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sohnric · 2 months

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distraction, a fatal attraction – l. chan

pairing: lee chan x fem! reader

genre: strangers to lovers au, college au, fluff. a weird kind of situationship between yn and dino, drunk dino because svt can't stop mentioning his excessive drinking which is so university student of him and i headcanon him as my drinking buddy.

warnings: drinking, swearing, mentions of throwing up, smoking

word count: 7k

a/n: started writing this literally last may. it's now february and i finally finished it after rewriting it like three times... anyways idk how many more svt fics i'll post in the future but i had to get this out in the open lmaoo. as always thank u beloved @csenke for beta reading despite not even being a svt stan <3

You and Lee Chan seem to have the same clubbing tendencies. That being: drinking a little too much at times and getting a little too touchy when doing so. (Or - you and Lee Chan have kissed a concerning amout of times before he finally asks for permisson.)

“Can I kiss you?” Chan asks you one March evening and you don’t know why exactly you find yourself so surprised.

By default, it’s only natural for the boy to ask– the two of you aren’t dating, not even close to that, you’d say– and while you wouldn’t really mind if he kissed you without giving you a warning and swooped you off your feet on the stairs leading up to your dormitory building (for you found yourself a little too lightheaded and on the edge of your seat whenever he’s around lately, the fuzzy feeling in your stomach only further proving your assumptions– you have a silly, little crush on the male), you must admit that him asking for permission is quite nice. Surprising, but nice.

One might think you’re surprised because there was nothing that could lead you to this scenario– one might think you and Lee Chan were nothing but friends, not even close ones, per se (you just have a group of mutual friends that somehow always brought you two together when either one of you got excluded out of their conversations, ending up as each other’s, although pleasant, last resort). One might even think the two of you are hanging out alone for the first time together, which isn’t that far away from the truth in the first place, but still, is a blatant lie. What’s so surprising about the question to you, then?

The fact that this isn’t the first time you and Lee Chan would be kissing, and the sheer fact leaves you wondering if he’s forgotten, or if he never really remembered in the first place.

You and Chan have kissed…. an embarrassing amount of times for people that aren’t dating, or anywhere close to the said establishment. The circumstances of said kisses differ from time to time, and while you thought that they were meaningless at first, you must admit that as time went by, you selfishly and almost a little pathetically looked forward to each and every time where a similar situation might occur and his lips would end up on yours again.

The first time you and Chan kissed was also the first time you two met. It’s a strange sentence to use when describing a story about your first kiss with someone that you’re currently (hopefully) on a date with, but it’s the one you have to use, because it’s true.

The group you walked into the club with on the first day of orientation during your freshman year of college consisted of all your upperclassmen friends– the girls you had met in high school and didn’t fail to keep in contact with: Lee Chaeryeong, Kim Minjeong and Huh Yunjin. You would trust these three girls with your whole entire life, and so when they had told you that they could show you around the campus and let you in on all the secrets you only learn with months of attending college, you felt like you just won the lottery.

After the cheerful senior Choi Soobin walked your humongous group through the campus and showed all of your classmates the fundamental parts of the college building (the gym, the labs and most importantly, the cafeteria), he invited you all to the open semester party in the club just a few minutes away from the campus. And yes, the party was originally supposed to be mainly for the freshmen, but as soon as you texted your friends to let them know about your whereabouts, they announced to you that there is no way you were going back to your dorm room so quickly– the whole campus was supposed to be on that party, and that’s exactly why you were forced to stay.

“So, how do you like it here so far?” Chaeryeong asks you as you start swinging your hips to the rhythm of the music, the DJ surprisingly not as bad as you expected him to be from the reviews you heard from the girls when standing in the queue leading towards the club.

“The music isn’t as bad as you said it will be,” you yell over the music into your friend’s ear, having her roll her eyes and shake her head at you in disbelief.

“I meant the campus, not the club, you silly goose,” she clarifies, making you gasp at the sentence.

“Oh!” you laugh. “Well, I’m less frightened, that’s for sure.”

“That’s gonna come back to you once the exam season starts,” Chaeryeong notes, snickering. The comment is slightly terrifying– therefore you choose to ignore it and stick it somewhere to the back of your brain to come back to when the time is right and your anxiety is no longer a far-away thing, but a very present and real issue.

“Ah! I see Mingyu there!” she suddenly screams, pointing somewhere behind you. “I’m gonna go talk to him, can you try finding our table and going back to Minjeong and Yunjin?”

“I’ll be fine,” you nodded, trying to believe the sentence just as much as you were trying to convince your friend of it. The place was filled with people, and although you didn’t feel particularly in danger, you were getting a little scared of getting walked over to death in the wave of the drunk upperclassmen enjoying themselves in the club.

Feet dragging you through the crowd painfully slowly, you try hard to find your table on the sides of the club. Your eyes never really had a 20/20 vision, but the neon lighting of the club and the glass of Martini you’d had before stepping to the dance floor with Chaeryeong really didn’t help you in seeing things clearly. No matter how hard you try, you can’t find your two other friends anywhere, and if you are being completely honest, you’re almost certain the table you previously sat at with your group was now occupied with someone completely else– meaning that your dear friends either left to the dancefloor, or left the club completely (which you doubted, but the possibilities were never really 0).

And so with that, you drag yourself towards the bar. You think that was a better option to choose in this situation– since you thought that going out for some fresh air is just going to get you kidnapped if you went there alone– and you also figured that you’d be easier to find by your lost friends if you were somewhere out in the open instead of in the corners of the humid room. Ordering yourself another Martini to pass the time, you drink the beverage in slow sips before you feel the presence of someone on the bar stool next to you.

You look up at the stranger beside you, noticing a boy around your age sending you a shy, yet charming look. “Do you mind if I sit here?” he asks.

“Not really,” you answer, watching as the boy nods, his shoulders relaxing as he orders himself a drink.

“Are you here alone?” he asks as he looks back at you again, face tugging into a panicked expression when he realizes the implication his words may hold. “I’m not asking in a creepy way, or anything, it’s just- I’m a freshman and I lost the people I came here with, so I’m kind of alone here as well…” he quickly explains, eyes big and honest, “you just looked like you could use some company,” he explains, making an endeared smile flash over your features.

Shaking your head at his tangent, you wave him off with your hand. “Don’t worry, I got it,” you laugh, “and the same as you, actually. I came here with my friends, but they disappeared somewhere, so I just sat here and figured they’ll find me eventually.”

“Great minds think alike,” the boy laughs, holding up his glass before taking another sip, “well, until that happens, I guess we can hang out, can’t we? My name’s Chan.”

“Y/N,” you introduce yourself, “it’s nice meeting you, Chan.”

The two of you talk about everything and anything: where he comes from, where you come from, which dorm building you’re staying at, which dorm building he’s staying at, your major (literature) and his major (dance), your friends and his friends– and with the increasing amount of information you get out of him, the pull of gravity sends you more and more towards the boy. Chan is charming, talkative and fun. You find yourself attracted to him each time he cracks a joke or teases you about your choice of your favorite movie (‘This is the first time I’ve heard anyone say The gods must be crazy is their favorite movie!’), and that’s exactly why you don’t find it in you to say no when he asks if he could buy you a drink.

One drink turns into two– three, four, eventually even five– and you progressively start to forget all about your lost friends as you ask Chan to show you what being a dance major is all about and invite him to the dancefloor, swinging your hips back and forth to the rhythm.

You don’t know if they teach this type of choreography in dance school, but as the songs change from more upbeat to less energetic and more sensual, you find yourself a little too enchanted with the way Chan’s features soften under the neon pinks and purples, your arms instinctively wrapping around his neck and stepping closer to him. His arm ends up on your lower back– dangerously close to your bottom, which you aren’t that opposed to anyway– and when his nose brushes against the shell of your ear in the middle of one of the songs to talk to you, you can’t help but press yourself against him closer.

“You’re kind of good at this, for a literature major,” he hums, his voice making shivers run down your spine.

And sure, it could’ve been just the alcohol levels in your blood that made you so dangerously close to him, but as you study his features– although a little hazily, but still fully taking in the sharp angles of his jaw and the sparkles in his eyes– you don’t have it in you to pull away when the boy leans in and kisses you, lips enchanting you the same way his moves have.

His kiss is heated and sensual, the one that makes your knees buckle and your mind go on overdrive, creating all sorts of fantasies in your delirious brain, and you must admit you don’t mind it when his hands slip further down to grope your butt, the two of you still lazily moving to the rhythm of the song in the background. The sound is coming in a little muffled to your ears as you let yourself fully indulge in the moment– it’s not every day you make out with an extremely attractive guy in the club– before your oxygen runs out and you have to pull away from him, instead studying Chan’s swollen lips from up close. They are inviting you for more, especially as his eyes open and look at you all blown-out and hazy, but you figure that he can wait. You have to catch your breath first and get yourself together– if you don't want to come completely undone in the middle of the crowded dance floor, that is.

You could honestly stare into his face forever, if you wanted to– except, you don’t have the chance as a loud voice from behind you calls: “Y/N! There you are!”

Annoyed thoughts fill your brain the very second you hear Minjeong from behind your back– where were they for the last hour? Of course they had to find you when the night was finally getting good– but you turn towards her nonetheless, showing her an innocent smile. You notice the girl is accompanied by the rest of your girl clover, alongside a tall guy that shows your companion a mischievous grin. “So I see you and Chan have already met and we don’t have to introduce you to each other anymore,” he says.

The sentence has you nervously clear your throat and take a step away from Chan. The boy ironically heaves out a: “Mingyu! How nice to see you again, after an hour.”

“Don’t pretend you weren’t having fun.”

Feeling the atmosphere grow awkward, you quickly look at your friends, smiling tightly to try and save the situation (while also acting as if you didn’t just finish making out with their friend’s friend). “Where did you all go anyway?”

“Oh, we met Seungkwan and Vernon, so we decided to sit together, and then Chae came with Mingyu after some time, and that’s when we realized we were each missing a person… so here we are,” Minjeong clarifies, having you nod.

In conclusion, this is the story of how you met Lee Chan. What was supposed to be a one-night thing at a club for you, never really expecting to see the boy ever again (except from accidental meetings on the campus that could very well be played off as neither of you remembering), turned into a whole another situation as the two of you now shared a surprisingly tightly-knit friend group.

You never spoke about the kiss again. Or much at all, really.

Kind of disappointed with the fact, but still kind of okay with the situation, you found yourself falling into rhythm with the newly found world at university. You’d gotten used to the all-nighters, the weird partying in the middle of the week on a school night, to the hookup culture you’ve never really found yourself fitting in with, and with the life that comes to you when living in a dormitory. All of these somehow had the presence of Lee Chan included, though, as you learned on another Wednesday night (those are the designated bar runs when you’re friends with Chwe Vernon and Boo Seungkwan– since their Thursdays are free and they can get as drunk as they want without fearing being hungover in class), much to your surprise, you and the charismatic boy have the same clubbing tendencies.

That being: drinking a little too much at times and getting a little too touchy when doing so.

It doesn’t help that the both of you were light-weights– or at least that’s what you’ve been told.

You two don’t talk to each other much before getting a few drinks in, since you’re a little shy when it comes to the charming, but endearing boy. What his reasoning for the seeming lack of interest in you when sober is, you’re not really sure– but as the night usually goes, you bet with Vernon on who can drink more tequila shots before their gag reflex hits, and sooner or later, you find yourself drunk at the bar.

Once your otherwise stoic friend feels that it’s too much for him to handle and trails to the toilets (accompanied by a sulking Sungkwan complaining that ‘He always does this, ruining the night for everyone!’), you allow yourself to get back to the dance floor. Sounds like a good idea in theory, but is a bad idea in practice– somewhere along the way, you start to feel too dizzy in the heat of the crowd, the lightheadedness making you feel sick. Your figure is quickly dragged outside by a person you didn’t notice has been keeping their eyes on you, and only when you finally slip to the floor and sit on the pavement in front of the crowded bar, you recognise the guardian angel staring down at you with hazy eyes

“You looked like you were going to faint over there,” Chan hums, a perky expression playing with his face. There’s a boyish grin spread over his lips as he stares at your disheveled composure, the two of you coming into a weird sense of déja vu you’re convinced only a few shots of tequila can bring you into on a Wednesday night.

“Oh, I was going to,” you nod, watching as the boy settles next to you on the ground. The place around you is buzzing in true college fashion– people smoking, drinking off-the-counter alcohol straight from the bottle they got at the corner shop down the street because it’s cheaper than the shots in the club, people meeting and talking about their majors and where they’re from, making new connections.

“Thank god I was there to rescue you, then,” Chan chuckles, shoving you with his elbow.

“Yeah, my guardian angel,” you hum dreamily, giggling at the ridiculousness of your comment.

“Saw Vernon running off with Seungkwan tailing him,” he nods, “now that’s not a guardian angel.”

“That’s a guardian devil for sure,” you hum, pursing your lips. “Wouldn’t want to have Seungkwan as my caretaker. He complains too much.”

“They argue like a married couple,” Chan snickers.

“It’s the curse of being roommates. After a certain amount of time, you start to view each other like you’re married,” you hum, nodding to yourself.

