#but i take screenshots of tumblr posts a lot and i always forget to send them to who i screenshotted it for | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

soulmate-game · 3 years

Text

Okay, I’m not sure if what I was trying to say in my last post was said very well.

I completely understand the tagging situation from the First Wave with the DC fans. That’s discourse that is mostly solved and we can’t do anything about those who are forever gonna be bitter or lazy. I’m not talking about that stuff.

The stuff I want to prevent/limit is the hate that comes after our fandom deliberately. And yes, I know I can’t stop it. None of us can stop bitter, antagonistic people from being bitter and antagonistic. None of us can stop people who just want to be angry.

I’m not talking about stopping them, though.

I’m talking about what we can do to protect ourselves as creators and consumers in this fandom. As people who love and appreciate what the creations and people in this fandom have to offer. In simplistic form, I’m saying we need to learn how to shield ourselves from bullies. And there are methods we can use to make ourselves less of a target to the people who go after us, and methods to cut their attacks off short. None of these methods are fool-proof, but they will work to filter out a good majority of the shit we would otherwise be showered by, like a big umbrella against Assholery. Sure, the wind might still blow some in our face and we might splash in a puddle or two by accident, but at least we aren’t soaked.

So let me list the various things that can help you shield yourself from hate/harassment/antis who might just be out to get you.

1) leave the fandom.

The most effective, but least attractive method possible. This is limited to being a last ditch effort, if things have just gotten too hard to handle. I’m covering it first though, because we have to acknowledge that it is a viable method. If you feel trapped, hated, bullied, I’m sure all of us in this fandom would prefer you take a break and leave us for a while in the sake of your own health and safety then stay where you are miserable. This is less of a problem for us though, because mostly this option is gonna be for fandoms where the discourse and attacks are internal. Maribat is largely a peaceful and supportive/healthy environment once you’re inside our little bubble, the main discourse comes from outside in. So let’s focus on the main point of this post— how to keep our bubble from popping.

2) Make it apparent right away that you are Unapologetic.

Whenever you post content or are approached by someone about the topic of your fandom, don’t you DARE ever apologize for liking what you like or posting unproblematic content. You need to make it clear right off the bat that you are not gonna be swayed, bullied, or shamed out of your fandom. Stand with pride and make it clear, but don’t be verbose about it. A simple “Don’t like, don’t read” is classic but sometimes if you’re posting/talking during a more confrontational period of the fandom, you need to up your game to reflect that. The funny thing is, people can easily be intimidated by swearing if it isn’t directed at them or clearly antagonistic. If you’re swearing in a joking, casual or even in a manner that shows you’re not taking yourself too seriously, people will usually avoid picking fights with you. For this, my favorite lines to use on my work include;

“Don’t like, I don’t fucking care. I fell down the rabbit hole.”

“Don’t bother reading if you’re not into this, this shit bitch-slapped me and dragged me along on it’s adventure.”

“I’m addicted to this fandom, don’t bother trying to save me. If it bothers you, I don’t give a fuck. Save yourselves.”

3) Don’t approach or interact

Unless someone comes at you first, never try to persuade someone away from hating us. That just makes you a target in an empty field, for the vultures to surround and gang up on. If someone approaches you with provocative but not overly insulting or intelligent language— I.e; trying to start a fight, vague insults not always relating to the fandom itself, trying to insult your character/judgement— do not respond. Delete the message, block the account, and surround yourself with fluffy good stuff to forget the wanna-be harasser. These people are often not brave enough to outright start a fight, and want you to get defensive first so they know the weak points in your armor to exploit. Defensive statements declare your own insecurities, don’t get defensive. It gives them a way to win without having to defend themselves or feel vulnerable— it’s like exploiting type differences in Pokémon. You wait for an unfamiliar Pokémon to expose it’s type, then snipe it with the moves it’s weak to. Then, you have a near sure-fire win even with under leveled Pokémon on your team.

Don’t be a proud Infernape that gets sniped by a weak-ass level 5 Piplup. We’re strong, don’t show them the chinks in our armor.

4) Have a support network. Even if they don’t know they are your support network.

The fandom as a whole serves this purpose, and this is mostly gonna be a tactic you use when the discourse is inside the fandom, but there can be uses for this in discourse from outside the fandom as well. If someone tries to act like they like your story/art “but...” they passive aggressively state things they “would prefer” or they try to make it sound like you made stupid mistakes (a tactic to make you insecure about yourself) instead of kindly pointing out errors or offering constructive criticism (ex: “you know you put your trigger list somewhere where it’s useless right? Love your story though.)—THESE ARE ALL PROVOCATIONS. They are trying to make you insecure so that you change things about yourself, your work, or jump through hoops to try to “make it up” to them when you did nothing wrong and there are no problems to fix. Do not fall for it! Instead, politely as possible, bring the issue into a public space where you feel safe/trust the people in that space to keep the bullshit from escalating. For me, I straight up explain my reasoning for the placement of my trigger list as if I’m advertising a particularly boring but important product that I’m selling, then offer places for them to bring the issue into a discussion with others. I send them to a discoed group or right here to my tumblr, and I immediately make the issue into a big discussion (do YOU think there is anything to change? Let’s ALL talk about it) so that I am no longer isolated and easy for them to harass. They might refuse to join the discussion and further try to pressure you, but do not cave. Merely say that a public discussion has been started, and if they are actually, legitimately concerned about the way you do things then they can debate it in a public setting. This way, you have back up. 9/10 people who try to target you this way will back off and never enter the conversation you started.

5) Do not fight back.

This sounds counterintuitive, but a lot of the time once discourse gets this bad, arguing/defending/ trying to prove your point only fuels their rage more. I have found that people hate very little in this world more than they hate being wrong. And people who hate being wrong will fight to the bitter death about their opinions, no matter how invalid or hurtful they are, in the favor of their blissful ignorance. Remove yourself from harmful discussions or those that seem to be going in circles as soon as possible, and try to surround yourself in your support group. Never let people make you feel stupid, your opinions illegitimate, or your likes/dislikes invalid or evil.

6) Try to learn how to recognize bullies in disguise

It’s too much for me to try to cover here, but you need to PLEASE look into how to spot gaslighting. Tactics of gaslighting are often used to attack others and try to make them feel like their own opinions are invalid or their mindset untrustworthy. People will often approach you in the guise of friendship/support/ “I am not into this, but...” and while this is not always a red flag, we have to keep our eyes open for any signs of this person or their approach being rooted in anything other than legitimate curiosity or kindness. Not all suggestions that say they are out of concern actually ARE. Keep an eye out for warning signs, and cut off interaction once things seem like they may lead to an argument or you being in a vulnerable position if you continue interacting.

(Brief mention of s**cide and threats in the section below)

7) If all else fails, BLOCK THEM.

No hesitation, we don’t need this shit. They make a second account? Block that too. Don’t respond, only take screenshots or reblog if it is directly harmful information that can/should be documented (words that encourage suicide, threats, insults that seem a little too specific for comfort) and give the evidence to someone you trust to look out for you. A therapist, a family member, or even the authorities if you deem that necessary. Just don’t handle it alone.

We are not responsible for other people’s actions, opinions, or anger. Take the steps to protect yourself instead of trying to reconcile. Sometimes, reconciliation isn’t an option. Both parties have to be willing to reconcile, and it is clear they have nothing in mind but hurting us. So raise your shields and protect yourself and your friends, we’re not gonna lose a war to petty jerks.

#tw: harassment #bully prevention #bullying prevention #steps to protect yourself #maribat #ml x dc #mlb x dc

54 notes · View notes

forbiddenship · 3 years

Note

i just saw a bunch of rina's take yet another ss of a portwell post from tumblr to talk shit over on twitter. it annoys me so much that this keeps happening and we can't do anything about it bc there aren't enough of us over there. i'm asking you this bc i know you're on twitter and you're like the portwell captain on that app (bless your soul you're doing god's work). how do you handle being on there when this happens all the time?

first of all, that is such a sweet compliment, and it made my day so thank you so much. i’m definitely not a captain or anything lol, it’s funny how it all started. i became a hardcore portwell shipper when 2x05 came out, and at that point there wasn’t much content - very few edits and fics here and there - and even less so on twitter. in fact, it was all just portwell hate over there. and that made me really sad because twitter is one of my favorite apps - i think if used correctly it can be such a positive experience. i made so many friends through twitter last year in some of my other fandoms and i guess i was just used to showing my appreciation for characters/ships on stan twitter. but the fandoms i was part of before were much smaller (and therefore had fewer conflicts overall).

so when i joined the hsmtmts fandom and realized portwell positivity was lacking over there i just began to post about my ship and see if anybody was actually interested. and surprisingly, a lot of people were lol. many of them were just hiding bc of the fear of being mass quoted by rina’s. which, at this point, is something i’ve gotten over bc i know that it’s just one of those things they do to try and prove they’re the top dogs. twitter is the only place where they can dominate by numbers so they’re just taking advantage of that - regardless of who they have to step on to achieve it. i don’t really “handle” it any way per se other than just posting the stuff i like and blocking whatever i don’t. it’s really that simple. and trust me, i totally understand the pride and the feeling of “why should i have to block them? i deserve to be here just as much as them” - i totally get it. and yes, we shouldn’t have to do that. it would be much more ideal if all the shippers could coexist peacefully and stay in their lanes. but that’s not the reality, and at the end of the day, we gotta do what’s best for ourselves and our mental health. even though i knew that their arguments fell apart like sand, it was still exhausting to try and fight them all when there were so few of us (although i do know a lot more portwells now but at the beginning yk). so the best option for me was just to block what i didn’t need to see so i could keep enjoying the app and use it to show my love for my fav ship. and by doing that i found that a lot of other people were in the same boat as me and i got to connect with more portwell shippers, some of whom are now my closest moots. so it all worked out in the end :)

also, quick afterthought - the fact that rina’s are constantly lurking in our tag to find something they can screenshot and start a whole discourse on over on twitter is very telling. they’re obviously scared as hell and for good reason. but it’s such a cowardly thing to me: like ur gonna take content from a different platform and transport it over to twitter just so you can drench it in your toxicity without having any opposing voices? embarrassing.

btw, i’m so sorry if you’ve sent me an ask before and i haven’t answered it! im so bad at this omg. i keep starting drafts and forgetting that i started them so my inbox is always clear but i have a bazillion drafts. but tysm for sending them in and i’ll finish them all soon!

