#but i feel like if theres an issue its somewhere in that

[desire-mona]

siiiigh. todd autism headcanons because im projecting.

(using they/he/she pronouns for todd in this post. will explain but also if u dont agree i dont care, tw for alcoholism. time period is vague but autism hasnt existed as a legitimate medical diagnosis for all that long, so keep it in mind i guess.)

- cannot for the life of him stand welton's blankets. so itchy, just thin enough to not warm you up enough but still make you sweat, not long enough to cover your entire body. yes im making the blanket line in their poem about actual blankets, a boy needs to vent somewhere.

- beyond terrible temperature regulation, ALWAYS just a little too hot which is made worse by her sensory issues when it comes to wet fabric. constant slight agony and it never really goes away. theyre about 5 minutes away from crying about how uncomfortable they are at all times.

- had god awful handwriting until high school, like his teachers could BARELY read his handwriting it was Bad. OOOOOH OH MY GOD THERES A TRAIN GOING BY I CAN HEAR IT HONKING this is a really ironic thing to be pointing out rn but its sooooo worth mentioning. its still honking this is fun. 🚂. anyway. her parents made her spend an entire summer fixing her handwriting bc that was like the One thing her teachers criticised. its Fine now but their motor function simply doesn't deliver in the handwriting department.

- had a VERY INTENSE special interest in aquatic life + marine biology growing up, like read every book about any ocean animal in any library intense. his parents eventually forced him to abandon it because its "not a good career focus" but he still perks up when anyone mentions fish. once talked neils ear off about the biodiversity of coral reefs for roughly 2 hours, neil took her to an aquarium for their first date. rip todd anderson you wouldve loved spongebob squarepants.

- looooves pets, namely cats, but they have Too Sweaty hands all the time so any animal fur sticks onto their hands and just feels. so awful.

- had a brief period in his 20s where he was definitely an alcoholic, started as a social drinker but got too addicted to the feeling of not having to adhere to social conventions quite as hard, especially around other drunk ppl. eventually went sober after they realised they just Cant Stand the feeling of a hangover anymore. autistic ppl r more likely to develop a dependency on alcohol if we do start drinking. just btw.

- gets a Pretty Expansive vocabulary after actually starting to pursue literature. sometimes his family lightly teases him about using big words but it confuses the hell out of him. its just a word she thought would apply best!!

- soooooo obsessed with what other ppls idea of them is, both in an anxious way and out of genuine curiosity. would never ask ppl what they think of her bc she thinks thats 1) very broad 2) seems compliment fish-y and 3) just gonna lead to "i think ur great/ nice/ whatever filler compliment." but the dream is to sit someone (neil) down and just ask him every single question possible about how he perceives him.

- asks a billion clarifying questions about anything someone asks him to do, gets anxious about how many questions he's asking, tries to just figure it out, freaks out about the possibility of getting it wrong, ends up doing the thing perfectly. weekly occurrence.

- never fully grasped the appeal of religion (most definitely grew up catholic or christian or Something) just bc she could NOT let the lack of proof go. ALSO not an atheist bc the vastness of space scares them out of it. religious beliefs r a weird topic for them.

- suppresses a good chunk of his stims in public bc One total time someone looked at him weird while he was chewing on a sweatshirt string and he was like i gotta stop NOW. eventually develops tics and has to mask THOSE in public too. dear god someone let this girl unmask. also i started ticcing while writing that bc my body does this great thing where i only tic when im reminded of the concept of ticcing. its great and totally doesnt make me think im faking them (faking for who? dunno bc it usually happens when im alone)

- DOES in fact stim around neil bc NEIL STIMS TOO!!!!!!!! joyous day when they found THAT out! gets vocal stims of random lines from whatever play neil is practicing for. YEAA ART THOU THEEEEREE was a vocal stim for a solid week and a half which made neil VERY excited (autistic neil. how i love u autistic anderperry)

- velcro is The most evil vile disgusting material to ever grace this mortal realm. he hates it more than anything ever and i mean that fully. the feeling of BOTH sides, the noise, how easily it comes apart, she hates it all.

