#but i cant fucking focus on anything besides this three things
my brain has completely stopped and the only things filling it are dirk jade and hs classpects.
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Veritaserum | Draco Malfoy Imagine
GIF IS NOT MINE
Request: Idk if you know the sound on tiktok from Euphoria “You are so fucking boring. Hey. I'm gonna be honest with you, because no one else will. Any guy who says he's interested in you beyond just fucking you, is full of shit” but cpuld you maybe write a Draco angst with fluffy ending based on that😅 thankss
(Summary: You always believed that your relationship with Draco was picture perfect until it came crashing down with only a few words.)
Draco Malfoy X Gryffindor!Reader
(A/N: Posting this to tumblr with formatting was ultimate hell! But I hope you like this imagine! On another note my taglist and requests are still open (read my pinned to know more!)
“What did you want to talk about Draco?” I asked walking into the Slytherin common room. My burgundy robes stuck out like a sore thumb.
“Not here.” He grabbed my arm tightly and pulled me out of the room.
We walked along the corridor and stopped at an empty staircase.
“What is going on?” I asked as I placed my hand on his cold hand.
“We need to break up.” He said bluntly as he pulled his hand away.
“What?” I ask confused.
“You are so fucking boring Y/N! I’m going to be honest with you because no one else in Hogwarts will. Any guy who says he's interested in you beyond just fucking you is full of shit.” He spat angrily.
My eyes welled with tears as I stared at him.
“I guess if that’s how you feel. I cant stop you. At least you were honest.” I say taking a step away from him.
“Goodbye Draco.” I wiped a falling tear and ran away.
Draco blinked back his tears as he watched you run away. It was for the best.
“It’s been a week you need to get out of the common room and eat.” Hermione said as she sat beside me.
“I want to know what I did wrong. It was perfect, it felt perfect. Is there something with me?” I say biting my thumb nail as I turned to her.
“Don’t you dare say that! Y/N you are perfect. So what Malfoy broke your heart that isn’t your fault, it never was.” She said hugging me.
“Hello ladies.” The twins say waltzing into the common room.
Hermione and I waved at them as they sat in front of us.
“Don’t tell me you're still sulking about Malfoy.” Fred said, crossing his arms.
“At this very second I’m not.” I say laughing.
“I guess I’m just wondering what went wrong. One day we were laughing and being happy and the next he called me boring and uninteresting. It’s all just confusing.” I say running my hands through my hair.
“I guess I just want the truth from him. He seemed off like he wasn't telling me anything.” I say playing with the ends of my robe.
“You want the truth aye.” Fred said, smirking as he nudged George.
“I don't like your smirks.” I say looking at them back and forth.
“Why don’t you try veritaserum.” George said quietly as he leaned over.
“No way. That is highly forbidden let alone dangerous.” Hermione said shutting them down.
“Actually that isn’t that bad of an idea.” I say weighing my options. Yes it can get us into trouble but it can get me answers.
“Perfect we’ll knick some supplies from Snape and meet you at the girl’s lavatory or Moaning Myrtle's space.” Fred said as him and George ran out of the common room.
“This can go entirely wrong Y/N! This is highly unethical.” Hermione said as she shut her book.
“Relax Mione it won’t kill him.” I say looking at her.
“It’s still dangerous Y/N. What if they don’t brew it properly!” She said turning to me.
“I was sort of hoping you would help with it. If not I can help them brew it.” I shrugged.
“I can’t take the blame if something goes wrong.” Hermione scoffed as she got up to walk away.
I groan lightly and leave the common room to go find Fred and George.
I walk into the girls lavatory and greet Moaning Myrtle.
“So you both didn’t die.” I say spotting the twins near the stalls.
“Filch nearly caught us sneaking around but we got it.” George said as he passed some bottles to Fred.
“Do you guys need help?” I ask as I tug up the sleeves of my robes.
“Where’s Hermione? No offense Y/N but all three of us combined can blow up this bathroom.” Fred said laughing loudly.
“She doesn’t want to help us. You know how she is on rules.” I laughed as I sat in front of them.
“Make sure you two measure out everything. I want the truth from him not his intestines.” I say as I watched them grab various vials.
They stared at me for a moment before pouring some of the vials into the cauldron.
“Now our main focus is getting Draco to meet me somewhere.” I say biting my lip.
“We can handle that.” George said as he carefully stirred
“I’m putting an awful lot of trust in you two. Name your price now.” I crossed my arms as I tapped my foot on the floor.
“A galleon, each.” Fred said snapping his fingers as he tapped his chin.
“That’s all.” I say in disbelief. This is the Weasley’s we’re talking about.
“And to help us on our next prank on Snape.” He continued as he looked up at me.
There it is.
“Deal.” I say as I stuck my hand into my robes.
“To be clear. Malfoy, Astronomy Tower, right after dinner.” I say as I watched them place the mixed potion into a vial.
“Alright.” The twins said in unison.
“See you two at dinner. Either slip it to him then or lead him out then give it to him.” I told them as I walked out of the bathroom.
Why did I ever trust Fred and George?
“I didn’t think this would’ve happened Draco. I'm so sorry.” I apologized as I helped him over to the hospital wing.
“It’s my fault I should’ve never taken anything from those Weasley’s.” Draco spat as he ran his hands through his now green hair.
“Madam Pomfrey, can you help us?” I asked as I dragged Draco into the hospital wing.
“What happened here?” She gasped as she guided Draco onto one of the beds.
“Effects of a potion.” I say as Draco leaned back.
“What potion dear.” She asked, looking over to me.
“Veritaserum.” I whispered as I looked at Draco.
“What?” She asked as she tilted his head to the side.
“It was veritaserum gone wrong. I asked Fred and George to help me, but I walked out as they were putting it away.” I say putting my head down. Madam Pomfrey stared at me for a moment before walking away.
“Why would you do that?” Draco asked placing his hand over mine.
“I wanted answers Draco. You dumped me in a bloody staircase. With zero explanations, I wanted to know why. Was it me? Is it someone from Slytherin house, hell is it someone else?” I say as I sat down next to him.
“It was my father. He found out about us dating, he didn’t want me to see you anymore.” Draco said looking up at me bashfully.
My mood shifted as I looked at him. I instantly brought him into a hug as I patted his hair.
“Draco you could’ve just said so. What you said really hurt.” I said quietly.
“I’m sorry.” I heard him whisper as Madam Pomfrey came back with a potion.
“This will turn your hair back to normal.” She smiled as she handed him the potion.
“We can talk more later. I have something I want to sort out.” I said giving him a peck on the cheek.
Now to deal with the twins.
I made my way to the Gryffindor common room and enlisted the help of my most helpful friends: Ginny Weasley and Hermione Granger.
“Alright I called you both for something very special.” I whisper as we snuck into the kitchens.
“Ginny I’m getting payback on your brothers.” I told her as I grabbed some flour and some eggs.
“We’re making cookies.” I say as I grabbed the rest of the ingredients.
“We’re giving them cavities?” Ginny questioned as she examined the ingredients.
“No that’s why Miss Granger is in our midst. I need help with precise measurements on making these cookies change their looks. Similar to poly juice but in the form of a treat. One thing I noticed from your family is that treats are a must.” I explained as I began grabbing bowls.
“We’re in.” Ginny and Hermione said as they began dropping ingredients in the bowl.
Although it took us a while to perfect it we miraculously got it done.
“I’ll package these to look like something from my mum.” Hermione said as she began wrapping the cookies.
“I love you two so much.” I laughed as I watched them.
Hermione laughed as she handed me the bundle of cookies.
“You can share out the rest to Ron and Harry. Not Neville or Luna though they are too precious.” I say walking out of the kitchen.
“Hello Gingers or should I say grinches.” I snickered as I walked past the twins hand and hand with Draco.
“Shut up.” Fred instantly said as he shielded his head.
“That’s what you get for turning my boyfriend’s hair green.” I said sticking my tongue out at them.
“Yeah you even got Potter and the other Weasley.” Draco said as he pointed to the doors of the Great Hall.
“I didn’t do that.” I say in shock as I stared at them as they trudged to the Gryffindor table.
I giggle as I watch Ginny and Hermione high five each other slyly.
Well at least I got my boyfriend back and I got my best friends back.
taglist: @hpbitch @alexloveskili
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update i watched the last 2 movies and ooooooh they were so gooooood
ss 1- typical case w the crew from the end of s2 which. caught me off guard bc i forgot they had extra manpower so they didnt replace anyone. it was oddly similar to the first pp movie?? im surprised they left tokyo, it was interesting seeing aomori, ig i knew all of japan was isolated and in peace but everything operates from the capital so like. i didnt expect anywhere else to have anyone. granted it was a nuclear waste facility and nothing else. but it makes me wonder if there are other settlements outside tokyo?? major settlements at least. after s1 i had assumed it was mostly agriculture land n stuff. anyway k back to the eerily similar, so the entire thing at the end ended up being orchestrated by another cyborg that housed a sibyl member, thus sibyl itself, which was exactly like the seanu commander in the pp movie. weird that they would go that route again. the whole plot was rly neat i like when the psb goes places they dont have complete authority in, it rly provides a new perspective. also i like mika now. she seems to have mellowed out a little.
ss 2- ahhh and now i can see where foreign affairs comes in and takes a member, maybe, they were very vague about all of it. im assuming the new case was concerning bifrost but maybe one of the interconnected cases from s3 had more to do w them, cant remember correctly. it was cool to get info on sugou bc he was such a bg force in s2, even though d3 and d2 got more focus than in s1 sugou wasnt as big as the inspectors of s2 or the other enforcer who ended up dying i think so like. this was cool to see!! i didnt think japan had a military since they had such a heavy isolation policy but ig taking the movie into account its a way to gain territory and expand sibyls reach or thats how im gonna take it. what other reason would there be. why would they aid foreign countries when they are entirely self-sustaining. i rly felt for rin tbh i knew the dropped package was some kind of weapon but i didnt think it was gas. brutal tbh. seeing masaoka again broke my heart also seeing risa again was a nice surprise!! i was scratching my head the entire time trying to figure out if she was a d1 inspector or if kogami was still the inspector. i know akane replaces kogami or at least she fills a slot, but risa is in d2 later on so trying to figure out who is where was uh. hm. granted if kogami was the inspector hed jus go w masaoka so theres that.
seeing okinawa was a trip omg!!! at least theres some sort of care facility. the subtitles said ginoza’s mother had youth stress deficiency but i think it meant eustress, which has been mentioned in s1 and s2. its prolly a rly small settlement that only consists of ward patients or smth bc there was no one else around. besides that seeing sugou’s backstory was rly great.
ss 3- hnnnnnnnn this one was. good. dont know what i expected but that wasnt it. rly cool seeing cultural stuff in tibet even if its future and war-torn tibet. tenjin was adorable i was never able to gauge her age but i wanna say older than 10. maybe like 12. shes rly tall but i wouldnt put her over 15. shes such a good and well written character. seeing kogami again was a trip. the only thing biting me was the entire movie showed him not using lethal force on anyone and yet. at the end he ends up killing someone anyway. granted it was another revenge kill but like it jus hit me that the movie worked up that he wouldnt kill only for him to do so in the end. dunno if the message was ‘if its for good reason’ or ‘in the end itll always turn out like this’ but i think theyre both meek points at best. i rly like all the camaraderie in this one. it doesnt take long for you to get why everyone is so friendly w each other and you dont need it shown thru very much. its jus little scenes that pile up. besides that kogami is jus likeable. seeing him Struggle was jus. :\ like killing someone, actually killing and not sibyl-sanctioned killing w a dominator, rly fucked w him at the end. the essence of makishima is literally haunting him now thats fucked to see. well ig now i know how he joins foreign affairs but not ginoza still!! like the first movie focused on him n mika and yet he wasnt approached or anything at the end so. so. maybe it was setting up that his heart would be swayed to join but in the end he was in the dark abt the director so uhhhhhh hmm. dunno.
all of these were so good im at least rewatching the first ep of s3 now to get a lil more context. ik foreign affairs doesnt come in until the end of the case but tbh this first one is so boring. or at least the least exciting of the three. i would however watch the end of s3 again bc i love the situation type it presents. theres not a name i know of for it, but like the locked in a building n have to disable everything n fight your way thru the levels type deal. i could watch that type of plot for forever. i dont even remember why foreign affairs was involved tbh i think the pathfinders?? had smth to do w it but they were never explained. i thought theyd get explained in the ss but. no.
actually nothing was set up for s3 in the ss movies???? still dont know why akane was locked up. maybe theres extra content i need to see or so. anyway movies were good, think that concludes my psycho pass (re)watch
Saved by the Devil (10/?) - Tommy Shelby
Summary: You spend a little time with Tommy (Again sorry about my summaries i suck at them)
Paring: Tommy Shelby x Fem!reader (not romantic..but we are getting there slowly but surely)
A/n: Hi everyone. this chapter maybe a bit shorter than what i usually write and i didnt proof read this one so apologizes for that. This semester is just annoying. Too much going on for stupid online courses. Anyway this chapter is bit more in Tommys p.o.v, i mean we get a bit of readers in the end but yea...if you dont like that tell me or if you do tell me. If you guys have any questions or anything like that just tell me. And of course and always have a lovely day.
Thomas Shelby leads you to a little apartment near his office. He knew he could have driven you to the train station, given you some fare as you went on your way. He could have driven you to London. Hell, he could have paid someone to do it. But there was part of him deep down within that didn’t want you to go yet. It was a surprise for him to see you in the office. He hadn’t been avoiding you, things were just getting hectic around with the business. And with the constant pressure from the inspector and the sudden charges on Arthur and Michael, his focus needed to be sharp. And then he exits his office and see you standing with Lizzie, Polly, and Esme. For the first since he’s known you, he actually detected a little bit of nervousness from you.
At first he didn’t understand why you wanted to help in his little plan. It didn’t make sense for you to put yourself in harms way with all the shit you’ve already been through. He notices that when he asks about your father the way you tense up. He doesn’t know why he asks, its something he rather not talk about either. But it was a question that bothered him for awhile. He could of asked your father, in that last meeting when…
Thomas shakes his head from his thoughts turning to look at you who seemed just as dazed and muddled in their own thoughts. You were definitely an enigma to him. He doesn’t even remember what he said to make you laugh. All he remembers is that he did.
To him you laugh was like a canary singing a song of hope in the middle of brutal winter. Thomas doesn’t think he ever heard a sound so sweet. He feels his lips stretch into a smile, something that felt foreign on his face. It was definitely something he hadn’t done in awhile. So as he walks you to his place, keeping a gentle hand on your elbow to keep your balance. He couldn’t help but to think to himself ‘how can I hear that sound again?’
So he leads you in the apartment, setting you down on his couch. You flop down like a child and he cant help but be amused at your drunken state.
“Mr.Shelby, I believe I drank too much.” You hiccup.
“Thats alright,” Thomas says, “Listen you can rest here and we’ll talk more in the morning.” He doesn’t really want to end the night yet but he can see the fatigue in your face.
You shake you head at him, “We can talk now. I don’t sleep very much.” You don’t look into his eyes as you speak which he finds odd. A detail he’s always noticed was the eye contact you gave. He couldn’t tell what you were searching but he appreciated it, not many people could look him in the eye.
Hes suddenly reminded of a conversation you had awhile ago. When you had bluntly asked him your father was dead. He had expected you to say nothing for that entire ride. But you didn’t. He remembers your question.
“Do your nightmares ever stay with you longer that you would like?”
He had answered honestly. The nightmares often lingered around him for days sometimes weeks. It wasn’t often he got a good nights sleep. He could see the sleep in your eyes wanting to take over. You were fighting it though quite easily like you’ve done it before. He didn’t want to be overstepping any line and he also didn’t want to seem creepy remembering a conversation, a small detail from weeks ago. He wasn’t sure at all how you’d react to it. So he decided to say nothing, wait for you to take the lead. Which you did, mostly because your mouth seemed to have a mind of its own sometimes.
“You get nightmares too Mr. Shelby, I remember you agreeing with me this one time…”You trail off slurring your word, “Sometimes they can be so much…”
“What do you dream about?” He asks.
You don’t answer. Thomas doesn’t pressure you for answer, you look to be searching for one. Your mouth open and eyes wandering around the room. But you give no answer.
Thomas decides to speak, lighting a cigarette as he does, “I dream about France sometimes.” The answer surprise him. Hes not one for opening up.
You don’t say anything so he continues, “I can hear the shovels at night. That’s when their the loudest.” He blows the smoke as he talks.
“I sometimes dream of the hospital…they didn’t exactly treat me great there. Sometimes its my father…” You say the word ‘father’ quietly as if it was like a little curse falling off your lips.
Thomas wants to ask you what that man had done to you, why it seemed you feared and hated him so much. He wished he asked you in that first meeting with you. When he promised to kill him for you…..he knew then it was something you wanted, he didn’t know how badly…maybe if he had known he would have done things differently.
“Sometime he’s not even doing anything…he’s just watching me. And smiling,” You say pulling him away from his thoughts, “It takes a moment for me to realize he’s not there. He’s not watching.” You stop talking suddenly, certainly not meaning to get that honest.
Thomas clenches his jaw, “well it’s a good thing hes not around anymore.”
You look up at him for the first time the whole night, meeting his eyes. Your stare sends shivers up his arms.
“Right…” you trail off, looking uncertain. “Mr Shelby I-“
“You know,” He cuts you off wanting to change the subject, “I don’t think this is very business like.”
“Excuse me.” You blink confused with the sudden statement.
“I mean you won’t’ call me by my name because this is business but here you are at my place, drunk, talking to me about stuff that not business.”
You scoff at him. “Are you really that bothered by it?” you tease
“I just think in settings like this, you can let go a little bit.”
“I think you should get used to disappointment, Mr.Shelby.” You emphasize his name a bit.
“You must admit that we aren’t doing anything related to business.”
“Then what would you call it?” You challenge.
And he didn’t know what to call it. But he just felt more. Maybe it was friendship. He definitely enjoyed your company. He wasn’t afraid to admit that to himself. Hes reminded of the feelings of when you got hurt at the horse auction and went missing those three days. He didn’t want to admit that there was apart of him that cared for you. That part has been locked away ever since Grace. He had trusted her and loved her. And then she betrayed him. And there was just a part of him that just didn’t want to go through that again.
“Are you okay,” you ask, “you went quiet for a minute.”
“ Yea just thinking.”
“Do you wanna keep talking?” you say shyly.
And he couldn’t say no to you. That night the two of you spend you time just talking. It’s the first time Tommy’s ever done something like that. Take a woman home and not bed her. He wasn’t thinking about doing that with you but it had dawned on him later that small fact. You listened to his stories about his family. You were an only child and had no stories nearly s fun as his. You tell him you wish you grew up in a big family. You list all the places you wanted to travel to and he watches you ramble about them. The two of you laugh and smile. Both feeling lighter in each others presence. He can see you loosening up a bit and he just wonders what your like when you aren’t fully on guard. He can fee himself doing the same. He doesn’t mind but he knews that hes going to berate himself later. Hours pass and You both fall asleep on the couch, neither of you remembering what the other was talking about as you do. It was the first time in a long time that either of you had fallen asleep peacefully.
You wake up first, feeling an awful pudding within your head. Why was it that you never could know your limit. You attempt to get up when you sense an arm around you. A unwelcomed flutter of butterflies erupt in your stomach as you realize who the arm belongs to.
‘Fuck’ you think to yourself trying to untangle yourself from his arm, trying to understand how you even got roped up in him.
Successfully you manage to unwrap your self from him, the warmth of his body leaving your side making you feel cold. You’re tempted to roll back but think against it. You stretch up from the couch and walk around the apartment quietly. It wasn’t very big. The living room connected to the kitchen. And his room connected to the bathroom. You wonder around trying to wake your creaky bones. You see a bundle of letters on his, dresser with very neat and lovely writing, addressed to him. You see a pipe beside his bed and pick it up wondering if he used this on himself last night. You walk backwards trying to take it all in. He didnt have much. A few pictures of him and his siblings. And that woman from before. The older one who gave you chills with her stare. Pol-polly you think her name was. You continue walking backward before bumping into his dresser. The letters falling down. You bend down picking them up not without looking more closely at the beautiful stationary. You see at corner of the envelope
For a minute you’re really disappointed. And you don’t know why. And then the pieces fall together. When you remember Mr.shelbys horses name, “Graces secret,” And when Ada told you ‘he had someone last year.” You don’t know why you feel uncomfortable all of a sudden. You don’t feel right hanging around his apartment. Unless their not together? Wait why do you even care? You neatly stack the envelopes back to their place and calmly walk away, needing to distract yourself from the sudden intrusion of thoughts you would very much like to get rid of.
You pass by Thomas sleeping body. You pause to look at him. Admiring the way his feature seem to soften up as he slept. You almost compare him to an angel. A knock on the door alerts you as you sit up straight. Thomas shoots up in a panic. He looks at you confused before getting up.
“How long have you been up?” he asks you, heading for the door.
You don’t answer. Watching him go to get the door. A small boy is behind the door, you cant hear what either of them say as they talk in hushed voices.
“(y/n),,” he calls you over, “my brother finn here is gonna lead you to the garrison I have a meeting I have to attend to.” He says not leaving you any room to argue to deny his request as he grabs his jacket and locks the door before the two of you.
“Ill be back soon, try not to run into trouble.” He says.
You nod and go your separate ways, following the young boy through the streets of Birmingham.
@babylooneytoonz @captivatedbycillianmurphy @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @evelyn-4034 @ms-dont-care @owenniasstars
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WARNING: SMUT. FORCED BREEDING. LYING
you have been in ambrose for awhile now. You cant really remember your life before ambrose. Your positive no one remembers you and or misses you. Yes bo is a huge asshole to you, and vincent is always your saving grace when bo is in a shitty mood. and lester would also be a huge saving grace as well, but hes always away doing god knows what.
Bo was huge on killing you because he didnt see any potential in you. but vincent wanted to keep you, and lester liked having you around also. So bo let you stay with vincent. Bo made it clear that your vincents pet and that your vincents problem. If anything bad happens to you vincent would be cleaning up the mess and dealing with your body. But vincent would never let anything bad happen to you. He always keeps you by his side and never lets you out of his sight.
He fell too deep in love to let you out of his sight let alone going to the bathroom. Vincent absolutely hated it when you sneak out of the room at night. He was extremely paranoid that you would leave the house and run away, and tonight just happened to be one of those nights. you were currently laying in Vincent and yours shared bed. you were locked in the bedroom in the house while Vincent worked away in the house of wax. you couldnt escape through the window because he had bo bolt it shut. you stared up at the ceiling determining whether you hated vincent or not. He kept you trapped here, and would never let you leave his side. But you deep down were very in love him, and you tried to hate him because you couldnt ever deal with the rejection from him.
while you were thinking away your worries and anxiety in the bed at 2:23 am. Vincent was also busy thinking about his worries and anxieties while he was drawing in his wax cave under the house of wax. He stopped drawing a long time ago because he began to focus on the thought of you leaving while he was trying to draw, and now thats all he can think about. So he sat at his desk and thought really hard about what could make you willingly stay without him having to force it upon you. his biggest turn on's he had with you was your size. you were smaller than him and he found that cute and a huge turn on.
He wanted to take good care of you and give you flowers and give you baths. but he already does that. he already gives you a roof over your head and feeds you three times a day, and gives you baths and every morning he gives you flowers. But he also went to bo for advice on how to keep you close, and of course bo being bo said that he doesnt give a shit about what vincent does with you because your not his problem. But bo did suggest getting you pregnant so you could stay with vincent and it would also give him an opportunity to show you that he can treat you well even when your pregnant and be a good father to the child.
Vincent thought long and hard while he sat at his desk. And he chose that he will get you pregnant so you could stay close to him and rely on him. He wants to do it out of love. Because he loves you dearly. he loves you so much that hes willing to kill his own siblings that hurt you in any way or form. He huffed out of exhaustion and closed his sketch book and cleaned everything up, and shut off all the lights. He headed through the tunnels and made his way up to the trap door that opens to a room in the house. he opened the trap door and hoisted himself up out of it and walked through the house to get to his room.
he opened the door to your and his shared and room and noticed that the light was quickly shut off and you quickly got into a fake sleeping position. he sighed and closed the door and kicked off his boots. he walked over to the bed while taking off his wax covered apron and tapped your shoulder. you got scared and jerked and looked up at him, not expecting him to touch you in any way or form.
