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#but i really thought i saw changes in his aura depending on who talked to him
anyhao-archived · 3 years ago
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okay im finally getting around to posting this, tbh i had to take a few days to (rest) before i thought more about this lol. also sorry it’s so long, ill put it under a read more. ANYWAYS my vav experience, as follows:
so for the fan sign there was a Lot going on so i forgot most of it but.. barons teeth sparkled when he smiled lmao anyways st van was first and I told him he was my moms favorite and he went rly?? in a really cute voice and he just seemed so surprised, it was endearing
and then jacob... i don’t mess with him anymore. jk lol he was so freaking attractive but like in a Hot way? his smile was so nice that im pretty sure i garbled my words but i tried to tell him i really like love night.. and I was going to ayno and like idk if i was joking to myself or what but just loud enough i actually said, oh that’s lots of bling! and both ayno and jacob heard me, ayno laughed genuinely and jacob was like omg i can’t believe this idiot.. i don’t think i said anything to ayno, he seemed really uncomfortable so i didn’t want to bother him anymore. but his laugh was genuine i could tell, and for a split second i don’t think he was wearing his Idol Mask(TM) when he smiled. but that’s probably just wishful thinking lol
ACE I CANT BELIEVE HIM he looked so fucking good oh my god i got to him and i called him a Casanova and he went ayyyy with a thumbs up and finger guns and i wanted to die lmfao
when i got to baron he said my name but kinda pronounced it wrong but i corrected him, and he said it again. and then i told him my name rhymes with his and he said mine like four times in different ways trying it out and rhyming it with his stage name😭 HE DIDNT have to say my name that many times, god. his English was so fucking good holy shit and his pronounciation??? Amazing and he’s so handsome up close, like literal Disney prince handsome
ziu talks sooo much!!! I love it and he’s so good looking and kind and he shook my hand and ??? he said to enjoy the show and i told him to enjoy doing the show and he did like a shy smile kind of thing !! you could tell he was trying hard with the English i was rly proud of him
lou had a flower crown on and i complimented on it and he said my name so well and there was more with him but i forgot 😢
but that was just the fan sign lol so much other stuff happened... later during the show i nearly died bc of ayno.. they were picking people to go up on stage, right? and there was a girl in front of me also with her hand raised, like freaking out (maybe a bit too much?) and i was like okay she probably wants it so i kinda like.. stopped raising my hand and gestures to her? If that makes sense... he almost picked her but when he saw me be nice and let her have it, he literally stares at me and picks me, dead on...but someone random that he wasn’t pointing at like ROWS back walked on stage before we could realize it was me but that fucking eye contact i had with him made him SHOOT up my bias list lol now I have to rethink my entire order. im like 75% sure that he picked me because i wasn’t a crazy fan, like the girl in front of me was a bit much.. and obviously if i was willing to give it up im not that insane... ladies, it pays off to be a nice person!
AND JACOB WITH THE BABY please end me i fell for him so much like he’s almost overtaking baron that’s how much i liked him last night and how nice is vav that they tried to pick new people?? like they picked the fan boy, the little baby, the elderly lady.. and they even helped her to and from the stage 💗😍 AND SPEAKING of gentlemanly stuff there was a guy with a wheelchair during the snapshots in line for jacob and when they were done he personally pushed the guy in the wheelchair all the way to where the man needed to go. he breaks my heart and heals it simultaneously, he’s so underrated but still a genuinely and QUIET nice person.. he doesn’t do good stuff to be noticed. like when winter breeze was over, they had the rappers sing it too... but not jacob. i was so upset and he also didn’t do his solo song that i specifically told him i liked, but ayno did two of his. im not bitter at all what do u mean ??? 🤷‍♀️
i feel like more happened at the concert but i can’t think of much more, im sure other fan accounts will have it all. the only thing i can think about is the snapshots anyways lol
the group picture was ... interesting. the hi touch wasnt much except it reinforced my idea that ayno recognized me, bc instead of a high five he held my hand for as long as possible, probably an apology for earlier. i nearly died. the pic ended up looking awful but thats okay lol. then we tried to leave but i ended up going the wrong way, and a staff handed me roughly like actually grabbing my shoulders and pushing me in the right direction (which i did not appreciate, please chill, u just didnt tell us the right way to go...) and a few members saw that and didnt like either. ayno looked irritated but im sure  hes just irritated at everything at that point lol, lou and ace looked at me sympathetically, and i gave ace the happy bday present someone asked me to give to him. he was so surprised it was adorable.
OKAY, NOW FOR THE SNAPSHOTS: so i actually had 7 snapshots but ended up getting 2 with jacob and 2 with ayno instead of one with everyone (which.. if u look above is not a surprise lmfao) so the first snapshot i do is with baron, obviously.. and this ASSHOLE wants to kill me like... for everyone i tried to pick poses that werent too touchy bc a) im not comfortable w that and b) im sure they were all tired of being touched lol so i picked the one where you make fingerhearts while standing next to each other, but NOOOOO
baron decides he doesnt like that pose enough so he literally puts his hands on my shoulders, guides me to a position thats not only in FRONT of him but CLOSER TO HIM than i was originally!!! what the fuck!! thats not all after that he had to lean around me and basically like... he was so fucking close to me oh my god. he smelled so good i need to know where he gets his cologne. also lol when he moved me in front of him i was like... omg are u sure??? im kinda tall.. and he just laughs and smiles and leans into/around me. that picture of me looks so stupid bc i was so.. happy and Not Ready lmao
anyways i go to jacob next and do the e-t touch pose lol since like i said... didnt want touchy ones and he seemed amused that i picked that one. i wonder if it was one of the least popular ones? probably.. and GOD hes rly such a gentleman hottie like i rarely say h*t but.... jacob was hot. since we did the e.t touch pose we had to touch fingertips and (eyes emoji) not to have a hand kink or anything but hes got. really nice hands. long fingers. also lmfao he had long ass fingernails and i kinda joked with him like “youve got longer fingernails than i do!!” and he laughed and smiled at me. and okay i turn to leave like gotta have the next person go but APPARENTLY he wasnt ready for the next person yet...  i literally had to have the staff be like wait! jacob is saying bye to you!!! and i was like WHAT and turned around and ran back to him basically to say bye he was grinning the entire time and he waved his hand and held it up for (i thought) a high five but he grabbed it and i swear i fell for him right there. JACOB WHEN WILL U BE MINE godfjkdgd and i watched him for a little bit but he didnt say bye that enthusiatically to anyone else (that i saw, at least)
then i did the prom pose with st. van, it was adorable. you could tell he was rly trying to interact with everyone and idk what it is about him but i felt comfortable enough to actually do a Touchy pose (the holding arm pose, like prom yknow). we love an amazing leader~
oH i did one with ziu too!! i did the byung byung pose with the hands together and we both looked ridiculous lol. i dont remember much about him except he was so tall wtf taller than i expected.
at this time i keep looking at my pics and THE E.T PIC WITH JACOB??? makes me crack the hell up.... it had to have been fate, obviously. in the pic (from the camera flash, i guess) where our fingers were touching, it just SO HAPPENED THAT THERE WAS A FLASH OF LIGHT......... iconic. jacob n i are meant to be. so i get in line for him again bc i want to show him the pic, but by the time i got up there again i had forgotten. i was also like... ready for a touchy pose with him bc why not. i cant remember what pose i did with him or if anything happened, im sure i was in a trance then lmao. pretty sure he recognized me but i cant be sure. 
then i get in line for ayno and i have two snapshot tickets left, and the staff announces theres only a few mins left so i was like SHIT and figured id just do two with ayno bc i didnt wanna waste any. his line was so long and staff had to keep reminding ppl not to hug/touch him and i felt soooo bad. i picked poses that werent too close to him, and even those in the pic he looked like he was trying to not be close to me lol. i feel so bad for him, im sure he got a lot of weird fans that night. i think he recognized me (again) because he smiled genuinely like he was happy i was there. i think he appreciated that i picked poses that didnt require touching -- he probably had a Lott of that. when the second pic was being printed the staff member laughed at something someone said, but i thought she was laughing at my picture bc i take shit pics and i got offended for a second and so did ayno LMAO but then she explained and i said bye to him and he went back into Idol Mask(TM) and i think that was it. 
i also ate at ihop that night, it was great, we didnt get back to our hotel till after 2am, it felt so... young adult-ish to be out so late lmao. i was very proud at how everything turned out, i dont think i wouldve changed a thing
anyway, long story short: im in love with jacob, baron is a disney prince, ayno shot up my bias list (he was like... last lmao) and i appreciate him as a person. those three were the Big Three, but i still loved meeting the other members. 10/10 would recommend vav
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rcksmith · 6 months ago
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Sun — Kaz Brekker
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Resume: Feelings are destabilizing things.
A/N: This story is not set in the books of Six Crows, I also changed the age of the characters to twenty-something because the idea of ​​writing something about a child makes me uncomfortable. All my stories, of any characters, are with them being of up age. Just like many fanfics out there in the teen series.
English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.
Couple: Kaz Brekker/ Fem!Reader.
Warnings: Mention of fight, swearing, mention of post-traumatic stress, angst, mention of kiss, mention of desire, desire, mention of death, but so fucking fluff.
Word count: 3k.
Requests are open. Love you ❤️
— — — —
There were few things in life that he was absolutely sure of. Things that were immutable, solid, unshakable. That even the strongest of winds would not be able to shake the structure. A life built on the basis of an equation of chaos, suffering, death and despair generated a result where it was necessary to be sure of something. And one of those certainties was the ability of himself, of his instincts, of his intelligence, the notion that he himself was a person capable of resolving any type of situation with iron fists. The second was the certainty of the loyalty of his crows, of the two people who, he knew, would never turn their backs on him.
And the third... the third was that when Kaz Brekker first laid eyes on you, he was sure that you would divide his life between a before and an after.
It was a lepid, ferocious feeling that swept the body of The Bastard of the Barrel from the top of his head to the tip of his polished boots. The heat immediately gave way to a cold sweat, a shiver as if receiving a midnight sigh at the back of the neck. There was a quick sensation of burning in the heat of an icy fire, but his composure did not flinch a single millimeter. He had learned to keep it in all situations, trained with steel fists.
Kaz looked at you deeply, from the top of your hair to the tip of your feet, trying to find answers as to why you had triggered such disturbing sensations with a simple and ridiculous exchange of looks. But he found no answers. He found neither after a day, nor after a week, damn it, he did not find nor after a month!
You had joined the infamous trio because they needed a fighting expert, someone who could defeat a good number of men on her own without needing backup, which would make their bigger and more complex robberies much easier. And when they found you, a girl who had been the subject for a experiment to create super soldiers, your ability to fight, physical endurance, and your sense of loyalty, made you perfect for the job.
But none of that explained why, whenever the stormy blue eyes met yours, he felt like he was ricochet by living eels. It was exasperating, frustrating on so many levels that it was difficult to put into words. Kaz could not expose this misfortune to his two closest people, first because his pride in admitting a disturbance in his subtly balanced world was too great, and second that... even if he considered said that, he would not know how to name those feelings for express what he were feeling.
How would Jesper and Inej understand something that even he did not understand?
Kaz Brekker had a firm and calm demeanor, an implacably logical mind and a way of narrowing his eyes that ensured that his orders were carried out with great efficiency, all according to the moment he wished. Then, just as he did to get rid of any disturbance, he buried those sensations so deeply until, like his overwhelming pains and traumas, they stopped tormenting him.
He thought that, like his flawless and cunning plans, it would have the same effect. That his nerves could get back to normal and he wouldn't have to deal with the feeling that feel hiself whit cold and hot at the same time whenever he laid eyes on you.
But, if it was true that the practice makes perfect, this rule has not been applied in this situation.
The deeper he buried those beginnings of thats sensations, more of them began to flourish, roaring harder, as a constant reminder that he was not that rock of stoicity and absence of feelings that he liked to think he was. It seemed that, just as light existed to exorcise the darkness, you existed to show that he still had a beating heart. Hot blood still coursing through the veins.
It has not helped anything in his cause that, over time, Inej and Jesper have become attache to you. Jesper even more. But if Kaz put aside his frustration and irritation for a second, he would know that he couldn't to blame them. In fact, there was no way to blame every person who approached you, delighted.
Jesper once described you as "the soul of the party", and Inej said that you had fire in your soul. Kaz would not have been able to think of better definitions to put into words what you were. There was thing about the way you laughed, the way you talked, the way your tilting your head and your so easy smile. There was a thing about you. That transformed you into the solar system and people orbited in your gravity like planets.
You had a way with people, Kaz really thought it was a gift, a talent. You were always laughing, smiling, playing with people and making them so comfortable in your presence that, once, Kaz saw a trader, who are in a the middle of a refused to close a contract with Kaz, just melt and give up because of the smile you gave to him.
Nothing from you has been forced, malicious, shrewd or cunning. You really smiled, you really laughed, as if you were...happy. Purely happy. And, in a second of insanity, Kaz wondered if that happiness was possible. If it was possible for him to feel something like this.
But, just as Brekker took his soul close from you as much as he could to avoid any emotion, Jesper did the exact opposite. Very quickly, just like Kaz and Inej are, the two of you became a pair of inseparable friends. Were always together.
Perhaps it was because you two were overwhelmingly alike: Always in the eye of danger, addicted to adrenaline, purely outgoing and liked a good fun. Or maybe it was because, like everyone around you, Jesper felt drawn closer to your warm, joyful and comforting aura.
But whatever it was, the timbre of your laughter followed by Jesper's became a sound as natural as the whistling of the wind. And it didn't take long for you two to become partners in thefts and plans.
However, it didn't take long too for the reactions Kaz had about the influence of your presence to become...louder.
If Kaz Brekker closed his eyes and concentrated for a moment, he could still remember and feel that night perfectly as if it were yesterday:
The plan was succinct: They would have to go through guards, high walls and locks to enter a merchant's residence, open the safe, pick up the jewels and leave. Twenty minutes was the time limit to complete that sequence.
Everyone was assigned to one thing: Kaz would turn off a fabricated security system from a Grisha, Inej would sneak into the shadows to the safe and pick up the jewels, and Jesper and you would be responsible for dealing with the various guards. Everyone would have to meet in the corridor that led to the back exit.
Kaz did not think that that so ridiculous and simple plan it could go wrong. Or that someone could make a slip. To him, it seemed as easy as sneaking into a yacht boat. However, there he was, next to Inej who carried the jewelery bag in her hand, both of them standing in that dimly lit corridor, waiting for you and Jesper to appear.
"It's been three minutes!" Inej pointed, as if Kaz didn't already know that.
Her intonation was concerned, apprehensive, with a certain fear. Kaz thought about saying something, but as soon as his mouth opened to say anything, he heard...
Steps. Hurried steps of two people. No, actually, the two people were running.
Suddenly, you and Jesper burst into the corridor, running as if their lives depended on it. Inej and Kaz would have been worried if it weren't for the bastard and peraltas smiles that stretched across faces of you two, stretching their cheeks.
Then Kaz noticed the reason for the delay. You two carried a giant picture under your left arms. Jesper carried the front end and you the back end, like two children who made a mischief and was running from their mother. True accomplices.
Kaz's jaw opened, his eyes widened slightly and roamed the frame with agitated iris, while Inej was totally baffled.
"C'mon, C'mon!" You exclaimed with laughter in your voice, Jesper and you never stopped running.
As soon all left and took shelter in the safety and peace of the Crow Club closed in that night, Jesper and you fell on the couch, laughing and panting.
"What was that?!” But Kaz was exasperated "Do you both know how much risked the plan?!"
"It was only three minutes, Boss." Jesper defended himself.
"It..." That's when Kaz looked at the painting responsible for all the commotion and fuss.
It was a painting, a landscape by Ravka. The fold. In oil on parchment. A DeKappel. That was worth at least ten thousand Kruges.
“You commented that you needed a new painting for your office.” Your voice took Kaz out of the admiration on the painting, and Jesper and Inej looked at you as if they had discovered that now too.
Jesper and Inej thought it was just for the money...
Kaz looked up into your eyes, and the cold, warm shiver spreading across his chest and snaking to his bones. As it always did the moment yours eyes meeting.
He remembered commenting in passing, in a very vague and obtuse way, that he wanted a new painting in the office. Until that moment, Brekker didn't think you paying attention to what he had to say. Not when it wasn't about a job or plan.
But there you were, proving that you had heard. And that you cared.
His breath caught for a second, the icy chill turned to something warmer, like the first sparks of fire in a fireplace. The first flames that precede the fire.
After that, Kaz began to pay more attention, unconsciously, to what you said. And, consequently, he started paying more attention to you. It had been gradual, sneaky as a snake, imperceptible so he wouldn't be able to root it out. As if the universe, destiny or divines, introduced, grain by grain, a small summer in a landscape frozen by winter.
It all started with your comment about liking it sweeter than salty, that dry wine left you with a headache and that you preferred rum. He evolved to notice how your tone of voice got sweeter when you talked to children or animals, and more serious when it came to the safety of the three crows. And suddenly, as if Kaz already knew this as he knew the sky was blue, he knew how to say how your eyes sparkled when you felt the warmth of the sun on your skin.
In that second, looking at you from the other side of the agitated club that turned into a celebration with dance and music, the world became suspended for a moment. The music became just an echoing, blurry noise, the images turned to slow motion and the air seemed to change in pitch. You, who laughed and speen round in Jesper's arms amid so many people who did the same thing, were the only one who starred as the main attraction.
In that minute, when the breath was slow and lyrical, and the air had a beauty tone, Kaz's eyes caught the exact moment when a beam of sunlight hit your face, shining on your skin as if you were one pirate tropical treasure. In a burst, a second of insanity, like a violin string that burst at the apice of the song, he felt that there was nothing else in the world worth seeing that was not you.
It was a scary, terrifying discovery. Something that made him freeze from head to toe, and all the speed in the world came back so fast that Kaz felt dizzy. He pressed his covered hand to the crow's beak of his cane, as if he needed a reminder of reality. Something that would wake him up from those hellish sensations.
- -
The months passed after that fateful afternoon. Kaz avoided staying close to you any longer than necessary and would strongly and vigorously scold every change of tone within himself whenever he saw you.
He didn't know what those sensations meant, but he also didn't want to find out. He liked challenges and responsibilities, but being around you was proving to be more than he could take. Your presence ignited him in a cold and warm fire, promising a future full of unfulfilled infinite wills. From pain, impotence and doomed to failure. Any feeling for you would be more of a punishment than anything else. The only solution was to get it out of your head.
Of course, he had been trying to do just that since he met you.
But again, the universe did not seem to want to give up from he. Not so easily.
Kaz had to take you along to make a deal with a merchant who was more impassable than a rock. Kaz had tried to negotiate with him before (since he couldn't take the strength or rob what he wanted) and all his efforts were in vain. So, he appealed for the last weapon. The person who always had a natural gift whit other people and always had a real smile that made anybody feel like... as if happiness really existed.
You.
"I'm glad it's hot" You commented, while walking next to Kaz "I don’t like the cold."
How did he know that you would say just that? That was so you. Warm, sweet and cozy things were the embodiment of what you were. It was logical that you preferred the heat. So different from him that, instead of you, enjoyed the cold. Liked the rains and storms, relaxed with the moonlight and felt less tense with the midnight winter breeze.
Kaz understood your personality as he understood the very lines of his hands. You were wild, bordering on reckless, you acted before thinking and you always loved anything that aroused adrenaline. You ran like no one else, jumped from one horse's cell to another, decided to catch the largest number of targets just because you wanted the thrill of fighting five against one. Anything calm, serene and peaceful stirred your restless personality. And Kaz knew exactly your level of restlessness from the way your leg was constantly jumping when you had to sit still for more than a few minutes.
You were a free spirit, forged in the heart of the sun and in the heat of summer. While he was limited by his own body and built in the heart of winter and frozen by the cold of the sea. Anything between you was doomed to fail even before you two met. Kaz Brekker knew this very well.
“He is late.” You grunted, your leg was already starting to jumping when you two spent a measly ten minutes waiting for the man.
You looked back and seemed to find it interesting, because Kaz saw your eyes shine.
"Let's go there?" You pointed, and Kaz had to turn around to see that you were referring to a coffee shop.
Crowded with sweets in the window for a change. Why was he not surprised?
“No.” He turned forward again, both hands on the cane.
"So I go over there and come back quickly."
“Y/n" he just said in a warning tone, giving you a scolding look.
You mumbled something he didn't identify, turned around again and did your best to be quiet. Five minutes passed before that merchant arrived, and Kaz can perfectly follow the change in his posture, change in the man eyes when you greeted him with that summer voice and sunny smile.
It was so vibrant, so vivid that, for a second, Kaz found himself slightly swayed by all the brilliance you emanated. Pulled towards your like an animal needing the warmth of the sun.
It didn't take much for the man to sign and agree with everything Kaz said and imposed. In fact, he suspected that if he had asked him to give him his bank password, the man would have been happy to do so.
"Can we go in the coffee shop now?” You commented as soon as the man left, still turning around to look at you as much as possible.
Kaz restrained the glaring urge to roll his eyes, but he had just landed a very lucrative business just and exclusively because you agreed to help. Even though you didn't gain anything from it. So, if he had to go with you to a goddamn coffee shop so he wouldn't feel like a petty profiteer, he would go to the goddamn coffee shop.
Kaz just walked towards the place, and the wide, summery smile you gave may have he missed a few heartbeats.
Stop it!
Once inside the damn store, you scanned the menu that hung on the wall.
“I never took this one.” You commented, pointing to what appeared to be a very sweet mix of drink. Something that involved ice cream and chocolate with something else.
It was not the kind of comment that had an answer, and Kaz was still engaged in the mission to stay away from you. But he thought that statement was just the reason why you wouldn't order that drink. But, just as you always threw any worldview Kaz had in the latrine, you asked for just that. His eyes were bloodshot with astonishment.
“Why are you going to order something you don't know if you like it?” He asked as soon as you got the drink and paid for it.
"How am I supposed to know if something is good if I never try it?” You said casually, both of you going out of the store. “Wanna try out?”
You held out for he the plastic cup that was covered by a lid that had a hole in the middle, where a fat, transparent straw came out. Kaz looked at you as if you had created a second head.
“Come on, you'll never know if you like it if you don't taste it.” The two of you stopped, you still holding the glass gently towards his mouth.
“No.” Kaz shook his head.
“Come ooon.” You insisted, a petulant and amusing smile plastered on your face.
"No."
You shook the glass, holding it out once more. This time, Kaz gave you a slightly annoyed look.
"You're not going to stop insisting until I take this thing, are you?"
You laughed, with a triumphant and friendly smile “I'm glad you know me so well”
Kaz rolled his eyes, snatching the glass from your hand and bringing the hellish straw to his mouth. Hell, he felt so stupid pulling that stupid drink through that straw. As soon as the sweet liquid invaded his tongue, an explosion of flavors flooded his palate, causing him to remain unresponsive for a moment.
"You liked it!" But just as he unveiled all of your lookes, you knew how to unveil all of his.
Kaz handed you the glass. “Absurdly sweet."
"You liked that I know."
You joked and, for a second, you had aroused he a desire to smile. A succinct curve in lips. With your sunny smiles and summer expressions, you looked like you were out of an enchanted forest inhabited by mystical creatures. Sun nymphs. Maybe Kaz would even have let himself go lightly if, when you took the glass back, your lips had not wrapped around the tip of the straw.
Exactly where his mouth was a second ago.
He pulse quickened so fast that it made the blood burn in his veins. It was impossible not to look down at delicate mouth, the subtle but destabilizing curvature in the center of your lower lip. Suddenly, he was out of breath, his body numb and his heart stopped beating for a second before accelerating to an alarming level.
Everything became hot, stuffy. The world spun away, out of focus, out of existence, leading he on a waltz unlike anything Kaz had ever felt before.
Kaz Brekker was the Bastard of the Barrel. Dirty hands and scammer. Someone trapped by his own body and traumas, unable to allow himself to enjoy human contact. But, hell, he was still a man. And in that moment, in that insane moment, he wanted to pretend, even for a few seconds, that what he wanted was within his reach.
Kaz thought he understood the desire: an attraction. He thought he knew what lust was: a wish that people felt. He had seen countless examples on his bar counter, drunk and chattering about what it was like to want a woman, to long for her. He thought he understood.
And he found that he didn't understand anything.
The desire was a hot and feverish whirlwind that shivered he from head to toe, with dizzying speed, and dragged everything towards perdition, below any intellect, any rationality. Rationally, he shouldn't have thought you were even more beautiful. But he did. He shouldn't feel his breath catch, but he did.
He felt as if he were walking on a narrow suspended board. One misstep and it would be the end of it. Hiding his disturbing thoughts, Kaz looked away from you.
He was ruined for the rest of his life.
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3desiderium3 · 6 months ago
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For your love
chapter two - Venus Doom
[ series masterlist ]
previous chapter | next chapter
pairings : reader x damiano david
story summary : damiano and reader are in very loving relationship that sometimes almost too quickly becomes too toxic for anyone likings
chapter warning (s) : basically I want to describe you how I imagine Y/Ns and Damianos relationship in the best way possible.
THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD LOOK UP TO OR IDOLZE OR ROMANTICIZE!!!
slight angst , mentions of corruption , mentions of sex , mentions of abuse and some mental illnesses , god complex , mentions of various kinks ,
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song recommendation - venus doom
Damiano David was a very complex person. He was a very hard to define persona. Adored and respected by many who knew him or not , never feared but was certainly often a main topic of various gossips.
He was very energetic and optimistic person , he loved to provide good time for the people around him but he also expected to be entertained. He was so artistic and charismatic, he had this cloudy velvety aura that could describe him as royalty.
He wanted everything or nothing .
He wanted to be dominant in every field he could reach. He was hardworking and stubborn.
He had a vision he didn't hesitate to fulfil.
His looks and his self presentation was mainly an act put up as guarding system and some sort of mechanism to prevent himself from bad outcomes.
Only his closest family , his bandmates ( whomst are also practically a family to him ) and his beloved dearest lover knew him truly.
Y/N however , knew him better than he did himself .
She was the first girl he let under his skin and under his layers of colours , luxurious presentations and egoistic posture.
He was bewitched by her. He opened himself up in all sort of ways he could to her.
She was the first girl he was making love to , not simply just fucking , but making love to, the first girl he ever cried in front of , the first one he introduced his ENTIRE family to , the first one he considered having their own family with etc .. etc ..
She was simply love of his life.
There was nothing much more to say about him than either to praise him or despite him.
Depending on if you wanted to be him / with him or if he stole your girl.
He was a sweet manipulative heartbreaker who was just simply along his fame and talent bored to death.
He cared about his physical appearance a lot , he took extra care when it came to facial and body hygiene and he loved to look good and markable.
He loved to dress fancy and he loved to wear accessories , he loved being in some dim spotlight.
