#but i guess i’ve been taken out of my shell a bit

[fiction-is-life]

Lousy Chaperones

Author’s Note:  I hope this cheers you up a bit!!! @ohwowimlonley​

Summary: You tag along on one of your sister Sarah’s dates with John B.

Warnings: Cameron!reader, none really

~

“Sarah, dad and Rose are gonna figure out that you’re sneaking out, and they’re going to blame me,” you called through her bathroom door.  The next thing you knew, the door flew open to show Sarah blow drying her hair, her hip propped up against the door jamb.

“Why don’t you come with me, then?” Sarah suggested, surprising you and making your eyes widen.  “John B said JJ will probably be there for a bit, and it might be nice for him to have someone to talk to as well so he doesn’t feel like a third wheel.”

Sarah turned away from you to look back in the mirror, missing you freeze in shock.  “JJ will be there?  Why will JJ be there?” you asked, stuttering only slightly.

Sarah shrugged.  “Of course he will be.  He and John B are best friends, and I think JJ’s date canceled on him.”

You nodded your head with a furrowed brow.  “Okay, um, I’ll go get ready then,” you said, already planning what you were going to wear.

~

“Sarah, are you sure about this?  I mean, I don’t really know JJ that well, and I don’t want to intrude on you and John B.”  You were trying to talk yourself out of going and you knew it.

Sarah rolled her eyes quickly as she drove towards the Cut.  “Come on, (Y/N/N), do this for me.  You may just have a good time.”

You huffed quietly.  “That’s not what I’m worried about,” you whispered as you pulled into the grass at the Chateau.

~

You couldn’t seem to break out of your shell as the four of you sat on the beach, intermittently eating and surfing.  JJ was just so charismatic; he never seemed to be awkward or out of place.  You were content to just listen to the three of them crack jokes and ignore the looks John B and Sarah were giving each other.  In fact, you were almost relaxed enough to join in when Sarah stood up, saying that she and John B were going to go on a walk by themselves.

“Sarah! Are you -”

“Sounds good!  (Y/N) and I will be fine,” JJ interrupted, throwing a wink in your direction.

Sarah threw a look back over her shoulder.  “Take good care of my sister, J,” she called in a sing-song voice.  

You bit your lip as you looked back at JJ.  “I guess it’s just you and me, JJ,” you spoke quietly.  

He chuckled, stretching his arms to lay them on the log behind him.  “Guess so.  It was only a matter of time, really.  They are crazy about each other.”

You laughed nervously along with him.  “Yeah, I’ve never seen Sarah so happy before,” you say honestly.  

“I never thought a Kook would come slum it on the Cut, to be honest,” JJ said, making your guards go up instantly.  He continued, however, “It kinda makes me think this whole Kooks vs. Pogues thing is all stupid, you know?”

Your mouth fell open in a perfect “O”, but you recovered yourself quickly enough with a nod of your head, squealing internally.

~

You tried to hide your shiver, but it couldn’t be helped now that the sun had set.  You and JJ had been talking for a couple of hours, not even wondering where Sarah and John B had gone as you laughed and taught each other party tricks and told funny stories about your respective friends.  

“Are you cold?  We can go back to the Twinkie and find you something to put on,” JJ said, already sitting up and putting his shoes back on.

You smiled, touched at his sweetness.  “Thanks, J.”  You hopped up and followed him closely as you made your way back to where John B had parked the Twinkie.

Except it wasn’t there.  

“Ah, shit, John B must have taken your sister back to the Chateau,” JJ huffed, running his hand through his blond locks.  He gave you a wry smile.  “I guess we’ll just have to walk.”

You smiled, subconsciously rubbing your arms to get some heat back into them.  “That’s okay.  It’s a pretty small island,” you joked.

He smiled, glad you were being so easy-going about the lovey-dovey couple’s disappearing act.  You started to walk towards the road with JJ at your side, just happy to be actually talking and hanging out with your forever crush.  Content just to be.

So you were really ecstatic when said crush put a warm arm around you, tugging you closer as you walked.

And JJ was glad to have finally convinced John B to go along with his plan.

~

Taglist: @adventuresinobx @bradleybeachbabe​ @starkeyobx @penny4yourthoughts​  @topperscumslut​ @drewbooooo @honeybear-yammy​ @gillybear17 @hoebx @darksideofmyshallow​ @fangirlfree @get0ut0fmyr00m @poppet05 @graywrites20 @yellowbitchs-blog @laneyy003 @hydraironcaptian @honeybuzzzzzz​​ @powellssugarbaby​​ @ietts @art3mas​

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#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fluff #obx fics #lovely moots 💕 #jj maybank x you #outer banks fanfiction #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank

[kiskyz]

“Seashells”

i started this in July, forgot about it, then finally finished it. sorry for my absence college and work is fucking me in the ass rn… Anyways enjoy!

TW: just general yandere shit

They say seashells hold the sound of ocean waves.

When you first saw one half buried in the sand, you dug it out and something inside you lit up. So you began collecting them.

The years flew by and your collection grew and grew.

In your 3rd year of high school, you ran into a strange man at the beach.

He gestured to the bag of seashells you were holding. “That’s quite a lot of seashells.”

The man had white hair and wasn’t dressed for the beach. What an odd character...

You looked up from the sand at him, “Yeah, I collect them.”

You held the bag up and the shovel in your other hand.

“Why seashells? They’re just old, protective shells for sea animals.” He asked.

You smiled, despite being a bit angry at his ignorance.

“Do I need a reason to like seashells and collect them?” You asked him challengingly.

He seemed taken aback by your response, before shaking his head, “I guess not.”

“Well this will serve as a learning experience, so listen well. Seashells are a lot more than meets the eye,” You explained, “As you know, a seashell is usually the exoskeleton of an invertebrate. Seashells are commonly found in beach drift, which is natural detritus deposited along strandlines on beaches by the waves and the tides.”

“So?” He questioned.

“So, they’ve gone through many different times and places. It all ranges. They look the way they do because the color comes from the mollusk's environment. They’re beautiful, proof of history.” You held a few out.

“Interesting.” He smiled at your explanation. “I guess my time spent on land has been worthwhile.”

“What was that?” You asked, not hearing the last of what he said.

“Nothing, nothing.” He waved you off. “Though… return to the beach at a later date, and I might have something for you.”

You looked at him with confusion but nodded, “I won’t be back for a while, but I will return.”

“Oh, and what’s your name?” The man asked frantically.

“Y/N, yours?” You questioned.

“Azul.” The man smiled wider and you wave to each other, before leaving.

The next time you visited was during your winter break in your 4th year of high school. Not the best time to go in the water, but that wasn’t why you were there.

You wandered the beach looking for seashells and the white-haired man.

“Eh, why do we still come here again?” An odd voice sounded from behind a rock scaring you.

“He does have a good point.” A calm voice responded.

You lowered your body against the rock. You weren’t intentionally eavesdropping on their conversation, you were just a bystander searching for seashells and they happened to be talking loudly.

“Do I have to explain it AGAIN?” A familiar different voice answered sternly.

Could it be?

“Don’t you think this girl has forgotten you?” The odd voice teased.

“Even if they did, it’s pretty much tradition to return to this beach every break we get!” The familiar voice spoke again confirming your beliefs.

It was him.

“Why can’t we just return to the dorms? It's gotten so annoying and it’s not fair why we have to come!” The odd voice asked.

“I’ve never asked you to.” The familiar voice answered.

“How about we ask the person listening if it's fair.” The calm voice spoke.

How cliche! Welp, there’s no point in feigning ignorance.

“M-my bad…” You came out from behind the rock, before defending yourself, “You were the ones talking loudly!”

“Oh! I was just hoping to find someone to squeeze!” The owner of the odd voice chirped.

You shivered before looking at the group, two appeared to be twins, both with blue hair, but opposite haircuts. You looked at their eyes and noticed they had heterochromia, but once again opposite to each other. The other man was the same guy from years prior, Azul.

“It's you.” You pointed at the one with white hair, blue eyes, and a… even weirder outfit.

“Oh… It’s you.” Azul said with a smile.

“Your! W-wait they were actually real?!” The more laid-back twin exclaimed.

“Floyd. Did you really not believe they were an actual person all this time?” Azul asked, annoyed.

Floyd shrugged and looked at you up and down.

“You still collect seashells I see.” Azul gestured to your bag.

“Yeah, not as many though. I’ve been too busy with school and soon I have to start college.” You sighed while diverting your eyes from Floyd.

“What college do you plan to go to?” Azul smiled.

“Whatever I get into.” You reply.

“Good luck! Oh,” Azul looked at the two other guys, “Let me introduce you to these two. This is Jade and this is Floyd, they’re twins.” 

You nodded in understanding. Although you still felt uncomfortable, as they were both staring right at you.

“Anyways… What’s with the strange outfits, not to be rude.” You reassure them.

“Oh, this… Just our dorm uniform!” Azul smiled.

What an odd dress code…

The sun began to set, the sky a mix of beautiful colors.

“Well,” You looked at the sky and then Azul, “it’s getting late. I’m sorry to cut this short. It was nice seeing you after all this time.”

Azul looked away with sadness before exclaiming, “Wait! I have something for you!” 

You waited as he grabbed a bag from… somewhere? And dug through it frantically.

You patiently waited till he pulled his arm out, holding something.

“Oh my god.” You gasped.

He held an insanely pretty and alluring seashell.

“Where… Where did you get this?!” You exclaimed, grabbing his arm with pure adoration.

Azul flushed in the face, “I-I have my ways.”

Hah! How cryptic!?

“Please Azul!” You can’t direct your eyes away.

“It’s the gift I mentioned before.” He held it out to you.

You grabbed it and felt… emotional!

“Thank you, thank you. Thank you so much, Azul!” You analyzed it from all angles. “How can I ever repay you?” 

“Oh, you don’t have to!” He smiled.

The sky darkened.

“I can’t just take this thought!” You exclaim while still looking at it.

Not like you’ll give it back, but you can’t do anything for him.

“In that case…” Azul went off in thought. “Keep it by your side always.”

You nod a bunch before realizing how late it had gotten.

“I'm so sorry, I have to go now.” You bow. “So nice to meet you Azul, Jade. Thank you again Azul, I’ll keep your wish. Hopefully, we can meet again.” You wave before leaving the other way.

April approached and you got into a good college, majoring in oceanography. 

The seashell gifted to you by Azul was still enchanting and you brought it everywhere in the form of a necklace. The only problem was the fact that when it was held to a person's ear, it was silent. 

You obviously knew seashells don’t really carry the sound of the sea, the phenomenon is caused by its shape and its effect on the air. So it’s quite impossible for it to be completely silent.

Time flew by and an unexpected event occurred.

A black carriage came for you meaning… 

You got into Night Raven College.

You weren’t magicless (rarely using the magic you have), but you had never planned on becoming a mage. Despite this, your mother's insistence and the job opportunities, if you went, were too good to pass off.

When you arrived at orientation you surprisingly saw a familiar face. Although he didn’t see you, you saw him. Conversing with the new students. You couldn’t approach him though, you had to be assigned a dorm.

You walked up to the mirror and it read your soul as fitting to Octavinelle.

You looked over at the separated groups and heard a voice yell next to Azul “Octavinelle Dorm here!”

You walked over and tapped him on the shoulder.

“What do you think-” He turned around and stopped right in his tracks, “Y-Y/n?!”

“Azul!” You exclaimed happily. “What are you doing here?”

“O-oh, I’m the Housewarden of Octavinelle.” The man responded proudly, before looking down at your necklace. “You kept your promise.”

You laughed, “Of course and lucky for me, I’ll be staying at Octavinelle Dorm!”

He flushed for a second before his face returned to a cocky smile, “I’m glad to hear that!”

After everyone was enrolled, you followed Azul to the dorm and he showed you to your room.

Maybe these next few years will go well!

-

-

-

Despite getting closer to Azul and the twins it seemed you were a walking bad charm. Every time you talked with someone they avoided you the next day and every time someone said anything positive about you they went missing. Most of the time it was stated that they were kicked out or never found again.

It took a bad turn on your mental state causing you to go to your only friends.

“How about signing a contract with me?” Azul smiled.

Knowing his reputation you thought hard. You should trust him. You’ve been friends for a long time then again...

“Sure, but I’m going to need some time to think.” You eventually respond.

“Ah yes, and it may take me some time to make a contract that will best suit your needs.” He smiled. “Expect nothing but the best.”

It seemed to get worse after that conversation with Azul.

What's worse is that people looked at you with... fear?

In times when Azul and the twins were busy, you found strength in that necklace. The beautiful seashell is a statement of your friendship with him.

But you forgot it one day.

“Hey, can you help me with this question?” A boy sitting next to you asked you.

You looked around. Was he talking to you?

“Me?” You look back at him.

He looked at you with confusion, before giving a look of realization, “Don’t worry I don’t easily believe rumors.

You grabbed at where your necklace usually is, to rid yourself of your anxieties, but you can’t rely on it now. You swallowed down your fears and helped him. You prayed to the seven for his safety.

Yet the next day he was fine. And the next. And the next. And the next, the next, the next.

You were always surprised to see each next day.

“The contract is ready.” Azul pulled it out as you sat on the couch across from him.

You started to wonder if you needed it. You talked with that one boy and he's still alive, not even avoiding you.

“I’m going to need time to think about it.” Azuls face fell into an unreadable expression for a split second but returned to his charming business smile. “Of course.”