“Do you consider Minjeong to be your wife?”

“No,” you sigh, shrugging, “she’s too immature to be my wife. I think of her more like my child, actually.”

“Well, looking at you right now, you don’t seem to be the more mature one out of the duo,” he pokes a finger to your side, making you jolt away at the contact. Furrowing your brows at him, clearly a little offended, you huff at him.

“The roles change when I drink. That’s how marriage works,” you say, closing your eyes and pressing your lips together, nodding, fully pleased with yourself.

Chan laughs at you. “I thought you said she was more like your child?”

“Then stop thinking, Chan.”

“You were the one who said it!” he points out, shaking his head in disbelief. You’re not sure to what extent you can blame this on the effect of alcohol– what can you say. Sometimes you get too tied up in your own lies.

“Oh,” you snicker, “right.”

“Dummy,” he teases, flicking the side of your thigh, making your blood boil with frustration.

“Who are you calling dummy?” you argue, having a perfect comeback to snap back at the boy. “Weren’t you the one coming to the wrong class for 2 weeks?”

Chan’s whole composure crumbles, a serious look tinted with hints of shame overtaking his previously grinning face. “Who told you that?”

“Not relevant,” you shrug. You find that it’s the best to keep the identity of the mole confidential. (It was Mingyu.)

“Was it Seungkwan?”

“No.”

“So it was.”

Sometimes you wonder just how clueless Lee Chan really is. Although you don’t think he’s slow, you must admit that he does have his moments that keep you wondering just how he can operate in the world without being used or manipulated on a daily basis. Is anyone keeping an eye on him? What if he accidentally joins a cult one day?

“Well, whoever told me wasn’t the one going to a completely different class for 2 weeks straight, so–”

“Look, it’s not my fault they make the schedule so difficult to read! The classes were overlapping on the thing, and I didn’t know which one applied to me, so I just assumed I could choose,” this has you laughing out loud at the boy, “and so I just chose one. I didn’t know those were electives. I didn’t even sign up for any electives! Can you believe that? We are supposed to have electives?”

He looks so endearing as he speaks, laughing to himself and gesturing with his arms. There’s a sense of fondness pooling in your stomach as you reach over and plant a soft, quick peck to his lips. The male seems to be caught off-guard as he stops in his tracks, not a single word coming out of his lips after your action– and truth be told, although you’re kind of glad for the silence, the thought of scaring him away makes you a little anxious. When you look at him from the side, though, the boy is grinning.

Scattering to your feet, you wobbly waddle back into the humid building. You don’t think either of you could continue on with the conversation after your actions, and so you figure the best way to go around this is to leave. “Well, I’ll see you on the dance floor, Channie.”

The third time you manage to lock your lips with his is no different. It’s January now, though, and Seungkwan decided to host his birthday in one of the houses you can rent on the beach. It isn't as fun as it would've been in summer and you could go for a swim, but let’s be realistic– you'd never say no to a good birthday celebration.

There’s havoc erupting all around you as your friend group sings the birthday song to Seungkwan. You all had something to drink prior to the cake ceremony, since some of you came sooner than the others and you figured that you have to wait for everyone with the cake, and so the singing now resembles a mating call of five dolphins more than the casual, harmonic birthday song.

Seungkwan is sitting at the table, the rest of you gathered around him– some with glasses in their hands, some recording the commotion with their phones– and when the song is over and the birthday boy made his wish, he blows out the candles on the cake. Clapping resonates through the little kitchen, everyone ready for the cake, when Chan pushes the older one’s face straight into the icing.

It only takes Seungkwan half a second before he starts chasing the little devil around the beach house. The younger one is laughing at his own antics– which you must admit, although a little childish, you find to be quite endearing– and the older one curses at him with the most colorful vocabulary you’ve ever heard him say out loud. Not even Lee Chan’s own mother has ever scolded him in a way Boo Seungkwan is able to.

“Do you think Seungkwan would mind if I start cutting the cake without him?” Minjeong asks as she gets out a large knife– she looks a little threatening, you must say– which has you shrugging.

“I think he’s preoccupied right now,” you say.

“Yeah, but I’ve waited for this cake for over two hours,” she grunts, “so if he doesn’t want to cut it, I’ll do it for him,” she shrugs to herself and proceeds with her intentions.

Minjeong cuts straight through the face imprint of Boo Seungkwan in his own cake, slicing the red velvet into equal parts to put on the paper plates Vernon found somewhere in the back cupboards of the kitchen. “Do you want some?”

“In a minute,” you laugh, shaking your head at your roommate, “I’ll go get them before they kill each other. I think the cake is enough to make truce fall over this war.”

“Stay safe out there,” Chaeryeong hums, nodding as she takes a paper plate and puts a chunky slice of the cake on, taking a fork into her hand and tasting the icing. “It’s surprisingly good even with Seungkwan’s skin cells in it.”

Minjeong slaps the other girl’s back, gritting her teeth. “Of course it’s good! I baked that shit for 2 hours and Y/N wouldn’t help, because she didn’t want to ruin it–”

(You just didn’t feel like baking. You don’t want to have another fight with your roommate about it, though, and that’s another excuse to leave the kitchen and go find Chan with his murderer.)

Peering your eyes around the whole beach house, you fail to find Seungkwan anywhere. Assuming you two accidentally missed each other and he’s back reunited with his cake, your legs automatically lead you on the patio, where you find Chan resting against the railway. He is wearing a leather jacket, his hair now a little longer than when you first met him in September, and when the noise of the back door opening lands into his ears, he makes a turn and watches you cross the space between you, all while eyeing your naked legs.

You contemplated if wearing a mini skirt in the middle of January was a good idea, but the satisfaction running through your veins at his hungry, yet collected eyes make it all worth it.

“Aren’t you cold?” he asks. You shake your head in answer, but he pays it no attention as he takes off his jacket and puts it around your shoulders, the smell of his cologne filling your nose like a blissful drug. You’ve always liked attention, but when it comes to Lee Chan, you are twice as satisfied when he pays you just a mere glance.

“Not anymore,” you hum, smiling to yourself. “Seungkwan gave up on murdering you?”

“I think it was more of a health concern for him. He was breathing so heavily after a few minutes of running that I thought he was going to suffocate,” Chan snickers, making you laugh.

“I’d sleep with one eye open tonight anyway,” you peep, “just in case.”

“Oh, definitely,” he nods, grinning. “I won’t even take any drinks from him in case he poisons them. Better be safe than sorry.”

He takes out a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket, lights up one for himself and offers you one as well. Even though you always promise yourself you’re quitting and that smoking is a bad habit you should overcome, you eagerly nod and watch him with half-lidded eyes as he lights it for you, one hand close to your face shielding the lighter from the chilly breeze, just like every time. You haven't had that much to drink yet, but the effect of nicotine always makes your head spin when the smoke fills your lungs. Truth be said, though, you are afraid that the proximity of your friend doesn’t help much with the weakness of your knees either.

“Come inside, you’re gonna catch a cold,” he mumbles when the both of you are done smoking, hands gripping the sides of his open jacket on your body, tugging you towards him just the slightest amount.

Like another bad habit the both of you have to break, he seems to pause for a second, as if questioning himself one more time before he goes for it and places a short peck to your lips, leading you to the beach house again, now flushed and internally squealing.

The fourth time, it happens on his own birthday party.

It’s too late in the semester for any of you to experience a big party, the exam season being just around the corner. You still managed to gather and celebrate nonetheless– the boys letting you into their dorm building, your little friend group fitting inside of the communal kitchen on the end of the hall. People passing by look at you with half concerned, half annoyed faces at the commotion– which is understandable, nobody wants ruckus just down the hall when they’re supposed to be working on the last-minute assignments– but you don’t mind it much, telling yourself it’s not your problem in the first place and you’re allowed to have a bit of fun once in a while, as long as you’re not the one being wronged in the moment.

A bottle of champagne is taken out of the fridge by the hands of the birthday boy, the commotion around you happily cheering and clapping (only Chaeryeong hides away from the pointed tip of the bottle, knowing all too well that Chan is not to be trusted with things that can explode), and while Mingyu encourages the boy to pop the champagne open out of the window, you all realize that the action is indeed, not possible.

“Don’t tell me you got the one with the lid that screws on!” Seungkwan turns around to scream into Vernon’s face, having the poor man shrug to himself.

“You can’t really tell in the store when the seal is on–”

“Then you should’ve double checked–” the nagging would go on further if it wasn’t for the last bits of common sense from the birthday boy himself (that Seungkwan would protect with everything in him, making sure their youngest has the best birthday ever, but would never admit to it outloud), as he just unscrews the lid and flicks it out of the opened window instead, earning himself a couple of cheers and claps from the rest of the group.

The bottle gets passed around the circle, each of you chugging the sparkly alcohol straight from it– because pouring the drinks would take too much effort, and also, there weren't even enough glasses for everyone to pour the beverage into anyway.

The tallest one out of the gathering takes a cake out of the overstuffed fridge, lighting a singular candle in the middle and holding it up in front of the birthday boy’s face. There are sparkles in Chan’s eyes despite the poor condition of the cake– it’s one of those you get discounted in the dollar store, one of those that don’t even have candles on them and you have to get them yourself (which is exactly why Chan’s cake only has a singular, yellow candle in the middle)– and you find yourself admiring the sheer joy and appreciation in his orbs with fondness in your heart.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you–”

“Happy birthday, dear Channie!” Seungkwan’s vocal abilities shine through in the heartfelt song, the dramaticness of your whole group never denying itself as all of them make sure to sing to Chan with as much theatrical over-exaggeration as they can. Chan watches the flame with an inkling in his eye you can’t quite place. He looks adorable, you think.

You watch from behind as he blows out the candle. Something inside of you beams at the sight of your friend growing older– the fact that you’re here, celebrating with him moving something in you. You don’t often like it when people get older, but you think birthday celebrations make the sentiment worth it. In a moment of particular fondness, you hug the boy from the back– where you’ve been standing, considering the crammed nature of the kitchen– and whisper a giddy ‘Happy birthday!’ into his ear.

The male turns his head to you, a grin settling on his lips as he scans your face from up close. He looks at you with a look that you can’t really read, but makes you all warm from the inside. It’s different to the way he usually looks at you, and you only decipher it when he quickly leans towards your face and presses a peck to your lips. Only then it starts to all make sense.

He does it in front of everybody, the rest of your friends whistling at the action. Your heart leaps a little as you wrestle Chan off with a laugh, trying hard to keep the unseriousness of it all. If you can keep lying to your friends about the way you feel towards the male, maybe you’ll even manage to convince yourself.

The cake is taken away from his grasp and placed onto the table, ready to be served. You keep a calculated distance away from him, but that still doesn’t keep you from watching the boy from afar. There’s a certain haziness in his eyes when you stare at him from across the room and an aftertaste of vodka on your tongue when you lick it off your lips.

The fifth time, it happens when you gather to celebrate passing your exams.

College kids have only one way of celebrating the joys of life (as well as only one way of dealing with sorrows), and that is– you guessed it– alcohol. The whole friend group gathered in the common kitchen of the boy’s dormitories again, soju bottles ringing against each other as you cheered and drowned in the taste of the liquor. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t watching Chan the whole time, the endearing twinkles in his eyes making you foolishly drink more and more, a weird desire in you just begging to be drowned out, since you couldn’t do anything about it.

Once the night was over and the bottles were all emptied, the boys decided to walk you back to your dorm building.

“Gyu, it’s literally a 10 minute walk across the campus. What could possibly happen on the way there?” Minjeong laughed, but the commotion followed you outside nonetheless.

“It’s dark outside!” Mingyu insisted. “You never know what could happen. I don’t want the responsibility of your dead bodies on my hands.”

“Chaeryeong is feral enough to fight off any creeps alone, you don’t have to worry about us,” Minjeong joked, but the boys followed you outside nonetheless, grabbing their coats and escaping the warmth of their dorms.

You find yourself trailing behind the group, the essence of soju lulling you to a peaceful slumber that you perform despite still being on the go, your brain coated with the incoherent buzz. Lee Chan finds his stance next to you, cautiously watching over your step as you shuffle across the sidewalk, a gentle voice coaxing you awake.

“Got any plans for the winter break?” he asks.

“Probably just going to stay home with my parents for a bit,” you muse, shrugging. “Have lots of naps… I need to recharge. This semester was too hectic.”

“Oh, you don’t have to tell me that,” Chan admits, chuckling at your shared despair.

Kicking the pebbles under your feet, you watch as the male indulges in a little game of football with you, passing the chosen rock back to you each time you kick it too far. The air is crisp and you sniffle a little from the cold every once in a while, but every time you catch the playful twinkle in Chan’s eyes when the pebble hits the side of your shoe again, you feel a bit of warmth engulfing you from the inside.

“I think this whole thing would be far less enjoyable if it wasn’t for you guys,” Chan admits, licking his lips. He’s right– it’s always better to have someone to rely on in university. You can’t imagine going to school and not having a familiar face to fall back to any time you feel lonely. It’s easier when you know all the insider tips from your older upperclassmen friends– when you have a default friend group you fit into without actually attempting to make any new friends yourself. Suddenly, you’re awfully thankful for everyone.

