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chrisevansgoodgirl · 3 years

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i've heard allegations 'bout your reputation, i'll show you my shadows if you show yours

summary: requested (like a year ago, sorry!) Reader and Andy getting in a legitimate fight or maybe flirting in front of him with one of his colleagues to get under his skin because he hasn’t touched her in weeks from being so busy jealous Andy would be so dominant I’m weak i took some liberties and set it at the christmas eve party at andy’s office.

warnings: andrew barber being r o u g h 😩 😩 😩 and jealous 😩 and mean bc i just so deeply want this man to yell at me and pull my hair bc he’s an angry daddy, however, he is not called daddy in this story bc i don’t do it unless you guys ask me to. so smut, and he’s in charge and i’m dead about it. more videos being made bc apparently that’s on my mind.

word count: around 7,500

pairing: andy barber x reader

a/n: i hate that it took me so long to post this but here i am, almost a month late with a christmas eve party story. i have very little shame tbh.

You were not unreasonable, no matter what Andy claimed. You could always admit what was your fault—which was about 80% of all disagreements—but Andy had his faults, too. Tonight? Well, you weren’t innocent…but you were not the only one to blame.

This was the third Christmas party he had taken you to. The first year had not completely been his doing. Lynn had been bothering him about it and he would have gotten away with pretending it just wasn’t possible had Lynn not run into you at the coffee shop near Andy’s house.

You had been accustomed to Andy by then. He didn’t put distance between you two because he wanted to, he just simply wasn’t the best at getting close. You practically forced him into sometimes, and it had never gone wrong, so he trusted you. A lot.

You weren’t sure you were going to be able to say that much longer. You had your moments, those situations where you pushed him just a little too far. Not so far that he was angry about it, but far enough that you ended up with a sore ass and maybe a few finger-shaped bruises on your skin.

As if that was an incentive to stop?

Lately, things had been…off. Andy was working on a big case, one that he had just finished the day before. You expected that he was going to come home and make up for not having touched you in 17 days. Yet, that didn’t happen.

You weren’t trying to complain too much. The “honeymoon phase” was something that could not be applied to your relationship because you were as happy as any other day, you loved him more and more as time went on, and you guys always had sex. Always.

But there were the cases that sometimes threw a slight pause in that. That was fine, you understood and it wasn’t like you were with Andy for sex. You loved that man so fucking much, you could deal with some neglect for a little bit. Emphasis on a little bit.

17 days with no immediate plans to remedy it was crossing a line. So, on the 18th night, the night of his office Christmas party, after he merely kissed your head, told you that you looked beautiful, and didn’t fuck you in your tiny, sparkly dress, you also wanted to cross a line. A specific line because it was hard to get a reaction out of him any other way.

Andrew Barber was a jealous man. It was something you never played with because he was jealous. He wasn’t some immature idiot who was going to cause a scene, but he would interrogate you about people he felt were “suspicious”.

On your way to the party, he had wanted to catch up. He felt like this was the first time he was able to breathe since he was put on the case, and he had noticed some distance between you two. You told him about the very basic parts of your day—work, friends, family.

When he placed his hand on your thigh, you had to wonder if this was a game. Why hadn’t he fucked you? Was he trying to make you beg? That was something Andy thoroughly enjoyed, and you trusted him so much that you rarely ever knew when he was doing it. If you stopped to think about it, you would probably find a few times he’d managed to get away with it.

He let you hold his hand and to avoid having to pull away from you, he told you when to move the gear shift. It was cute, too cute for how long you two had been together, but Andy seemed willing to indulge you. He always did when he could.

But as soon as he got to the party, there was more work talk and he had basically pawned you off on Lynn. She was thrilled, of course, she rarely had time for friendships, but she valued Andy, and because of that, she loved you almost as much as he did.

It had been two hours by the time you were completely fed up. Lynn had decided she was about to head out, so she was making her rounds, and that meant that you were stuck with the other partners. Men, women, they were all talking about how great their lawyers had been lately.

Yet, reminder, you hadn’t been fucked in nearly 18 days. You weren’t going to sit around and listen to that for the whole night, you innocently decided to wander a bit. Andy was talking about his case and seemed almost oblivious to your presence. Why did he even bring you? He was the one that reminded you about it, you probably wouldn’t have realized it had gone by until well into next year since work was so hectic.

Regardless, without an answer, you were left to entertain yourself. What else were you supposed to do? Just sit around all night and not speak to anyone? Andy was a complicated man and he had only a handful of people at the job that he liked, but fewer people that he disliked. Most people, he felt indifferent about, and those were the pawns for your current game.

You flit all around the party, laughing, talking to everyone, and though you saw him seeking out your whereabouts every now and then, there was no reaction at all. He didn’t care that some of these sleazy men were staring at your cleavage or your legs—two things he should have done earlier but did not.

By the time you’d nearly spoken to everyone, you felt…possessed, there was no better way to describe it. You were mad and confused and tired, and till the day you died, you would swear on everything you held sacred, the following was not part of your plan. You simply had no other choice than to go along with it when it practically fell in your lap.

Andy hadn’t noticed your best attempts but as soon as Neal was standing in front of you, he was watching. You had not and would not have gone to Neal, it was the other way around. He was possibly picking up on all your sadness and desperation, he was probably able to spot attention-seeking from a mile away since he pulled those kinds of stunts regularly.

Andy was finally paying attention to you and that was why you didn’t walk away. Your boyfriend could deny it all he wanted, but you saw something in his eyes. There was that anger, of course, but there was also that dark gleam. The one that he had when he liked to lay you out under him and remind you who you belong to.

That was all you wanted, that was the only reasoning behind your actions. You didn’t think you’d done anything wrong, not until you laughed at something Neal said and he laughed back, and then he touched your shoulder.

And that was when you knew things had gone too far. You crossed a line, and you should have known better than even trying to use Neal. Because he envied Andy to no end, understandably. Why wouldn’t he try to flirt with you? No one got Andy as angry as Neal, and you should have just put your ego aside and spoken to your boyfriend.

But that window had closed and your time for being a mature, communicating adult was over. You quickly broke away from Neal after that and Andy took only seconds before he was dragging your ass out of that party and to the car.

You weren’t sure what to do. Pretend you didn’t know what the big deal was? Maybe just start blurting out apologies. He opened the car door for you, ushered you in, and then got into the driver’s seat in complete silence.

Andy had been mad at you before, but he had never been so angry he wouldn’t look at you or speak to you. He was gripping the steering wheel so tight that his knuckles were white. His jaw set, brow furrowed, shoulders tense—he stayed that way the entire drive.

Andy wasn’t like this, he usually always had his temper in control. You were worried because you were one of the few people Andy sincerely trusted. It would devastate you if this gave him pause.

When he stopped the car, it became uncomfortably silent. It had taken you almost a minute to decide where you wanted to take this. “Andy, I’m—”

“Don’t apologize.”

“But I am s—”

“Get upstairs, take your dress off, and wait for me on the bed.”

Shit. You fumbled with the handle for a moment, scurrying inside and up the stairs. This was everything that you had wanted, wasn’t it? Then why the fuck were you nervous? Why were you shaking? Why did the idea of a black hole appearing and swallowing you sound so appealing?

You took off your dress and hung it back in your closet. You’d only been in it for a few hours, that didn’t warrant an actual wash. Shakily, you made your way back to the bed and sat there. What about your bra and panties? He hadn’t said. Your shoes? Fuck, what were you supposed to do?

Andy walked in and flipped on the light.

Idiot, why hadn’t you done that?

He made his way to the dresser off to the side of the bedroom, he removed his jacket first, then his cuff links and his tie. He started rolling up his sleeves and you had to look away.

You turned down to your lap. “You didn’t tell me if you wanted me to keep anything else on.”

“I also didn’t tell you that you could speak,” he asserted.

Your stomach dropped, the mere thought of not following his directions was unsettling. When Andy got like this, you wanted to do what he told you to. You wanted him to think you were his good girl. Any time you failed at absolute perfection, you didn’t take it well.

You didn’t know if you should apologize or remain silent. You were wringing your hands, something you became aware of only when he made his way in front of you and placed his hands over yours. You startled slightly, looking up at him.

He grabbed your chin with his thumb and forefinger, keeping your head tilted back. “Are you nervous?”

“I don’t know,” you muttered. You didn’t want him to feel bad because you were feeling some type of way. You also didn’t want to think this had anything to do with him. He’d never given you reason to be nervous.

“Are you scared?”

“Kind of.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to disappoint you.”

He leaned down, face directly in front of yours. “Before we start, I need you to understand that you’ve never disappointed me. Okay?”

You nodded. “Okay.” That didn’t really help as much as he probably thought it would. Even if you hadn’t disappointed him, there was always the chance that you would. And you weren’t sure he was being completely honest anyway. Neal? What the fuck was wrong with you?

“You don’t need to be nervous or scared, just be completely honest with me.”

“Of course.” You would never lie to him.

“Who do you belong to?”

Your answer was immediate, you didn’t even need to think about it. Recalling life before you met Andy was a bit blurry. Who had you been? Where? What had you wanted? “You.”

“So,” he ran his thumb over your bottom lip, “this mouth…”

“Is yours,” you confirmed.

He hummed, fingers trailing from your face all the way down, between your breasts, over your stomach, stopping at the band of your panties. He paused, noting the shakiness in your breath, the goosebumps on your skin, your hands that were gripping the sheets.

Abruptly, his hand dropped to where you had been expecting it to. Your breath hitched and your hips jumped off the bed, desperate for his touch.

He made a small noise of disapproval and you hurriedly settled back down on the bed. “This pussy? Is that mine, too?”

You nodded. “Yes.”

He pulled your panties off to the side and his fingers ran up your wet skin at an agonizing pace. He brought them up to his lips and his tongue slipped out to taste you. He smiled because you had managed to stay almost completely still, apart from a bit of squirming. “You’re such a good girl, baby. You know that’s one of my favorite things about you, how good you are for me.”

That gave you these awful butterflies and you felt hot everywhere. That was all you ever needed to hear. His hand returned to your center and his first finger slid into you. You looked down to see but he grabbed your jaw again and turned you back up.

“Keep watching me, baby.”

He liked to test you, you knew that. He would give you an order and try to make you disobey him. This time, when his hand fell away from your face, you forced yourself to keep your head tilted. You ignored that burning part of you that wanted to see his fingers pushing in and pulling out, covered in what was dripping from your pussy.

You focused on just feeling. One thick finger was slowly working you open for him, he always stretched you out as much as he could meaning you had to be prepared for some teasing. He prioritized this because he was big and he knew it—and you had been smitten enough before he fucked you, but after, there wasn’t a second of the day your body didn’t crave Andy’s.

Despite how rough Andy could be with you, and how generally tough he was, he liked to baby you. Sometimes, he liked treating you as delicately as one would a bouquet of flowers. He could see a lot of comparisons if he really thought about it. You were beautiful, soft, and smelled so sweet. And if he didn’t pay attention to you, well, he’d been reminded of those consequences at the party.

You kept your eyes on his the entire time. You didn’t falter when he added his second finger, nor when he curled his fingers against that spot inside you, nor when his thumb pressed down firmly on your clit.

He pressed one hand down on your shoulder, a cue to lie back. After you had obliged, he pulled his fingers out of you and told you to open your mouth. You instantly did so, closing around his fingers as soon as they were in your reach.

He pressed his fingers down and kept going until your body jerked and the noise of you gagging echoed in the room. “I wanna see those beautiful lips wrapped around my cock, baby girl.”

You eagerly sat up, still sucking on his fingers as you pulled his belt apart, yanked the button of his pants open, and tore down the zipper. Glancing up at him to look for any signs that you didn’t have his permission to proceed, you pushed his pants and boxers down cautiously until his cock was out.

He pulled his fingers from your mouth and nodded. “Go ahead, baby.”

You moved back on the bed and situated yourself onto your stomach, propping up on your elbows. One hand wrapped around his hard length and you let the tip of your tongue come out to catch the precum dripping from his tip.

He released a shaky breath, hands at his sides because he wanted you running the show. For a while, a least. He didn’t want to guide you, he wanted to see how exactly you were going to make up for your slight misstep at the party.

You ran your tongue up his shaft lightly, feigning that whole soft act that you knew he loved. It wasn’t so much an act, but you had been bent over his desk, hair pulled, ass spanked, both holes thoroughly used. But you liked soft, too. You liked slow and gentle mornings, whispered words, careful touching. You liked whatever he wanted to give you.

You closed your lips around just the head of his cock and sucked. Unlike all other men you had been with, Andy was as patient as a saint. He loved when you teased him. Once, he had you edge him with your mouth for nearly an hour and thinking about how he fucked you after still made your toes curl.

His eyes closed and he sighed. “Fuck, baby.” His hand lightly settled on the back of your head. “So good, I could fuck your mouth for the rest of my life.” He didn’t push you down, he just ran his hand through your hair over and over because he knew how much you liked him to play with your hair.

But then his hold tightened and he pulled you off, much to your dismay. He noted your pout and pleading eyes but was kind enough not to taunt you about them. “Get on your back, sweetheart.”

You knew what he wanted as soon as he stepped away. You quickly climbed up toward the edge of the bed and rolled over, bending your neck over the mattress. You automatically opened your mouth for him, but he placed his hands on your shoulders first.

“Relax.” He leaned over and ran his hands along your arms, setting them on the mattress. He pressed your thighs down, waiting until you had lost all the tension in your body. He curled his hand around his length and stroked several times with a loose hand and a slow pace.

You watched in utter fascination. It never failed to get you wet when Andy showed so much control, over himself, over you. He was in charge of every little thing and you could tell that he got off on that. Every time he reached the head of his cock, he would press down so slightly, so close to your lips but just not enough.

“Andy,” you whispered. “Please.”

He smirked again. “Open your mouth for me.” And as soon as you did, he was slowly sliding in. He was slow at first, keeping his hips still as he slipped the straps of your bralette past your shoulders. He rolled the remaining material down until your breasts were exposed and squeezed them in his hands.

You pressed your thighs together, arching up into his hands more. You tried to relax your throat for him, knowing he was only stopping to give you a moment to prepare.

