#but i just can't accept it when it comes to me i guess and it's just

[leandra-winchester]

The Tommy timeline is making me insane

We know the 911 writers are REALLY crap about timelines. I mean, just within the Eddie Begins episode there are several dates that just don't add up. I love those writers, but they can't even count to 10, lol.

Tommy was never supposed to come back, so him being in his late 20s-ish in 2005 when Chim joins the 118 was of no consequence, but now that Tommy is back, that makes it really difficult to say how old he really is.

Some people have speculated that he's 45, but I find that too old. Lou was born in Nov 1984, which makes him 39 currently. I could see Tommy being 1-2 years older than that AT MOST.

So let's say Tommy was born in early 1983 and go from there.

He would have started school at 6.5 and finished HS at 18 years old in 2001. Which means he could have joined the army that year and started training to be a helicopter pilot.

There's a program called "From Street to Seat", also sometimes called "High school to Flight School", so that is a possibility. Training would have been around 2 - 2.5 years until he'd achieved the rank of Warranty Officer and be a fully trained helicopter pilot in late 2003. After that, you have to enlist for TEN years at minimum to repay them getting you through flight school.

At that point, the US had entered the war in Afghanistan and just started the one in Iraq.

Tommy could have been stationed anywhere in the US, or been deployed to one of those countries, or at first, as a still very young officer, been deployed to an allied country like Germany. In the early 2000s, there were many bases in Germany where US soldiers were stationed, only serving short missions in Afghanistan or Iraq. So that's an option if we don't want him to be permanently stationed inside a war zone.

Now, how did young Tommy leave the army early so he ended up being a firefighter just two years later?

Well, there's always medical discharge, but if it was for any injury, him already being a member of the team (and by the looks of it no longer a probie) in 2005 is a bit tight. He'd have to recover from his injury, then apply, then be accepted, do the basic training at the academy (18 weeks) and his probie year... so yeah, that's really a very tight timeline.

Another option would have been Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Back then, army members could not be actively asked if they're gay and therefore fired for it, but if they voluntarily disclosed/confirmed it, they would be kicked out.

If he was lucky (and probably the version I'm going for in my fic), and had a very lenient superior officer, he might be offered medical discharge for depression. Usually, that can get you out of the army pretty quickly.

So, to recap:

Born between Jan/June 1983

Finished high school summer 2001, joined the army

Finished flight school in fall 2003, was deployed somewhere or in service in the US

Found out/discharged in early 2004

Started LAFD academy in summer/fall 2004

Started his probie year end of 2004

Just finished it when Chimney joined in (should be late) 2005, at now 22 years old.

Still an incredibly tight timeline, and I wish Chim joining had been more like 2007 or so, but alas. It works.

You are welcome.

And I need to lie down. God I hate inconsistent timelines, lol.

Oh and I just looked it up, and apparently you're only a probie for 6 months at the LAFD, so I guess that makes it a little easier.

I mean, if you shift things around a little, you could even make him only 40 now, born in summer 1983 instead of early. Maybe he was initially gifted and able to enroll in school at just barely 6 years old.

#Tommy Kinard #911

[parasitoidism]

the reason i specifically try to avoid any and all persona related leaks is because if I hear anything about a persona 1 2 or 4 remake it's going to pre-emptively kill off a substantial number of my braincells. different reasons for each game

#p1 and 2 my opinion is more just like they could benefit from a remaster or something to get more people to play them and maybe touch up a #few gameplay related issues and also RESTORE THE ORIGINAL P1 OST but im more forgiving to the idea of a capital r remake with p1 i guess #p4 though? just write that one off completely man. leave it in the vault #the problem is though the writing problems in p4 like the weird inconsistencies and ways the story just dragggs and drags and the shitty wa #social links work and all like THERE IS A LOT THERE THAT COULD BENEFIT FROM A SECOND PASS like with maybe #time to finish the script and shit. like maybe just come up with one idea for what the tv world is and run with that yeah? but oh my god. #i can't do it. i cannot deal with people talking about that game. persona fans. are so . fucking. stupid. #p4 discourse is genuinely like thats what theyre gonna do to me when i die and go to hell is make me argue with someone on twitter who #mindlessly accepts everything presented in the narrative of a video game at face value as Correct and also acts like the characters #are real human beings making their own decisions instead of a collection of words and images designed to serve various aspects of a narrati #ve

[databent]

why the fuck is it that some people cant seem to acknowledge that people can just... be disabled. not through any fault of their own, not because something "happened" to them, just because, you know, sometimes people have disabilities. like, come on

#.pdf #rd #kd #just a warning these tags are long. like. really incredibly long. i had thoughts. #sorry for the vague ass post i'm just upset about some stupid shit my dad said yesterday. #namely: outright telling me that he doesn't believe i have non-24 (circadian rhythm disorder). #and that even if i do he doesn't believe it's possible for it to actually be a lifelong and disabling condition. #*also: this post isn't meant to imply that disabilities that did have some inciting incident are more accepted or anything. #it's just that i'm frustrated with the “you're disabled? why? what happened?” sentiment a lot of people seem to have. #nothing happened to cause my disability. i'm just like this. no i can't change it. what the fuck do you want me to tell you? #i'd guess it probably has to do with society's focus on work and productivity and career-mindedness above all else. #and when someone comes along that doesn't fit in with the way things are structured it just doesn't compute. #because the idea of people who can't dedicate their entire lives to working is so fundamentally contradictory to their view of... i don't- #-know. meaning in life? fulfillment? that they feel a need to reject the possibility altogether. #this is mainly when dealing with invisible disabilities from what i've seen. because i think there's a tendency to view visibly disabled- #-people as belonging to a different category altogether. which of course is its own issue but i'm not visibly disabled so i don't feel- #-like it's necessarily my place to speak on that. #anyway. i just want my struggles to be acknowledged as real. because they are. and i need people to understand that I Have A Disability. #albeit one many people don't even believe could be real because there's a sort of belief that circadian rhythms are purely a product of- #-external forces like sunlight so “you can't possibly have yours be different and have you tried just going outside more?” sigh. #sorry i also just remembered my dad telling me he doesn't believe i can have something so rare because the chances of having it are too low. #which is some ridiculous logic to me. rare doesn't mean it's impossible. some amount of people have to wind up with it regardless. #i just lucked out i guess. #n24 tag

[wild-at-mind]

Don't want to tone police anyone else, but I kind of hope that if anyone sent me a misguided ask trying to 'correct' some terminology I used for my own self-identity, I'd be able to reply in a way that didn't frame myself as superior for being out longer than the asker.