He meet Y/N through his band mate Thomas , almost 3 years ago , and now they are dating 2 years in a row. Never breaking up but constantly fighting.
Her family loved him , I mean , everybody in her surrounding did. But their not so hidden aggressive and toxic relationship was not something they tried hiding.
He never laid a hand on her , only when fucking , he never cheated on her , only flirted to make her pissed , he maybe once beaten up a guy for talking to her , he never controlled her movements or tried changing her habits but he did liked to make bitchy comments trying to hide his jealousy and concern.
He had a huge pride along his ego that he was so damn skilled at hiding , but Y/N saw it instantly.
He was in fact often insecure when it came to dating , especially if it was a relationship he cared about.
He was not insecure about his looks , his habits , his actions , way of making love to a girl or if someone liked him or not. He was insecure if he is good enough at pleasing his partner in a spiritual and sensual way.
I repeat what I said . He always must be dominant.
So , in a situation like this , where you have a person whomst is consisted of su much pride and ego and insecurities , what are you going to do?
Y/N questioned her sanity and her mental health so many god damn times.
She was thinking for herself almost every second or third day if this is really what she wants for herself ? Is this the person she swears her life upon?
Yes.
And million yes in a row.
Damiano was a complex person with some certain needs that was just simply afraid of losing the most valuable person in his life.
His pride was not allowing him to admit that to her verbally , but his actions ( which Y/N knew like they where hers) gave him away.
So instead of reassuring himself somehow that their relationship is not in danger when it came to those simply and silly small things they fight over each day , he became violent and possessive.
His toxic and deadly behaviour and perfect skill of manipulation was the any way he thought was possibly good enough to keep her beside him.
She got hooked onto him.
She couldn't live a day without him. She would rather fight and yell at him than to leave him. He was her everything and so was she to him.
They where not so different. Y/N was also very capable of getting her way through manipulations and coping his actions.
But believe me... They where the sweetest and most dear people you could stumble upon.
They where both very supportive of each others carriers , they always had cute dates planned ahead and they had surprisingly the same hobbies.
They simply adored each other.
They where madly in love and it was taking over their racional reactions.
When a huge dramatic beyond the borders fight happens between them Y/N either gets kicked out of their apartment for the night or she simply leaves by herself.
In those times the only safe place is her parents house and she often heard her mother repeat the same damn words.
" Y/N I love that boy so much and he is very dear to me and your father as well , but he crossed the line again, you should start to consider if he is the healthiest option for you. "
Y/N hated her mother for being so right in such times.
Their mutual mental health was not a thing to brag about. They never mentioned paying visits to some kind of relationship adviser. They thought it was not needed , that they can handle themselves the best.
But Y/N did seek for some professional help and Damiano did not hold her back. He was happy even to hear about it. He never considered going for himself but he was happy and somehow sad that his lover could open to someone professional who could help her out with coping around stressful situations.
He was more than aware that he was causing her the most damage.
Their apartment was cozy , creamy coloured and modern. Their fashion taste was opposite yet similar.
They had a small dog and 2 gold fishes. They also planned to move into a bigger house with bigger yard once they decide on having family.
Damiano was convinced him and Y/N would be the most amazing parents a child could wish for , both of them spoiling their children with love and switching between good and bad cop role. He wanted a girl and a boy , in that order.
But he also wanted to focus on his career , Y/N as well.
Maybe those children will bring them closer to that inner peace they are eagerly searching for.
When it came to appearing together in public places they had one simple rule.
If I am not coming neither are you. They all shared mutual friends and they where always invited together on events and such things.
There was a difference actually.
When the band Måneskin, in which Damiano was lead singer , was invited somewhere Y/N always came , often mistaken for the 5th member or their menager. But in fact she way jealous of everyone landing an eye on her glorious boyfriend.
Those nights went peacefully some might say. But they didn't see the hand or thigh gripping under the table , the oral sex in public restrooms and silent eye language of hate and despite in their eyes . The kind of language only Y/N and Damiano knew for.
Y/N had a lot of friends. She was never forbidden to see them and she could go whenever as long as she was telling him where and with who she was , never turning her location off and always answering his calls and messages.
He had no problem with it , after all he followed her around secretly. She found out maybe 2 times out of 102.
Damiano is a type of ' a small circle of close friends and wide circle of acquaintances ' person. Victoria , Thomas and Ethan witnessed many fights of theirs.
Y/Ns best friend Y/Bsf/N as well.
The 4 of them would often exchange worried looks on their faces as Y/N would throw things at Damiano and he would shout such filthy and problematic stuff at her.
Ethan and Victoria had an intern joke that soon became something they rarely mention cause in each da they became more and more concerned for their friends.
" I don't need to watch porn , all I need to do is imagine Y/N and Damiano fucking after fight. "
Everyone thought that it was a phase these two lost themselves in. But it was not.
And it never got worse , it was always the same old tiring stuff between them.
Both of them where hard smokers , never considering doing drugs or overdosing with alcohol. Tho Damiano knew to drink beyond his abilities.
" If both of them would stop smoking , they could build two skyscrapers on the spot in one day. " Thomas and Y/Ns dad joked oftenly.
Thomas was the closest to Y/N out of the other band members. Damiano was never jealous of him neither did he felt like he could ruin their relationship.
First reason was that Thomas was the one who met them and thanks to who Damiano found the love of his life.
Second reason was that Thomas was beyond scared to even try thinking of doing something more than friendly to Y/N.
Victoria and Y/N had such a great friendship indeed. Having rare but meaningful girls night and sleepovers and rants about everything.
They cooked , went in shopping and shared topics about everything together.
Victoria was there for Y/N so many times listening to her cry on her shoulder about Damiano being an asshole.
Ethan was a huge softie for Y/N , he saw role model in her and he had just an amazing amount of respect for her. There was so much adoration between these two.
Damianos and Y/Ns sex life was yet another (not so much surprisingly) aggressive but consentive thing in their relationship.
It was built on mutual respect towards their partners needs. Simple as that is Damiano would never do and has never done something to make Y/N uncomfortable , same goes for her to him.
Before even sleeping together for the first time they detailedly talked about everything they where and where not interested in.
Their sex was rough, fast , aggressive , filled with degradation coming from his side.
Damiano was a switch top , but when it came to his so to say submissive side , it was expressed in very small amounts .
He loved being in charge , he was very flexible and he loved to use his tongue a lot , he loves to blindfold her and torture her , he loves slapping and biting into her soft creamy skin , shoulders , neck and chest especially.
He loved when Y/N left marks on his back and thighs from her sharp nails , he loved how she took good care of her hygiene and now she smelled.
He loved her hair and loved to squish her thighs. Did I mentioned he was into biting?
Y/N was flexible when it came to kinks , but she was definitely a switch bottom , it was just that she wasn't interested in being dominant and there was no need for it in her opinion.
She knew how to seduce Damiano , she knew very well.
After each time they slept together , regardless if it was fucking to realise all that stress or if it was love making he would always , but always ask her the same.
'Was it good , how are you feeling mio amore?'
Mio amore or simply amore was his favourite nickname for her . Aftercare was huge kink for them.
Damiano was not into letting Y/N leave visible marks on him , neither was he so much into marking her visible spots but sometimes when rage blinds him her porcelain heck is his canvas.
He loved planned dates and he loved bringing her various flowers every third or forth day. He never forgot about a single special day of theirs and he sometimes remembers the birthdays of her family members even before her.
He loved , and i mean loved spoiling her with gifts. Y/N also loved giving him gifts but more than that she loved to cook with him some delicious and various meals.
Damiano and Y/N where not near the perfect. But they where madly in love. And no one could ever take that away from them
A/N sooo as i sad on the beginning this is my personal view of the relationship these to have going on. This was in fact inspired by my personal experience and i want this story not fully to be a smut or nsfw but a kinda lovey one , just wanna say this is not kind of behaviour you should tolerate or romanticize !
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bts-weverse-trans · a year ago
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201127 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Jungkook
Jung Kook: “I hope this feeling never fades” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.27
I had a chance to interview BTS before, when they debuted. During that interview, Jung Kook had one small habit; when I met him again a while later, he had corrected it. He makes a conscious effort to change himself. And after seven years, I met Jung Kook again.
You directed the music video for “Life Goes On,” BE’s title song. Jung Kook: I was really eager to direct the music video from the outset. My plan was to organize the synopsis, discuss it with the  music video director I was working with, shoot and edit them, but we were short on time. So I worked on it while sharing ideas with the director. Originally there were a lot of scenes with lip synching in them, but we took some of them out and put in more scenes that conveyed the members’ emotions better. It wasn’t easy to combine scenes, but I think now I know more about how much of everything is needed when shooting a music video.
You had shot the Golden Closet Films and uploaded them to the BTS YouTube channel, and now you shot a music video. Jung Kook: Once we were on location, we had directions for everything we needed to shoot prepared in advance, so I took candid shots of the members here and there with a camera during the shoot. We were filming in a beautiful place so when they asked me to take pictures of them as they wanted to be presented, I did.
What kind of pictures did you take of yourself? Jung Kook: I was just, in them. (laughs) I’m not in the shot for the Golden Closet Films either. I kind of take a back seat. The director had to shoot my parts for the music video, since I couldn’t film myself, so I relaxed a bit. I tried to make the other members look really good when I recorded them. Since this was a BTS music video and not my own, I wanted to show what was happening with every member and the team, not just one individual’s thoughts. Each person who watches the video might feel different, but I wanted to show that we feel what other people feel, that we’re in the same situation.
You get your picture taken a lot, but you don’t pay much attention to the ones you’re in. Jung Kook: I never really liked having my picture taken. (laughs) And I’m usually with the others when we’re working, obviously, but it’s hard to take a camera and take selfies. So I take pictures and videos of the other members every chance I get.
Do you still find it difficult to have your picture taken? Jung Kook: I put my best face forward when it’s for something I have to do, like  for photo books, but it’s still not easy. Videos are okay, though. And even though I’m not nervous at all when I sing in front of tens of thousands of people, if I have to sing or talk in front of a small group, I get super nervous. I never feel that way on stage, but maybe I have a hard time doing things that are a little bit awkward for me.
It seems like you draw a distinction between work you enjoy and work you find difficult. Jung Kook: Work related to music, like recording, composing, writing lyrics, filming music videos and things like that, are all fine. But anything outside of that is probably a challenge for me.
On BE, you each explained your feelings about work in the song “Dis-ease.” You must have experienced a cycle of enjoyable and difficult work over seven years, so how did you get through the hard times? Jung Kook: I actually understand my own problems well, so most of the time it’s okay. I can figure things out one at a time through experience instead of just looking for answers. I’m always growing and my personality changes, depending on my environment. I think I’ve learned to do things I used to find difficult by experiencing it little by little.
Speaking of growth, “Skit” was very memorable. You recorded it the day after “Dynamite” reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and you, who talked about what you did before you became trainees in “Skit” in your debut album,talked about being first place on the Billboard Hot 100 this time around. Jung Kook: When I was a trainee, I saw the older members rapping and thought, “Wow, they’re so cool!” But now, after having spent everyday together, I’ve forgotten about all that. (laughs) Sometimes I see the lyrics they wrote, see them dancing and hearing the things they say on stage, and think, “Oh, right. That is the kind of person they are. They’re a lot different now.” You know how you don’t feel it when you live with your family, but if you can’t see them for a long time, you miss them. You might even cry. We’re a real family. Like, legit! (laughs)
Your “legit family” (laughs) each put their own songs on BE and came up with units spontaneously. What was it like making the album that way? Jung Kook: We talked with the company over the outline of the album and organized our ideas together. That was our process for making songs. Then we’d listen to them together, and if we thought they weren’t great, we’d go back and work on them some more. The members would get together and say, “Hey, how about so and so do a unit song this time?” or, “What should it be about?” and share a lot of ideas that way.
How did the others respond to your song, “Stay”? Jung Kook: That song was originally meant to be on my mixtape. We planned to put a different song on the album, but after V heard it, he said, “This song that Jung Kook wrote is really good,” and then the other members all listened, said it was better than the other one, and somehow (laughs) “Stay” made it into the album. The message for the other song was also, “Even though we’re far apart, stay just where you are.” I wrote my song with the same theme so I loved that it was included in BE. At first, I wanted to talk about how we’re always together, using the English word “wherever.” I wanted to express how we’re always together no matter where we are, but Namjoon heard that and said “Stay” might be better. I liked his suggestion, so I changed it. He really helped me to organize my thoughts, since I’m not always good at writing everything I want to express.
One might go as far as to say the lyrics sound heartbreaking, but it’s arranged in EDM. Jung Kook: We imagined we were performing for the fans while we made it, jumping up and down with them.
It sounds like you really miss your fans. Jung Kook: This album really hit us in a different way, with this situation being what it is. Because the world is struggling with COVID-19, we have to keep our heads up and convey our messages to our fans.
What can your fans expect from you when you finally meet again? Jung Kook: There’s nothing specific, but when I watched our old performances, my facial expressions were awkward and my dance moves weren’t always perfect. I keep working to improve myself, so I hope   when the fans see me, they think my performance is amazing and that my aura fills the stage.
Are you happy with how you look in your latest work? Jung Kook: I’m not 100% satisfied, no. When we did performances for “Dynamite” recently I kept seeing my imperfections.
Your acting in the intro to your “Dynamite” performance was really impressive. Even in COVID-19 times, you captured a feeling of liveliness and being cool, as though to explain what the song is all about. Jung Kook: Actually, on the first day of filming the music video, I was supposed to film my parts first, but I was so bad that it had to be pushed to the end of the shoot. So,I was a bit more relaxed when the camera rolled.
So that’s what you get when you’re relaxed! (laughs) Jung Kook: Yes, I relaxed, and something went “pop!” and “boom!” inside me, and then I did it however I wanted. (laughs)
It’s fascinating how someone who performs the way you do during stadium tours can feel nervous while filming and yet still do so well in it. Jung Kook: I can be a shy person. When people used to ask me to sing, I couldn’t always do it—like in front of adults or teachers. And I’m still a bit like that. If I start thinking, “Oh, I can’t do this,” then I really end up not being able to do it. Even when I could have done well.
Why do you think that is? Jung Kook: I feel the same way about my dancing and my singing, and I can’t compose a really amazing melody either. I feel like I’m always somewhere in the middle. But then I also think I have my own colors, so I like to quietly, slowly open up to people, and let them know what kind of person I am. Yeah, something like that. (laughs)
But, when you review your songs and performances objectively, you see all of your changes, don’t you? Jung Kook: There’s a lot of change. My voice has changed a lot; I grew taller and my frame and facial structure have changed, too. I could tell how awkward I looked at the beginning, but after a while, I think, “My gestures look better now, but I feel like my dance is too rigid.” And again after a while, “Now my dance is fine and my gestures are good, but I’m making awkward facial expressions.” And later, I say, “Now I got the facial expressions down, but, hmm, there’s no killer move.” (laughs) That’s how I slowly changed. And then my actions, thoughts, dreams, goals, what I value, what I want to do—all these things will change depending on the situation.
You had some changes in BE, too. Throughout “Life Goes On,” you lightly carry your voice and tone throughout the whole song, like they’re flowing. Jung Kook: Right. I think that’s very important. My general feeling was my voice should be woven into the song, rather than bringing out my individual voice. The lyrics say the world stopped, but I can’t keep on being sad, and life continues and flows on. I wanted to mix a little bit of my own colors into that complex, subtle sadness. I listened to how the other members recorded their parts for the song, and I sang while thinking about how I could do it in a way that it would all blend together well. I kept changing my voice exploring how to make it sound better, cleaner. I kept trying new things while I was recording, performing, and practicing.
When you look back after all that change, don’t you feel like you accomplished a lot? Jung Kook: I don’t really pay attention to things that have already happened. I think more about what it is I need right now, so I rarely think, “I got a lot better from how I used to be,” or, “I did a good job.”
You sound insatiable, in a good way. Jung Kook: Yes. This is how I want to keep living, and I hope this feeling never fades.
You’ve found immense success with BTS. What makes you want to keep doing more and keep improving yourself? Jung Kook: I want to show people who I am: how I talk, how I act, how I sing, and so on. And after that, I want to be acknowledged for doing what I like to do, and for people to see what an amazing guy I am. I want to do these things step by step. I want to be appreciated as Jung Kook, as the real me.
What do you think is the source of that energy—the energy to keep proving yourself, even though you’ve already achieved so much with BTS? Jung Kook: I think my heart’s telling me to. BTS was able to climb this high thanks to the group members, the company and our fans. But there’s always the question of whether I could receive that kind of recognition by myself, so I have this feeling of wanting to throw myself at some challenge alone. There’s a lot I want to do, and a lot I want to achieve.
By gradually improving yourself, what kind of person would you ideally want to become? Jung Kook: A person who’s crazy awesome in their field. (laughs) Those kinds of people look cool even when they do something different. I still have a long way to go. I feel like I could be more captivating and draw more out of people by improving any number of things, by trying hard to be confident about my singing, or the way I dance and perform. BTS is way more important and meaningful to me than I am to myself, so I’m not saying I want to do anything alone. But I hope I get to the point where I can perform alone for three or four hours in a venue full of people.
It’s clear that your job, music, is very important to you. Jung Kook: I must never let it go. That’s what I always think. I have to keep it close to me, even if I get bored, or I don’t want to hear it, or it feels like a hassle. I want to keep on making music. It may be a long ways down the road, but I want to prove myself with my music.
You said before that your MBTI is ISFP, so I looked it up. Obviously, MBTI can’t sum up a person perfectly, but it says ISFPs tend to be “curious artists.” Your answer reminds me of that. Jung Kook: That sounds about right. I looked up the personality traits for ISFP too, and it was interesting. (laughs)
Maybe that’s the reason you set your goals so high. You seem like you have high standards and want to keep growing. Jung Kook: It’s like a foggy mountain top. (laughs) I can’t even see it yet.
You’ve been climbing for seven years, staying curious. Is there anything you want to say to the people who have been watching you all this time? Jung Kook: Umm … Well, there are seven of us, and the seven of us keep running ahead. So it’s possible we could get tired, one by one, and drop out, right? But if more people join us, one by one, and run with us, we can support each other and pull each other up if someone falls down. That’s kind of how I feel. There are people who supported us from the beginning who have been watching us the whole time since, and because of them our follower count keeps going up, and they all keep us on track. So the only thing I can say is—thank you. We were nothing special, really (laughs) but they keep on liking us and supporting us, and the best way we can repay them is to give them our all through our music and our performances. They push me to work hard, even on things I find difficult. (laughs) I’m eternally grateful.
Just like in the last line of “Stay.” Jung Kook: “We are together.”
Trans © Weverse
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becomingbts · 6 months ago
Text
Time heals (sometimes) - 6
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Summary: 6 years ago, (Y/N) thought that she was finally taking her life into her hands, leaving behind a toxic and abusive relationship with a man who taught her she’d never be worthy of love. However, it became hard to ignore his words when she met her seven soulmates who rejected her without even giving her a chance to prove herself. It took (Y/N) 3 years to realize that it wouldn’t be her end. She would live on to prove them all wrong; she would become what they all thought she wasn’t: someone worthy of love. And as she stands proudly on the stage, under the burning spotlights and the applause and the cries of the delirious crowd, she feels alive. Alive, just like the bond she believed to be broken.
Pairings: Y/N x OT7
GENRE: Soulmate AU!, Idol Y/NAU!, semi social-media AU!, ANGST (mainly), fluff, romance, maybe smut in the series, NSFW.  
Around 4.4k.
Ask or comment to be tagged!
Warnings: death mention and strong language.
NOTE: Hello everyone! Welcome to the sixth chapter already! I don’t know when next part will be up because as I once said in the comments, until July, I’ll have to write my bachelor thesis and then my oral, next I have master’s registration and their exams: to sum up it’s hell currently with uni HAHA. Anyway! I hope you’ll like this part, it’s their meeting... Let’s just say that we stan badass Raya and we want to hug baby (Y/N). Enjoy!! Please feedback is super well welcomed, it really helps me going on with this story. Take care everyone ILYSM!
Dolly.
part 5 - here - part 7
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Her head was spinning even if she could feel a hard mattress under her body while she remained still. She couldn’t open her eyes even if she could clearly feel her eyelashes and lid move a little bit if she tried hard enough to move them. However, she felt like she was hit by a lot of overwhelming sensations and as her body started to slowly wake up, everything was becoming too much; the sheets on her body were too heavy, crushing her body under it, the sounds of people talking was way too loud, hurting her head as she could feel the signs of a headache slowly creeping on her, the light was too strong, she could feel it burning her eyes even under her closed lids, the hospital’s smell was sickening, she felt like vomiting-
Wait. 
Hospital? 
She was in a hospital? What the hell had happened to her? She could barely remember her concert; had she fainted after? Why did her head feel so foggy? (Y/N) mentally scrunched her nose; It was hard to think clearly without falling into a hazy trance. Thoughts of all sorts were traversing her already crowded mind, making it difficult for her to organize everything that was going inside her brain. Nonetheless, her challenging and panicked train of thought got interrupted by a voice that (Y/N) know by heart. She could recognize this voice between a thousand, even in the middle of her internal crisis. (Y/N)’s manager’s voice was quite unique, it was impossible to mistaken it, it comforted her painful body a little bit knowing that Raya was here. The person she would need the most to face doctors was here, so nothing could get wrong (or so she hoped, at least).
She didn’t have fond memories of doctors, to be honest. 
Concentrating on disregarding the tinnitus that was slowly deafening her and ignoring the awful smell that was surrounding her, she tried to focus on the ongoing conversation, trying to associate sounds with words and to link them with their meaning. Her foggy mind still had difficulties picking up words even if (Y/N) was doing her best to concentrate. However, she still noticed that at least three people were involved in the conversation. Raya didn’t seem to be enjoying it at all, she noted. (Y/N) had rarely heard her snap like that- as if she’d rather be anywhere else than here, talking to those people. Raya was a strong-headed person; if she did not agree with someone, she’d make them agree with her instead. She always found a way to have what she wanted, much to (Y/N)’s dismay sometimes. Staying back in the studio  was impossible if Raya had decided that it was enough, even for work. And as the whispery-yelling match finally ceased, (Y/N) concluded that, once more, Raya probably got the last word in the conversation that (Y/N) had desperately tried to follow as silence enveloped them warmly. The silence was welcomed after this cacophony of noises that were hurting her mind. However, (Y/N)’s attention got caught by the beeping sounds of the machine that was probably next to her. She had not even noticed it before; the volume of the voices had been enough to drown this sound in the background but now that she was aware of it, she couldn’t hear anything else. Back to square one, her first interrogation came back to her now that the previously ongoing conversation was done and couldn’t disturb her anymore. Confusion clouded her mind as she wondered what she was doing here. The beeping sound shouldn’t have shocked her as much as it did, considering that she had already guessed to be in a hospital thanks to this goddamn smell, yet it still took her aback. What had she done to end up here? Even after a few minutes, she still couldn’t remember anything that could have led her here. 
(Y/N) realized that her hands felt cold as warm ones took one of hers as if to warm it up and the mere thought brought some lightness in her heart. She knew Raya was a warm person but sometimes, she was taken aback by the gentleness of her care. Raya was like the soft sister she never got to meet, and the simple thought made her lips twitch ever so slightly in a smile. She wanted to let her friend know that she was awake. She had to find a way. 
(Y/N) really tried to make herself heard, to let her precious friend know that she was indeed awake, but the whole concept of actually moving was already painful without even doing it. Squeezing her hand as much as she could in Raya’s ones, she hoped that the movement would be enough to indicate her consciousness. Maybe it had been enough because Raya’s voice was definitely calling her name. She couldn’t clearly distinguish it, but she knew despite this strange fog shrouding her senses that it was her name that was being called. It felt familiar as if she had already heard it many times before. Trying to muster some energy to speak, she clearly realized how dry her throat was and it furthered her questions; how long had it been since she had been admitted to the hospital? 
Maybe her friend was just connected to her or maybe she could just read her well enough by now, because a glass of water was brought to her lips while her head was slightly lifted for her drink easily. 
A welcomed soothing sensation contrasting to the burn of her throat. 
She couldn’t be any more grateful to be taken care of at that particular moment. She used to hate being helped in any kind of way, feeling as it meant that she was depending on someone. (Y/N) still could remember with a shudder a past when she had lived controlled by someone else, never doing anything by herself as she had been persuaded that she was unable to do something correctly as long as she did it herself. She had thought that this man had been right, that she was nothing but a dumb little girl who needed help for everything. After she had finally snapped out of it and realized how manipulated she had been, trusting people to take care of her without actually taking advantage of her had been one of her biggest challenges. Her last few years of therapy greatly changed her for the best, or at least, she’d like to think that she became a better version of herself even if it had been hard. Maybe not the best, she would always have for improvements, but she was satisfied with who she was now. Music was making her heart beats like nothing ever did before; she’d like to think that she got another chance at soulmates through music. Shutting those thoughts away, she tried to breathe a few times before attempting to speak again. 
“Raya?” Her voice sounded terrible and she couldn’t help but worry for a second about her concert that was supposed to be the next weekend. She should be able to properly sing again soon right? It was nothing a good warm-up wouldn’t be able to change. 
“Hey babe. You got me terrified for a sec. Do you mind not doing that to me ever again?” (Y/N) couldn’t stop the giggle even if probably didn’t sound sweet at all and her laughter quickly turned to a groan, pain lacing her voice. “You okay? Do you need me to ask something to the doc? She’s right here, she’s just waiting for you to be a bit more conscious.” (Y/N) smiled ironically as Raya slipped into her manager role easily even if she was caring more like a friend than a manager. It was almost funny how her voice dropped and took this aura of authority, reminding her temporarily that even though she was one hell of a friend, she also was her amazing manager, the best she could ever have. 
“I feel like a truck just hit me, but otherwise I’m okay.” Raya chuckled humorlessly at her words before she answered. 
“Well, close enough to how you’re going to feel after I give you the bad news, so I guess you’re kind of prepared.” (Y/N) heard someone snorting quietly but she couldn’t care any less. What was that supposed to mean? Bad news? What could make her feel this terrible? Could it be related to her upcoming concert? 
“Bad news? What do you mean? Is the concert canceled?” Raya chuckled but then panicked a bit as she saw (Y/N) suddenly trying to sit up and open her eyes. The mention of her concert being canceled scared her friend in a few seconds only; Raya actually had to gently push her back into the mattress before she could hurt herself. She sighed with relief once (Y/N) was lying down again. 
“No, no. I mean, we’ll eventually have to talk about the concert, but it hasn’t been canceled for now.” The ‘for now’ made (Y/N) twitch a little but she smiled nevertheless at the soothing words.
“Then everything is fine, nothing can be worse. What’s the bad news?” She closed her eyes again, relaxing as much as she could considering that she was in a hospital: hospital beds being pretty uncomfortable. 