He pinched your nipples painfully and didn’t stop until you whined. He loved feeling you make that sound when his cock was down your throat, and the deep breaths as the pain faded away. Again, he tortured your nipples between his thumb and forefinger, yanked a little, until you were squirming all around the bed, making these noises around him that he rarely ever heard, your eyes filled with tears.

He leaned over quickly, releasing your breasts so he could give them both a brief kiss. You closed your eyes, humming in satisfaction. He took his time sinking his teeth into your sore, erect nipples and you squealed both times, back arching again. His tongue rolled over your stinging skin and you tilted your head eagerly, attempting to take more of him.

Sometimes, it was enough to get him naturally high, how much power he had over you, your body. He could hurt you and you would thank him; he could turn around and give you just a second of gentleness and you looked at him like you’d never loved anyone as much as you loved him. You claimed that, quite often. Andy wasn’t sure if he believed that, not because he didn’t trust you but because he wasn’t wired to think of himself as special in any way. Why you treated him like he was, was confusing to him at times.

But you were special, so fucking special. You were smart and funny, and so kind to every single person you encountered. It was a nice change from the environment he regularly found himself in. That was what you were supposed to be—a breath of fresh air from his hard life. You were not supposed to become his only source of oxygen, yet there he was. It didn’t seem he was reliant on you because Andy wasn’t comfortable expressing reliance on anyone, but he knew he was.

He stood and watched your body move with those deep, sharp breaths you were taking. Abruptly, his hand whipped across one breast, then the other. You cried out, a nice vibration around him, and now you were quivering. It was so easy for him to play your body like this because you were just needy enough that anything would have given you pleasure. Another thing he knew, another thing that made him so damn cocky.

“Open your legs,” he told you and you parted your thighs. Again, he pulled aside your lace panties and pushed two of his fingers inside you. Your cunt was dripping, your arousal gushing out as his fingers thrust in, curled, searched for that spot that made your eyes roll back. The noise of it made his cock twitch.

Your pussy was throbbing, yearning for the release that only this man could give you. You didn’t care how he did it, you just needed Andy. Hands, mouth, cock, you would take anything he wanted you to have.

“Listen to that greedy pussy,” he directed, voice low and quiet. “So desperate to be filled and fucked. But by who, baby?”

Your stomach twisted at not being able to answer him. That was why he asked when you had your mouth full of him, because if you could speak, you would blurt out reassurances that it was only him.

“Me?” he pressed.

You spoke, despite knowing it was going to sound like nonsense.

“And no one else?”

You were quick with your denial. And maybe, by now, since his cock was always in your mouth, he was a professional at understanding what you were saying. Or possibly, it was just the look in your eyes.

“You sure, baby?”

Once more, your voice came out muffled but hurried, almost panicked. He had to know that you didn’t even think about anyone else. He had to know that you thought he was the most beautiful man in the world.

He dragged his free hand up your body and it settled over your neck. Finally, he pulled out from your mouth only to thrust back in harshly. You choked, your throat contracting around him while he massaged his thumb and finger over your pulse points. He let you breathe through it before he started rocking his hips ever so slightly. You could feel him moving along your tongue and your cheeks, but they were small motions.

You always loved this position; it was easier to take all of him. It was easier to breathe on your back with your chest open, and, unlike being on your knees, it left you open for him.

He leaned forward slightly, pressing one hand off to the side of the bed while the other reached between your legs. His fingers danced along your skin without any real intent, but occasionally, he would touch your clit.

You were reaching for any part of him you could touch. Your hands mindlessly grasped at his back and kept slipping off because of his shirt. You couldn’t ask but you wanted it off. He felt your hands working open his buttons and decided to let you have something. He was going to take and take tonight, he could give you a little.

He stood up and loosened his tie enough to pull it off, then shrugged his shirt off. Once again, his palm settled to your neck. “You should see yourself right now. Shaking, wet, such a good girl.”

You reached up, gripping one hand in his pants, the other around the buckle of his belt and you pulled him in more until your throat was struggling.

“Easy, baby.” He took your hands off him, keeping a hold of one and placing the next back down on the bed. He pulled out carefully, dragging his hand up, and inch by inch, pushed back in. “You should see how deep I’m getting. I can see it right here.” The palm of his hand hovered over your skin, just enough that you could feel him, and he followed his cock again, letting you know how much of him you were taking.

It was a lot of him, not enough. And he was deep, but you needed more. You whined, a plea for him to move this along. He couldn’t want to drag this out, not after almost 18 days.

Again, he leaned over until he could touch you. His hips moved steadily, a controlled move that matched how strategically he was working your cunt, everywhere but the most sensitive part of you.

You hated that you couldn’t beg, but it wasn’t as if he didn’t know. It wasn’t as if you weren’t shaking or if your cunt wasn’t clenching desperately, you knew if he couldn’t feel it, he could at least see it. This went on for several moments, he was proud of how well you were taking him, and wanted to give you some type of award.

You were more than just caught off guard when you felt his lips against one of your thighs. Fuck. He couldn’t, you wouldn’t last long. But he went on, scattering kisses over your thighs, fucking your mouth just a fraction harder as he grew closer to your pussy.

As he licked down from your clit to your entrance, your eyes rolled back. Your hips jumped off the bed and one of his hands held you down in response. You were trembling, whining utter nonsense.

Several times, his tongue ran through you and you’d been so worked up, so wet and frustrated since he’d pulled you out of the party, since he hadn’t fucked you in a while, and this was just happening too fast. You wanted to focus on him, you wanted to apologize in the best way you knew how.

You tried to push him back with your hands on his thighs, but you were nowhere near strong enough.

He turned his head to kiss your thigh again. His hips stilled, most of his cock out of your mouth just in case. “Do you need a moment, baby?”

You debated. If you actually made him stop, made him pull out even if just for a second solely so you could ask him not to make you come...he would be outraged. He might even turn you over and spank you. But he also might not let you come at all. You would die, you knew you would.

You let your hands fall away.

“You okay?”

You hummed slowly, comfortably.

Still, one hand settled on your hip bone to keep you from moving, the other you felt on the back of your thigh close to your ass. He kissed your pussy slowly, sucking at your skin just a little, but not your clit, not yet.

He was careful as he began fucking your mouth again, worried he had pushed you too far. He waited until he was sure you were okay before he sucked your clit between his lips and slipped two fingers into you.

You whined around him as your body shuddered.

He kissed you again, several times to get you to calm down. “It’s okay, baby girl. Be a good girl for me.”

So, you understood, he realized that you wanted to object to this, but Andy was the greediest man you had ever had in bed. You weren’t surprised that he just didn’t care. You found it hard to mind as he began fucking his fingers in and out of you, sloppy, wet noises echoing around the room.

He was sucking again and you were desperately clutching at any part of him you could, his sides, his legs. You weren’t pushing him away now, you were pulling him in.

You were so close, your body arching up as much as it could. You felt tension building in every part of your body. Your own hands came up to your breasts mostly because you knew he would feel your hands moving underneath him.

“Fuck,” he cursed. He left your cunt neglected of his mouth for several moments, only using his fingers, as his cock drove down your throat hard.

You were choking loudly, your body again moving wildly as you gagged. It couldn’t have been more than a few times but they were determined thrusts, you were sure he was going to come in your mouth.

Instead, he pulled out completely and you whined shortly. You didn’t want him to go, but you couldn’t say that. All you could do was try to catch your breath. He didn’t even give you a moment to protest before his face was buried in your cunt.

In seconds, you were a mewling, moaning mess for him. Your body was so tight, so full of unbearable tension. You were shaking, sweating, your pussy was loud and soaking wet and you knew you were dripping everywhere, on him, on the bed.

He didn’t tease, he wanted to let you come because he wanted you coming all night. His favorite form of punishment was too much of a good thing, not withholding how much he enjoyed touching you.

You finished with a scream loud enough that the neighbors probably heard. Again.

Andy touched you through it until you stopped moving, save for the shaking aftershocks when he got a tad too close to your clit. When you were loose and sated on the bed, he started to sit you up.

You quickly turned to him, grasping his face. “I love you, only you.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

“I would never look at anyone else.”

“I believe you.” Even if he didn’t, this was not the place to voice that. This...state he got you in when he was this dominant, this demanding, was not completely unlike you. It was just a very obedient, sensitive version of you that he knew he had to be careful with. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt your feelings.

He touched your face and that was when you realized you were crying, he was wiping away your tears. It was either from your finish or from choking on him, you weren’t completely sure. “You’re okay?”

You nodded quickly. “I’m okay.”

He kissed your forehead and you felt hot. As if what you two were just doing wasn’t filthy, this was what made your heart beat faster and gave you those butterflies in your stomach.

He pulled back and kept hold of your face. “What does my baby girl want?”

“I want to feel you inside me.”

As his lips met yours, he began removing all the remaining clothing on either of your bodies. He moved you up the bed until he could lay your head on a pillow and then positioned himself over you.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he promised. “Keep saying it.”

As he carefully pushed into you, you continued to tell him you love him. You stared at him the whole time, willing your body to relax for him. He didn’t like it when you got so worked up, especially over the games he played in the bedroom. The thing with Neal was bad but it was over and you knew he wasn’t mad at you. He wouldn’t fuck you like this if he was.

You clutched onto his shoulders, trying to hold him as close to you as you possibly could. He was the one that grabbed your legs and cued you to wrap them around his body. His cock sliding into your pussy was a feeling you couldn’t understand why he’d left you deprived of.

Once his hips were settled against your thighs and he was completely buried inside you, you reached up to his face. You loved his cheekbones, you could trace them with your touch for days if he let you. And his beard, you loved feeling his beard under your fingertips.

He let you do this, explore him as if you could possibly forget anything after all the other times you did it. You remembered the first time he fucked you, you couldn’t stop staring, you couldn’t stop touching—he was so painfully beautiful. He was so patient with you, always had been, and now, despite how badly you felt his need to move, to fuck you, he was going to wait for you to be ready.

“You did this on purpose,” you muttered.

“Did what?”

“You didn’t fuck me. For 17 days. You…wanted me to make a scene—”

“That’s a pretty serious accusation.”

“I could take it to court and win,” you countered.

He smirked. “Could you? What’s my motive?”

“You like being possessive. You like dragging me out of places, you like bringing me home, you like reminding me who I belong to.”

“And were you reminded?”

“No one really belongs to anyone or anything at the end of the day—”

“No,” he interjected, tone sharp. You always liked that tone. “You belong to me.”

“Maybe…”

“You are mine,” he repeated. “And you’re going to say it or we’re going to have a long night.”

“I will say it if you admit this was your plan all along.”

“You think I wanted you to flirt with Neal?”

Your stomach flipped. “I wasn’t—”

He nodded, placing a hand on your shoulder. “I know, I didn’t mean to word it like that. I know you weren’t—”

You felt slightly like you were about to panic. Flirting with Neal? No. “Never, I would never—”

He shushed you. “I know, baby. I know you wouldn’t because you are a good girl. I promise I know that.”

You settled somewhat but that lingering feeling in the pit of your stomach was hard to ignore. Flirting with Neal? You couldn’t bear him thinking you would ever do that to him. Flirting in general with people Andy felt indifferent to was off the table unless you wanted to placate his desires. Certainly, he had to know that.

“I wanted to hear you beg,” he insisted. “That was what I wanted. I wanted honest begging because you are so fucking beautiful begging for my cock.”

You huffed. “Well, you should have asked.”

“I didn’t want to have to ask.”

“You could have given me a hint. I was going around your party trying to get your attention—”

“You had it, you always do. Now, tell me who you belong to.”

“I think we all belong to the stars.”

“No,” he sighed.

“Or the moon, people who experience menstruation especially. The moon controls us, it’s been studied by scientists. There are articles.”

“Scientific articles do not support that,” he asserted and you couldn’t help but laugh. Andy was exact. He didn’t believe in anything he couldn’t see or that couldn’t be proven. Even now, inside you, he couldn’t turn that part of his brain off.

“Baby,” he sighed as his hand came up to curl around your neck. It just rested there, a heavy reminder of all the times in the past he had held you like that, or those other times when he applied just the right amount of pressure. “I want to fuck you, I want to make you cry, I want you to be shaking after I’m done with you, I want to fill you up with my cum. Don’t you want that?”

You nodded, once again turned on beyond comprehension.

“Then be good and say what I want you to say. Don’t make me make you say it.”

“What if I want you to make me?”

“You don’t.”

Andy’s punishments were always so elaborate and such a blur. He knew how to reduce you to nothing but need, and you needed him so badly sometimes. He loved seeing you like that, but he didn’t always like taking you there. He knew how careful he needed to be during and after, so he reserved it for major misbehavior.

You brought one hand up and set it on his forearm. You could feel his skin and his muscles. “I belong to you.”

Just barely, as he stared at your face, his hold tightened. Your breath stuttered but you made sure not to get too worked up too soon. You didn’t want him to have to stop before he finished inside you.

“That can never happen again, baby.”

“I know. It never will. I’m so—”

He tightened his hand again. “Don’t say sorry.”

You didn’t understand why he wouldn’t let you say the one word you so badly needed to say.

“I don’t blame you, sweetheart, I’m just saying…it can’t happen again.”

You caught the lead of his tone. “But what if it does?”

“I might have to make sure he knows that you’re mine.”

You wanted him to let the whole world know. You knew he saw your eyes light up because he smirked. “How would you do that?”

“I might have to let him see how I fuck you. I might have to show him how I can make you beg for me, or how willingly you bend over when I’m going to spank you. I might have to show him how wet you get after I mark up your ass, maybe how whiny you get when my hand is around your throat. But maybe I’ll just have to send him the video I’ve been recording tonight, how well you can suck my cock, how badly you want to.”

You were stunned for a moment—recording? Where was the camera? The idea of Andy recording you was such a turn on. You loved making videos for him, but you’d always wanted to see one where he was with you. “You’ve been recording?”

“Would you be okay with that if I was?”

“Yes. I want to watch you fuck me.”

“You’re such a good girl.” He pulled his hips back once and then snapped up noisily, pulling a moan from your throat. “You know how much I love that sound? When you can hardly breathe but you still make all those noises you know I want to hear.”

He leaned in to kiss you, hips stilled, hand still wrapped around your neck. It was brief, a reward, a reminder. You were being good and he loved you, but he was going to fuck you.

