#but i couldnt sleep with the thought in my head

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#aye. in another life i would have loved to be an illustrator #i dont like to do digital tho and i dont wanna b a starving artist and i like science too much #but it would make me so hsppy if i was allowed to draw all day everyday #forever and ever drawing #but nooo i wanted to get a phd in microbial evolution. and im procrastinating working on my preproposal #literally doing anything to not work on it. i coulf have been a illustrator. an endocrinologist. a neurobiologist. a paleontologist. but i #chose microbial ecologist then thought no fuck ecology and went for photosynthetic mechanisms #bc i do love my lil cyanos and i do love Microbiology. i love those underapprecated lil guys #the world is so big and beautiful and all i wanna do is understand. but my stupid brain doesnt work right and ive burried my wonder for so #long i wonder if ill ever have it back. i was reading a bunch of lil notes i wrote this semester and i go from #everything is so beautiful i cant stand it. there are angels in the sunbeams and they feel like healing. to im the world around me is #warping beyond my control. i cant feel any joy. my head is sending me terrible ideas but im not even scared. it feels inevitable #but last week i was so full of energy i couldnt sleep. nothing changed but the chemicals in my head #hopefully next semester will b better and i can stop feeling like damaged goods and feel bad fro my advisor #for having to deal with me. hes v nice and has a bip0lar brother so he's sympathetic but i wish he didn't have to b #i want to stop fantasizing about being something else and just focus on being better at what i am #but im such a pathological perfectionist that its so difficult to make any progress. but whatever ive been feeling alright for the #past week or so. hopefully that carries through. and maybe somedsy i can illustrate something for my precious baby cyanobacteria #unrelated

[orbmanson7]

So uhh

I bought the reanimator cup

#also they had creepshow lounge pants so i couldnt resist #reanimator #re animator #nothing like drinking water out of a cup with a severed bloody head on it 👍 #herbert west #anyway the cup is a cup but these creepshow sleep pants are fucking awesome #i love the crate so much #the crate my beloved #orbs thought bubbles #needles

[silenthillbunni]

📓🖊️🧸

#i feel so lonely now bc i have no one to talk to sksksk #my sisters gets mad whenever i try to talk 2 mom and she just slammed doors nd got irritated at me #nd my mom is so stressed nd in a bad mood so she just got annoyed when i tried saying smth to her #so ig i should just vent to my bestfriend beloved diary confidant thats been here for me for 5yrs<3333 #anywayyy today was rough.. i woke up w a headache after 3hrs of sleep :(( #but still had to get up nd get ready nd eat boxed mashed potatoes for breakkyy 🤢🤮 (it's so gross after eating it everyday lol) #then w my hunchback nd achy stomach i went to school. it was frustrating bc ppl r so fkn rude #they bumped into me at the bus nd i had to sit like a weirdo caging my left stomach side from everyone. had to elbow some dumb fkn guy bc he #pressed his backpack into my side. so i had to basically push it away from me lol he thought i was so weird. but move tf away asshole?????? #got to school nd checked myself in the mirror nd i was so pale i look like absolute garbage its annoying :(( #it was next to insufferable to endure class bc my head hurt so bad (it was the worst part i think) nd i couldnt sit up straight so my back #hurt so bad too sksksks :< #but i managed to write a little but on my assignment #then i left a bit earlier bc i couldnt stand it anymore i was feeling so bad #wrnt to the library bc i had to return some books. could only carry two small ones tho so have to go back multiple times sksksk #felt soooo bad but ate some more disgusting mashed potatoes nd took a nap w an ice pack. took a migraine pill even if it upsets my stomach🤣 #now a few hours later i feel better physically #buuuuuut im so miserable im not even kidding #idc if it sound pathetic or fatty but genuinely that moment w a cup of coffee nd a small chocolate treat everyday makes me feel sm better #like im not kidding!!!!! it does a lot for my peace of mind sksksk T-T #im so miserable bc i cant eat anything still im so hungry :(( #and im weak. im pale. my skin's dry. it's itchy bc of malnutrition... i feel faint nd dizzy nd slow nd just not good at all #im so frustrated i hate this sm i wanna feel strong and healthy!! i dont wanna be constantly hungry. i wanna go to the gym nd go for walks #i wanna be able to sit up straight nd not get back pain!!! #i know i know it's only been 8 days since surgery and it takes time to heal i get it..... :( #but theres just too much going on and im so sick and tired of it all #mostly i just wanna be able to eat and feel strong bc i feel so weak nd i miss food so much sksksksk