You forgot your necklace again. Without it, you felt bare.

“Ugh... How much of the essay have you written?” The boy next to you asked, setting his head on his desk.

“O-oh, not a lot.” You laughed.

“How does he expect us to finish this essay in 2 days!?” He exclaimed.

“Hah, that's college for you!” You look at him.

“That's such bullshit.” He looked at you.

“Y-yeah!” You looked away, face flushed.

Somehow despite the necklace being beautiful, without it, you gained a confidence boost. At least you were able to talk to him. Maybe you didn’t need that contract.

You experimented by leaving the necklace at home the next day and talking to the guy next to you, then again the next, the next. Yet when you arrived another day he was gone.

Your heart dropped.

You imagined if he was here he’d probably say, “You're just overthinking!” Yet he wasn’t there the next day or the next.

You put the necklace back on.

Then you heard gossip from behind you.

“Did you hear? The guy that sits next to that one weird girl, broke his leg and his ribs due to an accident or something.”

You ran to the nursery. 

Sure enough, he was there.

Your heart dropped.

You rushed to his side. He was wrapped in bandages. You knew the nursery was able to treat not just small injuries, but also accidents, as this was a magic school, and accidents are common.

Was this your fault?

You ran back to Mostro Lounge.

“Can we add something to the contract?” You asked out of breath.

He nodded.

“Can it guarantee the safety of the people I talk to?” You look at him helplessly.

“Yes let me make the minor adjustments.” He wrote on the contract and you impatiently waited.

“Done.” He set the contract down.

You looked over it briefly before not caring and signing it.

“Perfect!” He laughed.

“Did you even read it?” Jade asked from behind Azul.

“Kinda haha…” You looked away.

“How unfortunate.” He smiled.

You looked at him with confusion before finally reading it over.

You didn’t even know what Azul said the price was going to be. Although, even after reading it you didn’t really understand. So you read it again. And again.

“What does this mean?” You look at him.

The way he worded it made it over complicated and wordy.

Azul laughed at you, “To put it in simple terms, you will be able to talk and, to a certain extent, guarantee the safety of those close to you right now.”

You thought over his words, “Only right now?”

“Yes.” He nodded.

“T-that’s a scam!” You yelled out.

“Yet I’m afraid that what you signed. I thought you wanted this? To talk to people.” He gave you a look of confusion.

Well, as long as it guaranteed the safety of those close to you. It included the boy that sat next to you.

“What do you gain from all this?” You asked.

“Ah yes, the big question. ‘What do I gain from this?” He mocked you. “What I gain is your eternal loyalty and obedience.”

You stared at him for a few seconds, before bursting into laughter.

“You can’t be serious!?” You laughed harder.

“Oh, I guess I forgot one more thing!” He grabbed the contract pointing to a word, “Your love.”

You laughed even harder.

“Azul! Your so bad at jokes.” You cried.

All this laughter made you forget what your whole goal was. The boy in the nurse's office. 

“I have to get going.” You got up frantically.

“Why?” He asked coldly catching you off guard.

“To tell you the truth, there was this guy who sat next to me in history. He got hurt due to some accident, but thanks to your contract he will be safe from here onward.”

“You may go.” Azul turned away from you.

You ran back to the office, despite feeling exhausted. When you arrived he was gone.

“Excuse me?” You went up to the nurse, who was busy with paperwork.

“Yes?” The nurse didn’t look up.

“What happened to the boy who was staying in that bed.” You pointed to it and the nurse looked up before he gave you a sympathetic look.

“I'm assuming you’re a friend.” He asked.

“Yes?” Your heartbeat sped up with anxiety.

“I-... I’m sorry. His state was critical so he was sent to the hospital and well... He has been reported to have,” The nurse paused, “passed away shortly after his arrival.”

Your heart dropped.

It was at times like these you were grateful for the friendship with Azul. So you sought him out once again.

“A-Azul…” You said in between sobs sitting next to him on the couch in Mostro Lounge.

He looked at you.

“My friend he…” You went off.

“He wasn’t your friend,” Azul stated coldly.

“Huh?” You looked at him with confusion.

“Y/N, why did you break our promise,” He looked down.

You thought hard about what he meant.

“What do you mean?” You set in between sobs.

“Azul~!” Floyd burst through the doors. “Aw, what’s wrong shrimpy?”

You looked up at him. He looked at you and then at the contract.

“Oh! I know, it's about your friend right!” Floyd laughed.

“H-how do you know about that?” You looked at him with shock.

“Hmm... I wonder~” Floyd smiled.

What was going on?

Why did Azul say that about your dead friend and how did Floyd even know about him? Then your mind went back to what Azul said.

Every time you met with your seat neighbor, you didn’t have the necklace.

You promised Azul you’d always have it with you. You broke his promise. Yet how did it all tie in? Did it have something to do with the odd fact that it was completely silent?

“Azul, I don’t think they understand,” Jade commented on your confused face.

Azul sighed and grabbed at the necklace around your neck, “Why did you leave it? I couldn’t hear anything for days and all I could see was your dark, empty dorm. I get maybe forgetting it once, but you kept forgetting. I knew as anyone would that it wasn’t accidental anymore-”

“Not true. You kept arguing that Y/N was just a forgetful person,” Floyd interrupted him, “Me and Jade how to drill it in your head that they-”

“Quiet Floyd.” Azul looked at him coldly then back at you. “I had the twins investigate what you did when you forgot it and then they told me something I could hardly believe.”

Azuls grip on your necklace tightened, “You were seeing a man behind my back.”

“What?” You looked at him with utter perplexity.

“You see,” Azul pulled your necklace in, along with you, “I had no choice but to have that homewrecker dealt with.”

He was spying on you using the necklace?

And the accident... It was all their doing.

You attempted to pull away from Azul, yet it was useless. Azuls' empty hand went to your face. 

He caressed it.

“L-let me go. Y-you guys are disgusting... monsters! Freaks!” Your mind spiraled, spouting any insult you could think of and you whacked his hand away.

“Don’t you see,” Azul looked into your eyes, “I’m doing this all for our sake.”

Your skin crawled.

Disgusting.

Just as you were about to go on another rant Azul spoke, “Just be quiet, please.”

Your mouth shut.

“The contract is working,” Jade commented.

“I love you Y/N. Just stay with me.” Azuls voice softened and he pulled you into an embrace.

Thanks to that useless contract, you have no choice but to follow his words.

#yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twisted wonderland x reader #yandere twst #yandere azul #yandere azul ashengrotto #yandere azul x reader #yandere azul ashengrotto x reader #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland☁️💕 #fic☁️💕

[petrapalerno]

LOTKM Chapter One: A Higher Power, Or Whatever

🐚LENA

If I had to choose someplace to die, this would be it.

Maybe I wouldn’t have chosen the journey it took to get here—I’d happily skip the alien abduction and trafficking bit. The rest, all things considered, drifting into a brightly colored unknown ocean is pretty damn peaceful.

I learned long ago that worrying about things out of my control was useless. I could rage, scream, and slam my fist into my plastic security bubble, but it won’t make a difference.

I am going to die, and I’m going to wonder at the beauty of this place before I go. I doubt another human has seen these bright-colored creatures swimming by. They’re fish-like but more torpedo-shaped. A set of googly eyes dangle from long stalks below their bodies. Their scales glint in the sunlight as the schools float around me, almost reminding me of camera flashes back on Earth.

I take a deep breath and try to enjoy their unearthly elegance, leaning my back against the gently curving wall of my security pod.

This plastic bubble I’ve danced in for the past year has become familiar. I know every scratch and ding. Despite how much you claw at its wall, I know it can’t open from the inside.

Whatever space-age plastic the Deenz aliens use is robust. I don’t know how much of the growing pressure it can handle as we descend further into the depths of this seemingly bottomless ocean.

The sunlight from the surface is ever waning, and the waters around me get darker and murkier the further I fall.

Another breath fills my chest as I try to quell the anxiety creeping in from the peripherals of my psyche.

The school of creatures follows me like companions ushering me to the afterlife.

I put a hand against the plastic enclosure to thank them for not leaving me alone. I’ve always loved the ocean. Many of my tattoos are of underwater scenes: the coral reef on my calf, the stingray guarding my bicep, and my favorite tattoo—Aphrodite reclined on the half shell on my shoulder.

My soul has always been called to the water, so I guess this demise is fitting.

Thanks, to the universe or whatever higher power controls this kind of thing, I find myself thinking.

As I try to project my gratitude to these little aquatic creatures and some higher power, I catch a flash of yellow from the corner of my eye.

It moves too fast for me to get a good look at it. Spinning around in my bubble, I search for whatever it was.

As the school of alien fish shift suddenly to the left, I see him.

A muscular canary yellow alien, his head full of pulsating tentacles, gapes at me. The tentacles shift as if moved by the underwater currents. They splay around his head like a lion’s mane. His strong arms and legs pump as he descends with my bubble.

I say “he” because his cock is something you really can’t miss. It isn’t hard, but still floats proudly on display. His dick’s impressive length is nestled in tentacles similar to the ones that surround his head but they’re much shorter. Almost like if you traded out pubes for a sea anemone. I guess that makes sense since his head “hair” is also comprised of tentacles.

I wonder what that would feel like? I think, before quickly scrubbing the thought from my mind.

I’m more than likely going to die, and I don’t want my last thoughts to be about alien dick.

I break my gaze from his crotch, not wanting to be a complete and total pervert. His smooth yellow skin is covered in a pattern of squiggly teal rings. He’s got the physique of an Olympic swimmer, with a broad set of shoulders tapering into powerful legs.

His eyes are blue and bore into me as if questioning my very existence.

“Hi.” I huff, taken back by this strange alien adonis that’s found me.

When I speak, he springs out two of his head tentacles that appear longer than the rest to grip the outside of my bubble. My descent stops so rapidly that I drop to my knees like a stone.

Tentacle Man pulls me closer to him. The strength in those two thick appendages sends a strange thrill through me.

He puts his face up against the plastic and appraises me with his full lips agape.

“What are you?” He cocks his head, his deep voice muffled through the water.

“I’m Lena. I’m human,” I whisper, shocked he can speak.

He screws up his mouth and furrows his brows, “I don’t understand you,” he says, tapping a spot in front of his ear. “I don’t have a translator chip, and I don’t think you speak Andjin. There’s no tech allowed during the great proving—we are only as the Greath Mother created us.”

What in the flying fuck is the great proving?

But even in my confusion, I realize he stopped my bubble from dropping further into the ocean…does this mean I won’t die?

“Are you going to help me?” I say slowly as if that might help him understand me.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know your language. I don’t even know what species you are…but it seems like you’re in danger.” His face softens, and he places his slightly webbed fingers against the plastic.

“Can you understand me? If you can, nod,” He tells me softly.

I nod, and he smiles.

“Well, at least one of us can get our point across….” He trails off as if catching sight of my body for the first time.

I’m wearing the thin, near-pornographic costume that all the trafficked human women wear. Its light blue stretchy material is strapped tightly across my neck, belly button, and nipples. All connected to a vertical strap covering my crotch.

“I like your skin’s patterns,” he says, letting his eyes drag down my body. “But I think there’s something wrong with your camouflage, as beautiful as they might be.”

“Those are tattoos. I don’t have camouflage,” I say practically to myself, knowing he doesn’t understand me.

“Do you need help?” He questions me, his eyes full of sincerity.

I nod aggressively.

I don’t have to die today.

Do I trust the bizarrely handsome alien man in front of me? I’m not sure. He seems kind, but my trust disappeared not long after I was abducted. I don’t know if it’ll ever come back.

I’m not sure how long I’ve been dancing at this point, maybe months? Everything tends to blur together. The Deenz, the hive-minded purple alien fucks who captured me from Earth, give us all kinds of shots.

Downers to sleep, then uppers and aphrodisiacs to “work.”  It doesn’t make it easy to keep track of time, and sometimes it’s better to forget any of the memories you make.

“I’ll try my best to help you…” He pauses, “My name is Kitaico. What’s yours?” He asks, pointing to me.

“Leeenuh,” I tell him slowly.

“Leeenuh,” he repeats. He smiles at me, a grin full of sharp teeth slightly more tapered than mine. I scramble backward, taken off guard by his predatory mouth.

I start to second guess myself–that maybe this wasn’t the best idea, but I’m out of options and apparently willing to gamble on a total stranger for help.

A shadow floats below my bubble as we try to figure each other out. I crane my neck down to see what it is, wondering if they’ll be more beings like Kitaico.

It’s not. An immense creature, about the size of a blue whale, approaches us. But there’s nothing gentle looking about the giant rising quickly in the distance.

While its head is whale shaped, that’s where the similarities end.

The creature’s sides pulse with bioluminescence as it cuts quickly through the water. Its tail is some nightmarish combo of a stingray and a scorpion. A barb at its end flashes with blue light. As it spots us, it lets out a terrifying roar and opens its mouth, filled with jagged rows of fangs.

I gasp, turning back to Kitaico; his skin has changed to the deep blues of the waters surrounding him.  He sets his jaw and turns away from me, and for a moment, I fear he will leave me to be devoured by the creature.

As he swims, I realize his two longest head tentacles are still wrapped around my bubble, and he’s dragging me towards the surface.

His powerful legs kick wildly as we climb. I can tell he’s struggling to keep up his pace. Looking down, I see the monster gaining on us. It snaps its mouth, gnashing its fangs.