You broke away, nodding to let him know you were ready, that you wanted this. “Please.”

He rolled over so you were on top of him. He kept his hold on your neck to keep you sitting up and used his opposite hand to grab your ass. After he kneaded your skin hard enough he knew it would bruise, he spanked you loudly, harshly. Your body jerk forward, taking him in deeper than you knew was possible.

You whined, trying to pull back a little. He gripped your ass again and held you there. It was painful but exciting, you wanted him to push your limits tonight. He so rarely did, concerned with pleasing you second and treating you delicate first.

He let you go only to spank your other ass cheek. Again, you moved forward and you felt fuller than you ever had. You ached between your legs, almost uncomfortably but the idea of having him this deep in your body was making you wetter by the second. You were dripping, you could see how wet his skin was, how much of a mess he was making of your pussy.

“Ride me, sweetheart.”

You found a comfortable position, your hands on either side of his waist in the mattress. He settled his arm between your breasts so he could still see them moving as you began jerking your hips back and forth. They were sharp, abrupt movements because you wanted to come so bad, you could hardly think of anything else. Save for your disbelief over the fact that he was making you do this yourself. But you didn’t argue because the last thing you wanted was punishment for talking back.

He closed his hand more, every sound you made was short and strangled. You moved faster, knowing he was closer when he choked you harder. His free hand took one of your breasts. He was so delicate at first, a gentle, slow touch before he was pinching your nipple so hard you were whining. He smacked your breast and you shuddered, nearly falling forward onto him, but he kept you up. Mostly because he wanted to do it again to your other breast.

Every slap against your breasts—loud and stinging, always surprising because he didn’t want you to have the comfort of a pattern—was pushing you closer to your orgasm. You were mindlessly bouncing on his cock, uncaring of the pain you felt every time you came down just a little too hard for how big he was. You felt like an animal, like you were simply a victim to your body’s depraved, primal desires.

You finished first, screaming things you would be impressed if he actually understood. You could cry, the tension built over days was finally all gone.

He rolled over once more, taking his spot on top again.

You clung to him, legs and arms, pulling him in like you would die if he wasn’t close enough. You needed to feel his whole body against yours.

“Hear that, baby?”

Oh, you heard. You’d been trying to ignore it, but of course, not if Andy had any say in it.

“Hear how wet your pussy is?”

So wet. Every time he pulled out and pushed in, the noise would fill the room. You only nodded.

Since you were wrapped around him so tightly, it wasn’t difficult for him to grab your hip and move you up the bed with him. He set you against the headboard, the pillows under the small of your back, propping you up for him.

He was on his knees now for more leverage. You knew he was going to fuck you hard. “Look at this, baby.” He slowly pulled out and you turned down to watch. “See how messy you’re getting my cock?”

“Yes,” you whined.

He grabbed his cock, used it to drag up and down your cunt several times.

“Andy, please.”

He shushed you, a slow, calm action that contrasted when he smacked the head of his cock against your clit.

You gasped and your hips jerked forward.

“Stay still,” he warned.

He did it over and over, and enjoyed watching you fail at trying to stay seated on the bed. He thrust in completely, quick and hard, only to pull out and smack your clit again. This was his routine for what felt like an agonizing hour, but you knew it was nowhere near that long. You knew even he didn’t have that kind of patience.

You cried out when he finally buried himself inside you again. As he pushed forward, he pulled you down. His fingers found your clit and you were soon tumbling over that edge once more.

As he finished, he pulled you on top of him, lying back on the bed. One arm wrapped tight around your back to pin you against his chest, his opposite hand tangled in your hair tightly. He hid his face in the bend of your neck, grunting as his hips continued to rock just slightly.

He kept you there for several long moments until he had completely satisfied himself. You were intoxicated being this close to him. You angled your head as much as you could and kissed the side of his face.

He turned over, setting you on the bed as he pulled out. You watched him curiously, moving to sit up with him. He made a disapproving noise and you laid back again. Once again, he made his way to the dresser and grabbed his phone.

“You were seriously recording?”

He arched an eyebrow. “Do I usually bluff?”

Nope, never.

“Now I have a reference if you ever forget how a good girl is supposed to act.”

You suppressed an eye roll.

“Open your legs.” He came closer, directing the camera at your pussy. He touched you, spreading his cum all over your skin, rubbing circles around your clit, just barely dipping his fingers into you.

You watched his face the whole time. You loved how much Andy loved you and when he stared at you after fucking you, it was hard to miss. He was obsessed with you and he never minded showing it.

For almost a month, you watched that video every day. You were fascinated by him, the way he moved, the way he touched you. After that, you started wanting to record more and Andy never minded.

requests to be tagged:

@onetwo3000 @chris-evans-indian-fanfic @donutloverxo @kleohoneyao3 @cevans-fics

#andy barber x reader #my writing

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flamediel · 3 years

Note

i feel the need to get this off my chest but it kinda grinds my gears when ppl assume the age 17 is like a grace period or something, even tho ur clearly still a minor. anything under 18 is still a minor. that’s just how it works. end of discussion

YEP!! YOU ARE NOT AN ADULT AT 17.

Look. Ik minors can have sex. Ik youre exposed to sexual media everywhere. But heres the thing. Im not comfortable w you consuming the sexual media I create. Riverdale writers can decide its ok to show 16yos having explicit sex and rate it for teens, but I only want 18 year old and older to read my NSFW content. I dont care what the legal age is in your country. I dont care of you think you're mature for your age. If you cannot accept that I don't consent to you reading my content, if you don't block the smut and NSFW tags, YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO BE IN ADULT SPACES.

What you don't understand is that the people telling you not to read smut were once kids who read smut, and went through the process of unlearning the fucked up shit adult fandom communities impart on kids. Some things I personally remember having to deal with:

Sex makes weird noises. It just does. Its awkward and strange and you need to accept that its gonna happen. Assuming it won't fucks w your self esteem

Having hair is normal. Literally most people ive been w do not care, and if a man does hes weird

Kinky sex isn't the norm. Its normal to like it but PLS dont start experimenting unless you're in a stable relationship and trust the person.

Things like choking, spanking, ropes, etc can cause serious damage. I have a friend who got her wrist fucked from handcuffs that were too tight. Make sure the person youre doing it w knows what they're doing, and if youre gonna tie someone up FIGURE OUT HOW. W choking you can't block the air passages or its not gonna be fun. Basically there's a ton that can go wrong and if your partner doesn't have experience and hasn't done the research and wants to try this thats a red flag

Literally if you're trying something new sit down w them and discuss it in detail first so you both know what youre comfy w and whats off limits and ALSO to make sure they know how not to hurt you.

Its super unlikely you'll be able to deep throat the first time and thats fucking normal take your time

If you have a vagina it is not common to be able to cum from penetration alone. More often than not you'll need clitoral stimulation as well

In fact most men don't know how to make a woman cum regardless of their experience. If he's not asking what you like chances are its gonna be shit. Literally tell him what to do if he's not doing it right and stop it if youre not comfortable or happy.

If you have a penis you might cum super fast. Which means if your partner has a penis they'll probably cum before you unless there's been a lot of foreplay

Cumming at the same time is not normal and not doing it isn't a moral failing just make sure to help the other person finish.

The first time you have penetrative sex its gonna feel weird. Esp if the biggest thing thats ever gone in there is a tampon or your fingers, shits gonna hurt. It's not necessarily gonna feel good. You will v likely need to be fingered to build up to the bigger size, esp if theyre big.

Even when you've had sex a lot it can still hurt to have smth inside you. My friend has been dating the same dude for two years now and it still hurts unless there's lots of lube and foreplay. Its normal.

Speaking of lube, USE LUBE. bitch idc how much of a wap you have, unless hes already made you cum you really need it to lessen friction. Use a lube thats water soluble so it doesn't fuck w the condom

Oh yeah, condoms. Unless you've both been tested and aren't fucking anyone else, use one. I dont care if youre on birth control. I dont care if you like it raw. If you don't want an sti USE A DAMN CONDOM.

Also, condoms dont just apply to penetrative sex. You can use them on your hands as gloves or as a dental dam when hes going down on you. The risks of spread is lower but not zero, and its better safe than sorry.

Also use them if youre having anal for the love of God PLS.

Big dick doesn't equal good dick, its about how they use it. If they don't know how to hit the right spots it doesn't matter how big you are. For some people big dicks cause pain actually esp if there's no foreplay.

Overstimulation doesn't always feel good like eventually it can hurt and not in a good way. Dont feel pressured to do it bc its supposed to be fun.

Similarly if you dont like being edged thats fine too.

In general just bc you like smth in fic does NOT mean you're gonna like it irl so like. Dont force anything. And make sure you can always back out when you want

Also feel this goes without saying but RESPECT THEIR BOUNDARIES TOO. This shit goes both ways even if youre the 'sub'

Masturbation can help you figure out what you like but its completely different when there's someone else there bc comfort is a huge part of arousal.

And lastly, you don't have to do ANYTHING until you're ready so don't rush into it bc I swear sex isn't worth it

A good source of sex ed is scarleteen pls go there and NOT tumblr for sex ed

Everyone feel free to add and minors pls dont read adult fic I beg you.

#cnco #cnco smut #asks #sex ed #scarleteen

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achinga2 · 3 years

Note

Pspspps for the ship thing howsa bout wangxian👀👀👀?

THE HUSBANDS

under a read more bc this got. long OOPS

when i started shipping them: since the beginning tbh! I came in knowing these two were the love interests and I really loved their dynamic since the beginning. I was gone for them immeadietly!

my thoughts: OMG. I could write a whole essay on them I love them so much. they have gone through so much and the fact that they get their happy ending is forever comforting for me

what makes me happy about them: GOD ITD BE EASIER TO SAY WHAT DOESNT(nothing) BUT ANYWAY. the way they're just so?? in love? like they understand each other so deeply, and even when they were silly teens growing into themselves they were always so fascinated with each other. but also the fact that like, it's clear they can live without each other. they are both strong and independent, and could flourish on their own....but why would they want to when the other is right there? it's just so!! also their easy domesticity post canon. omg. weeps and sobs

what makes me sad about them: THE LOST TIME...13 years of grief for lwj, 13 years of death for wwx, 13 years (and more if u count the years of misunderstandings) of separation and heartache. it's all worth it in the end but it never fails to make me so emo (esp thinking abt lwj's 13 year mourning)

things done in fanfic that annoys me: whoo boy. there is. so much lmao. BIGGEST ONE IS OBLIVIOUS WANGXIAN. esp if its the "everyone knows except them two" like yall. wwx is not an oblivious dumbass, EVERYONE in the cultivation world thought lwj and him were enemies, and lwj never straight up said he didn't hate wwx pre-death. if I were wwx I would have thought lwj despised me too esp bc of their teenage dynamic. there's more on this but ARGH THATS ANOTHER PAPER. another big one has 2 be self deprecating wwx who thinks lwj is too good for him. LIKE PLS. THATS NOT HIS CHARACTER AT ALLLL STOP DOING HIM LIKE THAT. I also find it so annoying when they make wwx out to be super restless and always wanting to leave and stuff and it's like. home boy's biggest fantasy was to own a cottage w lwj and have a farm and come home to his husband I can assure u he is NOT looking for the next big adventure that takes him away from his home in the Lan sect lol. there's more but then it'll be a full on rant and no one wants that XBNMQPDUTWNE

things I look for in fanfic: the implicit trust! their shameless pda! them being parents to any child in the vicinity! just. established wangxian enjoying each others company and making each other's day a bit brighter by just existing at each other's side

who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: uh. no one tbh lmao. I don't think anyone gets them like they get each other. if I absolutely HAD to tho....uh. maybe wwx with wen ning? they feel too much like siblings for me tho tbh. and lwj with literally No One Else bc like. what other adult does he choose to get along with that's not his brother or uncle like come on

my happily ever after for them: CANON ENDING IS PERFECT. they are happily married, doing their every day, doting on their sect kids, and just generally enjoying life with each other. I guess further than that...I like both the idea of them becoming immortal cultivators together and also them dying together at old age. I think either one would make them happy as long as they're together

who is the big spoon/little spoon: oh wwx is absolutely big spoon but mostly bc he's like an octopus that likes to wrap his limbs around lwj in order to sleep LMAO

what is their favorite non sexual activity: aaa if I had to pick, I think it's their morning routine. there's just something so tender abt wwx letting himself be extremely vulnerable and be taken care of by lwj in the mornings, and lwj being able to do this for wwx after so many years. still remembering the passage where when lwj puts more-than-half-asleep wwx in the bathtub and gently shoves him, wwx just reaches for lwj's hand and kisses it like AUGH. THE INTIMACY.

#THIS IS SO LONG NOBODH LOOK AT ME XKWNWMSOHQBEK #hades answers #they are just so. i will never get over them #THANK U CANRA FOR LETTING ME GO OFF ON THEM WKWN2LEPQJN2OD

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abri-chan · 4 years

Text

dropping some curiouscat answers here...

What worries you the most about your future?

Entropy.

What have you done lately that is worth remembering?

I finally found the courage to do multiple things. I've always been a bit of a generalist, but thought I have to focus on science and nothing else. But recently I started writing as a hobby. The endgoal is still a career in science/engineering as the main focus. But I want to write publishable sci-fi on the side.

Does it really matter what others think about you?

Yes and no. Ultimately you are being perceived, so that will affect how others treat you. But you shouldn't care what others think to the point of not being true to yourself.

Which is worse: failing or never trying?

Never trying.

Would you break the law to save a loved one?

To quote Akane-PP, "the law doesn't protect people, people protect the law". So yes, laws are not natural fundamentals (and those can be broken too); sometimes the right thing to do is break them

What small act of kindness have you seen that you will never forget?

My advisor and dearest adult to me makes tea for students hanging around the hallways, or anyone that drops by for advice.

When did you last push the boundaries of your comfort zone?

That's everyday for me.

What's your biggest priority right now?

Solving general AI.

If you die today, will you be happy with how you spent the day?

Definitely not. IMO people that don't fear death lead fulfilling lives, or their pain is so great-anything to make it stop. While in mental anguish a lot, I still "have miles to go before I 'sleep'"...

What daily questions might you start asking yourself?