[xawkward-ariesx]

Stop writing so I won't be tired for my first day back to classes tomorrow -> stay awake thinking about the fic unable to write it and unable to sleep

#ace writes sometimes #writing thoughts #IL #pray for me lads #i have a 9am lecture tomorrow and i want to be well rested but im turning that fic over in my head like its stuck on a roundabout #you guys havent even seen intrinsically linked but i love her #this is the first decent chunk of writing ive done in a minute i dont want to sleep and break that progress but alas #edit: i stayed awake until after half 5 thinking about the fic #i read an entire fic to distract me and still couldnt go to sleep or stop thinking about it after that #and then my alarm went off at 7 and ive never been so mad at getting what i want i want motivation to write so bad and now its haunting me

[bambistan]

This is probably the most random thought I've ever had but....

Do you think there's kinky purebloods who are like, "ooohh yeah tell me I'm a pathetic mudblood mmm."

Anygay, that was all I wanted to say byeee.

#i was just about to sleep before this thought plagued my mind last night then i couldnt stop laughing #dont ask what goes on in my head bc i honestly dint know

[volatilemask]

im fucking sick

#id in alt #ultrakill #vm.txt #i had to take a break 4 hours in because it was 3 am and i needed to sleep #so i kept my computer on #and i couldnt sleep because i couldnt stop seeing him in my head #as soon as i closed my eyes. he was there. he was there i couldnt get rid of him #it was like someone strapped me to a chair and was holding my eyes open and forcing me to watch the minos fight over and over #it never stopped. i was so exhausted i wanted to sleep but it didnt stop. my brain was forcing me to watch this fight it never ended #the music wouldnt stop playing #his voice wouldnt stop playing #i cant explain this to you. i dont have the words. it was making me physically exhausted. like this wasnt just thoughts. #the fight was in my head. i couldnt escape i had to fight him in my head #are you listening to me. i had to fight him in my HEAD. I COULDNT ESCAPE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND.

[mihai-florescu]

I do think that kanata started growing his hair out more after madara wasnt allowed to visit him anymore. Then souma was tasked with cutting his hair but i think it brought kanata memories of madara so he stopped getting it done so often as a result

#no clue what ive been doing tonight i took a short nap at some point and this was a vague thought/visual that came out of it #in altered kanata said madara or souma would cut his hair but i think theres a clear timeline. to me. in my head #in my very tired sleep deprived head #i couldnt even nap properly it was like 20 minutes long #and i cant sleep now either #but im so very tired

[firemourn]

＊     VAX'ILDAN     ﹠     ❛     33  :  SENDER HOVERS OVER RECEIVER'S SHOULDER AS THEY COMPLETE A TASK .

          caleb is nine minutes and fifteen seconds into casting find familiar when they sense @cryptiique hovering behind them.  they have their coat folded on the bed and sleeves rolled up to the elbows , the bandages wrapped around his arms fully visible , a compromise with his mind to allow for mobility for spell completion.  they shift their weight as they lean forward to draw another sigil on the wood floor of the room and settle back onto their knees as they continue to chant quietly in sylvan.  their spellbook lays beside them , though they hardly reference it , the steps and words burned into their mind the first time they wrote the spell down.  

          the back of their neck continues to prickle , vax'ildan's presence overwhelming but not unwanted , though they stumble in the pronunciation of a word and hope that mistake isn't costly.  caleb uses a cantrip to light the charcoal on fire , and closes their eyes to complete this first quarter of the spell.  the chanting comes to a pause and a few of the symbols are set aglow in amber light.  a few minutes of break in the spell that he can use to carry conversation while still holding concentration.

          "     vax'ildan.     "     there is only amusement in their voice as they speak to him , tone low to keep from infringing on the spell.     "     this is an hour long spell , of which i have forty-three minutes remaining.  you are under no obligation to watch so closely if this bores you.     "     caleb keeps his eyes closed , careful to continue to imagine the threads of magic that connect them to the feywild , and the feywild to them.

