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#but i could've worded it better

strwbrythoughts · 24 days

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now...what do i do with my little troublemaker? | jade leech

Jade surprises you on your birthday (which you didn't tell him about).

A/N: It's my birthday (31st March) I'm 19 now! Here's to a year of growth and love, thank you for the love and support you've given me thus far <3 fem!reader here!

Divider by @/osqrie

Jade felt like he could slap a fish out of water right now.

One glance at the scowl -that was very much out of place for the eel- decorating his visage and one could tell he was not himself.

"Hey, Jade~ when are you gonna pull out the surprise gift or celebration for your favourite little shrimpy?" His twin had questioned him as early as 8 in the morning. Their walk to school was brought to a temporary halt, with him shooting Floyd a somewhat confused look.

"Whatever do you mean by that, Floyd?"

It was Floyd's turn to be confused. "You didn't know? Today's her birthday, she didn't tell you that? Or did it just slip your mind...that's not like you, eh~?" A small giggle left his lips. However, the amusement was short-lived as Floyd noticed the complete silence from Jade. Even someone as scary as him would never want to know what ran through his twin's mind whenever he refused to utter a single word.

The other students, also walking to the main building repelled from the pair that stopped right in the middle of the street. Had they been some insignificant students, they would've been ridiculed and possibly (read: most definitely) been involved in some sort of scuffle. But these were not some randoms one could brush off so easily, this was the feared pair of twins, notorious for their scheming smiles and otherworldly strength.

However, in this very moment, even Floyd was unnerved with his twin. Slowly but surely, a small smile crept its way onto Jade's face before he opened his mouth to speak. "Thank you for the reminder, Floyd. Perhaps it did slip my mind...silly me. Let us continue our journey."

Floyd couldn't help but pout childishly as his twin walked ahead of him with quite the pace. "Wait up, Jade, you're walking too fast~"

He didn't bother to look back. They both had ridiculously long legs, surely Floyd would catch up to him in time. For now, he had a girlfriend to surprise...and perhaps, punish for a little bit for keeping her precious day a secret from her beloved.

"Hey, henchhuman! There's a letter for you here."

Grim's voice echoed from the front door of Ramshackle Dorm, calling for [Y/N] to make her way over to him. The envelope was intricately designed, giving off an exclusive and luxurious feel. It was even sealed with wax, and if one observed closely, the wax was stamped; a moray and a shrimp curled into each other to form a heart shape. Grim couldn't help but hold onto it carefully. He was pretty (very) sure that the envelope in his hands cost more than a lifetime of tuna.

[Y/N]'s footsteps made small thuds as she walked down the stairs. She sluggishly dragged her feet, having just gotten out of the shower and wanting nothing more to relax. Though, the slight frown on her face told a slightly different story. You see...

No one had wished her a happy birthday today. Except for Grim, who woke her up with a loud 'happy birthday!' this morning.

It wasn't like she desperately yearned for a grand celebration. All she had hoped for was for someone to remember, yet it seemed that not even her close friends, Ace and Deuce, seemed to be aware of it. Though she could tolerate that. Those two were idiots that shared a single brain cell. She was much more upset with her boyfriend.

[Y/N] was spacing out as she stood at the bottom of the stairs. A slight tug at her pants pulled her out of her trance. Looking down, she saw Grim holding out the letter to her.

"Come on, stop spacing out. Open it!"

"Alright, alright, just be patient with me for a little." She opened the envelope as carefully and delicately as she could. Inside was a golden piece of paper, the paper itself felt exclusive...like the ones she would feel in a hard cover book. The letter unfolded and presented itself, clearly having been charmed by the sender.

"Read it out loud, henchhuman! I want to know what it says." Grim cheered, a bit too short to see from his position on the floor.

[Y/N] chuckled before doing so.

"The only one I call my beloved,

It is with great pleasure that I invite you to a very special event, held specially at your favourite place in Night Raven College. As the organiser, I am fully aware of your extreme tendencies to worry about your appearance, even excessively at times.

Fret not. The perfect outfit has been prepared for you. The probability of you liking said outfit has been calculated to be approximately 99.9%. Of course, should you experience the feeling of disdain upon feeling the outfit hugging your figure, my team has a broad variety for you to choose from later.

Save the date; 31st March at your most favourite place, 2 pm. Should you not turn up 30 minutes after the designated start time of the event, the team will come pick you up personally.

Much love."