“Yeah. Although they did turn me into an alcoholic, it seems,” you chuckle, earning yourself an amused giggle coming from Chan.

“Oh, for sure,” he nods, scratching the back of his neck. “We have to tune it down next semester. Wouldn’t wanna end up in AA instead of graduating.”

“Now, that’s a long way from here,” you say, shaking your head in amusement.

“You never know before it’s too late, to be fair.”

You don’t realize it back then, but Chan is always somehow there when you take it too far, taking note of your drunken needs and providing you safety from creeps in the club. Lee Chan holds your hair back when you throw up, your stomach too weak on certain nights. He is there when you want to dance and also when you want to cool down. He’s your drinking buddy, sure, but the reality is greater than that– he always wants you to have fun and be as comfortable as you can be. If he can do anything to ensure that, he’s going to do it.

That applies to your sober adventures as well, although he’s more reserved when he has nothing to blame for his obviously smitten actions. Cranking his neck to look at you better, Chan decides to get rid of anything to blame next time.

Maybe he has to try harder.

Just tonight, for the last time, Chan kisses you with an excuse of alcohol to fall back on in front of your dorm building when nobody is watching, paying his goodbyes to you. He kisses you almost tenderly, making your knees buckle and the lightness in your stomach cry out with full measures.

“I’ll miss you, Y/L/N.”

You don't see Chan for a while after. You spend the rest of the winter break you have after completing your exams at home, relaxing with your parents. They are right when they say that the holidays should be spent with your family– no matter how much you love the friends you made in university.

Coming back to school after the few weeks of break brought a sudden change to your and Chan’s dynamic, though. While you must admit that you’ve grown strangely closer over the months, talking more even sober and naturally gravitating towards each other when sitting in booths at McDonald’s or falling into casual conversation at the back of the group when walking to places with everyone, you find that Chan puts more effort into being friends with you now.

He texts you randomly through-out the day, asking you how you are and what you’re up to. He sends you pictures of Seungkwan when he’s sleeping in the lectures, and you even find yourself laughing at the Instagram reels he randomly shoots your way in the middle of the night sometimes. He doesn’t drink much even when all of you end up going to the nearby bar again on a Tuesday evening, and you find yourself following his pattern, knowing that even if you gave in to the alcohol, the tipsy state wouldn’t be as fun if you didn’t have anyone to share the same energy with.

Because while you do enjoy drinking, the truth is, it’s not as fun without your drinking buddy. Half the fun of drinking is having fun with the people you share the moment with, and, well, it wouldn’t feel right to drink with the others being sober. You owe your friends that much.

Lee Chan puts effort into being friends with you more, and you don’t know if you like it.

Because even though before, you weren’t as close as you might be now, the adrenaline of what could be and what even is between the two of you any time you’re under the influence was exciting you, keeping you on your toes, making you feel desired and liked. Now, he’s relaxed– no more than an arm around your shoulder when his hand gets tired in the booth of the bar. The casualty of it all gets you worried.

So when the time comes and the two of you finally hang out one on one today, getting boba and then finding comfort in the April sunlight provided by the park across from your dorms, you find yourself questioning the nature of this hangout. And you think you’re not wrong for that, of course– everyone with working two eyes must admit that Lee Chan has been sending you mixed signals so far.

Hearing the question “Can I kiss you?” from his mouth, his cheeks dusted pink and eyes big in anticipation, was even more surprising to your ears, and you might understand it better now– the history you have with the boy suggests that there’s no need in asking, but also, the intentions are more than unclear at the moment. He’s not drunk– not even tipsy– why is this happening, then?

“I mean, we don’t have to, of course, I– I just–” he stutters, eyes aimlessly breaking eye contact with yours to stare anywhere but at your lips right now, nerves clearly written all over his face and in the stance he’s taking, a few steps below you on the stairway to the dormitory. Snickering at his hesitance, you sigh to yourself.

“This is the first time you asked,” you mumble a little jokingly, and when the boy’s eyes finally meet yours again, he seems a little embarrassed from the way his ears are burning red and he chews on the inside of his cheek.

The tone of his voice is kind of defeated, a little shy, even, when he speaks up again. “Well, yeah,” he shrugs, “so I finally wanted to do it right. And sober, no matter how fucking wrong and weird that sounds.”

Breaking into a soft laughter at his comment– because truthfully, to a stranger’s ear, that might sound a little alarming– you roll your eyes at the boy and lean down to be at his level, palms of your hands meeting with his cheeks as he watches you with curious eyes, the sparkle in them filling you to the brim with endearance. Your lips meet with his in a gentle, soft, yet yearning-filled kiss, having your eyes fluttering close and the pads of your thumbs softly stroking over the skin of his cheekbones.

The kiss is no different to the ones you’ve shared before– well, except there’s no loud music in the background, no smell of trash cans behind the bar or the smoke of an earlier-smoked cigarette in the air, and most importantly, no taste of alcohol on either of your lips– but still, it feels a little different. Sure, it has your knees week and your stomach feeling fuzzy, it does make you feel like you’re drunker than you were, which now, sober, you realize it just the effect Lee Chan has on you alone, but there’s a little more care, thought and intention to the kiss now, and it hits you with full force when you pull away from him and feel his hands glazing the skin of your waist in a hesitant hug.

“So that means this was a date then, right?” you ask.

“Well, you didn’t really seem to care about that all the times we've kissed before–” he jokes, earning himself a swat to his shoulder.

Now he’s bold.

“Okay, sure, if it helps you sleep at night. I’ll even take you out on another one, if you want.”

Turns out that alcohol was the variable in your relationship that only brought you two courage– the desire to kiss his lips off has always been there, you just never acted on it sober. And while you’re not so sure you’re gonna tell the story of how you two met in detail to your kids one day, you’re glad for the kick the rum and coke gave you on the day of your orientation, because who knows. Maybe you wouldn’t be here without the weird coincidence.

#seventeen #dino #lee chan #seventeen fic #seventeen fluff #seventeen x reader #dino fic #dino fluff #dino x reader #lee chan fic #lee chan fluff #lee chan x reader #seventeen reactions #svt fluff #svt x reader #dino scenario #dino drabble #lee chan scenario #lee chan drabble

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bakugoushotwife · 6 months

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kinktober day twenty-five: biting kink

>>> oh yeah i got a new laptop! went back in and reformatted the other days so hopefully they aren't an eyesore but we back on track with choso here :)) he's so.....yum...he's so....biting coded idk

>>> starring: choso kamo x curvy!f!reader >>> cw: sorta dark content just to be safe, biting, a little blood, one spank, spitting, oral (f!receiving), doggy, uh kinda yandere coded i suppose, one kinda baby-trapping comment >>> wc: 3.3k >>> event masterlist:

choso is a family oriented man. it’s at the core of who he is, and everyone knows how important his family is to him—no matter how small said family was. his brother yuji meant a lot to him as his only “blood” relation and closest friend. he loves the guy more than anything. or, he thought he did. that was easy to say until he met you of course. choso was new to life despite his soul being over a hundred years old, and he had never experienced the emotions you bring him. the joy, the excitement, the true love. it amazes him and he’s still not quite used to all of it just yet, despite the several years that you’ve been together.

you met through yuji during the height of his woes of war and the inner battles he fought against his own cursed brain—toeing the line between human and monster. at some point, he made peace with not belonging. he knew that yuji loves him and that was really all he needed. he didn’t have to relate to yuji’s struggles. his perfectly human issues, like running behind on laundry now that fushiguro is on a mission and isn’t hounding him to do it. he didn’t have to relate to the emotions of love and worry and anxiety or jealousy, not until yuji introduced him to a fellow sorcerer—a kyoto school alumni. you were radiant. like a captive ray of sunshine. he hadn’t experienced such warmth in his chest, blossoming across his face. what was this? he missed your name. he was too busy panicking over introducing himself and how he would do so that he’s already made a complete fool of himself by the time he bows at the shoulders and gives you a gentle whisper of his name.

you miss his name too, he was much too quiet. you look to yuji, and he clarifies. “my brother, choso. the one i was telling you about!” he pats your back, and you do remember him telling you about his older sibling. by the time choso’s lifted back to his regular posture, he’s convinced yuji’s probably only revealed the most embarrassing things about him and that you would be put off just by the knowledge of what he is. but when he looks at you again, you’re smiling. you give him your hand instead of bowing, repeating your name and cheerfully offering to show him around kyoto city.

he was so glad he accepted. that warmth in his chest never went away. you were so addictive. you didn’t bat an eye at his awkwardness and you seemingly took pleasure in teaching him any gaps he had yet to experience. that day, when you showed him around the city–he had no clue what it was that he felt for you. he followed you around your town, touring shops and exploring scenery with you, with no trace of embarrassment. you were easy to get along with, naturally talkative and entertaining—he learned a lot about you that night. you were captivating. you were standing at a natural pond, pointing out some cranes and spouting off facts about their mating cycles. he had no clue what half of it really meant, but he liked the sound of your voice and the excitement shimmering in your eyes. he knew he wanted to feel this warmth again. he never wanted it to go away—his body was buzzing with the feeling of being alive. he’d never had that before. it was you, it had to be you, maybe that was your cursed technique. but either way, choso was hooked.

“you’re beautiful.” he blurted out in the middle of your educational rant, and he’s not sure what made him say so. clearly you were gorgeous—but the confidence to confess it was something he was sure he would lack forever. maybe his brother had rubbed off on him, after all yuji was very outward with his affection for his boyfriend. but you weren’t choso’s anything. he just met you. and if he hadn’t left an awful first impression, he was sure he had made things way to awkward for a first interaction now.

but you giggle. he likes the sound. it was warm like that feeling in his chest. you turn to give him your attention then, and he really gets to see the gentleness in your eyes. so free of judgment, so soft as they look over him. he’s sure he’s blushing again.

“so are you.” you grin, one side of your mouth higher than the other. he’s entranced by it. but he’s not the only one affected by this first time encounter. you were amazed by his kindness. he was easy and gentle, not to mention ethereally gorgeous.he was tall and broad, and even though he was covered head to toe, you could tell by the veins in his hands that nothing but strength and muscle lurked beneath his oversized sweater.

that really sent him reeling. what does he say to that? he’s never been in this position before and yuji certainly didn’t give him any pointers. he could only follow his overly-forward example in his established relationship. “i like you. i want to see you again.” he tucks his hands in his pockets and scuffs his boots over some dirt.

“like a date?” you ask, brow raised and hopeful. it had only been a few hours of wandering together but you liked the calm tranquility he brought—along with that strikingly handsome face.

date. date? he knows what that is, he remembers something about these. it’s where couples spend time together! but you weren’t a couple yet, so… was that different? he could ask later, right now you stare up at him expectantly—and he can’t say no to that look on your face. “yes. romance.” he nods, and you smile softly at the attempt.

though romance you he did. he must have learned a lot in the weeks leading up to your official first date, because from that point on choso never ceased to amaze you. he surely didn’t know everything about being a boyfriend, but you made things pretty easy on him. he mostly acted off of instinct, and where that failed him–you made sure to keep him informed on how to love, console, talk through his feelings, and navigate any other bump in the road along the way of your beautiful three years together.

you taught him how to embrace his intimacy, too. and boy, is that his favorite way of loving you. he is clingy and possessive–you’re the only person alive who could evoke such neediness from him, of course he wants to stay near you always and make his claim on you as visible as possible. hasn’t he already established how beautiful you are? i mean your nature and beauty alone was enough to bring someone like him out of his shell. he can only imagine what effect you must have on lesser men.

he never imagined that lesser men would include your male coworker— partner. even worse. he may be unfamiliar with several things that this life has to offer, but the concept of a work husband was not lost on him. especially when it comes time to pick you up that day. choso always liked to pick you up. he liked to see you as soon as possible number one, and number two he liked to make sure his presence was still well noted around your infested office. he picked a good day to stop by, apparently. your partner had you trapped in your chair—his body wedged between your desk and any escape. choso could tell by the look in his eye that his intentions were anything but pure–and clearly the healing bruises peeking up over your collar weren’t enough to let the pervert know that you were more than spoken for.

you could feel his energy as soon as he rounded the corner, and your relief was clear. you slump into your seat, ready for your loving boyfriend’s rescue from this horribly awkward conversation. your relief doesn’t last long. the look on your boyfriend’s face was that of pure rage, his eyes a dark purple flame. your pesky coworker seems to feel the perilous stare. he wheels around to be met with the boyfriend you warned him about, and he opens his mouth to make excuses.