“Uh… You might want to look on your left.” (Y/N)’s eyes opened a bit, eyeing her friend suspiciously but complying nonetheless as she turned her head slightly to the side, unaware of the pairs of eyes that were expectantly looking at her. Frozen, she was firstly met by doe eyes, which were way too close to her for her liking. Shrinking a bit and wincing in pain as she did so, she tried to move away but quickly realized that she was in the same bed as the doe-eyes man. 
What. The. Fuck. 
Taking a few seconds to comprehend the situation she found herself in, someone moved next to the bed and (Y/N) finally paid attention to the second man who was sat on a chair next to the bed. Observing the stranger quickly, she immediately recognized the man without needing any further introduction. They weren’t complete strangers; their last encounter had been pretty… Intense. The last words she had heard him pronounce all those years ago rang in her head once again. 
Why should we trust you? You’re a stranger. You’re a nobody to us. 
Kim Namjoon had a face she’d never forget. His sharp accusing eyes were something that had never completely abandoned her, still filling her worst nightmares. Turning her back to both men before any of them could say something, she met Raya’s panic-stricken eyes and painful expression. At least, she seemed to know what was going on and that (Y/N) was most likely to react quite… well, badly to put it lightly. (Y/N) chuckled soundlessly as her own words came back to her mind and they almost seemed like a joke to her. It didn’t feel like being ‘hit by a truck’ as she had previously put it. No. It was like watching her whole world crash right in front of her eyes while she remained powerless, unable to hold onto the walls she had so carefully crafted during those past few years. Was there any left of those bulletproof walls she had thought to be strong enough to protect her? It was like she was back to that very moment when her life had become hell while her mind had started drowning in depression, briefly reminding her of the happy ending that would never be hers. What had she done to deserve for life to treat her this unkindly? 
“I’m going to throw up.” Both men thankfully stayed silent but the doctor who brought a bowl for her (mostly just in case) definitely didn’t take the hint as she merely chuckled, not realizing the gravity of the situation. 
“Good! I see that both of you are now awake; your souls were probably waiting for each other to wake up! Don’t worry about throwing up or feeling nauseous, it comes up with unexpected strong bonds. You’re going to feel itchy and unwell for the next few days since your souls were basically starving each other’s presence.” (Y/N) had half the mind to tell her that if she threw up, it definitely wouldn’t be because of a bond-
“What did you just say?” (Y/N) halted, thoughts fully stopping as the word ‘bond’ echoed in her mind. She was unable to do anything, to form any coherent sentence before an answer could be given to her question. Maybe her voice held distress strong enough for the doctor to realize that it wasn’t funny anymore and that it had actually never been. (Y/N) felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest and forced back inside; maybe the seriousness of the situation got clearer thanks to the cardiac monitor right next to her that was starting to get louder and louder. Maybe if she focussed enough on it, she could faint and she’d wake up from this nightmare. It couldn’t be real; it had to be a nightmare, a cruel one, but one she’d wake up from. 
“You’ll have to calm down, miss (F/N). Everything is okay, we know it’s confusing, but you have to relax a bit. It doesn’t often happen, but the two of you bonded despite the distance. Both of your souls must have accepted each other even if you never met, thus your bodies instantly reacted as your souls were searching for their mates. Newly bonded need to be physically and emotionally close to their partners, otherwise it can cause suffocation, cardiac arrest, comatose states-” the woman went on with her list but (Y/N) wasn’t listening anymore. Did she have anything to say? No, what could she comment when she was basically told that she needed to stay close to this man because their soul somehow bonded? How did that even make sense? The doctor looked away from her, probably turning to the two men; (Y/N) couldn’t care any less, her brain was stuck on the ‘bonded’ explanation. It made no sense at all, “It’s honestly such a relief that miss (F/N) is so well known, it must have been easier to understand what was happening despite the scare your mates must have given to you.” She smiled soothingly as if feeling the switch in the atmosphere but (Y/N)’s cold and empty glance couldn’t be warmed up by such a void smile. Smiling wouldn’t get her out of this curse. She wondered for a second; could this situation get any worse? 
“This is impossible. We are not soulmates.” Her voice had rarely sounded this hollow; after all, (Y/N)’s voice had become her strength. Yet, she didn’t think that she could have been any colder even if she had tried to. The emptiness of her eyes must have made it clear enough that she was not joking, leaving the doctor frowning ever so slightly.
“The names on their wrists are the proof of-”
“I don’t have any names on my wrists. I don’t have soulmates. I can’t be bonded to someone who isn’t my soulmates.” (Y/N) interrupted her sharply; maybe she sounded rude, but her brain was not processing anymore. She was merely on auto-pilot, trying to protect herself as much as she could from the men who had almost killed her once. She wouldn’t let that happen twice. Maybe if she had tried to, she would have felt the young man who was lying next to her tensing up at her cruel words. To be fair, she even knew his name. She exactly knew who he was but she refused to linger on the thought, refusing to even think of his name; it would just make it more real and she hoped, prayed even, that it wasn’t. Hence, she didn’t register his discomfort. It’s not like she would have cared even if she had caught it up. She would have ignored it even if she had sensed it. However, the doctor didn’t let (Y/N)’s indifference stop her. 
“Miss (F/N). I understand that this may be confusing, and maybe even scary considering that you have seven soulm-”
“I don’t have soulmat-” she got interrupted as if her words held no meaning and she hated it.
“-but you don’t have a choice right now! Both yours and mister Jeon’s health depend on both of you. If you get too far away from each other, this might damage both of your health.” (Y/N) could feel that it was meant to be a reassuring discourse, or maybe closer to a lecture as if reminding her that she had no choice but she heard none of it. Did this doctor know that none of them had cared six years ago? That none of them had cared about that health factor just because they had not fully bonded and because they already had each other? (Y/N) had done a lot of research about soulmates before any of that had happened. She had read that bonds before the meeting were lively, evolving in their own way before meeting their missing piece and finally completing the bond. The pre-bond period was the most crucial one to determine how strong a bond could be. If you already felt your soulmate through that half bond, it meant that the connection with your soulmate was fated to be a tight and healthy one. It could already influence the mate’s health, especially with negative emotions. It was well known that rejecting a soulmate meant refusing to complete a bond and could lead to severe consequences, death being one of them, especially if there were more than one bond included. It had been a given that she would die when they had rejected her; her survival had been more of a miracle than anything else. So why couldn’t she be the one to leave now? It would hurt her? She couldn’t care any less; nothing could hurt more than the way they had abandoned her to her fate six years ago. An itchy skin, fainting, getting sick; none of that mattered as long as she was out of reach and away from them. 
“Funny because I don’t remember them caring. They have each other, and I’ll be fine by myself. Can I please know when I can be discharged? I’d need the papers as soon as possible, my schedule is packed and I can’t really let myself lose another precious day for such an irrelevant condition.” It was probably unexpected; judging by Raya’s features, even she had not expected for (Y/N) to react that strongly.  
“(Y/N)...” Her sympathetic tone didn’t feel appreciated at that moment. 
“What? We both know that’s true, you’re my manager.” It didn’t sound like her; it didn’t feel like she was making the right choices and she hated it. Who cared about what was right? Had she died when they had abandoned her, they could have been sued for deliberate murder by her family. Didn’t that prove how messed up their situation was? How the right choice had already not mattered back then? Why should she take the good choices now? She didn’t need to make the right decisions, she needed to protect everything she had worked for; the therapy, the hospital, relearning to live. 
How dared they mess up everything now that she was starting to get better? 
“I’m also your friend, and I don’t think this is reasonable. You need to rest first.” (Y/N) frowned and glared at Raya as those sour words slipped. 
“Whose side are you on right now?” The accusation made Raya tremble slightly but she tried to look past it. She had known that her friend would take it badly, she was hurting and she probably didn’t mean to accuse her like that. Raya had yet to admit that she had not estimated how terrible (Y/N)’s reaction would be. Now, she was starting to get a rough idea.
“Yours. I’m always on your side (Y/N) and we both know that. But I don’t think that they are worth ruining your health either. Do you want to do a concert with you barely able to sing? What about dancing? Can you imagine how disappointed your fans will be if you go up there without being able to keep great performances like you usually do?” She hated herself to pull that card, but she didn’t have a choice. Raya would do anything to ease the pain of her friend, but she also had to prevent her from hurting herself. She knew exactly how far (Y/N) could go; she had witnessed it herself. She had cleaned up blood more than once and she had promised herself that she’d do anything to never live through that again. 
“What options do we have, doc?” Raya took the lead in the discussion noticing how the mention of her fans being disappointed stopped her friend’s anger. She had to support her; she needed to be that person for now. (Y/N)’s usually sensible judgment was clouded by hatred and pain. Raya wouldn’t let her friend destroy herself once more, even if it meant that she had to make decisions that she wouldn’t like. She’d do her best to find a common ground, but she needed to find a way for those men to be away while the bonded one stayed close enough for (Y/N)’s health. 
“Well,” the doctor was clearly hesitant now as she glanced at (Y/N) and then at the boys next to her. At least, they had the decency of looking ashamed, but Raya didn’t want to know what it meant. Her goal was not to get to know them. She was solely there to protect her friend, “they need to at least spend a few days together without having too much to disrupt them. Their senses must be shaken up right now and anything can be overwhelming. So I’d recommend at least two days together and then little by little reintroduce them to more stimulating things and environment. Though… I think it would be great for them to live together for a while,” as Raya glared, the doctor got obviously flustered, “I-I mean, they should at least need to spend the night together so that their souls can charge. The bonding system could be assimilated to a battery. They will need to rest together and maybe spending the night together could suffice for them to spend the day separately? It depends on how strong their bond is obviously because the stronger it is, the longer the charge will need to be achieved. Usually, people charge each time they feel tired during the day, maybe sharing a hug or anything that involves physical contact but…” the doctor didn’t even finish her sentence, wincing slightly as Raya nodded.
“Fine. We’ll find an arrangement. (Y/N) will stay in this room for two days, not more, and then she’ll be led to her home. We’ll give the opportunity to...” Raya turned her head slightly, looking at the boy in the bed who dumbly nodded, eyes teary as he met the eyes of the stern woman. Realizing she was actually waiting for his name, he stuttered an answer, embarrassed, and Raya continued, “Mister Jeon Jungkook. We can arrange a system for you to be picked up at your residency to spend the night in (Y/N)’s private apartment. All of you will have to sign an NDA as I previously mentioned to your… partners. I’ll get the administration papers to you as soon as I can. Until then,” her gaze left the confused men to the woman she knew so well as her tone softened before talking to her, “you’ll be resting. I know you hate the idea and you’re going to hate me for that too, but you have to slow down. Taking rash decisions is not going to help. I’m going to do my best so that you are comfortable and can work as efficiently as you always do. But you have to trust me. Have I ever failed you?” This made (Y/N) wince slightly but she shook her head nonetheless. 
Raya stood up after squeezing (Y/N)’s hand one last time, trying to soothe her friend down as much as she could. She heard the doctor’s embarrassed voice asking for the visitors to leave for a while because their presence could disrupt the newly formed bond. Raya merely nodded. 
“I need some coffee. I would have refused for anyone else than Mister Jeon to be left alone with her anyway.” Her tone did not let any place for inquiries; Namjoon wordlessly stood up as well to follow her outside while muttering to his mate that he would be back soon, quickly even, he hoped. As Raya made her way out, she made it clear that they’d be back soon, as a warning for Jungkook who only looked away. Raya checked up on the blank features of her friend before sighing and leaving. Outside the room, the five other men were sat on the waiting chairs, looking anxiously at each other while Namjoon and Raya came out from the hospital room.
“Thank you so much for convincing (Y/N)-shi to”
“Don’t you dare say her name. I didn’t convince her of shit and I’m not doing this for you nor for your mates. I don’t care even a little bit about what can happen to you; my sole concern here is about my best friend who needs me. So don’t you even dare to thank me because you have nothing to thank me for. If I could, I’d get a restricting order for all of you and I’d sue you for attempted murder with premeditation. Are we clear, Kim Namjoon-shi?” The threat visibly affected all of them even if she only mentioned Namjoon’s name. They straightened up in their chairs, uncomfortable, as Namjoon gulped, uneasily nodding silently. None of them dared to say anything as they watched the woman eyeing them suspiciously. 
“Good.” Turning on her heels, she left them behind, trying to forget about the headache that was starting to annoy her. She had more important things to think about right now than a constantly pounding headache.
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yannowhatigiveup · 7 months ago
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My One And Only - Chapter 9
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So this chapter is longer than chapter 8 and I think from next chapter, they got longer. As we get closer to the chapter I’m currently writing, the frequent updates will unfortunately die. Just letting you know so you won’t be too disappointed! Oh and my Wattpad name is the same, ‘yannowhatigiveup’. If you know any way I can improve my writing please do tell me!
Gabriel Agreste stood in his observatory after recently detransforming. 'She can control her emotions well but when she's angry, it's incredibly strong. This girl could be one of the strongest in Paris, she could be one that senses auras. I must find a way. I will use her to eliminate all of heroes. All I need is time'.
————————————————————
The bluenette sat in her uncle Jagged's hotel room, tapping a pen against her lips while watching the conversation, well it was more like an argument, between Jagged and his manager Bob Roth. Bob was stating that they should leave the song writing to the professionals while Jagged protested, saying that his niece was overflowing with talent and that she could do it no problem. Penny was on the phone with someone but Marinette didn't eavesdrop in her conversation. She stated at the blank notebook in front of her, eyeing it suspiciously. Then she got an idea and began scribbling down the lyrics she had in mind, not knowing that she had unintentionally gained the attention of everyone in the room. She managed to write the whole song in one sitting which was very impressive even for professional song writers at the time. "Did it" she said putting the pen down. Penny then came over to take the notebook and read what the bluenette had written. 'I hope it's ok'
"Wow Mari, this is great!" Penny said her mouth agape. She passed it to Jagged but Bob had snatched it out of his hands, only to give it back when Fang looked at him hungrily.
"Yeah, this is rock'n roll Nettie!" He praised her while giving his manager a 'I told you so' look.
"Yes this is exactly what we needed, a little change in the album. Thank you for this Marinette. We shall produce the song while you can sing the lyrics-"
"If that's alright will you of course" Jagged said, interrupting his manager.
Marinette nodded hesitantly. "I can give it a shot" she murmured.
Marinette walked home after visiting Jagged and showing Damian the designs she had in plan for his brothers, without showing the design she made for him. She was careful not to shake her purse too much as Tikki was sleeping, it was a busy day for the kwami as Marinette had let her go visit Plagg for some 'Kwami business'. Marinette didn't press for answers though. Soon she entered her parents bakery to find them already there, waiting for her.
"Maman, Papa what is it?" She asked.
"Your father and I are discussing if we should open a second bakery" Sabine answered enthusiastically.
"There's a few spots available in Marseille, we already booked a flight and a hotel to stay at" Tom answered, maybe even more excited than his wife.
"That's great! But isn't Marseille far away? It's closer to Italy than Paris" Marinette answered.
"Well surprisingly, we're already well known there" Tom replied.
"Oh cool! When will you be leaving?"
"On Saturday at 2 am" Her mother replied. "It's late but it was the next available flight. We'll be gone for a week maybe longer depending on all the paper work"
"Well you better start packing then!" Marinette said happy for both her parents. "I'll be going to bed now. Good night!" She hugged both her parents before going upstairs to change and finishing up her designs.
~~~
Adrien sat in front of his computer early before school, looking through all of Kagami's recent posts and he liked the photo that she posted yesterday, the photo was of when they went for ice cream earlier today. Alya and Nino were also in the picture, smiling for the camera but Adrien noticed someone else in the background. 'Marinette...' She was eating her ice cream, unbeknownst to the picture being taken, with the spoon still in her mouth. Adrien felt distracted by the way the sun reflected off her hair. He loved Kagami truly but his new love for Marinette shadowed it. "Plagg" Adrien said. "I think I have a thing for bluenettes".
"So your type is blue-haired girls? What makes you say that?" The kwami replied, not really enjoying the conversation.
"Well I like Ladybug, Kagami and Marinette and they all have one thing in common. They all have blue hair" Adrien sighed. "The last thing I need is another blue-haired girl to come into my life"
"Ughhh this is too cheesy, I much prefer actual cheese" Plagg groaned while looking around for Camembert.
Adrien sighed, smiling while going back to think of the girls he liked. He liked Ladybug for her quick, sly and smart nature. Kagami was incredibly skilled and very easy to relate to. And Marinette had a kind personality as well as unmatchable beauty. He couldn't decide which one he liked most as all the options were as great as the others. Then a notification on his computer distracted him from his thoughts. It was a notification that Jagged Stone had posted something. 'Huh, I wonder what it could be'
~~~
Jason was flicking through the channels on the TV, looking for something interesting to watch when a notification appeared on his phone. 'What's this?' He then realised that it was a trending post from Jagged Stone and went to view it. "HOLY SH-"
"Master Jason, language"Alfred reminded him.
"Oh yeah sorry" he whispered before shouting again. "HOLY MOTHER OF UM SOMETHING!"
Dick and Tim then entered the room, wondering what Jason was talking about. "What?" Dick asked.
Jason then connected his phone to the TV and showed the post he was talking about.
@official_jaggedstone
(Photo of a blue-haired girl with a medium long braid and her back facing the camera, writing on something)
Wonder what MDC is writing up for the bonus track? 🤔🤔🤔🤔
All three of the boys then fanboyed over finally being able to see what their favourite designer, and idol, looked like. Alfred then sighed while exiting the room.
"She's pretty!"
"She looks smart!"
"What's she writing?"
"I'm gonna call Damian, that room looks similar to the room he's staying in"
"Yes do, I want to pester him"
Dick then dialed a number on his phone. After a few rings, the phone finally answered.
"Tt, Yes?" A stern voice came through on the other side.
"HAVE YOU SEEN JAGGED'S RECENT POST!?" Tim shouted into the microphone.
~~~
Damian had already seen Jagged's post, he smiled to himself. He was about to go back to reading his book when his phone rang. He would've picked it up straight away if he hadn't see the name, it was Dick. He let the phone ring for a little while before answering.
"Tt, Yes?" He said in a stern voice.
"HAVE YOU SEEN JAGGED'S RECENT POST!?" Luckily Damian had the phone further away from his ear otherwise Tim would've exploded his eardrums.
"What about it?"
"He posted an image of MDC, the very first one ever on the internet!" Dick answered excitedly. "There aren't any pictures of her anywhere".
Damian smiled to himself knowing that he had seen MDC before his brothers, he had seen her smile. "There aren't?"
"Yeah! Weird right? She doesn't even show up to Jagged's live performances!" It was Jason's turn to speak now.
"Well I'm sure she goes to the performances, she's just never seen" Tim told his brother in a matter-of-fact way.
Damian rolled his eyes. "Tt, bye now" he said, immediately turning his phone off not allowing any of his brothers to protest. He then texted Marinette.
Me: Just got off the phone with my brothers, they were fanboying over you.
Surprisingly Marinette replied straight away.
Angel: They are too? Everyone is fangirling over MDC
Me: Because of Jagged's post, he posted a picture of you. The back of your head specifically
Angel: Oh hah I see it now, I guess that has to be my signature hairstyle as MDC now.
Me: It looks great on you though
Angel: You really think so?
Me: Mhm
Angel: Aw, thanks
~~~
Marinette had blushed when Damian said she looked good in that hairstyle. She really liked him. Then Marinette looked at the time, she was early for once. She decided to make use of this and get ready for school. She had finished getting ready quickly and she was able to walk instead of run to school like she usually did. When she entered, she noticed that there was barely anyone here. 'Perfect! I can work on my designs' that was until a familiar face showed up.
"Hey girl! You're here early wow!" The sound of her best friend made Marinette laugh until her facial expression changed from surprised to smug. Marinette was about to ask but Alya had brought her to the locker room where they were alone. "So girl, spill"
"What?"
"Do you like Chat Noir?"
Marinette giggled but she saw her best friend's face. "Oh you're not joking"
"Nope, now you can tell me so that I can get you both on a date." She blushed profusely. "And I ain't backing down, I've spent too much time on trying to find out who he is. Don't think I haven't noticed how you're jumping at anytime to be with this boy." She said the last statement with a soft voice.
Marinette sighed, grateful of her best friend but hesitant to tell her without Damian's permission as he never seemed like one for social interaction. "I'll ask" she said while taking her phone out.
Me: Shaytan, my best friend found out that I've been sneaking off to go see you.
Shaytan: Césaire?
Me: Yeah
Shaytan: You said she wanted to be a reporter right? Well then I guess this is expected, she did a good job.
Me: So should I tell her your name?
Shaytan: That's up to you
Me: Ok thanks!
Marinette put her phone away and looked at her best friend.
"So?" Alya asked. "Can you tell me?"
Marinette nodded. "So um, his name is D-Damian"
———
Taglist: @little-bluestar, @miracleofadisaster, @frieddonutsweets, @jjmjjktth, @genderfluidmoma, @starlit-dreaming, @icerosecrystal
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squid-god-supreme · a year ago
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Hcs for the dorm leaders falling for/having a crush on their future s/O
This is like why they fell and how hard 'n stuff
And when I say how hard the fall for you I really mean how violently, like how hard their feelings hit them.
Riddle Rosehearts 🌹🌹🌹
At first he thought you were just as chaotic as ace and deuce... He's right but you also followed at least MOST of the rules
You just support him so much and he loves that, even if you break rules
Had a little smige of a crush on you and it showed (a lot)
One day you found him on the brink of blowing a blood vessel, you calmed him down. Gentle hands rubbing circles into his back and hands, reassuring him that it'll be ok. That he'll be ok.
After that his little crush becomes a massive crush on you, he's head over heels
When riddle falls, it's not as hard as some of the others because he kinda had a crush on you for a bit.
Riddle falls slowly over time and slowly accepts his feelings day by day until hes a blushing tomato around you
100% sits plucking petals back and forth muttering "they love me, they love me not"
Trys to spend as much time with you as possible, like haveing tea or "makeing Shure you fallow the rules set in place"
Riddle fell in love with your careing personality and ability to make him feel good enough
Floyd ships the 👏FUCK👏out of you two and is honestly getting impatient
Azul Ashengrotto 🐙🐙🐙
At first you were nothing more then a friend of Floyd's, maybe even a part time employee at the lounge
But then you stuck by him after he stops his shady Side business. He was so down yet you sat there and held him. Accepted him
Azul fell for you when you refused to leave him after the end of his shady deals. You sat down and comforted him, made him feel like he was makeing progress, like he was getting better.
Azul falls the 2nd hardest.
When Azul falls for you it hits him like a brick, all at once crashing into him like a wave of unknown feelings and fear
Avoids you at first because he's squeeling in his octo pot about you but then becomes a little clingy and wants to spend lots of time with you
100% has a note book with your name written in it all over In gell pen, things like "Azul + (y/n)" Or " (Y/n) ashengrotto " Written all over
He's more open with you but also more shy? Like he tells you things he wouldn't normally but in a cute shy way 🥺👉👈
Azul fell in love with your accepting nature and how you are a very loyal person
Out of the twins, jade ships it the most! He's always watching in calm amusement as Azul fawns over you when you arnt looking. 24/7 dropping hints lmao
Malleus Draconian 🐉🐉🐉
At first you were just a child of man, a friend even.
You weren't afraid or intimidated by him and that made him swoon a tad bit.
Malleus fell for you when you invited him out to a movie you thought he would like. In that moment he released that you cared for him and thought about him, that your kindness wasn't an act of formality but of genuine care. Memories of encounters play through his head as feelings grow like soft thorns around his heart
Asked Lilia what the feelings were and is smitten with the notion of having a huge crush on you
Falls the hardest and I'll take this to my grave
When malleus falls his feelings hit him like a truck all at once. Memories of your smile and days spent together fill his mind as he trys to sputter out a yes to your invitation.
Makes an effort to spend time with you wether it be midnight walks or lunch with you
Talks about you to Lilia constantly and asks for advice. It's adorable omg. Afafjvcjhfhlvaxhnv
Malleus fell for your honest nature and careing personality, he loves it and it makes him so unbelievably happy.
Lilia sighs "young love" He says. He ships it a lot and enjoys seeing malleus happy and crushing. High-key wants you two together and lasting
Kalim Al-asim ☀☀☀
At first you two were like best friends, two peas in a pod
You keep him grounded and stable but are still fun loveing
Kalim fell for you when you calmed down a party. Things were getting wild and he was getting a little crazy, but you were there to bring him back gently. He realized that you were his rock, a stable figure in his life and a person he could turn to, much like Jamil.
As soon as he fell for you he told Jamil, his trusted friend. He talks to Jamil about it a lot actually
Kalim falls harder then riddle but still gently.
When kalim falls, it's like his feelings wrap him up in a warm blanket. Unlike a lot of the others his emotions don't hit him violently but rather wash over him in a sence of calmness.
Doesn't change much honestly, he already spent a lot of time with you so of course he'll continue to spend lots of time together!
Takes like all of those stupid quoteve quizzes like "make me a cake and I'll tell you if your crush loves you" And "how compatible with your crush are you" Like he takes so many of them
Kalim fell in love with your calm but fun personality and dependable nature
Literally everyone ships it, you two are so cute and their getting impatient. Jamil is slightly jealous of kalim but continues to drop little hints that the ball of sunshine likes you.
Vil Schoenheit 🍎🍎🍎
Are first you were just another potato that he would have to teach
You saw past his superficial veil of blush and powder and always choose to complement his personality or the little things
Vil fell in love with you after class one day. Divus had given out a new assignment and you had chosen to complement vil in passing. Simple words were all it took and he didn't know what was so different this time, perhaps it was that you looked so radiant today. But your pretty words made him fall
Vil falls only slightly less then azul~
When vil falls it hits him in the gut and knocks the wind from his lungs, he denies it at first but finds himself unable to not let your words fill him with more pide then he already had.
Vil will admittedly act a bit cold and distant from you at first but after a while everything returns to normal, perhaps his fingers linger ever so slightly longer on you~
Vil has subconsciously made space on his vanity for makeup he thinks would complement you. He gets whatever perfume or Cologne you do because he knows you must like it. He finds himself looking at flowers and thinking about you~
Vil liked your looks at first (even if he thinks your a potato) but your honest complements and kindness quickly made him Fall for you in his entirety
Rook is the only one who knows (divus also knows but shhhhhh) and often makes comparisons to romance novels. If divus gets a chance he makes Shure to pair you two up, and has you sit next to vil in every class~
Leona kingscholar 🦁🦁🦁
At first you were a pain in the ass
You never stopped treating him with kindness and you weren't afraid to tell him off.
Oh boy he falls for you in a fit of jealousy. He saw you hanging out with malleus and he didn't know why it made him so angry. Then ur hit him, he wanted you to be his. Once he realised this the things that annoyed him about you, he wanted more of that. He wanted you to push him and to not give up on him.
Leona falls harder then kalim but less so then vil.
