#but i can’t do this one anymore it just hurts too much it feels too heavy and i feel so empty

[jj-one]

𝑪𝑹𝑨𝒁𝒀, 𝑺𝑻𝑼𝑷𝑰𝑫, 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 🎬 ⋅˚₊ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

PT. 1 / please read part 1 before continuing, this won’t make sense as a stand alone !

The model life has never crossed your mind but the moment Jungkook laid his eyes on you he knew you were perfect. He was willing to go great lengths to get you on board, even developing a connection with you that could ultimately lead to one of you getting hurt.

── ✧ ˚. ꒰ pairing ꒱ ˒˓ modeling scout!jungkook ˒˓ model!f!reader ˒˓ strangers to enemies to lovers, jk is in his early 30's and reader is early 20's genre/tags. angst, (some) fluff, a lot of smut, cheating, mentions of past trauma, small mentions of alcohol and drug usage, mentions of y/n crying, themes of anxiety and depictions of panic attacks, oral (m & f receiving), katoptronophilia, daddy kink, public sex, you give jk road head lol, piv, unprotected sex (we should know by now that this is wrong!), left y’all with a bad cliffhanger yet again lmao i can’t help it words. 14.6k

A blank stare is met with you from your confrontation. The man who you thought you knew, was now standing over you with the most dumbfounded look.

“Wh— what do you mean, y/n?” Jungkook asks, arching his brows in confusion, you wished it was easier for you to handle this.

As much as you envisioned yourself doing so, you couldn’t seem to bring yourself to face the man in front of you. Your flight or fight instincts were starting to kick you into flight mode since you didn’t have much fight left within you. What’s the point anymore? It was only going to end in disaster anyway, as most do your attempts at finding happiness do.

“I really think you should just leave now Jungkook…” your voice trails off as you look at the ground, unable to bear him a clear answer to your sudden awkward behavior. That voicemail of his wife kept replaying in your head, you wanted to breakdown and cry, the woman sounded so sweet and was probably such a good wife to him. Though, you don’t know for certain what goes on behind the scenes, she seemed like a nice person, it just made you feel more shameful. You felt awful for possibly being a home-wrecker now, and it’s only making you want him out of your sight even more.

“But what do you mean by the truth? Talk to me y/n, I would never lie to you I-”

You cut him off instantly, snapping at him for the last line, which was obviously another blatant lie. “Please get the fuck out and just let me process this or it’s going to get really ugly!”

You didn’t mean to growl at him like that at the end, turning more hostile by the second, but you were practically at your wits end with him right now. The constant lying was just too much, you don’t even know what the truth is anymore.

“I’ll go, but can you at least just tell me what I did wrong this time? I’m so confused by you y/n, why are you always like this?” He was so clueless and unfazed of the fact that you didn’t even know his biggest secret, it made you want to scream at him more.

“Why am I like this? Why are you like this?! Do you not foster a guilty conscience at all? You should feel sick for cheating on your wife!” You couldn’t hold it in anymore, there’s no going back from this and now he’s forced to come clean.

Once finally addressing the elephant in the room the air was filled with complete, utter silence. His more collected and calm demeanor instantly shifts from before, pausing for a moment and breaks his steady eye contact with you. You knew immediately once you drop that information he wouldn’t be able to face you with such confidence.

“How…did you…even figure that out?” The look on his face was priceless as his dirty laundry has been finally aired out. His mouth wide open with shock, his body tensed up from the panic settling in, already knowing how bad this situation could ensue.

“You shouldn't leave your phone lying around, idiot.” You point to his phone that’s still on the ground, “maybe take it in the shower with you next time, you cheating liar!”

“W-wait back up, you went through my phone? That’s not cool y/n!” Jungkook’s face was beet red from embarrassment and now yours was too. You both got called out for doing bad things but his ‘bad thing’ is much more extreme and serious than yours will ever be.

“She called you like eight fucking times, I thought it could’ve been one of your clients or something!”

Jungkook kept pacing around your room still in disbelief of it all, the only word he could muster up was a simple “wow…” His silence was saying a lot right now and from the looks of it he wasn’t going to give you much further explanation. Even so, it wouldn’t be enough for you to forgive him, he’s not only hurt you but his innocent wife, that’s unforgivable in your eyes.

“I want you out of my apartment now!” Raising your voice several more octaves, you open your bedroom door to let him freely walk out but he tries one last time in attempt to plead with you.

“Please, y/n I can explain if you let me..”

“What the fuck is there to explain?” You scoff, annoyed by his efforts, “the explanation is already right there!”

“I’m going to be fully honest with you now, okay? I’ve been with my wife for 3 and a half years and it’s probably been the worst mistake of my life. My parents basically forced me into this marriage to begin with. I didn’t have much of a choice, I never loved her— I don’t even know why I ended up stayed for this long. I’m trying to get a divorce soon, i’m filing the papers next week and we’re technically already separated as I’ve told her many, many times how this isn’t going to work. At this point it’s strictly for appearances that we’re still “together” …she’s an actress so I need to make sure I don’t ruin her public image with a messy divorce or any bad scandals.” He finishes his explanation and you were now even taken more aback by everything.

How come just didn’t say any of this beforehand? It would’ve saved him a lot of trouble than just waiting for you to find out, because even the sneakiest people have to face their consequences eventually. You don’t know the whole gravity of the situation nor how much say he had in this marriage but him talking so casually about divorcing his wife wasn’t sitting right with you. You didn’t fully understand everything but one thing you knew for sure was that he’s the world’s biggest liar. From the moment you met Jungkook he has been doing nothing but lying and keeping this giant secret from you. It didn’t matter how complex it was, the fact that he couldn’t just be up front about his relationship status made you more angry, made you feel more stupid for falling for him. You were definitely not someone with the highest moral compass and you probably wouldn’t have judged him had he have been honest, maybe you’d save yourself the pain and not have slept him— but now that more feelings are involved, you feel trapped.

“You truly disgust me, that’s really all I have left to say.” Once again attempting to kick the man out of your apartment but he begs you to hear him out, holding the door in place to eventually shut it closed behind him.

“Look, I know how bad this sounds and you have every right to be angry with me y/n, but everything’s just so…complicated right now..” He reluctantly continues, “I do regret you had to find out this way, but as I said before I don’t love her anymore— if I ever did honestly. I’d just like to move on… possibly with you once everything gets finalized.”

You’re unsure to believe if Jungkook really does have genuine feelings for you or if you’re just another one of his many pawns. If he was capable of lying to you for so long then pretty much anything else was on the table.

“Jungkook, do you not realize how shitty I feel for doing all of this? This was all practically my fault, if I didn’t invite you over this would’ve never happened and I—”

“Absolutely none of this is your fault y/n? All the blame is on me, you don’t owe her any loyalty. I’m the one who made the decision at the end of the day. I’m sorry for not telling you, I just didn’t know how to bring it up…which is why I kept denying my feelings to deter you from even trying to pursue me, I really tried to keep it strictly business but you were making it so hard for me to resist.”

It all made sense to you now. Those moments he’d act like a complete jerk to you for no reason, those were the times he wanted you the most. It’s crazy to think that his plan would actually end up having the opposite effect on you, but you do tend to gravitate towards toxic behaviors because that’s all you knew for most of your life.

“Is this what you were so scared of?” You ask, finally mustering up the courage to face him once again, “I’m an understanding person, I wouldn’t have judged if you told me... I just don’t appreciate you lying to me, please promise to never do that again.”

Jungkook takes both your hands in the palms of his, slowly parting his lips to speak, “I won’t lie to you again y/n, I promise. You have my every word on that.” He solemnly swears, you really wanted to believe what he was saying but you felt indifferent. There was still a heavy, cinder block weight on your shoulders.

“Also…we kinda have a shoot in less than 5 hours and we really need to get going soon.” Jungkook changes the subject to work now, you almost completely forgot that this man was still your modeling agent and boss.

“Fuck.. I really have to do a shoot today?!” You were definitely not in the mood to see or interact with anyone. You wanted to keep talking to Jungkook about where you both stand, the more clarity you get the better, but work is starting to interfere with this now.

Simply sighing and nodding your head to his pleas for you to go through with this shoot, you grab a few things quickly to leave your apartment with him.

A raging headache was beginning to induce your brain. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to how bright these vanity lights on the mirror are. To keep you somewhat relaxed you close your eyes while the person styling your hair puts tiny strands in neat sections. Your mind kept racing and all you could think about was your earlier confrontation with Jungkook. You haven’t seen him since you got here, your phone was dead because your idiotic self forgot to charge it last night and now had no one to talk to. Everything about this situation was eating you up from the inside and it was becoming even harder to act completely normal.

When your hair was done a new stylist came in to do your makeup, they brought a huge makeup kit and started with your brows. This was your life now, sitting in a chair like an achromatic robot for hours on end getting the most tedious things done after the next. You weren’t the best at sitting still for long periods of time and this job consisted of mostly that/being on your feet all day, it was tiring but you had to remain focused.

Jungkook was now making you take classes to perfect your model walk since he wants you to partake in this fashion show for his new campaign. He wants you to be the opening for the show but you were really nervous about that idea, you don’t like all the attention drawn on you. You’ve never pictured yourself being on a stage in front of loads of people, let alone the most important fashion moguls in the industry— it was never your vision but Jungkook had other plans for you.

He would always say how someone as beautiful as you deserved to be seen on billboards, front covers of magazines, and so much more. He actually believed in you, more than anyone else did in your entire life and that’s why you continued to stay with him. He knows exactly how to make you feel adored, like you’re the only person in the whole world.

When the makeup artist was finally finished with your look, another person came in. This time however, it was your new favorite person from work to see you now. It was see your personal stylist Yeonjun who came walking through the door, meeting you with open arms to give him a big hug. You were glad to finally see one of your work friends since you didn’t have very many, you mostly talked to Yeonjun or Jungkook if you needed something. Yeonjun had bright pink hair now and it surprisingly suited him really well, you complimented his new look and he flashed you the sweetest smile.

“Thanks my dear, how’ve you been y/n?” He cheerfully asks, taking a few garments off some racks and setting them aside.

“I’ve been alright…I guess I just have a lot on my mind right now.” You admit, hoping he’d take the bait by asking you what’s wrong.

To no surprise, he follows up your response with “what’s on your mind hun?” And gives you his full undivided attention.

It wouldn’t take long for you to spill everything, you had to at least tell someone else to get an outside perspective. The tears were slowly rolling down your cheeks as you finished your story, quickly wiping them away so you don’t ruin the stylist’s hard work on your makeup, waiting for Yeonjun to react. You look up at his face and he looked in complete shock since he probably wasn’t expecting to hear this at all.

“Well this is messy as hell, I mean— you haven’t even been a model for 2 weeks and you’re already sleeping with your boss? No wonder he doesn’t let anyone around you!” He playfully jokes, “but in all seriousness, this is kind of insane. I personally wouldn’t know what to do if I was in your position…”

You appreciated his honesty. You know your situation wasn’t quite easy and the more entangled you got, the more messy it becomes. You have your own selfish reasons for wanting to stay with Jungkook too. You wanted to see how far this modeling career could actually take you, thinking about your life before and after you met Jungkook. Before him, you were working at a convenience store, living off below minimum wage, and close to getting evicted with no place to go but after you met him all of those things seemingly went away in an instant. The only downside of this situation was that the man you were slowly falling in love with was married and had a family. That’s the part you can’t ignore and it crushed you deep inside, but the outweighing factors were starting to make you want to turn a blind eye.

“We can talk more about this later y/n, but we really have to get you in these clothes so that you make it in time on set, plus I’m not trying to get yelled at.” Yeonjun politely expressed, he knows how much you’re not feeling up to all this but his motivating attitude helps you get through it.

You huff, “okay, fine.”

The dress you were wearing was a size way too small for you, it was digging so deep into your rib cage you felt like you were going to faint at any moment. The dress was insanely beautiful but it made you barely even able to sit down properly. The mini dress you had on was a dark red, velvet material, it was striped with floral accents, ruffles lined the hem and the sleeves were puffy with lettuce trim. You wore black see-through stockings with knee high 5-inch stiletto boots and the pain shooting from the back of your feet was excruciating. Though the outfit was absolutely stunning you were beyond uncomfortable, you had no idea how you were going to walk in this on set.

“Yeonjun this dress is cutting off my circulation…” you tell him while standing awkwardly, wanting to get this dress off of you immediately.

“It’s just for a photoshoot y/n, it may not be the most comfortable but it’ll only last for 20 minutes I believe in you!” He gives you a mini pep talk to help you through your discomfort and it slightly puts you at ease to fake it until you make it.

You know that this was the price of becoming a model and sometimes pain is the cost of beauty, you just have to suck it up for now and get it over with. Trying to walk in a straight line was a task in itself since the back of your heels kept jabbing into your skin, you know you’re going to get a crazy blister after this. Yeonjun holds your hand to help you balance yourself and you felt more embarrassed that he had to help keep you from falling.

“This is not what I signed up for when I thought I’d be doing this…” you say while walking carefully to the other studio.

“I’m sure none of us do love,” Yeonjun’s face scrunched as he chuckles, making your way over to the set where everyone else was now.

The set was full of people, everyone had a designated job to do something. All the models were lined up at the front waiting for their turn for photos to be taken while multiple photographers took shots of others models in the center. There were more models in the corner getting touch ups, staff handing out water bottles and refreshments, directors giving instructions, the whole thing was an orderly chaos. Once you got to the front, you were told by a director to stand in the line next to all the other models and wait for your photos to be taken. You sigh heavily as you head up to all the women who were now all looking at you.

Some of them didn’t look very friendly, you felt as though you were being silently judged. You were the new girl and no one even knew who you were. Your thoughts went racing again as before, you were feeling like you didn’t deserve to be here. These women looked way more qualified to do this job than you, you were so amazed at how gorgeous everyone looked. You know you’ll have to get used to it eventually since you’ll practically be around beautiful people your entire career.

