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#but i need to think how to articulate this
banglatown · 29 days ago
#okay so like i’m feeling all 🦋🥺💖🥰 rn#today whilst my boyfriend was driving i was just staring at his face and was like *... 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰* like ... he is not only SO FUCKING GORGEOUS OH#MY GOD MY BABY#but he’s just so warm and so reassuring#like from the beginning; he’s been a positive source of life for me ... and i don’t think i could ever even address my gratitude to him but#he’s literally the light of my life ... he’s just so mesmerising i can’t even begin to articulate my feelings#like when this man holds me; he pulls me into his embrace and strokes my hair and plays w it ... 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋 GOD#i fucking what the fuck lizzy grant has become now and tbh i’ve not liked her music since i was fucking 15 but those words “heaven is a#place on earth w you” ... yes ... yes it is ... i don’t need it to be fancy or whatever but like when he holds me; his arms wrapped around#me my head on his chest whilst he strokes my hair and kisses the top of my head ... i literally think for that moment that everything will#actually be okay ... and i owe him my life for tht ... bc it’s hard to think that when you’re mentally ill .. but he is hope for me ...#he’s my ☀️#like i’m so in love w his smile and laugh tht just seeing them makes me feel like i could write about it for DAYS ... like the way his eyes#crinkle up .. and SKJSSJJSJS UGH I . AM . IN . LOVE#he has such a beautiful smile like it literally lights up a room and will cheer you up if you’re sad ... he literally radiates light ...#it’s him ... he’s the love of my life ... he rly is .. like when i think of comfort ... it’s him .. it’s always him 💌☁️💖🏹 i’m so in awe#he’s my dreamboat ... i rly cannot even explain how in love i am#i just want to tell him ... in all the ways that i can that i’m in love w him .. the fact that he rly makes me feel like i’m on a cloud when#i’m with him .. he’s just so soft and warm and cozy ... like 🧸 ... that’s him irl... 100% accurate#and like he rly is so supportive... but more importantly he learns when he’s wrong ... he learns and improves and ... that to me is#everything... it’s all i could have ever asked for#the fact that when he does fuck up tht he tries so hard to rectify it ... like i can feel how much he loves me and cherishes me and i’m just#so grateful for him ... he rly is my angel ... and i’m so lovesick rn ... like i’m being such a big baby#and like today he said “i wish i could just marry you” bc i had to duck bc ... just asian couple things LMAOOO .. and like he’s just such a#DREAM ... my dream#okay i’ll shut up now ... sorry for yEaRnInG on main lmaooo but pls just let me#love my boyfriend in a gay way lmAoooo .. i’ve been doing too many uquizes#recently 😪😪😪 anyway i hope you’re all well! i love you!#💗✨🦋🏹🥰🔒#beebs.txt
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mean-gemini · 2 months ago
Sorry to get involved in stay at home moms discourse for like the third day in a row but like those of u who are entirely 100% against being a stay at home mother and think it’s the most anti-feminist thing in the world, ask yourself this: for women with children who have the opportunity to choose between staying home or working, if you think they shouldn’t stay home, the alternative is them working full time and being away from their children most of the time when they don’t need to be and don’t want to be (bc we’re talking abt women who want to be SAHMs and have the option to here) which causes stress for the mother and the child and is worse for both of them, plus she has to pay for child care which is often so expensive that it defeats the whole purpose of her having a job in the first place, plus she is still coming home and probably doing the majority of parenting duties anyway. Is that really the better situation than her just staying home, getting the time with her child/children that she wants, giving the children a better childhood bc they are actually being raised by their own mother and not by strangers at daycare, etc? Is that rly preferable just bc it means she makes her own money and is theoretically not financially dependent on her partner? Doesn’t make sense but maybe that’s just me ......