“leave. don’t talk to her again.” he utters from your doorway, making sure the man had to walk past him to obey his requests. “want kids one day?” he threatens, raising his brow, his face a nasty scowl. the guy backs aways from you immediately, tucking his head to slide past choso and pray that his sliminess doesn’t get on his clothes. choso growls a little upon his exit, slamming your door shut behind him. your kind and gentle boyfriend was in the backseat of his own mind, and you knew it. he was blinded with jealousy—though he trusts you with his life. it just disgusts him that anyone can picture you in the way that’s only meant for him. if he could, he’d make sure no one could even look at you, though that’s far from an achievable reality. he stares at you, the fire dimming in his eyes only slightly since you were not the source of his rage—but you would surely be the resolve of it.

you could tell what he was ordering you to do without him having to say a word, and it wouldn’t be the first time that you’ve let choso fuck you in your office. it excites you to see him so controlling. you unbutton your blouse, moving from your office chair to the desk to present yourself for him. he growls approvingly, thumbing over his bottom lip as he admires you. you’re already a patchwork of bruises in various stages of healing—and thanks to your overzealous partner, he’d have to add more to the collection.

“just panties.” he orders in that low silken tone of his. you can see the imprint of his cock steadily hardening against the casual black jeans he chose to wear today. your mouth nearly salivates at the thought of how rough he was about to be with you as you grip at the sides of your pencil skirt, yanking it down your legs and into the floor before you move for your bra—sighing at the relief of your free chest meeting the cool air. he nods, tugging at the neck of his shirt to remove it.

your body just puts everything in overdrive. every need to take you and mark you up intensifying tenfold. you are perfect, sultry little lips, a perfect rack and curves for days. he knew he was hardly the first guy to fantasize about you—but he had to make sure he was the only one taking up your thoughts. you shudder at the reveal of his chiseled top half. he was so bulky despite first impressions, huge biceps and thick, veiny forearms. his chest was wide and pecs defined, he was a god. your legs shift wider in subconscious accommodation for him and he’s pushing his jeans down and giving you a half-lidded smirk—enough to make your panties stick to your cunt in anticipation of him. he grabs your chin, giving you a harsh kiss. he was so dual, so easy with you one moment and brutal with you the next, it was everything. he gnaws at your lip, shoving his thick tongue into your mouth, licking over the walls over your cheeks and tasting the bitter energy drink you’ve been sipping on your tongue. he chuckles when he pulls away, your lip puffy in the spot his teeth met.

“so pretty even your coworkers want you. what am i gonna do with you, sweetheart?” he sighs, sinking to his knees. he rubs you over your panties, enjoying the squishy mush he feels waiting for him beneath the fabric. you kick your legs on either side of him, leaning back on the desk to get more of that feeling, his fingers temporarily hooking on your clit with each pathetic little roll of your hips. “only this wet for me though, right?”

you nod vigorously, parting those swollen lips to plead your case. he swipes your panties to the side and loudly spits against your clit. his other thumb comes in to spread the nasty lube. you clamp your mouth shut again at the feeling of his digits stroking over you, your studious boyfriend having learned exactly where to touch you through your times together. you shudder instantly, body responding through jerks of your legs and trying to shut them around his head. that only makes him move his fingers all together, leaning in to suckle your clit in between his teeth, biting at the sensitive nub. you can feel his hair rub against your inner thighs, the warmth and wetness of his mouth making you look around for a way to ground yourself against the rapid stretching elastic feeling in your core. his hands find the dimples of your thighs, kneading at them and groaning as he flicks his tongue against the nerves now—memorizing the patterns and speed you liked best like this quick figure eight he was doing now.

one hand grips the desk, your other coming up to grip at his black pigtail, whisper-chanting his name as helplessly grind on his face. he knows you won’t last much longer, and he knows exactly how to push you over the edge—letting his fingers take the place of his mouth so he could occupy his teeth with the plush skin of your inner thighs. luckily you love it, his sick need to brand you in the most dangerous way possible—loving the message it sends. you squeal as he sinks into your flesh, seeing stars from the combining sensations.

“choso!! cumming, oh shh—” your mouth drops open, the shocks coming over you in waves. if he was in a kinder mood, he’d work you through the onslaught and let you sit on his length, working you both out in such a delicious fashion. but he’s insatiable, and one of those sweet squeals from you is not anywhere near enough. he stands back to full height, pulling off those soaked panties and letting them lie forgotten along with the rest of your clothes. you’re so gone already—so beautiful and blissed out in the way that you have taught him exactly how to do this to you and no one could be as attentive and cater to you like he does. you look up at him so sweetly, you’ve given over your entire body for him to decorate as he sees fit—and your neck doesn’t have his teeth marks in the delicate skin where everyone can see. no, he had been a gentleman so far, keeping everything coverable–tasteful peeks available depending on the work shirts you chose. he thumbs over your lip, scraping his teeth over your jaw and nipping at different places just enough to bruise, loving the blues and reds left in his wake. he knows to be careful, to avoid your carotid–no one’s more in tune with blood flow than he is. so he picks his spot, laving his tongue over it as his fingers play in the mess between your legs, making you gasp and hump into his hand again like the eager little girl you are. you scream out his name when he bites, the iron tang of blood dripping on his tongue and down that pretty neck of yours. you kick your feet, the pain so deep but so good—connected directly to the panging need in your cunt, you can’t deny that his kink is one you share.

you can see the red staining his teeth when he pulls away to look at the little streaks running down your skin–just enough. he would never seriously hurt you, and he knows that you love to be bitten and branded as much as he loves to do it. you grin at the sight of him, blood on his lip and desire burning in the place of his earlier rage. he turns you, helping you lean over your desk so he could see what marks needed to be replaced on your ass. he licks his teeth, several had healed up and disappeared to his distaste. he slaps the supple skin, making you jump a bit with giddiness—some dizziness even. you push against your wooden desk to feel his warmth, his large hand enough to sting your whole cheek as his teeth sink into the other. your eyes roll back a little, knowing this one had drawn blood based on the way he soothes over the indents with his tongue. it’ll be hard to sit on it tomorrow, but he compliments the brand with a few hickies surrounding the main piece, palming at your skin to soothe. he loves hearing you mewl and moan when he claims you, he loves seeing that glistening layer of your want for him on your thighs when he spreads your ass cheeks, grunting out just how happy it makes him as he guides his fat leaking cockhead to the eager entrance.

he hisses and you moan when he bottoms out in you, giving you inch by inch without mercy. you press your cheek to the cool wood of the desk, only able to feel the heat of your body and his hot cock sliding in and out of you. you can’t speak, he fills you too well. he’s angled too perfect, hitting every spot over and over to make you stupid—unable to even hold yourself up any longer. he loves using such a brutal pace on you, thrusting powerfully enough that his balls slap against your bruised ass. you clench down around him so tight he’s worried his cock might snap in two—but it’s so worth it for the animalistic moans spilling from your throat every time he nudges against your cervix. you look so cute beneath him, clawing at the desk and screaming his name in those silent yells.

“is this my pussy? tell me who’s pussy this belongs to.” he grunts, pulling your arms behind your back. you arch to fight against the depth he’s getting, only to give him more with your squirming. he tightens his hold to keep you still, using his other hand to pull your hair up for a clear answer. you inhale sharply at the pain, the feeling so blissful you can feel another elastic band stretching thin inside you. “asked you a question, sweetheart. speak up.”

“yes–” you choke out, trying to collect your thoughts in between the loud beats of your heart and throbs of your pussy. “all yours, ‘s your pussy chos–choso!” you cry out, the rubber band snapping as he finds the weak spot of your womb.

“that’s my good girl, want my pussy to cum for me.” he squeezes your wrists in one big hand—freeing your hair. you gasp out, nodding eagerly as the release comes gushing, your series of babbles and squeals enough to do him in. he slams his cock as deep as it will go–hoping to one day mark you as his in the most obvious way possible as his seed spills into your insides. he rocks you both through it this time, a sign that your boyfriend was returning to normal after receiving the cure to his sour mood. his soft hands caress the curves of your waist as he stills, catching his breath. you lay beneath him in a dream state, blood on your body and traces on the table and on his own person. he chuckles a little—hopefully your partner, and any other oblivious skeez, gets the point now, if your screaming didn’t run them out of the office.

#kylee's kinktober event #kinktober 2023 #kinktober #kyleewritesjjk #jjk x reader #jjk x reader smut #choso x reader #choso kamo #choso jjk #choso smut #jjk choso #choso

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thatdeadaquarius · 4 months

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Harry Potter/Genshin Impact Crossover Fun🎉

for @kiraisastay my beta reader for the big fat Eldritch AU awhile back! :)

“…a genshin/Harry Potter crossover where reader (still fem) comes from genshin (so she has a vision) and tries to fit in at Hogwarts (would love for it to be set around the Goblet Of Fire so the hp characters in that age start maturing and actually understand what happens around them and aren't little kids , plus, y'know, YULE BALL), would also like for the reader to have a more stoic/emotionless personality with tragic past (so like having scars y'knowww) cuz it makes character building a lot more juicy ahah, but you can write it however you want tho!! (this can be funnier to write if you're feeling a lot creative)”

UGH sorry i took forever! im rlly bad at estimating time...

I hope this is a fun read at least, and thanks for much for taking on that eldritch monster fic awhile back lol

☆

Orbit: Long Headcanon/fic-thing (~2k words) - Harry Potter x Genshin Impact Crossover (4th Year)

Sun: Feminine Reader (she/her), Slytherin Reader, Reader is 15-16 year old.

Stars: Harry, Ron, Hermione, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Snape, Viktor Krum, mentions of others.

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Reader has rough past, & Trigger Warnings: vague mentions of scars, Reader has bad relationship with parents.

☆

You’re so fucking happy your Cryo Vision came with you.

You knew you were in a different country, one you definitely had never been to before, but you couldn’t figure out for the life of you where it was at first

Your first guess was Fontaine, but the robes and strange overuse of catalyst weapons (actually, only catalyst weapons??) began to convince you otherwise real quick,

Fontaine was just the closest country you could compare it to

yeah so obviously by the time u realized you shouldn't be waving a sword around, it was too late lmao, u scared the shit out of the potions shopkeeper and had to make a hasty exit

bc for some reason any other weapon than a catalyst is shamed here?? which makes no sense to you, as it seems like their “magic” here could just as easily be channeled into different weapons/items??

u guess not having monsters to randomly fight everytime u just wanna take a walk outside makes for a pretty peaceful world, and specifically this country ”England” or the “United Kingdom”

u had taken a week or so to re-orient yourself to this new world, how only a certain society knew about their magic, how there were no gods here, at least not any u could easily interact with, and that most people your age would be in school still???

while u could choose to pursue higher education or specialize in Sumeru’s Akademiya, basic schooling was still provided in every country in Teyvat up until about 15 years old

but at this point u were willing to do what it took to blend into this world, and u didnt want anyone to be asking how old u were/why u werent in school when you wandered around, so u went to Hogwarts

It also proved to be a good way to acquaint urself with the world/its magic and give u a place to better excuse any social or magical mistakes

But needless to say, u struggled, u had to constantly find some workaround for “magic” from the wands/catalysts in classes

and luckily they took u being a transfer student pretty smoothly, as u were just in time for the “Triwizard Tournament” to be announced and other schools were coming to participate, u easily got accepted in

and the only one who batted an eye at it was the weird old Headmaster, who u already suspected knew more abt u than he was letting on (Dumbledore seemed to have eyes everywhere the more u learned, which made u more suspicious of him too)

you'd been sorted into Slytherin, along with the Russian magical students, (Durmstrang?)

of which you had absolutely no frame of reference for how bad that was, other than being accused of literally being from the Abyss 💀

while the rest of the student body treated u with the basic contempt u learned all Slytherins just seemed to kind of get all the time, ur own house was a little more confusing when it came to you

some were curious abt all the scars, the strange glowing snowflake gem that u concealed on ur hip, what ur country was like and what the magic school over there was like (thank fuck for ur poker face and insane lying skills that made it believable)

(there was absolutely a rumor abt u pulling a sword on Filch at some point, u neither denied nor supported it)

the other half of the slytherins were all uptight about u possibly being a “Muggleborn” and sneered at u every chance they got (some weird blond kid a year or 2 below you??)

or they outright ignored u

tbh u didn't really get much genuine favor between Slytherins just being Slytherins and ur own reputation/cold disposition until Professor Snape saw how good u were at potions a month into this insanity

(it was just basic alchemy? nearly everyone, especially Vision-users, knew how to do it back home? why was it so special here?? u had this kind of question a lot in this world over most things, like the “muggles dont know abt magic” thing, it seem like more trouble than its worth.)