You hear a familiar voice on the set and you finally see Jungkook since the morning you had both left.

“I thought we agreed that we were going to get the bigger piano for this shoot? Why am I still seeing the same ones from before?!”

“Sorry boss, but you told us that it was too out of budget so we-”

“For fucks sake, I don’t give a shit about the budget anymore, this looks cheap and tacky, we can’t have this. Call the call guy up to bring the bigger one, NOW!” He continues his tirade, “also, why is y/n in the back? I told you as soon as she arrives she needs to be placed first!” He comes up to you and puts his hands on your shoulders, you tensed up immediately from his minor touch.

No one else in here besides the two of you know what happened last night and the awkwardness of it all is killing you inside. He was acting as if everything was completely normal and it kind of infuriated you. Jungkook places you to the front of the line and all the other models watch as he took your hand in his. You could just feel the eyes being glued on you, if looks could kill you’d be in a coffin, six feet under by now. Some of the other models sneered at you while you simply walked to the front to wait for your photos to be taken.

When it was now your time to go Jungkook politely asks you to come sit on a chair. You try your best to sit as comfortably as you can in this tight dress but you feel even more suffocated from sitting down. All you could do in this moment was simply hope for the best.

“Sit with your legs crossed y/n,” Jungkook positions you to do a pose for the photographer and you comply. You cross your legs and do a natural pose with your arms, the photographer snaps a photo immediately. The constant flash of the camera lights were giving you another headache, this job is so exhausting. Jungkook spoke to you in such a soft tone when instructing you to pose, he’s usually a very stern and sometimes vindictive boss with most people, but with you he’s the most gentle person. He almost babies you in a way, he treats you differently because he knows how fragile you are. It felt much longer than 20 minutes like Yeonjun said, but once you were done you got up instantly to feel like you can somewhat breathe again. All you can think about is getting out of these uncomfortable but beautiful clothes.

“You did such a great job as always y/n, so perfect. Thank you!” The photographer compliments you once he’s done.

“Isn’t she just amazing?” Jungkook chimes in, “I can’t believe I discovered her, such a rare gem in today’s society.” He looked at you with such pride, he took pride in all of his achievements but this one meant more to him. You were flustered by Jungkook’s comment in front of the photographer, if only he knew why he thought you were so amazing. Jungkook hands you a water bottle and you take it from his hands thanking him politely. A part of you was still angry with him but you knew it wasn’t worth being petty over right now. You didn’t want to throw off the vibe in front of all these people so it was best to pretend as if there’s nothing going on between you two. You were about to leave so you can head back to your dressing room and take these clothes off but Jungkook slips a piece of paper in your hand behind your back. He mumbled something under his breath but you couldn’t understand it, looking at the crumbled note with messy handwriting in black ink:

‘Meet me upstairs in the dressing rooms in 5’

You look up and Jungkook was already gone. You were now left alone in a room full of people, you know why he wants you there but the fact he did this so blatantly was beyond you. Making sure no one was suspicious of you, you make your way up the stairs to go to the dressing rooms. It didn’t take long for you to reach your destination, Jungkook was already waiting for you inside. You slam the door behind you and now standing in front of him again but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him this time. The tension between you two felt different now that you were alone again, all professionalism out the door.

“I know what you brought me here for but we still need to talk and-”

Jungkook cuts you off, “what else is there to talk about y/n? I’ve already told you everything. I don’t know what more you want from me, I brought you up here to make up for my behavior.”

“I don’t want to fuck you this dressing room right no-”

He cuts you off once again, “who said anything about fucking? Baby you have no idea. Come sit, just relax for me sweetie.”

He motions for you to sit down and you reluctantly do so. The tightness of the dress was becoming worse once you sat down again, you groaned from the life being sucked out of you.

“I just want these damn clothes off of me already, can you please help me?” You ask, in dire need to breathe properly again.

Jungkook nods, coming up behind you to unzip the dress and you feel instant relief from finally being out of it. You sigh as you feel your body coming back to normal, the dress was now fully unzipped, feeling a rush of cool air from the fan coming in contact with your bare skin. You slide the dress off including your stockings and kick off those uncomfortable heels you were wearing. You were now sitting in the chair with nothing other than your tiny g-string, that small excuse of fabric was barely covering your lower region. You wanted to blush from embarrassment but Jungkook was staring at you hungrily, as if he wants to devour your existence. You cover your chest with your hands but Jungkook chuckles at that.

“Don’t be shy with me now babe, acting like I’ve never seen you naked before, give me a fucking break y/n.”

He traces his fingertips down your shoulders, lightly drawing circles along your delicate skin. His warm breath tingled against you as he got closer, the tension in the air was so thick, you could cut it with a steak knife.

“I’ve watched you touch yourself in front of me, you can be such a good girl for me when you want to be.” He whispers in your ear softly.

You tremble from his words, consumed by his touch, and all the filthy things he says to you makes your mind go blank within seconds. He drags his fingers down to your stomach, tracing more invisible lines on your body. The fact he was still fully clothed and you were the one under him, fully exposed, ready for him to do whatever he wanted made you even more nervous. You never know what this man’s intentions are with you.

“Will you be a good girl for me right now while I go down on you? You have to stay as quiet as possible for me or else there will be consequences princess.”

You don’t know what those consequences will be, but you simply nod your head. You turn into the perfect submissive when you’re alone with Jungkook, you do any and everything he says with no hesitation. You like to think you would never fall to a man’s beck and call but for Jungkook, you’d risk it all. His light touches kept going as he brought a hand to your inner thigh, kneading at your flesh. His hands played with the thin string of your thong, he takes the front of it and pulls at the fabric then flings it back like a slingshot. You squeal from the contact on your cunt, making you flinch a little. He does it a few more times, flinging it back and toying with you. The evil smirk on his face said it all, he was playing a little game with you. The string of the thong was now jammed in between your pussy lips, the sight of it made Jungkook smack his lips together. He wanted you so bad but teasing you was way more fun.

“You have such a pretty cunt babygirl,” he expresses in a sultry tone, “I’m going to take all the time I need with you, princess.”

He plays some more with the g-string and you close your eyes from the sensation, opening your legs wider for him to get a better view.

“No, keep your eyes open and look into the mirror behind me, you take your eyes off of it once and I’ll make sure to punish you so bad you won’t be able to walk again.”

You open your eyes instantly, looking over at the mirror in front of you and seeing Jungkook on his knees being eye level with your dripping cunt.

“Will you promise to be a good girl for daddy?” He asks sternly.

“Yes, I promise daddy I will!”

“Then say it.”

“I’ll be a good girl for daddy, I promise I’ll be good!” You plead with him.

He gives you a little smirk and his eyes were dark like they were last night. The only thing on his mind right now was ruining you completely.

He brings his face closer to your heat, his lips were close to it you could feel his breath sweep against you. He slides the sad excuse of fabric to the side and draws a single digit into your wetness. A small moan comes out of you and he looks up with a glaring eye, making you cover your mouth so you can stop yourself from going further.

“Be quiet…” he says, bringing another finger to his lips for you to stay silent.

He continues dragging his finger up and down your slit, rubbing your slick all over to create even more a mess. He couldn’t stop looking at the way your cunt was glistening and as much as he wanted to keep teasing you, he also wanted to dive his face in. He brings his tongue to your slit, starting with small kitten licks, your body trembles just by the slightest amount of stimulation. He drags his tongue slowly, coming in contact with your clit and lightly sucks on it. You keep your eyes on the mirror like Jungkook instructed you to, the pornographic sight was enough to make you want to cum. You had your legs spread out wide for him, holding your thighs to keep them in place as he eats you out.

The feeling of his tongue gliding against your clit left you with a million tingles down your spine. He nestles his face deeper into your cunt and his nose brushed up against your sensitive bundle of nerves, drenching his whole face with your wetness. The task of keeping quiet was only growing to become more difficult as his pace grew quicker. Jungkook’s mouth felt like heaven and the reflection of him on his knees for you was making you go insanely feral. He licks a long stripe against your cunt in the slowest motion, his eyes looking at you the entirety of it which only made you want to moan out for him. You bite your lip down heavily enough to draw a tiny amount of blood, really trying your best to be good for him as possible.

“You’re being such a good girl for me baby,” Jungkook praises while still looking up at you, “I knew you could do it, you’re a smart girl.” He continues his assault on your clit and his tongue flicks against it faster. You want to moan out his name but you don’t want know what the consequences will be, plus you don’t want anyone to know that you’re getting it on with the man who’s supposed to be in charge of you. You’re stuck in a daze from all the pleasure he was giving you, tangling your fingers in his long fluffy hair to feel more of him. His face was now completely buried inside you, you weren’t sure if he was even breathing properly but you didn’t hear any complaining from his end.

He laps up all your wetness with his mouth as he works his tongue deep into your cunt, you almost cry out from the feeling in your core. You seal your lips tighter in order not to make a sound, your heavy breathing was the only audible noise coming from you— besides the sounds of your juices being mixed with Jungkook’s tongue of course. You kept tugging on his hair making it messier as you continue watching him through the mirror. His tongue going back to your clit to abuse it some more, you could feel your high approaching any minute now. Your body jerks from the over stimulation and you want to scream but you end up pulling strands of his hair harder.

“You gonna cum for me princess?” He takes a moment to catch some air, “I want you to cum for daddy, can you do that for me?”

You simply nod your head, focusing on your climax and almost shut your eyes, but you remember you have to keep them open. You really do your best to try and look at him but it was all too much for you, you wanted to pass away and let the pleasure wash over you like a typhoon. He circles your clit with his tongue one more time as you cover your mouth again to stop you from moaning out load. You can feel your release coming as you chase your high, your eyes were still open surprisingly as you watched Jungkook keep himself between your legs. Your legs violently shake as you cum, the creamy substance now dripping out beautifully against his tongue. He licks your slate clean as all your cum is gone and he licks up the rest of your essence on your thighs.

“Such a good girl for me.” Jungkook says, now smiling with pride after he’s made you cum. He gets up from being on the floor and his face was completely wet, he glanced over at the mirror and noticed immediately. He licked his lips and chuckled at his appearance, his hair was a complete, disheveled mess and the neckline of his shirt was lined with sweat. You giggle from the effect you had on him, he was the one putting in all the work yet came out looking completely ruined too.

“Let’s get you in some different clothes and head back before people start noticing I disappeared, I’m sure everyone is wondering where I ran off to,” Jungkook takes a random blouse and skirt off of a rack and hands it to you, “just wear this then meet me back on set, you know we have that rehearsal later as well so I’ll call you and pick you up at 8.”

You nod your head and take the clothes from him, you had a fully packed schedule this whole week and you didn’t realize how busy your life was going to become. You used to have more free time to go out and hang with friends but ever since you got this modeling gig you barely talked to any of them. Your phone was still dead and you have no idea if anyone’s been trying to communicate with you. You aren’t the type to change your whole personality because of a new guy in your life but Jungkook was showing you a different side of the world, a part of the world you knew absolutely nothing about. All you could do was continue to have a levelheaded mindset and hope that it won’t eventually change you into something you aren’t.

It felt lonely coming back to your apartment without Jungkook. He had to finish up some work at the studio so he couldn’t drive you home, he had one of his staff chauffeur you back. You had your own car but Jungkook didn’t want you driving unless you really had to, he didn’t like having you do more work than you already do. You called your landlord to confirm if you were still going to be evicted and he told you no, that someone named Mr. Jeon called him and told him that he would be your guarantor and all your bills can go directly to him. Your jaw almost hit the floor once he said that, you really couldn’t believe your biggest problem you’ve been dealing with has been resolved in such an instant. You were baffled at his behavior yet grateful since now you didn’t really have anything to worry about. Well, besides the fact that you’re now Jungkook’s mistress and he’s pretty much helping you build your entire career. You would usually never accept handouts from people, let alone help you pay your own rent, this was a new side of you only he could bring out. You had no idea you were capable of doing anything like this.

You rest your head in your hands as you sit on your bed to think about all the events leading up to your life right now. One tiny interaction was all it took to completely change your life and you’re not even sure if it’s for the better. Your phone was finally turned back on from being dead all day and you check your missed notifications. You got a call from your best friend Sakura and she texted you asking if you were okay, you haven’t talked to her since the day you went off on her about her taking “accountability” speech.

You decide to call her back since you really wanted to update her on everything and get her opinion. You call her but it immediately goes straight to voicemail so you call it again but the same thing happens. You get confused by this so you send her a message to tell her to answer her phone however the message becomes green instead of blue once you press send. Your heart sinks into the pit of your stomach now, you know that this could only mean one thing. Your own best friend blocked your number. You felt so betrayed right now, the person who was supposed to stick by your side through everything decides to cut you off and not even give you a chance at closure. You felt sick and you didn’t even know what to do. The only thing you could think of was to start bursting into tears. You couldn’t believe she would do something like this to you, after all you’ve been through together it just felt like a slap in the face.

Your tears kept coming and you couldn’t stop rocking yourself to calm you down. You felt entire your whole body shake as your breathing slowly become irregular. You were a sobbing mess and now you were feeling like a panic attack was about to arise. You couldn’t contain all your emotions, everything coming at you all at once made you feel so small and anxious. You felt utterly helpless, alone, so trapped, you could feel your airways closing from the tightness, only wheezing and coughing in response.

Your phone vibrated as a call notification pops up, it was Jungkook. You don’t answer it because you were in the middle of a full blown panic attack and you couldn’t mutter a single word at this moment. You were growing dizzy and kept gasping for air, it truly felt as though you were dying right now. You try to get up from your bed but your body grew weak, your limbs felt fluid as you tried to move. Your phone kept buzzing but the sounds were starting to feel like it was coming from underwater. Everything around you was a blur and you remember nothing else besides your eyes slowly falling shut.