#i've only been out for like 5 mins anyway so i kind of hate that anyway for maybe personal reasons?? #i met a lot of trans people my age this year who also didn't come out during their entire 20s for Reasons #and we all agreed it fucking sucks and feels like wasted time #and i'm well aware people come out much much later than that and the same applies #as a transmasc person i have detected a small amount of 'well how would you know you only just came out like 5 mins ago' #from other transmasc people about my age who have been out way longer #and i understand where they are coming from i guess but i also can't help it #and i hope our community never has to be divided by supposed privilege lines of who came out when and who spent more time as 'cis'... #maybe people are already trying to do this but i hope not because none of that stuff is fixed enough to be an axis of oppression #though it does change our experiences of life of course it's never as simple as 'privileged vs oppressed' on things like this #in particular there's one transmasc person in my local area (there aren't many lol) who i really want to connect with but who has made #implications that they see people like me as trans babies of sorts #like not talking about me but someone else they said of a long-time friend of theirs who just came out as transmasc #'i could have used that support 10 years ago!' #i was just like :/ well they aren't talking about me but is this how people in my community see me?? #anyway i think if we can't have compassion for and acceptance of each other's unique experiences it will stand in the way of intra-communit #connection

[craycraybluejay]

Boy blocked me for being mad bc he was rude fr

#i mean its probably for the best but jeez way to show ur face #mutuals to blocked bc i wouldnt take a little 'friendly' fire sitting down #weird shit #TIL don't be earnest on the world wide web and don't tell ppl to not be rude to you #i was like 'were cool if u stop doing that' and got a block in response #so i presume he's gonna do that to other ppl now #i guess i cant do anything ab it but its sad that ppl cant just own up to being mean and make an actual apology and move on #instead of going 'i didnt mean it like that' and then expecting that to suffice #and if u call ppl on their shit when they said iTs a JoKe then ur a buzzkill #weird coincidence that conservatives use this when they make attack helicopter 'jokes' or racist 'jokes' #almost like its a way of deflecting rather than reflecting #some ppl only deflect not reflect #working on coming to accept that and let it pass over me #i can't change how ppl act only how i deal w their behaviour

[plexippusangel]

I either need to accept that I am just a way stronger person than this friend and can handle way more while still being able to engage with the world as a person, or recognize excuses as excuses, accept that I am not valued and be done or. Maybe both. Idk. It might be somewhere between the two. I am just sick of regular life stuff rendering him unable to spend any time with me, and of him being unable to bear any of the details of my life, when I would move mountains to rekindle our friendship. Though I'm starting to wonder if I still would.

#faer personal files #i just. really didn't want officiating his wedding to be our last hurrah of friendship even though i did kind of feel it coming #also i'm really sick of being infantilized for my chronic fatigue i am a grown adult and i know what i'm capable of #ugh. maybe i'm just being awful and not understanding in which case i'm too much of a rancid person to be his friend i guess #but i don't think that's the case #idk i'll never forget when i couldn't see this dude for a year even masked up outside for covid but when another of our old friends came up #from her job doing COVID RELATED CROWD CONTROL FOR THE FUCKING ARMY he went on a hike with her mask off #and i think that says a lot about what our friendship's been for years honestly. if he can't bear my company idk why i try #if i'm just an interesting prop for conversations and occasions but not a friend. i can't accept that #i am an interesting prop for conversations. the disabled genderfluid bisexual genius who lost everything bc of said disability #but i didn't lose everything i just have to fucking rebuild on new ground. and i am doing that. i whine on occasion but i am so strong #and i do know how to interact with people without traumadumping i haven't on him in YEARS but his concept of me crystalized at age 21 #or something like that i guess. idk it just breaks my heart #bc for a long time he was my person. he was the only person who knew the authentic me. more even than my sisters at times. #and yeah that was a little unhealthy but at the time he craved that!!! #and then i grew up and stopped needing him like that around the same time he stopped wanting that and it should have been fucking fine #but like. even senior year of college when i was sick it was already starting to fall apart #like i remember being on a small hike once being exhausted and jokingly being like you gotta carry me back and then being like #no really i might actually need an arm to lean on by the end of this walk if i'm gonna make it back to the car i really don't know if i can #and he said no bc he didn't want to look straight. who the fuck CARES??? i could barely walk i was stumbling my way back annoying him going #too slow. fuck. and that really has been what our friendship has been for years. the minute my house wasn't the most convenient place it wa #more or less dead idk why i keep dragging this horse around #idk why i keep letting him break my heart like this it's so stupid he's never gonna care about me like he did when i was quick and brillian #but never quite as smart as him in his view. fuck him. i'm smarter. just bc i was a little gullible or paranoid at times bc of the #FUCKING CPTSD doesn't mean i was dumber than him. the fuck??? there's something wrong with me i swear idk why i hang on #anyway i'm irritated. but i'm also reluctant to throw away somebody who's seen me through key points in my life. so.

