#but i honestly have to give myself time too. recovery takes years too.

[transmascissues]

I cannot thank you enough for your posts about top surgery. I'm hoping to get mine in a couple years. Your updates are really comforting to me, even (maybe especially) the bad stuff because it makes me feel more prepared. I hope your recovery keeps going well!

On another note, how did you decide whether to keep your nipples or not? I like how chests look with and without them, so it's hard to choose

for me there were a few factors that led me to go nipless:

the biggest thing was that when i imagined my body post-op, i naturally always saw it without nipples. that was just what felt right when i thought about how it would look — i didn’t even have to think about it, that’s just what came to mind. i figured, if i’m automatically picturing myself like that, that’s probably a good indication of what i would be happiest with.

i’ve also always had sensory issues related to my nipples. i basically wore a sports bra constantly, including when i slept, because i hated the feeling of loose fabric touching them and moving against them. so if i had kept my nipples, i would’ve ended up with either no sensation or more discomfort, not anything positive.

i really didn’t want to deal with the healing process for nipple grafts. my skin is super sensitive and finicky, so if anyone would be almost guaranteed to have problems with graft healing, god only knows it would be me. i also know i’m more prone to infection than most people, so avoiding the part of the surgery that has the highest chance of infection seemed like a good plan. on top of all that, i’m also a huge baby about having to touch any sort of injury on my body (just putting moisturizer on my mostly healed incisions was something i had to work up to), so i knew doing the graft care would be difficult for me too.

i know that i can be super picky about the way things look, especially when it comes to things like spacing and symmetry. so if i had gotten nipple grafts, i think it’s super likely that i would’ve ended up feeling like they were put in the wrong place or being bothered by any asymmetry in how they healed. obviously i wanted to pick the kind of surgery that was the most likely to give me results i would be fully satisfied with, so getting grafts despite knowing i’d probably end up nitpicking them for years to come just seemed silly.

i honestly really love the idea of having a chest that’s visibly different from a typical cis man’s chest. the goal of my transition has never been to look cis and i take a lot of pride in being recognizably trans, so having a kind of surgery that isn’t just trying to imitate what i would look like if i were cis was really appealing to me.

going without grafts is just cheaper, so given all of the other reasons i didn’t want grafts, there was just no reason for me to spend extra money on them. i want a few extra hundred dollars in my bank account way more than i want nipples.

and in hindsight, i genuinely couldn’t be happier with my decision. when i look at my chest, even now while it’s still not fully healed, it looks just like how i always imagined i would look with a flat chest and feels like the most natural thing in the world.

if you’re having trouble deciding which you like better, i would try just closing your eyes and imagining both on your body. this was one thing i did if i saw someone with grafts whose results i really liked and felt uncertain in my decision, because what i always ended up realizing was that no matter how good they looked on other people, it felt super weird imagining them on myself. in fact, most of the time i struggled to really even picture it at all.

you could also try gathering a bunch of pictures of both types of results and seeing how you feel about all of them. maybe when you look at the results with grafts, there’s only a few that you feel like you would be dissatisfied with, but when you look at results without grafts, there are a lot more that you probably wouldn’t want. or maybe it’s the other way around. like i said, you’re going to want to go with the kind of surgery you’re mostly likely to be happy with, so if you seem to be more critical of one kind of surgery’s results than the other, that can help guide your choice.

and if you really don’t feel any differently about them, consider the other factors: how do you feel about the healing process? is sensation in your nipples something you find pleasure in and would consider trying to preserve? what does the difference in cost look like for you and how important is that to you? how important is it to be able to pass as cis if necessary? and so on. your decision might end up being made based on something other than pure aesthetics and that’s totally okay.

#top surgery adventures #ask answered #top surgery #trans man #transmasc

[f1tyreslightmyfyre]

Immortal Artistry - Ch. 7

Series Main List

A Vampire AU F1 Fic Featuring Charles Leclerc x Fem!Reader, George Russell x Fem!Reader, hints of Max Verstappen x Fem!Reader, Lestappen, Sebchal, and Sainzell (or Russainz?)

Also on AO3

A/N: Thank you all so much for reading! The notifications on this fic bring the biggest smile to my face 😊

Ch. 7 Warnings: Language

2023

The walls of your office stare back at you, both familiar and unfamiliar now that your world has inverted. Just four days ago, you met Charles Leclerc. Just four days ago, Xavier was still alive. Just four days ago, vampires didn’t exist. 

And now?

Not only do vampires exist - they want World War II looted artifacts, and you’re caught squarely in the middle through no fault of your own.

Indeed, life can sure be a bitch, but honestly, you never thought it could come to this.

How could it? Supernatural creatures of horror films didn’t exist, except that they clearly do, and clearly, they have plans, factions, and goals. It probably shouldn’t surprise you since they were all human at some point in time, and humans have been warring in factions to accomplish goals since the dawn of time.

But priceless artwork? Missing since World War II? And treasure maps? It sounds too fanciful to even possibly be real.

The cursor in the blank email window blinks back at you, taunting you. With a sigh, you re-read the email at the bottom of the chain but still find no clarity to draft a response. Instead, you open a browser window and let your fingers loose with the questions spinning in your mind.

WW2 treasure

Looted treasure during WWII

Austrian salt mines treasure

How much art lost during WWII has been found

Authorities trying to recover lost WWII treasure

Unfortunately, most of the links take you back to film The Monuments Men that you barely remember, but the stories from the men who lived to recover the stolen cultural artifacts fuels your speculation. Perhaps George was one of those men? Charles already told you that he died – err, transformed – in 1940, so he would have learned about the location of the looted treasures during the war, if not after. But Carlos said that Charles got there first, before at least he arrived… and George, presumably. So, what gives them the right to claim the stolen treasure for themselves instead of Charles?

You didn’t think to ask this morning when Carlos had been transformed. Or is that too personal of a question to ask a vampire? The idea flashes in your mind to google vampire conversation etiquette, but you refuse to have that in your internet search history. But perhaps Carlos and George were both on a cultural artifact recovery team and encountered Charles as he was… doing what exactly? Stealing stolen art? Looting looted goods?

“I have certainly studied art,” Charles said as he continued to scan and sign the array of papers. “I suppose one could call me a collector of art, but while I claim paltry skill with a brush, I do favor myself for having an appreciation of beautiful pieces.”

Slowly, you nodded as he recapped the pen. “It sounds like you have seen a lot of interesting pieces over the course of your studies and search for beauty.”

His eyes flashed with something you couldn’t place – something predatory, something fond, something satisfying. “Yes,” he said at length as he rose. “I have seen much, with much still left yet to see.”

The memory creeps a shiver down your spine. Has Charles actually been honest with you from the start? Thinly-veiled and vague as it was, but he didn’t lie… maybe that’s the wisdom gained from living 83 years while still looking like a 25-year old.  

You stared up at Carlos. “Assuming you’re saying what I think you’re saying? That Charles has some World War II treasure map that George wants for himself?” The words sounded no less ridiculous as they rang in your ears, but honestly, life stopped being normal since that first meeting with Charles Leclerc.

“That is exactly what I’m saying,” Carlos confirmed. “Except, George doesn’t think Charles has it – he thinks that you have it.”

Your eyes widened as you nearly choked on your coffee. “That’s impossible – Charles has given me nothing.”

You push up from your desk chair, exhaling heavily to try and make sense of the memories that plague you. Or maybe you’re trying to outrun the sense of dread knotting your stomach. Because perhaps, maybe… just maybe, Charles has given you more than you realize. At least in terms of verbal truth, if not physical objects. But surely nothing he’s said to you could possibly be a clue or the key to finding a stolen World War II treasure hoard.

An incredulous grin lights your face, matched by a soft laugh as you shake your head. Or maybe the answer is more simple and you’re just losing your damn mind.

Your feet carry you aimlessly towards the private executive conference room. As you push the door open, in your mind’s eye, you can still see Charles’ sleek, polished form seated at the table. The overhead light had danced in his mercurial eyes with such intriguing temptation and the cut of his suit complemented the lean lines of his body, and… god, as a human, had he been that handsome?

Heat rises in your cheeks without permission as you cross around the large table and pull out the chair in which he previously sat. You drum your fingers against the polished tabletop, trying to put yourself in his shoes. But how can you possibly hope to have his decades-long perspective? How can you possibly understand the depth and breadth of his plans? Especially if he’s been able to outwit every modern-day digital identification device and legal system to be at least three different versions of himself over the decades. If he can indeed live forever, how long will he have to go on changing his legal name and signing paperwork?

Will he someday be Charles Leclerc, LXIV?

Your eyes roam the tabletop, studying the rings in the wooden surface, the leather stitching on the edge of the company branded coasters, the caddy of pens that –

Wait.

Just what…Your mouth goes dry as one pen doesn’t match the rest. A pen that looks way too fancy for anything your firm would buy – a black capped pen with gold accents that looks eerily familiar.

Charles reached into the interior pocket of his suit jacket. He withdrew a sleek, black capped pen with gold accents and deftly unscrewed the cap. Glancing up at you, he offered another cute, almost shy smile. “You’ll forgive me if I’m a little old-school,” he said as a gleaming gold fountain tip came into view. “Ball point pens just aren’t as artistically satisfying.”

A gasp passes your lips as the memory slams through you. You could have sworn that Charles put the pen back in his jacket after signing, but the truth of it stares you in the face. Your hand trembles with anxious anticipation as you reach forward, feeling the pen’s cool metal against your fingertips. Is this somehow it? Could this possibly be the answer?

