#but i feel as if i shouldnt be happy if it happened since ‘male attention is so easy to get’

[rpfisfine]

do you hate miles?🤨

i was wondering when someone would send me an ask like this yeah i dont like him to be honest. i know ppl on here have largely moved on from the fateful 2016 interview and it has been discussed to death and yeah he immediately said he was joking etc etc but i dont think its weird to think you shouldnt have to feel pressured to like completely forgive and forget and absolve the sins of a male musician saying something that made a female reporter feel unsafe or objectified or 'caught in an increasingly distressing situation' or act like its some sort of unheard of and unimaginable offense that has never happened before in the history of music interviews and one someone’s favorite musician who can do no wrong in their eyes could definitely never get caught up in (esp given how gross in general the music industry is towards women). OR even go so far to say the reporter did it all for attention i cant believe this is even a discussion that has ever been had in any form ever like genuinely nothing makes me angrier than ppl who literally turn into blatant sexists whenever their favorite white guy's reputation is even mildly put at risk ive literally seen one person on here say the whole interview was made up and exaggerated and that she just wanted to 'join the me too movement' which is like Okay man i think you might just not have any respect for women in real life maybe. even watered down and not as extreme its a take thats more prevalent on am tumblr than i thought or previously imagined and i hate how bad it makes the fandom look like i trust that everyone on here is a reasonably intelligent and empathetic human being who has at least a basic tumblr education on the fact that victim blaming is bad so we dont rly need to turn around and immediately go 'she just misunderstood what he was saying' or 'she just didnt get his sense of humor' like Alright

i hope im articulating all this reasonably well like i think its literally fine that ppl have accepted his apology and moved on and are able to enjoy him as an artist and/or as a person too thats awesome and im happy for the ppl that i follow that have this kind of relationship with him. even if it wasnt for the interview thing he stil wouldnt be for me i used to be a pretty big fan of his music when i was younger but nowadays since ive found different music i dont rly pay any attention to him. im glad he was able to spark alex creatively but thats as far as my enjoyment goes of him to be yonest

also ive just realized now that all this makes me look kind of contrived given the fact that ive written milex before and i dont rly have like an impenetrable explanation i literally started writing for jamex around the time the car album came out bc i found out all my fav jamex fics had gotten deleted by their author so i wanted to fill the void and then one day i was like wait am i good enough yet to write a functional milex fic (plus i was hoping to get more ppl to notice my writing and milex offers a pretty easy way to do that) so then i wrote 2 and i was like ok i am cool. i dont intend to write another fic for them

hope this makes sense i probably forgor to say like 10 other things i wanted to say but thats okay

#i didnt rly wanna talk abt this but now i cant dodge it anymore i trust my friends respect my opinion and arent mad at me #also wanted to make a disclaimer that ive never set foot on am twitter so my opinion isnt influenced by amtwt at all #i know ppl dont like miles on there but i have genuinely no clue how they go abt it or what they say im not brave enough to make an account #there. #asks #Pleasneeeeeee dont harrass me over this im literally just doing my thang over here in the czech republic #also ive literally had that one shitty take screenshotted since like november of last year LOL it made me soooooooo mad

[what-if-nct]

Hi so shitty Catholic school anon is back! But this time it’s with weird things male teachers have said/done or things said about male teachers. TW: self harm, anorexia, sexism, racism, slavery, pedophilia, gender stereotypes.

So recently we had a lesson on self harm and there was one part where we had to say if a certain thing was true or not. So for example if self harm is attention seeking or if it mainly effects certain groups of people. One of the things was “self harm improves a person’s self confidence” and a male teacher said it did and that it is also attention seeking. He said that many people do it for attention and to make them selves look better. He then went on to talk about anorexia and said that lots of ballerinas have anorexia and “that is why they are so pretty” and also said that girls that don’t have anorexia or aren’t skinny are typically less attractive. Which is kinda really f-ing creepy and a horrible thing to say to anyone, especially a room with about 30 females in or 30 people in with female bodies. It’s creepy and disgusting. But I think he is getting fired because people walked out and were made to write statements about it which is a similar thing to what happened with another teacher that got fired.

