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euphternal · 3 days

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random paige bueckers headcanon 🫧

✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚ ୭ 🧷 ✧ ˚. ᵎᵎ 🎀🪞🕊️🤍✨

notes: im new to the paige/uconn huskies fandom, so i don’t know everything, the sports, her friends or family. pls just give me a chance. i saw her and i instantly LOVED her sm 😭 so just give me patience here. please 🩷 and it's partly self indulged

࿔*:: when she's arriving home, ur instantly playing daddy by usher and has a cake that says, "welcome back daddy🤰🏼" LMFAOOOOOO

࿔*:: u both have too many album filled on your photo apps of you two in 0.5x photos (like the middle photo at the top)😭

࿔*:: she's a messy mf, CLOTHES EVERYWHERE. remember she said in an interview say if she was a boy she would NASTTTYY, ur wrong paige babes xx

࿔*:: she's such a ass, "babe, if u come to miami. i PROMISSSEEE i'll do the dishes for the week." u just gave her the PHATTEST eye roll, as if shes gonna do that lmfao

࿔*:: as ur from the uk, she cant and WONT stop mocking ur accent. shes got ice, kk, nika AND azzi doing it too when you visit her at her games

࿔*:: also as ur from the uk, she ADORRREEEE house music (esp 2005 - 2017 house music)

࿔*:: shes only gotten into skincare bc of u 😃

࿔*:: also shes has the brain of a 13 yr old boy on fornite...

࿔*:: shes always saying the most out of pocket stuff with you, you've just learned to block it out at this point lol

࿔*:: always has some kind of way of her skin touching yours, spacial awareness is out of the window lmfao

࿔*:: paige know pissed u get when you see the videos of azzi and her, but she only teases you with them videos LMFAO. she know how piss you off, BIG TIME.

࿔*:: it's because you both know whats gonna happen that following night...👀

࿔*:: as much as i LIVE AND BREAAATTHHEE for bottom!paige... she not🧍🏻‍♀️ SHE'S A TOPPPPPP, I MEAN COME OOOONNNNN...

࿔*:: shes wearing the pants in the relationship... the princess treatment is UGGGHHHH😵‍💫

࿔*:: the strap game... no comment. ˢ⁽ᶜʳᵉᵃᵐᶦⁿᵍ⁾

࿔*:: i bet she loves marvel ngl, idk i feel like shes either love shuri, natasha or wanda ngl

࿔*:: dont play beyonce in the car, ur both dead. u both ADOREEE AND LOVEEE BEY

࿔*:: omg she surprised u with tickets to the renaissance, (i wish i went, EVERTHING about 2023 summer 🥹)

࿔*:: always posting about you on socials, shes wont shut up about you...

࿔*:: kk is definitely ur kid, the useless comments (that has NO correlation to the posts) from her under ur ig pages... "parents ate🎀", "come pick me up mothers" or "i fear to ask the mothers... what's for dinner?"

࿔*:: omg, u both have a gulity pleasure in review really fucking cute, big and expensive classy houses together and both getting baby feverrrrr🥹

࿔*:: shes fucking adores ur relationship with drew :(

࿔*:: she wants to impregnant right now if she could LMFAOOO

࿔*:: shes literally wants to be under ur skin

࿔*:: and she's definitely waiting for the right time to pop the question, more than likely at the basketball court. lets be honest LMFAOOOO

#paige bueckers #paige bueckers headcannon #paige bueckers x oc #paige bueckers x reader #uconn huskies #wlw love #headcanon

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ribread03 · 3 days

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pool day. bsf!Nick(platonic) x reader x crush!Matt PT.2

warnings: Smut, fluff, teasing, Head m receiving, unprotected sex (wrap before you tap)

AN: Finally getting around to writing part 2 of this. Also Im doing this rather than writing an essay for my English class lol.

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He suddenly pulls away looking at your neck. His fingers brush over the spot he was just attacking with his mouth. "Hope you have some make up with you" He says as he turns around and leaves you there on the counter, alone, after he built up all that tension.

Getting off of the counter you change and walk up to Nick's room to say bye to him. "Bye Nick, I really need to go. Thanks for the bathing suit again." You say before you hug him and head out to your car.

When you reach your car you remember about the deep red, and purple marks on your neck. You are really hoping Nick didn't notice them, but it's Nick so he probably did. Slapping yourself in the face you back out of their drive way.

Walking into your house you drop your bag and head straight to your bathroom. Turning the shower on, -the water being a thousand degrees-. Stepping into the shower you relaxed into the hot water. Grabbing your phone you open the music app and turn on your shower playlist.