The pen has a deceptive weight as you turn it over in your hands, studying the light reflecting off the polished surface. You unscrew the cap to reveal the sharp fountain tip, and you wish you had a notepad to confirm that the pen still works. You saw it for yourself that night – so it must have some inkwell inside it, but… is that all? Rotating the pen, you search for another way to open it – some seam, some screw top – and the case yields with a hard twist, unscrewing from the body. Setting the cap down in your lap, the pen disassembles to reveal the ink cartridge and… something else.

A small, slim canister falls into your lap, and heart-pounding anticipation seizes you. Do you dare open it? Perhaps it’s booby trapped? Or maybe it’s… empty? You wet your top lip nervously before giving the canister a gentle shake. The contents rattle as the object inside knocks against the bottom and lid of the canister.

Would opening it be a step too far? Or are you already implicated enough?

Exhaling an uneasy sigh, you pop off the canister’s cap and out slides a roll of… film? With the prevalence of digital technology, you can’t recall when you last saw a physical roll of film, let alone one so teeny-tiny small. Your brow furrows as a distant thought surfaces – classic movie spies always use small cameras to take photos of clandestine documents. Hell, even today libraries still rely heavily on microfiche and microfilm for archiving purposes.  

But is that what you actually hold? Working a nervous swallow down your throat, you unfurl the roll of film and risk holding it up to the light for a better look. Squinting closely at it  - crude, hand-drawn lines snake across the image of a page, like roads… like a map. A circle that looks suspiciously like a compass rose rests in the upper left corner of the image, and your stomach drops to your feet. The rest of the details are too small for you to make out, but writing accompanies the drawing, and… oh fuck.

Did you actually hold proof of a World War II treasure map in your hands?

Your heart pounds as you quickly roll up the film and shove it back in the canister. Your mind reels as you screw the pen back together and replace the cap. With trembling fingers, you set it on the table as if holding it any longer will burn you.

Just what the fuck do you do now?

You could always keep it. Tell Charles you have it and ask him what he wants you to do with it. What was Xavier going to do with it anyway? Store it? Destroy it?

Those seem to be the only two real options.

You could keep it – maybe even use it. Could… what would happen if you give it to George? Does that fundamentally shift the pieces on Charles’ figurative chessboard?

But what if you destroyed it? The rubbish chute sits at the end of the corridor hallway, and rumor has it, it feeds straight into the building incinerator. If neither Charles nor George have the map, then neither of them have an advantage. Or does that somehow play into Charles’ plan? Does that set the chess pieces in the formation that Charles wants?

Indecision cripples you as you stare down at the pen – at the crux of this whole damn mess.

Just what are you going to do?

Keep It - Chapter 8 (targeted for 11-Dec)

Destroy It  - Chapter 9 (targeted for 11-Dec)

Tag List: @fictional-l0v3r @hollie911

Series Main List

#f1 rpf #f1 fic #f1 fandom #charles leclerc #charles leclerc fanfic #max verstappen #max verstappen fanfic #george russell #george russell fanfic #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #george russell x you #george russell x reader #carlos sainz jr #carlos sainz fanfic #sebastian vettel #sebastian vettel fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 au #formula 1 #f1 #vampire au

[borderlinereminders]

You mentioned in a post a couple days ago that you talk to your best friend every day but in your last post you mentioned that you have a friend that you feel too drained to talk to sometimes and I know this is my own insecurity but how can that be? If I’m the second friend to someone why am I less important?

There are a few reasons for me, anon. And none of them mean my other friend isn’t important to me.

My best friend doesn’t drain me the way most people do. Not even if she’s having a crisis. A lot of that is from being friends for over ten years and knowing so much about each other. But I don’t have to think a lot about everything I say/do with her. I can just be myself. I don’t feel a need to mask, and I don’t feel a need to filter myself. There is a lot of stuff about me and my interests/life that only she knows because a lot of people wouldn’t “get it”. And I’m safe to be myself with her. Even if I’m having bad recovery days. I never worry about feeling judged.

There are times we don’t agree on stuff but we always respect the other’s opinion. I know even if I accidentally say something wrong, she won’t lash out or get angry at me. If she feels a need to discuss it, it’s done in a calm way that is respectful of both our feelings.

She’s also come so far in her healing that there is no pressure on me to answer which helps a lot of the energy draining ironically? I feel more drained if there’s pressure. It’s not to say she never feels insecure, but she is so good at handling it herself sometimes. And if she does need reassurance, she asks me in a really healthy way and I’m more than happy to give it to her.

I think a lot of it is just that while having a safe space is nice, she’s kind of like my safe person?

My other friend is a great person and so compassionate. But she isn’t actively trying to recover, and she has a lot of behaviour she has to work on. This isn’t a moral failing or me thinking she’s a bad person or me judging her at all honestly. It’s just that I need to be in a specific headspace and have enough energy to be willing to engage with someone who I don’t feel cares to help themselves.

I also have other friends that don’t need to recover but we just aren’t as close. I don’t feel I can be myself so much. I feel I need to mask and filter everything I say and that takes active effort which takes energy. With my best friend, I don’t have to put any effort into doing any of that. I can just act around her the exact way I can when I’m alone which makes it easy.

This is about my very specific friendships and I don’t really know that any of it could be helpful to you. But I will say that my other friends are also important to me and I love them. And my love and closeness to my best friend doesn’t take away from any of that.

#gorlfriend the biked

[thewindowsystem]

Woooooo psychiatry hot take time!!!

I'm just gonna say it, I'm pro (educated) self diagnosis atleast to a degree, although my reasons don't apply to all places in the world so keep that in mind.

I come from a country with a massive issue with a lack of medical professionals ESPECIALLY in my city, it's not uncommon to find hospitals that are dangerously understaffed, the only hospital in my city of almost one million people has one emergency unit with typically only around 9 people and the wait times for urgent care on the LEAST busy days are 9-10 hours if you're lucky. And for any kind of medical problem physical or mental even if you have money for something like specialised care you will still most likely have to go a two day drive just to find someone who isn't fully booked. People are dying because of this crisis even those on disability insurance and nothing is really being done about it.

I was born sick and have been going through this medical system my entire life, and another issue I have noticed due to that is incredibly wide spread because in my country especially, doctors are basically being taught they shouldn't believe afab people who are looking for help. It is to a point where 1 third of the afab people who have managed to finally get a booking in with a doctor, some travelling for litteral days just for some kind of help have been dismissed or straight up turned away due to sexism. The likely hood of being turned away increases significantly if you are POC.

People often forget that diagnosis isn't an end goal, it's not just a label for the sake of a label, it's a tool. A tool to help you navigate and approach recovery. And yes the ideal situation is to have a good doctor who can help you navigate that process but unfortunately that's not the case for all of us. Through educated self diagnosis (often through years of constant study) as a afab POC I managed to accurately and safely self medicate for pretty much all of my current diagnosed conditions on average 5 years before I managed to get a doctor to even CONSIDER checking. (The only acception to this is ADHD because I was like 7 when I got that diagnosis)

I'm sick of seeing people getting lectured for trying to help their selves in the time being because currently medical care isn't available to them. I hate the idea that you shouldn't even try digging into your mental health problems or even recognise they exist until you get the magical approval of a medical professional because speaking from experience those ideas HELD ME BACK in my recovery because I thought that researching my issues automatically made me a faker and when I did finally get a psychologist and they asked if I already had an idea of what the issue was I refused to give them any of my own extensive work I had done myself that could have sped up my diagnostic process tenfold. Even though the effects of self medicating have been incredibly beneficial to my recovery previously

Obviously you need to approach it safely and carefully, you definitely shouldn't try and speak for or over people who are clinically diagnosed etc but I feel like the idea that self diagnosis is inherently harmful 100% of the time is flawed and although yes you will undeniably get things wrong while trying to self medicate so do the actual medical professionals themselves! It's apart of the process and I do recognise how beneficial having a professional to help you is (and if you have the option to do that you definitely should) but I feel like it's rather damaging to brush off those who don't have access too those recourses and simply insist they just deal with it.

Honestly self diagnosis and self medicating saved my life by not only giving me something to hold on and work on while waiting to get medical care but it is the entire reason why I am clinically diagnosed today

Obviously this isn't a data filled analysis on the effects of self diagnosis this is just my opinion mainly rooted from my own life experience so don't take it as some factual information piece please. I might make a continuation to this if anyone has any questions about my thoughts on the topic.

#traumagenic system #dissociative system #sysblr #system #traumagenic did #actually did #did osdd #did system #actually traumagenic #actually dissociative #childhood ptsd #complex ptsd #ptsd recovery #actually ptsd #traumatized #trauma survivor #childhood trauma #psychology #mental health #therapy #syscourse

[akitasimblr]

Feelings Tag: Sims Edition

Rules: It’s not just our Brooding Sims who have the option to ‘Talk About Feelings’; we can also talk about our feelings, about them, too! Look deep into yourself and ponder on the thoughts which motivate you to play the game we all love, then tag at least 5 people on your follower list to help them explore their feelings too!

i borrowed this from @nolan-sims blog (again!) 🫣😽

The Questions are as Follows:

The boss of EA is in front of you asking for one statement about The Sims before he goes away and makes TS5. What do you say to him?:

thank you for creating ts4 and please grant me just one last wish and let my sims have a proper, timely and uneventful meal at a sims restaurant...pleeeeease?