You woke up laying on the floor of your room next to your bed, your head was pounding as if you had just drank too much alcohol. You get up to look around and everything was the same, nothing was thrown around or out of place. Now getting up and recovering from your panic attack, you breathe deeply and exhale to calm your anxious nerves. Your phone was still on the bed and you realize you’ve been on the floor for about half an hour. Jungkook called you about 4 times, he also texted you asking you what you were doing. It was almost 7 o’clock and you didn’t have much time to get ready for this rehearsal tonight. You call Jungkook back and he answers immediately,

“Y/n! Where have you been?” He says, sounding pretty concerned.

“I- I’m sorry I just wasn’t feeling too well…” you refrain from going any further in order not to worry him.

“Is something wrong? Did something happen y/n? I’ll be over there soon and we can talk about it if you wan-”

“No, it’s okay Jungkook, I actually don’t want to talk about it. Just pick me up at the normal time.”

“Okay, if that’s what you want. I’ll pick you up later then I guess…”

You hang up and let out a sigh, you didn’t even want to tell him about your situation with Sakura, it was unnecessary drama for him anyway. You have to get into work mode so you try to forget about it and take a shower. You felt like an empty shell of a person, just numb to everything and although you are incredibly hurt, you have to shield that from the rest of the world.

A black Porsche waits for you in your driveway. Jungkook comes out of the car and opens the door for you to get in the passenger side. You did your best to try and act normal, you really didn’t want him to notice anything off with you.

“You okay babe?” He asks anyway, you know he always does this to make sure you really are okay. He thought maybe it was just the stress of it all getting to you but you had another problem to deal with.

“Yes Kook, I’m fine can we just drive?” You tell him, wanting nothing but this conversation to be over with.

“I’m just making sure you’re alright, no need to bite my head off all the time y/n.” He retorts, he has good intentions behind him asking but you always find it slightly annoying when he does. Maybe because you never really had someone constantly ask if you were okay, it was usually the opposite, no one ever cared how you felt. Just like how your own “best friend” decides to block you and shut you out her life without taking your feelings into consideration. It hurt you so bad. All those emotions came flooding through you again and you felt your lips tremble. You try and snap out of your moment so you don’t cry in front Jungkook like you always do, you have to remain strong this time. You thought of anything to distract you but nothing seemed to be working, then one of the most unthinkable decisions came to your mind.

“Jungkook, do you have any cigarettes on you?” You ask him quietly, for some reason all you could think of to relieve your stress was smoking.

He looked at you as if you were confessing to a murder, never did he think those words would come out of your mouth.

“Um… yeah but I thought you said those were cancer sticks and I’m cutting my life by a year each time I smoke?”

“I mean yeah that is true, but I’m really stressed right now I just want to try one.”

“That’s what I said when I was 14 and look at me now,” he says ironically, “I don’t want to be the reason for you getting hooked on these.”

“I’m not going to become an addict! Just let me try one dammit!” You were growing frustrated with his attempts in getting you to stop but once you make your mind about something you’ll want to do it in the end.

“What’s gotten into you lately y/n? Is this is my fault? I’ll try harder to be a better influence for you if I can.”

You roll your eyes, “I don’t need you to influence me to do anything, this has nothing to do with you. I just want to relieve some stress!”

“There are so many other ways you can relieve stress than slowly killing yourself y/n…”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know… you could have sex?” He proposes, “with me of course.”

“How can we have sex right now if you’re driving? Dumbass.”

“Hey, don’t call me that! I was just giving a suggestion…plus you know there’s other things you can do besides penetration.”

You giggle at his usage of the word “penetration”, you were so immature that it made him laugh too.

“So you want me to give you road head?” You say to him innocently, you like to see him get all worked up from you acting cute.

“I mean, if you want… yeah. Have you ever done something like this before?”

“Yeah kinda, the car wasn’t moving though!” You now turn your body completely to face him in the driver’s seat. You smile up at him with seductive eyes, watching as he sneaks glances at you while he drives, making your way closer to him. You lean over and stare at his stiff erection through his pants, rubbing your hand over it as you palm him in your grasp. He winces a bit at that and you can tell just by any touch you give him his whole body feels like it’s set on fire. You weren’t a big teaser unlike Jungkook, so you waste no time in unbuckling his belt and unzipping his jeans to free his cock from the confines of his boxers. You look at the beautiful man’s pretty pink dick standing tall in front of you, licking your lips at the sight. His veiny cock was throbbing in your tiny hand, tip already leaking out with delicious precum. You slowly press your mouth against the tip, keeping it there for a bit to get a little taste of him. You then swirl your tongue lightly around it, loving the salty tanginess of his precum against your tongue.

“Fuck princess… you feel so good around me already,” he bit his lip harshly, gripping the steering wheel even harder.

You wrap your mouth tighter around his length as you begin to slide your head down. Bobbing it back and forth and keeping a tight suction on his cock, making sure not to use any teeth. You feel Jungkook’s hips jolt up from the sensation as you draw more saliva from your mouth, making it as messy as possible. He let out a loud groan when his dick hit the back of your throat, you didn’t choke or gag once which surprised him. You don’t have a gag reflex which is ultimately perfect for giving head, you’re not really sure how you got so blessed with this talent. You take all of him completely in your mouth, swallowing him whole as you keep bobbing your head. The way he filled you up felt so good, nothing could compare to having Jungkook’s cock in your mouth.

“That’s my good girl, keep going— just like that baby— ahh….” He keeps encouraging you, giving you small praises here and there. He does his best to keep his eyes on the road but the way you’re sucking him is taking him to different universe. Your free hand rested on his right thigh as you continued throwing your head back, stroking his cock with your pretty, talented mouth. He elicits more moans and it only makes you want to make him cum faster.

Jungkook bit his lip even harder, trying so hard not to crash this vehicle, he breathes in and out the best way he can. He could feel himself cumming soon and his whole body tenses up like he’s got a volcano erupting inside him.

“I think I’m gonna cum… damn baby…”

You couldn’t say anything since his cock was buried 7 inches deep down your throat. The only thing on your mind right now was getting him to cum inside your mouth. You hum as you pick up your pace, deepthroating him aggressively. There was so much saliva everywhere, your face was flushed and you seriously looked such a mess. A beautiful mess, just for Jungkook. You feel his hard length throb against in your mouth and a warm sensation hits the back of your throat. White ropes of his cum releases into you and you swallow it immediately, you look up at him as you take all his cum. His cum tastes so good, you were so sad when he emptied all of it. You pull away and kiss the tip of his cock before you go up to his face and give him a quick kiss on the lips. He flashes a soft smile at you and you gave a warm smile back. He quickly zips his pants back up with one hand and you help fix his belt for him.

“See, wasn’t that much better than smoking a cigarette?” He says proudly, you hate to admit he was right but at least he prevented you from doing irreversible damage to your body.

“I guess..” you shrug nonchalantly, “it was alright.”

“Well that blowjob you gave me was more than just an alright,” he happily boasts. You probably made his whole year with what you did.

“Does your wife suck your dick as good as I do?” You tease him, you don’t even know why you would say that but the look on his face turned sour.

“Why are you even bringing her up? This doesn’t have jackshit to do with her,” he says almost annoyed, “but yes, you do. Just don’t bring her up again please.”

You struck a nerve with that one, you wanted to keep egging him on but now probably isn’t a good time. You simply let it go and sit back in your seat quietly. You know why he gets so defensive about the subject but it just baffles you how he does it yet doesn’t bat at eye about cheating on her. It makes you feel so guilty you keep doing this but Jungkook really does make you happy, it’s a double edged sword.

“I’m sorry if I upset you y/n” he says, “I just really prefer not to talk about her, especially when I’m with you. I pretty much forget she exists when we’re together.”

You smiled but you still felt broken on the inside, you feel so bad for Soyeon, his wife doesn’t deserve any of this at all, no matter the circumstances. However, you don’t know her personally so it is true that you didn’t owe her any loyalty, it was just a principle/morality thing. You were thinking about how crushed she will probably be once she finds out Jungkook is divorcing her, if she ever found you were in the picture all hell could break loose.

“Will she ever find out?” You couldn’t help but ask, you don’t know how long he’d able to keep this secret from her for.

“No, I’d like to keep it that way. I don’t care if you told your friends about me, knowing you they already know by now. But if it gets out, I’ll be so angry with you y/n, I seriously wouldn’t know what to do.”

You were silent, you know he was dead serious when he said that. You didn’t get the chance to tell anyone besides Yeonjun and he’s not the type to go around telling everyone your business. You had nothing to worry about yet his words still cut deep.

“I didn’t tell anyone Jungkook…” you fidget with your hands and look out the window, you feel like you’ve been in this car for ages.

“When are we finally getting to the rehearsal oh my god, feels like I’ve been in this damn car forever!” You complain to him like a child throwing a tantrum.

“Calm down, we’ll be there in like 2 minutes. It’s kinda far from where we live,” he turns up a corner and drives into a large parking lot with lots of other cars parked there. He stops the car and gets out to open the door for you, you step out the car and he holds your hand in his. You were a little confused since Jungkook doesn’t like to show PDA in public but you go with it anyway.

You head into the historic looking building, as soon as you stepped in you felt claustrophobic. There were people everywhere. Hundreds of models scattered the venue, everyone all dolled up or being in the process of it. The speakers blared loud, catchy pop music as you made your way through the crowds of people. Jungkook was still holding onto you to make sure you wouldn’t get lost, you held onto him tightly since you were feeling anxious.

People kept coming up to him and greeting him, he was still holding your hand the entire time, you were receiving vicious looks from some of the models. You felt all eyes on you and you weren’t even dressed up, you had the most normal clothes on, nothing fancy. You felt like such a peasant around everyone but you soon won’t be once you get dressed up. Jungkook takes you to a private area where there was no one else around. He tells you to stay put while he goes to get one of the staff to do your makeup and hair for the rehearsal.

“I’ll be in the conference room, it’s the door on the right next to that bathroom down the hall. If you need me just knock or text me and I’ll come to you. See you in an hour doll,” he gives you a chaste kiss before leaving out.

You were now left alone, waiting for someone else to come in. You hear some light laughter from outside the door, overhearing some girls talking to each other.

“You noticed that new girl? I don’t even know her name she’s so irrelevant, but have you seen the way she acts? So snobby.” One of the girls spoke.

“Oh I think I know who you’re talking about, the one who follows around Jungkook like a lost puppy all the time?” Another girl chimes in.

“Yeah her. She seems likes such an entitled bitch, you would think she’s fucking him by the way she’s attached to that man like a magnet!”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they actually are. Some girls have no shame and will do anything to get to the top.”

“I know right? And doesn’t he have a wife too? That would be so disgusting of her.”

You couldn’t listen anymore, you knew they were talking exactly about you. Your biggest fear came into fruition now, everyone thinks you slept your way to the top and it doesn’t help that Jungkook treats you with blatant favoritism. It’s only a matter of time before people start talking and rumors about you sleeping together will spread like wildfire. This industry thrives on gossip, it won’t take long for something like to start getting around. You worry even more about the outcome but before you could think of anything else, the makeup and hairstylist comes in to do their job. You sigh as you weren’t sure what to do now, you don’t want to text Jungkook and tell him the other models are talking shit about you incase he asks who. You have no idea who even said it since you only heard their voices, it could be literally anyone.

Sitting back in the chair, the makeup artist was applying glittery eyeshadow while the hairstylist blows out your hair. You try and relax while everything gets done but you couldn’t stop fidgeting.

“Can you stop twitching your eye like that?” The makeup artist asks you politely, you felt so bad that you couldn’t conceal your movement. You tried hard to sit still and keep a straight face but it was much harder than it looked.

Once you were finally done and the makeup and hair stylists were satisfied with the look, you study yourself in the mirror to assess your new appearance. Your hair was super big and poofy, almost like the hairstyles from the 80’s, your lips were accented with red lipstick and you felt like a movie star in this get up. You looked so different yet it suited you well, you looked like the most gorgeous version of yourself you could be. You thanked them for making you look so beautiful and you couldn’t stop touching hair but the hair stylist told you not to.

“Yeonjun will be there with your change of clothes soon, thanks for your time!” The makeup artist says to you as they both walk out.

A pink haired man appears in the room and you can see Yeonjun’s whole demeanor shift from earlier. He looked either exhausted, annoyed, or both. You wonder what’s on his mind so you ask him how he’s feeling. He lets out a deep sigh and regains his composure, “sorry if I seem a little off today, I got in a tiny argument with my boyfriend and just— ugh he’s really pissing me off right now!”

You giggle at his attitude, he doesn’t talk about his outside life with you much and you know he has a boyfriend but everything seemed fine whenever he would talk about him.

“Do you want to talk about it? If not, it’s totally okay I understand. Men are just the worst in general,” you say in support for your friend.

“It’s just he’s always complaining about me being busy with work and I try to make time for him when I can! It just seems like it’s never enough for him…”

You sympathize with him as you remember the many times you had with your exes when they’d get mad at you for not spending enough time with them. You know the feeling but you do your best not to talk about yourself and just focus on consoling your friend.

“I totally get it. I can see where you’re coming from and I can also see his side as well. Maybe he just gets jealous easily? I mean you do work with attractive people all day, maybe if you reassure him that you only care about him and your work life shouldn’t interfere with your relationship.”

You couldn’t believe you gave such sound advice to someone. You articulated yourself well and got straight to the point, you mentally give yourself a pat on the back.

“Thanks y/n, I realize that I probably don’t tell him enough everyday that I love him, I just assume he already knows that but I guess it’s nice to say y’know?”