[end-orfino]

people should show their first drawings/animatics/writings more often. I won't do it but you guys definitely should

#/j of course #oh shit. vent below i guess #but i think my perfectionism was only amplified by like #looking up to artists who are similar age to me who i can't see the first creations of #bcs they prolly started eg. animating when they were like 11 on flipaclip or smth #and now subconciously i have this impression that even my first tries need to have something good in them #i dont know. i dont know how this works #i literally never properly learnt how to learn new things and accept failure #and whenever something i create makes me feel bad i can't handle it and i quit entirely #so like essentially 'trust the process' doesnt. exist for me. if it makes me feel like it's bad i die #i know that many people struggle with it but just. even that feels like im often worse than them #reads a vent post comic someone made abt this issue knowing i wouldnt even manage to draw anythin close to said vent comic</3 #'progress is going to come to you eventually' my brother in christ WHEN. #when. i am already so fucking behind. not only on my skills because that would be fine #i am behind in KNOWING HOW TO HANDLE IMPROVING MY SKILLS. #that's a basic fucking life function. life fucking sucks ass and i am not equipped with being able to handle it.

[eorzeashan]

This isn't the best picture, but it kinda looks like Lana designed this armor for him and unintentionally (or intentionally) made them match, lol.

#swtor #kotfe/et #dude his armor is SO dark i couldn't see him on my screen for the majority of kotfe i thought his model disappeared #INVISIBLE... #i've also been thinking more about his role in this alliance that treats him in an incredibly utilitarian way #and since he's come to accept his role as a tool who just kills lana's enemies and nobody seems to debate that except to disapprove #he starts wandering off more and more #alternating between sleeping inside his quarters and camping outside to purposely make it difficult for people to find him lol #so they can't bother him with trivial tasks or lectures #andronikos laughs at lana and theron being irritated by it like haha. guess he doesn't like you lot after all to which they feel miffed by #but eight *is* a proud creature who can't be reigned in when his heart does not resonate with his keepers #and they decide it might be fair to let him do what he wants as long as he picks up when they call him #he ends up traveling through the rural regions of zakuul and enmeshing himself with the locals as a friendly sellsword #he just solves little problems he comes across sometimes for payment sometimes for free #and they think he's just a mercenary attracted by zakuul and they're like he's so nice...be careful sir the outlander might be out here #don't stay out too late but we'll know you'll protect us :) #they keep giving him shit like their vegetables and even a pack animal cuz he doesn't take money so whenever he comes back #the alliance is like where the fuck did you get these. #also you can't convince me the entire population of a planet is in (1) shitty city or none of them have already left for the wilds #the exiles do not count #esp since there's still remnants of life there im sure not everyone would give up their culture or way of living

[madamescarlette]

#teehee i went back and found them even though the original is gone #i do legitimately think abt this a lot. partly because it travelled far and wide beyond me #but also just because this expresses a lot of what striving means to me #i've always had this teeny little chip on my shoulder because i'm the person who always has to try. can't stop trying always have to try #i get tired easily because lots of things take effort for me when it seems like they shouldn't! #but in a way it's my work and my burden that i'm a tryhard. i want no cross but my own etc etc #but i guess these three ladies represent so much to me what it means to strive for virtue #to cry on your bathroom floor because you're scraping the bottom of the barrel #and you have to wipe your face and sternly find that blind trust that things are going to keep going onwards towards brightness #just as long as you get up. and all that is required of you right then is getting up and after that we'll plan the next step after that #and in when you have to say something Real to somebody and you don't know if it will be needed or accepted and it's terrifying!! #or when you park in a spot and suddenly it comes crashing in on you that you have to Face This Day and you're not ready #and you have to reach into your heart and strike that match of the kind of wish that you'll have the strength for it after all #and you put your face on your steering wheel and muster everything within you to burn with that wish and hope #these are all very real to me and i wish i could express them in a more real way than a little tumblr post. but you know!! #i guess. have the version 2.0 of this post haha

[karmaphone]

Sometimes I can’t let people stay at the shelter because they are violent or pose a threat to children not because they are not well liked or unpleasant. As a public servant I do not deny help to those who are unpleasant i deny help to people who are actively putting me or others at risk.

Then the post wasn't about you, One Of The Good Ones. stay in ur lane

#my mom worked at a womens shelter for a long time I've witnessed a lot of fucked up shit #hurrah for you being a good one but I do have to say when the power rests with people able to make those calls they're going to make calls #that kill people. maybe you dont happen to live in a deadly climate but denying someone shelter in a place like alaska is essentially #a death sentence #obviously someone posing a threat to others means you can't just lump them in with someone else but guess what there needs to be an option #peoples opinion of you should not determine wether you live or die #especially when that opinion can be filtered through lenses like 'this is a black man and therefore dangerous' so like #I watched one of my moms coworkers turn native women away because 'oh we're full tonight' and then gladly accept white women. the problem is #also a racial one. don't even get me started on vets being turned away for ptsd symptoms that ppl didn't understand and weren't dangerous #it's almost like the marginalized are marginalized further when a marginality is comorbid with others or something wow #this isn't meant to be aggressive at the anon btw I'm glad we have A Good One Put There I'm just tired of people using that as an excuse to #*out not put #dismiss systemic issues that I've witnessed personally #I mean yeah my memory's fucked up because of the system thing so sometimes my memories of being at that shelter are super fuzzy but other #times they're crystal clear so don't come for me lmfao

[queerdesire]

