decided to torch the research they did on the Espina Rosa’s newest inmate, setting Theano’s plans back significantly. Under the guise of a researcher backed by Akanthus, he goes to meet the Champion of Ravenloss.
Chapter 2/???
AO3 Link
Chapter Index Link
The great Magesters of Nieboheim; Gods in a Greenhouse City.
In his teenage years, Theano would leer at those sheltered fools as they passed by. Without their robes, masks, or tower, those feeble mages would wilt under the weight of their true incompetence.
The only thing separating him from the so-called mouths of the Shapeless was the poisonous magic that ran through their veins. Why should Theano and his family have to wallow in the First Halo over circumstances left to chance?
“Do not lose your footing aiming so high. There are places Empties shouldn’t reach for,” A Magester had caught him glaring once, noticing some sort of spark in the young man lurking outside of a nondescript home. “You wear your envy so plainly on your sleeve, and with enough time, it will fester into wrath.”
They spoke, merely gazing ahead. Theano was apparently a child throwing a silent tantrum, not warranting enough importance to look down on.
“Such ills can only be cleansed in the belly of the Shapeless.” The Magester warned, hearing the sound of the Empty’s teeth grinding too late to see him lunging for them.
“Theano!” A girl with gold braids clasped his wrist, stopping him just in time. “Did you come all this way to visit me? Even after uhm…” She floundered, trying to come up with small talk. Quickly, she addressed the Magester. “Lovely of you to come by, we bought a brand new set of tools. The flowers you ordered should—”
But the Magester was already on his way. Poor Persephone had such problems finding chances to finish her sentences. She was always disappointed about it, never angry. Theano made up for the both of them.
“New tools? Are they still too heavy for you?” Theano asked dryly, setting aside his indignation for more immediate goals.
He had sounded annoyed, shedding not a hint of concern, but Persephone smiled. She held his hand and her ears glowed pink just from being around him.
“They’re better, not lighter,” Persephone admitted somewhat sheepishly. “I used to be able to carry them to the gardens outside by myself, I swear! I don’t know why I can’t anymore.” Her tone drooped to a sigh and Theano began getting impatient.
“What are you waiting for? Ask me to carry them then.”
The blunt proposal took Persephone aback at first, and Theano thought he had ruined yet another attempt, but the girl started to giggle.
“You’re really kind.” She said, sounding less winded by awkwardness. Why had Theano been worried? Persephone was easy, practically charming herself. “If you aren’t busy today, would you stay with me in the gardens. I like taking care of the flowers but they don’t make for good conversation.”
“If you insist.” Theano pretended to relent.
“Oh, if you’re actually busy or if you don’t want to, I won’t push!”
“I’m going!” He blurted out suddenly, fuming at how Persephone had clamped her hand over her mouth, trying not to grin.
The door to her home opened and the irksome owner of the flower gardens shambled outside.
“Persephone, your mother woke up! She wants to wish you good morning before you go,” He called for his daughter, mood souring at the sight of Theano. “You again! I thought I told you to leave my family alone!”
He shoved himself between Theano and Persephone, posturing like he was ten feet tall.
“Go before I tell the guards you came back to harass us!”
“Father!” Persephone tried to argue, easily being dragged back inside.
Holding back a snarl, Theano retreated to the space between Persephone’s shop and the next building. Leaning next to a window, he listened in on their spat.
“Is this because his family isn’t as well off as ours? Father, that’s shallow!” Persephone accused but her father wouldn’t have any of it.
“That doesn’t have anything to do with this! There’s just something about that boy.”
This wasn’t the first time Theano heard those words though not once have they failed to rile his ire.
“I hear that he scant speaks to anyone with respect let alone treat them kindly. Worse, it’s obvious that he has some sort of ill will towards the Magesters. Just yesterday, I heard from the guards that he’s been seen stalking some of our customers. Wares get stolen when he visits the forum.”
“No one can prove any of that! Theano just isn’t a people person.” Persephone made weak excuses that she fully believed.
“Even if the rumors aren’t true, he gives me a bad feeling. There’s just something off about him. Something lacking…”
Lacking. It was always about what Theano lacked. He couldn’t have anything or be anything because it was meant to be. The Magesters saw Theano this way, and so did the wretches they lumped him in with.
He dug his fingers into his palms, holding back from striking the wall should Persephone’s father notice him.
“That boy isn’t like the rest of us.”
Leaving the shade of Persephone’s home, Theano committed her father’s words to memory. The man had been right.
Theano wasn’t like the others.
He was the only one who knew that Magesters could get busy, like anyone else. They let their guard down and forget to watch their backs. Worse, they thought they were above the vermin scuttling through Nieboheim’s Halos. They forget that they could die like one, from a blow to the head with a tool Persephone realized had gone missing.
Magesters could be butchered like any animal too. After a while, their insides couldn’t be told apart from the butcher’s specials.
They fed Persephone’s flowers well, haphazardly buried in the dirt so the guards could find them before the worms gorged themselves.
What kind of an idiot would leave the bloodied shovel in their own home? Well, Persephone’s father was a laborer that worked with dirt. Definitely no scholar.
“You don’t have to look if it upsets you.” Theano stood by Persephone on the day of the Harvest. She had cried until her eyes had grown so puffy that she could barely keep them open.
Still, she refused to look away from her screaming Father. That murderer’s cries were drowned out by the jeers of the crowd. They threw rocks at him until the Shapeless’ godly form leaned down to swallow his sins whole.
Persephone’s father stopped crying injustice, and cried for his wife and child. His voice was muffled in the throat of his god, until it was finally silenced when his feet slipped past its lips.
Theano’s arms closed around Persephone’s shoulders when she collapsed against him, sobbing pitifully.
“It’s going to be alright,” He promised, whispering to her as he stroked her hair. The people’s cheering made the sky quake but his voice was the only one that mattered. Soon, it would be the only one Persephone would have left. “From now on, I’ll take care of you.”
The dead men’s words were now a fond memory.
Don’t aim so high. There are heights not meant for you.
You are lacking.
But Theano knew he wasn’t meant to wither where he lay, hoping fate would cast him a fond glance. He was meant to be powerful; to get back at the mages that disgraced him.
The reality of it was that others were too weak to reach their goals, and Theano would use their backs as stepping stones to reach his.
That fact hadn’t changed long after he escaped Nieboheim.
At the base of the stairs in the Espina Rosa’s third level, the members of the patrol kept a keen ear out as they stood guard. If they strained their hearing hard, they might hear the new inmate break those annoying researchers.
Their wishes came true and Sennidy’s body smashed head first on to the ground.
Silent abject horror tainted the air until the leader shouted to mobilize and aid Sennidy, despite his twisted limbs.
Sennidy had always been a coward, pressured into joining the Rose by his friends before they urged him to fall in with the Thorn. He may have been smart, but with enough bullying, the sea jelly would agree to the sky being green.
The Commander of the Thorn realized he was glad that Sennidy was dead. His corpse was light and easy to throw off the edge of the stairs.
“Now, I have the perfect excuse.” Theano muttered to himself, fixing his coat. He scanned his surroundings, and glanced down the stairs, locking eyes with a Rose soldier clutching their sword.
“I-I came up to check on you all…” The private stammered, reduced to a shaking mouse by Theano’s disdaining stare. “Don’t move!” He regained composure and seeing Theano disappearing back into the hall of cells, the soldier raced to apprehend him.
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Outside of the chaos in the cells, Bradley showed the Prison’s researcher guest a heavily fortified crate. It stood apart from the other confiscated items within the vault. The seams were welded shut and its chains and locks held it heavy to the floor. All of these measures made the container itself seem like a sleeping beast. Tariche was waiting for it to start thrashing.
He whistled, finding more interest in Bradley’s nonchalance around hundreds of potentially dangerous artifacts.
“You run a busy doggy kennel,” He noted, watching Sofist’s assistant push a large utility dolly over to the crate. “I’m guessing these eventually pile up with how busy the labs are. What do you do with them? Keep’em on ice until we make room for you?”
Bradley paused, considering the question. Though the stuck-up labcoats had been on a scale of weird to outright rude, he supposed he should reward civility. Prisons were supposed to reinforce good behavior after all.
“Were you Clarence or Rand?”
“Just call me Tariche.” The researcher shrugged, already prying at the lid of a smaller crate.
“Oh.” Figuring it was a middle name, Bradley went and unlocked the box Tariche had become curious of.
Amulets, gems, wooden carvings; a whole array of magical items were tumbling to the floor. Tariche felt a breath of fresh air flowing out from the box, like a breeze through a warm meadow. From the scratches on these previous items, he could tell that some of the inmates had fought to try keeping these small comforts close to heart.
“These aren’t dangerous, per say. Just a lot of junk we have to take off of new inmates before we take them to their cells,” Bradley said, tossing a silver pendant on the pile. “We know what most of them are and it’s not worth bothering the labs. Objects like what the weaver had get snatched and don’t end up taking space for long.”
Checking his magic agenda, scrolling through the busy schedules of the Espina Rosa’s personnel, the private pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing.
“I tend to handle the storage and I don’t want to keep them crowded. It’s just that there aren’t enough people to move this junk.”
“Move them where? An off-site warehouse?” Tariche asked.
Rather than answering him, Bradley lifted the crate and lead the researcher to a row of closed hatches. Leaning his elbow on a rune carved on the wall, Bradley let Tariche watch layers of metal slide away, pulled back by the grinding gears beyond what they could see. Tipping the box, the private poured the magical items into the nondescript hole.
The inside was too dark to see inside and Tariche saw that the openings were pretty small. Sofist’s arm would have gotten stuck.
Once the box was empty, Bradley lifted off the rune and the hatch slammed closed. The final shift of metal against metal sounded like the weighty blade of a guillotine.
“Cleaning is a slow process but better safe than sorry,” The private flicked a different switch and the smoke hit Tariche’s nose before the fire had started. “We never know exactly how magic reacts so they don’t get filtered out until they’re safe ashes. I end up watching some of ours handle the chore in case its more volatile than usual.”
Tariche watched the hatch.
It didn’t make a noise. No crackling. No sparks.
All very boring for a process so sickening.
To the front of the room, the heavy doors swung open and Tariche could hear his Commander’s boots angrily pounding on the floor towards him.
Those doors were heavy and Theano had shoved them out of the way like nothing. Tariche hoped the Commander would keep being this sloppy, they might get caught. Better yet, there was an ugly tear across Theano’s chest but Tariche doubted any of the blood was his.
“We’re leaving,” Theano ordered, reigning in his snarl for later. Narrowing his eyes, he glanced at the largest sealed crate. “It’s come to my attention that conducting proper research on the subject will be impossible with the incompetence so thoroughly infecting this dog pen.”
“Wow, I was just saying.” Tariche scratched the back of his head, barely bothered by Theano’s haggard appearance. The Commander kept such a straight laced bored-slightly-annoyed frown that Tariche was beginning to think someone splashed him with juice instead of there being an actual disaster on day one.
Looking to Bradley, Theano and Tariche figured he hadn’t been this awake in a long time.
“What happened?” The private demanded, holding his shaking agenda up as if to shield himself from Theano. He had good instincts.
“Funny, telling me what to do,” Theano didn’t want to waste energy rolling his eyes. “I hope whoever replaces you and the warden will know their place.”
Bradley, flushed from fright and shock, bit down until his jaw ached.
“I would call the warden to discuss this but I think he’s already on his way.” The private ground out.
Sure enough, Sofist and a gaggle of the members of the patrol that escorted Theano through the third floor arrived at the vault. Tellingly, the minotaur politely entered with his paling entourage following like sheep.
“Fine,” Theano closed his eyes, pretending to get more frustrated, but Tariche could see the corner of his mouth twitching up. “If you’re here, I won’t need to leave the instructions with your underlings. My remaining partner and I will be leaving for Swordhaven the moment a ship sails from port.”
Sofist’s pause was so deafening, the pressure under the vault’s high ceiling became crushing. They could hear his sweat dripping on the floor.
“The patrol told me what happened,” Sofist was far smaller than he was when they first met. “All of what they…admitted. Was that true?”
“Them abandoning Rand and I, allowing for some creature to attack Rand from its cell, spurring him into blindly running off the edge of a sheer fifty foot fall?” Theano listed casually. “I should hope that was the case. Or else I had come down to the patrol to see that they had snapped his neck.”