“Hurry, Kitaico!” I yell in vain, hoping he’ll understand me. He doesn’t respond, but I can see his camouflage shifting wildly between colors. I wonder if the effort of our escape is pushing his body to its limits.

I push myself against the bubble’s far side as the monster’s mouth closes around the bottom. With a violent crunch, it rips away a chunk of my former prison. It thrashes it’s head like a shark attempting to subdue its prey but putting some distance between us once more.

I barely have time to hold my breath before I’m sucked out of the bottom. The water crashing in makes the air rush out like a vacuum. My muscles clench painfully from the blast of water as I tumble into the warm ocean spinning head over foot. I snap my eyes shut. Soon enough, I’ll be nothing but fish food.

Something snakes around my ankle, tugging the skin so hard I can nearly feel my skin rip. Then there’s something around my waist, drawing me up again.

“Leeenuh, hold on!” Kitaico yells as he hoists me into his arms, “We only need to get a bit higher, the scripiat won’t be able to follow much longer. He can’t survive in the shallows!”

He strokes one hand behind my head and tucks my body into his chest.

I don’t have enough air. My lungs burn as I involuntarily cough, and what little breath I have left escapes bubbling upward.

Kitaico slows and his heart is still pounding against my ear.

“The scripiat returns to the depths. We are safe,” he whispers.

I kick my legs weakly, pointing my finger to the surface. I can’t stop myself from gulping in a deep breath of salt water, choking on its mineral taste.

“Leeenuh, we are safe now. Stay calm.”

My vision blurs and I lose control of my head as it slumps into my alien hero—it’s not his fault he doesn’t know I breathe oxygen.

Darkness creeps into the edges of my vision.

I point up one more time before I lose consciousness.

We were so close.

More chapters are available on my Patreon here.

#alien #alien romance #monster fucker #tentacles #monster fucking #petra palerno #monster romance #monsterfuqqer #monster lover #terato

[superfluffychickens]

Animal death mention TW

It’s been less than two days since poor Daisy died, and I just need to get all my thoughts out. She was such a sweet little thing, when she was a tiny chick she was the friendliest of the bunch, and would just sit on my hand. She grew up to be docile enough that she ended up at the bottom of the pecking order, but I always made sure to make sure she got treats while the other chickens would try to hog them all. Now she’s gone, I just hope she didn’t suffer.

To be honest it really hurts to see the post I made with a picture of her, just like a week ago, still being reblogged, because it just reminds me I’ll never see her again. But there’s not much I can do to stop it, since deleting the post won’t get rid of it from other blogs. That happens with photos of some of my other birds who have passed away, it makes me so sad.

But the other birds still need me, and I’ve got to keep going for their sake. What I think happened was, a part of the fence was sagging and some of the stakes were loose. A few of the pullets jumped over the fence, I don’t know how long they were out by themselves. Then something came and snatched Daisy away. I ran out to find Cricket and Stella outside the fence. I looked all over to make sure Daisy hadn’t gotten away and hidden somewhere, but the trail of feathers stopped. I won’t be letting them out without supervision anymore, that’s for sure.

My parents and I are working on getting either a covered run or an electric fence - I’d prefer a covered run of some sort since clearly the pullets are able to clear the 4ft fence I have now, so they might be able to jump an electric fence too. I actually got a painting commission from my aunt, which should help pay for some of that. Also, I’m thinking of rehoming Jack’s flock once they’re done molting. I feel bad that they can’t go out and are stuck in their little run, but they don’t get along with any of the birds in Zeke’s flock. And they’re all afraid of me. But it’s a decision I’ll need to think on for a while, I’m not in a great mental state after all. But in the future, I only want to have one flock.

Also, I’ve been trying to communicate better with my parents in regards to my needs. My autism diagnosis puts a lot of stuff into perspective, and I feel a bit more comfortable asking for help and admitting I can’t do something alone. I think I need more help in my life, like help maintaining my house and keeping it clean, keeping up with chores and appointments and stuff, etc. I guess it’s just different now that I know why I struggle with these things. I applied for SSI/disability, but it’ll be a long time before that’s processed.

For the meantime, life goes on whether you want it to or not. The rest of the youngsters are quickly maturing, now it seems most of the rest of them will start laying soon. Someone laid an egg with a paper-thin shell today and it broke, it was probably due to the stress of seeing Daisy get taken. They still need looking after so I keep going on. I’m gonna start the painting - which is of chickens - that my aunt commissioned from me today, painting is a great way to get feelings out.

#tw animal death #tw animal death mention

[mcyt-peach]

I know I am annoying with these but I can’t write requests in short messages so sorry 💐-here are flowers as an apology 🥺

So can I request something like “fake date” with the reader (the reader has to get the parents of their back, the real date cancel last minute before important event…something like this) where the reader ask the favour of Dream, Sap, Karl or Wilbur to pretend to be their date

Something funny and fluffy 🙏🏻 (in the end trashing the event, bragging “they chose me not you”, making nice memories etc.)

Thank you sooo much and also take care of yourself eat,hydrate and take breaks if you need to☀️☁️

With a virtual hugs and best wishes,

Yours, 🎧anon

fake dating dream, sapnap, karl and wilbur

⋆｡˚ summary: sometimes the situation calls for a boyfriend and who better to fake date than your best friend

⋆｡˚ including: cc!dream, cc!sapnap, cc!karl and cc!wilbur

⋆｡˚ warnings: reader uses they/them pronouns, swearing, mentions of infidelity

⋆｡˚ note: 🎧anon you are so smart for this!!!! fake dating is my favorite trope so this was such a blast to write and it ended up being pretty long lol :)

Dream

“Why would I risk my top secret identity so you can save face?” Dream was sprawled out on his couch, oblivious to your inner turmoil

“C’moooooon! You don’t get it! My cousin is so annoying. She keeps bragging about her partner and gives me dirty looks for being single.” you flop down beside him and push your face into a pillow to fake scream

when the two of you arrived at the small family party, you mingled with aunts and uncles you hadn’t seen in a while as Dream played games with the younger kids

the real fun began when your dreaded cousin slithered, ahem, walked over

“Y/n! How nice to see you and your... friend.”

Dream took her sneer as a challenge, “That’s funny! You’re missing the ‘boy’ in front of ‘friend’.”

feeling the tension in the air, you figure you might as well fan the flames “Where’s your ‘friend’?”

glaring at your question, she continues, “They’re working overtime tonight. Between you and me, they’re saving up for an engagement ring.”

her smirk is like a slap in the face, if she marries you’ll never hear the end of it, but your lamenting is interrupted

“Oh really?! Guess we better beat them to it then, huh baby?” Dream’s arm was suddenly very present against your shoulder, as he broke eye contact with your cousin only to look into your eyes

you were shell shocked, flabbergasted even, only managing a small “Um, yeah.” in the midst of Dream’s eyes locked with yours, questioning if his boyfriend status was still fake

Sapnap

“Oh my God! Don’t tell me that’s her!” Sap yells over the blasting music, pointing at the girl across the room

slapping his hand down so she won’t stare, you follow where he looked, seeing the girl who had stolen every boyfriend you’d ever brought to a party

maybe it was the atmosphere or the way Sapnap was already giving her the death stare, but you got the most wonderful idea, leaning over to whisper your plan to him

“Hey cutie!” leave it to her to flirt with someone who currently had his arms wrapped around your waist, something you were trying to ignore how natural it felt

feeling Sapnap squeeze you a bit tighter, you spit back, “Where’s your boy toy? Though you said he was the hottest guy you ever met, remember, last party I was at?”

she gives you a pinched smile “Oh, he wasn’t very faithful, though I’m sure you know that.”

Sapnap laughs from over your shoulder “Well, maybe you should look for a different type. I’d say ‘men who aren’t taken’ is always a good place.”

her frown and the stomp of her tacky shoes as she retreats is the best thing you could’ve asked for

though, the way Sapnap holds you close for the rest of the night might be better

Karl

“Y/n there’s no way I’m sitting in a suit for hours on end outside with a bunch of strangers. That’s literally a nightmare I’ve had before.” you were getting nowhere trying to convince Karl to come to your friend’s wedding with you

every wedding you’d been to in the past 5 years had been spent hiding from your parents and the new suitor they’d picked for you

why they needed you to be married asap, you had no clue, something told you it was a generational thing but you weren’t willing to hear it out

you’d much rather spend the 5 hour reception with your friend than a stranger who your parents tried to convince you to date

“Karllllllll. They’re literally having a baby pig as the ring bearer! Pleaseeeeee.”

well that did the trick, seeing as he’s tucked into the makeshift pews beside you

despite his role as your plus one, it was your parents who were absolutely enamored with him, smiling and chatting about how you met, what he did for work and the dreaded question, when he was planning on proposing

the new bride was more than happy to slide up to you after the ceremony “I was wondering when one of you would confess. It was so obvious the two of you were fawning over each other for so long.”

her laugh teeters off as she moves on to other guests, but when Karl comes to drag you onto the dance floor, you’re still thinking about her little comment

Wilbur

could you really call yourself a friend of Wilbur’s if you didn’t go to every new cafe he recommended

apparently not, because he’d drag you there no matter what you said

stepping into the quaint shop and seeing all the couples, you got a bit embarrassed at the way you jumped to conclusions, wondering if it was a date

ordering your drinks and settling into one of the booths, your attention is drawn by the bell on the door, quickly ducking down after seeing your ex walk in

Wilbur scrunches his eyebrows at your behavior, but soon notices and ducks down with you, smiling at your antics and whispering, “Pretty cozy down here.”

you don’t even need to look to know your ex is approaching, seeing the way Wilbur brings himself to his full height and puffs his chest out unconsciously

“Y/n, fancy seeing you here. You never liked going out to places like these when we were together.” the emphasis he places on “we” as if you’re still dating almost makes you hurl

“Hmm, maybe it had more to do with the company than the drinks.” Wilbur gave his classic shit-eating grin, sipping his coffee

the silent flapping of your ex’s mouth is only allowed for a moment before Wilbur stands up from the booth

“Well, we’ve got to go. Love waits for no man, you know how it is.” the hand he claps on your ex’s back is hardly gentle

but the way he holds your hand as you exit the cafe makes his boyfriend status feel more real than the facade he put on for your ex

#mcyt x reader #mcyt x you #mcyt x y/n #mcyt headcanon #mcyt headcanons #mcyt fluff #dsmp x you #dsmp x y/n #dsmp x reader #dsmp fluff #dsmp headcanons #dsmp headcanon #dream smp x you #dream smp x y/n #dream smp x reader #dream smp fluff #dream smp headcanon #dream smp headcannon #dream smp headcanons #dreamwastaken headcanons #dreamwastaken x you #dreamwastaken x reader #dreamwastaken x y/n #dreamwastaken fluff #dream x y/n #dream x you #dream x reader #dream fluff #dream headcanons #sapnap x you

[wartakes]

What’s Going On in Ukraine?: An Explainer (OLD ESSAY)

This essay was first posted on April 7th, 2021, and seems somewhat quaint now in retrospect.

This essay was written in response to the then-ongoing Ukraine crisis where it looked like a war might kick off in the Spring of 2021. Little did we know that it was pretty much just the pre-gaming for what would happen NEXT Spring.

(Full essay below the cut).

So, this is another one of those essays I didn’t originally plan on writing for the month. But then the darndest thing happened about a week ago: Russia got back on its bullshit.

Now everyone is wondering if the war in Eastern Ukraine is going to reignite or potentially escalate even further than the heights it reached after the initial outbreak of war in 2014. Now I don’t think time is a flat circle, but I do think the idea that “history doesn’t repeat itself, but it often rhymes” has some merit here.

As this conflict is a bit of a hobby horse of mine, I’ve been keeping a close eye on it (perhaps too much for my own good) ever since things started to escalate at the end of March. As more of my friends and peers have started to ask questions and express concern over what’s going on and what may happen next and certain parties have started to spread bad takes or downright misinformation and lies, I decided that maybe a little explainer and synthesis of current analysis was in order for folks on what the situation is currently with Ukraine and Russia.

I was going to write about Iran this month, but I guess we’ll save one piece about a potential war crisis and trade it for a separate but different one.

Just up front: this is a situation that is changing every day, so I can only make this as current as the moment I post it – but I’ll do my best in this regard. Also, I’m going to make no illusion about my biases in this case (spoilers: I’m not on Russia’s side, and if you have a problem with that, I dunno: cry about it, tankie). Also, a lot of my sources for this are Tweets and threads by analysts and observers that have been popping up as things have been going on and have the potential to suddenly vanish – as Twitter is want to do – so I apologize for any broken links or lost sources.

What’s Exactly Is Happening?

Over the past week, we’ve seen an extensive Russian military buildup along its border with Ukraine. Now, that in itself is not unusual. Russia holds large-scale military exercises – including both planned and snap drills – on a pretty regular basis. None of that specifically is new or shocking. But analysts have pointed out that there are several factors that make this occurrence different in a worrying way.

First there’s the context. This military buildup happens in the midst of a sudden and sharp escalation in hostilities along the line of contact between the Ukrainian military and pro-Russian rebels in the Donbas region. While the war in Donbas has remained very much active since reaching a stalemate in 2015, it has been relatively quiet and low-level until now. The Organization for Security and Co-operation in Europe has registered a sharp increase in violations of the ceasefire previously agreed upon between the belligerents in July of last year.  As of April 6, 2021, two more Ukrainian soldiers had been killed in the previous 24 hours, with four having been killed by enemy shelling in late March (it is unknown how many rebel troops have died, if any). It is against that backdrop that Russia is now flowing additional military forces into the region.