#hsmtmts #portwell #gina porter #ej caswell #anonymous #ask

17 notes · View notes

gay-otlc · 3 years

Text

Do you hate me, one of my opinions, something I frequently post about, or think anything else negative about my blog?

Good news! You don't have to keep me a part of your tumblr experience!

Instead of sending rude asks, which (a) takes unnecessary effort on your part, (b) sometimes lead to harm or death of the person receiving the ask, and (c) causes us both to talk to one another, which both of us will hate...

Here are four simple ways to avoid whatever you don't like about me!

Method one: Do not initiate conversation with me.

If you don't want to hear what I have to say, do not give me the opportunity to say something. Conversations typically involve me responding, which, if you hate me so much, you probably would not like. In order to avoid having to hear my response, don't give me anything to respond to.

Don't reach out to me. Don't send me a message. Don't reblog my post. Don't initiate conversation, and I guarantee you will see my opinions less frequently.

Method two: Filter tags.

There's only a specific topic you hate me talking about, and everything else is alright?

Well, tags on tumblr exist for a reason.

If you hate seeing me ramble about my personal life? Block "shai rambles" or "saturn rambles." You hate my vent posts? Good news, I always tag them "vent tw." I curse a lot, and that's triggering for you? I try my best to tag everything "cursing tw." You don't want to see posts about, say, polyamorous posivitity? I tag it all "polyamorous positivity."

If there's something I don't tag yet, you can break step one and send me an ask or a DM requesting that I tag it. I'll try my best to remember, and if I forget sometimes, it's 100% okay to remind me. I won't ask why you want me to tag it, I just will.

If you go to the top right of the tumblr screen (on desktop at least, all of these instructions will be for desktop. if someone could rb with mobile instructions that'd be great) there should be this person-silhouette-icon-thing. Click on it, there will be a dropdown menu. Click on settings.

[Image description: A screenshot of the dropdown menu when you click on the silhouette in the top right corner. Settings is circled and has a cursor over it.]

Scroll down; right below the language settings will be filtering. There's going to be a box for filtered tags. Type in whatever tag you don't want to see- "suicide tw," for example, is a common one, and then click the blue "add" button.

[Image description: The tumblr settings page. "suicide tw" is written in the filtered tags box, and the cursor is over the "add" button, which is circled.]

Then, tumblr will block anything tagged with whatever you filtered!

[Image description: A tumblr post with the message "This post contains filtered tags: tw suicide." There is an option to view the post.]

Whatever you didn't like and wanted me to tag, you won't see it unless you choose to (assuming I remember to tag it; I will try my best).

Method three: Unfollow me.

Filtering tags isn't working well enough? Either I keep forgetting to tag it, or you don't like seeing any of my content. In this case, you should probably stop seeing my content and unfollow me.

Go to my blog- I'll be using tumblr's staff account as an example. It should look something like this:

[Image description: A view of the tumblr staff blog, with the url, search bar, three dots, and unfollow button at the top. The heading is below that, and then their most recent post.]

Now, in the top right corner, there's this button labeled "unfollow..."

[Image description: The same view of the tumblr staff blog, but the unfollow button in the top right corner has a cursor hovering over it, and is circled in red.]

Click it! My posts will not appear on your dashboard.

Method four: Block me.

I'm still annoying you? Alright then. You can take some extra measures to ensure we don't interact.

Once again, you should go to my blog...

[Image description: The same view of the tumblr staff blog, but the three dots next to the unfollow button are circled in red. A cursor is hovering over that.]

Click those three dots! A dropdown menu should appear.

Congratulations! You have blocked me. According to the tumblr website, this means...

I won't be able to follow your blog.

I won’t be able to message you.

I won't be able to send asks to your Tumblr.

I won't be able to see your posts in my dashboard.

I won't be able to like or reblog your posts.

You won't show up in my search results.

Sounds like you won't have to hear my opinions ever again, unless you want to.

From this point on, you will have to waste zero mental energy thinking about me or dealing with whatever about me you don't like! You can just enjoy your tumblr experience without letting me ruin it. Whatever you hate about me, it's over, and you can pretend like I was just a bad dream.

TLDR: If you hate me and my opinions, there are a lot of things you can do. You can not reach out to me so we don't have a conversation; you can filter tags you don't like; or you can block me.

#long post #important #tumblr #anon hate tw #negative tw #ask to tag #dw i didn't get anything new #i've just been working on this for a while #since i can't stop thinking about Death Anon #and how easily preventable this could be #literally #it will be better for both of us #don't! send! hateful! asks!#*really* don't suicide bait people #how could that possibly be okay in anyone's mind #yeah anyway #suicide tw #suicide baiting tw

15 notes · View notes

skateboardtotheheart · 3 years

Text

Alex vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda

hello, everyone! i’ve been working on a fic titled “Alex vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda” for quite a long while, and i’m finally biting the bullet and posting the first chapter. this fic is based on the novel "Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda" by Becky Albertalli! it will be very closely based on the book, as well as some things from the movie "Love, Simon", and you may find dialogue or details that you recognize from either version of Becky Albertalli's story! i have no rights to the novel/movie or the JATP characters depicted in this fic. that said, there are a lot of details that are changed, and you'll be able to spot those really easily. this fic will be crossposted to my AO3 and can be located HERE.

like i said, this fic has been a long time coming, and there is tons and tons i have planned for it. here on tumblr, i will be posting things like extra details, bonus content, and maybe some sneak previews! for now, let’s get into the fic!

SUMMARY: Alex Mercer is just like everyone else- only he has one huge ass secret. Nobody knows that he's gay, not even his closest friends and bandmates Luke, Reggie, and Julie. The only time he's ever mentioned it to someone, it was in an anonymous email chain with Ghost, another Los Feliz High School student. Alex can't risk coming out to anyone, but when his emails fall into the wrong hands, his secret is at risk of being thrust into a spotlight. Suddenly an already stressful junior year is all that more complicated as he juggles everyday drama, the school's annual band competition, blackmail, and trying not to lose his shot with the best guy he's ever met.

READ CHAPTER ONE BELOW THE CUT

Everything about this conversation is so out of the box of normal that I barely even register what's happening. Of course I'm the type of person who can't tell when this- something so crazy and awful and stressful and honest to God what the hell is happening- is going on. In my defense, Caleb Covington has never spoken to me before. I had no reason to assume that the first time he did, it would be to blackmail me.

We're taking a water break in the bleachers when Caleb saunters over. No greeting, no introduction- just words to send my entire junior year of high school spinning on its head.

"I read your email."

I swallow my water. "What?"

Caleb raises an eyebrow at me, and there's no other way to describe it but menacing. It's funny looking back on it all; I'd always heard Caleb was a really nice guy.

"I was in the library. And I read your email."

"You read my email?"

"Not on purpose. You really should have logged out of Gmail."

There's nothing I can do but stare at him, dumbfounded. What in the name of David Bowie is happening right now?

Caleb, thankfully, stops towering over me and takes a seat in the bleachers, a foot or so away. To anyone else, it might look like we're friends. To me, it feels like I can't breathe.

"Why the fake name?" Caleb asks, and my entire soul screams a wish that he would stop being so casual about this.

I want to tell him that the point of a fake name is to keep people like Caleb Covington from knowing my secret. Way to freaking go, Alex. He must have seen me sitting at the computer like the monumental dumbass I am.

"Would it interest you to know my cousin is gay?"

"Um. No, Caleb. It really wouldn't."

He still has his eyebrow raised and a small smirk on his face. If I focus hard enough- kind of impossible right now- I can picture Luke punching it right off his face.

"What do you want Caleb?"

This is the longest five minute water break of my life.

"Look, Mercer, I don't have a problem with it. It's not a big deal."

Yes, it really is. It's a huge monster of a deal. This is the biggest disaster since Luke slammed his fingers in a door and couldn't play his guitar.

"But. . ." Caleb drags out, and I can feel my leg bouncing quicker by the second. "It's pretty clear to me that you'd rather keep it all hush, hush."

I mean. Yeah. Kind of. The coming out thing doesn't scare me that much. Except it does. Because if people know then my parents will know and if my parents know then my whole family will know and if my whole family knows then I've become like a living, gay, everyone-finds-out version of If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, and I'd rather die than have that happen. So maybe the coming out thing does scare me. But the biggest problem if people found out?

Ghost.

I have absolutely no idea what it would mean for Ghost if Caleb was going to tell anyone. The thing about Ghost is he's a pretty private person. I bet he wouldn't forget to log out of his email so people like Caleb Covington wouldn't see it. I bet there's a good chance he'll never forgive me if he finds out about this. So really, I have absolutely no freaking clue what would happen to Ghost- to us.

And I'm still sitting in these stupid gym bleachers, the pink hydroflask Reggie bought me limp in my hand, desperately wishing Carrie would call an end to this godforsaken water break. I can't believe I'm having this conversation with Caleb right now. Why couldn't anyone else have logged into Gmail after me? Why was I so impatient to see if Ghost had emailed me back that I used the freaking school computers? Why did this stupid school insist on blocking the wireless so I had had no choice but to use the school computers? But it had been one of those days where I couldn't even wait to get out of dance practice to check my phone in my car.