Do your Sims know you as their Sim God or are you the invisible deity to them?:

they do know they have a watcher, bless them! <33 i have also planned to introduce my simself to them in the future... eventually. yes, cause i am that nerd.

How do you see yourself connected to your Sims? Do those of you who say you love them, really mean this? How deep is your game?:

my harpers are my pixel family - i love them for the pixels they are and somehow i managed to get involved with every each and single one of them. truth is, they have been a comforting company in these times of recovery from a long illness that has worn me out physically and emotionally. the harpers have been my colorful escape from a not very bright reality over these last years… so yes, i am emotionally invested in my harpers and i love them to the extent i could not let them die, not even virtually. my gameplay is not deep, i keep it very simple and organic, but there's not a single harper who doesn't have their own personality and background. they are all my babies <33

What’s your Sims Secret? Is there something going on in your game that none of your screenshots will ever tell us? WHO IS LOCKED IN YOUR BASEMENT? What are those secret Sims doing behind closed doors?:

oh no! no one is locked in my sims basement!!! honestly, the only thing that doesn't appear in my screenshots are wicked whims related screenshots because i like to keep my simblr family-friendly. oh and deaths too... because IF that happens i usually exit without saving :P

Can we learn anything from our Sims to take away for our real lives? And/or can you give us an example of how The Sims has influenced you outside of gaming?:

the simuniverse is so inclusive and sims are not prone to discrimination - we could definitely use a bit of that in our real lives. not exactly the sims per se, but the simblr community has definitely helped me to better understand gender/cultural identities. i considered myself a well-informed person regarding gender issues and non-discrimination issues before joining the simblr community but i have learned so much since i've been here, blogs by @yooniesim or stories like somnium by @rebouks, iggleverse by @igglemouse or the luckys by @bastardtrait were definitely challenging for me on that aspect and opened my eyes to new perspectives and i am grateful for that!

and now i tag: @rebouks @igglemouse @jonquilyst @aurorangen @rainymoodlet

#tag games

[cassiopeiasara]

I turned 35 a couple of months ago and I feel OLD because I had a hard year mental health wise (still recovering) am unemployed and an uncertain future job-wise. How do you deal with uncertainty when you have ABSOLUTELY no idea what the future is going to bring and you don't have many means to influence it (currently)?

First off:

Mental health struggles are some of the hardest and indeed it feels like it can age you so much. Because in reality it does. So there are two big things I do when it comes to uncertainty:

I deal with what’s in my control first. What bills need to be paid and what means do I have to take care of them? Don’t think too far ahead here, I’m sincerely talking about only in the now. How do I nourish myself in this day? I start with what I have to feed myself, I start with my meds, water, etc. as far as a job hunt, I’d recommend a manageable limit to applications. If a lot of applying makes you feel better, arrange breaks so it doesn’t become too overwhelming. I’d imagine in recovery from a hard mental health time, it doesn’t take much to be overwhelmed. Be gentle with yourself over that. It’s HARD.

As far as the second part: I knit. Honestly in the past few years I’ve clung to hearing Michelle Obama say the world is on fire but I made a hat. There’s something about creation with your hands when everything else feels out of control that grounds you. It doesn’t automatically fix anything but it helps with emotional regulation and just to remind yourself you’re here. I’m not sure about your corner of the world and the weather but make flower crowns as spring comes around. The small ones that kiddos make. Get a coloring book or construction paper. I write when I can but small creations take a lot less thinking and I give myself them to help with the big things.

I’ve learned your 30s are for so much growth and change or at least it has been for me and my peers. Some of it has been so joyful and much of it has been painful. Here’s one thing I can say though. 35 isn’t too old to start new things. There are opportunities out there for you and I so hope they come your way soon. You’ve made it this far and I’m proud of you 💜.

#ballion #biggest of hugs my friend #over 30s ask

[mastcrmarksman]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.

REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME : Izzy

PRONOUNS : they/them

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : I'll hand out my discord here and there, but you can reach me by DMs.

NAME OF MUSE(s) : Clint Barton, and then I've got a handful of other blogs; but Clint will literally devour my soul and I can't write anyone else when this happens (it's happening)

BEST EXPERIENCE : Honestly, this come back to tumblr after being away for like 3 years. The friendships and dynamics I've built with Clint on my return has been amazing, and I'm also very glad people like how I write him, cause I've pretty much picked up comic Clint and said "he's mine now. i'm giving him a whole new arc/plot/story to explore and away from canon" and people are buying into that. Thank you so much everyone! I love all my friends and writing partners here so much <3

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : Uhhh, pet peeves? I don't quite get what's with people not liking posts anymore or using the reply/comment feature more, like if you see someone posting an hc. Take a second to read? Give it a like or comment a heart even, if you're really that pressed to control your likes..... Dealbreakers, I haven't encountered anyone, I guess it'd be just if I pushed to write or make smut centric, but no one is doing that.

MUSE PREFERENCES : I like characters that have an internal struggle (lol that could be anyone). I don't know. I try to write so many types of characters, but characters like Clint I always come back too. Honestly, whatever is the character type that's been Clint Barton and Pepper Potts.

PLOTS OR MEMES : Memes are usually good to start, but I definitely wouldn't mind doing more plotting and giving a general direction to a thread. Although, really memes are great, and I truly appreciate those who send a bunch of memes, or don't mind treating some memes as one shots ( i love one shots ; just look at the length of some of my ask responses )

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : Both. I want more shorter threads right now, but I have a knack for getting wordy and writing long things. This is why length matching does not matter, as long as there is enough substance to continue or something to help move something forward; a shorter reply to a longer reply is good; just as I tend to take a shorter thing and get longer with. This is also why I tend to like or mention with meme responses, like you can just reblog/save this and treat this as little one shot/drabble I wrote for you. I also tend to do the same.

BEST TIME TO WRITE : I don't get a lot of work, I am home all the time. So i'm bored a lot. So literally anytime, although I have a tendency to write a lot more late at night. For me, why I'm not writing is usually mood, or I don't have a very good set up for writing long haul; so if my neck, back, or hands and wrist start to cramp up cause my sit down to write isn't a good position/only position. That usually defeats me; like after I post this I will probably take a break, stretch, keep on my break and write a bit in a few hours.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : Yes and no / I don't know. I know I'm the type of neurospicy where Clint Barton has rotten my brain for like the past 15 years or something; and I've been writing him for like 10 years; that I'm probably funny like Clint is, but who actually knows lol. I try to be normal and healthy with muse and mun separation; even if his whole recovery arc is very important and real to me; and I will live in the delusion that is what I am getting from the comics as in I will just write it myself on my roleplay blog (this is a joke; legally I have to say that I think)

tagged by; @danversiism evil boops you infinity, ily tania <3

tagging: lol im suppose to tag people; if you wanna expose yourself, do it. flash the dash. i'll probably read it and like it.

#[ ooc ] izzy babbles #see why my mun tag is just izzy babbles #cause i babble a lot #question: short or long? #me: short. #also me: makes it long despite my best efforts. #i am but a cursed entity to roam this earth (joke again)

[thenoaaah]

Hysterectomy as a transmasc

A little over a year ago I got a hysterectomy as a gender affirming surgery and I wanted to take a moment on here to talk about how it has affected me. I really missed that when I was thinking of getting a hysterectomy, so maybe this could help someone.

The topics I describe could be dysphoria inducing, so if you're sensitive to that, don't read this :)

Within the transmasculine community we talk a lot about top surgery and that makes sense. It's a visible change. It's obviously a life changing surgery. Everyone can imagine that, even cis people. When you're pre-op you imagine a life post-op. You think of the things you'll finally be able to do. Things you'll finally be able to wear.

For this reason I was barely nervous for top-surgery. On the day itself I was calm even. I would even call it one of the best days of my life. Yes, the weeks leading up to it I had nerves and even doubt came up a couple times. But that morning... I never felt so sure about something in my life. It happened in 2020, which meant that I wasn't allowed to bring anyone with me. I wasn't allowed visitors. I know my family, especially my mother, had a hard time with that. I feel like I should have been more upset about it too, but was not. It was my day. I saw it as the start of the rest of my life. And it was.

Getting a hysterectomy didn't feel like that. I knew I had to get one. The idea that I was able to get pregnant was giving me a lot of gender dysphoria and I was absolutely terrified of getting pregnant. There was no way I was getting close to getting intimate with someone that could get me pregnant. Menstruation was also a big indicator. However, I hadn't gotten my period since I was about 16/17 years old, since I took orgametril. For reference, I was 21 when I got my hysterectomy. It was hard for me to even imagine getting my period and I honestly barely thought of it as a problem any more. This medicine wasn't something I could take the rest of my life though. It was my mother actually who pointed this out to me and said that a hysterectomy wasn't such a bad idea. She remembered how terrible I felt during my period. Something I had totally forgotten. I started talking to my therapist about it all and she also said that I'd probably benefit from a hysterectomy. In the Netherlands specific psychologists have to approve whether you can have gender affirming medical care. I took time to think about it. It was difficult for me. The hard thing was that I knew it would improve my life. I knew it. But I was terrified. That area of my body is such a sensitive subject. I'm incredibly dysphoric, so having a bunch of people work down there was an awful thought. I had several breakdowns over the fact that I felt the need to put myself, my body, through such things just to be comfortable.

