#but i just hated going on social media and seeing so much negative shit about liam like when his album came out

[sugarsprinklesoul]

5 RULES TO REMAIN UNBOTHERED

Rule 1 - Expect less from people:

The first rule to staying unbothered is to expect less from people. Not everyone is you, and you can't expect other peole to hold themselves to the high standards that you set for yourself and it isn't your job to force them to see their potential. Everyone else is going out every weekend, vaping and thinks you're uncool? They don't have your drive or your ambition. Focus on yourself.

Rule 2: Stop arguing with people:

It's not your responsibility to make stupid people recognize that they are stupid. Do not waste your time trying to convince people that you are right they have already made up their mind about you. Prove them wrong with your actions; if they aren't paying your bills, they are irrelevant.

Rule 3: If they wanted to, they would:

Self-explanatory, and especially applies to guys. If he wanted to test you, he would. I he wanted to actually plan something instead of sending a last minute "wyd," he would. Invest your time into someone wo actually cares about you

Rule 4: Log off:

Be honest with yourself when you get on social media, do you feel inspired or like you're wasting time? So much of social media is time sink designed to make you less productive. Ignore the bad takes, block out the negativity, all of means nothing I knew I matured when I realized every situation doesn't need at reaction. Sometimes you just gotta leave people to do the lame shit they do.

Rule 5: Ask "okay, and:

Being unbothered is all about knowing your worth your opinion of you is so much more valid than that random person at school or work who's jealous of you, let's be honest. When someone says something negative to you ask yourself "okay, and some random girl says she hates you, will that really affect your life? No Keep your eyes on the price, and keep perspective by focusing on things that really matter skincare and workouts, academies, investing, making money, and becoming the best version of yourself

#inspiration #self love #motivation #self help #self improvement #self care #glow up #glow up era #becoming that girl #manifesation #self confidence #self development #self awareness #personal growth #positive mindset #self growth #growth mindset #priorities

[codename-adler]

i’m so scared shitless the way aftg fandom is reacting towards nora sakavic and TSC leads to her just… abandoning the project and not publishing anything ever again. why so much vehement hate and rage? why are you still here if you cannot tolerate her or her writing?

mistakes were made in canon aftg. not everything is perfect, not everything is greatly represented. so? it’s been ten years. was the author intentionally insensitive? intentionally hurtful? no. and that’s what matters. she’s been gone for god knows how long, because social media has been bad, and she’s right. good for her.

but some of you are already burning her at the stake before anything has come out. some of you have been spitting on her and her work for years. can’t a person grow up? can’t a person change? can’t an author change and do better?

nora sakavic is out there on twitter x defending palestine. i think that’s much more impactful and meaningful than some much more influential celebrities. and i think it’s very telling on her as a person.

i believe in her. i admire her, and respect her, and appreciate her. the same goes for her work. i wouldn’t be here without her and aftg, and i can never deny that, turn my back on that, forget that, and why would i even want to?

it’s not bad authorship. it’s not bad writing. it’s not bad media. it’s a story about fucked up people for fucked up people. nothing about that is going to be smooth or polished nor palatable to and approved by all. it shouldn’t be.

listen, i’ve got my own disagreements with some things in canon and EC. and? they’re just that. personal disagreement. i’ve got no right to tell an author that her writing and ideas are shit when they have consumed me every waking day, have boosted my creativity, my writing, helped me make long-lasting friends.

nora sakavic isn’t a poor fragile thing by any means, but she has spoken about social media not being good for her mental health. she has told us. we know. we know she sees our stuff. we know our stuff affects her. it’s not hard to get.

i’m not telling anyone to let go of their opinions and negative emotions. i’m saying that respect must prevail. that’s all.

#if nora sakavic has one defender left it is i #if nora sakavic has none left i am gone to sleep with da fishes #nora sakavic protection squad yes? #aftg #all for the game #the foxhole court #aftg tsc #the sunshine court

[daniswoso]

Short sight.

Leah Williamson x Reader.

Warnings: Angst, breakup, reader overthinking, reader breaks up with leah, online hate, overthinking, anxiety, self doubt.

Summary: In which you can’t see that you’re perfect for Leah like she says you are after a social media post gets negative attention.

*******

“Y/N, what the fuck are you on about?” Leah asked, incredulous. She couldn’t believe you were breaking up with her, she thought you were happy. She thought things between you were good! And better yet, she had allowed herself to actually fall in love again, to believe that she was allowed to be loved.

Well, that all went to shit, didn’t it?

“Leah, I’m sorry. I love you, you know I do. I just-“

“Just what, Y/N?!”

“I’m not right for you!” You finally snapped, tears streaming down your cheeks as you looked at her. She looked back at you as though she had been burned. It broke your heart more and more with every second longer you looked at the crease in her eyebrow deepen.

“Y/N, what? What do you mean ‘not right for you’?” She asked, her voice was softer than it was before, clearly she held some semblance of guilt for yelling.

“I’m sorry, Leah.” And with that you were out the door, your bag planted firmly on your shoulder.

She briefly considered chasing after you, but realised it was no use, you were already driving off in your BMW (A/N: im a bmw girl, sue me.) and leaving your relationship behind. But why?

She never did figure it out, not even a week later.

She had hardly left the house, much to chagrin of Katie and Beth who had been trying to make plans with her for the past 3 days. None of them knew, it’s not like Leah could tell them without there being a massive row, especially since Beth no matter how well she knew you from national teams, would always back Leah. And Katie… Well she bullied you enough on derby days, as you played for the blues of London, and Leah shuddered to think what she’d do to you if she actually had a valid reason to.

Meanwhile you weren’t much better off, having been crying in Sam Kerr’s lap for the past week. Which is where you still were now, Kristie rubbing your knee gently as you laid with your head in Sam’s lap.

“Sweetie, you never actually told us why you and Leah broke up.” Kristie pressed, tilting your head so you’d look at her. You sighed and sniffed, wiping your tears and lifting your head from Sam’s lap.

“There… We posted a picture. Of us at the beach. And it was a hard launch, I guess? She was kissing my cheek in it, all lovey dovey like.” You started, both of them silent showing support and patiently waiting for you to explain.

“And the comments were all just talking about how she could do better. I- I didn’t think much of it, y’know? Just thought it was another bellend on the internet, but then it was all the comments were filled with. I started to believe it.” You shrugged, picking at your nails, leaning forward. The two older women exchanged a worried look over your head.

“Y/N, Leah adored you. She wouldn’t have given you up for the world. And also she could never do better! You’re the best damn player on our team, minus me, and she’s lucky to ever have had you!” Sam insisted, her voice firm, but playful.

You chuckled, shaking your head.

“Maybe.”

Things with Leah were going much less smooth than they were going for you. She hadn’t left the house in days, skipping two training sessions in favour of wracking her brain desperately trying to find out what you meant.

Then it twigged. She found the post, scrolling through the comments.

“Oh, Y/N… You fucking idiot.” She breathed out, pressing her contacts list, finding your name and allowing her thumb to hover over the call button.

*******

A/N: Im evil, i know i know. BUT! p2? 👀

#woso #football #woso imagine #woso x reader #futbol #woso fanfics #writer is not english #footy #angst #futból #breakup #leah williamson #leah williamson x reader #leah williamson x y/n #leah williamson x you

[starcrossedxwriter]

Wicked Fantasies Part 10 (MBJx Black OC)

A/N: sooooo this is just nonstop angst. Hence the gif selection and I am sorry lol we get into some tough shit. So warnings include: severe depression and negative self talk, harassment, etc. But as always enjoy! And remember… I’m a HEA girlie through and through ☺️

Hell on Earth was the only appropriate descriptor for the last 24 hours of Raven’s life. Trapped in her apartment due to the spectacle of paparazzi camped outside her building, her only activity was laying in bed unmoving hour after hour in the fetal position. She was grateful to Melody for taking her shift, she did not know if she would have been able to find the strength to get up to go anyway.

Raven tried her best to avoid social media but laying in her bed staring at the ceiling did not provide much distraction from the agony that coursed through her. This hurt eclipsed any pain from a physical wound that she had ever felt. It was paralyzing. And scrolling, even if she had to wade through stories and commentary on her own life as if she were a fictional character from the world’s latest Netflix obsession, offered some reprieve from thinking about him.

He consumed her every thought despite wanting nothing more than to rid her brain of him. But his claws were in too deep and even blocking his number had not offered relief when the only thing she wanted was to seek comfort from him. Her heart ached for him as if it would never be right again without his presence, his touch. But her brain would not allow her to call him or even unblock him. He was the curse, the disease… she certainly would find no cure in him.

The negative orator in her head called him a liar, reminded her that she did not deserve him and he knew it, which was why this all happened in the first place. So she stayed in her small ball in the corner of her bed fighting the urge to call him or break down into sobs again.

Her roommate checked on her every couple of hours and that was the sum of her human interaction since she left Michael’s house. She did not want to see or talk to anyone. So she didn’t. Her phone remained on DND, every call and text going unanswered. She knew she only had a few more days of this. The library had taken her off the schedule for a week, citing a need to figure out how to deal with the safety concerns this situation brought. But Raven knew the truth, the only available solution would be to let her go. Another job down the drain because of her terrible choices, because the only setting she seemed to know was self destruction.

That was all she knew how to do it… ruin her own life and the lives of everyone around her. She did not even speak to her family anymore and still knew, from her sister’s nonstop texts and calls that she didn’t respond to or answer, that even they were feeling the burn of her choices. Of course, Kiara was not wasting the opportunity to snag herself another 15 minutes of fame but she did not say anything worse than what Raven had already seen from strangers or did not already believe about herself.

Tears sprang to her eyes as thought about her own role in every bad turn and mistake her life had taken that led to this moment. She could blame Michael and her family but perhaps it was finally time to own that they were all right: it was her. She was the problem.

She chose to sell her body, even when she was in college as a dancer, to make a quick buck. She chose to do the same as an adult, she chose to enter into Michael’s ring of lies and she let him play as the fool. She could hate him but that meant she would also have to hate herself.

And acknowledging her hate for him was far less excruciating than examining how she brought this collapsing building right down on herself.

***

“What happened?”

“Damn, nigga. Can I get through the front door first or get a hello?”

Michael let out an impatient sigh and shifted out of the way so Alex could walk into his foyer. He had been a nervous wreck since she called an hour prior asking if she could swing by the house to talk. He had deleted social media from his phone so he did not have to see the vitriol being hurled at Raven. He did not care what people said about him but Alex literally had to stand over his shoulder and watch him delete every app to stop him from responding to every disgusting comment he read about her.

While his plan may have worked in popular media outlets and with sensible people online, he severely underestimated the contingent of very loud incels and pick-mes who would blame Raven regardless of how the story was presented to them.

“My bad. Hey. What happened?” he asked again, his tone signaling that he was not in the mood for Alex’s signature attitude. He needed answers and he needed them now. He would have time for pleasantries again and everything else when Raven forgave him. Or even just answered his phone calls and texts.

Michael gestured for Alex to follow him to the kitchen where he had been helping his mom and dad cook dinner. Or rather helping in between wearing a hole in his floor due to his incessant pacing and complaining about when Alex would arrive.

“I”m not gonna show you unless you calm the fuck down.” One side glance from his mother had Alex cringing at herself. “Sorry, Ms. Donna.”

The older woman merely nodded as she returned to her task of chopping vegetables.

“Well, I’ll start with the good news. I checked in on all your endorsements and deals and they said as long as this situation doesn’t evolve any further, they have no interest in dropping you. People still love you for some reason. And it’s been a week, so if old… partners were going to come out, they would’ve. All our Creed 3 press is still set but I had to do some rearranging now that the Oscars are set for the second weekend in March. So you’re going to Mexico City this weekend to get a head start. And we still have your interview slate for the Oscars set. You’re in for a busy six weeks… I know what’s going on with Raven is a lot but I need your head in the game, Mike. Seriously.”

“Alex! I don’t give a fuck about an interview schedule. What did you hear about Raven?”

“You know it’s literally my job to manage your career, not your continuously screwed up love life, right? Sometimes I worry you have it confused. But yes, I do have news on Raven too. Which is mostly… well all bad news. Most of the conversation has moved on. People are still attacking her on social but that’s not all that surprising. Vultures are still circling her apartment, not as many but a couple every day. Today was the first day she left the house in a week to go back to work. But… she got fired.”

Michael paused his pacing in shock. He knew how much that job, however she came to need it, meant to Raven. It had been a refuge during one of the most painful times in her life and his actions had stolen that from her.

“WHAT?”

Alex scoffed. “I told you our plan wouldn’t be without consequences, Mike. It just had the least amount of them. You can’t be surprised. She worked at a public library with kids and the entire world found out she was a prostitute. She was probably an at-will employee so they don’t even need a reason to fire her. But paparazzi surrounding her job every day and idiots calling to campaign to get her fired is more than enough for most places. But that’s not… that’s not the worst part.” Alex’s stiletto tipped nails tapped against her screen a few times before she tossed it down on the kitchen island. “A contact at TMZ sent me a video a couple hours ago. They aren’t gonna post it,” she assured him. “But there were plenty of cameras so someone else might. Just forwarded it to you.”

Michael moved quickly to open his email, his body equally wrestling between wanting to see whatever this was and being afraid to. But he knew he did not have a choice. He took a deep breath to steady himself as he pressed play on the video. The TMZ reporter had their camera trained on Raven as she tried to fight her way out of the back exit to her car in the parking lot. It was from earlier today, Michael realizing that she must have gone into her shift only to be let go. However, she was not simply fighting through a sea of flashing lights and insensitive questions. There was also a small group of men hurling insults at her as she fought through the crowd.

“I guess niggas really don’t be having jobs cause who has the time to post outside of someone else’s job to harass them?” Alex muttered to no one in particular as Michael’s attention and focus remained trained on the video.

The words of everyone else in the video were just static to him because his eyes and attention were squarely set on Raven. His soul felt as if it was splintering into millions of pieces as he watched her. Despite the meticulous makeup painted and her stoic poker face, Michael could still see the sorrow and exhaustion in her eyes. He had seen such a look in her eyes before and it hurt then, but now it was somehow worse. A fatal wound because this time, it was his fault. He would not need a video for that look to haunt him for the rest of his life.

He continued watching despite wanting nothing more than to get in his car and race to her apartment. The video was chaotic as the cameraman tried to keep up with the mob of cameras and people and keep the focus on the woman at the center of the storm. Michael did not understand what happened when Raven suddenly stopped moving, her poker face gone as one of pure terror took over.

Michael’s eyes frantically searched the frame of the video for what changed, even pausing it for a moment, until he noticed a hand wrapped tightly around her upper arm. He watched as she frantically pulled against the force of the person but their grip was too tight. And he could hear the whimper of pain in her words as she begged him to let her go.