U both got along in the same way a cold-demeanor father bonds with his carbon copy cold-demeanor daughter lol

in which he invited u for tea sometimes out of polite extra teaching for “ur future plans of being a potion master, like myself”

which okay?? u were better than most ur age at potions bc of alchemy (which u learned is taught at higher levels of potion mastery) and its not like you've figured out how to get back to ur world anytime soon

so u just roll with that being ur “future career” for now, it makes the old emo professor happy so u figure why not

And its the first scrap of favor you’ve found here so it works

Tho u did complain at Snape for picking on Gryffindors, saying “ur rlly not helping that Slytherin reputation for tall dark and evil here”

He proceeded to make u clean and reorganize his potion stores for that lol

(Tho he did start to lighten up the more u picked on him abt it, the poor kid with huge round glasses followed you with his huge green eyes for weeks, he seems to be the only one who's really realized ur the one convincing Snape to mellow out)

U begin researching information (thanks to Snape) in the forbidden part of the library abt different worlds/time travel, anything thatd put u close to possibly getting back home

Or, to be honest, a portal would be better, bc youd like to come back here sometimes,

Its not like u have family back home (not any who you'd want to visit), mostly just a few good friends who'd be worried abt u (Childe misses his sparring partner for sure)

Which then leads u to noticing that boy with the black hair and big round glasses (was it smth like,,, harold sculptor? Atp that seems like a feasible name to you bc in this world parents rlly were cruel abt naming their kid “feathery” or smth wild)

Harold and two others, one with fluffy long hair, and the other a redhead,

Were attempting to “spy” on u from behind bookshelves or at tables seated near the forbidden section

U saw them learn the times u came there and how they made sure to match them (tho it seems the redhead got bored easily and begged to eat instead)

You'd actually managed to make friends with some Durmstrang friends in the meantime too

And by that u mean Viktor Krum mostly

Ppl were constantly obsessed with him and he'd managed to escape up the astronomy tower to get some peace and quiet,

Only to run into u reading away, and he'd heard abt ur reputation, and wanted to befriend u

U two got along rlly well, lots of peaceful silences, and chill convos, esp since u guys had some stuff in common

Mostly how ur both foreign to Hogwarts/this country and adjusting still

Anyway that is to say, Viktor teased u abt the ducklings following u around everywhere thinking they were sneaky

And this was a routine u got used to, until it was time for the tournament

You hadnt bothered to put ur name in, u didnt feel like risking ur life for no reason afterall

So needless to say u were pissed when rumors went around abt u putting Harol- Harry's name in the goblet

(u finally learned his name, apparently he's famous for not dying? As a baby?? A powerful tyrant evil wizard wanted to kill him as a baby??? Just,, why)

Not only that but then he was obligated to be in the tournament???

U knew there was smth insane abt this school, bringing back this crazy tournament in the first place, somehow getting Harry's name in the goblet,

but u didn't think they were batshit crazy.

(Dumbledore is not helping his case in your eyes, esp as u suspect he’s got Snape involved in his BS too somehow…)

So needless to say you were going to fix this mess since these seasoned “wizard adults” weren't 😒

You snuck into the Great Hall using a high level alchemy invisibility amulet, and used ur Cryo vision to extinguish the Goblet of Fire 💀

It reset the game, and luckily they were able to resubmit the champions to the Triwizard Tournament and hide away the Goblet before it got tampered with again

Lol u got Harry out of it, and it wasnt until later in the library that u get cornered by the Gryffindor fourth year himself

He admits to seeing u under his invisibilty cloak that night and thanks you for getting him out of that hell, poor kid looks so grateful 😭

But regardless of that, he insists u tell him abt the ice spell u used, how u used it wandless, with no incantation, etc.

You just gave him a small smile (his big green eyes look even more shocked behind the glasses, what, was that old professor right? do u rlly not smile that much?) and tell him he owes u one

He agrees and u go on ur way to the forbidden section

(U dont explain the ice, afterall, who would believe him? You werent even that much older, and only “master wizards” could do what u did)

After that, Harry starts to follow u around a lot more,

much to the annoyance of his redhead friend (Rodrick? Rocky? smth with a R-) and the absolute admiration of the younger girl with big hair

the champions start the first trial, and u help Viktor out with a plan to defeat the dragon and get the egg in one piece (u had lots of experience with monsters after all, and Viktor and Snape, who couldn't keep his big nose out of your business, were simultaneously disturbed and yet not surprised by this information)

it works flawlessly, and that's when you notice the new DA teacher acting suspicious

as the champions gear up for the 2nd trial, u help Viktor try to figure out the egg’s secrets,

Both Harry and Hermione have taken to interrupting ur library research time (u finally learned her name, but not the redhead, he seemed a bit rude tbh so u don't care to know)

after brainstorming (well more like talking at the brick wall that was Snape) with the old potions professor over tea gossip time again, u finally figure out how to get the egg open without screaming, and tell Viktor

Who thanks u by taking u to the Yule Ball, but u only manage the first dance before u get absorbed in the food and the cool decor, and u also convince him to gossip with u in the corner too

(u do appreciate having a reason to dress up at least, as you attempt to imitate the Tsaritsa herself with this dress)

U notice further on into the night that Hermione ran out looking upset, and ur “girl’s girl” instinct kicks in, (regardless of ur neutrality for her, u lie to urself) and follow her outside to comfort her

u talk, and tho ur cold demanour did intimidate her a little, after she realized u were genuinely trying to help her, she took u up on the offer, and asked if u two could be friends since she’s “surrounded by stupid Gryffindor boys all the time”

u agreed amused, and convinced her to join Viktor and u in ur gossip session, which Harry (after humiliating himself on the dance floor), joined in later as well

(You may or may not have iced the floor secretly under the redhead’s and the equally annoying prissy Slytherin blonde’s feet, sending them sprawling on top of each other, so neither would come bother u four)

Over the next week you hear from Hermione’s researching/studying sessions with you that Ron did apologize to her, of which u advised her to get revenge on him anyway lmao

Harry at one point came groaning and complaining to you abt Cedric bothering him abt the egg problem, and u went ahead and gave it to him

Finally the next task was here, something abt rescuing smth underwater that mattered to each of the champions

u were immediately on ur guard when Dumbledore called u and 3 other seemingly random ppl to ur office (but u began to connect the dots after realizing one of them was the little sister of the Fontai- French Champion)

only to deflect the spell that would've knocked u out, and instead pretend to be knocked out

u obv kept ur Vision on u at all times, as always, and realized what was happening as the teachers levitated u all out to the lake

Snape snapped about being the one in charge of you, (and lowkey told u he knew u were awake, did he sound a little,, proud?? no, not Snape surely of all ppl)

Viktor did end up fishing you out, which he said u “looked like a very unhappy drenched old tom cat” while swimming to shore, (u awkwardly pat him on the back for thinking ur the best part of Hogwarts, and then smacked him for getting u kidnapped to go into a freezing lake)

and u also ended up helping Viktor rescue the other girl left behind, and froze some of the mermaids’ tails in the water for their trouble

Fleur was so grateful that she came to hunt you (and Viktor too at the time) for helping her and her sister that she came to thank u two again while at the library

which then led to her sometimes hanging around ur table at the library (everyone avoids it like the plague initially bc of you, but now youve got a gaggle of wizards rotating out all the time, like the younger years Harry/Hermione/Ron, Viktor, and now Fleur)

by the time the third trial rolls around, youve taken to bullying the prissy blonde brat a year below you to keep him from not only bothering Harry and Hermione, but also ur own peace and quiet

The other Slytherins are beginning to warm up to you, or at least not actively ignore you, since you’ve been hanging around Viktor Krum, along with gaining favor from Snape more obviously (he’d plopped a singular towel in ur lap after getting out of the lake, and u might as well have “Snape’s Favorite” written across ur forehead for all that means)

(also some of them may or may not find u roasting the annoying blonde bully kid amusing too)

it isn't until u see the creepy retired Aura (or whatever they call their knights) DA professor milling about the castle more, nearer the Gryffindor tower, that you begin to warn Harry to spread the word among his little lion club to not travel alone, esp in the evenings

(u don't like how his weird rolling blue eye looks thru you, it reminds u of Dumbledore)

by the time the third trial is finally announced, you have ur sights set on that weird old man, and end up following him to his classroom at one point,

in which he cracks open a rattling trunk, tosses some food in, and seems to have definitely stolen what you assume to be the Triwizard trophy

he casts a spell on it, and you put on that same invisibiltiy amulet from alchemy to better follow him, and watch him sneak into Dumbledore’s office to return the trophy

(You break the “portkey” spell you find on it)

(you also leave a note behind on the headmaster’s desk to look into a trunk in the new DA professor’s classroom storage, and to be more careful hiring the next one.)

Harry somehow gets sucked into the maze you find out, and you end up sneaking in to save him, using your sword and Cryo Vision to battle him out

(finally, Archons, you didnt realize how much you'd miss fighting monsters)

Aurors descend upon Hogwarts, only just after the trial ends, and Viktor wins (you trained him too well for him to not, and may or may not have viciously sparred with him a little too much for him to not be a little afraid of the consequences of losing after you helped him so much lol)

Just as Harry is taken in by Dumbledore for questioning of how he got trapped in the maze, he runs back to nearly squeeze the life out of you in a hug, he tells you thanks for helping him again (and forced u to promise to teach him sword fighting or “ice magic”)

Then, surprisingly, the entirety of Durmstrang (and some Slytherins??) haul you up into the air with Viktor to celebrate his victory

(You can see Snape snickering at ur misery in the air)

Viktor and Fleur stay penpals, and the “golden trio” (more like “gryffindor triplets”) sticks around your library table

and you think you could start to get used to this, and Harry, Hermione, and Snape had gotten you a Yule/winter gift

(what’s Christmas. and why is everyone obsessed with decorating trees??)

…that is until Hermione looks over your shoulder one day at your usual reading table, and points to a book you’ve chosen for research,

saying “if you need to make a portal somewhere, that’s the book you should be looking in.”

☆

i hope you liked it!! and that it wasn't too much of a clusterfuck/chaos that was barely readable 😅

again, thanks for being patient with me, and here's finally ur payment for dealing with my ass lmao

Happy late new year!!

Safe Travels Kirarisastay,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily / @justinsomniachild / @nanithefuck

If your tag didnt work, idk why!!

Maybe make sure your a "searchable blog", or make sure u didnt give me a side blog?

(Tumblr is against tagging/DMing side blogs, only main blogs usually can)

#genshin impact crossover #harry potter crossover #Genshin x Harry Potter crossover #Genshin x HP AU #genshin harry potter crossover #genshin isekai #genshin imagines #harry potter imagines #hp imagines #platonic #fem reader #happy late new year kiraisastay!! :)

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httpstes · 1 year

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✧˚ · . astro observation VI ✧˚ · .

Links to other astrovations: Astrology observations l, Astrology Observations ll, Astrology observations lll, Astrology observations IV, Astrology observations V

ꕥ Aries and Pisces moons are equally sensitive imo, Aries most of the time outwardly expresses this sensitivity, Pisces is 50/50

ꕥ On top of that, from what i’ve seen aries moons are more sensitive to what people say to them, they can get very defensive and guard their ego closely (honestly this can go for any fire moon) meanwhile pisces is sensitive to their environment and the people around them.

ꕥMoon in 3H can indicate having a love for writing/poetry. It may bring these individuals great comfort and they could’ve been the type to write a lot as a kid. English/Media studies is probably these peoples favourite subject.

ꕥ Pisces moons are careful with what they say to other people sometimes to a point where they can’t speak their minds and be authentic, they easily soak up the energies within a room.

ꕥ Scorpio mercuries are not only very interested in dissecting every bit and piece of their childhood, who they are and what makes them, them. But when they like someone, bro, they will want to understand this person to a fault. They want to find out what makes them tick, what makes them happy and so forth. Great listeners too :))

ꕥ Cancer moons no matter what other placements they have are always so sweet man. Idek how to describe it but anytime i meet a person with a cancer moon they just radiate this loving, carefree energy. Then when i get to know them they’re still loving and sweet, just they hold a lot of emotional baggage and trauma 😭 I hope y’all doing okay.

ꕥ People with libra Sun/Moon/Venus i feel would be attracted to sophisticated, elegant individuals. Someone with an attractive appeal, who has a nice home, pretty facial features, popular or has some status in their area.

ꕥ Ive looked at some of my friends ascendant persona chart, and oml it makes sm sense. One of my friends is a pisces rising but i feel as though only some aspects of a pisces rising was shown through her outward personality, it was only until I saw her asc persona chart that i saw she was an aries rising with venus in the first house. I showed her this and she definitely agreed that her outward personality could come off as an aries rising. So when you check your asc persona chart think of it as like a second rising sign with some influence to your natal rising sign :)

ꕥ Pisces mercuries can get a bad rep within their school/work place. These people can get their words easily twisted around, and eventually they’re blamed for things they didn’t even say/do :( This could be because of the neptunian, illusion like influence pisces will have on the natives communication.

ꕥ Venus transmitting your 5th house can indicate having a fling, or being in a short situation-ship.

ꕥ Moon in the 12th house grants an individual who is extremely empathic, and intuitive to the needs of others. This can lead to people naturally gravitating towards them because of how kind and understanding they seem.

ꕥ Mercury in aspect to MC can indicate someone who is seen as well spoken in the public eye. Typically this goes for mercury in the 10th house however i believe it is stronger when it’s conjunct the Midheaven. These people can easily climb their way up the social ladder by using and manipulating their words. They know how to appeal to the public.

ꕥ Aries moons may have been very rough or rebellious children when younger. They tend to be very action oriented and could be involved in a lot of sports.

ꕥ I feel like sag moons are the types of people who enjoy learning about their friends religions and backgrounds. They find it interesting and want to understand how other people view life.

