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pantsusnifferr · 3 years

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I’m gonna be hella honest here, 2020 wasn’t the drastic life changing year i had hoped it’ll be.

Now its a tradition, well maybe, not really. Who knows...

Let’s start with the goals which ive accomplished in 2020 yeah?

Have less regrets Live more, experience more, get out of the comfort zone Be hardworking, be brave Work hard for the company Rekindle ties to the ones important to me Start working on my YouTube channel for company Study hard Be more confident, be more social Be a nicer and kinder person

Yes i definitely have had lesser regrets overall, i learnt that listening to that gnawing feeling in my gut is one of the few things that will lead me to get less regrets. Perhaps that’s an indication of something that you really want on the inside. Many times this year i just took a leap of faith and made decisions on the fly, going out of my way many times just to do the things i wanted to do. The me a year ago would never have done any of these things, let alone spend any money or time into such ‘frivolous’ activities.

Lets go through some of the highlights for my accomplished goals.

1. Bought Airshow tickets on impulse and rented camera lenses just because i had a shot i wanna get.

Ended up getting that money shot and feeling pretty accomplished. It was nice to meet up and connect with fellow aviation enthusiasts and friends from my Air Force days, but i still felt like i didn’t fit in. Oh well, i didn’t regret anything. I set my mind to a thing i thought would be fun and challenging and i did it!

2. Trespassing into the green corridor for an assignment during the circuit breaker

haha...Definitely isn’t worth the trouble in the end due to shitty unusable footage and total lack of input when it comes to the editing process. BUT STILL, the feeling of walking through thick jungle and jumping over construction barricades and barriers in the middle fo some goddamn forest just to get some footage is an experience nonetheless! Shitty teammates, good thing we managed to pull through and made some friends along the way. Wasn’t worth it, but i didn’t regret the experience one bit.

3. Got into more active activities with an open mind.

Went to the gym with friends a lot more and tried to lead a healthier lifestyle, cycling, hema classes (more about that in a bit) The me from a couple of years ago would definately never give this idea a shot. Running at least once a week, keeping track of my health, all these made me feel a lot better. I should really get into it more though.

4. Hema classes .

Never thought swinging swords around can be that much fun! And i almost didn’t want to show up because i had a sudden surge of social anxiety in the morning before. Glad i powered through that to get to that class that october aternoon. I was mostly on autopilot, depressed and wanting more...but for the last few months of the year, hema classes gave me something to look forward to, and this really changed up my entire outlook then. I suppose having a newfound hobby you never knew you liked changes people for the better.

5. Going out of my way many many times just to help out a friend. Or just to hang out.

I remember being too lazy to go out and have fun. Too lazy to wanna get up to get something done even with friends. Installing internet access points, cleaning up rooms, setting up laptops etc. Perhaps its the large amount of FOMO i’ve started to develop, or maybe its just me sick of being a sad loney wreck. Who knows, all i know is its a blessing to have friends and i am so glad that they’re willing to give me their time of the day as well.

6. Making videos for work.

I didn’t HAVE to do this. Autopilot at work is a scary thing, its my own company and i could’ve done so much more... but i didn’t... or rather i couldn’t. I don’t remember what came over me and how i manage to find the willpower to shoot the videos then edit them over a few days. And i have no idea how i managed to actually follow through with it and get the damn thing edited. Not my proudest work, but damn am i proud of myself for actually doing the thing!

7. Keeping at it for school and not giving up.

Statistics, the killer module. Logistics, another killer one. I studied so so hard for it, i thought i was going to fuck it up like how i fucked up my assignments. But I am so so so glad that it paid off. Taking days of work to study is the correct move and i am so glad i had the discilpine to stick with it. Haha discilpline i said, more like letting the panic set in untill i find myself studying as if my life depended on it. But still, an A and a B+ feels really great though. My first A, that’s still something to celebrate for! Thanks for helping, you know who you are!

8. Giving more of a shit for my company

Im a little undecided about whether i should put this under the part about having no regrets. I am happy with the money and growth we’ve got in our company, alongside the many happy customers ive got, I still somehow felt that i have struggled so much and had a lot more anxiety and stress as compared to the previous years. Perhaps i just need to chill. Although i don’t doubt the fact that taking more responsibility does indeed make things less mundane. Appreciate the increase in pay and bonuses though.

9. Spent quality time with family

I used to have this feeling whenever i am around my cousins, these are the people whom i’ve grown up wit,h and who i used to consider really close friends. I just felt that over the years we have just became different people altogether. They’re normies with normal hobbies, living their lives normally and successfully while im just a weird outsider.