"did you have fun?". Learning new things can be hard and challenging, but you need to step back and ask why you wanted to learn this in the first place. After you cross that steep learning curve, I hope you realized you had fun.

How old are you when you became mature?

I was future years old.

If you are given a chance to go to a different planet, where will it be?

Somewhere beyond our visible universe. We may never know what lies beyond the boundaries because the universe keeps expanding; so I want a chance to actually see what's on the other end.

What would be your ideal way of seeking discomfort?

Learning new things.

What do you want to happen on your birthdate?

Become immortal!

What is the best thing you can do for a person?

Trust and patience.

Have you ever dreamed of being idolized?

Yes, a lot. But tbh my real critic is my inner self; if I was proud of what I do or create it wouldn't matter.

If you are to describe yourself using a hashtag, what's your hashtag?

#WeCanDoIt

What is something you wish you were better at?

Believing in myself.

What do you prefer - to love or be loved?

With regards to people, to be loved.

What do you dream about?

Artificial Intelligence and Immortality.

What is missing in your life that would make you very happy?

Confidence.

Would you prefer a party with a few friends or lots of friends?

Moderate amount of friends. Something in the style of firechats; some snacks and tea/coffee and we cluster in small groups as the night goes on.

What are the benefits of being famous?

Instant validation.

Is it wrong to not follow the trend?

The world exists in your own mind; you decide what's wrong or right and live with that decision.

How can you tell if a watch is smart or stupid?

A smart watch plays that test on you.

What two animals should breed and make a new animal?

Humans and octopuses.

What do you think people should do more often?

Be kind.

When was the last time you screamed?

I scream daily into the void.

What magazine cover would you like to get on?

Nature.

What would you change in this World?

You should not be required to work to have your basic needs met.

If you were granted an autograph from anyone, who would it be?

Ville Valo!

Do you believe in soulmates?

Yes and no. It's untestable as of right now if some hypercosmic force destines people to be together. However love is also something you build; through communicating, supporting each other to become better, etc.

How can you live till the age of ?

Freeze yourself if minduploading doesn't become a thing in your lifetime.

What is the meaning of the life in one word?

Learn.

What's your dream job? 👩‍🌾👨🏻‍🚀

Scientist-engineer and sci-fi writer. ;)

What's your favorite Disney movie? 🐭

Not counting Pixar movies, Treasure Planet.

What's your biggest fear?

Failure.

Would you change any aspect of your personality? Which?

Thinking I'm not good enough.

Would you like to be famous?

Yes!

What's your favorite video-game?

Contra!

Would you like to be able to see into your own future? 👀

That's what full dna sequencing is for!

If you met a magic genie, what would your three wishes be?

Genius, Immortality, Entropy to be reversible

If you could change one event in history, which would it be?

Dark Ages

If you could have a conversation with a single celebrity or historical character who has already passed away, who would it be?

Stanislaw Lem!

In your opinion, which is the most relevant event in history, to this day?

Invention of writing!

Share a photo of your favorite pet.

What do you value the most in a friend?

Loyalty.

What do you value the most, the past, the present or the future?

It would be wise to value the present more, but the future bc I can only dream of better days.

#anime manga rambles #get to know me

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dazais-guardian-angel · 4 years

Note

About bkg apologizing. Here is my fear. Is Hori gonna frame that apology merely for bkg's sake so that ppl can say "look! He's changed! he's better" or will he frame it as something towards Izuku, something that Izu needs to hear, he deserves, for all the shit, the pain that he went through. Bc I feel that's important, the apology should be for the victim's sake not just to prop up the apologizer. Maybe I feel like this BC I feel the story has acted as if he's redeemed so this doesn't assure me.

First of all, sorry for the huge delay anon; I hope you still see this!! I’ve been sick and just haven’t had enough brainpower to answer this.

But yes, I.... I am extremely skeptical about how this supposed apology would even go down, if Hori is really going to go through with it, and how. Because exactly like you said, and I said in the tags of that post, the story has been going in a way that it feels like Bakugou’s “arc” is already... resolved? Bakugou vs Izuku after the license exam, where they each come to a better “understanding” heavy quotes here smh of how the other feels, and All Might declares their “rivalry” having evolved into a more “healthy” one, where they each push each other to do better by their different approaches to being a hero and Bakugou’s “approach” is a whole other rant, feels like the endpoint of any true animosity between them from the narrative; it hasn’t set up or foreshadowed any more need for anything more on Bakugou’s part to redeem himself or make right past wrongs. In the story, he suffers through being kidnapped, having to carry the guilt that he was indirectly responsible for his idol’s downfall, and failing the license exam (mind you, due to his own arrogant actions). These things are all treated as fair punishments to give him a reality check/deflate his ego somewhat, and in return, he gets a hug and praise and reassurance and highly intimate/personal and classified information from All Might. And... that’s it? That seems to be the end of any problems between Bakugou and Izuku, he’s literally just a running, yelling gag now, and the narrative’s “redemption” of Bakugou seems to be more about sympathizing him and making two squabbling kids learn to get along and tolerate each other, then about... making a bully apologize to his former victim.

Which is why as horrible as it sounds, the way the story has been going, I can’t see any way an apology from Bakugou wouldn’t feel out of place now? The time for that is long past; the narrative has not set up for it at ALL. The story, the teachers, the other students, and Izuku himself have NEVER seen or treated Bakugou as an abuser or even just an unreasonably violent person in general, so there’s no precedent or demand for him to even consider apologizing or even thinking about and regretting his actions! Sure, no one knows Bakugou abused Izuku, but that hardly matters; he’s temperamental, hostile, and dangerous with his quirk, constantly nearly kills Izuku and anyone else he fights, has a terrible attitude problem that he should have outgrown years ago, and yet NO ADULT DOES ANYTHING ABOUT HIM. Rather, they let him BE, because they sometimes see these situations he gets into as a good learning experience!! The other students laugh at him and treat him like a joke, don’t mind getting yelled at or pushed around by him, and even All Might himself praises his “friendship” with Izuku, who he has tried to hurt or threatened to hurt multiple times, until their relationship improved to the bare minimum level of him no longer doing that. And as for Izuku himself, the only person who knows that he was bullied by Bakugou in the past besides Bakugou himself ofc, he does not feel any hostility towards or expect anything from him - he was always frustrated and hurt that they could not get along, that Bakugou treated him as he did, but it was always with the hope that they could one day return to being the friends they once were; Izuku has never had the self-esteem to recognize that he has absolutely no obligation to care about Kacchan as much as he does, that he owes him nothing, and that Bakugou is not his friend and has so much work to do before he can even maybe be his friend again.

Am I relieved to hear Hori say Bakugou needs to apologize? Absolutely. But all this is why I honestly would have had no idea he even wants this to happen if he hadn’t said it; with the narrative as it is right now, I cannot see what on earth will happen to set it up without it feeling sudden and forced, and thus, ingenuine, like you said. Hori seems to truly feel like Bakugou needs to do this, so I take comfort in the fact that he wouldn’t just throw it in to please fans or something, but... yes, I too fear that if it’s not done properly, without the right build-up, Bakugou stans will grasp at it to say that he’s been fully redeemed, when it hasn’t been earned at all. The recent little hints towards Best Jeanist and Bakugou’s relationship with him that we’ve yet to see give me fleeting hope that he’s related to how this apology will eventually happen, and trust me, I would love that (since BJ is the only character we’ve really seen so far to chastise Bakugou), but I can only wonder and worry and hope for now.

tl;dr I desperately want this apology, but only if it’s lead up to right, and right now I ain’t seeing how that will happen.

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #my hero academia spoilers #meta #replies #thanks anon this was exactly what I've been thinking!!!!#we're on the same page #I'm sorry I took so long to answer this a;lkgkfl;lkgkfdl #no fear: one fear: hori makes bakugou apologize but badly and stans use it to defend him even more #Anonymous

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caws5749 · 4 years

Text

This took SO LONG thanks @natthisback

1: Name Madison

2: Age 21

3: 3 fears spiders, not becoming a doctor, becoming like my parents

4: 3 things i love marvel movies, my blanket (whoops), and scrunchies

5: 4 turn ons compliment me, be chivalrous, (idk if this means sex turn on too or not but) moaning my n- ANYWHO uh and the last one definitely like showing you want me

6: 4 turn offs someone who only talks about themselves, being like wishy washy, being arrogant/cocky, complaining about the same things

7: my best friend that would be shea @cloversofshea

8: sexual orientation lesbian

9: my best first date okay SO this like isn’t a first date but it was my first like nicer dinner date so I’m gonna count it. It was just this past weekend actually and i just i loved it so much it was amazing

10: how tall am i 5’2

11: what do i miss honestly, feeling like i was good at things

12: what time were i born 11:14am

13: favorite color purple, although it’s slowly been turning to like a baby light pink

14: do i have a crush yes yes i do and i likes her a lot

15: favorite quote “Truth is a matter of circumstance. It’s not all things to all people all the time. And neither am I.”

16: favorite place Chicago or New York City

17: favorite food SALMON

18: do i use sarcasm yes, but i feel like i don’t use it as much as i used to

19: what am i listening to right now Christmas pop playlist on Spotify

20: first thing i notice in new person whether they only talk about themselves

21: shoe size 8 or 8.5

22: eye color blue

23: hair color right now, it’s a brown that goes to blond at my ends

24: favorite style of clothing so if this means like fav style to wear daily, definitely athleisure. If it means in general, i love love love preppy looks? But not super preppy.

25: ever done a prank call? Absolutely, many times

27: meaning behind my url i explain this in my about me page (linked in bio!)

28: favorite movie captain America winter soldier

29: favorite song i don’t really have favorite songs but rn it’s prob December night by Michael buble

30: favorite band i don’t really have fav bands

31: how i feel right now it’s really hot in here, so warm. I feel okay

32: someone i love i love lots of people but ill stick with @cloversofshea

33: my current relationship status I’ve answered this so many times literally just look at the ask game tag

34: my relationship with my parents um yikes

35: favorite holiday Halloween

36: tattoos and piercing i have i have 6 tattoos! “Breathe” on my right inner ankle, a heart on left shoulder, heart w equal sign in it behind right ear, basically an ecg on my left inner ankle, Aquarius symbol on right bicep, and caws 5749 on my left side. And my ears are pierced.

37: tattoos and piercing i want definitely the black widow symbol in the same place Scarlett got her og6 tattoo, an amino acid tattoo that spells out “wah” , definitely more little tattoos! And maybe more ear piercings idk

38: the reason i joined tumblr so, I’ve had a tumblr for many many years. I originally joined bc my best friends at the time had them, and i was like sure! Ive deleted that personal blog since, and started my new personal blog a few years ago. I also have a studyblr that i started i think back in high school, and i just started this blog back in the end of July!

39: do i and my last ex hate each other no, I’d say far from it bc i likes her a lot

40: do i ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts yes from her and i fucking love it, it used to be a bigger thing almost every day and i loved it

41: have i ever kissed the last person i texted lmao no and for those who were wondering it is @cloversofshea

42: when did i last hold hands LMAO WITH @michelinaamour WHEN I WAS STUMBLING HOME DRUNK IN HIGH HEELS

43: how long does it take me to get ready in the morning it depends, anywhere from ten minutes to an hour and a half

44: have you shaved your legs in the past three days no! I am super lucky and have really light colored hairs on my legs and so i dont’ have to shave very often. Also i just want to say that i personally love shaving my legs and it is my choice to do so.. girls, you do not need to shave!!

45: where am i right now so i started answering this in the research lab, but i am currently sitting at one of the dining places on campus finishing it

46: if i were drunk and can’t stand, who’s taking care of me LMAO DEFINITELY @michelinaamour because she’s done it ALREADY FOR ME MULTIPLE TIMES

47: do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level it depends, in car trips, definitely blast it. But just driving around or listening in doors, definitely reasonable level

48: do i live with my mom and dad nope i live with @michelinaamour

49: am i excited for anything yes, I’m excited for lots of things. I get excited easily

50: do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to no. I used to

51: how often do i wear a fake smile this is a really interesting question. I don’t consider smiles i give to random people like ordering food or something to be fake, so i would say fake smiles are when I’m not okay and trying to hide it. Which happens less often now bc I’m just much happier of a person

52: when was the last time i hugged someone I think it was @michelinaamour two days ago but i think i hugged @cloversofshea that day too so

53: what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me I’d be heartbroken tbh

54: is there anyone i trust even though i should not yes, certain adults in my life

55: what is something i disliked about today my hair won’t do what i want it to :(

56: if i could meet anyone on this earth who would it be probably Chris Evans or Scarlett Johansson

57: what do i think about the most tumblr and everything with that, or probably her or school stuff definitely

58: what’s my strangest talent i don’t think i have any lol

59: do i have any strange phobias yes definitely haha, I’m terrified of stepping on worms

60: do i prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it i think a few years ago i would have said behind, but honestly I think I’d love to be in front of the camera now

61: what was the last lie i told i actually don’t know. Maybe this past weekend as to like the fact that i was going out on a date instead of just going out with a friend

62: do i prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online I’d say talking on the phone bc then they cant’ see me lmao

63: do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes

64: do i believe in magic? Yes, or at least, that’s what i tell myself

65: do i believe in luck yes

66: what’s the weather like right now snowy!

67: what was the last book I’ve ever read The Butchering Art, it’s about the history of surgery

68: do i like the smell of gasoline omg yes yes yes yes yes yes

69: do i have any nicknames yes, madz, madi, girl who lives by the kitchen, queen (a new one) and clown (also a new one) thanks @natthisback

70: what was the worst injury I’ve ever had back in freshman year of college, i did something stupid and my foot swelled up like hell and hurt so bad. There were no fractures detected but the swelling stayed for a really long time, as well as the bruising and pain, and it never returned to normal

71: do i spent my money or save it SPEND IT BABY

72: can i touch my nose w my tongue no I’m not that talented

73: is there anything pink in 10 ft from me. Hmm part of my backpack? And my rings are pinkish bc they are rose gold. Oh and my scrunchie is pink, as well as my iPad

74: favorite animal cat

75: what was i doing last night at 12am i was still at work In the emergency room!