"what where you still doing up?" he signed to you.
"i was asleep" you said fake yawning.
"bullshit" he signed.
you rolled over facing away from his side of the bed. vincent got into comfy clothes and slid into bed and put an arm around you and played with your hair until you actually fell asleep. a few hours later you woke up and had to go to the bathroom but vincents hand was wrapped around your waist. you knew he hated it when you left the room at night. but you had to pee very badly.
you very carefully moved his arm and slid out of bed. occasionally looking behind you to make sure that hes still asleep. you looked over at his night stand and seen his mask. It made your heart melt and you smile. He was confident enough to take off his mask around you. you looked at the ground and seen his discarded clothes, and that kinda turned you on a little bit, and you looked at him and seen that he was wearing plaid boxers and a korn shirt. his long hair was all over the pillows, and his body was wrapped up on the sheets. you admired one of his strong arms behind his head.
you quickly turned around and tip toed to the door. you quietly turned the knob and realized that he locked it. you felt stupid for forgetting that he locks the door at night as well. you tip toed to his nightstand and opened the little drawer it had and grabbed the key. He doesnt know that you knew the key was in there. you walked back to the door and quietly unlocked it and went to the bathroom. after going to the bathroom you walked back to the room. you stepped into the door way and seen vincent still sleeping. so you took this advantage to go downstairs and get a glass of water since you didnt get a glass before bed.
you walked pass a sleeping lester on the couch to get to the kitchen. you didnt want to wake him up either. not that he would hurt you or drag you back upstairs. you just didnt wanna wake him up from his dream. he looked extremely exhausted. you went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass and opened the fridge to get some fresh filtered cold water. you filled the glass, and took a few huge chugs. you walked passed lester again asleep on the couch and you noticed the front door. sure vincent would be awake for awhile. so you stepped out onto the front porch to have fresh air. and you didnt realize that you were out there for more than ten minutes.
you heard a noise and turned around and seen vincent fuming angry behind you. he was breathing heavy and his eye brows were furrowed. he grabbbed your arm and pulled you through the front door. he dragged you up the stairs while thinking about what to do with you. because you just flared up his paranoia about you leaving. as he reached the top of the stairs, he picked you up and carried you to the room. he set you on the bed and grabbed the key out of your pocket and locked the door. he angrily slammed the key on the dresser. he looked at you wondering what to do.
he thought about what bo said. But he wanted to do it out of love when you were ready and not force. But he realized that he had to get you pregnant in order for you to stay with him. Besides he really wants a kid with you, but he knows that you dont want any with him, at least he doesnt think.
you deep down wanted his kids but you never said anything to him. He stared at you while he thought about how to deal with this, but knocking you up seemed to be the only thing on his mind. fuck he wanted you to have his kids. he walked over to you and pushed you down into the bed.
"vincent. i wasnt trying to leave, i promise. i was just getting fresh air" you said. but he shut you up by kissing you. and lifting you shirt. you swatted vincents hand away. but he slid his hand right under your shirt and groped your chest. the small moan you made was all vincent needed to continue. he roughly slid off your pajama pants and stood back up admiring the way you looked so small and vulnerable for him. he loved how you were so much smaller than him. that makes him feel more confident. He bent down and kissed you passionately. he unbuttoned the crotch area of his pajama pants and took his cock out, without taking off the pants. and he plunged into your soaking wet cunt.
he began at a fast angry pace.
"v-vincent" you groaned. he only thrusted faster. grabbing your thighs and pushing them to your chest as he leans over you and pounds you into the mattress. after awhile he reached down to your cunt and began to rub your swollen nub. making you scream in ecstasy. when he thinks you've squirted enough, he pulled out and signed for your to get on your knees. once you did, he signed for you to open your mouth. you opened your mouth and he grabbed his cock and slid in. throwing his head back as he began to fuck your mouth like he did your pussy. pre cum and spit began to drool out the sides of your mouth and hit the floor and run down your chest. his wet balls were smacking against your chin. every moan you make, made him shove his big hard cock deeper down your throat.
after a few minutes of the wet sounds of his cock balls deep down your throat. he pulled out and laid you down on the bed with your head hanging off the end and he slammed his cock back down your throat. he absolutely loved the way his cock made your throat bulge. he wrapped his hand around your throat feeling the way his cock pumped in and out. he quickened his pace and you felt his balls smack your face over and over. you gagged out pre cum and drool out of your mouth around his cock. he slowed down just to hear the pre cum and drool hit the floor.
he pulled out and flipped you back around facing him and he plunged back in full force making you scream. he fucked you faster than ever before making you see stars. the only sounds filling the room was his balls smacking your ass and your loud moans. he looked down at you signed
"do you want my kids babygirl?"
"yes. yes please. i want your kids so fucking bad. knock me up good baby" you moaned. and that was enough for him to bury his cock deep in your sopping cunt and shoot his seed. he then leaned down and kissed you deeply.
"i love you" he signed.
"i love you too vincent" you said as your forehead pressed against his. he looked surprised that you said that you loved him. but kissed you deeply shoving his tongue down your throat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~the next morning you walked down the stairs and seen bo and lester staring at you and vincent. you blushed and vincent held the small of your back as he walked with you to the kitchen. he sat you down at the table and went to the fridge to get you something. you know they heard you and vincent last night.
"fuck loud enough?" bo said shooting you both a dirty look.
"fuck off" vincent signed.
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Better Late than Never
in which the reader was set up on a blind date by Sonia Nevermind with Kazuichi Soda
• Kazuichi Soda x Reader
• fem reader
• original idea <33
BTW YALL this might sound accidentally self insert-ish but that’s because I gave the character interests (since this is a date fic) but I dont know anything else to put for them. anyway enjoy still.
“So, there’s no one there?”
I glared at her, death staring into her clear, blue eyes. “What the fuck is ‘there’?”. She sighed and lightly hit my arm. “I’m asking you if you have a crush, silly!,” she spat, yet her tone remained friendly. I shook my head. “I don’t find any of these people attractive, Sonia”.
“So you wouldn’t go out witj a classmate?”
She stays silent, suddenly darting her eyes at Hajime. “How about him,” she asked,“Hagime seems like a nice guy”. I shrugged. “Not my cup of tea, really”. She then points at Teruteru,“And him?”. I looked at Teruteru, who was already gawking me. “God, no, Sonia,” I gagged,“Too perverted for my liking”. She then began listing names. Here is what I had to say for all of them.
Fuyuhiko: Mean and short
Eventually, she gave up. I didnt feel any way of them, who’s to know how I feel about anyone else at this school? “Fine,” she said, but her eyes lit up,“Oo! How about-”.
He had bumped into me, knowing me to the floor. Kazuichi Soda: the Ultimate Mechanic. “Yeah, him!,” Sonia said. I looked at Kazuichi, disgust on my face. “Not in a million years”. “Huh?” (Kazuichi was madly confused). Sonia grumbled,“What’s wrong with him?”.
“What isn’t there wrong with him? He also doesn’t bathe!”
“Ouch, I bathe,” he said. “Why were you in such a rush anyway?,” I asked. He shrugged, but eventually sighed and revealed his reason. “I got excited,” he said softly. Sonia and I were confused.
“I just got updated on my— something. I’m going to the office to see what they have to tell me about this thing I’m in the middle of”
I was confused, but I had to know now. “Anyway, I’m sorry,” he said, walking right past us. I stood there, but Sonia got my attention. “Come on, we’re gonna be late to Economics”. She grabbed my arm and pulled me to class. When we got there, everybody was huddled up. There was something they were being discreet about. “Hello, friends,” Sonia said,“What are we talking about?”. “Kazuichi,” Ibuki said without the slightest hesitation.
Okay, maybe not that discreet.
“What’s wrong with him?,” I asked,“Besides all that, I mean”. “Cut him some slack,” Hajime said, now I knew the situation was a little more sensitive than I thought. Sonia and I both got our chair to listen. Hajime sighed,“This morning, I woke up and went to get Kazuichi for class. He wasn’t in his room. Later that day, I went go check on him and he was in his room, but when I opened the door, his eyes were just read and tired. I asked him is all was well, he only nodded and smiled. It took a while, but he still told me he was okay, now adding in the detail that the board had gotten back to him on his request to be transferred elsewhere”. My mouth dropped slightly. “Transferred where?,” I asked, Hajime only shrugged.
“This is all Sonia’s fault!”
We looked at Hioyoko, Sonia quick in defending herself. “He wouldn’t transfer schools because of me, it’s probably all your fault,” she was defensive,“Maybe if you weren’t so mean to him all the time—”. Suddenly, arguing broke out. I heard many things. Hajime said he hasn’t shown interest in her lately, Sonia seeming slightly offended. Gundham was blamed, Ibuki wasn’t being blamed (she was never cold with him). Suddenly, Mikan spoke out. “Wait!”. She yelled, so we were quiet. Surprised by her tone, it made us all shut up. “What if it’s all our faults?,” she suggested,“Y-You didn’t have to be cold to him. Who else besides Ibuki or Hajime spoke to him without immediately judging character?”. It made me think, but suddenly Fuyuhiko spoke. “Fuck that!,” he said,“The dude probably wasn’t enough to be here so they dropped him. He was also probably too embarrassed to say that. And the eyes? Please! They were red because he might be some type of pothead; high out of his mind!”. “That’s a really shitty thing to say,” Hiyoko said,“Even *I* know that’s harsh”.
“I don’t give a fuck; Its true”
Hajime shook his head,“I’m gonna agree with Mikan”. “Wait isn’t it like extremely hard to transfer from this school?”. “No, not quite,” Chiaki said,“When given valid reason, the board can transfer a student elsewhere”. “If in fact the mistreatment of Kazuichi was the reason he sought transfer,” Peko added,“He probably went with ‘mental health concerns’. Since we’re all of age, he wouldn’t need to run it by a parent or guardian, making it much easier for him to transfer”. There was silence. “So what now?,” I ask. Hajime had a quick answer,“We treat him better”. “Is it not too late?”. Peko shook her head.
“If Kazuichi really went to simply be spoken about the appeal, students are given three days to make their final decision. Afterwards, there is no going back since students are allowed an appeal once”
We all still sat there. Were some of us actually cold towards him? I mean, everyone else in the academy didn’t even acknowledge him (neither did some of us, but we were around more, right?). “Alright, studebts, to your seats now!”. The professor being there had us scurrying away from Hajime’s desk. Throughout the whole class, I couldn’t focus. I kept thinking of Kazuichi, but why? Why did I care about him leaving so much?
The bell rang, Sonia waited for me. Econimics was our last class every Thrusday. The minute I was within her reach, she continued the conversation from earlier today. “So, I was thinking: you can’t talk to boys for shit,” she said. “And?”.
“What if I set you up on a blind. date.— huh? How about that?”
I sneered. Blind dates—they were such a tacky idea to me, what the fuck, but this was Sonia. She always new what was best for me when it came to, well, everything. Plus, it might be fun, or funny?
“Oh, what the hell. I’ll give it a try”
Sonia smiled so hard, her eyes shut. She squealed. “I cant wait,” she said,“I promise, this’ll be good for you. Just you wait!”. She kissed me on the cheek, leaving me behind. “Wait— we aren’t going home together?,” I asked. She shook her head. “I have some things to take care of! See you tomorrow, love”. She hurries her way. That girl. I’ll never understand her…
“Hey, how’s it going? … Nice … Well, now that you ask, I was wondering if you were open to a blind date? … Splendid! Friday, agree to meet with this girl, here’s her number … Let’s make things more interesting … Don’t tell her your name … Yes, you do know her”
I got home, setting my book bag down and practically collapsing onto my mattress. What a day. Before I got in thought about all that I was told today, as if on cue, my phone rang. It was a message, one from a number I had never seen before.
???: Hi :)
I was friendly, I didn’t have to be.
Me: Hello :)
As if a second cue went off, Sonia texts me.
Sonia: Has your blind date messaged you? btw make up a name! dont reveal anything !
Me: OH okok
I return back to the unknown sender.
Me: sonia put you up to this ?
???: yes, ma’am (or sir, or i have no clue. sonia said you were a girl. sorry)
Me: hey dont worry, sonia said she was setting me up with a guy, so i assumed too. i am a girl and being called ma’am doesn’t bother me.
???: well you assumed correctly, but thank you for letting me know, ma’am i get unsure.
???: anyway, what’s ur name?
I thought of a good, normal name, but nothing occurred to me. I looked all around my room for an object. Suddenly, my eyes landed on the family camera I had left in my room whenI used it for a project.
Me: my name is cam, hbu
Me: Is that really your name?
Zero: no but it makes sense to me
Zero: itd just me i guess
Me: ur gonna make me sad booo
Zero: oops, sorry !
Me: lol Its fine. but seriously, I know there is someone who cares about you. if anything Is wrong. you can talk to me, even if our date friday goes to shit :)
Zero: Yeahyesh thanks for that, Cam. its just my friends, i dont feel seen by them and it just feels like my parents have followed me.
Me: Well, they probably really love you. if it helps, I care about you :))
Zero: you’re very kind
Me: aw noooo. anyway, how was your day?
Zero: it coulda been better. yours?
Me: yeaaaa same here
Zero: what’s wrong?
Me: found something out ab a friend of mine.
Zero: is everything okay?
Me: Yea it all should be if I can fix things with him
Zero: you must really care ab him
Me: yea i really do
“Zero” decided it’d be best to change the subject since he figured it was slightly depressive (which it was). From the time I got home (4am) to 12am, we talked. I was excited because for once in my life, I was speaking to someone who liked the things I did. The same movies, the same bands. He listened to a lot of new wave and indie rock. Eventually, I got sleepy, so we called it a night. He called me cute and let me go to bed.
I actually looked forward to our date Friday. I didn’t care who he was, for he was perfect.
Morning came around and I just wanted to talk to him. In fact that’s all I did. We texted in homeroom, Theater, Calculus, etc. It was Friday today, meaning we’d have to meet today after school, thus revealing ourselves. Sonia and I were in calculus and she noticed I wouldn’t put my phone down. “God, someone’s obsessed,” she teased. “He means everything to me,” I said, breaking no eye contact with my screen. Sonia went to Kazuichi, who I have class with for Calculus, Government and Chem (which we both failed last year). I couldn’t care to break my focus on my screen, but I did head him mutter “she’s perfect”. So Kazuichi found someone else? That’s fine, but will she care enough to stop him from transferring? Could be be transferring for her?!
As the day grew the situation began getting fucking dire.
I was headed to my final class, chemistry. I had my phone in hand, texting away and very distracted. Suddenly, just like yesterday: “Oof!”. I was on the floor and above me? Kazuichi Soda. “I’m sorry, oh my god,” he said as he helped me up. I shook my head. “Nono, this time it’s my fault,” I said, dusting myself off,“I wasn’t paying attention”.
“I was also very distracted, heh”
I smiled, picking his phone up from the ground. His screen turned on, exposing that he had been listening to music. “Cocteau Twins”. I handed him his phone. “You like them,” I asked. He nodded,“Do you?”.
“Yeah, I do”
“Cool... where are you headed?”
“Why so early? There’s a whole hour and a half till we have to be there, plus the 5 minute tardy bell”
“I like being early. Where were you going?”
“My room,” he said,“I can’t find my chemistry journal, so I figured I should look for it before class”. “In your room?”. He nodded. For some sick and weird reason, I felt bad leaving him to do that on his own. “I can help you,” I blurted, almost instantly. His face lit up. “Really?!”. His overly joyed expression brought a smile out in me as well. “Yeah,” I answered softly. He grabbed my hand and ran with me up to his room, having me keep up with him. We got to his room as my heels skid slightly behind him. When opened the door and turned on the light, my jaw dropped.
His room was a complete and utter mess.
“Kazu- how is anything gonna get found in here?,” I asked, trying to keep my tone as calm as possible. “Its manageable,” he answered, entering and starting to look through all his junk,“I haven’t had the energy to clean my room anyway. It hasn’t really bothered me”. I shook my head as I walked in. “No, this isn’t right,” I said, an idea coming to mind,“Why don’t you lay there and rest up a little? I’ll clean your room”. His eyes lit up. “Really?”. I nodded, a warm smile creeping up on my lips. “Well, okay,” he answered,“Thank you, sweetheart”. I couldn’t even react to the pet name. His hat rested over his eyes as he quite literally fell asleep before my very eyes.
With that, I got to work.
Cleaning out his room, taught me a few things. He also happens to like the same films as I do, but he likes more action films. I also learned he has a much bigger wardrobe than I thought. Lastly, he isn’t as mess as I thought. He had everything one would need to clean, even owned a vacuum. It took me about 1 hour and 5 minutes to clean out. I hadn’t realized it was that long, time went by me like a breeze. I approached him and sat by him. In a pattern, I shook him carefully then played with his hot pink hair, which was softer than expected.
God, there’s something wrong with me.
He woke up and I removed the hat from over his eyes. He lay as he looked around, seeing his room uncluttered. “Wow, it’s like a brand new room,” he said happily. “Yep”. He sat up and smiled back at me. “Thank you,” he repeated.
“It’s nothing, really”
His voice was still groggy, I could tell he was a little dazed after his nap. He lay back and laughed to himself as we sat on his bed. “What?”. He shook his head as the lazy smile on his face grew slightly wider. “You’re really pretty”. I blushed a little, and laughed nervously. “Thanks”. He sat back up again, we both had no idea what to do now, but look at each other. It was a comfortable silence. I could forever into his oddly colored eyes.
I wanted him to kiss me, now.
I’ve truly lost my mind. I had no idea if it was just tension or anything but that. Would I like it or would I despise it. I decided to maybe test these waters, but before I could, he beat me to it. Out of nowhere, he grabbed my chin, pulling me to his lips. Kissing me skillfully, he lay back and I followed so I wouldn’t be away from him, leaving me straddling his lap. What a day to forget to wear shorts under my skirt. With how he kiss me and I kissed him, it was no secret we wanted this for a while now. The fact that I wanted this made my stomach knot. We pulled away, slightly winded. “That was so fucking hot”. I proceeded to tell him this never happened. He agreed it didn’t. Then he added:
“I’ve never done that before”
“Neither have I-”
Then, it hit me. Kazuichi was my first kiss.
“This must be a very shitty realization,” he said, laughing a little. “Shut up, let’s get to class”. He nodded, getting up from bed, seeing that his journal was on his now clean and visible desk. He picked it up and now we were ready to go. We were still early, despite distance and how crowded the halls were. We sat at our own table, usually we both sat alone since none of our friends had this class. We all knew each other, but we wouldn’t exactly call certain people friends. Anyway, during class, I was extremely bothered. I felt sick and I couldn’t stop thinking about that fucking kiss.
I really didn’t want him to leave. I couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving. I had to stop it, but why did I want to anyway. Is this pity? It didn’t feel like it; I can tell when I pity someone and this didn’t feel like pity. Could it be that he’s always been there?
I’ve never fallen in love before, nor caught feelings. Something about him felt so familiar. What has Kazuichi done for me?
I began to think and it all came to me. The times I had no one else to talk to so he’d be there, whenever someone has bailed on me I’d go to him. I’ve taken him for granted, yet he’s smiled through it all. To think I’d hurt him made me feel worse. “God, I hate this class,” he whispered to me. I broke away from my thought. “Oh, me too,” I answered,“How are you doing, though?”.
“In this class?”
I nodded. “Terrible”.
I mouthed an “oh”. After a second, I offered a solution. “Well, you can always ask me for help,” I said. “Seriously?,” his eyes lit up like when we were in his room. God his crooked, toothy smile had me smiling, it was intoxicating. “Yeah, come to me anytime,” I said, getting quiet. This was quite awful. On top of that, I remembered I had a date after today. I didn’t even want whoever the fuck I had to meet with. As planned by Sonia, we were to meet at the bridge in between dorms on the third floor at 7pm (mind you, I don’t have a room in this school so there really is no reason for me to stay so late). Now that I think about it, it really sounds like more of a meetup than a date. Maybe it wasn’t so important for me to meet this mystery man. I can just text him I was no longer interested.
And that’s what I chose to do.
After class, I bumped into Sonia. She smiled widely when she saw me. “Oh my god, Are you excited for tonight?!”. Here I am, bursting her bubble.
Her smile went down slowly. “Why not?,” she asked. “I’m not going”.
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU AREN’T GOING?”
That was probably the loudest she’s ever spoken. “I mean, I don’t want to”. “But this was important, what the fuck,” she seemed too upset about it. “I don’t want him,” I said,“I’m into someone else”. “WHO?”. I swallowed before the name came out of my mouth,“Kazuichi...”.She slapped her hand over her mouth. “I know its emba-”.
“THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M GONNA SAY, oh my god. You have to go still, don’t leave your blind date hanging, please. I’m begging you, please!”
I nodded. “Fine, but I really cannot pretend to have a good time,” I said to her. Nodding frantically, she said she knows. Ultimately, it was my choice and she knew that. Sonia walked home with me, then said she would walk back with me when it came time to meet my blind date. She wanted be there for when he was revealed. I got a message from this man when I got home.
Zero: Hey, are you sure you want to meet?
I raised a brow and showed Sonia. She covered her mouth, but quickly told me to say yes. So that’s exactly what I did.
“He isn’t into it,” I said, showing Sonia the messages. “He will be”. Damn, she was so dead set on this and for what? “Come on,” she said,“We should get going”. I nodded, getting up from the floor we sat on in my room. Locking up, we swiftly headed to the bridge.
It was dark by the time we got there.
No answer. “Maybe wait a little,” Sonia suggested,“He gets shy”. I turned to her. “Do you know him?,” I asked. “Of course I do”. She must’ve misunderstood what I asked. “No, but do you know him know him,” I cleared up,“like is he close to any of us”. She nodded, now I was really curious. A couple minutes passed and he still wasn’t there. “See,” I said,“Fucking no-show!”. My hands clenched into a fist. Sonia was getting closer to me, looking as if she had some consoling words to say, but she stopped. Smiling, she backed away. Then, I heard footsteps behind me. She stepped away from me, nodding towards me, but that was just a signal for me to turn around. I heard a gasp,“You?”.
The familiarity of the voice—it all made sense now.
“You!,” I cried. My eyes watered as a smiling Kazuichi stood in front of me. I hugged him and I could tell he wasn’t expecting me. “God, I thought you’d hate me,” he sighed, relieved. I shook my head. “I’ll leave you to it,” Sonia said,“I have to go anyway; my ride’s here”. We waved her off, getting back to each other. “Wanna head into my room?”.
We headed into his room, snuck in, I’m not supposed to be here. He threw himself onto his bed as his hands made a gesture for me to get on. I straddled him like before and kissed him. “Someone’s excited,” he teased. I scoffed. “I’m not the only one”. His face turned red as he looked away. “Hey, Kazuichi? Can we talk”. He nodded, waiting for me to introduce the topic.
“Hajime and, well, everyone else including Sonia and myself were talking and—”
“That you’re leaving?”
“Oh... yeah. I am”
I frowned, getting off him, now sitting next to him. He looked upset now that he remembered. “It isn’t too late now, is it?”. He shook his read putting his hat on his bedside drawer (me thinks this is the first time I’ve seen him without a hat). “Tomorrow, I go confirm my decision,” he said,“I feel... miserable in Hope Peak. I don’t belong here”.
“You don’t know what it feels like not having anything in common with anyone. Everyone being so fucking distant”
“I do know how the first one feels, but... we have each other to relate to”
“I just hate how this school makes me feel and I want it to go away”
He shivered as his eyes began to water. It hurt so much to see him cry. I never have. “Baby, look at me,” I said to him,“We all love you, okay? I love you. I’m sorry for being so cold towards you this whole time. You were always there”. He stuck his head into my chest and just let everything go. I played with his hair as he got rid of emotion. I lay his head down and straddled him again. Quickly, I kissed all over his tear-stained face, the taste of salt persistent on my lips. The kisses got him riled up and giggly once again, making him tackle me. I fell back on the bed as he did the same to me. He smooched me on the lips before giving me his final word.
“I’ll think about it, okay?”