In the end I decided to do it. I was put on a waiting list, just as I was put on a waiting list for top-surgery when I was 19. This wait was so different though. Waiting for top-surgery was full of excitement and watching YouTube videos of other excited transmen and non-binary people. Waiting for a hysterectomy was full of fear and watching YouTube videos of other transmen and non-binary people feeling bad and dysphoric after surgery. There was nothing exiting about the surgery. Top-surgery felt like a specific chapter in my life. Something that was a big part of my journey. The hysterectomy was something I just really wanted to get over with.

The day came and luckily I wasn't that nervous any more. I knew this had to happen.

The recovery was though, but so was that of top-surgery. It was physically more comfortable than recovery from top-surgery since for that you have to wear that awful binder. Recovery from a hysterectomy was more dysphoria inducing. I had to use menstrual pads, which I hate, and I couldn't wear my normal boxer briefs, since the pads wouldn't stay in place. The YouTube videos really helped here. Watching transmen use pads helped a lot, since I saw those people as nothing other than men and seeing men use pads, made me feel less dysphoric about using pads.

Now that I'm a year post-op I can say that getting a hysterectomy was a very good choice and I honestly can't imagine my life without it. I don't cringe when I hear girls talk about their period, cause I will never ever relate to that any more. I don't cringe at pregnancy tropes in books and movies, because I will never ever experience that. I feel so much calmer now. There is a sense of peace. A sense that things are right. They fit.

#transmen #transman #transmasc #hysterctomy #transgender #trangender surgery #trans joy #gender dysphoria

[glittertomb]

Very personal but important question(s?) regarding chronic health issues and disability

So I’ve had fibromyalgia and Gastroparesis for about a decade now, and I try my best to self-manage these issues (in addition to the expensive meds they give me that don’t really provide relief), but it becomes severely difficult for me to work a full schedule, particularly when my job drains me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I spend my days off in complete recovery mode, absolutely bed-ridden, afraid to do anything social or physical, because I risk going into a total Fibro meltdown. Which is a nightmare, but I’ll spare you the details.

I’ve been considering applying for partial disability because I think working 3 or 4 days instead of 5 or 6 would be much better for most humans, honestly, but particular for someone like me who deals with chronic nausea, discomfort, and pain on the daily. I’ve been putting it off for ages though because I know that disability can be very difficult to get and a horrible process and I can’t work myself up to it or afford a disability lawyer to help me. I tried being a little more aggressive this past summer and collected “documentation” on my fibromyalgia in the hope of preparing to submit it, and literally all of my documentation says “fibromyalgia?” because apparently none of my doctors believe me after years of testing and thousands of dollars of office visits trying to get this diagnosis. To be honest, using fibromyalgia as my reasoning for disability needs was a dead end anyway because lots of doctors still don’t believe it exists, so I doubt the government would find that a good reason either. And I really doubt they would take the Gastroparesis seriously either, even though both of these conditions are dehabilitating at times.

So one of my friends recommended I go through the avenue of my mental health issues. At different points of my life I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar, ocd, adhd, etc, and who knows what the real answer is, but she’s a mess. I’ve been realizing over the past couple years that I’m very likely autistic, and that would actually explain a lot of these things, but the past 6 months have been crazy, and even though I’ve been working a bunch, I’m poorer than ever because of the rising cost of everything, so I cannot afford to get a formal diagnosis yet. But I know that I told my most recent psychiatrist all these horror stories about my anxiety, so I decided to get done documentation for her too, and guess what? Generalized depression and mild anxiety. Girl, huh? (Tw: blood and dermatillomania coming up) I showed her evidence of scars on my hands from picking my hands every night til I bleed everywhere, I described how I get overwhelmed and cry at work several times a week and often fight back panic attacks at work and in my private life, I told her than I struggled to fall asleep and stay asleep and only got collectively about a few hours every night, I told her that I literally could not socialize without using alcohol as a crutch but I can no longer do that because of my digestive issues so I self-isolate, I told her that I struggle to maintain eye contact and panic when people give me eye contact… so many stories like these. Mild anxiety smdh

So that comes to my first question cause I guess I decided while writing this that I have a couple:

1) How do you, as a female-presenting person, get a diagnosis for severe anxiety? How wild do my stories have to be without accidentally committing myself?! I have an ex, amab, who basically pulled a john Mulaney and was like, “I get nervous on planes sometimes” and he legit got a prescription for Xanax or one of those other big ones, and another who is on a dose of gabapentin 5x the strength of mine because he gets social anxiety sometimes, so this is especially frustrating that I can’t even get a dang proper diagnosis on anything after ten+ years of therapy, doctors, tests, everything.

2) What is the process like for getting an autism diagnosis and are there cheaper routes you can go that would still be credible? I’ve exhausted my expenses from years of jobs not paying my worth combined with money poured down the drain trying to get any sort of help with my kaleidoscope of issues, and at this point I’m too broke and demotivated and burnt out to figure out a way forward.

3. Has anyone been able to get partial or full disability who would be willing to hold my hand through the steps and keep me motivated? I know it’s a huge ask but I honestly get so anxious even thinking about the process that I completely shut down. At the very least, maybe you could explain what worked for you or how you would approach it better next time? I just moved far away from my support group so I’m feeling alone and even a word of caution or encouragement would help.

I know I’m not really as connected to this community as I used to be, but I’m hoping someone will get to the end of this and even a kind word or a smidge of sympathy/empathy would be nice. And please do reach out if you have fibro because I don’t meet many and it would be nice to have friends who can relate. Thank you for listening! 💜💜💜

[vampyre-nights]

Trans!Leon headcanons

Not enough people talk about trans!Leon in a non-sexual way. It saddens me to see people being so weird and gross about the hc sometimes, so I'm going to add some more regular stuff to the pool ig. This hc makes me so so happy as a trans person myself, and honestly I totally see him being trans regardless of my own identity.

Also if these seem unrealistic for the time period or situation I really don't gaf because there are insane bioweapons that can make tyrants and turn people into huge flesh/eye monsters among other things.

Also CW for transphobia mention/discussion for the Krauser segment of this!

He definitely used to bind using bandages. I could see this happening from a few years before RE2 up to the creation of the DSO after AUPIT. I think he would have switched to using (safe) tape, since it's less visible, you can exercise and shower with it, and you don't have to take it off for several days. so, it's practical for his job; at least a lot more practical than a binder. The tape would also probably be (surprisingly) fairly easy for him to get access to while working for the DSO since, from what I have found from research, if you went to a physical therapist they could give some to you. With the amount of injuries Leon constantly sustains he could probably get a pretty good supply, and I'm sure Hunnigan could help keep it on the dl.

Also, Hunnigan, Claire, Chris, Krauser, the people who had Leon's dossier when they kidnapped him and Sherry definitely know. It's impossible for the people running the DSO not to know, since they keep close tabs on Leon. I like to think he chose to tell Chris, Claire, and Hunnigan because he is close to them.

While, realistically, it would probably be kind of hard for him to get top surgery because of how often he's out in missions, I think he probably got some downtime, again thanks to Hunnigan, and did it. I'm not sure of the logistics of him doing this without the DSO knowing because of the recovery period, but maybe he did it under the guise of a major injury. This would be some time between RE4 and RE6, but I'm not exactly sure how long before RE6 and after RE4 it would be.

Krauser's pretty boy comments are, in the first place, likely homophobic. At that time period it was much more common place to hear it be used against feminine men/men who people suspected of being gay, and I think Krauser also probably used it in a sort of transphobic way as well. Something along the lines of how cis men today use the term femboy against trans people. I still think Krauser had some, at the very least, sexual feelings for Leon, but you can be homophobic and gay yk.

He takes shots because it's the most practical for him. Though it's not super practical, he would definitely be on HRT at some point (be it before RE2 or some time after. I like to think before but it wasn't very accessible then.)

Chris is definitely on Leon's ass about taking care of himself after (and before too but definitely after) Vendetta, and this definitely comes into play with helping remind him that he isn't any less of a man, helping him through his dysphoria, etc. the man wants his boyfriend to be safe, healthy, and happy.

#resident evil #leon kennedy #chris redfield #major krauser #claire redfield #ingrid hunnigan #trans leon kennedy #resident evil headcanons #my posts

[zaffylazystufflmao]

Here's your food buddies-

Episode 2 - Mafia, homicide and Christianity

Part 1 - 2 - 3 (TW: child abuse / mention of blood / homicide)

Part - 1 'Red Mother'

Katerina was still the same innocent eight-year-old girl. It had been a month and three weeks since her father had abused her. It was a long time until a Russian mafia 'Red Mother' would use her and her father and stepmother as a target for her. First of all before starting that part, her stepmother Maria was the same as her father. She yelled and hit Katerina, Katerina did nothing like she always did. The mafia had arrived in a group to kill Katerina's 'family' (I don't want to give too many details, honestly). Maria would have been shot twice and Edmon once. Katerina had hidden under a table, she was trembling with fear and with a knife in her hand that had fallen from the floor, Katerina was barely able to kill two people with all her strength but by bad luck, they did not kill her but instead They kidnapped her. What she knows is that the mafia was not Russian but American. Her boss called her the name of the mafia, Red Mother.

"Well, well... What do we have here?... a little innocent Russian girl... You are totally pathetic. You won't be good for shit... but we will do something with you.." - Red Mother

"Boss... this sure of..?" - Member of the mafia.

1 "Shut up ------ I'm sure I do." -Red Mother

Katerina would not understand almost anything since she knew little of English.

Part 2 - Pain and new friend.