I'd emailed Ghost this morning, and it had been a pretty big email. I was desperate to know if he'd emailed back.

I must have been just staring at Caleb for a while because he cocked his head at me and said, "Don't worry, Mercer. I'm not going to show anyone."

I take a relieved breath. Then my hydroflask finally slips from my fingers as I freeze, and the sound echoes through the gym. I don't even look at the rest of the dancers when their laughs break out.

"Show anyone?" I ask.

Caleb leans in a little bit, smirk wider on his face. I feel sick.

"Did you- oh my god, did you screenshot my emails?"

"Yes, see, I wanted to talk to you about that."

"You took a fucking screenshot?" I hiss out, thankful I'd put my stuff farther away from the rest of the dance team today.

Caleb has the audacity to roll his eyes. "I've heard you're in a band with-"

"What the fuck does that have to do with- Let's go back to how you screenshot my email."

"Or you can shut up and listen to what I have to say."

Something about the way Caleb's gaze catches you, it's hard to do anything but what he says. Fuck.

"I believe we may be in a position to help each other out."

Jesus Christ, what 18 year old talks like this?

"Why the hell would I do anything for you?"

It's a stupid question, I realize as he stares at me calmly. Calmly. Like this isn't the end of my life. Whatever he wants right now, it'll be in exchange. I do this, and he doesn't broadcast my private emails with Ghost to the entire student body.

All this time and I really thought Caleb was supposed to be this nice guy. Fuck me.

"You're going to make me do whatever you want?"

Caleb tsk'd like the condescending bastard he clearly is. "Well, now. I'm not making you do anything."

"But if I don't help you, you'll what? Post my emails on the fucking tumblr?"

LosFelizSecrets. The bane of every Los Feliz student's existence. Ground zero for more gossip than anyone in their right mind knows what to do with. A school of almost 3,000 kids but if it's on the tumblr, most people know within a day. A complete and utter hellscape disguised as a blog.

When Caleb stays quiet, I speak again. "What do you want from me, Caleb?"

He sneers.

"Music of the Night."

Once again, I'm stuck staring at him. Music of the Night? That's what this is about?

"Your band is signed up, as is mine. The HGC lost to Dirty Candy last year, and I will not lose again this year."

Music of the Night is this competition Los Feliz holds every year as part of the music program. At the end of the year, there's this huge concert held at the Orpheum theatre in Hollywood. At the beginning of the school year, anyone can sign up. Then each band has 4 months to perform at school events, outside gigs and parties, and whenever they have an opportunity, really. During winter break, the student body votes on who the headliner of the concert will be. Last year, the headliner was Dirty Candy. Because they won last year, they're out of the running this year and are in charge of organization and things for the concert. This year, I was hoping the headliner would be Julie and the Phantoms. My band. Caleb and his band HGC has entered the competition every year, and he's never won. He's a senior, and I know this will be his last chance. I also know who his biggest competition is.

Us.

"So. . . what? You want me to sabotage my own band?"

I feel breathless and dizzy as I ask. Caleb just shrugs casually.

"Whatever you need to do. So long as it's my band that gets the votes. Like I said, I think we can help each other out. Think about it."

Caleb winks- he actually winks- and walks away. I stare dumbly after him. No way. No, I'm not doing this. I can live with being outed. Right?

But my thoughts travel to Ghost. Because he's a part of this, too. He goes to Los Feliz, and he's my age, and he uses a fake name, and he's not out.

Ghost isn't out, and Caleb has my emails.

Fuck.

----------

Any hope I have of forgetting about that stupid conversation clearly isn’t worth it. I have an hour before dinner, and right now I’m basically willing to do anything to avoid my family. Trying to talk to my parents is exhausting. You can’t just get away with telling them your day was good or bad. No, you have to ring out every excruciating little detail. Everything that happens in my or my siblings’ life, they want to know about it. In all honesty, I used to love telling them all that stuff. Now I can’t get away from them fast enough. Especially today. I’m barely in the house long enough to put my backpack in my room before I’m slipping out the back door and leaving again.

I try to drown out my thoughts with Axl Rose screaming into my earbuds. But my mind is stuck on Ghost, emails, and Caleb freaking Covington. Caleb wants to win Music of the Night. I can’t exactly blame him for that. Everyone wants to win it.

Except he’s blackmailing me. And by extension, he’s blackmailing Ghost. And that makes me want to hyperventilate a little bit. Maybe go scream somewhere.

But Axl Rose is helping. The familiar route of walking to Luke’s is helping. We don’t get much of a fall in LA, but the air feels a little crisper in mid October, and I can already see the houses that are getting ready for Halloween.

When I reach Luke’s house, I don’t even bother going through the front door. I just cut through his backyard and head through the backdoor right next to Luke’s bedroom. I hear them before I see them. Reggie’s laugh fills the air, paired with a frustrated groan from Luke. They’re sitting side by side on Luke’s bed, facing the small tv with some video game I’ve never seen on the screen. They look like they haven’t moved in hours. Luke pauses the game as soon as he sees me, waving, and I can’t help but smile a little bit. The guy won’t put down his guitar for you, but he’ll pause a video game or movie without a second thought.

“Great, you’re here! Tell Luke he’s shit at this game and he should let me play Mario Kart.”

I roll my eyes, “Dance was great, Reg. Thanks for asking.”

Reggie sticks out his tongue, and I crack a smile. This is the most comfortable I’ve felt all afternoon. I throw myself into the beat up bean bag chair Luke keeps in his room.

“Luke, you’re shit at this game and Reggie wants to play Mario Kart.”

Luke gapes at me, a betrayed gleam in his eyes, but I just shrug. Luke grumbles a bit as he gets up to switch out the game, and Reggie whoops in victory. I let out a soft sigh. I think I needed this. The chaos of Reggie and Luke playing whatever game, the strange mix of leather, Axe, and his mom’s Hawaiian Breeze cleaner that makes Luke’s room smell awful and entirely wonderful at the same time, and the familiarity of Luke and Reggie. Everything just fits right when I’m with them.

As Luke sets up the game, Reggie looks at me excitedly. “Alex, Luke hasn’t heard about le wedgie.”

I snort a little, “Ah, yes. Le wedgie. C’est une histoire touchante.”

I don’t know why Reggie bothered to wait for me to tell the story; he’s the far better storyteller between us. Maybe it’s just because I’m better at French.

Luke stares at me, “English, please?”

Reggie and I thought we’d be fancy and take something fun like French for our required language credits. Luke decided to take something actually useful and learn sign language. This story is stupid, and my reenactment is stupid, but it feels kind of perfect. Like Caleb and secrets are all things of my imagination, and nothing exists but this bedroom and me, Luke, and Reggie. Benefits of having known these dorks since elementary school, I guess.

About as they finish the second race in Mario Kart, Luke lets out a yawn. Reggie reacts so quickly I barely realize what he’s doing. He grabs a crumpled up Hershey’s Kiss wrapper from Luke’s nightstand and throws it into Luke’s mouth. Luke sees it just in time to clamp his mouth shut. Reggie sighs in defeat, but shrugs.

“Keep yawning, I’ll get you one of these times.”

“Why are you so tired?”

“Because I party real hard. All night, every night, baby,” Luke says, slamming Reggie’s bike with a green turtle shell.

“Alone in your room with your guitar. Some party that is,” Reggie retaliated with a bomb thrown in Luke’s direction.

As the race finishes Luke yawns again, and Reggie’s Kiss wrapper bounces off his cheek.

“I just keep having these weird dreams,” he explains.

I raise my eyebrows. “TMI, dude.”

“Not that kind of dream!” Luke tosses the wrappers at me, Reggie cackling beside him.

Luke starts explaining his dream- something about every time he started playing his guitar his cord had magically unplugged itself from his amp- and Reggie and I just share a look. We were used to Luke being in his weird, feels-the-need-to-analyze-everything moods. But even after all these years, it was almost like a movie, watching Luke get so weirdly passionate about things- music and otherwise. It made me glad that Luke was a brother to me by everything but blood. Partly because if he wasn’t, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stop myself from falling for him. And I have a strict policy about not falling for straight guys.

To everyone but me and Reggie- immune to him after knowing pretty much every thought that’s ever gone through his head since elementary school- there’s this pull to Luke. Like he casts a spell that has everyone in a 10 mile radius tripping at his feet and each and every girl swooning. Poor Julie is not immune to the spell, it seems. Lucky for her though, Luke doesn’t seem immune to her either.

It took barely a few weeks into the school year before I noticed Luke switching seats with Willie Meyers at lunch to increase the odds he’d end up right next to Julie. Then there’s that stupid, puppy-dog, love-sick look in his eyes that Luke gets every time he thinks Julie isn’t looking. And it’s not like Reggie and I haven’t put up with a pining Luke before, but everything seems a little different with Julie. It makes me think of Ghost.

Would I look like that if I saw him in person? Would he look at me like that?

If Caleb leaks my emails and Ghost hates me forever, I don’t think I’ll ever find out.

-----------

chapter one complete!

i'll let everyone know right now that i have no clear updating schedule for this fic; it's kind of hard to write and get down the way i want, so i'm not sure how long anything will take me. but it is summer break for me, so hopefully you'll all start seeing consistent posting of new chapters!

i hope you all liked this first chapter, or are at least intrigued to read some more. as i said in the starting notes, this will be cross posted to my AO3! Feel free to leave me a comment here if you would like, or head over there if you have any comments about the fic at any point! feel free to send me a message/ask on here if you have any questions or comments, too! my inbox is open any time <3

if anyone would like me to start a tag list, let me know and i’ll get that done right away!

this fanfic is definitely my baby, so i really hope you guys all like it as much as i do!

thanks <3

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #jatp fanfic #fanfiction #alex mercer #willie jatp #luke patterson #reggie peters #julie molina #willex #simon vs the homo sapiens agenda #love simon #alternate universe #willex fic #owen patrick joyner #booboo stewart #alex vs the homo sapiens agenda #AvtHSA

7 notes · View notes

pomegranates-and-blood · 3 years

Note

if you are still accepting questions for the directors cut game, I would love to ask a little about chapter 41 of nostalgia! i ADORE that chapter bc of how much of it ties back to ivars very first pov. feeling lonely and incomplete was something he like actually kidnapped someone to avoid confronting at the start of the story, so having him pour it all out to the priestess (with no guarantee of her staying!!) right before she tells him she’s staying is such a beautiful, full-circle moment.

what do you think it was that got ivar in such an honest/sentimental mood that morning? do you think that outpouring was what really spurred her to tell him specifically that morning? and thank you so much for doing these and giving such deep answers!! they’ve been such a joy to read today!