Another part of the context factor is the timing. While Russia does undertake large, seasonal exercises, analysts and observers have noted that these drills have taken place outside of the typical schedule. And while Russia has been known to undertake snap drills and exercises, again, experts note that they’ve never seen a sudden callup or mobilization like this one outside of scheduled wargames before. Its not an understatement to say that its pretty unprecedented. For what it’s worth, Russia has now declared a combat readiness check across the entire Ministry of Defense (after all of these movements had already been going on for several days, of course).

This leads into the second major factor, which is the sheer size of the buildup. Over the past week, social media has been flushed with photos and video of large amounts of Russian military equipment flowing west into illegally annexed Crimea and the western regions of Russia bordering on Ukraine. So far, it shows no sign of stopping, with train load after trainload of armor and other vehicles heading west. The Russian military has been using so many railcars that agricultural machinery manufacturers reportedly haven’t been able to ship their goods to farmers for the spring harvest season – a story that state media entity TASS was even reporting on. Other civilian passengers have also noted disruptions.

Closely tied to the size factor is the scope of the mobilization. Not only is Russia flowing large numbers of troops and vehicles to the border, but it’s also bringing them from far afield, all across the country. Some enterprising OSINT practitioners on Twitter were able to identify the original locations of some Russian military units by the numbers on their license plates that indicate which military district they are based in – that is, until the Russians seemed to get wise and start covering those numbers up, along with other identifying markings. Before the Russians started practicing better OPSEC, however, it was identified that many forces were coming from the Central Military District, which covers the Ural Mountains and parts of Siberia and doesn’t even border Ukraine. More questions abound.

The nature of the equipment and units being sent towards Ukraine is also notable and worrying. Main battle tanks with fuel tanks for extended range offensives and plows for pushing through minefields. Artillery and heavy mortars designed to try and break through tough defensive lines. Elite airborne units with high levels of readiness that already have a history of involvement in eastern Ukraine. Both short and long-range air defense systems. These are all also worrying signs. They once again, could very well be explained away by large scale offensive wargames, but combined with everything else it raises the blood pressure and anxiety levels of defense analysts such as myself.

Ukraine appears to be reacting to this increasingly tense situation as well. Aside from issuing strong statements and calling for support from the United States, NATO and the West – and receiving at least some military support thus far, it now also appears to be flowing its own reinforcements towards Donbas. It’s well within its right to do so and I can‘t blame it for doing that, but this in itself is a worrying sign that this all could potentially lead to a resumption of fighting not seen since the height of the initial Donbas war – potentially even surpassing it.

Why Is This Happening?

That is the million-dollar question on most Russia and/or military watchers minds right now and everyone on the internet has been offering their two cents as to why Russia is undertaking this buildup. My answer for now is a resounding “we don’t quite know yet.”

Despite the increasing number of concerning factors and unanswered questions raising doubts about the Russian intent behind this buildup, the safe money is still (probably) on this being an attempt at posturing/signaling/intimidation. Russia has many reasons to want to intimidate and posture against Ukraine given their acrimonious relationship since 2014 and far before, but chief among them is discouraging Ukraine from any attempt to retake the rebel-held Donbas or annex Crimea by showing that Russia is willing and able to mobilize its military might to defend their pro-Russian allies. Likewise, it doesn’t hurt to demonstrate to the rest of the world – including other potential adversaries – that you’re able to mobilize and rapidly transport a significant portion of your military across vast distances to meet a perceived threat.

 That being said, while posturing is still the most likely outcome, enough unusual facts and elements have emerged with this build-up to raise questions as to whether its only posturing. This is the opinion of Russia analyst Michael Kofman from the Center for Naval Analyses, who was initially far more certain about this being a posturing exercise by Russia. As of today, while still leaning towards posturing and intimidation as the explanation, says there’s still too much uncertainty and concerning factors to be sure of the motive and that the situation still merits cautious and careful observation and analysis before being too sure about what is going on.

None of this is helped by the fact that Russia is notoriously opaque about its intent when it comes to these things, more so than even the usual song and dance of geopolitics that states and nations engage in. Further alarm bells are raised by the way the Russian propaganda machine appears to have suddenly gone into overdrive, both in terms of spreading disinformation on social media, but also in the sudden bellicose tone taken by state-run media as well. All of this raises deeper questions about Russia’s intent in this situation, with no real satisfactory answers so far.

What Might Happen Next?

That’s the next big question on everyone’s minds, after “why this is all happening.” If this is all just posturing, the most likely outcome is Russia decides it has enough forces in the region for its liking, does a series of drills and exercises along the border to try and intimidate Ukraine and the West, and then wraps everything up and sends all the troops back to barracks without incident. The war in Ukraine resumes its Frozen Conflict status – until the next crisis of course – and everything goes back to “normal”.

But what if it’s not all just for show? Could Russia launch a wholesale invasion of Ukraine? That’s not impossible, but it would be a significant escalation on Russia’s part and is probably the least probable of all the outcomes if you were to ask any Russia watcher. If Russia openly launched a full scale invasion of Ukraine, it could at best further isolate and cement its international status as a pariah among nations. At worst, that could even bring NATO fully into the conflict, escalating what was a regional, internal conflict, into a full-scale European or even world war. Again, none that doesn’t mean such an escalation is impossible (unfortunately), but Russia would be taking an exceptional risk – one that I don’t think it would take on a whim and with the eyes of the world on it unless it suddenly had an excellent excuse fall in its lap or it felt it had no other choice in order to defend some vital interest or its very existence as a state.

What might be more likely – and what Kofman lays out in one of his previously mentioned twitter threads – is that a significant escalation of fighting within the Donbas might be in store. We may see fighting of the same intensity as the early days of the war but limited to skirmishes and clashes in that region and not spreading beyond it. That’s not great, sure. But its not as bad as the war spreading beyond the Donetsk and Luhansk provinces and escalating. He also points out that if any escalation happens, it may not be in our immediate future, but could happen later in April or even in May (guess I better strap myself in for a month of anxiety then).

But, even if Russia’s intent is to simply posture, or only to go on the offensive within Donbas, there’s always the possibility that events on the ground could get out of theirs – and Ukraine’s – grasp and escalate of their own volition. When you pump up the propaganda machine, there’s always the possibility that things can take on a life of their own. Add in the fact that the number of both Russia and Ukrainian forces in the area are increasing, tensions are rising, and additional stress and pressure are being put on everyone involved and you may have problems. Even if neither party wants outright war, its important to remember that states and governments are not single, monolithic, rational actors. They are made up of multiple elements with different – sometimes conflicting – interests and goals. This means that even when its absolutely in a state’s best interest to avoid war and its leaders know that a comedy of errors and missteps can potentially lead them right to that war anyway (Full disclosure: there are some decent arguments against this very idea of “accidental” war but I still think its worth mentioning as an aside).

Isn’t Ukraine Fascist Anyway?

Ok, this one is starkly different in tone, but I want to address this claim in particular because it’s making the rounds by tankies and campists alike to basically justify whatever Russia may or may not end up doing in Ukraine. So, let’s deal with it right now, bluntly.

Does Ukraine have a problem with the far right? Absolutely and undisputedly, it does. Has it done a great job at dealing with that problem? Nope, it has not – as some recent evidence shows. However, it does Ukraine and the regular people living there hoping not to become engulfed in fresh fighting a disservice to simply write the entire country off as a fascist state in its entirety. This thread on Twitter does a far better job than I at addressing some of the tankie talking points being used to try and paint Ukraine as a whole of being in the wrong and worthy of destruction while putting Russia up on a pedestal. To put it simply, while the far-right has been a persistent issue in Ukraine since the 2014 revolution, its power and influence is often overstated for propaganda purposes and the far right is more often than not at odds with the government rather than a full integrated part of it – with many Ukrainians protesting against it as well.

Again, I’m not trying to excuse any behavior here. Ukraine continues to disappoint me in not more effectively dealing with this problem – much as the United States and most of Western Europe does. But this is not a reason to simply abandon the country or actively root for Russia to rip it to shreds. Plus, the same people who are likely to promote these kinds of narratives are also the same ones who are likely to ignore that more than a handful of far-right Russians have found themselves fighting on the opposite side of the conflict. You ever wonder why the infamous Russian mercenary group Wagner got its name? Well that was from its founder, who fought in the early stages of the war in Ukraine and took the nickname “Wagner” because he was fascinated with Nazi Germany – Wagner being one of Hitler’s favorite composers – and would wear a World War II-era German steel helmet into combat. So, take that home with you I guess.

There are plenty of things you can criticize the Ukrainian government about. But I don’t think any of them rise to the level of painting Russia as being the ‘good guy’ in any of this. What Russia has done to Ukraine since 2014 is inexcusable and illegal, whether it be the annexation of Crimea, the invasion of Donbas, and other forms of interference and undermining. I have no problem taking a side when I think someone is in the right or in the wrong, as I did with Armenia and Azerbaijan. Whatever you think about Ukraine, its not in the wrong for defending itself.

Why Should I Care?

I usually end these with a mix of “what happens next” with “why should I care”, but seeing as I already hypothesized a bit on what might happen next, I’ll focus on what this should matter to you (though if you’re reading this I’m going to assume you already care somewhat).

From a national security standpoint, what’s going on in Ukraine is important even if it doesn’t escalate. It shows a continuing pattern of concerning behavior by Russia that, even if it doesn’t culminate in a disaster today, could do so another time. The fact that the media seems to hype up any Russian action as potentially being the harbinger of World War III – especially since the 2016 election interference – may make some people numb to Russia’s activities or even actively push back because of a not-unfounded mistrust of mainstream media narratives. Obviously, we shouldn’t treat every suspicious Russian action like the greatest threat to civilization, but we should be able to view them broadly and recognize a pattern of bad behavior that is becoming increasingly more threatening and could eventually spill over into outright conflict if not responded to properly.

If some kind of war does actually emerge from this crisis, then I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain why you should care. If the conflict spreads out from Donbas and draws in surrounding countries or even NATO, obviously we should care as it may become a threat to us. Even if it remains limited to Donbas in particular or Ukraine in general, we should care because of impact it will have on a people who have already been suffering from the effects of over seven years of on-again, off-again warfare – potentially affecting even more.

This is where the leftist angle comes in, and the spirit of internationalism – and part of why I felt I wanted to write this piece, aside from it being an issue that’s important to me and being current. If leftists are going to take a stand against imperialistic attitudes and actions by the United States towards the rest of the world, or those by any of its allies, then it can’t turn a blind eye to imperialist adventures by other states as well. What’s going in in Ukraine is only the latest event in a long and tortured history between Russia and Ukraine going back to when the Tsars first marched into the region and eventually annexed it into the Russian Empire in the 18th century. Whatever you can criticize Ukraine for, you can still support its people wanting to fight back against an imperial power that simply will not leave it alone. Its one thing to simply not be aware of it, but if you actively reject it, then you’re quite simply just a tankie or a campist and are unknowingly – or knowingly – carrying water for Russia and its own brand of oppression.

To be fair, can we really do anything about this? No, I suppose not. I guess if you really want you could go in fight in Donbas but I wouldn’t recommend that (and probably, legally shouldn’t). I realize it’s a lot to ask people to devote mental and emotional energy to caring about this when A.) we have our own pressing concerns at home; and B.) there is virtually nothing most ordinary people can do to have a direct impact on what’s going on in Ukraine. That being said, a point I often return to is you can’t be a leftist without some empathy, and that includes the plight of people in other countries. Being a good leftist means being a good internationalist and caring about the rest of the world and what happens to it and at least offering some words of support.

Likewise, if we ever hope of actually governing and changing anything some day, these are issues we need to be aware of and have actual policies and plans to address with should we ever (hopefully) get to that point. As much as some people might lead you to believe that if the United States ceased to exist that imperialism and war would suddenly vanish, Russia and its history with its neighbors – the vast majority of which predates the founding of the United States – is a pretty good reason to point out why that’s bullshit.

As I said before, this situation is changing day to day, hour to hour. As of writing this, Russian tanks and vehicles are still heading towards Ukraine and there are (unconfirmed) reports of more skirmishes in Donbas – such as around Donetsk airport, the site of previous battles. For the time being, all we can do is remain aware of what’s going on, not jumping to any conclusions but also preparing ourselves for the unexpected and undesired. Simply put: “watch this space.”

While I’m a student of war and fascinated by it, I certainly don’t hope war happens. That’s not something anyone should wish for. As much as I think war is sometimes unavoidable or even necessary, I don’t think this is one of those cases. I don’t have the magic solution to what’s been going on in Ukraine, but I know an intensified war would only mean more suffering and death for everyone involved. Hopefully, the most likely course of action will play out and this will all amount to nothing. If not, we should hope that any conflict that emerges is short, does not escalate to highly destructive heights, and ends in a way maybe buys some stability. We’ll see.