About 5 minutes go by and you get a text from Nick. "Shit" you say out loud. You open it not really know what to expect. When you open it you see a photo of Matt but its from far away. Along with the photo is a text that says "This dude has not stopped talking for the past 2 hours. Wanna tell me anything?"

Stepping out of the shower and texting him back you don't really know what to say because you cant tell Nick that his brother gave you hickeys in the bathroom, and was praising you about the way you looked in the bathing suit that Nick got you. So you just reply with a simple "I don't know why he is like that. Idk why you are asking me?"

"I DONT KNOW Y/N. MAYBE BECAUSE YOU WALKED INTO MY ROOM WITH HICKEYS WHEN YOU CAME TO SAY BYE! GIRL AND YOU WHERE ALL FLUSHED TOO..." Nick quickly responds to your lame excuse for a lie. "and after you left I came down stairs to see Matt talking to Chris and you'll be happy to know it was about you."

Walking into your room now blushing from embarrassment and the fact that Matt was talking about me, I try to come up with a good reply to send Nick but I really can't think of any before another text pops up on my phone. It's Chris, the message is not what you expected "Matt only seems to be talking about you btw, and he's really blushing... what did you do with my brother y/n?"

Not know what to say to either of the brothers you decide to tell them some. How Matt said that you looked good in the bikini that Nick gave to you and that you should like it because it made your body look good. But you didn't tell them how he gave you the hickeys and how he left you sexually frustrated and having to deal with it on your own in the shower before they wanted to start blowing up your phone.

Nick is now blowing up your phone even more than before. Asking you to tell him everything because he knows who gave you the hickeys. "Tell me everything y/n! But not to much... that's still my brother you're talking about." So I go on to tell him everything, still in my towel.

Now you are fully dressed, between texting them and trying to get dressed you've lost track of how this even all happened. Deciding to text Matt to ask him what the fuck just happened, your phone pings in your hand. Rolling your eyes you open the text and smile a little when you see it is from Matt. "Im coming over, be there in 5." You didn't expect him to be this up front and out of no where with this type of text.

"Ok.. front door is unlocked just come in." You text him back. Now you're rushing around your house to straighten it up, first your living room, then your room and bathroom. Running around your house going from room to room. Changing into your nice pajamas you go to the kitchen to get a snack. Then you hear the door open. Thinking to yourself that 5 minutes went by really quick.

"y/n?" you hear Matt say from the door.

"In the kitchen!" You say loud enough for him to hear but making sure to yell.

You hear Matt start to walk over to you. Feeling his presence behind you, you turn around to face him now. "Hey." He's standing over top of you, close enough to you to feel the heat coming through his clothes onto your body.

You can feel the tension building "Hi" You say just above a whisper. Not wanting to ruin this little moment

"What are you making?" He questions.

"I was just getting a snack before I headed back to my room to watch a movie, but you text me so I didn't go back to my room." You slightly ramble trying to make up and excuse to figure out why he is here.

"Sorry, I can leave if you had plans to do something." He pauses for a moment. "They were just really starting to get on my nerves." Referring to his brothers makes you think back to the text messages you were getting not even 45 minutes ago.

"Matt, you can stay." You say stopping him before he starts to ramble on.

"You sure?" He ask just trying to be nice but now you feel like this conversation is started in drag on.

Taking Matt's hand you lead him to your room. Going to your bed you flop down with the bag of chips in your hand. Matt is now looking at you standing 5 feet away from the bed. Patting the spot next to you inviting Matt to come and sit, he does.

"What movie you wanna watch?" Trying to ignore the throbbing that is going on in-between your legs now.

"Its up to you honestly, whatever movie you planned on watching before I came over." Matt say.

"Oh, ok then." you say a little surprise about what he said because he always wants to pick the movies or he's doesn't really get into them. So putting on your cheesy romance movie you scoot closer to him so he can have some chips as well. Feeling Matt flinch when your thighs meet sends tingles up your back for some reason.

About 45 minutes into the movie you feel someone looking at you. You know who it is but you still decide you look over at Matt. When you eyes meet he doesn't look away, instead he crashes his lips onto yours. Your eyes go wide for a moment defiantly not expecting him to kiss you like that. Kissing him back your hand finds its way to the back of his neck, pulling lightly on the hair at the base of it.