[Y/N] finished reading the letter as it folded itself into its original form. She met Grim's eyes. No words were exchanged, yet they both had a knowing look in their gaze. Even if the letter wasn't signed, there was no such question as 'who could've sent this?'

Before either of them had the time to break the silence with any words, the letter changed its form. A bright ray of white light that nearly blinded them both shone in the entrance hallway. As the light dimmed down, their jaws almost dropped to the ground in shock.

The letter had turned into a stunning dress.

The dress was a combination of [Y/N]'s favourite colours in dark shades. The floor-length dress featured a fitted bodice, hugging her figure perfectly as if it was a second skin. The V-neckline was adorned with lace, which traced her collarbones delicately. The sheer long sleeves added a mystique feel to the outfit.

A satin sash cinched her silhouette at the waist, which cascaded down her back into a bow which would definitely trail elegantly if she moved. The skirt was the main attraction of the outfit, luxurious layers of chiffon and silk that flowed all the way to the floor.

The final touch of the dress was the embellished hem of the gown, delicate beads and sequins that caught the light with the slightest movement of the wearer. [Y/N] couldn't help but feel as if she had seen this dress somewhere...

Her hair was styled into a beautiful princess bun, with a few strands of hair elegantly framing her face. Her feet were adorned with a pair of low heels that clicked onto the floor just how she liked it.

"Whoa, henchhuman...he really outdid himself this time."

[Y/N] didn't know how to respond properly to that. She felt like she was in a dream.

A knock at the door broke the silence between them. It was 2.30 pm when she glanced at the clock. Ah, it was his 'team', was it?

[Y/N] couldn't recall much of what happened on her way to Octavinelle Dorm's Mostro Lounge. She only remembered the fear of possibly falling off from Kalim's magic carpet as it flew and sped through the school, as well as Kalim's laughter upon hearing her and Grim's screams.

The duo took deep breaths to calm themselves down. After finally getting their heartbeats stable, they observed the lounge and the decorations. They seemed to compliment [Y/N]'s dress perfectly. However, their visions were limited as the only lights present were the candles on an elegantly decorated birthday cake. Even Kalim, their guide, was nowhere to be seen.

Grim was about to push her to go over to the cake. Before he could do so, he was grabbed by a pair of arms. His mouth was also covered so that he couldn't alert [Y/N] with any sound.

She was, of course, aware of Grim's sudden disappearance as well. However, her eyesight was limited and she didn't want to risk destroying any Mostro Lounge property or she would have to pay for them out of her own pockets.

She only had one choice; to walk over to the birthday cake.

Her heels clicked on the floor. She found herself in front of the cake in no time. As soon as she stood in front of it, the lounge lit up and all her friends - from the 1st years to the 3rd years - started singing her the classic happy birthday tune. Jade stood next to her, one hand holding Grim and the other around her waist.

"Happy birthday, [Y/N]!"

The whole group took turns engulfing her into a hug, with the best one saved for last.

The lounge eventually had a lot of noise; with people eating, drinking and conversing with each other after having had the chance to hug the star of the day. After Jade had hugged her, everyone huddled up around her to witness her cutting the cake.

Quite cheesy if you asked [Y/N], but hey, it's a surprise for her. The least she could do was accept it.

After the final shutter of the camera for the day, her boyfriend had whisked [Y/N] away from the crowd in the lounge. She was now sat at a quiet booth in a more secluded area of the lounge with a pair of heterochromic eyes observing her every move carefully.

"Did you enjoy this celebration, dearest?"

His silky smooth and soft voice snapped her out of her trance. She nodded eagerly, excited to express her gratitude to her most beloved.

"Of course! You didn't have to Jade, really...I love anything that you do."

He couldn't help letting out a little chuckle. Oh, if she had the slightest idea of what kind of strings he pulled to execute this plan...

His right hand was placed on top of hers. Gently squeezing it, his voice dropped a few octaves along with its volume.

"Mind to enlighten me on why you didn't think to tell me today was your birthday?"

[Y/N] quite literally froze in shock. Her lips could only curl into a crooked smile as she began speaking, with a somewhat shaky voice.

"A-ah, I did, didn't I...?" She was praying to the Great Seven that she was in the right. Yet the smile on his face told her that lady luck had no luck to shine on her today.

He stroked the right side of her face with his other hand, gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Don't look so fearful, my dearest, even though it is an adorable expression on you. Now...what do I do with my little troublemaker?"

[Y/N] let out a nervous chuckle. "I'm in danger."