When Leona falls his feelings boil inside him like anger and at first he mistakes them for anger, but then he realises that it wasn't quite anger. He falls hard because he only realises he loves you the first time he get jealous. His feelings worm there way into him slowly, much to his annoyance.
Acts pretty mean to you, like he was a cunt nugget before but now he's straight up Regina George. Of course he'll eventually give in and go back to normal, granted more protective.
When he sleeps, witch is a lot, he dreams about you. Not in a dirty way (most of the time) but in a far more domestic way then one would expect. He dreams about watching you do things like cook and take small naps next to him.
Leona was annoyed at first but then he realised that he likes that you pushed him to be better and to do his best. Your kindness makes him feel like the king of the world and he wouldn't change a thing about it.
Ruggie is glad to see Leona go after something he won't just give up on. The hole of savernclaw knows about Leonas crush but they keep their mouth shut.
Idia shroud 💀💀💀
At first you were just another person who terrified him to no end.
You never judged him for his lack of social skills or how he would nerd out about technology or the newest game he got, you always seem to support him and make sure hes ok
Falls for you when he sees you playing with ortho. You looked so calm and happy as you played with the younger shroud brother. He was happy for tablet not showing his face because it was erupted in flame. Seeing your smile and the look of genuine care and joy in your eyes made it click in his head that he had fallen for you.
Idia falls the second hardest and like malleus, I'll take this to my grave
When idia falls it like his emotions Russian suplex him into a panic attack. Falling for you scares him more then people but once he makes up his mind that he's in love with you he's filled with determination! He's not used to this and probably screams when it clicks in his head.
Avoids you for a week or two because he's just trying to sort out his emotions, but once hes done that he spends a lot more time with you, inviteing you over for game sessions or to binge anime, asks for your help on little projects he works on, all but clings to your side when the rare occasion he goes outside happens.
You know how happy and excited he gets when he works on technology or talks about cats and anime? Yah that happens with you to now. Whenever you text him he gets all giddy and rolls around on his bed before texting you back. 1000000% has made at least 1 video game character based off of you (in all of his games). Absent mindedly doodles you in all of his notebooks.
Idia fell in love with your comfort and kindness, your calming aura and excitement. Despite being a little annoyed about how energetic and happy you tend to be, opposites attract. He also realises that you two have things in common like maby not likeing big crowds or public speaking (or you have anxiety like him). Also helps that your a gammer.
Words can't describe how happy ortho is and just how much the little shroud ships you two. He thinks this is great for idia and supports it 100% ngl ortho probly starts calling you big bro/big sis (or other if you prefer nb) like he calls idia. Azul ships it to and honestly is tired of idia talking about you so much.
The end for now
Oh boy that took a while, Im happy with how these turned out and I hope you like them to~feel free to send requests or just ask questions! See you soon darlings~
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animeyanderelover · 11 months ago
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I just wanna say I love your blog but I just wanna know would you ever be interested in writing yandere meruem
I’m not finished with the Arc yet, but I feel now confident enough to write about them. Hope I did you justice with that. For the royal guards I went with the scenario where they somehow managed to survive because I don’t think they would get obsessed with someone else as long as the king is still alive. Their devotion for him would keep them from falling for anyone else. That’s at least what I believe.
Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, paranoia, sadism, controlling Yandere, strict Yandere, mentions of kidnapping, death, stalking
Chimera Ant Arc Hc’s
Kite
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🤡Kite is shown as a very cold and blunt person, but I can actually see him as someone who’s really shy around his darling since he never felt such emotions before. He knows that he isn’t supposed to feel this way, making him the aware type. He also is absolutely whipped for his darling, making him a lovestruck one as well.
🤡I can also imagine him as an overprotective one. He didn’t grow up under the most ideal circumstances and normally is ready to let someone die, but that doesn’t count for his darling. Nothing should ever harm them!
🤡He’s very calm when it comes to his darling interacting with other people and let’s them most of the time talk to whoever they want to. But if someone gets to friendly with the s/o or makes them uncomfortable he’ll step in and tell the person bluntly to go away. He looks very intimidating whilst saying that so most people do what he says.
🤡He tries to be reasonable with the people, knowing that it would get him in trouble if he just kills everyone. He only kills someone when they harmed the s/o, mentally or physically. That’s one of the few times were he gets really enraged and also really disappointed with himself for not being able to protect them.
🤡I believe he would only kidnap them if they rejected him or they got hurt whilst he wasn’t with them. Then he would become incredibly paranoid and kidnap them. He feels bad for doing this, but he can’t do anything against it. But with enough time and convincing from your side he might be willing to let you out again.
🤡From this list a more harmless one who just wants to keep you safe even though his ways of doing so are sometimes a bit extreme. But he’s a very understanding Yandere who tries to suppress his Yandere side for as long and much as possible. He doesn’t want to scare you.
Neferpitou
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🐈Neferpitou is a possessive one and obsessive one. They have some cat gene in them and so they are naturally fascinated with their darling, having a cat-like curiosity and wanting to know more about them. One of the most possessive out there especially after losing their king. No way they’ll let something like this happen again!!
🐈I can also imagine them as a bit of a cruel kind since they treat the s/o like a pet, punishing them when they don’t behave, cuddling and treating them when they please them and keeping them sometimes literally on a leash. They think they just protect the s/o from any wild humans, seeing it as taking a weak animal in and taking care of it what makes them the slightest bit delusional. But also an overprotective one. As mentioned Neferpitou lost their king what will increase their overprotectiveness a hundred times.
🐈It isn’t like they let their darling anywhere outside so no need to feel jealous. But if someone will somehow come anywhere near the darling for whatever reason this person will see a growling cat with a more than just sinister and enraged aura towering over them, ready to tear them to pieces. They also feel jealous when the s/o doesn’t pay attention to them, doesn’t matter what it was, Neferpitou will get rid of it.
🐈Pitou kills everyone who knows about the existence of their darling. No one should know that the s/o exists, this will reduce the danger of their darling being attacked by an enemy. Neferpitou has no mercy with anyone. Worst part about it is that they’ll come home covered in blood and want to cuddle their darling. They’ll tilt their head confused when the darling starts to cry when they see them, tainted in blood. Did they do something wrong?
🐈The moment they became interested in the darling was the moment they were doomed. Neferpitou most likely killed the whole village they lived in to ensure that no one knows about the s/o. After that they dragged them somewhere far away from any human to just keep them for themself.
🐈This really depends on your behavior. If you behave well then Neferpitou will be in a good mood and they’ll spoil you with affection and praises, after all a good pet deserves to be treated well. But when you don’t behave Pitou will get angry after a while and punish you because a bad pet needs to get punished in order to learn to behave. But Neferpitou can be really charming if they want too, cats have a very special charm on them and this counts for them as well. They just want to be a good owner with you as their cute little pet.
Shaiapouf
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🎻I think that Shaiapouf will change his Yandere type over time, but let’s start with what type he is during the first period of time. Obsessive, delusional and strict. He didn’t expect to fall for a human and felt disgusted at himself at first. How dare he fall for a human?!?! Disgraceful!! He most likely saw a flash of perfection and beauty in them and he kept this image in his head, wanting to know more about them and what made them so special. He expected them to behave and would lash out at them when they went against the perfect picture he had about them in his mind, punishing them for their behavior. Also a manipulative one, guilt tripping his darling and wrapping them up with lies to ensure they behave and don’t run away.
🎻But the more time he spent with them, the more he changed. He was still obsessive, manipulative and delusional, but now he thought of everything his darling did as perfection, no need to punish them anymore. He gained also the traits lovestruck, worshipper and clingy. This guy’s absolutely enamored with the s/o, seeing them as his new queen/king he has to serve. He’ll stick to their side, no matter what and is also very touchy. Holding hands, cuddling, kissing, he does it all.
🎻Just like Pitou he keeps his darling somewhere far away from any humans since he doesn’t trust them. Every human, except his wonderful darling of course, is some savage animal in his eyes, completely uncultivated. I think he doesn’t really get jealous that much, but if his darling tells him they know someone who can do something better than him then he gets ‘jealous’. Of course he’s also more than disappointed with himself, feeling like he failed, but he’ll also make sure to do better the next time to show his worth.
🎻He is willing to kill anyone who even dares to look at the s/o. Lowlife like this doesn’t deserve to have the honor to look at them! Shaiapouf thinks of it as protecting his queen/king from any danger, his paranoia is pretty horrible.
🎻He won’t see it as kidnapping. He sees it more as saving the s/o from wasting any time with those savage things out there. He’s completely paranoid, he already lost his king to humans and will make sure to not lose the darling to humans as well. At first he won’t let them out at all, but after he changed his Yandere type he’s more willing to let them out. But only if he’s with them and only if they don’t go anywhere near humans.
🎻His delusions are the problem. At the beginning because he held this perfect picture of you and manipulated you into your perfect self and after his change because he saw himself as a servant who’s only duty it is to protect and spoil you. Arguing won’t be from any use, you’ll just exhaust yourself like this. But the worshipper Shaiapouf is definitely better than the strict Shaiapouf because now he doesn’t hurt you anymore and has infinite patience with you.
Methuthuyoupi
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💥Youpi is more of a stalker, choosing to just watch the s/o from the distance. He uses this chance to also find out as much as possible about his darling what makes him an obsessive one as well. Every move they do makes him fall deeper into his obsession with them.
💥Also the overprotective one. He failed his king and he won’t fail his darling too. Surprisingly can him imagine as a lovestruck one as well. Everything his s/o does is just so adorable to him!
💥He doesn’t get jealous, he’s just overprotective over the darling. Since he stalks them all the time he knows who they’re talking and interacting with during the day. He just watches for the most part and won’t feel jealous, letting them do what they want. But that changes the moment he witnesses someone hurting his darling...
💥Yeah, if he ever witnesses someone hurting his darling, doesn’t matter if it’s mentally or physically, he’ll become a mad man and will destroy that person. Just imagine the last thing you see in your life is his crazed expression... That’s truly terrifying!
💥As long as he’s able to protect the s/o from the distance I think he’ll be fine with letting them walk freely around. Something really extreme would have to happen for him to kidnap you, the only example being the s/o nearly getting killed with him not being able to protect them. Then he’ll resort to kidnapping in order to protect them.
💥From all of the royal guards he’s the most tame one. He has no human DNA in him so he doesn’t really realize that his feelings aren’t normal, but that’s all. He just wants to protect you from every danger and is the most willing to let you walk around freely, but of course he’ll watch you from the distance, protecting you from any harm.
Meruem
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👑Similar to Shaiapouf his type will change over time. At first he’s a strict, cold, cruel, obsessive and possessive one. He’s the king and expects the s/o to treat him like one. In his mind they should be thankful that he can’t kill them and that they should feel honored that he even pays them so much attention and he will punish them if they don’t act accordingly. The fact that he feels something for them was a surprise for him and so he wanted to know anything about them that was there to know, feeling like he would owe them if he would figure everything about them out. He won’t let anyone else have his darling, he’s the king and if he wants something then it’s only his!
👑But with time he became the possessive, obsessive, clingy, overprotective and soft type. He couldn’t think straight anymore when he wasn’t with his darling anymore and so he just kept them by his side all the time and became a much more nicer person to them, treating them more gentle and caring. He sees his darling as someone fragile and that’s the reason why he’s so protective over them. Nothing will ever harm them. Especially when Pouf is anywhere near he’ll be on high alert and keep a sharp eye on him.
👑He killed every human in the palace and since he keeps you always with him there’s no need to get jealous. No one would even dare to talk or look at you. But if you ,however, show some interest in one of his guards because they are the only ones you see besides him he’ll get jealous really fast and if you don’t want him to kill them it’s the best to quickly start paying attention to him.
👑I don’t need to answer this, it’s obvious. He kills anyone who dares to even mention his darling’s name. If the s/o tells him about a person who gave them troubles in the past or if he finds it out on his own then he’ll make sure to sent his royal guards out to find this person, planning on giving them an agonizing death so if you don’t want him to kill someone you cried over years ago don’t tell him anything. He’ll find out anyways.
👑At first he tried to kill the darling and failed, then he tried to avoid them and failed. That’s when he came to the conclusion that keeping them is the best thing to do. At first he didn’t let them out of their room, but after he softened up he let them walk through the palace, but only if he was with them since Shaiapouf was a problem. The only reason he didn’t kill that guy was because the s/o begged him to not do it.
👑At first he was a truly terrifying Yandere, scaring the living shit out of you and hurting you whenever you started to annoy him, but after he changed this took a 180 degree flip and suddenly he became so much better and understanding with you and also stopped hurting you.
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onewenotparting · 6 months ago
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ONEWE Reaction to All of Them Crushing on You
JIN YONGHOON — YONGHOON
🐯 he’s the oldest, so you kinda expect him to be mature about it
🐯 but guess what? that’s a no no
🐯 it would honestly depend on the situation tho
🐯 if it was just a small crush (which he was sure he could get rid of) then he’d back away, taking the step as the oldest and cutting himself off the list so it would be easier on the younger members
🐯 but if he genuinely liked you, then he would give it his all to grab your attention — and your heart
🐯 he’d be broken between considering his feelings and the feelings of the younger members, so i feel like he wouldn’t really confess, but definitely would imply his crush on you
🐯 being around yonghoon would be like hanging around with a man-child bc of his duality
🐯 one second he’d be acting all cute with you, and the next second you’d see the manly side of him
🐯 if it ever came to the day where you had to choose, yonghoon would step out after a lot of hesitation, letting you know it was alright for you to not choose him
🐯 he’d suffer the heartbreak for the sake of the others, giving the brightest smile whenever anyone asked him how he was — even though he was breaking on the inside
🐯 but anything for the members he loves a lot, right?
🐯 okay imma just yeet myself bc i might just cry
JU HARIN — HARIN
🦊 now this man here is a bit hard to decipher
🦊 like he gives me a vibe that he would stay tf away once he knew the others liked you as well
🦊 but at the same time, he also looks like the type to fight for his love bc he won't give you up
🦊 he’s not vocal about his feelings, but when the others were talking about it, he realised how you matched with everyone’s type
🦊 “ofc they’d like y/n. y/n is amazing, why wouldn’t anyone like y/n?”
🦊 harin wouldn’t try hard and wouldn’t be cruel or petty if it ever came to the situation where you had to choose
🦊 he would be happy as long as you are happy, but would still avoid you (if he wasn’t chosen) just so that he isn’t carried away by jealousy
🦊 the best at covering up his feelings, so no one would really know if he was in love with you or whatever — he hid it pretty well
🦊 even if he was truly in love with you, he wouldn’t make a move if he knew the others liked him too
🦊 harin was considerate of the others, no matter how hard he tried not to be
🦊 he knew he had to think of himself, but he couldn’t — he just loved his members too much to hurt them
🦊 still tho, harin would flirt with you 80% of the time until you had to decide and choose between the five of them
🦊 pls choose him, he’s a beautiful and kind soul
KANG HYUNGU — KANGHYUN
🐧 oddly enough, hyungu looks like the type to sacrifice and give up, but that just doesn’t settle right with me
🐧 hyungu is not a fighter, but he will fight for what he loves
🐧 he would naturally capture your attention with the aura he has
🐧 no words would have to be exchanged, you just found him charming overall
🐧 when hyungu got to know that the others crushed on you as well, he felt bad
🐧 FELT BAD BC THERE WAS NO WAY HE WAS GOING TO LET THEM TAKE YOU HAHA SUCKERS
🐧 tbh, he just felt bad bc he never thought that such a situation could arise, and when it did, he didn’t think he would be so competitive
🐧 when he hypothetically thought of the situation, hyungu always thought he would give up for the sake of his members, but when it happened in real life, he knew he couldn’t
🐧 bc who in their right mind would give up on a person like you?
🐧 hyungu is a bit shy, so he couldn’t really approach you with a smoothly flowing conversation
🐧 but he had his moments where he subtly outshone the members — just so he could grab your attention — which he did
🐧 he would try to be more extroverted, which would surprise the members bc they never saw this side of him
🐧 he would be all smiles whenever you laughed at his jokes, and it was quite obvious at the way he felt towards you
🐧 if the boys asked him about it, he would admit his crush on you — after a bit of hesitation — hoping they would stop crushing on you
🐧 either they stop, or it is world war iii in the dorms
🐧 may the luck forever be in hyungu’s their favor
SON DONGMYEONG — DONGMYEONG
🐰 as one of the younger members, dongmyeong would be pretty confident
🐰 he’d know exactly what moves to make to win you over — god knows what his google search history looks like
🐰 he’s clingy, cute and funny normally, but would amp it up whenever you were over and literally EVERYONE could see it
🐰 but it was waved off as him being excited to see someone other than his members and his twin’s group
🐰 which was also true, no doubt
🐰 it didn’t bother him that all his members crushed on you, bc quite frankly, he could see why you had captured their attention
🐰 if you chose him, he’d be on top of the world, but at the same time, that world would come crashing down once he realised he had to tell the others
🐰 he’d throw it off for days until you asked him if he was going to break it to his members
🐰 i feel like that would be his breaking point
🐰 if you chose another member, or none of them at all, i don’t think it would’ve affected him as much bc he just wants to see you happy at the end of the day
🐰 but when he was chosen — over his members — he’d feel immensely guilty after giving them false hope and encouragement
🐰 when he finally maned up to tell the members, he’d burst into tears, apologising repeatedly because you had chosen him instead of the others
🐰 the others could see how much he loved you — and them — and would calm him down, speaking the words he wanted to hear and assuring him that everything was fine and they were alright (even if they weren’t)
🐰 it would be a sacrifice on both parties, and i honestly hope that it never happens
LEE GIWOOK — CYA
🐵 giwook is the youngest, but i feel like he would be the one to look at the situation from the most mature perspective
🐵 once he found out that the hyungs like you too, that was it — yeetus fetus
🐵 he would back tf away and would not act on his crush on you
🐵 giwook would try to forget you before his feelings for you deepened, bc he knows he really likes you, but at the same time, he didn’t want to argue or fight with his members for you
🐵 it didn’t help that you were the closest with giwook, so that meant you hung out with giwook more — whether he liked it or not
🐵 would be the first to give up bc he doesn’t want any problems to arise and treasures his teammates more than crush
🐵 still, he’d behave with you as he usually would, just playfully flirting (or trying to) and teasing you whenever you came over to hang out
🐵 giwook would feel bad at how hard the other four were trying, so as your best friend, he’d ask you if you crushed on them, trying to get an answer so he could tell the hyungs
🐵 if your crush ended up being him, he’d be pretty shocked and would need around 3-5 business days to wrap his head around the fact
🐵 would feel bad, but still would maintain a poker face as he broke the news to the others, clearly mentioning how they should step away and stop trying since you were his now
🐵 if you chose someone else, he would gather everyone and break the news, letting the member who you chose to make the next move and to stop the others from interfering in their relationship
🐵 giwook was your best friend, so he’d feel happy for you either way, it didn’t matter
🐵 he may have known his members before you, but if they hurt you, they better migrate and change their name before he came for their necks
🐵 “if you make y/n cry, i’ll break your fingers and then your neck. i don’t care if we lose a member, it will happen.”
🐵 jisoos bless whoever you chose
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paranaturalpop · 9 months ago
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I rate your pnat ships by how well they work as foils
I’m Professor Pops, welcome to Literature 405: comparing and contrasting in pnat ships. Love is in the air but all that really matters is narrative symmetry!
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Mina and Agent Day (submitted by @anxanhh)
two women on missions who need a confidante. 
Mina is a calculating woman of science with a tender, vulnerable heart deep down that she guards. Day is a fun, giggly love goddess but beneath the surface she is just as calculating.  
They are both focused on their prospective goals to the point of subterfuge. 
They have similar missions, to solve the many mysteries of Mayview, but they’re at odds instead of working together. Will these lone wolves learn to let their walls down and work towards a common goal? 
Their spectral energies are complementary colors!!!!!!!!!!!! 
9/10 so different yet so alike. They should kiss and also develop as people.
Spendcia
Where's that post about paranatural having what my hero academia wants?
These two had interacted in cannon only once before we found out they were dating, power move on Zack’s part
The cousinhood and the consortium seem to have bad blood…. Enemies to lovers????
As teachers, Garcia is tired and phoning it in while spender is energetic and committed. But when it comes to mystery solving Spender is burning himself out while Garcia keeps him grounded.
Garcia does things like pack spender lunches with little hearts drawn on the bag but was surprised to be called his boyfriend. He acts chill but inside he is deeply invested in spender but also knows about spender’s isolating tendencies. 
8/10 there's a reason these two have been off and on again for 6ish years, they’re walking a tightrope of vulnerability.
Imaax (submitted by Rubyya)
The Destiel of Paranatural. No I will not elaborate.
Here’s a pnat history lesson, the original ship name was Maxaac, but Zack weighed in on twitter with a much better alternative: Imaax. Also sometimes called Team Lightning Rod. 
Black and blue colors, just like the emotional bruises they leave on the people around them. 
Isaac wants to be seen as heroic and Max wants to be seen as aloof. It presents in different ways but deep down they both really care what other people think.
They both fear sincerity. Isaac protects himself with theatrics and Max with sarcasm. 
Isaac puts on a big show of having strong ethics but he’s a little mean on instinct. Max puts on a big show of cutting people down with his snark and devil-may-care attitude, but when push comes to shove he’s kind and cares how other people feel. 
Max immediately insults every person he meets and they still want to be best friends with him, while Issac tries so hard to be cool and nice but people just can’t stand him. 
The meta tension between Isaac, who wants so badly to be the protagonist, and Max “magnetic personally” Puckett who is exhausted with being the protagonist, is delicious. 
There’s a reason official art tends to portray them together. They bring out the best in each other. Isaac brakes through Max’s performative pessimism and Max brings Isaac down to earth. 
10/10 these two were written as a pair and it shows.
Suzabel (submitted by Rubyya)
One of my fav tropes is ‘enemies to friends’ where the enemy part is completely one-sided. Isabel probably thinks she and Suzy get along great. 
Both the heads of their respective clubs, but with very different leadership styles. 
Isabel only studies her grandfather's spectral style to please him and is a near master of it, while Suzy is incredibly self-motivated even though her actual skills are lacking. 
Isabel is at a crucial time in her life where she’s learning to distance herself from adult authority figures in order to take on more personal responsibility. Suzy is already blazing with independence and could help her adjust. 
Inversely, Isabel could teach Suzy a thing or two about treating your club members with respect and doing the emotional labor necessary to prevent future conflict. 
Red and pink! Valentines colors! 
Isabel could kill you but would never, Suzy would actually try to kill you. 
Investigative reporter/person living mysterious double life is a great dynamic.
Back when Izzy had Eightfold they had the ship name ‘Paper Girls’ which is awesome
7/10 Don’t ask me how I know this but they would kill at karaoke together. And they’re ok foils.
Bullymagnet
Max ‘too cool for clubs’ vs a boy who defines himself by his tight knit group. 
Max is learning to be less passive aggressive and johnny is learning to be less aggressive aggressive. 
Max’s entry to spectral life was when he injured Johnny and saw a shade of a doctopi on him, and Johnny's first shade was Max's doctopi after the hit ball game. 
Johnny refuses to commit to not bullying max anymore even though he really likes him, and max is working on being nicer but he’s still gonna be snarky with people even though they’re his friends. Old habits die hard. 
If he hadn't seen that shade, Max might have joined Johnny's gang. He has the style, the stunts, the snark. 
8/10 Just two bros whose lives are changing forever.
Isaac and Dimitri (submitted by Rubyya)
Here’s my pitch for a ship name: Brainstorm
Orange and blue are complementary colors. 
Isaac hurt Dimitri accidentally somehow. Hurting others accidentally is the central theme of chapter 5. 
Idealist/pragmatist is a classic dynamic
They both have relationships with their spirit partners that are rooted in fear. 
Dimitri’s self concept is overly dependent on his sense of intellectual superiority, and Isaac’s on ethical superiority. 
7/10 have not directly interacted in the comic yet but the narrative symmetry is there
Johnny and Isabel (submitted by Rubyya)
Burnhound Vs Shockadile
These two are natural leaders who know how to treat their friends with respect.
These jocks are both lethal weapons, but while Isabel is a master martial artist, Johnny is a passionate but blunt instrument.
They’re both going through similar identity crises.
Isabel is struggling to reconcile her violent and disciplined upbringing with a good, gentle heart and Johnny is trying to reconcile his violent and self-centered lifestyle with a developing respect and empathy for other people.
Johnny dies his hair red, so he would think it’s cool how Izzy emits a fiery red aura when excited.
8/10 there's a reason these two were the team leaders in the hit ball arch.
Violet and Lisa (submitted by Rubyya)
People have been theorizing about what kind of cryptid Lisa is since day one meanwhile Violet gives off big normie energy.
Lisa is very plugged into all the Mayview weirdness as the queen of the school underground, while Violet was the only person who thought to go get a teacher during the hit ball arch. Lisa was also the only one who really spoke openly about how something was clearly very wrong with Jeff, everyone else talked around it and played by the so called ‘rules’. Lisa’s secret brokering Vs. Violet’s ‘sunlight is the best disinfectant’ attitude presents two different approaches to trying to survive in a school run by a mysterious shadow organization within a town that contains several other mysterious shadow organizations.
“If you were, I’d have to be jealous too.” just two middle schoolers pinning over their crushes.
7/10 two girls against the world.
Isaac and Johnny
ship name: Firestorm?
Just 2 fiery redheaded mediums with anger management issues that command primal forces and wanna be best friends with max
Johnny chooses to have red spiky hair, Issac has had red spiky hair thrust upon him.
Both met Maxwell Pucket and decided they needed to change for the better.
I’ve said this before but Johnny and Issac have equal and opposite philosophies. Johnny doesn't care about the greater good, he just cares about a small group of people who he loves. Issac cares about the greater good, but can’t connect with individuals and ends up hurting them. Together they form one GoodTM boy.
Both their spirit partners want revenge on Spender. This spells trouble.
If there’s anyone to teach Isaac about unconditional friendship, it’s Johnny
Isaac has sworn off violence and Johnny worships at the altar of it.
9/10 they’ve only interacted in canon once so far but I’ve think we’ve got a big storm coming.
Suzy and Collin (submitted by Rubyya)
The Bakudeku of pnat. I will continue to not elaborate.
Suzy once stole Collin's phone which prompted Collin to try to cut her hair which prompted Suzy to stab Collin and at no point did either of them think to move to a different bus seat. As different as they are they are also very much the same.
Collin is the definition of mouth service (constantly disapproving of suzy’s antics but going along with it anyway.) while suzy is all action.
Despite their different attitudes they both seem genuinely passionate about the journalism club.
Fashion icons. Suzy’s sunglasses and legwarmers, Collins sweater vests and wrist bands, this duo could walk for Paris fashion week: middle school edition.