So basically, we had a substitute teacher for a lesson in Geography about Mumbai. He started off talking about Mumbai but was saying very stereotypical things. We hadn’t actually properly started the lesson though because he didn’t give us the work or start talking about the parts of Mumbai which we were supposed to be talking about. He then somehow got to racism and the BLM movement. He said that he did not understand why it was black lives matter and not all lives matter. We tried to explain that all lives do matter but we need to focus on black people and what they had experienced. But he went on to say that white racism and white slavery exists too and that “it’s just as bad”. In the front row there was a person who is black and he constantly used them as an example. I was sitting next to them and the teacher would constantly point to them or go up in their face. The person who is black tried to give an example of racism that they face and he said that the same things happen to him too. They said that police officers often came up to them, assuming that they were criminal or a bad person just because they are black. The teacher then said that he had only once before had a police officer come up to him and it was because he had a red jacket and that a criminal who they saw on camera had a similar jacket. The person who is black was stopped by cops multiple times because of just their skin colour. The teacher who is white was stopped by cops once because they had a similar jacket to someone. And then when people said that worse/more things have happened to black people just because they are black than white people he started talking about the battle of Hastings. He tried to compare a fight (that from my knowledge doesn’t have anything to do with racism) that happened in a few hours a thousand years ago to all the horrible things that have happened to black peoples over centuries and still today. People had tried to get him to stop and to teach the actual lesson but he refused. A teacher next door came in and asked us if we were okay and what we were doing. Everyone in the class said that we weren’t okay and that we weren’t doing what we were supposed to but the substitute teacher said that we were discussing transport in Mumbai and that we had been doing that all lesson. And when he left we started actually doing the work but he soon started talking about white slavery and then tried to make it better by saying that the Conservative party is much better than the Labour Party. There was no need for him to say any of that and no need for him to force his opinions into us. Luckily, he was fired.

The next thing I don’t remember well since I never actually was taught by this teacher and it happened in my first year at the school. Basically a teacher had sex with either a year 11 or sixth former. So she would have been 15-18 years old at the time. He was also rumoured to be touching the older girls weirdly. He was soon fired.

A similar thing happens with another teacher who is currently still at the school. His downstairs often gets ‘happy’ whilst teaching and he leans over onto students often. I don’t know if this is predatory behaviour or not but it most definitely makes people uncomfortable. He is a substitute who works at the school and I’ve had him for many lessons. In one of my first lessons with him (when I was 11), he leaned over me and I could feel his stomach on my back and it soooo uncomfortable. Still, I don’t know if it an actual concern. But in my first ever lesson with him, me and my friend was annoying each other and kind of like just poking each other a lot. He could’ve just told us to stop but instead he decided to say that we were holding hands. This freaked me out cause at primary I was bullied/treated differently for the last 2-3 years for being not straight. It also started rumours that I wasn’t straight, which freaked me out more.

Next teacher~ Is still at the school and he is actually good teaching compared to the other teachers I’ve mentioned. But he’s said some weird things. Mostly some random stereotypical comments such as “women are typically more sensitive” and that “women take longer to get ready” and that “women are concerned too much about their appearance and wear too much makeup”. But in every lesson I had him, he always looked at people’s skirts. At my school there is a heavy focus on wearing skirts and that they must be below the knee and it gets mentioned at least once a day and always at assembly. Despite this many people would still roll up their skirt. Immediately when you walked into the classroom, he would look at your skirt and tell you to roll it down. When you walked past him in the corridors, he would do it too. And sometimes he complained saying that whenever he walked upstairs he was not able to look up because he would see a “girls knickers or butt or thighs” and so he had to look at the floor or walls instead. Why is he looking in that area anyway?! He shouldn’t be looking in that area at all even if their skirts are rolled down. I was never in this lesson but apparently he also started talking about how he thought abortion was bad.

Next thing is just how much the school puts an emphasis on skirts below the knee. And they say that it’s because “male teachers would feel uncomfortable”. It’s not us who should change it’s the male teachers then. Whilst doing online lessons a teacher (who is female) said that we shouldn’t have any underwear or certain clothes in the background because it would make “male teachers uncomfortable”. I understand why they don’t want us to have things like that in the background but why only talk about male teachers. At least why not say that it makes teachers in general uncomfortable or other students uncomfortable. But no it’s back to please change yourself or what you are doing because you will be treated weirdly by adult men even though you are a child and it’s their problem.