"This dress, is the Noir Vogue dress that you eyed at the mall last week."

Her eyes widened. That's why it felt so familiar! It was the luxury brand that Jade and Floyd used a lot, though she assumed that it was a brand they consumed, not a brand their family quite literally own.

"You can keep it...only if you complete your quota of one thousand kisses daily, for a week."

"Deal!"

Thank you for reading!

Bonus: What Jade did and why no one wished [Y/N] happy birthday (in bullet point form)

Jade was absolutely pissed that he had no idea of her birthday being today. I see him as someone that would be really dedicated and somewhat possessive of his lover. The fact that her friends (like Ace and Deuce) know her birthday but not him gets his blood boiling underneath his skin.

Her friends remembered her birthday but didn't wish her birthday because...

Jade literally sent out a PSA in the groupchat without her (idk i feel like it's funny if they somehow have a group but act like they don't know each other irl LMAO) to save their wishes and gifts for the surprise party he's throwing

Quite literally threatens to ruin anyone's lives that dare say happy birthday to her before he does (except grim, cause. she literally sleeps next to grim)

Tldr; Jade is one crazy, lovesick and down bad eel

#ngl i feel like i could've written and described the bullet point stuff better but #this is enough for a word vomit ig #otherwise yall will know how professionally i cook and yap #(i am far from a professional)#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst jade #jade leech #jade leech x reader #female reader #berry writes #also did i just make them have a luxury brand #yes yes i did #and its called noir vogue and you cant do anything about it #(not the best at making brand names so bear with it)

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insomni-frog · 2 months

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A quick thing I made with a few of my characters that fit under the label to say

TERFS AND TRANSPHOBES AREN'T WELCOME HERE

If I haven't made that clear before

(Cream Sheep, the one in the middle, is MtF. While both Lorikeet, on the right, and Neapolitan, on the left, are here because they both made the choice to express themselves and their gender the way they want.)

#transgender #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #crk #cookie run oc #crk oc #art #my art #I feel like I could've worded the bottom stuff better but eh #The message is clear #And that is terfs and transphobes aren't welcome here #So get lost

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kitty-gray · 2 months

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No, you don't understand. "Love means you see someone, that's all" is such an important quote. For both, Dru and Ty.

Like, throughout TDA Dru felt invisible. Too young to fight but old enough to feel left aside. She's resolved to put herself in danger on her own if that means she can help in any way that matters. Even in TWP she hides her panic attacks, and probably so many other ways her trauma affected her.

And Ty, he dreams of being a detective and solving mysteries. He's always been the one trying to understand the world, but the only people who ever tried to understand him were his family.

They both see. They both are comfortable and used to it. But to be seen? I bet it's gonna be pretty epic.

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nicky-jr · 4 months

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"i know you did the best you could. but you needed to do better"

"i dont think you've been someone you'd choose to be around lately"

the kiddads continuously trying their hardest to fix the world they broke. being forced to make desperate calls to salvage what they can and protect their families. believing in the greater good. only to lead to disappointment from their fathers when the gravity of their actions dawn on them. what if i cried. what if i went crazy

#dndads #i could've worded this better but im TIRED and im sure u get what i mean #just. aughhhh #me when characters do fucked up things for what they believe is the better/only option left !!!!#that feeling of being backed into a corner and lashing out desperately comes to mind here #rambling

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ninthhousesteel · 1 year

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seeing an influx of posts about robin asking nancy for a pet and nancy vehemently refusing.... are we forgetting that this is the same nancy who was pulled away from her VERY important investigation in the trailer park just to go coo at a dog?

#i am a nancy defender first and a person second #will not stand for SUCH a blatant mischaracterization #nancy wheeler #ronance #this also could've been worded better but the idea is there

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elmhat · 9 days

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Now, bear with me here, because this is going to sound a little bit random.

My first few months of the DSMP were experienced entirely through Wilbur's eyes. Wilbur was the only streamer I watched. And I watched him because he was destructive and dramatic and underhand, right from the beginning, and that was entertaining to me.

See, the thing is, when I first became invested in the DSMP, I wasn't watching it like a traditional "story". I wasn't weighing up morality and character development like I would with a movie or TV show. I was watching the DSMP like a livestream. And in streams, you want that constant, fast-paced sense of entertainment—or at least, I did—and that's the kind of entertainment that often comes from causing chaos. I never saw c!Wilbur as the good guy, but I sure as hell was rooting for him! I gravitated more towards instigators than peacemakers because instigators are inherently more chaotic, which in my eyes made them more interesting.