We’ve gotten an indication that Collin cares a lot about what Suzy thinks of him (taking off his wrist bands when she made fun of Max's) but we haven't gotten any sign yet that the feelings are mutual.
5/10 I think their story is yet to be told and we’ll get to know more about how they compare/contrast to each other in the future. Maybe brought on by Dimitri's betrayal?????
Cody and Isabel (Submitted by @a-bitchtm)
Cody is gay by WOG but that doesn't matter here since we are evaluating thematic compatibility, not romantic compatibility.
Red Vs. Blue
Izzy’s arch about stepping into her role as leader through communication and honesty contrasts Cody’s role as the secret class president. Izzy finally told Isaac the truth about the consortium, while Cody blatantly lied to max about being president.
Both seem to have generally good motivations and the skills/talent to back those motivations up.
Isabel is in the process of unlearning the ‘firm hand’ philosophy that she learned from her grandpa and Cody’s dad straight up tried to mind control him into murdering a toddler.
They were both taught to fall back on their capacity for violence and intimidation but those teachings conflict with the people they really want to be.
6/10 just two kids who are being led astray by authority figures trying to learn to be themselves.
Cody and Collin (Submitted by @gatortavern)
They both like vests.
Both beholden to blood thirsty predators
Collin is a journalist, Cody is a vampire/leader of the shadow government. It’s a huge power move on Cody’s part to hang out with Collin.
Cody’s support of his friends is enthusiastic while Collin would have you believe Suzy has kidnapped him.
4/10 they hang out for a reason but those reasons have yet to be fully developed
Isabel and Max (submitted by @Paranatural-goofiness)
They’re both people who have learned to put up walls to keep people out. Isabel through violence and intimidation, max through sarcasm and mockery. T
he other side of this is their mutual journey to let their walls down and connect with other people more genuinely, starting with each other.
Their search for acceptance and identity has led them both to become incredible athletes. Spectral fist martial arts = shred eagle stunts
As we saw in the hit ball game, Izzy faces things head on while Max is all about evasion. However we’ve seen how Izzy has actually learned to be evasive and guarded about her feelings while Max is a little more forthcoming.
8/10  Never has there been faster friends.
Isaac and Cody (submitted by Rubyya)
Drama kings
Isaac wants the likability Cody has.
Parallels of power: Isaac with power he didn't choose and cant control vs. Cody who also didn’t choose to have his power (elected), but wields it like an instrument.
Involuntary anime hair and involuntary glowing monster eyes
These two definitely both fall under the category of “lawful”.
I can see these two ending up on opposite sides of a conflict because they both have such rigid personal codes and an intense sense of duty.
I know I’ve been approaching almost all of these platonically but Isaac probably really wants a cool vampire boyfriend deep down
 7/10 Unstoppable force, meet immovable object. You two should watch anime together.
Hijack and PJ (submitted by @gatortavern)
They both wanna join the activity club so bad
Both have immature ideas about heroism and villainy. 
Both aspire to heroism while at the same time understanding that they aren't that yet and maybe never will be. 
They both, like many people in this comic, wanna be friends with max.  
5/10 Two supernatural babies who should play wii sports together
Stephen and Isaac (@Gatortavern)
Two boys who are easily overwhelmed
Lawful vs. chaotic
Isaac has enough secrets to give Stephen his conspiracy fix for a long time. 
In their own ways they both just want everything out in the open. 
Isaac is Stephen's dream, someone actually living a secret double life, and Stephen is Issac's dream, someone with a cool scar who would think he’s actually very interesting. 
5/10 these two are both very intense in their own way.
Johnny and Ed (Submitted by @theevilbrainman)
Two souls lost in the wind
Two people for whom friendship and loyalty is central to their character, and they’re both struggling with personal growth because of it. Johnny is afraid to change because his friends have always liked the person he already is, and Ed is struggling to even define himself outside of Isabel, the person he cares about the most. 
Both impulsive and uninhibited. 
They both live lives free from expectation. Johnny’s wild bully persona means no one is surprised by his antics or cruelty, while Grandpa Guerra doesn't really care if Ed takes up phantom fist like Isabel. He actually calls him a freeloader. Not having much expected of you can feel free but it’s also lonely and can warp your self-perception. 
6/10 these two crossed paths at exactly the right time.
I didn't cover every submission because even though only 9 people submitted you sent in 34 ships between you. Pnat’s fanbase is small but very dedicated. 
Honorable mentions: 
Johnny and clear sinuses, submitted by @gaul-the-unmitigated
Isaac and therapy, submitted by both @squidgeons and @somethingfishysgoingon
PJ and Johnny, submitted by @gatortavern, who seems to be under the impression that Johnny Would protect PJ and not destroy him just by breathing near him.
Day and Scabs, submitted by @gatortavern, because funny.
Special thanks to everyone who sent in ship between people who have never interacted in cannon, which was a lot of you. My eyes are opened now, so many possibilities.
88 notes · View notes
pathoftheranger · 10 months ago
Note
Rewatching Shameless and i just watched 6x1 jail scene. Can I request a meta if its not too much trouble? I feel like reading a really good meta about that scene and you're one of the best we've got so.....
It’s never any trouble at all! That’s so sweet to say—thank you so much! <3 Kind of coming to terms with the idea that anyone cares about my opinion over here. You guys are too much!
This scene is actually extremely important to me because it and the response to it were what made me start writing Shameless fanfiction, specifically when I saw that my views regarding Ian’s behavior and how Mickey received it were so vastly different from what I initially read. (Insert shameless plug for “That Milkovich Reputation” here.) Now, I know you’ve told me not to do this before, but based on the controversial position in which this scene resides, I feel the need to present a couple of disclaimers for our audience at large.
I first fell in love with Shameless last March, a couple weeks before quarantine began. I didn’t know what it was prior to that and therefore was not present when Noel left the show, so I didn’t experience the disappointment of a beloved character leaving in a potentially permanent way and didn’t engage in the fandom or see how deeply upset people were by that until after I finished the series. I also don’t subscribe to the theory that there was something going on behind the scenes or any animosity between Noel and the creators, as I have not seen any relevant evidence from reliable sources to support that what happened was anything other than decisions made in pursuit of career goals on both sides. As such, my analysis of this scene has only ever taken the content and context of the story and characters into account. I have no interest in speculating on the motives of people I do not know in writing it or portraying it this way, and even if I did, this scene made perfect sense to me as it was written and performed.
I understand and appreciate that this is not a popular position to take and urge everyone to pass this post by if my position on that matter is offensive or upsetting to you. I do not mean to tell anyone what to think or believe, only to explain how I view this scene and the context in which I do so.
That said, let’s begin.
When Last Seen: Mickey
As in all things, context is important. Prior to the prison scene, the last time we saw Mickey was when Ian broke up with him and Sammi interrupted their heartfelt moment, which basically sums up her character in a nutshell. That was a rough couple of days for Mickey. He saw how devastated Ian was to hear his family talk about him as though he were just like Monica; was distressed in his own right to return for him and discover that he’d left the base with Monica; buried his frustration and sadness by sleeping around with other people, which seemed to exacerbate those emotions because those people weren’t Ian, nor had he and Ian broken up when he did it; and came running when Ian called him, only for Ian to end their relationship.
Mickey is a very sharp man—we know this. He can read people like books and manipulate or intimidate them accordingly. He knew Ian had feelings for him in s1 when he showed up on his doorstep seeking comfort rather than going to any number of other people he trusted. He was well aware that Ian loved him in s3, and that made what he felt he had no choice in doing that much more painful. He heard what Ian said and knew what he was doing in 5x12. Of that, I have never had any doubt. It wasn’t like Ian tried to hide that he didn’t want to break up but thought that that was what would be best. In fact, the way he initially framed it always made me think that one of his highest priorities was not dragging Mickey down with him, especially in the aftermath of being called “destructive” and similar to someone who “put them through hell.” That’s why Mickey’s response wasn’t to call him an asshole or get angry or beg. It was to reassure Ian that he was there for the long haul, that he loved him and wanted to take care of him no matter what that meant—and that they could make that work. All the sentiments Ian had tried to communicate before he got married, Mickey was reciprocating in his own way. Had they not needed to temporarily write Mickey out of the story and Sammi hadn’t shown up right that second, I believe that he wouldn’t have given up so easily. We do have confirmation of that being the case in the prison scene, but we’ll get to that shortly.
When Last Seen: Ian
Ian isn’t a selfish character. We know this, too. However, Ian needed to be selfish by the end of s5. What he had to come to terms with wasn’t something that anyone could fully help him with, much as Mickey desperately wanted to. To Ian, the enemy was within. It was inside him, in his brain, telling him what to do even if that destroyed himself and everything he loved. It’s terrifying. I’m not bipolar, nor do I suffer from any other diagnosed mental illnesses, but I admire and respect everyone who wakes up every morning and tackles these things. They’re heroes every single day. But by the end of s5, Ian doesn’t feel much like a hero. Instead, he feels like the villain, and he’s lost touch with who he even is anymore.
That’s not a healthy mindset to have in a relationship. Relationships require a level of give and take, and that used to be something that Ian and Mickey already struggled with. Ian gave more in s1-3 because he was able to, while Mickey had a limit on what he could openly give because of the environment in which he lived and the manner in which he was raised. In s4-5, those roles were reversed: Mickey was able to give so much more, but Ian was gradually falling apart. Neither of them are at fault for any of those situations. It is what it is, and they have a stronger relationship for it. Ian is a giver, though. He’s always been a giver. To be in a position where he doesn’t feel like he can give anything to Mickey because he doesn’t even know who he is was truly heartbreaking for him, and objectively, he needed to take a step back so that he could focus on himself. He knew it. Based on Mickey’s understanding of Ian’s reasons after watching him deny that he had a problem for so long, I think Mickey knew it too. This hurt both of them—Ian to say it and Mickey to hear it—but they’re not fools and they’re not naïve. In some ways, they know each other better than anyone.
Jimmy said that when you’re on a plane, they tell you to put on your mask before you help anyone else with theirs. Ian needed to put on his mask. His heart can’t keep beating if his lungs don’t work.
Starting Season 6: Mickey
Unsurprisingly, Mickey has settled into prison life just fine. We’ll focus on his interactions with Ian in a bit as that’s the meat of the scene, but there are major implications inherent in his discussion with Svetlana beforehand.
1.      Mickey has accepted that this will be his reality for the foreseeable future. What else is he supposed to do? Besides, he’s known for a long time that the likelihood of ending up in prison was pretty high for him, as he alluded to in s2. He was a street thug. He stole from local stores, sold drugs, ran guns, operated a rub ‘n’ tug, created scam companies, and was a generally violent presence in the neighborhood for years. He was in juvie twice during the show, perhaps more beforehand. The unfortunate fact of the matter is that it would have been more surprising if Mickey didn’t get locked up at some point than that he did.
2.      Ian has visited Mickey before. We won’t get too deeply into this yet, but he thanks Ian for “coming back.” The other times, he wasn’t even paid to do it. So, as far as Mickey can tell, nothing has changed. Ian is focusing on himself right now, but his love for Mickey hasn’t dulled at all. That’s an encouraging thought, and it certainly puts a smile on Mickey’s face.
3.      Ever the opportunist and entrepreneur, Mickey really is doing just fine in prison. He runs a business, if you will, that appears to be quite lucrative already. This isn’t surprising either. Sadly, it’s a bad move. He’s already going to be in prison for somewhere around a decade, give or take a couple of years depending on his behavior. But his behavior isn’t good. He’s hurting people for money, and if he gets caught and brought up on more charges, not only will he serve the full fifteen years, but he could get more time added onto that.
4.      Ian is aware of this arrangement. He has to be if he’s been going there with Svetlana, and they weren’t exactly hiding what they were talking about. Ian has been very consistent throughout the series: he’s not as concerned with the moral implications of Mickey’s behavior, just how it could potentially impact their ability to be together. He still cares about Mickey at the start of s6, and Mickey can see it on his face when he won’t say it out loud. (More on that shortly.) Once he’s in a better spot mentally, maybe they would have gotten back together had Mickey been on the outside. I’m of the opinion that they would have based on the context of the situation. It isn’t an option, however. This is Mickey’s reality, and he’s not doing everything he can to get out earlier. If anything, he’s tempting fate on not being released at all. (This, in hindsight, sounds rather similar to the issues they’re dealing with right now in s11.)
So, this is where Mickey stands at the start of the season: a prison hitman who is quite pleased that the man he loves has come to see him again, even if the latter is visibly not in a very healthy mental state.
Starting Season 6: Ian
Ian isn’t in most of 6x01. What we do see of him is typically sad or colored by his frustration, outside Carl’s welcome home party at the end of the episode. Even then, there’s an aura of discomfort that accompanies the family’s knowledge that things have changed. Carl came out of juvie a different person—they’re all different people after s5, and they’re not sure how to handle walking on eggshells around each other.
From the very start of the episode, we see that Ian is still struggling even though he’s had enough time to at least partially adjust to his medication, especially if he’s been on and off of it. It’s so sweet how Fiona gently wakes him up—it’s also a bit different. What happened to banging on the bunk bed and yelling for them to come down for breakfast? After behaving pretty normally with Debbie at the bathroom door, she’s almost handling him with kid gloves, and the punches keep coming when she reminds him that he (1) has to get up for work at a place he despises and (2) needs to remember to take his meds.
The kitchen scene is extremely telling of where Ian is at this point, and it partially shows why he’s somewhat standoffish by the time we reach the prison scene. Most of the family is gone or different. Fiona is repeatedly on him about meds and getting to work on time—Ian, Mister Responsible himself who was out of the house before anybody woke up to get to work on time as a kid. Lip is at college. Debbie is absorbed in her unconfirmed but likely pregnancy. Carl is in juvie, and Liam is playing with the switchblade he found under Carl’s pillow before they take him to pre-K. His entire support system is either gone or treating him like he’s broken. All he has is Fiona “going Fiona” on everyone. It’s clear that this is impacting him because he actually derails the conversation to say that they should go visit Carl the following weekend, which was the position Debbie used to be in when Fiona was in jail. Just like Lip shut her down, Debbie shuts Ian down, and he doesn’t say another word as he drinks his coffee—which he can’t finish because Fiona is once again on him about work, so he trudges out the door to another day of being a busboy with no dreams instead of a soldier who has a future.
Work isn’t much better. Svetlana wants him to go see Mickey when he’s determined to stay away. (We don’t have confirmation, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume that he wants to distance himself if Mickey is doing something that will potentially get him into even more trouble, especially given some of his reactions at the prison.) Sean is sending Fiona to nag him about not moving fast enough when the diner isn’t even busy. When Otis is chased down by the cops and slammed against the front window, Sean rather condescendingly tells him to, “take your rag and wipe the blood and snot off the window.” Ian—West Point-aspiring, ambitious, courageous, caring, intelligent, hardworking Ian has been reduced to wiping up someone’s snot by a boss who’s living in his house with a sister that’s treating him like he’s shattered glass and a family that is growing further and further apart these days.
That is the day Ian has had before he even arrives at the prison. Odds are that that is how most of his days have gone for quite some time, minus the blood and snot. …Maybe.
The Prison Scene
Now we come to it: what you actually asked about! It’s taken this long to get here because we can’t possibly interpret this scene effectively without incorporating all of what came before it. Mickey’s position is regrettable, but he knows that Ian still loves him and is at least handling his situation with all the grace and competence that we can expect from him. Ian is a bit of a mess who’s had a bad day and is now faced with the man he loves, who he is telling himself he can’t be with, sitting behind glass—where he’ll be for a good long while.
I’m going to divide this analysis into two sections. For a scene that many prefer to forget, to me, it’s a masterpiece of storytelling.
Physicality
The body language in this scene is remarkable—phenomenally blocked, phenomenally directed, and phenomenally portrayed.
When Mickey first appears, he’s visibly chomping at the bit to get to the visitation area. He’s peering out there while he’s still behind a locked door, and he only diverts his gaze to the guard because he’s waiting for him to unlock it. He’s cool about the whole thing—he’s very cool—but he’s obviously also here for one reason and one reason only. That reason is where his eyes go the moment he sits down at his stall and spots Ian’s coat where the latter is pacing behind Svetlana. Throughout their entire conversation, we see his eyes darting to Ian as he attempts to get the business out of the way so that he can indulge purely in the pleasure. It doesn’t matter to him that Ian is visibly tired and reluctant to be there or that he plays with Yevgeny instead of actively joining their conversation. It’s Ian, and all Mickey has to look at in here is a bunch of fellow thugs he hasn’t loved since he was too young to know what that meant. Damn right, he’s going to shamelessly watch him.
In Ian’s pacing, where we can’t see his face, I find it interesting that he keeps himself angled away from the glass. We see more of his back even though he’s moving side to side rather than away. He doesn’t want to see this. He doesn’t want to be there. In s7, he told Mickey how hard it was to see him behind glass—that wasn’t an excuse. He wasn’t falsely trying to make it sound like he was suffering at their separation just as much as Mickey was. We can see that that’s the case right here in 6x01. Ian has never had a problem sitting still through difficult moments, not even when a potential court martial that would further ruin his life was on the table. But this? He can’t sit down. He can’t face that.
The first time he turns directly towards Mickey’s location is so that Svetlana can hand Yevgeny off to him, and Mickey is visibly loving the view. His expression gets a bit softer, and he ducks his head a little so that he can catch a glimpse of Ian’s face. He follows Ian with his eyes even though Svetlana tries to get his attention. What a blast from the past, right? Ian there with his son, taking care of him while he and Svetlana figure out their business? And just like before, he offers Svetlana all of the attention and input that he deems her worth—next to nothing. Ian’s over there. Ian’s keeping the kid entertained, playing with him and rocking a bit in their seat and leaning over his little shoulder to make sure he’s doing okay—but forget that, Mickey’s eyes are examining him from red hair to beat-up shoes. He only glances back to Svetlana because he has to in order to get the information for their next paycheck. Even then, he’s still back and forth, up and down.
And Ian? He can’t keep pacing. He can’t stay turned away, but he won’t look. He occupies himself more than Yevgeny because now he’s low enough that he won’t just see an orange jumpsuit—he’ll see Mickey, and he’s had a bad enough day with his family making him feel more alone than ever without adding that pain on top of it. (This is the third time Mickey’s been locked up for something directly or indirectly related to Ian. I’m sure it’s not unreasonable to suspect that he also feels somewhat guilty about that, especially when it happened right after he broke it off.)
When Mickey asks if Ian is going to sit back there the whole time and not interact with him, Svetlana turns around and presumably says something to get his attention. Their eyes meet, and Mickey gives him a look that clearly says, “What the fuck, man?” This isn’t the behavior of a man who is heartbroken at their relationship ending or questioning Ian’s love for him. This is the behavior of a man who wants the love of his life to get his shit together enough to come say hi to him—or at least look at him—because he can’t pretend that he doesn’t want to see Mickey as much as Mickey wants to see him. It’s impossible to hide that when Ian has let Mickey see so much of his heart over the years.
Ian’s response is so fascinating because he does meet Mickey’s eyes, and he holds that connection for a moment. Then, reading what Mickey is trying to tell him, he actually turns further away again so that Mickey gets his shoulder. This sets the stage for the rest of Ian’s development from now through s9. He’s doing what Ian does: he’s compartmentalizing. He’s taking the emotions he can’t deal with right now, wrapping them in tissue paper, and neatly stacking them in a box that he’ll put up in the attic where he can pretend they don’t exist. But they do. They really do.
If they didn’t, he wouldn’t have spent their entire conversation trying so hard to focus on literally anything but Mickey, because as we saw in the Hall of Shame flashbacks and as has been obvious since their first fight-turned-fuck, once they look, the battle is lost.
Dialogue
I’m going to be real with you guys: I adore this scene. I’ve watched it more times than I can count even though I haven’t rewatched much of the season in its entirety. There was so much said with so few words, and while I was sad at the end, I was also hopeful. This was an impossible position to be put in on both sides, and I truly believe that this was the best resolution they could get at the time. And yes, it hurt. It was painful. But why was it painful?
Because they’re so visibly, obviously, irrevocably in love.
Mickey’s tone when he tells Svetlana to leave because he wants to talk to Ian isn’t as harsh as it’s been for the rest of their visit. There’s such a disconnect between his words and tone: roughly telling her to scram while actually sounding a bit younger at the idea of speaking directly with Ian. Svetlana could tell. It’s so clear, and her smirk is super knowing. In that moment, we’re seeing the woman who stood in the doorway of what was supposed to be her bedroom and watched him make eyes at this unconscious boy she didn’t really even remember. Not in the tears and realizing she was in big, big trouble if he left her, but in the understanding that his heart isn’t in the body on the other side of the glass—it’s sitting behind her. There are a lot of things I don’t like about Svetlana as a person (as a character, she’s amazing), but since they reached their agreement in s4, she’s never had a derogatory thing to say about the love those two share, and I respect that. It’s actually a bit cute how she takes her time and is almost teasing in giving him what he wants. A bit.
As I have this scene running on repeat so that I don’t miss anything in writing this, I paused to type and ended up on such a meaningful glance at Ian’s face. Svetlana just took Yevgeny from him, and he hasn’t gotten up yet. He’s staring straight at Mickey, and he looks hesitant. Scared, almost. Then he looks up at Svetlana, nods a bit, and reluctantly moves into her spot.
Is it overkill to take this one exchange at a time? Probably. Am I going to do it anyway? Hell to the yes.
1.      “Thanks for coming back.”/”Yeah… Svetlana paid me.” – I know that people hate this line and think this is painful. I know that it objectively is painful. I still laugh every time. Not because Ian agreed to come if he was paid. (He’s got medication to afford and no insurance. I can’t begrudge him wanting to make a few extra bucks any way he can.) Not because of the words, but because of what accompanies them. Ian will not look at Mickey—he’s lost so many battles lately, and he can’t lose this one too. Not when he started this one himself. He’s hemming and hawing, not looking up from the countertop and then twisting around to see if Svetlana is still there or anyone else is listening. It’s so stupid, because literally no one cares, but it gives you this sensation that Ian sees himself as being under a microscope the whole time. That’s his life anymore, at home and at work and now here. And Mickey? He doesn’t look terribly broken up about Ian accepting payment in exchange for coming. He gets this expression that I interpreted as, “Seriously? You’re playing it like that?” Then it settles into disappointment that Ian won’t open up or look at him like he normally would—that the glass interferes with the magnetic pull between them. But don’t worry, children. Uncle Mickey has just the thing to fix that: himself.
2.      “You look good.”/*awkward silence* – I mean…what do you say to that? I actually felt so bad for Ian there because what must he have looked like these last visits if Mickey is telling him that he looks good now? What kind of mess was he then when he’s still sort of a mess today? And he can’t even return the sentiment because how can he? Mickey is in prison. He’s in a jumpsuit looking at being here so long that he’ll probably have a few grey hairs starting to grow in when he gets out. I don’t know how to respond when people tell me I look good on an average day, so I can only imagine how that must have felt in his position. And still, he won’t do more than glance in Mickey’s direction. Well, if that didn’t work…
3.      Mickey chuckles and says he got a new tattoo. Ian’s eyes immediately shoot upwards, and Mickey slouches a little so that he’s in their direct line of sight—to hold them there, because once they look, the battle is lost. And Ian does lose. For a while there, he can’t look away again. First, because Mickey is courting some pretty nasty illnesses with his improper use of needles. Seriously, Mickey, a beautiful gesture but holy crap. Second, Mickey has his name (or a very close approximation to it) tattooed forever right over his heart. Ian had asked if Mickey was going to marry him, and Mickey told him to fuck off, but everything he’s doing points in the opposite direction. He promised sickness and health; now he’s made a permanent mark on his body for everyone to see. Mickey, who wouldn’t be seen in public with him once upon a time, has plastered Ian’s name onto his body. Ian tries so hard not to let that impact him, but it’s over. He’s lost the battle already, and he falls further and further. He’s smiling when he tells Mickey it looks infected, he teases him about the misspelling (which I think says more about how much that tattoo must have hurt than any inability to spell on Mickey’s part—I’d have a typo too), and he laughs at Mickey’s irritation that he messed it up. And it’s this sweet little laugh, not cruel or hurtful or mean. The wonderful thing about humor is that it can be used to cope with difficult emotions. We’ve seen a lot of people on the show start laughing when they’re in a bad place. Ian has been trying so hard to accept his life as it is even during the shitty day he was having. He tried so hard not to let himself fall into the trap of letting his love for Mickey rule his actions in the scene so far. That’s a lot. That’s denying himself to the point where I’m sure it hurts. And so he laughs, because Mickey did this crazy, absurd thing for him and yeah, it came out wrong, but he did it. This was all Ian wanted once upon a time (minus the felony), and now he has it—but he can’t have it. So he laughs. He immediately moves to hide it, but he laughs. He smiles more and has to bend away to pretend that he’s not—and Mickey lights up like a goddamn Christmas tree. This is the moment that keeps me from seeing this scene or Ian’s actions as being cruel. They’re both hurting, and this is an awful position to be in. But Ian loves him so much, and Mickey was doing everything he could to make him show it. Not exactly how he saw that going, I’m sure, but he’ll take it.
4.      “Been thinking about you.” – Knowing that he lost that one, Ian looks away again. While the end of this scene will hurt for both of them, especially Mickey, think about the pain he must be feeling in that moment simply because he’s not. He’s not hurting. For the first time that day, he feels good. This can’t last. Mickey isn’t coming home with him when time is up. This wonderful emotion that filled him up enough for him to laugh and smile after such a bad day will be gone the second he hangs up that phone. Then he’s going to go home and have Fiona breathing down his neck with nobody else for support. And Mickey will be here—behind glass. He can’t handle that, and he pulls that box out again and starts tearing off the tissue paper. He has to get rid of this feeling. He has to be the one to put it away before it kicks him to the curb. He’s stubborn, and Mickey can see him shutting down but also knows that he’s knocked enough bricks out of Ian’s walls to say something softer, something emotional and closer to the heart. Something he is willing to say where the other inmates can hear, which I don’t think is lost on Ian since he immediately looks up again. He doesn’t look away either, not even when Mickey asks if Ian thinks about him. He glances to the side and opens his mouth a bit, but nothing comes out. Mickey knows the answer.
5.      “Gonna wait for me?”/”You’re here for fifteen years.” – There’s this thing Mickey does after he first says that. He chuckles, because he knows that that’s pretty unreasonable to ask and has already predicted Ian’s response. His comment about being out in eight is lighthearted, a serious matter spoken as a joke because…this isn’t juvie anymore. They’re not going to see each other in a few months. This is Mickey’s version of what Ian was just doing, only where Ian tried to withdraw and escape within himself, Mickey is making it more humorous. He’s always done that, make light of pretty serious things to avoid looking at just how messed up it is. But I didn’t get the feeling he was really asking for Ian to wait that long. Instead, I got the feeling that he was testing the waters, seeing if Ian would shut him down—which he didn’t. He offered the bullshit excuse that Mickey tried to kill a member of his family, and Mickey saw through that immediately. I think he knows that he can’t ask Ian to seriously wait and never be with anyone else for fifteen years, or even for eight. I think he knows what he’s saying is a touch absurd. He also knows that Ian’s excuse is extremely absurd, and he doesn’t buy it for a second. It gives him a little courage to do something…well, a bit absurd.