#essay #War Takes #War Takes Essay #leftism #leftist #socialism #democratic socialism #international relations #IR #national security #national defense #international security #foreign policy #foreign affairs #peace #Ukraine #Donbass #Russia #War in Ukraine #Invasion of Ukraine #war #Crimea

[jojosbizarrefanfics]

Warm - Linhardt von Hevring x Reader 🍋

More of my fire emblem brain rot coming right up

Contains: cream pie & cock warming

It was strange, being in your old dormitories at the monastery. The war did its toll on the once impressive establishment, but now it just looked like a sad shell of its former glory.

Not that it didn’t deserve it.

The years had treated Linhardt well, though. His cheekbones were a bit more defined than they had been five years ago and long, green hair was thrown up in a messy bun.

That bun had only become messier as the afternoon went on, especially with your leg hiked up over his hip and his hand cupping your breast. His thumb would graze over your nipple aimlessly, with no real rhythm but pleasurable nonetheless. You were on your sides, your back to his, in his bed from five years ago. Linhardt’s thrusts were slow and easy, maintaining that laidback composure of his and matching the dreamy look in his eyes.

It started innocently enough. Caspar invited both of you to train with him and, Caspar being overexcited, forgot his own strength. Linhardt patched you up without a problem, but insisted he stay with you to make sure you would be battle-ready next time Edelgard called for you. It was an excuse to be alone with you, something you saw right through but accepted.

But when kisses of concern shared while spooning transformed into those of passion, neither of you stopped the other’s advances. You couldn’t never say no to Linhardt, especially with how expertly his long, delicate fingers traced your body. He knew you as well as the books he studied, like you were one of his favorite subjects to research.

Linhardt let go of a soft sigh of contentment as he came. He did not withdraw from you, but rather opted to release inside of you.

“Don’t worry,” he said in reassurance, “I have a spell for that. I got curious when we first got together if it was possible and found an old book.”

“I guessed as much with you.”

Linhardt’s lips formed a smile—a rare sight, but that made it all the more beautiful to look at. “You know me so well.”

When he finished, he still did not pull out from between your legs. Instead, Linhardt yawned and wrapped his arm around your waist. You could feel some of his cum leaking onto your thighs as your leg around his hip dropped to the cot, but it didn’t travel far.

“Ah, so comfortable. You’re so warm.”

You held back a laugh; you should have expected this from Linhardt, you thought.

“Stay put, would you?” His fingers lazily ran through your hair as he said it, equal parts command and invitation.

You nodded, comfortable enough despite him still being firmly nestled inside you. The afternoon sun streamed through his window and warmed your skin. Linhardt pulled you even closer to him, something you didn’t realize was possible, and his cock pushed further into you as he did.

“With everything we have to do for this war, I hardly get as much sleep as I used to. This is so nice.” Linhardt pressed his face against your back. “Besides, who knows how often we’ll get to spend time together like this.”

He was rationalizing it despite not needing to, but he was right.

“I’m cozy too, Lin.”

“Good.” He kissed the back of your neck. “Let’s lay like this until we wake, shall we?”

“Mm, that would be nice.”

“I’m so glad you think so,” he said as he yawned.

Shortly after, you could hear his steady breathing in your ear, and you weren’t sure how long you were out for when you awoke beside him. The sun was still shining through his window, but preparing to make its dip beneath the horizon, casting shades of deep pink and orange into the room that only looked warmer with its red carpet.

“That was one of the best naps I’ve taken,” Linhardt said. “We should do this more often. Care to get some reading in with me? I’ve got this new book on rare Crests that’s fascinating.”

“Sure, Lin. I don’t have anything to attend to.”

“Good. This is far too relaxing for me to let you go, and your rest is important. You don’t get enough of it, if you ask me.”

Linhardt reached above the headboard and grabbed for the book. He held it in front of you, finding his spot with the bookmark you gifted him a few years ago for his birthday. You were surprised to see he still had it, but said nothing.

“You’re fine like this?”

Linhardt was referencing his cock still buried between your legs.

“Yeah, this is nice.”

“I agree.” He placed the book in front of you and you helped prop it up. Linhardt’s chin rested on your shoulder as he read, allowing him to occasional leave feather-light kisses on your neck, and he didn’t withdraw until he was finished with the chapter.

#linhardt x reader #linhardt von hevring #linhardt fire emblem #Linhardt von hevring smut #fire emblem smut #fire emblem three houses #fem!reader #not sfw

[reikeip]

Crossroad ♱ Crowd 1

Talks of death and depression

Location: Downtown

The next day

Koga: Sakuma-senpai~!

Rei: Hm. Oh, good mornin’... Puppy ♪

Koga: Who ya callin’ puppy!? And it isn’t the time to say good mornin’, it’s dusk already!

Is that it, ‘cause Sakuma-senpai is always abroad… are ya jet lagged?

Koga: Ah whatever! Look here look here, I brought the guitar ya left in the underground livehouse, Sakuma-senpai!

I’ve taken care of all the maintenance it needed myself, fufun ♪

So tonight, make sure ya charm everyone with a performance so flashy it makes ‘em swoon!

Rei: Oh~ guess that’s why I couldn’t find it… I see, Puppy’s been takin’ care of it for me. Good boy, good boy ♪

Koga: Don’t pat my head!?

Rei: Haha. What a good mood you’re in, Puppy… This past week, did ya get some thorough instruction from Bouzu? How much have ya improved?

Koga: Oh. My knowledge is growin’ so fast I’m even surprised myself~ that priest is surprisingly good at teachin’!

I can even play the hard chords an’ all that now!

He gives me too many annoyin’ lectures, which kinda gets on my nerves, but he did really help me step up my game!

So, I guess I can say I’m a bit grateful for ‘im!

Rei: If ya are thankful, thank ‘im in person… That guy had some prep work to do, so it seems he got to the live house before us today.

Ya should help ‘im out with all that stuff. And if ya can, get along with ‘im from here on out, I think you two are pretty compatible.

Koga: Eh~... How many times do I gotta say it, I want Sakuma-senpai to teach me!

I’ve been patiently sticking it out and following shitty glasses around everywhere, and today it ends!

‘Cause from now on, I’ll always be with Sakuma-senpai…♪

Rei: Ahaha. I did promise that if ya learned enough to impress me, I might teach ya.

Gonna make sure ya give me a big surprise an’ dazzle me, hey?

Koga: Leave it to me! I’ll perform something that’ll knock the socks of of everyone in the audience, includin’ you!

Ahh this is so exciting, today I’m gonna play the guitar until I collapse! hehehee ♪

Rei: (Haha. Young boys can be so energetic, he’s got these sparkly eyes… I might’ve been like that too, when I first started playing guitar.)

(When did I get like this—just a corpse… Nothing can excite me anymore, it’s like I’ve become a dark shell of a person.)

Koga: Sakuma-senpai? What is it, ya don’t look very lively~...are ya jet lagged after all?

Rei: Nnn~ no. …If ya want, ya can keep that guitar as a sorta gift.

I haven't touched the guitar in a while, an’ I just plan on singin’ today.

It isn’t really some luxury item~ Take it as an apology for draggin’ ya into our affairs.

Koga: Eh? You mean, I really get to have Sakuma-senpai’s guitar? Yahoo ☆

But, is that really alright? This, it’s the guitar you’ve used since you were young, right Sakuma-senpai? Don’t you think this should be a keepsake?

Rei: Hell do ya know so much about me for. I said so, so ya just take it, Puppy.

Today, I’m going to bury the ties which I’ve draggin’ ‘round since bygone days, forever.

So if I kept a memento like that close by, every time I saw it I’d think back on that very past…

It’d make me all depressed, so it’s best to hand it over to someone else~

If you don’t want it, that’s fine.

Koga: How could I not want it?! Thanks Sakuma-senpai, I’ll take good care of it ♪

Rei: Ahaha. Ah, what simple-minded happiness… Well, I guess ya are still just a kid.

Bein’ all grown up juuust isn’t as much fun as I thought it’d be…

If ya can, keep on bein’ a radiant child like ya are now. The innocent smile of a child, it’s everyone’s greatest joy.

Location: Underground Livehouse

Koga: Ooh…? What’s all this, the underground livehouse is a lot more fancy than it usually is!

Woah, looks like there’s a summoning circle or somethin’ drawn here!

Rei: Did ya not hear anythin’ about this from Bouzu?

Koga: Eh? Umm~... I was told that I was gonna stand on stage with Sakuma-senpai today, who came back from overseas.

I was really happy just hearing that, so I didn’t catch all the fine print.

Rei: Ya really should pay attention, yanno.

Hmmm… As I’d expect of ya, Bouzu. Looks like ya got yourself acquainted with the taste of the underground livehouse's regulars…

Rock n’ roll style huh? I don’t mind that~

This seems kinda old an’ tacky compared to rock nowadays, like an old classic style of rock. It’s nice, givin’ a sense of nostalgia…

I can’t admire the nostalgic feelin’ of the good ol’ days yet, I ain’t some senile old man~

(...Bouzu is gonna run the student council from here on out, so he’s gonna act as part of the establishment, ain’t he…)

(But ain’t rock anti-establishment at its core? Isn’t he contradicting himself? Or is he not ready to let go?)

(Have you lost your way? You’re struggling in that ravine between your worldly desires and ideals, aren’t you, Bouzu? That must be so tiring—I’ll dismiss your soul, and help carry it across.[1])

(Divin’ into the flames like that… If ya aren’t reincarnated, it means ya were a person who could only get that far.)

(Let us have a debate, for old time’s sake. Let us fight, pittin’ belief against belief.)

(After all, that’s how we met. I won’t let ya say you’ve forgotten that~ Keito.)

← previous | all | next →

Rei's making an extended metaphor about Buddhist reincarnation. 引導 is a Buddhist term that is said at funerals to wish the recently departed a safe travel into the next life. Most Buddhists will cremate their dead as they believe it'll speed up the cycle, which goes until that chain is broken by attaining Satori (some may know this as Nirvana, or as many other names), something like liberation, the quenching of the major evils of the soul. If you aren't reborn, you were as good of a person as you could be

#reikeiptls #rei sakuma #koga oogami

[carewyncromwell]

Bill 🤝 Carewyn

Requested by Anon

Featuring Jules Farrier-Weasley @cursebreakerfarrier and a reference to Night Rhea @night-rhea

From the time Bill graduated Hogwarts, the person he wrote to the most, even more than his own family, was his close friend, Carewyn Cromwell. After the events of 1989, including the death of Rowan, the creation of the Circle of Khanna, the discovery of the Sunken Vault, and the defeat of Charles Cromwell and R, the two grew closer than ever, and their letter-writing grew similarly more frequent. 

Here are some pictures of the tomb we found -- beautiful, isn’t it? I wish you could be here to see it in person.

Casework has been busy as ever, of course, but I’m glad for it. I want to help as many people as I can, and it feels good to know my superiors trust me with such important work. 

In my most recent letter from Mum, it seems Fred, George, and Ron snatched Dad’s Ford Anglia and flew it all the way to Surrey to break Harry out and take him home. Mum wasn’t happy -- but honestly, all I could do was remember when Charlie did the same thing, to come get us and Merula so we’d be home in time for Christmas! 

Rakepick was a bit more coherent than usual, during my most recent visit to Azkaban. I think the date today was significant to her for some reason, which helped anchor her even with all the dementors swarming around her. Regardless, she asked me how you were doing -- I told her you were in Egypt, which seemed to please her. 

Guess who I collided with, while exploring some Brazilian ruins? Your brother! He was still super prickly around me as ever, but he still looked proud, when I told him about your recent court victories. 

Your mother was a lovely host, as always, though she once again seemed to be peppering me with questions about my love life and what I’d want out of a romantic partner. I find it utterly baffling that she keeps falling back on trying to matchmake me with Charlie!  

I stopped by Romania to see Charlie on my way back home for the holidays. He says he can’t wait to see you this summer. Would you send along something to him? His mood seemed a bit dark when I was there, and it made me wish so much that I could stay longer so I could better suss out why. 

Bill -- I heard about the World Cup. Are you all right? Is everyone over there all right? Tell me everything.

Mum said in her most recent letter that Dad’s been oddly close-lipped about work lately. Obviously I’ve heard some things here and there about Bertha Jorkins and Barty Crouch, but I know I don’t have the full story. Is there anything you can tell me?

When the Minister had his huge falling-out with Dumbledore, though, Bill and Carewyn’s correspondence came to an abrupt halt. Carewyn knew that Fudge associated all of the Weasleys with Dumbledore, and so she knew that the only way to keep an advantageous position that she could then use to protect her loved ones and potentially sabotage Fudge’s more extreme measures was to distance herself from them. That year of written silence between the two was one of the hardest years Carewyn and Bill had ever experienced, being cut off from the one person they each confided in most out of anyone. 

Once the Death Eaters pierced the defenses of the Ministry, however, Fudge and the entire Wizarding World was forced to face the truth of Voldemort’s return. With this, Carewyn could initiate written correspondence with Bill again, though with the War getting worse and the mail being watched more than ever, their messages had to be censored somewhat.

I spoke to the two T’s recently about that matter we discussed last week, and they confirmed your suspicion. 

As much as I know you don’t care for our Oldest Associate, I do think he’s right in this. We have to trust each other. 

When the Ministry was taken over by the Death Eaters, Bill and Carewyn’s letters once again came to an abrupt halt. This time, though, Bill got creative. While in hiding at Shell Cottage, he wrote many letters “to Carewyn” in the form of a journal, with the thought that she’d be able to read all of them, after the War was over. 

No news today. I’m hopeful that the Potterwatch broadcast tomorrow night might have some good news.