Oh yes yes I should have tried harder because fuck 🥵

#mine #wasnt expecting that #i closed app so fucking fast lol #ima just do better mhmm #i think because i havent seen her face in a hot ass minute i forgot silly me #if i would of only continued to be good #i would say I can't believe I forgot how hot she is but like how can ine forget that lottle detail #i feel like i just placed my hand on a hot burner on purpose so its like i deserve the burn #see this is the real shit i should of spoke about in therapy like i did mention her both sessions actually but i didnt go into great detail #i guess that was my sign to delete that because it is only going to get worse come October 27th #might as well continue while im down #do you know how i missed you when i was with her? i didnt not at first then slowly i realized she wasnt you and not that im saying i want #you but a lot the shit i felt when i was with you is what i want #and i wonder if thats how you missed her when you were with me did you realize i wasn't her? #i think the main part of all of that the parts that still fuck me up are the not knowing #but i have accepted it but it still sucks some days more than others like rn im gonna be fucked up for a few days #how do i miss you? like a song that was my favorite like a song i haven't listened to in forever but yet when i heard the first note #all the lyrics come spilling from my mouth as if i heard it earlier that day and not years #just because a song is no longer my favorite doesnt mean it doesnt still hold the weight of all the feeling it once produced #a song can be a favorite without being a favorite something you hear and look back on with fond memories of a time that once was #so how do i miss you? #i miss you now & later and that is okay #do you put your hand on the burner too? #my likes are filled with butterflies and moths as if its hidden its gone #we both know if its hidden doesn't make it gone but it makes it barrable #i guess i definitely will look for a new therapist now lmao because i do think this is something i still need to get out obviously #wait wait wiat wiat waiiiit why did you unblock? when did you do that? #i like to talk to the void 😅 please dont send an email being mad

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

Look it's Monday. Don't trigger my extra large inadequacy

Yes IRL they all said it was quite large.

*shrugs*

Since when have I listened to anything except myself.

#ring ring hello Hang 'Em High my red bra needs removed #heh but who da fuck is you do #could be like an Aerosmith vidya #makes me wonder about seeing King at 7-11 the ine day #could have been looking at myself for all I know #it was a pleasant exchange of nods #I was just on my way to or coming back from (if what thy say is tru(pa bank in amish) magic making)and there is an authority #there is no telling how many times I have fucked with myself over the years #at the same time if anyone has aympathy for me I guess it would be me and if not me you #or jojo obviously #When I stated she is a part of me this is Truth #I accepted the contract #with EL it's bi one bull the get the other free #also like I am already jealous of thebtime you will spend without me and it is the only jealousy I can tolerate #bo fly was probably right #bofly is probably PS in an incognito tab or something jokes on me I am sure #the great anon has curls like an Ed #mixed with mama who is.....*shrugs* Celtic perhaps #the joke of course about me dating someone freahman year who looked like my own sister #I really can't say #feels like Inlearned some truth about the star sister but I don't know if that was you or just thr language engine abstracting #like my thought forms can abstract without language #like a lot #Like if it wasn't your name before it sure is the first name you ever heard for yourself #and coming from God and teddy bear encounters from the B-53(proper caps) that's what it is #that is some deep seeded shit right there #me: hey brat you go through me if you want to trance out with your dyke lover alright #Australia...who knows with the Internet #my first online girlfriend #who kinda inserted herself into the role but hey whatever

[skrunksthatwunk]

been wringing my hands about the concept of family therapy. scary stuff. like maybe it could help and we sure as hell need SOMETHING to change but i think it would be like taking a potato peeler to the soles of my feet

#look it probably works for a lot of ppl but every time i think about it as a solution for my Definitely Needs It family it's like. god no #it probably only works when everyone's willing to change and actually listen to each other #if i did it with my folks im worries they'd quit if they were challenged or talk shit about the therapist/methods afterwards #like im so worried the therapist would take their side and we'd be stuck giving in to them #only now with assurance from an expert that they're always right and we're wrong and ungrateful. not helpful!! negative progress #and if we tried to switch therapists my parents would be like oh you just can't accept responsibility 🙄🙄 #you just wanted someone to tell you you didn't have to try or to coddle you or make us do what you want or whatever #aghhh it's so scary and it's not even on the table. no one wants this but i also think trying to mediate it myself would suck so fuckin bad #aughh. sorry i wanna write about it as like. a tags rant. here goes #my parents don't apologize for shit. ive legit seen it happen once. they justify and backpedal but they never acknowledge their bs #they treat the harm that comes from their methods with a sort of 'well what do you expect me to do about it?! (rhetorical)' vibe #like there is no way to improve. like the ability for parents to fail and be flawed means those things must be accepted uncritically #because they're trying and they have good intentions. but if they really wanted to help as they claim they would be willing to change #if you're trying to help someone and they tell you your actions didn't help or are hurting them you should change your methods so theyre #helped. but they operate on this assumption that their methods should always work and thud if they don't that we're too sensitive #'youre asking for too much' was kind of a major theme in my childhood is what im realizing #instead they justify and focus on intent or their kids' flaws (real or imagined). they want to change the reaction rather than the action #they dont want to help they just want the problem to go away. and quiet kids look like happy kids i guess #thing is i cant even cite that many manipulative things theyve said bc we all go quiet as soon as they use a disapproving tone #like they'll just be like 'skrunks >:/.' and that's it. i cant say anything. i know i wont be listened to and they fucking do it on purpose #theyre kinda shit at defending themselves but i can barely follow their lines of reasoning so it's so fucking hard to argue with them #it's also so unnurturing. why is us being unhappy or uncomfortable smth to blame on our failure n not smth you want to help with? wth #yk the thing about the Shut Down Tone is i recognize and resent it sometimes but it still makes me feel like im not giving them a fair shot #bc i dont even slightly challenge them much (& they dont have to say what they mean for us to cower) i feel like im misreading their tone #that im being too sensitive and thinking theyre being controlling for no reason. like im reading into it too hard and hating them when if i #pushed back they'd freely be good to me and change and be reasonable. but now it's becoming clearer that that's not the case bc they Do Not #and if i mention The Tone theyll just say im overreacting and that it's my fault for not sticking up for myself AGAIN!!!!!! #and it's so frustrating knowing what's going on and still having these doubts. i can't trust my gut or what i hear bc they might be right #they'll straight up lie or change their arguments or their story to get me to submit. am i being gaslit??? wtf #but i trust my (treated worse) brothers' accounts which helps. my parents brag about their parenting skills to us btw ✌️✌️