Later on, I think it's also the same part of my brain that was responsible for a lot of my more deranged c!Quackity "apologism" (which I still happily partake in to this day, naturally). I began watching Quackity because he was chaotic and destructive and therefore making shit happen. That's how it works: the more intrigued I am by a character's chaos, the more I watch them; the more I watch them, the more sympathy I feel towards them. I think it's natural that you can better understand someone's motivations and struggles the more time you spend inside their head. But crucially, the sympathy for a chaotic character never outweighs the chaos—if it did, I wouldn't find them as interesting anymore! Because the chaos was the whole reason I started watching them in the first place.

And I just can't help but wonder if that's where certain groups of fans are coming from sometimes, when they'll defend a character without acknowledging or accepting any wrongdoing that character might have committed. It's what happens when the sympathy does start to out outweigh the initial chaos that made you start watching from that character's perspective. As the server shifted from primarily funny clip farm to primarily complex drama, it's understandable that the viewers' focus would switch from laughing along with a character to empathizing with them—but by that time, by the time you start seeing the story as a story rather than a stream, you can forget all about that destruction that drew you to the character in the first place.

I don't know. Just some thoughts.

#as usual I know I could've worded this better but I hope it still makes some kind of warped sense #the dash was discoursing so I figured what the hell #lore thoughts #discourse #<- not really but y'know #cc!wilbur mention

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slymanner · 2 years

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Going fucking LEGALLY INSANE

Im just

the way he looks back on when he opened himself up after the longest time for someone

someone he grown to love

someone he cared about

took care of her and let her open to him in a flipwart game.

marcy seeing him as this father figure

and he fucked it up.

he betrayed her.

he wanted to make his father proud and get the mission done, and redeem himself and get it done no matter what.

but now that it's done.

he has nothing else to think about besides his mistake.

what to do now after this?

his redemption for fucking up all those year's ago is done.

he made his dad proud but he still feel's...

empty.

the one thing making him feel full of happiness

gone.

and it just takes one note to realize it fully.

he realizes he can't go back.

he already fucked up big time.

but even knowing he can't go back and fix his mistakes

he want's marcy safe.

The one thing that gave him happiness, and that made him open up again, he wants her to be okay.

he probably can't apologize, but he doesn't care about that at the moment, he know he can't go back.

he just wants her, the one thing in his life that is still here.

to be okay.

#amphibia #amphibia spoilers #king andrias #marcy wu #i could've probably worded this better BUT IM SORRSORRY I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THISSSS #SOMEONE PROBABLY MADE A BETTER POST HAHAHAHAHA #BUT MAN #JUST MAN.

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justanaspiringsomeone · 2 months

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About Vere…

He fascinates me, specifically what we know in his profile.

His dislikes is rules and puzzles but his fatal flaw is being power hungry no matter what.

It makes me wonder if he's as smart as he lets on.

Hear me out.

Now don't get me wrong, Vere is very good with people. It's how he toys with them, gets information to use for himself, etc. etc.

he plays games with people. This can make him cocky and flippant when he's serious but no one takes him seriously.

but with this in mind... I kind of wonder if Kuras tried 'testing' Vere back in the day, which resulted in his imprisonment. Had Vere not gone for whatever was placed out for him, or thought better than to believe he was the hotshot, he might've been free still.

Alternatively, if not a test from Kuras.... What if something happened that regardless whether Vere is freed he might not be at full power anymore from the Senobium.

His utter disregard for rules and, therefore, safety. Cost Vere his freedom and it's not impossible if his power isn't what it used to be.

The highs of the reward overpowered the risk in his eyes.

#touchstarved visual novel #touchstarved vn #touchstarved #touchstarved theory #touchstarved vere #touchstarved kuras #ts kuras #ts vere #ts senobium #touchstarved senobium #this is straight word vomit #i could've worded some things better but #the basic thing is #Vere ain't as hot shit once he's figured out #dangerous ofc but you know #once you know his rules #you can turn the tide

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flame-shadow · 7 months

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He'd rather have an engaging conversation, but he's not immune to wanting to hunt something occasionally, especially if you run~

[tags from @din-1451]

#hollow knight #flameshadowart #id in alt #OC: Chalice #not soul master #response #i love chalice so much he's absolutely a beast but he's also one of the most pleasant people you're likely to meet in this kingdom #my wording in the dialogue box could've been better but oh well

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yunalesca · 1 year

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Franziska and her love for her "little" brother

