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#but i did find some other helpful stuff
can-of-slorgs · 6 days
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The other researchers are also here! (magical edition!)
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kreachvera · 5 months
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my son he has 73 diseases and turned evil .
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pwab au zappa. pwabba if you will
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mettatonswife · 15 days
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AJDJSOAJW I MADE MY SPAMTON PLUSH THE DEFRAG OUTFIT
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I'm so normal. About. This comicc
Yes
Defragmentation by @zarla-s go read it if you haven't rjkwsjdkdhkash
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possamble · 3 days
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realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille
#possramble#ignore this im just babbling but#the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel#and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession#platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together#like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married#convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist#but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain#like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just#the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends#the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me#like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed#the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk#people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!!#but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out#don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck.#i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing.#she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it#and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not.#she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over#like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics#and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with#they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic#it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out#like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched#love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it#anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me#it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3#it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.
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Im so excited to almost be done w comms bc i cannot wait to Also jump on the bandwagon and play dress up w Peppino
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soldier-poet-king · 11 months
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Got asked for my professional opinion today on a complex legal issue by a much senior coworker 😭🥺 on the basis of my response, i got asked to join in on a meeting with some higher ups to explain what I had explained to said coworker 😭🥺 I am going to get a good grade in Career and Being Smart, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve
#alas my boss isnt here today to see how smart and competent i am when ppl as abt stuff I actually know abt#im sorry. i find thid one weird niche legal thing. SO INTERESTING#it was a sort or coworker who asked. shes also an archivist. but soon to be retired. and for a related but separate org#but our offices our next to each other#and i got to be smart and competent:)#nothing like riding that high of being extremely knowledgeable abt random specific things#its like. the same high i got from being in school#i DONT miss writing a billion essays a term. i DO miss positive reinforcement and academic approvak#since academics is the only thing i was ever good at#yes yes gifted kid burnout but more like. i was a poorly adjusted mental ill kid but i did Good In School tm#so no one ever bothered to help me. and now academics are the only way o can feel valued#I LOVE BEING COMPETENT AND SMART.#there i said it. i AM a horrible prideful gremlin#and its been a year since grad and thats the longest I've ever gone without teacher/professor approval#im dying. need me some external validation#i am goid at what i do. there i. said jt#i am a good information professional. i like metatdata. and finnicky digital files. and obscured IP issues that only affect#*affect very certain types of fonds#I EVEN LIKED REWRITING A LEGAL DEED#who have i become. alternate universe me was a bureaucrat. im so sorry. i love paperwork#and i love being PRECISE. everything needs to be finnicky and exact and say what it means and mean what it says#and it all has to be in service of smthn bigger and greater and more good#ironically. in my personal time. i am. messy lil bitch. but theres no room for finnicky wordsmith puzzles irl#i like this far more as a job.#sorry rae we were just talking abt how u hate medical records management and here i am like. 😍😍😍 legal issues in archives
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savage-rhi · 1 month
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.Magenta.
#in a nut shell...#my whole team betrayed me minus 2#i was told and swore up and down that my absences related to disability were not an issue#come to find out that wasn't the case#there was resentment and everyone did a damn good job putting on an act and masking#i cannot begin to describe the kind of betrayal i am feeling#i believe in being transparent especially if you're part of a team of people who help others with mental health issues#i expressed many times that if my conditon caused inconvenience or problems then approach me and we can navigate around it together#i worked with these people for over 10 months and no one said a damn thing#i had no indication or inkling there was anything amiss even when i inquired before.#even my supervisor who was supportive and freely gave me and approved of time off lied to my face#and as a i handed in my belongings today everyone was ordered not to engage with me because on monday i utilized the chill space#aka the rage room after hours when the kids were gone because after getting interrogated by HR trauma from former work places came up#and with long covid stuff im still figuring out i needed a spot to vent#im not the only employee btw that used that room for personal raging everyone at some point has used it to either be contemplative#scream or toss punch and throw things so long as the kids are not on grounds we can do that#yet when i finally hit that point and want to decompress safely suddenly i am the dangerous monster#these people are supposed to be trauma informed#well trauma informed my ass#on a positive blessing i never have to work with these assholes ever again and i pray we never meet in public#its going to take a long time and a lot of healing before i think i will be able to trust people fully again#savage magenta#magenta is my vent word
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coulsonlives · 8 months
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I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.