I know it is not the ideal situation and I think in a perfect world women would not raise children in partnerships with men at all and instead children would be raised collectively in a community setting, but since that is not very realistic for most people currently, we have to think about what is best for mothers who already have children and what is best for the children themselves. Sure it’s not the most feminist choice ever but honestly this particular situation is a bit of a lose-lose under patriarchy and capitalism so while we should aim for the ultimate goal of this choice not even being necessary, we should also consider what is actually best for the women who are already mothers in this capitalist hellscape and who just want to actually raise their own children instead of outsourcing it. And we should also think about what is best for the children themselves since I feel like that’s often something that’s entirely forgotten about in this debate
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noize-machine · 2 months ago
Maybe I'm a bad dog trainer, but if im reading a dog training article and it starts talking about phasing out rewards I stop reading. Theres not really a reason to deny my dog a treat for doing what I asked him to? If hes spoiled for getting a snack or a toy every time he sits then so be it.
#like. hmm. how do i articulate this#i think increasing the amount of time the behavior has to be preformed before giving the reward is fine. thats basic training for a stay.#they gotta learn to sit 1 second#then two then three and so on before they can do a full sit stay#and increasing duration is the way to get that#but i am not interested in not rewarding my dog for doing a behavior he knows because he should be obedient#if that makes sense#i suppose its different for like shows and sports. cant really be shoving treats into the dog in the middle of HTM or obedience#idk! just my two cents on some advice i see often for purely pet dogs that i do not vibe with#Chiron loves training but you still expect to be paid even if you love your job right?#and theres definitely a difference between advice like 'hey theres situations you wont be able to reward a dog right away so prep for that'#and 'try phasing a food reward with a toy reward/whatever the dog finds rewarding other than food'#and 'phase out treats once the dog knows the behavior because the dog is obligated to listen by merit of you being a human'#that last one makes me immediately never listen to a word you day#*say#we have ONE local trainer (other than hunting exclusive trainers) and. she had me in the first half not gonna lie#but then she went on some tangent about how the dog should never get treats for a trick they know#and the dog should always listen and be happy to listen because youre in charge#and id like to invite chiron to take a huge shit on her doorstep :)#and i dont always reward fairly in Chirons pov im sure. sometimes i need him to be calm while im busy#and that can take a long time. but we always have a big play party when Quiet Calm Time is over. and that must be rewarding enough#because he settles as long as i need him to. because he trusts that Fun will follow when im done.#idk i hate how most people train their dogs#like...i have really good friends who are good to their animals. and i follow a LOT of dogblrs.#so its always kind of a shock to remember 'oh yeah this is how most people do it'
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clownishghoul · 3 months ago
does anybody else ever feel like they cant have more than one internet at a time bc if they have two or more Interests at a time and cant devote their full attention to both then u feel guilty bc ur neglecting ur other interests??? or am i mentally unwell??
#this literally makes no sense bc idk how to articulate thing#like for example i play the sims 4 every day or at least i did bc i love the game but i recently got another game that ive been playing#and i feel like my brain is so black and white bc i tell myself ‘i wanna play the witcher’ and then i go ‘oh no what about the sims i am#neglecting my sims and i cant just play both games today?? no that would be a logical solution’#like wtf is wrong with me#is this just anxiety?#this feels so silly tho#i do it with a lot of things tho#like i want to watch youtube or netflix but also read a book or some other ahit but i also dont want to do any of that#my brain is too busy#pls calm down#rambles#but seriously i javent played the sims in a few days bc ive been playing the witcher 3 and i feel like other simmers would be fine with this#bc i think a lot of ppl only casually play but thats not me luv#i just really like building ok#and i got this new mod and i havent been able to really try it out fully ugh#ok i sound very entitled rn but i got the game for free in 2019 and have invested hundreds of dollars in it since then so im gonna fuckin#play the game???#i play on our family pc and i never spend more than a couple hours at a time on it bc other ppl might need it and i think thats why my brain#wont let me play two games in one day?? i play at night too bc i dont wanna interact with my family#i have issues with feeling like a burden perhaps#please ignore this post omg#ik nobody reads these anyways and i post on tumblr for funsies but like#if ur reading this then no u didnt ❤️
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botwstoriesandsuch · 3 months ago
4am and thinking about the writing and story of botw and age of calamity again oh no history does repeat itself