Im somewhat glad that we managed to find some common ground in gaming and our talking sessions. Attending their wedding is a weird feeling but im still somewhat glad that a part of them is still the same on the inside. We might not be as close anymore but im still happy that they treasured the times and memories we had just the same as i did. Lets hope i’ll not fuck it up and i’ll need another chance to rekindle this relationship. Still, them being more successful in life and work still gives me this crazy inferioty complex around them.

Talking with my mom has given me a lot of peace of mind. I am so glad that I have a responsible parent and business partner who shares the same values as i do. Makes things a lot less stressful to know that she’s got my back.

10. Became more social

Yep, went out of my comfort zone many times to talk to people and help out when i could! Its always good to do the kind thing and reach out, when i’d just brush it off as someone else’s problem previously. I am really proud of myself for this.

Now for the goals ive failed. Start work on my personal YouTube channel Join the weeb club to find more gamer weeb friends Learn weeb speak Be healthy Learn 2 songs on bass guitar or ukulele Draw at least once a month (I did but they’re not completed art)

Oof, i don’t know perhaps its the lack of time or the lack of effort. Maybe i’ve been putting in so much effort into the other things i don’t have the mental energy to process these. Perhaps i don’t want it bad enough...

Art and drawing in particular has been really bad. I want to be good at drawing so badly but i really just can’t be arsed to practice. Music too.

I think i am definately healtheir than before but i am nowhere near where i should be. Gotta step up!

Now here’s what i wanna do for the next year

Keep healthy, Lose weight! Be even more social! Start work on personal youtube channel Learn ONE SONG on any instrument Draw at least twice in the next year! Live even more, experience more, get out of the comfort zone more! Be hardworking, be brave

#2020 year in review

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maternalcube · 7 years

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tagged by @mizulekitten !!! thank :’)

RULES: >post the rules >answer the questions given to you by the tagger >write 11 questions >tag 11 people

hhh im not gonna pass this on im at a party and i gotta go fast :v

1. Favorite Place! my bed uhhh wherever my parents arent tbh. i like staying at my gmas house even tho its filthy, and when shes not there its ideal lmao 👌

2. Ocean or Space? Why? OCEAN yo i just got back from vacation out on the ocean. its, uh, a little more accessible than space lmao, also like,,, mildly less terrifying,,,,

3. Any other current obsessions besides VLD? -Since that’s why I follow most of you xD- What are they! I’d love to know! uhhhh i mean i never fully leave a fandom but i wouldnt call anything else an obsession rn, i kinda have a one track mind lmao. but im rlly into fire emblem!! and steven universe, and bioware and bethesda games… video games in general… a little bit of anime now and then

4. What was your first fandom? pdhdgbgtt i guess… final fantasy iv? really this one webcomic (and connected stories) based off it lmao, those came first. my first tumblr fandom (that included more than like 5 people) was skyrim. and i guess i gotta give a shoutout to atla because i remember watching it and loving it when it first came out, but i didnt actually get to watch all of it until way later

5. Favorite music/band/singer? i cant pick just one i like bastille, x ambassadors, florence + the machine, hozier…

6. What are you proudest of? my writing! also simultaneously my greatest shame lmfao

7. Any childhood dreams/phases you wanna share? huh……. i dont know actually………….. for the most part the stuff i rlly wanted to do when i was young is like, stuff im doing. dunno. i wanted to be a plastic surgeon when i was three and stuck needles in all my dolls.

8. What got you into VLD? i mean……. tumblr. i dont remember how it crossed my dash but ye. but it was like,,, extremely obvious that it was gonna be something id love and whaddya know. its been a year now….

9. Favorite book? If none, favorite movie? (Or both) PACIFIC RIM. i cant even begin to pick a fave book tho lmao

10. First fandom? you already asked this :o

11. Ideal date! idk…. go see a movie? get coffee/lunch after and talk about it (read: tear it apart). that sounds fun.

uhhh yeah again im not passing this on so…. hrgjrkflfjr bye

#pointless post #long post #me

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hachi-ko86 · 6 years

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i want you to remember this one...

okay, if theres anyhthing ive learned in the past two days of being at home alone... its that this isn’t home. this is a house with people i love. it’s scary. i’ve always known it and ive told you about it a couple times... hell i even wrote a story about it last year... its that feeling i get with my family. that horrible fucking feeling of not being in on an inside joke, or being late to a party only to see everyones already started having fun without you... i can tell you the first day this shitshow started and when i finally realized i could never have anything to myself...