Hello lovely! Of course I am taking these! Fyi, if you ever have any questions like these, don’t hesitate to ask, this game is so fun! Consider it a permanent game in this blog lol

And ooh, good question! Chapter 41 is one of my favorites too, for the same reason as you! Thrá continues to be one of my favorites Ivar PoVs I’ve written, and both this chapter and Hjarta deal with that so I love them as well.

So, as always, the answer is under the cut :)

Come ask me some insight about my works!

Okay, so a thing that I regret not going a little bit more into (but that I will in Dagblik, the next Ivar’s PoV) is how much it affected him to know the Greeks are alive. Past that initial argument about it, and what followed immediately after, Ivar was still feeling like the wind was knocked out of him well into Chapter 41. Like I annoyingly repeat within this story and its PoVs, Ivar needs certainties, he’d rather hold on to a painful certainty (that she will leave him) instead of having nothing to hold on to; and knowing the Greeks are alive (and that she could leave with them at anytime, since Stithulf didn’t actually kill them, the pull of revenge is less because the majority of her people are still alive, and so the deal isn’t actually a deal anymore, but a death sentence for Ivar) just takes everything away from him.

Ivar did something that felt cowardly, that went against his own desires and the promises he made, to keep his wife with him one more winter by letting Stithulf go. He basically prayed for one more winter in Atfǫr, promising that after having that winter with her he would be capable of facing spring, to face her leaving him (lies, but ok). But when he comes home she tells him the Greeks are alive and have already met with her (Ivar knowing about her leaving Kattegat to meet with them that day is another can of worms that I won’t get into now, but it fucks with his head, a lot), so no matter what he does, no matter how much he fights and whatever plan he comes up with, he loses her. He loses her not when he’s ready to, or when he can prepare himself to lose her, no, he loses her whenever she chooses to leave him, whenever the Greeks demand her back.

This is all to go here: Ivar was the one mourning in Chapter 40. The Reader has a flashback on how Sieghild tells her that a Viking tradition when someone dies is to drink (a lot, to the point of death in some recorded cases, in this manic search for numbness from the pain); yet the Reader mentions how it doesn’t feel like mourning what she is doing, she doesn’t feel an ounce of grief for the woman she leaves behind by accepting she wants to stay. Still, the flashback is there, and I kinda just left it out for interpretation why it was there in the first place. But it was there because Ivar was the one mourning a loss, because to him he had already lost (whatever he does, if she chooses to leave he loses her, either because she up and leaves for Greece, because keeping her in chains brings out a side of her that he made her queen of fucking Kattegat to avoid facing, or because he kills her or she kills herself before being a Varangian’s prisoner). So, his noggin is not in the best place during those two weeks, and it kinda ends up in this drunk Ivar that lets himself forget. He admits it a few times, I think most of all in Ch38, how he can forget that he is going to lose her, and that in those moments he is happy. That night is one of those nights, for most of the night he is touchy, he is a happier side of his drunk self (we have seen how he can be sulky when drunk both in canon and in Ch21 lol), except for that little moment where the facade kinda slips when he tells her about letting Stithulf go.

That night in Chapter 40, directly before the chapter you asked about (I’m so sorry it’s taking me this long to get to the point lol), he recalls their interaction in Kenna where she gets drunk and (with that chapter happening way before they admit their feelings in Ch31) makes Ivar’s brain shortcircuit by whispering that she is happy with him and almost kissing him but not quite. She admitted that night to being happy in Kattegat, being happy with him, and that night in Chapter 40 he goes back to it, asking for reassurance that she is still happy there with him, and initially intending to tell her that she makes him happy too but then she adds an ‘I love you, Ivar’ for good measure and turns his brain into mush, so the conversation goes elsewhere.

This all carries into Chapter 41, where from his perspective, still riding that (inevitably painful at the end) high of letting himself forget, he wakes up to those soft touches he speaks of craving both in this chapter and in Thrá, he lingers in this little world in between worlds of the morning with her where there’s nothing past the two of them, no choices, no Greeks, no nothing. And he intends to tell her that she makes him happy, because this idiot has always and will always share everything.

To sum him up, a meme (I found a screenshot of a tumblr post on pinterest, I have no source for this but it aint mine):

me: i’m a very private person

someone: hi

me: so i’ll start by describing some of my lighter traumas before i get into the real bad stuff

You cannot tell me that is not Ivar, especially when it comes to someone he is into, both in canon and in every story I write.

So, like she says, he gives away secrets and parts of himself like someone trying to hold on to a handful of sand, like he can’t stop it. And he can’t, really. And so he wants to tell her she makes him happy, because she does and he intended to tell her the night before, but then, because a) it’s Ivar, and b) this morning is a morning when he lets himself forget (like I said, Ivar was gutpunched by the revelation of the Greeks being alive, and he was different during those two weeks between her telling him and Galla coming to Kattegat to force her to make a choice, she even admits to missing him at times, because he no longer accepts her affection so easily, or is so freely around her, because in his head there’s too often the ‘this will end, you will lose this, she will be gone, and either enjoy this/her now or prepare yourself to lose this/her by stepping back’; but in that morning he is softer, he lets himself forget and just shares in Ivar fashion what she means to him.

I do not think it was what made her want to tell him, even without that converstion she would have told him that morning/day, since before she even wakes him up he even wakes up she is basking in this giddiness of being allowed to keep this; but both his words from the previous night (him reminding her of what she told him once, of how if you name things you make them real, when he not-so-subtly asks her to tell him more often that she loves him) and this moment of vulnerability, this moment when she truly has Ivar, moreso than she has had him in those last few weeks, makes her have the courage to claim this thing she hasn’t yet named (except towards Freydis in Ch39) and making it real by telling him of her choice.

So yeah, I hope this answer was to your liking! If there’s anything that you want me to explain further, or I didn’t get the question right, or anything, don’t hesitate to shoot another ask! I love answering these, I am still amazed people care enough about this mess of a story to have such questions!

Thank you so so much for asking, and for your kind words! Sending you my love, sweetheart!

#answered asks #asks and replies #νοσταλγία asks #directors cut game

2 notes · View notes

gallickingun · 4 years

Text

vent below the cut because i’m tired.

have you ever just had someone in your life whose just so toxic and negative, but you want to make them happy, you want to be close to them, so you stoop to their level? i’m so upset with myself. i allowed myself to become a negative, angry, bitter person who lashed out at others i didn’t even know in order to please someone else. i lost sight of who my true friends were, those who encouraged me and lifted me up, rather than encouraged me to be just an absolute asshole because someone else told me to. for things that i hadn’t even experienced personally. how hypocritical of me.

i know that quarantine plays a small part in all of this. we’re all a little sadder than usual, a little quicker to be hateful. i’m only sorry that i didn’t catch my behavior quicker. i trusted the wrong people, and i said shit that i regret. even if i said it privately, i still said it, and i have to take responsibility for that. i’m still trying to figure out the right way to go about all of this as i don’t want to hurt anyone else anymore than they might already be wounded.

i just know that i haven’t been myself for the past three months. i’ve been overly anxious, overly forgetful, overly quick to anger, overly consumed with the need to please others. to be honest, and i hate to play the mental illness card because i don’t ever want anyone to pity me or think i’m using it for attention, but whatever. my blog, my vent, my thoughts. i have never been so suicidal, depressed, and anxious, than i have since March. between leaving my husband of five years due to sexual, emotional, mental, and physical abuse, and then losing a pregnancy that i was so excited to have, to then losing more family members to death and depression, to living in fear that i’m going to lose my job, to friends mistreating met, etc. work has been horrible, being alone has been horrible, i’ve relapsed three times now, and i’ve let those negative feelings prey on my heart and turn me into a person i don’t like to see.

i hesitate making this because i know it’s going to get screenshotted and sent around behind my back and people are probably going to laugh at me over it, but i’m tired. if you want to be hateful, fine. but i’m done with being negative. i’ve seen the repercussions of my actions, both in trusting the wrong people, and saying the wrong things.

before anyone goes assuming, everything that i have had issues with, i’ve handled privately. what the people i’ve apologized to and moved on from have done from there, is on them. whether that’s screenshotting things and sending around to their friends, mocking me when i make decisions to better my mental health, or sending in hateful anonymous messages that don’t have anything to do with you, or even replying to messages you know you should have moved on from to leave well enough alone. on this note, please leave the bookclub out of this. it’s a wonderfully positive community of aspiring writers learning and growing and bettering themselves and their craft. for people to lump our personal drama into that really, really angers me.

at this point, i’m not sure if i even want to stick around on tumblr. and please don’t send me any messages about leaving, because this isn’t an attention grab. there is just so much hate and negativity and just plain evil lurking around here. it makes me sad, because i found a fandom full of people who i think are wonderful. there will always be bad eggs, there will always be drama, but this all just hits so personally. and i’m tired of always being worried as to when the other shoe is going to drop, when something else is going to happen that is weeks old going to resurface. the person i am today is honestly not even the person i was two weeks ago, but genuinely isn’t the person that i was in march, april, may, or even june. and i believe the same goes for a lot of people i know and see as well.

i guess i’m not really even sure why i’m posting this at this point. if it causes more discourse, i’m sorry. i’m just tired. and i’ll probably delete it all later. but if you made it this far, thank you. thank you for your patience, thank you for your support. thank you for allowing me the room to grow and become better.

also don’t expect me to name names or send “receipts” or anything, as i think that’s just childish and an invasion of privacy. as i stated, everything i had to handle is handled, and was taken care of privately, and that’s where it will stay. if people want to continue to bring up old things that aren’t relevant nor my current opinion/pov, then that’s fine. i just hope everyone is aware that people can change, and give everyone room to grow. i’m trying to do the same.