I nodded, not pressuring him. I wanted him to be so sure about staying. I also wanted him to know that if he did stay, I would be there, always. “You need a ride home?”, he asked. I could have gone home, but I didn’t necessarily want to. “Aw, don’t you want me to stay?,” I pouted. The way I said it was so playful it almost felt like teasing. He blushed frantically answering,“Yeah, I do”. I then realized I didn’t have clothes to sleep in.
And no, sleeping in underwear could never be an option. (Not yet, at least)
“Damnit, I don’t have clothes”. That’s when he opened his drawer and threw some sweatpants at me. “You have a shirt under that one, correct?,” he asked. I nodded, unbuttoning my school shirt. it was a silk black undershirt, could be used as an undergarment or sleepwear. “Hey, I’m just gonna go out to the communal to wash up, okay?”.
“That’s fine, baby”
He smiled, heading off with his toothbrush and towel. Once the door shut, I with a I slid off my socks. I then stood up and took off my skirt. The clothing fit me kind of snug, but I didn’t mind. I lay back and waited for him patiently.
His shower was quick, well, in my opinion it was. His hair gave off a brisk scent, as he lay next to me. His eyes looked weak as he hug his face into my chest. It wasn’t in a weird way or anything, so I simply assumed he was tired. “Are you sleepy, yet?”. He nodded, his face in deeper. “I’m really sleepy,” he said softly. I ran my fingers through his hair like before and let him sleep. Watching how at ease he was in my embrace soothed me to rest. According to Hajime, he was usually a light sleeper. The slightest touch or noise would wake him up. He would shift around or mumble in his sleep. This time, it was different.
It was peaceful.
The next morning, I woke up and put on yesterday’s clothes. When I got to putting on my shoes, I felt him move behind me. “Good morning, sleepyhead,” I said sweetly. “Good morning, angel,” he said, his voice straining as he stretched with a grunt,“Time?”.
He got up and threw on a pair of clothes that I have never seen him in. “You want a ride home?,” he asked,“I meet with the board today at 10. If I take you home now, I can make it back in good time”. I nodded, going hand in hand with him after he had put his shoes on.
I never knew Kazuichi drove. I recall him say he had terrible motion sickness, yet here he was driving me home in a borrowed car that had been worked on in the school’s auto shop class. I had nothing else to talk about and the silence was killing me. “So you can drive?”.
“I can drive”
“What about your motion sickness?”
He clicked his tongue. “Yeah, that’s always been there, always will be,” he began to explain,“but I’ve learned to ignore it”. He put his arm around me, smiling. I smiled, yet I was terrified. What if I wasn’t enough to make him stay? As he drove, I noticed he had nothing in mind. With Kazuichi, you can always tell when there’s something on his mind. Always. He’ll squint, mouth some words to himself...that’s how you know. It began to overwhelm me and I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry knowing there was possibly nothing I can say or do for him to stay. He may know I love him, but what if the timing was off?
We arrived at my home, him walking me up to my doorstep. He kissed me, his smile dropping afterward. Fuck, he must’ve noticed... “Hey, is everything okay?”. I nodded. “Okay,” he said, uncertainty in his tone,“Well, text me if anything!”. I nodded, a faint smile on my face. I headed inside and lay in bed.
My memory of that Saturday and the Sunday that followed are fogged. I don’t remember leaving my room, let alone my house. Monday came around. I was nervous. I walked down the halls, Sonia standing and an expression of worry spread across her face. “Sonia,” I said,“What’s wrong?”. She gulped and I knew nothing positive would come out of this.
“Hajime hasn’t seen Kazuichi all day”
My eyes widened and I wanted to pass out. “No, that can’t be!”. I didn’t want to feel this. It was all guilt. Why, though? Everything seemed fine when we had last seen each other, it made no sense. “You haven’t talked to him?,” she asked. I shook my head. Sonia sighed. “Okay,” she began,“We have government today. Your only class with him. All we have to do is wait and then we’ll know for sure”. I nodded, trying not to let emotions get to me.
Now in government, I waited, We all did. None of us had heard a word from him. Soon enough, an hour passed: no Kazuichi. Tearful, my eyes shut as I placed my head on my table. Hajime walked up to me. “If its in any consolation at all,” he began,“Kazuichi really did like you. He loved you. I’m sure he knew you loved him”.
“Why the fuck do you make it sound like he’s dead?”
“I see how it would sound like so. I’m just gonna leave my words at that”
My eyes were burning and a headache began growing. Suddenly, there was pounding on thr door, pounding that startled the class. The teacher sighed. The knock was that of a late student, which obviously would’ve annoyed her considering this is a 65 minute class and it had been an hour or so. A student volunteered for the door and there stepped in a distressed Kazuichi.
“WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TEXT ME?!?”
I sniffled and my heart was beating out of my chest when I heard his voice and saw his face. “Kazuichi?!”. I ran up to him and hugged him, he was tense. “I was so worried,” he said. “That makes two of us”. I kissed him, he asked if I was okay and I nodded so frantically. “I didn’t text because I was sad!”. He hugged me tighter, kissing my forehead. I looked into his eyes, falling in love. Then I had realized one thing. “Wait”. He looked at me,“What’s up?”.
“WHY ARE YOU SO LATE?!”
“I HAD AN EYE EXAM!”
He walked to the teacher and handed her a doctor’s note. “You know I can’t mark you present right?,” she said. “You can’t mark me absent either, miss”. Yeah, he wasn’t the best student here. He walked back up to me and kissed me. “There’s like 2 minutes left,” he said,“Can we leave?”.
Being a nuisance paid off as we were all let out early. He grabbed my book bag and ran with me, pulling me by the hand. He took me to the back of the school, yeah, the very back behind the gym. I sat in his lap as he kissed me once more harder, now that no one was watching. I then faced him. “I thought you were leaving,” I whined. He ran his hands through my hair. “I was going to,” he said,“but I couldn’t do that to you, or to myself”. We sat in silence till I said,“Who would’ve thought?”.
“Yeah, in a million years, huh? What year we in?”
I kissed him and felt him smile against my lips. “Don’t change, Kazuichi”. “Don’t plan on it,” he said,“I love you”. “I love you too”.
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He’s Not Here!
Summary: Natalie, when stumbling through the doorway of her house after a night of clubbing, is taken care of by somebody she can’t place.
Word count: 2754
Tws: heavily implied drug use and drinking, mentions of death, lots of swearing, vomit
Ao3 link: He’s Not There
The room is spinning. She’s giggling and delirious and the room is fucking spinning but holy shit, it’s hilarious at the moment.
[“Natalie, you fucking idiot.”]
She just giggles in response. “Wh- Who’re you…?” She slurs, stumbling over her words as she tries to get her eyes to focus. They wont.
[“Please, get up. How about you lay down?”]
She feels a gentle touch on her hand and suddenly she’s pulled to her feet and is leaning against someone’s warm chest. Whoever it is smells like freshly baked butterscotch cookies (just like mom used to make) and their shirt feels like her favorite sweater. She chuckles again, but her eyes won’t focus. “Where-” she hiccups, “where am I?”
[“Holy shit, what did you take?”]
The person begins to guide her and she’s stumbling over her feet and laughing. There’s an arm wrapped around her waist, a hand holding hers, and she knows she’s leaning against whoever it is. But she cant focus enough to figure it out. “Wha…?”
[“Nat,” the voice is still dripping with concern.]
Was it Henry? No, no, Henry’s mom and dad took him on a camping trip. She was really jealous of his wonderful home life, some days. She hears a door creak open, most likely guided by whoever’s hands.
[“Okay, we’re in your room.” They voice softly, shutting the door behind them and walking almost faster, but still trying not to rush the small girl.]
“We are…?” The words ignite a bounce in her step. It doesn’t last long, as right after, she’s guided to sit on her bed. Or, what she assumes and very much trusts is her bed. It does feel familiar, and when she topples over in a fit of giggles and buries her face in the pillow, it smells familiar.
[“You need water.”]
She feels a hand in her hair, gently brushing it out of her face. She just smiles weakly at it and reaches up to press her palm to the hand. Maybe it’s dad, she thinks. Maybe dad finally came around and started to care about her and not her insane mother. Maybe someone aside from her boyfriend started to care about the invisible girl.
[“Wait here. I’ll get you some.”]
She isn’t able to argue as the soft-hearted touch is pulled away from her face, leaving her face somewhat cold. She shuts her eyes and inhales as she hears the door creak back open and footsteps leave the room. There’s a moment of silence as she comes to terms with the fact that it must be dad. Then again, it didn’t really sound like dad. And dad was always cold, she remembered. It’s why he would wear three layers of a suit in the middle of summer.
The sound of the footsteps return and she tries to sit up, but her limited vision starts to blur and white spots overtake her sight, and she finds herself leaning against the pillow once more. “Imma be sick…”
[“Shit. I’ll get you a trashbin.”]
The voice has returns and she reaches out towards it, but her hand collides with nothing. She thinks nothing of it at the time. She hears the clatter of something being placed on the floor besides her and that cozy feeling hand returns to her face.
[“Can I tie back your hair?”]
She finds herself nodding and the hand, well, hands plural now, brush back her hair and put it into a pony tail. She tries to sit up but it results in the same experience as before.
[“Whoa. Don’t push yourself.”]
She feels as the pleasant touch begins to remove her tight jacket and she leans into the hand rested gently on her back. “Warm…” She breathes, reaching out once more for whoever it is. She feels their side and lets her hand go limp so it falls on their lap. A moment later, she feels as whoever it is begins to pull her legs up on the bed and remove her boots.
[“Can you drink the water for me? Then you can change into your pajamas?”]
She feels as the hand touches her own and guides it to a freezing glass of water on her night stand. A moment later, the arm is around her waist once more and helping her sit up so she can down it. She starts with a little sip, relishing how it hits the back of her throat. She takes a few more sips before she shakes her head. “Done.”
[“It’s okay, you don’t have to finish it.”]
The hand takes the glass of water and she assumes it is placed back on the night stand.
[“Can you change into your pajamas? I’ve got them right here.”]
She shakes her head, stubbornly, for a moment. “Wanna sleep in Henry’s shirt…” She mumbles, beginning to nestle against the warmth. The voice chuckles softly, the hand rubbing circles on her side.
[“You’re not wearing Henry’s shirt.”]
“But I wanna sleep in it.” She slurs, moving her arm to wrap around the waist of the other party. She still isn’t positive who it is. For all she knows, Henry came home early and found her at the club and took her home. How did she get home? She just remembers collapsing in the living room. That was when she heard the voice.
She settles on the fact that it’s probably her dad.
[“How about this: I get Henry’s shirt. You keep his hoodies in your bottom drawer, right? Then you change into that and some sweatpants or something, then you go to sleep?”]
The proposition sounds reasonable enough. She nods. “Second to botto’ drawer.”
[“My mistake,” they pause, still rubbing at her back and still smelling like cookies and still feeling safe and warm.]
Natalie decides that it isn’t dad. Dad never took care of her like this after she turned eight. But she doesn’t really question who it is, because they’re holding her like she’s the only thing in the world that matters and at the moment, she trusts anyone who holds her like that. Then again, her judgement is impaired due to drugs.
[“Can you get offa me? I’ll get you your clothes.”]
She leans off of who it is, and feels as the mattress shifts as their weight is removed. Then she hears some steps and a bit of rustling, then a hand taking hers.
[“Are you well enough to change on your own?”]
She nods and she starts to stand, more steady now but still leaning against the figure. She realizes that she hasn’t really looked at who it is, however… it doesn’t seem to matter. They make her feel safe. Briefly, she wonders if it was her mother, but… Her mother wasn’t around anymore.
She feels as she’s guided towards the bathroom and clean clothes are set in her grasp. The cooled tile of the restroom floor sends chills up her spine, but she doesn’t complain. A moment later, whoever it is lets go of her and shuts the door behind her. She winces slightly at the bright lights but gets right to the point in changing into the clothes.
Henry’s hoodie smells like smoke and paint and something she can’t quite place. The figure does not smell like that, so she once again crosses Henry off of her list of possible suspects. She changes out of her shirt and bra and toss them in the hamper, wincing as she realizes that she threw up a little on both of them. That was a tomorrow problem, though.
Right now, she just wants to be held again. She changes, fully, into the fresh clothes and glances at herself in the mirror. She doesn’t look great, but a lot better than she would look if she wasn’t being cared for. Her hair is tied back and her clothes are clean and she finishes everything by wiping any makeup she wore off. She runs over her mental list of suspects for the warm touch and gentle hands once more.
Henry? On a camping trip. A lot shorter than whoever it was. Smells like… not cookies.
Dad? While that was still possible, the person was warm. Dad was never warm. It doesn’t sound like dad.
Mom? That… would explain the cookie smell, but she cant remember for the life of her, the last time her mother baked. Also, the voice was pretty masculine or at least androgynous.
She decides to face it. It isn’t anyone she would expect. She must have brought someone home? She decides to open the door and figure it out.
The door handle is cold and the door opens inward. She pulls it ajar and is faced with a tall boy, pacing anxiously. His hair is a bit tangled and seems dirty in the low lighting of her room but not actually greasy. His eyes are piercing blue but worry swam in them. She cocks her head, furrowing her brow, wondering who it is. He makes his way over, arms outstretched, smiling weakly. Despite not knowing him, he seems safe enough. She steps closer, loses her balance, and he catches her.
“Careful.” He warns. “Can I lay you down?”
“Who-” she feels like she’s about to vomit and points at the trash can she knows is still besides her bed. He reacts quickly, setting her down on the floor and dashing away to grab it, shoving it in her face right as she empties the contents of her stomach into it.
“Shh, gods. You look like shit, Nat.” He moves so that she can lean against him and he strokes her hair as she keeps her head above it, waiting as if there will be another wave of nausea. After a minute or two of there being none, she sits back and heaves a sigh.
The man raises a tissue to her lips and wipes away anything that caught on her mouth or chin. She rests her head against his shoulder, whining feebly. “Who… are you…?”
The boy stops dead, his hand stilling in her hair, breathing ceased. She glances up at him, tilting her head in confusion then repeating the question.
“I… Yes, I heard you the first time.”
“Then who are you?” It’s the first strong sentence she’s spoken since she got home.
“Promise not to lose your shit at me?”
“That’s… Fair.” The boy sighs and moves away slightly like he knows he’s about to freak her out. Natalie finds herself missing his warmth right away, but doesn’t argue. “I’m your big brother.”
She thinks that time freezes. Her eyes widen and she scrambles backwards which just upsets her stomach more. “You’re fucking dead.”
His answer is simple enough, she has to admit. But she still can’t wrap her mind around it. “I-I’m having delusions like mom. Fuck. No, no. You’re lying. I’m asleep.” There had to be a logical explanation to this that isn’t her going crazy. He reaches his hands out to her, one of them hovering above her knee and the other an inch away from her face.
She leans into it instinctively. His hands are warm and soft and touch her like she’s fragile china and it makes her want to cry like hell. Her hands gravitate to both of his, resting on top of them as she stares at him.
“You. Are. Dead.” She forces the words out but part of her is wishing that it isn’t true and that the last sixteen years have been a lie. “You… Are fucking dead.”
“I know.” He states it again, his thumb tracing over her cheek. “I know, Nat.”
“I must be going insane.” She deadpans it, but she feels tears pricking at her eyes and starting to cascade down her face.
“You really aren’t.” He tries to convince her softly, but she still doesn’t believe him.
“Why? Why am I not going insane? You- Mom saw you. And you tried to kill mom!”
“I didn’t!” He seems insulted and hurt and the way that his eyes shine in fear almost make her believe it.
“Yes you did! She says that you told her to kill herself! To ‘come with me’ or some crap!”
“I meant ‘come, lay down,’ not ‘come to the afterlife via killing yourself’!” He gently pulls away his hands but she grabs at them. They’re still warm. They still feel safe.
Natalie doesn’t know what to say. It… was often that Diana misunderstood things that she or dad said so it wasn’t much of a stretch to-
She needed to stop reasoning with a hallucination! She should call Henry, tell him that if he doesn’t want to deal with delusions and breakdowns then he should break up with her then and there. She yanks her hands away; he speaks to her again. “Can you please just lay down?”
She blinks at him, eyes wide still and hands starting to shake. They did that when she was anxious, or overwhelmed, or just… any negative emotion, really. When her hands shook, usually, she would just form them into fists. If Henry was present, he would take them and rub lotion on them and kiss her knuckles. Now that Gabe’s present (apparently. She still doesn’t really believe that this isn’t a hallucination or dream), he offers his hands.
She shuts her eyes and inhales and exhales slowly, outstretching her own. Gabe intertwines their fingers and hums a melody that she doesn’t recognize but makes her feel safe. “Can you lay down now?”
“Good, good job.” He praises her softly, kneeling and then starting to help Natalie stand. Her entire body shakes as she does, but then he’s on his feet and she’s leaning against him. Then she’s at her bed and Gabe is gently guiding her to lay down. He tucks her in and she blinks, cuddling into the warm blankets. She doesn’t really remember the last time her bed was made.
“Gabe…?” Her hand moves to touch at his face and he holds it there, staring down at her with a half smile.
“What’s up, Sunshine?”
“Are you real?”
He hesitates, then he nods his head. “I’m not alive, but I’m real. I think I’m a ghost.”
“Provide proof.” She crosses her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow.
“Even on drugs you’re… like this, huh?”
He just shrugs his shoulders. “I cant do that. Because in the morning you’re going to think this was all a dream anyway.”
“That… That’s fair.” She nods her head, pushing herself to sit up and rest her forehead against his shoulder. His hand moves up to run through her hair and begin to detangle it. “But… can’t or won’t?”
She just nods her head. Gabe doesn’t move yet. She doesn’t know what to say until he begins to stand and she is forced to take her head off his shoulder. “Stay-” she cuts herself off with a weak sob.
He freezes, eyes widening, but he doesn’t disagree.
“I can’t- Please- I don’t want to be alone. Henry- Henry’s in the middle of the woods with no cell reception. I- Please. Don’t leave me. Mom left. Dad’s not… not here. Not mentally. And for all I know you might not be but I need you to be. I, holy shit. I’m still talking to a ghost.”
“I won’t leave. It’s okay.” He steps away and turns off the light and she hears the click of her door locking. Gabe must know she does that instinctively and it gives her anxiety when it’s left unlocked. Then there’s footsteps again and the bed sinks and a hand moves to find her face. She rests her cheek into his palm. “Can I come under the covers? Do you want to cuddle?”
“Yes. Yes, to both. Please.”
He makes a noise of acknowledgement as she feels the covers shift and his body move closer. She shifts so her head is pressed against his chest, then she moves his hands so one is wrapped around her waist and the other is under her cheek.
“What is it, sunshine?”
“Are you going to be gone in the morning?” In the darkness, she peers up at him. He’s not very noticeable in the dark but it doesn’t look like he’s fading from vision.
“I don’t… I don’t know, Nat.”
She just nods her head. Her eyes flutter closed and she nestles against him, clutching him like her life depends on it.
In the morning, he’s not there.
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sorry for lack of details, but everything is kind of fuzzy. tl;dr at the bottom.
i was upset last night, so i messaged colson to ask what to drink to forget everything. he suggested something, and i started looking online for a way to have it delivered to me. he was like no, ill pick you up. i wanted to drink on the roof and let whatever happened happen, but he said he was already leaving to get me, and i cant fucking say no to him. i think i kind of needed him. i just needed human interaction in general, really, but i was glad it was him. he’s the only person who makes me feel alive anymore.
usually i can’t help but brighten at least a little when i see people, but i was quiet, and i couldn’t smile or even look him in the eye cause i felt so bad. he noticed and tried to cheer me up, which didn’t really work but was extremely sweet. i started drinking in the car, and from what i can tell, he did, too. i got fucking hammered, and colson got drunk enough to have to pull over. i have no idea what he was drinking or what time anything happened or even where we wound up, but we slept in the car on the side of the road. i woke up in the morning to his door open and him gone. i was scared, but i kept falling back to sleep - and opening the door to lean out and throw up, but mostly falling back to sleep. i’ve never had a headache like that in my life. dear god.
i was trying to text joe - for help? guidance? i don’t know - but everything hurt and i felt incredibly sick and i couldn’t stay awake. then once i actually woke up most of the way, i decided to go look for colson. i wound up leaving my phone behind because i was still a little drunk, i think, and i only wanted to carry one thing. i figured colson would be pissed as hell if anything happened to the car, so i picked the keys. closed and locked all the doors and started walking - stumbling, probably - into the woods.
it took me a hot minute, but i found him puking his guts out. i won’t tell him, but that made me feel a lot better. i mean, not cause he was sick, but because i wasn’t the only one who couldn’t hold my liquor.
i sat down with him (not all that close, though, because of the puke) and then i laid down and we stayed there a while just trying to like. survive, almost. i was staring up at the sky through the trees, and i could feel how fucked my blood was, but i didn’t wanna say anything. i knew i’d felt worse and survived it. and honestly... i didn’t care if i lived or not. all of my choices last night are proof of that.
eventually colson started talking to joe, told him where we were. i knew he’d be ok, so i went back to the car and grabbed my phone and then just kind of wandered away. i didn’t want anyone to find me. i know i was still out of it, but i think the basis of it was that i didn’t want to cause any more issues or face punishment for the problems that i’d already caused. i feel like i’m doing damage all over the fucking place, and it’s never intentional.
usually colson picks me up and takes me to his house. i don’t know what was different last night, but when i started kind of coming back to myself, all i could think about was how this morning, he was in no condition to drive - or even walk to the car without more help than i could have given him sober. and even if i had been able to drive, i don’t think anything but an emergency could have convinced me to get behind the wheel of that thing. im pretty sure that car costs more than my entire life.
i thought joe would get colson and go, but no. he sent a whole fucking search party after me. colson’s “crew” was crunching through the woods looking for me and calling for me, and i was pretty sure i was going to get my ass kicked. joe started texting me all calm and nice, asking me to tell him where i was. i thought again that it was maybe a trap, but then he literally said, “let’s get you home,” which is one of those phrases that makes me so fucking weak. god, just thinking about it makes me want to cry. he was like, we have food and water for you. and im sitting there knowing that if i don’t eat something soon, my body’s about to start shutting down, so i have no choice but to trust him if don’t want to cause yet another problem. ugh.
i asked twice if i was in trouble, and he said no both times. he told me the guys were out looking for me, and i had to not tell him that i knew and that i felt awful because i’d let them pass by me. but he kept telling me it was ok, no one was mad, he wanted to give me a hug... fuck. i don’t know if he was doing it on purpose, but he was breaking me down. it was like he knew exactly what to say. a piece of me thought that i would stay in those woods forever, but i wound up quietly chasing after the group and catching them from the side and going back with them.
i’d been upset already, obviously, but while we were heading toward the road, joe was texting me and telling me that he and col were gonna take me home with them, and i was like, oh, thank you, but i need to go to my apartment right away, and he was kind of insistent that he wanted to let me rest and make sure i was taken care of and stuff (which was so sweet. god. he is the nicest fucking dude.) and i had to be like, joe, i need my medicine. and i told him what it was, which i was planning to do but not today. he was like, i’ll send baze to go get it.
and then baze opened the door later not realizing that stella was in there, and stella was barking and tried to get out, and joe told me what happened, and even though she was ok, i was like, fuck... stella...
she’s my best friend now, i guess. she and colson. and the thought of her trying to protect our space and being scared of a stranger coming in and wondering where the fuck i was kills me. the fear of what would have happened if she got out upset me so much that i had to keep casually wiping tears away. i was dizzy, too, and it was just. it was a low point for me, honestly.
and we got out of those fucking trees that i never want to see again, and joe was there, and he pulled me away from everybody else and sat me down in the passenger seat and was talking to me all quiet, and i was so embarrassed, but as soon as they were all gone, he gave me this huge hug, and i was like. i never, ever wanted him to let go. ever.
god, i could have cried into his shoulder til the sun set, but i managed to keep it together. no tears. well - no tears that fell. i just kept thanking him and apologizing, but he was rubbing my back, and even after i let go of him, he was messing with my hair while he tried to keep me calm.
i needed that so fucking bad. so fucking bad.
i have been so goddamn alone.
and he is so kind.
i don’t know what i would have done without these two. i might be fucking dead right now. tipped over the edge of the roof, you know? blame it on the alcohol.
and then what? colson might blame himself a little bit. awsten would definitely blame himself.