this is the gender part

never really viewed gender and gender roles as anything to adhere to beyond the fear of punishment if they dont. finds any social convention relating to gender to be Really dumb and meaningless, bc gender isn't (scientifically) real in any capacity, so why treat it like that? for the longest time just shrugged and said "eh, i guess im a boy" bc thats what she was used to being told, and didn't feel particularly drawn to agree OR disagree. eventually realised on a late night that Wait. i dont Actually care what i am. like yeah im a Male i guess but also im just me. my brain doesnt have a gender and i basically am my brain, right? and then never really thought about it again because that's genuinely how little he cares. adhering the most to canon with that mindset, she never really tells anyone (for obvious reasons on top of the overall apathy) and just lets the he/him happen to her but. in my dream world? agender they/he/she todd anderson. and this is MY blog so those are the pronouns im using from now on. i will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl very often view gender differently than allistic ppl, will forever love talking abt how autistic ppl are more likely to be trans. autism!!!

also yes that entire paragraph is just my view of gender, change the pronouns and the todd mentions and its just me. what of it.

#desire mona #YAYYYYYYYY TODD AUTISM POST #do yall want a seperate autistic anderperry hc post cuz i can do that #genderqueer todd i love you so much #dead poets society #todd anderson #anderperry #the todd spectrum #actually autistic #banger

[somethingsomethingcomic]

beware my wine rants

#hi im back and experimenting #ive had the gnarliest art block for the past like month and a half sorry! i made this to try to break out of it #for more context this happened on the night we got drunk and watched spiderman 2 (2004) and i looked up the soundtrack afterwards #and fell down a rabbithole bc switchfoot is on it #my dad used to listen to contemporary christian radio (probably still does) so i heard a lot of the more popular Christian hits of the 2000s #also christian stations will play what the fuck ever sometimes if a song can be read in even a little bit of a christian way #idk how christian the fray is (ig they did make 'you found me' but.) but ive heard 'how to save a life' on christian stations #and theres plenty of like. really lowkey christian bands. like switchfoot! and relient k! #most ppl alive in the 00s have probably heard 'dare you to move' just in nature. and christian stations loved that one #newsboys is on that spectrum somewhere i think. they did 'belly of the whale' for the Jonah a veggietales movie #and the dvd bonus features include the music video for that plus the video for 'a million pieces' which doesnt feel overtly christian to me #anyway! i hope everyone likes this vertical format! and the coloring. im still trying to adjust my style for that part #when csp says 'brightness' it does not nean 'color value' which is an issue for my new method #but yknow its a learning curve #furry #queer artist #smth smth #queer comics #trans artist

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭 #so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-] #unrelated

[martyrbat]

me: omg,, she looks so good here <3

she:

[ID: low res Rose Wilson against a green bush and light blue sky. She's facing the viewer and is drawn with no face features and has her arms spread out at her sides. There's a shock bubble enclosing her head as she looks at something off panel. END ID]

#the something is lian talking to cheshire but like. u get the point #i feel like an over enthusiastic parent when their kid gets the role of tree number three in a school play #just pointing at her and cheering. yelling out that THATS my girl and that shes the best goddamn tree theres ever been and that kid in the #lead could NEVER. zooming in on her with the bulky video camera and mouth 'ur doing great sweetie' as she just stands there #rose wilson #c: the titans (1999) | i: 27 #pretty sure its issue 27. somewhere around that area :)

[pointsfortrying]

I think the worst part ab getting back into old hyperfixations is - besides cringing at your past self - seeing all of the deactivated blogs or knowing things are missing

#rye rambles #art n fics n edits i loved and wont be able to see again unless its archived somewhere or another... #the cringe is Very up there though orgh #gjskgkslfmdl me when i accept that ive grown as a person and therefore will have issues with who i was before but also DAMN #we dont talk ab me anytime before today but also Specifically dont talk ab 2015-2017 me #baby ryes first days on the internet/social media/tumblr surely that must've went well #gjskgks #hyperfixation in question is un.dertale..... finally played the game and God #i had a decent amount of conflicting feelings due to personal experiences but i love the game #its such an incredible game #love the characters and missed them.... #i find some irony that im currently back into the two games i was first into when i first became aware of fandoms #but sometimes it b like that #sighs. #i do wish there was a way to see everything from back then fully.... #i know theres not not rly but damn #vivid reminder of how fragile the state of internet n art can be

[maskyartist]

*grips my pen violently trying to do lineart* dont make another brozone au dont do it dont make it based off persona shadows DONT-

(more ranting about it in the tags cause if i did it here we'd be lookin at paragraphs of text and that aint the vibe today)