Mouth falling open, Bradley couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Sofist taking Theano’s barbs with a dipped chin made it worse.
Then, the story continued.
“…Went...missing…” The leader of the patrol mumbled, piercing the air like cannon fire.
“WHAT?” Sofist turned on a dime and just about lifted the offending patrolman by the neck.
“It was Matthew!” The soldier’s chest heaved. “He went to go see why they were taking so long to come--” He quickly cut himself off.
“Go on now. You’ll only make it worse by lying.” Theano sneered.
Unable to take his gaze off the ground, the soldier continued.
“He went to go see why it was taking so long for them to get scared and come running back. Mathew’s been missing since.”
“Wonderful,” Theano interrupted Sofist before he could tear into the leader of the failed patrol. “I’ll be sure to emphasize that in the report to General Akanthus.”
On the sidelines, Tariche began waving sadly to the patrol and Sofist. He didn’t imagine they’ll see the light of day when high command caught word.
“Wait!” Bradley piped up, struggling between coming up with a solution and organizing a search for the missing soldier. “If we just….couldn’t we—” He looked to the warden desperately, and immediately regretted it.
The other Rose soldiers were looking to Sofist too, knowing their future was bleak, and were guilty they had taken the warden down with them.
“What a waste of time,” Theano turned to Tariche, knowing they could all hear him. “First the fire setback, and now this. We won’t have another chance to examine the subject for months at best. Far longer thanks to that idiot Rand putting his corpse in the way.”
Sennidy really was an idiot but this was all a show to lead the bull into his cage.
“All of you,” Sofist addressed his men. “Leave us.”
The soldiers marched out discreetly. Theano expected Bradley to follow but he stubbornly stood his ground. That one was going to be trouble.
“General Akanthus hearing of this—” Sofist’s lip curled. “—Failure on our part will cost both of us greatly. But, if we were to…”
Compromise.
Sofist obviously hated the concept, almost as much as Theano did. Even when it was others compromising for him, the Thorn Commander preferred that they bent completely.
Still, this was worth letting a smile escape. Slowly but surely, Theano would get his way.
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Angel and Cordelia (Cangel) - an in-depth analysis of their relationship
Angel and Cordelia are a ship I never expected to ship before watching Angel, but since finishing the show around November, I’ve fallen in love with them (and the show generally) and wanted to compile a post where I could express all my thoughts and feelings about them. This meta will be very in-depth and is divided into 9 sections: 
1. ‘Pensiver Face’: Opposites Attract - Will explore Angel and Cordelia’s personalities and the ways in which these two unlikely characters came together and brought out new and wonderful sides to each other. 
2. ‘Help the Helpless’: Finding purpose - Discusses the way in which Angel and Cordelia found purpose in their lives through meeting and the creation of Angel Investigations.
3. ‘We’re family’: Belonging and Family - Insight into how Angel and Cordelia created a family and home with each other that provided them with a sense of belonging (perhaps for the first time in their lives).
4. ‘My Dearest Friend’: Friendship and Love - Looks at Angel and Cordelia’s friendship and how that was at the core of their relationship throughout the series.
5. ‘You’re not alone’: Emotional connection - Uncovers the profound emotional connection Angel and Cordelia established with each other.
6. ‘It’s the stars’: Everyone can see it - Reflects on the common ‘Everyone can see it’ trope and how that was important to Angel and Cordelia’s relationship.
7. ‘Were we in love?’: Romantic love - An exploration of when and how Angel and Cordy’s romantic feelings for each other developed.
8. ‘I’ll be seeing you’: Missed Opportunity - Analyses the writing in seasons 4 and 5, and the ways in which Angel and Cordelia’s relationship was hugely disadvantaged by the writing.
9. ‘There are no people like us’: Why Angel/Cordelia are misunderstood and live in Buffy/Angel’s shadow - Unpicks some of the common misconceptions I’ve seen about Angel and Cordy’s relationship and the how comparisons made between their relationship and Buffy and Angel’s is unfair and does a disservice to both couples. 
As you can see, section 9 does discuss Buffy and Angel, because I really couldn’t discuss Angel and Cordelia without also talking about Angel’s relationship with Buffy since she was so significant to Angel. It won’t be anti-Buffy/Angel (because I’m a huge Bangel shipper, as anyone that follows me will know), but I just wanted to give a warning for those that are a big fan of the ship as you might not want to read. However, the primary focus throughout will be on Angel and Cordelia’s relationship on ATS (I don’t really give much focus to BTVS since their interactions were so brief and lacking).
Before we get into it, I wanted to say this post is long, (coming in at around 9k words, whew! I had more to say than I realised), so if you’re interested in reading you might want to grab a drink or a snack and make yourself comfortable. 
1. ‘Pensiver Face’: Opposites Attract
What makes Angel and Cordelia’s relationship so special is that it’s between two unlikely characters who, on the surface are polar opposites, but that compliment each other beautifully. Cordelia was specifically chosen to be a regular on ATS because she was the opposite to Angel - Whedon stated that Cordelia’s bright smile was needed to counteract Angel’s broody persona (x). The fundamental differences in Angel and Cordelia’s personalities meant that together they brought out different sides to each other. Angel was known for being reserved, contemplative, melancholy, deep and pessimistic, whilst in contrast Cordelia was known for being outgoing, bubbly, outspoken, shallow and optimistic.
Both characters came to ATS season 1 displaying these characteristics which they were well-known for on BTVS, but through meeting each other, they changed. Angel smiled more with Cordelia than arguably any other character in the Buffyverse (x) (x) (x) (x). Her infectious personality, witty sense of humour and straight-talking attitude coaxed him out of his shell. Also, because he was more submissive by nature, Angel responded to Cordelia’s assertiveness - she wasn’t afraid to take charge, call him out on things, make demands of him and ensure he stayed on the right path. She was the one that took charge of the business, launching Angel Investigations from practically nothing; she persuaded Angel that he should pay Gunn for working with them; she didn’t easily relent after he fired her, Wesley and Gunn; she told him he needed to set boundaries with Fred when she had a crush on Angel to prevent Fred from getting hurt; she held him accountable for getting Darla pregnant in season 3; she consistently encouraged him to fight for Connor no matter how hopeless or difficult it became and even in her brief return in season 5 she continued with this pattern. She straight up told Angel that he’d lost his way, lost sight of their mantra to help the helpless and had become entangled in the messiness of W&H. In doing so, she set Angel back on the right path. It’s strange because generally people view Angel as having more positive traits than Cordelia, but despite his good intentions, he was more prone to giving up and wallowing than Cordelia. Angel was more malleable, more willing to accept the bad in the world whilst Cordelia, on the other hand, persevered no matter what obstacles came her way and was firm in her morals. She knew what she believed to be good and she didn’t stray from that no matter what. That clear-cut attitude really helped Angel, who being a vampire and having seen so much evil, often become lost in the blurriness between good and evil, and became disheartened about fighting the good fight on numerous ocassions. Cordelia was truly Angel’s centre of gravity and moral compass - she was the one he relied on most in his redemptive journey and helping the helpless. That’s why throughout the series there was such a heavy emphasis on Angel needing Cordy (x) and why he proclaimed to be lost without her. Angel needing Cordelia was also demonstrative of a deeper emotional connection between them, which I’ll discuss later on.
Whilst Angel and Cordelia’s differences helped/changed Angel, they did the same for Cordy. Cordelia as a person was very focused on superficial gratification. She sought popularity and status, and she enjoyed money and material objects because of the pleasure they brought her. Her desire to become an actress reflects those desires she had. Although Cordelia demonstrated on BTVS that she was much more than the stereotypical popular-shallow girl she was portrayed to be (x), she wasn’t inclined to be considerate of others and empathy didn’t come naturally to her. In comparison, Angel spent a majority of his time thinking of others and had a wealth of empathy, for everybody regardless of whether they were those he loved or strangers; good or bad. There’s no doubt that the visions were a large part of what enabled Cordelia to be more empathetic since she was quite literally experiencing the traumas of others, but being close to Angel also impacted this. Until Cordelia became friends with Angel (and Doyle, Wes and Gunn), she’d never really been prioritised or cared for unconditionally. Angel’s kindness, consideration and support enabled Cordelia to open up emotionally in a way she never had before, not just to those closest to her, but to everybody. Ironically, a vampire (albeit a vampire with a soul) was the deepest insight Cordelia had gained into humanity. Angel devoted himself to helping others and Cordelia witnessed first-hand the positive impact that had on others and the rewards it brought. Whilst she fought against evil alongside the Scoobies on BTVS, it was being part of Angel Investigations that truly showed her the true meaning of fighting. It gave her purpose and belonging, which in turn allowed her to blossom in an entirely new way.
2. ‘Help the Helpless’: Finding purpose
Despite being different in many ways, Angel and Cordelia had one main thing in common - they were both seeking purpose, meaning and belonging in their lives at the start of ATS  - and they found that with each other.
On BTVS Angel went through a traumatic ordeal with losing his soul, being killed by the woman he loved, being trapped in a hell dimension, coming back to life and then having to break up with Buffy. After Angel was cursed and his soul was restored, he retreated into the shadows and lived like a hermit for a century. He no longer belonged in the vampire or the human world, and he was so consumed with the guilt about his actions as Angelus that he was paralysed. He lived a lonely and purposeless existence - until the moment he saw Buffy. Buffy symbolised hope for Angel, because she was destined to fight evil and helping her provided him with a purpose for the first time in decades and I strongly believe that this (amongst other reasons) is why he fell in love with her. So when he split up with her and left for L.A. he lost his purpose along with Buffy. It’s clear that Angel’s time with Buffy and the Scoobies had been so significant to him that he couldn’t return to the life he had before he met Buffy, he needed to continue helping people, but he didn’t know how. Meeting Doyle immediately provided him with a sense of purpose by providing him with a connection to the HP, but as I already mentioned above, Cordelia really cemented that. Although Doyle knew he and Angel had a mission that they needed to work on together, he didn’t know how to make that a reality. Cordelia’s practicality, pragmatism and organisation is what took an idea - helping the helpless - and made it a reality - Angel Investigations. Like I said, Angel knew he wanted to help others but he didn’t really have a plan. When Angel Investigations was born, it became so much more than simply helping the odd person in distress after having stumbled upon them by chance. It became an indefinite commitment and mission which provided Angel with a true purpose - a purpose he realised was the singular most important thing to him in ‘Epiphany’ (2x16).
Cordelia was also in a similar place to Angel when she arrived in L.A. at the start of ATS. During her time on BTVS Cordelia’s character was built upon her status in high-school - she was pretty, rich and popular. Although she wasn’t afraid to stand up for what she believed in (such as defending Xander against her HS friends), she generally sought the approval of others. In HS Cordelia felt that she was somebody and that really came from her popularity and status. However, she admitted that that popularity came with a downside and that she was in fact, very lonely as a result of it (x). Cordelia’s experience in her relationship with Xander only fuelled that loneliness she felt because she isolated herself from her friends to be with him, and when he cheated on her, her ‘friendships’ with the rest of the Scoobies were revealed to be superficial in nature and quickly broke down. By the time she came to ATS, she had left high school and therefore was without her boyfriend (Xander), friends and the status that HS afforded her. This explains why she was on a mission to become a famous actress - to reclaim that status that she’d lost but on an even grander scale. The problem with this is that regardless of how shallow Cordy may have appeared, she clearly craved more than just popularity, fame or money. She’d already had that but it hadn’t  fulfilled her. Enter Angel. Cordelia saw that Angel (and Doyle) needed guidance and that she could bring something important to the table. When she joined Angel and Doyle and set up Angel Investigations, she found her purpose just like Angel did. Initially, Cordelia’s desire to stick with Angel may have been because she didn’t have any other particularly appealing options, but it became so much more than that and by the end of season 1 Cordelia was wholly devoted to helping the helpless (x). In ‘Disharmony’ (2x17) she told Harmony that despite the popularity she had at HS, she was happier than she’d ever been because of the work she was doing, and having that sense of purpose came from meeting Angel. ‘Birthday’ (3x11) further reaffirmed this, when Cordelia chose being with Angel and helping the helpless over her dream of being a famous actress. 