#i was gonna sleep but then i couldnt get this out of my head so brrrrr here u go </3 a whole lot of spell nonsense and Vax Thoughts #ANS. #cryptiique

[thequeenoffishburrito]

Me at 2 am struggling to understand basic grammar terms

"Mom what's a verb, preposition, and noun?"

"GO TO SLEEP"

#bad jokes #textpost #text post #if this joke doesn't make sense/is incorrect then i didnt do the right research #i wish i was kidding when i say i had to research this to make this joke. the thought came to me in the shower cuz i want to make a funny #comic for my dnd/pathfinder character whos the household dumbass amongst his noble intelligent family. i had the punchline of go to sleep #and i knew he needed to ask a grammar related question but i realised/remembered i still struggle with understanding basic grammar/srs/ #i learned all this shit in a french elementary and even though back then my french was better as a kid everything that was said to me was #a confusing mess/mash up of words that went over my head so i never really understood-understood shit. i only knew things because it felt #right or wrong(i cant describe it) but if asked to define things i couldnt explain it in words. #blame the tism #so yeah while i've gotten better now to this day i still occasionally need to look up the defintion of a noun or verb when doing madlibs :')

[witchblade]

anyway my scary dreams

#i took a nap accidentally and was dreaming i was still in our room awake #but i was watching? tv in front of me.. where there isnt a tv #and it was just a man talking like a newscaster but i couldnt hear him #and i started getting frustrated ans suddenly i heared this like animal scratching sound above my head super loud #and i thought i saw flashing and i woke up into sleep paralysis 😀 #heard* heared hee hee

[summerof336bc]

experiencing shrimp emotions about derrick krueger ... no loss, no disappointment .......

#entries #it is listening to the ballad of unremarkable derrick krueger. Ough ..... #the fans call me der! ...or they would if i had fans...... #proud of every strike i throw write em down in a ledger thats nowhere near full! & when im jamming out with the team its easy to forget #im not the one not the one theyre cheering for! #im more than what i lack!!! im ready to start! #every day i get lost in the thoughts that haunt my head when i wake up..did i sleep through the only years that i have for a future i dont? #CHILLS SETTLE OVER THE OUTFIELD ANOTHER MEDIOCRE GAME WITH NO RETURN ON YIELD NOBODY LOOKING UP FROM THEIR PHONES #AS THE EYES IN THE DARK GLOW BRIGHT ANOTHER LIGHT ANOTHER LIGHT GOES OUT!! #THE SMELL OF ASH & PITCH THE SOUND OF NAILS ON WOOD THE TASTE OF SALTY AIR THE FEELING THAT I COULD!!! #I GUESS I'LL NEVER HEAR MY NAME RAIN DOWN FROM OVER THE STANDS. I GUESS I'LL NEVER SEE MYSELF REDEEMED IN THE EYES OF THE FANS #WE'RE NOT A TEAM WE'RE PROTAGONISTS!!!! BUT WHOS WRITING THE STORY? & WILL I MAKE IT IN??! #IS THIS ALL THAT I AM AT THE END OF THE DAY? ONE MORE NAME FOR THE TICKER? ONE LESS LOUSY GARAGE PITCHER? #as the sky grows dim tell them i did my best! i was funny & kind please dont let them forget! im sorry i couldnt make the grade!!! #when my body burns out will my name fade away? #SCREAMS CRIES I LOVE YOU DERRICK KRUEGER I LOVE YOU NAME & STATS

[x-jean]

I cant believe FFL's kudos/hits like

Wowowow

#i am not a writer. im an artist- i draw #i started this fic because i couldnt draw at the time #it was an idea that was living in my head that i used to think about to put myself to sleep #a friend conviced me the idea was great and that i should post it and well #here we are! 12 chapters and a few years later #i mean i absolutely plan on finishing this. life has just gotten in the way #im just so blown away by the response like?? #people... enjoy my writing?? my thoughts and ideas??? #absolutely insane #totally wonderful #but also insane #anyway. if you've read this far and you've read my fic #thank you so much!! you keep me wanting to write!! #and maybe i'll draw some scenes from FFL too #friss talks #friss writes #friss' life

[robinsnest2111]

ah, the current intensity of the curse inflicted pain reminds me of my youth when I would have to spend several days curled up in bed, totally incapacitated by it. I don't like the direction my body is going with this tbh