You nod in agreement. You were glad that you could help Yeonjun feel better and his mood became more upbeat. You felt good that he was comfortable enough to be vulnerable with you and it only made your friendship stronger. Maybe Yeonjun will be your new best friend, forget Sakura.

“I know you weren’t comfortable with the last outfit so I brought a different dress this time,” he says, bringing the dress over to you and you were in awe of what was in front of you. You couldn’t believe you were about to wear something this stunning, the dress reached all the way to the floor, it looked like something straight off someone from the Met Gala.

The gown was structured beautifully, it was a royal purple color with lots of layers to it. The top was a bustier bodice with a deep v-neckline, the waist was corset-like, it had tulle mesh bell sleeves with 3D butterfly accents all over and the bottom had a puffy ballgown style with more tulle underneath.

Once you got in the dress you felt like a real princess in her castle. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to how amazing you always look when you’re in model mode. The corset cinched your waist in so perfectly, giving you the sexiest hourglass figure. Everything about you just became one hundred times better, you couldn’t get enough of how insanely hot you looked.

“I look so damn good, wow! I can’t even recognize myself.” You say to Yeonjun, not taking your eyes off your pretty reflection.

“You always look great y/n, but I must admit you become spicier when you’re all dressed up!” He says, giving you the much needed compliments you deserve.

You now had to go back out into the real world, back where all the other models that despised you will be. You take a deep breath as you open the door to make your way back out and it was still complete chaos. You don’t see Jungkook anywhere and Yeonjun told you to go to the room where the rehearsal will be held. You hope to God that Jungkook will be there since you have no idea what you’re doing.

You had to get through so many people just to make it across the other side, you kept feeling all the stares on you and you couldn’t stop thinking about what those girls were saying about you earlier. It really upset you that people had already prejudged you for simply existing, they knew nothing about you yet already thought you were a bitch. It’s not a good feeling to know that others around you don’t like you but to hear it yourself was one thing.

You eventually make it to the rehearsal room and you were met with one of the backstage managers to instruct you where to go. You go behind the curtain and head backstage to where all the other models were, again the room was chaotic yet in a functional way. A stylist comes up to you to check over your look and fine tune some things about your hair and makeup. You still didn’t see Jungkook anywhere and it was starting to worry you.

You decide to text him and ask him where he was, he texts you a few seconds later and tells you he’s in the bathroom but he’s at the rehearsal. You feel your whole body relax when you read that, at least he will be here with you any minute now.

You feel a hand sneak up behind you to tap your shoulder, you turn around instantly and you’re met face to face with Jungkook.

“There you are!” You say to him happily, he was the only person you needed to see right now.

“Hey gorgeous,” he says with a huge grin on his face, “whoever did your look I need to give them a raise because wow you are smoking hot!”

You blush at him flirting with you, unsure of how to react since he was saying this in front of so many people. The fact he just casually flirts with you in front the models makes you feel even more self conscious about what was said about you earlier.

“Thanks Kook..” you say shyly, trying not make it so obvious that you’re practically in love with this man.

Jungkook couldn’t keep his eyes off you though and it was only making your body temperature rise to boiling levels. If there weren’t so many people here you would’ve been making out with him by now.

You were trying to play it cool as one of the models came up to Jungkook.

“Hey Jungkook, I was wondering if you were free after this? I could really use a massage, I’ve been working so hard latelyy,” the blonde woman confidently waltzed in between, you were in utter disbelief by the way she just asked that so casually. You know she has no idea who you are but it still felt like a huge slap in the face. Jungkook wasn’t really paying attention to her and was still looking over at you, he chuckled at her advance but before he could even get a word out you spoke for him.

“Actually he’s busy tonight!” You bark at her in a harsh tone, you know you shouldn’t have butted in the conversation but you couldn’t help being protective over him. He was yours.

“I don’t think I was talking to you was I?” The girl snarks back at you, “I said Jungkook, not whatever the hell your name is.”

“Her name is y/n. Also thanks for the offer Somi but I think I’ll pass.” Jungkook says, shutting her down completely.

“Oh, well then let me know if you change your mind!” Somi tries in attempt to safe herself from the embarrassment.

“I won’t.” Jungkook mutters under his breath. You feel like Somi heard it by the way she did a double take and glared at him with evil eyes. You couldn’t help but laugh at the whole ordeal, it was sad how some of these girls threw themselves at any chance to be with Jungkook. You didn’t have to do any of this to even get him to pay attention to you, he was the one that chased after you the whole time. It made you feel special that you had that effect on him, it was like once he saw you he had tunnel vision.

“Are we good to go boss?” One of the directors asks Jungkook before the rehearsal starts and he nods his head. The director whistles loudly to get everyone’s attention as they stop what they were doing to listen. He instructs all the models to line up and get into single file, you were the first in line since you were the opening of the show and it made you even more nervous. You knew this had to be absolutely perfect for Jungkook, you couldn’t make any minor mistakes or else you’ll disappoint him. You couldn’t let him down so you took a deep breath as you wait for the director to queue the music. Once the music turns on and you go into work mode and relax yourself. You think about all the things you learned in your modeling courses so far and how they taught you to exude confidence as you walk. You make your way down the aisle and place your hands on your hips like the director instructed you to do so.

Keeping your posture as straight as possible, you take long strides down the stage with your feet balanced in a straight line. Your facial expression was natural yet you kept a strong gaze, you wanted your eyes to do all the talking. You let everything flow naturally as you kept walking, reaching the end of the stage you stop then make a pivot to the right and give a slight pose. You turn around and do the same thing you did as before, taking long strides and keeping the energy up. You walk back to the curtains and you felt so accomplished with what you just did. It was if the whole world meant nothing to you in that moment, the lights didn’t give you a headache, the people in the crowd didn’t bother you, you felt immensely proud of yourself. The stilettos you were wearing were so tall and had the thinnest heel but you got through it anyway, it amazed you how far you’ve come already.

You watch as another model steps on stage now, you’re actually glad that you were the first one since now everything was done and over with. You’d have more time to feel anxious about it and become more stressed out if you waited in the line longer. Jungkook finds you and comes up to you clapping his hands in amusement from what he saw from you, his smile was everything you needed to know that he was immensely proud of you.

“Such an amazing job out there y/n, you killed it. You’re such a natural born talent, I swear you’re going to change my life!” He says out loud, he always praised you as if you were God’s greatest gift to earth and it made you melt each and every time.

“Thank you so much Jungkook,” you say to him while going in for a hug and he hugs you back instantly. He goes one step further to even pick you up and twirl you around like a little doll, he put you down and you couldn’t stop giggling. Everyone in the room was looking at two, it was so obvious that the other models were jealous they didn’t even try to hide it. One of the girls muttered “get a room” as they walked by and you heard it. You were now blushing from embarrassment and Jungkook looks around too to make everyone stop staring at you.

He whispers something in your ear “don’t worry about these girls, they’re harmless. If they even try to start shit with you I’ll handle it.”

You nod and just watch as Jungkook leaves you again to go check on the rehearsal.

As the rehearsal comes to an end, everything starts to wind down. Jungkook was talking a bunch of staff and other people while you waited patiently for him to finish so you could go home. You were now out of the fancy designer clothes but you still felt pretty with your hair and makeup. Jungkook couldn’t stop sneaking glances at you from time to time while talking to them, he just loved looking at you. You were the most precious little angel to him and he wanted to protect you with everything he had.

When he finishes talking he heads over to you finally. You were so ready to go home and you felt completely exhausted by the whole day.

“Is it time to go now Kook?” You ask impatiently, you couldn’t wait to get your much needed rest.

“Actually y/n, there’s an after party that I have to attend. I was hoping you’d come along since I could really use the company,” he says, gently rubbing the palms of your hands with his fingers.

“Do you really have to go to it? I’m usually all for a night out but I just been doing stuff all day and I’m so tired! Please, just stay in this once?” You plead as you make a cute pout with your lips, you know the pouting always works with him.

“I really can’t…I just don’t want to let all my colleagues down if I don’t show up since it is my campaign after at all..”

“So what? They can still have a good time without you there, they don’t need you to survive Jungkook!” You practically beg, praying that he finally gives in.

“Actually they kinda do because most of them are on my pay roll— you know what that’s not the point. You’re right y/n, I’ll just tell them I had to take care of something.”

Your face lights up at his response, you were glad that you were able to get through to him. You grab his hand to leave but he tells you he has to say his fellow goodbyes to everyone before he gets going. You groan as you watch him walk away yet again to go say his farewells to everyone for the night.

When he finishes doing that you both are finally able to leave the venue and get back into the car.

“Is this another car you have?” Asking him curiously, you’ve been wondering since he pulled up to your house with it.

“Yeah, I own a couple.”

“Oh that’s cool, how many?”

“A lot.” He chuckles from his own answer, you glare at him since you genuinely wanted to know and now it was going to drive you crazy.

“Why do you want one of them? I’ll gladly give you one that I barely use,” he sincerely offers.

First he gives you a high paying job, then he pays your rent, now he’s practically offering you a car. You’re starting to think that maybe Jungkook is the sugar daddy of your dreams, yet he’s not even some gross old man that’s lonely. You felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have someone like him, just able to sweep all your problems away with no issue. It wasn’t even about the material things, it was just the fact that he went out of his way to constantly take care of you. You never had someone in your life so nurturing towards you, your own family didn’t even treat you this way. You had so many feelings for him that you couldn’t contain it anymore, you just had to say it.

“I think I’m in love with you.” You blurt out, you didn’t expect to actually say it.

“Because I’ll give you a car? That’s kinda shallow don’t you think?” He jokes with you.

“No- oh my God shut up. I mean in general Jungkook, I’m really falling in love with you and I don’t know what to do…”

“Well there’s really nothing to do. I’m also really in love with you which is why I would do anything for you.” He admits.

You wanted to cry at what he said. His voice sounded so soft, so sweet, everything he was saying to you was like music to your ears. You couldn’t let him say that without asking for something in return though.

“If you really loved me, you will file this divorce quickly so I won’t have to deal with this much longer..” you say in hopes that he’ll consider doing it.

“I will. I have the papers signed on my end but I’ve just been meaning to give them to her…”

“Do it tomorrow! I don’t like sleeping with married people, it makes me feel dirty.” You say while crossing your arms and pouting again.

He reassures everything will be fine, “I’ll try my best for you y/n.”

Jungkook was saying all the right things but still, you felt so unsure about his actions. You have no idea what Jungkook and Soyeon’s marriage is like, he’s never told you a single thing about her besides being an actress. All this curiosity was going to keep you up at night and the guilt would only grow more intense.

You were at Jungkook’s place sitting on his couch while he made you both some food. You were watching a cartoon on his 98” flat TV and all the colors and effects were even more captivating on the giant screen. You see Jungkook from the corner of your eye now walking up to you with the food. He made you some soup with chicken and it smelled really good. You take the bowl from him and place the spoon into your mouth, surprised by how delicious the soup was.

“This is so good, wow I didn’t know you could cook!” You continue eating your soup and he smiles at your approval.

“My friends don’t call me chef Jeon for no reason,” he winks at you.

You both continue eating in silence as you watch the cartoon on the TV, your legs were crossed on Jungkook’s lap and you felt so cozy lying beside him on his velvet couch.

Once you were finished with the soup you put it down the glass coffee table in front of you and reposition yourself to lye your head on Jungkook’s shoulder. He gives you small head pats while still gluing his eyes to the cartoon, you finally ask him what cartoon this was since you had no idea what you were even watching.

“It’s Pucca! It’s a show I used to watch as a kid, I still get nostalgic about it from time to time.”

You didn’t know he was so passionate about his cartoons, you always liked when he would show little bits of his interests. You were happy that he was able to share these things with you, it made your bond feel even closer.

“You’re so cute sometimes,” you say to him smiling, snuggling him with him some more.

“Thanks?” He chuckles at your funny comment, “you’re always cute though.”

With that, he brings his hand to your face and kisses you adoringly. You lean into the kiss and feel his lip ring brushing up against you, placing your hands around his neck you position yourself to be on his lap now. You tug on his lower lip and he lets you in properly; taking his time with kissing you deeply before he sneaks his hands elsewhere. You could feel his body heat against yours and it was only getting warmer in here. You begin to grind slowly on him as he trails his hands to your hips, now holding them in place. You keep grinding against his now visible boner, rocking your hips back and forth as he held onto you.

You moan in his mouth from the friction and you can feel him throbbing underneath you, his dick twitching at any slight amount of stimulation. Jungkook breaks away from the kiss to move on to your neck, he nibbles on your flesh as he bites down gently to eventually turn a reddish purple hue. He scatters little butterfly kisses all over to make you grow flustered, coming back up to press his lips against yours again.

The romantic in you wanted him to take his time with you but you’ve already had enough foreplay throughout the day. You really need him inside you and you were going to get that one way or another.

“Jungkook” you break away from the kiss for a second.

“Yes sweetheart?”

“Can I ride you?”

He smirks at your words, you didn’t beat around the bush at all for him.

“Of course you can ride daddy’s cock,” he brings his hand under your shirt to fondle your breasts, “you don’t have to ask princess.”

He lifts up your shirt to expose your bare chest to him, toying with your nipples some more while kissing you before he takes off his shirt next. You loved seeing him shirtless, his tattooed body was ridiculously sexy. The mere sight of him made you want to have an outer-body orgasm. You feel on his pecks and biceps just admiring his gorgeously toned body, you could trace the curves of abs all day. You kiss him again as he feels your ass through your sweatpants, sliding his hands in inside to grab it tighter. His hands were so soft and warm, you loved the feeling of his touch against you.

As you two part from the kiss, a thin string of saliva connects to the both of your lips. He smiles at you and licks it away.

“Take your pants for me pretty girl” he says, “wanna see you naked already.”