#deja vu#someone replied to one of my posts criticizing hwaoc’s writing and they said something along the lines of#‘the bar already so low with Botw and now it’s even worse lol’#and now I’m here stuck thinking about how WRONG that is because literally the exact opposite is true fuck I’ve created a monster#people are subject to their own opinions and that’s great but also#writer brain is telling me to express why exactly botw and hell even aspects of hwaoc’s writing works#because it’s easy enough to identify what doesn’t work in a story but it’s an entirely different process highlighting the strengths#because the fact is that good writing is supposed to be the stuff that you don’t immediately notice#and that’s why critical comments are so much easier and more commonly seen no matter what the quality of media is. negative value/weight#or whatever that principal is called#like I can dedicate all weak to explaining every nuance and flaw and improvement to a game but realistically#the creators of that game probably poured more time and effort into something than in the hour or some it takes me to review it#week*#GUHH there’s a lot of passion and hard work that went into botw and even hwaoc (although not on the same level) and I wanna articulate that#in a means that still highlights its flaws and terrible terrible mistakes#but I ALSO a don’t want to people to think that those mistakes out weigh it’s enjoyability#but I ALSO want people to understand and appreciate the processes and details and thereby raise their standards for the future#but also this is a ZELDA HYRULE WARRIORS GAME what and I DOING with my life but ALSO that’s not an EXCUSE because BOTW is right THERE#and ALSO I need to not look like an narcissistic asshole and convey these thoughts in an articulate and understandable and NOT BORING way#can I just force project my thoughts and passions on this so we can save time here what is a Kip to do#lots of tags very sorry
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aqua-soap · 4 months ago
I can make it until tomorrow. It will be fine. I will have help. I will not be alone. It will be over one day because I know I can get better. Pls don’t reblog, just posting this here because I’m in a desperate metal place right now and don’t want to share these thoughts on my main blog, but I want to put them out there to feel less alone.
#don’t rb#my mind is sending me to terrifying places again and I can’t explain how scary and horrific the experience is#it’s unbelievable and indescribable#utter horror#serious#mental health#I can’t believe it’s like his sometimes I just cannot handle it and need escape but I cannot under any circumstance let myself to start#thinking of anything suicide related because it will only send me to a worse and even scarier place#and I cannot allow myself to go through that literal agonising hell and mental torture ever again#I can’t believe such mental suffering is possible in a species created by nature#it doesn’t feel like it should be possible. it doesn’t make any sense. what’s the point. it seems to cruel even for nature#which fucks with me even more because it just reinforces that something is deeply wrong with the universe and reality and hell and my own#existence#so obviously that has more bad effects#I’m articulate now but earlier today when I tried talking on the phone to a nurse I was sent into a trance and so confused and unclear#I’m assuming my mind does that to protect me or something but idk I’m not a professional#I literally have no choose but to desperately think as positive as I can because for me it’s not a choice but a matter of saving my life#it’s not fucking funny cool cute or edgy in the slightest to experience something like this and when ppl wear it like a badge I fucking#doubt they’ve ever had the mental hell that I have because if they had they wouldnt even be able to joke about it because I’m not.#it’s THAT bad.#there are no words
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notcatherinemorland · 5 months ago
i had like an Idea in class today but the only thing running thru my mind is how i can shove that idea directly up the arse of my fire emblem Thoughts to create this frankenstein of legitimate literature analysis and anime chess which i have decided is my new brand. all my interests now have to pick a side. literature analysis or anime chess, and then will be sent through a sausage grinder to create... something
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abiik · 7 months ago
i think i kind of hit on this in my original post at the very end there when i talk about how "chae yoon makes a living off of those surface level ice breakers, she makes a living off of being insincere in the most sincere ways, because while she truly does want to help, sometimes it's beyond chae yoon's power to do things to help people, it's beyond her control, even if that irks her. even if it makes her skin crawl to have to look u in the eye and lie about what's going to happen." chae yoon's job as a negotiatior is convincing people to do things that they might not want to do, and that includes herself, and her own precinct. her job is to meet in the middle, to compromise, so to speak, for both parties, and to keep shit from spiralling out of control. this takes a WHOLE lot of perseverance on her part because she IS going to be hitting roadblock after roadblock after roadblock if the person/people she's negotiating with is a tough cookie. and if what they want isnt what her superiors want, then she's being tugged BOTH ways, trying to negotiate with both of them, calming the tides of people who give her her pay check & call the shots AND the people who potentially have their life and the life of OTHERS on the line.