Anyway sorry about that. I kinda just wanted to rant again. Sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable. I hope you are having a good day and you aren’t near any creepy dudes. And if you are, I am very happy to bosh the creepy dudes. Bye bye~

Hi! Okay so every last one of those teachers are horrible and shouldn't be around children. Absolutely horrible. And the teacher who is putting his ya know that close to students is one hundred percent doing it on purpose and its disgusting, men know when they are visibly excited its just gross that he would even do that. And you were understandably uncomfortable, no teacher should be that close to a student. I am so sorry you were put in that situation. Really all of those teacher should be penalized. And seriously dress codes sadly aren't for the male students, but the teachers. A male teacher shouldnt be there if a minor's shoulders or legs are distracting. An adult man shouldn't be even looking up the skirts of teenage girls, you wouldn't even see anything if you weren't purposely looking, It's horrible. And why are young girls forced to change because a grown man can't control himself. I had went to a counselor's office in a kind of short skirt and she asked if I had any appropriate clothes or she couldnt send me to a male psychiatrist she'd have to find a female psychiatrist.....what the hell kind of sense does that make. If you can't trust a man with a young girl in skirt why is he even there?? Ugh it's absolutely disgusting. It really is there problem, not the young girl's fault. It's okay vent all you want, i hope you have a nice day and stay safe. If a teacher ever makes you feel uncomfortable make sure you go to a teacher you trust. Byee🌸🌸

[volvolts]

for some reason i was stupidly looking into the rwde tag and some of their “hot takes” are ice fucking cold actually

the one im talking about is an oscar “hot take” about how he’s a power male fantasy like a shonen protag a la kirito and somehow he’s overshadowing the main girls because of it but he’s not that privilege goes to jaune lol

and i dont like that it implies oscar is yet another self-insert and its kinda making me bitter lmao like oscar fans are lucky for him to even be mentioned in an episode let alone seen in it. im pretty sure that the parts where his fans try to pull attention to him is just saying “hey RT made this kid and said he’s going to be an important character but they refuse to use him or explore any of the interesting elements that they brought up with pyrrha and we just want to actually explore it and we arent using him as a self insert shonen protag that you guys are so quick to jump on” (though there are some weirdos out there who try to make oscar a harem protag which is gross he’s like 14)

I dont have a “hot take” but i got rants and this’ll be lost under tumblr void anyway so i can say whatever i want. to me, oscar’s most interesting prominent arc, and what got me to like him in the first place, is the loss of identity of becoming the successor to the oz line. its cool and interesting (when oscar said ”i’m just going to be another one of his lives” my heart just broke dude) and the writers dont ever explore it? like the “you sound like ozpin” is done already but no one talks about his treatment during the pre-transition or how oscar feels about this kind of responsibility or treatment (like a guy tried to kill him and multiple main characters don’t trust/have threatened/hurt him because of ozpin) no one actually talks to him and how no one (the merch, the fanbase, and even RT themselves) actually lets him interact with anyone other than his possible love interest and that in turn makes to easier for the main characters to treat him like shit too since they dont know him as a person to separate him from oz and it makes me so sad that this 14 year old has to be the bigger person during all of this when he is the one who should be the most angry and betrayed about the truth coming out (qrow can fucking blow me he shouldnt punch oscar for what ozpin did i dont care how tragic his backstory is)

and because of the disconnection oscar and the rest have, if oscar truly loses himself as oscar to the merge the only one who has the right to feel sad is me because even with the empty hugs and proximity he has with the others you cant pay me to believe anyone but ruby actually cares him and honestly thats for everyone in the whole show. no one has friends in the show they’re just partners or potential love interests and it kinda sucks because when something does happen to the character the only feeling is from you not from the other characters

like you know how pyrrha died and how you felt nothing when ruby saw her die because you were trying to think of times they actually hung out and you couldn’t and it was only sad because you knew pyrrha? or how you couldn’t really think about how ren and nora would individually feel about her death because pyrrha’s defining character trait was her crush on jaune until the last few episodes of vol 3? or how about when oscar left in vol 6 and you didnt feel anything when everyone was halfheartedly yelling oscar’s name (and im pretty sure that was the first and only time everyone but nora and ruby has ever said his name?) and when they dogpiled/group hugged him it felt so empty and the only reason you were happy for them was because you were still running on the high about JNR’s resolution with pyrrha?

and its so annoying to suddenly see them ~being friends~ even though there was no build up and it feels as if the writers are saying “see? see? theyre standing next to each other without yelling for fighting so they’re obvs friends now onscreen development who?”

#talkin #rant #rwde #i guess its rwde anyway its just bitterness

[shine-skz-blog]

[3:06 pm]

“Come on, come on, come on!”

You threw your head back and let out a frustrated groan. Months you had waited for this game to come out, and now it was taking forever to download. It felt like you couldn’t wait another second. Hopping to your feet, you walked laps around the living room before lying in just about every position possible on the couch.

