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#but i dont want to end my life anymore and i know im not going to attempt to
puppyeared · 3 months
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man
#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant#but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years#like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact#but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer#for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated#motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year#also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when#ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread#im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover#but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that#the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse#im so tired. im so tired#i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place#ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER#oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously#vent#my art#myart#doodles#covid 19
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skunkes · 27 days
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the way I've been raised has shown itself in a recent awful experience I had and the realization won't leave me because I'm not sure what to do about it.
I don't like feeling anger/upset and it's rare for me to feel it anyway but it's led to me being unable to tell what's worth getting upset over anymore. If my wants upset somebody, then, well, maybe I shouldn't have them? What is so serious that I need it to go completely my way...? What desires am I allowed to have. It's not that serious, it's okay if not, you can't always get what you want....
every time I feel Upset I am later wracked with guilt because it wasn't a big deal and I was just being selfish... What IS a big deal then? How can I tell? Its admittedly never a big deal... But I keep being upset. And stepped on....
#talkys#this is what led to me Staying for as long as i did#there would be issues but if I brought them up i wld then be made to feel guilty for feeling that way#but i cant reverse that bc well!! its true like is it really a big deal? life isnt that serious I dont need to get upset...#i get upset at something my parents do and in the end i feel ungrateful and selfish#i really cant tell anymore which is why i Stayed as mentioned above#in the sense of well yeah the way im being treated doesnt make me feel good but why do i need to feel good?#isnt that selfish...isnt that asking too much...isnt that making yourself out to be Better Than...#i really dont know. i get so ready to give up my position on anything because I dont want to be selfish#and because im no better than anyone else#my mom caused some drama on my birthday wrt my sister's family and it led to me not being able to go to the duck#pond on my birthday... which is the only thing i really wanted to do on an otherwise uneventful day#i was meant to feel shame abt it because well we can always go any other day!!! relax!!!#and it is true....!#we can go any other day why did i get upset? its not that serious...nothing is that serious...i feel so guilty + spoiled + selfish#i just felt humiliated for wanting to go in the first place. and for getting upset that we couldnt go. like a toddler.#*not that i actually get Toddler Level upset...but it always Feels like i did...ykwim#i just dont understand......idk if i can Repair this....
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opens-up-4-nobody · 23 days
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#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing#painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her#i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but#the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach#streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow#im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected#i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes#not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her#how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want#her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest#but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b#so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so#much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming#i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby#unrelated
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macroglossus · 3 months
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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED
#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like#two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that#time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore#is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and#when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up#and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not#that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on#listening. if that makes sense#IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive#like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that#im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍
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shadszyyx · 5 days
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im about to be such a stupid hater but as an aromantic person i hate the httyd 3 ending.
#YES i know its similar to the books ending#but idk man toothless leaving hiccup to go live far away with some random dragon he met like two days ago after he and hiccup have basically#grown up together just rubs me the wrong way#they've been through so much together#both literally saving the life of the other at one point#and YES i know they didn't just leave bc of that#but CMON THEIR FRIENDSHIP??? toothless and hiccup care so much about eachother#they're basically eachother's whole world#they're soulmates even /p#even valka tells her son that he has the soul of a dragon#idc what ppl say#idc if the ending was supposed to be ''realistic''#it's a fictional world they could've came up with a happier ending where they didn't have to get separated#also i love love love astrid#dont get me wrong#but even since i was a kid i never really cared that much about her's and hiccups relationship#← aka aroace person speaking#yeah they have a lot of cute moments together#just bc im aroace that doesn't mean i cant find their relationship really cute#but again the friendship between dragons and humans is what the story is all about#idk where im going with this anymore sorry#im tired n mad n i just wanted to talk about one of my favorite franchises in the world#i love to just pretend the actual stayed together at the end of the third movie n also the light fury doesnt really exist#sorry but thats a topic for another post#bc i feel like this one has too many tags already#not that i completely hate the light fury#its more complicated than that
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widevibratobitch · 15 days
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moments like this when im really glad im a sad little cynic who always considers the worst possible outcome and never lets herself truly get comfortable and trust the good things in her life to stay there and builds her life around trying to soften the blows of the eventual disappointments just waiting around the corner lol never leaving my edgy teenager era peace and love
#i mean if the alternative is whatever the fuck is going on with my best friend rn then hooooo boy#cancelling therapy immediately i never want to change i wanna keep my trust issues forever and ever if its gonna save me from THIS#is he a dick? kinda. yeah. and a coward because if dude was sure he didnt want it since AUGUST and didnt have the guts to end it till now#actually he didnt end it. she was the one who finally snapped. but we seriously fought twice before because she just woudlnt listen#when i said that girl this isnt gonna work and you trust him too much and you're attachment styles are incompatible as hell#your*#but nvm. the least you could do when a 7 years younger girl who's clearly obsessed with you is breaking up with you#cause she just cant take it anymore. and you can see she's still in love with you because you've been lying to her for half a year.#imo the least you could do at that point is just. dont tell her that jfc. just say you're sorry it didnt work out etc etc#dont fucking tell her you stopped being in love with her in fucking august#and just 'didnt know how to end it' and lied when she asked if everything's alright#like my god. yes ig this would never have happened if she hadn't trusted him so completely and expected love to fix her whole life#but jesus dude. she's not even 23 she has a right to be naive. you're almost 30. you DONT get to be a man child anymore#christ. okay.#anyway i wish i could help her but telling her to 'trust less' and 'never truly rely on other people' sounds horrible and cringe and edgy af#but i genuinely dont have any other advice#like babygirl im sorry but your bestie is a piece of human garbage and she's doing the best she can but her best is Not Much alas
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caffeinatedopossum · 1 year
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My anxiety and depression feel like the ocean. Even when I'm not drowning in it, I'm having to fight to swim and it's exhausting. Even when I'm not swimming in it, it's still there, waves greedily lapping at my feet. It's always there.