chae yoon's main internal conflict is actually based off of this and like. in a way, leads one of the big themes of the movie in my opinion. chae yoon is a little guy, in a way, whose background we know nothing about, who made a name for herself by being nothing but a fucking star at her job. tae gu is similar in this way – coming from nothing, making it big, taking control of his life where he had absolutely nothing but his sister & his name. even her boss, who objectively, is not the best dude in this, got roped in for being a little guy. he needed to pay his wife's medical bills.
chae yoon's internal conflict kind of goes as such, in my eyes like: whose side should she play, as the negotiator? if the big guns who are giving her her pay check are willing to risk innocent lives over a cock fight then whose side should she play? what is it worth having her - a little guy ~nobody~ essentially - as a negotiator if they aren't willing to listen to her? if they aren't willing to let her do her goddamn job?
chae yoon DOES try to give up. she DOES give her notice and she IS willing to sit at home and pretend not to give a damn. but then TAE GU ropes her into it. he even makes it a little more personal for her by dragging in her boss. i think. hm i think kind of in a way, tae gu helped push along chae yoon to keep going during their whole negotiation. while she was trying so hard to keep him from doing what he was going to do & to reason with him, while she was taking the chance he'd given her to change his mind, he was changing HER mind about quitting, about giving up – not that i think she wanted to in the first place, not that i think HE believed she wanted to in the first place. they were both the little guys and i think he wanted to give her something she could actually fight for, bc he knew he couldn't do it, not the way she wanted to, not the 'right' way. and i. AAAAAAAAAA
#h talks.#chae yoon#chae yoon x tae gu#tn#I CANT FUCKING RMEMEBER IF JO OR MAIA ALREADY TOUCHED ON THAT POINT W TAE GU BUT I AM#I THINK THIS IS MAYBE WHAT I WAS THINKING ABOUT HER & PERSEVERANCE THO#like the way that she went home. ready to give up bc what can she really do against these people after hyun ju's death? there's no proof#there's nothing she can do#they just. THERE'S NOTHING#they stepped all OVER chae yoon and left her in the aftermath of a fucking SLAUGHTER of which DIDNT need to happen#and like. ugh the whole. ugh just. the way that. i cannot articulate how fucking furious the higher ups make me. it makes me furious#the corrupt system that they show and the way that the movie protrays pitting 'smaller' ppl against each other#(albeit both chae yoon's boss & tae gu have a lot of power but not as much as the guys in the pent house)#also forgive me i cannot FUCKING remember chae yoon's boss's name FUCK#im gonna go fucking cRAZY#tae gu basically handing this responsibility over to her bc he KNOWS and TRUSTS that she'll follow through that she can do it#bc he cant. he wont be able to. he... also prob doesnt think he can u know#YALL IM GOING FUCKIN APESHIT OVER THESE THOUGHTS IM GOING TO#ILL JUST BE OVER HERE#IM GONNA RIP THROUGH THE WALLS#SORRY BOUT THIS#JUST GONNA#LEAVE THIS#HERE#HAHA#[RUNS AT FULL SPEED INTO A WALL LIKE A FOOTBALL PLAYER. KNOCKING MYSELF OUT]#also did yall catch the pun ;) i do clown myself. & tae gu. constantly.#also sorry if this makes no fucking sense :) i do not ever promise to be co-fucking-herent baby!!!#text heavy#i always get so nervous doing metas bc im like AM I RIGHT??? AM I WRONG???