“Hurry up!”

You whined again as the bar sat at 99% for what felt like an eternity. However, once the bar filled and the title screen for the game appeared, you tumbled off your couch. Your head bumped the coffee table softly, but you were too excited to care.

“Finally”

Quickly, you pushed the coffee table out of the way so you could sit closer to the television. You grabbed your favorite controller, and with a huge smile on your face, you started a new game.

Hours passed like seconds as you sat on the floor, eyes glued to the screen. Falling in love with the characters and the storyline, you were completely enveloped into your new fantasy world. However, you were rudely interrupted by the ding of your phone.

↳ Binnie🖤

Come to the door, love

Rapidly glancing back and forth between your phone and the screen, you tapped the speech to text button. An important scene of the game was playing, and you couldn’t risk missing it.

Y/n🧸↲

Just come inside, it’s open

Keeping your eyes on the screen even as you heard the knob turn, your jaw slowly opened, hanging there in surprise. The backstory of the villain danced around the screen, and your eyes didn’t miss a single beat. You couldn’t help the sympathy that was growing for the so called “evil” character. He wasn’t necessarily bad, he just had things he had to protect, and sometimes he had to do some awful things to keep them safe.

“Y/n?”

The voice of your boyfriend made you jump in surprise, though you still didn’t look at him. His gaze slowly followed yours to the scene on the television. A soft chuckle escaped his lips, he knew how you and your games were.

“How long have you been sitting there?”

You waited for the cutscene to end before you even thought about replying.

“Depends, what time is it?”

“It’s 9:20”

Had it really been that long? Running a hand through your hair, you chuckled shyly.

“Six hours...”

The hesitation in your voice was prominent as you admitted the truth.

“Y/n, love, you should take a break...”

Changbin reached for your controller, but you snatched it away, your eyes finally landing on him for the first time since he walked into your house.

“No, I can’t quit now!”

A defeated sigh escaped your boyfriend’s lips as he sat down behind you, and wrapped his arms around your waist.

Another hour had passed and you hadn’t laid your eyes on him once. He’d try to keep his loose hold on you, but you shook him off the second you had to fight something. Changbin had come to your house hoping to share the good news of the time he finally had off. He had looked forward to your eyes lighting up and being smothered with hugs and kisses. He looked forward to carefully planning what you two could do in his free time, the last thing he expected was this. All he wanted was to feel your touch, but you were ignoring him, and it was killing him. A groan unwillingly escaped his lips as he nuzzled his face into your neck, placing soft kisses to your skin. Your hand flew his to his shirt, gripping it tightly as you pushed him back.

“I’m sorry, Binnie, not right now... There’s some leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry though”

The male got up quickly, leaving you on the floor as he headed to the kitchen. He wasn’t hungry, not at all, but he was getting upset. The last thing he wanted was for you to notice that though. How could you put him on the back burner when he finally had time off? He opened the fridge, pretending that he was looking for something.

“You know, love, I have a few days off and I was hoping we could spend them together? Quality time, just you and me?”

His voice gently called out as he closed the fridge. Changbin was trying hard to just drop a subtle hint, something that wouldn’t upset you, but would get him the attention he wanted.

“That’s wonderful, babe! Then I’ll have enough time to finish this game and spend time with you when I’m done!”

Complete and utter backfire

Your lover clenched his jaw in response. He couldn’t believe just how dense that stupid game was making you. Marching into the living room to finally demand what he wanted, he found you on your feet with a new intensity in your gaze on the screen.

“That’s him, Binnie, my favorite character! I know he’s supposed to be the bad guy, but I really do like him... You know, how would it make me a hero to take him down when I know the things he’s protecting will suffer? How is me indirectly killing the things he loves any better than what he’s doing? I guess the hero and the villain just depend on what side you see it from. I wouldn’t mind joining his side, he’s really dark and mysterious, such an amazing character... But oh well, a game is a game, right?”

He knew it was just a game as well, but the way you worded it all, he didn’t know why, but he absolutely despised it.

“I can be dark too”

Changbin was trying hard to validate himself after hours of being ignored, but it was no use.

“Please, Binnie, we all know you’re the softest person on earth”

Had you truly thought it through, you would’ve realized what was happening, and what Changbin truly meant by what he said. Though you were still so wrapped up in your game that you didn’t even notice. His heart fell, it shouldn’t have bothered him so much, but it truly did. His sadness didn’t last long however, but became full fledged jealousy for the game that stole your attention. Once you sat down again, Changbin sat in front of you, leaning his head into your lap and holding onto your waist. After a bit, he slowly lifted his upper body, forcing himself between your arms as you held your controller out in front of you.