The creation of Angel Investigations (not just the business but also the family) wouldn’t have happened if Angel and Cordelia hadn’t of come together in the way they did. From the beginning, they were the heart of everything it was and when Angel lost Cordy in season 5, he admitted that he lost his way and was lost without her (again, this beckons back to Cordy being Angel’s centre of gravity). Poetically, Cordelia kissing Angel in ‘You’re Welcome’ (5x11) and passing on the vision to him quite literally set Angel (and co.) on the path to their final battle and brought purpose back into his life. But in addition to bringing purpose to each other’s lives through their shared mission of helping the helpless, they brought something else, perhaps more significant - belonging and family.
3. ‘We’re family’: Belonging and Family
Although Angel and Cordelia had bonds with others prior to ATS - Angel had relationships with Darla, Dru, Spike, Buffy; Cordelia with Harmony, Xander and the Scoobies - they never had with anyone else what they found with each other (and the rest of Angel Investigations) (x). In season 1 Cordelia referred to Angel as being her family and Angel reiterated that later in the series. The unconditional support, acceptance and care Angel and Cordelia had towards one other was unlike anything they’d had in any of their previous relationships (particularly for Cordelia).
Angel prioritised Cordelia, he devoted himself to keeping her safe (x) (x), he was always concerned for her well-being and he took the time to get to know her as a person. He didn’t like Cordy because of her status or popularity, he liked her for her and he expressed that numerous times - he told her he liked both versions of her (old and new), that she was an extraordinary woman and that he’d never known anybody like her (x) (x). Likewise, Cordelia accepted Angel - warts and all - without white washing his past or being ignorant to his darkness. She knew Angelus had done terrible things, and that Angel wasn’t immune from making mistakes and she held him accountable for that. But she also encouraged Angel to be open with her about that side of himself, telling him to drink blood in front of her and reassuring him that she and Doyle wouldn’t judge his vamp face (x). Cordelia came face to face with Angelus multiple times and she knew that even with a soul Angel had the capacity for darkness, but she still saw the good in him and believed it out-weighed the bad. She was never under any false illusions that Angel was perfect and that’s why she was firm in her promise that if needs be she would stake Angelus without hesitation.
It’s really that unconditional support and acceptance that led them to consider each other family. What’s most significant about this is that neither of them really had that before ATS. Angel (Liam) grew up in a volatile family situation with an abusive father and Cordelia’s family was so insignificant in her life that we only had a few references to them throughout the course of BTVS and ATS and not a single appearance from them. Neither of them really had a true home or family until they found each other. The friendship they found with each other (and the rest of Angel Investigations) truly was one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to either of them and provided them with a true home for the first time in their lives. In fact, in season 4 Angel explicitly said when Cordelia was missing “We’ll do whatever it takes to bring her home, where she belongs”, which perfectly sums up the title for this section about belonging and family. The bond they forged was one of the first they established with another that felt completely secure and contented (which is also why Cordelia reacted so negatively to him abandoning her, Wes and Gunn in season 2 over Darla), because at it’s core it was a friendship built upon familial love, which in my opinion, is the strongest and most enduring love there is.
4. ‘My Dearest Friend’: Friendship and Love
The most common argument I’ve seen against Angel and Cordelia as a romantic ship is, “They should’ve just stayed friends, they were better that way”. My issue with this is that Angel and Cordelia didn’t just fulfil one or the other - friendship or romance - they fulfilled both and so much more (x). What makes Angel and Cordelia’s relationship so special is that they morphed from acquaintances, to coworkers, to confidantes, to friends, to family, to lovers and were often some (or all) of these things to each other at once. Their feelings for each other cannot be boxed in, because they encompass so much, but there is no disputing that they loved each other.
Angel and Cordy had a profound connection spanning across the entirety of ATS, that no amount of words I type can quite express. They were a constant presence in each others’ lives for years, they were by each others’ sides through some of the most significant events of their lives and they shared it all - the highs and lows, the good and bad. Even when their romantic feelings came into fruition, their friendship remained unchanged. Nothing could change that fundamental dynamic between them or the ease with which they communicated and bounced off of one another. Any scene between Angel and Cordy has a natural chemistry (the nature of that chemistry is up to interpretation), and even when Angel was a awkward, bumbling and flustered fool, their interactions never felt strained or uncomfortable. This is because they knew each other so well and were so attuned to each other, but also because their relationship was already so well established by the time they realised they had romantic feelings for each other that there was no danger of those feelings complicating or endangering that friendship. It’s why in ‘Spin the Bottle’ (4x06) Angel told Cordelia that she was his dearest friend and he wanted that back. He was able to push aside his romantic feelings and desires because her friendship was more important to him than anything else.
Some may claim it’s weird for two people who referred to each other as family to be in love with each other, but when you’re in love with someone they are your family. The fact that Angel and Cordelia had that kind of connection provided them with the closeness, comfortableness, familiarity and security for those romantic feelings to blossom. Angel, in particular, had an aversion to romance because of The Curse and his experience with Buffy, but he felt so safe with Cordelia that it’s almost like he allowed himself to feel that way about him. Likewise, Cordelia was rather guarded in matters of the heart given her romantic history with Xander, but she felt so safe with Angel that she was able to finally open herself up in that way without even really realising she was. That profound connection between them can’t really be quantified, but can be seen in their actions.
5. ‘You’re not alone’: Emotional connection
When I say that it would do them a disservice to try and box Angel and Cordelia’s relationship into the platonic or romantic arena, that’s because of the emotional connection they shared which extends beyond such labels.
According to Wiki, ‘Emotional intimacy is a psychological event that happens when trust levels and communication between two people are such that it fosters the mutual sharing of one another's deepest selves.’ It involves trust, mutual trust, sense of community, understanding, open communication and sharing a duty. As you read this I’m sure you’re realising that Angel and Cordelia had all of this. They lived in close proximity day after day for years - they worked together, they fought together, they laughed together, they loved the same people (Doyle, Wes, Gunn, Fred, Connor), they grieved together (for Doyle and Connor), they shared the same beliefs and morals and they were united in the same mission to help the helpless. All of this led to them developing a profound emotional connection whereby they came to rely on each other and trust each other, and were able to open up to each other without fear of judgement or rejection (x). Throughout the series Angel and Cordy had multiple heart to hearts in which they confided in each other, encouraged or reassured each other and those talks became more regular as their connection grew. Something as simple as Angel calling Cordelia ‘Cordy’ (which he didn’t do until ATS ‘Are You Now or Have You Ever Been?’ 2x02) demonstrated that developing connection between them.
Again, it would be futile for me to list every example of when Angel and Cordelia had a scene that showed this emotional connection (particularly since you’ll have seen them all if you’ve watched the show), but off the top of my head some key examples would be - Cordelia helped Angel open up about Doyle’s death after Angel accidentally called Wesley Doyle; Cordelia helped Angel to open up about Buffy’s death after he’d spent 3 months trying to come to terms with it; when Cordelia fell ill from a vision Angel reassured her that her value to him wasn’t invested solely in her visions; generally Angel supported Cordelia repeatedly through the trauma of her visions; after Connor was born Angel developed an overly-protective paternal instinct and wouldn’t let anybody hold him, and Cordelia was the first he allowed to hold him; after Connor’s kidnapping Cordelia was able to simply sit with him in the silence and provide the emotional support no one else could and when Angel was insecure about bonding with Connor (after his return) she reassured him he was a capable and loving father. 
Nothing showed the depth of that emotional connection more than the beginning of season 4 when Angel was at the bottom of the ocean. In order to hold on to his sanity, Angel repeatedly dreamt of Cordelia in various romantic scenarios and admitted to Wes and Gunn when he returned that the one thing that had kept him holding on was the thought of returning home to Cordelia. Cordy and his love for her was the tether to his humanity, his hope when everything was hopeless, his light in the dark. 
I could continue exploring this because their emotional connection is demonstrated in nearly every scene they have together, but the point has been made that Angel and Cordelia consistently opened up to one another and were by each other’s sides through the hardest of times. Although they both had the rest of Angel Investigations (Wesley, Gunn, Fred and Lorne), they primarily turned to each other in their time or need or when they were feeling low. They instinctively knew what to do/say to ease each other’s insecurities, fears or anxieties and were each other’s source of emotional strength. What’s even more significant about this is that their connection was so profound, that even those around them noticed it. 
6. ‘It’s the stars’: Everyone can see it
‘Everyone can see it’ is a popular romantic trope whereby a couple are perfect for each other but don’t realise their feelings for one another, but everyone else around them does. This was an integral part of Angel and Cordelia’s relationship since they found it very difficult, as friends, to make sense of their romantic feelings for each other and to acknowledge those feelings.
The first person to notice the chemistry between Angel and Cordelia was Fred in ‘Offspring’ (3x07). After seeing them sparring Fred spoke about kyrumption (two heroes meeting in battle and recognising their same fate) and moira (the gut physical attraction between two larger-than-life souls). Angel’s feelings for Cordelia had already been present long before then, but Fred’s observations provided him with an opportunity to acknowledge them for the first time and reflect on them. 
Lorne being an empath naturally had an insight into Angel’s feelings and in ‘Waiting in the Wings’ (3x13) he revealed that he’d read Angel and knew he had feelings for Cordelia. Like Fred, he also spoke of kyrumption and told Angel that the way he was feeling for Cordelia was real. Lorne consistently was attuned to Angel’s feelings for Cordelia and understood that they’d grown beyond friendship. He also actively encouraged Angel to act on them because he believed Cordelia felt the same way about him and he shouldn’t miss the chance to see what they could be. 
I watched ‘Waiting in the Wings’ with commentary from Whedon last week and in that he explained that the spell was a way for Angel and Cordelia to act on the feelings they had for each other (that they were only just starting to realise) in a way whereby they didn’t actually have to admit that they had those feelings and wanted to act on them (because they were afraid of the consequences). Fred and Lorne’s observations are very much the same - they’re a conduit through which Angel was able to internally explore his growing romantic feelings for Cordy and slowly come to the realisation that he was in love with her. 
7. ‘Were we in love?’: Romantic love
Although I’ve been primarily focused on the general connection between Angel and Cordelia and what they brought to each other’s lives, there was definitely romantic love and attraction between the two of them and it’s important to discuss that.
I think when people compare Angel and Cordy’s relationship to Angel’s relationship with Buffy people feel Angel’s love for Cordelia wasn’t romantic or passionate, but it was, it’s just that the love he had for Cordy and their relationship was so fundamentally different from his relationship with Buffy that the two can’t really be compared. Buffy was Angel’s epic, great love - it consumed him from the inside out, it was intense, passionate and devastating - but Cordy was something entirely different. She wasn’t supposed to be some big epic love, she was supposed to be a friend with whom he developed a strong bond with and slowly came to fall in love with over time. Their love wasn’t characterised by angst-ridden scenes, grand speeches of forbidden love and sexual tension - it was grounded in family, friendship and emotional connection (as I’ve explored above). Their feelings for each other weren’t sudden and didn’t start out big (they truly were just acquaintances at the start of ATS season 1), but as they spent time together, shared experiences and got to know each other, their romantic feelings quietly grew in the background until neither of them could ignore it anymore.
It’s frustrating that we never got a clear admission of love between the two (all of their love confessions were to other people or cut off before they finished), but there is no doubt in my mind that Angel and Cordelia were in love. Their actions proved that and from a personal perspective, I could feel the love between them. Everyone will have different interpretations of when they believe the pair fell in love, but interestingly, I don’t think there’s supposed to be ‘one moment’ that they fell in love, because the whole point of their relationship is that it was never that clear cut. They didn’t go to bed one night as best friends and wake up the next day a think, “I’m in love with Angel/Cordelia!”. It was a subtle evolution of feelings over time, which neither of them truly noticed until it was brought to their attention by others, because they were so used to being friends and navigating within the realms of that, that they didn’t consider the possibility that their feelings could have gone beyond that.