#masky says #trolls dreamworks #i am plagued by visions umu tragic i know #think p4 rather then like p5 or smth #only instead of some secret dimension maybe its like a mirror they find somewhere?? #brings out their truest selves??? #either way i love the mental image of shadow JD grabbing himself and just screaming 'YOU WISH YOU WERE DEAD! ADMIT IT!' #or shadow Clay laughing at himself and telling him so easily that 'you WISH you were me! everyone LOVES the fun boy no one wanted YOU!' #bruce staring at a reflection of his insecurities just such a sad shadow constantly beating himself up for being too big and too dramatic #too 'himself' you could say #floyd having to handle his shadow parroting all those nasty thoughts hes had about his solo career #about his career in and out of the band. if hes useful. if hes worth any trouble after all his bros had to do for him. #and then theres branch...who is ABSOLUTELY like a final boss here he is TROUBLED #hes got ISSUES i cant even put it all in the tags here we'd be here all day #but listen. listen its the way he'd switch between being the lil kid everyone left behind feeling pathetic and sad for himself- #-and his grey self from way back when who still holds resentment for no one ever believing him #and then himself NOW who just feels so...lost now that he has 'everything' he wanted. #what does he do now? #maybe later....another day another day >3> #just love the idea of the bros havin some sorta fight about it around the mirror-gem-things (im thinkin that cave from pkmn X) #(yknow the one that had the reflecting walls???? thats the vibe here mystic and a lil spooky) #anyways t hey get back to the village around dark and people are NOT happy with them >3> #apparently the brothers have been causing trouble or being nuisances all day #and thats when they eventually stumble across the Shadows just dickin around as their 'truest selves' :) #sorry im done now but yall are gonna be plagued if im plagued

[alsoyooraiyah]

Feeling a bit hmm about the day… got lots done but i think there’s still some regret about not having really finished the stuff i planned for the day? Got to chip away at something important + do some errands that i know my mom has been looking forward to me doing + inspiration struck for like 5 different ideas that i got to sketch but it doesnt feel like enough

#like objectively my days have been the most productive theyve been for a long time ever since i #started taking these new meds daily but i guess at this point its really a mindset issue of not feeling like i do enough? #but like. a lot of my day really does get lost to stuff that i deem distractions that really arent important and #whenever i do them im like ‘i could be drawing right now’ #but also i kinda feel like i feel this way bc when i got home from doing errands and working in a tea shop somewhere #theres no internet at home (until now tbh) so a lot of the stuff i had planned for the evening got put on hold #so like. is the feeling of not really having done much justified? half ig idk #god i wish i had dola’s super good ability to focus on anything she wanted at will #i think part of the feeling is like… ending up multitasking so it doesnt register that i spent a significant amnt of time doing smthing #but really if i count up the minutes i did? #idk…

[dyketubbo]

sorry to like. any of my followers who followed for qsmp just to see me be abnormal about doomsday . ive got like issues

#im not well about doomsday it turns on the toxic debator in me #i think its interestinf and i think its good as a core conflict #BUT NOTHING WAS FUCKING DONE WITH THE CONFLICT SO IT JUST. #ENDED UP BEING REALLY CRUEL AND ONLY USED TO BE SAD ABOUT FOR A FEW MINUTES BEFORE MOVING ON #liek . like. like. like #its not as if i wouldnt KEEP doomsday. but if it has to happen #for the love of fucking god i wish the characters could have *talked* about it for more than like a few minutes #IT ALMOST SEEMED LIKE IT WAS GOING TO GO SOMEWHERE AT POINTS #BUT THEN NOTHINF ACTUALLY HAPPENED #and theres nothing like. good about what happened. it didnt solve any problems #in fact everyone involved got WORSE #and thats INTERESTING. BUT NOTHING WAS DONE ABOUT ITTTTTAAAAUUUGGHRHRGH #i dont mean it didnt affect the characters on individual levels. it did #i mean that i needed resolution. proper conversation. reconciliation and consideration from ctechno and cphil #if youre going to have something so awful and irreversible happen. incorporate resolution. #yes its a tragedy but dsmp does not feel like a story that a true tragic end fits. whatsoever #a whole country was blown up to *bedrock*. history was lost. permanently. it traumatized multiple characters #some of which were literal teenagers #the people who lost their home didnt benefit from any of it. at all. except MAYBE ranboo and they still had issues #they needed to work out about their feelings on nlm #doomsday trio benefited. and that was it #AND WE NEVER . GET ANY PROPER RESOLUTION ABOUT IT. AAUUUUUGGHH #they lost their HISTORY. their COUNTRY. their HOMES. #and the narrative spits on them and says well you learned a lesson didnt you? you deserved it. stay down. stay on the losing side. fuck you #thats stupid. its soooo stupid and narratively cruel and i think. dsmp works better as a hopeful story #the way the doomsday conflict ended up fizzling out is a massive pile of cow shit on that #theres no hope in just going well actually 🤓 the butcher army tried to kill techno for threatening their country #so the country being destroyed is a GOOD thing 🤗 quackity and tubbo and fundy were actually RIGHT #to be paranoid. because they were right! ctechno worked with cdream and blew up their whole country #huh? what do you mean this is terrifying and the fucked up morals of everyone in this situation should have been actually addressed