The altercation did not last long when one of the cameramen was able to break the man’s grip on her and Raven scurried off to her car, her eyes brimming with tears.

Michael forced his phone to go to sleep as he squeezed it in his fist. Michael usually existed at an emotional equilibrium but his rage felt all consuming. Is this what seeing red felt like? When your anger was so blinding, you could not see or think of anything that did not fuel that fire? The entire internet had become Inspector gadget to find Raven’s job and address to harass her but would they do the same for that guy? Someone who tried to do her harm? Michael merely wanted five minutes alone with him to exercise all that rage at someone who deserved it.

He did not say a word as he marched past Alex and out of his kitchen to the foyer where he kept his car keys and wallet. He grabbed both and angrily stomped out to the garage, his thoughts set on nothing other than seeing Raven. Even if he was only able to lay his eyes on her for a moment, he needed to see her. In the flesh.

“Michael! Mike! Stop! Stop!!” Alex raced after him, quickly catching up with him despite her high heels. Her hand grabbed the door of his car before he could fully climb in. “Where are you going?”

“To Raven’s.”

Alex’s arm jerked the car door away from him as he tried to pull it closed. “You need to give her time. You’re probably not the nigga she wants to see at her door right now. And… there are still cameras around her house. You don’t need -”

“You think I give a fuck about someone seein’ me go there?? Get outta my fuckin’ way, Alex. Now.” His voice lost its usual kind tone as he glared at her, his barely contained rage seeping out into the garage around them like thick smoke.

Alex’s grip loosened but she did not acquiesce fully. “At least let me come with you.”

Their standoff continued for mere seconds before he caved and gave her a few moments to get into the passenger’s seat. If allowing her to go with him was the only way to see his girl then he would let her ride along. But she would not be able to stop him from doing a damn thing, he knew that much.

They did not speak as he raced through LA to get to Raven’s apartment. He did not wait for Alex to get out or say anything as he walked into her building and made a beeline for the elevator. Before he knew it, he was banging on her door like the police had shown up.

“Ok calm down, we don’t need the whole damn floor filming this for that damn clock app,” Alex grumbled, Michael essentially ignoring her as he continued banging until the door flung open.

Her roommate stood there, a confused look on her face for a moment, before she glanced over her shoulder in the direction of Raven’s closed door.

“I need to see her.”

“I don’t think she’s up for visitors,” the young woman responded, her tone leaving little room for arguments. She tried to close the door but Michael stuck his foot in the doorway and stopped her.

“She doesn’t have to talk to me but I need to see her. Let me in.” Michael knew he had no right to demand entry into someone else’s home but he was at a loss, his hands were tied.

“What he means to say,” Alex stepped forward, pulling Michael back slightly, “is that he just wants to see she is ok after today with his own eyes. And then we’ll leave, I promise. Two minutes, that’s all we want. Please?”

“I’m not gonna force her to see you. You can wait here while I ask.”

She left them at the doorway to show themselves inside as she went to knock on Raven’s door.

“Raven? Can you come out here?”

He heard shuffling from behind her closed door before it cracked open. He could not see her but he could hear her voice, small and broken. A sound he never wanted to hear again. He was supposed to be the solution to her pain, not the cause of it.

“I d-don’t want to see him.”

“I just need a minute, Rae!” Michael did not wait for the invitation as he walked up to her door and gestured for her roommate to move out of his way. “Just let me see you… please.”

Raven leaned her head against the door frame as she debated whether to comply. Something in her demanded that she slam the door in his face. But her first on her doorknob merely shook as if she could not force herself to do it, her limbs refusing to obey her brain’s orders. She did not want to see him.

Whatever bandage she was using to stop the bleeding of this wound was immediately ripped off and her hurt flowed once again like blood at his mere presence. She could not even look at him, or rather was afraid to. Afraid that if she looked into those eyes, she would believe whatever sad tale of love and care he brought to spin for her this time. She could not fall for that again. With him or anyone else. And yet, her body still wanted to run to him and jump into his arms, bury her nose into the nape of his neck and breathe in him. His signature cologne, his natural musk that had grown to represent a sanctuary for her.

She forced herself behind the ice walls she had spent a week building. She was too weak to survive without them. Those barriers and their harshness were the only thing that had dragged her out of bed to go to her shift, which lasted a total of an hour before she was fired. She was not surprised but preparation had not made it an easier experience. She had been proud of herself for holding it together, walking out with her head held high. That is, until the utter debacle outside the library.

Michael had always been the one who the barriers came down for. But now, his presence made them grow higher and higher as if to protect David from Goliath.

She stepped back and opened the door just enough for her face to be seen. She did not look at him though, keeping her eyes trained on the wall behind him.

“What? The paparazzi videos aren’t enough? Need to see your destruction in person? There, you’ve seen me. Now get out.”

Her voice was cold, colder than he ever knew her to be toward anyone much less him. It was being stabbed in the chest and having the knife twisted for effect. Made all the worse by the fact that she could not even look him in the eye.

“Rae… baby girl, please. I just want to make sure you are alright after today… between the library and that guy. Just want to make sure you aren’t hurt.”

A mere week ago, Raven would have melted like a childish lovesick school girl at “baby girl,” at his care and devotion to her. But today, her heart had to remain cold for her own preservation, safely tucked behind the ice walls she erected.

“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that. And it’s not the first job I’ve lost, I’ll survive. Whether or not I’m hurt or employed shouldn’t matter to you. You made it clear you don’t care.”

“It does matter to me. You matter to me. Did he hurt you?”

“Bruises heal… This one will too. It’s the other wounds I’m not sure about,” she muttered, more to herself than him. “You want me to read you some of my DMs? Compared to what they all say they want to do to me, I got off easy with a bruise. So now you know. I don’t want to repeat myself again. Get. Out.”

“I’ll do anything, Rae. Just talk to me, hear me out. I didn’t mean for this o-or any of this to happen like this. Let me fix this. Or at least let me protect you.”

She shook her head, refusing to listen to a word he had to say. In one ear and out the other. It was all lies. “No. You can’t fix this. I don’t want your words, your lies, your apologies, or your protection. I don’t want anything from you ever again. You wanted me out of your life just like everyone else I know so you got your wish. Come back here again and I’ll call the police.”

And with that, she slammed her door in his face, leaving him standing awkwardly in the living room with Alex and her roommate. He simply stood there like a statue, mouth agape with his apologies on the tip of his tongue, staring at her closed door for a few moments.

“You heard her. You should go.”

With her roommate’s echo, Michael forced his legs to move. However, before he could get far, he stopped and grabbed a spare piece of paper and pen that was left discarded on their counter. He jotted down his number and pushed it into her hand.

“Tiffany, right?” At her nod, he continued. “I’ll give her space cause that’s what she wants. But anythin’ happens like today again, call me. Please.”

The young woman eyed him intently and stowed the paper away in her pocket before Michael walked out of the door with Alex in tow. As they stepped into the elevator of her building, Michael unleashed his pent-up frustration by punching a hole into the side of the elevator, an action that only caused a rippling pain to shoot up from his knuckles.

“Well that was decidedly stupid. You’re gonna have to get that looked at.” Alex shook her head. “She’s not ready yet, Mike. And for once, you’re not in control of how this goes. She needs time. Give it to her. But she’s ok today, that’s all that matters.”

Michael’s unbruised hand massaged his knuckles as they walked to his car. He sat in his seat silently for a few moments.

“You think she’s still in danger?”

“I think people on the internet often forget the people they’re attacking are real people. Most of this will stay online and be fine but we can’t predict the people who’ll do what that guy did today and take it to the real world. There’s just… no way of knowing.”

Michael sighed and nodded. “Get me a list of bodyguards. Vetted. She doesn’t want to see me, fine. But she’s gonna get protection whether she likes it or not.”

“You can’t force her to have a bodyguard.”

“You got me in Mexico City, Paris, London, New York, and Miami for the next month. You think I’m steppin’ on a damn plane with niggas tryin’ to attack her? Get me the fuckin’ list.”

“I know shit is fucked right now, Michael, but you can’t stop working just because your girlfriend is mad at you.”

“I don’t care about work right now, Alex!”

“Maybe you should! Maybe I shouldn’t be the only one holding your fucking career and reputation together while you spend all your energy making bad decision after fucking bad decision.”

Michael’s entire body whipped around to face the passenger seat, the anger he had pushed down beneath the surface already bubbling to the top. He was a powder keg and unfortunately, Alex was the spark.

“Oh so all of this is my fault?? Tasha fuckin-”

She threw her hands up in the air. “Stop blaming Tasha! She’s trash, she fuckin’ sucks and backed you into a corner but it’s not all on her, Mike! I’m not one of these fuckin’ yes men whose gonna shield you from accountability just to pad your fuckin’ giant actor ego. You fucked up, Michael. You. You could’ve ended it with Tasha as soon as you realized you were in love with Raven, but you didn’t. You strung her along because it was easier than admitting your feelings. You could’ve taken any of the millions of opportunities to admit what was going on to Raven like I told you and you didn’t. You wanted to play big man and stick it to Tasha instead of focusing on the person that actually mattered. And you didn’t want to admit that you were still talking to her. You didn’t leak this out of some purely noble intentions. This didn’t just happen to you. You caused this because as good of a guy as you are, you always do what is easiest for you instead of what is hard. So you and Tasha made this fucked up bed together. Own that shit and stop wallowing in it like a fucking bitch baby.”

His grip on the steering wheel was nearly painful as her harsh words sank in. And as difficult as they were to hear, as much as they clashed against the narrative he was clinging to, he knew they were not untrue. While it was far easier to lay the whole debacle at Tasha’s feet, he knew he was not blameless in what happened. But he had underestimated how torturous it would be to see the consequences of his own actions, how it would gnaw at him day in and day out. And the only way he was even surviving day to day was wrapping his brain tightly in the narrative that he did what was best. Without that protective blanket, he did not know if he could survive seeing the destruction he caused.

“Damn tell me how you really feel.” He banged his fist on the steering wheel a few times. “I just… I feel like I can’t do shit else till I fix this. Till she forgives me.”

Alex took a long deep breath before reaching over and squeezing his hand. “I know… but her forgiving you and you fixing the damage this all caused may not be the same thing. You don’t get to control when she forgives you and your life can’t stop until she does. If she does. Fix what you can, keep showing up where you can, and the rest is on her.”

“And if she doesn’t?”

“Then she doesn’t. And that has to be ok too.” She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text. “I’ll have the list of bodyguards for you by noon tomorrow. Just promise me you’ll get on that plane on Friday? And that your head will be focused on your career, not her. Give me six weeks Mike. Press tour, world premiere, Oscars and then you can chase after her like a lost puppy all you want.”

“Yea I promise. I know how hard you’ve worked for all this… ain’t gonna let you down, Alex.”

“I get paid either way. You earned this. Care more about not letting yourself down.”

And with that, Michael peeled off the curb of Raven’s apartment building and started their trek back to his home. The entire ride Alex’s words tumbled in his brain. He had been so focused on convincing Raven to forgive him when he did need to give her space, as excruciating as that was for him. But space did not mean he could not work to fix the very tangible things his decisions had ruined for her.

“Did you ever get that list of Black agents and publishers that rep fantasy novels?” he asked randomly as they pulled back into his spot in the garage.

“Yea, pulled it a while ago.”

Michael walked Alex to her car, which sat out in front of his house.

“Good. Any on the list you particularly like?”

“One of them’s a friend and if I’m being honest… She is the list.”

“Aight. Let’s game plan that on the plane ride after our interview prep”

Alex leaned against the hood of her car, smiling at him. She patted him on the arm and gave him a smile. “There’s the Michael B Jordan I attached my career to. Welcome back.”

He merely rolled his eyes and smiled. He was a man of action. He would wait a hundred years if that was how much time and space Raven needed. But her not wanting to see him did not mean he could not continue to be what he had always been for her: the first person who took care of her.

***

A knock at Raven’s door forced her out of bed. She had not made much effort to leave the comfort of her own bed since losing her job. She had been able to save up enough from her dates with Michael to save a decent safety net. She would have a couple months before she needed to think seriously about what was next and how to pay rent. She savored the cushion. Her thoughts were an utter mess so she certainly was not mentally strong enough to plan.

As she walked to her front door, her phone started vibrating.

Kiara

She had been avoiding her calls like she was the bubonic plague. She knew why she was calling. To gloat and rub salt in Raven’s wounds. She could almost hear the vitriol Kiara would throw at her without even answering the phone. So she didn’t. She did not care to. She decided to just wait her out, if she ignored her calls enough, she would eventually give up… right? After all, it had almost been two weeks.

Raven had not heard from her dad at all, which she did not know whether to be thankful for or add that to the list of wounds that would not close. Some small part of her would have hoped that, despite them not speaking since the holidays, that he would check in on her after all of this. But she had done all of them a favor when she cut them off. They wanted her out of their lives and she wanted them out of hers. She knew she should no longer care what either of them thought of her.

She sent her call straight to voicemail as she opened her door to find an extremely tall, brooding bald man with shades standing outside her door. He kind of reminded her of what a secret service agent in movies looked like.

“Can I help you?”

“Are you Raven Turner?”

“Why do you want to know?” She kept the door knob in her hand in case she needed to push it closed. She thankfully had not had any crazies approaching her at home, small comfort. But perhaps, that was about to end.

“My name is David Brooks. I’ve been hired to be your bodyguard. May I come in?” Raven’s eyes grew wide as he tried to make a step over the threshold to her apartment. She immediately stepped into his path, using her body and the door as shields.

“You think I’m just gonna let you in cause you say you’re a bodyguard?? I didn’t hire a bodyguard. And I don’t need one. So you could be a serial killer with an elaborate ruse for all I know. Leave.”

“You should know that no serial killer would choose a ruse so specific. And apartments are a foolish place to murder someone, too many eye witnesses. And if I was here to harm you, I’d already be inside. Your door certainly would not stop me.”

“You know you are not really inspiring trust, right?”

“Apologies. It is just frustrating how obsessed the average American woman is about being murdered by a serial killer when statistically, it will never happen. But I digress. Just because you do not believe you do not need a bodyguard, does not mean you don’t.” He reached under his arm and handed her a neat folder of papers. “Resume, background check… much of which is redacted. Security reasons. And he said you would be a reluctant principal so I included the latest research and data on how cyber attacks and stalking can turn violent. Now have I inspired trust?”

Raven took the folder out of his hand and flipped through it quickly, her small stature still blocking his entrance to her home. Her eyes skimmed each page, which included everything about this man except his damn social security number. He seemed legit and even the parts that were not redacted in black highlighter seemed terrifying. But she did not budge from her protective stance in front of her home. She still did not understand.

“Who even hired you??” There was no one in her life that cared enough or could afford to hire her a bodyguard. Well no one except…

Fuck.