#it's painful because i knew someone who personally faked this stuff (or has convinced herself she has it i can't even tell)#she had spent all her time on tiktok and i know for 100% sure that's where she got the idea. it's TRAGIC how fast things went downhill#i'm legit horrified at how many people (esp young kids of 13-14) think they have this too. or are just pretending#i've been neck deep in hardcore research (and i'm talking pubmed sciencedirect etc only) for months#and those kids definitely don't have did.. if they have trauma and are dissociating it's going to be something else like dpdr etc#the number of stupid 'you have did' answers i see for totally basic questions like 'i got dizzy what's wrong w me' is insane too#it's like googling 'muscle twitch' and then thinking you have some rare 1/billion familial cancer thing despite other obvious explanations#but worse.. in these cases the information is being fed to them. they don't have an opportunity to explore other possibilities#and the worst part is they don't even know to CHECK THE VALIDITY OF WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE SAYING. they don't have info literacy#like i'll say this once: did is so rare that it's STILL contentious about whether it even exists#and it only happens in the most unimaginably traumatic experiences. think of the worst possible things you could do to a child#where even just thinking about it makes you uncomfortable. THAT'S the kind of trauma that leads to did. the truly evil stuff.#i'm not even gonna start on the BITE model shenanigans that are happening in the 'did' communities either#or how the people who used to be in them (and got out) always equate them to self-harming cults that celebrated not finding real answers#they got told they were 'perfect the way they were' despite having OBVIOUS psychological issues they needed help for#(it just wasn't did)#they were assured their 'did was valid no matter what'. toxic positivity ig? it just delayed their real diagnosis and ability to get help#but now you have gluts of people like in the video 'talking to themselves' and people on tumblr posting one-liners of 'alters' talking#one after the other within seconds. and i want to fcking cry because it's the same exact shit my friend did before she cut ties#the did/tourettes/ftlb stuff has literally been called a 'mass sociogenic illness' in multiple academic studies#but like qanon believers they seem to immediately discredit anyone who mentions this with 'you're just ableist' so anything you say is poo#aka you're part of the problem you're an 'ableist' so your legit info even though legit isn't valid/acceptable/real/whatever. i'm tired fam#did#dissociative identity disorder#osdd#ddnos#munchausen syndrome#mass psychogenic illness#ableism
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dandyshucks · 9 days
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second life tip in 24 hours: pls do not drift by lunch esp if u have mental health struggles as is, you will suffer the quencies severely T^T
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verycoolsnails · 1 month
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YAYYY MISHA THEME!!!
MISHA 💖💓🩷❤️💕💖💓🩷💖❤️💖💓💓💖🩷💓
#i loevev them so much did you know that#currently saving up for him and it is HELL after spending it all on sparkel .so many quests and not enough timw .........#and . ouhhh havent had the chance to talk abt . shit what is it called . lemme go see real quick .#A CHILDS DREAM . yknow that one map with the text on the walls and the melted clocks and stuff .#that was done . SO incredibly well it makes me INSANE...........#so like . im 100.1% sure the speaker (who talks abt mikhail a lot) in that room is misha.#like that IS her voice right . im not going insane#its just . auuh... the dreams (or at least golden hour) in peacony are so childlike .... like . some of the puzzles are jigsaw puzzle ;#turn into a small cartoon character ; and help the cartoon character find his cartoon gears .#and then you get to clockie . who can only be seen by someone w a childs innoence (or smth around those lines)#and that misha can see clockie . which like . cool right ? yeab. UNTIL YOU GET TO A CHILDS DREAM ..#where theres something just ... sososo off .#and its ... its just gotta be misha . its gotta be . idk if theres anything outside of main story im missing (there probably is)#BUT . augh . auf even .#childs dream still has these childlike qualities to it (the paper birds; walking on walls) but just ... more warped#(the general atmosphere of the place; the monsters even .)#the music having a music box to make the tone of the song more distressing ... how its so much more smaller than golden hour ..#aughhhhhh ... its just such a good parallel..... i could talk abt it all day really .#anyways . i WAS going to tell u abt my misha theory (which may or may not be confirmed) bu t i got DISTRACTED.#uhh anyways . my theory is that misha is somehow trapped in peacony .#when misha goes onto the parlor car they mention that theyve never been outside of peacony before and that she can t stay for long .#which i imagine is very normal! BUT its this combined w her lock motif (pupils; most of the doors in childs dream) thag make me suspicious#i mentioned before that golden hour has a very childish quality to it. and that misha has that childish quality.#okay well . what if mishas being kept there so that golden hour can keep on being a dream for other people?#and so that would make golden hour mishas dream. (or part of his dream? could be more people the familys keeping)#and that would imply that childs dream is . well . mishas nightmare .#uhm . i think thats it ..? if i come up w anything else ill . ramble abt it somewhere . definitely not the most eloquent but#i hope i got the point across <33#i think its an understatement to say i love misha . i LOVE MISHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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rohirric-hunter · 1 month
