#but i don't have a choice now

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[inkskinned]

hey btw if you're in the USA at  2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.

if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.

additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.

i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."

"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.

#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!" #to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid'' #like..... gets me #yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai #and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that. #you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time. #dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem. #these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly. #they arent meant to be fun and exciting. #OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off. #but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X #dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was. #i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill. #the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT. #like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU #for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...

[egophiliac]

Please elaborate on your twst Pokémon headcannons I’m very interested

I had planned on drawing everyone for this (I made a LIST!) but it. hasn't been going well. 💀 soooo here's what I have so far!

Riddle - Roserade (I was going with 'no legendaries', otherwise I would've given him a Shaymin) (and I don't think Togedemaru is actually a hedgehog or I would've given him one of those too) (...they kind of do fit though. hmm.)

Trey - Alcremie (clover/mint cream + strawberry/ruby cream)

Cater - DITTO SQUAD! DITTO SQUAD! DITTO SQUAD!

Ace - Impidimp (I feel like there's probably a better one for him, but I can't think of it)

Deuce - Scraggy (meanwhile I KNOW deep in my heart that this is true)

Leona - Pyroar (but like. a nasty Pyroar. just a grizzly old Pyroar with the shittiest attitude imaginable. they pretend to hate each other but secretly they are a bonded pair, do not separate)

#art #twisted wonderland #pokemon #poketwst #i'm trying not to pressure myself too much art-wise right now #but i would like to do more of the characters! #(especially considering this started with my insistence that malleus would have a dragapult) #gotta draw something i don't immediately hate first ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ #ANYWAY enough art angst! #i'm not aiming for full teams or delving too deep into lore or anything #just one or two per character that i think fit! #i was pretty torn on leona for a while because pyroar is at once the obvious choice but also. not really? #(i did consider luxray and ultimately decided it doesn't really fit either) #but i kind of love Nasty Lionboy's Nasty Pyroar #i think there's probably some. like. ~royal tradition~ that they all bond with this one specific breeding line or whatever #and leona deliberately chose just the absolute worst one #took one look at this shitty rude pokemon and immediately went 'that one' #falena was like 'are...are you SURE' and leona cops an attitude like 'i'm choosing my OWN pokemon you're not my DAD' #as pyroar is actively attempting to eat him #actually it probably tried to eat kifaji first and that's when leona decided he liked it #me: this is just for funsies i'm not doing lore (writes a whole fanfic in the tags)

[bitegore]

Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.

Don't do their work for them.

#red rambles #viva palestina #antizionism #i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites #i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine #as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel #and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT. #i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel #both from the inside and out #and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad #that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice' #if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it. #like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally #are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are #being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now #if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the #fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar #safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to #discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees? #i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i #work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up. #there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue #and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.

[tagerrkix]

#great choice beelzebub! #aw man I always liked this meme #glad I finally got to draw my own version uwu #would you believe me if I told you it was gleafer's recent comic that inspired me to do this 👉👈 #well it was #if you know you know #if you don't then ignore this 👁️👁️ #azirah the terrah *wheeze* #yea I don't really have anything more to say #I just had this irresistable urge to write azirah the terrah at least once in my life #now it's twice #bahahaha #*yeets myself out the window and flies to alpha centauri* #ineffable bureaucracy #good omens beelzebub #good omens gabriel #good omens #good omens fanart #good omens memes

[eemryss]

YES THEY DO!! ༼;´༎ຶ ۝ ༎ຶ༽

#911 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #buddie #911edit #* #that was an active choice he made #he could've cleared up the misunderstanding but he didn't #so now you two have to get married #sorry i don't make the rules #*gifs #*911 #100+

[thats-highly-significant]

The inherent homoeroticism of 70s cop shows

#starsky and hutch #I'm back on my bullshit unfortunately #the number of scenes I could have used for this btw. Spoiled for choice is what I am #Also I now realize this show loved to do Starsky whump. They loved to put that man in a situation #Starsky gets a grievous gunshot wound and almost dies is the plot of two episodes. #The boots clip is from an episode where he gets injected with a chemical that will kill him in 24 hours if they don't get the antidote. #A day in the life amiright #sorry hutch if this looks gay to the viewers #mine

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I'm sorry I let down my guard.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #xue yang #xiao xingchen #God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish #Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it. #The change from “Helena don't walk away...(gentle)” to “HELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)” is fantastic. #And “Don't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fine”. Xue Yang core. #Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently- #come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt #and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people. #So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'. #The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there? #The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible #He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg) #''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.'' #Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts. #ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.