while i was writing about the hug from joe, i was thinking about awsten and how i would have loved a hug from him in that moment. i’m so glad joe was there, i really, really am. awsten’s just... you know.
i hope he’s alright.
i ate some crackers and drank some water and then passed the fuck out. the window felt so good against my head - i could feel every damn beat of my heart in my temples, but the cool glass soothed things a little. i guess we were far away, and time felt like it passed by quickly, but i could tell it had passed, because i was definitely sicker when i woke up. it took me like three times as long as usual to give myself my injection because my hands were shaking so much. i didn’t bother checking my levels; i knew they were shot. besides, i didn’t want to assign that feeling a fucking number.
we relaxed at the house for a while, and that did actually help. lucas was my snuggle buddy the other night, and he was today too while i waited for my insulin to kick in. he was busier than usual - wiggling and making happy noises and poking at me. but it gave me something to focus on that wasn’t how bad everything felt, physically or emotionally.
i put my foot down later when people were offering to drive me home, because i do nothing for these people, and they do everything for me. i thought the waterparks team was loyal... this shit is next level. but yeah, i thanked everybody again for everything and got an uber and at least felt ok about that.
now that i’m home, i keep thinking back to the first night i ever talked to joe. colson was fucking around and trying to get us to place some wild bets before the three of us played a game, and joe suggested that the two losers should have a wrestling match. colson was so firm when he responded. he just said, “we can’t hurt jawn.” that’s it; no argument. it was like it was a fact and nothing anybody said was going to change his mind.
things have shifted so much since then, with me as a person and also with my relationships with each of them. i still don’t believe that colson would ever try to harm me, but last night was kind of insane - at least, for me. and it was joe who was making sure i didn’t get hurt.
i wish i could remember more. i wish i could remember being in the car, i wish i knew when i fell asleep last night, i wish i remember if i said anything before that, and i wish i could remember when colson started drinking and what got him to pull over. but i don’t. he picked me up, and then... blankness.
the scary thing is that i... i should want to stop this shit. but i don’t. i told both colson and joe that i’m done drinking, and maybe i am, but i’m not sure. i’m definitely done drinking like that, but i’m not done hanging out with colson. i like him so much. he’s wild and fun, and i could listen to him talk forever. his stories, his accent... and the best part about spending time with him last night and this morning was that i forgot about everything else for hours and hours and hours.
so yeah, it sucked. it hurt. it was scary. but it fucking worked. it was like nothing else existed except whatever was happening right that minute, and that’s what i need 24/7. i want to be present. i don’t want to be in my head all the time.
at home, i apologized to stella and fed her and gave her treats and just sat on the floor with her for a while cause i felt guilty. then i showered, ate, took more medicine, took some advil, got in bed, and slept some more. then i ate again and opened my laptop, which was my big mistake. everything was exactly how i left it, which meant that the resignation letter that i wrote on saturday for mddn was open and staring right at me.
i still haven’t decided what i’m gonna do with it, but the more time goes by, the more tempted i am to send it in. if i decide to, i’m gonna wait til after the holidays. we’ve got all kinds of stuff starting up in only a few weeks, but i know i’m replaceable, and i really don’t wanna dump this on anybody over christmas or new year’s.
ok, finally done. that took literal hours to write out.
tl;dr - me and colson got hammered in one of his fancy-ass cars last night. he pulled off the road by a bunch of trees, and we fell asleep there. when i woke up, he was gone, so i went into the woods looking for him.
way later, joe found colson and then coaxed me out and gave me a huge hug, which wasn’t as good as a hug from aws would have been, but he was easily the next best person to get one from. he is so sweet, and i am beyond grateful for how he handled everything today.
sucks being away from awsten, but i hope he’s doing good. im strongly considering resigning from my job so that he can be happier.
Tremors Behind The Veil Chapter 3
"Finally" I thought. "Alright, if I am to going to do this I need you to forget everything you think is true, focus and trust me…deal?" she exclaimed. "I think we are waaay past that and a lot of crazy shit have happened so just start…at this point anything is possible." I answered. She nodded and she begun.
"Some people are born with powers. People like you and me. We are spread all around the globe and we call ourselves Accursed . The selection seems entirely random and nobody knows if any factors affect that. These powers are based on beings long gone from the face of this earth, the selected people can accommodate a number of different powers most common being powers from one being but there have been cases with two or even three different being's powers. I for example have two, psychopomp and witch and you have shown your reaper form.". "What other forms do I have?" I asked interrupting her. "I do not know that to be honest. You might not have another form or you might have two more. Nobody knows what truly activates another form but the consensus is that you acquire it when you are in dire need of it." "Wait" I said interrupting her, "this isnt true, my form activated once you screamed on my face back in the church" I exclaimed. "I did not do such thing" she replied defensively, "I don’t have such power". "You know what, I am here looking for answers , if this is how it's going to go maybe this was a mistake" I sighed. "No, it is not… I want you to let me finish and as you said some crazy things have happened, why don’t you do both of us a favor and categorize your accusation as one of them..now, where were we." She answered, I decided to stay for a bit, I don’t know if I can find answers elsewhere, even if they arent the entire truth. "The forms are located in a person's soul. The thing though is that things are about to get more complicated so as I previously said focus and don’t hesitate to ask questions. There is something all around us, the scientists call that dark matter and they have no clue what it is but they know it exists and it somehow keeps reality from collapsing. In reality though dark matter is not a what…it's a where. There's a place that exists along with reality and the Accursed call it Obris Somnium (Dream World). That place houses the souls of every living thing on this universe therefore it is the source that creates the Accursed. The entrance to Obris Somnium is highly forbidden, you need a cataclysmic amount of energy to open a portal there. Few people have returned from this place and whoever comes back starts acting weird and disappears a few hours later never to be seen again." She got up but almost instantly she fell to the ground. "Circe!" is shouted, rushing to help her. "I don’t need your help" she muttered pointing me to stop. "You went there didn’t you…" I sighed. She got up and fell on the armchair "That obvious huh" she sighed. "I want to know what happened" I demanded and she started talking again, her voice sounded more tired. "Something has been wrong since I came back. The creatures that hunted us earlier in that church are the inhabitants of that place and when I got there they caught me, everything is blurry from that point until I woke up in this city. I do not know what they did to me in that place but I feel like an unfinished puzzle. They stripped me off my powers and they removed the essence of the witch and the psychopomp from my soul but I still feel a connection with them." "What about the spells" I asked. "Oh" she smiled, "these are things I picked up as a witch but don’t get used to them…every time I use one I feel less and less alive. ". "Alright" I continued, "What about the asshole that attacked us?". "He is Damien" she said, "we go way back. He is a hunter and it's basically his job to stop anything supernatural and the Accursed are number one on any hunter's list". "Anything supernatural" I asked confused and she started laughing. "Vampires, werewolves, ghosts…monsters are real Aiden and apparently we are one of them ourselves" she answered with the happy tone slowly fading. "I - I am sorry, I need some air" I said getting up. I opened the door, a slight chill hit my face. It was night outside and the streets were full of people. "I hope this isnt goodbye" she said from inside. I shut the door behind me and I started running away. "Thank God I somewhat know where I am, im not entirely lost" I thought. My head started hurting while I was running and I started looking around. Something was wrong, it was like reality itself was melting. Ripples were all over me and as I was running I kept seeing new ones getting created right before my eyes. I looked inside some of them, each and everyone was different. On some you could see swamps and on others futuristic cities. Victorian buildings, gigantic trees and demolished cities were visible through others.
Strange yet familiar animals could be seen, some even looking back at you and at this point I realised that the people around me werent even startled…like they couldn’t see what I was seeing. The ground beneath my feet suddenly started shaking. A horrible screech filled the air, the people around me didn’t even flinch and then I saw it. A white dragon bigger than a house was flying above me. It was shooting black fire everywhere. "What the everloving fuck " I screamed falling down. People started gathering around me. "Cant you see it" I yelled "Theres a fucking dragon flying above us" I pointed upwards. The people looked up but the dragon was now gone and the ripples had closed. Murmurs where coming from the crowd. "Fuck it" I muttered getting up and I started running to my hotel again. Some people tried to stop me telling me I should see a doctor and others were laughing calling me a lunatic but I didn’t pay any attention, I just kept running. I finally reached the hotel, I went to my room and I fell straight to my bed. I was asleep before I even hit the pillow.
Eyes open, breath was short. I was in a forest. It didn't seem "natural" but there was not something profoundly weird about it, it fell in the uncanny valley category. I got on my feet, I realized i was wearing the armor and I started looking around. I was all alone on top of a small hill. Snow was falling ,the air was cold, I could see my breath. Weird trees all around me.
Horrifying howls could be heard in the distance. "I should start moving" I thought to myself as I summoned my sword just in case. I kept walking in the woods, I couldn’t see the moon, all the trees looked the same and there had been no sign of a living thing other than the howl earlier. I found a small cabin, i walked towards it and i could see light slowly flickering from the window. As i approached the door opened by itself, i walked inside and the door slowly closed behind me. A woman was waiting there. Pale white skin, black long hair, burgundy lips, brown eyes and she was wearing a worn out dress.
"Lovely, a visitor" she said with a a colonial american accent and a grim smile, "and who might you be" she continued. "Hello, there, my name is Aiden. I am sorry for intruding,I arrived to these woods a few hours ago and i have been walking since" i exclaimed, i didnt want to reveal all the information. "Maybe i should go" i said."Oh no, you poor thing. Stay, let yourself rest and you can leave first thing in the morning. Come, sit" she grinned as she moved a chair."Thank you, i appreciate it" i responded and with my sword still in my hand i took a seat."I'm gonna bring you something to eat, i'm gonna be right back" she said and she entered a door that was right behind me. The atmosphere was weird inside the cabin, almost suffocating, i could feel it in my chest and i started to become really anxious.Suddenly i heard the door slowly opening behind me and without even turning back "I think it's time to go" i said. Her hand started moving through my hair, "Oh we can't leave you now, can we" she whispered in my ear. I practically jumped off the chair. I turned to her and she was fully undressed. "Holy shit" I blurted. "Thank you for your warm welcome" i contitnued sarcastically and i tried to open the door but it wouldnt open. With two fast steps she went right beside me, she grabbed me by the neck and she pushed me on the wall. Clenching my sword i tried to hit her but she grabbed it before it reached her, the sword turned to dust and she started chuckling. I summoned my gun and i shot her a couple of times in the leg but she didnt even flinch. She grabbed my hand and with no difficulty whatsoever it felt like she broke it and the gun fell on the floor. "Your tricks do not faze me traveler. Tonight is a feast and i can't remember the last time i saw a male in these forsaken woods." she chuckled. I couldnt breathe, she was holding my neck too tight and her other hand was pressed on my chest. I felt the light fading from my eyes and i was desperate. My last resort were my fists. I punched her stomach. Some kind of black energy went out from my gauntlet pushing her back. I could finally breathe. She was lying down, i walked closer to her and now, she almost seemed like a woman. A part of her stomach was missing and something like dark vines were slowly moving across her body, all her hair had fallen and her skin now looked exactly liked clay. I heard someone call my name from outside but i didn't care. "Of fucking course. I had to come across the one bitch Salem forgot to burn!" I growled."Salem?" she asked and she started laughing."Do you find that funny" i asked while i standed on top of her, punching her fake face. "You came here to find me you fuckface" she blurted out. I stopped punching. "It doesnt matter now to tell you the truth i guess. I dont know how i got here, i woke up in a hill and i've had been wondering for hours before you tried to do whatever the fuck you wanted to me" i stated. Her face went white like she had seen a ghost, the laughing stopped and i could see fear in her marble eyes. The door broke open."Aiden!" Circe called. "I have been looking for you. what happened here?" she asked, me still standing on top of the witch. "PLEASE. I AM SORRY FOR WHAT I DID TO YOU. PLEASE KEEP PUNCHING, PLEASE END MY MISERY NOW" the witch started screaming and shaking uncontrollably. I got up and i got my gun. I held Circe's hand "Let's go, i'll tell you everything when we leave this fucking cabin" i told her and i started walking outside with the witch still screaming."Oh my God, what were you doing with Hephzibah?" she said dragging me back in."Hephzi - what? This bitch right here, whoever she is either tried to choke me or fuck me...take your guess and let's get the fuck out of here" i responded. "She is an Accursed, a Nereid from the colonial times turned witch." she said. "Holy shit, then Salem was a right guess... I just thought it would sound cool" i chuckled. "You idiot, you left a Nereid in this state and you're ammused?!?! How did you manage to tear a part of her stomach and corrupt her?" she asked angrily. "Corrupt her? Oh, you mean the dark vines. I kind of have a new power but this is no place to talk, please let's go" i responded."YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME HERE YOU FUCKING IMBACILE. END ME IM BEGGING YOU!" Hephzibah said as she started crying. Circe grabbed me by my shoulder. You need to finish what you started" she demanded. "No, whatever she did to me i am not killing her unless i have to. I have a heavy consience as it is, i don't need blood in my hands. She decided to act like a horny or murderous -still havent decided- bitch!" i bickered. "Show some fucking respect she is a daughter of sea itself, trust me if you do leave her like this, crying, horrified and corrupted what expects you is far worse than your consience" she stated. "I'm willing to take that chance, she doesn't deserve anything from me, much less respect" I bleated. "Then let me do it" she asked "I just need your help, you know about my powers. I need you to hold my palms". I slowly touched her hands and with a smooth move she took them out of my hands revealing an old looking gun. "I call her evelyn" Circe said smiling.
She slowly walked towards Hephzibah. She put her gun on her head, now almost dark from all the vines. A tears from Hephzibah eyes, "Thanl you" she quitely said and with that Circe pressed the trigger. Hephzibah's lifeless body hit the floor and turned to water, finally the cabin's suffocating atmosphere had cleared. Circe and I started walking, none of us talked for what seemed like hours.
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Self insert Vento Aureo
not a reader insert
Cw: mentions of non-con and trauma, blood
I woke with a start 3 days later, the faint memory of a nightmare clinging to my mind. I bit my lip, crawling out of bed when I noticed Abbacchio wasnt with me.
The second I reached the living room, I heard voices in the kitchen. I stood against the wall, chewing my lip.
"No, I know she's supposed to stay with me, but It seems like for the next three weeks I'm going to be gone for days on end, and She won't be safe home alone. Mista can take her for a couple nights, but she needs somewhere safe, and safest is with you."
"I don't mind watching her, but Bucciarati, this is excessive." I could hear Abbacchio sigh, and I bit down, trying to work through what I was hearing. Bucciarati sighed himself, and I heard footsteps.
"She is asleep now, right?"
"Yeah, out cold. She went to bed at 5."
"Good. I'm just… I'm worried. This stand user is targeting girls her age and I don't want her to worry about it. I know she's capable, But these girls are disappearing without a trace. Not to mention I'm doing my damned best to find her rapist. Every time I pick up a trail, it falls out of my hands. Please, watch her."
"You know I'm going to, but I like my privacy, Bucciarati."
"I know… I hate to put this on...Did you hear that?"
I had bit a chunk out of my lip when I heard Bucciarati's words, and gasped when blood spurted in my mouth. I brought a hand up to my mouth, debating on walking into the kitchen or going to the bathroom. I didn't think fast enough, because the light in the living room was turned on, and Bucciarati and Abbacchio stepped in.
"Sasa, I thought you were asleep," Bucciarati said gently. I kept my mouth covered, swallowing.
"...had a nightmare."
"Are you okay?"
"No." I swallowed again. "I bit my lip pretty bad."
"You really have to stop chewing on it." He walked over to me, moving my hand. I couldn't tell if I was mad at him or not, so I recoiled from his touch. Concern flickered across his features. "What was the nightmare? You look shaken up."
"I don't remember the nightmare. Why do you hide things from me?! Why does everyone keep things from me? I'm a member of Passione. I have a stand. Fuck, I was the one who was raped, Bucciarati, so why hide information about it from me? If I meet the criteria to be kidnapped by some mysterious stand user who targets girls my age, why keep it from me? Why not tell me, so I can be on guard?! Why do you insist on treating me like a child, Bucciarati?"
"It's not because I'm underestimating you, Sasa." He sat on Abbacchio's couch, beckoning me over to sit next to him. I shook my head, crossing my arms. He sighed. "You're very capable. You're very bright, and you're strong. But you are only 14, and you have no business being in the mafia so young. The only reason you joined is because you were born with a stand. And because you went behind my back to pass Polpo's test. It breaks my heart seeing you go down this path."
"It's better than my parent's path. At least I'm not overdosing on Heroin." I bit down on my lip, flinching when I bit my wound instead. Bucciarati sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"It's… It's not like I'm asking for you to let me go with you, Bucciarati." I spoke slowly, so my voice wouldn't shake. I was mad after all. "I just want you to keep me informed on things. Especially if it involves my attacker. I don't like being kept in the dark."
Bucciarati looked up at me, something flickering behind his eyes. He stood and took my hand, leading me back into the bathroom.
"Sasa, look in the mirror. Your nightmares are getting worse and more frequent. You've lost enough sleep to kill. You're working yourself to the bone trying to catch up with school. You look sick all the time, and I know it's because you're stressed. You've got to start taking care of yourself. You don't have to be working all the time to be appreciated and valid. Honestly, it makes me happiest to see you acting like a normal kid your age, when you're doing schoolwork or having fun with Mista. And now, I need you to stay with Abbacchio for a little while longer while I work, okay?"
"Why- I feel like I'm intruding. Why Cant He come stay with Us? That way he can have his own space and I can sleep in my own bed? And then I won't have to worry about you If you're going to be home periodically."
"See? You're brilliant. I didn't think of that. Please, Sasa, for me. Take the backseat and focus on other things right now."
"You know I can't do that, Bucciarati." I swallowed, grabbing a wad of tissues and pressing them to my lip. "You said it yourself. My nightmares are getting more frequent."
Bucciarati cupped my face in his hand, pondering me. "How about this. We'll compromise. I'll keep you updated on everything that concerns you, and you focus on school instead of work, okay?"
"That-that's fair, Bucciarati." My hands shook. "O-oh. um, do you have-"
"Abbacchio told me, Sasa. I put a whole pack in the cupboard for you. But let's get you home, hm?"
"I'd like that…"
Bucciarati smiled, wrapping me in a hug, which I returned, squeezing my eyes shut.
After my much needed shower with my own products, I went out to the living room, sitting quietly on the love seat. Abbacchio and Bucciarati were sitting on the couch, barely any space between them. I chewed my lip quietly for a moment, my hair dripping onto my clothes. Bucciarati opened his eyes when I walked in, smiling at me.
"Are you ready for bed, Bimba?"
"I just have a little bit of homework to do…" I looked between him and Abbacchio, sighing.
"That can wait. I called into your school yesterday and told them you'd be out for a while."
"You just told me to focus on school!" I couldn't hide the frustration in my voice, and I flopped back against the couch, looking up at the ceiling. "Which is it, Bucciarati?"
"It's not… it's not safe right now, Sasa." Bucciarati chose his words carefully. "And besides, this time off will help you catch up a little bit. You can work at your own pace."
"By keeping me locked up at home. Great." I rubbed my eyes. I wasn't really being fair, and I knew that, but I was tired. It didn't justify it, but it explained it.
"Oi," Abbacchio's voice was sharp, and he stood, grabbing my face and leaning down. "He's only doing this so you don't get attacked again, monello. Or did you want to risk your life, have it happen again, for more hours filled with more nightmares? Watch your mouth."
"H-" my voice caught in my throat, and I searched Abbacchio's face, betrayed and hurt. He realized his mistake in a moment, his face falling when he saw the tears rising in my eyes. "How can you say that i- that I want that?"
"Abbacchio, let go of her." Bucciarati's voice was soft, but stern. As soon as I was free, I stood, slowly, staring up at Abbacchio with the same horrified look. I glanced over at Bucciarati, quickly, before turning on my heel and walking quietly and slowly back to my room, locking the door.
I cried myself to sleep.
For the next two days, I kept myself locked away in my room. I cried, a lot, a lot more than I wanted to, but it would be random bursts out of nowhere.
I didn't have an appetite, so I didn't eat. The only time I left my room was to go to the bathroom across the hall.
There was a knock on the door later that night, and Abbacchio's voice leaked through.
"Sasa, I ordered takeout. Come eat something."
I frowned, slamming my pencil down on my math workbook.
"I'm not hungry. I don't want anything. Just put it in the fridge or toss it. And leave me alone."
My voice cracked, and I angrily wiped my eyes, looking in the mirror and seeing the face of my rapist instead of mine. I turned away, before taking the blanket from my bed, covering the mirror with it. I tightly shut the blinds to my window as well, and used a tee shirt to cover up my smaller mirror.
I didn't sleep well that night, spending what time I was asleep in nightmares, and the rest staring up at my ceiling.
The next time there was a knock at my door, it was Mista's voice.
"Hey, can I come in?"
"No. I'm busy with school right now."
"From what I hear, you've been busy with school for five days. Have you eaten anything?
"I'm not hungry. Sorry, could you go? I'm trying to concentrate on this."
"GO!" I slammed my hands down on my books, irritation coursing through my veins.
I was left alone for the next day and a half. I snuck out of my room when I heard Abbacchio's snores, to get a glass of water and to eat something light- i think it was an apple- before scurrying back to my room and slamming the door when I heard him get up.
I recognized the next knock, and dreaded the events that followed. I doubled down, trying to focus on my math. 5x40.
"Sasa, can I come in?" Bucciarati's voice gave nothing away, and I groaned, frustrated.
"Not right now, Bucciarati. I'm trying to do my homework."
"I'll ask one more time, Sasa. This is your chance to let me in."
"No," I said firmly. "I don't want to see anyone right now."
"That's too bad, Sasa." I heard a zipper, and Bucciarati stepped in, blinking in surprise when he saw the state the room was in.
My overhead light was off, the only light source being my bedside lamp. There was no blanket on my bed, it was still covering the mirror.
I flinched when Bucciarati flicked the lightswitch, blinking rapidly to adjust to the new light. When he sat on the edge of my bed, I scooted further away, staring firmly down at my schoolwork.
"Bimba, we have to talk about this," he began gently, reaching over and pulling my books off of my lap. "You can't lock yourself away like this."
"I-" I took a deep breath, trying not to snap at him. I really didn't want to, but my mood wasn't the best. I just swallowed and let him continue, shaking my head.
"Has Abbacchio apologized?"
I shook my head. "He bought takeout a couple days ago, but I wasn't hungry."
"Have you let him apologize?"
Slowly, I shook my head. "I don't know if im- if I'm ready to forgive him for that. I know he says a lot of things out of frustration but… but this one meant something and it really, really hurt me."
"How much have you eaten, Sasa?"
"An apple, I think. I'm not hungry. I just feel sick. I- I am drinking water though." I gestured vaguely to the glass on my bedside table, frowning. "How much longer am I going to be out of school?"
"I haven't caught him yet. Fugo and I were out all week, but the most we got were some of his subordinates. It's freezing in here, Sasa. Have you been sleeping without a blanket all week? Why is it covering your mirror?"
"I kept seeing his face." I swallowed. "In the window too. 's why my blinds are shut." I finally met Bucciarati's face, my lip trembling. His brow was knit, and he reached out and took my hand.
"Right, Sasa. Come on, out to the kitchen. I'm going to make you some food before I have to get going again. And you have to eat it."
I knew there was no point in arguing with him, so I stood and followed him out to the kitchen. Abbacchio was sitting at the table, so I remained standing.
"Sasa, sit down."
I sighed, pulling a chair out and sliding into it. Abbacchio looked up at me, clearing his throat.
"I'm sorry for saying what I said. There's no excuse for it."
"You really hurt me, Abbacchio. You have to be careful with what you say. Sometimes they're not an 'in the moment' kind of thing." I swallowed, hesitating for a moment before reaching over and grasping his hand. "Just don't say anything like it ever again, and I'll forget about it.
"I promise." He squeezed my hand, pulling it up to press his lips to it. I gave him a wobbly smile.
Bucciarati set a bowl down in front of me, ruffling my hair and squeezing my shoulder. I broke down, tears filling my eyes and spilling over.
"It's alright, Bimba." Bucciarati sat next to me, keeping his hand on my shoulder. "Eat your soup, okay? And watch some TV. I'll be back tomorrow."