#like come on i thought we were past that 😭 #but here i go with pain so bad it makes me tear up #and i really only cry from the worst physical pain #one other time was that really bad cold where i couldnt breathe and my head felt like it'd explode any second #and i couldnt sleep for fear of asphyxiation and obviously because the pain was so bad #made me proper suicidal to the point of me considering asking my father to just shoot me with the revolver i know he has lol #the curse pain isn't quite as bad but actually pretty close ngl

[stay6sic]

the crazy thing w pills is that you really do just be taking em bc fuck life? like I've noticed I take my meds sometimes just because I don't wanna do the next 8 hours or 12 hours or 24 hours or 2 days. addiction is really evil that way, I completely understand why someone would want to just say bye to the world especially if it's as easy as swallowing a pill and waiting 10 mins?

not to negate the very true, real reality that you're just pushing your problems away for another day or till when you "think" you'll be able to handle them more. but then, just like that, you've built a coping mechanism

#wren thoughts #just in my head abt i know i should probably talk to someone abt my meds but i havent had a real doctor in forever #and im so scared of going crazy again bc how the FUCK am i supposed to sleep at night #ive been an insomniac ever since i was a child and when i finally figured out nytol and nyquil and mucle relaxant i was like #oh wow i can actually sleep? #but i couldnt do that forever right #so i finally built a tolerance and went crazy again bc no sleep and thats when they put me on seroquel #and now years later i cant sleep without my meds and that shit is scary bc lowkey i just lost a child and #it just makes me think #idk

[mikkouille]

I've embarked myself into too much video game story it's all over now

#i was possessed couldnt stop #at last i go to bed. #last time finishing the expac did that except when i got to the trial i did get reasonable n stop to go to bed #this time i just went in (it went so badly fjdjdjs it was a struggle but twas fun in a way) both cuz i wanted to keep the high n i wanted #to know also and also smallest reason i felt agter seeing the guide that if i didnt go in immediately i never would vjfjdnsjs #see aforementioned disastrous go at the fight. it looked like itd be #twas for whole different reasons tho but man it was so messy gjgjfjdjejd i think once the chaos hit there was no return the disorganization? #but in hindsight. i only died of my mistake once. and it was just after being rezzed after the near wipe on attempt2 so. i dont count those. #i was blacked out being revived when boss casted his blizzard ofc i got frozen. #👈 excuses #its okayyyyyyyy we were all dying #n everytime i did catch a glance of the party list i wasnt at a healer spot so. granted idk how the healers could even do any damage #considering they had to just rez everyone all the time #how long was it into the fight that i glanced into the health of the boss in the middle of looking at everything but as i was just trying to #not die and keep punching— and that guy had basically not been damaged at all since the phase change cjfjdjsjks seeing that thing #near its half health 😮 oh we're never making it out #but we did! at what cost. #typin cuz i cant sleep rn. thoughts being thunked #im immensely sad i have to do fight replay in my head to not succumb to the sorrows of having endured it all emotionally. #it not being the fight the fight was fun 💗 #tho gotta say. on attempt two. i did wonder if we were over when i saw the lb. was like oh aint that too early #and then i died ☺️ so i was right. #i was right next to the tank who activated it too gbdjsjszj it was the end next time ill remember. stay away from the tanks til its late #time and thus survive if they do a timing mistake thru the power of the ripples like that one other girlie who made it out alive #OH SHIT realised its cuz of her that we kept going actually #had a moment of !?? both healers were dead.... the rdm save ofc #tho granted itd prolly have been much faster to jusg restart after checkpoint if checkpoint was real indeed. sunk cock fallacy.... #i sweated and shaked so much thru this encouted this was just like going thru ct the first time but more enjoyable. cuz i was dead the whole #time. just a few times #also nearly lost the qte both attempts!!?? any other qte before that was so fine and easy this one just shrunk so fast tho?

[lazyrezi]

Someone should just make my headphones and my skull become one and the same. Preferably a surgeon, but they probably have better things to do.

#thoughts #construction workers back at it again for hours on end #i CANNOT exist without music right now #it would be to the benefit of society at large if i couldnt remove my headphones #and if they STOPPED SLIPPING OFF MY HEAD WHEN I LAY ON MY SIDE #life is hard when youre sleep deprived and have a comfy bed right at your disposal #and yet!!! #you cant sleep