[crabsnpersimmons]

swapping Y/N's with @starriegalaxy!!

i'm still learning magma, so starrie and i decided to draw our moons swapping Y/Ns from our AUs!

if you haven't yet, check out Starrie's Fear Factor AU: https://www.tumblr.com/starriegalaxy/739357795303014400/dca-x-scared-of-animatronics-mascotsreader-au she's got lovely sketches and drabbles and her DCA designs are so huggable!

#fnaf moon #fnaf dca #dca fandom #fear factor au #new do same you au #crab art #mutual's art #jesties collab #digital art #digital art is hard 😂 #the ability to undo and tweak forever is dangerous #but this was really fun! #i need to draw himbo moon more #my muscle memory just does not compute his new body #and yes i gave starrie's y/n the snazziest of shoes #she gave me full creative reign (:< #and for once i don't have to live with the consequences of my design choices #it's her problem now /jk

[canisalbus]

Hope you don't feel pressure to try to make Ear canon in any AU! I love cute kid OCs and seeing what characters could be like as parents as much as anyone else but I know some people can get overly insistent that artists give their characters kids as soon as the idea comes up. That being said I do have to admit what little you've shared about how they'd be as parents sounds very heartwarming. I'm a sucker for when someone is determined to make sure a kid has it better than they did when they were young like Machete would be, and how that can sometimes help to heal pains from their own childhood. Vasco would be wonderful too of course! He may have had a better childhood but I'm sure there are things he struggled with or wished could've been different. All fun ideas, but if Ear remains as just an idea that is absolutely okay!

Aw it's okay. A tiny bit pressured but in an encouraging/inspiring way, I don't think I'm going to lose sleep over it.

It would be really interesting to see how parenthood would alter their relationship and self-image, it could potentially expand their character into unexpected directions. Ear seems like a likable pup, they'd be a fun character to develope.

On the other hand I'm fond of their dynamic as is, I think they're happy that way. It's still typical that couples are expected to want to have children and start a family, it's seen as the norm and the next logical step after getting married. I like the idea of them feeling content and complete in their relationship even if it's just the two of them, and showing that the absence of offspring doesn't make their union any less valid and committed.

#it's not like I have to commit hard in any direction or make the choice right now #I'll think about it and see what feels right #as charming as the orphan theory is I don't think their original canon will involve children #it's just not a suitable time or place #it could potentially work in modern times if they adopted #I'm not feeling the surrogacy option I don't think #if I wanted to imagine them doing parenting exercises they'll always have nieces and nephews they could babysit on occasion #answered #anonymous #kid named ear

[azaracyy]

a lesson on good karma digimon survive week 2024 day 4: supporting characters

#digimon #gomamon #digimon survive #survive week #survive week 2024 #rambling ahead. you don't have to read the tags beyond bc there's nothing that important tbh... you can just look at the art... #exhausted from being out and doing housework yesterday. then got a last-minute job with very urgent deadline today #finished everything but yeah basically i did anything but art so #irl do be like that aint it #anyway it's been a long time since i played survive and my memory isn't that good #but i always remember the part where we had to protect the gomamon #and later they showed us a path via the dam allowing the team to continue exploring #it reminded me of just how important it is to be nice and do good things whenever and wherever possible #and be mindful with the not-so-good things you do and say #be it good or bad. karma is real even if you don't know when it will get back at you #and you know in visual novel settings. whatever choice you make really determines what happens later on #yeah believe it or not i end up thinking stuff like that by helping a bunch of adorable seal mons... #mmm i'm officially behind now so i might as well take my time while also rest a bit haha ;; #this week has been fun with survive week tho fr. even though i came in unprepared (when will i change) #gotta keep surviving #png

[pyralart]

I was planning on having the two next pages ready for tonight so I could keep my 2 pages every 2 weeks schedule but work has been chaotic so instead have an angry Luz. Pretend I just said it's her fault.

Hopefully I'll have the second page done this week-end! I'm halfway done but got a little bit ambitious

#pyrambles #the owl house #toh comic #Curses me and my love of weird angles (shakes fist at the clouds) #I don't think I'll do another full-color comic in a while though #it is sooo much work #I wish to never have to draw a single tree ever again #sorry all my comics will be indoors from now on #or on mars #lots of choices here #k see u like.... sunday... sunday should be fine #also I don't advertise that much but the page that's already done is on my ko-fi wink wink wink just saying

[poorly-drawn-puppet-history]

here's what i plan on doing

I am going to subscribe to Watcher TV right now during the beta period, and I'll share with you the developments as they're made. puppet content will continue in due time.