He was so impatient it made you giggle at his behavior. You get up from his lap to slide your sweatpants off and Jungkook is in disbelief to find out you went commando.

“Fuck… you really know how to drive me up the walls don’t you?” He couldn’t stop looking at you up and down, he was so infatuated and turn on with everything about you.

He signals you to come back to his lap with his finger and you sit on top of him now completely naked. He massages his hands all over your body tenderly, enamoring you dearly with his touches. His hands felt like putty to you, melting into him like clay as you grind against him again. A moan leaves both of your mouths from the pleasure and you didn’t notice but you realize now that the TV was turned off.

“Take your pants off already!” You whine to him so you can finally feel him. He tsks at you being unable to contain your excitement for him.

“Be patient little one, I was getting to that.”

He lets you off of him so he can undo his pants and slides them down to his ankles. You watch him closely as he goes onto his boxers, bringing them down as well; fully exposed to his cock for the second time today.

You jump back onto him and kiss hungrily, your bodies intertwine with one another as you straddle him and position yourself to take his length. He keeps his hands on your hips while you rub your wetness on his tip, the moans coming from your mouth was harmonic to Jungkook.

He moved a hand to feel on your ass and he leaves a hard slap against it, making your ass jiggle from the contact. He watches and does it again a few more times, making you whimper from the slight pain he’s causing.

“I love everything about you y/n,” he says once he breaks away from kissing you “I love all of you, you’re so fucking perfect” he nuzzled his face in your neck and you couldn’t help but smile at what he said. He knew exactly what to say to get you to make you feel like you were the only girl in the world.

You lowered yourself onto him now, feeling the way you take him so easily from being soaking wet. Jungkook mumbles something illegible under his breath as your cunt swallows his cock whole. It didn’t take long for you to reach the end of him since you were already so ready for him, you stay in the same position to feel all of him inside you. His cock was splitting you open so nicely, it felt like you were in paradise.

Jungkook bucks up his hips slowly, wanting to feel more movement from you. You move your hips to match his rhythm as you gain your balance, pressing both hands on his shoulder blades. You bounce slightly up and down on his cock, feeling your walls being filled up by every inch of him. You shifted from grinding on him real slow to picking up your pace indefinitely. Jungkook throws his head back from the pleasure, the sound of his balls hitting against your ass with the combination of it jiggling as you rode him like a bunny was enough to make him want to combust.

“You always feel so good around me princess,” he groans while grabbing your ass, “this pussy’s going to be the death of me baby.”

You simply keep moaning as you continue bouncing on his cock, he was thrusting back into you to go even deeper. Your eyes reached the back of the skull from the way he was hitting all the right spots in you. It wouldn’t take long before you started screaming his name and crying out for him.

“J-Jungkook, oh my god—” you couldn’t stop babbling, “fuck you’re so good— you’re so good to me daddy…”

“I know I am princess, now be good for me and cum when I tell you to.”

You nod your head viciously, wanting nothing more than to let him help you reach your orgasm. You couldn’t stop moaning his name over and over like a mantra, it was like your brain was only full of Jungkook, Jungkook, Jungkook.

“You can cum for me baby, go ahead it’s okay,” he says sweetly.

You feel your high approaching so you pick up the pace quicker, Jungkook’s fingernail was jabbing deep into your hip as you continue riding him. You feel your walls contract from your orgasm and you moaned out so loud for him that you were sure someone miles way could’ve even heard that. You let your orgasm wash over you and Jungkook quickly lifts you up from being on top so he can finish his load in your mouth. You get on your knees to become eye level with his cock and have your tongue out and ready for him. He gives a couple strokes to his cock and eventually large white strings of cum comes in contact with your mouth. You swallow all of his cum, licking the excess off his shaft to make sure you get all of it. You tap your tongue against the tip of his cock and the dirty view of you doing it was making Jungkook’s mind go complacent blank.

“You’re so fucking hot” he says, caressing your cheek in his hand and then squeezing it playfully.

You simply giggle at him and get up from the floor, you sit back onto the couch to give him another sweet kiss.

“You ready to shower and head to bed?” He asks.

“Yeah, I’m officially worn out for the day.”

You put only your shirt back on and Jungkook puts on his boxers, he leads the way for you both to head upstairs.

You immediately go into the bathroom and he goes into his room to get you both fresh clothes. Meanwhile as you wait for him to come back you were looking at the love bites that he left all your neck. You couldn’t believe he’d do such a thing since you literally have another shoot tomorrow. Guess you’ll have to just cover it up with some good ol’ concealer. You hear a commotion from outside the door but it didn’t sound like it was coming from Jungkook’s bedroom. A set of keys rustling could be heard from afar as you bring your ear close to the door.

“Jeon Jungkook!” You hear a woman’s voice from downstairs call out.

You slowly recognize that voice, it was that same voice from the voicemail in Jungkook’s phone. You were mortified, now trapped in the bathroom with absolutely no escape.

“Jungkook!” She calls out again, “I’m home, I decided to surprise you a day early!”

You wanted so badly to just crawl up into a microscopic ball and hide. You get into the bathtub and close the shower curtain so you can be hidden. You know Jungkook wasn’t coming back for you any time soon now.

Bracing yourself for the worst, you hear the voice grow closer as she headed up the stairs.

“Babe! You home?” She kept calling out to him but he wasn’t saying a word.

You were more concerned of her possibly finding out that you were here so you just keep quiet and do your best to remain calm. You were losing your shit in your mind but you believe in Jungkook enough to handle this. You just keep yourself poised so you can wait for this to all be over.

You hear the handle of the bathroom door jolt, you had it locked so no one could come in. You had no idea who was shaking the doorknob but you weren’t going to take your chances.

“Jungkook, you in there?” You hear his wife asks, now knocking on the door quietly.

“I know you’re in there, just answer me already!”

You hug yourself and rock back and forth to drown out the sounds of her. You couldn’t take it anymore, all the guilt kept rushing back to you now. You regret even being here at this point. Teleportation would really come in handy at this moment.

“Jungkoo- oh finally you show up!” She says in a chipper tone now.

“Hey Soyeon…” he didn’t sound enthusiastic at all to hear from her.

“Why is the bathroom door locked?” She asks out of curiosity.

You hear him give the worst excuse that you ever heard in your whole life of living.

“Oh damn is it really? I must have accidentally locked it or something, how weird is that!”

“I don’t think that’s even possible to do Jungkook..” she continued “what were you getting up to? Hiding someone in there?”

You know she was only joking but the irony of it was enough to make Jungkook become even more defensive.

“No silly, that’s crazy! I just accidentally locked it from the inside is all.”

“Well unlock it back, I gotta use the bathroom!”

“Then use the downstairs one.”

“What the fuck why? When’s there’s a perfectly good bathroom in front of me, stop with this nonsense and just open it already!” She demands.

You couldn’t stop fidgeting now, this whole situation was about to get blown up in Jungkook’s face and there was nothing you could do to stop it.

#jungkook smut #bts x reader #jungkook fic #jungkook angst #jeon jungkook smut #jeon jungkook x reader #bts fanfic #bts smut #jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook x female reader

[saeyoungchoismaid]

hi it's not seb Saturday yet but I just wanted to throw this idea down. Sebastian chilling outside in the rain in his usual spot before seeing the farmer trudge out from the mines all bloodied and bruised ("I'm alright, really—") and it's like an immediate panic switch is flipped for sebastian because yoba above they look like a vampire's wet dream out here. They either patch farmer up at their house or at Sebastian's room lol (could be funny if the farmer ends up crashing on his bed/couch for the night, then leaves quite early but not without leaving seb a gift they got from the mines.... : ,) anyway that's it)

Awe my first Sebastian Saturday ask yay! Bro this request is so juicy HEHE. (Side note: sorry if this isn't that good or feels rushed. I haven't wrote anything in months but I'm honestly proud of myself for cranking 2k words out)

gif originally uploaded by @starwberrymark

Sebastian listens to the rock music that’s softly coming from the garage as he works. He lets out another low curse when more oil leaks out of his motorcycle and gets on him. He should be used to it. His clothes are covered in it anyway. He sighs and sets down his wrench, taking a seat on the ground by the front tire as he snatches up his rag and wipes his hands clean. Well, as best as he could. He then takes a swig from his water bottle, eyeing the clouds forming above him. Looks like a storm is blowing in. 

He keeps working for maybe another thirty minutes or so before he starts to feel the skies open up. The rain starts gentle, a few droplets starting to fall around him and onto his bike. “Welp…” he grumbles, grabbing his bike and starting to roll it back into the garage. Once secured, he shuts the radio off and closes the garage. 

He places his hands onto his hips, surveying the rain. A ghost of a smile starts to appear on his face as the rain starts to fall harder. He steps back out into it and begins to head towards the lake. He takes his pack of cigs out and smacks them against his hand, inhaling deeply. He’s always loved the smell of rain. 

Once at his usual spot, he takes a cigarette out and holds it up to his lips. He then slips his lighter out of his pocket and protects the end from the wind and rain to light it. Once the flame has caught the end of his cig, he inhales deeply, causing an orange hue to glow from the stick. 

He stands there for a while, just admiring how the water falls onto the lake or how the forest begins to smell when it’s wet. His eyes move towards the entrance of the mines when he thinks he sees movement. Through the rain, that’s starting to come down harder, he can’t really see much. He squints his eyes and moves his head around, trying to get a better look at what was going on. 

His eyes go wide when he sees you hobbling down the path. “(Y/n)!” he shouts in surprise, dropping his cig into a puddle and dashing over to you. Upon getting closer to you, he sees the bruises blooming on your skin and the cuts oozing blood. “Oh my god…” he mumbles, his heart breaking the longer he looks at you. 

“Hey, Sebastian,” you greet him as cheerily as you can muster, trying to slap a smile on your face. The pain makes it a little hard to do though. “Don’t worry about all this. I’m fine, really. Just got a bit scraped up in the mines. Those monsters are-”

“You’re not fine! You’re bleeding!” he shouts, gesturing to you. Before you can respond, he’s wrapping one of your arms around his shoulders for you to lean against him. “C’mon, I’ll help you to my house.” 

“Your house? But-”

“No but’s! You’re seriously hurt and Harvey’s clinic is already closed. You don’t seem too badly injured where we need to bother him, but I’m definitely not letting you go home without patching you up first,” Sebastian argues. You let out a sigh, realizing how serious he is about all of this. 

“Okay…fine…” you grunt out, not having the energy to fight him on it anymore. 

When you get to his place, no one seems to be home. At least, no one is in the front of the house. Sebastian leads you down the stairs and opens the door to his room. You’ve only been in his room a few times and never for long. Normally just when you have stuff for his commissions that he posts outside of Pierre’s store. He’s always very grateful, but he’s not much of a talker, so you just never end up staying around for too long. Besides, you have way too much shit going on in your day anyway. 

He sets you down onto the black couch that’s right by his door and you’re happy to be off of your feet. “I’ll go grab the first aid kit,” he says right before dashing up the stairs to go do that. You grunt and lean back against the couch, the cool air of the house making you shiver in your wet clothes. 

When he returns, he sees you shivering and bites his lip. “Here,” he says, setting down the first aid kit and going over to his dresser at the far end of the room. “Change into these,” he says, offering you a pair of pajamas. You shakily reach your hands out and take them, nodding your head as you stand up. 

You two stare at each other for a moment, unmoving. Sebastian’s eyes go wide as he realizes what you’re waiting for. “Oh! Sorry! Um, I’ll just, uh-” he stutters out as he turns around, completely red in the face. With his back to you, you slowly start stripping out of your clothes, a shy smile on your face. You do your best to avoid getting any blood or dirt on his clothes. Thankfully, the shirt and pants he gave you are both black. Maybe that’s why he gave you that specific pair. 

“Done,” you mumble before crashing back onto the dark cushions. He hesitates for a second before slowly turning around. 

He’s then back in front of you in a second, kneeling on the floor and moving your limbs around to survey your wounds. Once getting an eyeful of them all, he grabs the first aid kit and starts patching you up. You remain silent as he works, even when it hurts, you keep your lips sealed. 

After a while, a thought comes to you. “How are you so good at this?” you ask curiously. His eyes flicker up to yours before going back to your arm where he is currently rubbing in a cream on one of your darker bruises. 

“Let’s just say I…wasn’t exactly always the best-behaving kid,” he replies with a shrug, a smirk starting to form on his lips. 

“Oh?” you ask, looking down at him with your own smirk. Seeing your smirk, he huffs a laugh through his nose. 

“Nothing interesting, I assure you. I just…I’m not the biggest people person…” he says softly, moving onto a cut that he’s cleaned up to bandage it. 

“That’s okay,” you reassure, unsure of what else you could say in this moment. 

“Yeah, I guess. I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, but I had Sammy, and later on Abigail. They introduced me to some more people, so I have more than enough friends to last me a lifetime now,” he replies with a light chuckle. You can’t help but smile at that. You’re happy to see that he’s, well, happy. 

“We’re friends, aren’t we?” you ask after a few moments of silence, hesitating in asking. After doing a few commissions for him and hanging out with him and the others at festivals, you two slowly started getting closer. You typically end up hanging out after a long day at work and you head over to Gus’ only to find that Sebastian and the others are playing pool. At first, you’d only watch, but after warming up to them, you started playing. 

The last time you played together, you two ended up staying until Gus closed the place down. You two were one of the few people left there, Sam and Abigail being long gone. Y’all ended up walking to the beach and sitting on the pier, sharing jokes and swapping stories. It was one of the best nights of your life. It’s definitely your favorite memory you’ve made since moving to Pelican Town. 

“Yeah…of course we are…” he replies softly, almost sounding hesitant and not looking into your eyes. 

“Good. I’m glad,” you say softly, giving him a sweet smile. He finally looks up at you and gives you a small smile in return. 