[cloneslugs]

ik rusty and brock are very nonchalant about the clones 19 years down the line but i do think the first time they had to use them must have been awful, assuming jonas sr didn't have it perfected/completed for rusty . the clone slugs are one thing, but the computer housing their memories/selves (the computerized [souls]) is a whole different mess, plus it also just means watching your kids die (for the first time) . and it's not like competent clones are a thing you can test for. sure you can check that the slugs are functioning and healthy, but it's not like you can test your backup data is gonna work bc once you put that into a slug then it's not a clone slug anymore, now it's your son, and neither of you are gonna kill your son . one of you is supposed to keep those kids alive (well really both of you, but one of you is specifically hired for it) & one of you is such a failure in all things science, all you can do is hang on to your father's coattails and hope he keeps you afloat, but you call these slugs your life's work. and sure your dad was doing some clone research when he was alive, but these boys arent his, they're yours. And you dont want to be your father as a father you want to be your father as a scientist, and you make these clones because you're a father, not because you're a scientist . etc etc dont know where i was going w this . rips off my shirt to show off another shirt that says "ask me about my ideas on the vital relationships related to clone slug twin sons"

#rusty has such a special relationship + view of the sl/ugs vs how everyone else sees them it makes me crazy #text tag #really odd to think about in the magic sense that H+D (presently) dont have souls bc . theyre clones #theres not some [magic] afterlife with 15 Hs + Ds somewhere bc theres just those lost original ones #which means something to dr.o but not to rusty . bc his boys are always his boys even when they die #also really interesting from TDB&TBG . B has a very special relationship w the boys as well . separate from the clones #he keeps specific track of every death + which number set died how and when and where etc . very meticulous #two separate relationships w their kids in a sense #R values the boys but has no hangups w using the clones if accidents happen & B is very meticulous about avoiding accidents at all costs #i can imagine as someone [hired] to protect them . from the start its going to feel like your fault. youre a failure #not that R is okay w them dying whenever over and over again or as if he doesnt care. seen in s4 hes a lot more careful w the boys #he stops adventuring altogether . and he has that one like w H in the lab in 0401 #this is not an issue of one of them loving or caring for them any more than the other . bc there isnt a clear winner imo . its just diff #stances on things

[n0ct0urn1quet]

hgonesly at this point i really do wish i could just say Fuck It and disappear off the face of the earth for a little bit bc honestly . i donot want to be alive

#2023 off to a banger start for me (got into an argument with my mom on new years about her bf reminding me of my abusive dad #and havent had peace or a good nights sleep since!!!!!!!!!!!) #i am absolutely fucking miserable and i just donot want to Do It anymore #i hate this house i hate the people i live with i hate this world and i hate everything thats happening to jme but i cant do anytihing #i cant do anything to Fix Anything i cant do anything abt my problems theres just so much Wrong With Me that i dont know how to fix #i dont know if i CAN fix most of the issues i have. i have so much ptsd and trauma from so many different things and its all just. hghg #and i want so badly to just let it out and talk to the people Around Me about it bc it is Serious and i shouldnt be just not talking about #it but. i just cant bring myself to Do That. i am constantly afraid that the people around me will be angry with me if i even so much as #speak up about the things that make me upset and its not their fault and its no ones fault but my own and i just dont know what to Do #im scared of confrontation and im worried that if i try to talk about it its gonna lead to an argument!!! i know it wouldnt but im terrifed #so id rather just not talk about it. which then leads to the problem not getting resolved because. fuck man im sure the people around me #know that somethings up but i never bring it up so therefore they never find out and it gets swept under the rug like all my other issues #i pride myself on being good at being emotional and being open but in reality i am emotional. yes. but not at all good at being open #ive never been good at it and i feel so BAD because like. yes i love you. yes i trust you and i know you would never ever be mad at me #for just talking about my feelings. i know this and i love you for it. but im so bad at conveying that. even though i trust you with mylife #im just bad at opening up. it does not matter how long we've known each other its just such a struggle for me to Be Open to anyone #of course its not much better that im coming to tumblr and puttign this here for 100+ people to see but just. i dont know #im mentally unstable ive never had good coping mechanisms and im the only person awake and everyone else that i usually vent to is asleep #so all my thoughts just get piled up into one messy little ball and it gets thrown to tumblr because i need somewhere to put them #im sorry. im exhausted. its been a long week and i wish i could just hybernate for the rest of the month and not interact with anyone #i just wish i could mvoe out and live with my gf and our cat. that is all i want and that is the only thing that would fix me