76: what do i think satan’s last name is uh honestly Jim lmao (it’s demons Jim! @cloversofshea )

77: what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it so good by dove Cameron

78: how can you win my heart suggest we watch a marvel movie, and I’m prob straight up in love. There are other things too but they’re pretty general, like compliment me, show you want me ya know

79: what would i want to be written on my tombstone haha, as a joke, “so realy its very thing. Just to keep everyone guessing.” But idk something funny

80: what is my favorite word i have no idea, maybe like sophisticated or something like that or aesthetic , champagne is a good one too

81: my top 5 blogs on tumblr ooh! Okay so @markiplier @lesbian-deadpool @americasass-romanoff @lesbianmariahilll @shining-rey-of-sunshine but i love so so so so so many more, and i have a lot of top blogs

82: if the whole world were listening to me right now what would i say fuck trump also I’m gay as hell and I’m growing tired of hiding it from people

83: do i have any relatives in jail not that i know of

84: i accidentally eat some radioactive vegatables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super power of my choice! What is that power lmao this question is great. Prob same powers as Wanda

85: what would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on any weird fetis- JUST KIDDING. Do you still think about them?

86: what is my current desktop picture so on my laptop, it’s fall flowers. But since that’s broken af, i use my iPad and that background is one of the apple ones. It’s just a beach idk why but I’ve never changed it

87: had sex WHY IS THIS IN EVERY SINGLE ASK GAME WTF

88: bought condoms nope i am gay as hell bye

89: gotten pregnant nope i am gay as hell bye

90: failed a class nope, definitely come close though

91: kissed a boy yes

92: kissed a girl yes

93: have i ever kissed somebody in th rain honestly, probably at some point, but I’ve never had one of those romantic kisses in the rain. I really really want to though and i think about it a lot

94: had job yeah, I’ve had three true jobs

95: left the house without my wallet probably

96: bullied someone on the internet no bc I’m not a fucking douche

97: had sex in public not yet

98: played on a sports team yeah, played softball and basketball in middle school

99: smoked weed yeah, but i didn’t get high

100: did drugs nope

101: smoked cigarettes nope, i think i asked drunk once if i could smoke, but my friend was like “really?” And i was like uhhhhhh just kidding haha

102: drank alcohol lmao i drink fucking all the time i mean. I literally have drunk writing nights , I’m drinking tonight too

103: am i a vegetarian/vegan i was a vegetarian for a while, and then an aspiring vegan, and then vegetarian, and then pescatarian now!

104: been overweight no

105: been underweight yes

106: been to a wedding yeah, but like not for a long time. I was like 4 and the flower girl. Oh WAIT. Does playing a wedding count? I played cello at a wedding so i was there???

107: been on the computer for 5 hours straight hell yeah, how would i function not doing this with class and relaxing

108: watched tv for 5 hours straight lmao definitely

109: been outside my home country yeah

110: gotten my heart broken yeah

111: been to a professional sports game yeah. I don’t really do sports though , so when i go it’s usually in suites and I’m just there for the food

112: broken a bone nope!

113: cut myself this is...a. Really deep question but bc i want to be able to speak about mental health on here, the answer is yes.

114: been to prom yes! I went to my junior and senior proms!

115: been in airplane too many times

116: fly by helicopter no, I’m not sure if i want to do this or not

117: what concerts have i been to I’ve been to lots. So first off, I’ve been to hundreds of classical concerts (and performed in them). As for pop, Bruno mars twice, maroon five like three times. Selena Gomez. Josh groban. American authors. Definitely others that i don’t remember

118: had a crush on someone of the same sex yes I’m fucking gay

119: learned another language so if this means fluent, no. I took a decent amount of French and am learning Russian right now!

120: wore make up absolutely. When i choose to wear makeup, its because i fuckign love makeup haha. Most days I’m lazy though and like to let my skin breathe and be natural

121: lost my virginity before I was 18 no

122: had oral sex yeah

123: dyed my hair many times

124: voted in a presidential election okay i think so but honestly can’t remember. But I’m pretty sure i did.

125: rode in an ambulance no and i never want to.

126: had a surgery no and i never want to haha. Well i cant say that. Depending on how my life plays out, I might freeze my eggs or something.

127: met someone famous yes, several I think, but probably Henry winkler was the one I remember most.

128: stalked someone on a social network yeah

129: peed outside nope don’t think so and definitely don’t want to

130: been fishing yes I have been ice fishing and regular fishing

131: helped w charity i have!

132: been rejected by a crush I’ve been not liked back but i don’t think I’ve ever made like a move on a crush and been rejected

133: broken a mirror ooh i don’t think i have actually

134: what do i want for birthday nothing bc i dont’ like my bday

#madison speaks #ask game

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onelichtwolich · 4 years

Text

stealin’ this from @forsakenpumpkin <3 i love these character sheet things

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑪𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑬𝑬𝑻.

Repost, don’t reblog.

BASICS.

full name. chaalupa taaco. nickname. lup, obvi. taako also calls her lulu, lupala, froot lup, lu, and sis. barry also has a slew of romantic pet names. <3 gender. trans lady. height. 5′3″ age. 132 zodiac. gemini, baybee. twinz spoken languages. common, elvish, mongoose, prob could pick up just about anything if bored enough honestly. she has a proclivity towards linguistic shit like that.

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair color. naturally blonde. she likes to put red and orange in it; sometimes dyes it black (w red and orange in it). changes it up. eye color. green. skin tone. tan/light brown. she’s a sun elf, baybee. accent. nope. voice. prone to lilting in a way very similar to her brother’s. her voice is higher, though, and has a slight rasp to it. also is very loud. she is Unapologetically Herself and she makes sure the entire world knows about it. dominant hand. gonna say she’s ambidextrous ‘cuz i can do that. i have the power. (prefers the right, though. Taako prefers the left.) posture. sometimes also floating LMAO, when it’s not that she tends to walk p casually but upright, not at all shy or hunched over, chest out sometimes. when in more casual situations she has a tendency to Sprawl and Hang Upside Down off of things like beds and couches. scars. i do tend to think she has a large one goin’ down her back. doesn’t get many bc of being an elf and healing p quick, but she hasn’t exactly had an easy past free of fightin’. tattoos. she might like some red phoenix wings or smth, maybe where the scar is. birthmarks. is this a place to mention she has freckles? probably not. they’re not the same thing, but they are all over her body. maybe has a beauty mark under her left eye. most noticeable feature(s). well, if you’re not from a world with elves, then probably the ears. they’re v expressive. and also, y’know. she’s a lich. so in that form it’s probably that whole situation.

CHILDHOOD.

place of birth. her homeworld of twosun. birth weight. i dunno? healthy weight, i’d imagine. (i myself did not have a healthy weight so i have no reference LMAO). birth height. I DUNNO. manner of birth. just... a natural birth? first words. this is easy. “koko.” :D siblings. ...koko!! eheheh. she loves her twin brother taako more than anything. he’s her heart. parents. ya, she had some. parental involvement. not great. something Happened to them when the twins were both young, so young she doesn’t rly remember her parents and only remembers coming to live w her aunt and grandfather at the farm.

ADULT LIFE.

occupation. universe-saving astronaut, baybee! at least she was, b4 Isola. and v proud of it, so this is gonna be a hard adjustment for her. current residence. archimedes. close friends. the whole crew. recently Undyne is the Best Friend bc of Cupid Shuffle shenanigans. ;3 relationship status. married 2 one fine nerd in denim named Barry Bluejeans. financial status. not struggling or anything, and she’ll always b grateful. driver’s license. naw. criminal record. oh yea she’s been kinda a thief ‘n’ a gambler w T before. u do what u gotta to survive. vices. they are canonically listed as “lust, gluttony,” and “pride.” she proudly guesses them before being accused and freely admits to ‘em. no guilt on her end.

SEX & ROMANCE.

sexual orientation. bisexual, baybee. romantic orientation. bi/panromantic. preferred emotional role. whispers what. what does this... mean? she likes bein’ there for her husband in whatever way she can, discovering and learning new things together, talking well into the night about stuff, supporting and holding each other through the good and bad times, makin’ music, makin’ food (on her end), just... ...he’s one of her best friends? her role is just... ...what she has w him? she’d never want for anything else. he’s the love of her life. (and she’s poly, too, ‘cuz i say so.) preferred sexual role. this i, personally, as a mun both don’t know about and don’t want to talk about. lup’s not sex-repulsed but i sure am. MOVING ON. libido. it’s healthy and she’s unashamed. what more can b said. turn on’s. denim ;D. a good brain is also sexy. a creative side and a daring side. a nice smile ‘n’ warm hugs, too. kindness. turn off’s. not a big fan of jerks in general. intolerant of cruelty towards herself or others. love language. ...hold on, i’m gonna take a quiz abt this. yup, it’s what i suspected--lup’s a Quality Time kinda gal. she’s big on just spending time w her loved ones and being in their presence, no matter what they’re doing. having experiences together is important. Physical Touch is almost tied. she’s very touchy-feely. relationship tendencies. oh, she’s very casual about it and teasing about it but she’s a Big Ol’ Romantic Sap. once Lup loves you she loves you with her entire being. she’s v passionate and v into the idea of soul mates, largely bc she found hers. she’s hesitant to commit, at first, bc she takes trust and relationships so seriously--it’s a big reason for such a slow burn--but once she does, she’s all in. she’s present with you, she’ll always show affection for you and be around you and help and protect you.

MISCELLANEOUS.

character’s theme song. i made a whole playlist of ‘em, which i won’t link to here! i think my fav example of a Lup song is “New Constellations” by Ryn Weaver, in terms of summing her up pretty well. hobbies to pass time. i’ve listed ‘em! you can find ‘em in stats. mental illnesses. PTSD for sure, yeah. physical illnesses. nope. fears. failing to protect her loved ones. failing at the mission. losing any of the people she loves forever. harming innocent people. self-confidence level. pretty dang high, LMAO. Lup does not lack in confidence; she’s been through hell to get hers and she’s holding onto it at all costs. she has moments of insecurity just like anyone, but. vulnerabilities. she has a very big heart. cares a whole lot. Taako gets exasperated with her for this, esp when it comes to risking herself for strangers, which he generally wouldn’t do (to him, it’s them vs the world; to her, it’s them for the world). her loved ones being threatened, the idea of harming people, just... she can’t stomach that.

tagged by: no one, baybee. renegade tagging: do it if u want, my friends!

#ooc #meme #character info

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motherfucker-somewhat-limited · 5 years

Note

1: Name

Sarah

2: Age

3: Fears

Everything, I have anxiety

4: 3 things I love

Dogs, weird movies, sunsets over water

5: 4 turns on

Long hair, facial piercings, good sense of humor, back muscles

6: 4 turns off

Poor hygiene, rude to service workers, adults who are still obsessed with Disney to the point where they make it a personality trait, Trump supporters (or the equivalent in other countries)

7: My best friend

@wanderingwondererofthings

8: Sexual orientation

Bi? I think? IDK not straight tho

9: My best first date

I’ve only ever been on one date in my life and the dude ghosted me afterward which turned out to be a blessing bc it was not a good time in my life to try to start a relationship

10: How tall am I

5′2″

11: What do I miss

Mental stability

12: What time were I born

3:45 am or thereabouts

13: Favourite color

black

14: Do I have a crush

celebrity crushes but I don’t really count those

15: Favourite quote

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

16: Favourite place

bundled up under a heap of blankets by myself in a dark room with good snacks and a good book/movie

17: Favourite food

chocolate

18: Do I use sarcasm

do i

19: What am I listening to right now

my housemate doing laundry

20: First thing I notice in new person

what they’re wearing

21: Shoe size

womens 7

22: Eye color

brown

23: Hair color

brown

24: Favourite style of clothing

love that goth shit

25: Ever done a prank call?

not that i can remember

26: Meaning behind my URL

adam darski’s true form

27: Favourite movie

Ink (2009) dir. jamin winans

28: Favourite song

UHHHHHHHHHHH

29: Favourite band

Eluveitie

30: How I feel right now

like shit lol

31: Someone I love

My friends

32: My current relationship status

single

33: My relationship with my parents

it’s good and i’m very grateful

34: Favourite holiday

the day after halloween when all the candy goes on sale

35: Tattoos and piercing I have

none

36: Tattoos and piercings I want

seriously considering getting my eyebrow pierced soon. if I ever cut my hair short i’ll pierce my ears

37: The reason I joined Tumblr

to follow an art blog that made amazing JTHM fan art

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

what ex

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yeah from my mom

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

yeah it was my mom

41: When did I last hold hands?

yesterday with my grandma

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

takes me well over an hour to actually get up but then like 3o minutes tops

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

44: Where am I right now?

in my room

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

i’ve never been that drunk because i hate hangovers

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

reasonable level unless i’m at a concert

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

not anymore

48: Am I excited for anything?

sexy eggman is coming to san francisco

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

50: How often do I wear a fake smile?

basically whenever i have to talk to strangers

51: When was the last time I hugged someone?

yesterday

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

my mom is allowed to kiss other people it’s okay

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

i don’t think so?

54: What is something I disliked about today?

i’m tired of being tired

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

my soulmate

56: What do I think about most?

spirals of existential dread

57: What’s my strangest talent?

I have no talents lol

58: Do I have any strange phobias?

going down stairs. i’m fine going up them but going down them freaks me out

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

depends on my mood and whether or not i’m ugly that day

60: What was the last lie I told?

“I’m okay”

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

In person or don’t fucking talk to me

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes

63: Do I believe in magic?

idk. i believe there’s things that happen that we can’t explain yet so maybe that’s magic

64: Do I believe in luck?

i believe in good chances

65: What’s the weather like right now?

dark

66: What was the last book I’ve read?

The Habitation of the Blessed by Catherynne Valente

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

yes as long as i don’t have a headache or stomachache

68: Do I have any nicknames?

just dumb shit my mom calls me

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

worst acute injury was the time i tripped onto an outdoor heater in kindergarten and burned the shit out of my hand. i also have a stress fracture in my spine that will never heal from gymnastics but that happened over a matter of years

70: Do I spend money or save it?

i try to save but i spend a little too much

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

with a tongue? yes. with my tongue? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

my fluffy pillow

73: Favourite animal?

take a wild fucking guess

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

trying unsuccessfully to sleep

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

Columbus

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

That Time of the Month by Harley Poe

77: How can you win my heart?

be a dog

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

ceci n’est pas un corps

79: What is my favorite word?

sussuration or cathedral

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

this is the internet equivalent of the judgment of paris

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

eat the rich

82: Do I have any relatives in jail?

not currently

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

shapeshifting bitch

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

i’ll say anything on the internet i don’t give a shit

85: What is my current desktop picture?