I don't talk about it because there isn't much to say. Everyone already knows the ocean exists, yknow? Telling them it does just seems redundant.
Even when I'm sitting safely on the shore I can't stop thinking about it, staring at it, swaying where I stand because I've forgotten what it feels like to stand without the waves. Just waiting for the tide to rise again because I know it has to. Waiting for the ocean to disappear even though I know it never could.
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dreamcast-official · 2 months
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huh.
#eli.txt#idk i think ive been slowly forgiving my sister for how deeply hurt i felt when she moved out bc now I Get It. like I Get It#when she moved out i was. 9. and in my head i thought she had left because of me. because i wasnt the easiest kid in the world and i know-#-she had a hard time dealing with me when we were alone. we're so far apart in age we couldnt connect for most of my life. and in my head#that was the reason she left home. bc of me. bc she was tired of *me.*#i know now thats not true. and i understand now why she had to leave because if she felt the way im feeling then goddamn im glad she got ou#this feeling SUCKS. nd like#yeah this probably has to do with my father's daughter and the fact that she refused to even meet me until our dad died.#it took my dad dying for my sister to even be in the same room as me. that really messed with me as a kid. like it REALLY did.#so when my sister left home i just kinda went. oh okay neither of my sisters want anything to do with me! i will be alone forever! got it!#AND I KNOW NOW THATS NOT TRUE ON EITHER OF THEIR ENDS. I DONT HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP W MY DADS DAUGHTER AND I PROBABLY NEVER WILL#BUT I DONT HOLD ANYTHING AGAINST HER ANYMORE BC GOD HER MOTHER WAS AWFUL AND I GET WHY SHE DIDNT WANT TO MEET ME BC OF EVERYTHING#BUT LIKE. THAT MESSED ME UP AND I JUST STRAIGHT UP ASSUMED BOTH MY SISTERS HATED ME FOR SO LONG.#AND NOW THAT I ALSO FEEL LIKE I NEED TO LEAVE I CAN SEE SO CLEARLY. MY SISTER NEVER HATED ME I WAS NEVER THE REASON SHE LEFT.#I CAN LET GO OF HOW HURT I FELT BECAUSE I ALSO NEED TO LEAVE#god i dont wanna hurt my mom though.#dont think i could leave her completely alone in this apartment. i dont think i can do that.#anyway. hi tumblr did you like todays oversharing episode
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piplupod · 4 months
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ignore this i just need to be insane for a second
#life gets soooooo much easier when u decide u are on a clock thats running out and theres an end to it#like i can just fucking vibe now and not care bc theres an end in sight#im just running the clock out and having a good time as much as possible while the clocks still running#and then! i get to be done! and leave! when things get too intolerable! i can just be done and not deal w it anymore!#incredibly freeing! psychologists are terrified of me!#literally just. okay well I'll just live off the savings i have (very lucky i accumulated those) and then-#-either they run out or shit gets too fucked up for me to handle and i can just off myself then. thank fucking god#living in a way where u are just running out ur rapidly ticking clock is just so fucking freeing#things dont matter anymore and i can finally fucking chill a little bit#I've been living this way for a couple months and damn I've been going thru it sure but theres an exit door for me to use now#and thats making it SO much easier to cope. i have a limited amount of time and i can choose to end the clock whenever. thank god#just waiting it out and vibing in the meantime#anyways tonight was brutal lol and i feel the clock moving ahead rapidly but i am just going to make my silly little art instead of worrying#no need to worry bc theres no future to consider!! if things get too hard i can just leave! extremely freeing!#dont have to worry abt escaping or finances or anything lmao its all unnecessary now#this is probably unhealthy (i mean it definitely is) but i feel like i can deal w things so much better#family can say whatever they want now bc if i ever decide its too much i can just be done#and magically! my tolerance levels have risen! hurray! i can tolerate so much more bc i know it doesnt matter!#okay im done im done. things are so bad lol but at least i have an way out at the ready and no more apprehension abt it#me and death become besties era#she is my silly rabbit she is my rock she'll be there to catch me when i collapse djdjdkdl#I'll delete this later but i just need to be stupid a bit rn bc otherwise im going to do smth so much worse#everything is building and building and i am handling it the best i can! this is my best!#suicide tw