I'm very disappointed with the community's response to this move. it's one thing to be upset you won't get your free content, but it's another to call the guys sellouts or fakes or imply they hate their young, broke audience who are So Invested in their videos. it's literally their means of survival, there is no way Your dedication to their videos outweighs Theirs.

i am a creative who is only above the poverty line because he lives alone and works full time. it's sad to see dedicated fans look at three guys living in one of the most expensive cities in the World, trying to make what They care about instead of letting youtube force them into ad-riddled content farm formats, and say 'you're just as bad as buzzfeed'. no, they really are not. please learn the difference between a group trying to support itself and maintain its mission statement and a media giant trying to turn a profit. shane literally said in the video you can share your account!!!! jfc!!!

#mod post #watcher entertainment #watcher news #if you think they're selling out you don't know them. #you have not been paying attention to them Or to the trends of the online entertainment industry. #please learn to divest your personal feelings from the decisions of people who have their own lives and now families to support. #this was not a choice made easily or to hurt You Specifically. man i am so tired never mind.

[egophiliac]

this chapter has been so absolutely nuts that I actually low-key forgot that I had a couple of new UM posters to do! wild! anyway, I gotta think about Lilia's some more, so here is my beautiful electric crocodile son in the meantime. god I hope this reads properly

(I went with Volt to go with his name, but there's a Bolt version too in the print-size folder!)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #unique magic posters #sebek: i have no choice...i'm going to have to use my special secret technique... #sebek: (furiously shuffling his socks on the shag carpeting) JUPITER THUNDERCLAP ZAP #i love him so much #it turns out i had missed a couple of scenes in his hexagon map so i went back and made sure to hit everything #and i am SO glad i did #i almost missed the spoon scene! I ALMOST MISSED THE SPOON SCENE #every single bit with little sebek and silver is just such a delight #in fact every single bit with big sebek and silver is pretty delightful too #sebek going 'silver if you don't come out RIGHT NOW i'm going to tell everyone your embarrassing fishing story!' is a personal favorite #tell us the story sebek. TELL US

[zhongrin]

✼ー hello, my dear patrons.

i have an important announcement to make.

for my own mental health and reinforcing my boundaries, i will be implementing changes on how i interact in this blog. the general rules (shop etiquette) and taglist rules (membership) have been updated to reflect this.

to give a short summary of the changes, moving forward, i will fully cease interactions with minors or ageless blogs. the same goes for my taglist, which i have purged. more details can be found in the two links above. feel free to drop by my askbox if you need any clarifications.

i'm sorry to my mutuals / friends / followers, who are minors / uncomfortable in disclosing their age, but have been following the rules and respecting my boundaries. i'm truly sorry it had to come to this, but i have had enough. the nature of my content will stay the same but if these changes doesn't sit well with you, please feel free to unfollow or block.

lastly, if you have been following my rules, genuinely, thank you so, so much for respecting the human being behind the handle name 'zhongrin'. you are a blessing to humanity and i hope good things will come your way soon.

ps. i will be reblogging this post for about a week or so, just so people can see it.

#a psa from rin #i thought about it for the past few days and as of now i think this is the best choice i can make #i don't want to throw this blog away but also i don't want to keep being paranoid whenever i interact with someone #i know it's not a foolproof solution because you can definitely lie about your age but whatever #i will be using the block button even more liberally. especially if i think something is off #i'm just sick of being lied to atp #anyway #i hope you're having a good day and taking care of yourself!

[starflungwaddledee]

is that silhouette at the end of your last post supposed to be a morpho form of meta?

it looks like it has meta's wings and his galaxia

this fandom is incredible...

"what is the unintelligible shape in this shadow?!"

"pfft. starflung this is easy. despite the fact we can see only two of her tines and the hilt is wrong it is CLEARLY the legendary sword Galaxia."

kirby fans really are so powerful at picking up hints and clues from just a shred of information. anyway, here's your... reward?

and uh... and uh...

@phanzon no but it.... it could be.

#now i'm probably just being cheeky but i figured i shouldn't drop two design reveals in one post? 😅 #these are both Bad Endings (one bad; one worse) and they don't actually have names #metamorphosis is the *obvious* choice but i know there are already other works in the fandom by that name so this'll have to do: #chrysalis au #meta knight #metamorpho knight #that'll do for now i guess #cw angst #cw blood #<- kinda? from galaxia's red eye. better safe than sorry. #replies #asks #my art