Since ATS was primarily focused on Angel’s POV, it’s very easy to follow Angel’s evolving feelings for Cordelia and attempt to pin-point the moment at which his romantic feelings came to fruition. Like I said, I don’t think there was one particular moment where Angel realised his feelings for Cordelia, but in my opinion, they had definitley developed by ‘Dead End’ (2x18). At the beginning of season 2, Angel had a crisis due to Darla’s return and he fired Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn. It was really the darkest we saw Angel get in ATS whilst he had his soul, he truly lost his way for a while and Cordelia was so hurt and angry by his actions that she couldn’t forgive him. When Angel finally realised he’d made a mistake cutting his friends out of his life, he did everything he could to make amends, but he seemed most affected by the loss of Cordelia’s friendship and he was determined to earn her forgiveness. What’s interesting about this is that at this point one could argue that Angel’s friendship with Cordelia wasn’t that profound and it didn’t particularly matter if they made up, because they still could’ve worked together as co-workers (although it might’ve been a little awkward and uncomfortable). But Angel was adamant that he wanted her friendship back and almost the entirety of ‘Epiphany’ (2x16) was focused on Angel’s desire to make amends with Cordy and his devastation when she refused to accept him back. This continued in ‘Disharmony’ (2x17), with him desperately fighting to earn her forgiveness and ending with him winning Cordelia over by buying her clothes, which he was visibly happy about (x). Angel’s reaction at the prospect of losing Cordelia beckons back to ‘To Shanshu to L.A.’ (1x22) when we witnessed for the first time how scared he was to lose her and also suggests that at this point in season 2 his romantic feelings were developing for her. In the following episode ‘Dead End’ (2x18), he was so focused on making Cordelia feel better (and this was likely a continuation of him making it up to her) that he brought her food and his reaction to her saying she loved him was perhaps the brightest smile I’ve ever seen on Angel’s face (x). In ‘Belonging’ (2x19), Angel’s attraction to Cordelia was made clear when he saw her in a bikini and he also expressed anger at the director of the commercial she was filming for treating her like a ‘commodity’ and a ‘slave’, forcing him to apologise to Cordelia for the way he spoke to her and telling Cordelia he would rip his head off if she wanted him to. When Cordelia was sucked into the portal to Pylea in ‘Over the Rainbow’ (2x20), Angel’s profound emotional connection to Cordelia was clear (x) - he just wanted her back, he didn’t care how or what they had to do and he expressed that he couldn’t lose Cordy again after just getting her back (also that one line, ‘It’s Cordy’, that Angel says to Wesley when he tells Angel it’s too dangerous to go through the portal and they may never get back holds so much emotion). When Cordelia admitted to loving Groo in Pylea, Angel mistakenly thought she was saying it to him and was disappointed to learn otherwise. So basically, by the end of season 2 Angel undoubtedly had romantic feelings for Cordelia, but wasn’t yet aware of them. Season 3 continued to build on that by allowing Angel to heal following Buffy’s death and reach a resolution  in ‘Heartthrob’ (3x01) whereby he could start to process his feelings for Cordy, putting him a situation where he was faced with the prospect of losing her again, therefore cementing the depth of his feelings for her (‘That Vision Thing’ 3x02) and having Fred share her observations about his feelings for her, finally allowing him to fully acknowledge them for the first time. 
From Cordelia’s POV it’s much harder to guess when her romantic feelings for Angel developed, because we didn’t get as much insight into her. I do think her feelings for him didn’t come as soon as Angel’s did for her and neither did the realisation that she felt that way. ‘That Vision Thing’ (3x02) hints that Cordelia’s feelings for Angel may have begun to grow beyond friendship when she said, “If I lose the visions I wouldn't be able to help you anymore. You wouldn't need me.” Notice, Cordelia was concerned with Angel needing her, not the rest of the team. Also, since Angel was so devoted to saving Cordelia and explicitly told her she was more important to him than his vendetta against W&H, we can assume this impacted Cordelia’s feelings towards him since this was perhaps the first time she noticed how committed he was to keeping her safe and how much he wanted her in his life. I also think that witnessing Angel go through the process of becoming a father significantly impacted Cordy’s feelings for Angel. Seeing him take on the role of a father showed an even softer, nurturing side of him and the bond Cordy developed with Connor also brought them closer together. However, ‘Birthday’ (3x11) is the first episode that properly affirms the depth of Cordelia’s feelings for Angel. She was given everything she ever wanted - fame, money, stardom - and she gave it all up to return to Angel. Despite having no memory, upon seeing Angel so broken, Cordelia instinctively leaned in and kissed him fulfilling the old fairy-tale trope of true love’s kiss breaking the spell. I think from Cordelia’s POV, she was much more closed off to allowing herself to acknowledge her romantic feelings for Angel because she didn’t even consider Angel a romantic option given The Curse. This also explains why upon Groo’s return in season 3, she resumed her relationship with him despite having clearly developed profound romantic feelings for Angel that led her to prioritise him above Groo repeatedly to the point that Groo himself noticed that she had feelings for Angel.
This brings me back to the main point about Angel and Cordelia’s romantic feelings for each other never being straightforward or easily defined. In ‘Waiting in the Wings’ (3x13) it was clear - spell or no spell - that Angel and Cordelia shared a mutual sexual attraction and that Angel’s canonically confirmed romantic feelings for Cordelia were reciprocated. Yet Cordelia didn’t confirm her feelings for him explicitly to the audience until 9 episodes later in the finale of the season. This is for a number of reasons, but primarily because it was easier to continue denying their feelings and remain friends than face the complications that a romance posed. Even if they had been given the chance to openly express their feelings for each other, what would’ve happened next? As Angel said to Lorne in ‘Waiting in the Wings’, what could he offer her (as a cursed vampire)? It would’ve been too complicated and they knew that.
That criss-cross and complexity of their love is part of the reason I love them so much, because it’s authentic and relatable. Particularly in the case of friends who have fallen in love - it’s no easy transition and it’s definitely not easy to make sense of your feelings Plus, Angel and Cordy had the added complications that went with their life (Angel being a vampire, The Curse, Darla, their friends, Angel Investigations, W&H and the supernatural world generally, to name a few). In an interview a long time ago SMG said that the most heartbreaking thing about Buffy and Angel was that it was unfulfilled love, and in this respect so are Angel and Cordelia. It’s heartbreaking because they truly loved one another but they were never even given the opportunity to see what they could potentially be. They missed their chance and because of that they were always left wondering ‘what if?’ 
8. ‘I’ll be seeing you’: Missed Opportunity 
The fact that Angel and Cordy never got their shot to be together (which they discussed in ‘You’re Welcome’ 5x11) is the tragedy of their love. However, it wouldn’t be the same love story if it didn’t have that unresolved element to it. Everybody longs for closure and resolution with their ships, but the truth is, in real life few people truly get that, they simply have to move on and live with their regrets. But whilst I love Angel and Cordelia’s relationship and story as it is, there’s no escaping the fact that they were done dirty in seasons 4 and 5 in regards to the writing and as a result their story did go in a...shall we say unfavourable direction? 
Everyone that’s ever watched ATS has problems with season 4 (I could write a separate post about the problems with season 4, particularly in regards to Cordelia’s character), and when it comes to Angel and Cordelia’s relationship, there’s a lot that was handled badly which unfortunately, derailed the beautiful development that took place between them in season 3. We still had a lot of key moments that played out between Angel and Cordelia in season 4, but the main problem with the season is that we don’t actually know when Cordelia was actually Cordelia. At what point was she herself, if she ever was? Did she really have amnesia? If so, can we count amnesia!Cordy as still being Cordy to an extent? When did Jasmine start to take over? Did she have any agency at all when she was possessed by Jasmine, even if it was only the briefest of moments? All of these questions remain unanswered and make it very difficult to fully assess the Angel/Cordelia relationship during season 4, but I’m going to try to anyway. 
What remained clear throughout season 4 was that Angel loved Cordy. In fact, despite Cordelia technically being absent for the majority of the season, it was very Cangel-heavy, perhaps more than the seasons before it. Angel had multiple dreams/fantasies about Cordelia, devoted himself to finding her when she was missing at the start of the season, was visibly distraught to have her lose her memories and strike up a relationship with Connor, and lost his soul from a fantasy of making love to her. In my opinion, this is the season that really affirmed that Angel was in love with Cordy beyond any doubt. When Angel asked Cordelia if they were in love and she replied, “We were”, I strongly believe that was Cordelia. She’d just gotten her memories back so Jasmine hadn’t had chance to worm her way to the forefront yet, and I believe in that moment that was Cordelia finally breaking through and telling Angel that she loved him. Although the circumstances are ambiguous to say the least, I believe this to be the first admission of love exchanged between the two whereby the words were said plainly (because obviously they said ‘I love you’ to each other repeatedly before this moment in other ways). However, this doesn’t undo the dirty that was done to Angel and Cordelia in this season. Despite the fact that we know Cordelia wasn’t responsible for any of her actions since she was possessed by Jasmine, it’s still very hard when watching her with Connor to separate Jasmine from Cordelia. And from Angel’s perspective, he literally watched the woman he loved have sex with his son. Finding out afterwards that it wasn’t actually Cordelia doesn’t reduce the devastating impact of witnessing that and the way the Cordelia!Jasmine arc was written did taint some aspects of their relationship by forcing Angel to have to witness ‘Cordelia’ enter into a romantic relationship with Connor and have a child with him. Also, it was utterly ridiculous and unbelievable that Angel and co. wouldn’t recognise that Cordy wasn’t herself. This is definitely a writing issue, because the whole possession thing was handled so badly in the respect that Cordelia seemed like herself (even her sleeping with Connor was believable due to her amnesiac state), but it was still not in-keeping with the show that none of her friends (and especially Angel) would notice that Cordelia was possessed. Overall, season 4 did a huge disservice to Angel and Cordelia’s romance (although the biggest disservice was definitely done to Cordelia’s character) and whilst their relationship was beautifully developed in seasons 1-3, season 4 stopped that development in its tracks. 
Season 5 continued to do a disservice to Cordelia (and Angel and Cordelia) by practically erasing Cordy from existence (I know that backstage issues with the cast need to be taken into consideration here, but the lack of consideration to Cordelia’s character is still a valid point to discuss). Despite how utterly terrified Angel was whenever faced with the prospect of losing Cordelia, in season 5 he was visibly fine about Cordelia being in a coma and wasn’t even attempting to pull her out of it. The fact that Angel (and co.) would simply stand by and go on with the rest of their lives without devoting every single second to waking Cordy  is ridiculous and completely OOC for all of them. Angel, Wes, Gunn, Fred, Lorne and Cordy were deeply connected and would have done anything for each other, and there’s no way they would’ve given up on Cordy like that. But back to the point, despite Angel being in love with Cordelia throughout season 4, there was no reference to his feelings for her until ‘You’re Welcome’ (5x11). Now, don’t get me wrong, I love that episode and I always will, but I also can’t help but notice how out of place that episode feels within the rest of the season. In the episodes leading up to it Cordelia was barely mentioned and in the episodes afterwards, her death was completely ignored with only a few passing references from Angel near the end of the season (don’t even get me started on the fact that she didn’t even get a funeral. What the hell was that all about?!?!? This is Cordy.) Furthermore, Angel reverted back to being actively in love with Buffy (particularly in ‘The Girl in Question’ 5x20, which is honestly such a bad episode, I can’t even) with no consideration given to the fact that he had feelings for Cordelia. Personally, I believe all of these consistencies come from fan pandering - the reaction to Angel and Cordelia becoming a couple was very negative so they reverted back to the Angel/Buffy relationship because it was so popular and well-loved. But back to, ‘You’re Welcome’, the episode definitely redeemed some of what was done to Cordelia (and her relationship with Angel) by giving her/them a satisfying ending after an horrendous season 4, but nothing can truly make up for the fact that Angel and Cordelia’s relationship was so abruptly ended in the manner it was. It also can’t make up for the fact that we missed out on two entire seasons worth of development that we would’ve potentially got if the Jasmine plot hadn’t taken place (again, I understand this was largely down to behind-the-scenes complications with Charisma and Whedon). 