That night, I sat next to Abbacchio on the couch, and he turned the TV on. I didn't really pay attention to the movie, instead finishing my math workbook. He checked it over for me, smiling when he saw that I got it all right.
The movie ended, and he got up and put a new one in. I smiled when I saw that it was Jaws.
"Is this your attempt at a peace offering?"
"Is it working?"
"You didn't have to in the first place." I met his eyes, reaching for his hand. "Really. I do appreciate it though."
He lounged back on the opposite end of the couch, and halfway through the movie, I lay down with my head resting on his stomach. He brushed my hair out of my eyes so I could see, and by the time the movie had reached its climax, I had fallen asleep.
I walked in my house around 4 am, having no new leads on who this stand User was. I heard noises coming from the living room and peeked in. The news was on low, and when Abbacchio saw me, he shushed me, nodding down to Sasa. I smiled when I saw her finally resting, and finally looking like she was getting good sleep."
"How long has she been asleep?"
"Since 7. I put Jaws on after she finished her math homework and she passed out on top of me about halfway through. She's doing much better. Not a single problem was wrong."
"Really?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "I'm impressed. She's really been struggling with Math lately." I glanced at her as she took a deep breath and shifted a bit, turning to Abbacchio when her breathing evened out. "Do you want a coffee?"
"Sure, I'll take one."
I disappeared into the kitchen, returning with the two coffees and sitting on the floor, leaning against Abbacchio's legs. He took his mug and sipped it, closing his eyes.
"Anything interesting on the news?"
"Nah, just bullshit politics and what the weather's gonna be like today," Abbacchio looked down at me, his lips quirking up in a smile. ""Anything interesting happen last night?"
"Nah, we're no closer. This guy hides himself really well." I finished my coffee, setting the mug aside.
I found myself dozing off as well.
I flipped through the channels on the tv until I found something worth watching. Both Bucciarati and Sasa were out cold against me, both snoring softly. It was quiet while I watched an old documentary- something about ancient egypt- and I stayed as still as possible until I felt Sasa move. I looked down in time to see her eyes flutter open. She looked up at me, blinking slowly as if registering I was there.
"Time is it?"
"Shh… It's… 12:30." I reached over and adjusted her blanket. She nodded, yawning, and turned, seeing Bucciarati's head resting against my leg. She was quiet for a moment before turning to me.
"Tell me the truth, Abbacchio. Are you two…?"
"I don't know, Sasa." I sighed. "Sometimes it feels like it, but other times it just seems that there's that barrier of professionalism."
"Screw Professionalism." She yawned, snuggling closer to me. "I think you two should. I want to see you both happy, and Every time you're together, you both look so...at peace with things. I dunno. I wish you would, and then you could move in here. I'd like having my two dads together."
I looked down at her, nonplussed. "What?"
"I think you heard me, Abbacchio. And I know you know that I mean it."
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dbd au of your characters. go
okay sorry if this read more doesnt work
lets start with handsome jack. he is for sure a killer. and operating under our observation that the entity fucks up the killers appearances more based on how not willing they are to kill. jack doesnt look much different! one of those killers that just fuckin laughs at you when he hits you. his special ability has somethin to di with his digi-jack clones. helps with like. trickin survivors and the like, more controlled than like. the doctors hallucinations or the hags traps in that he can place them somewhere and sorta set them on auto pilot to scare survivors. hes also got a gun thats just like. you know. a simple long range attack. im not sure about specific perks. probably one that has to do with having an obsession. like maybe if hes in a chase for long enough without downing a survivor, they become his obsession (i also have trouble memorizing all the perks so for all i know that could already be one dont @ me)
since felix is gonna be dead soon ill go with church next for funsies. hes a survivor! got all sorts of different skins for the different versions of him but for all intents and purposes, this is specifically alpha. he probably has some really. Cheryl-esque perks that are interesting to use but can be hard to use Effectively. like. im pretty sure theres a perk? or add-on? that makes skill checks happen way more, but if you get great skill checks then it significantly makes a lot of progress. somethin like that (he angy and blows up on gens a lot) actually now that i said that as a joke, maybe somethin that makes blowing up gens on purpose do something special. like. instead of halting/losing progress, it actually does more. the risk to that obviously being. killer coming right for you
i know i was already vaguely discussing weiss with you when trying to test things out, but shes also a survivor! maybe just. ignoring the fact that survivors dont really have any special magic powers beyond seeing auras. she probably has some cool elemental perks. like, one that can freeze a gen for a certain amount of time, so if you walk away the killer cant break it. but she probly also has a more simple one that like. can make her run fast. i know theres a lot of perks like that already so i cant think of a totally unique one. hm. maybe she has somethin that slows the killer down? 🤔 that would fit with the ice theme at least,
fuck i always try and go in order of when i apped characters. did i app booker or sal next? i think it was sal. yeah lets go with sal. hes a killer 😔 but like the spirit and the wraith hes gotten Fucked Up by the entity and looks way more. monsterous. i dont have anything. super specific in mind other than his prosthetic melding into his face. also has a pretty classic kitchen knife as a weapon. maybe his special ability is like...somethin similar to frenzying/michaels stalking. he gets tokens for downing survivors and not hooking them while its active. and then when he gets up to three tokens, all the survivors move slower for a certain amount of time. idk SOMETHIN fuckin weird
okay NOW booker. he is....hm....a survivor? i was sitting here like “oh man killer booker” but then i realized thats Just comstock. so. weird fuckin jack wynand situation where i just come up with versions for both. but ill just focus on survivor version. hes probably got pretty basic perks tbh. genny stuff and somethin to do with unhooking survivors? yeah. probably something else thats a bit double edged too. i feel like i had something but it left my brain
and then bioshock jack......oh you already know all ABOUT that boy im not writing it again
i feel like i should have more to say about everyone storywise but for the most part its just “the entity took them at the end of their stories” (besides like. sal at the end of episode 4 and weiss at the end of v6 probably. or maybe v3 or 4 just to be sad)
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Sophia Coppola smokes a cigarette while she waits for an omelette she has no intention of eating. It’s a gloomy marine layered morning, you can barely see across Sunset. She’s been in lock down for three weeks and while she normally loves the moody, brooding decadence of the Chateau Marmont, its elite solitude is giving her a bit too much time to reflect. She thinks about the concept of crying as she watches a long torso-ed model skinny dip in the pool from the penthouse. There are no rules anymore, not that there were many in the first place. The hotel was shuttered to the public as of three weeks ago, and those who were already there could stay indefinitely. Sophia lives alone in the tower suite with the three bedrooms and the wrap around porch, known by some as “the Deniro”, but Robert himself couldn’t tell you why. Any legends or gossip about the Chateau were just bread crumbs to keep the public hungry and mystified. The real Chateau for the privileged few who used it, was an unceremonious respite for excessive loneliness, addiction, and often not great sex. The Chateau had a reputation: look but don’t fuck. Everyone’s genitals were rendered useless from anti-depressants.
She thought she would be filming by now. Her cast is stranded too, with little guidance other than “we’ll wait it out.” The film she wanted to make stars Hugh Grant and Ewan McGregor as two estranged brothers coming together for their father’s funeral. Iman was set to the play the mysterious woman who shows up at the funeral who they then realize was their father’s mistress. It was going to be a slow movie about the brothers coming to terms with their father’s death and equally so falling in love with the woman he hid from them. All this would be suggested through intimate long takes, and funny, stylish, improvised montages. Always subtle and romantic without the sap, this was the tight rope Sophia liked to balance on. At the end of the movie, both brothers are mildly changed, but not entirely. She has a sweet spot for the immovability of people’s psyches, particularly men.
Sophia watches impartially, as the naked model floats on her back in the calm pool. It is so cold and early to swim, is she on drugs or is everyone at this place even more numb than they think? She wondered if her film was too male, too disembodied from her personally to mean anything. Tapping into the male gaze, was an ability she was born with. Her father’s point of view was all she interacted with as a kid, and the underside of his specialties became her focus: the lost parts of men when they are too weak to hold up the heavy crown of their egos, who they were when they could let themselves feel outside of their work. But given the state of the world, and the molasses nature of time during lock down, Sophia started to question if what she always found to be her strength was just simply trauma. Was her whole profession a way to resolve some genetic creative stifling that took place in the shadow of her dad? Surely her body of work contains more than that. It’s not all a selfish attempt at repair. Is any art not selfish? "Maybe I should make a different movie, something that everyones gonna like for once.” She thinks to herself. Thank God, her goat cheese omelette has arrived.
Later on, the gothic lobby is empty besides the cast of her film and the elegant model behind the reception desk standing like a hollow sculpture, frightened by the chaos that lurks outside. Ewan McGregor, drunk off of five Marmont Mules, is showing Hugh Grant an app that maps the stars and constellations. Ewan has gone on and on about a camping trip he took around Scotland and how amazing the stars were, but when pressed for details about where exactly he was or what he saw or what year he did this, he can’t seem to remember anything at all.But that doesn’t dampen his excitement about the app. “See, that, there is Orion’s belt!” Ewan enthusiastically points out, his cute smirk displaying his bottom row of sweet corn kernel teeth. Ewan just recently learned about the stars. Until the age of 47, Ewan had been referring to them as “night freckles.” Many think this is why he didn’t have a fun time acting in Star Wars, space simply befuddled him. Hugh and Ewan are dressed exactly the same: navy blue beanie, black jeans, a tight blue thermal, and desert boots- the actor man uniform they give you after you play opposite Nicole Kidman or Renee Zellweger.
“That’s brilliant,” says Hugh Grant completely perplexed by the app and confused at Ewan’s rambling. Hugh sticks a handkerchief up his nostril with his pointer finger and wiggles it around somewhat violently. Iman clocks this with a blink of disgust, her silk, gold blouse glistens with god-like royalty in the amber glow. “Can you turn your face away? That’s how the virus is spreading.” Her voice is deep and she rarely uses it because it changes the direction of the wind and messes with the tides. “Aw, fuck me. That’s right, isn’t it?” Hugh Grant turns away and starting blowing his nose and coughing obnoxiously. Hugh is acting like a resentful brat because he knows he wont be able to have Iman. He decides he’s gonna pick a fight with Sandra Bullock via face time later to blow off steam. Iman is thinking she was right all along, she should never have agreed to this. She was already sick of the “beanie twins”.
Hugh had been rattling on about how the movie needed a sex scene or at least a sexy scene and went on to say that Sophia had some sort of block. Iman felt that both Ewan and Hugh, however innocently, were exploiting their acting roles to gain real life experience, and there was no way in hell, she was going to kiss either of them. Her kiss would make them immortal and Iman knew their souls needed more lifetimes to grow. Plus, she liked the script the way it was- underwritten and open for interpretation. Her character is symbolic of the side of their dad they didn’t get to meet- spiritual, graceful, embodied. It was a soulful choice not to show any nudity or sex, one that could lead Americans to try to use whats left of their iPhone stolen imaginations.
Meanwhile Michael Cain, who was supposed to play the dead father, is staring at the beautiful Victorian tapestry hanging behind her. “It’s like it’s right out of the Cloister’s.” Michael says under his breath. Michael is sweet, Iman thinks as she watches him stare at the tapestry with wonder, his mouth agape, and a lil warm milk spilling out of his left eye. Iman and him have known each other for years and he always reminded her of her husband: his fierce devotion to his craft, his rigorous intellectuality that does a bad job hiding an animalistic sexuality. Both men contained so much and no one can handle a man like that besides a mystical siren like Iman.
Hugh and Ewan’s chatter dies as their drinks empty. “If I were to be honest with myself…” Hugh begins. “Better later than never…” Michael Cain interrupts without cracking a smile, a dryness a la Maggie Smith. In fact, fuck, this was Maggie Smith. No one had realized. Hugh winks at Michael/ Maggie and continues. “ I don’t think were going to be filming any time soon, folks. I think we are being held hostage a bit by Miss Coppola.” Ewan stares off with a thinking face like no one has ever had a deeper thought before. “That is interesting to think about. There is some kind of bratty assumption that all this will fade away soon enough. And we’ll be back on set. But what if it’s not for another year or so?” Ewan is really getting worked up “What if we live here for the rest of our lives!!” His eyes are big and dazzling, it’s like he’s thinking of the most ideal outcome for the rest of his life.
Suddenly, Sophia joins them at the table. “There they are, my little hunchbacks!” This is what Sophia affectionately calls her actors, the origin is unknown. Sophia has a strange new confidence around her. Usually, when she walked into places, she would feel like a Nat Sherman cigarette, like only some select tall New Yorkers in the back would still appreciate her. “Hello, love! Someone slept well.” Maggie Smith as Michael Caine chirped. Even when Maggie-Michael said something sweet, it still felt like someone was aggressively tickling your ribcage.
“I have news.” Sophia sits down, and smiled large and toothy, a stark contrast to her usual chic, despondent stare, a look only afforded to artists born with trust funds. “We’re not making the movie.” Hugh taps the table. “Well, I believe I won that bet.” Ewan’s jaw drops, destroyed. “You mean we cant live here together forever?” He runs his hands through his hair, petrified. Iman is quiet, which can mean many different things and all things at once, she is eternally the glory of God, a forgotten pyramid at the bottom of the ocean that if unearthed would explode us into 5D ascension.
“We are making a better movie! A super hero movie!!” Sophia exclaims. Sophia gets up close in the faces of her cast, pitching them on her new idea. “It’ll be a real heroes journey- good guys versus evil! Fun CGI! Sexy starlets and fun on trend jokes!” She turns to Michael Maggie, her mouth inches away from their milky eye, and says- “And much much more!” Sophia climbs up on the table now. “The adults will love it, as well as the little ones!” She does an Irish jig and starts spinning around and then poses with her arms up as though at the end of a musical. It was not fun to watch. Iman cuts her off-“I don’t trust what is happening.This is not reality. This is delusion. A karmic spell.” The power of Iman’s words blows the power out of the Chateau, pipes burst, the fire alarm goes off, and Joel Madden of Good Charlotte in room 304 stops jerking off for a second. Sophia is still catching her breath from her presentation, her sweating, arms stretched to the ceiling. She gulps as her eyes meet Iman’s. “Why don’t you just write from my character’s point of view?” Iman says as softly as she can without causing chaos. Sophia freezes. Her whole body calcifies and turns to ice, then crumbles onto the table. Ewan and Hugh watch in absolute horror as Iman drops some of the ice into her water. She knows she shouldn’t have said yes to this project and looks on lovingly at Michael/ Maggie who has dozed off.
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i think the issue with the 10000 rats problem is it doesnt define the circumstances very well. like can the animals strategize beyond their normal capabilities? or will the just attack/defend you to an unnatural degree but in the ways theyre naturally capable of?
the 10000 rats are a given, but i think like depending on the scenario the only answers are the 50 eagles or 9 bulls
50 eagles works IF theyre capable of strategy, which would mean they could focus entirely on blinding opponents and prioritizing the most dangerous (especially the human gunman) first. even if not, 50 eagles is still a lot and would be effective at wearing down your enemies, but im pretty sure anything besides the rats could maim them in one good hit. theyre still viable, but i think its risky to have no allies that can absorb a major blow.
9 bulls is really good. i dont think people understand how tough cattle are. like they assume that because we eat them they must be easy pickings but like. predators tend to go for the weakest (young) or sickest members of the herd BECAUSE they dont stand as good of a chance against a healthy adult, especially not as aggressive as a bull. ONE bull is usually enough to protect a small herd. and again, cattle are fucking tough. they will just walk around on grievous injuries as if it were nothing. they will be in the field with their guts hanging out still grazing. if the scenario DOESNT involve the animals being unusually intelligent, the bulls are the best choice
10 crocodiles have limited efficiency on land, and in water would likely be only able to take out one enemy at a time, since much of the way they kill is done by drowning. even if theyre capable of strategizing and their goal is just to maim, its not much, and again it really depends on where this takes place.
15 wolves are nothing. a pack of 15 wolves in nature will try to take out 1 deer and fail half of the time. theyre most efficient as pack hunters, so even if they were capable of strategization it would be more or less the same, though they could devote themselves to taking out the human first
the human is not effective as an ally. one bolt action rifle cant do shit against the masses of animals. as an enemy, theyre pretty dangerous because they can land a hit on you from a distance. the eagles are definitely the best counter against them, but ONLY if the eagles can strategize and target the human first. if youre in a situation where you can hide, the human is a nonissue.
4 lions are pretty negligible. lions usually hunt in larger groups than that and theyd be pretty overwhelmed.
5 gorillas are also pretty negligible. theyre big and tough but unlike most things on this list, they arent really built to either take out large animals or defend against groups of predators. theres just not enough of them
3 bears are good but they really arent the answer, like as individuals theyre all around best but theres only three of them. theyd absolutely be taken out. one bear in real life generally would not try to take out ONE bull on its own. out of the predators, they would definitely be hardest to kill, but theres just not enough of them.
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hard as nails (1)
hi hi 50k special!! this is gonna be either two or three parts and it's a lot different from what i've written before but i think y'all are gonna like this anyways so... i hope y'all do enjoy this
summary: being a teenage vigilante can be fun, especially when you're on the bad side and spider-man is your nemesis. 2k words
warnings: swearing, reader is a saucy and spicy little villain, peter is a blushing mess sometimes, angst, fight scenes!! violence!
you never expected to get in the way of queens well renowned hero—spider-man. that is until you had to relocate to queens from the bronx. it was...definitely a change from all aspects. your dad moved out with you, wanting a better place to go to school for you, since you had been leaving home very often for...you know, villainous duties. yet you were an extraordinary student, which led to you being enrolled in midtown school of science and technology. as well as having to scope out queens at night and having several run ins with the spider-man.
the worst part, you know you went to school with the masked hero because you frequently saw him entering the roof of the school in his suit. now you, you were way more careful and you worked alone, besides for a woman in her 30's who had taken you under her wing, trained you, and demanded you commit crimes for her and for yourself. she was the base operation and you did everything she asked, even when you moved, she moved. you were like her little goon. you excelled in combat and had unusually incredible strength due to being caught up between some dangerous radioactive weaponry in your sophomore year back in the bronx. you began junior year at midtown in queens, you made some friends, but knew to keep your distance. spider-man had become your main and pretty much only focus since you arrived. you know what they say, keep your friends close but your enemies closer.
you didn't want to hurt or kill spider-man, you just wanted to make his life absolutely miserable. that's how you worked, manipulate and mess with, not murder. you stole pretty much anything you could get your hands on because well, you were broke. you beat people up, robbed stores, manipulated civilians, and threatened people. yeah. your dad could barely afford meals for you both and lived in a very rusty apartment. but hey that's life and you were making it through. well, illegally. you told your dad you got a job at night in queens when you began showing up with money and clothes and food and god knows what else. it was a perfect alibi for a father who really didn't even give a shit.
and this spider-man, oh this lovely beautiful boy, was getting in your way. you were just trying to survive right? that and doing things for this mystery woman. and gosh did you want to find out who was behind the mask. it was obviously a boy your age. every night you tried to find him, meet up with him, talk and find out about him and of course, fight each other. he never hurt you though and you knew he had a soft spot for you. maybe it was your flirty nature.
and now you were on a rooftop at midnight, sitting with your nemesis.
"violet," spider-man called out, "nice to see you again."
your 'villain' name was violet because of the violet mask you bought from party city awhile ago. it was...fitting. and a pretty name that sounded so good coming from his mouth. you may have had a little tiny teeny crush on him. he looked fantastic in that suit and imagined what was underneath. little did you know he did the same about you. black leather pants and a black and violet zip up top matching your mask.
"hey spidey! catch any criminals tonight?" you asked.
"mmm none yet because you're out here."
"awe baby am i distracting you?" you walked over to him, close enough for him to rip off your mask.
"kinda," he replied, masked eyes slanting down.
"well tell me about yourself before you get in my pants. who is spider-man."
"wouldn't you like to know. is violet your real name?"
you scoffed, "do you think i'm dumb?"
"no i just- no."
you took your hand bringing it up to lay on his shoulder and slowly and teasingly dragged it over his abs.
"you're really ripped babe."
"don't babe me, you know i can take you."
"oh so you think you can take me? what about that one time i had you pinned down outside your school."
"how do you know i go to midtown," he asked in a panic.
"i knew it! so you do go there! i've seen you entering through the roof. watch yourself."
he grabbed your hand, locking it with his own. he stared at your signature red nail polish which made his head run wild.
"i've got you now. you watch yourself."
you twisted your wrist and swept a leg under his causing him to fall, but he caught you and brought you down with him. you fell on top of him with a groan.
"damn spidey. getting right into it are we?"
"shut up," he said and rolled over so he now had you pinned down on the roof.
he twisted his head at you, eyes focused on your face and you neatly done hair in two dutch braids. you noticed his distracted state and smirked pushing him over so now you straddled his waist and pinned his arms to the roof. just like before.
"still distracted i see?"
"well i cant help it sometimes. even though i'm supposed to hate you."
"awe spidey. you're so sweet. but you know i'm not gonna let you go."
you leaned down into him to whisper in his ear, "you're too pretty underneath me."
he strained his neck back, melting because of you, "stop," he demanded.
"no," you said jokingly then pressed a kiss on the cheek of his mask. you didn't know it but the boy was blushing underneath. you got up and let him get up to follow you. you walked to the other side of the roof, showing off your hips.
"don't get into any trouble tonight, whatever your name really is."
"sure thing babe."
he jumped off the roof backwards, watching you then swinging away.
you arrived to school the next day with a little more intuition about the masked hero. his voice was distinct. it was higher than most boys, and you doubted he used a voice changer because it would have that staticky feedback. and you swore you had heard that voice somewhere, but you couldn't put your finger on it.
"hey y/n," peter parker, you chem lab partner said smiling and sitting down next to you.
you hesitated, "hi...peter."
you gave you a confused smile and opened his books.
you think you have your guy. huh. easy as that. you tapped your red nails on the desk.
you scribbled up a note to spider-man and well, peter. after lab and working closer with peter, you realized his demeanour and actions were very similar to spidey, further proving your hypothesis. you followed him to his locker, close behind him, and waited by a water fountain till he left his locker, then slipped the note in.
at the end of the day peter headed to his locker, opening it when a note fell out. he picked it up and looked around the hall. the note read:
hi spidey. i know it's you. and gosh it's about time. meet me on top of the tall apartment complex on grand central parkway tonight at 9. thanks petey
it was written in purple ink and adorned with a red heart next to your name. oh shit. he was fucked.
when peter got home he was panicking. this villain went to school with him. a literal manipulative villain. and you were his age! he wondered if he knew you. you obviously knew him.
peter showed up to the spot at exactly 9 pm to find you in your suit. upon his impact, you jumped up, running to greet him.
"oh peter! you made it. i'm so glad because i—"
he grabbed both of your wrists tightly and put his face in yours, "how? how did you find out."
you gulped, "you're not a very careful person peter."
he ripped off his mask, there was no point.
"look at me," he demanded and you gladly did. you bit your lip at the sight of his messy brown locks and stern brown eyes. was he always this hot when he was angry?
"you can't tell anyone. and i know that won't stop you, but guess what? every time we hang out and fight and you flirt or whatever, i could easily rip off that mask, what, is it from the dollar store? or—"
"party city," you cut him off.
"stop! listen to me! i could've easily ripped off your mask at any time. but i don't. i never do. you know why? because you're different. your funny and you don't actually hurt me but i have to stop you because you hurt others. and-and you're so cool but you're a villain. and you're really pretty even though i can barely see your face and...yeah. now that i know you go to my school, i know you're someone like me. you're just a troubled kid who got caught up in the wrong crowd. but you're the bad one. and i'm sorry and i like spending time with you but you can't do this to me."
you gulped again, looking down at your feet. you could tell he meant what he said. and like you had always promised, you never wanted to deliberately hurt spider-man. or peter.
"i-i'm so sorry. i shouldn't have—i'm sorry."
"it's okay, just promise me you won't tell."
you reached your hand up to touch his cheek, red nails stroking his skin, "i promise."
"i should go. i'm sorry peter."
you hopped off the roof and he watched you leave. you had to go meet up with your head lady who was named daria. she told you to expose spider-man and get him off your radar, but you made a promise and now you were kinda scared.
"so, did you find him?" daria asked.
you hesitated, "no, not exactly."
she walked over to you and slapped you across the face.