“Michael B. Jordan. Any other questions or may I come in so we can discuss your security? Do you do this often? Talk to people in your doorway? Because that will need to end immediately.” His eyes glanced up and down the hallway of her apartment.

Raven let out a deep exhale of frustration and stepped aside, allowing him in. Mainly because she did not want their standoff to continue in her hallway for one of her nosy neighbors to see.

“Don’t get comfortable… you won’t be staying.”

How dare he? She thought to herself. Why can’t he just leave me the fuck alone!

She angrily grabbed her phone off of the kitchen island where she had discarded it. She was too pissed off to feel many other emotions about hearing his voice as she unblocked Michael’s number and hit the call button. She had not spoken to him since he showed up at her apartment days prior.

Ice walls, ice walls, she told herself as she prepared to hear his voice. She forced herself not to read into the fact that it only rang once before his voice started to fill her ear.

“Rae! Lis-”

“Fire him,” she demanded, cutting him off. She had no desire to hear anything he had to say to her.

There was a still beat of silence before Michael’s voice filled her ears again, steaming with the dominance she once craved and yearned for.

“No.”

“I’m not kidding, Michael.”

“I ain’t laughing, Raven. You aren’t ready to talk to me, you aren’t ready to see me, fine. But I’m not gon’ let you fend off paparazzi and randoms alone. And I can’t be there. So he stays.”

Anger coiled in her belly causing her to immediately raise her voice. Every fiber in her being hated him.

“So he can report my every move back to you?? Fuck no. And fuck you. The only reason I would need protection is because of what you did. I’ll never be ready to talk to you and I want nothing from you.”

She could tell this was a losing battle but she fought regardless. She could not handle this shadow following her every second, a visual reminder of him and the fact that he cared about her. But everything in her told her that he didn’t care about her. His actions had made that abundantly clear. This was nothing more than a complex manipulation… like everything else he had done to her since the night they met.

“He’s not obligated to report anythin’ back to me, I promise. I’ve dealt with the paparazzi and crazy fans longer than you. It actually can be dangerous. And I’m traveling and doing all this press so it’s not gonna die off until I’m out of the spotlight in a few weeks. So until then, he stays.”

Raven forgot that Michael was officially on his giant world press tour for Creed 3. A part of her wanted to ask him about it, hear how it was going and how he felt. But she could not allow that either. She did not care about his career. She did not care about him anymore.

“I don’t need anymore help and if I did, I certainly wouldn’t want it from you.”

He let out a sigh that sounded almost… sad? Raven shook her head. She was not going to give in, waver, or break. He was one of the best actors of her generation and that was all this was: an act.

“I deserve that shit. I know it. But I’m not gonna apologize for carin’ about you even if you hate me.”

The back of her eyes stung at his words. She despised it, she did not want to feel this for him. He had destroyed her and she vowed never to let him close enough to do it again. Or anyone for that matter. But perhaps her resolve was not as steadfast as she desperately wanted to believe it was. Her heart may have been willing to hear him out again, but her stubborn brain refused to allow her to give in.

“I do… hate you,” she whispered, hating how clear her emotions were in her tone. Hearing his voice cracked something open inside her and all those walls were starting to crash around her.

“I know… but I’ll never stop, Rae. Never stop lovin’ you and carin’ about what happens to you. Hate me all you want but that’s it.”

She shook her head, even though she knew he could not see it.

Lies. It’s all lies. He doesn’t care. No one does. So stop kidding yourself.

The back of her hand quickly wiped away the few falling tears before she sniffled slightly and cleared her throat. She refused to give in. He did not love her, he did not care about her. That’s the only thing she knew was real. The rest was lies.

“You don’t care what happens to me,” she responded definatively. “No one does,” she repeated the menacing voice in her head that forced her insecurities and hard truths to the surface of her brain. “Hell… I don’t anymore.” Her voice trailed off slightly.

“Rae…” Whatever rebuttal he had started to form in his brain at her first statement faded away like a sandcastle swept in a tidal wave at her words. Did she really think that? Believe that no one in the world cared about her? Did she really no longer care about herself? Those words struck fear in his soul.

“Tell me how I can fix it, baby. Please. Tell me what I can do for you to forgive me.”

Her entire body sagged against the weight of her kitchen counter. She let the phone fall from her ear as a sob bubbled to the surface. She forgot about the GI Joe soldier who was standing in her living room awkwardly pretending as if he could not hear them.

“I-I don’t know if y-you can fix this, Michael. N-Not what you did b-but this exhaustion. I’m just… tired,” she wiped her eyes. “I’m tired o-of reaching out and getting swatted away… I’m tired of being disappointed b-by people. I’m t-tired of forgiving a-and piecing myself back together just to be pushed down and b-broken again. I-I h-have to f-find the fucking energy to pick up the p-pieces of my l-life y-yet again because I d-don’t… have any choice. B-But I d-don’t have enough… to do that a-and figure this out right now. I c-can’t think about forgiving you until I stop feeling…. this … exhausted.” Her words were barely audible as her emotions made her throat too tight to speak.

Another sob broke its way through before she forced her to clear her throat before she stood up straight. She could not do this, could not talk to him and let the door even crack. The wound still hurt too much.

“Goodbye, Michael.”

Raven hung up and blocked his contact once again. She glanced at her new shadow, who now turned his attention back to her.

“I can’t do this right now. I’m not leaving the house today so come back tomorrow and we can talk.” She did not wait for him to agree. “Get out.”

He seemed wholly unperturbed by her rudeness, she was clearly not his first “reluctant principal.” He merely nodded and walked to her front door, leaving the folder and his card with his cell phone number with her.

Raven marched into her bedroom and slammed her door shut, the chorus of sobs she was holding in finally breaking from the surface. Two weeks, only two weeks had passed and she just did not want to feel this anymore. This destruction. The wreckage of her life simply felt too great to rebuild. And there did not seem to be any light at the end of this particular tunnel.

***

The days marched by at a slow pace as Raven tried to do what she told Michael: pick up the pieces to her life. Her day to day now included her own personal GI Joe who followed her everywhere she went. And drove her everywhere she went. Which, admittedly, was not that many places. She did not have a job and she had few friends in LA so she spent most of her time in her apartment, occasionally venturing out for necessities. She imagined she was the easiest and most boring person David had ever protected.

Though they had gotten off to a rocky start, Raven had to admit that she felt safer when she did leave her home with him by her side. And he was not overbearing or bothersome. He had a few rules, which were easy enough for her to follow. And he promised that he would not report her every move back to Michael. She was not sure if she believed him fully but he seemed sincere enough.

She still thought about him, a ghost haunting her every passing thought. Thoughts that were only amplified as pictures and clips from his press tour went viral all over social media. She had tried her hardest to avoid them but sometimes she found her eyes lingering on a reel or tik tok featuring him. She never quite listened to what he was actually saying, she merely just studied him. The way he laughed with his entire body, the spark in his eyes as he talked about his craft and his passion.

He seemed happy… without her, a realization that always made her close whatever video it was and want to curl back up in her bed.

She did not want to miss him, she did not want to still be in love with him. But she still felt everything, all of that love and every ounce of the hurt.

An unknown number covered Michael’s face in the video she was silently watching. Unknown numbers were a mixed bag these days but something in her told her to answer it. It was an LA number, if that made her feel any better about it.

“Hello?”

“Hi, may I speak with Raven Turner?”

“This is she.”

“Hi Ms. Turner. My name is Angelina Smith, I’m the founder of The Spark Agency. We rep Black authors across fiction from contemporary to fantasy and sci/fi. I’ve been looking for new talent and a friend of mine passed along your name to me. You have a few minutes to chat?”

Raven’s eyes grew wide. She did not need to race to google to know who Angelina Smith and the Spark Agency were. They were the first, and one of the only, major Black-owned literary agencies and one of the only that almost exclusively repped Black and Brown authors. She had queried damn near every agent there when she first finished her manuscript but none of it worked out.

“Wait… you’re THE Angelina Smith?? If this is an elaborate prank…” Raven muttered, her brain already forcing her to temper her hopes and dreams. It would not surprise her if this was some insane tik tok prank or ruse to humiliate her. A month ago, she would have never considered that but now? She did not put much past people anymore.

She laughed. “No, I promise this is not a prank. I read your book… you’re incredibly talented. I work closely with Del Rey, Penguin House’s fantasy imprint, and I think your book and series would be perfect for them.”

“Seriously??”

“Yes. Could you come down to my office one day this week? Maybe tomorrow? You’re based here in LA too, right? We can also do something virtual if you’re not in town though. I would love to just chat about your vision for the series and see if we could be a good fit? And if it is, start to discuss all the business stuff. My least favorite part, to be honest,” she chuckled. “Can you give me your email?”

Raven rattled off her email quickly, still shocked and confused as to what was even happening right now.

“Ok great, my assistant will send you a calendar invitation and information. I have to jump but I'm looking forward to meeting you. Talk tomorrow.”

And with that, the call ended, leaving Raven with extreme whiplash as she tried to process what even just happened. She let out a breathy chuckle as she wondered if her life was about to turn around for the better. She did wonder how she even found her book, published under a pseudonym so it would not have been that easy to find. And she had basically been told her career in publishing was dead without hope of resuscitation so why would one of the most successful Black agents in publishing even want to waste their time on her?

A war raged as she tried to decide if this was really real. But a ding of her email let her know that it was legit. She studied every aspect of the email from email addresses to signatures, using LinkedIn and other investigative searches to verify her assistant’s existence as a person and everything checked out. If this was a ruse, it was the most elaborate one she had ever seen. It seemed… legit?

The smallest sprout of hope bloomed in her belly at the thought. Perhaps her life was not completely and totally destroyed. Well it was, but for the first time in a month, she did not see only despair ahead. She saw a path to build something new out of it.

***

“Raven! Angelina,” the tall, lean, and insanely gorgeous woman glided to her office door to greet Raven like she was floating on the air instead of walking in her incredibly high Louboutins. She held out her hand, Raven shaking it enthusiastically. “It is so great to meet you.”

“It is great to meet you too. And sorry,” she wiped her sweaty palm against her dress. “Kinda nervous.”

Angelica waved her hand dismissively. “No need to be nervous. I’ll be honest, I truly rarely say this but I’m already sold on you… just gotta sell you on me,” she winked.

“You’re the first agent to show interest in my work in years… and not to sound like a complete fan, you’re every author’s dream. Hardly need to sell me on you or your agency.”

“I know a diamond when I see one,” she shrugged. “Please sit,” she gestured toward the comfy white couch in her corner office, each woman sitting on each side.

“Not sure about a diamond,” Raven muttered. Her shoulders sagged a bit as she chewed on her lip. This was her dream but all night she had grappled with one thing, one thing that would kill their working relationship before it even began. Her reputation.

“I am so appreciative of this… And honestly, just knowing that someone of your caliber sees the value of my work would be enough. I mean you are amazing a-and your agency has repped some of my favorite authors. And this is such an honor.”

“How do I already sense a but coming?”

Raven smiled sadly. “But I don’t want you to waste your time. I doubt any publisher’s gonna want my name attached to them.”

Angelina stood up and walked over to a small table, pouring two glasses of brown liquor from a decanter she had sitting there. She returned to her perch on the couch, handing Raven one of the glasses.

“Do you think I would personally reach out to you without asking around about you? Without doing a google search? You don’t get to be me without doing your due diligence and I do mine. I know everything ‘your name’ comes with and I still called you. I won’t presume to know everything but I heard enough to know that what your last publisher did to you was not on you or right. Publishers can preach about caring about marginalized voices all they want but it’s still hard to be a woman, a black woman, in our industry. So when a phenomenal black writer gets labeled difficult? I… know what that means. And as for your situation now… well, I like an author with an interesting story,” she shrugged, though interesting was not the word Raven would have used to describe her own story. “But since you think I need convincing about you, let me ask you this… why did you want to be a writer? And why fantasy?”

Raven’s hands anxiously twisted in her lap as she thought about it. “A lot of reasons but mainly… all books are windows… a peek behind the curtain into another life, another time, another reality. But for me, fantasy books were always more? They were doors, a real escape into another world where life was limitless and the powerless underdog could be more. That you could fall but there’s always a reason to pick yourself back up and try again until you don’t fall anymore. And when I wrote my first short story, I realized they were also mirrors, a chance to examine yourself and your own life…” Raven’s hand picked up the hardback copy of her book that sat between the two women. “And heal wounds. Or at least start the process. And when I was old enough, I just realized I didn’t want to just be escaping into someone else’s world. I wanted to escape into one of my own creation too.”

Angelina smiled and nodded. “And that’s what all the due diligence in the world can’t tell me but the only thing I really need to know. I don’t care about anything other than whether this is your passion. And whether you are good at it. Check those boxes and I can work magic with anything, trust me. And as for your concern about publishers, I will admit that I may have been a bit overzealous but I already put feelers out and have three publishers, including Del Rey, who want to meet with you. Your old publishing house even reached out but I didn’t respond. My first response was to tell them to fuck off but wanted to check with you first.”

“Fuck off is pretty polite for what I want to say to them,” Raven muttered under her breath.

“Then fuck off it is.” The two women shared a knowing smile before Angelina continued.

The rest of the meeting was a dream, Raven forgot how amazing this all felt. Even the mundane legal stuff sparked an excitement she had not felt in such a long time. And now she had three meetings on the books to shop her book and an agent again, a book she thought she was not going to be able to do anything with ever again.

“Ok, I think that’s all I need for today. One thing, they’re gonna want book 2 fairly quickly. Any deal we get will include a reprint of this one but they’re all gonna want a first draft as soon as you can get one. Maybe let’s check in again on your progress on March 15? Gives you about a month.”

Raven grimaced on the inside. She had half of her second book done years ago and the doc sat unfinished and untouched ever since she lost her deal. Even with this surge of hope and new energy, she did not know if her creative juices were even still there. However, she did not voice any of those concerns to Angelina. How could she tell this badass woman that she was putting her name on the line for her and Raven did not even know if she could write anymore?

“Sounds good. I can do that,” she lied.

Or at least, we can try… and pray.

“Ok great. Jason will be bombarding your email over the next week with invites and such but I think we’re in good shape. We’ll send over my contract. If you have a lawyer, have them look it over. It’s standard in my opinion but I encourage all my authors to read it with a fine tooth comb and send back notes. It was great meeting you, Raven. I look forward to working with you.”

They shook hands once more before Raven stood to walk out of her office. However, at her door, Raven paused and turned around.

“I’m sorry… Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Of course.”

“How did you… find my book? I wasn’t querying or anything. It’s not even sold in stores anymore.”

“Oh, a good friend of mine passed a copy along. Said you had gotten the rights back recently and thought I might be interested. One thing I’ve learned is to never doubt Alexandra Williams. She knows how to spot rare talent and she was right, per usual. It’s infuriating really,” the woman laughed.