Happy birthday, Carey! I wish so much that I could’ve gone shopping for something for you. Hope you’ll forgive me for being late. 

Dad brought along a care package from Mum -- they’re both well, and so are Fred and George. No news yet about how Ginny’s doing at school. 

No news today. I saw an eagle fly through the other day and for a split-second thought it might be Talbott. I was both disappointed and kind of relieved it wasn’t. 

Last night I dreamt of the Portrait Vault again. I can’t even remember the last time I’ve done that.

Ron appeared on my doorstep in the middle of the night. He was in very bad shape -- I’ve never seen him so pale and gaunt: like a dementor hovering about. He was barely even able to explain to me what had happened before he burst into tears. 

No news today. I sat on the beach a lot of today, watching the shoreline. The ocean made me remember the Hogwarts Lake, and the people I used to sit there with. Jules -- Charlie -- you and Rowan, as well. I miss those days so much.

Part of me wanted to just grab onto all three of them and tell them not to go back out there...but all I could think of was us, back in the Sunken Vault, when you tried to tell us all to go and save ourselves. Yet we all chose to stay behind, no matter what the risk to ourselves. I was the exact same age as they are right now. We were so young then, Carey...Merlin, we were so young...

It was a bittersweet relief when, after the War was finally over, Bill gave Carewyn a box full of his saved letters as a late birthday gift. Carewyn actually started to cry as she read them -- one of the few times Carewyn had ever cried in front of someone else, and only the second time in her life she’d ever cried in front of Bill. She ended up keeping those letters inside of an elegant leather-bound fake book she kept on her shelf for the rest of her life. 

Immediately after the War ended, Bill and Carewyn ended up exchanging letters or talking through the Floo Network pretty much daily. Bill had been very worried for Carewyn’s safety as the Head Prosecutor against convicted Death Eaters, and with Carewyn recently also having adopted a twelve-year-old Muggle-born named Erik Apollo, Bill was incredibly anxious for his friend’s safety. At several points, Bill’s new wife, Jules Farrier-Weasley, had to tell him to chill out a bit. 

“Come on, Bill -- this is Carey we’re talking about,” she’d told him with a reassuring smile. “She can take care of it. And even in those cases where she can’t, she’s got people there to help her. Talbott and Ben have been at every single case she’s prosecuted, just to serve as security. She’ll be fine.” 

Bill had a bit more difficulty relaxing, though, when the news that Carewyn might be in love reached his ears. Ever the overly affectionate and protective brother type, Bill didn’t immediately lash out or threaten violence the way Carewyn’s brother Jacob might -- but he did still write several letters to people. 

Penny -- what can you tell me about Orion Amari? 

Dear Andre, I know this is a bit out of the blue, but since you’re in the Quidditch World, I thought you might be able to tell me a bit about a player called Orion Amari. 

Hi, Night. It’s been a while, since we’ve talked -- I hope you’re doing all right. I know this is a bit abrupt, but I remembered you were on the Slytherin team with Orion Amari, back at school. What can you tell me about him?

Fortunately just about everything Bill received back was rather positive. Some of the people he’d written too had also caught wind of the fact that Carewyn and Orion had some unresolved romantic feelings for each other, and most of them reacted positively to the idea. Even Andre, who had dated Carewyn at school himself, thought they could make a rather handsome couple.

“There was plenty of speculation among the Ravenclaw team that Amari was sweet on Carewyn, back in the day,” he’d said in his response to Bill, “I suppose because of how determined he seemed to be to get her back on the team. But really, Cursebreaker was always a very good player, so I never blamed him for that.”

All of the positive reactions and testimonies to Orion’s character -- including from his own wife, who had also been in Slytherin -- soothed Bill’s nerves significantly. It made it so that when Carewyn brought up Orion in their letters, he was nothing short of encouraging. 

It’s great that you’ve been able to reconnect, through all this. I really look forward to meeting him myself soon...at least, properly.

Bill was a bit surprised, though, when Carewyn seemed to read his mind even from a thousand miles away and through the written page.

I can tell you’re worried about me, Bill, but please, believe me when I say you needn’t be. Hopefully when you do meet him, you’ll see that too.

And at the party celebrated Carewyn and Orion’s legal partnership, Bill’s concerns were put to rest, seeing Orion interacting with his infant daughter, his almost “stepson” Erik, and Carewyn. Even Bill’s mother Molly -- eternally a little disappointed that she hadn’t been able to matchmake Carewyn with one of her sons -- had to admit the two made a fine couple.

“It is a shame that they’re not planning to move in together,” Molly commented wistfully. “Carewyn would be such a wonderful mother to that little girl...and perhaps a few others, if they decided to grow their family..."

“Mum, Carey’s ace,” Bill reminded her with a wry smile. “She doesn’t want to have kids of her own.”

“Well, yes,” Molly conceded, “but that doesn’t mean they still couldn’t have more! Maybe adopt one more...really, with their combined salaries, they could more than afford a family of six...”

“They’re fine, Mum,” Bill cut her off gently.

He looked over at his best friend arm-in-arm with the dreamily philosophizing Captain of the Montrose Magpies a short way away. When she caught his eye, he grinned, and her entire face brightened, her eyes sparkling and her cheeks flushing with a kind of warmth and happiness Bill had only ever seen in Jules’s face, at their wedding. 

Within a week, the two were back to regularly writing letters again. In the beginning, it was largely about their respective significant others and how they were all settling back into normal life, but over the years, it branched out, encompassing their respective children and the future and their fears and their hopes. By the time Carewyn and Bill were old and gray, they’d written each other thousands of letters, many of which Carewyn managed to keep perfectly catalogued and preserved in her files. 

Soulmates are often used just to describe romantic relationships. If any pair could embody what it meant to be platonic soulmates, however -- two friends who understood each other at once upon meeting and became more “themselves” through interacting with each other than with anyone else -- Bill Weasley and Carewyn Cromwell would be a perfect example. 

Friendship Drabble Prompt! 

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #friendship drabbles #bill weasley #carewyn cromwell #charlie weasley #jacob cromwell #molly weasley #orion amari #jules farrier #night rhea #penny haywood #erik apollo #eos amari #andre egwu #albus dumbledore #talbott winger #nymphadora tonks #ben copper #my writing #THEMMMMM ;~; #god I love these two so much!! #their friendship just makes me so soft I can't ;~;

[zombee]

Our Flag Means Undeath

well, here are the first two chapters of my nandermo blackbonnet crossover fic. i’ve written ten, but i’m not going to start posting them to ao3 until i have a “plot” or whatever. enjoy.

CHAPTER ONE

Edward Teach didn’t like working at Panera, but at least it was better than prison.

He was, all in all, very good at crime. But he was just so-so with pastries.

Gnawing at him, every day, was this aching, yawning, all-consuming boredom. Get up. Pills for the hangover. Pills for the knee. Pills for the fuck of it. Shower. Work. Home. Rum. Sleep.

He didn’t have friends. He couldn’t drum up the interest for new lovers. He still saw the boys, sometimes, Izzy and all them – but it was less and less, when he kept refusing to join them on jobs. He missed the life, he guessed, but he was never, ever going back to fucking prison. He’d rather die assembling you-pick-twos.

A shell of who he once was, was Edward Teach. And bored, so bored. Bored and stuck and yearning for something new.

Something like a head of golden curls and the most ridiculous outfit he had ever seen on a human being waltzing into the store thirty minutes before close. Frills and buttons and lace that did not belong in this century, much less a Panera Bread. Besides the gleaming watch, Ed placed the whole thing at mid-18th century, before he remembered he was too stupid and too rough to know something like that.

Said man walked up to the register and smiled at Ed like he hadn’t been smiled at in a good long while. Even without his reputation, the hair and the beard and the scowl usually kept most people at bay.

“Hello!”

“Hi. What can I get you?”

“Oh, I’m not here for human food.”

The man’s words were as perplexing as his clothes.

“No, I’m here because I had an interview, with someone named Pete?”

Ed blinked.

“I’m afraid I don’t know his last name, er—”

His eyes darted to Ed’s name tag.

“Edward,” he finished.

“Ed’s fine.”

“Righto! Nice to meet you, Ed. I’m Stede.”

Stede smiled again, and Ed, before he could stop himself, smiled back.

The moment seemed to linger.

Something inside Ed lurched.

Pete’s voice broke the tension. “Mr. the Gentleman, sir!”

Still smiling, Stede nodded once at Ed, before turning his attention to Pete.

“Are you ready for the interview, my dear boy?”

Pete nodded, before he said to Ed, “You’ll cover me ‘til close?”

Ed looked around the very empty Panera. “Sure.”

Ed put the fancy man out of his mind. He would never see him again.

CHAPTER TWO

It was forty-five minutes later when he saw him again.

Ed finished his smoke and went to heave the bag of trash into the dumpster. He heard a muffled “fuck!” and then Stede seemed to rise out of the dumpster as if he could fly.

Which wasn’t the most bizarre thing that was happening, as he also appeared to be steaming.

“Was that garlic!” he said.

“Uh…” Ed sniffed, and got a noseful of garbage for his trouble. “Yeah, maybe. I dunno. Garlic bread probably.”

Stede looked very put out. Ed’s thoughts tried to skitter around the word cute before giving up and accepting it.

“I know it heals quick, but oh, it stings!”

Ed leaned against the dumpster in a very cool way. At least things made sense now. “Ah,” he said. “You’re a vampire.”

“No, actually, I’m a vamp—” Stede frowned. “How could you possibly know that?”

Ed shrugged. “Ran with a few of them in my day. Weird fuckers. No offense.”

“None taken.”

They eyed each other.

“I was actually going to, well. I was going to eat you.”

Ed barked out a laugh. “I’m no virgin, Stede the Gentleman.”

There he went smiling again. “You’ve heard of me?”

“I heard Pete say it.”

The smile was gone, and Ed did not like that one bit.

“But you’re very, uh. I like your clothes.”

“Do you!” Stede preened and posed.

“What is that, silk?”

Stede nodded and fiddled with his lapel. “A rather exquisite duchesse satin.”

“Must be a bitch to get blood out of.”

Then Stede giggled.

And Ed was fucked.

“It’s funny you should say that,” Stede said. “Tell me, Ed, are you happy at Panera?”

Ed shrugged. Stede leaned toward him.

“Do you know what a familiar is?”

Ed did know. But he wanted to hear Stede talk some more, so he shook his head.

“A vampire’s familiar is like their personal assistant. Chores and such. Sourcing food. Cleaning up after.”

“After what?”

Vampires could not flush, but Stede was doing his damndest to try. He gestured and opened his mouth as if to speak, thought better of it, then waved his hand back and forth. He opened his mouth again, closed it, opened it, then said, “Oh, you know.”

Stede’s swishing sleeves left white streaks in Ed’s vision.

“Blood. Semen. Vampire things,” Ed said.

Stede looked grateful. “Yes! Yes. See, you already know so much. You’d probably make an excellent familiar. Pete wasn’t quite right for the position, but perhaps…?”

Ed very nearly scoffed. Edward Teach, fucking Blackbeard, running errands for some foppish vampire?

Some beautiful, ridiculous, bizarrely kind vampire?

Yes, actually. Yes, he would like that very much.

What he said was, “What’s in it for me?”

Stede beamed as if he knew what Ed was really thinking. “Adventure!” he said. “Companionship. Access to the dark underbelly of Staten Island. And, eventually, we can discuss the possibility of you becoming a vampire.”

Now wasn’t that a thought. If Ed was a vampire, when Stede got tired of him, he could go back to his old life and stay out of prison at the same time. And if nothing else, this was something different. Something entirely new.

“Deal.”

Stede reached out to grasp Ed’s hand with both of his own and shook.

“Oh,” he said, turning Ed’s hand slightly toward the light of the flickering streetlamp. “Your rings are lovely.”

Ed was wildly, utterly, absolutely, well and truly fucked.

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd fic #blackbonnet #nandermo #look i know it makes sense for ed to be nandor #but guillermo is the competent one so it's not a 1:1 #if you want to read the whole thing so far and let me bounce ideas off you for what the plot could be just let me know #our flag means undeath

[aishutoon]

As I was going down my list of fanfics to make fanart for, I came across the link for the fanfic “Paper Mario: The Temple of the Sun”, which got me thinking about the fan partners I made after being inspired by that fic. So, I decided to actually draw them!

Some context for the story, even though I don’t have the whole thing figured out: The main villain is a Shaman (like Merlon or Merlee, but evil) who is searching for the pieces of an ancient puzzle that can grant one wish to whoever puts it together, and one of these pieces happens to be in Peach’s castle! So, she just steals the whole castle with everyone still inside, and now Mario, Luigi, and the partners they find along the way have to go on a journey to find the pieces of the puzzle and find out where Peach’s castle is. In the meantime, Peach is gathering information about the history of the villain and befriending one of the other prisoners, and Bowser is going on his own journey to find the castle because Bowser Jr. was still inside when it was whisked away.

The partners in order:

Orion: A timid, soft-spoken kid who’s the son of the villain (I haven’t come up with a name for her yet). He escaped the castle with the base of the ancient puzzle and ran into Mario and Luigi as a result, and now he’s helping the bros stop his mom’s evil scheme. He’s a huge bookworm, so he can Tattle enemies, as well as attack by lobbing a heavy shot put ball at them.