[wanghedi]

um president biden we need sanctions against china immediately can we send some warning shots i just saw someone on bilibili say under a video of zendaya that “americans are just being politically correct when they say shes out of tom holland’s league cos OBVIOUSLY we all know tom holland is better looking than her" and that was the Popular opinion... the white = better notion is so ingrained that it even applies to zendaya and her five foot nothing british orphan core boyfriend its BEYOND sick. i really thought there would be more conflicting voices bc we all have eyes but racism is literally so powerful

#all the comments like hmm theres just Something i can't get about her beauty shes just not for me no i wont examine this any further #chinese ppl will say i guess its just us/european beauty standards about women with darker skin (which is not even true) #and turn around and complain that beauty standards in east asia is too restricted to borderline pedophillic pale skinny and young #and thats the more feminist take bc theres a lot of ppl who are still defending the pale skinny young standard #i often hesitate to say china is really behind on certain things but for this theyre Definitely behind #not like legislation wise idk how that is but the average opinion accepted in society about women and beauty gives me culture shock #and how comfortable they are to comment on peoples weight even though they know how sensitive that could be for people #which is why when idols are getting lashings on twt about saying something about their members weight im like #yeah its wrong and they shouldnt do it but this wouldnt even register as something thats societally unacceptable #to them . i think it reinforces it more as cultural difference when the outrage is only coming from western sources #which is not to say people shouldnt say anything about it but i think for it to mean anything it has to be coming from their culture first #and idk if thats ever gonna happen from the current view of the landscape #sidney talks shit

[humbleanger]

everything sucks tremendously right now and i feel like the loneliest man alive

#thinking about how my eldest siblings have been trying to /fix/ the family #and it's not gonna work because before i sit in the same room as my piece of shit brother the world will end #but then again i will probably become the most hated and removed sibling when i come out to them #and then they can have their little family reunions #just without me #and i probably won't be allowed to see my little nephews and nieces anymore because i'll be /too complicated/ for them and for my siblings #because favorite aunt who's always taken care of them well can't just turn into favorite uncle #for them i guess #they're literally still stuck on the concept that you shouldn't raise your kids into believing blue is for boys and pink for girls #how will they ever fucking accept me for who i am #as much pain and trauma as a big family has brought me in my childhood my relationships with most of them have gotten way better #but having a lot means losing a lot #and i'm already feeling the grief and i can't even fucking talk to anyone about this #i've been alone and i will die alone that's just the end of it all #journal eb

[m00nlight-ramblings]

I Wanna Be Yours

(I've had this idea since I've seen like, a million 80's movies in succession). You're close to valedictorian, a known smarty-pants. So imagine your surprise when you become friends with Eddie Munson...and then fall in love with him.

Pairing: Eddie x female reader, friends x lovers, dual pov

Warnings: smut, p in v sex, oral (f receiving), swearing

*MINORS DNI*

Word Count: 4.16k

REMINDER: My inbox is open so please request some stuff because I'm dying to write!

"Oh, fuck where is it?" You loudly murmured, shuffling the books in your locker. They clanged around, sending soft bonk! noises and reverberations through your locker, which only made you more annoyed. You huffed, dropping your arms by your side. You only had a few minutes before you had to be in class, and you couldn't find your fucking book.

You groaned and started the process again, knowing you'd probably be fruitless - you've only checked like, 100 times, so at this point you'd just have to accept the fact that you'd somehow forgotten it at home. It also didn't help that your locker was stacked to the brim with books, folders, papers, and miscellaneous things you've collected in just a month since school started

"Um...you okay?" A voice asked behind you, startling you out of your frustrated trance. You turned to see Eddie Munson standing there, tucking a lock of his hair behind his ear and tilting his head. Slightly embarrassed, you shrugged and huffed (again).

"Yeah I just...can't find my chemistry book. And I have class in-" You checked your watch, "Seven minutes." (And it also just so happened that chemistry was your worst class so you like, really needed this damn book).

"Want me to check?" He offered, gesturing to the locker. You paused a moment, and furrowed your brow. Then, you stepped aside, giving him access to your locker. He stepped forward, leaning into the locker and started gently exploring.

"Yeah, you can try but I don't think you'll find it. I've checked, like, a hundred times and I think I just left it at home and-"

"Here it is! Chemistry you said, right? You're looking for..." Eddie took a moment to examine the cover of the book. With a boisterous (and very silly) voice, he spoke, "Chemistry 301: Principles of Organic Chemistry?"

You gasped and smiled at him, snatching the book from him and staring at it. How did he find it? "Oh my god, are you kidding? I've been looking for this thing for like, 10 minutes. Where was it?!"

Eddie chuckled, shrugging nonchalantly, "Right in the front."

You looked at him, "I could hug you right now, oh my god! Chemistry is my worst subject and I can't even focus in that class if I don't have the book with me and...ugh. You're a life saver. Thank you." You beamed, hopping on your toes a little.

You and Eddie never really spoke, but of course knew each other - everyone in Hawkins did. Having a few classes with him over the years, any conversation you ever had with him was in passing. But after him your book for you, and seeing his smile..."The Freak" didn't actually seem all that freaky at all.

"Yeah, well, no worries. I'm just a good ole knight in shining armor, I guess." He bashfully made a face, causing you to giggle. "Actually...I just wanted to come over and thank you for something."

Confused, you cocked my head to the side, "Thank me?"

Eddie nodded, stepping aside so you could close your locker, "Yeah. I heard from Wheeler the other day that he dropped all his books and shit in the hallway and you helped him grab everything," His smile was soft...if you weren't looking so hard at his face (why were you staring?), you'd have missed it, "That was nice. So...thanks."