6.      “Will you? Wait? Fucking lie if you have to, man. Eight years is a long time.” – I think the important part of this isn’t that Ian says he’ll wait when he doesn’t mean it, which is the popular take. For one thing, I don’t think we can ascribe that level of calculated behavior to Ian in this instance. There are a few things about this part of the scene that mean a lot to me: (1) Ian doesn’t get up and go. He doesn’t even move in that direction. He sits there with the phone after the buzzer sounds and before Mickey tells him to lie. His mouth opens and closes like he’s not sure what to say. Because what can he say? If Mickey serves the maximum, Ian will be in his mid-thirties by the time they can be together. At that point, he was either nearing eighteen or just turned. I still can’t fathom what I’ll be doing in my mid-thirties, and I’m a whole lot older than that. Ian looks just a little terrified here, and that’s because he knows he loves Mickey but has no clue what he’s supposed to do with that in the impossible circumstances they’re operating under. (2) Ian can’t even see himself moving on yet. He’s still trying to figure himself out, not think about a relationship. He has a job he hates, and his family is a different brand of chaos these days. He feels alone, yes, but not in a way that has him openly desperate for a relationship. Based on what he says to Mandy about Caleb, I think it’s pretty safe to assume that he doesn’t think he’ll ever be in a serious relationship at this point or even in a position for more than casual sex anytime in the near future. How can he say that he’ll wait when he doesn’t know where he’ll be whenever Mickey does get out? Maybe he’ll feel better. Maybe he’ll be out of his mind, roaming all over the place like Monica. Maybe he won’t just be standing on that bridge. It’s a huge question, one that has a lot of ramifications no matter what his answer is, and Ian clearly has none. He’s blindsided by that, which Mickey sees. That’s when he gets serious about those eight years, about how absurd their situation really is. That’s perhaps the first and only time in this scene where we can see that, for as successful as he is at navigating prison, his freedom means something to him. His freedom means he wouldn’t have to coax a glance out of Ian—he could kiss his dumb ass and make him stop being stubborn about how much he loves Mickey. But he can’t. He won’t be able to for a long time. And I think that is what really breaks his heart in this scene, not…
7.      “Yeah. Yeah, Mick, I’ll wait.” – Did anyone else notice how Ian swallowed hard before he answered? How his voice gets hoarse when he first speaks? I paused again to type, and the video is sitting on his face staring at the counter before the second part of what he says. He looks like he might cry. He looks like his heart is breaking just as much as Mickey’s is, because he can do what he’s asking this time—reassure him with a lie. Not because he doesn’t intend to wait, but because he is buried so far under what life has piled on top of him that he can’t see the light these days, and he doesn’t see waiting or moving on. He just sees the daily struggle of being this shell of a person. Of being without Mickey even if they’re not technically together. (Admittedly, I think he knew they would be if Mickey weren’t in prison at that moment. Ian has no real self-control where he’s concerned. Lip told him as much, and he’s self-aware enough to realize it, hence his behavior in this whole scene.)
When Ian hangs up the phone, he doesn’t get up immediately. He looks at Mickey—really looks at him—and each of them watches the other’s heart shatter. I don’t see it the way a lot of people do, though. On Mickey’s side, I don’t see it as being because Ian lied. I think it’s so much bigger than that.
Ian looks at him when they can’t hear each other anymore, and if he didn’t seem ready to cry before, he looks it now. Why? Because there’s nothing he can do for Mickey besides that. Ian, ever the giver, can’t give him anything. At that point, he couldn’t even help himself. He can’t be what Mickey needs in that moment, just like he couldn’t be what Mickey needed while he was sick, and it kills him. It kills him to know that by the time Mickey does get out, he’ll be older than he can fathom being and has no idea if he’ll even be around that long. It kills him to feel like even if he is, he’ll still have nothing to offer because, in his own words, this is where he lands. And it kills him to have to walk away and leave what he loves most behind glass.
Mickey is watching this. He knows Ian, and as painful as it was to get exactly what he asked for, it’s even more painful for him to see what him being here does to Ian. Where Ian is a giver, Mickey is a fixer. He makes things better. When stuff is broken, he puts it back together. When there’s a problem, he resolves it. Ian was going to leave because he couldn’t be an unacknowledged number three in Mickey’s life anymore? He jumped to solve the problem by coming out. Ian was acting strangely and wouldn’t get out of bed for so long that Mickey realized something was wrong? He immediately went to hunt down Lip, who he knows is closer to Ian than anyone else in his family. Fiona tells him that Ian is sick and needs to be cared for? He jumps in to do it, even to the point where it did more harm than good. Sammi caused a problem that Mickey couldn’t solve? He fixed the problem of her being there at all. But here he sits, behind glass, watching Ian that whole time and knowing that he was trying to maintain some emotional distance—and, because it’s Mickey, knowing why. There’s nothing he can do about this. He can’t fix it. For the first time since s3, Mickey is absolutely helpless to fix a problem. He takes a breath as Ian walks away as though he’s about to say something, but what can he say? What can he do? Nothing. He can do nothing but hang up the phone and weather the storm.
In the end, the heartbreak in this scene isn’t about them hurting each other, from my perspective. It’s not about Ian being callous and cruel or purposely trying to hurt Mickey. They know each other too well for that. They’ve been through too much. To me, this is about two people who love each other more than anything not being able to be what the other needed when they needed them—and that’s a whole lot more painful.
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weasleydream · 8 months ago
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i got to say goodbye
okay so i’m really emotional with this one, i don’t know if you’ll be too but i really wanted to write this moment. 
As usual, feel free to like, comment, reblog and enjoy!
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Fifty years. It’s something, isn’t it?
We’re used to hearing that a lot happens in a day, so how could we describe what happens in fifty years? Maybe it depends on the person. Maybe some would say things aren’t that different, same places, same people, only a few more wrinkles and memories. Maybe for others, life couldn’t have gotten more different, feeling like an eternity for them, barely remembering what days used to be, forgetting more and more about their childhood friends and simple things such as the portraits in Hogwarts’ corridors. 
On any other day of the year - or even of the last fifty years - I would have answered I was part of the first category. To me, getting old was the most normal thing, or so it had become. Everything that had happened from funding a family with George to officially letting our little Freddie run the shop in Diagon Alley, all of it had seemed to be written somewhere. No matter how heartbreaking things could be, deep inside I was convinced it was how things were supposed to happen.
But today wasn’t like any other day of the last fifty years. Today was different, an anniversary the whole wizarding world had prepared for, an anniversary I wished with all I had life hadn’t given us a reason to celebrate it. Today, George and I, along with plenty of other wizards and witches, had been invited to celebrate the fifty years of the battle of Hogwarts and the fall of Voldemort right in this castle we had loved so much. Plenty of the people we had fought with weren’t here anymore. Plenty of them didn’t want to come back, still haunted by green lights, screams and explosions. George was among them. More than anyone else, he had refused to put a foot in these corridors he had known so well so many years ago. 
“What do you want me to say?” he had replied when I had asked him if he wanted to come. “That those who died were heroes? That they are still missed today? We know that, Y/N. Those who fought with us know that and the others don’t care. It isn’t worth it, it isn’t worth the pain.” he had added in a whisper. 
But I knew it was worth it, because back then I thought it was written too. We had lived long enough to see this day, it had to mean we had to go to the ceremony, right? I had eventually convinced George by constantly arguing with him and he had finally accepted because in fifty four years of love, my stubbornness had become way too much. 
That’s how we had ended up walking between the forbidden forest’s trees, where we were currently. Written or not, neither of us was ready to actually enter the castle that had been our second home for seven years. What if it had changed so much we didn’t recognize it anymore? Worse, what if it was still the same and we discovered we were nothing more than strangers between these walls? 
The forest was another place full of memories, most of them quite painful and bittersweet as they were filled with people we loved and we had lost, but it was the good kind of pain. The one that leads you to smile sadly before laughing frankly, the one that at first you don’t want to feel but once it’s here, you open your arms and ask for more. 
George and I were both silent, holding hands like we used to when we were younger. Sometimes, one of us would stop and close their eyes, overwhelmed by strong memories, and the other would wait and remember too, only for a moment, how we used to be. George was now an old man, and I was an old lady. His hair wasn't that bright red I used to adore anymore, it was more dull, strewn with white strands. His eyes, even though they still had their famous sparkle, were showing more and more tiredness as the years went by. His hands were more calloused too, his once soft skin burnt by countless failed attempts to create the perfect product for the shop. Like mine, his face was wrinkled and he always used to joke on the first of April about where the freshly appeared wrinkle was hiding. And like mine, his shoulders were hunched. 
Maybe it was the special atmosphere of the forest, maybe it was the memories I had forgotten and slowly remembering again, maybe it was all of this or none of this or it didn’t matter, fact is that I was realizing how wrong I had been for fifty years. Our shoulders weren’t hunching underneath the weight of the years but the weight of the war we had gone through. If we struggled that much to keep our eyes open, it was because we didn’t want to see more horrors. It wasn’t the people we had gone through so much with that we were forgetting, but the pain we had felt when we had lost them. 
If our lives were really written somewhere, the author had been quite cruel with us. 
“Are you okay? Do you want to go back home?” 
George’s voice suddenly echoed and I opened my eyes. As it seemed, I had been lost in my thoughts for more than a second. 
“No, don’t worry, it’s fine. Unless you want to leave, of course.”
“I’ll be okay.” 
He smiled softly and for a second, I saw the goofy boy that had asked me out before the Yule Ball, and I couldn’t help but also think about his twin brother laughing at our clumsy steps and our red cheeks. Even if he had been gone for fifty years, the memory of him was still strongly implanted in us and when we had decided to name our first son after him, it was to make sure no one would ever forget him. Fred Weasley, first of the name, the most big-hearted and idiotic man this world had known. 
“I miss him,” whispered George. With the years, he had learnt to stop crying when mentioning his twin, but his eyes would always carry the pain he felt deep down. “It’s been so long, yet I still feel the hole he has left.”
“I know Georgie,” I said while stepping toward him. “I know. But, you know, I feel like he’s right here, next to us.”
“And making fun of our sappiness.” added George with a chuckle. 
“Probably, yes!”
George nodded and looked away, grabbing my hand with more strength than earlier. We kept walking for some time, not really caring about the fact that the actual ceremony had probably begun by now. 
“You know how I know I’m getting old?” I asked half an hour later, as we were sitting on rocks along the creek. 
George looked up to me, this playful look in his eyes showing me he was ready to say anything stupid that would cross his mind. 
“The wrinkles? The sagging skin? I know, the-”
“Your skin hangs more than mine!” I said, falsely offended. “I was talking about the fact that I’m exhausted and it hadn’t even been an hour and half since we arrived.” 
“Tell me about it, I feel like my back is going to break in two!” As if to address it, George stretched his back and several crackings were heard. “I’m still more in shape than you, though.”
I was on the verge of replying when a soft thump echoed and cries of distress arrived in our ears. I jumped on my feet - as quickly as my tired legs let me, of course - and followed George to where the noise was coming from. We discovered an empty bird nest, and a few inches away a tiny nestling calling for help. 
“The poor baby!” I exclaimed. “Come here little one, I’m going to help you.”
I grabbed my wand and changed a stick found on the floor into a sort of little board. There were feathers all around the nest; George put them back in so that the nestling would be comfortable and I helped the baby bird come back in the nest with the board. Then I made it levitate to the branch above our heads and watched satisfied as the mother of the nestling came back and checked on her baby. 
“What is this?” mumbled George. 
I looked at him. He was holding a pebble in the palm of his hand. With a finger, I turned it again and again, it had a strange shape and was really smooth and I was pretty sure it wasn’t just a pebble. I was going to say it was really weird when he appeared. 
“It’s been a while, brother.”
It was a reflex. I tightened my hand around George’s, too afraid he would let go of the stone. He wasn’t thinking about it at all though. His eyes were fixed on Fred, on his shape that looked more than real. His face was still the same, he was still the same. Tall, his hands stuck in his pockets, his hair messy and his eyes shining. George extended an arm, his hand a few inches away from his brother’s chest. Fred sighed and a crooked smile appeared on his face. George’s hand didn’t go further away. 
“I’m glad to see you, Georgie. I missed you.”
“I- Me too, I missed you too. So much.”
“I missed you too, Y/N/N.” Fred winked at me and I nodded, sure that I would explode in sobs if I said anything. 
His eyes fell back on George, and they exchanged one of these looks they were the only ones to understand. George’s hand was tense in mine, as if he was holding tight onto me not to get lost on what had always been his biggest dream. 
“That beard looks great on you,” finally said Fred with a smirk. “Almost better than the one I had after we tried to cheat to enter the triwizard tournament. You remember?”
“Of course,” murmured George. “It was stupid to try that.”
“I don’t think so.” Fred shrugged and took a step toward us. 
The atmosphere changed instantly, and what was feeling like a dream became the most real feeling we would ever experience. Fred’s aura was pure, the same as it had always been but so much stronger that it was enveloping us. 
“I’ve been here every step of the way Georgie, and you know I’ll be until the end. Love you, brother. Say hi to the family to me, would ya?”
George nodded, murmured a shaky I love you too, see you soon brother, and opened his hand just enough to look at the stone. I knew he wanted to keep it, I wanted it too, but I didn’t realize that the twins didn’t share this view. 
“It’s incredible…” began George.
“But dangerous.” finished Fred. 
He smiled, and George closed his eyes. 
The stone fell on the floor, and the forest became as silent as it was before. My eyes were fixed on the stone when George murmured. 
“At least I got to say goodbye.”
He looked at me, there was a tear on his cheek that he didn’t bother wiping away, but he was smiling more brightly than in the last fifty years. He didn’t need to justify himself, I knew the tale of the three brothers too and I knew the resurrection stone was dangerous. We had to keep it hidden here, where even us would be unable to find it again. After an undetermined amount of time, George grabbed my hand again. 
“I think it’s time for us to get in the castle.”
I nodded and followed him, the image of Fred still engraved in my mind. 
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monsters00km · 7 months ago
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I loved the Final... there I said it.
Ok. So, I've been thinking about this post since the final. And I think I'm ready to type it out. I keep seeing how people feel about the final. Bad writing. Penny's shocking death. All of it. But honestly I loved it.
Let's talk about the Hate. So, I've mainly seen talks about bad writing, Penny's death as shock value, and Pennys suicide being a hot topic.
Bad Writing. Let's talk about this. So what are we talking about here? Bad writing for the volume or the series? Bc honestly I kinda hate this critique. It's a boring, lazy criticism, it's so broad and can mean anything. Honestly when I see someone claim bad writing for me I thibk, oh this person just didn't like what happened. Bc that's what it has honestly turned into. Just say you don't like it, you don't have to have a reason. And If it's bad writing bc of how it effects the series, how can you honestly have that critique if the series isn't over? You don't know the direction they want to go.
Ok but bad writing for a volume? This one we can talk about. As long as you don't talk about the direction of the show (bc yet again it's not over and just bc you don't like it, it doesn't mean the writing is bad). I have seen some complaints about things not getting enough screen time and such. And I'll agree. But I do understand the issue they are facing. V8 has soooo much content, things had to be cut. Do I agree with all of it? No. So, this I get. But other than that. That's the main critique about bad writing I see that'd actually about the writing.
In the bad writing category I'll bring up team RWBY. I do understand this complaint as well. They were not the focus of this volume. And I don't like that about the volume.
Now. Penny. Penny's death isn't shock value. That's not to say it wasn't shocking. I think what people miss here is what is shock value compared to shocking? And we get caught up in the fact that so many use Shock Value deaths for ratings, people forget there can be a purpose to this type of death.
Shock Value vs Shocking. Shock Value deaths are deaths that happened without build up. As in the audience were given zero clue for it to happen. Like Penny's death 1.0. There was no real build up. Yes, we knew Emerald was gonna mess with Pyrrha. But we didn't understand their end goal. And RWBY up until this point was a fun school girl anime. So, we as the audience were shocked when Penny straight up died. Shocking death is Pyrrha. We knew Cinder would kill that this point and prob enjoyed it. She was showing no remorse. She killed Ozpin. And since she was a maiden we knew Pyrrha was outmatched. Then, Pyrrha sent Jaune away bc she didn't want him to die to. But we saw Ruby. We had hope. And we believed this show wouldn't kill off someone as important as Pyrrha. Shes one of the main 8. But she died. Her death wasn't a shock value death but it was shocking.
Something else to elaborate one. There is purpose to shock value deaths and not just raitings. Thats the boring purpose. So, again Penny 1.0. Her death had a purpose. It was to change the tone of the show. We were no longer in a school girl anime. We were watching something else. And it sent a message. Anyone can die (besides RWBY unless may be its the end). And they delivered on that message a couple episodes later. So shock value death with a purpose. (If your a got fans shes basically Ned Stark).
But let's talk about what is going on at the start of e14.
Penny is Weaker. She doesn't have her swords. She doesn't have her laser guns. She doesn't have a practically indestructible body. And we have no idea how much aura training she has done. All she really has for e14 is her maiden powers.
To add to this. In the episode Amity we see Penny vs Cinder. And soo many have commented on it. But something said repeatedly is that Cinder loses her Maiden fights bc shes dependent on her maiden powers. While Penny and Raven depend on their skills and use the maiden powers to enhance them. But Penny is now in a position that she is dependent on her maiden powers.
The Plan was for Emerald, Ren, and Oscar to go to Vacuo. Jaune and Nora to get the citizens out of Atlas. RWBY to get Penny and the Staff to Vacuo. These were their priority number 1 roles.
But, Cinder shows up. RWBY tells Penny to go to Vacuo. And then Yang dies. We see Nora and Jaune talk about how their priority is the citizens. They keep doing what they were supposed to. But Penny doesn't. She turns around. And what is RWBYS reaction when she does? Weiss yells at her "Penny, No." When we see Jaune and Nora again. We see them make the plan that Nora will go to vacuo for help and Jaune will stay to fight. This is what Penny's plan should have been. She was right there. She could have got the staff to vacuo handed to Oscar, asked the Happy huntresses for help. And tried to return. (Yes, WE know that wouldn't have worked, but SHE didnt). Then, we can't under estimate Cinder. The scene were Penny is hit. Cinder doesn't attack her first. She goes for Weiss and Jaune. Her plan was to distract Penny by going for her friend's. And it worked. Penny was looking at them, when she gets hit in the chest.
Now. Here's is the thing. I'm not saying Penny died bc of Penny. So, let's not have that argument. What I am saying, is that there were events that lead up to the death of Penny. Mistakes were made on the Heros side. And Cinder capitalized on those mistakes.
Penny's death was Shocking. But it wasn't a Shock Value death.
Now, onto how Penny died. This is a sticky subject. I won't be discussing it. Bc its too hot of a topic. But I wanted to express that I know people didn't like the final bc of this.
Anyway. My post was about how I loved it. And I did.
I Loved that Cinder is WINNING. Yes. She is turing out to be our VILLIAN. And I am HERE for it.
I Loved that they said it was going to be a rough volume, and I'm glad they delivered on that.
I LOVED that Ironwoods death was anticlimactic. He went down with the ship, completely broken, and believing that they completely lost. Yes.
Cinder vs Winter Maiden Battle. Oh My Yes. And how it ended? Cinder won bc she attacked what Winter loves most. YES.
Cinder killing Neo. Yes. I don't know why people say betrayed here. Bc... like.... Neo betrayed Cinder. She stole the lamp. So, I loved that Cinder waited for the opportune moment and "killed" her.
Cinder taking out Watts. Yes. We all knew she was up to something. With the deserved it line. But Yes.
Cinder, who creates fire all the time. Used the God of creation... to create more fire.... YESSSSS. (I do get that it was to break their bridge, but still funny).
Winter's threat to Cinder. Oh my, delivered very well. YES.
Harriet being a fool. Yes.
Vine dying, by sacrificing himself. Yes.
The Ace Ops learning what's important. Yes.
Qrow figuring out his semblence is Luck, and he can manipulate that. Yessss. Finally.
Robyn and them getting stuck behind. Yes. Go find peitro and maria.
Ruby being SAVAGE. Straight up pushing Neo off the ledge. YES.
Weiss being a Boss. Last one standing and killing it while duel weilding with Gambol Shroud. YES.
Blake and Weiss doing everything they can to save Ruby, prob bc they knew that's what Yang would do. Brilliant, Love it.
Blake making the right Choice and going after Cinder. Yes.
Jaune Falling. Hilarious. I laughed.
Penny's and Blakes move to save Ruby. YES.
Ruby crying while fighting Neo. Yes. Love it.
Weiss crying while using Gambol Shroud. Yes. LOVE IT.
Winter breaking after failing to catch Weiss. Yessssss. Love it.
Cinder going nuts after Jaunes cry of Pain. Yes.
Jaunes sword breaking. Yes.
Jaunes cry of pain in general. Heartbreaking. Well executed. Yes.
I just. I thought it was great. Do I think it was perfect? No. I see the flaws. But overall I loved it. I laughed. I cried. And overall I ENJOYED IT.
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trblhyuns · 4 months ago
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imagine us. (pt.1 and we were eating)
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pairing// hyunjin-reader main  &&lil chan-reader for a little
tws// use of drugs and alcohol, suggestive scenes, hyunjin can be a dick sometimes and it hurts
— lighthearted
prologue / masterlist / pt.2
pt.1 wc: 1989
his cologne caught my nose. it smells just like the one i had got for my little brother this past christmas. when my brother wore it it smelt nice, and i liked the undernotes but on him, it just smelt weird. but now i could smell the same undertone and it was pleasingly sweet, but mostly smelled like dude. not like locker room dude but like shaves his face with a straight razor, changes his own oil, shops at nordstrom rack dude. my brother said he wanted it because he saw it in some pickup artist video saying that it was the best scent to get girls. i wonder if he got it because of that video too. not saying that if i smelled it on my brother that i would find him attractive too. ew. i know that scents change depending on the person who is wearing them. but the smell, or more likely the aura radiating off this guy is making my head turn.
i can only catch a glimpse of the head of hair on this guy. blonde and long. like the barbies i used to play with my elementary school when i would spend the night. i want to see more of him. his smell is luring me in. i feel like a dog looking for a treat that it hid months ago.
"why do you keep looking at the booth behind you" jisung looks into me, using scissors to cut the sizzling pork belly into small pieces. i fold into myself watching the pieces fall onto the round charcoal grill between us. "you're so weird." he shakes his head before going back to grilling the meat.
"okay try to see past all the smell of the expensive meat, which i am paying for, may remind you before you call me weird. but you smell that?" he looks at me while squinting his eyes, slowly he puts down the tongs and scissors. his fingers stroke his chin and within a few moments his features scrunch up.
"yeah i smell that. oh my god."
"really? i thought i was crazy." relief falls over me. i'm not the only one who can smell it.
"yeah it smells so fucking bad, it's like there is a y/n here stinking the whole restaurant up. yeah, i don't think i can eat anymore" he drops his hands on the table. my eyes droop. i look up at him from hooded lids, trying to put on the most deadpan face i can.
"yeah, i think you're paying now buddy."
"but y/n~~~ i was like um just playing, but for real it smells like dude. you know when you come to the studio with me and the middle schoolers leave because the youth classes end. yeah, yeah. like when the youth classes end. onions and axe." i chuckle at his response before grabbing a piece of the now grilled pork belly off the grill and putting it on my plate. i can not express how excited i am to eat this pork belly. it distracts me enough from what we were talking about before, and as i am ready to bring the food up to my mouth i am soon more distracted by the sound of the tall man scooting out from the booth behind me, napkin clad in hand making his way over to the buffet, probably to get more sides.
"jisung do you need more sides?"
"no, i need more front."
"what?" i looked at him puzzled trying to figure out what he means.
"i need to see the front of that guy who smells like onions and axe, was that what you were trying to look at in the booth behind you. because i'm going to let you know right now, just by looking at the back of onion and axe guy you have no chance."
i stare at him again.
"bitch what the fuck." jisung puts his hand up to his forehead, which i just flicked. "again, i was just joking gotdamn. if you want to talk to him this is your chance i guess. i want more radish now be nice and go get me some since you just flicked me." i roll my eyes still staring while my eyes close into a tight glare shooting at him. i look over at the buffet, and he is nowhere to be seen. usually, by now i would have kicked jisung under the table for being so mean, but he was right. this was a good time to go see what this guy was all about. and, i want to smell him. as appetizing as this porkbelly smells, and how much i was craving to eat it, he smells more delicious. but jisung's words play in my head again onions and axe. it makes me chuckle.
i get up and make my way towards the buffet. it's the dinner rush, and since this was the only good bbq spot in the town at the moment, i have to dodge busy servers, and the sound of conversations, and maybe even a fighting couple pass by me as i make my way over.
trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, i try to look around me taking in the surroundings of the restaurant, but trying to spot the full head of blonde hair. i put the plastic gloves over my hands, grabbing a plate from under the food, and then mindlessly— and may i add very slowly— put things onto the plate. i see him a bit of the way over just staring at the meat fridge. the blonde hair pulls me in and i'm about to make my move before i feel a sting on my face. quickly i wipe my hand over my face trying to scratch before i realize i now have the residue of whatever was on my gloves, but what's even worse i don't have my mask on. the blood rushes to my face as i quickly make my way back to the booth where jisung is waiting for me.
"dude you didn't even get any radish." he looks at me, looking like he is trying to hold back his laughter as he throws a napkin at my face.
"do you think he saw me, oh my god, what if he did, he probably thinks i'm some freak anti-masker trying to spread my germs to everyone."
"i mean i would." jisung retorts at me.
"you're such a dick" i throw my crumpled-up napkin back at him.
"yeah but who begged me to come out to eat with her, and who made me cancel my studio time just because little y/n can't grill food by herself, and can't stand the thought of eating out alone." his pout becomes deeper with each word he says, and his voice becomes squeaker at the same rate.
"yeah but who gets to eat for free?" i imitate him. this makes him purse his lips, a playful look on his face as he goes back to eating the sides i brought back from the buffet. he looks around before eyeing the direction of the buffet.
"yoooo YOOOOOOOO y/n y/n y/n. i know that guy." he has a surprised look on his face, but not hiding the fact that he is a little excited. like a little lab dog. i open my eyes wide, ready to hear how i can get closer to him. "i've seen him at the studio before. you know that guy chan i have been trying to get you to bang so i can live vicariously through you, yeah i think he is friends with him."