ꕥ Where you have libra in your chart can show where you like to have peace and harmony, where you like to have things aesthetically pleasing and easy. For example, Libra in 10th house may like to come off as conventionally attractive and pretty. They may want to be seen as someone who is sweet and playful. Ofc this can lead to superficiality, but this can prove to benefit them and their wellbeing, as having a Libra 10th house/MC can make you seem like a push over, this could help the individual learn how to not settle for less and to develop their assertive communication skills. Libra in the 6th house might like to have organised routines that are aesthetically pleasing and that benefit their health/work ethic. But Libra in 6th housers need to learn to balance the outward appearance of their routines with the practicality of their routines. Libra in 6th house may prioritise having a rigid routine simply because it makes them feel nice or makes them look good when they also have to know if their routine is becoming obsessive and is no longer about benefitting their wellbeing. Libra in 8th house may like to have or do have lives with little to no traumatic experiences. They don’t want conflict or life altering events that can put them off balance, and change them psychologically. Because of this, Libra 8th housers may need to learn to accept that some stages in life are not always harmonious and balanced.

ꕥ Sun in 4th house may deep down whether it was a positive or negative experience, have a deep fondness/love for their home and childhood. Even if their childhood wasn’t the best, many with this placement I have noticed tend to reminisce and look back. Some of my friends who have this placement always look back on their childhood even if it was shitty as many of them like the comfortability it gave them. Some of my 4H sun friends told me they were scared to leave and grow as individuals while others told me the exact opposite wanting to get as far away from home as possible.

ꕥ Also i noticed that many 4H suns may still live in their childhood home as adults or one day buy it from their parents.

ꕥ Moon in 11th house may deeply rely on friendships and connections to get through rough times. These individuals are very people oriented and genuinely enjoy meeting new people, none of their connections are insincere.

ꕥ Transit Venus travelling through your 3rd house may indicate having a peaceful school environment or less disruptions in your neighbourhood. This could also indicate a time where you and your siblings get along easily with little to no arguments.

ꕥ Transit Mars travelling through your 3rd house could mean the opposite. Arguments and conflicts are more likely to arise with siblings and in your neighbourhood. There could be some type of restricting, competitive atmosphere at school that makes it seem like everyone wants to be better than the other. However during this time period you could get a lot done either out of anger, competitiveness or simply wanting to meet your end goals.

ꕥMercury-Mars (esp conj) can make a person a very passionate speaker. These people could make great motivational speakers and are seen as the ones who are easily persuasive.

ꕥSun-Mercury is the same except the way i see it is, Mercury-Mars: " YOU GOT THIS! KEEP GOING! I BELIEVE IN YOU😡🫶!" meanwhile Sun-Mercury: " yes!! you got this, you’re slaying so hard rn 🫶"

ꕥNot an observation but a personal opinion, men with lots of scorpio/cancer placements absolutely terrify me, I’m sorry but i had to say it.

ꕥ Well honestly lots of scorpio/cancer placements in a persons chart generally scare me but most of the women i’ve met with this placement are really sweet, clingy, but sweet. The 4 guys i’ve met, talked to and hung out with that had these placements, made me want to obliterate the earth. 😁 (however i will say they were probably very immature and their scorpio/cancer placements hadn’t evolved yet)

ꕥ Jupiter in 6th house may have had lots of pets in their lives or want to have many pets.

ꕥ Jupiter in 6th may also have really good health and could take advantage of that. In worst cases they could abuse substances/routines that are NOT good for them however they happen to be lucky in multiple aspects and could live very healthily. However I obviously don’t suggest this, everything might be fine one moment but sooner or later things could come crashing down any moment.

ꕥ Saturn in 11th might have had restrictive friends, friends who constantly controlled them and what they did, people who criticised them to fit in.

ꕥ If not this, Saturn in 11th may have had (or still have) friends who are older than them and are almost like mentors to them. These individuals could have friends wise beyond their years and give great advice to the Saturn in 11H individual. Saturn in 11H can also indicate having long term friendships.

ꕥ People with heavy plutonian influence are generally pretty popular (depending on the rest of the chart) however i’ve noticed these individuals get into a lot of drama. Even if they hadn’t started anything, these individuals names always get dragged into things for whatever reason. I believe this may stem from the power and beauty that exudes from these individuals, and so people either are jealous and involve them in drama, or people naturally assume they are up to some shady shit.

ꕥ I consider heavy plutonian influence to be if you have scorpio placements (esp a stellium in scorpio or the 8th house), placements in the 8th house, or if you have pluto conjunct/opposite 2+ personal planets.

Thank you for reading, likes and reblogs are always appreciated 🫶

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ot3 · 2 months

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I mean this in entirely good faith, I promise, but I'd love to hear the "shortcomings" you think those shows have

she ra i mostly just found boring i don't think i could point to a single thing it did (out of what i watched, that is. i didn't finish the show) that i found to be an objectionable writing choice, but it just didn't do anything to keep my interest. which is a shame because i went into it REALLY excited!!! i had long been a fan of nimona so hearing that ND stevenson was getting the chance to make a cartoon i was SO prepared to be all over it. and i watched it and it all just fell pretty flat for me

steven universe and the owl house i feel like are shows with some pretty major structural issues. i really think they try to have their cake and eat it in terms of episodic moments vs overarching series narratives that are kind of at odds with each other.

with steven universe i feel like this manifested in some pretty bizarre tonal whiplash that prevented either of the shows angles from sticking its landing. i think if steven universe had either been an epic space opera about a kid inheriting his mother's war, it would have fucking banged. i think if steven universe had been a more slice-of-life oriented show about a boy coming of age by realizing he's sort of the living manifestation of the war trauma of the people around him and learning to navigate and help people heal from that through fantastical, alien super-powered twists on mundane life that would have banged in a completely different way. but as it stands i think trying to do both at the same time detracted from the overall experience.

it feels weird to have them fucking around at the barn when there is something that is going to literally hatch from the earth's crust like an egg and destroy the entire planet and theyre just ignoring it. it feels weird in a different way to have them visit an alien zoo full of human beings and know that the structure of the show means we will absolutely not be taking the time to fully unpack that one. for me this cognitive dissonance really reached its peak an episode where steven explicitly calls his mother a war criminal, but that was a throwaway line because the A plot was that lars, the guy who works at the donut shop, bakes as a hobby and is embarrassed by that. to be perfectly clear i don't think it's impossible to balance more mundane slice of life moments with big adventures to combat existential threats. but whatever that balance looks like is not what steven universe was doing

the owl house on the other hand i don't feel like was ever really willing to commit to a particular vibe long enough to get invested in it. it's trying to be a show about a girl who is a witch's apprentice, but that doesn't really feel quite fully realized because it's also trying to be a show about a Magic School, but we don't spend enough time at the Magic School to get invested in that setting as a framework for the character interactions and narrative events, but then it also starts trying to be this big adventure/questing show. and then before too long luz is the one teaching magic to everyone else? it refuses to really commit to any one thing it's trying and just kind of throws everything at you with out actually getting to spend time with its concepts

in general i also think luz was a weak protagonist. in terms of writing. i think she wasnt given enough meaningful flaws, didn't make enough mistakes, and didn't really have to learn any hard lessons or make decisions that fundamentally went against who she thought she was. her whole thing is basically being Nerdy and Kinda Weird which i think is kind of an outdated substitute for meaningful character writing in the current zeitgeist. im sure she is an absolutely fantastic power fantasy for a lot of 12 year old girls who consider reading books to be their main personality trait and i absolutely do not fault that for existing. i think that's a critical thing to exist and all those 12 year olds really deserve it. but it has no appeal to me as an adult woman who has grown out of that phase, yknow?

i feel like once again the comparison to akko from little witch academia invites itself very easily, and anne from amphibia too, which was also a disney teen girl isekai airing at the same time. i loved both of those two as protags a ton and i think its because they really fumbled repeatedly and went through the wringer in a way luz didn't

#long post

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cxnevr · 8 months

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Once in a blue moon: blessings coming your way + compliments!

hi everyone!! in honour of the upcoming blue moon in pisces, i have prepared a PAC on the blessings coming your way this blue moon, together with some compliments from my tarot deck. i hope this reading resonates and thank you for your support!!

pick a pile from down below (1-4, from top to bottom, and left to right)

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

readings begin below this line

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

pile one:

hi pile one!! here’s your reading for this blue moon:

blessings this blue moon: there’s definitely a change coming in this full moon. you may have prominent pisces/12th house placements, as that’s the sign the full moon is happening in this month. i think your blessings may come to you in the form of your intuition. does that make sense? i have a feeling that the blessings that you’re getting this full moon may have something to do with the information you receive through your intuition. i’m also hearing that you may have to travel to places and that this travel may bring you money? (i thought this would be short term travel but then the song, “overseas” started playing so that might be a sign too. take it as a sign if it resonates.) at the very least, positive changes may come through regarding your finances. (note: this may not necessarily mean that you will be getting money, it could also mean that you learn something that may bring you more money/help you manage your finances better)

compliments from the deck: hm… i feel as though you’ve recently been through a tower moment involving certain people in your life. this could be friends, partners, family members too. whatever it is, the deck wants you to know that you did a really good job handling the issue in a peaceful and diplomatic manner. i do see that some kind of conflict may have been present in this situation and that it may have led you to defend someone/led someone to defend you. you handled things in a manner that was diplomatic and fair, taking into account the emotions of the different parties before making any decisions involving everyone. whatever the case may be, balance is definitely being restored to these connections and justice is being restored, and moving forward, there will be many more opportunities for much more harmonious and balanced connections to enter your life, if you allow it to.

thank you for reading, pile one!! i hope you enjoyed your reading and i’ll see you again next time!

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

pile two:

hi pile two!! welcome to your reading for this blue moon:

blessings this blue moon: have you been dealing with some brain fog recently? if you have, i see that going away around this full moon. your situational awareness or ability to perceive the things around you may be sharpened and heightened. i feel like you may be in the process of learning; i’m not sure if this is a pile chosen by lots of students or if you’re just picking up a new skill this month, but that is what i’m getting for you. if you are in school and have just taken some exams or are preparing to do so soon, i see that you may emerge victorious— whatever that means to you. however, a word of advice; do not procrastinate. it’s best to do things now and settle issues while it’s still manageable, rather than delaying it and letting it rot into a bigger mess. you may also be under the spotlight soon, this could be in the form or popularity, or praise, but i do see that there will be recognition for your efforts and strengths this full moon. good job, pile two!

compliments from the deck: the deck really admires your ability to balance your energy well. your go-getter, fiery, and action-oriented nature is well balanced with your emotional, and peaceful side. i think you’re very good at going after what you want, and then remembering to set some time aside to heal and recharge through self-care later on. you’re also very strategic with where you spend your energy, and i do see that being one of your greatest strengths. also, i’m not sure if this resonates, but if you are currently in a relationship/ talking stage/ situationship, the deck seems to be praising you for it…? in a playful manner, almost. i see that this might be because you made the first move and you seem to have flustered the other person a little. it’s cute, i hope it works out well for the both of you!

note: you might have been feeling dissatisfied recently, mourning the loss of something or the lack of something. the deck is telling you to look at things from a different perspective. try a different approach. reflect on how far you’ve come or help out someone who may be stuck in a similar position you were in previously.

thank you pile two!! i hope you have a lovely week ahead and i’ll see you again soon!!

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

pile three:

hi pile three, welcome back! here’s your reading for the upcoming blue moon:

blessings this blue moon: you may have recently dealt with some kind of heartbreak in which you were treated unfairly by a certain group of people. i see you finally gaining the strength to fight back and stand up for yourself. this full moon, you may be releasing a lot of blockages and negative energy. this could be done emotionally, but i feel like your method of releasing this stagnant and negative energy may be done more physically, as in; cutting your hair, clearing up certain places in your home, burning something (?). i see you getting a chance to kind of “reinvent” yourself. you’re learning to leave behind things that no longer serve you, as difficult as it may be. you may feel as though you’ve been reborn after this, and this will definitely be a win in your book. i’m wishing you all the best with your growth!!

compliments from the deck: pile three, you’re good at making feel at home and safe. you make people feel warm inside and welcome, and i’m hearing that hanging out with you makes people feel as though they’re at some sort of a family celebration? you’re good at building a home (physically, emotionally) for people, and i feel like that’s a very valuable trait of yours. you may also be introverts and i think the releasing you’re doing this full moon may bring you some discomfort because of your possible need to withdraw into yourself. but this is necessary, pile three, and i believe that you have the strength to go through this in order to better yourself and grow. i’m also seeing this talent for managing finances and being practical with your belongings. i don’t think this is a strength you consciously use as much, it’s just a skill that comes naturally to you.

pile three, i wish you all the best with your growth and i’ll see you again soon!