This makes Matt moan into the kiss, sending shivers down your throat. Taking this as your chance to move so now your straddling him. Feeling is hard on under you, you pull away. "This okay?" You ask before slowly moving your hand down his chest down to his dick. Never breaking eye contact with him as he nods his head yes and pulls his bottom lip in-between his teeth.

Your now palming him through his pants. A moan escapes his lips making you clench around nothings. Watching as his eyebrows push together you slide your whole body down, so now your face is level with his dick. Unbuckling his pants you look up at him asking him for permission with your eyes. He nods yes again. You continue to unclothe his lower half until his dick springs up out of his boxers.

Your eyes get big when you see how big he really is. You have heard rumors about his size but you thought that people were over exaggerating, but you were wrong. Looking back and forth between his eyes and his dick.

His tip is red and leaking pre cum just from you touching him in his pants. Puckering your lips together you let a little drop of saliva fall on his tip. This action making him whimper and head fall back. Slowly bringing your thumb up to the slit you slide the saliva down the length starting to pump him a bit before taking his tip into your mouth.

Matts hands go right to your hair when you fully take him in your mouth gaging a bit when he pushes your head down by mistake. "K-keep go-going." He moans out when you hollow out your cheeks. Humming before you pull off of him. Matt letting out a despite cry when you do this makes you giggle a bit.

"Dont worry Matt, you'll get there." You say before grabbing his hand and bringing it down towards your heat, and where you needed him the most. Moaning when he slightly touches you through your panties.

"Can I touch you y/n?" He ask making sure its ok even tho you moved his hand there.

"Yes Matt, pl-please touch me" your practically begging to have his fingers in you at this point.

With this Matt moves you onto your back so that he is now over top of you. Pulling you panties and tiny shorts down throwing them somewhere on the floor. He brings his fingers to your clit moving them fast making you arch your back and start moaning his name.

You feel Matts finger suddenly insert into you causing you to moan his name. "Ma-matt k-keep going. Pl-please." Begging him to let you cum. His fingers move faster as he is trying to get you to your high.

"There you go. Come on, cum for me y/n" Feeling the coil snap as you cum around his fingers. Moaning nonsense as you come down from your high.

You wanted nothing more for Matt to be inside of you right now. "Matt?" you whisper

"Yeah?" He says in-between kissing your neck.

"Im ready, can we.." You trail off but Matt knows exactly what you mean as he pulls his shirt off and helps you with yours.

"You sure?" He ask again.

"Yes, just please, I need you Matt." begging for him to be inside of you once again.

With this Matt Slowing starts to play with your entrance with his tip. Slowly he starts to slide into you. At first its painful due to the sheer size of him but slowly it turns into pleasure. Once he bottoms out your both whispering messes, feeling his fill you so much. He fills you more than anyone ever has before.

Trying to rock your hips against his he takes this as a sign to start moving. Thrusting into you Matt groans as he starts to move faster. Your hands find his hair and tug lightly. Moaning his name and other nonsense of sounds coming out of your mouth.

Feeling close to a second high you squeeze around him. "Matt, Im close." You manage to get.

"Me to princess."

The word princess is enough to make you cum all over Matt dick. Moaning as he is still pounding into you chasing his own high. The stimulation is becoming to much as you try to pull away, but Matt's strong grip on your waist hold you down onto the bed. "Matt, cum inside of me."

With your word Matt is cumming within seconds. Falling on top of you catching his breath as you catch yours. Lifting his head Matt plants small kisses all over your face. Pulling out of you, you whimper with the loss of him being inside of you.

Once you two have both catch your breath, you finally decide to ask the question that's been killing you since he text you. "Matt? Why did you even come over here in the first place?"

He rolls over to face you. "To be honest y/n.. I really couldn't stop thinking about you, and Nick saw the hickeys and wouldn't stop bothering me about them because we went to the bathroom at the same time."

"I mean, you did give me the hickeys. Hes not wrong about that." you say with a giggle.

Planting a kiss on your lips Matt gets up from the bed and walks over to the bathroom. Coming back out with a damp washcloth in his hand to help clean you up. Smiling to yourself as you watch Matt pick up the clothes and throw them into your dirty clothes bin.

"Can I spend the night with you?"

"Of course Matt."

After a little while you and Matt decide to watch a movie, falling asleep not to far into it. Tangled up in each other's arms, not a care in the world.

Walking up to giggles in your room, you are met with a camera in your face with Nick and Chris behind it. Putting your hand up to block it you roll over and snuggle back into Matt's chest, giving Nick and Chris the finger at the same time.