Raven used her hand on the doorknob to steady herself as her words hit her. She supposed she should not have been shocked but she was. A million questions ran through her brain. Why had he done that? What did he hope to get out of it? Was this another manipulation or a sign that he truly loved and cared about her? That he really wanted to fix all of this?

“Sorry… I may have wrongly assumed she or Michael told you I was gonna reach out.”

Raven realized that her internal monologue was clearly showing across her face. She quickly shook her head and replaced her perplexed look with a fake smile. “No, no. Don’t apologize. They probably wanted it to be a surprise. Thank you… again.”

“Thank me when we get you a deal,” she winked at her before giving her a wave.

Raven nodded and saw herself out, realizing that now… she actually had to do something. No more wallowing in bed and watching sad movies. Her life was back in motion and if she did not pick up her feet to keep up, she would ruin this second chance too.

She shot David a quick text asking him to pull around to pick her up. She had a book to write.

***

Michael was pitfully scrolling through his camera roll as Tessa came up behind him and slid into the open seat next to Alex on their jet. Tessa had been a bright spot on this press tour, keeping him engaged and laughing as much as she could. He was grateful. However, when he was alone or in spaces like this with no cameras, the melancholy always settled back in and he found himself seeking out Raven. Now that was simply a text that went unanswered, a wall of blue messages on his end. However, they did go through… which was an improvement.

Since he could not see her, he resorted to scrolling back through his phone and studying every photo or video they took together. His favorites were their trip to Paris. He looked at those pictures and videos more and longer than he should have, made all the more painful by the fact that he was on his way there before heading to London. He had hoped she would be beside him on this particular stop of his press tour, and had hoped she would get to experience Paris again with him.

But this time, the most romantic city in the world would merely feel like a cruel joke. When he examined her in those photos, each one resurfacing memories that he clung to like a buoy in the open ocean, they only made him fall deeper in love with her. It was as if he could see their love story play out in front of his eyes. And he always went back to Paris because it was such a clear turning point for them, the moment everything changed and they started to fall. The descent had been beautiful and he had savored every moment of it. He could see the love she held for him etched in her eyes, the longing that he had doubted was real back then. But now, it was all he could see… all he could focus on.

“Stare at your phone any harder and it might burst into flames,” Tessa joked as she sat down across from him.

Michael chuckled and tossed his phone down in the empty seat next to him, slumping back pitifully.

“My bad. Just…”

“Miss her?”

“Yea. Doubt she misses me though.” He mused, thinking back to their last two conversations, neither of which went well.

When he had made his choice, there had not been a world where he thought he would not be able to mend whatever it damaged between them. Conceited and cocky? He could own that now but his ego often was outsized. But now, he questioned whether there was a path forward for them at all? If he had done too much damage? Every night when he laid down for a precious few hours of sleep, her words tumbled and tossed in his brain matter. He had never heard her sound so… depleted as she was during their last phone call. He was trying, as much as he could from afar, but he did not know if it would ever be enough.

“Wouldn’t be so sure of that. I only met her once but that woman is just as in love with you as you are with her. Those feelings just don’t disappear because she’s upset. Give her -”

“Time. I know,” he muttered angrily. “Just don’t know if there’s enough time to fix how I fucked this up, Tess. She said she’s too tired to forgive me. And the crazy thing is, I can’t even be mad at that. If I had her life, I would be fuckin’ tired too. I just wish she would let me talk to her, you know? Explain or something.”

Tessa reached over and squeezed his hand. “I know but you’re doing what you can. Show her that you care about her and maybe that’ll soften her up enough for a conversation later.”

“And,” Alex interjected. “If it at all gets you out of this relentlessly annoying funk, Angelina texted and said she and Raven had a great meeting yesterday. So one thing’s working out.”

“See?” Tessa, forever an optimist, smiled widely. “Progress. Keep showing up for her.” Tessa leaned back and studied him for a moment, her eyes filled with introspection that made Michael sit up a bit straighter.

“What’s that look for?”

“No, just… I’ve known you for a decade and I just have never seen you like this before.”

“What? Acting like a bitch?” he grumbled, tossing Alex a side eye that she only rolled her own eyes yet.

“No. This serious… this mature… vulnerable. It’s a new side of you that I’ve never seen and the whole world sees it too. It’s really nice and refreshing.”

“Yea, well it’s all her.”

“Does she know that?”

But before he could ask her what she meant, Tessa’s agent called her over to discuss something, leaving Michael alone to ponder his own thoughts.

***

Almost two weeks went by and the document on Raven’s computer remained unchanged. She stared at the screen for hours a day, willing the prose of her novel to leap out of her brain and onto the page but nothing. She reread the words she wrote years ago and none of it even sounded good to her anymore but she did not know how to fix it. Her backspace button saw more love than any other key on her keyboard. Hour after hour marched on and she had nothing to give. Her characters did not even seem to live in her head anymore. When she tried to tap into their thoughts, their lives, and intentions… all she heard was silence from them and the loud roaring of her own problems. They were still there but it was as if they were miles and miles away with too many barriers for her to access them. And if she could not access them, she could not write an authentic story that a publisher would ever want or readers deserved.

Had she gotten a second chance only to realize there was no point? How could she turn a draft around in a quickly dwindling time frame when she had not written a single thing?

And she could not even blame her writer’s block on anyone. It was all her, her brain and insecurities reeking havoc on her ability to do something that had once been as second nature as breathing. And all her thoughts, of course, just charted a path back to him. Always.

She knew Michael arranging that meeting had been an olive branch, his attempt at fixing things between them. And while part of her was grateful, another part was frustrated that the only reason she was getting her shot back at being an author was because of his connections. Hell, she would still be trapped with her own publisher if it was not for him. Did she want her future success and career to be built on his support? Something about it felt… wrong. Like accepting it was forgiveness she was not ready to offer him yet.

She slammed her computer shut in frustration, an unanswered email from Angelina getting an update on her draft. It would just have to stay on read, Raven decided as she sulked in bed. This was her least favorite part of the day… when she gave up trying to force words to appear on the page and curled back into her spot in bed. That’s when all the negative thoughts caught up with her the most and she had no distractions to help her, tormenting and taunting her with how much she did not deserve him. Or anything good in her life.

Even with this new book deal, she was bound to ruin it at some point right? That was all she knew how to do. The sun was starting to set, dimming the light in her room. Sitting there, without her job, students or Michael to distract her, made it that much harder the fact that all roads led back to one central problem: her. And that was not something Michael could fix. Hell, she did not even know how to fix that. Was she even fixable? Or would she just continue to destroy everything in her life forever?

She was about to get up and force herself to watch tv as a distraction when her phone rang.

Kiara

Raven perhaps foolishly thought her sister would simply give up. She could not even count how many times she sent her calls to voicemail but that did not deter her. Kiara demanded that she be given her moment to revel and gloat. Despite wanting nothing to do with or hear a thing from Kiara, Raven knew she was merely kicking an inevitable can down the road. She was a dog with a bone and she would never stop until Raven gave her the attention she demanded.

Perhaps Raven really was a masochist because despite how low she was already feeling, she decided today was the day to stop punting her sister and just get the beating over with.

“Oh so you finally decide to answer my fucking calls? Weeks later?”

“We made it pretty clear where we stood at Thanksgiving. I just knew you wouldn’t stop calling so… say what you wanna say so we can all move on?” Raven could not keep the exasperation out of her voice. She did not need a big speech or lead up. Let’s just get right to the point.

“Not talking all that big shit now, huh? You know… I always knew you weren’t shit but prostitution? Findin’ new ways to embarrass dad and I every day, huh?”

“Yep, so what do you want me to say, Kiara?”

“Just wondering if you’re finally ready to admit what I’ve always known?”

Raven’s eyes clenched shut. “And what’s that?”

“That you were the biggest mistake mama ever made. All you’ve ever done is ruin my life from the minute you were born. Daddy is fuckin’ disgusted with you. You thought you could snag a big nigga like Michael but he just realized what I already knew. You don’t deserve shit, let alone him. Who knows, maybe I’ll give him a call. He’s havin’ his big movie premiere tonight, finally dumped his dead weight. Maybe we can see how he does with a real woman, not a fuckin’ slut.”

Raven’s head thudded against her headboard lightly as a few stray tears fell. She wiped them away and cleared her throat, forcing the words out of her throat. She was broken but she refused to break down in front of Kiara of all people.

“Fine. You’re right,” her voice filled with such sorrow and resignation that Raven almost did not recognize herself. “Satisfied?”

There was a pause as if Kiara was surprised at her response. But that’s what she had wanted, right? To hear Raven humble herself, admit that she was every horrible thing Kiara, her dad, and now the whole world thought she was.

“That’s what you wanted, right?” she repeated out loud. “That you’re right and I’m the villain and all your hate and vitriol toward me for my entire life is justified? Well, you’re right. You can’t hate me more than I hate myself and I deserve all of it. You are right. So congrats. You won. Oh and if you want Michael, you can have him. I’ll send you his number.” Raven did not even bother waiting for Kiara to speak before she hung up and threw her phone down.

Her head fell into her knees as sobs raked through her body, she did not even know her body could produce anymore tears. How had she not dried herself out? That last statement was an utter and complete falsehood. She did not want Michael anymore, or rather, she simply convinced herself she should not want him anymore. Her body still yearned for him like an addict searching for their next fix. But it would be a cold day in hell before she served him on a gilded platter to her sister of all people. And even though she hated him more than anyone in this world, she knew that was not his way.

But everything else? She meant every word. She hated herself and her life. And it was overwhelmingly excruciating to feel 30 years of hatred flood her brain all at once.

“Fuck! Enough of this,” she muttered. She could not sit there, lay around ruminating in her pain and suffering all night. Especially not when Kiara had just reminded her that Michael was having one of the biggest night’s of his career, a night she had once been so excited to experience by his side.

She needed to forget. Forget him, forget her pain… forget all of it.

She went into her closet and pulled out a bodysuit and jeans. She threw on makeup as quickly as she could, freshened up her hair and texted David that she wanted to go out. He was still sitting in his car outside watching her building, as he would until she went to sleep. But tonight, she did not plan on going to sleep anytime soon, she needed release.

And release is exactly what she would find as she made David drive around until she spotted a hole-in-the-wall bar downtown. It was old and grimy and the perfect escape. There were no lying millionaires to be found in a place like this, just regular men who would think nothing of fucking Raven in the bathroom or the back of their car or wherever her drunk mind encouraged them to go.

“Hey, welcome to the Griffin,” the bartender offered as Raven sat down at the bar. “What can I get you?”

“Hey… ummm can I just have tequila with pineapple juice? Double. And just keep ‘em coming.” She handed him her credit card to start what she knew would be a regrettably large tab in the morning. But she could not have hoped to care.

He merely nodded in agreement before quickly mixing her simple but effective poison of choice. She damn near drank it like a shot, throwing it back before signaling him to make her another. And with every disgusting bottom shelf sip of tequila she took, she felt it. Release.

***

“Congrats, baby. The movie was amazing,” Michael’s mother kissed him on the cheek.

“Thanks, ma.”

There was a certain sorrow in his voice that he found hard to hide now that he had returned home from his Creed 3 World Premiere. Two weeks of traveling non-stop and he was finally home. Only home simply reminded him of one person now. Raven. It was the biggest night of his career and he spent the entire night wishing she was by his side, musing on what she would think of specific scenes or the movie overall. Her opinion was the only one he found himself even caring about. The insane pace of his press tour had taken his mind off Raven to a degree. But being back in LA for a few weeks head of the world premiere and the Oscars pushed all those thoughts front and center again.

And it was clear to every person around him, which is why his cast and team did not press him when he declined attending the after party he was hosting and paid for.

“I know it’s hard without her, baby. But celebrate the moment, your moment. If she’s meant to be yours, she’ll come back around.”

His mother squeezed his hand before following his father up the stairs to their bedroom. Michael sighed and nodded. That’s what he kept telling himself this entire time but it was not working anymore. He just wanted to hear her voice, even if all she wanted to do was yell at him. He could take it, handle it. It was the silence that was harrowing, that felt too heart-wrenching to contend with.

This press tour had proven one thing to him - Raven had unlocked a side of him that he had never had before. This was his most open and genuine, most real moments he had offered the public. And people noticed, noticed that he was different, more serious, vulnerable, and open about himself, his work, and his craft. Raven had brought all that out in him. And he wanted her by his side to revel in it with him. He wanted people to know that it was her who caused that, who split him open and made him stop hiding.

His phone rang, Michael’s heart nearly stopping as David’s name slid across his screen. The man had never actively reached out to Michael since his first day guarding Raven. Though Michael paid for his services, he made it clear that he did not want reports unless they were threats to Raven’s safety, physical or otherwise. And so, he had taken David’s silence for what it was: a sign that Raven was safe. And that was all he could ask for. But the man reaching out to him foretold bad news, he knew that much.

“She alright??” Michael asked immediately, his feet already moving toward his keys to get in his car.

“Depends on your definition. We’re at a bar downtown and she’s… well, she’s been here for hours. It’s a dive bar so there aren’t many people here, no cameras. But she’s completely wasted. Like refusing to leave wasted. I told the bartender to cut her off after this drink bu-”

Michael loosened his bow tie and grabbed his keys. “Text me the address.”

“Already sent.”

Michael was not sure what to expect when he finally made it downtown and parked his car. He checked David’s text two or three times, shocked to believe a bar could exist in such a rundown building that did not look safe, much less occupying a functioning business. But David had sent the correct address, the faded, grungy and dilapidated sign of The Griffin hanging above the door.

Michael knew he looked out of place as he pushed his way inside, his body still donned in a perfectly tailored royal blue tuxedo. But thankfully, the bar was not crowded, just a few folks hanging around the bar and booths. But he only had eyes for one person like a moth to a flame, a young woman wildly dancing in the corner near the jukebox.

Despite the carefree smile on her face and swing in her hips, Michael could still see the dimmed spark in her eyes from across the dimly lit bar. He had not laid eyes on her in so long and just seeing her was like someone breathed new life into his body. The rough seas of his soul calmed, even just for a moment, before worry consumed him.

Was this normal for her since they broke up and stopped speaking? Getting completely drunk at dive bars? He could count on one had the number of times he had seen her tipsy, let alone drunk. But this was beyond anything he had ever witnessed with her but a scene he knew all too well with himself: someone trying to numb their pain with liquor and a good time. And it always worked, he knew, until the sun came up and the hangover set in and the pain rushed back tenfold. He chased that serene, weightless, painless feeling night after night for years. He had to learn the hard way that numbing the pain did not stop or heal it, it just made it hurt more later on when you finally confronted it. He refused to let someone as pure as Raven fall into the same trap he did.