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the-trans-dragon · 8 months
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Hehehe >:3 got a kissie and some headpats from a pretty girl >:3 muahahahahahaha >:3
#sorenhoots#sometimes i remember that i am living the life that i ached for during lonely years#like i just get to wake up and live my gay little life??? kinda fucking awesome even if many other parts of life are very stressful#im so glad i met my wife who loves me for who i am 🥰🥰🥰🥰 and 😈😈😈 heheh then i met my other partner???? like. i thought my wife made me#the happiest i would ever be and then WOOSH i met ANOTHER person who makes me incredibly happy? i did not know the happiness could DOUBLE.#i figured it was like 0%-100% and my wife made me like 100% of my capacity for happiness and then its like 200% now and im realizing that my#capacity to experience joy and peace isnt static and frankly probably increases steadily over a lifetime as i grow and change and learn to#appreciate things more. anyways im in a content happy lil gay mood this morning :3#my partner got to visit us recently to help us get emotionally ready for some stressful stuff but now the most stressful parts are done and#now that the stress is fading i am finding so much happiness has been in my chest waiting to burst! it was sooo good to see my partner hehe#and the situation is even cuter because my wifes partner also came to visit and my wifes partner is my partners wife also so like. adorable#symmetry. my partner and my wifes partner have another partner and if you draw out a little diagram of us you will see it is shaped like a#house :3 a square with a triangle on top :3 hehe metamours everywhere :3 super super super wonderful metamours. its literally almost like a#fairy tale to have a polycule??? like?? im so excited to live somewhere that isnt like 9 hours from them. oh my god they also have a cat and#shes the cutest. me and my wife have a cute cat also and we are like 👀👀👀 tenatively anticipating that they will get along 👀👀👀 ive#specifically worked with my cat to help her know how to behave around other cats. my neighbor is retired and does TNR on the local strays#and they get attached to her and hang out in her backyard or her house lol like one snuck in and this was before they had any cats and they#didnt know he snuck in until he hopped onto her bf's chest at night to snuggle up. and hes a big cat and if you felt him drop onto your#chest in the pitch black of night you might absolutely mistake him for a racooon or possom or some other beast. anyways he sneaks into all#the houses down the street apparently and is just kinda like “the retired people down the street”'s cat lol. and daisy would hiss and yowl#out the window at him but i always tried to show her that he is friendly (and give her treats to attempt to tell her 'he isnt a threat. have#a snack. see? if he was a threat then we would not be having snacks.' and eventually he ran into us while i was letting her outside on her#harness and!!! i was absolutely ready to defend either of them from the t#other but they just cautiously sniffed each other and then laid down. it was fascinating to observe. daisy also responds really well yo#to meeting new people :3 though she proved me wrong by hiding from some maitenence ppl recently. but then she met my metamour and was pretty#much instantly like 'oh ok ur family? sounds gok#sounds good.' so thats cute and i hope if we end up in the same house with the other cat in the polci#polycule. well i hope they get along!!!#idk what we would do if they didnt. there are lots of other housing arrangements (like renting a duplex or next-door apartments or#something) but i want them to get along anyways :3 no matter what sort of living arragement works out best. i think theyd be good for each
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simcardiac-arrested · 9 months
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Im trying to do one of those iterator ask blogs, do you have any tips? Especially for getting it off the ground? Since I’m just kinda stumped about how to be interesting and reel people in, as I supposed to post at certain times? And what kind of things should I post if I haven’t gotten any questions. I’m sorry if these are kind of odd questions lol. And a lot in advance! :)
i swear i replied to an ask with askblog tips before but i cant find itttttttttt Falls to the ground. so i’ll just answer this as it is then (i managed to ramble for a bit so i put it under the cut)
umm. i wouldn’t say i exactly. have advice. for getting your blog off the ground. Because if you ask me how my own askblog got so much attention i would say I dont know . the only reason i even started it was because someone in the tags said i should and the concept of an askblog was appealing to me So i did that. and if you go to the very beginning of the blog you will see that most of the asks are just from my friends asking either silly or serious stuff. so i guess on that front my word of advice is just …. go to your friends. and be like Dude you will never believe what just happened to me (made an askblog) and let them get interested in it. just the same circle of friends can circulate the askblog long enough to attract new people. probably ?