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

pile four:

hi pile four!! here’s your reading for the upcoming blue moon:

blessings this blue moon: pile four, you are definitely being blessed this full moon. i feel there are certain changes that will be happening in your life but nothing major, just some endings and new beginnings in your life, things that i feel won’t shake up your stability too much. you’ve either prepared yourself for these changes or it’s just a cyclical change that’s happening here. i actually see a really positive home environment, and even the possibility of some romance in your life. if not romance, then just really balanced and harmonious relationships with your loved ones. you may feel really grateful for what you have during this time, and you’re really just so satisfied and happy with your life around this time. this might require a bit of a tw but if you guys have ever been a through a period of your life where you just weren’t in the most positive frame of mind or you were in a difficult mental state, i see that this upcoming time period may be a time where you kind of experience this moment of peace and tranquillity with where you are right now, and remain grateful that you chose to continue pushing forward in life.

compliments from the deck: the deck is proud of you and your ability to handle difficult changes with grace. i feel like you may have gone through many things in life that have taught you how to be okay with changes, no matter how sudden or heavy. you have learnt to find peace within yourself or through yourself, and i feel like you have also learnt to help others as well. you are a generous soul that is so open to helping others out because you might have experienced things that taught you to have kindness and compassion towards people, including strangers and those who may even be mean/harsh on you. i love your energy pile four, and i’m happy that will be experiencing such happy events in the upcoming days.

i hope this resonated and i’ll see you again soon!!

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

thank you guys for reading!! please leave a like or reblog this post if it resonated with you and i’ll see you all again very soon!!

✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊ ⊹˚ ✧ ‧˚₊ ❆ ‧ ₊

#intuitive tarot reading #tarot #pac tarot #free tarot readings #free tarot #pick a pile #pick a card #pick a image #pick an image #general tarot reading #full moon #tarot readings #tarot reading #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #tarot reader

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

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WIBTA if I break off an old friendship with someone who stayed by my side despite my mental and general life issues, after everyone else had left?

This friend from high school had been a great friend, kept me company when I was all alone, supported me through two bad breakups, we went to the same college and we were very close.

Until I started talking more openly about politics, being queer, mental health etc. She's the facebook liberal type, slightly left of center. She gave me the freedom to be more open with her by being cool with taboo topics, then turned sour when it extended beyond what she knew. Examples, she'd change subject if I talked about queer media when normally she's telling her friends how she had a sleepover with her "wife" and saw each other naked. She was surprised to learn that you're not supposed to out someone against their will. She believes cops are bad only in USA. We're not Americans.

She started being open with me too, she told me how she hated it when her classmates talked about their favorite music, how she hated any fandom stuff they talked about besides discussing fanfics with another fandom friend, how she makes excuses so she can go wherever she wants alone and not with friends. She told me she spies on my exes on facebook insta etc and tried to tell me what they've been up to and only stopped telling me about after many requests and explanations as to why that made me really uncomfortable.

A few months ago she and I had a fight, she exclaimed that my politics was too American (I'm just an average leftist like most of 30+ tumblr and my other friends), that my politics was too fandom oriented (she avoids fandom so much she has blocked activists for even hinting at being a fandomgoer, like discussion of racism in fandom is waste of time and silly to her, fan-anything can't be taken seriously), mocked me for having childish interests (just knowing pop culture in general) then we stopped talking.

After some months she texted that she really misses talking to me as I was her only "progressive friend" who understood her when she wanted to discuss feminism, movies, world politics etc. She said she needed me to be her gateway to pop culture knowledge as I knew so many cool new things. She begged me to be friends again, and since I missed hanging out with her a lot I started chatting again. But I told her that it was hard for me to forgive her and I'd leave for real if she hurts me again.

This time she let go of the normal daily stuff we used to talk about and only stuck to Topics of Debate. She asked me to teach her progressive thinking, educate her, but when I asked if she wanted to touch on lgbt+ topics or physical -mental health related topics outside of her comfort zone of basic sexual health, she danced around a lot instead of giving an answer. I snapped and asked yes or no, she said no.

I asked her if she understands that even if she didn't feel like those topics were her priority, I'd probably want to talk about them with her as a queer neurodivergent person and friend, would that be an issue? She kind of ignored it to say that basically her priority was just local political gossip, religion, and a little bit of solarpunk stuff, outdated at that. I was disappointed but let it go and we decided to talk later.

The other day she messaged me with her usual gossip about how her friends are being too excited about some music stuff and what book she thinks I should read (we have completely different taste). And I got a panic attack. Since then I've had multiple panic attacks at the thought of having to talk to her.

She has been one of my oldest friends, she supported me and took my side in every breakup I had and she forced me to go outside when I was severely depressed, she was practically family, but now I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. If I bring up any topic she dislikes she's going to turn away, if I come out to her as trans she'll joke and start to avoid me, she doesn't want to learn anything new even though she takes pride in being a great learner, if I talk about things that make me happy she'll ignore it. I don't know if she'll go and tell others how cringey my interests are. Maybe she'll go to my exes and tell them I used her as support and threw her away when she didn't meet the standard as that's been a line of thinking among my exes.

I'm also struggling with BPD and anxiety, so maybe I'm hating her now and will want her back later, it's my brain being a jerk? I think I'm overreacting and she won't do any of these, but I also feel so drained after we talk these days. I need friends who I can talk to about mundane things, friends who share memes with me and tell me what anime they're passionate about, what new recipe they liked, instead I feel like I'm just there to drag her down with my issues and politics and dumb jokes. But multiple people think I used and discarded them for not agreeing politically, I'd usually disagree but what if I am the problem and I expect too much?

So I'm asking, am I being a jerk if I cut her off?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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skyloftian-nutcase · 6 months

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Lofty, how would you advise someone of the fear of becoming an adult?

I’m almost 17 and I am terrified of being an adult, because in just over a year I’ll need to have my whole life figured out, I’ll need to have a college that’s already accepted me, I’ll need a job, I’ll need to know exactly what I’m going to do and when, and I’ll have to do everything entirely on my own. I’m not ready for any of this, I still feel 14, I never had a chance to get used to having more freedom as I got older because everything was closed down for 2 1/2 years, and I’m terrified of suddenly having a bunch of freedom and a bunch of responsibilities and I don’t know what to do.

Sorry for the rant

I remember when I turned 18 I thought it was this big deal, like wow I'm an adult now, I need to do all these responsible things, I need to be able to take care of myself, know what I'm doing, etc.

Let me tell you, hon: nobody knows what they want to do when they're 18. I didn't finally settle into a career until I was 28. The majority of your 20s is spent trying to figure that out. And a lot of people still are searching well into their adulthood.

You don't have to have your whole life figured out. All you need is an idea, and to follow it. You still have time. If something sounds interesting, pursue it, research it, do an internship. Dip your toes into so many puddles until you find something you like, and then try to pursue that. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work out, and that's okay. People change their majors a million times in college. I was originally going to go to medical school, then thought about nursing school but was too late to switch, then physician assistant school, then medical school, and finally went to nursing school. It's going to be okay. <3

There will be a steep learning curve, depending on what you do about school and work, but that doesn't mean everything is going to change all at once. Change is scary, but it's always going to happen. Always take things one day at a time. I find it helpful to have like a big, vague goal and then the future can deal with itself - I can orient big things around that vague goal, but outside of that I just take life one day at a time. I ask God to get me through each day and we make it together.

Also, a lot of people--nearly everyone, really--totally gets that at 18 you don't have it all figured out. After all, we've all been there! Give yourself some grace, those around you will do so as well. ;)

The world is a big, scary place, but it's also beautiful and wonderful and exciting! You still have time, and you'll be okay. <3

#you ask skye answers #lovely anon

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sysmedsaresexist · 4 months

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⚡️News Flash⚡️

ToSD and the ICD - 2023

Autopilot functionality and self-destructive behavior in patients with complex dissociative disorders-A qualitative study

"One important theory of [DDs] is the [ToSD]. It distinguishes between [EPs] that are linked to traumatic memories and [ANPs] functioning in daily life. The 11th revision of the [ICD] newly introduced the diagnosis of [P-DID], acknowledging this theory by including components of it into a clinical diagnostic system."

It's a really interesting article that looks at those with OSDD/DDNOS/P-DID. It also has this amazing quote about functionality and distress, which everyone should read.

Please give it a go, despite the length.

---

In relating to themselves, most participants reported a functional, conformist behavior that we named “autopilot functionality,” one key feature being an explicit outward orientation of the patients, meaning that they tended to focus on other people’s needs rather than their own.

I did not exist. My environment existed. (P9)

From the participants’ point of view, parents played an essential role in the development of this outward-oriented behavior. The participants described that from an early age, they had the impression that their wishes and needs were unimportant. Rather, they felt that they had to conform to the wishes of their caregivers. This led to feelings of guilt and a constant suppression of their own needs and feelings.

The way I grew up… it was rather that I have to take care of my parents and what I want doesn’t actually matter… the main thing is that my parents are well and everyone else is well because otherwise… so I just always had feelings of guilt. […] So the relationship with myself, it was always rather oriented towards the others. (P3(2))

In this context, the participants also reported that they had learned to have little compassion for themselves, so that it felt normal for them to continue to function even though they were feeling bad.

There I am not very sympathetic with myself. That comes from the time when I was a child and for example, I can remember it well, my grandma had died and the teacher then said that I don’t have to do my homework and then I somehow didn’t understand what the one thing had to do with the other. And I think somehow that my mother is also a bit like that, that you still have to do everything somehow, even if it makes you feel bad. (P6)

The outward orientation learned from the caregivers later spread into various areas of life and affected relationships with children, friends, and colleagues. For many participants, work was a field in which they were very functional but often ignored physical needs like hunger, thirst, sleep, or pain in order to (over)fulfill the requirements of their workplace.

You start [work] at 12:30 p.m. and then you have to eat before or after, because there’s no break for six hours of work and then I just comply with the shift. […] And then I was with colleagues who said: “How that, you don’t take breaks, come take a break with us now.” And I said: “I’m not entitled to a break.” (P6(2))

The participants felt enormous pressure to maintain a façade to the outside. This could mean performing well in school or at work, or taking special care of their appearance so that nobody would realize something was not okay.

I always knew that I am not allowed to neglect my body, I have to take care, I need to wash myself, I need to brush my teeth because it’s really dangerous if someone sees that you are not feeling well. That has always been clear to me. (P4)

This mechanism of maintaining a façade had disadvantages for the participants. Because they looked so “normal” and continued to function, it was difficult for those around them to understand that they were not well, which made the participants feel isolated and not understood.

The worse I felt, the more I worked, and almost no one outside understands that. (P1)

The constant focus on functioning for others was exhausting for the participants and made it hard to develop a sense of self. For one participant, it even felt like she had to find a new identity after therapy, because she realized that she had only functioned for others.

Interesting actually that one doesn’t notice that at all. That one is actually only functioning and functioning, but functions really well, because one lives and works for other people. That was a very, very sad insight for me that I said, now I have half of my life behind me and had to realize that now I am born again, and I will look for my new identity with my new personality […]. Because before that, I didn’t feel any pain, I didn’t have any boundaries, I was perfect in everything I did, of course. And now? (P9)

Participants described that one factor that helped them to function was their lack in perceiving feelings and bodily signals. For example, they had difficulties adequately perceiving hunger, thirst, and pain. Consequently, participants compared themselves to robots or machines that worked well but were unable to be in connection with themselves.

In the end, I didn’t feel at all whether the life I’m leading right now is actually what I want or whether I’m just doing it, just to do it, let alone that I felt anything. It was really only getting up, going to work, doing therapy, going home again, working, and somehow it was just like that. I think a robot captures it quite well, well programmed, but that’s just it. (P8(2))

As already described above, these difficulties with the perception of stimuli from within the body also made it difficult for the participants not to overburden themselves. They often only noticed that they had overstepped their boundaries through extreme physical signals (e.g., migraine and sleep disturbances). They also described overburdening as a strategy to distract themselves from complicated feelings and to avoid conflicts.

I was just astonished. Shit why do I have such a migraine now? Or why am I so exhausted and empty…? So, I always had the feeling that I had to do something, maybe to distract myself and I didn’t want anyone to feel offended or somehow get into a fight with me, so I preferred to do it and think to myself, okay, I have a fever of 40 °C, but I’ll do it anyway. (P7)

#syscourse #pro syscourse conversation #tosd #theory of structural dissociation #did #osdd #actuallydissociative #actuallydid #actuallyosdd #actually traumagenic #debunk #research #weird that the icd would include it if it held no merit

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minecraftbookshelf · 1 year

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How was little Jimmy taught was he a homeschooled kid and what did he learn about Rivendell when he was young and was the information biased since they where allied with the wither rose alliance it had to have been covered in the lessons because he would need to know about the other empires

so how did the knowledge he had about Rivendell affect his opinion of an arranged marriage

i mean he probably didn’t think an arranged marriage was weird his sister was in one and it a normal royal thing but did the fact that it was to a prince of Rivendell give him pause

With the disclaimer that I'm still in the process of sorting out the exact timeline so all dates/measures of years are tenative...

Wee little Jimmy had the best tutors that Lizzie and Joel's combined resources could find for the more "royalty oriented stuff" and he also attended an ocean kingdom preschool and elementary school for a bit before the delayed aging thing got too weird for it. (Lizzie wanted to at least make an attempt to get him properly socialized, Joel read so many parenting books and talked at her about them so they were both mildly obsessing over it). He also got a lot of stories from Pix whenever he visited.

So most of his education was homeschooling. In the sense that he was at home and the only student. A lot of his education was also just following Lizzie and sometimes Joel around as they went about their days and duties. Between the hands-on parenting and the length of his childhood he is honestly probably one of if not the most prepared rulers. (Not that he feels like it at all)

Rivendell was very isolationist and something of a mystery outside its own borders, with the exception of their only allies/outside contacts; House Blossom. This predated Jimmy's life span, as it had persisted for a few Elvish generations.