He made his way across the bar, only stopping to speak to the bartender. “How many drinks she had?”

The bartender, a graying white man, glanced up from where he was wiping down the soiled bar. His eyes grew wide for a moment, clearly recognizing Michael, before he answered.

“Uhhh… I’m sure she lost track. The one in her hand is number 7. And her last. The guy with her told me to cut her off.”

Michael let out a low whistle and grimaced. There was not a world in which she didn’t feel that in the morning. He pulled out his credit card and slid it across the bar to the man. “Pay her tab with this for me, aight?”

“Yes sir. You’re my favorite villain in Marvel by the way…” he offered with an enthusiastic smile.

“‘Preciate you.” Michael walked over to where Raven was dancing and where David stood protectively by, the young woman still not even noticing him. More of the drink in her hand landed on the dirty floor of the bar than it did in her mouth when she tried to take another sip.

Michael rushed forward and skillfully slid it out of her grasp, Raven whipping around to find him behind her. Her smile immediately fell as she looked him up and down.

The drunk version of her wanted to be excited to see him but the sliver of her logical brain that remained reminded her that the only reason they were drinking was to forget him and the destruction he caused. How could she be so weak as to even care that he was there?

“W-what are you doing… here?” she slurred, her hand making a grab for her drink, which he held just out of her grasp.

“To take you home that’s what. You’ve had enough. Unless you wanna end up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning?”

She merely shrugged as she continued to dance. “Can’t be any worse. I’m having… a good time. Unlike him,” She turned to David and smiled. “He’s sooooooooo uptight. You know… h-he doesn’t even smile. Like ever? And has a lot of thoughts… on serial killers, w-which is strange. Come on, David.” She called over to him from his stance in the corner, which gave him a full view of the bar. “Dance with me,” she tried to walk over to him in her high heels but stumbled, Michael quickly grabbing her around her waist and pulling her against his chest. “I-I’m fine, I’m fine.”

“No you aren’t. Come on.”

“You… two are… no fun,” she moaned pitifully. However, she did not fight against Michael’s strong grasp as he led her out of the bar and to his ferrari.

It took him longer than it should have to just get her in the car. However, once she was settled, he went into the back and grabbed the spare gym bag he kept there and dumped all the clothes out before putting it in her lap like a makeshift bucket. Though he knew he could just take her to his condo, he wanted to care for her at his home, which was a longer drive. And as much as he adored her, getting the interior of his brand new and very expensive custom car cleaned when all that alcohol inevitably showed up in a different, less desirable form was not on his to-do list for tomorrow.

Raven’s wild and uninhibited drunk persona continued for most of the ride as she demanded he turn on some “tunes” for her to listen to, singing loudly and off-key to every song she pulled up on his Spotify. It would have been cute if the entire situation had not been so concerning.

By the time they reached his house 30 minutes later, the height of her drunkenness had worn off and her persona had settled into a decidedly somber one.

“You hold your liquor better than I thought you would,” Michael remarked as he helped her up the stairs to his master suite.

“Only… long enough not to throw up in your fancy car. Can’t m-make the same promise… for your carpet if you keep moving this slow.”

That did make Michael pick up his pace a bit, immediately taking Raven to his bathroom and gently sitting her down. He made quick work of taking off her shoes and pulling her hair back with the hair tie on her wrist just in time for her to bury her face in the toilet.

Michael rarely got sick from alcohol but he had never been more thankful for his high tolerance of liquor as he essentially watched her body perform an exorcism. He only left her once to get her water and make a cup of tea to settle her stomach but even in his giant house, he could hear the faint heaving as he made his way to the kitchen.

When he returned with her water and tea, Raven was sitting with her head propped up on his toilet seat, gingerly wiping a few tears from her eyes.

“I-I’m sorry…” she pushed out. “Having my ex have to take care of me is a… fucking new… low.”

Michael felt like she had sucker punched him with the word ex. He supposed that was what they were, no matter how much he did not want that to be true. But it did not hurt any less.

“Don’t apologize.” He wet a washcloth with warm water before wiping her face. “Better?”

“Yea… c-can’t imagine there’s anything left in my body,” she mumbled. She stared at him for a moment before saying. “You shouldn’t’ve come. I told him not to tell you where I went.”

“Tonight was the first time he called me. I only just got back to LA this week for press and the premiere. He was just worried about you. Don’t think he expected me to actually show up.”

She eyed him up and down, for the first time realizing he was in a pristine deep royal blue tuxedo. She could not stop the passing thought on how good he looked.

“How was it?” At his confused expression, she amended. “The movie… how was it?”

He scoffed, even in this state, she cared about how his movie went. She always spoke about how she did not deserve him but from where he sat, it was the other way around.

“Don’t really care to talk about the movie right now, Rae. Want to talk about you.”

“Well I don’t wanna talk about me o-or think about me. Hence all the alcohol my body just ejected. So how was the movie?”

He slid down onto the floor next to her, setting the pajama set he had pulled out for her next to him.

“It was good. I’d already seen it but seein’ it on a big screen, watchin’ my family see it. It was surreal.”

“A-and the press tour?”

“Good. Busy. Not done either. Alex secured an interview with Oprah, which is hella dope… bout the movie and Oscars. So it’s been good. Hard without the one person I needed though.”

She scoffed, finally feeling strong enough to stop using his toilet as a literal crutch. She forced herself to scoot away, now leaning her back into his standing tub across from him.

“Didn’t need me. No one does,” she muttered, taking a sip of the tea he sat out for her.

Ginger tea, perfectly made just as she liked it. God, why was he like this?? So perfect and attentive even when she wanted to hate him?

“That’s not true. Tell me what’s goin’ on, Rae? I… I’ve never seen you like this. Never seen you drink this much or talk like this.”

“Maybe you don’t know me that well…” she muttered as she played with the material of his rug beneath her.

“I think I know you pretty well and this ain’t you.”

“I… finally talked to my sister today. A-and she just voiced what I already knew but had never said out loud. All I do is ruin things… people. Hell, I’m about to ruin this book deal you got it… I can’t even write anymore. Destruction follows me like a damn fire everywhere I go, burning everything I touch. I just… didn’t want to be me for a while? Didn’t want to be weighed down by that.”

“You didn’t ruin me.”

“If you had never met me, your face wouldn’t have been plastered across TMZ for carrying an unconscious woman out of a hotel…. If you’d never met me, you’d be blissfully enjoying your moment right now instead of taking care of a pathetic girl you dumped.” She paused, her fingers twirling around the fraying threads of the hole in her distressed jeans. “If I hadn’t been born, my family would be whole a-and happy. If I had just said yes to that asshole, I’d still have my career and I wouldn’t have resorted to prostitution. I-If I hadn’t decided to make a quick buck, I wouldn’t have disappointed my students a-and everyone I know. A-and it was easy to blame you when e-everything happened,” she whispered as tears streamed down her face, as the drunk facade gave way to the brokenness and pain she tried to numb. “It was easy to act as if this w-was all your fault. But it’s me. I’m the problem.”

“Rae…”

She raised her hand to stop him. “Don’t pretend it’s not true… this is all my fault.” He watched as she held the soft cotton in her hands, her fingers rolling over it. A tear fell from her eyes, splashing onto the heather gray material. She lifted her eyes, her first time looking him in his eyes. “W-was any of it real? W-what we had?”

“All of it was real. Every bit of it. I love you with everything in me, Rae. I hate that you don’t believe that, that I made you doubt it. But it’s true. You can’t ruin me when you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“A-and Tasha? D-do you love her?”

Michael’s eyes grew wide. “Fuck no. I swear. I… messed up. Completely fucked up. I… thought I was helping you by dealing with it on my own and I let my anger at Tasha and fear of hurting you push me to do just that. I hurt you. And I’ll do anything to mend what I broke.Because you’re my world, Raven. You have to believe that. What can I do to make you believe that?”

Michael watched as her shoulders shrugged forward, collapsing under the weight of the day and everything. She pulled her knees into her chest, resting her head on her knees. “I d-don’t know if I can believe anything anymore.

“Then I’ll spend the rest of your life and mine helping you believe it. Whatever it takes.”

Raven stood up, ignoring the dizziness the sudden movement caused as she made a beeline for his bedroom door. She thought she could do this but she couldn’t. She couldn’t be here with him, listening to his promises. Not when the voices in her head loudly clashed against his words like metal against metal. Most of her brain that still loved him with everything in her screamed at her for pulling him away from one of the biggest nights of his career, chastising her for ruining yet another thing for him. And the louder part that demanded she despise him yelled that all of his promises were a lie, nothing he said was real. They weren’t real.

She did not deserve him and he was just propping her back up so he could knock her down again, he would never keep those lofty promises. That’s what everyone in her life did and she was too bruised to be anyone’s punching bag anymore. He was just a fantasy she tried to will to life but was never real.

She grabbed her clutch and phone that Michael had discarded on her bed. She did not care how her body swayed slightly and was still off kilter. She could stay awake long enough to call an uber and get herself home.

“What are you doing??”

“Going home. I c-can’t do this. You shouldn’t have come tonight. You s-should be out celebrating your big night, not here taking care of me.”

“The fuck? Raven, put the phone down. I ain’t lettin’ you Uber home like this.”

“You don’t care!”

“Stop sayin’ that shit!” he rushed forward and ripped her phone out of her hands, closing the Uber app. He knew it was wrong but he also knew her movements and reactions were too slow for her to stop him.

She tried to snag it from him, the actor easily holding it above their heads and utterly out of her reach.

“Stop wasting your time on me, Michael,” she hurled at him, her eyes clenching shut in her exasperation. “G-Go be with Tasha o-or some model or some woman actually worth your time. A woman you actually want. We both know that’s not me. So let me go, please. T-this… the promises, t-the disappointment, it hurts too much.”

“Be mad at me. Push me away all you want. Fine, I deserve it. But do it because I fucked up. Because I lied and kept the truth from you and tried to protect you and disappointed you just like everyone else. I can learn to live with that one day. But I can’t and won’t live with you doing it because you still believe you don’t deserve me! Because that’s not true.”

“Why w-would I believe you deserve me??! What future could we… ever have together when the world knows you a-and however many men they believe paid me for sex?? What kinda future is that for us?? People a-are calling you the greatest actor of a fuckin’ generation. You’re about to interview with fuckin’ Oprah literally this week! And what am I? A prostitute with no family and 3 failed careers under her belt?? A failed author who can’t even write a sentence now, much less another book. What kinda future would we have when you didn’t even think I w-was strong enough to tell me your secrets, your problems?? This whole situation, YOUR actions, proves that WE WEREN’T REAL!” she exploded, her drunkenness fueling the first time she voiced her true feelings out loud to anyone. “None of it was real. And the moment it got real, the moment shit got hard, you didn’t confide in me, you didn’t trust me, you threw me to the wolves because you knew what the rest of the world knows… I don’t deserve to be here i-in this part of your life! Th-This house… y-your family… your real life?? I don’t fit here anymore, Michael! I n-never did.” She took a deep shuddering breath before continuing.

“So I’m asking you… begging you to just… let me go. L-Let me go back to my…” she chuckled. “Insignificant life as Pluto o-or the side character. Please. B-Because I can pick myself b-back up a-and force myself to keep moving, force myself to keep going a-and b-be alone for the rest of my life a-and live in the shadows. But I can’t do that with fake promises, promises of m-more when it isn’t real… because w-words a-and promises a-aren’t real a-and they aren’t enough a-anymore. I can’t k-keep putting my faith in fantasies only for reality to knock me down again. Because I d-don’t think I can get back up again. I-I’m tired, Michael. This is it, this is all I have left. So please… just let me go.”

Michael slightly stumbled back in shock, the raw hurt in her voice almost too agonizing to feel. His arm came down but his grip on her phone was almost crushing. Though he wanted to respect her wishes, he also knew… there was not a world in which he could let her go truly. He loved her too much. His world rose and set with her. He used his knuckles to wipe his own tears away.

“Raven… please. J-just give me a chance to show you that I’m real, that what I feel for you is real. Because I would give up all this shit, every last bit of it for you. I’m at the height of my career and all I can think about is you. All that matters is you.”

She shook her head and held out her hand for her phone. “I wish… I wish I c-could believe you. But I don’t know if I can.”

With that, Michael’s grip loosened just enough for Raven to grab her phone and purse and start to walk out the door. However, as she pulled open the door, Michael’s hand grabbed the frame to stop her.

“I can keep working to fix what I did. I can show you that you’re my world, that you’re my Sun and that my world revolves around the very look on your face. I will happily show up at your doorstep everyday with actions and proof of how much I love you… how much I fucking breath for you. And I will. But I can’t make you believe it. I can’t make you believe you deserve it. That’s the one thing I can’t do here. I-I’ll never let you go, Rae. My heart will always be yours.” He bowed his head, every word felt like a sharp knife leaving his throat, agony to force out. But he knew it had to be said. “But I c-can’t force you to believe that you own my heart and deserve it or that you’re worth everything to me. I can do everything in my power to show you I’m worth one more fall but you have to jump. So if and when you believe what I know is true about you and us, I’m ready to jump again.”

And with that, he let her go, allowing her to open the door fully and leave. Every step she took further away from him caused the sorrow he felt to grow to unspeakable heights. At one time, he thought this pain could not have gotten worse. But this was far worse.

Tag List: @readinghere2023 @blackerthings @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @physicxal @purplehairgawdess @miyuhpapayuh @rueruesclues @geemamii @certifiedlesbianbaddie @pipsqueak-98 @nyifly22 @destinio1 @twocentaur @gopaperless @musicisme333 @roguekiki @majesticbrownjawn @taurusqueen83 @mysteryuz @miamormilan @itsknor-thedeep @naj-ay444 @mads-grace4 @nayaesworld @kholdkill @msniaimani @nccu-rnc @apenasumlug4r @dezzy154

***

A/N:

I promise yall… it’s gonna get better LOL This is really the worst it gets! Our girl is just feeling the weight of it all and is sad but she is a survivor 💪🏾

Y’all were hard on my girl last chapter - how are we feeling?? Still mad at her? Still mad at Michael? Let me know your thoughts in the comments! *disappears* lol also it was really hard to post this from my phone 😭 won’t do that again hahaha



#black writers #michael b jordan #michael b jordan x oc #mbjordanedit #black panther #michael b jordan x reader #michael b jordan fanfic #creed 3 #adonis creed #creed iii #fic: wicked fantasies

[katapotato55]

my theory as to why doomers exist (and how to break that mentality to be a better writer)

yesterday my sibling texted me "hey can you list me what major historical events you experienced in life for an assignment? " of course I listed the big ones like COVID and other depressing shit I went through in my life but most of the ones i listed were not super depressing. here are some of them: -the rise of steve jobs and the popularity of modern OS -the rise of smartphones -new technology completely changing the world that I thought I would never see in my lifetime, like VR and self driving cars. -massive cultural impacts such as spongebob being created affecting pop culture -the start of facebook and modern social media -pluto being declared not a planet yknow stuff on the top of my head that I thought would be interesting to write about.

then my sibling came home to tell me that most of what I sent was not helpful at all and that they meant "world events" And i asked "how the hell is the invention of the smart phone and the beginning of modern social media not considered "world events" by these standards" they said "idk just not that"

I think what they meant to say was "my teacher only wants the really depressing miserable shit the media thinks is headline worthy"

You know, I think this is why my generation is full of so many doomers. God forbid we have a positive outlook on this world and try and look at the bright side of things. god forbid we try to be optimistic for both the future and our current lives. we seem to have this thin veil of maturity that depressing=mature somehow. That the only way to make anything of nuance is to basically spam "look how shit everything is! look how enlightened I am" like you are Steve cutts.

well you know what ?