Days... weeks... months... even two years would have passed! Since Katerina was locked up, in all that time she would have been tortured and abused. One day, the mafia would have been discovered by the Russian police. They were arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment. Luckily they not only saved Katerina, but also a child of about 6-7 years old. The two of them became best friends, the boy's name was Phillip (No, it's not Phillip Graves, it's someone else :v) Phillip had seen his parents die. He was German but he was about the same level that Katerina spoke English.

"I... seeing my parents die, not being able to defend myself..."- Phillip (Don't make fun of him, he's a little boy-)

"I did. I defended myself." -Katerina

They communicated between them, everything was fine until Ivvana (her aunt Cristiana de ella) discovered that she was at the police station and went to look for her, leaving no- Ivvana also took Phillip.

Part 3 - More punishment and pain

Katerina lived with Ivvana for about 7 years, she was always the head mother (or whatever was called) of the church. If Katerina told her that she didn't want to be a Christian, yes, she had to hit her forearms with a metal ruler. Katerina was always the one who got hurt, to the point that those marks turned into scars that would never go away. One day, Ivvana got tired of her to the point of taking her to a basement and cutting her from the nape of her neck to the bottom of her back, the wound would have opened. Katerina was like this for a full day until they took her to a hospital, luckily she would have been saved from it. After recovery, she studied for a couple of years although she continued to be harassed a bit and was finally appointed to military service at the age of 19. A few years passed... her general called her to explain something about herself.

"Катерина... Дорогой наш Кровф, я должен тебе сказать, что человек по имени Джон Прайс, он капитан спецназа под названием «TaskForce141», как меня зовут. Он хочет, чтобы ты была в его команде. Ты знаешь, что мы будем Всегда помни о тебе как о хорошей и храброй женщине, ты была и будешь хорошим прапорщиком... Надеюсь, ты готова к тому, что грядет». - The General ("Katerina... Our dear Krovf, I have to tell you that a man named John Price, he is the Captain of a special force called 'TaskForce 141' my name is. He wants you on his team. You know that we will always remember you as a good e brave woman, you were and will be a good Ensign...I hope you are ready for what is coming.")

"Генерал... Как вы думаете, я достаточно хорош, чтобы идти?" - Katerina ("General... Do you think I'm good enough to go?")

«Да, ты. Не волнуйся об этом. Мы будем скучать по тебе. У тебя есть два часа, чтобы собрать вещи и уйти». - The General ("Yes, you are. Don't worry about it. We'll miss you. You have two hours to gather your things and leave.")

«... Sigh.. ок, обещаю, я не подведу». - Katerina ( "... *sigh*.. ok, I promise I won't fail.")

Now Katerina is the well-known 'Krovf' of her team.

I hope y'all liked it- That's will be all of the past of krovf. I runned out of ideas so-... I wrote that. Good bye for now and THANKS FOR THE BOOPS!!

#call of duty #task force 141 #cod oc #call of duty mobile #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty mw2 #call of duty mwii #cod modern warfare #task force 141 oc #taskfroce 141 oc #oc lore #oc #call of duty modern warfare 2 #modern warfare #modern warfare ii #lore #past lives #trauma #krovf the beloved #my post #poor baby

[guildtree]

EXCEPT IT'S WEDNESDAY BECAUSE I DO WHAT I WANT

Anyways, this is meant to be an opportunity for writers to do a "behind the scenes" look at one of their fanfics, something I've wanted to do for a while. I'm choosing Left Behind, my story about Taimi and Marjory becoming friends while recovering from Balthazar, because not only is it my first posted fanfic and one I still love, but because GOOD LORD does it have a story behind it.

So here's the tale: I wrote this thing in October of 2022, shortly after essentially dropping out of college. COVID had knocked me flat on my ass both mentally and physically, so I was still recovering from a pretty severe health crisis/depressive episode and had very little to do with my life. I'd started writing fiction again after a few years of not doing it at all. And then my uncle calls me up and says, "Hey, I'm going to Europe for three weeks, I know you're not busy, would you like to catsit my two kittens while I'm gone? I'll pay you." Obviously, I jumped at the chance to cuddle cute fluffy animals and earn money for it. Easy, right?

WRONG. First off, these kittens were not tiny fluffballs, they were five-month-old former-stray terrors that hadn't been fixed yet and still had tons of nervous energy. They caused chaos whenever I wasn't watching. Second, it took all of half a week for them both to somehow get sick with gonorrhea (honestly, they'd probably had it before and the symptoms just hadn't shown up yet). If you've never had to deal with two hyperactive, aggressively cuddly kittens with diarrhea ... be thankful. It was a disaster. Between taking them to the vet, giving them medicine regularly, cleaning up after them, and making sure they didn't break anything important, I wound up over at my uncle's house way more than I'd expected. Eventually, I just started dragging my laptop along so I could sit on the couch and write for hours while keeping the little fuzzy troublemakers in the corner of my eye.

I'd had the idea for Left Behind for a while - ever since I'd heard that little achievement line where Taimi mentions that Marjory's been calling her a lot and, "it seems like she's kinda lonely." (Which like, Marjory? Lonely? What? But then it clicked for me that she's not only alone, she's alone and injured, and she's probably feeling frustrated about not being able to do anything, much like Taimi has felt over several arcs, and ohhhhh... I can make them friends.) But I'd also be deluding myself if I said that nothing about my situation while writing bled into my work. I mean, I certainly had a good perspective on how much medicine sucks, and how hard being a caretaker can be, especially when the people (or cats) you're taking care of aren't cooperating! There are references to Taimi and Marjory being up at ungodly hours because I was up at ungodly hours trying to find the very small, pitch-black kitten who was hiding in the house somewhere because she really did not want to take her medicine. Some of the more out-there comedy is definitely influenced by that sleep deprivation as well.

But on a more serious note: I think the reason why my first posted story is at it's core about recovery and finding camaraderie in that recovery is because those were the things I needed at the time too. I mentioned that in October I was just starting to come out of a nasty depressive episode? I do mean just starting. I didn't feel good, I merely felt not terrible, which was a significant improvement but still didn't feel like enough. I think, consciously or not, I put a lot of my own hopes, wants, and frustrations into these characters. Hidden in Marjory's rage at feeling useless are a lot of my own frustrations about how my depressed brain simply wouldn't let me do things sometimes. In Taimi's fear of being forgotten are my own anxieties about how in taking a break from college I'd ruined my whole future. And their entire story of healing, growing closer, and finally moving on was what I wanted for myself most at that moment: a way out, a new start, and people who could understand and help me through all of that.

I wrote that entire fic over the three weeks I was catsitting, fending off kittens who wanted to step on my keyboard and chew my laptop wires the whole time. I finished a few days before my uncle was due to come home from Europe, and I was so exhausted and annoyed at that point, I was just like, "You know what, FINE, this is pretty good, why don't I post it." So I did, and then I went to go give the cats their meds and fall asleep, and when I woke up the next day there were 11 comments waiting for me, and I learned that people actually might like my writing and what I had to say. And now here we are 8 months later, I'm in a much better place, I've got a little community of friends and people who like my stuff, and writing has been a valuable hobby that brings me accomplishment and happiness. All because of my uncle's sick kittens xD

This got long, but it was a story I've wanted to tell for a while, so as always: thank you for reading.

#my writing #trivia tuesday #on wednesday #behind-the-scenes #gw2 #guild wars 2 #taimi #marjory delaqua #gw2 fanfic #gw2 fanfiction #cw depression #cw mental health #cw illness

[azolitmin]

end of the year thoughts

Hello!

I swear I made another blog post recently but it looks like the last one I made was at the end of march phew. Anyways, I hope everyone’s been having a stress-free holiday season, enjoying themselves and hanging in there. 

I’ve included a longer version below so that I don’t take up too much space on people’s dashboards (or TL? what do we call the feed on tumblr nowadays?) but the short of it all is that my wrist pain has improved significantly since my last post, I’m going to work on opening a patreon and doing a lot of art projects in the coming future!

I figure I should make a little update related to my last post (wrist pain/pinched nerve) I’m still waiting to see a doctor for a full evaluation LOL but I did manage to buy a secondhand cintiq, shoutout to the guy on FB marketplace who didn’t scam me, it’s been amazing to draw with and has seriously helped alleviate a majority of the pain in my wrist/hand. I’m honestly having so much fun drawing with it I can’t believe I deprived myself of this for so many years LOL. I’m still working on taking adequate breaks/rest periods and strengthening my wrist which I also think played a huge part in my recovery. Anyways, I definitely feel more confident in taking on work now that I can draw for more than an hour without pain or even just the mental energy drain being in pain causes, yay!!!

Soo with that being said I am going to be working really hard on new art, I have a lot of projects I want to do in the future. Primarily a lot of OC stuff but a few fandom related things as well. I had a dream once that I spent 300$ in gachaphon trying to get every single catboy kurapika merch so I think this is a sign that I have to make a lot of catboy kurapika merch. I also want to make some batman related stuff and experiment with some new product types 🥺 definitely want to participate in some more conventions, I never made a post reflecting on my time at Sakuracon and AX but I had an amazing experience at both (as good as it can be during the panini). If you came by and said hi or bought anything from me during these times thank you so much!!!! It was really nice to talk to people who enjoy my art or chat about fandom stuff 😳

Other than merch and fandom related products I think I also want to finally get my patreon up and running, though it will be very low stakes (one tier for the foreseeable future). I’ve definitely gone back and forth on this since I have a big fear about letting people down. It’ll most likely be used for posting up sketches, WIPs, I might ask for feedback on what I should draw next or give art feedback if requested? I’m not the most skilled artist but I think I’m capable of a suggestion or two :^)!! And yes the whole twitter thing has definitely contributed towards me trying to make a serious attempt at patreon again...