[imjustexistingtbh]

AHHH i feel like im on the verge of a panic attack and im justified by it but also. also. also. AUGH.

#just jupiter #story time: #so my friend and i are getting an appartment for next year. and i've been pushing and pushing and pushing on the issue for the past three #three months because appartments have been filling up and we desperately need one. bc. obviously we need somewhere to live #and we found a complex we liked that was cheap and pretty good and close to campus and i filled out my application and finished it by #by mid february. and for the past MONTH i have been waiting for him to finish his and granted he was waiting for his mom to sign stuff caus #cause hes still a minor and she just was NOt doing it and it was so frustrating. but i feel like a jerk bc i keep nagging at him to get it #it done but i also kept getting emails saying spots are filling up spots are filling up #and then earlier today i got a notice that there was only ONE appartment left and he just FINALLy got his paperwork done and now we need to #to sign the lease asap to get it but he said he can get it done by sunday but im like. dude. we need it TONIGHT if possible #and im just stressing out over everything and AHHHHHH #and im justified in stressing out because its something we NEED. like we can't just not have a home next year. and its out of my control an #and has BEEN out of my control for a month now as i keep getting more and more stressed out about it and theres nothing i can do and AHHHHH #i feel like im going to cry and panic and scream and throw up at thtte same time and its not fun. #i need to take my anxidty medicine dont i. yeah. ill go do that #vent

[skitskatdacat63]

Sebcedes fmv to Twilight by Bôa. It only exists in my head unfortunately

#EVERY TIME I LISTEN TO THAT DAMN SONG #i am just struck by 'huh wow this reminds me of sebcedes' #never do i not think this. it just pops into my head unbidden #the issue w daydreaming to music is that i could never make an edit bcs i just imagine a whole cinematic journey #bur god the lyrics. suits them. so well. heres a few examples 🥰 #also ig the song would be from nico's perspective singing abt Lewis and 'her' is Seb obv #'you feel the same way about her that i do for you. about her' #'and you're feeling. and you're hungry for her. and i dont understand it.' #'your feelings and mine are all lonely. and dawn comes. you're lying there with me + #and you reach out to touch me. but i am in the twilight.' #'and you know i love you but you know that. theres nothing you can do about it. because you love her and still want me' #'if i could be her. but I'm not her and she's not me +' #'+ and you're somewhere different. on a different planet.' #'and you're still hungry for her. and you still want her loving. but she doesn't love you.' #LIKE GOD . ITS SO THEM ;;;;;;; #its so 2015-2016 core with them together constantly #and lewis starting to move to seb and ignoring nico #and nico is in the 'twilight' he cant be reached #but god the 'you love her but you still want me' 🫠🫠🫠 #and the thing abt lewis being on a 'different planet' soooooo just. yeah. #and the line abt 'if i could be her. but im not her and shes not me' THE TWINCEST!!!!!!!!!!! THEYRE SIMILAR BUT NOT #am i making sense???? i hope so!!!! this brainrots me so much #catie.rambling.txt