I hate art like the stuff steve cutts makes, and I hate this redundant "look how shit the world is" mentality

I plan on making an analysis post later on about Mr. Cutts, but for now let's stay on point this mentality is redundant and helps no one. yes. we do need to be aware of the bad parts of life. But being a pathetic miserable sod and ignoring the upsides is just as immature and childish as an aggressive optimist thinking the world is all sunshine and rainbows. you know why I like undertale so much ? Undertale knows when to be optimistic and has a mature take on a happy ending. Undertale ALLOWS itself to be happy. enough with the rick and morty level of writing where everything sucks and "fuck you in particular for being hopeful" only edgy 14 year olds think being depressing is the same as being mature. Maturity is understanding that there is nuance to everything and understanding that things are what they are. Do you want to be a good writer ? stop overly relying on being a sad doomer. Even the darkest writers in history like Edgar Allen Poe knew how to lighten the fuck up, because you need to understand the positives in life to effectively create dark writing.

thank you for reading this ironically negative rant, I plan to expand more on the subject later on.

EDIT

ngl i was honestly scared this post would open me up to harassment. I was genuinely terrified of attracting the psycho political crowd that treats politics like religious doctrine. first of all, shout out to this person:

I feel like this would be the perfect opportunity to talk about my struggle with depression as an artist and the stereotype behind it. the stereotype is that only the best artists are emotionally tortured people constantly struggling in agony and putting that into their art. now as someone who has been battling depression for 10 years let me tell you: that mentality is a load of horse shit. the greatest artists in history such as Van Gogh were not great artists because they were depressed they were great artists because they had a combination of passion and unique life experience. It just so happens that depression is a unique life experience to go through. being depressed does not make you deep, it just makes you feel empty and possibly sad depending on what flavor of depression you have. all the great stories about depression are not great because its about depression, but because its about the writers personal experiences and the love and hard work that went into making it. if Van gogh got treatment for his mental health issues, he would have still created art. Yes he created art as his job, but he also did it because he loved it and put his personal feelings and passion into his work. the biggest reason why I detest Steve Cutts is because there is no passion nor personal experience in his work. yes he is talented but most of his animations are just regurgitating all the bad things he could think of and nothing personal is going into it. (again I plan on making an analysis post about steve cutts sooner or later) What makes the art of Van Gogh deep and Steve Cutts as deep as a dry puddle is the fact that you can tell who put their own soul and personality into their work. heed my warning new artists and writers depression =/= deep all depression does is cripple you. Seek out life experience to be the best artist you can be.

#writing advice #writing #creative writing #writing help #writing tips #writer #writer on tumblr #writer problems #writer tips #writing community

[aro-bird]

I do have to say, as someone on the camp of "you could probably ship someone else who isn't non-partnering but honestly I don't care as long as you don't harass people over this", I think it's lost on some people that the reason why so many non-partnering aroaces may become defensive over these characters even if "it's just fandom" is the fact that a lot of aroaces who do fit these stereotypes and who may fall into this camp genuinely had horrible experiences about their social circles and yes, especially this fandom site, harassing them and saying they don't exist or that they're mentally ill and should "get fixed" among other things.

As common it is to see aspecs here on Tumblr, the queer social media site, you need to understand that there's still a lot of contempt for aroaces outside and inside this place. Hell, I received an ask calling aros and aces delusional just last Christmas Day 2023 that came with a wave of increased arophobia around that time. As much as that time period was definitely discourse against aroallo men, aphobes did not cherry pick on who they're sending hate to.

Besides this, a lot of non-partnering aroaces often receive this kind of dismissal in real life too and as much as some people may think it's not a big deal, it definitely fucks up your brain when people say you and your experiences not only don't matter but you are doomed to live a lonely and miserable life if you don't find someone. Even my otherwise very supportive relatives expressed this concern and it's absolutely out of care but it's fucking damaging to constantly hear that I will die alone if I don't find a partner (romantic, platonic, or otherwise).

This is besides dismissals like this or even non-acceptance had literally barred me from mental health care when I was a teenager because my specialist said I had a "distressed sexuality" and had specialists focused on that aspect rather than all my other issues.

The shipping of a non-partnering (typically romance repulsed or uninterested) character feels like another form of dismissal for someone like me, like my sexuality is not good enough or serious enough to be respected. The shipping of these characters sometimes reinforce the narrative that non-partnering aroace people can't find happiness on their own and do need someone (romantic, platonic, or otherwise) to be happy or they will become happier if they do find this someone. People are having fun with their ships but there are still many people who don't want to spend the time actually extending grace and understanding towards me and my experiences. I'm just another discourse topic and someone who's inconvenient to some of them.

This doesn't even account for how these fan communities aren't just filled with aspec people and do extend to allos who may take some of the discourse and actively apply it in real life to other real life aspec people. People who go and interact with real human beings and may hurt them or harass them. It isn't even accounting for the fact that even online things affect real people too.

Of course, I do understand that a lot more complex aspec identities often don't get the spotlight so they may express themselves through shipping fandom characters but non-partnering people should deserve more than these people isn't really the point of this post.

The point here is that there's a reason why a lot of non-partnering (typically repulsed or uninterested) aroace people get defensive about these things even in fan communities and it's very likely that it's because aphobia and especially against the stereotypical aroace™ still very much exist outside of our little community and they can be informed by media and the fans that consume it and this shit could genuinely have negative consequences. This of course extends to those who do have complex aspec identities as society does not treat those who don't live up to what is expected as "normal" in terms of romantic relationships and sexual attraction kindly.

Distancing yourself from these aroaces who do have frustrations with how media and fandom treat their sexuality because they're being "prudes" or are just affected by "purity culture" is unhelpful to say the least and honestly veers eerily close to shit I hear aphobes say about us.

Absolutely do stop people and block them if they're instigating and participating in harassment over shipping of all things, even these aroaces, but trying to say that every person who do have issues with shipping aroace characters are the same way with this is extremely lacking nuance and absolutely dismissive of other members of the community and why they may have the opinion they hold.

#mayaposts #shipping #ship #shipping discourse #aroace #aroace representation #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #aromantic asexual #<- again sorry for tagging these it is relevant since the discussion is more community wide #the disk horse #<- tagging this here bc yes this is definitely related to that discourse too #amatonormativity #allonormativity

[meraki-yao]

The taylor zakhar perez hashtag just full of praise for Nicholas acting and twitter full of anonymous messages asking for his recast because he's not as good as Nick. That shit hurts and I can't even enjoy the new content I'm tired of the hate that man has been getting for a year and a half (it's not about Nicholas I love him so much)

First and foremost this is awful and Taylor doesn't deserve any of this unfair critism that are frankly insults, it's fucking sick

I will say this about the acting (and I'm typing this while listening to the podcast where Matthew talks about how well suited the boys are for the roles)

Both of them nailed their roles. But because of how the roles are written, certain things show easily than others.

Henry is more emotional sensitive and "broken", and because that's kind of an unhealthy mentality which isn't the normal state of human being, it's easier to pick up, which is why even with a surface glance audience can pick up on Nick's intensity and level of performing. For example, Henry spiraling on the lake. It's a crescendo of negative emotions, and you can see it go from opposite of the previous emotion (happy and content) to increasing panic and heartache.

Alex is the healthier one, in the movie he doesn't have much baggage as Henry does, but he does have baggage. At first Alex might seem like a sunshine puppy or something but if you paid attention to the details which Taylor does, you can read so much more. His fingers fidgeting whenever he's nervous like when Henry's taking off his clothes or Zahra barging in looking out. Like him clenching his jaw and watching every second of Henry's face when he goes in. Like how you can feel the aggressiveness in him die down as Henry shouts his thoughts during the Kensington confrontation. Like how fucking in love he looks all conveyed in his eyes.

So TL DR and this is my understanding of the performance: the tricky part for Nick is not to go overboard so that it's too dramatic to the point of being unrealistic, while the tricky part for Taylor is too not under perform it that Alex becomes one dimensional. AND BOTH BOYS NAIL IT PERFECTLY.

But for people who watch it passively, or watch it with negative assessment already in mind, it's easier to miss Taylor's details than Nick's details.

I WANNA MAKE IT PERFECTLY CLEAR THAT I DON'T AGREE WITH THE SHIT TAYLOR'S GETTING I DON'T AGREE WITH ANY OF THIS AND TAYLOR JUST IS ALEX TO ME

But this is a speculation from the acting perspective as to part of the reason why Taylor's getting so much shit

Also Twitter people are just another fucking type of crowd who mostly should use their life to do something better (I'm not on Twitter and never will be) and I'm convinced that there's still racism involved in these commentary even if it's internalized or latent

Anyone who says Taylor should be recast or is not as good as Nick either didn't actually pay attention to the movie or don't understand Alex. Taylor read the book 8 times. Matthew and Nick, the two most important people in regards to his performance, have nothing but praise for him.

Taylor is Alex, just as Nick is Henry.

Hopefully after a while these stupid "opinions" die down and only intelligent/genuine/constructive comments will be left and things will get better. And I truly hope Taylor can see more support than insults. He doesn't deserve any of this.

I'm sorry that this has affect you, and I understand it. Honestly this is why I don't directly look at tags, especially the actors' tag, block whoever I don't wanna see or deal with, and don't go on Twitter.

Just from my experience on dealing with shit like this, I would say give yourself some distance from RWRB and social media for a bit, even if it's a day or two, and come back when it hurts less. Take a bit of a break. And avoid places you know you will see shit like this as much as you can.

Both of the boys did amazing, and imo perfectly in the movie and in these roles, and they deserve all the love and support. Both of them.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #firstprince #nicholas galitzine #taylor zakhar perez #rwrb thoughts #Anon ask #answered #meraki essay

[destinyc1020]

Hey there.

To the anonymous that brought up Taylor and Zendaya's rabid fans. I absolutely do think they both have talked to their respective partners about moving their lives forward, whether it be marriage or children.

I think people naively believe Tom may be the one pulling strings in that department, but people really need to listen at what Zendaya, especially at this time, is speaking on. I think she may want children even more so than Tom. Dont let that past Sway interview keep you clueless. That's why they call it the past. She was young, just turning 21, she's not anymore, and she's nearing 30. Mindsets are different as the years go by. Hearts change, and so do our thoughts on what we prioritize. You have to realize he had just done an interview where he stated he didn't even want children and then comes just a little bit of time down the road while filming and he had a change of heart, which I'm sure he didn't just have that on his own. Especially if they each feel like they've found the one they would like to have be the parent of your future children.

I always think on Vivica Fox, she literally cried during an interview stating she wish that she had not let life pass her by and had conceived children in her late twenty's early thirties. She stated she was too caught up in trying to get the bag that she literally kept putting it off and then she found herself later in life not being able to conceive at all then realized she was close to menopause. She balled and stated how that is the one thing in life she still regrets to this day. That's sad. Regret is a beast especially when people who don't really know you think they know what's best for you. Regardless, if we've grown up with her or not, famous people's lives are their own.

So, with that all being said, fans need to stay in a fans place. Including me, and just enjoy the ride, and don't dictate what you think or think you know what is better for someone. We don't own anyone. What they choose to do is what they choose. Just enjoy the ride and remain a backseat driver. 😁.

They are here to entertain us, and that is all. I guarantee if she or Taylor decides to have kids with whom they are currently with, you do best to be happy or believe me. They won't be showing the fans anything. Especially about their personal lives. They will be Olsen twinning everyone. We didn't know the one was pregnant until the baby was a month old. 🤣 I ain't hardly mad. 😆

I see the changes...in my mind, and only by observing the written word or video interviews, speaking on Zendaya, she may have removed herself from social media for work purposes, but I believe she/they have given themselves a timeline. She ain't trying to hear nor feel anything negative, like she herself states, " she overthinks. And she wants to please her fans in some manner, or at least hope they will be happy and stand with her on her decisions. Or dare i say try to understand her decisions. Remember... Law and Darnell are also looking to move their lives forward as well.

I smiled at the idea she had for Rue being a surrogate. But, I didn't smile long, I actually felt what a great way to hide a real pregnancy. I could absolutely see that happening. Especially if they put it in as a rape scenario since she owes the money and they sent goons to collect. She wouldn't know who the babies father is, and she decides to keep the baby. You'd hate to see, but that's real shit right there. That can, will, and does happen in real life. I've watched too much THE FIRST 48. THAT SHOW IS A BEAST BY THE WAY. I thought, damn if they did that, wow... talk about a 3rd Emmy. No one would have a clue. And once the season ended... look, who was expecting it for real. It's all farfetched... or is it??? Hmmm...

Anyway, theirs my rant. Love the Sunday confessions, I feel alot better. 😂

TOODLES 👋 👋 👋

YES!!! All of this! VERY well said Anon! I couldn't agree w/you more! Of COURSE Tom and Z have talked marriage and kids, etc. Tom wouldn't be telling the media something that he and his gf haven't spoken about to each other. Let's get freakin' real. So if he's excited about having kids, then obviously Z is too! She definitely wants children some day. I think that's pretty obvious. She's found the love of her life, and so has he. They're BOTH ready imo. Maybe now isn't the best time, but I think fans are naive if they think that they aren't going to be having kids lol...whether it's with each other, or some other partner later on down the line (but I'm guessing it's probably going to be w/each other lol🤭).

