thinking about scully sitting on the floor of mulder’s apartment just holding him as he wept after his mother’s death and after she told him through tears that it’s time to stop. it’s time to stop looking for his sister.
and how she had already told him that once, seven years earlier, a month into their partnership, when she chased him out of a police station and told him to stop running after his sister because it won’t bring her back.
she called after him to just stop, because she’s the scientist, and that’s the logical conclusion that she had reached.
except later that night, he told her why he does it. that he’s been closing his eyes and walking into that room, thinking maybe, when he opens them, his sister will be there, since he was 12 years old. “every day” of his life.
and she never told him to stop again.
until seven years later, when she rocked him on the floor, and then the next day was asked “why do you want to bring all this back up now?” and answered, “someone owes it to mulder.”
so she started looking. she reopened files, she tracked down records, she went to his mother’s house to dig through the trash. she confronted CSM about what he knew, she flew to california, she held hands and prayed.
she looked at mulder and said “it hurts me to tell you this” and stayed steady in the truth anyway. she listened to him read to her about a 14-year-old girl’s pain, held his hand and told him to get some sleep. she stayed up, kept looking, and found it. “i got it, mulder. i couldn’t believe it when i saw it. it was like it was looking for me.”
the police report from when samantha ran away.
she read the hospital records, went to the home of the nurse who signed the intake report, asked him if he wanted her to go herself.
she left him by the car and walked up and knocked, asked about a patient in 1979. she listened as the nurse described how “you couldn’t forget her or how frightened she was. scared for her sweet life.” and the man who came for her, who wouldn’t put out his cigarette.
earlier the day before, she had been told to just stop. “word of advice, me to you: let it be. you know, there’s some wounds that are just too painful ever to be reopened.”
and she had responded, “this particular wound has never healed. and mulder deserves closure.”
after seven years, she knows now, that you can’t just stop chasing. she knows how heavy grief is, and she‘s seen the effects of carrying it alone. of walking into the worst night of your life every day, eyes closed, hopeful.
you can’t just stop, and you can’t really have closure, but you can help someone carry it.
and ultimately, that’s what made this the end of the road. sometimes the heaviest burden of grief is feeling that pain is all there is left of someone, and that alleviating it would be to abandon them.
scully’s right, this wound has never closed, but there’s freedom in shared remembrance and shared dedication. she doesn’t ask him to stop until he’s ready to know the truth, and she’s willing to find it. she doesn’t ask him to rest until it’s safe for him to, because it’s not forgetting samantha. she knows and she remembers.
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Endlessly tickled by the idea of Akira being a good shot but a shit gamer. I like to think its cause hes got incredible hand eye coordination and super steady ‘surgeon’ hands; hes very good with precise movements, but panics when he has to do brain melting inputs. His brain can keep up but its hard to make his hands follow suit. Its why u can have him be dogshit at arcade cabinets; panicking with the little joystick and button mashing like mad, while having him be a beast at things like darts and billiards.
The only arcade games he can play is house of the dead-esque shooting games (hes literally at the top of the leaderboards for MILES and he draws crowds whenever he plays) and DDR cabinets (hes just very light on his feet)(NOT to be confused with stepmania; he would die if he had to do arrow inputs with his HAND). Its kinda fun to watch him fumble with the other silly gimmick cabinets, but its more entertaining to watch him do what hes good at. If u take him to play darts, and if the darts are super cheap, he will absolutely try his best to split them down the middle each time. Doesnt always work, but its insane to know that he lands the bullseye literally 100% of the time.
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Noritoshi babygirled for like 2 episodes and never appeared again that is absolutely disrespectful I need more of him😭
ONG. Noritoshi's scenes in the anime were so fucking gorgeous (i'm still not over how they animated his lips and eyelashes and eyes and hair and clothes an-) and they so DISGRACEFULLY PUNCHED HIM OUT OF THE SCREEN TO BALANCE IT OUT.
yknow what, i cherish those moments he was on screen. his constant -_- face brought me unending happiness. if we saw more of him, we would all ascend to beyond human for witnessing such beauty and coolness in one man. that or our faces would melt off bc hes so amazing ahahaha (<- copium)
dont worry though anon. im also fucking drying up from lack of Noritoshi. Noritoshi withdrawls, if you will. thats the reason why i started postin, bc i wanna see Noritoshi being babygirl more often. I'm here w you anon, i'll feed us Noritoshi content.
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