okay, the first time it happened was when i was little, this isnt so much a long story as it is shitty. i was little and my uncle joey always hung around. he was my dads best friend, my moms brother... but he never really came around to me. daisha was his little princess and he was uncle joe, jeremy loved cars too and he was like jeremys personal father he never had to share... but me. i was always just tagging alone. jeremy wanted to sleepover uncle joes house? jayden had to come with. jeremy wants to go look at cars? jaydens gotta go too... but the one moment i vividly remember is when one day uncle joey brought his new racecar out, we were sitting outside his house, and there was only one passenger seat. he told jeremy to get in and buckle up and i remember so vividly standing outside that car door and asking where do i sit? and him smiling that fucking stupid crooked smile and saying well be right back buddy theres only one seat and i dont want you getting hurt... maybe he did really care. all i know was that i could see his bullshit. he left with jeremy and didnt come back until the sunset. his girlfriend came out and asked why i was sitting outside... i said waiting for uncle joe to get back for my turn in the car... that was the first time it hit me he wasnt coming back and it truly made it worse when he did and said sorry jay ill take you out some other time... that other time never fucking happened and that dick hole moved to california.

the next time is a doozy. youll love this one. okay theres been a few of these so dont worry theyll all pop out eventually. but my tenth birthday. you wanna know what started the shitshow? it was my tenth birthday. my mom agreed to babysit some of my dads coworkers kids... little did i know it was on my fucking birthday. the day consisted of me waking up, putting on my favorite shirt and getting ready to go to the aquarium like my mom had promised... turns out she was waiting for the kids to come... so i said okk ill wait patiently and well go later. we have to go its my birthday... so then they came and my mom thought lets go to the park. but the little boy that came was a dick. my mom loved him she watched him play and run around telling him to go down the slide while her own son sat around doing jack shit because there was no one to play with... then as if i didnt feel shitty enough for that birthday my parents got me an ipad... it was the first thing i had that daisha and jeremy didnt... i was stoked. but then as soon as we got home i sat down and pulled it out... that little fucker came from behind and took it... as i tried to take it back he cried and my mom told me to stop being selfish and share... so i thought fuck it. i can play the drums for a bit. she wants to watch these kids fuck her im gonna go hit something... funny thing is she walked in with the kids a few minutes later after i started.. the little shit from before kept breathing on my back so my mom said jayden let him try... so i did. i sat on the ground next to him as he played for 30 minutes straight. i cried. my mom yelled at me to stop being a little baby and stop being so selfish... she clapped for him every five minutes when he played... she didnt even come to watch me play at my tutor or when i practiced... she doesnt know this but shes the reason i quit drumming... i loved it i really did but she put so much pressure on a ten year old who had anxiety... she really was a dick about it.

and now the big finale.

if ive learned anything in the past two days. its that i dont get shit when it comes to life. its fucked up but true. daisha? clear skin, moms project daddys princess, perfect gymnast with insane talent, four point o student, my parents proudest fuck up. and then jeremy my moms little sunshine, my dads little apprentice, my grandpas project, who was never smart but was always happy and made friends... it sucks. it sucks seeing how my dad had to care for jeremy to calm down or my mom to always give everything for a daughter who couldnt give a fuck or a dad who always shits on me for not being good enough but praises the fuckers who dont do shit. i was never the smartest, or the most talented, hell i fucking sucked at gymnastics honestly i still do and ive pretty much given up... ive never been strong enough or smart enough or had clear skin or the right personality to be friends... but there was one thing i had that jeremy and daisha didnt and that was you... my parents always get on me for how my rooms a mess, or how jeremy does so much, or daisha works so hard... but its funny... for the past two days guess who the only one whos cleaned up around the house, washed the dishes, took out the trash, played with the dogs, cleaned and cooked for everyone let them use my car.... it was me. you think im being crazy when i say i clean the table after dinner? no. i stand up after i finish eating, i take everyones plates, i put all the food and shit away. i wash the dishes and take the trash and recyclables out. i make sure the tables clean... all while daisha sits playing with ness jeremy makes fun of megan and my parents smile at their children. it sucks because i feel it a lot... like im looking at my family through a fishbowl... theyre so happy and put together and im just that kid that always follows behind. daisha always gets what benefits her and what she wants. jeremy can do whatever he wants and gets anything by being a little angel... but hell i cant get anything... honestly most of the clothes i have jeremys taken, my car everyone takes when they want, jeremy uses my couch more than i do... i do all the chores and no one realizes it... its funny when school started and i couldnt do the chores for 2 days my dad sent jeremy and i a long ass text saying how we dont help around the house... for two months straight he and my mom didnt fold clothes or put dishes away or even think to say thank you...

so heres the part where you come in.

youre mine. im not home. im in a house with my family and thats it. i was never home with them. i was always just a ghost who didnt really have a place. kind of like a puzzle with a random piece from some other puzzle... i didnt really belong... (sidenote theres a tear coming down my face right now but you wont see it) i guess the reason i hate the distance is the fact that its not fair. how jeremy still gets the girl he wants, daisha moves out and mom and dad dont give two shits... but i still cant be near the woman i love... i cant be there without driving an hour, or making things hard... i cant fucking see you...