#honestly this is all rambling shit but please don't read if you are going to make it a bigger deal than it is #this is my blog and i'm allowed to vent out my own feelings here so please let me have this #morgan.txt #tw: discourse #tw: depression #tw: suicide #tw: mental health

34 notes · View notes

the--sad--hatter · 4 years

Text

FAQ

I'm answering the most frequently asked questions I get, and offering an explanation to some issues that have arisen.

Here you’ll find answer for a range of questions, from what my stance is on Fic Requests, to what the COA is, to why I’m so flaky.

If you have a question that isn’t answered here, send it in.

Q: When will Fics be updated?

A: I don't know. I write whatever, whenever. Could be its updated every day, could be its not updated for months. I'm doing this in my free time, so I don't have to follow a schedule. I do not answer asks about this anymore, as I've answered it so many times, and it says it in my bio.

Q: Can I be on your taglist?

A: I have several Taglists, for different characters/stories, as well as an Everything taglist. You can absolutely be on it, provided that it's not closed.

Q: I sent you a message, but you never replied, why not?

A: Chances are I either never got it, or I haven't got to it yet. If I haven't answered it after a while then you likely either asked a question about Fic updates, or being on Taglists that are closed. I don't answer those.

Q: Why don't you reply to all your comments on your fics?

A: Between private messages, Ao3, and Tumblr comments, I don't have the emotional capability to answer everything anymore. I have pretty bad anxiety, and social interaction confuses me. I have to focus a lot of energy into replying, and it has started taking several hours a day for me to do. I can't keep that up anymore. I read all the comments, and some get screenshotted and kept for rainy days, I deeply appreciate all of them.

Q: I have a personal problem that has nothing to do with fandom or Tumblr, would it be OK to talk to you about it?

A: Absolutely. You can inbox or direct message me and I'll do whatever I can to help, be that giving advice or just lending an ear. I know how important a friendly shoulder can be, and I'll always be there for anyone who needs that from me.

Q: I saw you reblog a post from a known Peadophile/Racist/ Terf/Homophobix/sexist/ user. Did you mean to do that?

A: Absolutely not. If you ever see my reblog or interact with anyone like that, please tell me so I can remove it and block them.

Q: Do you take writing Commissions?

A: I do not. I have a Ko-fi to raise funds for my pupper brothers surgery, but that's not an obligation. I toyed with the idea of offering commissions to those who donated, but since I take requests anyway, it seemed redundant.

And I'm not a skilled enough writer to do commisons for non-fanfic stuff.

Q: I see you post stuff about something called the COA, what's that?

A: The COA is The Council of Authors, another blog I run with @whatcouldgowrong-ohthat & @buckyreaderrecs It's to help other writers get feedback, reblogs and comments on their fics, by all working together as a community.

Q: You don't reblog a lot of other writers stuff, isn't that a bit hypocritical?

A: I do, but I don't read a lot of fanfiction anymore. I find more and more, that I am very easily triggered, by often mundane things. I also don't read OC stuff, due to my problem with names. But I want to support other writers, so um trying to get over my anxiety, and that's why I created the COA.

Q: You talk about your mental health all the time. What's actually wrong with you?

A: I get this question a lot, usually worded a lot less politely.

Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, Insomnia, Social Anxiety Disorder, Panic DISORDER and PTSD. In the past I suffered from Paranoid delusions and dissociative amnesia.

I've been receiving mental health support for these since I was 5 years old, from medication and therapy, to hospitalisation. Currently, I live in supported housing, so I can maintain some kind of independence.

Q: I wrote a Fic and I want you to beta read it for me, will you do that?

A: I'm sorry, but no. I don't feel comfortable doing that. It's a minefield for me, between triggers, anxiety, and not being that confident in my own skills. I can offer general writing tips from my own experience, but I don't specifically read for people unless I'm already close with them and feel comfortable enough to tell them how I feel.

Q: I've tried to start a conversation with you, but you just blanked me?

A: Not on purpose! I'm so sorry. I'm really really bad at remembering to respond, and it's not personal, I swear. Sometimes I spend forever trying to word my response in my head and then forget to actually send it. Sometimes I'll look away from my screen for two seconds and my attention span will go somewhere else like the rude hoe it is, and I think I've responded to you. If you have to nudge me, you can totally do that. If you can't be bothered trying to keep me in line, I totally don't blame you 😂

Q: Can I be your friend?

A: I don't know why you would want to be, but yes! I love making new friends, and my personal blog is @just-Kara-no-hats

Q: Do you take requests?

A: I do, though it may take me a while to get them done. I don't do them in any particular order, just as inspiration strikes. I'll write for most MCU character except Peter Parker (Romantic/sexual, I'll write him platonically), Dr Strange (I just don't like him), Carol Danvers (I have zero emotional connection with her, makes her impossible for me to write for).

Q: Will you write Smut?

A: Yip. M/F, M/M, F/F. All are fine. I won't write it for underage characters though.

Q: Do you write Dark Fics?

A: Some of my fics have a lot of violence and past child abuse. I don't write non/dub con stuff though. I have nothing against, and follow some amazing authors who do write them, but I don't write it myself.

Q: What will you not write?

A: Anything with kids. I've done pregnant readers in the past, but that's as far as I went, and even that was too much for me. So no parental readers, no pregnancy, no breeding.

I don't feel comfortable with writing age-play, daddy/little's, Brat kinks, bodily fluid kinks.

Other than that, you're best just asking me.

Q: Who is the dog you're always posting pictures of?

A: My little brother, Seren. My dad lives 5 doors down from me, with Seren. He's the apple of my eye.

#FAQ

62 notes · View notes

blasphemie · 4 years

Text

you know, @bumkeyz, i think it’s very nasty for you to say i have some kind of privilege in all of this. we don’t get to pick and choose who was affected by addy and her actions. just because you see the shit that we posted on tumblr, does not mean you have the full story. and i’m gonna be honest... fuck you and the anon in my inbox for making me feel like i MUST talk about my own trauma because if i didn’t, i was staying silent for her.

when i say my brain couldn’t handle this, it’s because of outside factors that i won’t get into and the fact i had the stark realization that i was in fact manipulated by addy. it’s been hard to come to terms with and all i wanted to do with that ask was highlight that i did not stand by her. but fine, you want the long post of it all, so here ya go.

here’s my story. my side of things. read if you want, or don’t.

tw : manipulation , guilt tripping .

i’m not going to pretend like i remember when addy and i met. all i remember is something was happening in the rpc and i was involved in some discourse and she came into my ims offering support. i was very leery of her at this point, as she had just come back from her stay with rpslayed. tumblr won’t let me reopen those ims now she’s deleted that old blog, but i know that i did reply. it went from that discourse, to the one she was having with B, someone that took advantage of her. and again, i have morals to uphold, so of course i went off about it. through all of this, i started to believe she had changed - which was a large lapse in my own judgement at the time, but we became friends. i wish i hadn’t NOW, but that’s not something i can change now.

i have a terrible memory as i’ve stated, so again, i’m not going to be able to give dates on this one either, but you know how there was an asterisked name in certain posts of her’s? yeah that was my name right up until her current boyfriend. me and addy had this... thing going. more of like a back and forth, will they won’t they. i wish it was as poetic as some wattpad fic because that’s where i begin to realize i was manipulated. the biggest thing i can remember is the whole situation concerning my best friend, who is also my ex-boyfriend. something that was truly one sided occurred between them and soon it was such a big thing that me and him were friends. one time, she did not even talk to me for days and would only add like an emphasis or thumbs down to my imessage texts ( idk what they’re called but you get me ) . i was constantly made to feel bad that my ex was my best friend, i remember once she found out we wanted to make a rp together and was all “im going back to bed”. i once made a post that said “you know it’s real if i send you tiktoks” and tagged him in it and that again, led to her ghosting me because she didn’t feel important enough to me or whatever.

i remember there was this time we didn’t talk for a certain amount of time, so i blocked her thinking we weren’t friends. and then i get this over cashapp.

i won’t lie. addy has given me money. she gave me money when i really needed it and i think that’s why i didn’t want to speak against her. because i didn’t want her to think i had just been using her for money because i know at one point that is what she thought of me. but anyway, at this point, i’m like oh so we ARE friends ? and i’ve just been thrown back and forth so much with her that it was normal to me at this point. so we reconnected. i think the guilt over accepting money from someone kept me by her side and kept me standing up for her.

people who know me know i’m not an active replier sometimes. i sometimes disappear for days at a time and come back. that’s just who i am. addy didn’t like this. i remember once she was mad at me because i posted a screenshot of something my friend said and again, i was ghosted. this is how even part of that went.

the entire thing is that i respect people’s boundaries. but this stemmed from a place of pettiness. this was the aftermath of that btw once i was softblocked.

things like this also occurred.

it felt like i was being PUNISHED for not replying. when i don’t reply, it’s not because i want to make someone not feel as if they’re not important to me, which is something she tried to say me posting a screenshot of someone else was me saying.