Matt is awake not even two minutes after you are. Now whisper yelling at his brothers to get out so you can get dressed. This causes them so shout and whistle at Matt as they walk out of the room.

After you and Matt gets changed, Matt walks out of the room to go and talk to his brothers. You have no idea what he is saying to them so you have no choice to sit and wait for him to come back.

About five minutes go by when you hear Chris yelling your name. "YOU AND Y/N!" Now really curious about what is going on you quietly walk out of your room and peep your head around the corner.

You see Matt smiling blushing like crazy, Chris is still shocked at the fact his brother made a move on you, and Nick is sitting there fake gagging while giving his brother a high five for making a move.

You see Matt starting to walk back so you go to turn around and go back into your room like you've been there the whole time. "Where are you going to miss y/n?" You stop in your tracks and turn on your heel.

"No where.." You say with a slight smile which gives away your lie.

Matt grabs your hand pulls you closer to him. "y/n, y/l/n... Will you be my girlfriend?" You gasp at what Matt just said. Wiping your eyes you nod your head yes

"Yes, yes! A million times yes!" you say throwing your arms around his neck and giving him a kiss.

Gagging is coming from the next room. Nick... of course he is gagging at us. Running over and hugging Nick you thank him for the bathing suit that just got you a boyfriend and sex. Gagging in response he hugs you back.

"Hey! I pushed him to go into the bathroom with you..." Chris says feeling left out. You go over to him and whisper in his ear. "Did you also tell him to leave me high and dry in there?" backing away from him he's smiling. Hitting him on the arm "You're such an ass"

You feel hands grab your waist now. You turn around a meet Matt, giving him a quick kiss, and earning a gag from Nick. You say bye to the boys and walk out to the car with them. "Bye, Ill be over tomorrow."

"Okay" Matt says with a cheeky smile, winking at you.

"Bye y/n, see you tomorrow." Both Nick and Chris say at the same time.

Watching Matt pull out of the driveway you smile to yourself, thinking about how lucky you got to have Matt in your life.

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AN pt2: This literally took me so long to write and idky but I hope you like it. This is my first time writing smut so Im not sure how I feel about writing it yet so bare with me.. anyway I hope you liked this. OKAY BYE<3

#matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #smut #sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #chris x reader #nicolas sturniolo

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puppyeared · 5 months

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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously

#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to #im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but #because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of #exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something #and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh #and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing #because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant #even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still #its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about #I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird #maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel #a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t #I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to #be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol #idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week #had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting #yapping #does this count as vent #vent #Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly

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atthebell · 4 months

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Why do you think Roier and Missa are easiest to understand? I found the same thing as someone who's just learning Spanish, and I wasnt sure if it was because I've watched so much Roier content that it influenced my ability to understand him, or if there's a deeper reason due to some regional accent differences being easier for non-native speakers to understand. I'm curious about your thoughts since you have really good insights into linguistics, but ignore this if it's too much for tumblr lol!

neither of them talk super fast, and imo their accents are fairly easy to understand-- for me, missa is easy to understand bc he's from the north and that region has accents i'm more familiar with, and roier's accent is somewhat neutral although obviously still clearly mexican and he uses a lot of slang. i think that also helps-- roier uses a lot of the same vocab, so if you're still learning spanish, you can pick up that slang and then understand quite a bit of what he's saying because he swears literally five times in a single sentence. they both speak pretty clearly and, additionally, i think most non-native spanish speakers, especially U.S. americans, are most familiar with mexican spanish rather than other dialects. so that's why someone like rubius or spreen is harder for nonnative speakers to understand, unless they're more familiar with spanish or argentine dialects specifically.

for me it's hard to parse bc i understand most of what they all say regardless since i've spoken spanish for so long, but i think rivers is just difficult because she speaks very fast. mariana is pretty easily to understand as well, there's just less for me to say about him tbh idr where he's from and i don't really have a hard time understanding him, i just watch him less than anyone else really.

for quackity, his accent is more noticeable, and his spanish is a little weirder, in that he is so bilingual and if you're not familiar with that way of speaking it can be hard to pick up what he's saying sometimes. this is partially why i wish there were a few more latino americans on the server so people get more familiar with that type of bilinguality-- i think quackity is in a unique position that he doesn't full share with other server members (aside from mouse, in that she is also a latino who lives in the states, although from a content perspective she doesn't do the same kind of bilingual split that q does nor does she stream in spanish), and i would be interested to see more of that kind of diasporic latino experience on the server. that's me rambling and doesn't have to do with accents i've just been thinking about it for a while and i think it would be cool. but yeah q phrases things funny sometimes because he's thinking of the english way of saying something or vice versa, and he is by far one of the most fluently bilingual members of the server, so it's an interesting dynamic for people watching him who aren't super familiar with spanish nor the kinds of calques and things that end up happening with bilingual speakers.