He’s then clearing his throat and standing up. “Well, I’m all done,” he says, wiping his hands onto his damp jeans. He glances at his clock and grunts. “It’s pretty late and sounds like it’s still raining. So, if you want to stay…you can…” He starts off confidently but ends on a quiet, unsure note. 

Heat rises to your face at that. “Oh, um, sure. Thank you…” you whisper, looking down at your hands. 

“Don’t mention it. You can, uh, take the bed, if you want. I’ll take the couch,” he offers. He then walks over to his closet and opens it up, revealing extra pillows and blankets at the top of the closet. 

“What? No, no! That’s okay! I’ll take the couch. I don’t want to inco-”

“I won’t take no for an answer,” he interrupts, pulling some blankets free from their tangled mess in his closet. You sigh and nod your head even though he’s not looking at you. 

“Alright, fine,” you say as you stand up, limping over to the bed. You sit there and watch him make the couch comfy for himself. 

As he moves around his room and goes to the bathroom to get ready for bed, you end up lying down at some point. You don’t remember falling asleep, but you do vaguely remember feeling something brush against your forehead and what sounded like someone wishing you a good night. 

When you wake up, you feel well-rested and ready to take on the day. You sit up and rub the leftover sleep from your eyes and then stretch. You wince when the bruises on your ribs ache, reminding you of what happened yesterday. You turn towards the time and find it’s six in the morning. Ah, guess old habits die hard. 

Hearing rustling and a deep sigh, you turn your attention now to the couch. Sebastian is still out cold, and probably will be for another four hours, at least. You smile and slip out of the bed, walking over to him. You smile at how peaceful he looks, his usual RBF nowhere to be seen. 

Not wanting to disturb him, you leave him be as you gather up your still-wet clothes. You’ll return his pjs to him later, after you’ve cleaned them and made sure they’re free of blood. Feeling something hard in your pocket, you slip your hand inside and remember what you found yesterday. Glancing at Sebastian, you gently set it down onto the table beside his couch that’s missing his radio. You then hobble over to his desk and search for paper and something to write with. Upon finding what you’re looking for, you scribble down a little note and leave it there next to your gift. You give him one last look before starting to limp up the stairs. Because it’s so early, no one else is up yet, so you slip out unnoticed thankfully. You’re not sure how you’d explain yourself to Robin. 

When Sebastian wakes up, the first thing he does is look over at his bed. He frowns when he finds you not there and he feels his heart sink a little. He sits up and runs his hands through his hair before scrubbing at his face. Upon dropping his hands, he notices two items resting before him. He practically has stars in his eyes as he picks the Obsidian up. He can’t believe what he’s seeing. 

Noticing the paper next to it, he picks that up next. As he reads your note, he starts to smile harder and harder. 

Dear Sebastian, 

Thank you for patching me up. Don’t think I ever actually properly thanked you last night. It means a lot to me that you’d go through all the trouble. I want you to have this. A little birdy once told me that you’ve always wanted to see Obsidian. I hope you can mark this off your bucket list now. If there’s anything else you want to see, I’m sure I can make it happen ;) Text me :) xxx-xxx-xxxx

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MASTERLISTS

More with Sebastian

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⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

#sdv sebastian x reader #sdv x reader #stardew sebastian #sdv sebastian #stardew valley #sebastian xreader #sebastian #stardew #stardew x reader #stardew valley fluff #sdv fluff #fluff #cw mention of blood #cw mention of injury #sebastian saturday #anon asks #asks #requests #sebastian requests #sdv requests #sdv drabble

[pwinkprincess]

playboy satoru who gets really really rough wit his bunny sometimes n he doesnt understand how rough hes getting till shes crying n beggin him to stop😵‍💫

sweetest girl in town ୨ৎ

Ꮺ tw:dubcon

hurts. it hurts. your face has been forced down into the mattress for far too long and your knees burn. you aren’t just crying from pleasure anymore. no, these tears are deeper than that. you feel so nasty from the thick fluid dripping from your nose, smearing all over and getting your face even dirtier. your hands are gripping the sheets for dear life, your knuckles are aching too. everything aches; everything hurts.

your screams and cries are muffled. it’s not like you particularly want to be heard, anyway. there’s no telling how mad satoru would get if you tapped out while he’s fucking you. 

“do they not know who i am? ’m fuckin’ satoru gojo. could buy this whole fuckin’ school if i wanted to..” he rants to you. his voice cracks at the end of his sentence, something that rarely happens unless his pride is condemned.  his large hands are squeezing your sides. with every word, his hold gets tighter and tighter. 

his thick cock is plowing into your pussy. his crystal eyes are focused on where the two of you meet. seeing the thick cream decorating his length causes a sense of smugness to bloom into his chest. no other man will ever see you like this. he deflowered you, taught you, you’re his. even when everything else is falling apart, you’re his.

“gonna finally fuckin’ cum ‘n you. give you somethin to live for.” he’s too blinded by rage to consider the noises you’re making, or how hard his are snapping into you, or that you couldn’t breathe. 

flashes of what happened prior to this moment runs through his head. his hand fingers clench and anger quickly takes over the smugness. his pelvis smacks against the fatness of your ass. he’s been going at it for so long, it almost feels suffocating. it’s beginning to hurt and you have to decide between putting his pleasure before yours or saying something before he bruises something.

“balancing everythin’ on my fuckin’ shoulders. no one asks if ‘m okay, but i make one minor mistake and suddenly the earth stops.” he almost sounds likes he’s about to cry. 

it’s too much. way too much. your hand shoots behind you and you press down on his abdomen. he stops his moving and looks at your hand in almost disgust. “can’t.. no more.. please.” your words are muffled and barely recognizable. 

“what?” he sounds defensive, almost. he gives you the honor of grabbing you by your hair and lifting your body until your back is flushed to his chest.

there are fat tears rolling down your face. satoru sees the snot and tears and pokes his cheek with his tongue, contemplating on how he wants to respond. “can’t anymore, daddy. you were being too rough.” you sob out. 

he sighs and pulls himself out of you. thin strings of your arousal stick to his cockhead and satoru throbs at the sight. he nearly feels angry at you for making him stop.

with his cock being out of you, it feels like you can breathe again. though your pussy is still pulsating from the brutal beating it just got.

surprisingly, he’s gentle as he maneuvers you onto a dry area on the bed. he touches you softly, almost as if he’s scared to break you some more. he lays behind you, your back once again against his sculpted chest.

you’re quietly sniffling. ‘he’s probably so mad at you’  the thought rings through your head and causes you to whimper at the thought of him getting mad at you and leaving him alone, for good. 

“‘m sorry for ruining it, daddy.” your words linger in the air when he doesn’t immediately respond. 

“..no. don’t apologize, bunny. daddy was too rough. ‘m sorry. sorry for everything.” his voice cracks and something wet plops on your shoulder. was he crying? 

you try to turn to look at him but he quickly forces you back around. 

“so, so, so sorry, baby.” he mumbles while pressing kisses against your cheeks. 

while you think he’s apologizing for being rough, satoru knows his apologies are deeper than what just happened.

#asks ! ˚ ༘ ೀ #fratboy/playboy!gojo #pwinkprincess ૮꒰ ˶• ༝ •˶꒱ა #₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ #toruuu ᡣ𐭩୨୧ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ #jjk ! ૮꒰⸝⸝> ̫ <⸝⸝꒱ა #˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo x y/n #jjk gojo

[urrsstrully]

park gunwook with a younger s/o

zerobaseone park gunwook x younger!reader genre : fluff, a very tooth rotting fluff word count : 760 warning : too fluffy, so much usage of petname (baby), usage of “oppa”, some of you might find this cringy but it’s my style of writing so please don’t judge 🥹🫶🏻 a/n : this man live in my head rent free and i just have a lot of thoughts of him dating a younger s/o (also because i just love boys whos older than me so i made this). this is for all of the gunwook stan whos younger than him <3 reader is around 1-2 years younger than gunwook !

DEFINITELY GONNA BABY YOU MOST OF THE TIME. just like how he saw yujin, he just wants to protect you and offer you all the best efforts he could provide.

he finds all the things that you do endearing and it makes him love you even more. PARTICULARLY, if you’re the shy type who gets flustered so easily.

he would unleash his flirty side even more. He ADORES seeing you flustered; there’s simply no way to escape from his flirtatious behavior. Sometimes, he'll put his hand on top of your head and ruffle your hair or gently pat your head. Or he might suddenly bring his face close to yours, maintaining eye contact until you can’t handle it anymore.

his heart wouldn’t take it anymore and wants you in his pocket immediately so that he can bring you anywhere he goes. “could you stop being such a cutie, cuz i can’t handle it.”

even when you’re smiling and giggling, he feels like his heart is about to burst. “please stop that bright smile of yours, baby. i might faint because of your cuteness right now.”

he would let out his protective side even more. of course, because you’re his baby and he needs to protect you.

you got hurt? he’ll be panicking and acts on it immediately, even if it’s just a slight cut on your finger, he’ll be treating you like a wounded soldier. you’re suddenly crying? he’ll give his shoulder for you to lean on.

he’ll be sooooo cuddly and clingy, all he need after a rough day is just your cuddle. prepared to be babied whenever you guys cuddle cuz this man LOVES babying you and he just can’t help it.

it’s definitely the popular senior x junior type of trope between the two of you. you’ll be the luckiest junior to be with him, cuz who wouldn’t want to have a boyfriend like gunwook.

ALSO, you got to know him because you had the chance to be a part of the student council, with him being the vice president of the student council at that time.

he always got his eyes on you whenever there’s some opportunity of you two working together in school. he always finds an excuse to be beside you and some other student council members might actually notice the change in his behavior whenever you’re near him.

you’ll probably got to be the most talked-about junior among the seniors because how close you are to gunwook and how sweet gunwook’s gestures are towards you.

but because of the csat, he got too focused on it and became a bit distance with you. HOWEVER, after the test and all of the final exams were done, he finally had the courage to talk to you seriously about his feelings.

it’s a bit sad that you guys established the relationship when he’s already on his way to graduating.

BUT DON’T WORRY, cuz after he graduated, he will be your own private lesson teacher. he’ll always be there when you need to finish your homework and whenever there’s a quiz or test coming up, he’ll be there to help you with the materials.

there have been a few times where he actually asked if you had a test or quiz upcoming. “do you have any tests coming this week? if so, don’t be bother to tell me, alright?”

he’ll be worried too if you overworked yourself. he’ll ne the one who always remind you to take a rest and eat properly.

“school isn’t everything, baby. you don’t need to overwork yourself okay? you need time to rest too.”

if you had a rough time at school, your escape would be him. spending time with him would let go all of the burden on your shoulders. ESPECIALLY, you could burry your face onto his broad chest and rant about what happened in your school.

aside from all of the school stuff, he’s just going to be the best boyfriend ever. with the best effort and he wants to be the best for you and you’ll always tell him that he’s just the best.

one thing that definitely gonna fluster him is when you occasionally call him oppa.

“oppa, can you help me with this..” “okay… oppa will help you with it”

his face will be full of the most lovesick, cheeky, and cocky expression ever. he just can’t hide his wide smile anymore and definitely gonna remember it for the rest of the day.

“call me that even more, please.”

IN CONCLUSION, THIS MAN IS THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER.

©️urrsstrully.2024.copyright

#urrsstrully’s #zerobaseone #zb1 #park gunwook #zb1 park gunwook #zerobaseone park gunwook #park gunwook headcanons #gunwook headcanons #gunwook fluff #gunwook x reader #park gunwook x reader #zerobaseone x reader #zb1 x reader

[midnightarcheress]

you panic.

pairing: bodyguard!ghost x actress!reader cw: reader's pov. panic attack, simon in protective mode, hurt/comfort ig? 6 | gold rush masterlist.

you couldn’t breathe. the room seemed small, walls closing in and trapping your limp figure inside of an endless nightmare, compressing your lungs until no air reached your alveolus. the mirror reflected the terror stamped on your face, bloodshot eyes staring at the terrifying warning that froze your blood flow and the trembling hands clutching to your arms, wrapping your torso like a straightjacket, desperately trying to pressure your body into disappearing from that reality.

up to this point, you’ve managed to control your fear. shove your worries aside, trust that nothing would trespass your walls and infinite security measures, promise yourself that it would never infest your brain, but that was the last straw. it was your home. you weren’t safe anywhere and it was just a matter of time until you’d be ripped to shreds in your own garden, crimson painting the destroyed flower beds and a golden crown placed on your head like a perfect corpse-bride.

your knees dropped to the frigid floor with a thud, dreadful mist clouding your vision as tears rolled down your cheeks. you couldn’t think, you couldn’t speak, and the alcohol in your veins only managed to heighten the panic. your soul was floating out of your form, knocking on the bars of the prison, looking for a way out of the ordeal and hoping that it was just a hallucination. the loud thumps of your heart ringed in your ears, muffling Ghost’s attempts to get your attention.

the knot in your throat kept tightening, constricting your vocal cords until the only sounds that could be heard were your strained sobs. being in your own skin was overwhelming and you’d give it all to escape the well you were stranded in, but the water was rising quickly, covering your head and drowning any attempt at tranquillity.

“hey, i’m here,” Ghost said, trying to coax you back to the present, “just focus on my voice, can you take a deep breath for me?” 

your dilated pupils take the sight of him crouched on the floor and follow the movement of his chest, letting his low timbre pierce your eardrum and soothe your heartbeat. you mimic him, feeling the crisp air cursing through your nostrils, down your trachea and bronchi, finally having enough oxygen in your system. 