"i'm disappointed in you. you find him or else i cant deal with you anymore."
you just stood there.
"i cant find him," you lied, "it's impossible."
"you're lying. i know you are boyfriend girlfriend with him. it's all over the news. you get him tomorrow night. nothing more."
you left her shady apartment and headed straight home, done for the night. she genuinely scared you and you were worried she was going to kill you if you didn't turn peter in. but you couldn't do that to him? could you?
the next morning during chem lab you were late. you joined peter at your table. you had a wicked purple and yellow bruise on your face, which peter took notice of. it was from daria.
"y/n oh my god, are you okay?" he asked pointing to your face.
"'m fine," you replied covering the bruise with your hand. peter watched your fingers cover the bruise. your painted, red, fingernails.
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Request sent in by @adhd-tranny-boi
Synopsis: Reader is an escort/prostitute and is visited by Erik. They fall in love.
Warnings: Language, Smut
Pairing: Erik x Black!Female Reader
You sat at your vanity as you applied your red matte lipstick to your plumped lips. Spraying two puffs of your Gucci Guilty Love perfume, you look over yourself in your mirror. You stand up, naked, and put on your red lace Fenty lingerie set that was gifted to you from someone special. You oil your body with your floral body oil and you lay in the middle of your bed. You had a meeting in twenty minutes and needed to leave but you were also tempted to fall asleep. This had been a busy week.
You got up and threw on your knee length Gucci fur coat and slipped into your clear heels. You grabbed your purse and left your house to head downtown via Uber.
Arriving at the beautiful Marriott, you step inside and speak to the front desk associate.
“Welcome to the Marriott, how may I help you?” He asked.
“Yes, I lost my keycard to my room” you smile.
“Okay. What name is the room under?”
“Damian Reeds” you say.
“Here’s your keycard. Let us know if we can do anything else for you”
You took the keycard and walked away. Your phone vibrated in your pocket and you pulled it out to see it was him.
Damian: I’ll be there soon
You: Okay 😘
You took the elevator to the room and entered. Removing your fur coat, you hung it up. There were rose petals on the floor and bed and a bottle of champagne, something you requested with the room. You cut the AC on so you wouldn’t sweat and you sat on the bed, waiting.
Twenty minutes later, the door opens and in walks him.
“Hey baby” you smile as you lift your legs in the air, inviting him over.
“Hey beautiful. Miss me?” He took his suit jacket off and laid it on the back of the chair. He walked over to you and kissed your forehead, nose, and lips.
“You smell good” he smiled.
“I’m wearing the perfume you got me. Actually, I’m wearing everything you got me. I figured you’d appreciate it”
“Yea, I do” he nodded his head. Standing up fully, he removed his dress shirt, showing the beater he wore underneath and those keloids that covered his chest, arms, torso, and back.
“What do you want?” You ask.
“Same shit. I want to fuck you and vent to you” he leaned in to kiss you.
“You’re my favorite, that’s why I listen to you vent while I suck your dick” you nibbled on your bottom lip.
“And that’s why I like you so much. You’re the only one who understands me” he sat on the edge of the bed and removed his dress shoes.
You got behind him and rubbed his shoulders, kissing them while leaving your red prints all over his back.
“You know if our time goes over, I’ll have to charge you extra?” You say.
“I know. I promise I’ll make tonight worth it” he turned around to kiss you.
“Good. Now eat my pussy so I can vent to you first”
He spreads your legs slowly and runs his tongue from your calves to your thighs before kissing up your thigh to your core. This client swore that you were the only escort he was seeing. Besides him being married, he was committed to taking care of you so he would get a hotel room at different hotels under a pseudo name; Damien Reeds, so his wife wouldn’t find out and no one would know he was actually staying at the hotel. You would go in first with the same lie of loosing your room key and he would arrive afterwards so he could avoid seeing people. He paid great and in return, besides sex, you were willing to listen to his problems. He would tell you how work was and vent to you about his fucked up marriage. You were there for him and he was there for you.
“I love this perfume on you” he growled lowly.
“Thank you....daddy” you smiled.
“Oh I’m daddy now? I thought you said you don’t call niggas daddy?”
“You’re right, I don’t call niggas daddy. I call you daddy” you sat up to kiss him.
“Lay yo ass back and tell me about your week”
You felt his tongue run over your folds and you arched your back. His strong arms had you pinned to the bed and your hands went straight for his low cut fade.
“Erik” you moaned.
“I don’t hear you talking” he mumbled as his tongue attacked your clit.
“Ooooooo! Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!” All those nerve endings in your clit were on fire. Erik was licking and sucking on you so good, like always. He flicked his tongue over your clit faster while drooling over your pussy.
“I-I can’t-ooooo!” You began grinding your pussy on his face and getting your juices in his beard and mustache.
“Let’s go, babygirl. How was your week?” He grinned.
“Daddy, I cant talk. You’re making me feel-ooooo! Uhh!” Your eyes squeezed shut as you felt Erik insert three fingers into your tight pussy. He curled his fingers to give you extra pleasure and you couldn’t take it. He had you cumming a lot but he didn’t stop. He kept sucking on your clit and attacking your G-Spot. Each time he moved his fingers in your pussy, more and more cream spilled from your center. Your body felt so good and the orgasm he gave you was phenomenal.
“Damn, baby you got my fingers messy. This pussy so creamy and sticky” Erik pulled his finger from you and shoved them into you mouth. “Taste yourself”
You moaned, tasting yourself on his thick fingers. He took those same fingers and rubbed them up and down your slit.
“You ain’t told me shit about your week. Wussup with that?” He kissed around your belly ring.
“It’s been good. I stopped seeing other clients two weeks ago” you admit.
“For real? Why?”
“A few reasons. I’m going back to law school AND you pay me more than enough for my bills to be covered”
“That ain’t the only reason why” his eyes were low. He got closer to your face and began kissing you slowly. His big lips consumed yours and he had full control over the kiss. His right hand reached down and he slid three fingers back into you. He was determined to make you cream again. It wouldn’t be difficult considering he knew how to work his fingers.
“Erik...” you moaned into the kiss. Your arms wrapped around his neck and your hand held onto the back of his head.
“Tell me the truth. Why you stopped seeing other clients? I know you not turning down money for just that” his other hand wrapped around your neck and he gave it a little squeeze. Your eyes popped opened and you looked into his brow orbs.
“Shh-shh. I wanna hear you say it. Say that shit so I know. Don’t act shy on a nigga”
You looked away from him and tried to focus on his fingers working their magic inside you.
He removed his hand from around your neck and grabbed your jaw roughly.
“Look at me! Tell me the fucking truth or imma leave” his jaw clenched and you looked at him, he was serious.
“Erik...I can’t” you say defeated.
“Yes you can. I need to hear you say it” he leaned in to kiss you. You sighed.
“I love you”
A smile crept up on his beautiful face. He stood up quickly and removed his Navy dress pants and beater. He also took off his Versace boxers and tossed them. He climbed onto the bed and sat against the headboard.
“Get the fuck up here and show daddy how much you really love him”
You straddle his lap and slide down onto his length, inch by inch. You loved this crotch-less thong, it came in handy.
“Ohhhhh fuck! That’s it, baby. Yessss, sit on this dick. Fuck” Erik had his hands on your waist as you sat fully on his 10 inches of black dick. You began rolling your hips in a circle before planting your feet firmly on the bed and bouncing on him. Erik smacked your ass cheeks, making them clap loudly.
Your nails dug into his skin as you grabbed his shoulders for stability. Your lip poked out and you whined as you took every inch of him.
“That’s right, bitch. Get that nut. Look at you creaming all over my big dick. Fuuuck this pussy is tight as shit”
“Baby, baby, baby” you moaned. You felt your walls contract around his thick shaft.
“I love you too, Y/N. I’m in love with you. We’ve been fucking for the past year and we’ve learned so much about each other. You coming into my life is the best thing that’s ever happened to me”
You squat and Erik thrusted his hips, pounding into you from below. You throw your head back and moan at the ceiling.
“I quit seeing clients because I only want you. I hate that you’re married” you lean in and kiss all over Erik. His lips, neck, ears. You couldn’t get enough of this man. He was everything you wanted plus more. He knew your body inside and out and his hands touched you perfectly each time.
“We’re separated. It’s been that way for a few months now” Erik had his hands in your hair.
“Leave her. Be with me” you sucked on Eriks bottom lip and bit it playfully.
“I plan on leaving her. I already did, honestly. But she doesn’t want to sign the papers”
“Cum in me” you whispered in his ear.
“Baby” he shook his head. “You know I can’t do that”
“Do it. Please. For me. I really want it. Cum so deep in me that you’re sure we’ll have a baby together” you went back to kissing on his neck.
“Oh you want my baby now?” He laughed.
“You don’t want me to have it?” You ask.
“I think you’d make a good mom. But you sure you want a baby with me?” Erik could feel himself close to cumming.
“Very sure. I want you in my life forever. I love you so much, it’s crazy”
“Okay. I got you” Erik gripped your waist and pounded into you. “I want you to sit right here and take this nut like a good girl. It’s going in you deep” he kissed you chin and you kept your hold on his shoulders.
“Daddy....yessss!” You moan loudly. Erik closed his eyes as he felt his cum release from him and deep inside into you. He continued fucking into you until his balls were emptied.
“Fuck” Erik tried catching his breath.
“I love you, Y/N” Erik touched your cheek.
“I love you too. Are you going to tell me about your day?”
“Work was cool. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I was looking at the pictures you had sent me. I had to lock my office door and beat my meat, I had a fucking stiffy all damn day. I bust all over my hand to the video of you fucking yourself with that dildo I bought you. And that anal jewel looked so cute in your ass. My shit was hard”
“Aww. Thanks daddy. The plug felt so good in my ass. I want you to fuck my ass, please”
“This is a lot of dick to take in this ass. You sure you ready to be stretched that wide?”
“Yes” you sit up and arch your back, wiggling your ass. You grab your cheeks and spread them wide for Erik. “Come fuck my ass, daddy”
Erik slides back into your pussy to get his dick wet. Pulling out, he lines up with your ass and rubs the tip of his dick around your tight, untouched hole.
“Yea that shit tight. It’s gon’ hurt but you gotta take it. Okay?”
“Okay” you swallow. You normally fucked your ass with a small rubber butt plug but taking Eriks extra large, thick chocolate dick in your ass would be different.
Erik licked your ass hole and pushed his tongue into you, trying to loosen you up.
“Mmmm! Yesss” you moaned.
Erik lined himself up with your ass again and pushed slowly into your ass.
“Oooo! Ouch” you whined.
“It’s okay. You okay?”
“Yes. You’re stretching me so wide”
“I know I am. Take some more dick” he pushed more of himself inside you, slowly, until he was all the way inside you. You felt so good.
“Oh my god. It feels so good” you looked back at him and smiled.
“Fuck yourself using my dick” Erik smacked your cheeks. You began throwing it back on him slowly. It hurt but it felt so good.
“Daddy, my g-ahhhh!” Your pussy was convulsing as you felt this new sensation.
“Shit bouta make me nut already. Goddamn” Erik watched as you threw your ass back on his dick.
“Cum in my ass” you reached down to play with your clit.
“I got you. Keep tugging on my dick. I’m close”
You picked up the pace as you got accustomed to the feeling of Eriks dick in your ass. Your pussy was dripping on the bed and Eriks dick was swelling in your ass. Without warning, Erik filled your ass like a cream filled donut. He pulled out slowly and watched as his cum slowly dripped out of your now stretched hole.
“Goddamn” Erik marveled at the sight.
“Erik?” A voice said from the doorway. Erik looked behind him and seen his wife standing there. Your ass was pointed in her direction and she seen his cum dripping out of your ass.
You quickly grabbed the duvet and wrapped yourself in it.
“Lora, I can explain....”
@wisenerdcreator @thehomierobbstark @btitannaaa @ladymac82 @msreshel @dangerous-history @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @fd-writes @toniilaney @mygirlrenee @mikesteel20 @genuinedonnie @skylahb @seyven89 @hippiesandpeacesigns @browngirldominion @woahthatshitfat @myakai13 @sambucky8 @luvwitoutlimit1 @momobaby227 @blackpinup22 @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @mo0nchxld @therealmrsrhodes @naysianaee @afriicanhoe @eclecticblkgirl @xoxomyaah @bamakakechick @doublesidedscoobysnacks @astrobabezblog @bitterpoyo @cecereads209 @daddiespamm @titty-teetee @bugngiz @bougieandbrains @alittlejd @purpleraindropz @damienwitcher @callmemckenzieee @dashhoney25
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Moments of Impact
Yuta x reader // SMUT, ANGST, fluff?, college student! Yuta, camboy! Yuta, virgin reader
Summary: You got in an accident and Yuta waits for you to wake up. While waiting for you, he can’t stop thinking about the good times you’ve had together.
Word Count: 6k
Warnings: Sad ending, swearing, explicit mature themes, mentions of motorcycle accident, mentions of other idols, virginity loss
Note: I have a few notes, hihi.
- Everything italic and indented are flash backs. There are date stamps you won’t get lost.
-This story is inspired by my favorite movie The Vow, if you haven’t watched it yet I’d definitely recommend it. It’s a beautiful film, inspired by true events.
-Another inspiration for this story is Forgotten written by @upinthestarsx3
I will never forget that beautiful fic, so please go check it out!
-Again, I apologise in advance if there misplaced words, etc.
Pulling up the blanket to keep himself warm, trying to fit his long legs on the small couch, forcing himself to get some sleep amidst the noice of busy nurses and doctors talking to people, Yuta tries so hard to get some rest. After doing two jobs everyday, Yuta always stays in the hospital lounge so somehow you can feel his presence. At least that’s what he thinks.
You’ve been in a coma for 3 weeks already but for Yuta it felt like its been years. He constantly blames himself for where you are now, blaming himself for not taking care of you enough. As much as he wanted to tell you “I told you so” he would rather want you to wake up and hold you.
He felt someone tap his shoulder while he’s staring at the blank ceiling. It’s your brother Mark, offering him some cheap tea from the hospital’s cafeteria. Mark is the only person in your family that he can talk to, maybe it’s because Mark was like a brother to Yuta. From the moment you introduced Yuta to your family, they quickly disagreed to your relationship. They thought Yuta corrupted you and that he’s using you for your money. After the accident, they were so mad at Yuta telling him he cant see you anymore. Of course Mark defended Yuta but he couldn’t change the decision of his parents. Now the rest of your family is mad at him, not letting him see you even after the surgery.
“Any good news?” Yuta asks Mark.
Mark shook his head, “at least she’s still pretty while she’s sleeping” Mark gets his phone and shows Yuta a picture of you sleeping soundly in the hospital bed. It hurt him.
In years of being with you, Yuta loved seeing you sleeping beside him or when you passed out on the couch after watching a movie. But this time, he never thought he would hate that you’re sleeping now. He closed his eyes letting his tears fall, remembering good memories of you sleeping.
3 YEARS OF BEING TOGETHER
It was a cold morning and you are snuggled beside Yuta, enjoying his warmth and his soft skin on you. Sleeping naked after having sex was not the best idea but you love how the both of you shivers under the thick duvet. Yuta pull up the covers over your head making the bed warmer, hugging you closer and kissing your exposed shoulders.
“You’re enjoying this aren’t you?” you teased him, hovering your leg on his side caressing his soft butt cheek.
Not saying a word, Yuta’s other hand intertwined with your free hand, while his other hand roams around your body, softly and slowly. You can feel his touch on your leg, drawing small circles with the tip of his fingers. Teasing and slowly going up to your waist and back, whispering praises how soft your skin is while his eyes are closed. You didn’t miss how he’s touching your breast carefully not to hurt you or make you sensitive.
“Sleep. I’ll see you in the morning beautiful” he whispers softly behind your ear.
After the accident, Yuta’s life turned upside down. The life he had with you was a life full of happiness even though you both have personal struggles. Unlike you, Yuta is not rich. He came from a good family in Japan, but not rich enough to provide money for both school and other expenses. You offered him a deal one day, where he can’t actually refuse. You told him you can provide food for the both of you and the rent money, so he can focus on saving up for his college tuition. He agrees, taking your offer and he pays you back by loving you deeper everyday.
You didn’t made that deal just for the sake of being domestic, but you made that deal because you hated the idea of different girls having sex with your man. Yuta was a camboy before you came into his life, a rather popular one. Knowing that he’s having sex with different girls around the campus or with a specific someone and then coming home to you smelling like a stranger, hurts. It’s not that you’re against with the industry he’s on, but what if one day you can’t provide what Yuta wants in bed and he became sexually frustrated because of you? You always fight whenever Yuta goes live and have sex in front of many people. He always says “baby the sex I have with those girls were for money. It’s my work. No love.” Usually the fight went on for days and Yuta is the one who always accepts defeat.
Now that you’re not present at the moment, he didn’t have much choice but to go back on being a camboy. Reminiscing all the fights you’ve have regarding this issue, Yuta thought he would rather fight with you everyday just so he can hear your voice again. Being a camboy can provide all of his needs. Food for everyday, pay for the rent, money for his college fees and your hospital bills.
“Dude, my family is packed. Crazy rich. Really you don’t need to chip in money for the hospital bills.” Mark nagged Yuta when he found out Yuta was the one who payed for some of your hospital expenses.
“But I want to” is all Yuta can say as defense to Mark. “Anyway Mark, thanks for the talk. I have to go to work now.”
“Work as in…” Mark questions Yuta, giving him a look. Yuta nods, knowing all too well that Mark knew that he came back to the sex industry.
“Ugh! Dude! She’s gonna be pissed when she wakes up” Yuta waves goodbye at Mark leaving him at the hospital lounge.
On his way to the hotel where he’s going to “work” he saw these cheap chocolates you always loved and decided to buy one, with the hope that maybe you would wake up today so he could hand you the chocolate. Yuta was never a fan of chocolates, but this chocolate is delicious and this is the only chocolate he could eat. But the thing he loves the most about this chocolate is its the reason how you two met.
THE NIGHT YOU MET
It was Jaehyun’s house party and Yuta was bored to death so he decide to creep in Jaehyun’s kitchen and eat anything he could find. He was hoping to see something instant that he could cook easily without catching too much attention in the kitchen. After looking for some time, he gave up and decided to look for snacks instead. He found this chocolate wrapped in gold on the table near the beers. So annoyed that Jaehyun’s house does not have anything instant, he’s not very happy that he found a chocolate and not something that will give him a good burp. To his surprise, it was fucking delicious.
“Who fucking ate my chocolate?” you screamed trying to be heard under the loud party music. “I left it here. I was just getting a cup, then it was gone” you were practically screaming in front of your brother Mark.
Yuta felt guilty because he basically stole your chocolate. He made his way out of the party and went to the nearest store and tried to look for the exact same chocolate. Not knowing how to approach you, Yuta was nervous not to mention he got intimidated by your beautiful looks. Waiting for the perfect timing, he follows you around the party waiting for you to be alone so he could talk to you. But instead, he admires how you look good in that dress, how your hair follows your every move, your smile can light up the party, your laugh is like music to his ears. He didn’t notice he’s growing a little crush on you.
After three bottle of beers, the chocolate stays in his pocket while he chats with his friends. You notice that he’s following you around, stealing a glance from time to time, you decided to follow him when he went to the bathroom.
You waited for him to come out, and by the time he does you were somehow amazed by how beautiful he is. Fair skin, pointy nose, his hair looks softer than yours.
“I swear I didn’t mean to eat it” Yuta blurted out.
“Eat what? Sorry. I was just going to ask you why are you following me?”
He gave you a beautiful smile, one that you will never forget. He handed you the chocolate, his cheeks are turning red and his eyes somehow got smaller. You wanted to shout at him, show him your rage but his smile somehow calmed you down. “You ate it?”
“Yeah. But I went out to buy you a new one. I’m sorry. If this isn’t enough I could-“
“Ask me out” you didn’t know where that bravery come from but it felt good. You can feel your heart beating so fast, your chest could explode any minute.
And he did. For Yuta, it was the best decision he made in his fucked up life. For you, Yuta was the cherry on top of your colorful life already. Both of your worlds were completely different but you didn’t have second thoughts on giving up the world you used to know for him. Same goes for him, he made you the sun and moon of his life. You’ve been together for four beautiful years, ready to graduate from college in a couple of days and finally go to Japan to meet Yuta’s parents, stay there for a couple of months and get married with or without permission from your parents. That was the plan. Leave everything behind and live in Japan for good.
But the accident happened.
“Hey” Charlotte snaps her fingers in front of Yuta, bringing him back to reality.
He sees Charlotte already half naked wearing only her lingerie. “Sorry. I haven’t have enough sleep” Yuta proceeds to take off his shirt.
Assembling the camera to go live in a few minutes, he tries to gather himself and focus on his work. He has been having sex with a heavy heart so his performance was a little down lately, but today he plans on putting up a show to raise more money.
Yuta was an animal in bed, but he is always gentle to you whenever you have sex. Not very vanilla, he still chokes you and spanks you from time to time whenever he’s in the mood to have rough sex. But he doesn’t degrade you and call you a slut which you think is hot. Even though you hate his last job, you still think he’s good at what he does because he’s always great in bed. That’s why you never want to share him with anyone.
Graduation came in, Yuta’s parents finally came and they were excited to meet you. Yuta didn’t have the choice but to be honest with his parents and that he’s not going back to Japan with them as planned. It broke their heart but they understood that Yuta is struggling too.
After graduation, Mark somehow convinced his parents to let Yuta visit you, it was a tough battle but Mark made it possible. He was so happy that he can finally hold your hand again and be beside you while he waits for you to wake up. You didn’t know but you graduated with honors and Yuta was the one who came up on stage to get your awards.
“Baby, at least I get to experience receiving an award even though its not mine” he laugh while his tears fall continuously. He was admiring all your hard work over the years reminiscing some moments, reminding you all the sleepless nights you’ve had, every project you needed to redo, Yuta witnessed it all. He was so proud of you but he couldn’t show it enough because of your current state. “Graduation was sadder than I thought, Imagine I wouldn’t have to see Jaehyun and Johnny’s face everyday. I never thought I’d miss those fuckers” Yuta was tucking you in bed, making sure your comfortable before leaning closer to you, lips almost touched. “Congratulations to us baby, we made it” and he kissed you sweetly, careful but full of love.
Yuta continued to visit you in the hospital and he tries being with you as much as he can. Talking to you about almost everything even though you still show no response, for him it’s better than staying silent. He finally talked about how he got back to being a camboy again because life was hard for him when you got into the accident, but he’s finally looking a job as a college graduate and talks about it proudly.
He was so used on taking care of you, the nurses were surprised that Yuta was the one cleaning you with a warm damped towel and changing your clothes whenever he can. Of course the nurses thought Yuta was cute.
As time goes by, your parents saw the sincerity of Yuta towards you. All Yuta did was love you like he normally does even though you’re still in deep sleep. With that, Yuta didn’t expect your parents to be moved by his gestures and how he takes care of you. It was a bold move for your parents to talk to Yuta in front of you sleeping, hoping that you could hear every word they said to Yuta. “Baby, did you hear that? All is well now. We can finally get married without hurting your parents” he left a kiss on your left hand. Still no response.
One fine day of looking after you in the hospital, Yuta decided to take a peak at your journal out of curiosity. “Baby, I’m sorry I’m reading your journal now. Its just I’m so bored and I miss you so much” as he flips through the pages his eye caught this special day or rather fun night with you that he will never forget. It was the night when you two had sex for the first time, and the night Yuta took your virginity.
He reads it with enthusiasm letting out soft and loud laughs whenever he reads something funny that you wrote. “I was tired, but I want Yuta to feel good” he read it out loud, the exact words written in your diary. “Baby, I wish I could turn back time just to tell you, you didn’t have to” he said while petting your head and goes back to reading.
2 MONTHS OF BEING TOGETHER
“What do you mean you’re a virgin?” Yuta teases you pretending that he doesn’t know that you’re still a virgin.
“Stop teasing or I’ll bite your dick off”
Yuta was still laughing because you were cute, “okay okay. easy” he pulled you close. “Mark told me actually” you shrugged by the thought of your own brother betraying you.
“You’re going to be the first and last dick I’ll be having. It sucks not being your first tho.”