when i say youre my home... sydney youre the first home ive ever known. no ones loved me enough to ask if ive eaten, or if im taking care of myself, hell if i told any one of my family members im sad theyll make it a lecture or make it about them... youre more of a family than ive ever had in my whole life. thats why i wanted to post this here. instead of texting you and it being lost in our messages i want you to see this whenever you forget or i forget... i want you to remember these next two sentences.. that when i say youre my home, im not being some cheesy dumb romantic with a thirst for love. im saying youre the first person ive met whos made me feel safe and secure and warm and loved... youre more of a family than ive ever known... and i know this is fucked up to say but i know i love them all like family members do... but thats not what i feel with you... with you its this whole other feeling of love... the kind you only find in a soulmate... youre asking if im alive so i guess thats where this ends... im gonna go eat some cake cause everyone else is off living their lives... i love you to the moon and back and forever and always...

<3 jayden

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213hiphopworldnews · 6 years

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Nicki Minaj’s Upset Tirade Over ‘Queen’ Album Sales Is The Final Straw In A Flawed Campaign

Getty Image / Uproxx Studios

Nicki Minaj may have proven wildly adept at marshaling the powers of the social media sphere to promote her music and outsized persona to unprecedented success for a woman in hip-hop, but over this past weekend, she violated one of social media’s cardinal rules when it was revealed that Houston rapper Travis Scott’s Astroworld second-week sales would eclipse her Queen first-week sales; she reacted, going on an extended rant that proves just how bothered she truly is.

First, there were the tweets. Sunday afternoon saw the assertively outspoken rapper using the platform to try to explain away the perceived commercial failure of the album. “I put my blood sweat & tears in writing a dope album only for Travis Scott to have Kylie Jenner post a tour pass telling people to come see her and Stormi,” she wrote. She continued to try to further elucidate the behind-the-scenes maneuvering that led to Astroworld‘s higher sales totals.

Travis sold over 50K of these. With no requirement of redeeming the album! With no dates for a tour, etc. I spoke to him. He knows he doesn’t have the #1 album this week. I love my fans for the #1 album in AMERICA! I’ll explain on #QueenRadio 4 albums in, #1 in 86 countries pic.twitter.com/CiYEuczgm3

— QUEEN (@NICKIMINAJ) August 19, 2018

“Travis sold over 50K [tour pre-sale access passes that came with a digital copy of the album],” she went on. “With no requirement of redeeming the album! With no dates for a tour, etc. I spoke to him. He knows he doesn’t have the No. 1 album this week.” She bolstered her arguments with comparisons to other big name releases that have dropped in recent months. “I looked at the numbers the Carters, Kanye, Nas, etc recently did. Travis sold 200K in his first week off clothes alone. I spoke to him last night & he said he’s been selling clothes b4 the music. Billboard says they’ll change the rules cuz of this, so it should be changed now!”

I looked at the numbers the Carters, Kanye, Nas, etc recently did. Travis sold 200K in his first week of clothes alone. I spoke to him last night & he said he’s been selling clothes b4 the music. Billboard says they’ll change the rules cuz of this, so it should be changed now!

— QUEEN (@NICKIMINAJ) August 19, 2018

Then, her explanations turned downright accusatory as she laid a share of the blame at the feet of Spotify, which she says deliberately sabotaged her promotion on its service to punish her for previewing Queen early on Apple Music’s Beats 1 Radio. “Spotify had to teach me a lesson but rewarded the man who has had an Apple radio show the longest,” she raged. “They took away my promotion they had promised for the first couple days because of this.”

I put my blood sweat & tears in writing a dope album only for Travis Scott to have Kylie Jenner post a tour pass telling ppl to come see her & Stormi. lol. Im actually laughing. #Queen broke the record of being number 1 in 86 countries. Thank Jesus & thank you to my fans.

— QUEEN (@NICKIMINAJ) August 19, 2018

She concluded her tirade by retweeting supportive messages from her staunch Barbz fanbase, which has served as her loyal attack team as much as a listener base. While they were quick to buy into her conspiracy theories as fact, others were much more skeptical, however, wondering why Nicki felt the need to cop such pleas in the first place. After all, No. 2 is nothing to be ashamed of. Billboard reports that Queen racked up 185,000 equivalent album units earned. 78,000 of those were traditional album sales. That’s nothing to shake a stick at; Nicki has still outsold a number of other artists in the hip-hop arena, including the aforementioned Nas — a certified rap legend. She also had the second-largest week for an album by a female artist in 2018 — right after Cardi B, whose Invasion Of Privacy completed its first week with 255,000 units in April.

Spotify put drake’s face on every playlist but told me they’d have to teach me a lesson for playing my music 10 mins early on #QueenRadio. Even tho they’ve been giving away my music for free for years & I am one of the top Spotify artists of all time.