86: Had sex?

87: Bought condoms?

88: Gotten pregnant?

89: Failed a class?

yeah, fuck ochem

90: Kissed a boy?

91: Kissed a girl?

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

93: Had job?

i’ve got one right now

94: Left the house without my wallet?

yeah lol

95: Bullied someone on the internet?

96: Had sex in public?

97: Played on a sports team?

i ran track for a couple years as a kid

98: Smoked weed?

yup

99: Did drugs?

100: Smoked cigarettes?

ew no

101: Drank alcohol?

yuppers

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

103: Been overweight?

104: Been underweight?

yes

105: Been to a wedding?

yes

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

only 5?

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

only 5??

108: Been outside my home country?

yes

109: Gotten my heart broken?

yes but not romantically

110: Been to a professional sports game?

many

111: Broken a bone?

nope

112: Cut myself?

not on purpose

113: Been to prom?

yeah and it sucked and i wish i hadn’t gone

114: Been in airplane?

yes

115: Fly by helicopter?

no but I want to

116: What concerts have I been to?

a multitude

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yeah lol

118: Learned another language?

can I give this one a half a yes?

119: Wore make up?

yup

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

121: Had oral sex?

122: Dyed my hair?

yes

123: Voted in a presidential election?

yes

124: Rode in an ambulance?

125: Had a surgery?

do wisdom teeth count?

126: Met someone famous?

yup, holla atcha doug jones

127: Stalked someone on a social network?

no, i don’t care that much

128: Peed outside?

who hasn’t?

129: Been fishing?

130: Helped with charity?

i’ve donated some money

131: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah but a) I never actually asked him out, b) we were 12, and c) turns out he’s gay so like i’m not made about it

132: Broken a mirror?

133: What do I want for birthday?

a new laptop

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

why would i want kids

135: Was I named after anyone?

my great uncle and great grandmother

136: Do I like my handwriting?

i have no opinion on it

137: What was my favourite toy as a child?

legos or something similar you can build with

138: Favourite Tv Show?

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

139: Where do I want to live when older?

somewhere near the ocean

140: Play any musical instrument?

i wish

141: One of my scars, how did I get it?

i only have acne scars and those are pretty self-explanatory

142: Favourite pizza toping?

sausage, bell pepper, and onion

143: Am I afraid of the dark?

144: Am I afraid of heights?

sometimes

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

no, i’m a good girl

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end

yeah, FUCK OCHEM

147: What I’m really bad at

being a functioning human adult person

148: What my greatest achievments are

not killing myself in college

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

idk man i get upset by everything even when it’s not mean

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery

pay off my friends’ and family’s debts, set aside a big chunk of money for grad school, maybe get my own place depending on how much is left

151: What do I like about myself

i have nice hair

152: My closest Tumblr friend

idk

153: Something I fantasise about

what don’t i fantasize about

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?

hey demons come and get y’all juice

#asks

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countdownto65 · 7 years

Text

Empathy for Self

What is the nemesis of shame? Empathy.

What is the root of most of your shame? Attention seeking, codependentcy and sexual misconduct.

Empathy. You were the oldest in the family fighting for parental attention against two babies.

You hit puberty early. This was a 2 fold problem. You started getting attention furthering the tight shirts but in turn Everyone in 4th grade started calling you a ho. You had never even kissed a boy. You were not a ho and kids are fucking mean.

But you know who else’s attention you got by having boobs, dressing in body suits and seeking attention at 11 years old? A fucking pedophile. While your behavior made you an easy target, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE SEXUALLY EXPLOITED AT 12, 13, 14, OR 15 YEARS OLD. Did you fuckin get that? No matter what your actions it was not your fault they targeted you. Even if you agreed to it at 13, 14, 15 you can leave that self blame right here bc that was their bad NOT YOURS. This is where you learned sex = attention, power, control. They would buy you stuff, get you high and drunk, make you feel like the best person they know all (not explicitly stated) for sexual behavior. I learned a skewed view on relationships and appropriate sexual behavior in adult married behavior. I learned to emotionally detach from sex. I learned to over ride the “this shit ain’t right” feeling you get in your chest when you are uncomfortable in a situation. All of these things are what set your boundaries and your very left field view of what kind of attention makes you feel worthwild. This was not your fault and sometimes life has shitty things happen that effect our outlook forever.

So it sure was easy to sleep with boyfriends, I mean you “loved” them, they were always older, sex was something that didn’t come from everybody so with my sexual skills I learned from the pedophiles I was the best gf a 16 year old could have. And bc I could so easily separate sex from emotion (as a conditioned response to molestation) and it was a way to get boys I liked to notice me, I gave it up easily. Not necessarily sex, but sexual acts. It was one way I felt power and control. Boys treated me special on the surface bc I was pretty with tight clothes…but I failed to realize the power was momentary at the cost of respect. Both self respect and respect of everyone else. This was when my first experience with the fuck and run type of dude came in. The first time I cared. After that I didn’t at least I told myself I didn't but This was when I began codependency. They didn’t always fuck and run. I was good at getting boys to stick around for a while. I was a serial dater. I had to have a significant other to feel worth so I had too many boyfriends. Always one on hand one on the backburner. This was you reaching out for real connection, something you felt had been missing both with your parents, your abusers and your random sexual encounters. When I had a bf I was faithful. I know that sounds fucked up bc I just said I had a backburner but I was never sleeping with this other guy. I just friend zoned him knowing he liked me so I could establish my safety net. So one day at 17 Ieft home, went to a house party, hooked up with the guy who’s house it was (Matt) and that was the start of my first adult relationship. I loved him from the bottom of my toes but he often cheated on me and I never left him for it. It was at this time that I severed my relationship with my abusers. I was old enough to at least have an inkling something wasn’t right, plus now I considered it cheating and I didn’t cheat on him. He started selling drugs. We both got into cocaine. It was easy bc I dated the dopeman.

Then he went to prison. I continued the relationship with him but continued to date/sleep with men while he was away. This was when I caught an std and began stripping on weekends. This is still caused by poor boundaries and a skewed idea of sex and power… Set in motion by sexual abuse. By now I had slowed way down on cocaine but had a huge weed and alcohol habit. I worked at a catholic preschool during the week but stripped to pay for my substances on Sat nights. This set off a little bit of the uncomfortable double life feeling but I pushed it down. I also hustled people for substances. Although I never slept with anyone for money or drugs. But I def made them think I might so they would get me high. Never felt bad either bc if your a dude willing to be got you deserved to get hustled…that was my mindset. I also saw stripping as a hustle. Hustle to me means fuck with a lame walk with a limp. I mean if your gonna be thirsty I’ll take your money. This is probably when I acquired my mindset that most dudes were creeps and out to get me. I realize now that by appearing easy I was literally attracting creeps but at the time I enjoyed the attention and the feeling of superiority and has a huge sample of men to confirm my bias.

Every now and then though I got tricked out of my hard exterior and caught feelings. This is my deep emotional need for connection, to feel worth while. This is where I met my daughters father. He was a giant red flag but problem with bad boundaries and emotional regulation is if I liked you I would ignore red flags and become overly obsessed with you. This has continued to be a problem throughout adulthood.

Anyways I dated Tony until He went to prison, then Matt got out of prison until we broke up, then Tony got out of prison and we has Olivia. Then Tony went back to prison and I met Jason, I left Jason when Tony got out of prison but when Tony and I broke up I went back to Jason and we had Leah. Are you seeing the boomerang effect of codependentcy and back burner relationships. One stable relationship was not enough.

I wanted Jason to be different. To be a family but unfortunately Jason turned out to be very abusive mentally, physically and emotionally. He was an alcoholic and a mean one. But for some reason I loved him and let him stomp on me over and over. He took my confidence. He took my pride. He took my soul. I tried to break up with him 30 times he would say no and just wouldn’t leave. I was faithful to him until I moved out into subsidised housing. But even then I didn’t have multiple men just one man that to this day I love. This guy put up with being #2 for 2 years on and off. Maybe he knew I loved him, maybe he knew that I was stuck with Jason, maybe he knew I needed to feel wanted and worthy. During this I felt guilty and shameful. I eventually bought a house and moved Jason in. That is when this other guy got a new gf and left me alone. It was like mourning a breakup that I couldn’t tell anyone. Eventually I legally evicted Jason and this left me with a self worth and connection black hole.

I acted out for a minute on my usual single m.o.. Then an old friend from middle school came in. He was different then others in that he was genuinely nice and cared for my well being. Unfortunately he also came with a huge dose of depression leading to at the time an inability to keep a job or help with housework. But I stayed with him on and off for the next few years bc I loved him for his emotional support and that he made me feel worthy. Plus it was safe. As a woman in her 30s, I am at the point that if I’m in a relationship I don’t cheat or scope out new guys or have a backburner. It kept me emotionally reeled in. But bc of my trust issues, bc of my lack of feeling worthy, bc of my resentment for him watching me struggle, and bc of my need for excitement or passion (see drama) I couldn’t be with him forever. Even after he got better and held a job and helped my brain short circuits and told me that our lack of connection was insurmountable. I broke his heart and he did nothing wrong. I am just still searching for that lasting “in love” connection that I am not sure exists. I harbor huge guilt here. Both for his feelings and for what could be wrong with me that I left what I said I wanted. That maybe my brain will never let me really love. My only empathy here is that I am working on my shit and all I can do is that.

Every time in my adult life when I have been unhappy in a relationship I’ve left instead of fixing. I have searched out attention through suggestive facebook posts or selfies or sexting. I have been emotionally raw towards men. I had a shitty attitude toward relationships. Anytime that I was single or had freedom I either had a fuck buddy that I didn’t feel anything for or sometimes I would make a strong connection and go all in. I would rush it sexually (again not necessarily full sex but messing around for sure) and more times then not I get played. Within 2 weeks after they no longer answer my texts or calls. This is the shit adult shame is built from. How can you be so blind and stupid? Why can’t you be stable and happy? But here is where I need an empathy piece. Your sexuality was already not healthy then Jason stripped you of any self worth. He often told you no one could ever love me bc I was such a low down terrible person, a piece of shit mother, a whore. Six years of that and you begin to believe it. So if a man comes along and sells you a dream of being loveable its hard not to want with all your heart to believe them. And sexuality is my only tool I know for reeling them in. But when things get too serious I start getting scared of being broken or having to work on things that historically haven’t worked or old scars become obsessions.

I am at a point in my life now that I want to change but Tbh I don’t know how. I want to regain respect for myself and I would like to change peoples opinion of me or better yet not care. This has sent me into a major mental health crisis. I want to know how to reel it in and gain respect while still being true to myself. I still yearn for spark, sex and connection but I want to do it healthily. I want to take the emotional polarization and shame out of sex. Instead of not caring at all or being a crazy obsessive smothering weirdo and throwing myself at someone then feeling like an idiot for falling so hard. So maybe dates in public, counting actions over words and putting time in between the spark and the sex.

I am still struggling with what to do about social media. I mean I need to chill on the provocative selfies, attention seeking posts, and entertaining anyone that messages me… but I still like to be noticed. I want to post selfies and I think dirty memes are funny. Anyway this is long. I am still figuring shit out. And I can’t just look at empathy without taking inventory of what I could have done differently. But this post is empathy and it did help take off a small piece of that shame.

(*when I say act out sexually I don't mean I've had hundreds of partners but rather I have been quick to sexually experiment but I have also developed a "stop point". Don't get it too twisted.)

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lesbianlanding · 7 years

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Detailed character sheet

I did this chart before I started writing Parent Trope to try to get Hecate straight (HA) in my head- I’m currently writing a Julie/Hecate fic, but you’ll see Pippa in the chart bc I think they have amazing chemistry as well!