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#theres a quote somewhere abt an adviser of a religious leader in... maybe the middle ages? where the adviser is like: we need to convert X #group of people gently. if we force our beliefs down their throats they may just expell it back up #and im thinking abt it bc thats how my brain engages with things. like: oh i like a thing. i must consume as much info abt it as possible #right this very fucking second. and then suddenly its very stressful and my brain tries to reject it #but i cant bc the fucking metaphorical evangelical in my brain is like: no. u fucking listen to me #and im just like 😵‍💫 #which is to say that i didnt sleep much last night and overdosed on 0ne piece. which was not a good move bc now i just feel terrible #which i knew would happen bc i was like hm reading this fic sounds like a bad choice. lets fucking gooooo #and then i fucking trigger myself lmao. partly bc of the material in the fic and partially bc the last time i was reading 0ne piece fics i #was a lot more fucked in terms of my lack of self awareness. so it kinda inherently makes me think of back then and im like oh yea i used #to do X bad thing. i should go back to doing that lol. and its like No. stop. fucking. no #make better choices for the love of god. ugh fuck ive got too much i didnt sleep enough energy #im sure ill burn out way hard by the end of the day. channel that energy. channel that energy into finding an apartment in a fucking city #with a fucking housing shortage 😭 i dont wanna go back to having roommates. nooooooooo 😭😭😭 #bleh. im procrastinating going to work. work that i am voluntarily doing for no fucking reason except thst i have issues with #compulsive behavior lol. not lol. sad face 😭 hhhh im vibrating. i wanna run around in circles. why cant i be like this when i actually go #for runs >:-[ im always to fucking brain saturated by then and its a ll static and bees in my head #whatever. time to get tf up and take measurements #unrelated #lmao y did i start this with allusions to a religious quote i dont fucking remember hahahaha #ah its bc i find the contrast of serious academic and philosophical topics funny when i go from thinking abt them to fucking anime and #my petty bullshit. idk i habe a weird sense of humor maybe

[thebubblemaster]

.

#i need to like vent somewhere and this is as good a place as any bc tumblr hides long tags so pple can just scross past but #having chronic fatigue is so frustrating because im either asleep or exhausted and basic tasks feel impossible #during a fatigue spell i just cant function and i lose track of the time and the day and the world feels like it just moves around me #i have to save the little energy i have for feeding myself and maintaining my hygiene so sometimes i just lay in bed half asleep #i can either scroll through my phone or watch a video or something else that requires little movement or thought #bc if im not i might cry from how frustrated i am and how heavy my body feels and how sluggish my brain is and how slow my words are #and i just #comparing the really bad days to the really good ones brings a lot of melancholy bc the difference is so stark #on my best days i wake up early and clean my room and work out and get my hw done and go to every class and walk on campus #ill keep up with my laundry and dishes and ill go out with my roommates or meet with a friend or make it through a work shift #these are all such ordinary things that i take for granted when im well that i wish i could do at least one of when im unwell #i used to think it was laziness or stress or lack of sleep #i used to push myself to the point of feeling faint and get mad at myself for not being able to handle everyday life #i used to have breakdowns over my inability to function and have my parents list off all the things i was doing wrong that made me tired #i asked my mom if maybe i should go to the doctor and get some tests and she would tell me that theres no magical cure #that if my tests came back with nothing wrong then what would i do #even now knowing im developing a thyroid issue i find myself angry that there are days i cant do anything because of my fatigue #i would give anything to be functional even 80% of the time #ive never known what its like to not be slightly tired and unfocused and uncomfortable #its depressing

[alexisomnias]

— YOUR TEARS. . . | twst

⤷ you cry to them, how do they comfort you?

DM REQUEST: comfort fic, platonic or romantic, [TW] described panic attacks, crying

characters | DIASOMNIA

✎ MALLEUS DRACONIA

• When your crying, he tends to just sit and hold you. You don't have to speak or explain to him, he'll just hold you until your willing to talk or until you no longer want to be held.

• After you've calmed down, he'll invite you out on a walk! Fresh air always makes people more refreshed and he hopes it'll help you feel better.

• For the most part, I can see him wanting to distract you from your issues. Not in a way of invalidating them, but in more of a way distract you until your out of your depressive state. He would wait years, so don't worry darling. Your nothing close to a bother.

• He's not to educated on others feelings or emotions. But he knows he'll never be able to truly understand how your feeling. If you yourself are unsure of whatever is running through your mind, he knows there's no way he could either. Though, as long as he can be a pillar for you to lean on he's okay, and he'll be there with you until your smiling truthfully again.