“can i touch you?” he asks, and you notice the concern behind his hazel irises. you can’t ignore the shame that came with your panicked state, breaking down in front of someone you barely know and who must’ve endured so much worse in his life. you hate feeling weak, frail, like you’d crumble by just one look, but you need comfort. need it so badly that you nod, allowing him to take your quivering hand in his.

his grip is firm, and despite the roughness of his palm, the touch is delicate, tender, enveloping you in gentle heat. you melt in his arms, pitiful sobs leaving your lips when you turn in nothing more than putty in that moment. “shh, i got you, everything will be alright,” he coos, doing his best to calm you, but you couldn’t believe him.

how could everything be alright? the last ounce of safety you had was just taken from you. “it’s my– it’s my home, Ghost,” you stutter, lifting your head to look at him, “i’m not safe in my own home anymore, i can’t–” another wave of tears flood your waterline, and you stop before finishing your sentence. the anxiety was still bubbling in your stomach, it was still too much to handle at once. 

“i know, love, i’ll get you out of here, trust me. nothing will harm you. now just breathe, okay? slow and steady.” his tone is light, almost ethereal, but unmistakably determined. it sounded more than just a phrase to pacify you. it was a promise. a vow. one made with his whole heart and he wouldn’t die before making sure you’re safe.

it takes a while before your brain settles back, slipping out of the hysteria. Ghost lifts you to your feet, taking a step back to give you some space. you sense him studying your expressions, wanting a hint of how to proceed. “what do you need?” he questions softly.

what do i need? the query lingers on your mind while he gazes at you. you're not sure. you never had an attack like this, never had an emotional collapse, never needed so much comfort. “i... don't know,” you gulp, glancing around the room and viewing the bathroom door, “i guess i could go for, uhm, a bath? it might help, right?”

he nods, pacing past you and walking through the door. you faintly hear the running water filling the bathtub and you strip off your heels, your clothes, let your hair fall down and your skin feel the cool air of the room. you shiver, but the tingling of the cold reminds you that you’re still alive, so there’s still a flimsy hope of peace in your future. 

you put on a robe and head to the bathroom, tip-toeing on the chilling tiles. Ghost moves to the exit, allowing you privacy in your vulnerable state, but your meek request makes him freeze on the spot. “can you... stay?” you sigh, “i’m scared of being alone right now.”

he pauses, not knowing how to answer, and you shift your weight from one leg to another, fingers fidgeting with the fluffy belt that holds your covering in place, regretting even asking for such a thing. “sure.” he clears his throat, taking a seat in the tiny wooden ottoman in the corner. the image is quite comical, the bulky man slowly leaning down to the stool as if one glance from him would crack the material, and a timid chuckle escapes your mouth.

his face turns to the side when you undo the knot of your robe and you feel the heat coming to your cheeks when you come to your senses. what the fuck did i ask? you’re bare, slipping into the warm water that was supposed to relieve your anxious mood, but that mainly swells your chest with embarrassment. 

you don’t know if you should be grateful that he’s not making a big deal of it, or sink in the tub due to the quiet – too quiet – atmosphere. Ghost is nothing but a gentleman at that moment, maintaining his head down and eyes away from your blurred naked body, so different from every man you’ve been near. they all seem to think that because you’re known, famous, whatever, you’re merely a doll on display for public use. it’s nice to not feel like an object.

after a long hour of letting the water purge your anguishes, you find yourself draped on a blanket on the sofa, sipping on a cup of chamomile tea that he, so heartily, prepared. he’s on the phone in the next room, and you don’t want to pry, but your ears unconsciously perk up to catch some of his words. he’s talking to someone named Price? something about a safe house? 

a few minutes later, he’s back, sitting on the coffee table in front of you. “so, we’re gonna move,” your brows raised, confused by his statement, “talked to an old friend and i got you a safe place, you can stay there as long as you need, the bastard won’t find you. and i’ll be there with you all the time, okay?” he’s gonna stay with me?

rationally, you know it’s a good idea. you don’t feel protected in your house anymore, and having him constantly by your side would probably give your heart a rest and unburden your shoulders. but moving is a big thing for a life so regulated. “Dan–” 

“i’ll talk to him tomorrow, don’t worry,” he assures, putting a hand on your knee and giving you a small smile. your vision was so hazy before that you didn’t even notice that he had his mask down, and you find yourself musing on the curve of his lips. 

“thank you, Ghost.”

#simon ghost riley #simon riley #ghost #ghost cod #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x you #f!reader #fem!reader #ghost x reader #ghost x you #ghost imagine #ghost fanfiction #bodyguard!ghost #bodyguard!simon #hurt/comfort #ghost angst #actress!reader #bodyguard au #cod mw #cod mw2 #cod mw3 #gold rush #bodyguard!ghost ☾ #nyx writes ☾ #midnightarcheress

[toxintouch]

Love the thought of Mhin’s monster being terrifying; a true threat to your (the MC’s) safety, an insurmountable burden that has destroyed Mhin’s life and that’s why they are so desperate for a cure.

But also…

Thinking about Androcles removing the thorn from the lion’s paw…

The thought that maybe if the monster doesn’t successfully kill you the first time, it will recognize you the second.

That transformation looks like it hurts.  Before, after, during.

The idea that it will be a slow process, a dangerous one, but if you can survive, if you can calm it down–

Preening broken feathers.  A slow and methodical process, but your heart beats like you’re running for your life.  You keep retreating, feather by feather, because you’re not sure how stable this moment of calm is, how long you have before it will try to kill you again. 

You gain Mhin’s trust the same way.  Slow and methodical.  Showing your hands at all times.  No sudden movements.

Mhin knows you ran into their Monster–knows that you know.  They hate the thought of putting this much faith in another person but they hate the thought that the monster might get out and harm people even more.  You could be an ally in this too, they suppose…

They hand over a key to their safe house, show you how to use the security measures they have in place for when they transform.  They explain to you how to safely lock them inside–it can be done from either side effectively but Mhin never gives any thought to which side of the door you’d choose to be on…

You start asking Kuras for medical supplies, unable to give any information regarding why you need them.  You see someone selling hunting birds and carrier pigeons in the market so you ply them for information, paying them back by shelling out a ridiculous amount of money on whatever care products look like they might be moderately useful.

More preening broken feathers.  It seems to–they–seem to understand that you mean to help, now.  The process becomes easier.  You start carefully removing bits of broken glass you find embedded into them–you’re not sure how it got there, if the glass is something mystical or if they went on a little rampage before you were able to lead them into the safe house.  Maybe they’re just like a regular bird and they ran into something by accident.  Maybe it’s been there for years because no one’s been around (or able to) take it out.  

Does it hurt Mhin, too?

You’re even more determined with that thought, though you have to be so-very-careful because if you startle or hurt them, they become agitated.  You’re not sure if they would hurt you on purpose anymore, but they sure as hell could kill you by accident.

It burns your heart to leave some pieces in before Mhin changes back, but you know you have to.  You can’t help if you don’t stay safe. And Mhin always makes you promise to look after yourself when they can't.

Mhin transforms back and realizes that it didn’t take so much from them this time, that the usual pain is a little lesser, that they still ache but it isn’t debilitating.  They write it off at first but the thought sits at the back of their mind. Filling them with unrest. A thorn in their side that they cannot quite reach...

They go to their safe house to check how the locks are holding up and they notice some things.  A large basin for water. Your supplies.  A music box, of all things.

Needless to say, they’re horrified.  They demand to know what you’re doing.  Are you trying to get yourself killed?

“I knew you had no sense but–”

You assure them that you’re taking every precaution.

Besides, aren’t you doing the right thing?  It’s totally logical that they (–it , Mhin insists) can get thirsty, of course Mhin is feeling better when they aren’t being locked in an empty room deprived of water half the time.

The monster looks so sad, now that they aren’t trying to hurt you.  As they became more used to you, you began to see the parts where they and Mhin overlap.  Shared habits.  The way they settle down to sleep at night is the same…

Mhin hates the monster inside of them, but you don’t.

#i wrote this so fast i am omw out the door forgive me the are for sure mistakes this is the energy today that we are bringing #Something something loving the parts of someone that they think make them Bad And Terrible #but not in an ‘i can fix you way’ but in an i’m here to support you even when you’re at your lowest’ kinda way #Soft Mhin Hours ft. The Bird Monster #mhin touchstarved #Touchstarved Fanfic #Touchstarved game #grammar edits made next day #the music box is so Atheris-coded btw u know they gotta play their bird some tunes even while their hands are occupied #toxintouch writing #touchstarved Wishlist: Mhin

[waldau]

sunshine — lee seokmin | 764 words | fluff

bro is literal sunshine, i had to. i don't know how this came to me but i'm so glad it did. and can we ignore the fact that you could see it only across america?

gender neutral reader. warnings: none.

dokyeom knows he’s being a bit obnoxious.

okay, maybe not just a bit. very obnoxious.

but is it his fault that he’s upset about missing the solar eclipse that he’d wanted to see with you?

the pictures you’ve sent him aren’t enough. he kept staring at all eleven of them, showing him every angle you managed to get. even nasa had been roped into your shenanigans to try to make him feel a little less sad about missing out, not to mention the livestream you’d held for two seconds, cutting it off even before he got a chance to say hi.

it goes without saying that he can’t help but feel a bit guilty.

he knows it’s a bit too much when the smile he gives you isn’t as cheerful as yours. he knows its over the top when he resists your attempts to cuddle with him. in the end, your puppy eyes break him enough to let you hold him.

“it’s just so unfair,” he huffs, pressing his face into your shoulder. he ignores the little giggle you give out, running your fingers through his hair. this is a matter of utmost importance and he should be allowed to sulk, dammit.

“i’m not saying it’s not, kyeom.”

“but you’re laughing at me! i’m sad i missed seeing the eclipse with you and you’re laughing at me.”

“hey, i’m not laughing. didn’t i try calling you on video so you wouldn’t miss out? and didn’t i send pictures later?”

“that’s…not the point.”

“then what is?”

dokyeom sighs. “i wanted to see it with you. it wasn’t about the eclipse. we always watch the sun rise and set whenever we’re together. of course i wanted to watch this one with you, too.”

“oh,” is all you say.

dokyeom just pulls away from you and shifts so that his head rests in your lap.

“hey,” you say, thumb tracing his cheekbone. soft. “are you really that upset because you didn’t get to watch an eclipse?”

“it wasn’t just an eclipse, though,” he says, looking up at you. you look so good, even upside down. “it was the eclipse. and i missed it. and you.”

“but you were touring, baby.”

dokyeom knows you’re right, but he’s not in the mood to listen to logic right now. so he behaves like the very mature adult he is and hides his face in your stomach, unwilling to look up at you. he doesn’t move even when he can feel your silent laughs shake your body. he feels you stretch to your side for something and very reluctantly looks up at you when you tap his shoulder.

“do me a favour?”

“anything,” he says immediately.

“take a photo with me?”

there’s already maybe a couple thousand photos of the two of you together in each of your phones, and dokyeom figures it wouldn’t hurt to add a few more. it never does.

but he’s also confused by the sudden change in topic. “what…”

“trust me.”

that he does. he shuts up and arranges himself so he’s lying a bit more comfortably on you, his super long arms helping him take the best picture he can for you. oh, well. pictures. multiple.

he’s become a bit tired of posing for selfies by himself, so it feels good to have your face in the frame again. he keeps capturing you more than himself till you ask him to stop, selecting what he deems are your favourites before you send them to him.

“see this?” you ask, showing him one of the photos. you’re accidentally out of the frame, and he’s captured himself laughing the way he does when he’s with you, eyes squeezed shut with the widest grin on his lips. do you know how happy you make him?

“…yeah?”

“that’s my sun you’re seeing. you’re lucky you can see yourself in a mirror every single day, you know?”

dokyeom swears his brain blanks. shirt circuits to the worst degree possible. “did you just—”

“—steal your job of using pick-up lines? maybe?”

suddenly, it doesn’t really matter that much anymore. sure, he’s a bit bummed he didn’t get to see it in person, and he didn’t get to see it with you, but he has you. forever. like the sun. burning bright, looking after him.

“also,” you say, looking very proud of yourself, “the next one’s in 2044. let’s make sure we don’t miss that one, okay?”

that’s…twenty years in the future.

when dokyeom clings to you a little more while you sleep that night, he thinks you already know the reason why.

taglist: @bookyeom @wootify @strnsvt @cloudycaramel @thepoopdokyeomtouched @minnieminshi @nonononranghaee @hrts4hanniehae @viewvuu

#his smile can cure me. of what i don't know but it can cure me #lee seokmin #lee seokmin fluff #dokyeom fluff #dokyeom #fluff #dk #dk fluff #seventeen #seventeen fluff #svt #svt fluff #waldau writes #inpsired by those lebron sunshine reels? you'll never know

[incognit0slut]

This is actually crazy. If someone told me in the past that I would have all these people appreciating my silly ideas I would’ve laughed, and technically, I am laughing right now because I still can’t wrap my head around it even though it’s HAPPENING.

Thank you all so, so much. I can’t express how lucky I am to have you reading, liking, sharing my work, and just interacting with me. I love each and every one of you💘💘

As I promised, my next story is dedicated to this milestone celebration so here is a little preview. It’s still a draft and needs a lot of editing, so it might take some time.

Sneak peek under the cut!

...his shoulders stiffened at your words as he finally turned to face you. "You think I don't want to have sex with you?"

"I don't know what to think anymore," you admitted. "You're shutting me out. It's hard not to take it personally."

You both watched each other, the tension between you palpable. Slowly, he began to walk towards you, his gaze never leaving yours. "I'm refusing to have sex with you right now not because I don't want to," he said, his voice dangerously low. “I’m refusing because I'm trying to protect you."

"Protect me from what?" you asked, confusion lacing your words.

"From myself."

You felt a knot tightening in your stomach. "I-I don't understand."

He closed the distance between you, and you could feel the intensity of his gaze boring into yours. "I don't want to risk it. I'm afraid that if we... if we cross that line, I might hurt you."