The last thing I wanna say is thaaatt I am going back to art school to hopefully get my BFA, I’m halfway there, yay!! I really hope to learn new techniques/skills and improve a lot, even just typing this out is giving me a lot of excitement for the future haha.

I think that’s all I wanted to touch on without rambling on for TOO long LOL. Thank you for taking the time to read through this! 

#personal

[babyjakes]

forever and a day | 50. trapped.

〈 disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. 〉

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summary | a story in which america’s favorite captain gives a new life and family to a five-year-old girl who has suffered well beyond her years at the hands of hydra.

characters | dad!steve rogers, girl/willa rogers (original character)

warnings | AU similar enough to OU to include spoilers to many Marvel movies (Age of Ultron and beyond). action and fight scenes with violence and killing. injuries/mild gore. mature themes related to and semi-graphic depictions of child abuse/neglect, past CSA and CSM, and their aftermath (emaciation, wounds, scarring, etc). medical abuse (including sterilization) and experimentation. ptsd/trauma symptoms in a child (developmental discrepancies, de-humanized behavior, detachment, extreme fears). medical treatment of CSM and other aftermath of abuse.trauma-informed therapeutic treatment of ECT. minor mentions of disordered eating. themes relating to abuse of power/authority and immoral interrogation tactics including SA (with brief depictions.) evil!Tony Stark.

[Steve]

Looking over the piles of paperwork in front of me, I suck in a deep breath, leaning back against the kitchen chair I’m seated in. For almost the entire afternoon, I’ve been stuck here reading over legal documents regarding the case Bruce and I have been building against Tony. It’s been a long, tedious process, but each further step we’ve taken has felt unmistakably right. Finally, it seems like the scientist will be put in his place and held accountable for his terrible treatment of my sweet little girl. Finally, I believe, I’m getting Willa her justice.

It’s been a few weeks since the child and I moved into our apartment, and during this time we’ve mostly just been focusing on getting the poor kid feeling better. Bruce has been coming over every few days to check in on how her incision is healing, and we’ve had to make several adjustments to our normal routine to accommodate her recovery process. Instead of baths, we’re doing showers for now, due to the fact that she can’t be submerged under water. As she’s still fairly weak, I’ve been standing in the tub with her in a pair of swim trunks, holding her in my arms while helping her wash herself. It’s been a heartbreaking experience every single time, cradling the tiny girl’s quivering body against my own as she’s too frail and frightened to do the simplest of tasks. She’s also been requiring a lot more rest than before, and she’s generally too tired to engage in much substantial play. Honestly, it’s been miserable for the both of us, for her because she’s living it, and for me because I hate to see her this way. Thankfully, though, the past few days have brought some signs of improvement, so at this point, we’re just being as careful as we can and hoping.

Deciding to take a break from the paperwork, I push my chair out from the table, rising to my feet and heading over to the fridge. As I open it and grab out the carton of orange juice, I hear light footsteps running back in the hallway, followed by a door shutting abruptly. She must’ve run to the bathroom, I think to myself.

Willa’s been playing in her room for most of the afternoon, something she does often. Many times I join her, and I always love to do so, but it’s also nice that she’s old enough to play independently when I need to get other things done. She’s loved every new toy she’s tried, but her favorites so far have definitely been the set of animal puzzles ‘Uncle Clint’ got her, as well as her superhero coloring books and box of crayons from Wanda. The first time she tried them out, she colored in a picture of Captain America with all the colors of the rainbow. When she finished, she tore it out and gifted it to me, one of the best presents I’ve received in a long, long time. None of the colors were accurate, but that just made it even more special, and I could clearly tell she had put so much time and effort into it; it simply melted my heart. The picture now hangs on the wall beside my bed where I can look at it every morning when I wake up. I figure it’ll be one of those things I’ll treasure forever as a parent.

Closing the fridge up and grabbing a glass from one of the cabinets above the countertop, I hear water start to run from the back of the house, which I’m guessing is the sink. Tiredly, I pour myself a full glass of the juice, taking in several gulps at once before stopping and setting the cup down on the counter. Gazing back over at the mountains of work left to do on the table, I sigh, deciding that I’ve done enough for the day. More than anything, I just want to relax now and hang out with Willa. As soon as she comes out of the bathroom, I’ll ask her if she wants to watch a movie or something, I tell myself. Maybe we’ll invite Buck over and order a pizza.

Picking up my glass once more and taking a few more swallows, I pull my phone out of my pocket, unlocking it with my thumb and swiping the screen open. Aimlessly, I begin to scroll through my email, finding nothing new. Thankfully, these past few weeks have been quiet in terms of issues needing to be addressed by the Avengers. There have been a few small missions that’ve popped up here and there, but Nat and Clint have tackled all of them, which is usually how slower times go.

Getting bored with my inbox fairly quickly, I switch off my phone, finishing off my glass of juice and rinsing it in the sink before loading it into the dishwasher. Still hearing the water running from the back of the apartment, I decide to find something else to occupy me while I wait. I shut off the kitchen lights as I head out into the living space, slumping down onto the couch and kicking my feet up on the coffee table. Grabbing the remote, I flick on the television, not looking for anything in particular. As the screen lights up, a news channel begins to play mid-broadcast and coincidentally enough, Tony Stark’s face appears in a photo next to the news anchor as she vaguely reports on the 'legal dispute between Captain America and Iron Man.’ I sigh, immediately switching the channel, and a cooking show pops up. Deciding it’ll do for now, I take in a deep breath, setting the remote back down on the couch and shifting my position slightly against the pillows behind me.

The show barely keeps my attention, but I do my best to focus on it, not wanting to think about anything related to Tony or the legal situation. Surprisingly, a commercial break comes, then another. And before I know it, the whole episode has ended. As the credits roll, I pick up the remote again, muting the television. I pull my phone out from my pocket again and check the time. It’s been almost an hour since I was checking emails. My stomach twists as I focus my attention on the noises in the apartment, finding that somewhere in the back half of the house, water is still running.

Putting my phone away once again, I rise to my feet, swallowing dryly as I begin to make my way back through the apartment. A million questions start racing through my mind as I come up to the closed bathroom door. What’s Willa been doing in there for almost an hour? Is she sick? Why is the water running? As I pay closer attention, I realize that the sound isn’t the sink at all; instead, it’s the tub.

“Willa?” I call out, knocking against the sturdy wood in front of me. “Everything alright in there?” There’s no response, and my gaze falls down to the light peeking out from under the door, my anxiety only worsening at the silence I’m receiving.

“Honey, you’ve been in there for a while. Is everything okay?” I try once more. Again, there’s no response, and I sigh, deciding at this point I don’t have a choice whether or not to investigate further.

“I’m coming in,” I say a little bit more firmly as I reach out and twist the knob, pushing the door open in front of me and stepping inside. My eyes immediately scan the room, and at first, I don’t see the child anywhere. The room seems completely empty as I look it over, noticing the faucet in the tub running steadily. Then, something catches my eye. A hint of brown hair peeking out from above the off-white porcelain.

Quickly stepping further into the room, my breath catches in my throat at the sight before me. Willa is laying in the tub on her side, distanced a few inches away from where the water is running down into the drain to avoid getting wet. Her mouth is clamping down on a damp washcloth, her face soaked with tears as she cradles her left arm to her chest, her hand caught up in something. As my eyes focus on the contraption, everything finally registers in my brain. “Shit,” I curse under my breath, immediately piecing together what’s happened. Somehow, Willa found the rat trap I set up under my bed after Bucky mentioned spotting a rodent in the parking lot. It was in the one place I decided she would be completely safe from it, but clearly, I was gravely mistaken. Remembering the passage of time, I realize she caught herself in the trapnearly an hour ago, and it seems like she’s just been trying to hide it from me ever since.

“Willa, sweetheart,” I begin, bringing my voice to a volume that just barely rises above the rushing sound of the water. Noticing my presence for the first time, the little girl’s eyes lock with mine; when they do, a wave of terror completely washes over her face. My heart aches in my chest as she bites down harder on the cloth shoved between her lips, letting out a frightened cry that’s barely audible over the water.

As I take another step towards her, she lurches back, hugging her trapped hand closer to herself, clearly terrified that I’m about to try to hurt her more. “Hey- it’s okay. It’s okay, Willa,” I begin to soothe even though she most likely can’t hear me. As carefully as I can, I make it the rest of the way to the side of the tub, kneeling down on the shower mat and reaching out to shut off the water. The child cowers under my extended hand, appearing to brace herself for a blow. My heartache only grows at her actions as I send her a reassuring look while twisting the shower handle to turn it off, the room finally falling silent as the water stops. But almost instantly, the quietness is filled with muffled whimpers and sobs coming from the frightened girl through her makeshift gag.

“Willa, hey,” I murmur, guilt rising in my stomach as I eye her injured hand, now able to fully see the damage that’s been done by the powerful contraption. If it had been just a common mouse trap, that would’ve been one thing. But I had opted for the much larger version, hoping of finding the little creature before it found Willa and frightened her. Looks like that plan backfired, I sigh to myself. The poor girl’s tiny fingers have turned black and purple all the way through, caught painfully under the metal trap’s heavy force. “Sweetheart, hey,” I call softly, trying to gain her attention as she chokes and heaves into the cloth, seeming to be having a hard time focusing on me through the agony. She flinches at my voice, her body shaking so violently against the tub beneath her that it sends a faint rattling noise through the wall behind her. “Hey- shhhh,” I soothe, feeling absolutely awful for how terrified she is of me in the current moment. “Shhh, sweetheart. It’s okay,” I hum, not sure what my next move should be. My first instinct is to get her hand out of the trap as soon as possible, but judging by how hard she’s trying to keep that hand away from me, I wonder if removing the cloth from her mouth first might not be a bad idea.