Franziska and her wholehearted acceptance of Edgeworth as her brother despite them not being blood related

Franziska and her courage to try to stand up against her father to give said little brother a chance to shine

Franziska and her insecurities making her always strive to be perfect and better than others

Franziska and her stubbornness to never back down even though she's scared

Franziska and her support of women because she knows how hard it is to be a woman in a man's world

Franziska who, at her core, is aware she isn't perfect, is aware of who her father is and what he's done, is aware that she's young and has issues allowing herself to be vulnerable and isn't sure yet how to handle that trauma, but is still proud of who she is and how far she's come

Franziska

#anyways I love Franziska #ace attorney #ace attorney investigations #Franziska von Karma #this could've been worded better probably but tbh she's my favorite character in the series #y:p #text #it's ok if people don't agree with me but i adore her #this stems from conversations I've had with ru about her #I'd love for her to get her own game tbh #I just love how imperfect she is #I do love that she's wrong a lot and insists she's right #it's fitting for a character like her #also the whip is iconic tbh

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 10 months

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Trigun Stampede Character Thoughts: Vash

I've been putting off this write-up since I finished the show if for no other reason than whenever I go to analyze this funky little dude my entire brain just stalls and goes

✨ Hi, Vash. Hi. :) ✨

...anyways.

Here's a quick collection of thoughts on him now that I am finally more coherent! The hardest part of this was trying to make something readable with the sheer amount of things I could say about him. Geez.

(Please note that I have only watched Trigun Stampede! As of this moment, I am starting the manga and have not seen 98 Trigun. I thought it might be interesting to compare and contrast once I've read the manga. Bear with me in the meantime!)

Right off the bat, the show introduces us to who Vash is as a character - a pacifistic gunman who, while incredibly skilled, avoids confrontation when at all possible. When Meryl accuses him of running away out of fear, it's pretty quickly made apparent that, while it is out of some semblance of fear, it is not fear for himself. Rather, his concerns lie with other people's well-being first and foremost.

Or, really, his concerns lie near completely with other people's well-being. What happens to him is of very little consequence if it means everyone else is okay.

I want to talk about three different things when it comes to Vash, namely:

His incredible skill and competence

His terrible self-image

His solidly held pacifistic convictions

Skill and Competence

Ohhhh ok. So, I can't really comment on exact positions or maneuvers (I used to do martial arts pretty extensively, but it's obviously not the same kind and I know absolutely nothing about guns or marksmanship sorry), but I can sure tell you that I loved the way the animators had Vash move in episode 1 right before he pulls out his gun for the first time. I wish I knew how to make gifs properly because I would totally make one of that part. Even before Roberto's line that "acting brave is foolish" and "he's not long for this world" had finished, I was already convinced of the exact opposite. As someone who's done martial arts. Guys. The way he moves here.

It's a three step movement - he steps to the right, then to the left in an almost meandering way, shifting his body weight as he goes, before he grounds himself in a wide stance. It's slow, fluid, and calculated - a distinct contrast from his often jerky, exaggerated motions that we saw earlier. God I wish I had a gif. I don't think I can simply explain how insane it makes me. The animators could've just had him approach directly or run up to it - a lot of the times, with action heroes, there's a lot of flashy motion or jumping around, etc., which looks cool but isn't exactly something to be role modelling in an actual fight lol. But here? In the next episode, Nebraska mockingly says "this isn't the ballet" with regards to the dodging and spinning Vash does, but a lot of his motions... really are dance-like. He's damn near effortlessly shifting his center of gravity while remaining fluid in motion and completely balanced. No novice moves like that. He clearly has a lot of experience. For me watching, Roberto's line was refuted before he even finished it.

...which of course makes it even funnier when he realizes he's out of bullets. Oh, buddy. You looked so cool for a second there. Hjhdfnv

Really though, pay attention to the way he moves while fighting or shooting. He's always well-grounded, and the more serious the situation, the more fluidly and less exaggeratedly he moves. It's so, so cool. I don't know if I've quite seen that kind of motion in animation before, especially cgi (though it is possible I just haven't seen enough too...hehe...).

The episode 12 fight too! Again, Vash is balanced, even as he's being knocked backwards. He falls correctly, and allows his body to move with the gun. All his motions are precise and fluid. Contrast that to Nai, who is, uh... totally unbalanced lmao.

And then the way he tucks before he jumps out the window! The animation actually convinced me of this guy's over 100 years of experience. I actually believe it.