on the subject of the sexual jokes / allegations from other people : i had NO idea then that they were being made to everyone, especially minors. i thought it was something that was exclusive to people she liked. it became clear to me that she did make those jokes to everyone, but never, EVER to minors. please do not say i stand with someone whose said that shit to kids, because i would never. i’ve been at the receiving end of those and some were consensual, but not all, but i do digress.

ya know, i was always was to be blame for a failed almost relationship because don’t get me wrong, i did like addy. but i’ll also be the first to admit i am a VERY closed off person, but i still flirt with people a lot. but it was always pointed out to me that it was very clearly my fault, no matter if i apologized. it was always my fault. i always hurt her feelings ( to the point she would delete my number and contact entirely ) . it was just always, ALWAYS salt’s fault, she never let me forget that. i remember indirects were made about me such as this.

btw this right here, was made BEFORE the “who gonna tell me” post, which she ended up deleting and then posting those.

i remember even when i would TRY with her by saying hmu if you want to watch a movie, she would reply with “go ask [ex bf]” or when i reconnected with an flame she would say “whatever go flirt with [name]”. go do this, go do that.

but the kicker? she would always come back and act like nothing happened. and i would always be in such a state of whiplash with this. she would flirt with me again and i would flirt back because that’s what i was used to.

when she got in her newest relationship, it all kind of came to a close, except if i made a joke about it all, she would say i hurt her feelings and lash out about it all. i was STILL made to feel bad about it even when she was in a relationship.

i think at the end of the day, i should and WILL take full accountability for even becoming friends with her in the first place due to her past. i could’ve easily stopped all of this happening to me if i had not made that ONE decision. at the end of the day, i was still manipulated, i was still made to feel like trash over a failed relationship, and i let it happen because i had feelings for her AND she had helped me out when i most needed it. but i’ll be dammed if i let someone say i had a PRIVILEGE in this situation when i felt like i had to stay friends with her because of the money or because she would say some shit about me if i tried to not be friends with her. and while there is so much more i could pull up and show y’all, i do not feel like going through all of that. just know this pattern is what i experienced for upwards of a year or so.

you can believe what you want or feel how you want about me. it doesn’t change a damn thing that happened to me and i’m so, SO tired of being silent.

- salt.

#rpt #rpc #tags it so yall will see it ig #manipulation cw #guilt tripping cw #addy cw #anon is off btw bc of tht one i got while writing this

21 notes · View notes

psychicprincesscreation · 4 years

Text

NUANCE

Edit 7 (7/12): I didn't realize I kept breaking the link when I was trying to come up with a good title lol my bad.

Last two titles: "I'm not your bass-slut anymore." (That didn't exactly fit the narrative.)

"Don't fuck your idols. :)"

Since everyone is talking about accountability, let me put it succinctly: I was 22, this was consensual for me, I was a "groupie" who knowingly emotionally cheated on my then-bf with Bassnectar for months, I broke it off & moved out because I expected more from the relationship than I ever got.

As one person on IG stated: I was just a groupie whose fantasy didn't go the way I wanted it to. Lol it's true, but that isn't the whole story.

I know it's easy to focus on how I was "old enough to know better" and the harmful choices that I made, but don't forget that Bassnectar actively pursued me even after finding out about my boyfriend -- I'm sure he wouldn't have had any problem finding a single girl to talk to instead, given his stature.

He offered me concert tickets, plane tickets, money to buy an apartment, he told me to email him as often as possible, he told me to keep everything a secret and to lie to my boyfriend over and over.

He tried to "save" me with controlling advice about eating, sleeping, not partying (ironic, considering that he is a DJ) not pursuing music journalism, not hanging out with any male friends whatsoever, where I "should" work. This was all before we ever met in person.

People don't realize how hard it is to say no to your idols, especially when they are CONSTANTLY offering gifts that I considered very extravagant at my age.

This wasn't a normal affair; I had absolutely nothing to offer Bassnectar but myself, yet he spoke to me like I was a star. He told me we could "go deep" and that he wanted to "mate" with me.

Of course my dumbass young-adult drug-addled mind is going to fall in love with the idea of him.

CONSENT IS NOT DEFINITIVE. I didn't consent to a relationship as two normal people sneaking around. I became a cheating asshole who was misled by a rich & famous liar. I never said what I did was right -- in fact, I made it very clear that I did something wrong, too.

I also said that my story is NOT as bad as the other accusers'. I absolutely do NOT think that I had it worse than anyone else. I think my story is important because it shows that his behavior wasn't limited to people underage.

Hopefully my candor denotes honesty and by admitting my faults in this situation, people can see that Bassnectar's emotional manipulation was real and calculated, and most certainly did not start or end with me.

Side note: Apparently Bassnectar DOES cuddle... I guess he just didn't want to cuddle me that night. Ouch! :)

Edit 6 (7/12): Too many typos to fix so I'm just leaving them now lol. Added detail.

Edit 5 (7/12): Just because I say I'm slutty and I like sluts, doesn't mean every girl/women who was involved with Bassnectar is a slut. I'm just owning that label to change MY narrative for MYSELF. I really don't think there's anything wrong with being slutty -- it's always the rest of the world that has a problem.

I wrote this stream-of-consciousness, so I wanted to mention that sometimes my statements that involve other women may seem brusque, but I'm on the women's side. I mean to convey disdain for the way Bassnectar treated us (as a secret "harem",) rather than jealousy or annoyance toward the women. I hope it comes off that way, but I don't know who is reading this and how some might interpret my words.

Edit 4 (7/10):

Removed names. A story mentioned in this post wasn’t true. Either just a lie (to make someone look bad,) or I don’t remember it properly ‘cause it’s been so long. If it was my fault: my bad.

Edit 3 (7/7):

FIXED SOME TYPOS!

Edit 2 (7/7):

I like sluts. Stop making us feel bad for wanting love *and sex, too.

Another thought: Bassnectar probably pursued a relationship with me because I had a boyfriend. Therefore, I would be more secretive and would have to take some of the responsibility and guilt in this situation, too. And that is true. I do feel guilty about the lying and sneaking. I think that it was inevitable that I would break up with my then-boyfriend, but it really wasn’t Bassnectar’s place to accelerate the break-up by giving me the impression that Bassnectar would be my boyfriend instead. This wasn’t friendly advice given to me by someone older, this was tactical. It makes me wonder if a lot of girls/women don’t want to come forward because they are afraid that the truth will come out about their own affairs?

Don’t be afraid to tell your story because women-hating assholes try to dissect and expose your secrets in an attempt to discredit you! Bassnectar is the one who needs to be exposed for HIS indiscretions -- this is about what HE did wrong. Edit 1 (7/7):

- Bassnectar told me that he was coming to NYC and because we had an online relationship, I thought that he was coming to see me. My friend told me today that Gov Ball 2013 was the same weekend, so I think he may have actually been in NYC for that reason (I don’t think he was scheduled to play on the flyer,) but I was delusional about it. - I removed the screenshot of his phone number from the post because I don’t want to violate any doxx rules. I am still willing to compare this phone number with other women/accusers to corroborate our stories. :) - This is my story told from my perspective. I was an adult and I’m not posting this with the intent of legal action, or revenge (although I do admit that this relationship was devastating and heartbreaking for me.) I just want people to know what kind of person he is. - My story is not as harrowing as some of the other accusers’, but that doesn’t make it invalid. - Even now, reliving everything hurts me and I wish I could say that it was real, but now that I’m older I am wise enough to know that it was all lies. - I stand with the women who Bassnectar has hurt in similar, or worse, ways.

----

My relationship was short-lived, but it was so eventful for me that I remember it clearly. I'm mentioning many minuscule details because I think that could help prove the validity of other victims' stories.

Writing in bullet points because it's easier for me to sort through the memories. I'm calling him Bassnectar because the "Lorin" I was talking to is someone that I feel hurt and appalled by now.

• I don't have social media/email screenshots because I deactivated my Facebook and Twitter years ago. Bassnectar asked me specifically to delete our emails because his "girlfriend had caught him" and asked me to get rid of the evidence because she was "demolished." (I will go into a bit more detail about that later on.) • I don’t have a “smoking gun” that skeptics are looking for, but that’s what happens when someone asks you to keep everything a secret and delete everything that shows you were communicating.

----

• This happened in 2013 over many months, plus Bassnectar texted me a few times about once a year after our "relationship" ended. • I was 22 at the time. I'm from NYC and frequently went to clubs, shows, events, and festivals with my then-boyfriend (who I lived with) & the same group of friends. • Bassnectar was one of our favorite artists and we'd seen him perform several times in several states. • My friends had a private Facebook group where we'd tell each other about shows and make arrangements to travel/meet up/stay over each other's places. • I was very interested in music journalism at the time and occasionally wrote show reviews for my friend's online music magazine. • I actively used Twitter. I basically tweeted at every DJ we liked, and always posted reply screenshots in our private Facebook group to share with my friends. • Things became complicated with my then-boyfriend, but we still lived together. We had recently gotten back together around the first time Bassnectar DM'd me on Twitter.

• Bassnectar responded to a Twitter pic I posted of our mini-fridge with a Bassnectar logo sticker and said that he "liked my fridge" or something. • I screenshotted this and posted it in my group because he was the biggest artist who had responded to me at that point. • I thought I could use this as an opportunity to interview him for my friend's mag. • After I already posted the screenshot in my group and had responded to his DM, he sent another message asking me not to screenshot him because he "hates that." • I deleted the screenshot from the friend Facebook group. I stopped screenshotting and sharing our conversations with my FB group immediately after he asked. • I continued to chat with Bassnectar via Twitter and said that I was a big fan of his merch and that I bought several things at all the shows I've attended. • I asked to interview him at some point in the conversation, and he skirted over the request. • Instead, he gave me his email (bassnectar2012) and asked me to send him merchandise ideas. • I slapped together a few simple, quick ideas on Photoshop or something and sent them to him.