        Malleus could feel you shake against his much taller frame. His hands rubbed along your arm comfortingly like how he remembered Lilia doing to him. The sound of your sobs echoing around as he holds you close. Ensuring he's hiding you from the prying eyes of the world around you both. A wall to cover you and keep you safe and comforted.         He doesn't say anything as you cry, he won't say anything unless you ask for it. His words hold less value then the ones of your own. He listens to you vent out your feelings when you wish to do so. And when you stop, he kisses your gentle, fragile skin.

"You don't have to be okay, you don't have to be okay for anyone. I'm not going to pretend I know what your going through, all I know is that everything feels like its falling apart." he whispers, voice gentle as he tried. "You don't have to explain what's going on in your head. I'm not above your thoughts like I know everything your feeling and I could explain it in a couple of words." he laughs, though the sound is doleful, his eyes gentle and soft. "I'll not leave, unless you want me to, and I'll not stop loving you."

✎ LILIA VANROUGE

• His embrace is very parental. Its filled with love and care, patience and understanding. He holds you like a father holding his child. Not like your fragile and you'll break with a slip of a finger, but instead like a valuable item he never wants to lose.

• He'll listen to you scream, yell, cry, vent, whatever it is you do when your depressed. And he'll listen with patience and cognizance. He'll affirm you positives and he'll ensure you know how cared for you are by those around you. Theres people that care, he'll remind. And he hopes you know he's one of those people.

• He'll never shy away from the issue like it'll be resolved in a few hours, or he'll never run away from it because he see's it as a problem. He doesn't want you to feel like your trapped in a dead end all alone.

• He'll sway to whatever you find most comfortable in these cases. He'll guide you away from self-destruction and into his arms. Somewhere, where you can cry and scream at the world for whatever your going through.

        The droplets of your tears stained his shirt, and the messy strands of your hair were held in his hands. He held you lightly, like you were enveloped by a cloud as you apologized. Lilia didn't know what for, or why in the world you'd apologize for emotions. Emotions everyone feels, emotions that differ from person to person. Feelings locked by a key, the key mold breaking the untold, unfamiliar breakdowns you experience.         Through many years Lilia's seen grief, mourning, pain, fear, depression. So he had a grasp of the emotions you were feeling but not what was running through your head. Your mind being uncharted territory he'll never uncover.

"I'll leave when you wish to be alone. You are not a burden to me, or to anyone else. because your just as anyone else, someone whos struggling and in need of light. I'm in no position to tell you what your feeling, or how you should feel, or even how you should handle it. Your the only one who can give your feelings names." he whispers. Lilia's voice echoing through your ears as he eases you through your distress. "You deserve the best, and when the world gives you challenges. I'll never stop being there to help you overcome them."

✎ SILVER

• Silver is not the best at comforting others, the best he can do is listen and learn. He'll sit back if you want him to, he'll make you something to eat if you want him to. He'll even leave if you are uncomfortable. Whatever you wish he'll try to sway.

• I can see Silver as the type to calm you to sleep. Hold you, maybe wrap you (and maybe him) in a pillow fortress and listen to calming music until you fall asleep. Then if you want to talk about it in the morning, he'd be willing to listen. He'll not force you into anything.

• He'll get you to try some healthy methods he does to help relieve stress! Like having certain scents around, eating, sleeping, writing down your issues, breathing exercises, etc). Or he'll try some of your methods alongside you. He doesn't want you to feel alone!

• He'll always be there to protect you from the outside. Like a wall to your heart, he stands around it ensuring nothing can break it!

        He sits down next to you, not too close, not too far. He listens to you cry, whether you wish to vent or just cry he's open to either. He's not going to tell you how you should handle your issues. He remembers his father listening to his issues whenever he was sad. So he's going to do the same to you.         Silver found it always helped having someone willing to go through a process with you. Not saying things like, "it'll get better soon", "You'll feel better", "This'll pass", because it won't. Sadness is an emotion that follows you throughout life, and while the thing that makes you sad may no longer be there, the feeling itself doesn't just "get better" like its some kind of problem.

"We can do whatever you want. I'll be here beside you the entire way until you want time for yourself. No distance or feeling will ever push me away from you." He affirms, his eyes pure like a jewel. Staring into yours as he helps you through your dark place. "So let yourself be, nobody can judge you based on feeling they don't even understand. I'll never judge you or stop loving you just because your being human."