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#so because i hate myself obviously i decided to finally finish naruto. after all those years. it was time#and damn you guys. and here i mean you guys who love this show. i would like to ask you how#i skipped all the filler eps for my own sanity (thank you anime filler list i owe you several hours of my life)#i have seen the first 250eps or so when it was still freshly coming out all those *checks watch* eleven years ago. wow. horrifying.#so it only took me like 3 days since i also kept skipping all the flashback scenes. some of which i have seen at least 20 times#im not even joking. 20 times. the exact same scenes. within 100-200 eps. why and also fuck you#anyways#i have just a few more to go but i know how it ends anyways so its just a formality now but like. i have just one teeny tiny question#why the fuck. is sasuke evil again#for the ten thousandth time#yo fans of naruto. completely seriously how do you deal with this shit#i dont hate the show. it has been a huge formative anime of my childhood/adolescence. my entrance to fandom#my reason to learn english and also japanese#my reason to start drawing and writing and creating and so on and so forth#but my fucking dudes. the story writing of the show is so shit#the show couldve ended at ep 340 or so. for what reason were there fifty different plot twists#i swear no one was amazed anymore. there were no plot holes to fill i promise you. why would you keep snowballing more#''secret evil plots'' and ''actually even stronger eviler more god-like creature that wants to end humanity for whatever reason''#this is like number one rule of good story telling. you cannot keep telling the reader actually this was all someone else's evil plan#and then keep going with the ''actually'' three more times#im so annoyed because regardless of how bad the quality of the show always was and how mediocre some of the characters were#*cough* all the women ones *cough*#i still loved the show. if nothing else for nostalgia sake#but sasuke turning evil for the nth time like 10 eps before the show ends really makes me want to throw hands#to quote my real life friend chidi anagonye: the dot above the 'i' broke me. sasuke being evil again for one last plot twist did it#his character is so empty what the hell. i cant even say that his actions are out of character bc i dont think he even has any#also now that i started shitting at the show. whats with all those bible references. why?? for what reason???? stop?#i get izanagi and izanami and a literal ep called sengoku jidai but my dude. cant you just do one?#(if i see obito's tragic backstory flashback one more fucjing time i will lose it i swear on this. or worse - turn evil!)#also if anyone of you read this whole rant im sorry but also this ones on you <3
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separationarc · 5 months
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also
#im making huge huge changes in my life and i think the next logical step would be to cut off jamie. ive already been ghosting him but thats#just me avoiding the problem. i just like. it feels fucked to be like hey i told you i was ok with what you did but i Changed my mind#i just think like. i have next to no contact with him and i feel fucking fantastic. we talk like every couple months on the rare occurrence#he can text and then i answer in vague short sentences and ghost. and now that i finally have firm boundaries with him and havent engaged#with him sexually its like. i feel like basically all my ties are cut. and i feel like im ready to let go for the first time. like ive#always felt like i just wasnt ready but now i like i Am ready its just a matter of like. doing it. thats difficult. even though i know hell#accept it because hes matured. and like. idk. i think its fine like this#and idk i think its fine like this. being the absolute barest form of acquaintances. i cannot stress how little we interact and how little#affect he has on my life at this point outside of what happened in the past. like i am in a good place he is 99% cut off i just need to do#the last bit. but like also fuck. you know. its hard to kinda finish it off. and its also like ooh it would hurt his feelings but now i#fucking. dont care lol. after everything. with blue i realize every day just how much more respected i feel and less gross and shitty#even with being jamies friend which we never were because whenever i was single we were sexual. i just felt bad. i never wanted to fuck#either. and he would say he loved me and id be like hahaha yeahhhh and now that ive finally drawn that boundary and said he cant do that#anymore i feel so much lighter and i just feel so happy and safe with blue in a way ive never felt with jamie and its like. im almost there#i feel like i might be able to cut him off by the end of the year. and thats crazy to me. i just also have a lot of like shit to unpack#in general too also. with what he did. and i just have a lot. but i feel like im progressing
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flamboyant-king · 2 years
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I’ve been hearing different kinds of art advice and I’m torn on them.