(I don’t know how to embed a picture on Tumblr lol -- will update.) • You can see that the image I sent is no big deal, and all the files were similar, but he responded as if they were the greatest things he had ever seen. He definitely made me feel special and talented. • We emailed regularly and relatively frequently for days. • Emails are exchanged back-and-forth and eventually I asked to interview him again and he agreed. • I gave him my number and he called me. My then-boyfriend was aware that I was in contact with Bassnectar, with my original intention of interviewing him. • My then-bf was in the room when Bassnectar called me for the first time. • Bassnectar didn't want to be interviewed; he wanted to get to know me. I agreed to just chat at first. • He told me not to call him Bassnectar because that was his "band" and that I should call him Lorin. • At some point he asked if I had a boyfriend and I told him no, even though things were complicated with my then-bf and we were technically together. > I know I'm going to be chastised for doing this, but I've learned years ago that I made a bad choice. Honestly, I still wanted an interview, and I am well-known for leading with my sexuality. This is when I started becoming deceitful with my then-partner. Simply put, I was just more enticed by the idea of advancing my career, and eventually the allure of potentially being Bassnectar's girlfriend, so lying seemed best. Just because I’m flawed, too, doesn’t mean Bassnectar did nothing wrong.

• My then-bf confronted me about not saying that we were together. I felt guilty and the next time I spoke to Bassnectar, I confessed that I was back together with my then-boyfriend and I wasn't single. (I don't remember if it was via text or voice call.) • Bassnectar was upset that I lied, but continued to talk to me nonetheless through text and email.

• He made me feel like my writing was profound and touching, and that we were falling in love. • He would tell me that he wanted to "bring me the sun," or "get me a puppy." He said things that were romantic and poetic and I felt heartened to respond to what I thought was love. • He said he had $10,000 in his mattress and he wanted to get me an apartment in NYC, so I didn't have to live with my then-bf anymore. • He would text me before and sometimes immediately after he played shows then say he was going to sleep by like 12am (typically.) It was easy to keep up with where he was playing via social media. • He offered to fly me to his show in Red Rocks so I could attend. (I didn't accept.)

• He called me from time-to-time and told me not to tell my then-bf who I was speaking to. • One day he had me call a different phone number, which he said was his "home phone." • He told me a story about a beautiful girl named (removed)? Who he had a falling out with because she mentioned that Bassnectar told her that he didn't like Steve Aoki. (I don't remember that story in detail -- I think he was telling me so I wouldn't tell other people when he talked about other artists.) > Edit (7/10): This person messaged me to say that’s not what actually what happened between them. • One day I was speaking to Bassnectar on the phone and didn't answer when my then-bf called on his way home from college classes (I always answered right away.) He asked who I was speaking to and I admitted "Lorin."

• When I called Bassnectar back, he became annoyed that I told the truth and said that I should tell my then-bf that I meant my girlfriend Lauren instead. • I began to sneak around more, lie more often about who I was speaking to on the phone, and texted or emailed Bassnectar almost every single day. • He said we should skip Camp Bisco 2013 and just spend time together. (Obviously anyone who attended Camp Bisco knows that didn't actually happen lol.) • He was flirtatious, charming, and always offered me tickets to events, or sometimes to fly me to where he was. I didn't accept any of this then.

• He told me that I shouldn't do any drugs, not even smoke weed. All of my friends were casually experimenting back then, and I was equally as candid as I am now about everything I did. He told me not to do drugs at his shows, or any shows, and especially not around guy friends. • Me and my friends traveled to see a show in Philly and stayed with friends. When I texted saying I was mostly with guys (my friend group was mostly guys at the time,) he asked if I "felt safe" and offered to get me a hotel. I thought it was unusual because I always felt very protected by my male friends. • He told me that I shouldn't hang out with guy friends, or have guy friends at all. • He told me that guy friends all wanted to sleep with me and I didn't realize it. • He told me I should eat healthier and exercise regularly -- it was very weird and controlling. He just didn’t want me to be myself. • He told me that he had a girlfriend who had two abortions. I think because we were talking about relationships? • He told me that he grew up in a hippie commune and was Christian and he questioned his priest and that his mom was a poet laureate. It just seemed like he wanted me to get to know him at the time. • He told me I was co-dependent with my boyfriend and that I needed to become independent and move out. • He told me I should make lists of my life goals as an independent person and email it to him. • He told me not to tell anyone about us talking. I told all of my girl friends, but it was a "girl code" situation and none of the guys or my then-bf knew what was going on. • We talked A LOT and often, but all of this only happened in a matter of months.

• Time passes and our emotional affair eventually becomes physically intimate when he says that he is going to fly to NYC. This is JUNE 2013! He played at Electric Zoo 2013, but that wasn't until Labor Day, so I'm not sure why he really needed to go to NYC, but it definitely wasn't for a show because me and my friends would have been there. > NOTE (7/7): My friend read this and mentioned that Gov Ball 2013 was the weekend before, so there is a good chance that Bassnectar was already in NYC for some reason and didn't actually come to see me personally like I was led to believe. lol.

• He alleged that he would see me again around Labor Day when he came back for EZoo, too.

• I am from Staten Island, and wasn't totally familiar with Manhattan's layout at the time, but I think that the hotel he was staying at was in Midtown. It's been 7 years since this happened, but I tried my damnedest today to figure out exactly which hotel it was -- there are soo many in that area alone. • If Bassnectar says any of this isn't true, then he's lying because there will definitely be a plane ticket or something with his name on it to NYC in JUNE 2013. > NOTE (7/7): I thought he was there to see me specifically, so the dates he told me was staying in NYC are probably not 100% accurate, but there is definitely some proof somewhere on his end that he came to NYC for whatever reason. The lies he told me are just coverup to make me lose credibility if this ever came out.

• He said he had a hotel for three days. I think it was a Mon-Wed? I took off work those days so I could see him everyday that he said he would be in NYC. If he has no record of checking into a hotel around the time I'm citing, then his manager probably did it for him. I believe his name is Carlos. (I'm going by the memory of what Bassnectar told me.)

• Bassnectar met me in person at the Staten Island Ferry (Manhattan side) and we walked to Battery Park and sat on a bench and talked. • I felt extremely shy and awkward because I knew that by meeting up in-person, I had given up with my now-ex. The whole thing was conflicting and unfair to so many people, but it was too late now. • Bassnectar frequently complimented me in person. He said things like, he was dying to smell my neck, that he loved my wrists because they were delicate like a bird's frame. • He said that he felt self-conscious that he would be recognized because he's used to being recognized in crowds. • He would pet and caress me, but didn't try to kiss me in public. • He told me that he got his hair washed at a hair salon and he gave the hair dresser a ($50 or $100?) tip and looked in the window to see her reaction and she was crying because she was so happy. • He convinced me to go back to his hotel. We took a cab there. It didn't take that long, which is why I'm convinced it was Midtown. He never told me which hotel it was, but I didn't realize it was actually because he didn't want a trail back to him. I guess it worked.

(I'm about to get very detailed about my memories, so trigger warning for making people feel uncomfortable.)

• When we got to his hotel, he became physical with me very quickly, but he said he wouldn't kiss me first. That I had to do it first. So I did. • It progressed into kissing, cuddling, him touching me all over in bed with our clothes on. He dirty-talked a lot. I also remember that he moaned and grunted a lot, and I wasn't used to any of that. • At one point, I untied his hair and let it down and he joked that I was making sure he was really Bassnectar and not his assistant that I was meeting. • He told me about his go-go dancer friend who had fake boobs. I can't remember why. • I remember him kissing me against the wall, and he said something like, I want to fuck you against the wall and hold you up with only my dick. It was way too specific to forget. (It didn't happen, though.) • We inevitably had full-on sex after the on/off touching/kissing/talking. • He said he didn't want to wear a condom at first, but he thought he should. We did, but it felt like a test to see what I would say. • I remember that he wanted me to have an orgasm, and I instructed him which position worked best for me. • He orgasmed by having sex with me from behind and asked me to look back at him. I remember him draping his long hair over my back. How could I forget that? -_- • One of my girl friends texted me ("How are you plants doing?" was our code phrase) to check in and make sure I was okay because she knew where I was. It was monumental for me, so I told her it was great. • I sat on his lap while he looked at his laptop. • We had these deep conversations about life, and love, and the future and it seemed so real to me at the time. • I remember that I told him I was unsure if we could be boyfriend/girlfriend because he was so much older than me (I think he was 35 at the time?) • He told me about about a girl he loved named X who was also around my age. I didn't think it was that weird because I was convinced he still really liked me best, but he probably had so many "Xs" and I was just another one. • At some point, he commented on Facebook (or Twitter?) in response to someone saying he was Illuminati. Honestly, it was like we were two people hanging out because of how normal everything felt after the sexual tension was gone.

• I remember having dinner with him at the restaurant across the street and talking about wanting to be a writer and he said I CAN'T WRITE ABOUT HIM EVER. (So it wasn't normal after all.)

• I remember, back at the hotel, he asked me perverted questions like, can you show me how you make yourself orgasm? He asked me to just demonstrate on his hand so he knew what to do next time. • I don't remember much more because I wasn't planning to stay. • My other girl friend had a job interview that day and we decided to meet at the ferry to take it home together. • On my way out, he walked me to the elevator and he gave me $50 to take a cab to the ferry and to use for a cab when I came back to see him tomorrow. (For my fellow New Yorkers who doubt this story, no, that wasn't enough fare for both trips, so the amount is definitely the truth lol.)