i mean i guess the thing i also did was reblog the intro post to my main. once. and then never again. i reblogged asks sometimes if i liked them or if they were funny but i mostly kept my main blog stuff and askblog stuff separate (i suppose i did at that point have mostly rain world fans as my following so me reblogging it to my main maybe made them interested) you absolutely do not need to post at certain times. i mean…. you Can get a schedule if you wanttt. but like it’s literally fine i just answer asks whenever and ball
another thing about asks is that. Asks Produce Asks. so to speak. because everytime you answer an ask you get at least 3 more for it. so as long as you keep answering asks you’ll keep getting asks, though sometimes people will also send you stuff even if you havent answered in a month or something. But yeah i guess what im trying to say for this uhh …. if you don’t get any asks at first either try and get your friends to ask some questions. or if not that then maybe ask yourself stuff ….??? i dont knowww but like i said when ppl see an answered asks they get motivated to send an ask of their own. so
umm if you havent gotten any questions in a while you can just post. whatever. it’s your askblog. you can lorepost or you can just post silly images relating to your iterator oc The world is your oyster man
some more general advice is to draw asks however you want. you don’t have to fully polish and color all of them, you can just color certain ones or hell never color any asks, you can even not draw at all because i know some people reply with just in-character text. either way i promise you at least Someone will be interested so. good luck ? i hope that helped at least a little bit
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seknots-izumimir · 3 months
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vaniiii ehe hiya :3 umm we got a system sideblog if yer interested in seein more of us... but ummmm hiya !!!! i missed ya n im glad t' see ya... do ya got any advice fer copin wit' lack of attention from an fp.... we're okay but if ya got anythin it might be helpful for us :33 ehe i love yaaaa -🪴
MIIIIIKAAAAA!!!!!!!!! i missed u guys </3 i would love to see more of u tho i miss you guys when you're not around... although i guess technically you are since you said we're mutuals but skdghds
ough. tbh i've been pretty lucky insofar that i haven't had a lotta issues with that... but in my experience usually if i gotta be left alone for awhile distracting myself helps a lot? like. go down a wikipedia rabbit hole, or do a puzzle, or play a game you get super invested in. just something to focus on so you don't end up in your own head kinda thing yanno??? otherwise don't feel bad to just. ask for attention? like. it's not illegal to have human desires. and as long as your fp isn't busy or something they probably don't mind talking with you a lil :3 although idk for sure i know everyone has different relationships with their fp so ^^; do not listen to me if you know it'll cause you harm/strife/etc :< also naps. bc those pass the time reaaaaal quick. its like a lifehack. feeling bad? take a nap. you'll either feel amazing after or like you got smacked in the face with a trout ! oh and also like. doing schoolwork or smth productive maybe? thats not really fun tho so dskghds maybe pick up a kinda time-consuming hobby like crochet or cross-stitch or something where you can use that to distract yourself and have something to do with your hands :3?