Character Chart Character’s full name: Hecate Hepzibah Hardbroom (it would be a shame to waste the alliteration) Reason or meaning of name: Hecate: in Greek mythology Hecate was a goddess associated with witchcraft, crossroads, tombs, demons and the underworld Hepzibah: my delight is in her; queen, mother Character’s nickname: Cattie Reason for nickname: Heck sounds like a swear, I like nicknames to be derivative, her other nickname is Hiccup but that’s definitely an inside joke reserved for super close friends. She doesn’t have many. Birth date: March 28, Aries Physical Appearance: “tall, severe” all black everything, dress to impress and repress, setting an example through stiffness and height of collar Age: 35 How old does he/she appear: don’t you dare answer this Weight: 140 Height: 6'1" Body build: slim, whiplike Shape of face: long, narrow, roman nose Eye color: dark- black? Brown? Glasses or contacts: no Skin tone: pale, doesn’t flush easily Distinguishing marks: maybe tattoos, self applied, all with meaning, all magical Predominant features: cheekbones, nose Hair color: black Type of hair: very long, always perfectly coiffed Hairstyle: buns, braided buns, parted down the center and brushed until shining for bed; formal events might call for more intricate buns and braids Voice: soft, forceful Overall attractiveness: yes Physical disabilities: She prefers not to walk far distances. Could have stiffness in joints she hides with motion of skirt, transporting place to place. Sits very carefully on a broom. Usual fashion of dress: very reserved, all covered, dramatic collars, belts and cinching garments. Probably owns a million corsets and a trillion heeled boots Favorite outfit: lbd (long black dress) Jewelry or accessories: locket, small earrings with dark gemstones- sapphire? Personality: stern but fair, deep sense of traditions and sacrifice Good personality traits: honest, loyal, trusting, believes in goodness, strong sense of duty and tradition, invested in the future of her students Bad personality traits: quick to anger slow to forgiveness, not always brave (has been abused), not very confident in herself as valuable and worthy of love Mood character is most often in: suspicion? Outside of school year probably content, thinking deeply Sense of humor: wicked- willing to let her guard down in special occasions, likes to be around people who are laughing as long as they are not laughing at her Character’s greatest joy in life: flying on her broomstick, succeeding Character’s greatest fear: that she will fail her community, see the collapse of her way of life Why? She has devoted so much time to developing herself into the “perfect witch” and trying to mold her students in that same image but because she is very sensitive to criticism and cannot take a compliment she is more aware of her failings and is unable to get past them What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? Not the loss of a friend unless they were beyond her reach- the death of a student. The return to being in a position where her father or former teacher had power over her again Character is most at ease when: on holiday, asleep, after bed checks Most ill at ease when: students or friends missing Enraged when: students or friends in danger or students not performing to her standards Depressed or sad when: major holidays, her birthday roll around. Priorities: 1. Work as a teacher, 2. Deputy headmistress duties 3. Friend duties (small talk in the lounge) Life philosophy: live life head first (wand second, heart last) If granted one wish, it would be: I think she would wish that she could ensure her students would reach their full potential without her having to be such a hard ass so she could relax a little Why? I know that most teachers aren’t so invested in their students that they wouldn’t wish for a pile of money or a big house or a new life but I think Hecate doesn’t really have much else that we can see- no partner, no kids, few friends Character’s soft spot: cats, small clumsy girls with braids who surprise her Is this soft spot obvious to others? Yes. To adults. Greatest strength: her magic because it gives her pride and purpose, she depends on it in tough situations. She would be amazing without it as well but it strengthens her Greatest vulnerability or weakness: has a hard time admitting she was wrong Biggest regret: Letting Pippa go Minor regret: trying so hard to expel Mildred right at the start Biggest accomplishment: getting out from under her father and teacher Minor accomplishment: making up with Pippa Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: failed her first flying test and her second Why? She NEEDS to be perfect Character’s darkest secret: She was abused, she is a lesbian Does anyone else know? Not about the abuse, but Ada knows. Hecate disclosed it when she was offered a job. She said Ada needed to know before she hired her so she would be ready if parents took offense or found out. She was also hoping that maybe she could make up with Pippa one day. Or that maybe she could find love. Goals: get through this school year, go to her cottage and garden until she has to return. Not see any children during the summer. The garden is for bees Drives and motivations: repressed romantic and squishy feelings get funneled into a drive to wring the best out of everyone and hold herself to a high standard. Appearance is really important as is standing in witch society. Witnessed deference to the great wizard, to Ethel’s mum Immediate goals: clean, garden, relax, plan for year two, have tea with Pippa. Keep Ada from eating only cookies Long term goals: become headmistress, role model, successful disciplinarian How the character plans to accomplish these goals: deputy headmistress position, Ada has no heir, political friendships would come in handy How other characters will be affected: Ada would have to die or retire. Would need a new deputy. Past: bad, doesn’t talk about it. Has one brother, much older. He is in government. Something boring but important like taxes. Mother is alive but out of reach. Father is iron fisted, in his prime despite old age. Hometown: London. Type of childhood: restricted. Austere. No interaction with non magical families. Very small group of friends, not real friends, just social group friends. Upper middle class. Private nurse and tutor as a young child she adored, went to a school other than Cackles in Germany, attended teachers training under Broomhead? Many instances of rebellion, many instances of being smacked down. Has a strong sense of right and wrong, fair and not but has learned to support fair and right quietly without outright rebellion Pets: a cat, sapphire First memory: watching a party from the stairs before being sent back to her nursery Most important childhood memory: her father burning a non magical novel she was reading Why: he was trying to teach her a lesson about magic being the best but instead he taught her to hide everything she treasures Childhood hero: queen Elizabeth Dream job: potioneer Education: masters? Phd? Religion: none, laws of magic Finances: family was wealthy Present Current location: summer cottage Currently living with: her cat Pets: cat Religion: Occupation: teaching potions brewing in the summer Finances: well off but not wealthy. Inherited a cottage from an aunt who was eccentric and outcast Family Mother: Relationship with her: Father: Relationship with him: Siblings: Relationship with them: Spouse: Relationship with him/her: Children: Relationship with them: Other important family members: aunt, dead Favorites Color: black Least favorite color: white (it washes her out) Music: quiet instrumental. The lute Food: not a hearty water or an adventurous cook. Has a few favorites others would consider plain Literature: voracious reader. Secret pleasure: mysteries. Staples: potion and education journals Form of entertainment: plays! Expressions: Mode of transportation: broom, transferring Most prized possession: ceremonial wand used by her grandmother’s coven to discover Atlantis and raise it Habits: transferring everywhere, touching her locket when she is thinking, flicking her hair around dramatically when it is loose Hobbies: gardening, flying, beekeeping Plays a musical instrument? Yes, the piano Plays a sport? Yes, broom polo How he/she would spend a rainy day: reading with a cup of tea Spending habits: lbds, books, potion ingredients but thrifty otherwise Smokes: never Drinks: socially Other drugs: What does he/she do too much of? Spend time alone What does he/she do too little of? Socialize Extremely skilled at: spells, potions Extremely unskilled at: spontaneous social interactions Nervous tics: fingers clenching or starting a spell Usual body posture: straight backed, strong chin and neck Mannerisms: each movement is considered and graceful Peculiarities: has a leather bathrobe???? Traits Optimist or pessimist? Pessimistic Introvert or extrovert? Introvert Daredevil or cautious? Daredevil Logical or emotional? Logical Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? Methodical and neat Prefers working or relaxing? Working Confident or unsure of himself/herself? Confident but poor self esteem Animal lover? Yes Self-Perception How he/she feels about himself/herself: feels satisfied with herself and proud of how she turned out One word the character would use to describe self: disciplinarian One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: I, Hecate Hepzibah Hardbroom am a competent, respectable educator and a gifted potioneer. I am a leader, I manage my time and the time of my charges judiciously. I am devoted to upholding the standard of witchcraft as I learned them. I believe modernization is a dumbing down of a difficult process. I do not believe that everyone with magical powers deserves the title of witch, but deeply respect those it has been conferred upon. What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? Self control What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? Softness What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? Her figure and her hair What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? Her nose How does the character think others perceive him/her: wants them to respect her, see her as an authority figure What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: residual scars from abuse, physical and emotional Relationships With Others Opinion of other people in general: depends but usually “worse” than her until they prove themselves to have some redeeming quality(like with Ada, too soft but also, loving and fair) Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? No; is sarcastic Person character most hates: Her father, her tutor Best friend(s): Pippa Love interest(s): Pippa, Ms. Drill, Julie Hubble Person character goes to for advice: Ada Cackle Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Mildred Hubble Person character feels shy or awkward around: Pippa Person character openly admires: Great wizard, that disciplinarian Person character secretly admires: Maud Spellbody- lots of potential, but selfless, invested in friends Most important person in character’s life before story starts: Ada After story starts: It’s a tie bt Ada, Pippa, and Mildred

@cassandra-pentughasst (hope I tagged the right person!)

#the parent trope #hecate hardbroom #the worst witch

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janiedean · 7 years

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I think you're being a little too hard on dany. Yeah, she hasn't had exactly the best tenure as queen, she's made lots of mistakes, but when you think about it, it's not entirely her fault. 1) she hasn't had the education that say, jon, tyrion or robb had, she was never supposed to be queen, for most of her life, the only things she knew about westeros were things viserys told her, which was likely very biased and not 100% accurate, she was on the run most of her life and then sold at 13 -

-to a man she doesn’t know. 2) during her tenure we can’t say she has had the wisest, brightest counseling, the best is probably barristan and it’s not saying much, barristan is a knight, not a ruler. This is why i can’t wait for her to meet tyrion, he would be the best adviser she could ever have, if then, with his cousel, she still fails, then maybe we can talk about her not being fit to rule. The context she’s in is also very different from anything she knows, from the free cities to what -little she knows about westeros, and she can’t really trust most of the local advisers… i don’t think many people would do better than her in this situation. Also jon is also a flawed ruler, I like him a lot better the dany, but he’s had a better education then her and isn’t ruling in a context he isn’t familiar with. Besides we like him as a ruler bc we are inside his mind, we know what he thinks, why he does what he does, we see him as pragmatic, open minded, and we love him for that, but -but where he fails is communicating his plans to his subordinates, not only bowen marsh & co, even his friends (those he doesn’t send away, another mistake!! the saying goes keep your friends close, your enemies closer, he forgot the first part), to them he’s betraying the watch by allowing the freefolk south the wall, if he only could communicate, maybe he wouldn’t be dead now… I do believe he’ll get better, learn from his mistakes, but so will dany. I’m not criticising, just discussing, i -hope you’re not offended :)) sorry for the long ask

man I don’t get offended because someone has different opinions than me on a fictional character and they’re nice about expressing them don’t worry xD It takes a lot to get me offended over nicely expressed opinions about fictional people ;)

anyway on to it: I’ll admit I’m probably a bit biased about dany in the sense that like, premise: I don’t hate her or anything and I think she’s fairly okay and I did like her povs up until asos, and then the ones in adwd were imo in dire need of an editor bringing an axe to them and I found them so boring that I probably don’t remember half of what happened so like, my opinions on dany are probably not as reliable as my opinions on theon or robb or jaime or people I’m actually interested in and whose povs I re-read more than once, but.

I agree that she hasn’t had an education in that sense, but thing is: these people we’re mentioning are all kids (never mind that the adults don’t do much better but still) and out of them, jon is the only one who’s managed to hold his own except for his PA problem because he sucks at communicating (that’s why he and robb would have been an a+ team haha) and the thing with dany is that… like… I don’t know how the hell to put it, but she has too many good intentions and too badly done executions.

like, you’re totally right that she hasn’t had the education and she has only viserys to tell her about westeros and barristan is a knight and not a ruler and so on, and tyrion is probably a better choice for her as an advisor than anyone else she’s had until now, but the thing is that she’s…. very sure that she’s right and she’s also immature in a way that’s fairly worrying. okay, she can get better, of course, but what I’m thinking is, never mind not listening to people when being told she couldn’t turn over the slavery system overnight or that crucifying people as a punishment because she thinks it’s deserved it’s perfectly fine, that IN THE BOOK she chunked out her perfect opportunity to go to westeros because she thought quentyn wasn’t hot.

like, it’s one of the few parts I remember clearly from adwd because I couldn’t stop thinking what the hell, but basically: you’ve been wanting to go to westeros since book one, you get a guy giving you an entire fleet and an alliance with dorne if you marry him and you tell him no while thinking if you had looked like your hot friend with you I might have said yes? like, the thing is that if you want to *rule* you can’t let yourself be ruled by that kind of thing. and fine, she’s a teenager so it’s normal that she wants to bang the hot guy or has the hots for daario and so on, but if you want to be a queen or a ruler then you… have to set it aside? in the show they made her do it (at least) and maybe in the book she’s getting there but fact is, there isn’t one thing she got right in mereen and her entire mindset of approaching ruling imo is completely flawed.

and I mean, robb was fucked the moment he won at the whispering wood because if tywin lannister is planning your demise treacherously then you’re a dead man walking if he doesn’t die first but his worst mistakes were made out of consequences of impulsive decisions he took in a bad emotional moment (losing the frey alliance because he slept with jeyne because theon betrayed him and so on) and he did have the education. the reason I think jon’s the one with the best tenure out of the three (because his achilles’s heel is that he’s an introvert with bad communication issues mainly) is that he’s the only one who has - until now - managed to keep emotions and duty separate and even when he didn’t he did it later (ie he could have just defected and have all the red haired children in the world with ygritte but he didn’t), and when ruling he can separate his needs from what he has to do (which is why stannis likes him or at least one of the reasons why). and even if he’s too hard on himself (DON’T SHUT YOUR FRIENDS OUT JON) if you don’t count his miscommunication issues you know he’s pragmatic, he can weigh bad vs good consequences and that’s why I think that jon/dany if it happens will happen because it’s ultimately the best tactical choice and he’s gonna do it but without necessarily enjoying it. like, we’re also in dany’s head during adwd and in his and imo there was a really stark difference (hahahahaha puns!) in between how he approached ruling and how she did. and fine, he had the advantage of doing it somewhere he knew, but I really doubt jon got the exact same education as robb when it came to becoming lord of winterfell (and robb had an education for that, not for kingship, and he said it - I’m trying to do the best I can but idk what the fuck I’m doing) and he basically’s going out of WHAT WOULD MY FATHER HAVE DONE + WHAT HAVE PEOPLE TAUGHT ME ON THE WALL which imo is not all necessarily healthy (like, kill the boy and let the man be born has good sides and bad sides…) and with that he still managed to find a way to replenish the ranks, find food for winter, solve their financial woes, find allies against the white walkers and if he could have managed his PA and done some cultural integration his plan was to end the war with the wildlings too which has been a thing since forever? like, he’s flawed but eventually he’s the only one out of all the teenagers in a ruling position in westeros who was going somewhere and who had a vision he knew how to act on and who wasn’t putting feelings over needs, and on top of that the battle with the wildlings was basically him organizing the entire defenses and behaving like a seasoned commander at what, fifteen? sixteen? robb was probably better at that ngl and it shows they did have the same education there, but he did all of that without dragons and with an understaffed NW. and where did he fuck up? when he broke down and said he was going to winterfell to find arya.

as in, when it got personal. the one time that started the revolt was the one time he put feelings over needs. except that he did it once, dany’s done that for the entirety of her tenure while instead when she was khaleesing she was actually doing a lot better than average because I mean since she’s not an asshole she treats her warriors with respect and not as if they’re disposable slaves and she’s entirely more compassionate than the average. like, for a khaleesi she’s really really really good, as a ruler she’s really not as much and it’s personality-driven too. same as I think jon would be a terrible khal but is a very good ruler/defender. and when I say that imo dany’s better off khaleesing in essos it’s not because I don’t like her, it’s because I honestly think she’d do more good and do better with that lifestyle than on the iron throne. also because she’s there to deconstruct the whole ‘CONQUEROR WHO COMES FROM OUTSIDE AND MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER’ type and idk if she gets on the throne in westeros it’s really too obvious and not at all a deconstruction unless both she and jon hate it, so *shrug*.