These flaws in the writing (and execution of the relationship) in seasons 4 and 5 is far and above my biggest criticism of Angel and Cordelia’s relationship as a whole (although it’s a criticism of the writers more so than Cordelia and Angel or David and Charisma). It never would have made sense for Angel and Cordy to have a plain sailing fairy-tale romance, but they had so much more potential and could have grown to become something even more beautiful if season 4 had continued to build upon their development from seasons 1-3. ‘You’re Welcome’ perfectly demonstrates the potential they had and what they could’ve become if Cordelia hadn’t been possessed by Jasmine. And that was only a taster and we could’ve had, we could’ve so much more. In my opinion, there were no limits on where their relationship could have been taken since it was so well written, built-up and established leading up to season 4. The fact that we’ll never know how the relationship would’ve played out if it had continued is sad, but as I said, that missed chance that they had is key to Angel and Cordelia’s relationship. It’s the one that got away, the love that could never be and that one person whom we always wonder, “What if?” about. 
9. ‘There are no people like us’: Why Angel/Cordelia are misunderstood and live in Buffy/Angel’s shadow
The final section I wanted to do is an exploration of the reasons why I feel Cordelia and Angel are misunderstood as a ship and how I believe this primarily stems from the fact that they live in Buffy/Angel’s shadow. This is where I’ll be comparing Angel/Cordelia and Buffy/Angel, so if you’re a fan of Buffy/Angel, you may not want to read this final section. However, this isn’t anti-Buffy/Angel, it’s really me working through my own thoughts and feelings as both a Buffy/Angel and a Angel/Cordelia shipper (yes, we exist haha). 
People have a tendency to make comparisons between the Angel/Cordelia and Buffy/Angel relationship two relationships, when in reality (as I’ve mentioned above) the two aren’t really comparable. Angel’s relationships with Buffy and Cordelia were distinctive, took place under completely different circumstances and brought different things to his life. Angel was fully engaged in a romantic relationship with Buffy for 2 years (on and off), but he never had the opportunity to do that with Cordelia. The romantic feelings were there, as was the potential for them to act on that and see what they could be, but it didn’t happen. So to compare the two relationships (when technically Angel and Cordy never entered into a romantic relationship) is futile to say the least. However, people naturally make those comparisons and when they do they seem to come up with two key reasons Angel/Cordelia are inferior to Buffy/Angel:
1. Sexual relationship/chemistry - It hasn’t escaped my attention that Buffy and Angel have a lot more sexual chemistry than Angel and Cordelia. Honestly, in my opinion, nothing can really compare to SMG/David chemistry, it’s so damn good. However, this criticism simply fails to understand that Angel and Cordelia’s love/connection never was primarily one of a sexual nature (notice that every fantasy Angel ever had of Cordelia was romantic not sexual). Romance was definitely part of their relationship (particularly in seasons 3, 4 and 5) and they had an attraction and they had chemistry (’Waiting in the Wings’ damn well proved that), but their relationship was never about sex. In comparison to Angel and Buffy, their relationship was deeply rooted in attraction. From the moment they meet each other they’re very physically attracted to each other and in seasons 1 and 2 they both make references made to how badly they want to kiss each other whenever they’re together, whilst in season 3 they discuss the difficulties they find in fighting against their sexual attraction to each other. As a result, Angel and Buffy’s relationship was always heavily steeped in sexual tension. The fact that Angel and Cordelia’s relationship didn’t have the same level of sexual attraction doesn’t make that relationship any less important, just different (which I know I keep saying, but it’s kind of my whole argument here - the two relationships are so fundamentally different you can’t compare them). 
2. Buffy is Angel’s one and only true love - There’s no denying that Buffy was and always will be Angel’s great love, but to quote one of my not-so-favourite shows (The Vampire Diaries), contrary to popular belief, people can (and usually do) have more than one great love in their lives. Clinging too tightly to the Buffy/Angel relationship ignores the immense changes Angel undergoes on ATS and the fact he moved on from Buffy (up until Spike’s return in season 5, which reverts him back to being kind of obsessed with Buffy, which is such bad writing and so inconsistent that it annoys me. And this isn’t  including crossovers either, because damn, they’re so problematic/inconsistent and I didn’t even realised until I watched ATS, but I can see now why the writers didn’t want to do too many crossovers despite the fans wanting them). Buffy was always in Angel’s heart and he always carried her with him, but he didn’t actively pine over her or yearn for her when he moved to L.A. (he did more so in season 1 and particularly after the events of ‘I Will Remember You’, but he slowly moved on). Angel conclusively and healthily moved on from Buffy - he established a life for himself which he loved and made him happy, he found a home, friends and embarked on a new love with Cordy. When two people have shared a love like Angel did with Buffy, it never goes away but it does change and it almost grows dormant (for reference, there’s a brilliant meta that discusses Angel moving on from Buffy which you can read here). To use a real life example here, my mom (who’s now 50) has been in around 5 serious long-term relationships in her life and has been with her current partner for 5 years and is completely in love with him. However, she’s openly admitted to me that she loved my dad more than she’s ever loved any man and she still regards him the love of her life. That doesn’t mean she’s still in love with him, because she’s not. She hasn’t seen him in two decades, she’s moved on and she’s found love with someone new. That love she had with him is a memory in her head and her heart, but it has no place in her life now. She’s a different person, her life has changed dramatically and that love is in the past. If he rocked up now he’d be a stranger to her and regardless of those memories she has of him, he’s no longer the person she’s in love with. That’s exactly what happened with Buffy and Angel. They always loved each other, but Angel truly did move forward (whether Buffy moved on is something I’m less unsure of). In ‘Heartthrob’ (3x01) Angel told James that he’d lost the woman he loved (Buffy) and that he had loved her with his whole heart. In response, James said that that couldn’t be true because if it was, when she had died Angel would’ve died along with her. After that, in a scene with Cordy (x), Angel admitted that he was okay and had dealt with Buffy’s death and how he felt guilty about that. In my opinion, this episode (and those scenes in particular) confirmed that Angel had moved on from Buffy and had gotten to a place where he could finally open himself up to Cordelia wholeheartedly. In fact, David spoke about how Angel had moved on from Buffy and that Cordy was what he needed (he also mentioned Darla, which is a topic I won’t get into because I could write an entirely separate post about that too) and here’s what he said: 
Interviewer: Darla killed herself, right? The baby's mother? Who's gonna step up and help Angel raise the baby? Buffy?
David: God, no. Buffy's pretty much out of the picture. They've played their storyline and that's just the past. I think between Cordelia and Fred he'll be mommied to death. But, Buffy's just the past.
Interviewer: Oh, come on. Buffy can never really be just the past, can she? I mean, that's Angel's soulmate.
David: I think Darla was probably his soulmate. I mean, they spent a hundred years together, then made a baby. You can't just--
Interviewer: Well, then Buffy was his first love.
David: Angel was Buffy's first love, but Angel loved Darla in a sick way.
Interviewer: I'm a Buffy/Angel fan. Sorry.
David: You're forgiven. No, I'm just saying that the two shows are on different networks and it's not gonna happen. There's no more story there for those two. Buffy isn't Angel's priority anymore. In season one and two of our show, she was always in the back of his mind, well, now it's all about the baby and Buffy is just, well, she's just a person he used to know.
Interviewer : Awww, come on! The story there was so incredible.
David: And like every good story, it came to an end. And then started over. On. Different. Networks. (again with the emphasis)
Interviewer : Is Angel going to hook up with Cordy?
David: Well, I'm all for it. I don't know what the writers have planned in that regard, but I'm a fan of Charisma's work and I'd love for our characters to be romantically involved. Cordy is really what Angel needs, I believe. (x)
See, it’s important to acknowledge that as amazing as Buffy and Angel’s story was, they broke up and went their separate ways. As David rightfully pointed out, it was the past and Buffy was no longer his priority. It’s always frustrated me that Angel was expected not to move on and to pine for Buffy, whilst Buffy was allowed to move on and find love again. The argument is that Angel was so much older than Buffy that he couldn’t or rather shouldn’t want to find love, whilst Buffy was still young, but the problem is, although Angel was technically old, he was still a teenager himself in terms of his experiences in love. He didn’t have a soul for 100 years so was incapable of love and then he spent 100 years when he had a soul cut off from the world. He had barely experienced anything the world had to offer and he certainly hadn’t had the opportunity to forge connections with others or explore the world of love. Buffy was able to move on from Angel and experience different types of relationships/loves with Parker (urgh), Riley and Spike (amongst others who she flirted with or briefly dated post-BTVS season 3). Angel deserved the same opportunity to experience new types of relationships that were different than the one he had with Buffy. I’m going to use another quote The Vampire Diaries because I feel it sums this up perfectly, “I realised that I may not be able to explain what I feel for her, but it is something, and, yeah, maybe all love isn't true love in the messed up way that you and I have experienced it, but I think this could turn into something even better.” This right here is exactly how I perceive Angel’s feelings for Buffy and Cordelia to be. Angel had only ever loved one person, Buffy was all he’d ever known of love and it was so big, messy and all-consuming , but with Cordelia he realised that love didn’t necessarily have to be like that and that there are different types of love. 
There’s no disputing that Angel never loved Cordelia in the same way he loved Buffy (which this post explains perfectly) - Angel will never love anyone the way he loved Buffy, but he did fall in love with Cordelia and she enriched his life in new ways and filled a void in him in much the same way Buffy did. During ATS Cordelia surpassed Buffy in importance simply because of the place she had in Angel’s life - she was the center of his world and without her it wouldn’t be the same (we saw that in season 5). It would be unfair to claim Angel couldn’t or shouldn’t love someone else just because he had such an intense love with Buffy. What makes his relationship with Cordelia so special is that it was so different than the love he had with Buffy. Those two loves will always sit in contrast to each other, but will never overshadow or replace one another because they’re both significant and special for different reasons. 
The point of talking about this was really just to highlight that Angel and Cordelia’s relationship is not by any means invalid or inferior because of Buffy/Angel. Both relationships are important and exist in contrast to each other. Angel and Cordelia’s relationship does tend to be misunderstood and/or unappreciated due to the nature of the writing (which had a lot of problems in seasons 4 and 5, and even a little in season 3) and because they’re too heavily compared to the hot and heavy romance between Angel and Buffy. However, Angel and Cordelia’s relationship developed organically over time in a subtle way and is demonstrative of how much relationships can evolve as life progresses and circumstances change, and how two people can grow together. Theirs was a story about two people, who in the beginning were indifferent to each other, but grew to know each other profoundly and found a lot through being in each others lives - purpose, belonging, family, friendship and love - and through having and sharing that, they fell in love. It’s not a conventional romantic love as most of us would expect, and they didn’t have the chances to fully explore their romantic connection because their story ended prematurely, but it was a beautiful relationship embedded in human connection and friendship at the deepest and purest level.
If you got to the end of this, thank you so much for reading. This took me days and days to write and edit, so I’m really grateful to you for reading and would appreciate likes/reblogs if you found this interesting. I’d also love to hear your thoughts on this topic, so if you have any feel free to stop by my ask box :)
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6ebe · 4 years
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I feel like we have to talk about how often the media portrays mental health issues as a way to cope (alcohol/drug abuse, depression, self harm, etc) and how often these things are portrayed as cool, sexy, or quirky. too many people claim that mental health is pure neurological/chemical imbalance and no amount of media can create or destroy it: the rising numbers of cases are simply due to rising awareness. but to say that is to simplify. Mental health is by nature competitive, and something easily triggered. how many people would legitimately consider self harm without having seen it depicted in media? my eating disorder would have never gotten so bad without having picked up on tips from characters on tv with eating disorders, the earliest days of my developing depression were filled with thoughts of WANTING to be depressed, thinking it would make me cool and special like characters like effie from skins - 7 years later i’m still dealing with the reverberations of having allowed mental health to become a defining part of my personality due to this Romanticism. we cant disconnect the media from the illness. so many teenagers grow up thinking that mental health illnesses and destroying yourself through drugs/alcohol/depression are key pathways to character depth and maturity. mental health illness has become a rite of passage. online communities are cesspits of wallowing and self loathing: mental health memes are the new cool and deeply triggering personal accounts of mental illness are mainstream and encouraged. refusing to acknowledge the danger of these communities and their demonization of recovery and healthy living is short-sighted and irresponsible - you only have to go so far to see people attacking recovery posts encouraging eating well and going outside as being “written by neurotypicals who can never understand”. teenagers and young people who are confident and self aware, who choose not to drink or self destruct are seen as social pariahs and are mocked. we need to start calling the media into account for the damage it is doing to young people. because it is destroying us.