"first of all, i don't know why you keep trying to live vicariously through me. especially since the situation is me having sex with chan. because you are like. straight. but maybe i should hit up chan now haha." i play with the straw that's sitting in my water cup while jisung pulls out his phone, scrolling through. he looked so focused, a look i only see when he is trying to mix a new track, or while he stares at himself in the mirror while dancing. i wait there for a while, distributing the rest of the cooked meat between us. before i can start to eat jisung shoves his phone in my face.
"okay i got his snapchat and apparently he is here with this girl as you can see by the story i am showing you right now." that was quick, but expected from jisung.
i take his phone out of his hands, holding it closer to my face so i can read the caption better. remembering that they are in the booth behind us, i remember to lower my voice before i speak.
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"okay first of all who comes to a bbq place and orders off the kitchen menu. and do you think they are dating, like is the emoji meant to be about her or the food, and do you think she is eating the food he is grilling, or do you think she is the type to eat salads on dates to seem more feminine." i start to ramble, obviously jealous over a girl i don't know over a guy i don't know. things have been dry for me lately. school has taken over my life. occasionally i will go out to the club, or the rare party, but being friends with jisung who doesn't get out as much as he used to, i just have never have an excuse to go out and meet more people. this is the action and drama i need in my life right now.
"okay, first of all, y/n you said a lot, and it is a lot to unpack. and i don't know if you know her and have some grudge or sum, but i think you are just reading too much into it." and he's right. i have only seen this guy's face like once, and maybe got a good whiff of him, but i feel like i'm going crazy for no reason. oh my god, i am so deprived of any interaction with anyone.
"let's just forget about it and get the bill. he has a girl so my window has closed." jisung nods in approval and goes to finishing his food. we continue to make small talk and joke around. the server comes to the table black book in hand. i put my card in and wait for him to come back with the reciept.
"wait y/n your tipping too right."
"oh my god jisung, just how broke are you?"
"i'm not broke i'm just trying to save up for these nice ass headphones and i just wanted to ask you to break our little you pay and i tip streak so i can keep a little extra cash so i can hear porn in HD audio."
"okay, okay, just stop talking, gosh. what is up with you today." the server comes back and i scribble in the tip and total before looking at jisung signaling to him to get up.
"nothin.'' he smiles at me as he scoots out from the booth grabbing his bag. "so now that you know that pretty guy isn't available will you FINALLY hit up chan. he has been asking about you." we are walking out of the restaurant now. standing out on the side walk beside the main road. there is traffic tonight downtown, like always. the older people are making their way out of the restaurants, and closing their tabs at bars. the bouncers are going to come out soon, ready to take only the obviously fake ids, and i can imagine a few hours from now the barely dressed girls on the backs of guys they met dancing stumbling down the concrete, or the older college kids playing pool instead of getting wasted.
"i guess now i will."
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k-hiphopshit · a year ago
Text
You Are A Goddess (Jay Park x Reader)
 hey guys... what’s up? how’s it going? let’s just cut to the shit, i felt nostalgic and started reading the imagines i used to port and I want to start writing again so...here goes nothing, this was requested by anon probably years ago i’m sorry baby for taking this long but I hope they see this and like it
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Jay was a very handsome and charismatic man, you met him when you had gotten a job as Joon Kyungs a.k.a Dok2 personal assistant, so that meant you had to make a tons of phonecalls to other artists and people in the industry to confirm, arrange or cancel and inform about all types of things.
Jay was a bit stunned when he heard your voice over the phone, he could hear your smile, you sounded like you were really happy and excited for something and since he was drowning in responsibilities it was a breath of fresh air to hear someone talk in such a soothing and positive way. When he found out you were calling on Kyung’s behalf he got in contact with him and asked him about you
“Oh (y/n), she is my star right now, she is on top of everything and i’ve never met a person that is smiling genuinely so much”
After a few weeks joon kyung hosted an event for his birthday which meant you were in charge of pretty much everything and had to make sure everything went smoothly and exactly how your boss requested it. You saw Joon Kyung waving you over, he was with Dong gab and two other men you hadn’t personally met but you knew of them, well it wasn’t that hard since it was the infamous Jay Park and Simon D
“(y/n) let me introduce you to my good friends Jay Park and Kisok”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I am a big fan of your music and achievements”
“Thank you, that means a lot. We’ve been also hearing a lot of good things about you as well”
Jay took the lead and tried to stall the conversation as much as he could. As soon as you walked over to them he felt your positive aura that was so addictive, you seemed so grounded and so effortlessly put together it was fascinating for him, since in his industry they were so many people that tried so hard to seem like something they aren’t and were never meant to be it was a nice fresh tone to be around someone that seemed authentic.
“I’m sure he is exaggerating as always, but i’ll gladly take any compliment I can get”
-
After that Jay pursued you, he wanted to be around you, listen to you talk, he craved that comfortable and inviting aura you exude, not too long after that you started dating and not too long after that you were puking like you had been possessed by a Demon.
Jay was so excited about the baby, of course he was shocked at first and very scared since he had so many people depending on him that he was on call 24/7 with everyone and a child is a big responsibility, however in his eyes he couldn’t wait to be blessed by you with such gift, you would bring a life into this world, a beautiful combination of him and you and how could he deny himself such heaven?
He made sure you had everything you needed at any time, he was there at every doctors appointment, he was there when you needed some help to put your shoes on, baking and making all kinds of crazy recipes that you craved and of course he was there when you gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Kyung Mi.
Yet not everyone shared his excitement, the media were ruthless and the fans were not pleased to say the least, their idol and a well known bachelor was suddenly not only in a relationship but also was having a baby. Your face was plastered all over the tabloids and of course they started digging up your past. While you were still pregnant Jay made sure to hide as much as he could, after you gave birth not only you started seeing more and more of it what also did not help was the extra weight you had gained and it seemed to be very stubborn,
“What are you doing? it’s 3 am?”
Jay had just walked in after a concert, expecting to find his girlfriend and baby girl sleeping, on the contrary he found you exercising and doing crunches at the living room with the baby monitor right next to you.
“Exactly, which means is the only time I can work out without Mi needing something”
He had noticed how you started eating less, always talking about new healthier recipes and it wasn’t the first time he had caught you working out in the middle of the night. He huffed and walked towards you as he sat down on the floor while you kept going with your work out
“Baby you’ve been staying up late to work out more and more”
“Don’t start Jay, you just got home as well”
“I had to work”
“Yes, so did I Jay. But now I have a family to take care of”
He bit his lower lip in a settle way to hold back his words. He knew how much it hurt you that you were staying home since you loved your job so much, of course Kyung understood and told you that when you feel ready to come back the spot is yours. Still, you felt in complete, nothing was the same anymore, you didn’t fit in your clothes, your breasts were swollen and bruised since Kyung Mi was starting to bite and of course the waking up in the middle of the night from the crying did not help either. Jay tried to help as much as he could , unfortunately he couldn’t drop everything and stay home so he understood your frustration.
“How about we take a shower together? We are both sweaty and we can... help each other”
“You can go first”
That also was a part of your new life, you wanted to have sex with Jay... who wouldn’t the problem wasn’t him it was you, you felt fat and ugly and just wanted to cover up and go to bed.
Jay was of course very supportive and expressed his feelings for you every day, that didn’t change the way you saw yourself even when you wished it did. Jay sighed and got up from the floor, leaving you be and getting lost in his own thoughts.
He had to do something and he had to do it quickly. Some how some way there was something he could do that would help you, of course that meant he needed advice from a woman and preferably someone that knew you.
-
“What’s going on big papa?”
Jessi teased as she picked up the phone. You and Jessi had gotten closer over the years and she was someone you used to go out with very often, so Jay thought maybe she had any good ideas.
“Hey, I need your help with something”
“I hope you didn’t hurt my baby (y/n), you owe her after pushing a baby out of her”
“No i didn’t do anything. She’s been very distant lately, she seems to be kind of sulking because of the baby weight and it has taken such a big toll on her”
“Well yeah i’m sure it did, have you tried like having a conversation?”
“yes but she is shutting me out, blaming me about not helping her and missing her job”
“Oh man, Let me see what I can come up with”
-
Jessi was a Saint sent straight from heaven. Her plan was brilliant, she went over the house at 10 a.m and pretty much kicked you out and send you at a well known spa and resort as a “god mother gift” where she had planned a full boy massage and a facial, as well as a sauna and yoga. You haven’t felt this relaxed in a while, letting someone take care of you and not having to worry about the baby crying and if she needs a diaper change was something she desperately needed. 
After everything she was led to a room that had a big package with a beautiful pink bow and a letter. As she opened it she immediately recognized the hand writing.
“To my baby mama,
Take a sweet nap and in 3 hours a hair and make up artist will come to get you all dolled up for our dinner. 
I love you,
your baby daddy”
You smiled and chose to not open the box yet, you left it to the side and laid down on the bed smiling brightly at the letter he had left you. You knew he cared but it was still nice to see that he really did try.
As the letter promised a hair and make up artist came and hooked you up with the good stuff, they made you look like a person you hadn’t see in a while. You went for a nice soft gold eye make up and a red lip and you hair just a nice blow out but it was just so refreshing to finally look like your old self. Then came the the time to finally open the box and of course what was inside was absolutely stunning
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It was tight around your stomach which you did not love and it did put you down a little bit but since you had nothing else to wear you just pushed it in the back of your mind, he had even bought your favorite perfume to wear and of course you noticed the lack of undewear in the box.
As you walked in the hotels restaurant you noticed nobody else was in here other than the servers and Jay. He got up and offered you a single red rose
“Milady”
You giggle as you took it and gave it a little sniff. You couldn’t hold back and went in to hug him, which he wanted to do as well.
“You look ravishing baby”
“Thank you, you look handsome as well”
He pulled back your seat and as you sat down he placed a gentle kiss on your shoulder right on top of the extremely thin spaghetti strap of your dress before taking a seat directly in front of you.
“Tonight is not about me beautiful, tonight is dedicated to you. The sexiest woman on the planet”
“Oh please, maybe after I love half of what I weight”
“Baby why are you putting yourself down? You know I would love you no matter what you weight right?”
You bit your lip. You knew Jay loved you, it was just you that felt insecure and almost like you were holding him back from everything, his career, his friends, everything had changed now and you felt responsible for it, the reason that you were so good at your job was that you took responsibility for everything so naturally it happened now as well.
“I know it’s just, I feel like I’m holding you back”
“What? What do you mean?”
“You were supposed to have a world tour this year and you cancelled it, as well as many other performances cause you wanted to come to doctors appointments”
“Exactly, I chose to cancel them baby, I wanted to be there”
“Yes but... I don’t know I just feel like I’m a burden, also I’ve gain weight and I feel... ugly”
There was a silence after that, since the waiter came and placed the food in front of you. You looked down at your feet, embarrassed and also a bit nervous of what Jay would say, after the waiter walked away Jay got up from his seat and kneeled in front of you, placing his one hand on top of yours and the other reached your chin so you can meet his eyes.
“You are one strong woman you know that? You loved me unconditionally and you gave me a beautiful child, sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve such a person in my life, you are no longer a woman to me... you are a Goddess. That’s why I don’t think i’ll find a more perfect time to do this”
“Do what?”
He reached for his pocket and pulled a small red velvet box. As soon as you saw it you started tearing up and your breathing stopped. Jay looked at you once again, he was saving it for the end of the meal but now it just seemed such a perfect moment.
“(Y/F/N) will you do me the absolute honor and let me your husband?”
“yes”
you whispered as you bot got up and went for a passionate kiss letting your feelings flow and the tears roll down your cheek. You were so happy, finally after so long you felt the connection you had with him before the baby, you missed this pure raw bond you shared, the passion flowed after so many months of complete drought.
“You are so pretty even when you cry”
You laughed once again as you gently wiped your tears not to mess your perfectly applicated make up. He slipped the ring on your finger and kissed your hand 
“Let’s eat and then I can take my dessert in the bedroom”
“Can’t wait mister Park”
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karlhann · a year ago
Note
Hello! I was wondering if I could request something with yandere Chrollo. I only just found your blog and I must say you write beautifully. Thank you for what you've written so far!
Thank you so much!
By the way, Chrollo is one of my favourite characters of all time :´)
This takes place in the Yorkshin arc, when Kortopi creates the fake bodies of some Phatom Troupe members.
Yes, I was slightly inspired by Will Graham (Hannibal).
Warnings: numerous crimes listed, violence, corpses.
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Empathy.
Your body wasn’t fit for battle, you knew that much. You had no strength, no stamina, no speed. Still, it did not matter: you were no good fighting, but your talent resided elsewhere.
You were incredibly empathic.
Mirroring feelings, confusing them for your own, visualising the pain of others and understanding their circumstances.
That was the reason why you decided to work for the police department, more specifically, in the forensics unit. You wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but when you saw the corpse of a victim (looked into their dead, unseeing eyes, slightly touched their skin) you recreated the scene of the murder in your mind as if you were the killer.
It was a useless ability for fighting, but it saved so many lives. With your help, a serial killer could be caught in a short amount of time.
Not taking into consideration your mental exhaustion or the way you slowly lost yourself to the feelings of those who were inhumane, you forced yourself to keep working and touching the unfeeling bodies, trying to piece the untold stories together.
Empathy, however, was a vile thing. It was incredible, for not many possessed it, but it was a double edged sword. Depending on those who you were around, your personality changed. There was nothing you could do about it: if you mingled with nice people, you became incredibly sweet, if you were surrounded by criminals, you began thinking like them. So, becoming a murderer, even if it was just for a few seconds, destroyed your sense of morality and threatened to disrupt your sanity. Or, at least, it threatened the feeling of normality you were supposed to have, the one you desperately held on to in order to live in the society you faced.
There was a darkness inside you, no doubt - you were aware of this. However, it might’ve bloomed because of your line of work. You couldn’t really distinguish your emotions from others’. Whenever you saw someone weaker than you, you vaguely wondered how it would feel like to break them. Those thoughts made you shudder, and still you did not know if it was due to disgust or pleasure.
Here you sat, facing yet another corpse. The stillness of death was almost poetic, the pale skin of the man and his glazed over eyes were beautiful, in a sick, twisted way. Morbid.
“Chrollo Lucifer” the man spits his name like a curse. You aren’t familiar with it, though. It rings no bells. They dump his corpse as if it were trash. “The head of the Gen’ei Ryodan.”
Now, that surprises you. So, it seems as if the mighty spider leader has been caught and crushed. Your shoulders tremble slightly, the beginning of a laugh. Oh, the irony.
“What happened?” You inquire. His eyes are so dark, like endless voids that fit his face perfectly well. You don’t have to touch this man-boy to know he had been like glass when he was alive, broken and sharpened with time. Deadly.
“Murdered by the Zoldycks” the police man says, and still something pools in your gut at that. Your instinct tells you something is wrong.
“The Zoldycks? No, I don’t think so.” Your voice is soft, a mere whisper. You have never been too loud.
“What do you mean?” He taunts. He challenges you. It isn’t the first time this has happened - most men don’t believe any of your analysis. You feel a thrum of hatred, fuelled by thick, growing envy.
This man hates you for he is older than you, stronger than you, and still you prove him wrong.
“These injuries are too sloppy” you don’t look at him. Instead, you are consumed by the dead. “I have seen Zoldyck work before - it is refined, controlled, meticulous. They use their victims to advertise their business, after all. They show their abilities, and their expertise. This is a child’s doing - sloppy, sloppy.” Disinterest soon takes over your words, and you end up slurring them.
“What are you implying? That another assassin killed them?” It is the plural that finally makes you understand there’s more victims. More dead spiders. You feel like giggling.
“I’ll see it in a moment” you place you fingertips lightly on his pale chest - the contact is cold and firm.
Nothing happens.
This makes you frown. You have never experienced this before. It normally took the barest touch to make you visualise the killing. It’s strange, and therefore you try again. It proves to be futile.
“Have you done anything to the body? Damaged it more?” That’s the only thing you can think of, but still it shouldn’t interfere with your ability. The police man looks at you weirdly, but shakes his head.
“No, but I was tempted.”
A shaky sigh escapes your lips. This doesn’t make sense. You have used this method with every single victim that has passed through the lab, no matter their age, gender, killer, or the fact that they use nen. Therefore, this can only mean that Chrollo Lucifer is not human, but thinking that is absurd.
“Hand me the knife” you tell the man, holding out your hand. You have a very odd feeling about this. What if this is... a copy? When you are given the weapon, you hold it tightly with both hands and pierce his abdomen. You proceed to gut him with almost surgical precision. The horrified gasp that sounds next to you mirrors your own terror: there is nothing inside the corpse. “Its hollow.”
No blood, no organs, no muscle - just empty space, filled by a dark nen. Damn.
“The bodies are fake.”
————
The news spread quickly, but they aren’t treated with seriousness. Every single mafia member ignores them, talking about your mental state instead.
What an absurd assumption! Fitting for a marginal girl that relies on her gut and no facts!
Its ridiculous, really. What they are saying, instead, is that the Zoldycks drained the Gen’ei Ryodan members from inside. Seriously, both theories were equally idiotic (or equally valid, if you knew about the existence of nen). The harsh reality is what it is: your ideas are ignored, discarded as if they were a mad woman’s. However, you can’t forget the emptiness of that stomach, the thrill of power that emanated from the nen that the body stored.
It was truly a magnificent copy, beautifully crafted, detailed. A pity, the fact that it did not last more than two days. The mafia had gone crazy about it, believing the corpses to have been stolen. You supposed that thinking that made more sense than believing them to have disappeared into thin air.
It has been three days since you had seen the body, two since the news had gone out into the world, only to crash on the ground before your feet. Your reputation is scarred. No one believes you, now, for this case has gained popularity, and therefore your bosses can only focus on your wild assumptions, instead of remembering your past victories against psychopaths. Also, the mafia has a huge influence among the high charges of the law. Both factors, you’re sure, will make your life a living nightmare from now on.
You enter your apartment with a sigh, and throw your bag across the hall, not minding where it lands. You just want to get rid of some of your pent up frustration, caused by the ignorance of some people.
When you turn towards your living room, you see them. There’s only three, but still their presence makes you freeze on the spot. They’re already watching you: the famous Lucifer, unwavering gaze going through you, is sitting on your sofa. Next to him, there is a blonde woman that is tall and slender. She has the face of an angel, and still holds two guns in both her hands. At Chrollo’s feet, a small child - or at least, what you believe to be a child - his hair is messy and you can barely see his left eye.
There is a moment of uncomfortable silence, where you just stare at each other. You understand why they have broken into your home, though. Their master plan has been figured out, you have spread dangerous information that could’ve endangered their lives, and now you were going to die. Well, fine. You’ve been surrounded by death since the very beginning, you don’t mind her taking you away now.
Hm, is this resignation yours, or are you mirroring their thoughts? You wonder, sometimes.
You slowly take a seat in front of them, because you have a feeling that this is going to take a while, and because you know there is no point in fighting back when you are powerless against three members of an A-bounty criminal gang.
Looking into the eyes of each of them, you feel a twinge of familiarity in one of their auras.
“Did you do the copies?” You direct your question to the smallest of them all, ignoring the other two with a calmness you don’t normally feel. His response is a slight nod. “They were very well done. Very realistic. My congratulations to the artist.” A small flicker of amusement makes you curl your lips. The boy seems almost embarassed.
How unexpectedly fun.
“Paku.” Your attention snaps back to the leader. You know your eyes reflect his - bright intelligence, a twisted, dark humor.
A hand is placed on your shoulder, and you don’t fight it.
“How did you know?” Her voice is interesting, sensual but blunt. You like it. Her eyes are expressive, though.
“Oh, so you’re the heart of the spider.” That unsettles her, it seems, if her slight furrowing of brows is anything to go by. “He is the head, I know. But you are the heart, slightly more empathic than the rest.” She seems surprised, and then, almost offended.
“I could kill you, now.” Calm, but challenging.
“I don’t doubt it. I never said you were a saint.” What were you, seeking death? You really were testing their patience. How long would a challenging fool last? Your eyes twinkled, excited.
She seems a bit put off, but in a second she schools her expression.
“Danchou, she has an interesting nen ability. She is an empath, acts like those around her, understands them, becomes them, if need be.” After speaking, she crosses her arms and walks back to her leader.
How pitiful, no more than a loyal dog. Your chest rumbles: the beginning of a laugh.
“You seem to be enjoying yourself.” He states, his expression seems unfazed, but you pick up the slight interest that flashes in his eyes.
“I am.”
“Aren't you scared?” he doesn't use a mocking tone, but one of genuine curiosity. You could bet your life on the fact that this man has never met someone that has had a reaction similar to yours. Surely, he has met cowards, fearful hostages, proud ones, too. Maybe one or two brave people. But a person that imitates his own behavior? You doubt it.
“Not really.” you answer. It is laced with a hint of amusement, you act out his inner feelings, but you are unable of controlling your expression. His face is as blank as could be, and it thrills you. “I don't like people like you, but I must admit I've met worse.”
“Oh?” you decide to take the bait, after a moment.
“I have seen many things during my career. I suppose it was to be expected, as I was diving right into the criminal world.” A breath. “I have seen mangled bodies with their faces twisted painfully due to torture. Small children that have been killed prematurely because of a man’s desires, necrophiliacs that used young girls for their own pleasure. Of course, some of these killers haven’t murdered as many as you and your friends have, but their methods are more terrifying. I have no doubt about it - you kill because you value material things - antiquities, scarlet eyes, whatever you desire - true, but there are monsters out there that harm for nothing at all. They dream about harming for the sake of it. Your group has done some heists throughout the years; but I see these crimes every day.”
“And still, you chose this path.”
“And still, I chose this path.” You agree.
“Why? When you could’ve avoided it?”
“Why, indeed?” You muse, think out loud, because you don’t really know what made you want to doom yourself in such a way. “I’m good at it, I suppose. I can help people.” Was that what motivated you, a long time ago? Possibly. “Would you have avoided being a thief, if your circumstances had been different?”
Silence stretched between you. His expression grew unexpectedly cold, but you did not feel fear.
“What does that matter, anyway?” His inner turmoil was perfectly masked, but the air had changed drastically.
“I suppose it doesn’t.” Your voice took a turn, from mocking to infuriatingly humble. “Well, what brings you here? I guess you were planning on killing me?”
“Not really.” His tone was nonchalant, even if his eyes were still distant (and so very alive). “I wanted to steal your ability, but I’m not interested in that, anymore.”
It is your turn to look surprised. What confused you wasn’t only the fact that he had used the term to ‘steal’, but the new glimmer that lightenened his features. You cocked your head to the side, intrigued despite the knowledge that you should fear for your well being.
“Paku, Kortopi, go outside for a moment.” It takes a second and then they’re gone, leaving the room strangely empty. The window has been opened, and the cold air chills you to the bone. The spider head is quick to close it. Chrollo walks gracefully, with a confidence not many possess, and when he turns, he walks towards you.
Feeling slightly intimidated by his composure, you find yourself lowering your head and watching his every movement as he inevitably moves closer. This man is dangerous. There is no doubt about it. Maybe you were wrong: maybe you should consider this thief to be more cruel than all those psycothic killers you were forced to become every day, because he was not blinded by humane desires. Instead, he was aware of every single one of his actions: he was maddeningly calculating, and he had enough power to take and take and take.
A shudder runs down your spine, and you see his eyes following the movement of your trembling body. You had been foolish, you realise, allowing yourself to be swept by the presence of three thieves that overflowed confidence and wickedness.
“So you truly lose yourself to people, then.” He smirks slightly, the slightest hint of teeth. He looked like a predator. “I wonder - if you stay by my side, what will you become on the long-run?”
Panic fills your brain - you’ve become prey.
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lemoncubejelly · a month ago
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Hello~ I saw you were doing matchups and I was wondering if I could request a romantic one?
I’m a straight, cis female who’s around 5’0 with long, dark hair and brown eyes. I’m pretty skinny and I have pale skin and while most people say I look serious, I actually like wearing things that make me appear soft and cute. I also have bad eyesight so I wear glasses.
For personality, I’m an INFP/ ISFP and my Enneagram Type is 9. I’m a quiet person and I get shy and awkward around strangers — when I’m with my friends however, I become talkative and would make a lot of jokes. I’m quite laid-back and optimistic, so I rarely get angry and I always assume everyone has good intentions, making it easy for me to trust people. I also hate arguments and I don’t like making people upset so I usually try to avoid talking back, making me somewhat of a pacifist. Aside from that, I’m a pretty good listener and I like listening to people talking about their interests or rants. It’s endearing in a way, lol. My love languages are quality time and physical touch and even though I’ve never been in a relationship, I think I’d be quite affectionate, supportive and gentle. I have low self-esteem and I get insecure sometimes so I’d like it if they’re patient with me ;-;
Interests! I don’t really have much and I’m not exactly passionate about anything but I like to listen to music (mainly J-pop and EDM) and play video games (RPG, rhythm games, visual novels). I also like to draw, read fictional novels (mainly fantasy and adventure) and scroll through social media.
I hope this isn’t too much;; I’m curious as to who you’ll match me with! Take your time with it though, I can wait. Thank you and have a great day!
Thank you sm for the request!!! You seem very nice, and I appreciate you being lenient with me on time <3 It means a lot. I really hope you enjoy it and have a nice day as well 🌸 Also guess who finally learned how to change text color lololol
I would pair you with...
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Diluc
When you first meet Diluc, you're scared of him. He has that business aura that tends to throw you off. But as you get to know him, you find that he's also thoughtful, dependable, and has a good sense of humor, even if it is dry.
Though Diluc is a busy man, he enjoys going home to his cold mansion of memories for one reason: you.
Every time he's able to head home, he looks forward to your hugs. Even though you're much shorter than him, your embrace is like being wrapped in a warm blanket that melts away all of his stress. It'd be funny to see how the mighty Diluc Ragnvindr becomes putty in your hands. If he dared let anyone watch, that is. Barbatos forbid someone else to witness him in a state of vulnerability.
Diluc is perpetually grateful that you're so agreeable; he really is. After all, he's a diligent man with a dangerous job. He's regularly away on his secret missions in the dead of night, foiling Abyss Order and Fatui plots. If you were particularly stubborn, then you two probably wouldn't be together. But, he does worry that your fear of conflict could cause you to put his work ahead of your happiness. He tells you that once the evils of the world are finally demolished, he's never going to leave again, and you two can do anything or go anywhere you want. But he's not really sure when that's going to be, or if he's going to be alive to see it.
Still, even at the mercy of the threads of fate, he's willing to do his best to weave them himself, for you two and your future.
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fyeah-bangtan7 · a year ago
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Jung Kook: “I hope this feeling never fades”
I had a chance to interview BTS before, when they debuted. During that interview, Jung Kook had one small habit; when I met him again a while later, he had corrected it. He makes a conscious effort to change himself. And after seven years, I met Jung Kook again.