but if its like. ur Already Feeling Bad i recommend like. watching a movie/tv show/etc that you really like or getting a Little Treat(tm) or something :3 curl up with a cozy blanket and drink some hot cocoa or tea or something !! its not like. a sure-fire fix. but i find the combo of distraction + comfort media + Little Treat tends to make you feel at least a lil better :3 also if it gets Very Bad just like. destroy some old school work you don't need or somethin. tearing papers to shreds is sooooooo fun. make sure u don't accidentally rip up something you need though skjghds it helps to calm down a lil and then you can work on relaxing a little more !! its not like. guaranteed. but sometimes gettin some of the destructive urges out helps
ily2 mika <3 i would die for u btw /lh
#at least i get destructive urges idk. i usually just rip up papers and stuff i don't need if i get like that#most of the time i can just deal w/ it via distractions (mmmm shitty mobile games) but !! sometimes u gotta Rip And Tear#most of my strats are just. distract urself. bc it gives you time to calm down and process stuff even if you don't realize it#so. ye. jus kinda be nice to yourself :3 it helps a little. perhaps get a plushie to cuddle with even#i have plushies my fp got me and i keep them on my bed and cuddle them when i miss them nd stuff#it helps a little !!! making yourself feel better can be rlly hard tho so don't feel bad if you struggle a bit !!#find some friends to talk to too if you can !!! it rlly helps to have people to talk to even if they don't entirely get it#just having other people around can help. i message with a few friends when my fp is busy sometimes and it helps keep the loneliness#at bay a little :3 but !! obv i cannot guarantee any of this will work for you !! but hopefully some of it is helpful at least !!!#I FORGOR U CAN'T PUT READ MORES IN ASKS. AUGH. this got so long srry mika ily#anyway !!! i am glad to see u :3 i was thinking abt u guys recently actually sdkghsd#i was worried u guys might've been one of the people in recent times that've blocked me or something orz#ily. stay safe. nd !! lemme know if i can help you guys somehow :3#im not like the most versed in system nor bpd stuff but ! i have my silly little experiences to go off of#system anon 🪴#long post#<- j. just in case. bc this did get Long. oopsies
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misterbaritone · 4 months
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Aquaman 2 is like… Thor Ragnarok crossed with a Step Brothers/Rush Hour fusion spliced with the first Aquaman movie. Could’ve been worse but it could’ve been a lot better too. Solid 7/10. 6/10 on its worst day.
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kyouka-supremacy · 2 years
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what are your opinions on ch14? its one of my fav chapters tbqh so im curious to know why u didnt like it initially and what changed
Thank you for this question! Writing down your thoughts is always fun eheh. Predictable negativity on bsd storytelling and Higuchi characterization under the cut, so please don't read if that's something possible to ruin your mood!!
So here's the thing. We need a bit of context first. Okay, you might know I'm not a big fan of bsd's poor female characters writing in general. My first contact with chapter 14 was when I was watching the bsd anime for the first time. Higuchi is introduced as this woman who is very cool!!! She lured the main character into a trap, pulled out these massive riffles and started shooting everywhere. It was nice. Then, she's badly mistreated by Akutagawa, and it's gross; Higuchi's relationship with Akutagawa is so fucked up. And then the following episode 11 (that is the corresponding of chapter 14) is all about it, about Higuchi's fucked up relationship with Akutagawa, but like... Romanticizing it? Saying it's good for this woman to stay at her work place where she's made miserable on daily basis?
What's most distasteful isn't the beating up itself from Akutagawa, although that is sure to leave a very bitter taste (after all, as a shonen-ish series, violence is nothing out of the norm); what's highly disturbing is the clear unbalance of power between Higuchi and Akutagawa, or how Higuchi is constantly depicted as being obsessed with Akutagawa while Akutagawa is openly violent with her. And the way he reprimands her! And the way she's clearly distraught at his words- not to mention the countless times it's shown how emotionally hurt she was by him. This kind of stuff is depressing. Because like!! What if we didn't romanticize men hitting their female partners!!!!! The bar is *that* low!!!!!!
And Higuchi is portrayed as being obsessed with Akutagawa. She was willing to die trying to save him, even being aware she alone couldn't do anything to win over an enemy organization... Because apparently dying trying to save him would be better than living without him? Girl, you deserve so much better. The “it's not easy to leave the Port Mafia, but it's not impossible. I've thought about it many times. Yet I didn't, because... ” sentence is sorta implied to refer to the fact that she didn't leave the Port Mafia because she was in love with Akutagawa (Ryuunosuke), right? I interpreted it that way when I first watched the anime, and I still believe it's the phrase's main implication– also because the actual closing sentence “because it's my job” doesn't make any sense, as she's basically saying “I'm not leaving my job because it's my job”; it's evident there's a deeper meaning to it hinting to Higuchi having romantic feelings for Akutagawa (unless... the circular phrase is used to metaphorically express how she's hopelessly stuck in a toxic work environment, but I can hardly imagine the author going such lengths to express a concept they visibly have no interest in developing). Point is, the fact that she's basically saying she's willing to keep working for a job that makes her allegedly unhappy just because she loves a man is... Not great. Besides, Higuchi going “it's my job” at Akutagawa after he asked her sorry like???? Now, after ten months of being into bsd, I can find it vaguely cute, but you can bet the first time I watched it I was like. bestie, beloved, light of my life, your job can NOT be to endure abuse after abuse from your coworker. Get yourself a new job asap, and feel free to deck Akutagawa too while you're at it.