anyway back to your actual questions i do also think exposure does tip the scales lol most of us watch more roier than anyone else and esp for people just learning spanish, you're gonna understand him better than anyone else because of that. which is nice in some ways bc you learn a lot of slang but also if you're going to speak spanish in any kind of non-casual setting please do not talk like roier he is a fucking crazy person who swears so much it's actually unreal

#asks #anons #also this isnt me trying to label q as mexican american since he doesnt call himself that at all #just that he is a latino who lives (part-time) in the states so its a slightly different dynamic if that makes sense? idfk #labels are difficult im not trying to put any on q i just think that element of his life is important to acknowledge #when it comes to his bilingualism #also im not putting a value judgment on fluency levels its just very clear q is extremely fluent in both in a way most people aren't #sorry i have to give a billion caveats i dont want anyone to think im trying to be a dick or assume too much about ccs #and again im white us american and not latino myself #also unrelated to the rest of this but the funniest thing to me about qs accent in eng is how randomly he throws in east coast vowel change #like where did he get those. i need to know #anyway this is way more answer than was probably needed and i spent forever writing it #and now my nephew is here i have to go play with hotwheels

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werebutch · 1 month

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WSBH chara q’s: (you don’t have to answer all the numbers, just whatever you want to 𖢘)

16/35/51 for Scotch

1/6/55 for Atlas

I LOVE YOU

16. What kinds of people do they have arguments with in their head?

okay i truly think scotch argues with seraph in his head all the time. ALL the time. scotch largely ignores them, and vice versa, because he dislikes them and they know it. seraph is very conflict avoidant lol, and as long as hes not a "threat" they dont care to talk to him about their problems. he probably argues with atlas and jacob (his older brother) too, atlas about more stupid small stuff, and jacob about childhood and life stuff :p

im trying to think of more general groups he would argue with but i cant come up with anything BAHAH. hes not exactly conflict avoidant in the annoying libra way that seraph is, he more just ignores conflict for his friends’ (mostly atlas’) sake. idk if that makes sense LOL

35. What is the smallest, morally questionable choice they’ve made?

hmmm.. smallest? i mean scotch strings eloise along for most of the time pre timeskip. its not a main focus but its definitely important in order to understand scotch as a whole. she and scotch go out for a while, and mid way through that he realizes hes GAY gay. lol. and obviously lying to her about that is pretty questionable after a while. especially since he and atlas have been 👉👌 like the whole time. but she kind of knows. well

something a little bigger would be him encouraging or otherwise turning a blind eye to all the weird stuff atlas is up to. he doesn't know what it's like to be a werewolf, he can't say anything, right? lol.... murder is okay if its a talking dog doing it. scotch enabler supreme. actually when seraph is introduced, he and atlas have a 'joke' (kind of starts being real) about luring seraph somewhere to kill them. obviously doesnt happen and gets abandoned. but i think its important to know about their dynamic LOL

51. What’s a phrase they say a lot?

this guy is kind of goofy. i cant think of phrases rn but he has a specific way of speaking.. you could watch pretty much any old pop punk band interview and kind of get the idea. HAHAH

1. What’s the lie your character says most often?

atlas is a big fan of saying 'its fine' for all situations ever. family in mortal danger? its fine. completely splitting? its fine. arthritis excruciating? its fine. hes one of those people that dont like to deal with the fawning of others unless hes feeling real special. Ends up putting people in more danger a lot of the time. i think eloise is the only fan of communication in this friend group to be honest. i should have made her the main character

he tends to make promises he cant keep as well, but thats more general..