“Here honey, let’s get that towel out of your mouth, okay?” I suggest gently, not wanting to startle her with any sudden movements. The child’s eyes widen at my offer and she simply sobs in response, shoving her little body up against the back of the tub as much as she can, trying to get as far away from me as possible. “Here, it’s okay,” I coo, reaching out and taking what I can of the cloth in my hand. Willa squeezes her eyes shut in fear, her bottom lip trembling horribly as I remove the gag from her mouth. As soon as it’s pulled out, she begins sputtering and whimpering, and my guilt only worsens as I realize that the part of the cloth is soaked through with vomit, meaning she was using it not only to stay quiet, but to keep from becoming sick from the pain as well. “Oh sweetheart,” I choke out, unable to hide my pure heartbreak. While I have seen Willa in many sad states, I think that this could very well top them all.

“P-p-ple-ease,” she chokes through her tears, her breaths heavy and choppy as she struggles through the pain. “’m s-sorry, learned m-my lesson, p-please.”

“Shhh, it’s okay,” I murmur, her terrified pleas tearing my heart in half, “you’re okay. Can you tell me what you mean, Willa-bug?” I ask sadly, raising my brow at her. “What lesson, sweetheart? There’s no lesson.”

“W-won’t play under D-D-Daddy’s bed again, ’m s-sorry, p-please,” she sputters, hiccupping violently every few syllables from her heavy sobs.

“Sweetheart, hey,” I shake my head as my heart drops even further in my gut, trying to catch the girl’s gaze with mine, though I find no success; she’s much too scared to look me in the eyes. “Can you listen to me, Willa-bug? Please honey, let Daddy explain.”

“Won’t d-do it again, never do it ag-gain, p-please,” she implores, gasping pathetically between almost every word for air.

“Willa, baby, please- please listen,” I try, desperation seeping into my voice as I struggle to reason with the child, “the trap wasn’t set there for you, sweetie. It’s meant for mice and rats, not people. I put it there the other day when Bucky called and said- hey, hey,” I soothe as she begins coughing on her tears and spit, her breaths only becoming more uneven as the moments pass. “Sweetheart,” I whisper defeatedly, wishing more than anything that I could just wrap her up in my arms and make all the pain go away. “Hey, you gotta breathe for me, Willa,” I plead, not wanting her to hyperventilate or vomit.

“P-please, won’t d-do it again… won’t ever, I-I-… please, p-please,” she squeaks, only continuing to work herself up into more of a panic.

“Willa, Willa,” I call to the poor girl, trying desperately to just get her to listen to me. “Come on, honey. I need you to breathe for me. In, and out. You’ve gotta breathe, sweetheart. You’re gonna make yourself sick.” Turning my attention back to her hand, I sigh, realizing that a large part of her reaction is probably being fueled by the pain. “Here, let’s get you out of that thing, sweetie,” I decide, reaching out towards her. But as I do, she flinches back harshly, letting out a terrified whimper, clearly perceiving my advancement as a threat.

“Please no, p-please,” she begs despairingly, “d-don’t hurt me, ’m s-sorry, please…” Tears continue to pour from her eyes as she holds her injured hand tightly against her chest, her fearful gaze locked on my outstretched hand.

“I won’t hurt you, sweetheart; I just wanna help you get out of that thing. You’re not in trouble, Willa-bug. Nobody’s here to hurt you, it’s okay,” I reassure her, though I know my words will probably do little to help.

“B-bad, was p-playing under D-Daddy’s b-bed,” Willa insists. “P-please, learned m-my lesson,” she whimpers. “D-don’t hurt me m-more, please don’t hurt m-me more.”

“No sweetheart, you were not bad. Not bad at all, Daddy didn’t put the trap under there for you, Willa. It’s meant for rats. Bucky saw one in the parking lot the other day, so I set up a trap just to make sure it wouldn’t come and chew up our stuff. I didn’t think you’d be playing under there, honey. It wasn’t set up to punish you.”

“W-will be good,” Willa chokes, and at this point, I realize she might just truly be past any threshold of reasoning.

“Okay Willa,” I murmur, coming to the decision that for right now, what’s most important is to free her from the rat trap. Damage control will have to come after that. “Here, we’re gonna get you out of that thing,” I tell her as I reach out, ignoring her flinching and heartbreaking protests as I gather the small child in my arms, pulling her out of the tub and onto my lap. She completely withers as I set her down on top of my legs, collapsing into an even more fearful puddle of tears than before. “It’s okay, baby-bug,” I coo as I gently but firmly take her hand in mine, prying back the metal clamp and releasing her poor fingers from its grip. Due to my super-soldier strength, I end up breaking off the metal piece completely from the wooden board, dropping the broken parts on the ground beside us. Once the broken trap is out of reach, I take Willa’s tiny fingers in mine, causing her to jump as I hold her gently upright with my other arm.

“N-no, please,” she begs, her bottom lip wobbling uncontrollably as her big green puppy-dog eyes peer up at me.

“I won’t hurt you, sweetheart. I’m sorry, Willa. I’m so sorry. I didn’t think you’d get caught in the trap; I had no idea you liked to play under my bed. But it’s not your fault, honey, and you’re not in trouble. I should’ve told you about it so you knew it was there, or I shouldn’t have put it out at all,” I soothe, rocking the trembling child back and forth as gently as I can. Looking down at her discolored fingers, another wave of guilt hits me; my guess is that most if not all of them are broken, or at least severely bruised. “Bruce is coming over before dinner, remember? We’ll have him take a look, okay?” The little girl sniffles, not saying anything as she continues to look up at me. Judging by the amount of fear that’s still left on her face, I can tell it’s gonna take more than just some reassuring words to ease her worries.

“Here, let me show you something,” I say softly, lifting her up in my arms as I stand up, carrying her out of the bathroom and through the house to the kitchen. Opening up one of the drawers where we keep office supplies, I pull out the package of traps, showing it to her. “See? Those are mice,” I tell her, pointing to the pictures on the cardboard packaging. “These things are meant to catch them if they’re in your house. They’re not made for people, sweetheart. Not made for hurting or punishing.”

“M-mice,” Willa mumbles, her tears beginning to slow as she looks over the package.

“That’s right, doll. Meant for mice, not people.”

“N-not p-people,” she repeats, her trembling finally beginning to die down as she seems to settle into this fact.

“Not people,” I say again, putting the traps back in the drawer and shutting it before reaching up and brushing her hair back out of her tear-stained face. “See? It wasn’t set up to hurt you, sweetheart. I would never hurt you, especially not for something like playing under my bed.” Willa sniffles, swallowing down another round of tears she was holding back before I proved my point to her. “What were you playing in there?” I ask, hoping to start easing the conversation in a lighter direction.

“D-om'noes,” she tells me, “lining them up, like Daddy showed me.”

“Dominoes, huh? Do I get to see what you were making?” Willa nods, leaning the side of her head gently against my chest, seeming to be completely exhausted after the whole ordeal. “Hey sweetheart?” I ask, causing her to look up at me tiredly. “You know how we’ve been trying to work on coming to Daddy when something’s wrong instead of hiding it away?” The girl shrinks back slightly at my question, a look of shame appearing on her reddened face.

“Th-thought you’d hurt me more,” she admits softly. I nod, wishing I knew a way to truly prove to her that she’s safe with me, no matter what. This has been an ongoing problem ever since she entered my care; she simply refuses to ask for help. And in situations like this, it just makes things a hell of a lot worse, for everyone involved. “D-don’t be mad, please,” she adds weakly.

“I’m not mad, Willa-bug. Not mad at all. I know you only hide things because you’re scared; I know you can’t help it, sweetheart. We just need to work on it, okay?” She nods warily, not seeming entirely sure that I’m not angry with her for it. “Why was the water on, honey?” I ask, guessing I might already know what the little girl’s about to say.

“D-didn’ want you t'hear me crying,” she mumbles. Proven correct and saddened, I nod.

“And that’s what the cloth was for, too?” I ask, earning a nod in response. “Okay doll. We’ve gotta work on it, okay?” I tell her again. “You’re only five, sweetheart. You’re too little to handle everything by yourself. That’s what Daddy’s here for; he’s here to help you, remember?” Willa nods, but I can tell by the look on her face that she doesn’t completely believe it. Not sure what else to say about the matter, I sigh, making a mental note to talk with Bruce about the issue. I don’t know how we’re going to solve this problem, but things can’t go on like this. The bottom line is: I can’t be a good dad to Willa if she won’t let me.

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#faad #faad: trapped #eun's writing #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers series #steve rogers au #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fluff #hurt/comfort #steve rogers x child!oc #dad!steve rogers #the avengers #avengers fanfiction #mcu #mcu fanfiction #captain america #captain america fanfiction

[oksullen]

I SAW U ON MY NOTIFS OMG ITS BEEN SO LONG HOW ARE YOU??

I don’t know why I just saw this omg!! I’ve been good :) I’ve been working a lot and busy with classes and just everything else life has to offer 😂

Willow is almost 2 years old now!! and she’s gotten so big and she’s been much more well behaved too!!