— QUEEN (@NICKIMINAJ) August 19, 2018

Spotify had to teach me a lesson but rewarded the man who has had an Apple radio show the longest; inadvertently helping the Apple platform the most. Oh I can’t wait for #QueenRadio on Tuesday. They took away my promotion they had promised for the 1st cpl days b/c of this. #Queen

— QUEEN (@NICKIMINAJ) August 19, 2018

My music went up on Apple so I played it. I assumed it was on Spotify & Tidal at the same time. Spotify said that Apple tweeted fans advising #Queen was up & therefore they had to teach me a lesson. But PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!!!!

— QUEEN (@NICKIMINAJ) August 19, 2018

However, maybe that’s the problem. As tiresome as it is to compare Nicki Minaj and Cardi B again, it seems their fortunes have been inextricably linked by the ongoing “are they beefing or not?” narrative that defined the late part of 2017 and early 2018. Nicki herself has made her sales figures her proudest talking point, boasting that “these b*tches is my sons” with regards to album sales since her very first album, Pink Friday. They’re a fixture of any number of interviews about her never-before-seen level of success as a woman rapper. Her sales, as much as any other aspect of her brand, have come to define what she sees as success. So, of course, it rankles that an album in its second week outsold her latest — especially since most albums see a significant falloff in sales in their second weeks.

The thing is, Nicki’s arguments don’t hold up on examination. She sold her album with merchandise bundles as well. She pushed Queen with an extended, dramatic rollout featuring tearful interviews, colorful costumes, multiple singles, late-night appearances, and all the other hallmarks of a traditional promotional cycle. She did everything she could to drum up interest in her album, but her Barbz seemed more interested in harassing journalists than supporting the product when the time came. They mobilized to berate, threaten, and terrorize Wanna Thompson over tweeting that she wished Nicki’s content would mature, but didn’t turn out in the same force to actually support that content given the chance.

Do you know how many women get systematically blackballed out of their positions in an office building & can’t fight back?????

— QUEEN (@NICKIMINAJ) August 19, 2018

There are any number of reasons why Travis Scott outsold Nicki Minaj, but what it most likely boils down to is the music itself — as it should. Travis delivered a fully-fledged, cohesive album, the natural evolution of the sound we’ve come to expect from him. Astroworld is fully realized and bears repeat listens. The numbers bear that out, but anecdotally, I’ve had multiple people point out how many times they’ve listened to it. Plus, it’s emotive, revealing, and occasionally surprising.

Queen sounds like a Nicki Minaj album, yes, but not one she’s put thought into or worked hard on. She may have — but it doesn’t sound like it. It really is so strange to hear someone rapping like it’s 2013. The bars cover the same narrative territory she’s paced for four albums and ten years now. They may be some of her gulliest in a while, with nary an EDM blowout to unsettle the pacing, but they’re still upstaged by treacly pop and a lethargic approach to production.

Besides the lackluster effort on the musical front though, the true culprit might just be the simplest explanation, the enemy of every entertainer who’s chosen to make their living in the rap game: Time. Over time, tastes evolve. Fans grow up. New fans with new aesthetic sensibilities take their place. Today’s rap fans don’t exactly favor hyper-lyrical boom-bap, and on Queen, Nicki is as close as she’s ever come to that style, right down to her Biggie Smalls redux, “Barbie Dreams.”

Furthermore, as social media’s “gotcha”-style aversion to bullying and scandal has grown, Nicki’s use of an attack squadron of bullying cronies has likely turned off many would-be listeners, as has her recent collaboration with controversy magnet, Tekashi 69, whose legal troubles all-too-closely mirror those of Nicki’s brother, who was convicted of raping an underage girl. While Tekashi’s transgression was by no means on the same scale, finding nuance on Twitter is like squeezing blood from a stone. Between the rumors and Nicki’s persistent proxy pestering of anyone who dares criticize her, supporting her seems like a bad bet to many of her former fans and supporters.

People are calling me thinking I’m huffing & puffing. Omg y’all this is sarcasm/dry humor. Yikes. I’m having the most iconNIC time. Come let me kiss you. Who’s coming to the secret show? When people call me & hear me crackin up laughing they seem so puzzled. Loosen up

— QUEEN (@NICKIMINAJ) August 19, 2018

Nicki does have one point: It’s very suspect that, of all the artists to collaborate with Tekashi, only Nicki has been called out on this scale. Like nearly every woman in hip-hop before her, she’s judged by a double standard, and that’s wrong. She shouldn’t have to pay for her brother’s actions or those of her collaborators or even those of her fans — but she does have to answer for her own. She is often the catalyst in the Barbz’ attacks. She chose to make her album promo about practically everything but the music, then make the music about none of the intriguing life events many of her fans wanted insight into.