You nodded, mirroring the small smile. "Wheeler as in...Mike Wheeler? The freshman?" You thought back to a few days ago, "Yeah...he said he tripped, but Craig from the football team was lurking around so I have a feeling Mike didn't trip all by himself," I rolled my eyes, "People can be dicks sometimes so...anyway. I know what it's like to be a freshman." You slowly started to walk to class, Eddie following in line next to you.

There was a brief moment of awkward silence before Eddie cleared his throat and spoke again, "So...chemistry's not your best subject, huh?"

You rolled your eyes, "Definitely not. I hate it...it's so hard. My favorite class is English."

"English? Hey, mine too. What's your favorite book?"

You pause, furrowing your brows again, "...don't laugh."

He throws his hands up in an "I'm innocent" movement, "Cross my heart."

You take a moment before you speak, "I like 'The Hobbit'. I've read it, like, a million times. I re-read it like, once a year-"

"'The Hobbit'? I like that one too!" Eddie smiled widely, "...do you listen to Led Zeppelin by any chance?"

You laugh, "Are you about to tell me that 'Ramble On' was inspired by 'The Hobbit?" You watch his eyes widen slightly.

"You know that already?"

You nod, "My dad loves them. Has all their records. He can't help but spit out random fun facts about that stuff. I like them, too," You find yourself in front of your chemistry class, "Well...this is me. Thanks for finding my book again, Eddie."

He leans his shoulder against the wall and smiles. You notice his eyes flicker quickly to your lips and back to your eyes again before he speaks, "No problem. Thanks for helping Wheeler. I'll...see you around, I guess?"

You nod, looking back at him while you head into class, "Definitely."

And that was the start of you and Eddie.

Eddie didn't know what had come over him that day, helping you out at your locker. Wheeler had mentioned once that you seemed cool (Henderson enthusiastically agreed), and ever since then, he was convinced he had to thank you. Not just because you had helped his friend (which was cool), but also...had you always been that pretty?

Sure, you two didn't seem to have anything in common - you were known for being one of the smartest kids in school, with like 1,000 extracurriculars, bound for some Ivy League on the East Coast, and Eddie was...well, Eddie. Now in his third try at being a senior, school wasn't necessarily his strongest subject. But, you hadn't ever played in him being a freak, and always seemed kind so...he figured it would be safe to thank you for being so nice to his friend.

Because that's all he wanted to do...was thank you. That was all. Definitely not flirt with you or anything.

After that moment at your locker, Eddie seemed to run into you everywhere - lunch period, the hallway, even the mall that one time he actually went because he needed to pick up some D&D books from the bookstore. And slowly but surely, "running into each other" turned into:

"What do you mean she's just watching?" Dustin asked one day, setting up the drama room for Hellfire Club, "You never let people just watch. They always have to play. Is she going to play?"

"No, Dustin, for the hundredth time explaining, she is not playing. She is watching. Do you have a problem with her? Mortal enemies or something?"

Dustin eyed Eddie and shrugged, eventually going back to setting the table up, "No I just...you never let people watch..." He starts to grumble, "I guess in order to watch you need to have boobs, or something..."

That night at the game, Eddie wasn't his best DM self. He was distracted - probably had to do with the hours of homework he "needed to do", and definitely wasn't because you were there, sitting next to him, intently watching the game and reacting. It definitely didn't have anything to do with your cute gasps, or little squeals, or laughter whenever something happened.

Definitely not, at all.

At one point in the game, you tapped him on the shoulder. He leaned into you, not taking his eyes off of the rest of Hellfire Club, who were currently engrossed in trying to figure out their next strategy.

"Yes, m'lady?" Eddie asks in a British accent.

"Wouldn't Henderson's character be able to go through that door? Like...isn't he really charismatic? So like...can't he convince the guard to let them pass? I know he's not like, the main dude in the game or whatever but..." Your voice trails off as you realize that maybe you were too off base. You didn't really know the game at all, but that seemed right...right?

Eddie nodded slowly and his eyes darted over to you quickly...you were right. Holy shit...you were right, and Eddie totally didn't see this lapse in judgement. He smiled at you and took note of how his heart seemed to flip into his stomach, sending a quick shiver down his spine.

Shit. He was in trouble.

"Eddie, can you turn it down a little bit? I'm trying to concentrate." You groaned slightly, shifting your head in your hand as your eyes scan the textbook in front of you. Not that it's really doing anything since you can't seem to retain any information at the moment.

Eddie, who was currently practicing his air guitar solo to Metallica's "Ride the Lightning", gave three quick headbangs before turning down the music, but immediately went back to air guitar.

"Aren't I supposed to be helping you with your science homework?" You asked, a little annoyance rising, "If you're gonna be distracted, I'm gonna go home. I have like, a million college brochures to go through and-"

"No! No!" He immediately stops and stands at attention like a soldier, salute and everything, "Okay. I'll stop." He jumps on the bed next to you, sending a pencil fly in the air. He caught it and stuck it behind his ear, "Okay. Science!" He clapped his hand and rubs them together like a mad scientist.

You chuckle and roll your eyes playfully, gently shoving his shoulder beside you. "Okay, so, when dealing with organism structure, you have to remember that everything is made up of cells, right? So when thinking of specialized parts of the body-" You look up to see him staring at you, definitely not paying attention to what you're saying. "Eddie..."

He snaps to attention and smiles bashfully, "Sorry. I'm...distracted?" His eyes dart to your lips again and your heart does that annoying "pounding in your chest" thing it does basically every time Eddie looks at you.

"Do you want to be a senior for a fourth time?"

He playfully shakes his head, "Nope. Definitely not."

"What's got you so distracted, anyway? Thinking about your date with Mindi tomorrow?" You probed him a bit, trying to get more information out of him. When you had become friends with Eddie, he definitely had his fair share of..."girlfriends". Which at first, you didn't mind.