“Bin, I can’t see, what are you doing?”

“You love me, right?”

Your eyes flicked to him for the first time in what felt like forever to him, and he savored the second of attention before they went back to the screen.

“Of course I do, a lot, you know that”

“More than anything else?”

“Yes, sweetheart”

Your answer was quick as if you wanted to stop talking. Changbin growled slightly, but tried hard to keep his cool. His hands went up to your cheeks and cupped them softly, placing a kiss on your nose before he rested his chin on your shoulder. He was facing away from the television, and if he got any closer to you, he’d be sitting in your lap.

“Baby, I love you, really, but I can’t focus like this”

“Then don’t focus on that”

Carefully, your boyfriend pulled the controller out of your hand and hit the pause button. Your arms fell to your sides now that you had nothing to hold.

“Focus on me, please”

His voice was desperate, and you could feel just how much he needed your attention. Slowly, you moved your eyes from the screen to meet his gaze. The sadness in his eyes was evident, and you finally realized just how lonely he must’ve felt the whole time. You went to wrap your arms around him, but instead he grabbed your wrists and pulled you forward. A soft yelp escaped your lips, and before you realized it, you were completely enveloped in his embrace.

“Please, y/n, I can’t stand another second without your soft touch... I’m sorry if I come on a little strong, but I’m desperate for your attention”

“No, Binnie, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have ignored you”

Cupping his face in your hands, you placed a sweet kiss to his lonely lips. Changbin looked you in the eyes as you pulled back. He shot you a smile before tightening his grip on your waist and kissing you again, longer this time, as if you were all he had. You moved your lips slowly with his, and when he finally pulled back, he took your breath with him. Without pause, he began to pepper kisses all over your face. You couldn’t help but laugh at his actions, he was always the sweetest.

“Sure, video games are great, and the characters are lovely, but could they ever make you happy like I do?”

A hint of jealousy lingered in the male’s voice, and you didn’t fail to notice.

“Bin, not anyone or anything could make me as happy as you do, nothing could ever come even close to taking your place in my heart.

“I love you with everything I am, y/n”

“I love you too, Binnie, so much”

Changbin’s heart warmed from your words as he gazed at you lovingly. Suddenly, however, you pushed him backwards and crawled on top of him when he was down. Resting your head on his chest, you slowly lied on top of him, earning you a soft chuckle in return. His fingers slowly combed through your hair as his arm wrapped around your waist and you felt your eyelids grow heavy.

“I’m gonna make you cuddle me for your whole vacation if you keep playing with my hair like that...”

A soft mumble escaped your mouth, and was muffled softly due to you nuzzling into his chest, but he still understood.

“It would be an honor to cuddle you for days straight, y/n...”

That was the last thing you heard before you drifted off to sleep sprawled out on the floor with your boyfriend. It wasn’t perfect, but you wouldn’t trade the moment for anything.

#stray kids #stray kids blurb #stray kids imagines #stray kids blurbs #stray kids imagine #stray kids drabbles #stray kids drabble #stray kids fluff #seo changbin fluff #seo changbin #changbin #changbin fluff

[hold-me-dolan]

DM’s: E.D. x Reader.

A/N: Hi guys, this is my first EVER imagine/fan fic/whatever. But please don’t judge me too hard, and try to learn to love me lol

Warnings: college behavior  

--

The Dolan twins. Ugh. Where do I even start?

You haven’t even been a fan of theirs for a month yet but they had already stolen your heart. There was so many things about them that you adored. The thing you loved most about them was the way they seemed so sincere when they were addressing their fans.

Before you watched the Dolan’s YouTube videos you knew them from their Vines. You thought they were just another set of guys trying to go big time from their good looks and humorous behavior. But that was back when they were about 15 years old. It wasn’t until your younger sister made you sit down with her to watch their YouTube videos. At first, you were annoyed and acted like they were too young for you. But as soon as she showed you their survival video, you had a thing for Ethan. He was the kind of guy you always wanted: he was funny, sarcastic, immature, and always making fun of his brother. For some reason this made you smile.

Even though you loved both of them so much, there was something about Ethan. That boy just made you smile more than you thought was humanly possible. Anything he did made you go wild. And yeah, his twin brother, Grayson, was extremely hot and so sweet, but Ethan’s goofy and dominate behavior made your insides quake. That was when you were determined to make that boy YOURS.