Should you go through and finish something even though it doesn’t look good and is flawed in many ways OR scrap the piece and do it a different way/abandon the idea altogether?
#im a person who doesnt want to waste resources. If im unsure of the outcome then i dont do it#i dont know how to sew or bake because i dont want to waste fabric or ingredients on a fuck up#but i want to have fun DOING SOMETHING. Like haha baking cupcakes would be fun haha oh no its burnt#i havent gone through with ANY STORY IDEA ive had because i dont know how it willbegin all the way to the end#and im hearing advice like make that shitty make that shitty game but i cant bring myself to even start it#like i CANT make things without a purpose. If i dont have the finished product in mind#im too afraid to mess up im too afraid to fail#but like doing nothing is worse than failing no?#the other advice i saw was just leaving things as sketches. Not everything needs to be finished and not everything needs to be seen#and thats another issue i have. Not only will i not do things unless i know the productis good#i wont show you guys anything unless its appealing. And combining those two..li just dont make anything anymore#like…i cant take either advice because of how embarassed ashamed and afraid of failure i am#i want to let loose. I want to be free. I want to create nonsense from the heart rather than thinking everything through and through#every meticulous detail. Every sketch upon sketch upon sketchto deliver on something no one will see#i get that. I get that im not hot shit. Im not big or important. I have nothing left to bring to the table and#i guess knowing that stops me from doing anything because i think that the only thing im allowed/forced to do is make things worthy#i dont display my art in my room anymore. I dont doodle random things anymore. I open commissions because my drawings need a purpose#and thats stupid because im nobody. I have no purpose. My purpose is just to enjoy life. And being like THIS isnt enjoying life#its not even drawing its just anything. Socializing being with friends or family. Watching movies or playing games#i cant enjoy myself. Because i dont know how its going to GO. Thats not living. Life isnt fucking planned. Its spontaneous#but i cant DO that. And I dont know how to fix it.#but thats enough about me. What advice to you go by? Just going with it or redoing it?
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trash-iest · 1 year
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Another year closer to 25 🤡
#this is so depressing 😭#because i dont wanna graduate and i dont wanna move out for mba and shadi AND ADULTING JUST FEELS SO REAL WITH EACH PASSING YEAR#I JUST WANT TO STOP AGEING OR AN APOCALYPSE THAT ENDS EVERYTHING BECAUSE GROWING UP IS SO OVERWHELMING#just the fact that im in my twenties and not a teenager anymore is SO HARD TO DIGEST LIKE HOW DID THAT HAPPEN WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN#IM SORRY I WAS TOO BUSY BEING NUMB AND DEPRESSED TO REALISE I WAS GROWING UP AND I DONT EVEN REMEMBER MY 20TH FROM LAST YEAR WHICH IS SOON#GONNA BE 2 YEARS AGO AND THEN ILL BE 30 IN A FEW YEARS AND ALL OF THIS—MY LIFE— WILL FEEL LIKE A BLUR LIKE HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN#im deleting my tumblr on my 25th birthday. thats it#also a very serious question (istg im not being cocky) how do people in their early 20's decide they wanna get married or have kids#because oh boy its like everyone's getting married young and having babies like how do you feel youre ready because that is some MAJOR LIFE#ALTERING SHIT#HOW DO U WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND IT#HOW DO U FALL IN LOVE AND KNOW THIS IS THE RIGHT PERSON GOOD GOD LIFE IS NOT THAT EASY BUT PLEASE SHARE LIFE HACKS AS TO HOW YOU FIGURED IT#ALL OUT#like anytime i think about shadi its like no im too selfish to share my personal space with another person and then having to interact with#their family is all SO FKING DRAINING ESP WHEN YOURE NATURALLY NOT A PEOPLE'S PERSON#like how do people not get the urge to runaway before their wedding because holyshit my 19 year old self couldnt deal with all that#responsiblity and neither can this 21 year old#like its being stuck between feeling old AND young simultaneously like as a baby why would i want to have my own baby 😭#and oh god the pain that comes with it makes me envy men SO BAD#like its so easy for u to say oh yeah lets have a baby and its gonna be shared responsibility BUT YOUR BODY DOESNT GO THROUGH HELL FOR THE#NEXT 9MTHS AND EVEN AFTER THAT I KNOW MY BODY WONT BE THE SAME AND SUE ME BUT IM NOT LOSING THIS FIGURE AND THEN FEEL SHIT ABOUT MYSELF WHEN#I DRESS UP WHILE YOURE OUT THERE CHEATING ON ME WITH OTHER WOMEN#i know not all men do that but knowing my luck i know i wont be ending up with the exception so fuck marriage and kids and having a family#and then he gets to excel at his career while i raise this kid and then few years down the lane when I consider getting a job again ill be#way behind in my field and i cant be financially independent. how do housewives not feel miserable? how do u make peace with catering to a#family#ZINDAGI KYUN AKELE NAHI GUZAR SAKTE BHAI LIKE IM ALREADY SO USED TO BEING ON MY OWN I DONT FEEL THE NEED FOR A HUSBAND OR BABY#WHY IS THAT THE ULTIMATE SETTLEMENT WHY CANT IT BE A GOOD JOB AFTER MBA#at this point the only way out of all that is death before 25 and im manifesting that for the next 4 years#i missed ranting on tumblr so much omg this feels heavenly