Deena: A cheerful Dry bones girl who’s aspiring to become a famous journalist, even if she gets in over her head sometimes. She can attack enemies with a shell attack or by throwing a bone or two at them. Can you guess which journalist she looks up to the most?

Hayase: A stoic Ninji who is training to become stronger at the dojo Mario and crew happen to visit. When it gets attacked by the main villain’s goons, Hayase joined Mario to fight them off. She can attack enemies with her ninja stars, and help Mario and Luigi avoid attacks for some time with her vanish ability.

Matcha T: Ok, technically this guy is the last partner you’d meet if this was a game, but I screwed up with the formatting, so let’s just go out of order for a bit. Matcha T. is a hotheaded young toad who periodically attacked Mario & co. a few times along the journey. Later, it is revealed that his little sister is one of the people who was in Peach’s castle when it was taken, and he had been attacking Mario & Co. in order to get strong enough to take on the stronger enemies sent by the villain. Once that misunderstanding is cleared up, he joins the gang to help save the prisoners. He attacks using bomb fruits (y’know, like the ones from Mario party ds? …yeah I know that’s a stretch)

Dottie: I’m gonna be honest with you guys, I thought of this character kind of at the last minute, so I don’t have a huge story for her. But I really like how her design turned out! Dottie is a sweet penguin who’s part of an ice skating group in the ice world of this game. She can attack enemies with ice breath and by sliding towards them on her belly. In the overworld, she can help Mario swim across bodies of water.

Rufus: If this was an actual game, the player would be the one who names this Chain chomp, but the default name for now is Rufus. He’s a rough, aggressive chain chomp who starts following the crew after being shown kindness for the first time by Orion. He’s a strong attacker with his chain whip and charge attacks. Sawyer: A young Swoop who’s the hopeless romantic sort, as well as an aspiring poet. He joins Mario & co. after his crush gets kidnapped by goons, and stays with them on the journey in order to get more ideas for poems. He can attack with his claws and screech attack. In the overworld, he can help Mario fly for a short amount of time over gaps. Probably one of my favorite designs out of the bunch ngl.

Phew, that’s all the partners! Holy crud, I’ve never made a post this long before. If you read through the whole thing, you’re awesome!

#paper mario #paper mario the thousand year door #spm #super paper mario #paper mario oc #paper Mario fan character #paper Mario fan partner #paper mario ttyd #paper Mario fan partners #paper mario fanart #paper mario sticker star #super mario #super mario bros #mario bros #my artwork #digital art #doodle #fan partner #fan partners #paper Mario fanfic

[jacks-obsessions]

Pencil and Paint

Chapter 1

This series is inspired by @jonathanstigbitties yandere art school au

CW: obsessive behavior, stalking, cum paint, manipulation, nsfw themes, and general yandere behavior 

Jackie sighed as she watched her professor talk about different drawing techniques, she probably would need to go to office hours again, as she was thinking this the professor caught her eye and Jackie quickly looked away, she was shy and making eye contact with someone as intimidating as professor Kars was not good for her heart. The class was almost over for the day and Jackie was ready for it; it had been a tough week and a nap sounded like heaven to her. Once the class was over, Kars called her over to his desk. 'Oh no oh no oh no oh no.' Was the mantra going through Jackie's mind as made her way to the professor's desk where he was eyeing her, this did not help, she approached and bounced on her heels out of nerves. "I called you over to ask how you are doing. You've seemed quite tense," Kars said as he watched Jackie's nervous visage. "O-oh, I, um, well, I guess I've been tense recently. I've just been burnt out lately." She said, looking at her feet in embarrassment. Kars noticed this and leaned forward. "No need to feel shame, it's simply natural, is there anything you need?" Jackie was shell-shocked, did Kars the meanest professor on campus just ask her if she needed anything from him?! "I-I don't think there is anything you can do," Jackie said softly, Kars nodded and leaned back. "Okay, but if you ever need anything just ask." He said earnestly, Jackie just nodded before shuffling out of the room, as she walked down the hall Jackie couldn't help but think about how Kars seemed to have taken a liking to her. He always went easy on her and he always lingered behind you when he was up walking around. "Jackie!" A voice called out. She looked over and there was Bruno. She smiled and waved at him. Bruno was teaching her painting techniques she didn't know. "Jackie, I'm glad I caught you. I was wondering if you'd like to get something to eat before we paint." He said, practically bouncing. "Okay." She didn't see a problem with it and it sounded fun. 

Jackie followed as Burno lead the way. The male seemed thrilled, and that made Jackie rather happy, too. "So, where are we going?" She asked as Bruno stopped. "Um, I haven't thought that far..." Jackie giggled and patted Bruno on the back, unaware of the shiver that goes down Bruno's spine. "Well, let's go to that new cafe." She said in a sing-song voice, once again affecting the male, but Jackie didn't know. When the two arrived at the cafe, they sat down in a quiet corner. Jackie smiled and asked how Bruno's day went. "Well, it was nice, kinda boring, but it got better." He said, getting a bit more animated at the end. "Oh? What made it better?" She asked, but Bruno just smiled and shook his head. "The day just seemed to get brighter is all." Jackie smiled, "That's good." Bruno loved her smile and couldn't help but smile himself, so when the barista came over to them, she was met with two people just smiling at each other. After they ordered, they went back to talking. "The weirdest thing happened today. Kars asked if I needed help." She said. "What? Really?" Bruno felt a bit annoyed by this. Why was he talking to her? "Well, I'm thinking he likes me," Jackie mumbled. "Oh, well, that's weird, don't you think?" There was slight aggression in his tone. "Yeah, it's weird, but I think it's nice he's trying to be sociable." She said absentmindedly as she glanced out the window, missing how Bruno frowned at that. The two got their drinks and continued to chat when they heard a familiar voice. "Jackie, I'm surprised to see you on a date," Kars said with surprise in his voice. "Oh, I'm not on a date, sir. We're just getting something to pep us up from my painting lesson." She explained, much to Bruno's chagrin. "Tch, no need to call me sir. We're off the clock." Kars scoffed as he eyed Bruno. "Oh, thank you, Kars." Unknown to her, hearing her say his name gave Kars a certain amount of pleasure, but this put a sour taste in Bruno's mouth.

Kars lingered for a bit before leaving to get his food and drink as Bruno and Jackie left. "I don't like him," Bruno grumbled as they walked. Jackie tilted her head and questioned why he didn't like Kars. "It's just that he seems like an arrogant asshole, is all." He said as he kicked a rock. "Yeah, he may seem like that, but he's pretty nice, or at least that's how he is with me." She said, shrugging. Bruno just scoffed and shook his head. Once they arrived at Bruno's shared home, they were greeted by the sound of arguing. "Sounds like Fugo and Narancia are at it again," Jackie said with a smile. Bruno shook his head once more and quietly apologized for their behavior, but she just laughed and said it was fine. Bruno opened the door, and they saw an angry Fugo trying to strangle Narancia, but as they walked in, the shouting and strangling stopped. "Hi, Jack!" Narancia rasped with glee. "Hi, Nara." She replied, not noticing how Bruno's jaw clenched and his hands balled into fists. He did not like that little nickname, in fact, why didn't he have a nickname?! Was he not good enough? That had to be it, so he'd just try harder! "Jackie, we should probably get to it." He suggested, mainly to get away from the distraction. Bruno herded Jackie into his room where they began their session, as the session progressed Bruno would take every opportunity to touch Jackie, guiding her hands, pressing his body against hers, and discreetly smelling her hair. Bruno was thrilled he loved these moments with Jackie. They were chaotic and fun, and he got to see her let loose and forget the stress of the day. Jackie smiled as she inspected the oil painting she and Bruno had been working on. She always felt so accomplished when she painted with Bruno. “Hey Bubs, what do you think?” She asked as she stepped back to look at her work. “Bubs?” Bruno questioned. “Bubs! I’ve decided that’s your nickname.” This was it! The moment he was waiting for, he was finally worthy of a nickname!

“Do you not like it? Cause if you don’t, I can just keep calling you Bruno.” She said hurriedly when Bruno failed to respond to her, but unknown to her, Bruno was over the moon. “NO! What? No! I-I love it!” He said frantically. He couldn’t have her not give him a nickname, not when he’s been waiting all this time! “Okay, I’m glad.” Jackie smiled as she said this, a smile that melts his heart and makes his day. “Yeah, it’s nice you gave me one. It makes me happy,” Bruno said quietly as he tried to hide his blush. “Heh, no problem.” She said as he placed a hand on Bruno’s shoulder, causing Bruno to choke on his spit and then cough. “Are you okay!?” Jackie cried out as she placed a hand on his back, helping brace him with her body. It only made things worse. Any kind of touch from Jackie was rare, and now Bruno was having her touch him more than ever before. Wherever she touched, his skin burned. Now he had to focus on not popping a boner. Well, all the physical contact was too much for Bruno and he passed out, freaking Jackie out, so poor Jackie had to drag Bruno to his bed and heft him into it. When he woke up Jackie was by his side looking out the window. He was so happy, she stayed by his side! She had to love him back! “Jackie?” She jumped and looked down at him, relief flooding her features. “Oh, thank god you’re okay!” Right, he passed out… oops. “Heh, sorry for passing out on you,” Bruno said sheepishly. “No, it’s fine. As long as you feel better, I’m happy.” She said, smiling. That’s the Jackie he loves. Her motherly nature always calmed him down. It wasn’t something he always got to see, so it was always a pleasant surprise when her caring side came out to play. “Jackie?” He looked up at her, taking in all of her features. “Hm?” She was looking out of the window again. “I just wanted to thank you for taking care of me.” He said, looking away, hiding his blush.

“No problem. It’s what friends are for.” She said happily. “Yeah, friends…” Bruno didn’t want to be just ‘friends,’ he wanted to be soulmates, damn it! “Well, have to go. It’s getting late.” She said, getting up. “I can walk you home! You said it yourself that it’s getting late, so I want to make sure you get home safely.” Bruno said quickly. This was a prime opportunity for him to woo her. He didn’t need to learn where her home was because he already knew where she lived. No, this was to protect her from the scum of the earth. “Okay, that sounds good,” Jackie said, nodding, as Bruno’s heart did a flip. She trusted him! He got out of bed and offered Jackie his hand. She took it and he helped her up. As the two walked down, she said her goodbyes, and then they left. As they walked, Bruno thought of things they could talk about, but he also enjoyed the silence too, so they ended up walking in silence. Bruno walked slightly behind Jackie so as not to give away he knew where she lived, he couldn’t get her suspicious of him. This also allowed him to admire her beauty. Once they got to her front door, they said their goodbyes and parted ways, but after Jackie shut the door, Bruno hung around a bit, just for his peace of heart. He had to make sure nobody followed them. After he was satisfied, Bruno left and made his way home, at home he sat down and admired the painting that he and Jackie had been working on, he felt a surge of pleasure run throughout his body as he looked at what they had created. They created this, they, the knowledge that they made something together, made Bruno hard. It was like a husband and wife having a child! This painting was their child. It had his semen in it after all, and the knowledge that she had touched it with her bare hands, well, made him even harder. That’s it he needed to jerk off, as he lay in his bed he imagined Jackie above him, moving down towards his hard cock, he imagined her hands freeing his length instead of his, and that it was her hands that began to gently move up and down his shaft, he focused on the feeling of her bare hands on his skin. As he did his body heated up and his skin flushed red with arousal, he bit his lip to keep his moans contained. 

Bruno groaned thinking of how warm she would be wrapped around his shaft. Thoughts of how she would use him for her pleasure filled his mind. Maybe she would cockwarm him and give him the order to not move until she said so, or maybe she would sit on his face until he was begging for air. The more he thought of these things the closer he got to his end. He finally came with a strangled groan, his eyes rolled back, as he lay there he thought of having Jackie cuddle with him. He sighed and rolled over looking at the picture of them at the pool, her swimsuit hugged all the right places but she said she looked horrible, he thought she looked amazing in it. Though he would have preferred she didn’t wear it where everyone could see her, her beauty was for his eyes only. Yawning Bruno rolled over and fell asleep not bothering to clean himself up.

#yandere bruno x jackie x yandere kars #tw yandere #jjba smut #jjba oc

[libertys-lovers]

Guess who's back! Back again! I hope you're doing well and staying healthy☆

I am here with another round of the good oll' 'Gush syndrome', and this time the victim is..*drumroll*

Affogato!!!

H n g h, this man- Okay, first of, BOLD move walking into my kingdom completely unannounced when Licorice and Caramel Arrow are right there! (And Crunchy Chip too now☆) And secondly.. He amuses me.

Is he suspicious? Yes. Is he still power-hungry and definetly will try to take over my kingdom? Absolutely. But is he funny to me though? HOLY DOUGH-

Look, i know he's probably giving me those sweet compliments just to butter me up and i know the coffee and medicine and everything he makes "Special, just for you." is super cunning and conniving, but- Yeah no i have no excuse, he has charmed me and i think he's funny, especially when i jokingly asked if he's poisoned anything and he has to hurrridly assure me "Oh no no, my liege, i promise everything is perfectly safe!" He thinks he's stringing me along to his whims, but i'm letting him! And seeing him slither around all suspiciously is just *chef's kiss*.

Regardless, he is a wonderful asset in battle and is an amazing advisor - i tell him this every time, since i noticed just how taken aback he was when i first said it.. Maybe his search for power is just.. a search for recognition? Bah, it might be yet another act he puts on..