“Someday, you’ll be my last” Yuta intertwined your hands on his and kissed you deeply like you always want to. But the first word that he said, still lingers in your mind. Someday. Maybe he really needed to work that’s why he can’t leave his job yet.
You pull away from his kiss, biting your lower lip while stroking his. You’ve been meaning to say that you wanted to have sex with him and you decided it has to be tonight. “I know you’ve been wanting to have sex with me” you breathed deeply, “and now I’m ready” Yuta cant believe what he just heard but it would be a lie if he said he wasn’t dreaming for this moment to happen. “You sure about this? It’s not that I don’t want to- Fuck I’ve been waiting for this to happen. But we’ve only been together for 2 months. I don’t want to rush you or anything”
Everything you heard from him is plain sweet. You can’t stop blushing and you couldn’t hide it either. He noticed that you’re being shy for a moment but he loves teasing and tickling you until you’re out of breath. While he was tickling you and kissing your neck at the same time, he absentmindedly touched your clothed pussy. You felt it through your thin shorts and you let out a gasp because of what he did. You two never went further than first base because you’re still this innocent girl in Yuta’s eyes and he respects that.
“Sorry- uh, fuck I didn’t mean to touch it without your consent. It’s just, maybe because of my work baby. My hands are used to do it automatically-“ Yuta was rambling already but you were just looking at him with loving eyes. “Do it again?” you asked him spreading your legs a little. Hesitantly, he came closer to you slowly, caressing your exposed legs, asking for consent to put his hand inside your shorts. You nod.
It was a feeling like no other, you thought. One touch of Yuta’s finger on your wet slit made your eyes closed and pulling closer to him. Grinding your hips with his finger inside you, Yuta thought you weren’t innocent as he thought you could be.
He hovers on top of you making you aroused and needy enough to get wet. Kissing you softly and biting you from time to time. You keep your hands lock on his long hair, giving it soft pulls that made him moan. Whispering soft i love yous whenever you have enough air in your lungs.
Slowly peeling his clothes and your clothes off, you felt kind of shy when he got you on your bra and laced panties. He continues to kiss you softly and deeply, cupping your cheeks and drawing circles along your back.
“Just promise me, you’ll make me stop if something hurts. okay?”
Yuta unclasp your bra and slowly teased your left boob using his point finger. Careful not to touch your nipples yet, it makes you frustrated and needy enough. Kissing the valley between your breast, down to your abdomen, he removes your panties slowly his eyes not leaving yours. Blowing his hot breath on your soaked pussy, Yuta takes his time kissing your inner thighs and blowing on your entrance again and again, enjoying how you react on his teasing.
Parting your folds with his left hand and drawing circles using his right hand, you feel your pussy get soaked even more because of what Yuta is doing. You thought you could cum here and then but the moment he finally puts his tongue on your pussy, it felt so good you wanted to savour the feeling. When he finally see that you’re relaxing, he inserts his middle finger while licking slowly against you pussy. Adding another finger he makes sure you’re wet enough for his cock.
“Baby do you have anything in mind? Anything you want?” Yuta asks hovering you again while still playing with your soaked pussy. You shook your head “Okay. Just follow my lead, I’ll be gentle as possible” all you can do is nod.
He gets the condom beside the table and rolls it on his hard cock. By the time he’s in between your legs again, he’s slowly putting the tip inside your pussy. Pushing slowly and pulling out, again and again until he’s balls deep. You told Yuta that it hurt but you didn’t want him to stop. He became gentler than ever before being comfortable enough to move inside. He kisses you and whispers countless i love yous beside your ear while waiting for your signal to allow him to move. Your giggle making you gasps, you can feel your pussy stretched like never before “still okay?” he checks on you before he moves.
You accidentally clenched your pussy and it made him moan, you thought he was crying out loud. But he smiled and told you not to do that because that can make him cum fast. It feels good laughing while in the middle of having sex Yuta thought. He never felt this way before while having sex and he’s happy he get to experience this kind of feeling through you.
He kisses your boobs while moving his hips slowly. Making you moan and scratch his back because of the amazing feeling. Hands all over your body, Yuta can’t get enough of the feeling you’re giving right now. “Baby, you make me feel like a virgin again” Yuta whispered in between gasps while his working on slow deep thrust.
Surprised when he pulls out, he gently changed your position and making you bend on all fours. You were familiar with this position, feeling kind of excited by what Yuta is about to do next. He spreads you legs wider from behind, caressing your ass cheeks before giving it bites that made you whimper and wet even more.
“Not-so-fun-fact, but this is my favorite position” he whispers beside your ear and fucks you from behind. It was different than earlier you thought, this positions makes your mouth open and it makes you let out soft moans. “feels good?” Yuta managed to ask, you moan in response. This position hits different spots inside your pussy that makes you gasps and breath for more air. You finally understood why this is his favorite sex position.
After fucking you slow and deep for a good twenty minutes, now Yuta is pounding you in some sort of animalistic way, hearing him moan behind you. He grabbed both of your shoulder making you arch against his chest. You were startled by his sudden move but lust is taking over you now. He placed wet kisses on your cheeks hearing him moan when you try moving your hips on your own. “You’re the only girl that can make me moan baby, did you know that?”
Driven by lust and his love for you, he asked permission before he does something he’s sure you will love. “Baby, just say yes. You wont regret it” he said gasping for air while you still fuck back. “just don’t hurt me baby. okay, I’m ready” you answered trying to catch your breath, feeling your hips give up.
He encircled his right arm on your waist and his left hand on your throat, choking you. To be honest, you never thought choking would feel so good while he fucks you hard. Hearing only slaps of skin around the room, your eyes rolls back when you felt a knot on your abdomen. His hand on your throat does something to you that you can’t understand, but it feels good. He felt your pussy clenched again around his dick and you finally cum. Hard. But to Yuta’s surprise you were still moving your hips against him trying to overstimulate yourself. He was surprised by your sudden action, it made him catch his sweet release and he cums inside you for the first time.
“Baby stop, I have to remove the condom now” Yuta needed to convince you in order for you to stop moving your hips. Still against his chest and his arms encircled on your waist, you felt your high go down as Yuta place soft kisses on your shoulders whispering telling you to stop. After removing the condom and cleaning you up, he didn’t expect himself to enjoy pillow talks and cuddles after sex. Maybe because its you he’s sleeping with tonight.
“You were kind of wild for a vigin. Does it hurt?” He asked looking a bit concerned while snuggling you.
You scoffed, “how can you expect me not to act wild when you fuck me so good Nakamoto Yuta?” you kiss him to lessen his guilt.
“That was the best sex ever. Im afraid I will always ask you to have sex with me from now on” he’s kissing your neck now and checking your folds if you’re still wet.
“Can I ride you?” with wide eyes Yuta stopped what he’s doing completely in shock seeing this side of you.
Yuta accepts your offer and you rode him four times that night using him to go off again and again and again. He was already tired but the view of you bouncing on his cock was so addicting and the feeling of you doing all the work because its your request makes him happy that you’re comfortable with him.
“I didn’t know you are this wild and needy. I was going easy on you earlier.” he said catching his breath after his third release for the night.
“Its fine, baby. You did great earlier.” you said catching your breath too. You were rocking your hips again, teasing his cock and making him hard again. “oh - ah!- baby you’re going to be the death of me” Yuta complains but he’s gripping your boobs already, making you moan and so turned on. You move your hips again making Yuta crumble beneath you, it makes you proud being the only girl in his life that can ruin him like this. When he close his eyes and just let you do the work, when you’re the one making him beg for more, when he furrow his brows trying to stop himself from cumming, you thought about how these are only for your eyes. And you love him for that.
When you finally stopped and flopped on his chest, Yuta seized this moment to throw the condoms as far away as he can so you wouldn’t have to ask for another round. “Baby aren’t you tired? You do know that we can still have sex after this night right? There’s no need to rush” that made you laugh. You kissed him deeply and thanked him for a beautiful night. “I will never forget this Yuta”
After that night, you and Yuta have sex comfortably whenever you want. Pretty sure you had sex on every corner of his apartment. Sometimes if you’re both lucky Mark walks on the two of you having sex on the couch and all you do is laugh. Poor Mark. Whenever you’re needy, the two of you have a little quickie in Yuta’s apartment before going back to class.
And by the time Yuta finally quit his job, he never used condoms anymore whenever you have sex. It was also the time he decided you’re the one he’s going to spend the rest of his life with. On your fourth year of being together, he talks about marriage comfortably with you. The both of you started to plan out your future together, he said he wanted three kids but he doubts that you two will stop making babies.
2 MONTHS LATER
Yuta was waiting for the nurse to finish changing your IV fluids before talking to you alone like he does everyday. “Baby it’s Jaehyun’s birthday today. I’m going to his house tonight with the guys and you know have fun like teenagers.” Yuta jokes while combing your hair.
“Its Valentines day too so, I got you a present.” He opens a red velvet box beside him and put the ring on you. He was supposed to propose to you on Valentines day to make it extra special but unfortunate events happened.
“Will you marry me?” it broke his heart hearing you not say a word. But he knew you will say yes.
“Please wake up, so you could say ‘yes’ already, okay? I’ll be back tonight, I love you.” he kissed you on the lips leaving some tears on your cheeks and heads out.
Yuta was hesitating to set foot on Jaehyun’s house because this was the last place you went to before the accident happened. He tried not to think about what happened but he can’t help it. When Jaehyun finds Yuta on his doorstep, he was quick to hand Yuta a bottle of beer and told him to enjoy the party just like old times.
It was nice having fun after being so stressed and sad with life lately Yuta thought, he felt alive again tonight. Playing beer pongs, drinking beers with the guys, dancing under loud music. He missed being this alive.
He felt his phone vibrating, he got nervous and quickly looked for a quiet place to answer Mark’s call.
“Hello. I’m at Jaehyun’s its too loud everywhere. What’s up?”
“Hyung… She’s awake”
Yuta left the party immediately and rushed back to the hospital. Your room was crowded with nurses and doctors, and your whole family is present. When Yuta stepped inside the room he cant believe you’re sitting and talking in front of his eyes. But why does it feel like you’re not excited to see him? He felt scared when Mark brought him outside the room and told him he has something to say.
“Hyung… She remembers the accident” Mark breathes in deeply, “But she doesn’t remembers you”
In that moment he felt his legs give up on him as if it forgot how to carry him upon hearing the news. He felt a little dizzy but not because of the alcohol he had from the party. It’s too much he thought. He left Mark and decided he would like to be alone for a minute. Thinking of a way how he can handle his feelings when you finally saw him and you don’t recognise him.
After three cups of coffee at the hospital’s cafeteria, Mark talked to him again. Trying to be careful with his words, he tried to explain what you remember and what’s left with your memories about Yuta. Just like Yuta, Mark was heart broken.
“We asked her whats her last memory” Mark started, destroying the tissue in front him piece by piece. “She told us about the accident, but not in detail. And that her last memory before the accident is… our trip to Paris” Mark looks at Yuta finally, “And hyung… We went to Paris three days before you guys met” Yuta was feeling sick again, he wanted to cry in front of Mark.
“But” Mark added “she remembers tiny scenarios flashing in her mind, she told the doctor something about tattoos? Do you know something about it?”
For the first time at that moment, Yuta smiled. She remembers, but not entirely, but still.
“That memory was two years ago. She was forcing me to have matching tattoos with her but I didn’t want to because of my work. And she put up a fight, throwing everything she sees at me. She didn’t know that the work that I was talking about was my internship”
Mark let out a small laugh hearing the story, how stupid of you for getting mad over matching tattoos.
It was quiet for some time, maybe the both of them are still digesting what’s happening right now. Nonetheless they were both thankful that you’re finally awake. Mark brought Yuta back to your room, and left him to face you alone. Not sure what will happen when you finally see him. It will hurt Yuta, but he wanted to see you already.
The room was cold and Yuta caught you shivering when he entered the room. He gave you his blanket that he kept in the room whenever he stays over and take care of you.
“Hey” he greets you softly, “This is mine, you can have it” you took the blanket with a small smile. A smile that Yuta craves to see, and it made him fell in love with you again.
You don’t recognise his face but you recognised his voice. You sat while you watch him play with his own fingers. The air in the room became colder. You heard him clear his throat and you looked at him again.
“Do you want to say something?” you asked trying to get him comfortable.
“Do you know me?” Yuta asked even though he already knew the answer.
“No.. but your voice is something I hear when I was sleeping. Are you a nurse or something?” Yuta was glad that you can actually hear all that he said to you when you were sleeping. He chuckled and points at the small table beside the hospital bed. Just near the fresh flowers you can see your college diploma, your journal, several pictures of your family and friends, and pictures with the guy sitting across the room.
“I’m Yuta” he introduced himself to you for the second time in his life and that left a sting on his heart. Trying to hold back his tears, he saw you play with the engagement ring that he gave you earlier today.
“I’m sorry If I don’t remember you Yuta. But I will work hard to-“ he came closer to you with a slight panic, asking permission if he could hold your hand. You let him.
“You don’t have to do that. Yes its hard for me but I know its harder for you” he puts his forehead on yours, arms encircling around you and gentle swaying you. Everything this guy do is too much for you, you wanted to push him because he’s basically a stranger in your eyes. But you knew all too well that he’s not a stranger to your heart.
On the next day, your parents talked to Yuta about how you should live your life when you get discharged from the hospital. They were kind enough to consider Yuta to take care of you and for that he was thankful. Knowing all too well that living with him will be hard for you, but he promised himself that he will be strong for the both of you.
“but” your father started and Yuta got nervous all of a sudden.
“We asked her if she wants to live with you and go on with her normal life with you. We also explained to her that that’s the best option… but she didn’t want to. And that’s her final decision” Yuta was once again feeling weak and unable to move after hearing your father’s explanation.
“Yuta, we want her to be well. Everyone does. That’s why we should talk to her even more, and convince her to live with you” your mother added, being hopeful that Yuta would convince you to live with him.
In your four years of being together, Yuta never forced you to do something you don’t want. Even when it comes to the smallest things like if you don’t want his shoes inside your shared bedroom, he complies. Yuta knew you so well that he trusts every decision you make. That’s why he explains to your parents that he can’t force you to live with him.
“We all love her. I think, we should respect her decision” those are Yuta’s final words to your parents.
They didn’t have any choice but to agree with Yuta. But your parents think Yuta deserves to be with you too. They told him to come see you tonight before they leave first thing in the morning and that he’s welcome to visit you anytime if he wants to.
For the last time, Yuta visits your room while you were sleeping. Sitting on your hospital bed carefully not to wake you. He strokes your soft hair, memorising your features more.
“I will never forgive myself. I should’ve taken care of you, baby it’s my job. I should have pinned you down instead of just telling you not to ride that motorcycle with Lucas” he cries again, pouring everything out.
“I’m sorry if none of our dreams will come true. But I know you will live happily even without me baby. Just promise me you’ll never be sad or cry over something or someone. I could’ve been the one making you happy forever but, we can’t force anything to happen now.”
He slowly caress your arm, down to your hand. Kissing it several times, your hands became wet because of his tears. With a heavy heart, Yuta slowly takes off your engagement ring.
“I will never forget you. Thank you for making half of my life as beautiful as your face” he forced to let out a giggle, and quietly leaves the room with a broken heart.
Hey there! If you’re at this point I would like to thank you for reading this. If you have any comments or questions, in between scenarios I’m more than happy to answer them :) Talk to me! I want to make new friends.
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Heather - Keiji Akaashi part two
Word count: 1296
warnings: none really. just a bit of angst but thats it
This one is more Bokuto focused lmao.
🌸 Part one // Part three 🌸
Everything seemed to freeze in its tracks, minus a couple of volleyballs hitting the floor and rolling away. But what did you expect? After showing up almost religiously to each practice, you had disappeared for three weeks.
You kept your gaze focused on your phone as you walked over to the far wall, acting as though nothing had changed. Two pairs of footsteps made their way to you as you set your bag on the floor.
"(Y/n)," Akaashi said, reaching out to grab your hand.
"Get away from me," you tugged your hand away and turned to Bokuto instead.
The setter stared, his mouth agape. You had never treated him like this, and he didn't know what to do as he watched the ace tilt your head up and cup your face. His jaw clenched when he noticed the smile spreading across your face.
"Bo, I'm fine. Go finish practice." You gently grabbed his wrists and removed his hands from your face.
He furrowed his eyebrows before nodding curtly, turning on his heel and jogging back to the court. Akaashi followed behind him, glaring down at his hand as he racked his brain for answers.
"Why'd you come today?" Bokuto asked, walking up to you. He had already changed out of his practice clothes.
"Dunno," you said, placing your hand into the one he was offering you, interlocking your fingers with his.
Ever since the night of the party, the night of your big argument with Akaashi, Bokuto had been there for you, a rock to hold onto in a sea. That night, shortly after the car had left your driveway, you called him. You weren't sure why, but you were glad you did. He answered within seconds, his usual happy-go-lucky attitude shifting dramatically when he heard you crying. You didn't have to say anything, he was already telling you he was on his way over and he was bringing your favorite ice cream. Over those three weeks, your relationship with him had blossomed, spending every chance he could with you to make sure you were alright. He was like a worried mom every time you had red eyes in his presence, and he was always able to cheer you up in seconds.
"(Y/n)!" a female voice called.
You looked over your shoulder to see a blonde girl jogging towards you. You turned to face her as she came to a stop in front of you.
"You're (Y/n), right?" She asked, smiling softly. "Keiji's friend?"
"Heather?" You asked, even though you knew the answer.
She nodded enthusiastically, and you glanced up at Bokuto; he was looking down at his phone, not wanting to be a bother for your conversation. "Keiji's been really nice, helping me get used to everything here. And I want to do something special to thank him. Can you help me?"
"They have a game coming up, so you could show up and cheer for him." You offered. As much as you wanted to sabotage this, you knew that you would never be forgiven if you did. "What do you think, Bo?"
"He likes nanohana no karashiae."
"Good luck," you smiled at Heather before turning on your heel and walking away. Bokuto trailed behind you like a puppy, pocketing his phone quickly and taking a few strides to walk beside you.
"Wasn't that...?" He trailed off. You nodded hugging your sweater closer to our body. Bokuto rested his arm over your shoulders, pulling you close to his body. "Let's get you home. We can stop and get milkshakes if you want."
As soon as your bedroom door opened, you dropped your bag on the floor and plummeted, face first, into your, pulling your pillow close. "I'm fucking pathetic, I should be over this!" You yelled into in the soft material.
Bokuto set his backpack gently by your bedpost before lifting your legs so he could sit against the wall, your legs on his lap. He patted your calf, making you hum softly. "You're not pathetic, (Y/n). And you cant control your feelings."
He watched as you pulled your legs away from him and sat up before laying on your back, your head landing in his lap. His hand tangled itself in your hair as you looked up at him. "Keiji's your best friend too. This must be torture for you. I'm sorry, Bo."
"It doesn't matter. You need someone right now, so I'll be here for you." He smiled down at you, his gold eyes shining as the sunlight flowed through the window.
"I just," your sentence trailed off to a groan as you dragged your hands over your face. "Why did he kiss me? That's the biggest thing. Like, he didn't have to, he didn't need to. And he's acting like its not this huge deal. And then he goes and ditches me."
"Remind me what happened."
You leaned against the wall behind you, looking at him as he shoved his hands into his pockets. ❝You dont have to walk me home when I live two blocks over❞
He shrugged, ❝I want you to be safe, (Y/n). I dont know what I'd do if you got hurt and I could've prevented it.❞
Your heart swelled at how adorable he was being. ❝You still have homework to do, Keiji. Hurry up and get home.❞
He looked up at you, his eyebrows furrowed together as his eyes roamed your features. He took a step forward and pressed his lips against yours. They seemed to mold together perfectly, as if the two of you were meant to kiss. But before you could return the action, he stepped away. ❝Sorry, that was stupid. I'll see you tomorrow, (Y/n).❞ He was walking away before you could respond, your head dizzy from how quickly everything happened.
The next morning, you were almost late for school because he hadn't come to pick you up like usual. And when you walked up to him at lunch, he came up with some lame excuse. You frowned but didn't push it.
"Maybe you need something to distract you to get over it. Like, these past few weeks, you've had nothing to do but dwell on it." Bokuto offered.
Your eyes fluttered open, your gaze falling onto his face. One of your eyebrows was cocked up, and your mouth slightly agape. Who's lap were you laying in, because this obviously wasn't the captain and ace of the volleyball club. There was no way in hell he could've said something so clearly the answer, not when you practically shared a single brain cell with him. What were you supposed to distract yourself with? All your hobbies were centered around Akaashi. It's not like you could get a job, you'd already tried that; nobody was hiring and besides, you had to focus on school.
"My life practically revolves around Keiji. I go to Fukorodani because of him, I know you because of him." You sat up and turned to face him, crossing your legs. You grabbed his hand and started tracing the lines on his palm, beginning with the most prominent ones. "Its almost like I'm not my own person, Bo."
The bed frame creaked and the mattress shifted, causing you to look up. You were met with a force powerful enough to knock you onto your back. Bokuto's lips were harshly pressed against yours, but somehow, it was the most gentle thing you'd experienced in three weeks. He pulled away and looked down at you, smiling softly, "lets change that, then."
His honey eyes seemed to glow with hope, and you knew he had the best intentions at the forefront of his mind. "Y-yeah, okay." You grinned at him, maybe the first genuine smile you've had since your world came crashing down.
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Blinding Lights (Rock Band!AU)
Chapter Eleven of Thirty-Four
Rated M (Mature) for drug use, mentions of depression, and language
A/N: I fixed it. Kind of. I wish I could say things are gonna stay nice for a while, but... you all know I like to be mean with my writing 😈 Feedback and requests are always appreciated! :)
Rose: He needs you
Rose: He’s been locked in his apartment the entire week
Rose: We can only come up with so many excuses for why he’s missing all of our press events
Rose: Please. I’m literally BEGGING you
You’re sure that she’s wrong. You’re the last thing Poe needs right now. He has every right to be upset at you. And maybe your reasoning is a little less valid, but you’re still angry with him, too. Straight, gay, or otherwise inclined, his ex-wife isn’t you, and he shouldn’t have been at such an intimate-looking dinner with someone who isn’t you. Not without at least telling you before hand. You’re sure that if he had just explained the situation to you before it happened, you would’ve have no qualms with him seeing an old childhood friend--even though they had been married at one point.
He betrayed your trust, same as you betrayed his.
You’re the last person Poe needs to see right now, though. No amount of message-spamming from your friends will convince you otherwise.
Maybe they know that. But it isn’t stopping them from blowing your phone up with texts.
Finn: (Y/N) you cant ignore us forever
Finn: Hes been smoking
You take a deep breath, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration. If you talk to them, maybe they’ll leave you alone for a while. It’s not like you’re getting any work done, anyway. Your phone is too busy to let you focus, and you get a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach when you turn it off.
(Y/N): He smokes all the time Finn.
Finn: Hes not smoking cigarettes
“Shit,” you grumble, feeling the beginnings of a headache gnawing behind your temples.
Poe had mentioned “Californian delicacies” last week at the airport. You shouldn’t have ignored that comment.
(Y/N): He doesn’t want to see me.
Finn: Thats bullshit and u know it
Finn: Hes been a mess
Finn: U need to go c him
One month. One month with Poe, and you’re already his designated caretaker.
You’re not even sure if you’re still with Poe. You want to be, more than anything, but there’s a good chance he’s not on the same page. You can’t really blame him if he wants to break up.
(Y/N): I’m at work, I can’t just leave.
Finn: Go after
You’re ready to see him. It’s been a long five days, and life without the man you love is so unbelievably hard. Besides, if he’s high, he can’t be alone.
Poe tends to stay away from weed, because it really does a number on him. He’s smoked maybe three times in the two years you’ve known him, and it was three times too many.
For some people, it helps. For Poe, it destroys him.
If you weren’t writing before, you’re definitely not writing now. You can’t possibly formulate words that sound coherent when you’re so worried.
As nice of Luke as it was to give you the back office for the day so you could focus on writing some songs, you’ve done all of the work you’re going to get done.
“Hey, kid,” he greets softly as you emerge through the door. His eyes are soft as he looks up at you, and it’s the most compassionate he’s ever been. It’s a strange look on him, but not completely unwelcome. You could use some compassion. “How goes the writing?”
