#but i suspect that ive got some level of hypochondria bc ive definitely had breakdowns about my health before lmao

[yippee-ki-yoyo]

I.....do I have OCD or am I just neurotic as all fuck

#like ik im obsessive like yeah whatever #but i never really had any compulsions #but like???? #what if i actually do have compulsions and ive just been missing them this entire time #bc they dont look like typical compulsions???????????? #like ive been thinking a lot about my self harm stuff #and i think it was largely an extension of like an insane amount of moral rigidity and an unhealthy desire for moral purity #and the 'cleansing' was self destructive behavior #bc i KNOW i have intrusive thoughts #and im very obsessive which isnt always bad #but i suspect that ive got some level of hypochondria bc ive definitely had breakdowns about my health before lmao #+ moral obsessions are consistent with OCD #but ig i never connected my shitty coping mechanisms with my underlying guilt in a lot of things???? #probably because it wasnt very immediate in terms of bad thing -> action #but like holy shit what if i have OCD #also like... idk what to do with that i guess it doesnt change anything lmao #omg what if thats the reason im having such a hard time making the leap to actually transitioning #what the actual FUCK #me: haha im like the only well adjusted one in my family #my brain cells making the connections that are gonna destroy me: LMAO