Btw...that's so sad about Vivica Fox. I never knew that. 🥺

[bizarrelittlemew]

hello i love ofmd but im not in the fandom (i log onto tumblr every few weeks and see some fanart but that’s the extent of it!). my partner and i loved izzy and were sad when he died but thought it made sense. i am so curious: what is the discourse about??

oh boy. i am probably not the best person to explain this, but i will try to do so very, very briefly.

since season 1, Izzy has been a controversial character in the fandom and the central point of a massive amount of discourse. others (who have actually been involved, which i wasn't) have written much better posts about this.

in any case, this resulted in a bunch of Izzy fans sort of isolating themselves from the rest of the fandom, and somehow coming to believe that Izzy was the true protagonist of the show, plus some mind-boggling headcanons, ignoring what actually happens in the show and throwing away any reasonable character analysis (again, won't go into details here). very delusional. hearing these people talk about ofmd, it felt like they were watching a completely different show than everyone else.

so when Izzy died, these people did not take it well (<- understatement). some of them spewed vile shit at the showrunner, David Jenkins, and around social media, generally throwing a tantrum. the discourse took off when allegations started coming out of it being "bury your gays" and queerbaiting (and worse) to have Izzy die, which are bizarre claims in a show with a majority of queer characters (and when every other marginalizing attribute Izzy had was shared by at least one other character, who didn't die). i keep my dash pretty curated but have seen some truly rancid takes. i suspect that it's just a small number of people being extremely loud, and algorithms promoting controversy, but it set a negative tone right after the finale. my impression is that it's largely died down by now, and there are still far more people loving the show.

just like for you and your partner, it is possible and extremely valid to be sad that a favorite character died (and yes, his death does make sense for the narrative!). but it can never justify the amount of vitriol and hate that has been thrown at real people. i'd say the discourse about Izzy's death is not due to anything the show itself did, but because it didn't magically become the made-up version that a group of people had convinced each other it was through more than a year of staying in an echo chamber.

anyway i hope this answered your question somewhat and that you and your partner continue to enjoy ofmd!!

#asks #Anonymous #i hope we will see a big msscribe style write-up about all izzy drama at some point 🙏 #also i knew about izzy's death more than a week in advance and could just see the shitstorm on the horizon. scrolling the dash like 😬😬😬 #ofmd #ofmd s2 #like i'm not even touching on the worst stuff but this is my attempt at a “brief” roundup lmao

[martiansodas-blog]

Hi I saw that your request are open

Can I request a Pedro pascal x plus!size reader that is an actress and she got the role in the last of us as Theresa/Tess or a made up character and people where really surprised to see her on screen again because when she was working on legacies she got a lot of hatred because of the character she was playing hope mikealson a lot of fans were telling her how she was so fat for the role and how she wasn’t pretty enough to play the main character of the show but she ignored what people said about her and how she looks like so maybe when there in an interview the person asked how she is doing because it seems that the hate comments are back the reader says she’s fine because she delt with the hate comments before and she just ignores them because there opinions don’t matter. all that matters to the reader is her family and friends because in the past she used to struggle with body positivity but she learned how to love herself and other people who are struggling with the same thing can learn how to love themselves like they have permission to love themselves because it doesn’t matter what body shape they are they are still beautiful (maybe the reader can say that or something related to body positivity)( I forgot to add that the reader is Pedro’s wife)

All our bodies

• Pedro Pascal x actress! plus size! reader

• Summary: After taking a few years off acting due to bullying, Pedro’s wife makes a comeback as Tess in TLOU.

• Word count: 543

• Authors note: Im also plus size ◡̈ This was requested months ago… sorry luv. I tried to write on it here and there but I have a full time job and going through relationship problems. You probably won’t see much original content from me for the foreseeable future. There’s just no time.

Xx

“You did a great job, you know that right?”

“I know, but listen. People like Tess, not me. I'm so nervous the media is gonna take one look at me in that interview and go back to treating me like shit.”

Tears began to form in your eyes. Pedro took your face in his hands and stroked your warm cheeks, calming you down.

He loved touching your face like this. It may seem strange but he loved the different textures of it. Your pimples and freckles are a part of you, why would he want to change that? In his eyes there is nothing wrong with you. You’re so unique.

Various social media accounts don’t feel the same. It really angers them that plus size people exist. You’ve never had a controversy, you’ve never wronged anyone in the industry, in fact people adored working with you. But you weren’t the carefully crafted, soft spoken, slim model that others expect. And it offends them.

It offends them that you’re this certain weight and not actively trying to change it. That you’re not ashamed of it. When you were at the height of your fame people accused you of promoting an unhealthy lifestyle. Without you even voicing an opinion on your own body, or showing the meals you eat.

It upset people that you didn’t care about their opinion.

“Anyone who wants to say something negative is gonna have to go through me first, hermosa.”

A smile broke free from your nerves. You stood on your tiptoes and kissed him. You whispered into his mouth,

“I love you”

“I love you too” he whispered back before deepening the kiss.

He put his large hands across the small of your back to pull you closer but you resisted.

“We should stop or you'll be late!”

He cupped your face and kissed you slowly, r eally making you feel the shape of his lips and the sweetness of them.

“It’d be worth it.”

• • •

“Did you feel pressure to change for this role?”

What the interviewer was trying to ask was “did you feel pressure to lose weight for this role?”

It wasn’t a totally preposterous question considering your line of work, but it was still a little invasive.

You thought about Pedro’s words. How he never doubted for a second you would make the perfect Tess.

You got a burst of confidence. You’re going to say how you really feel. The only opinion that was important to you was your lovers.

“What my body looks like always seems to be the topic of conversation, doesn’t it? Not my work or awards, but what I look like.”

The interviewer avoided your eyes, embarrassed.”

“I did my best to honor Tess in this series. To be frank, I don’t think Tess would give a fuck what she looked like. She was focused on being strong and supportive. All our bodies look different but that’s for a reason. What matters most is that you take care of it.”

When you looked over at Pedro he was beaming at you. He was so proud of his Cariño.

“I’m afraid that’s all the time we have for offensive questions.” he said and grabbed your hand to leave the interview.

#pedro pascal #the last of us #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal x you #tlou #pedro pascal fluff #pedro pascal x reader #tess tlou

[toburnup]

I don’t understand why people care enough to negatively comment on work because they don’t like a character…

I don’t like some characters that my friends reblog and I just scroll past like a normal person, I’m not going to dictate or judge what people like and I can’t stand the way people say “oh I block people who like *insert character they dislike*” like it’s so petty and strange… I like all your work I think you’re a great writer do I ship all the same people as you? Nope but does it bother me? Not at all. There is no letting people have fun in this fandom I swear to god!

i find it very odd. it's especially easy to avoid on tumblr, so i don't understand people's reactions (also, sorry, i accidentally wrote a whole essay here)

i'm not sure if it's because so many people in the ST fandom are newer to fandom in general, or it's just how things are now (i'm afraid it's this one), but i find that a surprising amount of people see any interest in a character as like... symbolic of someone's personal morals and values. and this is especially rampant among steddie shippers which is unfortunate. i block a ton of people on twitter because they say "hellcheer dni" and then i see passive aggressive messages on discord about how i blocked them. is this because people make the media they consume their whole ID? or people trying to play activist? (i've said it before on here but my activism isn't an online activity for me, it's my work and it's my personal life, and i'm intentional about separating these. i don't share much about my life on here on purpose).

billy anti's are actually scary at times. i personally don't see the logic of harassing real people in the name of fictional characters (and this is a generalization, but most of the time it's white shippers pulling that shit which just feels performative at best). this isn't billy-related, but joseph quinn fans bullied a jquinn fan account (run by a woc) off of twitter because she wasn't retweeting social justice-related posts. lmao. people really see sj rt's as the be-all and end-all of Being a Good Person. like people have lives outside of fandom and they can't see that.

LONG STORY SHORT, i know that posting my hellcheer and metalsandwich fic is going to make some people hate me or whatever, but i'm really tired of feeling like i can only openly like and enjoy steddie in order to have value here. if people are going to stop reading what i write, or blacklist me or whatever, i'll make my peace with that. and let's be real, who's really the one losing out in that scenario? because it's not me.

#maybe if i say this enough i'll believe it. but i know myself and if people start harassing me for it i will leave lol #i talk a big talk but i'm sensitive about this and i'm only here for the community so if i lose that - there's no reason for me to stay #so i hope people will be able to Be Cool about me posting different ships and not make vagueposts about me again #hanging on here by a thread folks #on fandom #vio speaks #billy hargrove mention #harringrove mention #hellcheer mention #multishipping #losers DNI #long post #(accidentally) #antis get a life challenge #steddie negative

[chirpsythismorning]

What do you think about ST writers staying silent when it comes to homophobia in fandom? I've seen some people talking about this and I have to agree that it is getting toxic, and the creators can say something about it. This issue is not about shipping, it is a serious issue that needs to be addressed in this fandom.

I get this, I really do, but there is a reason they don't bring a bunch of attention to the negative and it's the same reason most of the cast tries to not bring attention to the negatives going on that they experience.

This reminds me of when Noah came out for example. A lot of fans were congratulating him with support and stuff. But that didn't last long bc suddenly everyone in the tag was fixating on the negatives they were seeing, reposting homophobic comments he was getting and just freaking out on a loop over harmful shit going on. Some fans even made like plot twist edits of hateful comments he had under his coming out video and Noah himself commented on one of them, like alluding to the fact that he tries to not let it get to him.

When you're in these peoples positions, you're hearing about god awful stuff happening constantly. And that makes sense, when you have an audience of hundreds of millions of people, shit goes down. ALL the time.

And so it gets to a point where, eventually you have to give up basically. I'm sure there was a time early on like in s1, when they might have felt the need to put the fans in check over certain harmful things. But it probably got so big they couldn't do that any more, simply for mental health reasons I wouldn't ask that of anyone.

Think about Finn who has been through some shitty fandom behavior over the years with fans obsessing over him and like essentially photoshopping a fake story about his gf SAing someone. Did he come forward and talk about that? No bc fans like that don't even deserve the attention. And while yes, it's clear that he feels like grateful about this experience, it's also clear he has an intense sense of bitterness over the fact that having millions of fans means that there are bound to be quite a few who don't understand boundaries. And yet it's gotten to a point where acknowledging them only makes them stronger.

And then there's Caleb, who experienced fucking racism as a child simply for his character getting in the way of milkvan... And he only recently over the last year or so has felt comfortable enough to start talking about it more. And it's probably because he was in large part not wanting to re-hash over stuff that is obviously traumatizing and just not fucking fair for him to have to discuss in the first place. He deserves for this to be an incredible experience. He shouldn't have to give any of his time and attention to people that don't fucking deserve it in the first place. He deserves better than that.

And then there's Millie who has also been through a lot, to the point where it's like near impossible to even pinpoint everything because it's just so much. And she has the biggest following on social media so that makes a lot of sense. Her fandom experience is a large part of why she doesn't really use social media anymore. She used to love interacting with fans, but now it's just not something she can handle. Not only does she have to deal with people that hate her for no apparent reason, she also has to deal with so called fans psychoanalyzing anything and everything she does, to the point where they're convinced they know everything about her and her boyfriend and her family, as if they know what's best for her? Like imagine not having a space anywhere despite having millions of people say they love you, when they just turn around and treat you like a product to be consumed and discarded? It's exhausting.

All of them have a story like that, that just makes you realize that this is so much bigger than ship wars and any nonsense fans obsess over. Sometimes we forget these are real people and they have to see this and it obviously effects them mentally over time to the point where they just can't acknowledge it anymore in order to simply live their lives peacefully.

Now, I'm not saying the Duffers will never address the homophobia, bc they no doubt will. However, I think that in large part the point is to let these homophobes especially feel like they are superior and have the upper-hand, only to rip it out from under them basically.

And that's because we're also talking about a show that is hiding the truth in plain sight. This show is in fact for the so called freaks and geeks (and the gays). And so when that truth is finally revealed, THAT'S when they're going to call the bigots out on their bullshit. Because this show was never for them in the first place! And making them tune in for all of it, convinced it was for them all this time, only to find out it wasn't, I'm sorry but it's fucking badass.

If they're hiding that core message in plain sight, and yet most of the audience STILL doesn't see it, and it's also a big reason why they refuse to even consider byler, then yes it makes sense to hold off this scolding for when the reveal happens, only to throw all of that backlash on the people STILL being homophobic when it's all said and done, despite them saying it was all indeed intentional.

Right now there are genuine homophobes out here, and then there's people that are merely misunderstanding the extent of what's truly happening bc of heteronormativity, which is arguably the way the show was intended to be watched, assuming you're only watching it once through and you don't consume any more content regarding it much outside of that initial viewing (most of the ga). And then there's the fans who are literally queer and love queer stories, but aren't allowing themselves to believe it this time bc of how prevalent queer-baiting is.

By no means am I saying homophobia is okay. Obviously it's not. But people are homophobic, people are bigots. You can decide for yourself which situations you want to call it out and when you want to let it just be because otherwise you're gonna be fighting forever with people that do not fucking care, and that's not helping anyone, least of all queer people who would rather probably just ignore all of the noice and be happy being their authentic self, despite all of the hate that's out there.

We'll have to see how fans react to s5. I have hope that it will go well.. I do think that there could be a time period where people are like in denial and grieving or whatever. But we know the evidence is there. We know that the Duffers are going to be happy to admit that it was intentional to disprove the claims that try to say byler came out of nowhere.

Absolute worst case scenario, I think the critical reception will be something along the lines of this:

#byler #byler tumblr #this is a really good ask #and i wish i could say that it was as simple as them just making a statement to say homophobia is bad and we don't condone it #but... the whole point is that the show is already telling us that #and if you can't see that #then you're gonna have to tune in until the end and watch these dudes kiss and be proven wrong #like that's the epicness of it all

[bisonaari]

apartment hoarding and being a landlord isnt working 💀💀💀

Ok anon, I'll humor you for a second.

What are you trying to do?

Are you trying to get attention? There are way cooler ways to get attention in this fandom. We're small, so posts get easily noticed and people will gladly lavish you with well-deserved attention. It would be a positive experience, and I'm sure it would make you happy. We'll love your posts, anon. I promise.

Are you trying to get us to join you in whatever crusade you have going on against Käärijä? I'm sorry, this isn't gonna happen.

First of all, we're not on twitter. People here don't care as much about cancelling people, we mostly just want to vibe. Like, that's why we haven't joined twitter in the first place.

Second, most of us are is our late 20's, early 30's. We're exhausted working all day, and we just want to listen to cool music. Seeing Käärijä as a fellow person in our age group, who struggled with shit jobs, a useless diploma and a tiny ass appartment finally getting out of this? Good for him, even with the help of his parents or whatever. I don't care. I'm just happy he doesn't have to live like that anymore.

We like the music and the charater too much we're in too deep already. Too late. Too far gone.

Are you unhappy and trying to get people joining you in whatever negative emotions you're having? Please talk to someone. You deserve better than the spiral of negativity you're having to deal with right now. Clearly, caring so much about something that keeps you in that state isn't doing any good, you're trying to spoil the party for everyone. For your own mental health, take a break from social media, and talk about those emotions you're having about Käärijä to someone.