I mean, obviously both will learn from their mistakes and there’ll be character development - I don’t think that hers necessarily means becoming a good ruler because until she learns to distinguish feelings and needs and to be less emotion-driven (and until she learns that she’s not always right just because she’s daenerys targaryen and the blood of the dragon) she won’t get there. hopefully tyrion’s counseling might get her there, but my point is that jon already has the right priorities sorted and he has a personality/way of thinking that lends itself to that job, dany imo doesn’t.

but that’s me obviously. also again I’m not a dany expert and like, I don’t hate her but my opinions on dany are what they are, don’t expect the same level of me having thought it through as my opinions re characters I actually care about xD

#ch: jon snow #ch: daenerys targaryen #janie writes meta #idk guys my opinions on dany are what they are #but like she's okay imo i just don't care #book version obv #anonymous #ask post #little grunge blueberry

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lockwoodspecial · 7 years

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FOR THE OTHER HALF OF BRENNACE,

i’m going to be completely honest when i say that i don’t know how to start this. for someone who loves talking so much ( i know you of all people are aware ), i’m actively finding it hard to know where to begin. can i hit a big cliche right away and go with the whole “holy shit it’s been 4 fucking years”? it’s funny because when i look back on our friendship, it always strikes me how totally and completely by chance it was. sure, i guess all relationships of any kind happen by chance. but there was quite literally next to nothing to tie us together. no one r/pg, no common friends, no mutual follows on personal tumblrs even. and it’s crazy to think what if. what if you hadn’t posted about wanting to do a f/orwood 1x1? what if i hadn’t been looking through the tags? what if we had never messaged each other? what if we hadn’t immediately connected and proceeded to spend hours crying about our kids on c/hatzy together? we started talking literally out of nowhere, and in a way, as ridiculously cheesy as it is, i kind of think it was fate. from that first conversation, we fell into a rhythm we’ve continued every since. we just fit. every single day i am reminded of how fortunate i am to have you in my life, but i also fully believe that the universe knew there couldn’t be a jenn without a bri. and bitch ----- if you think that’s sappy and lame, i’m only getting started.

these four years have been some of the craziest in my life. between university and then graduating, living by myself for the first time and then adjusting to being back at home, job things and adulting, learning how to drive.....and top that all off with the most random family drama. the more and more things that happened, the more i felt like i was actually growing up and coming into my own as a person. they’re some of the most formative years, you know? stepping away from your safety net and all that. and throughout it all, you have been the one constant that i have always been able to turn to. whether it was that first time on a skype video call and you helping me hang up my map on my wall in my first apartment, to having you on the phone when i had to go to the creepy ass basement to throw out the recycling in my new building, to assuring me i could get behind the wheel and be okay, to teaching me how to fry jalapeños and laughing at me sticking plastic bags on my hands. the most random ass things but in each of those moments? they were big. and i mean then you incorporate 9 hour calls ( gaming or talking about everything and nothing, and yah i’m def averaging bc we’ve been on for way longer multiple times ), you coming with me to or from class and vice versa with you and work, me harassing your family as well as you, talking while you clean for fun ( u freak ), the 293489327589493084 texts and msgs, ton of movie nights..........and then on top of that, include both of us venting about the most random things and getting real at random hours of the night. i’m pretty sure over the span of four years i have talked to you the most out of anyone. and you have been there the most for me out of anyone. big or small, aware or not. i have always been able to count on you, confide in you, laugh with you, cry with you, harass you, grow with you, be a better me because of you. and i don’t know if you’re aware of just how much that means to me. having you as my best friend for these four years has helped shape me into who i am today so much and i am so fkn thankful for it. and always, always for you.

super lowkey but --- you’re kind of my favourite person. as harsh as you can be on yourself at times, because you can be and i know it, i’ll always be here to remind you of the total opposite. you’re one of the most genuine people that i know. you are who you are, you’re completely honest about your values, what you want, your likes and dislikes, your thoughts. and you are such a good person. we can joke continuously about how dark our souls are and stuff but you have one of the biggest hearts that i know. your loyalty to people you care about and to the right thing never wavers, and you will always go to bat for your friends. not to mention that you are a complete angel to people from your family to random strangers, and so, so good in helping out with literally everything ever. i’m not kidding when i say my parents want to adopt you. and on top of that, you are so incredibly talented and you better not doubt it. like dude, for real. the way your mind creates things, be it graphics ( pls hold ur applause at the beauty i made u, and yah i figured we’re gonna get through all our ships eventually ), or the actual poetry that is your writing, never fails to amaze me. i’m so happy i get to experience that with you. but while i could go on and on about how much i love writing with you, i’ll get gay abt that somewhere else i’m sure. you know what else? you have this amazing spirit. not only is it your drive and determination to do things and move forward, but your love to get out and do the most simple things is something that i have admired for so long. i remember when i came to visit you for the first time two years ago. man between roller blading and the movies and the flea market and random stores? we didn’t go wild, but that was one of the best weeks of my life. and that’s just a handful of things. please never, ever sell yourself short. because you’re one of the most incredible people that i know, and i mean it when i say you’re stuck with me telling you that forever.

you are my person. yah yah, you knew i would pull out the grey’s quote eventually. but never have i found something that just seems so much like us. except for this whole concept of ‘drift compatible’ - a bond and understanding between two people that is so deep that it’s kind of like at times they share the same mind ( i had to go find a post you reblogged years ago to get that meaning right and simple ). i like to think that despite all of our differences, because we are two very different personalities, that’s us. you once told me that we have a friendship that you don’t feel like you deserve. there are a lot of times where i feel like i don’t deserve you. you are patient, understanding, caring, supportive, and so, so strong and solid. you always have my back, no matter what. i could be having the shittiest day in the world and want to hate everyone but still want to talk to you. because you always make me happy. and not just in the superficial ways like we can joke around and spend hours watching animal videos or making dumb faces at the camera or weird sounds into the mic. but you know me. you say it and i deny it, but you do. you know me better than anyone and that means the entire freaking world. and you know, we talk about eventually leaving this blue hell and living together with dogs and being a general Mess and i would like to remind you that i am 10000000% serious. this is a thing that’s gonna happen. i trust you more than anyone, i believe in you more than anyone, and i’m gonna continue harassing you more than everyone forever. you are my best friend. you are the best best friend. you are my person, you’re my other half. i love you so, so, so, so much. ( get it, i did four because four years? ) thank you for helping make these four of the best years of my life. thanks for being there with me through it all. thank you for being my best friend. i think i started this gay ass rant with ‘holy shit it’s been 4 fucking years’, but....can you believe it’s only been 4 fucking years? we got our entire lives ahead of us because we’re gonna die together as old ladies probably with you beating my ass in some way. can’t wait to start that trend when i see you in one month and hug you so tight that you’ll punch me. what can i say? i love you, bitch. HAPPY FOUR YEAR FRIENDAVERSARY, HOE! / @fierceli

#FIRST OF ALL PLS LOOK AT MY MASTERPIECE GRAPHIC AKA THE MANIP I JACKED FROM YOU AND EDITED BEAUTIFULLY!!!!#i like 2 use my photoshop talents and show them off to the world pls hold ur applause #ok i know this is long but.............man /4 years/ what did u expect #before you get violent remember 1) you gave me permission to be gay i have receipts 2) never forget when i tried to speak my emotions #anyway i would've posted this earlier but my entire day was on a call after u didn't die and i couldn't do it then it would've been awk #i don't want 2 talk abt my tears but i love u a lil i guess #re : brennace.#fierceli #re : friendaversary.

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foxgloveburning-inactive · 4 years

Text

kayleigh “not so nice” oc asks

im doing all of them because i want to have fun and torture kayleigh (asks from here)

warning: it gets real fuckin dark fjdsfldsfhsf

trigger warnings: self harm, death, serious injury, graphic injury, car accidents, general angst and darkness

1. What is one word to shut them up?

“Stop.” you wanna dig right to her core AND trigger an explosive cocktail of anxiety and RSD in her head that she most likely won’t even tell you about?? just say “stop” in a very annoyed tone

2. What is the thing they feel the most guilty about?

she still regrets cutting contact with her sisters for a year after poison pop broke up the first time because she thinks she could’ve used their support during that time in her life, and they were all hurt by it

3. What is the worst pain they’ve ever experienced?

being trapped in the car right after she and blue wrecked, with multiple broken bones and a lot of other minor injuries

4. Describe their worst nightmare.

dying physically alone, in a way that no one even knows she’s dead

5. List 3 fears; one “surface level” fear, one “repressed” fear, and one “deep dark” fear.

drowning

everyone she loves forgetting her (and doing better for it)

and see above

6. What is something that never fails to make them feel sick?

people making suggestive comments about her/her sisters being in relationships with eachother

7. What feature (physical or otherwise) do they hate most about themselves?

despite healing from a lot of her insecurity surrounding it, she still doesn’t like her tendency to get angry/sad very easily

8. Do they have anything that triggers them?

flash cameras can send her into a panic attack if she’s not told abt it beforehand

9. What is their greatest physical weakness?

she is NOT strong lmaooo she can be agile but she is not very good at physical labor

10. What is their greatest mental weakness?

her need for validation, esp from the public

11. Do they have any vices?

she doesn’t drink or smoke but music........music things will get her (songwriting at 2am, buying maybe just too many instruments, etc, etc)

12. Have they ever done something illegal? What was it?

she stole a pack of chips and a coke from a gas station on a dare, she’s broken into a motel pool with friends, broken into a condemned abandoned house. she did a lot of dumb things when she was a teenager/young adult lmao

13. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins best describes them?

i don’t like this question so i’m not going to answer it! :D

14. Are they prone to outbursts (of violence, extreme emotion… exc… )?

she is indeed prone to being extremely emotional, usually anger or sadness, esp bc of her RSD, but she’s learned to manage it over the years

15. Who do they hate the most?

exploitative assholes in the music industry

16. Is there anyone who makes them feel inferior?

no one purposefully makes her feel inferior, but her anxiety/lack of self esteem tends to get to her when she starts comparing herself to her friends (esp when it comes to things that arent music)

17. What sound always gives them a headache?

bells ringing. they had a system in her house growing up where her mom would ring a bell whenever she wanted them to come down for a meal or to go somewhere etc because they had such a large family and going to everyone individually would be a pain

but bc of her exec dysfunction, sometimes she wouldn’t come down at the bell and her mom would just keep ringing it until someone came and got her

now the sound of a bell ringing continuously grates on her nerves more than anything else

18. Is there a certain flavor that disgusts them?

black licorice. everyone hates black licorice, yeah, but like. she has a PASSION for it

19. Do they consider themselves ugly?

she doesn’t think she’s supermodel attractive but she doesn’t think herself ugly either; at least, not anymore

20. Do they consider themselves unlovable?

when things get bad, she considers a lot of parts of herself unlovable, esp her emotions and personal issues, but nowadays she tends to be a little more confident in herself

21. What is something that causes them great anxiety?

fucking things up in conversation

22. Do they have any mental illnesses?

yes, multiple! adhd, anxiety, and depression, all diagnosed

(skipping two questions that involved sexual assault out of personal comfort)

25. Have they ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust?

in middle school, she had a group of friends who completely turned on her in seventh grade after she had a mental breakdown; they basically told her she had “too much baggage” for them and didn’t wanna deal with her anymore

26. Have they ever been seriously injured?

she was in a serious car accident in 2011 with blue, and ended up breaking her arm, her leg, and a couple ribs. thankfully she (and blue!) came out of it with no long term injuries. she’s been seriously injured before that but that was the worst

27. How many times have they been in the hospital?

quite a few times! she was a pretty rough-and-tumble kid and got a few bad cuts/injuries as a kid, then when her mental health got worse she was checked into the hospital once as a teenager and another time as an adult; then she got into the accident, which had her spending a lot of time in the hospital, mostly for physical therapy and making sure her injuries were healing properly

28. Is there a certain type of person that disgusts them?

see #15

29. Does what they cannot see scare them?

yes!

30. Have they ever been bullied?

yes, all throughout school she got bullied for being a nerdy kid, for being an alternative kid, and towards the end of highschool for being queer (despite not even being out to herself)

31. Do they have self-confidence or self-image issues?

abso-fuckin-lutely

32. Do they have a bad relationship with their parents?

nope! she loves her mom and dad quite a bit, and they love her too! she’s incredibly close with her family, and her parents were the ones who fuelled her passion for music

33. Have they ever been in a relationship that didn’t work out so well?

most of her relationships before blue ended badly (granted, there was only a few of them!)

34. Have they ever self harmed?

yes; she’s cut herself before, quite a bit, although most people don’t know that. pretty much just blue and her sisters and ryka know

35. If they could change one thing about themselves, what would it be?

she’s at a point where she understands that even her flaws are part of her, and she doesn’t really have the urge to change herself anymore

that being said? if she could have horns - like massive black demon horns, not those weird plastic surgery skin horns people get - she would have those

36. Are they in control of their emotions, or are their emotions in control of them?

she’s wrangled her emotions by now, but for most of her life, they controlled her

37. Have they ever had their freedom taken away?

not really?

38. Have they ever been imprisoned?

she spent a night in county jail for breaking into an abandoned house with her friends lol

39. Have they ever been accused of something they didn’t do?

her sisters would always blame petty shit on her when they were younger because she was the biggest troublemaker lol

40. Do they often blame themselves for other people’s problems?

she tries not to anymore, but she often takes responsibility for others’ emotional states

41. Do they get sick often?

not really!

42. Are they comfortable with where they are in life?

absolutely; she has a wonderful family, an awesome career, and general stability

43. Do they wish that they could change their pasts?

she tries to live on the “no regrets” philosophy, but there are definitely things she would do differently (the way the break-up happened, bottling up all her emotions all the time, not getting mental health care until her late 20s, etc)

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?

spend time with her family. the band makes her very busy and although she will often drop everything to do things with/for them, she still wishes she could be there more often

45. What is the emotion they most commonly experience?

contentment!

46. Have they ever contemplated suicide?

absolutely

47. Have they ever gone so far as to attempt suicide?

yes, twice; once when she was in college (which prompted her dropping out), and another time right after the break-up

48. Is there anyone that they would willingly kill?

no, she hates the idea of killing anyone at all

49. If [name] was put into ______ situation, they’d rather die than live to see it through.

if her kids were taken from her and placed into foster care. despite being an adopted kid herself, she knows that the foster care system is most often traumatizing and abusive for the kids in it and she’d rather die than see her kids go through that without a chance at helping them or getting them back

#kayleigh #i am SORRY for the angst #i just wanted to do this fhldskhfshdf #lean on me

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