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darkredmage · 9 months
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Ahaga fuck the college shit is getting wirse
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lightnersdream · 10 months
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#WHY DOES IT ALL HAVE TO BE SO MUCH#i don't usually get like this. im usually a kind of person that just lets stuff happen around me and not care a lot in terms of like social#behavior and relationships#you meet people. sometimes they go#that's how it is#there's people that we just drifted away or they vanished and it wasn't hard feelings#and normally i get over it. i miss them alot but it doesnt hit me this hard#and the thing is i haven't even lost anyone#it's just ive been so angry and low energy and pissed off by everything all the time that ive been distancing myself#and even when im not like that.. im just tired. my brain is clouded i just don't have anything to say#i want to say something but there isnt anything#so i havent been talking to a lot of people#and im like really afraid by the time im done working over whatever this is. that people will have found more other people they#prefer to talk to more or are closer with or we just find out its been too long and we dont have anything in common anymore#because i know ive been away from my friends more and more of late of late ive barely talked to anyone at all beyond 1-2 message exchanges#sometimes not at all .this isn't abnormal#but i happen to the kind of person who crumples if i don't get some kind of interaction daily#so as much as im empty-headed and angry and bad at conversation i need to be around people constantly#at the end of the day i don't have anything going on outside of drawing and talking to friends. i have nowhere to be in real life#i cant go anywhere. i don't know anyone and i hate my family#i don't know. im scared and lonely and it feels like i can be kind of a nothing person to talk to#dib noise#some of this is problems with myself which i do work on and i work on them hard. i don't want to be like that#i'm bad at meeting people too. i don't like taking risks or new things its all so much#I SHOULD CLARIFY. i am happy for poeple i am close to when they meet new people. i love hearing about them#and meeting them. i just have a horrible fear of being replaced or forgotten
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kellystar321 · 1 year
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#periodical life updates#HUH. OKAY. MANY THINGS OF NOTE. things im not excited for first!!#im going to go into coding now because my parents want me to so whatever i guess!! i think coding is cool anyway and im willing to learn#its such a vague job. my sister recommends front end web development. i still dont know. i guess i'll look into it. gwuah.#registered for classes and now im just waiting for them to start. i dont know if i can do four classes. ive tried and failed before.#but im grown now. classes should be simple. i should be fine. i have to finish this soon.#im going to the dentists soon and as much as i hate toothaches i HATE THE DENTISTS i hate them im so scared of them u-u <33#i probably need a lot of fillings and sht and im not hype about it. i hate the dentists but i know my teeth will hurt bad so i will go ughh#im tired and i need to cook spaghetti soon and life is currently so up in the air right now. i have things i want to queue but everytime i#go look at my drafts i just close the tab again guhhh. okay lets talk about other things now.#changed my profile pic!! its so cute i love my orange pattern shirt <3 daily eca is posted and that ones cute too <3#im excited for the pjsk pop in my heart event; ive been waiting for a four star emu for so long and nicori smile survey is a fun song <3#the valentines day one has such a cute emu too and the white day event has a knight tsukasa which i ADORE <3 knights are so my aesthetic#got to say good morning to darling and eros today <33 might make an oc for a friend on twitter's oc storyline which is fun <3#finished some things up yesterday that i dont have to deal with anymore.#im trying. im trying really hard. we'll get there eventually. *sighs*#napping now maybe. i love you <3
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