What's nice is that Vash, too, is aware of his own skill. He moves with a lot of confidence, and he clearly has a great degree of trust in his own ability to fight and shoot without seriously harming anyone - not once does he show the slightest bit of doubt in his abilities. One might expect, given Vash's refusal to kill, that he might be worried about accidental injuries when in the middle of a gunfight - but he isn't. Ever. The only way I can interpret this is complete confidence in his own abilities, and he most likely trained hard to specifically ensure that this would never be a concern. The trope of "character who doesn't want to fight or hurt people turns out to be really insanely skilled/strong" is always cool and fun, but in this context it's really a neat take on it, since I feel it is only because he refuses to kill that he intentionally developed such god-tier level marksmanship - I am going to go out on a limb here and assume it is much easier to accidentally inflict serious injury with a gun than it is to actively avoid doing so lol. He probably worked at being a really good fighter and gunman specifically so he could avoid killing.

I also find it kind of refreshing that he never calls his skills into question, since that does tend to happen with characters who have a poor self-image or low esteem. Which, uh, takes me to the next point.

Self-Image

Yeah, Vash's self-image is kind of in the gutter. He places the blame for all the tragedies that follow him on himself, despite the fact that he always puts in his full effort to prevent them from happening.

The majority of this ties back to his feelings of culpability for the fall. I want to direct your attention to the scene where Vash is digging the tally marks into the wall in episode 8 - it can't possibly be the number of days that have passed since we see the transition of the sun only twice and Brad looks shocked when he sees the all the tallies (which he wouldn't be if they had been there for that many days). With the way Vash's tallies look a bit like crosses and the fact that he greeted the people in cryosleep on Ship 5 by name in the first episode, suffice to say, he is probably making a tally of all the people who didn't make it through the crash - people whose deaths he feels personally responsible for.

Really, I wouldn't consider Vash even remotely responsible for any of that - he had the access codes but like. Zero intent or knowledge of what Nai was about to do with them. Regardless, Vash carries the guilt from it in the way Nai won't, because in his mind, someone needs to take accountability. Also important to remember is that the only reason any human being still lives on No Man's Land is because of Rem's sacrifice. Vash needs to maintain his belief in the capacity for human kindness and his no-killing code, because if he doesn't, her sacrifice would be in vain. He keeps her values and beliefs alive. She's in everything he does. Even hollowed out and stripped of his memories and identity, the mass of roots and flowers that engulf July take on her likeness.

So, really, in addition to Vash just being a generally compassionate soul, his staunch pacifism is a refusal to betray her beliefs and let his mother figure die a second time. I need to fucking lie down.

With all this strain he puts on himself, it's really not surprising that when tragedy inevitably strikes, he is very hard on himself, and from what we've seen this actually manifests in a set of consistent self-punishing behaviours - I am of course referring to episode 3's "I don't deserve to cry" and his refusal to eat in episode 4 (despite apparently needing to, unlike Nai). This is very similar to what we see in episode 8 with him as a kid, where he goes somewhat blank (no crying, no anger, all his negativity directed inwards and at himself) and refusing all food except what little he needs to survive because "it's a waste".

The worst part of this though, to me, is that we see from certain throwaway bits ("one bullet is two slices of pizza/two dozen donuts!", his kid self's eagerness at the sight of the birthday cake and the spread of food, his first question on seeing the geranium being to wonder if it is edible) that he not only needs to eat but also seems to enjoy eating - so his refusal to eat is not only a denial of a basic necessity but also of one of the few things he genuinely likes that he will allow himself to partake in. In the context of Rem framing food as something to share with everyone, it also makes me wonder if his self-denial is something along the lines of "I don't deserve to share this with them". In that sense, it's really important that Luida echoes a similar sentiment as Rem (implying she wants to share this food/include him, and that some of Rem's views survive in these remaining people).

I do wonder if, because food is associated with sharing to him, that it has something to do with needing to "earn a place at the table" in a way. While I think Luida was trying her best to juggle a lot on Ship 3 behind the scenes after the fall and clearly didn't want to keep Vash locked up like that, the crew only started treating him better and trusting him after he found a way to help them. The unfortunate view that Vash receives then is: "I need to earn their trust by being helpful." Vash is a chronic people pleaser - I can't think of a single point where he does something solely for his own benefit. He has no desire to scare or harm anyone (quite the opposite!) so he goes out of his way to be as helpful and non-threatening as possible - hiding his true nature as a Plant (to such an extent that he doesn't know anything about his powers and has effectively sealed them away - he's practically human), masking his facial expressions by cleverly hiding his face or letting the light reflect off his glasses, trying to laugh off his competence as luck and his scars as embarrassing.