I’ve been on and off Tumblr and usually just go on to read some stuff on my favorite fandoms which surprisingly there isn’t a lot of the things im looking for!! I’ve really taking a liking to My Hero Academia but specifically 3 characters- Best Jeanist, Edgeshot, and Stain which there is like NO new content on them!! I haven’t finished the anime yet since im more of a manga reader than an anime watcher 😔

but more on Best Jeanist- I have become addicted to his character 😭 I’ve rebranded some of my usernames to him and I have a collection of merchandise of him on my shelf!! It started as a joke but it’s not a joke anymore!! same with Stain and Edgeshot, but most of my money has gone to Best Jeanist. I’m so sad there’s not much content on him, I say I’ll just write my own but that isn’t true- LOL but that’s ok, I can just use my free time to think of silly little scenarios of him in my head!!

Here’s a picture of my current anime collection, it’s slightly outdated but you get the idea:

Not pictured is a couple One Piece things since I’ve really started to like One Piece again and a couple plushies including a plushie of Shinsuke Kita from Haikyuu because he will always be my favorite (and Tsukishima too!! remember when my user was kaleshima!!)

I’ve always been taking a liking to making an OC and just my oc overall!! She’s mainly a MHA oc with a freaky blood/guts/gore manipulation power (it’s kind dark but I think it’s cool) and omg she’s taken up so much of my time and brain space, I feel like I’ve done more in depth creation of her than of myself 😂 I’ve also been buying a lot of art commissions of her!! I’ll attach a few images below, but I like talking about her so much that if I end up coming back here I might do some writing for her since I’d love someone or some place to talk about her :) all credits to the locket artists, I don’t think any of them have Tumblr though-: (the first image is her with Best Jeanist and the last is her with Stain!!)

I also have gotten into JJK but im still new to it, only watching the first couple episodes and reading the leaks 😭 which is a GREAT way to start omg

Also, don’t you love it when old hyper fixations come back??!??! yeah, that’s me right now with Mortal Kombat!! I’ve been a fan for almost 10 years now and the new game is so good!! and the characters omg… they made them so good 😍 thankfully Tumblr has a lot on them!!

but other than some things coming and going there hasn’t been a lot of new stuff in my life but compared to last year my mood and health has been so much better which is a win in my eyes, plus im starting to like a new guy which is good because I got my heart absolutely shattered little over a year ago and I swear I thought I was never going to recover, but recovery is possible and I give myself a lot of credit for the things I’ve done despite life seemingly staying the same.

I hope to move out of my parents house soon and continue my education further and my social life and all that but ik that won’t happen until a few years which seems like forever but seeing how 2023 has gone by so fast, I have a feeling it’s going to come quicker than it seems

I always say I want to come back to writing on this app and honestly I am in need of a new hobby because yeah listening to music is great but it doesn’t get you far!! which by the way, also a hyper fixation, bands and music and all that- I am really big into Nirvana right now and plan on dressing up as the lead singer Kurt Cobain for Halloween- which is funny I am dressing up because for the first time I have no plans for Halloween!! I’ll probably just bake some goodies and watch scary movies. How is Halloween celebrated where you are, if at all? American culture is so funny- and it’s funny because America doesn’t have much culture, it’s just one big melting pot which makes it unique

Speaking of music, my favorite artists are probably Nirvana (which is a band) and so is Radiohead, Weezer, The Smiths, Ghost, and Korn (which are rock/metal bands, I really recommend them if you’re into that!!) but I also really like Melanie Martinez, Lana Del Rey, Mitski, Alex G, and a couple other solo artists (fun fact, I went to many concerts over the summer including Melanie and Weezer- they were so good!!) what kind of music do you listen to? any you recommend?!

Half way typing this too, I thought of the idea of coming back to Tumblr to write not just drabbles on my current hyper fixations but maybe some life advice and psychology stuff, I have a way with words and advice and all that even though I am considered “to young to know all this” but I see it as both good and bad having an old soul at a young age- and not to say I am a little child either, but I haven’t even been on this earth for 20 years yet, soon enough though

That all being said, I feel like a huge chapter of my life is coming to a wrap up soon and I am excited to start the new one!! I’ve been on this app forever even though I technically shouldn’t have had Tumblr as a pre-teen but hey, we all start somewhere!!

How have you been? Anything new and exciting? Or maybe something you’ve learned? I’ve been trying to learn new hobbies and I’ve started to really dig into what I want to do as a career since I have to really decided soon (I am doing community college right now which is a free 2-3 year schooling opportunity to earn credits before you go off and study a minor or major- not sure if you have that where you live and if you do it’s still probably different)

Anyways I want to study business and business management since I have taken a liking to running/leading an organization/group and coming up with marketing ideas for various groups I spend my time in- including theatre!! I have a local theatre group I work in backstage and I am the stage manager this year which is great since I want to going into management

It’s “late” where I am- actually it’s just 9:30 but I go to bed early especially when I have things to do the next day 😔 I’ll probably just use the excuse I am tired to run to Starbucks and spend my money like I always do. I really have become addicted to Starbucks and it’s only going to worsen as “Capitalism Christmas” comes next

Holidays are so silly to me too, I don’t really enjoy them because they’ve always seemed to cheesy and not like they “advertise” but I hope to make the best of it this year, even if it just ends up being me working that day and then coming home to my dog. What Holidays do you enjoy? Any certain traditions or events you’re looking forward to?

I’ve written down most of my thoughts and this has been the most I’ve written in ages!! Maybe I should answer more asks from now on to get myself into the writing kick!! 😂

I hope you’ve been well and I hope we can talk more soon!! I totally just remembered we have each other on discord too!! I changed my user to @bestkaleist (Best Jeanist reference) so if you’re confused as to who that is, it’s me!!

wishing you all the well!! 🥬

#kale rambles #kale moots #pea !! #mutuals

[mama-mystery]

Personal Update -- Moved & Safe

Hokay! Been a while since I posted here, but a lot's been going on. Let me give you the short version.

My wife and I move and left the state of Texas after saving up for over a year this year. It was a hard move for us to make, but we made it after a very long drive with two very quiet cats. My wife was the mastermind of all of this, and I don't know how we could have done any of it without them at the helm. They are my beacon in so many ways, and they certainly were that again here, as we moved.

But, as I had began to say, it was a hard and stressful move. Some folks know that I was out of work before COVID hit, struggled to find work during the pandemic, we had a slew of bad events happen in our lives... but we pulled through it, certainly not perfectly, but we pulled through it.

But living in Texas didn't make any of that better or easier. While in Austin, a series of laws were enacted by the Governor that specifically targeted the Transgender and Drag communities of the state. People think of Texas as a big Conservative hellhole (and it is due to the government), but it's also much more than that. The cities of Texas are incredibly diverse and wonderful places.

I don't hide the fact that in real life, I'm transgender. My wife's transgender. These laws were purpose built to screw with people like me and keep us off of the stage and out of public view. For example, certain "devices" (see: breast forms and fake packages) could be considered adult and can't be included in public performance if a specific law isn't blocked, which would include public speaking like mine. If I wore my breast forms, for example, it would classify my act as adult no matter what I was speaking about or how clothed I was.

In fact, it's so broad that simply wearing my breast forms in public would constitute a crime. It would bar me from public life if I chose to present myself the way I've presented myself for multiple decades, without issue.

All of that for a pair of fake boobs under a t-shirt. Amazing law. Brilliant legal. Yes, these are sarcastic sentences.

That's just the beginning of the stuff that's been happening down there, and it honestly only gets worse. Not all of it makes it up to the news media, but we're lucky that some of it does, like our AG trying to get a list of transgender people in the state without legal reason.

I'll be blunt: It's dangerous to be transgender in Texas right now, and I feel deeply for all of the transfolks who are still down there. None of us should have to live like that or be degraded like that.

I deeply admire those who are choosing to stay for whatever reason they have, as those people are fighting for their literal lives. They do it with class too. My wife attended multiple protests in Austin, and each time they were surrounded by amazing, helpful, kind people. There were physicians, lawyers, people with water, food, and first aid kits... the list goes on.

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone here on my blogs and social media for all of the messages of kindness, support, and strength. I turned to them many times to help push me through. Without y'all, we wouldn't have been able to do what we did in the first place -- so thank you.

I'm still recovering from everything we had to do. While it's been a few weeks since we moved, it's been an extremely emotional time for me. It's odd to say, but I've found that I'm recovering from the stress of living in fear in Texas -- stress I didn't even realize I had until we left. It's also been the anniversary of my Dad's passing, as well as the passing of a number of our friends. This time of year is always grueling on me.

I know I'm doing better and feeling better, but it's still a slow path of recovery. I've taken it step-by-step, yet I truly loathe how abysmally plodding it all feels. My wife said it best: It's slow because we have to build new neural pathways in our brains to replace the old rusty ones and that takes time and patience.

I'm looking forward to getting back to being creative again, especially if I can continue to carve some more free time for myself now that my wife and I aren't living paycheck to paycheck with an astronomical rent. (I've been very, very confused by the concept of "having personal time again.")

I don't know when I'll quite be back doing my thing again with consistent gusto, but I will continue to be keeping in touch on my DeviantArt, Tumblr, and Instagram, as well as doing what's needed for SizeCon's tech.

And, I can say I do look forward to seeing everyone at SizeCon Micro 2023! <3 ~Mystery / Astra P.S. - Fuck Texas.

#lgbt #transmodel #trans pride #transgender #transisbeautiful #transgirl #trans women #trans rights