Not that you minded now, but...five months after initially becoming friends with him, you would just prefer if you were his girlfriend.

Eddie's face flushed and he looked away, throwing the pencil behind his ear on to his dresser across the room, "Oh, Mindi? No, I...cancelled that. Like, a week ago." He suddenly got off of the bed and started to pace around his bedroom a little. I watched him for a moment before speaking.

"Why? Weren't you like, so excited to take her to the movies? You said she was soooOoo hot and blah blah blah-"

"I'm just not interested in her anymore." He interrupted you, stopping his pacing. He turned to face you and didn't break eye contact, his eyes seemingly staring into your brain.

Did he know? Did he know how you had fallen for him?

It started slowly, in a way you didn't even recognize - he made you laugh more than other people, you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible, and he was so kind...not only to you, but to his friends, and even your parents when he'd come to pick you up on a Friday night with the group. He'd always come to the door, always make small talk with your mom. Not only that, but he was a gentleman, which surprised you - opened doors, pulling out your chair...

Not to mention, when it was late at night and you couldn't sleep, you couldn't help your thoughts turn to his hands in your hair, his dick inside of you, whispering your name over and over again.

The sudden realization that you were falling in love with him slapped you hard in the face - one day after school, you two were walking to his van for a ride home and someone's car blew past you in the parking lot, seemingly out of nowhere. You were about to step out but Eddie pulled you back, your body immediately pressing against his, your face mere inches from each other.

The air was electric, and you couldn't look away from his eyes. Finally, he spoke, "...you okay?" His voice was husky, low. It sent goosebumps down your arms, which were currently being held by Eddie's. You could only nod, words escaping you. Finally, Eddie broke the spell by screaming at the car, "JESUS CHRIST YOU PIECE OF SHIT WATCH WHAT YOU'RE DOING BEFORE YOU FUCKING KILL SOMEONE!"

Back in his room, you eyed him. "Why aren't you interested in her anymore?" You asked quietly, sensing the air shift. It felt more tense, more heavy.

What the fuck was going on?

Eddie, seemed to zone out for a second, taking a piece of his hair and chewing on it lightly. His eyes were focused on the floor, "Maybe...I think because...I'm interested in someone else?" It came out as a question, not a statement.

You swallowed hard. He was acting strange. Your heart started to beat strong enough that you heard it in your head. "...who are you interested in, then?" You asked. You took the textbook you were reading and closed it, putting it on his bedside table. Was he saying what you thought he was saying? Please be me, please be me, please be me! Your brain was shouting so loud you were surprised he couldn't hear it.

Eddie looked up at you quickly and then back down again, his face unreadable. Which was concerning, because Eddie's face was always an animated as a Muppet.

Was it hot in here?

Taking a step forward, he was standing at the foot of the bed now. It seemed like he was thinking...hard. "I..."

Before he could even start, he finished. The single word hung in the air, causing your heart to race even faster and your head to swim. You WHAT, Eddie? You felt like you were about to lose your mind. Was he going to say it or not? Were you going to find out, or not?

"I'MINLOVEWITHYOU." You said loudly, the words spilling out of your mouth before you could even stop them. You gasped and clapped your hand over your mouth, hoping that somehow that action would suck the words back in, as if it never happened. Eddie's head snapped up and he stared at you. The air had been sucked out of the room in one fell swoop, and you could feel embarrassed tears prickle at your eyes. "Oh, god, Eddie...I-I-"

Oh no...what had you done? You had just ruined something between you and one of your closest friends. No more movie nights, no more homework sessions, no more late night phone conversations-

In a single motion, Eddie was on top of you, his lips crashing into yours. You didn't have time to even think, but your hands immediately found their way into his hair, cradling his scalp as he pressed his body into yours. You gasped at his initial contact but quickly found yourself melting into the kiss. Eddie moaned into your mouth, his tongue gently asking permission to open. Once granted, he hungrily kissed you, pressing your back into the bed.

"Eddie..." You breathed as you pulled back a bit, looking at him. He smirked and started to pepper your chin with gentle kisses, a far cry from the kiss that had started the whole thing.

"Mmmmyes?" His eyes were twinkling as he looked at you. Suddenly he pulled back, his mouth agape, "Do you want me to stop?"

"No! No-" You almost shouted, "No, I-"

"I love you too." He said quickly, a flush coming to his face, "I...love you too. I have. For a while."

You smile, heart feeling like it's about to explode. You pulled him back into a kiss, using your tongue to explore his immediately. He moaned, pressing his groin into yours. You felt an instant rush of wetness to your panties as your hands found their way to the nape of his neck. Eddie pulled away from the kiss, his hand gently finding it's way to the top of your pants. He looked at you and you nodded, and he quickly undid the button, pulling them down, exposing your pink cotton underwear, which you felt was already starting to soak through.

Eddie hissed as he slid down your body, pressing his mouth to the wet spot on your underwear. You gasped lightly, watching him. He was quite beautiful - his hair starting to dampen with sweat at the hairline, his eyes shimmery, hungry for you. He pressed his tongue down flat on your wet spot once - teasingly - and leaned up again, removing his shirt.

Your head was still swimming as he fully pulled your pants off at your ankles, gently spreading your legs, and pushing your underwear aside. He laid on his stomach, getting comfortable, and wrapped your legs on his shoulders. He quickly glanced up at you, his eyes dark.

"Your pussy is so fucking beautiful." He said, his voice a low growl. His voice caused you to whimper slightly, and before you could even think, his tongue was moving in action, teasing your clit in small, wet motions.

"Oh, fuck, Eddie-" You couldn't think as the pleasure started to rise.