Is it because he doesn't want to scare people? Is it because he doesn't want to feel othered from them? It's hard to say. It's probably a bit of both.

Nai accuses Vash of loneliness and desiring love, and of seeking to fill that gap by appeasing humans. While I don't think this is necessarily wrong, it can't possibly be accurate as a core motivation, since Vash doesn't seem to really... accept a lot of positive interaction. Whether out of concern for others' safety, a lack of feeling like he deserves it, being secretive about his past and identity, or some combination of the above, Vash tends to leave a lot. He leaves Jeneora Rock's celebration early, tries to walk away from Meryl even as she's calling out to him, runs away from Home when Brad and Luida listen to the recording. He throws walls up and distances himself by laughing things off, or smiling, or simply not explaining anything.

I mentioned this during my live blogging while watching episode 9, but as Independents, it's intriguing to me that both Vash and Nai exist outside the cycle of dependence we see between the Plants and the humans - both of which cannot survive without the other. Nai appears to revel in this detachment, but Vash also seems to self-impose a certain distance between himself and everyone else - for all his friendliness and inability to leave someone hanging who needs help, he practices a lot of recognizably avoidant strategies. He exists on the periphery, never staying in one place too long (he can't), and treating every interaction with a certain kind of resignation - an understanding that it is temporary. He seems to expect the inevitability of being chased out over and over. The slightest of kindnesses given to him he always feels incredibly grateful for. Perhaps he feels that kindness is more than he deserves.

I honestly dread to think how he'll react once he regains his memories of what happened to July. I trust that he'll keep pushing on, as he always does, but is he going to remember that he deserves to eat and smile?

I really hope so. Otherwise I will need Meryl and Wolfwood to bonk him on the head.

Pacifism and Conviction

The thing about Vash's pacifism is that it's very difficult to tell whether it is primarily motivated by love or guilt. Vash carries an incredible amount of survivor's guilt with him and he absolutely is doing his best to keep Rem's memory alive, but I don't think it can be denied that he isn't just acting out Rem's beliefs - he really does believe in them himself. He's also genuinely compassionate and does care and become invested in the well-being of others. In the end, I'm not sure it really matters. I don't think the guilt or love can be easily extricated from each other at this point; they are both powerful drivers of his actions and core to his identity as a person, and while this is not exactly ideal for getting him to be kind to himself, they both strongly feed into his continuous choice to be kind to others.

And it is a choice, not naivety, as pacifism is so often brushed off as. Vash's compassion is something he chooses over and over again, in spite of the way he is often treated, and the way his powers hold far more potential for destruction than even Knives. Wolfwood thinks that Vash doesn't understand harsh realities and is going to receive a rude awakening but he does understand - Vash just chooses not to accept violence as the only way forward and believes that things can change and improve, and is willing to expend that energy and extra hurt into making that a reality. Nai thinks Vash is helpless and brainwashed into his belief - note the way Vash frequently appears as his child self when Nai tampers with his Gate or his memories; the implication here is that Nai sees Vash as incapable of making choices for himself and in need of protection - but not only is this horribly demeaning to Vash's personhood, it simply isn't true. Even Meryl chews him out for what looked like running away to her early on, and Roberto thinks he's going to get himself killed sooner or later. Everyone underestimates Vash, at least at first. And well, it's easy to. He's just a silly little guy! He's a bleeding heart who tries to help everyone he comes across! He talks about nobody needing to die in a world where most everyone is starving and desperate! To the people in-universe, he would look like a total fool, and far too idealistic to last long.

Except, he has. He's around 150 years old, he's scarred to hell and back, but he's still alive and he still chooses kindness. That takes a special kind of improbable mental resilience and stubborn conviction - and that's what most of the other characters overlook. Vash is, indeed, very sensitive and emotional and an idealist - he's also much tougher and more rational than hardly anyone gives him credit for. He's an excellent judge of character too!

His ideals and that stubborn faith are everything that makes Vash who he is.