Oh well, everyone's calmed down a bit from the snow, so i'm very much not suspicious of him at the moment☆

Though speaking of suspicious individuals!

I've opened up a bakery for my lovely kingdom, and i'm making all the cakes myself! It's all very nice.. but Licorice.. He's been to my shop twice in a row! Ordered a 4-layer choco cake, went out anad came back for a 4-layer strawberry one.. And then some suspicous person with a VERY familiar cloak came in for a 4-layer blueberry cake..! Please keep an eye on Licorice, it would be a shame for him to get sick from all the cake!

(Live footage of me hearing that you’re coming back for another gush session)

I’m doing quite well, thank you!!! Still kicking, still got a pulse lmao. I hope everything’s going well on your end too!

But LMAAOOOO- He’s such a lil bastard BWAHAHA 😭. Good for him though; that’s a power move, honestly. I hope he hasn’t caused too much turmoil over there-

Omg though, not you teasing him about his stuff being poisoned 😭😭- I’m almost tempted to suggest that you pretend it actually DID somehow poison you, but that’s probably a bit far. Sounds funny on paper though; he’s be so caught off guard by that lmao. No, for real though, it’s nice to hear that he’s actually helping your kingdom out! That’s already a bit of progress for him, considering his… last project SKSJWKD

And MATE?!? You’re already cracking through his shell, hmm?! Like yeah, you’re right, we could consider that as another part of his act, but I don’t knooooooowwww~! I’ve had the pleasure to see him lose his composure once or twice (one of the many benefits of following both Gingerbrave AND Licorice around; I got dragged to Dark Cacao’s kingdom and saw almost everything go down myself). It’s definitely possible that his… shall we say… flustering is a genuine reaction! He doesn’t seem to hide his true thoughts the best when he’s encountered with an unexpected situation, and I’m sure genuine light-hearted praise was one of those situations! Still, I’d keep an eye on him! Though, I don’t think ya need me to tell you that for you to do it 😉

Also hUH?!?! What the?!?! You mean to tell me he’s been buying all of that and I have yet to see a single slice?? Jail! Jail for him for a thousand years!!! ( / j & lh of course)

No, for real though, that sounds absolutely lovely!! I bet you’re making the finest desserts out there! Gee, maybe I’ll head over there myself and pick one up lol. In any case, the kingdom I’m at rn just opened a bakery too… I’ve volunteered to make some cakes once or twice, but I haven’t had much time to do it consistently! Ya know, dimension-hopping nonsense sure takes up a lot of my schedule lol.

#🗽letters to liberty🗽 #WAAAAHHHH YOU AND YOUR COOKIE CRUSHES I SWEAR #You’re all the absolute cutest I can NOT wait to see the rest of your gushes!!!

[andthebubbles]

i had a very nice day!!! so the person i picked up stuff from actually turned out to be super nice, it was so wild it was like i stepped into an alternate universe (over email she sounded super urgh and troublesome). idk if there’s a catch somewhere and i just haven’t found it yet, but yeah, what the hell. i got the stuff and now i can do mileage claim!

checked out moona moona creek afterwards, it’s a veryyyyy nice swimming spot. actually, the sand and the colour of the water has been the most interesting/noteworthy things at jervis bay. the sand is almost white and the water is just this gorgeous aqua-ish blue (although less noticeable the closer you get to it lol). also, the light (sunlight) is just really clean and blue?

(oh i almost forgot, i also checked out the mangrove boardwalk at huskisson, that was good, until i visited the beaches SKJDGNFKG)

then ofc since there weren’t any traffic jams i checked out hyams beach because you know, ~whitest sand and stuff. i guess the sand is pretty white?? it’s not that markedly whiter than the sand at moona moona creek. but the biggest difference was skfjgnkfjng the TEXTURE of the sand skjfnkfjgnkfng so at moona moona creek, the sand sometimes was almost ‘solid’, like, if i was an elf and i could walk lightly enough on it, i wouldn’t break through that outer shell. but once you break through the outer shell, it just crumbles and then it’s soft. and kinda squeaky feeling. maybe it’s very salty?? idk

but MMMMm hyams beach sand was like, SO SOFT, it was like walking on pillows, especially for the sand in the shade, it was just soooo mmMMMMM. the waves crashing on the beach were whatever, i guess they were almost greenish because it was so clean blue, but the SAND TEXTURE, now that was noteworthy. (i also may have taken a tiny bit of sand because it was so fascinating and fiiiine and pale and soooo soft and pillowy, and now i’ve decided i’m gonna start a sand collection!! it’d be really interesting to see the difference in colours of sand, and also i guess i will take notes. like, maroubra sand is pretty coarse, and darker ofc... bondi beach sand is like... idk, paler than maroubra, but it’s nothing special either, it’s not that fine

it’s interesting, cause if one could 4wd moona moona creek, i think it’d be quite easy because the sand is so firm, but hyams beach would be pretty tricky i think

anyway!!! sand collection!!! i need to get me some glass bottles with corks

(might post pics later, might not)

also, the drive was pretty easy... i did up to wollongong first, then my mum did from there to bomaderry, then i did from there to jervis bay stuff, and then once we were done there i did from there to wollongong, and then to home, so i did most of the driving and mmmm it was good. also idk what it is about the sun going down/nighttime = i can drive a loooot more lol, it’s just, once the sun goes down and it starts to settle into dusk and then nightfall, i just fuckin wake up skjgkfkj

so anyway, jervis bay is like, just over 3 hours away, so it’s pretty doable, esp if you split it into 1.5h each. i’d love to go back to hyams beach just so i can feeeeeeel the sand again... i might go back once school holidays are over haha. and also it’d be nice to stay longer so i can get some night photography in. the sun took forever to set today and i guess that’s cause summer solstice is... tomorrow, okay, i just checked lol well ANYWAY, i miss night photography, but it’s also nicer to do it when the weather is colder because there aren’t any mozzies about, and it gets darker earlier so you don’t have to wait as long. but me dad’s a chicken with the cold, and sometimes i don’t particularly like going remote-ish places at night by myself because it feels kinda dodge

anyway!! time to check the pics i took eheheee

-

eta: HYAMS BEACH SAND (those aren’t my footprints (why didn’t i pick a better spot where the sand was untouched ksjnfgkfjgn oH WELL))

selfie lmfao:

eta 2: i gotta say it’s REALLY nice now that there’s an albion park bypass and a berry bypass... (yeah i haven’t been out much until recently lol) also, i kinda miss the old foxground route, but more in a sense of ‘i bet it’s really fun now with almost no traffic’ SKJDNFK

#blahblahblah i just memory-dumped about the beaches i visited today lol #very skippable! #me.txt #yeah. i wish i could've stayed longer!! #after i got home we took the cat for a walk round the block in her cat pram lol #and THEN it felt like the day was complete #i didn't even get to use high beams on the highway on the drive home #THAT'S how early we started going back #what a shaaaame #no night driving with high beams? pfft #with spotties and lightbar on dirt roads it's even more exciting! #point of interest (lol): i've gotten used to how tough the troopy is with like... everything #that today i accidentally switched on the high beams with this nissan when i was signalling to.. turn or change lanes idk #normal cars are so soft lol #normal MODERN* cars are so soft #also i discovered that if i put my left hand on the right hand side of the stupid T shape of the steering wheel.. it isn't so much a strain #so uh that's nice #at least i'm not coming home with like a fucked up shoulder or neck or whatever #i think sometime next year or so it'd be really nice to spend some time at like.. jervis bay territory #like. camp near the beach #explore the area #etc #but it has to be not during school holidays lol i think this place would be kinda crap with too many people around #i got lucky today i guess cause it's the first day of the school hols

[letters-anon]

Dear you,

I’m writing this letter because I don’t know where to turn. I’m not even sure where to even begin… It’s a jumbled mess of the mind, a vomit that needs to be expelled.

Everything feels so pathetic, so trivial, but it’s still everything. There is so much to be done and to care for, but I can’t feel a thing towards it. I’ve lost all meaning, there is nothing to me, just a hollowed out shell of a person that just wants to feel something.

If I take a look at the life I’ve lived I feel nothing. Nothing to be proud of, nothing that makes me happy, even the saddest of moments I can no longer feel. He once told me that there is no such thing as nothing, because if you feel nothing then you must be feeling something. To this day I don’t understand that, but those words, his words, will always be with me and in moments like this I remember, and for a brief second hearing his voice in my head makes me feel safe. It’s just for a second, not even, but I feel, so that’s important. I wish I could tell him that.

As I write this letter I can feel the tears roll down my cheeks, some barely even touching the skin before dropping to my chest. It’s like even they don’t want to be near me, even the tears can’t stand me. Every inch of myself is a repellant, vile and unforgiving. Is it something I said? Maybe something I did? Or just the way I hold myself? I don’t know, but I wouldn’t want me either, no surprise that no one else does.

Even the happiest of tasks can’t bring a moment of joy to my mind. There is a life being brought into this world every second, but I am beside myself with grief that I were to become part of the production it wouldn’t be with him. It could be with someone else, maybe (?) but wait, there is no one else I’d rather take on that challenge with. Anyway, even if there were let’s face it, who wants the fat chick with the depression and anxiety, that has no self respect and looks at the life knowing the reality of this shitty world?

Skip to the bit where we pretend I’m happy doing the job I’ve always loved. Not what I wanted, but I loved it nonetheless. Loved; past tense. It feels like I’ve come to an impasse, too late to find a new media, stuck doing this thing that makes me crazy. I’ve always been a people pleaser, I guess that’s why I’m drawn to a profession that is only about pleasing the masses at the expense of myself, but I’ve got nothing left to give, they’ve taken every inch of me. There wasn’t much to begin with…

There is more to share, much more I could say, but I’m sure I’ve brought you down enough for one night. As I lie in the darkness I try to feel my heartbeat in my chest; it’s slow and skips when I dream of him. At least it’s still beating for now.

Love, me.

#depression #feelings #letters #love #text #writing #discovery #nothing #empty

[splendi-city]

of hospitals

i am not the healthiest person. i guess on first glance i seem physically, completely capable. i have all my limbs, no obvious disabilities, and i am able to portray living a full life. however, behind the scenes, i go through problem after problem. now i say problem as an umbrella term because fuck knows my body is broken in a million more ways than i will ever be aware of. different vague health issues every damn time. but whatever, this is not meant to be a self-pity post. point is i’m sick a lot. consequentially, i spend a decent amount of time in hospitals. 

a little bit of self-pity is to be warranted in this paragraph. having to go to the hospital so much, it doesn’t seem like its a big deal anymore. those around me simply let out a sigh, “again?.” and i guess its fair. after a certain point there is no longer a sense of urgency? so u don’t rly care as much knowing at the end of it, no matter how sick i am in the moment, i am really just fine lol. regardless, it doesn’t feel great. no matter how many times it happens, my pain is still my pain. i would like to be taken care of, treated, manja-ed. but no one really does that for me. i am expected to be able to handle it with grace, simply because i have done it before. and i wish that were the case but truth be told, i am weak every time i have to go through this. and having to go through this more often than most just means that i am drained more and more every time. at this point, i am a shell of myself just dreaming of a day where i don’t feel some sort of random excruciating pain at any part of my body.

then came him.

i would like to believe i made my peace with the fact that i am responsible of taking care of myself, in general but also more specifically in the context of hospital and emergency room runs. but somehow this boy waltzes into my life, actually takes charge of making sure i am okay and physically comfortable at all times. he makes an active effort to be there for me, to care for me, to make me feel better. i was going through a whirlwind of pain today, one of the most excruciating ones i have ever felt in my life. all i had to do was tell him. without skipping a beat he was working out the logistics of how he could be the one to bring me to the hospital. how he wanted to be the one there to hold my hand through the entire process. the past few times where he actually had to bring me to the hospital, he was the most attentive person i have ever gotten the privilege to witness. from driving me (when he doesnt even drive), to pushing me on the wheelchair around the whole hospital, to letting me sleep on his lap in the waiting room, to just making sure i’m well-fed and comfortable. i’ve never been pushed on a wheelchair unless i was unconscious. he keeps saying “smol ting ony.” when it means the absolute world to me that i have one person that actually takes my pain seriously. who would actually go out of their way for my comfort. who would reassure me my pain is valid, no matter how much i try to gaslight myself that it isn’t. 

i’ve never had this from people who weren’t family. and even so, my family is truly over it and too tired to put in the effort anymore lol. i have never felt safe in hospitals. i’ve always felt like i had to fight and fend for myself. but now i have him. he makes me feel so loved and cared for. he makes me feel like i’m not alone. he is already an amazing boyfriend, through a million other facets of his presence. but seeing how he treats me when i’m sick, is a really good bonus. i would have never expected this treatment from anyone, and i am so so grateful that he came into my life to show me that it is possible to have someone with you going through tough times. this is the kind of love i believed i didn’t deserve. one i didn’t think i would ever get the privilege of experiencing. and for that i thank him. thank you sayang, for all that you do for me. for making hospitals bearable, nay, fun. if i had to go through this lifetime of pain and sickness, i’m eternally grateful to have you by my side. (preferably i would just like to stop getting sick, but ykno). i am forever indebted to your kindness, tolerance, and patience. you are truly my light at the end of this tunnel, and i love you endlessly for it.

thank you for your gentle hands, and for pushing me on wheelchairs.