It was a huge shakeup when Xornoth took power, about ~50-75 years before the events of the main story, even before they opened Rivendell's borders. It tends to make the gossip circuits when an exiled prince returns home, kills their parents, takes over the ruling power, and functionally vanishes their younger sibling. Jimmy was in the equivilant of his late teens when that happened and the Cod Swamp was in the early stages of seperating from the Ocean Empire as an autonomous nation so he was kind of distracted. (Not because of any tensions with Lizzie or anything, there were just a lot of logistics happening and being discussed and he had just been appointed Codfather by the Cod Council and was very stressed about everything all the time)

The alliance between Rivendell and the WRA literally happened because Pearl looked at Xornoth and decided they were friend-shaped and dragged them along. So there is a degree of seperation there. It's also a matter of proximity. Rivendell is sandwiched between House Blossom's holdings and the Crystal Cliffs so those are the closest political alliances out of necessity as much as anything.

And yeah, an arranged marriage was hardly a shock in and of itself. Mostly its just kind of uncomfortable because of the tensions between Mythland and the Cod Swamp and the fact that if something goes wrong Rivendell is going to go from "a friend of my enemies" to potentially "my enemy".

And of course also the entire Ocean Alliance has been squinting at Xornoth for the past almost-century like "Are they imprisoning their brother? Is this something we should be concerned about?" Honestly the biggest surprise for all of them (Except Pix) was the confirmation that Scott was alive.

#empires smp #empires s1 #solidaritygaming #ldshadowlady #xornoth #ask and it shall be answered #adina123 #rain rambles #smajor1995 #marriage of state au #mos: worldbuilding #mos: jimmy #mos: rivendell #mos: xornoth #mos: wra #mos: the swamp

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peach-and-bugs · 10 months

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Little vent about the current debate going on because of the Jasmin comments:

I am so so tired of lgbtq+ discourse, it makes me feel so old

I feel really lucky that I had older queer people in my life who kept me in check. And I mean older queer people as in a few years older than me in high school. They helped me develop my interest in queer history, which is the backbone of our community.

A huge reason we keep doubling back on the same conversations is because people don’t look at the early history behind queerness! A lot of the terms we use now aren’t knew. They haven’t changed, and we need to stop trying to change them!

Lesbianism has always been about non men who love other non men. Lesbianism also can’t be just a romantic orientation, unlike other orientations. Lesbianism is rooted in both romantic and sexual attraction (this is in regards to the idea of “bi-lesbians” and “pan-lesbians”. AroAce lesbians have been around forever and again, are part of queer history)

This also goes in hand with debated like “can trans men/trans masks be lesbians” and “does a lesbian who doesn’t want to have sex with a penis make them transphobic”. I’m so tired of lesbianism being debated constantly!

We don’t see this kind of debate with gay men, so why do we have to deal with it as lesbians? It’s exhausting and makes me not want to talk about my sexuality online because even in spaces that are supposed to be safe we still deal with these debates.

Please, learn your queer history. Take the time to learn about the people and culture that came before us, because we didn’t invent anything. Listen to our queer elders and learn from them, because if we don’t it’s just going to cause more discourse in our community which is already facing so much from others

#◛⑅·˚ ༘ ♡ kay's at it again♡#leabian #lesbian discourse #jasmin savoy brown #queer history

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evangelinesbible · 1 year

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WHY I HATE MY 11H CACNER SATURN

There’s regular loneliness and there’s extreme loneliness and call me biased but I feel like 11H Saturns understand extreme loneliness, unfortunately. Idk why I fell compelled to write about this but it was just one of those days when you sit on silence for too long and your mind wonders.

⚜️ Saturn rules over restrictions and delays. 11H rules over social groups and friends. So you can see that the two together is very hard to deal with.

⚜️ Now if it was in a sign like Aries or maybe Aquarius it’d be easier because those are relatively independent signs and wouldn’t struggle with the need of wanting to have people around them all the time or having the comfort of knowing that they have people who aren’t leaving for a long time

⚜️ But because the sign is in Cancer, the sign ruling over family, and relatively a people oriented sign, it can make you feel so lonely in a room full of people.

⚜️ And for me specifically because I have a 7H sun in Pisces and Taurus Venus AND a 4H moon having friends that feel like family and wanting to be close to people that care about me the way I way for them it make it so hard to live with it.

⚜️ Never being in a definite friend group or feeling like the 3rd wheel in other peoples friendships. Calling someone my best friend but they never called me that instead they’d call someone else their best friend. Friends who stopped talking when school was out for the summer and then suddenly talking again because the school year started up again. Seeing people with friendships that’ve lasted since childhood and me never having that childhood best friend. Or seeing people who used to call me best friend get closer to someone else faster than they did with me. This placement can make people feel big worthy of long term friendships

⚜️ Now every time I make new friends I hope that they’ll be in my life for a very very long time but realistically I know that they have other friends, who they’ve known way longer than they’ve known me, friends who they go to instead of me. I’m just a part time friend, a friend for now, whilst I’m searching for a friend forever.

⚜️ Long long nights wishing I had a constant support. And with the friends that I do have I worry all the time that the day will come where they stop respond to texts and we grow apart I might be hypocritical here but there’s nothing entirely wrong with be selfish and wanting the same love back. Tho I sometimes tend to stop talking to others in a form of self sabotage with the fear that they’ll do it first.

⚜️ Now it is not always the case for 11H Saturns to have this problem. Depends on the sign and the rest of your chart. Some have the opposite effect and tend to have the same friends for a very long time. But regardless most people do have problems making new friends or getting opportunities to make new friends

⚜️ Astrology is fun and can show you your potential in all your life ventures, but it can also expose the problems you’ve been dealing with for a very very long time. I’m learning to deal with this placement and to not hate it but so far it hasn’t done me good, other than helping me see the fake friends verses the real ones. I just hope that as I grow and mature I find my people and they find me.

- ⚜️💫⚜️

#astrology #astro observations #astro placements #astro notes #astrology notes #rant #pisces #aries #capricorn #taurus #cancer #11th house #Saturn #11th house Saturn #cancer Saturn

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eatmangoesnekkid · 6 months

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*Revised: It's important that I came back and revised my post, be a bit more deliberate and sensitive around matters of the heart. Here is a copy of my revised post on war, Black woman martyrdom, painful monthly periods, and fear/division. There are a lot of downloads and codes I freely share in this post. It's a long read but perhaps edifying for anyone with eyes to see/feel. _____ While we are all connected and part of the one human race, as a woman of African ancestry living in possession of the Mitochondria Eve Gene, it is my duty to not live as a martyr for this world. This is not a statement of arrogance or "supremacy" over anyone else, those codes our egoic predatory system was created from. It is just the way DNA/ancestry works. It is similar to why I'm looking for a 2nd home in a warmer climate because my texture and physiology require incredible doses of sunlight in order for me to function optimally. My resources to be of service are limited when living far away from the Equator. It is just how biology organizes and harmonizes a specific circadian rhythmic requirement that will be different for us all. Currently I live full-time in a northern European climate with very little sun, a shared life in a small cute house in the city with my lover of 8 years. So when I speak about the Mitochondria Eve Gene, it is merely a similar fact and not about division and other foolishness. The Mitochondria Eve Gene is deeply valuable like sunlight. I won't get into here. It has already been laid out in The Melody of Love Book 1. When I was in my 20s, my periods used to be heavy and would always come through my pants/skirts. I wore double pads because I had golf ball size clots. I cramped painfully every month, so much so, that I was a regular at my school's infirmary on day 1 of my bleed time. They would give me a shot and I would fall right to sleep on their hospital bed and when I woke up 2-3 hours later, all pain was gone. Back then I looked forward to getting that shot and the routine schedule of my boyfriend picking me up after I had wept and slept. At that time, I loved that the nurse would numb me and I didn't feel any symptom. The numbing (lack of feeling of truth) allowed me to function again in my classes as a regular student. Back then, 27 years ago, I was a budding activist, a member of a popular pink and green sorority, and fully into the news media and celebrities. Whatever was going on racially-charged, I was marching and carrying signs. One day, in my visions while laying on the infirmary bed, I saw myself spending decades being a martyr in another lifetime. I made the decision around 30 years old to no longer be a martyr for this world and started fortifying my body with rest, movement, sun, and vitamin c. And now my periods/moon times are incredibly pleasurable and always pain-free. This shift in reality divined me even more deeper information around the nature of how life works in a female body.

As a melaninated female, my body, emotions, and other stargates were programmed to be siphoned by this world from birth. I was conditioned to value profit and productivity over pleasure and wellness and for my labor to be used as resources for other people's lives, dreams, and adventures. And the foundational predatory nature of our Western society was built off the backs of my lineage to exploit and extract from other Black and Brown bodies. That means that I was programmed to work harder on a job than I worked on myself (my own cells) so that I could not create and live a life that truly belonged to me. So no I am not going to be thinking too much or overly emotional about anything happening in the world right now. And when I feel myself leaning too far right or left, I'm going to bring my energy back to center inside my spine and orient it towards natural beauty, movement, sound, deep nourishment, hydration, and love, feeling the sensation of love move through my body parts, learning love in my psyche, remembering how to love my body, love my -body in relationship to other bodies, and love other bodies. Please don't ask me what I feel about the insanity system of war after war, loss of freedom after loss of freedom, in an inflamed world. It is my duty to the grandmothers to heal the "evil" "conflict" and "war" from within me so that I can grow my life force energy in ways that allow me to be of service anywhere I land. This means I bring my emotions (energy) back home so that I think clearly enough to not bypass my body and go lay down and rest when I feel tired so that I may feel steady and emotionally sober. Say "no" to going out late at night when I know I need more rest. Turn off my electronics a few hours before bed time so that I can take care of my circadian biology and not start to prematurely atrophy in my spine, joints and muscles. Spend my time/resources on making fresh sourdough break or making love in some way. Touch my tissues and slow-braid my wild hair. Get massages and strengthen my legs/root. Weep and leak whether suppressed grief or unrepressed ecstasy. What is happening in the world is terrible in very clear obvious ways. It's been happening in some way for a long time and now the evil is brought out of the dark into the light. This is how life goes. It has been this way for eons, Loved Ones.

Oftentimes the solution is less talking and more deep listening. I do not need to always speak or have commentary about everything and neither should you. I do not care to constantly scroll and stay abreast of single thing going on in world, and live in a perpetual state of panic and unrest as a result. It is still my duty to the lineages that live through me not to be so externally-focused and put any part of my body back into a cage without guilt or shame. Understanding this geometry 14 years ago continues to free my cells, tissues, and organs. Now I get to spend 2 hours in a bathing ritual, receiving instead of constantly creating, and living exemplary in this world so that I may help free other woman and female bodied people so that we, together, may be a guiding lights in different parts of the world. I do not take the gift lightly.

Here are other considerations to think about:

1. Divide and conquer is one of the oldest shadows in human history. Start to question everything you see and read online, including from me. 2. What happens in the collective also happens within us. If chaos or evil is happening out there (as it has been happening), you must also locate the “evil” or "chaos" that is happening within you in order to free your waters fully and become more aware in a deeper way. Who or what has your emotion also has part ownership of your waters.Water consciousness/emotions/awareness/the subconscious --it's all connected. 3. This is just the beginning, loved ones. You must also open up your heart, strengthen your 3rd eye and belly, and manage your nervous and immune systems so that you have the capacity to read between the lines of division and binaries. 4. A dehydrated body is mentally unclear and physiologically unable to think clearly, process life soundly, and make grounded choices 5. . It’s impossible to imbue logic from interconnected systems organized to be harmful from the start where one group of people "loses" and another group of people seemingly "wins." Meaning —less intellect is required now and more clarifying body-based intelligence. You must root down into your body for direction and clarity. If you have very little connection to your body, this will be challenging, accept that. Begin to align with people who are more connected to their body/intuition and learn from them. We are going to have lean on and trust each other a little more. Because not everyone has the same skillsets or gifts—which means we are all incredibly necessary. 6. Times will get tough for some (many) people because there are some deeper realities happening underneath what is being presented on the surface. It’s not an easy thing to speak about publicly because many people's hearts, nervous systems, and addictions need some tending to. Mystery schools like mine and others will be essential. 7. Those who have divine feminine mystery schools must be willing to be students and observers in one another’s school. Division, sneakiness, or competition as modeled by living in a predatory system have to be released from the body and left alone for good. 8. You must tend to your mind and not allow it to take over your body with its judgments, fears, insecurities, and criticisms. Remember yourself as s an embodiment of love. Think about love for 3 or minutes and your body begins to produce the chemistry of love inside your tissues. Your thoughts (masculine) and feelings (feminine) produce a 3rd thing, in this case, a vibration of love that interacts with the electromagnetic field. How you think creates a frequency that greatly contributes to raising your frequency and creating a new future reality. In other words, slow down and be more present and conscious of your thoughts and how you are thinking and tune into what you are feeling. -India Ame'ye, Author

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