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pepprs · 8 months ago
ive already used this one but
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#purrs#its ljke. do u ever get tired of being mean LOL like can u just. stop being mean please!!!! doesnt judging ppl and makng derogatory comments#abt ppl who are different than u like.. ever get exhausting. esp when ur like.... esp when its stuff that!!!! ur own daughters!!!!!!!! i#know i said i would stip doing this and i just. am mad so im gonna delete it i just like. need other ppl 2 know im mad cuz im a clown but.#its like little shit. its like the littlest shit and now im gonna be paranojd abt my posture and my filler words and my laugh for the next#2 weeks JDHSJDHDJJB 😔 like i get its all joaks and i jbow i shouldnt take it seriously vut also it hurts and like. why are ppls choices abt#how they present themselves and own their bodies and identities so... whatever to u that u cant just keep that to urself u know? eap when#we’vd fucking told u not to say shit like that and why its hurtful and u dknt. listen. listening is more than what u think it is lol like i#know im saying all this w a sink full of dishes still to do but. im so angry and sad rn like fucking stop!!!!! or at least ljke stop#pretending ur a balanced spiritual peaceful person ans that yoga and meditation are actually helping u when u turn around and like. cloud th#atmosphee in this house with fucking ****** ***** podcasts and the tiny manipulative comments like this. idk how to articulate it it just um#Hurt’s and im sad abt it um 🙈#DELETE LATER#ask to tag#like... 2 make fun of girls who talk and act anxious like we do when you are. Literally yhe reason why i for one am anxious. thats a whole#other type of cruelty i think. idk jow to articulate it im on thin jce even posting abt it publjcally chz That is cruel and i need 2 learn h#how 2 cope w it w/o seeking superficial attention but. AUUGGGHGHHHH the epic highs and lows of ***** * ****** *****#its like u go out of ur way esp when iys someone who we identify w or when theres obvious comparisons to be drawn.. u just go out of ur way#w the side comments and the mocking and. not to get my feelings hurt but Squidward Im Insane.jpg
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briarwing · 9 months ago
I’ve had a really strange euphoric feeling for a few days now. )=
#its typical of july#i feel like my imagination is too much#its not a good feeling becuz it is preferable over other things but its too much and stuff#i think the fact that i dont know many people intimately warps the way i see myself#i know people well but i still dont know the like#the imagery in their mind not the thoughts that can be worded#i just realized that the feeling i have of being watched is me watching myself through memories#i feel like thoughts are more powerful and more physical than we know so i think that makes sense#in that case i think the things i envision myself the most often and with the most desperation are the future#i wrote these tags in my head while drinming water then went to type them but it isnt right#theres something weird going on and it makes me feel isolated#which is most likely the most valuable thing ill ever experience#i think the burning lonely feeling i have out of need to show someone this beautiful silent world inside is something many people think#theyre the first to ever feel#its like an illusion#like being decieved by self-doubt and stuff is exactly what happens#i wish i could articulate things i feel like with everything i say the opposite is also equally true#i think contradictory is how i want to be seen well not exactly but i dont want those ignored because i think its funny#ever since the lunar eclipse everything single thing i know drastically changed but not to something unfamiliar but something old just in a#new light#like everything i knew something would come and that i wouldnt have to prepare to carefully enter it i would be thrown into it#whether or not i feel ‘worthy’ or ‘clean’#the feeling of being watched i mentioned isnt usually paranoid its actually very narcissitic#but i have the paranoid feeling too sometimes but so do we all
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