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queen-bombus · 4 years
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July 26, 2017 · Edited · The Victim Mentality The victim mentality is characterized by pessimism, self-pity, repressed anger and a belief that life is beyond one's control. Victims blame any and every available scapegoat (fate, circumstances, other people, even objects!) for their problems and disappointments. They often lead a crisis-ridden lifestyle, going from one trauma to another, never seeing the contribution they make in creating their own crises. According to them, nothing is ever their fault. Unlike true victims, people with a victim mentality lament their misfortunes and stop there. They make no effort to learn from their mistakes, to analyze what went wrong, to pick up the pieces and move on. They wallow in self-pity, thinking that their shortcomings make them hopeless or that other's actions excuse them from responsibility. Their "poor me" attitude may be no problem for them, but it often creates anger and resentment in others. Becoming a Victim Victims always feel powerless. They passively accept what happens to them, attributing failures to their lack of ability and successes to "good luck". Lacking in self-esteem and self-confidence, their self-image depends on others' reactions to them. When others praise them, their self-esteem rises; when they're criticized, they feel worthless. In psychological terms, this is known as an external orientation. In contrast, people who are internally-oriented base their self-esteem and self-confidence on internally-held values and beliefs; when they live up to their own standards, they feel good about themselves regardless of what others may say. Praise from others may add to their sense of self-worth, but criticism doesn't destroy it. Developmentally, and external orientation is an extension of the natural dependency of childhood. Kids have little control over their lives; they must live with the results of decisions made by the adults around them. Hopefully, as they grow up, their parents help them realize their own personal power by encouraging them to make age-appropriate decisions. Acting as responsible role models and teaching them to temper their impulses with thought and planning. However, when parents withhold affection and praise, and only criticize and belittle, children draw negative conclusions about themselves. They conclude that they have no control over their life and that nothing they do can alter this. Passive and Aggressive Victims By accepting hopelessness and helplessness, children learn to be victims. They grow into adults who are either weak and pathetic or chronically "mad at the world". Whether passive or aggressive, victims are depressed, pessimistic, angry adults who expect little from life, but resent it just the same. MISERY MONGERS: VICTIM PROFILES Victims feel both angry and scared. But often display only one of these emotions, depending on which was more acceptable in their family of origin. But hear and anger are two sides of the same coin: within the frightened victim lies repressed anger and resentment, and behind the angry victim's aggression are deep fears of being alone and unloved. As children, passive victims learn that anger must be choked back, lest it drive loved ones away, and angry victims learn to repress fears that might render them vulnerable to rejection. They develop certain patterns of interactions that keep them victims and bind others to them with ties of guilt and pity or fear and intimidation. Over time these feelings and actions become substitutes for love. The Passive Victim Passive victims' underlying anger usually takes the form of "beating themselves up" when things go wrong, berating themselves for what they could have, would have or should have done differently. Their negative outlook sets into motion a downward spiral of self-defeat in which they see themselves as increasingly incompetent and unable to get ahead. Nothing good ever happens to them, they think. (Even if it did, they'd dismiss it and focus on the bad.) Their themes are "Ain't It Awful" and "Poor Me", classic "pity parties" that invite others to rescue them from their hopelessness. The Sickness Tyrant Sickness tyrants, says Herb Goldberg, co-author of Creative Aggression, expect the same special attention for being sick that they got as children. They succumb to their illnesses wholeheartedly. Some indulge in regular doctor visits, while others never see a physician, but all use their symptoms, medications or surgeries to escape responsibilities, displace unacceptable feelings and get care-taking in a way that is acceptable to them. They may use their illnesses to generate guilt and concern or to bully and manipulate others. The Martyr Martyrs expend a great deal of time and effort pleasing others, thereby earning praise and positive strokes. They appear to be selfless givers, but there's a catch. The more they give, the more they expect in return. The martyr plays "You Owe Me," a guilt-inducing script hinging on others' sense of obligation. A typical example is the breast-beating parent who laments, "I give and I give and I give, and what thanks do I get?!" The Angry Victim Aggressive, angry victims seem to be constantly angry about something. Deeply fearful of being abandoned by others and of losing control, their anger wells up when their insecurities are incited. Although the target of their anger may vary, they feel like whatever they do, it's never enough or never good enough. At the root of their problems is anger at their parents who didn't love them enough or who criticized them too much. The Bully Bullies are self-righteous victims who lash out and steam-roll over anyone or anything that frustrates their needs. Profoundly insecure and emotionally immature, bullies take little responsibility for their emotionally abusive behavior. In fact, they maintain that if everyone would just do things the right way (meaning "their way"), they would never have to get angry. Bullies are so caught up trying to defend themselves against what they see as a cold, hostile world that it never occurs to them that others have feelings, too. BEYOND VICTIMHOOD Most victims probably were victimized as children. However, what happens to us as children is beyond our control, but what we do about it as adults is completely up to us. It's our responsibility to resolve leftover conflicts and emotions from childhood - anger, fear and insecurity - so that we don't continue to victimize ourselves as adults. Moving beyond the victim mentality requires courage and commitment. Changing patterns learned in childhood is a risk, since it requires looking at the world in a new, more personally accountable way. Victims must learn to see how they contribute to (if not create) most of their troubles. That means recognizing that it's not bad luck or fate or your spouse or your boss or anyone or anything else that controls your life: only you do. Such a shift in perspective can be difficult to achieve alone. A therapist can help by acting as a mirror in which you can look objectively at the negative thought processes and emotional responses that fuel the victim mentality. For victims, therapeutic change begins with the question, "How can I change my behavior and take responsibility for my own life regardless of what others do (or don't do)?" Once in therapy, victims need to: · Focus on themselves and what they can do to improve their lives now. · Be realistic. Even with the best therapists, change will not come quickly. Therapy requires a lot of effort on the client's part and you will only get out of therapy what you put into it. · Avoid the urge to blame the therapist or assume change is impossible when results don't come quickly enough or when therapy becomes a challenge. Victims tend to be easily defeated, so blame is a retreat to hopelessness and passivity. VICTIMS' VICTIMS Victims can be manipulative. Since they feel powerless, they assume that they can only get love and attention indirectly (i.e. through manipulation). Unable to say, "I really want you to like me," they'll selflessly cater to others' interests and desires hoping for love and friendship in return. Instead of asking "Do you love me?" or "How much do you love me?" victims create crises and watch others' responses for evidence of care and concern. They confuse sympathy and pity with love, willingness to listen to their litany of complaints with intimacy. Handling victims can be tricky. They don't respond well to direct confrontation, since that only reinforces their negativity and helplessness. But you can protect yourself from their manipulations: · Don't get sucked in by victims' feelings. Victims use their suffering to keep others emotionally tied to them. Their feelings are real, but often subject to rapid change. · Don't give advice. While victims may seem helpless to resolve their problems, the truth is, they don't want to. Giving advice and counsel may make you feel good, but don't expect the victim to act on it. When victims seek advice, they are looking fro evidence of your care and concern, not a plan of action. (If your suggestions are usually met with a "yes but..." response, you know you're dealing with a victim.) · Go with the resistance and make it worse. Agree with victims: life truly is awful for them. Often, they'll change their tune, saying, "things aren't that bad…" · Make it their problem. Express confidence in their ability to find a solution. By refusing to give advice, you reinforce the idea that victims have the power to solve their own problems. If you follow these guidelines, victims will either begin to take responsibility for themselves, or they'll seek sympathy elsewhere. Either way, you won't be their victim. TAKING CONTROL Whether passive or aggressive, victims can take control of their lives by taking responsibility for their feelings, thoughts and actions. All things in life are choices. You may think, "I have to go to work." But the truth is you choose to go to work because you want the income it brings. Similarly, you may think feelings just happen, but, in fact, feelings are emotional reactions you choose to have. Recognizing that you always have choices, even when the alternatives are unattractive (like going to work or going broke) or unimaginable like not sinking down into depression when things don't go your way), is the first step in taking charge of your life. When you blame others for what happens to you, you give away your power. Every time you say things like, "You made me mad!" you're telling someone (and yourself) that they have power over your actions and feelings. Start using "I" messages. It's a subtle change, but, over time, changing your language will help change your beliefs. Being unclear about what you want and need from others guarantees disappointment. Don't expect people to read your mind. Tell others exactly what you want and expect of them, and they will be less likely to let you down or take advantage of you. In the face of such constant companions as crisis, injustice and disaster, happiness can seem an impossible dream for victims. Their self-defeating, all or-nothing, negative thinking leads victims to measure happiness by an absence of problems rather than the presence of pleasure. But this kind of pessimistic happiness takes effort since it requires such determination to seek out and focus on the negative. The same effort applied to optimism will bring much greater rewards. Moving beyond the fear, anger and pervasive negativity you've carried around since childhood will take time, effort and a firm commitment to change. But you can unlearn a victim mentality. A therapist can help you learn new, more powerful ways of thinking, feeling and interacting with others so that you can take control of your own life. REWARDS OF RESPONSIBILITY The psychological impact of a lack of personal responsibility can be devastating. Studies show that when people cease to be self-reliant (as with those on welfare for long periods of time) they suffer a considerable loss of self-esteem. They become unable to identify their skills, their initiative declines and they enter a downward spiral of decreasing self-esteem and self-respect and increasing failure. Successful people tend to: · Take full responsibility for their actions instead of blaming others · Learn from mistakes, instead of seeing them as signs of incompetence · Improve the way things are done instead of clinging to old habits. Clearly, accountability is crucial to personal fulfillment and success.
BUCK PASSING AND FINGER POINTING: VICTIMS ON THE JOB
Too often, the workplace becomes a stage for unresolved family dramas to be replayed as people unconsciously replicate childhood patterns with coworkers. For children of perfectionist parents who withheld affection, attention and approval, the performance orientation and competition of the workplace can stimulate a child-like desire to please authority figures. Parents who seek culprits rather than solutions create insecure adults who assume that job security depends more on escaping blame for mistakes than on competence and productivity. Caught up in their own personal anxieties, they reflexively put up a smokescreen of excuses and scapegoat others when problems arise; getting their work done becomes secondary to interpersonal conflicts in the office. A victim in the workplace is like the one rotten apple that ruins the barrel; one victim breeds others. Buck-passing and finger pointing is costly and inefficient; team efforts grind to a halt as workers seek ways to protect themselves from blame. The resulting every-man-for-himself environment erodes team spirit, slows personal and corporate growth, and discourages creativity.
https://www.drshirin.com/victimme.htm?fbclid=IwAR2GyJq7bLCmnNNNNPu7fSh-7QVvGPTLaDA46rXmfsi8TbIRQ4UFPfBjW3w
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sammgreer · 7 years
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Night in the Woods - Review
This isn't really a proper review because I'm not sure I can give this game a fair judgement. I bought it on the promise of others' praise and because it seemed a pleasantly chill game, which I was very much after.
Night in the Woods is the story of Mae Borowski, who drops out of college and returns to her home town to reconnect with family and friends. A relatively familiar coming of age tale but novel territory for video games to be sure. Set in a world of anthropomorphic animals with a vibrant art style, coloured shapes marching about like paper cut-outs. Aesthetically it's nice and fuzzy but there's wonderful quirks throughout. 
Whilst the game's largely about speaking with the characters, there's a welcome sense of playfulness as you roam the streets between conversations, able to jump on bins and climb power lines. There's no pressure on your time and you can freely explore the small town of Possum Springs, uncovering little secrets and following the side stories of smaller characters. Nor is exploration vital to understanding the story but simply something that enriches it. The characters themselves are lovingly animated, giving off plenty of personality with their flailing arms or the spiteful squint in their big eyes. Jump-cuts in the animation or the way someone's arms fall in dismay are often used to great comedic effect too. I laughed and smiled through many conversations with Mae's friends and family.
But as in life, the humour is often used to downplay sadness or frustration. Her home town, Possum Springs, is a rundown place. Whilst it's an American-esque town, it's painfully similar to the shitty towns and villages where I grew up in Scotland. Post-industrial places, left discarded with no jobs or prospects to speak of. Where young folk go into the woods for a party because no where's more secluded. I'm familiar with these people and this place or ones similar enough, so despite the animal themed aesthetic, there's a distinct sense of the real world about it all. That neglected war memorial over town, those famous spots for teen hang-outs and the peculiar urban myths that inhabit the ruins of industry. All have the air of authenticity.