What's nasty about Akutagawa beating Higuchi again isn't the beating itself, as much as Higuchi being obsessed with Akutagawa despite of it, and their whole dynamic never being framed as negative. It would be one thing if the whole situation was framed as toxic but... It's very much not. It's not like the reader is lead to despise Akutagawa for what he does, it's just something that's there. The narrative doesn't look like it's going in a direction of Higuchi emancipating herself either, but rather learning to roll with the abuse thanks to fleeting rewards of acknowledgement which is, once again, gross. It's gross to display a model of woman who would stay in a work place that constantly mistreats and disrespects her because it's worth her abusive crush telling her “I'm sorry” once every blue moon. Hell yeah you are sorry Akutagawa! If Higuchi had chosen to cut off his life support right there I wouldn't find it hard not to consider it rightful and legit on her side. The way they handle Higuchi's character is gloriously catastrophic and there's maybe not a better example of how the author doesn't know how to write women, has literally no clue on... The fact that women are p e o p l e and any sane person would leave such a toxic environment at the first chance. But of course they would rather think any woman would stay stuck with a terrible job if it's for a handsome, brooding guy (bruh??? Bruh???????? Sorta crying right now sorry)
Then again, the issue isn't even the relationship being toxic itself– I mean, it sucks for Higuchi, but one can decide to portray a toxic relationship in fiction. The issue is that it's evidently not intended to be perceived as toxic. Nobody ever sides with Higuchi, or voices the fact that she's evidently being abused; Higuchi easily forgives Akutagawa when he apologizes (it doesn't even count as forgiving because she never was even angry or frustrated at him to begin with what the fuck). Akutagawa hitting Higuchi is even used as a gag and like. What the fuck. Who in the world could ever find it funny. What the fuck.
Tbh when I entered the fandom I was very surprised to find out the cycle of abuse was typically framed like this:
Mori → Dazai → Akutagawa → Kyouka
when after watching the anime I definitely had an idea more of the sorts of:
(Mori) → Dazai → Akutagawa → Higuchi
(Very side note but at this point Mori towards Dazai barely counts as abuse, like what did he even ever do to him? Emotional abuse barely stands too since Dazai is, on admission of Mori himself, extremely hard to manipulate)
I feel like Higuchi and Akutagawa's relationship mirrors a lot what used to be Akutagawa's relationship with Dazai when Dazai was still in the pm, especially in the way both Higuchi and Akutagawa are obsessed with their own senpai and gaining his approval. And honestly, just as I am a firm supporter of Akutagawa growing out of his infatuation for Dazai and never forgiving him for what he's done to him, I also believe Akutagawa doesn't deserve Higuchi's forgiveness and could rot in hell as much as I care (joking, but also, don't hurt Higuchi and then expect to have my sympathy).