Nicki made herself the “bad guy” in a musical landscape that has turned on hip-hop heels and wants to see heroes flourish. She is the one who hyped up sales as the be-all, end-all, and as much as she protests that “this is sarcasm/dry humor,” it’s hard to believe her when she’s made the same complaints across multiple platforms for hours at a time. As the Queen of online provocation, Nicki has fallen into a trap she should know to avoid — overreacting online is never a good look.

Queen is out now via Young Money/Cash Money Records. Get it here.

source https://uproxx.com/hiphop/nicki-minaj-queen-album-sales-twitter-rant-travis-scott-astroworld/

#hiphop #hip hop legend #hip hop history #hip hop #music #trending #hip hop news #ballin #hip hop scen

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ddizzlemynizzlexo · 7 years

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how i knew he was my soulmate.

so i developed a crush on my boyfriend (obvi. before he was my boyfriend) circa late 2011. he was the first love of a friend of mine at the time. she used to tell me and this other girl things that occurred during their subsequent on/off relationship. it sounds really fucked up but i honestly found him cute, the middle school i went to was a few blocks away from his home. so whenever i got out the train station to get to school, i'd see him walking past me. when i tell you he was the cutest guy on earth to me, i am not lying. he looked like a typical mixed bad boy, yet he seemed so mysterious. his inky black curly hair that used to fall right on his face made my heart skip beats. despite him being a sophomore in high school, and me a senior in middle school; his piercings, plump lips & obvious array of tattoos was a turn on in my freaky teenaged 13.75 year old mind. i knew it was wrong to like him because of my budding friendship. and i knew i would be the last girl on earth he'd ever want to date due to my thin hair (due to perming yet it was still at good length), my braces, my glasses, my thin frame, small breasts and most of all my bushy eyebrows. looking back at it, it's all so ironic. in my opinion, irony played a huge part in our relationship because i always wondered.... what if one day in some strange universe, it was me & him in a loving relationship?, what if he has a crush on me too?. before then he didn't even know who i was except his ex's nosey friend. guessing because i used to ask a lot of questions abt their relationship, when she was just ready to spill it out. i never used her friendship to get to him, it all just happened in some weird miraculous way. as my crush on him developed, we would have short decent conversations on facebook. he would ask me a certain question frequently too when do you wanna chill?. i would be so nervous to answer, telling him soon & that i'd just lie to my parents abt where im going. i told my friend about our conversations not to start an issue but to just tell her. maybe he just wants to be my friend. one day when my friend was absent from school, i was sitting with my best friend and a mutual friend of ours at lunch. come to find out that my so-called friend was talking about me behind my back. stating numerous things, and one of them being that i was a liar stating that her ex did not want to hang out with me, and he never said that. i grew so tired of her shit, and disrespect for me so one day i blew up. we got into what almost would have been my first fight. not giving one fuck anymore, i was happy i got rid of that drama... so that i thought. a week or so after the chaos, i wanted to hang out with an old friend from elementary school, but she didn't respond. so guess who i asked? you got that right. him, the cutest guy on earth. not even caring who's ex it was. i decided to hit him up and ask if he wanted to come with me to get a few things from the clothing stores near my house. we met up at the train station, and when i saw him. oh my god. i was frazzled, i was anxious, and i was shaky as fuck. he was so cute in his black leather jacket & short curly cut. i didn't know what to say, or else he would think im too boring or too weird ya know? we ended up having good conversations, and laughing. at the end of our time together and we said our goodbyes, i was happy because i gained a friend, a very cute one. later on that day, i never would have thought our new found friendship could possibly change. with one message made my whole day. yeah lol i think your cute too. when i tell you i was so happy? ugh i was happier than spongebob when him in patrick found the key to the patty mobile in the very first movie. i was jumping for joy, i even started kissing & hugging my sister because i was super happy. after that we started hanging out more and more, and our conversations got more personal. eventually i shared my first kiss with him and my innocence. we started dating, and five years, five months & 3 days later, i never could be more happy with the person im with. i never been in love with someone as much as i am him. he irks my last fucking nerve but he is truly a gift from god. he opened up to me as much as i opened up to him. we share secrets, and with those secrets we try to understand each other more than we did before. with help and worldly advice from his mom and grandma, we try to work through or issues. although sometimes it goes through one ear and out of the other. i literally grew up with this guy as he's seen me through my worst and my happiest. he gives me tough love and even though i don't show that i do, i really appreciate it. his advice and tough words have helped and sometimes haven't lol. he is the only person in this whole world that can make me so angry but with one stare i instantly start smiling again. we have our issues, like any person does. i say things i don't mean like he does, we argue, we cry, we laugh & we love. i realized christopher marty was my soulmate the day that he really opened up to me. we were in his room at home and his just let everything out. i looked at him and just thought wow, he really loves me just like i love him. he pisses me off sometimes where i think is it worth it anymore? its just gonna get worse. i pray and i think "no because thats gonna just leave you sad and depressed, you know you dont wanna leave so stop it" the way he stares at me with his big brown eyes, its so remarkable how handsome he is. he's my personal teddybear, so soft and cuddly and so strong 💕 when i look at him i see a future. a nice apartment in the city, me and him dancing to songs, smoking pot in our bedroom watching funny tv shows, or just talking about our goals when we reach 30, or even what we would name our kids, and the type of weddings we'd have. so many people commend me on the length of our relationship, asking how do i do it... how do we both do it. and honestly i never wouldve thought in my wildest dreams i would be with someone for almost 6 years of my life when i could be out doing god knows what. it all happened in an instant. when your happy with someone times flies. we sometimes sit and reflect on our relationship. "wow five years". he is honestly my guiding light in a world of darkness, he's helped me through depression and distraught thoughts more than anyone else. i am honestly head over heels in love with him. the thoughts of him being with another girl tend to enter my mind but he shows me that he would never be unfaithful. as ugly as i feel at times, he can always cheer me up saying "you so sexy baby", "your so beautiful". the next day after i came home from college, he seen me & said "wow i forgot how good you looked, like wow its been so long" being that it was may and i only seen him in march, january, december and november. he is a diamond in the rough, and the older he is, the more mature and he honestly makes me the proudest girlfriend ever. even though i may not show it at times, he really does make me proud. he is so kind, and puts others before himself, although he may seem like a smart ass at times. hes sensitive but strong and tough at the same time. im glad i got to know him and be with him on such and intimate level. god really blessed me and i hope he keeps on for years to come with christopher marty.