"Spencer," you whispered. "You would never hurt me."

He shook his head. "You wouldn't be so sure if you knew half of the things running in my head right now."

Your heart raced as his words sank in. Your eyes couldn't help but wander down his body, tracing the lines of his open shirt and the gentle rise and fall of his chest. Your breath caught in your throat as your gaze trailed lower, taking in the way his pants hung low on his hips and the hint of hair leading downwards.

You swallowed hard.

"Then tell me," you challenged, your voice trembling slightly as you met his gaze head-on. "Tell me how you would hurt me."

His studied you, assessing, calculating. "You won't like it," he warned.

"And what if I do?"

His eyes narrowed slightly, a hint of surprise flashing across his features. "You don't know what you're asking for."

"I know what I want."

He regarded you for a long moment, weighing your words carefully. Finally, he stepped closer, his breath warm against your skin as he whispered, "You really want to know what I'd like to do to you?"

You held his gaze as a shiver of anticipation danced down your spine. "Yes," you replied. "Tell me."

His lips curved into a faint, almost rueful smile…

end of sneak peek because what he says next gives out too much :) fingers crossed I have it done by next week

(Also, can you tell I love his happy trail so much ok bye)

#so blessed #ilysm <3 #follower milestone #lou rambles

[clockworkbibliophile]

do you ever get so unbearably inexhaustibly heart wrenchingly lonely that u reach out to everyone u were ever close with in ur life and then break down sobbing in tears bc nothing is the same and nothing will ever be the same again

#:’/ #I can’t stop crying #I think abt this all day every day #it wrecks me quite simply. #I don’t know how most people go around living their life without constantly being dragged down by the fact that all of the people you love #will one day leave or die #I can’t do this anymore #being alive is just one big funeral for all of the people you used to know lived and relived every day #how do I make it stop how do I make the memories go away #how do I take away the pain from things ending and only be left with the happiness that it happened #why can some people do that #why can’t I #it hurts too much too badly i’m pulling at my hair to feel any pain but this emotional pain it’s unbearable #i’m about to tear my hair from its roots #what do you do when you take depression meds but still have to self harm in order to distract from the unbearable thoughts

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

#I have so much I want to say but nothing I can actually articulate #how do I make you see how much you’re hurting me? how do I make you see how much I love you at the same time? #you grew a conscience too little too late and I was left to hang for it #I keep trying to be who you want but it feels like there’s no version of me that will make you happy #and I feel the distance growing between us every day because of how you’re pushing me away #but still you’ll say everything is fine and I just have to accept things the way they are #it doesn’t matter what I say or do because everything I say/do is always wrong in your eyes #I’m always fucking things up somehow and making you angry #so it’s at the point where I just have to stifle my feelings and swallow my pride and try to keep you happy #do you remember how we became friends? you reached out to me to help me with my anxiety from a post you stumbled across #but I feel that now if I were to share any of those kinds of feelings with you I’d be mostly ignored or it would start another fight #how can you say you’re always supportive when there’s no way to talk to you when I really need you because you’re simply not here? #how can you be mad at me for wanting more time with you when there are days you only send me one message and nothing else? #and still the thought of losing you hurts so much that I’d rather just concede to whatever you want #I’d rather let you crush me and dictate how our whole relationship will go than see you walk away from me #I know that’s so unhealthy but I don’t care anymore because I just need you that much #I hate this stupid connection we seem to have and how we’re still so drawn to each other even when we’re hurt and angry #it would be so much easier if you were just some guy I could block #but you’re not because you’ve become my best friend and that in itself is so horribly pathetic it makes me sick #I just can’t get these thoughts out and so I feel sick and anxious and I just want to sleep this all away #how do I say any of this to you? i don’t think I could really #personal

[daydream-draws]

.

#bro💀 #why do I have so much accidental rizz I like can’t do this anymore i #am literally aro.spec why does this keep happening to me 😭😭 #one of my close friends said they like me I stood there like an IDIOT I feel really bad #I don’t even remember what they said but i #am not gonna see them cause it’s summer so now I gotta like text the #m #but I don’t even know what to say #I don’t think??? I like them back like that #ughhhhhauuughghgh I just wanted a chil #l summer #and I don’t want them to hate me or hurt because of me #this has happened to me THREE times god really chose to make the wrong person aro #im still close w the other two people who have liked me but also I feel like they?.liked me less #one straight up never to #ld me #i figured it out myself #and the other moved on quickly and said they were ok w a platonic date too when #asking me out so I did that #but w the other two there were signs with this one it was just like bam #allo people r making up crushes I believe #day blabs #I need more aro friends

[whimsyprinx]

in hindsight I know the majority of my anxiety around friendship (and in general) pertains to the fact that my longest friendship is falling apart and idk what to do about it

#whimsy whispers #and so do all my friendships but like it’s gotten worse and now it’s like haha none of my friendships are real and will last and nothing #lasts forever and I want to cry and die about it #idk I always thought that we’d be best friends forever and typing that I realize show stupid and idk childish I sound #there’s jsut a strain and idk when it started getting worse or what to do because like we’ve talked about it before but nothing got better #and then I’m just ruining my other relationships by being so insecure and anxious and constantly getting on peoples cases about it #eventually I’m going to be completely alone and idk how to cope with that and it’ll be no one’s fault but my own #idk what to even do to fix anything I don’t know if I can make anything better #idk my best friend was the most important person in the world to me and was my favourite person #and I know they could never say the same about me and that’s fine but now I can’t say that about them either #I don’t really have a favourite or most loved person anymore #like it hurts too much to love people so much and then feel like you’re not as important to them and that’s how I’ve felt for a while #I’m so tired of feeling like this and failing at friendship I keep losing all my friends and like it hurts and is bad

[nightly-ruse]

I think I may be a little odd

#I’ve been thinking about like everything/neg/pos/breakdown inducing #and I think I’m mentally I’ll #like yeah no shit but also it’s very clear #I literally got out of breath the other day talking about wolves and Yellowstone bc I was talking so fast about them #also have very wild mood swings paired with abandonment issues constant shame for ppl caring about me and trauam over friendships bc #so many have gone wrong and I’ve been forever changed or abandoned (both in one case) #I mean I met this girl at a school meet and she just reminded me of a person who hurt me. they had the same same mannerisms looked similar #besides the hair and I had a full panic attack. I feel bad about that she probably was really nice #or how I feel sick just thinking about the local park bc it’s where I was forced to hang out with a ex friend that wrecked me #such a mixing bowl of bad traits #I can focus I can’t remember I’m either too lazy or too hyper to stay still I can’t regulate tone well and scare myself constantly just by #talking. relationships always end in a burning bridge even when they were so good bc I get so paranoid and scared they’ll leave that I leave #myself. jumping to crazy conclusions to the point I start hallucinating due to stress #I mean how do I even explain to my therapist that my only good friends ended with me skipping school the last days bc I thought one died. #she actually just left school early. #that one I kinda get even tho it’s fucking nuts bc tjat year has mentally burned me so goddamn much but still #and even tho I’ve kinda had a constant itch that something completely explains why I’m this way but am too scared to bring it up bc of #change and trauma related to bringing up my own mental health #I don’t even know what thsi is anymore sorry #should just shut up and sleep #I’ll be fine by morning anyways so what does it even fucking matter #ruse rambles #vent tag

[oglegoggle]

Bleh I know that everyone is busy today with like their families and loves and shit so giving me attention isn’t really the top of the priority list but fuck…. I wish no much I were at the top of someone’s priority list. Like genuinely not “I’m gonna tell you you’re the most important person in my life every day until something catastrophic happens that permanently damages the fuck out of you and I have to step up and make difficult choices for your care then I’m telling you you rank more like 6 or 7 in my list of priorities but I will still tell you you’re my favorite while I actively fucking abandon you.”

Can still hear my fathers voice ringing in my head telling me that no matter how much I give, no matter how much I try, I will never be the first priority in someone’s life. Everyone will always have somebody or some obligation that means more to them than I do. And unfortunately as it were uhhhhhhh that’s never exactly been disproven.

#this is goggles #just like shit dude…. I wish somebody actually meant it when they told me I’m the most important thing to them #ain’t happened from parents ain’t happened from partners #I just like don’t get why I’m so disposable to people??? #I know that I have weird and difficult needs and I try to minimize them as much as possible but like shit dude….. #and people will tell me that they will care for my weird and difficult needs until they tear their ugly heads in such a way that can’t be #stuffed back into the repression trunk anymore and they actually have to be dealt with #and nobody will deal with them and I just feel so disposable and insignificant #I left my entire life behind and it hurts so much but at least I won’t be hurt by the same set of morons over and over and over again #who will tell me they love me and care for me until I’ve endured a harsh trauma caused by their abuse of me #then I’m not so important their husband comes first their family comes first their other partners come first #their actual priorities come first and I’m left with that ringing voice in my head #nothing I ever do will warrant being the first priority in someone’s life and I just have to accept that #fuckin I can treat others as disposable too 😒 I’m throwing away anyone who hurts me or even grates on me slightly at the first occurrence #I don’t fucking care I am not going to tolerate this shit anymore #since I’m disposable in everyone else’s life everyone else is disposable to me just the same #I’m trying to not let misanthropy take hold of me but just fuckin…. I do not care. Everyoje is disposable to me. #I’ll throw anyone away before they even get the chance to damage me and throw me away #if this upsets you fuck you im throwing you away too #I’ll leave the next city and the one after that and the one after that too #I’m a fuckin manic pixie dream? okay I’m here in your life for three months and I’m gone and you’re going to wistfully think of me forever #I’ll be the goddamn romantic fling of your life and I’ll disappear before I can get hurt and that will be it

[thesunbrokeyourskull]

-

#I would kill my ex ‘p’ to become rich. #I would kill my ex ‘m’ to obtain even more beauty and attract even more people. #I would beat up my ex ‘b’ to the point of him almost dying to have a nice house and the best of the best of things. #I would beat up my bf ‘d’ to be more mentally stable so that I am balanced and at peace with myself and my life. #I would kill my ex ‘k’ to become a well known scholar who has many degrees in maths science and philosophy and to preform surgery&research #I would step on anybody to get to where I want to be in life if it meant making myself happy. #I just manipulated my bf into feeling bad for me because I genuinely just want to feel good and secure even if that’s at his expense. #he’s right.. I don’t care about anyone more than myself and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. why should I put someone above myself? #I’ll tell you what.. until someone can show me that being a good honest generous person can get me anywhere I’ll keep doing what works :) #grey god #puppets #and I genuinely just don’t like or care for others. there’s always something I want in return when it comes to relationships with others. #I find humans disgusting and faulty and I don’t care if I add to their pain because it’s usually to benefit me and if it doesn’t it’s to- #-get back at others for hurting me. or I’m bored. I probably have the most sick and twisted mind of anyone I know. I think people know that #-tho but they still keep me around and help me out whenever I need it. it’s all a show for me and for them. people are so stupid and they #-genuinely think doing the right think helps them. it doesn’t. it’s kind of sad. I just know that once ‘d’ realizes I’ve taken him for - #-everything he’s got it’ll be too late and he’ll have to deal with how much better I am than him and how much I’ve grown leeching off of- #-his emotional labor. I just jump from one person to another taking what I want and what I can. I don’t think I’ve genuinely loved anyone. #I’ve always been this way. I almost love people but then I just truly don’t. it’s more fun to see how far I can break them before #-they can’t do it anymore. I hope that everyone I’ve ever hurt continues to hurt forever and that they never grown or evolve. #’d’ told me tonight that I ruined his life. ‘b’ told me I ruined him. ‘m’ is a coward and he said he’ll never love again. #’k’ is a used up simple minded loser. ‘p’ is a stunted delusion addict with me issues for the rest of his life. notice I said me issues and #not daddy or mommy issues lol. I have tricked them all. they are all pathetic and whimpy fucks. #the day I grinded against ‘d’s sluty ass again after I ‘raped him’ he told me to go slow but it made me think.. what if I just raped him? #I could just do it and he won’t do shit about it. he’ll forgive me like always. he’s an insecure loser. I wanted to just take my dick- #and shove it down his throat and then ruin his hole with it #but I didn’t. I respected what he said but the fact that I thought about it isn’t good.

[buriesitsteeth]

just venting again I’m sorry

#okay so this is going to sound whiny of me idk I’m sorry I’m like this I really am #ik none of you follow me to hear about this shit and I’m sorry for constantly whining about things I don’t like being like this #I just have so much going on in my personal life and then also nothing at all #I’m just plagued by constant chronic loneliness and it hits me so hard some days that it’s like physical pain #I can’t even talk myself around by saying ‘you do have people that care!’ because I really don’t anymore #everyone’s too busy with their own shit and I find it hard to talk directly about my feelings #I downplay or switch topics or focus on talking about them #and then I get upset because they don’t understand or don’t think it’s serious #but I don’t know how to say I feel so hollow and breakable and at the same time full to bursting with sadness and grief and anger and #self hatred stronger than I’ve ever felt before #and if I try once or twice to express this crushing feeling of shitiness #and you don’t understand or listen my brain will shut down the idea entirely #and prevent me from reaching out again for a long time #I just feel like I’m so inconsequential and ywt at the Same time I’m the one cog still turning to keep everyone else going #like I’m nothing and yet too much at once #I don’t know. I feel like I’m on the edge of Something massive and irreversible and I don’t like it #I feel like I’m also on the precipice between never ever trusting anyone again and diving head first into trusting Anyone #that bothers and trusting them too much. caring too much again in the hopes that I do get hurt for a final time and learn my lesson #I don’t know. and I don’t like having these fits of sounding fucking crazy on here and I’m sorry again for sounding like this this isn’t who #I am I promise im just struggling I think. but I don’t know how to fix it. it feels like some sort of like… #fatal flaw in me somewhere. I don’t know.