Plus, THE WHOLE “this female leader becomes useless and powerless as soon as her talented partner is out of the game” the episode carries through like NNNNGGGHHH biting biting chewing wood then why did you even make her leader in the first place???? Like what's the point???????? The rethoric that women are literally useless without a man?????????? I get that this chapter came out around 2013 but like. C'mon. So did Kill la Kill and Psycho-Pass. C'mon. (Also the “we won't recognize the legitimacy of this woman's authority until she demonstrates she's willing to die / throws herself in a suicide mission” but that's a whole different category of “saving other people's lives gives me permission to keep living” “people can't live unless someone tells them ‘it's okay to go on’ ” bsd fucked up morals this post is already too long to get into)
But like (and here starts the nicer section): time has passed since I watched the episode and read the chapter. I reluctantly grew fonder of both Akutagawa and Higuchi. And despite the fact that everything I've said still stands... Akutagawa did say sorry. We never saw him interact with Higuchi after that, which leaves space to hope he's changed in the way he behaves with her (more likely author has realized how fucked up and nasty the whole thing was and opted to never show them interact again, but eh). And while Akutagawa saying sorry didn't effect me at all when I first watched it, because what he did to Higuchi is unforgivable (that much I still believe)... He still apologized. When I first watched the episode, I didn't care the slightest about Akutagawa– besides despising him for how he treated Higuchi, of course. But as the story unwraps itself, it's hard not to grow sympathetic of him, especially after learning about the Dark Era events / the Heartless Cur events / seeing him act in the Moby Dick fight arc too to an extent. I still firmly believe Higuchi shouldn't forgive him, and I don't either for what he's done to her, but as a reader I at least now have an explanation to why he acted that way towards her, and I can understand him. I can now catch more layers to him saying sorry, the effort it must have took him, the admission of having been wrong (which is a huge thing, like, what other character in this series has ever admitted of being wrong? So many characters believing they're infallible), the real intention of making amends and learn from his mistakes which is... Admittedly nice. I mean, character development is great. Everyone is weak for character development, and Akutagawa's is a huge one. What were before words I would have forcibly shoved back in his throat are now reluctantly heartwarming, because they show an Akutagawa who's willing to change and become a better person. But from Higuchi's point of view, that still doesn't change how much harm and suffering he caused her, you know? That doesn't change the fact Higuchi should never forgive him for what he's done to her, just like Akutagawa is entitled to never forgive Dazai for all the abuse he was perpetrator of. I just overall think one's redemption does require amends to be made, but can't demand forgiveness. Akutagawa's step of apologizing is important and necessary for him to make amends and start to become a better person; but that does not and never will entitle him to Higuchi's forgiveness. I now like that scene some more because it's a big first display of development for Akutagawa's character, and because despite the bad writing I could never dislike Higuchi; I like it because I like to imagine that being a moment of growth for both of them, if I make myself forcibly forget about their displeasing canon characterization. I like it because I now like both characters and, despite rationally thinking they're most likely better off separate ways, it still compells me to imagine them being happy and in good terms together. I like it because Higuchi in Harukawa's art style is so freaking pretty
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Mandatory tl;dr: I don't like the chapter because it perpetuates and romanticizes the rethoric of women being destined to be made miserable by a man their whole lives with no chances of getting out, as well as displaying a huge systematic unbalance in Higuchi and Akutagawa's relationship with Higuchi being constantly made weaker and dependent; I like it more now because I got attached to Higuchi and Akutagawa, because it shows a growth of Akutagawa and because I wouldn't be able to hate Higuchi no matter what.
Dear Op‚ you said chapter 14 was one of your favorite chapters so you've probably thought about it longer and way more thoroughly than me‚ and it's possible that after reading this there wasn't a single thing you agreed with. And that's okay!! I hope reading this made you view the chapter from a new perspective even if you ultimately disagree with my takes.
#C'mon like. I love my girl Higuchi. But I love her because she's victim of such awful writing‚ I can't bring myself to hate her.#I love her because every day I wake up and actively tell myself–#“a man's awful writing of female characters won't ever be enough to make me hate a woman”. So like. Yeah#ichiyō higuchi#ryūnosuke akutagawa#bsd#bungou stray dogs#I remember me watching episode x with my friend and she commented “Higuchi? She's such a [sottona]”#which is to say bottom in a derisory‚ derogative way and I was like... Girl you need help ;;;;#Did we seriously become so desensibilized to abuse we can now see it as a joke of some kind? Find it funny? It's depressing.#Idk I guess their dynamics would have been bearable despite the unbalance of power if only they had the minimum decency of–#not having Akutagawa hit Higuchi but like... That's beyond any forgiveness for me sorry very much not sorry.#Seeing it happen repetedly was disgusting for me#There's even a big big factor of cultural context playing a role.#There *is* a long existing history of men abusing women who live with the illusion they could be loved back and it's... Yeah just. Lets not#bsd negativity#people asks me stuff#It's just. It really all goes back to the unbalance of power tbh.#Why is it always the cool brooding overpowered male character with the useless no skill whiner female partner. Just :///#It's no wonder I like sskk so much seriously– because I know at any point they could beat each other's ass.#I just think equality is important in a relationship‚ any kind of relationship?#I've been writing this for three days btw I couldn't stop adding paragraphs 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️#I've talked with my landlord and now at 17:45 I'm FINALLY going to take my nap goodnight#bsd ch 14
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