✎ SEBEK ZIGVOLT

• Sebek is a more talkative comforter. His voice is still stern (and unfortunately loud) but he never condemns you for how you feel. He talks you through it, not dictating how your breakdown should go, but by responding to the things you say and helping you through and let everything out healthily.

• He listens for once, he lets you let everything out. Then after he brings you or takes you somewhere. Anything you'd like to do and he'll try to uplift you while also keeping the fact that your sad visible. He won't push the issue away but he won't drag it out.

• Sebek acknowledges how you feel. He won't lie straight to you, or act like a therapist or that its a scheduled meeting for you to talk about your feelings. He'll treat it as it is. Your sad, and that's okay. And he'll be there to assure you that whatever your feeling is rational.

• And if someone else made you cry? Don't get him started, he'd strike them down like they were an ant he never even saw.

        Sebek stands by you after your emotions settle and your breathing calms. The attack moving away as he takes its place. Standing there like a guard protecting their royalty. He was abnormally quiet, as if you were a kitten he was taking care of. He would never pity you, your a strong human. Strong emotionally for sure, he admires that about you.         His honesty knows no bounds and he'd say nothing but honest views he has on you, good or bad. Either way, he's ready to be there for every step of your life. Through rough, shallow, or peaceful times, he's ready to be the boat that never sinks.

"Your not ungrateful for feeling like this. Everyone feels like this sometimes and its all completely normal." he says,. "I feel like it sometimes, er, too. Bad weeks, days, or months will come and I hope to be here by your side during those trying times!" His voice was assured, and convincing. Like he was 100 percent sure he'd be there for you whenever you call. Like lightning striking down from the sky when thunder calls.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twised wonderland #twisted wonderland imagines #twst x reader #diasomnia #diasomnia x reader #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader #lilia vanrouge #lilia vanrouge x reader #silver vanrouge #silver x reader #sebek zigvolt #sebek zigvolt x reader #comfort fic #suns pencil.

[halcified]

gawd . gonna pop some tags here and expand on them but teru really is like... peak slow-burn horror as a character. hes, like, seven tragedies waltzing around in a colourful trench-coat. i like to think that the people around him put together the pieces eventually because, well, hes not exactly subtle, and even when we meet him there is this blaring feeling that something is wrong. aside from the obvious violence he commits, of course, but it just keeps fucking Building

even after his fight with mob, teru as a character is so focused on his capabilities and independence that even when he realizes hes a normal person he still cant believe hes a normal KID. he has to believe hes more mature or capable in Some Way because otherwise theres no way to rationalize what has been done to him-- which is why i find his pre-mob self so fascinating because he is just. Pure hurt. pure attention seeking in a way that overcompensates for what his parents never gave him. those issues never really get Dealt with, either. they just get compartmentalized differently.

it's so nonchalant, too. teru shares his living situation with two people-- mob, who he, at this point, believes is an unequivocally Good Person who wouldnt share more than he has without being prompted, and dimple who... is a ghost. he could exorcise him easily, but more than that, dimple can only communicate with psychics or those who can see him, which means esper kids (aka mob and ritsu, because those are the only esper kids teru's ever met) and esper adults. and to teru, if theyre an esper adult, that means theyre claw, which means they already know.

its hard to remember in the context of the whole show, but teru didnt even know reigen existed at this point-- regardless of assumed psychic status or not. teru had no reason to believe that any adult, especially not an esper adult, would care. it can be easy to read this as teru being cornered because he needed to bring mob somewhere safe, too, but considering how calculating of a character teru IS, its hard to believe he wouldnt at least be convincing himself of his control over the situation

teru views himself as a commoner who lives in uncommon circumstances and thinks its super normal and just happens to never to tell any adults about it-- except that hes stupidly smart and, for all his absurdity, has a pretty decent concept of, like, strategy, and how not to get fucked over by adults. this kid ( again, stupidly smart, figured out his ENTIRE CITY was being brainwashed before anyone else ) focuses so hard on Not thinking about how fucked his situation is that he convinces other people not to think about it, either.

and the thing is that we keep SEEING how adaptable and strategic he is. need a pyrokinetic? air whips? name the technique and teru is LEARNING it. it doesnt take a genius to note that your life is severely different to other peoples. no WONDER he grows up thinking the world revolves around him, he needs something to make it all make sense, and when he finally views himself as a commoner he cant help but urge everyone to look away from the curtains

#coughs. anyway #dont look at me guys im emotional #teruki hanazawa #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #mp100 meta #text