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4sterizel · 7 years

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Summing up 2016

Seriously before I start, tumblr please step up your game. You are a blog and you don't allow people to post text with multiple photos in between? While I was looking at my photos to recall 2016, I realise I didn't blog about 2015 either :( there goes the memories. January 2016. January was a really special month to me. Those who know me would know that it's not only my birthday, but also where my golden retriever, Iris, came into my life. January was also the start of my year 3 life which is also my Alvl year. I guess I started 2016 with full of hopes, with happiness and everything. I wasn't dating anyone at that time and I was enjoying the freedom from 2015 Nov-Dec whereby I ended my h1 Alvl. I really wanna blog about 2015 because I was such a great and happy year for me. The 18 years old zel was so carefree and so driven. I think I side tracked, so lets go back to my january 2016. It was the first time I went to a bar with my clique as well. The bar played chinese songs which I greatly enjoyed. January I celebrated my 19th birthday. My clasmate and clique gave me a birthday surprise. I was never the type who liked to eat cakes but those who know me will know I love Ikea cake. Surprisingly, the cake that strawberries gotten for me was a blueberry yoghurt cake which I still remember up to today. Whereas for my clique, they obviously bought my favourite ikea cake (knowing how much I love it even though its not supposed to be a birthday cake + ikea is pretty inconvienient honestly and getting the cake seems difficult) They got me a lens and free kbbq for that night. A simple yet happy celebration that I'll keep it close to my heart forever. At that time, me and J tension was still pretty high. But I'm so glad that he bought me tokyo banana. He was unhappy with the fact that I hid a lot of things from him... and as a friend, I wanted to explain but i coudln't bring myself to do so.. It was also when he was elected for house master. Immensely proud friend over here. And I got iris, which came to my house one day after my birthday. 30th January. January, was a month full of laughter. February 2016. February zoomed past, like the wind. I can honestly say I barely remember anything for. I guess it was a month where I tried to juggle school and everything. It was also new year which I celebrated with my clique yearly. I think I was pretty carefree, I didn't had any guy at that point in time. I was also shocked at one point in time whereby I no longer have things to share. I think I was pretty proud because I seemed focus. I was also handling my CCA, NMC. Which I held the secretary position and took up several leadership role for events. February was a bundle of joy. Trust me, it gets worst. March 2016 March was a month of break through. I got my alevel h1 results which I cried because I got a B for my maths which I worked so hard for. I was quite determined to get the A seeing that 18 yearsold zel. But nevertheless, I got an A for project work. I got ABB in the end for my h1 cert. March was the month where I got together with ys, a friend of mine that I knew since 2013. But it somewhat all ended in a blur because of our conflicting personality. I also waited for the arrival of march holidays which I enjoyed much with strawberries as well as my clique. April 2016 I guess april is where things starts getting busy. I can barely remember what happened. (I'll post photos later) just to flash a little of the memories. May 2016. May was the month I spent with books, almost all the time. To look back, I really spent a lot of time with Jena. HAHA. Thanks for being a big part of my year3 life girl :) June 2016 June holidays I barely spent my time outside of the house, till the extent whereby I feel like I'm isolated from the world LOL. But it was the month I prepared for prelim 1 and also for my alvls. My history notes was thick as fuck and I tell you that's probably the proudest thing I've done in my life. July 2016 July, was the highlight of the year to me. It is. You can call it worst, the best, the most life changing one that have changed who I am today. July was the month I met C. Someone whom I adore a lot.. :) It was also the first time I went to club. Before I met C at the end of the month, I liked someone a lot. Y'all who know me will know he is double L, who is still a special person to me right now. :D He have been nothing but nice to me and he is one of the greatest greatest person I've known. He cares for me and tolerates my nonsense. (But i'll update a little more in the later part hehe) July was also the month whereby I broke down because I don't know