After watching a few of their videos, you looked both of them up on social media. You were soon aware that Grayson had way more followers than Ethan. Finding this out made you sad because you knew that Ethan was just as hot as Grayson, but he had a different personality. Not that you didn’t love Grayson’s sweet and loving demeanor, but there was something about Ethan’s humor that made him your favored twin. And for some reason, you couldn’t figure out why Grayson had so many more followers than Ethan. Almost as immediately as you were saddened by this fact, you became happy. The fact that Ethan had less girls flaunting over him made you smile. You knew that you might have an even better chance of getting Ethan’s attention since more girls were obsessed with Grayson.

As a college girl, you went to a few frat parties. You didn’t make it a point to go out, but one night when your sorority sisters influenced you to go to a social you found yourself kind of drunk. Getting drunk wasn’t something your normally did, but you thought that you would let yourself get loose after months of staying locked in your apartment.

Because you were kind of drunk, you found yourself more confident than usual. You were introducing yourself to almost every guy you saw, and teasing them about anything and everything – since that’s the type of girl you were….

----- BACKGROUND: your whole life you grew up only being friends with boys and you were closer with all your male relatives. You didn’t like girls, so it shocked even you that you were in a sorority. Most people just thought you were a tomboy. But only you (any probably your parents) knew you only liked boys because you were majorly obsessed with boys. Ever since 1stgrade, when you found out about “kooties” you were embarrassed about liking boys. That’s why you always hid your obsessions with friendships. The fact that your friendships never turned out to be something more made you really upset, but you never let anyone see that side of you. You always went along with it, and acted like one of the boys. Even when your best friend called you “one of the boys,” you weren’t upset. You led yourself to believe you were truly a “boy.” You thought you would never find love, so you found peace in the fact you always had boys to love you, even if they were just friends. ----

(NOW) Once you realized you truly in fact loved Ethan, you decided you would let your guard down. You decided since he and his twin were so famous, you had nothing to lose and you could show your true emotions. That’s when you made your mind up and decided you were going to get Ethan to notice you, no matter what.

You knew that the twins had so many girls loving them, and your little messages wouldn’t be noticed. So you messaged them on Instagram. You weren’t shocked that they didn’t reply, let alone they didn’t even read your message. You were upset but not really since you knew how famous they were. That was, until one night when you were very drunk.

Most times when you got drunk you just went back to your apartment and fell asleep. This night, though, you were feeling really lonely because you saw your sorority sisters pairing off with boys from the party. Your tom-boyish personality made every guy love you, but deep down you knew it wasn’t what you wanted. You played it off, acting like you loved being every guy’s best girl-friend. But when you were drunk, you always showed how you really felt about never having a boy for yourself.

On this night, though, you decided to take your shot. You messaged Ethan, only, on Instagram. The alcohol gave you an extra boost of confidence, even though you knew he still wouldn’t see it. You messaged Ethan,

           “I love you so much, please say ‘Hi.’”

You went to bed smiling, hoping to get a reply from Ethan.

You woke up the next day to the sound of your alarm clock with a pounding headache and regret from all the things you did from the night before. You tried not to think about the fact that you challenged almost every guy you say to a shot gun race, saying you could beat them (even though you did.) Thinking about all the beer you consumed made your stomach ache, and you rolled over trying to fall back asleep. It was 8 a.m. and you decided you weren’t going to make it to your 9 a.m. You fell back asleep and tried to forget about the embarrassing things you did the previous night.

You woke up later, checked your phone, and noticed it was 1 p.m. You were happy that you ~somewhat~ got rid of your hangover by sleeping it off. You decided it was a good enough time to officially wake up and check your phone. You were still hungover and somewhat dizzy, when you saw an Instagram notification saying “message from @ethandolan.” You assumed it was a fan account, since you followed a few and liked a lot of their posts. You first checked all your texts and snapchats from your friends making sure you were okay. Once you got through those, you clicked on the Instagram app on your phone.

You scrolled through a few posts, then you decided to check out the Dolan fan account that messaged you. You assumed it was just some crazy girl trying to get you to make them more popular, and you rolled your eyes. When you swiped over to your messages, you thought you were more hungover than you thought – maybe even still drunk!

You saw the blue checkmark next to ethandolan and you blinked your eyes. There was no way Ethan really saw your message, or even messaged you back. You closed your eyes for a moment and blinked before looking back at your phone screen. Then, you really thought it might be the real Ethan Dolan that messaged you.