6. What’s their favorite [insert anything] that they’ve never recommended to anyone before?

i have NO idea. i feel like atlas would be a music snob, so maybe his favorite 'super underground' bands. otherwise he'd probably never recommend raw human meat to another human (no matter how much scotch asks -__-).. (he would chicken out anyway)

55. What’s something they’re expected to enjoy based on their hobbies / profession that they actually dislike / hate?

um. so atlas hates working out. he especially hates running, you know, the thing that wolves are known for doing a lot of? unfortunately the lycanthropy came with a side effect of pretty bad arthritis, so that doesnt exactly encourage him. he DOES exercise, a lot since hes pretty much required for his ermm "side job", but he hates it 😸 besides the arthritis it’s mostly because I think it’s silly that he hates it. yay

#ummm a lot of what i talk about with my ocs are the character relationships but thats why i write. i like gossip. its fun. LMFAO #im actually having trouble deciding whether i want atlas to be a killer or not. like regularly killing i mean. hes definitely killed SOMEON #im really inspired by ginger snaps and scream. i dont even like scream that much but it reminds me of how they are. lol #scotch and atlas are pretty different but theres two things i see as themes. they both hate communication (and that causes conflict; so mor #avoiding). and the fact that scotch lives vicariously through atlas. atlas is doing #what scotch thinks is interesting. for pretty much the entire time; scotch likes to beg atlas to turn him. i think scotch sees the lack of #control he has over his life and sees lycanthropy as power. arguably thats why scotch is so attracted to atlas. lol #idk. thats not canon. im just thinking out loud here.#and yk it is power but not freedom. atlas would much rather just be a regular wolf. hunting and shit. but hes got these damn people here lo #but he sees what his life is like being a lycanthrope and hes kinda like. no. im not bringing that onto you. you dont know what youre askin #YOU KNOW? its goofy. i know. but its fun. LOL #if you (a general audience you but it can be you too grins) want to talk about scotch's confusion about his attraction to eloise we'd be #here all day. i think scotch is an egg. i dont know. i truly think theres some vicarious living (again) through her femininity.#and el is trans so he doesnt see her femininity as unattainable to him. you know? i hope that makes sense lol and im kind of projecting on #to him wif dat. to be honest. but obviously in the other direction. BWAHAH #asks #eucyon #thank u for da ask jesse this is so fun ^__^ and exciting that someone remembers their names HAH #after all this talking in the tags what I meant to say is that scotch and atlas both have sick intentions. it’s just that scotch doesn’t #act on them. and atlas does. so. living vicariously. ok

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jonny-b-meowborn · 11 months

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As time goes by I'm becoming more and more sure that I just can't survive on my own. I can take basic care of myself, but the second I have to go to a doctor or do some formal stuff I get paralyzed. I just can't. Fuck, I can barely even talk to strangers in general. Or even not strangers, I can't fucking text someone back if I'm not close to them, it's just so scary and exhausting. I'm becoming emotionally tired more easily and sometimes even talking with my mom about anything is too much for me and I love my mom. And I really need her, I can't do basic stuff without her pretty much holding my hand all the time. I can't get a normal job. We went to this blueberry plantation a few times but I just couldn't go there without her, and now the job is over and we can't go there at all. If I wasn't such a fucking baby I'd go there a few more times alone and get some money. I can't make calls, there's literally like two people I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. People used to say I was mature for my age when I was younger but I never grew up and now I'm almost 21 and can't do anything with my life. I'm scared of everything, I'm constantly exhausted physically and mentally. I'm like a fucking child. I'm scared that I'm gonna have to live with my mom my whole life. I can't see a future for myself, I'm just not able to survive without help and at some point I won't be able to get help, I don't want to be a parasite living off of my mom's money but I don't see anything else I could do. I hate my brain so much. I hate the way it refuses to work. I hate myself for being such a child.

#you know theres this weird idk. impostor syndrome about me and my autism #like on one hand i know that autism is a disability. but on the other i cant think of myself as disabled #cause im not 'autistic enough'. because i can keep myself fed and clean and healthy and alive as long as im provided with everything i need #but then i have a full on breakdown because my new laptop doesnt work and i have to go to the store to have it checked/replaced #i wanna throw up just thinking about it #i cant do anything without my moms help #i wanna throw up and cry and die when theres too much happening around me. i cant survive in the real world. i just can't #i cant get a job or a partner or go to college or move out or even just fucking. go to a store and ask for help with my laptop.#i feel like im destined to live w my mom forever and not achieve anything and die alone #i keep talking about wanting to make a living with my art but thats bullshit. i do want that but i know it's not possible for me #i cant even fucking finish the commissions i already have. im scared to get new ones. im scared to do anything.#my brain refuses to let me work on anything #and yeah i am burnt out after my diploma and exams and all that but at some point i just have to admit im not built for that. for anything.#im built to live like a parasite baby and die #my mom is too good of a person to kick me out but i wouldnt blame her. im useless. i cant make money. i cant take care of myself #i dont know what to do #bee buzz

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