"You're already so wet for me, princess," He said, going back to your clit again. He paused to pull your underwear off but was quickly back in your pussy, moaning as if he was eating a delectable meal. He switched between quick, teasing moments, and flattening his tongue against the entirety of your pussy. You weren't sure if it was because he was just that good, or if it was because you had quite literally been dreaming of this moment for a while, but after a few minutes, you felt the coil in your lower belly start to tighten.

"Fuck Eddie...you feel so fucking good. I-I-I'm close, I think-"

"Come for me." He spoke into your pussy, suddenly slipping a finger in. Slowly at first, he started to finger you, curving his finger in an upwards motion while inside. You shrieked, immediately grabbing his hair with both hands. He responded by growling into your mound, concentrated on sending you over the edge.

Suddenly, the coil snapped and you moaned his name, no longer in control of what came out of your mouth. Your head was swimming with hot pleasure, beads of sweat gathering on your temple as your hips bucked into his mouth. Eddie slipped his finger out and gave your clit a final, gentle kiss before he slid out from under your legs and sat on his knees. He stared at you and started to shake his head, smiling.

"So fucking sexy..." He murmured, unbuckling his pants. Quickly, you reached up to help him and he looked at you.

"Just trying to get your pants off faster," You said, a blush rising to you.

"And why's that?"

"I need you. To fuck me. Right now." You said, dragging his pants down. He chuckled and stood up, shaking his pants down to his ankles. The length of his cock sprung up in his boxers, creating a tent that your eyes immediately fell on. He paused a moment and took his boxers off, his cock already glistening with precum. He slowly made his way back to you, laying on top of you. His cock laid in between the lips of your pussy, causing you to moan slightly. He sucked on your neck, a hand finding it's way to your hair and tugging slightly.

"You're awfully greedy." He purred into your ear teasingly. You heard him open his bedside table drawer, grabbing a condom and snapping the draw shut. Kneeling up again while discarding the condom wrapper, he rolled the condom on his dick achingly slow, never taking his eyes off of you. You felt a new rush of wetness slide through your pussy, and you opened your legs up more.

Eddie stroked his cock a few times before lining himself up with your entrance, which was already aching with pleasure. He leaned forward, his forehead touching yours. Your breath hitched in your stomach as he looked into your eyes and you nodded, giving him the go ahead. His dick slid in without resistance, causing you to moan loudly and his eyes to roll back.

"Shit, baby, you're so fucking wet," He hissed, starting to thrust slowly into you, "So fucking tight. Fuck s'good."

Eddie's cock filled you, every thrust sending a new wave of pleasure through you. You couldn't help your moaning - thank god Eddie's uncle wasn't home - and you felt like you were almost having an out of body experience. As Eddie started to speed his thrusts up, your hands find their way to the back of his hips, and your nails started to dig in deeper and deeper.

"Yes. Right there. Right there, Eddie. Fuck, you fuck me so good!" You stammered as he hit your walls. He grunted, panting, his hair tickling your face.

"Right there, baby? You like it right there?" He spoke, his voice a guttural growl, "You gonna come for me again, sweetheart? Be a good girl for me and show me."

His words shot through your pussy in combination with his thrusts, the sound of his dick slipping in and out of your wet pussy driving you over the edge. Sloppy kisses were exchanged as one of Eddie's hand found it's way underneath your shirt and bra, fingering a nipple.

"Fuck...I should've taken this shit off before we started." Eddie mumbled, still thrusting. You replied by whipping the shirt above your head, unhooking your bra and throwing it to the ground. Eddie's eyebrows raised and he smirked, leaning down to immediately take your nipple in his mouth. Your back arched and you gasped, one hand pushing Eddie's head down on your tits, and the other pushing his ass down to fuck you harder.

"Harder and you're gonna make me come again." You whimpered. Eddie responded by taking your nipple in his teeth, sucking harder and harder.

You started to see stars. You had never felt this type of pleasure before, and you never wanted it to stop. The combination of Eddie's cock, his mouth, and his words were about to send you careening over the edge.

"Oh, god-"

"Oh fuck, baby. I'm gonna come." Eddie said, his face finding your neck again. The hand on his head found its way to his chin, cradling it. His hair swung back and forth, and his eyelids were half shut, a deep crimson rising in his face.

"Come for me. Come with me-" Was all you were able to get out before one final thrust from Eddie sent you over the edge, causing you to scream his name, your hands finding his sheets and gripping for dear life. Hearing your screams caused Eddie to moan loudly, his whole body tensing as he spilled into the condom. He said your name, not quite as loud as your screams, but with matching intensity.

The only noises that could be heard were panting from the both of you. After a moment, Eddie slid out from inside of you, falling to the side of you and immediately taking you into his arms, kissing the top of your shoulder.

"So..." He finally said, a small chuckle playing on his words. You giggled and turned to face him, looking into his eyes.

"So."

"Now that we've established we're absolutely head over heels for each other", Eddie started, placing a kiss on your forehead, "And we're both incredibly sexually compatible..." Another kiss, "Is it like, totally corny to ask you to be my girlfriend or...no?"

You giggled again, running a hand through his hair, "I don't think so. I'd say yes, i think."

"You think?!"

"I'm kidding!" You laughed, sitting up on your elbow. You started to trace circles on his chest, the air falling back into place again. "So what now?"

"What now?!" Eddie asked. Boasting his best DM voice, he sat up and waved his arms in the air, "There's a whole big beautiful world we get to discover now together!"

You smirked, running a hand down his bare thigh, "But what if...I just want to stay in bed?"

A blush rose on Eddie's face and he smiled, looking at your lips, "Oh, well in that case, there's a lot to discover in here, too."

He reached over to his bedside table and opened the drawer again.

------

Whew, a doozy! What did you guys think?! My first time writing smut but it was just a little idea I had on my mind for a bit so I had to get it out. I love me some cute Eddie ideas.

REMINDER: My inbox is open so please request some stuff because I'm dying to write!

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