Assuming you're the same anon from the fatshaming asks, are you having body image issues? Are you struggling with money? Are you in a bad living situation? If that's the case, I promise you that hating one random artist will not make any of this better. It will keep you in that bitter spiral. Please get out of it, no one deserves to be trapped in this.

I'm no therapist, but if you ever want to chat about this, come off anon, my dms are always open. I'll listen. You deserve to be listened to, as you're clearly going through some stuff. You're not alone.

#käärijä #drama #anon hate

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

i watched dom the bombs reading of book 2 and saw people making really negative comments about tillie and the book, it made me feel bad seeing how far people are going to hate on tillie instead of just the book

Yeah, I saw some of his livestream. I don't really watch his content, but I have watched the videos he did about Clementine Book One. I only watched the stream for about two minutes before I had to shut it off because it was that unpleasant, and I'm not referring to the content of the book. Then when I heard through discord that he'd gotten to chapter 9, I turned it back on and watched his reaction and the rant that followed and like... I have a lot of feelings but to put it simply, I'm kinda pissed so apologies for this long post.

Here's the deal: I don't know Dom, and maybe his reactions were exaggerated for his chat, or maybe he really does feel that aggressively passionate about twdg and what these comics have done, I don't know. I jumped into the stream the first time when he was at the part where Clementine's being introduced to new cast at the party, and it's when he was reading and said, "'John is Morro's son' I don't care" that I clicked off. Why should I keep watching when you're not going to put in any effort into the story outside of just hating on it? That's the whole vibe I got and it put me right off.

He can hate them as much as he wants [and he did say that if this wasn't about Clementine, it wouldn't be that bad], that's not my issue. My biggest issue comes when he brings Tillie into it because he always does.

I think his stream had a little bit of a ripple effect that's lead to Tillie's social media. Looking through her most recent post on insta, there are a bunch of new comments with people parroting some stuff he said in his stream... as if she needed more shit. She's been getting these comments for days now.

For those unaware, Tillie Walden just had a baby on October 4th, the same day Clementine Book Two came out, and these are pieces throughout the comments section of that post sharing the news:

I'm trying so hard to put this into words because, on one hand, I get that Dom is just one person and it's not like he can force his audience to do anything. Plus, the hate was happening before his stream so it's not like it's his fault anything... but just because he throws in a "I don't condone harassment of Tillie guys" disclaimer around, that doesn't mean he isn't contributing to the problem.

You can't go on a rant about how Ricca is Tillie's self-insert and no one can change your mind about that, and then be like "but guys don't harass Tillie, she doesn't deserve it." THAT is what people are sending her threats over! You're just validating that self-insert idea! You are contributing to the problem!

Personally, I don't think he's saying "don't send anyone harassment" because he actually gives a shit about Tillie Walden or anyone involved in the project, he's saying it to cover his own ass so no one can point any fingers at him. I'd like to be proven wrong on that. I'd love for him to be more serious about it and say more than just "I don't condone harassment" before going on to say he's gonna bring the hammer down for his review.

And y'know what? You're right. I can't change your mind about Ricca being a self-insert because you don't want to change your mind.

Both of them having glasses isn't evidence, and "they look exactly the same!" doesn't work when Tillie's art style has same-face syndrome. Slap some glasses on Olivia and oop, Olivia must be a self-insert, too!

Like... do people still not get how stories are made? Writers tend to write what they know, they draw from their life experiences and that influences their characters, settings, and plots. You know what probably happened? Tillie wears glasses, and she probably thought about how much it would suck to wear glasses in the apocalypse, and gave that idea to one of her characters.

But does it even matter? You've already decided it's not up for debate. You're not open to discussion on it. You're set on spreading "Ricca is a self-insert" to your audience, that ripples through the fandom, and a shit ton of people are weaponizing it. "Ricca is a self-insert" is why they're going after her on a post about her newborn baby.

I know how that this works. It's happened to me where I've said something only to see some of my followers weaponizing it against other people. Shit, when I was on the subreddit the other day, I saw someone misquoting me from my first read through of Book Two post: I never said I would lose my shit if they named Olivia's baby Amos Junior, AJ 2.0. I was making a fucking joke. And do you know how many times I've come across "AJ 2.0" since? An alarming amount!

When you have a platform with any amount of followers, shit you say is going to spread and it might be used poorly. There isn't much you can do about it except think about the future shit you say and how you say it. You're never going stop everyone from being shitty; some people are just insistent on being assholes, but you can always try to reach through to more people.

There is a conversation to be had about the contents of chapter 9, and how this story is leaning toward a more romantic focus over a gritty zombie drama. There's a lot to say about Ricca as a character. There are legit criticisms of these books, and criticisms to be had of Skybound for continuing the series after the games ended... but I don't think many people are interested in actually having those conversations. I think they just want to be mad. I think they want to put all the blame on one person, and since it's Tillie's name on the books, they want to hate her.

And I don't even dislike Dom or anything. He seems like a nice guy who's passionate about the games and is disappointed the comics didn't do them justice. From the parts I watched he had good points about how Skybound were the ones who hired Tillie knowing her previous work. I see where he's coming from with his dislike of the romance angle, too.

But it's the reactionary anger that feeds and grows, which again, I don't blame him for having strong feelings or reacting. I used to stream on twitch and you do get carried away; you exaggerate, you get pissed off and so does chat and suddenly everything is heated and you're bouncing that off each other. So I get it.

I guess I just dread his actual review because I know what's going to happen. And now I'm also a little worried about my review.

I'm just upset that this is what the twdg fandom's turned into. I mean, we've always had toxicity but I don't remember it ever being this bad. There's nothing I can do about it except hope people calm down.

...I can't believe this is where my character arc has led me. I'm the Tillie Walden and, to an extent, the Clementine comics defender... Well, shit.

I don't even like the comics, I think they're bullshit too, and yet-

#twdg #twdg clementine #clementine book two #long post #it's been an terrible week at work so my aggravation levels are getting very high sksksksks like i have no patience and i am so tired #it's also very late but this has bothered me all day and i needed to get it off my chest so thank you anon for the outlet haha #my review is currently being written and it's a lot #i don't know when it'll be out but i want to be thorough with everything soooo... expect it at some point

[aleksa-sims]

RL Story

Why does everything go wrong at the same time for me? I guess that negativity is contagious? 🫤

I just came home after spending most of the day at Sandra’s, to help her decorating her apartment. Shortly after I arrived, I saw Nico’s cell lying on the table in the living room. He forgot his phone this morning! Since I knew his PIN (The Number of his soccer-jersey shirt, plus once back/reserve.🤨 So sutpid! 🤦‍♀️) I thought I’d take a closer look at it. I checked his phone. Yeah, I know! I was spying on him. 🫤🤷‍♀️And omg, I got totally mad at Nico! I saw that a girl Patricia and another girl Bianca, constantly texted him. Especially on his social media. He never really texted or answered back, after he & I got back together, but the more I.... "researched", I noticed that Nico met that girl Patricia in Italy. THIS fucking summer!!!!!!!! And that Bianca was her sister. So... Nico was messing around with 2 sisters??!!😠Such an ass!! That's why he didn't want to talk about Daniel & me or ask me quuestions, when he came back home 3 weeks ago! Bcs he was hiding who he met in Italy. Jerk! I hated Nico that moment. He kept this shit from me. Somehow I didn’t trust Nico anymore. I mean, sure, we weren’t together this summer and I also slept with Daniel, but he knew about it!!!! Nico wanted me to go back to Daniel, to sort things out with him.

And that’s exactly why I wanted to stay with Daniel 10 weeks ago. I felt like Nico didn’t give a shit about me, like he used to (Philip). Of course, I confronted N. that day! I wanted to know, who that Patricia is and what went on between them? Why is she still texting him?

Nico: I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but we weren’t together. I also knew this thing was gonna make you feel insecure. That’s why I didn’t want to mention it. And honestly? Why do you even care what I did when we were apart? You were with Daniel! You married him and still are, damn it! Besides, I didn’t plan on seeing someone else or anything. I knew her sister. There was something between her and Philip once. And in Italy, I met that girl Patricia, her sister. She worked there during the summer in the hotel. That's all.

Me: What? Philip dated her sister???😲 Aghh... thats-... thats so gross what you and Philip do- or have done. You know damn well what I mean.... I thought with you all this shit was finally over. And I just don’t understand why you kept it from me? How am I supposed to trust you now, when you have to go abroad again?... Agh, you and your fucking soccer! 😩🤦‍♀️

Nico: Are you done?🤨 .... You're not fair!! But anyway. I don't wanna fight! We're so happy babe. ILY, so.... let's just forget this shit. You’re not well rn. You haven’t slept for 3 nights. Something seems to be bothering you. Maybe it would make more sense to talk about that.

Me: You wanna talk about me? Well!! Yk? I keep thinking about Daniel, N.! I just can’t forget him, I want him! 😈... I’ve seen him with someone else and since then, I feel like I'm crazy over him. And you’re no better than Daniel! You hurt me too! Just... fuck off, N.!

Nico: You say I hurt you because you’re mad at Daniel?... That doesn’t really feel good to me either, to hear how much you still want him!! 😠

Me: Then you know how I felt, when I found all those messages you got. Why is she still texting you?

Nico: She wanted to know if I was back in Italy. I told her I’d stay home, with my pregnant girlfriend. I asked her to stop texting me.

Me: I don’t want to talk anymore. I just get sick of imagining what you and Philip are doing and what you two did to me.😠

Nico: I'm getting tired of this!! Don’t overdo it! You force me to get mad.

Me: Shut up, Nico! 😩🤷‍♀️

Nico: Finally divorce Daniel! Either you calm down, or I’ll sort this out my way. If I do, you will do as I tell you! So tell me, babe? Should I take care of your probs again? To make you feel better?

Me: What are you going to do? Are you going to threaten Daniel? Just like you threatened Dominick back then?

Nico: I'm off! 🤦‍♂️😠

Yep. 🤷‍♀️😞

Previous/Next

#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #ts 4 story #rl story #myrlgameplay

[vorpalfae]

it has been brought to my attention that someone sending anon messages to multiple people i follow on here.

the messages are either just slandering me or spreading lies about me.

OR

i just discovered fhat someone is ALSO sending messages to ppl harassing them ABOUT me. saying things like "katie is so much better than you" or "stop copying @hauntedfae" etc.

basically harassing them about me to try to insinuate that its ME sending the messages.

this is honestly heartbreaking and it angers me so much because i love and wish nothing but positivity for every blog i follow on here.

i wanted to make this post to let all of you know that i do not send anon hate. and i don't even send anons in general. and if you are someone who has received ANY type of message with MY name in it, just know that i never sent it and i do not think badly of any of you.

if i ever have an issue with someone i will ALWAYS message them DIRECTLY. i think its ridiculous and downright childish when someone sends anons and PERSONALLY HARASSES SOMEONE just because they have a problem with them. its happened to me plenty of times. and ive also received messages about other girls and when i get those messages, i always message the person its about to try to resolve the issue. and ive actually made quite a few friends on here because i decided to tal to them myself instead of assuming things about them. like @coffindollie ♡

i do not have any problems with anybody online. and ive had an ONGOING issue with a specific person who has been trying to cause problems with me since 2018. they've done everything you can imagine to me. and i can't even tell you how many ppl have believed them or thought i was attackjnf them because of this person.

it really hurts. i use social media to share the things that make me happy and meet new ppl and i don't want to be associated with or involved in drama and cruelty toward others.

if you have received ANY messages with my name in them i am begging you to please talk to me first before you assume they are true. i don't hate anyone. i don't wish negativity toward anyone. even the person who is doing this.

if you think its okay to hurt people and try to tear them down or tear down their self esteem for no reason whatsoever then you clearly have your own issues and need to be helped. not hated.

i don't want to be the reason for anyone's anger, sadness, or insecurities. and i hate that i even have to make this post.

it literally gives me so much anxiety not knowing who is receiving things about me and who possibly might hate me now because of it. it just makes me sad. i love all of you. if i follow you its because something about you and your blog makes me happy or comforts me in some way.

the online harassment is so unnecessary and cruel. it literally costs you nothing to just be kind to people.

and as for telling people that im "copying them" or that they are "copying me": grow up. people are allowed to like things. people are allowed to enjoy things. and nobody should be harassed relentlessly for having similar interests and style. nobody should be relentlessly harassed for something as harmless as loving the same things as you or me.

life is hard enough without adding hatred and unnecessary bullying into the mix. and if you have a problem with me, then TALK TO ME. im not going to talk shit to you for it or ignore you. we are all adults here. i will try my best to put myself in your position and see where you are coming from. and ill try my best to resolve the issue you have in a way that helps us both feel better about it instead of creating further drama. im ✨tired✨ of people using anon to hide behind while they try to hurt people and turn people against each other.

sorry for the long post. i just don't want issues with anybody and i certainly don't want ANYONE feeling bad about themselves or feeling like they can't post on here because someone said something about me or made you think it WAS me.

if you just talk to me instead of fueling the drama i promise you will see that i don't have malicious intentions whatsoever. im just trying to mind my business and post things that make me happy. thats it. there's no hidden agenda. there's no jealousy or hatred or secret beef i have toward anyone.

i hope you all are doing well and if you are being harassed/bullied then i am here for u and u can talk to me any time💜🖤

i myself have been a victim of bullying and harassment. ive been a victim of rumor and lies. ive been so affected by it to the point where ive tried to end my own life and have self harmed because of it.

bullying is not a joke. you never know what someone is going through. you don't know if your harassment might be the last thing that pushes them over the edge. i still get bullied for the time i attempted suicide because of bullying. have some fucking empathy and understand that these are human beings who have lives that you are messing with. and your words have more of an impact than you think.

thankfully i am in a better place mentally than i was when i first started being targeted. but i still have anxiety. i still get extremely worried and upset when i see these things happening to me or other people. it makes me not even want to be online anymore. and ive left the internet multiple times to try and escape bullies. ive gone months without even posting because i couldn't handle the harassment anymore. i don't wish that feeling upon anyone. and if you need something cleared up or just need a friend you can always message me.

i don't hate anyone. and when ppl are depressed or upset it makes me upset. maybe im just sensitive or just have too much empathy, but it genuinely hurts me so much to see cruel behavior displayed toward anyone.

like i said, i don't KNOW exactly WHO or WHAT is being said about me to ppl. i just know that multiple people have came to me directly with screenshots of things ppl have said about me or have tried to make SEEM like its me sending them stuff. and im not sure what else i can do besides publicly write a post telling you guys how i feel about it.

i don't want anything to do with drama. and i always try to ignore ppl harassing me. but when it starts affecting other people it breaks my heart. its not okay. and i will do my best to try to spread positivity to make up for it.

i love you all༺♡༻ thanks for taking the time to read this.

~ katie

#kh #bullying #harassment #fake messages #anon #anon hate