You got really excited and clicked on the message immediately. You saw your message from the night before, and quickly got a sense of embarrassment. Your cheeks were burning up, and you closed your eyes again. Thinking about the message you sent Ethan the night before reminded you of all the embarrassing things you did at the frat party.

Once you got over your regrets, you looked back at your phone. You read the message “Hey girl! You’re so sweet! Me and Grayson really appreciate your love!”

You dropped and screeched. There was no way THE Ethan Dolanmessaged you back. Once again, you rubbed your eyes and blinked several times. Then you realized it was in fact the Ethan Dolan. You blushed more – if that was even possible – and quickly thought of a response:

           “You don’t even realize how happy you make me.”

You locked your phone and dropped it, still smiling at the fact that ETHAN DOLAN answered your DM. A few minutes later, your phone buzzed. With your heart racing, you jumped and looked at your phone, only to see a text from your Mom. Supposedly you sent her a ~drunk~text the night before, and she wanted to make sure you were okay. You answered her, and tried to play it off that you were not as drunk as you actually were.

Just before you were about to get up and shower, you got another notification on your phone. Thinking it was your Mom again, you scoffed. When you looked at your phone you realized it was ETHAN. AGAIN.

You quickly clicked on the message, and saw:

           “Don’t say that.”

As you were about to type, you bubbles pop up. Eventually, you read his next message:

           “Y/N, I promise I don’t do this. But… what’s your snapchat.”

You had literally never smiled more in your life. You gave it a couple minutes before answering him. Almost immediately after you sent Ethan your snap username, you got a notification saying “Ethan Dolan has added you as a friend!” You could not believe what was happening. You clicked on the notification, and added him back. That’s when you thought nothing good could from this. Your heart would be forever broken if he wanted nothing more than just another fan on snapchat, to prove Grayson he had more fans.

--

A/N: please lmk if you want a part 2! Idk if I'm any good at writing this stuff, but I find it fun (lol, right.!) yeah so message me if you want more, or if it was terrible just tell me to stop :) I won’t be offended considering I haven’t written short stories since 4th grade. Also, I haven’t used Tumblr since 7th grade, but I'm trying to get back into it :)))))) maybe I shouldn’t lol ok goodnight!

#dolan twins #Ethan dolan #dolan #Ethan x reader #Ethan Dolan imagine #Ethan imagine #Dolan fan fic #please love me #Grayson Dolan

[xasherahx]

Confused

Im so confused right now. I dont know whats up and down on my feelings. I was at a job interview yesterday. I didnt expect to get the job seing how i knew i didnt met the requirements, and i know i did all i could and more. Yet today when they called and told me i didnt get the job i felt sad, but happy at the same time. No im sitting here at the middle of the night feeling pathetic and weak, yet strong and like i accomplished something. I literally feel like im going to throw up cause its causing a weird ache in my chest. I feel like i should just give up on everything, yet im desperately looking for something to cling onto to not do that. 

Ive started talking to this guy over a page on the internet. We have already decided to just be friends and wait and se what happens after we actually met. And im fine with that. I dont wanna rush into anything when im as fragile as i am right now. Yet im sure im falling for him at times. Like I wanna talk to him all the time. I stalk his instagram and facebook and other pages to se what hes up to. And when i se that he have liked a picture of other girls, my chest hurt. But then the next time i dont feel anything at all? Like sure we have talked about sex and such and im basically his slave, but that doesn't mean i have anything to say. One of the first things he said when we started talking about it is that im free to do whomever i please when im not around him. And of course the same goes for him. Even tho im as mono as a human person can be. Yet he makes it seem like he just want to be with me even tho his sex-drive is out the roof? 

The best thing with this guy is that he respects me and seem to be honest about things. If i answer something stupid he still answer the questions (most of the time). He cares alot about my mental health. Alot more then ive ever done. Or anyone else have to be honest. Hes a really sweet funny guy. He takes time out of his free time to talk with me and to learn me how too play league of legends, just so we can play together. He praises me when i do good things, and he dont scold me when i fuck up in any shape or form. Hes patient whit my negativity and self hatred. He tries to help me get better. He makes me feel good looking at times and he makes me smile and laugh even when i feel like shit. And im starting to crave for his attention more and more for each day that pass. But yet again, i dont think its a crush? But i have no idea what else to call it. 