In this setting the game is largely made up of slice-of-life segments, where we simply spend time with Mae and her friends, with the player able to choose who to hang out with. Much of this is simply nice, a lovely change of pace from the high stakes narratives of so many videogames. Yet right from the get go there's an unease. Conflict creeps in between these old friends and it's very quickly apparent that Mae's history with her friends, family and home is not all pleasant. Fun nights quickly turn into cutting arguments. Misunderstandings leave Mae confused and self-loathing, alone when she'd rather not be. I've been there. But the game does balance well placing us in Mae’s shoes whilst also making us detached enough to recognize her naivety or lack of experience. It’s an approach that ensures we can more easily recognize the character’s issues even as they themselves fail to do so.
The history of Possum Springs itself is steeped in misery and tragedy beyond the readily apparent. This isn't just a place with a bleak future, wrecked by an uncaring economy but one that has always been plagued by issues and disasters. The fate of the town itself forms the basis for the main overarching plot though that doesn't come into focus at all until the later portions of the game. Though an opening narration discusses ghost and death, setting the tone for the story in advance.
And it's here that Night in the Woods hit me hard. I was invited into the warm world and its inhabitants. So much of the game was just spending time with them. But then came the painful reminders of inescapable problems. Friend's trapped in terrible jobs with overwhelming responsibility. The oppressive dread that your life is well and truly going nowhere. Mae's battle with mental-illness seems at the heart of the story but is never really directly confronted, instead her issues are carefully alluded to. For someone who's dealt with similar problems, here as with the town, I was struck by its authenticity. The depiction here is restrained and hit me all the harder because of it.
Personally I'm not in a great place right now and Night in the Woods was often an uncomfortable reminder of real life. Mae's insecurities are genuine ones that I imagine are informed by the developer's own experiences. There's a rawness at the heart of Night in the Woods, carefully tip-toeing around the hurt these characters are going through without ever just having them talk about it. Nor are their problems tidily dealt with and resolved by the game's end but instead ongoing battles. In this regard it's deftly written, commendable even but not the experience I had sought.
The overarching plot gets progressively darker, the stakes steadily rising and it goes into territory quite separate from the bulk of the game, foregoing the small town life aspect in favour of something more outlandish. Whilst it ultimately makes sense, a great threat that reflects the worry at the very heart of Mae, it nonetheless feels largely out of place for the most part. Perhaps that's precisely the point but it often felt like a distraction from the character drama that compromises the majority of the game.
It's ultimately about coping with your problems, not wallowing in them and in the game's ending there is hope in spite of reality. Yet it offered little comfort to me right now. I was looking for an escape but instead, Night in the Woods was a painful reflection. Which is not a criticism. I'm grateful that they've made a game that explores these themes in such a mature fashion and puts them at the centre of the experience. This is a game about those characters and their problems, not an action title or platformer with those things attached.
But in its authenticity there is much that may be hard to deal with. It is a weightier and darker experience than I expected. For those who may be drawn in by the cute visuals I would only warn that whilst there is a great degree of warmth in the stories told by Night in the Woods, there is also subject matter that is not always comforting.
It is I think, a sweet and special game for managing to put together a character drama without copping out in favour of something more familiar to the realm of videogames. That's incredible in so many ways. Not only that but in this story it explores topics you seldom see discussed in popular culture despite the numeracy of those affected. This is a coming of age story with a bigger scope than most and finds space to let it breathe and gel together, for the most part.
Night in the Woods isn't always the game I wanted and when it stopped being that, when it took time to explore the underlying issues of its characters, I found many an uncomfortable truth. Maybe it was the game I did need right now but it was frequently uncomfortable to play, skirting closer to reality than I'd have preferred. But that's good and for some I hope this might expose them to ideas and issues they're unfamiliar with. For others maybe it well even help them understand themselves better.
Just know in advance, as perhaps I wish I had, that it is not a game without weight and that in its bright world, there is a great deal of darkness.
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komatsunana · 6 years
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Uncommon character dev asks for the main ladies in the lovely adventuring party: 2, 6, 11, 12, 14, 18, 21, 22, 23, 25, 26, 28, 29, 30. Feel free to split this up by character or number!
Hm, I’ll split it up by character since that makes more sense to me.
* means unofficial name(this was run, esp answering some of the questions I wasn’t sure of yet myself - thank you!)
Ausra:
2. Does your character have any noteworthy features? Freckles? Dimples? A scar somewhere unusual? etcShe has splotches of molten purple all over her skin from a deadly illness  (that I haven’t fully expanded on yet) in her youth. She has a special paint that she puts on the center of her forehead that would change from blue to red if the illness became active and contagious.
6. If you were to pick one song — and only one song — to describe your character, what would it be and why?She’s one of the characters that building a playlist has been hardest for. I dubiously say Warning Call by CHVRCHES11. What do they think of creation? Do they believe in evolution or do they believe in God? What is their religion like?
Gods in this world are all ascended mortals but are just a fact of life, nothing to dispute since interaction with them is pretty frequent. I’m unsure of how this world approaches Creation and evolution atm. Despite growing up in a religious setting though, Ausra serves no god/deses personally and is embittered by them.
12. Describe 5 unusual characteristics your muse has.- Always wears her hair in a tight ponytail to keep her hair out of her face but ponytails give her a headache and headaches make her cranky. She’s always cranky. This might be connected.- Her cooking has healing abilities.- Has very good luck.-  The most important thing you need to know about her? Accent: Valley girl.
14. Are they a team player or do they prefer to be solo?Will do anything to ensure the people around her survive to her own detriment (which is often to their detriment as well) but she is difficult to work with in a team and is prone to making things more difficult for everyone by complaining.
18. Are they a leader, do they prefer to follow, or would they rather just stay on the sidelines altogether?She makes a difficult leader but she’s hardly a follower and questions everything. Her only concern is getting everyone under her protection out alive and unharmed and she’ll sacrifice a mission to ensure that.
21. Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why?N/A22. Does your character trust people right off the bat or does it take them some time to warm up to someone?She doesn’t hold people at arms’ length from lack in trust in others but lack of trust in herself.
23. Do they prefer romance or affection? What is the quickest way to your character’s heart?She’s very affection starved but it’s hard for her to accept it.  The easiest way to heart is probably just acquiescing to her fussing for a bit and then thanking her - that’ll gobsmack her. So’s a big appetite, especially if someone asks for seconds of her food - not that she’ll give it.
25. Do they have any weird bedroom habits? Any unusual kinks?Tbh, my OCs are like my kids so I haven't really thought about it deeply. Just taking a quick think on it… Ausra has a tendency to doctor people and not in sexy way.  I can see that following her into the bedroom. Shirts come off and she feels a lump and she’s like “Gotta get that checked out.”  Might be into hair-pulling? idk
26. How does your character prepare for bed? Do they sleep at all or can they stay awake for days on end without trouble?She has a whole bedtime routine with tea and scented lotions. She sleeps easily and quickly - helped by her aforementioned bedtime routine. She doesn’t want to let her own exhaustion cause anyone else’s death so she ensures she gets enough sleep.
28. Are they afraid of death? Do they have any regrets?Despite having a bit of a death wish and feels guilty for surviving through several events for which she was the only survivor for, she desperately wants to live.  She regrets surviving at the expense of others though.
29. Does your character get restless when things are too quiet or do they favour solitude and silence? Why?She says she hates when things are hectic but she tends to wallow if she’s left in solitude and silence too long, stewing in her own guilt.
30. Finally; if your character was forced to eat one thing for the rest of their life, what would they choose and why?Probably potatoes lmao. Because they contain all the necessary nutrients to live and she’d know that. She’d hate it though.
Baby:
2. Does your character have any noteworthy features? Freckles? Dimples? A scar somewhere unusual? etcHas a facial scar that she tries to keep covered at all times. Gets sun freckles easily.
6. If you were to pick one song — and only one song — to describe your character, what would it be and why?I have plenty of choices on her playlist, but I gotta go with P!nk’s So What
11. What do they think of creation? Do they believe in evolution or do they believe in God? What is their religion like?Rather than worship a Deity of the water or Ocean like most pirates, Baby worships the Ocean itself which is unusual.
12. Describe 5 unusual characteristics your muse has.- Hates carrying money and jewels and stuff - as a pirate it’s weird- Isn’t sure what she did but she’s definitely cursed from approaching the ocean rn - it’s like repelling a magnet and she bounces back- Always wears something that shows off either her boobs or legs… but it’s one or the other- As a former sex worker, she now uses their services herself- Baby is actually a diminutive petname from an ex that she kept when she became a pirate.
14. Are they a team player or do they prefer to be solo?She’s treated as if she’s a loose canon by the rest of the squad but she was first mate as a pirate and highly trusted by those under her employ - she’s always there for the team when it counts. 
18. Are they a leader, do they prefer to follow, or would they rather just stay on the sidelines altogether?She’s good at giving and following orders, but she cannot stay on the sidelines.21. Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why?One of them would be to break the curse on her. Others are secrets.
22. Does your character trust people right off the bat or does it take them some time to warm up to someone?It takes time for her to trust people but she has a soft spot for abuse victims and children.
23. Do they prefer romance or affection? What is the quickest way to your character’s heart?After her ex-husband ran out on her leaving her in a bad position (after years of abuse), Baby tends to take the lead in her sexual ventures. She’s not looking for romance (rn), just to show women a good time.
25. Do they have any weird bedroom habits? Any unusual kinks?Hm, not much that I can think of that I haven’t already mentioned. She’s tried a lot of shit as a sex worker.  Doesn’t like mixing pleasure with pain in the least.
26. How does your character prepare for bed? Do they sleep at all or can they stay awake for days on end without trouble?Tends to go until she passes out.
28. Are they afraid of death? Do they have any regrets?Her only fear is never being near the ocean again.
29. Does your character get restless when things are too quiet or do they favour solitude and silence? Why?She loves partying but the quiet doesn’t bother her - it’s good for her to ground herself sometimes and actually think ‘cause otherwise she acts on her emotions.
30. Finally; if your character was forced to eat one thing for the rest of their life, what would they choose and why?Idk, some kind of fish dish. I don’t know anything about eating fish though so I can’t answer more than that right now.
Coda:
2. Does your character have any noteworthy features? Freckles? Dimples? A scar somewhere unusual? etcSpoiler. :3
6. If you were to pick one song — and only one song — to describe your character, what would it be and why?Applause by Lady Gaga
11. What do they think of creation? Do they believe in evolution or do they believe in God? What is their religion like?Her whole deal is convincing other people to worship her and to ascend to godhood.
12. Describe 5 unusual characteristics your muse has.- Even her appearance is a lie- Won’t let anyone touch her- All of her speeches are pre-written- Writes hymns and shit for her followers to sing- Tends to prefer the underdog
14. Are they a team player or do they prefer to be solo?She’s a team player by necessity but she’ll take credit for ensuring the other’s success by her divine power. 
18. Are they a leader, do they prefer to follow, or would they rather just stay on the sidelines altogether?Well she’s trying to be the ultimate leader.  She’s been a follower before and she’ll never stay on the sidelines ever again.
21. Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why?She spent a long time trying to find wishes and miracles to bring back to life the 3 most important people in her life.  Now she’d just use all three wishes to become a god, because she knows the primary wishes are impossible.
22. Does your character trust people right off the bat or does it take them some time to warm up to someone?Trusts absolutely no one and feels constantly persecuted.
23. Do they prefer romance or affection? What is the quickest way to your character’s heart?After a childhood of isolation, despite being in her 30′s, Coda is very childlike when it comes to love. She still just craves family, rather than romance. Sees the worship and faith of her followers as love.
25. Do they have any weird bedroom habits? Any unusual kinks?Covers up completely so no one can see her as she sleeps.
26. How does your character prepare for bed? Do they sleep at all or can they stay awake for days on end without trouble?See previous. Also she *needs* her beauty sleep.
28. Are they afraid of death? Do they have any regrets?She doesn’t fear death, wants oblivion. Regrets? She has those.
29. Does your character get restless when things are too quiet or do they favour solitude and silence? Why?She can lay up on the act she’s playing when she is alone so she doesn’t mind it.