This scene in episode 12 is the only true moment of triumph in what is otherwise a tragedy all around. Nai would go as far as to destroy Vash’s very identity to get his brother back, but at the cost of losing everything that makes him Vash. These ideals are the core of “Vash the Stampede”, and no matter how foolish they may seem or how little others understand his conviction, this is an identity he has chosen for himself. It’s who he is. And this assertion, coming directly on the heels of Nai trying to erase him and remove that autonomy, is an undeniable brief triumph in the midst of it all. Nai will always be Vash’s brother, and he will always love him I’m sure, but they diverged in their persons a long, long time ago, and Vash adamantly refuses to be an extension of or accomplice to his brother’s crusade of hatred… even if that means going against him.

Vash’s kindness is so necessary to a world like the one we see in the series, on the verge of extinction and giving up. Approaching situations with understanding and communication is really the only way to help improve understanding amongst others - and this is one of his biggest strengths; it's even reflected in his use of his Plant abilities (communicating between himself and the other Plants, the way he can open a path both to and from the higher dimension unlike anyone else). In this way, Vash is something of a necessary conduit. I just wish he'd let himself feel a little more tbh. He represses a lot - he canonically won't allow himself to cry if he feels responsible, any flashes of anger are brief, he doesn't stick around to have fun really. Personally, I'd like to see him allow himself grief through tears, a little bit of genuine letting loose and celebrating, and actually expressing things like irritation and annoyance next season. Perhaps that's wishful thinking.

I don't know how to accurately summarize my thoughts on Vash well enough other than to say, in keeping with the whole Plant thing, he reminds me strongly of dandelions. Bright, cheery, grow through cracks and root where you don't expect them to ever be able to eke out a living. Regarded as a weed by many but very difficult to get rid of. Hardy, resilient, and pop back up after being beaten down. Kids make wishes on them.

Anyways. Hugs him hugs him hugs him x 60,000,000,000

#fuck this is absolute garbage but i've run out of steam and the words just aren't happening so this is what i have to offer lol #i feel like i could've expressed a LOT of these points better. alas. after days of working on this it's what i've got.#when i do the other character thoughts i'll expand on the relationship between the twins #and... whatever is going on with wolfwood (their conflicting views but also concern?)#but for now i think this will have to do i've rambled enough #storyrambles #<-sure did.#trigun #tristamp #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #tristamp meta #<-it's more a messy word collection than a meta but. sure. idk how to tag this agh #if i have referenced something incorrectly please let me know and i'll fix it!

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morsesnotes · 7 months

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Going through Shaun Evans' past work has made me realize how much my tastes have changed. He's often acting opposite a broody guy with dark hair, and when I was a teenager I loved those guys. That's who I'd be tuning in for, and I actually did watch Boy A ages ago for Andrew Garfield before I knew Shaun (though even then I was thinking "Who is that guy?").

Watching these movies and shows now, it's funny how little the broody types interest me. It's always such a relief when Shaun pops up and breathes some life into the scene by being unabashedly on the verge of tears or indignant or sinister or goofy, and I've kept feeling like I wish his character had a bigger role. Do you know what I mean?

I feel like in British stuff in particular there was a stoic reserved way of acting (especially among men) which was popular in the 00s-10s whereas with Shaun there's always this strong sense of passion and personality coming from him. It's refreshing, and I wonder if that's to do with his working class background because I've noticed it with other working class actors too. There's just something extra there which is compelling.

And a lot of that plays into his performance of Morse because while yes he is the ultimate sadboi, it's not in a meek or mopey miserable way, which it could've been. He has a fire raging in him at all times, comedic timing, gentle sincerity - so much in his eyes, line delivery, and facial expressions which make Morse the dynamic character he is.

#idk i'm sure i could've worded this better. i hope it makes sense and isn't just random thoughts scrambled together #shaun evans #endeavour #endeavour morse #itv endeavour #thinking thoughts

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shortmexicangirl · 10 months

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i wanna give whoever came up with the season 5 episode names a big whack on the head with a comically large hammer. WHY did you think it was a good idea to name 7 successive episodes revelation/revolution/representation/recreation and conformation/confrontation/collusion ?????

'in the ep where kagami gets akumatised-' 'protection?' 'oh no i meant the other one' 'perfection?' 'wait no i meant the one where kagami's mother got akumatised' 'ohhh pretension!' DO YOU SEE HOW STUPID THIS IS?? WHO CAME UP WITH THIS AGHJFDSKANB

#i get that they wanted to establish a difference from other seasons + that naming them after villains could've been too spoilery #but oh my GOD could you not have thought of anything better than 27 words ending in -tion???#besides re-creation none of the final 7 are even named after concepts of the kwami's so WHY?????#miraculous ladybug

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