You directed the music video for “Life Goes On,” BE’s title song. Jung Kook: I was really eager to direct the music video from the outset. My plan was to organize the synopsis, discuss it with the music video director I was working with, shoot and edit them, but we were short on time. So I worked on it while sharing ideas with the director. Originally there were a lot of scenes with lip synching in them, but we took some of them out and put in more scenes that conveyed the members’ emotions better. It wasn’t easy to combine scenes, but I think now I know more about how much of everything is needed when shooting a music video.
You had shot the Golden Closet Films and uploaded them to the BTS YouTube channel, and now you shot a music video. Jung Kook: Once we were on location, we had directions for everything we needed to shoot prepared in advance, so I took candid shots of the members here and there with a camera during the shoot. We were filming in a beautiful place so when they asked me to take pictures of them as they wanted to be presented, I did.
What kind of pictures did you take of yourself? Jung Kook: I was just, in them. (laughs) I’m not in the shot for the Golden Closet Films either. I kind of take a back seat. The director had to shoot my parts for the music video, since I couldn’t film myself, so I relaxed a bit. I tried to make the other members look really good when I recorded them. Since this was a BTS music video and not my own, I wanted to show what was happening with every member and the team, not just one individual’s thoughts. Each person who watches the video might feel different, but I wanted to show that we feel what other people feel, that we’re in the same situation.
You get your picture taken a lot, but you don’t pay much attention to the ones you’re in. Jung Kook: I never really liked having my picture taken. (laughs) And I’m usually with the others when we’re working, obviously, but it’s hard to take a camera and take selfies. So I take pictures and videos of the other members every chance I get.
Do you still find it difficult to have your picture taken? Jung Kook: I put my best face forward when it’s for something I have to do, like for photo books, but it’s still not easy. Videos are okay, though. And even though I’m not nervous at all when I sing in front of tens of thousands of people, if I have to sing or talk in front of a small group, I get super nervous. I never feel that way on stage, but maybe I have a hard time doing things that are a little bit awkward for me.
It seems like you draw a distinction between work you enjoy and work you find difficult. Jung Kook: Work related to music, like recording, composing, writing lyrics, filming music videos and things like that, are all fine. But anything outside of that is probably a challenge for me.
On BE, you each explained your feelings about work in the song “Dis-ease.” You must have experienced a cycle of enjoyable and difficult work over seven years, so how did you get through the hard times? Jung Kook: I actually understand my own problems well, so most of the time it’s okay. I can figure things out one at a time through experience instead of just looking for answers. I’m always growing and my personality changes, depending on my environment. I think I’ve learned to do things I used to find difficult by experiencing it little by little.
Speaking of growth, “Skit” was very memorable. You recorded it the day after “Dynamite” reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and you, who talked about what you did before you became trainees in “Skit” in your debut album,talked about being first place on the Billboard Hot 100 this time around. Jung Kook: When I was a trainee, I saw the older members rapping and thought, “Wow, they’re so cool!” But now, after having spent everyday together, I’ve forgotten about all that. (laughs) Sometimes I see the lyrics they wrote, see them dancing and hearing the things they say on stage, and think, “Oh, right. That is the kind of person they are. They’re a lot different now.” You know how you don’t feel it when you live with your family, but if you can’t see them for a long time, you miss them. You might even cry. We’re a real family. Like, legit! (laughs)
Your “legit family” (laughs) each put their own songs on BE and came up with units spontaneously. What was it like making the album that way? Jung Kook: We talked with the company over the outline of the album and organized our ideas together. That was our process for making songs. Then we’d listen to them together, and if we thought they weren’t great, we’d go back and work on them some more. The members would get together and say, “Hey, how about so and so do a unit song this time?” or, “What should it be about?” and share a lot of ideas that way.
How did the others respond to your song, “Stay”? Jung Kook: That song was originally meant to be on my mixtape. We planned to put a different song on the album, but after V heard it, he said, “This song that Jung Kook wrote is really good,” and then the other members all listened, said it was better than the other one, and somehow (laughs) “Stay” made it into the album. The message for the other song was also, “Even though we’re far apart, stay just where you are.” I wrote my song with the same theme so I loved that it was included in BE. At first, I wanted to talk about how we’re always together, using the English word “wherever.” I wanted to express how we’re always together no matter where we are, but Namjoon heard that and said “Stay” might be better. I liked his suggestion, so I changed it. He really helped me to organize my thoughts, since I’m not always good at writing everything I want to express.
One might go as far as to say the lyrics sound heartbreaking, but it’s arranged in EDM. Jung Kook: We imagined we were performing for the fans while we made it, jumping up and down with them.
It sounds like you really miss your fans. Jung Kook: This album really hit us in a different way, with this situation being what it is. Because the world is struggling with COVID-19, we have to keep our heads up and convey our messages to our fans.
What can your fans expect from you when you finally meet again? Jung Kook: There’s nothing specific, but when I watched our old performances, my facial expressions were awkward and my dance moves weren’t always perfect. I keep working to improve myself, so I hope when the fans see me, they think my performance is amazing and that my aura fills the stage.
Are you happy with how you look in your latest work? Jung Kook: I’m not 100% satisfied, no. When we did performances for “Dynamite” recently I kept seeing my imperfections.
Your acting in the intro to your “Dynamite” performance was really impressive. Even in COVID-19 times, you captured a feeling of liveliness and being cool, as though to explain what the song is all about. Jung Kook: Actually, on the first day of filming the music video, I was supposed to film my parts first, but I was so bad that it had to be pushed to the end of the shoot. So,I was a bit more relaxed when the camera rolled.
So that’s what you get when you’re relaxed! (laughs) Jung Kook: Yes, I relaxed, and something went “pop!” and “boom!” inside me, and then I did it however I wanted. (laughs)
It’s fascinating how someone who performs the way you do during stadium tours can feel nervous while filming and yet still do so well in it. Jung Kook: I can be a shy person. When people used to ask me to sing, I couldn’t always do it—like in front of adults or teachers. And I’m still a bit like that. If I start thinking, “Oh, I can’t do this,” then I really end up not being able to do it. Even when I could have done well.
Why do you think that is? Jung Kook: I feel the same way about my dancing and my singing, and I can’t compose a really amazing melody either. I feel like I’m always somewhere in the middle. But then I also think I have my own colors, so I like to quietly, slowly open up to people, and let them know what kind of person I am. Yeah, something like that. (laughs)
But, when you review your songs and performances objectively, you see all of your changes, don’t you? Jung Kook: There’s a lot of change. My voice has changed a lot; I grew taller and my frame and facial structure have changed, too. I could tell how awkward I looked at the beginning, but after a while, I think, “My gestures look better now, but I feel like my dance is too rigid.” And again after a while, “Now my dance is fine and my gestures are good, but I’m making awkward facial expressions.” And later, I say, “Now I got the facial expressions down, but, hmm, there’s no killer move.” (laughs) That’s how I slowly changed. And then my actions, thoughts, dreams, goals, what I value, what I want to do—all these things will change depending on the situation.
You had some changes in BE, too. Throughout “Life Goes On,” you lightly carry your voice and tone throughout the whole song, like they’re flowing. Jung Kook: Right. I think that’s very important. My general feeling was my voice should be woven into the song, rather than bringing out my individual voice. The lyrics say the world stopped, but I can’t keep on being sad, and life continues and flows on. I wanted to mix a little bit of my own colors into that complex, subtle sadness. I listened to how the other members recorded their parts for the song, and I sang while thinking about how I could do it in a way that it would all blend together well. I kept changing my voice exploring how to make it sound better, cleaner. I kept trying new things while I was recording, performing, and practicing.
When you look back after all that change, don’t you feel like you accomplished a lot? Jung Kook: I don’t really pay attention to things that have already happened. I think more about what it is I need right now, so I rarely think, “I got a lot better from how I used to be,” or, “I did a good job.”
You sound insatiable, in a good way. Jung Kook: Yes. This is how I want to keep living, and I hope this feeling never fades.
You’ve found immense success with BTS. What makes you want to keep doing more and keep improving yourself? Jung Kook: I want to show people who I am: how I talk, how I act, how I sing, and so on. And after that, I want to be acknowledged for doing what I like to do, and for people to see what an amazing guy I am. I want to do these things step by step. I want to be appreciated as Jung Kook, as the real me.
What do you think is the source of that energy—the energy to keep proving yourself, even though you’ve already achieved so much with BTS? Jung Kook: I think my heart’s telling me to. BTS was able to climb this high thanks to the group members, the company and our fans. But there’s always the question of whether I could receive that kind of recognition by myself, so I have this feeling of wanting to throw myself at some challenge alone. There’s a lot I want to do, and a lot I want to achieve.
By gradually improving yourself, what kind of person would you ideally want to become? Jung Kook: A person who’s crazy awesome in their field. (laughs) Those kinds of people look cool even when they do something different. I still have a long way to go. I feel like I could be more captivating and draw more out of people by improving any number of things, by trying hard to be confident about my singing, or the way I dance and perform. BTS is way more important and meaningful to me than I am to myself, so I’m not saying I want to do anything alone. But I hope I get to the point where I can perform alone for three or four hours in a venue full of people.
It’s clear that your job, music, is very important to you. Jung Kook: I must never let it go. That’s what I always think. I have to keep it close to me, even if I get bored, or I don’t want to hear it, or it feels like a hassle. I want to keep on making music. It may be a long ways down the road, but I want to prove myself with my music.
You said before that your MBTI is ISFP, so I looked it up. Obviously, MBTI can’t sum up a person perfectly, but it says ISFPs tend to be “curious artists.” Your answer reminds me of that. Jung Kook: That sounds about right. I looked up the personality traits for ISFP too, and it was interesting. (laughs)
Maybe that’s the reason you set your goals so high. You seem like you have high standards and want to keep growing. Jung Kook: It’s like a foggy mountain top. (laughs) I can’t even see it yet.
You’ve been climbing for seven years, staying curious. Is there anything you want to say to the people who have been watching you all this time? Jung Kook: Umm … Well, there are seven of us, and the seven of us keep running ahead. So it’s possible we could get tired, one by one, and drop out, right? But if more people join us, one by one, and run with us, we can support each other and pull each other up if someone falls down. That’s kind of how I feel. There are people who supported us from the beginning who have been watching us the whole time since, and because of them our follower count keeps going up, and they all keep us on track. So the only thing I can say is—thank you. We were nothing special, really (laughs) but they keep on liking us and supporting us, and the best way we can repay them is to give them our all through our music and our performances. They push me to work hard, even on things I find difficult. (laughs) I’m eternally grateful.
Just like in the last line of “Stay.” Jung Kook: “We are together.”
© source
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robotnuts · a year ago
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red vs blue season 7 commentary
four season trilogies are the worst kind of trilogies
revelation’s name was originally resolution
recreation’s potential names were redundant and revenant but redundant was too negative and revenant was too niche
recreation’s name references them recreating church, recreating the meta, and just having fun again
burnie told gavin to make relocated less plot More Dumb
halo 3 ODST was released in 2009 but they didn’t use it because you can’t rewind in cinema mode
donut has a sapphire armor stripe but in the scenes gavin shot he doesn’t have it because burnie didn’t tell him. burnie says it depends on his mood when he feels like accessorizing. 
the first thing they do when shooting a scene is remove spawnpoints and weapons on the map, and then put all the weapons they need in one room 
they add a director character to frame the shots when bobbing the heads but they don’t record using it cuz they cant get rid of the HUD, so sometimes they’ll go into theater mode and he’ll just be standing in the middle of the shot
cinema mode could only fast forward 2x and often the games they recorded were 45+ minutes 
gavin didn’t put the spawn next too red base during relocated so he spent so much time just walking across the map 
in maps in halo 1 with lots of hills, the engine didnt move their ankles so their feet would just be floating there so they had to make sure not to show the feet
when they shot videos in ODST (for the “ODST virals”? not sure what that is but i think it’s this?) gavin would have to stand outside the room shooting aliens because they would just walk in and start attacking the characters during a shot
they couldnt rewind in ODST so they had too quit out of the game after going too far or to get another camera angle when filming for this
burnie didn’t realize tucker was so popular because everyone watching reconstruction was just asking where tucker is
after reconstruction they did an interview with shannon and they asked him what they think will happen to wash, and he said he thought he’s done good work and he’ll finally be rewarded and be in charge of something. and burnie said Yeah hes going to prison. 
apparently the interview available for sponsors on roosterteeth.com but the new website probably doesnt have it because they hate us
one of the ODSTs that dies yells AW BALLSACK but extremely low volume
they always associated the man cannons (the grav lift things) with donut so he knew how it worked when caboose didn’t
bodies on the ground and damaged vehicles are really stressful because they’ll despawn 
they had to babysit the vehicles because if there was no one near them theyd go back to their spawn
different weapons had different head bobs and different ceilings where they stop headbobbing because the character animation can’t look up any higher. the sword was very fast head bobs
i thought that the delta scene was somehow SFX but it was just someone using camo standing on a teleporter. this seems obvious i dont know why i thought it was post production
delta’s green glow is a character standing offscreen with a plasma pistol
left bumper, right bumper, click left stick, hit A, hold down on the D-pad all at the same time to lower your gun. they had to hold the D-pad down with their nose. 
gavin tried to do a first person shot where you saw from sarge’s perspective and you could see his shotgun and geoff liked it but burnie hated it
all of relocation was about them making the gauss hog in the projection room and then they couldnt even use it in valhalla
if you look at them driving into the water there’s no one in the warthog because they had to just quickly move the object in forge or else it would glitch with characters in it
they have a library of background sounds that they just recorded from the ambient sounds of the maps for a few minutes
the gun can be raised with one button, but to lower the gun you have to jump and crouch in the middle of the button combo
instead of having a director’s slate they just crouched a lot and wrote notes of what scene was what character crouching
none of the characters have grenades because they accidentally threw them and blew stuff up all the time
they had to get rid of the character’s “gold” which is an effect that shows when their shield is down. its pretty much aura in rwby. monty please you weren’t using halo anymore you didn’t need to keep that
gavin did the openings where the rt logo gets smashed into by a warthog or other various shenanigans and after a few episodes burnie was like. Youre really gonna stick with this gag huh.
they really liked the guy from the first ep of reconstruction so they brought back his VA for fake CT
they made CT mysterious and less of a presence because they didnt want him to become a New Villain and detract from washes villianification
lots of shots are from different game modes or maps made to look like one, such as the warthog coming out fo the water being from another map where the water was deeper, and the door opening when wash goes to speak to the chairman being a different door from a team game
burnie uses the maps and sets to inspire the plot. he was very happy when he saw the crashed pelican since it fit with the end of season 5
they had caboose stand on top of a pelican and then change teams because it made you collapse, which is how he fell from the sky with the landmine gag. he was originally green and switched to blue. gavin couldnt make him a red
its hard to have a villain whoo lies about everything he says (CT) because people will think he wasn’t lying and think that the truth is a continuity error
the elephant (the large vehicle grif drives briefly) drives like 5mph and took 10 minutes to drive to its location from where it spawned which is why they have the line where sarge tells him to drive faster and he gives up
grif being the trained driver means he understands why the vehicles have 6 pedals which is why he says why are there four pedals if there’s 6 directions
geoff accidentally bumped the mic at the exact same time grif bumps a stool on the ground. geoff being unprofessional accidentally made the scene better
there were two simmons for the mongoose scene since crashing it killed him. rest in peace simmons
meta was going to slowly be taking new armor pieces and originally he was gonna take a new helmet which was the CT one. thank GOD he didn’t
simmons stays in valhalla because they cant have maroon team in forge games which they used in the sand map. but neither can tucker so whenever orbsilon is in a shot its in a different game then when tucker is in a shot. the scene where orbsilon saves tucker by killing CT is spliced together
they had a reverse shot of the chairman’s face but they decided not to show it
halo 3 adjusts the lighting based on the surroundings, so when the camera is far away from wash he’s really bright because the background is dark, but when it’s closer up and he takes up more space in the shot he’s dark again
to close the temple door they just panned the camera down and then froze the walls so it made it look like just the door was moving
theres a shot where a warthog lands behind the reds and they look behind them but that was spontaneous after they saw the warthog land they decided to make them turn around and react to it and just cut out the dead time
it’s like impossible to get the camera in the same angle unless you use the coordinates, but theres still like billions of combinations of coordinates so its very hard to do
jason is burnie’s favorite to make jokes with in the booth and has lot of ad libs, for example, the team killing fucktard line was jason. along with what am i, a geographist
lopez is humming the warthog theme while repairing it. it’s his favorite song
they were really concerned about action because after a while it all started to look the same so they had to be creative with it so it wasnt just guys shooting at each other over and over again
there’s like a five minute audio file of burnie voicing orbsilon looking through his brain
meta’s invisibility flickering was just gavin making the meta reload when he was cloaked, and then did it again once it wore off. burnie said “we” did it even though only gavin did it 
gavin wanted to sacrifice the plot point of meta being unable to be purely invisible just because he thought it would be a cool shot if he was invisible and splashed in the water
people asked how they had simmons and lopez reload at the same time. gavin just pressed both buttons on the controller at the same time. riveting stuff
characters will just bump over and over again every few seconds if orbsilon is close to them so they had to socially distance him in shots
gavin tried to sneak in a u into color when subtitling lopez and when geoff and burnie watched it they had an immediate visceral reaction and told him to get that u out of there
the short term memory scene was one of the first moments they planned
sarge is literally the only person who cares about the red vs blue battle and everyone else is way past it at this point
they originally planned for possibly the counselor to be the monitor but they saved it for recreation for orbsilon (thank god)
they toned down a car chase in reconstruction and they saved the car chase for recreation
they also cut a big action scene where meta used omega to fight by having him possess people
burnie called the prowler a “weird hover car” in the script and gavin was like what the fuck is that
they originally wanted to do a joke where tucker cut the warthog in half instead of cutting the tire. and they asked their effects guy nathan if it was possible and he just frowned 
they originally talked about instead of a cloaked warthog it was just painted to look like the background behind it 
they wanted to make the new character who is frustrated with the gang become the villain after being betrayed by them but they dont think its a great way to make friends
geoff and gus show up at the very end of the commentary to say hey whats up we’re ready to do the commentary 
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lightsinthedistancee · 10 months ago
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Bleeding In and Out of You: Poe Dameron x Reader
Pairing: Poe Dameron x Reader
Word Count: 1.8k
Summary: “He always left her there alone. Naked and cold and feeling used. But she never stopped him. She would let him hurt her again and again and again. Until she couldn’t bear it anymore, and perhaps, beyond that.
“‘One more chance, sweetheart,’ he murmured, pleading. ‘Please.’”
Reader endures her slowly-crumbling relationship with Poe.
Warnings: Mild smut
A/N: This one has a touch more poeticism than usual, and I’m aware the whole colors thing (as you’ll see) has been done to death (Taylor, Halsey, Lana etc etc etc), but I honestly didn’t really realize that till after (oops). Hope you enjoy!
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She saw the world in color.
Bright red hibiscus.
Fiery golden sunsets.
Azure blue oceans.
But most fascinatingly, in people. Hues of the rainbow smeared in and out of everyone’s atmosphere, bleeding from their demeanor.
In Leia, white for her hope, violet for her wisdom. In her own parents, pink for love, brown for reliability. In many of her colleagues, red for strength.
She saw it in her pilot, too. Poe’s capture had sent her into a downward spiral. Not on the outside; she still did her job, performed her duties. But she moved through the world with a new anxiety, a new outlook.
His return had been euphoric, but he had come back a completely different man.
He was distant. He barely talked to her.  No longer did they share long nights under covers, whispering to each other, caressing each other. No longer did they fall asleep at 3 AM after talking for hours, limbs intertwined. No longer did they even share the same bed.
He showed up to her for only one thing.
On odd nights, he’d knock on her door, push her back in the room. His hands would pull at her clothes, desperation in his touch, his lips locked to her neck.
But not her lips. Never her lips. And she missed his taste.
He’d take her, his hands on her wrists, or in her hair, and that was the only time he let down his walls. He’d murmur sweet things to her as he thrusted, hold her in the way she desired, let her feel him to the fullest.
But he always left. Cleaned himself up, mumbled something about unfinished work, and abandoned her there. Naked and cold and feeling used. Reminded of a dark past. And then, she would cry. Silently and softly, small helpless tears. Not even enough capacity for the conviction to get the smallest sobs out.
But she never stopped him. She knew that she would let him hurt her again and again and again. Until she couldn’t bear it anymore, and perhaps, beyond that.
Before, Poe had been all fire.
Red for his passion, zeal, and energy. The way he focused on a goal and chased it with a determination that made great admiration for him blossom in her.
Yellow for his joy and cheerfulness. Always the one who could see the bright side, who lifted everyone up after a loss, even if he himself felt like he was drowning. This was the Poe who’d come home after long missions and still expend the rest of his energy to help her de-stress.
Orange for his enthusiasm, ambition, and who he was. The color of Poe himself. His flight suit, his X-Wing, his droid, who he loved so dearly. Also the hue of his energy that he gave off. The color of his exhilaration that he experienced in everyday life. The color of the all the emotions that he felt like no other.
And then everything had faded to coldness.
Green. The color of change, but also it’s polar opposite. Stagnation. Poe had always been dynamic, excited by everything, passionate about the world around him. But his change had led him to lead his life with a numbness. Stoic and emotionless and distant. His aura of life had begun to fade out.
Blue for his sadness and melancholia. The nights that she never saw, but knew occurred. Nights where he woke from nightmares and softly cried, surrounded by the presence of his empty room. Nights where he simply stared out the window for hours, at the stars, looking at their fiery beacons with resignation. And with the state he was in, perhaps nights where he wished that he were dead.
And then, violet. The color of superiority. Poe had been the Commander who treated everyone as his equal. Who never talked down to people, who never showed any sort of superiority complex. He was the Commander who pulled disobedient recruits aside and found out what was going on instead of chewing them out. That had all changed. He’d become not only distant with her, but with those all around him. His relationship with his squadron as well as lower-level colleagues began to suffer. His softness was turning to something terrifyingly hard.
And that night, when he showed up at her quarters, his lips finding her neck, she pushed him away, her gaze dropping to the ground.
“I can’t do this anymore,” she whispered. She couldn’t look at him, couldn’t bear to.
“Do what?” His voice was hoarse, as if he hadn’t spoke in hours.
She glanced at him, and with one look, she knew that he was feigning ignorance. And that made something inside her go up in flames, made her want to punch something. He was toying with her emotions, knowing full well that he was hurting her.
“You know what you’re doing,” she said forcefully. Tears began to spill over as she stared at this broken man before her. The tension that had been building between them  for weeks finally snapped. Her fists were clenched, her teeth gritted. “You come here, you fuck me, and you leave. Do you have any idea how used that makes me feel?”
She began to pace the room, her hands pulling at her hair, agonizing past memories with other men flashing through her mind. Her volume began to increase, her voice spiraling out of control. His face was blank, as if he couldn’t care less, and all that did was feed into her burning hatred.
Part of her wanted to throw things, scream out every emotion she was feeling at him. The other part wanted to throw herself into his arms and beg for him to love her, to cure the very pain that he was causing.
“Do you know how much that hurts me? How much it hurts to be treated like this? Like something you can use and then discard? Because it feels like that’s all I’ve been my entire fucking life. By everyone except a select few.”
She walked up to him, tearfully reaching a shaking hand up and tenderly caressing the side of his face, her voice falling to a whisper. His face was still expressionless, but something in his eyes ran deep. “And you used to be one of those select few…”
They stared each other down, waiting for the other to say something, millions of words unsaid begging to come out. But it was silent. There was nothing.
And all he did was leave.
..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..
Once he was gone, she collapsed to the ground, finally finding a place deep inside her that would bring out the ugly tears. It all dredged up past feelings of violation and worthlessness, whether it be by family or past lovers.
Poe had been the first who made her feel like she was worth something. Who made her feel loved, like she deserved to be loved.
He was also the one who had taught her how to love herself.
It felt like everything was falling apart. Before his capture, they’d had a future in the works. Talk of tying the knot once the war was over, a solid list of planets that they’d agreed on potentially settling on. And then, it was all gone.
It began to feel like even all the coldness was leaving. Like the colors were simply losing saturation till they all turned to gray. And then nothingness.
She pulled herself up to her dresser, staring at her reflection in the mirror.
You’re the problem, she wanted to tell herself.
In past hard times, when Poe had closed himself off to everyone, he’d always made an exception for her. Except for this time.
When he’d returned, she’d spent hours chasing him down, trying to get him to talk to her, all unsuccessful. But maybe…maybe if she’d tried harder, if she’d been more understanding, if she’d been a better listener…
She shook her head, as if trying to coax the thoughts out of her brain. But she knew that they were never going anywhere.
..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..
It was two nights later when she heard a knock on her door. He was standing there, running a hand through his disheveled hair.
“Can I come in?” he asked softly.
She nodded silently, stepping aside. His hands were on her the moment the door was closed, but in a different way. Not in a manner of frenzied lustfulness. This was gentle, soft, and warm. He moved forward, almost hesitantly. His eyes searched hers, looking for any sign that she was not okay with it. There were none.
Despite her previous outburst, she was still yearning for the old him back.
And he moved forward, pressing his lips to hers in one sweet kiss. They stared at each other a moment before he went back in, his arms encircling her waist, till she was flush against him. She went without resistance, feeling his warmth against her, her hands in his hair.
“One more chance, sweetheart,” he murmured, pleading. “Please.”
She closed her eyes, nodding slightly. “One.”
He led her to the bed, his touch sincere and firm. It already felt different. He was not intending to bend her over something and roughly take her this time.
He was going to handle her gently and tenderly, caressing her, holding her, in a way other lovers had always failed to do. In a way that only he could.
It was one orgasm later for her that he climbed on top, sinking himself into her. She moaned. The position was not ideal for her pleasure, but she didn’t care. It was all skin on skin, lips to each others’, moans passed back and forth. Evocative waves of past experience and pleasure rolled around the room, consuming the both of them.
She held onto him like her life depended on it, and unknown to the other, they were both on the verge of tears. There was pure emotion ripping through them, more potent than ever after the constant numbness that they’d fallen victim to. It was raw and uncontrollable and overwhelming. He murmured things to her: that she was beautiful, that he loved her.
When he finished, he held her tightly, his arms wrapped around her, pressing lazy kisses to her forehead and cheek every once in a while.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “For everything.”
She gazed at him, her eyes fixating on his features, cherishing the memory.
“I’m worried about you.” She gently ran her hand over his cheek, planting an open-mouthed kiss to his jawbone. “Don’t block me out.”
“I won’t. Not anymore.” His eyelids fluttered with tiredness as he stroked her hair. “I promise.”
She settled back down onto his chest, her breath coming softly. And she was content.
Back in his arms. Back in his presence. Back in who he’d always been.
..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::.. ..::::..
Taglist: @paper-in-ashes-fanfiction​ @writefightandflightclub​ @spider-starry​ @castiel-barnes​ @starryeyedstories​
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“Bleeding In and Out of You” originally posted on AO3 on 12/15/20.
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