30. Finally; if your character was forced to eat one thing for the rest of their life, what would they choose and why?idk................ Grapes?
Esca:
2. Does your character have any noteworthy features? Freckles? Dimples? A scar somewhere unusual? etcHer eyes are milky white and hair is oily.
6. If you were to pick one song — and only one song — to describe your character, what would it be and why?Beekeepeer by Keaton Henson
11. What do they think of creation? Do they believe in evolution or do they believe in God? What is their religion like?Serves Goddess of Death, as her family has always done.
12. Describe 5 unusual characteristics your muse has.- Never left the forest she grew up in- Leads people through the forest for money but if she doesn’t like them she’ll let them get killed by the animals that live there- Had a lantern named Ghostlight with magical properties- Found her son abandoned as a baby
14. Are they a team player or do they prefer to be solo?Solo.
18. Are they a leader, do they prefer to follow, or would they rather just stay on the sidelines altogether? - Prefers the sidelines - leaving the sidelines to find her son right now.
21. Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why?Specifics are secrets, but they’d all be for her son’s benefit.
22. Does your character trust people right off the bat or does it take them some time to warm up to someone?Doesn’t really even know how to relate to people. Has good intuition.
23. Do they prefer romance or affection? What is the quickest way to your character’s heart?N/A
25. Do they have any weird bedroom habits? Any unusual kinks?N/A
26. How does your character prepare for bed? Do they sleep at all or can they stay awake for days on end without trouble?Can go as long as needed without sleep without being impeded upon.  Can sleep sitting up and will wake up at the slightest hint of danger.
28. Are they afraid of death? Do they have any regrets?She serves death so no. She just wants to be laid to rest with her lantern to guide her into death. Has many regrets for how she raised her son.
29. Does your character get restless when things are too quiet or do they favour solitude and silence? Why?Prefers solitude because it’s what she’s used to - being around people is overwhelming.
30. Finally; if your character was forced to eat one thing for the rest of their life, what would they choose and why?Idk like.......... Venison?
Helga*:
2. Does your character have any noteworthy features? Freckles? Dimples? A scar somewhere unusual? etcShe doesn’t have any birthmark tattoos which is noteworthy because her people all do.  She also has 4 scars over her lips, where something big clawed her face.
6. If you were to pick one song — and only one song — to describe your character, what would it be and why?Augustine by Vienna Teng
11. What do they think of creation? Do they believe in evolution or do they believe in God? What is their religion like?Serves the Goddess of Justice.  A relatively newly ascended Goddess, it’s a small community..
12. Describe 5 unusual characteristics your muse has.- You’ve heard of the mom friend… now meet the grandma friend! Knits in her spare time and always has hard candy on her.- Won’t shut up about religion- Trying to purge herself of her feelings of love for someone she shouldn’t love- Has multiple step siblings, doesn’t know who her mom- Teaches civilians how to defend themselves in her spare time
14. Are they a team player or do they prefer to be solo?She’s a great team player unless the team is doing something against her morality. Then she’s impossible.
18. Are they a leader, do they prefer to follow, or would they rather just stay on the sidelines altogether? A good leader, a better follower. She’ll stay at the sidelines if commanded to.
21. Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why?She’d want to wish away her romantic, ‘sinful’ feelings but she’d feel that was selfish. She’d make her wishes all for the good of others and re-double efforts to rid herself of her feelings.
22. Does your character trust people right off the bat or does it take them some time to warm up to someone?She gives all people the respect they deserve - if those in authority are not using their power kindly she dispatches them. Warms up pretty easily, but doesn’t let people in necessarily.
23. Do they prefer romance or affection? What is the quickest way to your character’s heart?She denies herself romance, but if the right woman swept her off her feet…
25. Do they have any weird bedroom habits? Any unusual kinks?Her culture has many customs, including touching fingers or even hands to each other’s necks be the ultimate form of intimacy and trust. I just want to take this moment to say it’s not a breathplay thing lol.
26. How does your character prepare for bed? Do they sleep at all or can they stay awake for days on end without trouble?Always bathes before bed if possible. Wears special silk armor for pajamas. Likes to have a bed time because she likes routine but can skip it if needed. Doesn’t sleep much regardless. Typically goes to bed after midnight and gets up before the sun rises.
28. Are they afraid of death? Do they have any regrets?No fear for death. The only regrets she would hold is that she could never quench her secret desires.29. Does your character get restless when things are too quiet or do they favour solitude and silence? Why?Likes her solitude but she enjoys the distraction that other people provide.
30. Finally; if your character was forced to eat one thing for the rest of their life, what would they choose and why?Idk probably some kind of bread in connection with her Goddess.
Lois*:
2. Does your character have any noteworthy features? Freckles? Dimples? A scar somewhere unusual? etcUh, probably has dimples. Maybe freckles. Definitely has a prominent cowlick. 
6. If you were to pick one song — and only one song — to describe your character, what would it be and why?Shoot I don’t have a playlist for her...... Idk something like Hero by Pegboard Nerds
11. What do they think of creation? Do they believe in evolution or do they believe in God? What is their religion like?Serves a Cow Farming God or something like that
12. Describe 5 unusual characteristics your muse has.- Middle child of 13- 28-ish and has never left her family farm until now- When I say family farm, that includes extended family - her farm has 200+ people and all of them are related to her or married in or want to- Befriended the Giants living behind her family farm eventually- Family loves and supports her and she gets care packages on the road
14. Are they a team player or do they prefer to be solo?She thinks she’s ready to go for either but she tends to get into trouble when she’s alone.
18. Are they a leader, do they prefer to follow, or would they rather just stay on the sidelines altogether? She’s not ready to lead.... yet. She’s a total Shounen Hero though and gains peoples respect and trust easily.
21. Your character has been granted 3 wishes; what would they wish for and why?N/A
22. Does your character trust people right off the bat or does it take them some time to warm up to someone?Trusts people implicitly - due to an upbringing with virtually no hardships - distrust is earned instead over time.  Except with Family Cow Secrets. She trusts no one with those lmao
23. Do they prefer romance or affection? What is the quickest way to your character’s heart?Wants to sweep a girl off her feet like a real hero.
25. Do they have any weird bedroom habits? Any unusual kinks?Idk would probably be into roleplaying in bed
26. How does your character prepare for bed? Do they sleep at all or can they stay awake for days on end without trouble?Gotta get into her jammies and drink a glass of warm milk every night. She’s used to a happier and cushier life than the others but she’s always used to not getting a lot of sleep and doesn’t lose steam easy.
28. Are they afraid of death? Do they have any regrets?Doesn’t really think about death much - probably doesn’t realize she can die. No regerts!
29. Does your character get restless when things are too quiet or do they favour solitude and silence? Why?Likes when things are exciting and fun but she uses the quiet to study and write in her journal/letters to her family
30. Finally; if your character was forced to eat one thing for the rest of their life, what would they choose and why?Cow’s milk from her family’s dairy farm.
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celiadanford-blog · 6 years
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What To accomplish Along with An Unhappy Partner?
The shock for most people happens when they recognize their neighbor Joe as well as his wife sometimes meet for alcoholic beverages and some kinky sexual activity with their other next-door neighbors Bob as well as Suzy from 2 doors down. Keep in mind: every person requires 12 squeezes a day, thus see to it to provide all the caress they need to have for a terrific emotion each day just before bed time. I recognized exactly what that needed to make me able to regurgitate, which was actually making myself so total to the point where I felt likeI was actually mosting likely to regurgitate in any case. Male will not believe you are actually selfish if you perform it in a manner that praises their wish making you delighted. Despite the fact that, it might think unusual for a long time, but once you do that, it does not make you think thus. This words will be actually the ideal one if you really want to make your enthusiast experience very crucial.
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Some folks point out today I may not be happy due to the fact that I am actually ill, because I carry out not possess money, since the climate is actually as well very hot, since I was ridiculed through someone, due to the fact that I carried out not value on my own, due to the fact that my children do not listen to me, since my good friends perform certainly not make me satisfied. Similarly if you focus on the important things in your life that you are thankful for not simply do you experience happier however you also start to attract additional things that create you satisfied. I usually locate myself drawing up a webpage from happy points when I remain in a good and pleased place as well as I am actually troubled this's going to involve a conclusion very soon. When you wish to obtain your ex lover partner back as soon as possible, you commonly make the same oversight as many people perform, and also you even understand that this is actually certainly not mosting likely to function. Older ladies which have actually finished their accountabilities and also are actually right now ready for a laid back and also crazy opportunity, could locate their excitement come to a shrilling halt considering that their companion possesses no passion in taking pleasure in sexual activity. I am actually therefore satisfied that i did certainly not shed him to the girl and all admiration visits DOCTOR Eze Malaka for his magnum opus. For even more famous quotes, take a look at the preferred, a site that focuses on 'Leading 10' checklists of quotes in dozens of classifications. It is actually a truth that many males think that they may obtain their partners back through dating yet another female to earn their ex-spouse jealous. The means to tap into your right mind is by performing factors that create this stretch and also increase in manner ins which sustain innovative and also imaginative reasoning. Ensure certainly not to overdo the arrangements to keep the event really classy. Simply perform permit me recognize and also I will definitely do completely everything I can to repair that if you have any sort of problem analysis this fic with a monitor viewers. Generally, the songs are not needed to recognize the story, however I'm working on featuring the verses to the songs on the online video posts to make sure that must be actually up very soon. Of all the intimate quotes to obey I've encountered, this set has actually been actually the absolute most highly effective. Our team have actually looked into workout comprehensive in the past, as well as took a look at just what that does to our minds, including launching healthy proteins and also endorphins that make our team feel happier, as you can view in the image here. I like you And also this is actually certainly not given that you create me pleased, not due to the fact that you create me believe special, nor given that you are actually the sweetest person ever before ... yet given that I merely love you. She has this very most priceless present that a man wishes to use her-a need making her happy-then. dishonors that by creating him bad and inappropriate for not possessing the present of spiritual reading I believe this is a major factor men leave behind. So orgasms, sunsets, and books make me happy; as well as those are actually a few amongst lots of, numerous traits that perform. There is actually nothing at all you may do concerning it apart from removal and eliminate on to making yourself delighted once more. But I believe the 1st step is actually to determine the many things that definitely DO create you pleased. I despised being actually a vacant vessel, and also as I started going out with, I expected that exclusive a person to follow throughout, load me up, as well as make me satisfied. When the Significant Ben strikes 12 in the twelve o'clock at night, individuals celebration with friends and families in the homes or even out on the roads. That is actually difficult to experience alone once again once they make buddies along with themselves and also are capable to be that they are actually. Ultimately, this exceeds the concern: Perform our company possess a right to be delighted or to focus on being so, specifically nowadays. B: There are actually merely 2 oversights one can create along the roadway to fact: certainly not going all the way, and also not starting. May be they are actually going through difficult time, and through delivering all of them these quotes you can easily create all of them grin and also brighten up their time. When her track was completed, Rachel moved back to their dining table, accepting compliments off their associates as she went by. As she approached their table, Kurt reached out to her. Our happiness my friends is actually something that we must deal with without permitting people's action to affect that or even to possess an adverse influence on this. Make a point of staying a pleased life without letting other people's action determine the method you are actually attempting to live your life. YOU are the only one that can easily make you feel better as well as by doing nothing will definitely obtain you no place. She adores them for being guys, not for what they may be. Guys are normally satisfied that ladies are actually girls. Nearly all men are oblivious to pointers so if you're certainly not allowing him recognize point space that you're happy with him and just what he creates for you, you may gone on the monitor to losing him. A session knew is that certainly not everyone adores birds as some of our company carry out. I was actually sitting on our deck one warm spring early morning, delighting in the chorus from song birds in the surrounding trees. This is actually fairly insane that thinking about a journey could make you happy, but I bear in mind a handful of years ago (before I had youngsters) I in fact created a spreadsheet of factors I would like to carry out if I won the lottery. I was a compulsive eater that was actually trying to cover it up and counterbalance that weight-wise in every as well as any type of technique that I might by compulsively weight loss or even bingeing and expunging yet when that boiled down to this, I was addicted to meals. When you were delighted and re-live those emotions inside you, devote at the very least 10 moments a time bearing in mind an opportunity. 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