what the fuck I was doing in school. I was lost, I was unmotivated.. I somehow just lost every single momentum I had. I broke down so hard, and I found comfort in the arms of my MI girls. August 2016 July and august was the month that really started my life changing experience. india lima yankee too good to be true http://iridizousa.tumblr.com/post/154038604050/the-relationship-that-never-started-c You can click here to read more about me and C. I would say, i had high hopes about me and C. only to discover many things that involves many complications, many things that can't be solved. The stubborn me wouldn't have let go of you. Up till today, we are still having this really complicated relationship. I don't know man. I wouldn't want to give up on you. Yet, August wasw a month I had so much tears. I lost my focus. I changed. I also finally understood how my clique wanted to shield me from all sorts of this bullshit. Thank you guys. September 2016 September was a month that I got closer with my team, #stayinthetrees. They are the group of boys that have accepted me for who I am despite my bad skills hehe. The ones I spent study session with. They were the ones I spent my heart 2 heart talk with, my night study with. My dota sessions with. They listened to me rant, made me felt better even though september was a tough month as we were preparing for prelim 2. I still had to juggle with my bad relationship with C. It was also a great month for me because Max was always by my side protecting me. I clubbed quite a lot, drank quite a lot. I enjoyed the supper dates with max derrick yj they all. It was a month I realize, many people loved me for who I am. I am immensely grateful that you guys lend me a hand. You would have no idea how painful it was but I survived, thanks to you guys. I ran a high fever that night and it was a night I would never forget. I was running high fever and I kept checking my phone to know whether you replied. You ignored my message for 3 days... and I was burning at 39.5degrees. I even thought my phone spoilt. How silly isn't it. I also got closer to Zenn which I really enjoy being with!!! September was also the month me and my bestfriend always seems to have the time for each other.. October 2016 October was the month I painted my room hehe. It was my last month in MI officially. It was my graduation tea, it was the month I met sylv and he brought me to the zoo. It was a happy month despite the pain I was feeling. It was mugging session, missing you, making gift for you, sewing a cat and always having you at the back of my head.. November 2016 It was the start of my alvls. I remember I argued with you one day before my GP paper. Well done c. Your words still echo hard in my head but god knows why I am still here with you. November was also the month we broke up. It was the month I spent everyday studying for my alvls. Nothing much but just stress and pain. December 2016 And lastly, december... I would say december was the happiest since I ended alvl. I went to altimate for the first time, cried my tears out like alcohol LOL. Spent more time with my clique and I met A all over again. Dated him for a week and things ended before he went into ocs. Mistaking salt for sugar again huh zel? You can read more about me and A in my Summing up 2014 post. I also went to national museum for the first time with my Acup girls! Experienced the shitty dota2 7.00 update HAHA I guess the greatest highlight for december was meeting T,M,J. I had the happiest countdown where I felt like I was out of the world... Dec was also the month where im back into your arms C. And it was where double L finally told me that he's actually jealous. :P - I must have missed a lot of stuffs and also seems boring without photos. But guess what I'm heading out to see doctor because I'm running a fever. And C was telling me that he would take care of me and spend the day with me. Silly boy. I'll edit again when I have time! hehe

#dearzel

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213hiphopworldnews · 6 years

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Nicki Minaj’s Upset Tirade Over ‘Queen’ Album Sales Is The Final Straw In A Flawed Campaign

Getty Image / Uproxx Studios

— QUEEN (@NICKIMINAJ) August 19, 2018

Do you know how many women get systematically blackballed out of their positions in an office building & can’t fight back?????

— QUEEN (@NICKIMINAJ) August 19, 2018

Queen is out now via Young Money/Cash Money Records. Get it here.

source https://uproxx.com/hiphop/nicki-minaj-queen-album-sales-twitter-rant-travis-scott-astroworld/

#hiphop #hip hop legend #hip hop history #hip hop #music #trending #hip hop news #ballin #hip hop scen

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