“It doesn’t,” you scoff, annoyed at yourself and at the situation you’re in. “Finn and Rose are blowing up my phone. Rey, too, but she’s a bit more polite about it. Apparently, he’s suffering.”
“Good,” Luke chuckles. “Serves him right. He was an idiot.”
You smile sadly as you perch atop the front counter. “I was, too.”
Luke smiles slightly at that. “Well, okay. Yeah. But that’s what life’s all about. Being idiots and making mistakes. And bouncing back. You’re suffering, too. Maybe it’s time to put on your adult pants and sort the whole thing out with him.”
You know that Luke’s right. Ignoring each other isn’t even the slightest bit mature. And you want to work things out. You don’t want to lose him because of this stupid misunderstanding.
The text that Rey sends you only confirms what Luke tells you.
Rey: Finn Rose and I are going to Nashville for Leia and Han’s anniversary celebration. We’ll be gone for a couple days. Please check in with Poe, even if it’s just a text. He loves you deeply, and he wants to work through this. He’s high, though. We’re worried about him. Please, (Y/N).
“Do you mind if I-”
“Go,” Luke interrupts your question with a teasing smile. “You’re not doing anything right now, anyway.”
You give him a grateful smile and thank him profusely as you head out the door.
Poe’s apartment isn’t in the nicest neighborhood. It’s a bit of a shoebox, honestly, and you don’t know why he hasn’t moved because he can definitely afford it. Sentimental value, you suppose. It’s the first apartment he bought in the city--he’s lived there for close to fifteen years.
The elevator’s down, so you take the stairs two at a time until you reach his floor.
You’re breathless and panting when you knock on his door, and part of you can’t believe that you made it so far without second guessing yourself. If you had known it would be this easy to see him, you would’ve done it a while ago. Like, four days ago.
“It’s unlocked,” his deep voice rumbles faintly from somewhere inside, and your hand hesitates on the doorknob. You don’t know why this feels so strange. You’ve been here a hundred times before. More than a hundred. His place is like a second home to you.
You convince yourself that you’re being stupid, and you push the door open.
The harsh smell of cannabis greets you the second you step inside, and it nearly gags you. It’s overwhelming, and it breaks your heart. Did you drive him to this?
He’s standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but a pair of joggers that hang rather low on his sturdy hips, and he gulps harshly when he sees you. His eyes are red and watery, and you know he’s been crying. It shatters you. You hurt this good and wonderful man.
But it’s not entirely your fault. When he’s high... his brain turns against him. His insecurities become crippling, and his darker thoughts get the best of him. There’s no way you can leave him alone in good conscience until he comes down.
“Fuck,” he mumbles. And then, before you can process what’s happening, one of his hands is tangled into your hair and the other is firmly spread against your spine and your face is pressed into his chest. Poe Dameron doesn’t give half-assed hugs. His body warmth spreads throughout you in only a matter of moments, and you’ve never felt so loved in your life. His touch is a blessing--one you didn’t really think you were deserving of at the moment.
Your anger melts away in only a moment. The only reason you were even able to hold onto it for so long was because you weren’t seeing him face-to-face.
“I’m not even fuckin’ mad anymore,” he sighs, pressing his face into your hair. “I just really fuckin’ missed you.”
“I’m sorry,” you whisper. Your arms wrap tightly around his torso, fingers leaving wonderful sparks against his bare skin. “I should’ve told you.”
“I should’ve, too,” he mumbles. “We both fucked up.”
You pull back to look at him, and--
“Holy shit is that gray?” Your fingers are in his hair in an instant, and as nice as it feels he can’t help the amused grumble that leaves his throat.
“You’re gonna come into my home and make fun of me for being old?”
You give him a playful glare. “You're thirty-four, Poe. That’s not old. That’s... really young to have gray hair. Why have I never noticed that before?”
He just shrugs. “I’ve been graying since I was, like, twenty-five. I usually get my roots dyed. I haven’t gotten them touched up in like two weeks, though. But, seriously. This is the conversation we’re gonna have right now?”
You laugh softly as you wrap your arms around his torso again. “No, I guess not.”
He smiles as he presses a kiss to your forehead. “I’m sorry, baby.”
You hum gratefully. “I am, too.”
“Can I kiss you?” His eyes are soft when you pull back to look at him, and you nod eagerly.
The End (For Now)
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I really love your headcanons, would you mind doing some for Gwen?
My queen 👑 ❤️ I love her so much and I’m ALWAYS bitter she didn’t get more screen time. Like, I understand the show was about Merlin, but Gwen had SO MUCH MORE she could have given if they paid her more attention.
Okay, okay. Let’s go.
- Gwen knew her mother. At least a little bit. Her name was Camilla and (as said in the show) she was a maid in Leon’s household. I know her wiki says she’s younger than Elyan but also I got it into my head he’s the younger one (probs bc Adetomiwa is 4 years younger than Angel) and now that is my hill to die on.
- Anyways, Camilla would always take Gwen to work with her and she would often play with an older Leon who was a very serious young child and very easy to mess with. Baby Gwen was actually a little shit and she loved waddling up to Leon and just annoying the crap out of him.
Gwen, poking Leon’s cheek: play
Leon: I must focus on my studies and you shouldn’t talk to nobles that way even if you don’t know any other words.
Gwen, collapsing to the ground dramatically: play
Leon: alright, you’ve convinced me.
- Camilla always let Gwen cook with her and allowed her to help with chores and Gwen felt VERY important even if she kinda did them all wrong.
- Things changed after Camilla died in childbirth. Gwen no longer went over to Leon’s home (though his family did stop by to offer them some money and any help they might need) and now Gwen has this baby in her house that she didn’t quite know what to do with.
- Gwen was the one who named Elyan. Her dad would work all day so she spent time taking care of him despite her young age. This is where she lost most of her childish antics even if she was only 4 at the time. Elyan actually wasn’t named until he was a few weeks old. Gwen picked it because she wanted to call him ‘Ellie’
- She would often talk to baby Elyan like he was her age as she took care of him and complained about her problems.
Gwen: You are a bit ugly and small but that’s okay. I’ll love you anyways. Maybe one day you can grow but I’m not sure what to do about you not having teeth. Father and mother had teeth. I have teeth. Not sure why you don’t.
Gwen: ...You’re a quiet one aren’t you? That’s okay because I like to talk a lot so we’re a good match -
- When she turned 7 she decided she was going help her father by working in the forge. She figured Elyan was old enough to not die immediately and wanted to spend more time with Tom.
- Fast forward a year later: this 11-year-old girl with wildly mused hair and scratches and ratty clothes and a busted lip walks in and demands a sword. Gwen is appalled - her mother would have never let this girl walk around looking like that!
- So as this random child looks at swords Gwen combs and braids her hair, wipes the blood off of her, etc... then this girl turns to her, stares and just goes “I like you. Do you make swords too?”
- Gwen proudly says she does help her father make swords and that she could also sew really well AND she knows all the words to her brother’s favorite lullaby. The girl considers before going “You’re going to be my maid” and that was how Gwen met Morgana.
- Uther wasn’t really thrilled with the fact this child was Morgana’s maid for a bit of time, but went with it bc Morgana pretty much threatened Hell if he told her no. Besides, Leon’s family stepped in and vouched for her so Uther gave in.
- Morgana would always give Gwen gifts on any and all holidays. Gwen wasn’t entirely sure when her birthday was (her father said it was towards the end of summer but it was hard to pinpoint a day precisely) and Morgana would pick a day around that time to celebrate with her and then give her the next day off (they did this for years and when Merlin came to Camelot and found out he was SO jealous)
- She used to sleep in Morgana’s tower some nights because of Morgana’s nightmares. It wasn’t part of her duties. It was just because she was a good friend.
- Gwen owns a comb that Morgana gave her when she turned 10 and it is her most precious possession even after Gwen becomes queen years later.
- Gwen once beat Arthur at a sword fight because he was making sexist comments and being a jackass to Merlin.
- Gwen made Excalibur. I’ve talked about this before and I know she said her dad made it but I think she should have been the one to make it so I’m gonna just say she lied to Merlin bc she was too embarrassed to admit that it was her work.
- She also recognizes it later on. Like, Arthur comes back and says “look at this dope sword and pulled out of a stone” and Gwen is just sitting there like “What the fu...didn’t I give that to Merlin years ago?”
- Gwen talks in her sleep. It’s something literally everyone who knows her makes fun of. Morgana calls it adorable. Merlin roasts her. Arthur will purposely ask annoying questions about the stuff she’s saying. Elyan will loudly and obnoxiously mimic her.
- Okay. I feel like there was so missing development between Tom’s death and Gwen’s relationship with Arthur that we weren’t shown. Obviously she would blame Uther rather than Arthur for murdering her dad, but I think there was a period of time where she really struggled with falling in love with Arthur because of it. She didn’t WANT to fall in love with Arthur. She WANTED to fall in love with Lancelot who was of common birth and never murdered a member of her family and was kind and brave and very easy to love.
- She often talks to Merlin about these feelings and he’s a sorta therapist for her on the matter. He’s also the one to tell Arthur the fuck off for it when he gets a little uppity about the whole thing.
Arthur: we cant be together because she’s a servant not because of her father-
Merlin: so your dad condemns sorcerers because one killed his wife but Gwen can’t be wary about you because Uther was the one who killed her father? Okay then. Also, I remember Morgana being more upset on her behalf. Not you.
Arthur: I... I didn’t know her very well back then-
Merlin: and now that you realize she’s worth your time you would definitely defend her father from yours. Obviously. It’s not like Uther also tried to kill Gwen multiple times. Sarcasm by the way.
Arthur: ....you’re very opinionated today
Merlin: I just like her so much better than you
- I mentioned in Elyan’s headcanons that he makes something for everyone who is part of the round table + Merlin. He doesn’t make Gwen anything because “yOu CaN do IT yOuRSeLf”. Naturally, Gwen responds by making herself something like this:
- But like, medieval version. She makes this spear for the sole purpose of being petty. Gwen isn’t a fighter with weapons outside of swords/daggers but it is fun to occasionally walk around with.
- Gwen, after Arthur proposed: ...also, this was very romantic and I love it but my house is made of wood, Arthur. Please get these candles out of here.
- We all discussed this before, but Merlin taught Gwen to read. He also walked her through a lot of what Arthur does and they worked together to get her caught up on political and state matters so she could be involved.
- She uses her newfound writing skills to write to her parents and leaves the letters at their graves.
- Gwen and Arthur actually have a lot of inside jokes and find the other hilarious. This is especially clear when visiting nobles drop by because they’ll be having a nice dinner and Gwen will just be like “...and that’s when I said ‘it’s my strong suit’” and Arthur just DIES laughing. Everyone else is confused before Merlin heavily sighs and goes “It’s a blacksmithing joke.”
- Gwen is actually FANTASTIC at gambling. You wouldn’t think so (especially since she can be so reserved and polite) but keep in mind this was MORGANA’S best friend and she will use that “aw, so cute” aura of hers to her advantage and hustle the fuck out of people. However, she only does it in times of need and never out of greed.
- That being said, Merlin convinced her that a time of need was when Arthur refused to gamble with him bc Merlin kept winning so he was just like “Gwen. If I can’t knock his ego down then it falls to you.” And she was like “aite” and then just fucking robbed the king ruthlessly.
- Gwen 👏 and 👏 Mithian 👏are 👏 besties
- Gwen was born at the end of summer and Arthur the winter making her approximately 3-4 months older than him. Yes, she absolutely holds this over him without Mercy.
Gwen, to Merlin: Don’t mind him. He just hasn’t reached full maturity. When I was his age-
Arthur: I don’t deserve this
Gwen: ....when I was his age-
Merlin: ha. Sucks for you, sire-
Arthur: you are a child
Gwen: so young
Arthur: a baby
Gwen: the smallest person in the world
Merlin: ....wtf why did you both betray me like this???
- Her and Merlin actually got into a HUGE fight a few months after she became queen. It stemmed from the fact Merlin started being more formal and leaving her out of things he might normally tell her. She was having none of that and Merlin tried the “but you’re queen now, things are different” and she was so pissed at him that she went around wearing servant clothes for a week to prove a point.
- She also loves putting flowers in her hair. As a noble woman she didn’t do it as often and it made her sad so the knights, who noticed this but did not have the emotional capacity to talk to her about it, made her a bunch of flowers crowns and Gwen was THRILLED
- She visits the lower town once and week to talk to shop owners, play with children, ask people how they are fairing under new policies, new taxes, etc... Everyone adores her.
- Arthur goes to Elyan whenever Gwen is upset and Elyan always being able to know EXACTLY what has upset her and how to fix it. It’s always ridiculous solutions too. Like. “Oh, she’s mad you dismissed her opinions at the last council meeting. Worry not tho - if you have a blanket and three chickens I can resolve it for you. Oh, and also don’t fucking do that shit anymore.”
- Also, she bails Merlin our of literally everything. Anytime someone accuses Merlin of doing something she jumps in. Merlin also gets special meals, special gifts, etc... and Arthur doesn’t know how to stop it.
- Her and Arthur have an unspoken argument about who Merlin likes more.
Arthur: I should let you know, I gave Merlin my mother’s sigil.
Gwen: (: wow (: that’s (: so (: lovely (:
Gwen, internally: I’m going to get him a bloody castle of his own... That might not be enough though. Crap.
- Gwen knighted Merlin after he returned to Camelot. He was also her principal advisor until she died.
- Many people consider Gwen’s era of ruling the Golden Age because she legalized magic and led a time of great prosperity. She refused to call it that though bc she said Arthur’s work wasn’t done yet.
- Merlin told her everything he had done over the years and how Arthur was supposed to come back so she waited with him for Arthur’s return. Merlin felt awful when she was on her deathbed and tried to apologize for letting her have that hope but Gwen just smiled and told him not to worry because she was going to Avalon to grab Arthur and bring him back herself.
- She is true to her word. Over a thousand years later, Merlin looks over to see Gwen dragging Arthur as she walks out of the lake with him and yells “I COULDN’T GET HIM TO WAKE UP UNTIL I YELLED ‘RISE AND SHINE’ AND LURED HIM OUT WITH FOOD”
I love her a lot, okay? Look at that smile. Iconic.
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I’M JUST SO UPSET AND I DON:T WANT TO DEAL WITH ALL THESE EMOTIONS but i can’t find anything to distract me so I think I just have to find a way to let them all out. I tried numbing them with watching something but watching things has too much connection with other things. I tried playing the guitar and letting my emotions out there but it just wasn’t satisfying enough and so now i’m here writing and i have to face my emotions unfortunately. FUCK ok so here’s what happened. Last week I had to lead Rise for the first time and it was kind of a disaster. I prepared but apparently not as much as I needed to. I talked way too much about circumcision. We all had a good laugh about that afterward. But so this week I prepared way more. We’re going through Galatians and it’s really dense and it’s all about the Jewish law and I care deeply about biblical context because I think understanding it enriches what you get out of it. It expands your understanding. and I wanted to focus on that. BEQUIOfaeflhigerwhjkiouiou ok i;m really really mad right now as i;m starting to actually prcoess these emotions. I want to throw things. I havent felt anger like this in so long. I don’t want to be writing. I want to be punching walls AND SCREAMING but i;m just gonna try to calm down and get them out. I need to see my thoughts.
I”M JUST PASSIONATE ABOUT THE WHOLE BIBLICAL NARRATIVE AND I DON:T WANT TO DIMINISH THAT AND I KNEW IT WAS DENSE> IT WAS ALREADY HARD ENOUGH GIVING A PRESENTATION WITH ASH THERE. IWALWAYS HAVE AN ISSUE WHEN PEOPLE ARE PRESENT THAT ARE MORE QUALIFIED THAN ME> SO I PANICK AND I START TO NOT KNOW WHAT I”M SAYING AND THEN ASH GETS IN MY HEAD WITHOUT IN SAYING ANYTHINNG I WAS TOTALLY FINE UNTIL I”M IN THE SMALL GROUP TALKING ANDHG SDgbjafdjkhdfgjhkdfe THEN I JUST START TO IMAGINE HOW SHE MIGHT CRITIQUE EVERYTHING I”M DOING AND NOT SAY ANYTHING NICE BECAUSE I WILL NEVER BE GOOD ENOUGH AT THIS> SO AS IT STARTED TO GO DOWNHILL I WOUL DHAVE LOVED IF SHE JUST LET ME DO MY THING AND THEN TALK TO ME ABOUT WHAT COULD HAVE GONE BETTER AFTERWARD INSTEAD OF BASICALLY TAKING OVER TEHWHOLE THING BECAUSE SHE DIDNT THINK IT WAS GOING WELL BECAUSE I WASN”T DOINGA GOOD ENOUGH JOB BECUASE I WASN”T GOOD ENOUGH AND I WASNT TALKING ABOUT TEH RIGHT THINGS AND I DON:T KNOW WHAT I”M DOING AND THEREFORE I AM A BaD CHRISTIAN ANDMY BELIEFS ARE NOT APPLICABLE TO HIGH SCHOOLERS AND THEREFORE NOT GOOD BECAUSE I DON:T HAVE THE SKILLS OF EXPLAININg thiS iS ALL THE HIGH SCHOOLERS AND THEN SHE DIDNT SAY ANYTHING AFTERWAY NOTHING AT ALL. I NEED THAT FEEDBACK I CAN”T JUST HAVE HER TAKING OVER> SHE WANTED ME TO LEAD SO I COULD GROW SO HELP ME GROW ASH???!!?!?!?!!? TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO BETTER DON”T TAKE OVER THE SMALL GROUP AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE MY VOICE ISN”T GOOD ENOUGH THAT THE SCRIPTURE DOESN”T HAVE USEFUL THINGS IN IT> I HATED WHEN SHE SAID OKAY NOW LETS MOVE TO TEH MORE PRACTICAL STUFF
SHE TOOK OVER
SHE COMPLETELY DIMINSIHED EVER THING I HAD PLANNED
SHE UNDERVALUED EVERYTHING I WAS SAYING
LIKE THE FIRST PART OF CHAPTER THREE WASN’T USEFUL OR NECESSARY TO UNDERSTAND WHATS GOING ON. I WANT THEM TO UNDERSTAND WHATS GOING ON IN THE PASSAGE SO THAT THEY DON”T FEEL OVERWHELMED BY THE BIBLE
SHE JUST COMPLETELY TOOK OVER AND MADE ME FEEL LIKE MY WORK THAT I HAD DONE MEANT NOTHING
I AM SO FUCKING MAD AND I DON”T KNOW WHY WHAT THE FUCK WHEER DID ALL THIS ANGER COME FROM> I CAN”T CONTAIN IT IN MY BODY ITS MAKING IT HARD TO BREATH AND IT DOENS”T SEEEM LIKE WrItING THIS DOWN IS HELPING BECAUSE I”M STILL INCREDIBLY FUCKING MAD
WHY DID SH HAVE TO MAKE ME FEEEL WORTHLESS LIKE THERE WAS A MOMENT WHEN SHE WASLIKE LETS MOVE ON AND SAID NOT THAT THIS PART ISNT IMPORTANT BUT WE GOT TO MOVE> AND I ALMOST ARGUED WITH HER. I WAS MAD
AD TEHN WHEN SHE COMPLETELY TOOK IT OVER I STILL WANTED TO ADD SOMETHINGA ND ALL SHE SAID WAS YEAH LIKE IT WASN:T WHAT THEY NEEDED TO HEAR> AND SO THEN I”M NOT GOOD ENOUGH< I CANT LEAD HIGHSCHOOLERS WHAT WAS THE POINT OF TAKING THIS JOB IF I CANT REALTE TO HIGHSCHOOLERS IF I CANT ILLUMINATE THE BIBLE FOR THEM IF ICANT EXPLAIN THINGS IF I CANT MAKE IT PRACTICAL FOR THEM>
AND THEN SHE ASKS THE QUESTION HAVE YOU GUYS WVERY HEARD OF THIS IDEA OF BEING COHEIRS OF CHRIST AND NO THEY HAVENT GREAT ANOTHER THING I DONT GET ABOUT ABOUT HIGHSCHOOLERS THAT I DINT UNDERSTAND AND NO ONE WAS GONNA SUGGEST THAT MAYBE I DON”T UNDERSTAND AND THEN ONCE AGAIN, IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH I DONT UNDERSTAND HIGHSCHOOLERS AND I SHOULD JUST LEAVE AND NOT COME BACK yet she thinks about me leaving AND IT MAKES HER SAD
SO HELP ME ASH! DISCIPLE ME! SHOW ME HOW TO BE A GOOD LEADER
TEACH ME GUIDE ME ENCOURAGE ME
if i;m gonna lead rise again, I need your encouragement and your help and your wisdom. I have to be honest, after rise last week I was really upset. Because i felt you completely took over teh group instead of guiding me in teh right direcation you took over and it made me feeel like i was completely inadequate and maybe i was focusing on all the wrong things and i woul dhave loved for you to tell me all those things afterward. I think one failed bible study where they don;t get anything out of it is better than one were I don’t learn from my own experience when it’s taken from me.
She just doesnt know hats what she did and if i want anything to change I have to tell herthat and i hate being confrontational and asking for what i need but NOTHING HAS EVER MADE ME THIS MAD AND I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I FEEL THING STRONGLY LIKE I COULD PUNCH A WHOLE IN THE WALL
the otehr part is that I think sam is ghosting me completely unexpectedly. we seemed to be having good conversation and so i’m sad about the idea of taht. I know there are probbaly reasons i don’t know about and i even said i don;t know if i should be talking to him or pursuing this and i didnt even know if i wanted him to respond BUT IT FUCKING HURTS because its rejection and again another thing that makes me feel like i can never be good enough. lik i will never be capable of a nice man’s love NAD I HATE THAT I SAY THOSE THINGS TO MYSELF BUT THATS WHAT I THINK i also hate that we talked about movies and tv shows bbecause now everyting is associated with him. Like the walking dead and the movie app i was really excited about and and any movies or tv shows i just think about how one day i would talk about it to him but thst absolutely ridiculous i know. But the point is if he is actually ghosting me i assume the worst and i assume i;m too much for him adn i’m too weird and not attrctice enough and i like weird things AND THAT HURTS even though he never did that. I just don’t know wht Ican’t but become so invested and strt to imagine future scenarios. I want to go back to when i told him goodbye but then still could imagine a future scenario without there being anything really realistic in teh scenario because i wasn’t talking to him anymore and it was on my terms. This is good. this is distracting because yeah i’m sad about this but not nearly as ad about the thing from earlier. the problem is it was a combination of both and i couldn;t recognize the feeling earlier today as anger because i was also a sad and insecure. i need to go to therapy so badly BUT WERE ALL STUCK IN QUARANTINE AND I WANT TO BE DONE
i think another thing that i think about is that i thought ash was my saving grace in all of this because i didn’t really get anything spiritally mature from matt. but now i feel like there this disconnect and now i’m resentful because she doesn’t know what she did and thats not her fault she just wanted to speak truth into them but now it feel like ive lost her and so theres not much good around here or things to work for beside my students but WHO THE FUCK KNOWS HOW TO LEAD THEM? NOT ME BECAUSE NO ONE IS TEACHING ME HOW TO OR CHECKING IN ON HOW ITS GOING OR MENTORING ME IN THAT. I do feel less mad. I was also mad when sarah tried to comfort me. It was only out of good intentions. I just didnt have the capaticity to explain to her what i was feeling so she just said it will be okay. LIKE THATS SUFFICIENT LOL but she didnt know she was just trying to be a good friend. It was just another way that the problem was getting diminished by someone else. Like my problem wasn’t a big enough problem. She doesn’t know how to comfort a sick. telling tehm it will be okay is not going to help.
thats enough reflecting for now. I’m going to be nice to myslf right now. Hannah, you did a good job reflecting. It was hard and difficult but you powered through and you processed through the emotions and that was good. You are working to better understand yourself and that is good. Be gentle. When teh thoughts come say that isn’t helpful and simply let God have them. Becasue now we have processed through we don;t need any negative thoughts about ourselves in this situation. We are now aware of the emotions. So instead of dwelling in them, we can act on them. You are courageous hannah. You can tell ash what you need. You are growing. Its a painful process. But you will get there soon. God loves you Hannah. You are his beloved child. He is well pleased with you.