He have in just some weeks sneaked his way into my head and broken down the walls one by one and gotten me to open up about things i thought id never tell anyone (and that is making me raise my guard even more cause i have no idea how to act). He have gained my trust in no time at all. Not fully but its not far from it. And just that is a huge achievement, seing how i barely trust my friends ive known my whole life. I dont feel like i deserve him in any kind of way. But yea i dont think i deserve anything or anyone. 

Then there is this really nice sad guy ive just talked with for a few days. I feel like i can be myself when i talk to him. Hes kinda cute, nice and all. The typical guy i know i tend to fall for. Thing is, hes 19. And i know age is just a number but its setting me off so badly. And he seems so sensitive. I feel like if i stay around ill tip him over the edge that hes already balancing on. But i dont want to stop talking to him. He said hes happy i listen when he opens up and hes happy that we talk. But i dont know. I feel like im setting him off by telling him about things. And i haven't even opened up that much yet.. Barely cracked the lid. And i dont want to scare him away just cause im fucked up. 

And then we have my so called best friend that ive known since i turned 13. Everything changed after he and creepie broke up. He changed. He started lying about things before that but he never treated me bad until last year. The one person i trusted fully flipped the coin and turned into something and someone i dont know anymore. The one person i felt like i could actually talk to invited me over to stay with him for a week then, during the days i was at creepies place, decide that a tinder chick that he basically just want to fuck is more important then his (his own words) best friend? His best friend that took money she didnt have just to go and visit him cause HE was feeling depressed and hated being alone. So he changes his plans making me break down and get pissed off enough to jell at him. And he still to this day dont understand why i actually got mad, at least what i think. His new girlfriend is a really sweet girl. Hit it off with her directly. And she forced him to talk to me about it. He apologized about him acting like a cunt but something in his eyes made me feel like he still had no idea what he had done to me. What he had caused. I went to him  before new years. I was so nervous i had to take my anxiety pills. That should say it all. 

Ontop of all this shit AF is at my back about me getting a job. They thing i should get a job that basically marks me a Mentally broken person. Just cause i haven't been able to land a job yet. Just cause i cant the tom understand that i literally CANT work with anything unless i have a interest for it. They dont understand when i tell them im 110 % sure i have Asperger's. Ive also gotten the paper saying they are looking into it and that im in line for the next part of it. Yet they seem to think im just lazy and stubborn. 

But ey at least i got that going for me. The psychiatrist finally agreed with me. Almost 2 years later im finally getting somewhere with that. Just had to slip between the chairs 3 times before anything happened, but you know thats normal and can get brushed aside by saying sorry. At least thats what the three people i met think. They thought i had read up about it and knew what i was talking about at least. Of course i know what im talking about. I wouldnt be sitting there if i didnt. Ive lived with it my whole life. I just didnt realize it had a fucking name until my brother got the diagnose some years ago.  

Back to the topic males i guess.. Lately ive started talking to more and more males. I keep carving some sort of recognition. Even tho its not the right kind. All they do is want to put their dick in me, yet i keep talking to them, “flirting”. And i dont like that at all. Ive never needed someones acceptance before. Ive never craved for someone to lust for me either. I have no idea why im changing like this. I dont like it but i dont think i can stop it. I know its a new way for me to hurt myself. Ive basically switched cutting to sex. Just havent physically fucked anyone yet. And yea i still cutt when i cant handle my anxiety so. Guess i havent replaced it at all. Just added another bad habit. 

My parents are soon out on the road cause the state have taken their house and they cant get a apartment. All cause they where late on one payment. One fucking payment in 10 years. And thats enough for them to loose their home? They aint allowed to get a place with a rent higher then 5000 skr a month. There are literally no apartments for that low rent out there right now. They found a house outside of linköping that my dad fell inlove with, but its like 12000skr a month so they aint allowed to take that one. So in the end of next month my parents will most likely be living in a caravan on a friends garden. And my brother with his girlfriend and her parents. Cause thats totally a way to handle it. And cause of all this ive gotten to take the role as my moms shrink. Every time we meet its always something new she need to vent about. And i cant handle it. It makes me even more stressed about the situation then i already am. My life should be enough. I shouldnt have to handle hers aswell. But i cant say no to her. I cant open up to her about my problems cause shed break then. So ill just have to keep the mask up i guess and break down when i get home after every visit. 

Ive started working out abit aswell. I know ive lost some weight, i can even se it myself. Still i feel like i hate myself more and more for each day that comes. I feel like my life is never going to get better. I feel like im drowning. And i have no idea how long i can stay afloat.