• I went to see Bassnectar again the next day. When I asked him for the hotel address or name, he wouldn't give it to me directly. He said it was because of people stalking him or something. I don't fucking know but it was obvious confusing bullshit and I think he gave me an address that was about a block away. I think he even said he would tell the cab driver the address over the phone. There was a lot of runaround to avoid saying the exact address. (Now the reason why seems obvious.) • My details are a bit fuzzy at this point because I remember meeting him outside the hotel and going up together, but I forget why we met outside and why we were both confused about which street the other person was standing on. • We went up to the hotel room, he worked on music on his laptop, while I sat on his lap and read Trainspotting on my Kindle. • He let me listen to what he was working on, but I don't remember it. I just remember that he was working with female vocals. • He told me he had to meet his guy friend in Williamsburg because his friend was making him lobster. Looking back, it was probably another girl.

• I asked to stay because I wanted to spend more time with him. I texted my now-ex-bf (who I still lived with) that I was staying with my friend. • Bassnectar said that normally he would say no, but for some reason he agreed and left me in the room with the room key and all his stuff. He either really trusted me, or really trusted how much control he had over me to leave me with his laptop. • I left at one point to get pizza, and came back. I watched TV, but couldn't sleep. He got back some hours later and he was drunk off wine, but I just wanted to cuddle and sleep. • He jokingly thanked me for not stealing his things. • Apparently Bassnectar DOESN'T cuddle and made that a point, but he did sleep in bed with me for a bit, before moving to the other bed in the middle of the night. (There were two beds in this hotel room.) • For anyone else who had sleepovers with Bassnectar, you know that he sleeps with his own fans for the white noise. So we slept in separate beds with his own personal fans on. It was all very bizarre. • We didn't have sex this day at all.

• The next morning I went to Duane Reade while he was still sleeping so I could get toiletries and shower since the sleepover was impromptu. • He had a meeting with someone (manager?) who was supposedly coming to stay in the room later that evening? (It was probably another girl though? idk)

• When he got back, he made me go over the list of accomplishments and goals he asked me to email to him. • He told me that I shouldn't be worried about finding someone to be in love with and it should be a lower priority on my list. • He told me that I should get a job at a restaurant or American Apparel or something and get a shitty starter apartment with only girls. • He said that finding an apartment that was pet-friendly shouldn't be a priority at all. I had a pet cat so if I moved out, that meant I would have to leave my cat behind, but that didn't matter to him. • He told me that if I wanted a serious boyfriend, I shouldn't let him see my legs or have sex with him for a long time. • When he finished life-coaching me, we watched a movie together. • He chose Spring Breakers because he was supposedly asked to do the musical score for it and turned it down (that's what he told me.) • At one point in the movie, Vanessa Hudgens jokingly gestures to her friends that she's giving a blowjob, and Bassnectar said he "didn't understand why girls sucked dick." • We had sex once more, more quickly than the first time and with much less romance. I can't remember much because I just remember feeling sad about leaving soon and like he was blowing me off suddenly. • We took a shower together after.

• I packed up my stuff and before I left he gave me $1000 in cash without warning and told me I could use it to help put a down payment for an apartment or something, but I should pay him back because it would be "good for me." > Looking back, when he left for a short while that morning, it was probably to take out cash to give me when I left. • He didn't walk me to the elevator this time and he sat on his laptop while I left feeling very cheap, stupid, and crushed.

• Time passes and we talk less and less. I'm heartbroken, but still make moves to find a job and move out of my ex's ASAP. • I email Bassnectar a diatribe saying I'm feeling hurt and abandoned. I say that I felt betrayed that he made me think we were essentially going to be together after I left my boyfriend and it turned out to be all lies. • I'm having lunch with friends when he calls me and is angry saying that he told me what I should do to make my life better and that he can't just give me a job or do anything for me and that I need to do things for myself. • My friends walk over to the car where I'm on the phone and when I say I'm ready to go, he asks who I'm speaking to and I say, "my friends." • He yells at me and asks why I'm talking to him on the phone when my friends are around (he asked if he could call and I said it was okay, I didn't know we were supposed to be alone.) I tell him I will call him back. • I text him and ask to call back and his mood flipped and he's suddenly super kind and apologetic and tells me he just wants me to be independent. He reminds me that I'M the one who told HIM that he was too old for me and we can't be boyfriend and girlfriend. • I am heartbroken all over again, but I move on with my life and move out within the next month or so.

> I actually did get a waitressing job as per his suggestion and saved money from that + the grocery store I already worked at and moved to BK by August 2013. I didn't use the money he gave me at first because I thought it was a reason for us to see each other again, and I was afraid to spend it in case I couldn't earn enough to pay him back by the time I saw him. (I never saw him again, though.) > In case you're wondering, I did spend it eventually when I started to resent him for blowing me off.

• I speak to Bassnectar very rarely, and only via text. He doesn't call anymore, even when I ask. • One day while I'm at work, he sends me a video of a beach he's supposedly vacationing at. • When we DO speak, he asks for nudes, usually. • When I send them, he says he feels guilty since “he has a girlfriend” and that we should stop. • Contact is so infrequent, when we catch up about my life, he gets annoyed if I mention I'm seeing any guys, but I never think he really cares because he stopped caring about me a long time ago. (If he ever did at all.)

• I still tried for months to maintain any kind of relationship with him because I truly thought we had something special, but he was always too busy for me. It fucking sucked because he was always in the back of my mind now that I was *~independent~* like he said he wanted me to be so many times.

• One random day when I was too busy to chat with him, I remember he actually DID call me because he said he lost a sound file and wanted me to record myself saying "I really like it." A few times to use on a track. I guess I took too long to get back bc 15 mins later, he texted to say he got it from someone else. I couldn't do it anyway because I was dealing with some other personal stuff. I forgot about it soon after. • I didn't listen to the album NSVB for a long time after it came out bc I was still hurt, but when I did.... I heard that fucking sound bite in whatever song it's on (I really don't care to know) and it fucked me up. • I was conflicted thinking, shit, did I blow my last chance for "us" ? I was still hung up on this asshole as if he were just some ex because of that emotional manipulation. • Would that have solidified what we supposedly had? Or would that have just been another way he used me? I began to resent him.

• Fast forward a few months and I'm drunk with my girl friend at home and text Bassnectar for the lols. I say that I should ask him for tickets to BASSLIGHTS 2013 in VA to make up for him being such an asshole. • Surprisingly he agrees on the condition that I only go with girl friends, don't do any drugs, and say that the Tix are left for me because I interviewed him. (Don't forget that no interview ever happened!)

• Before Basslights, he texts me and even asks me what songs he should play and I don't realize he's just stringing me along. Presumably it was just another plot to hook up. • Before we leave for VA, my friend who is driving admits that one of her OTHER friends secretly knows Bassnectar so we might be able to get into some party or backstage. Sooooo I guess she was another one of his "harem" that he was having a secret relationship with. (I don't mean anything negative towards that girl/woman, just that Bassnectar probably saw us this way and was playing *at least* the two of us at this time.) • My friends and I drive from NYC to VA and miss Bassnectar's set the first night because we arrived late, but the Tix were waiting for me at the box office. • If you get Bassnectar's guest list for Basslights 2013, my real name is on there. I'm sure a lot of other girls he manipulated are on there, too. • Bassnectar texts me and asks what I think of the show and I say I missed it. • He says he was thinking of me a lot during the show. • He texts me saying I should let him "vroom vroom in my girl power." Obviously he's alluding to sex, and I show the text to the friend who was at my place when I asked him for the Tix. He won't send a cab to get me at my hotel when I say sure, though, because he "has a girlfriend" again and he would feel bad. Maybe he was annoyed that I missed his set, maybe he picked someone else, maybe he actually was with his gf? Whatever. • I told him I didn't feel comfortable texting like that anymore because he said he had a gf. • He tells me I'm a good person.

• I am so hurt that I don't answer his texts at all anymore. • We go to Basslights night 2 and I get suuuuper fucked up with my friends (because fuck him) and have an awesome time and disassociate Bassnectar from his controlling bullshit. • I ignore him all the way back to NYC and just text to say I'm home. • He sends me an URGENT text saying that his gf suddenly found out about his gross infidelity and begs me to please delete all of our emails and texts. • I'm stupid and kind and fucking over him so I do it. He knew I would because he knew I was too nice of a person not to. • Bye bye evidence, though. :( I regret deleting those emails even now because I knew this misconduct shit would come out eventually with him.

• LOTS OF TIME PASSES. Now and again, Bassnectar would text me just to say what's up and I'd barely respond. This only happened approximately once a year. • I'm pretty sure this was just to make sure he was on my good side and there wasn't a chance that I was going to expose him. • I think the last time he texted me first was all the way back in 2016.

• The last few times we spoke were when he had a cancer scare and I texted to say sorry. • When I went to Moonrise Festival, I asked if we could meet and he blew me off. It's been so long, I didn't really expect him to say yes, but it was worth a try. • When me and my friends went to Electric Zoo and he closed, I texted him saying that we couldn't hear well from where we stood and left early. I think he was offended because he replied saying that no one else complained. • The last time I spoke to him, I knew he was playing at an event near me and asked for tickets again so I could see him and he said he would be with his girlfriend. It was a one-off thing and I thought it was worth the try. •There were no cordial conversations in-between the times I contacted him at all. Just me being lonely and single and still hanging on to this idyllic version of him that never fucking existed in the first place.

• I'm much older now and I know that a lot of this happened because of choices I made, but I was 22, starstruck, in a confusing relationship, partying, and desperate for an ethereal love that I sought in that music scene.

• I bet Bassnectar specifically targeted girls like me because (at least in my case) I was depressed, pumped full of mind-altering chemicals, pretty, and lonely. He acted like I was a unique, artistic, lost soul and he made me believe that he was the only one who could save me.

• At 22, you don't realize that a man 13+ years older than you shouldn't be asking you to keep your conversations a secret from everyone, asking you for nudes, asking you to lie to/break up with your boyfriend, inviting you to hotels, offering you gifts, and straight up giving you cash that you didn't ask for.

• But that man DEFINITELY knows he's doing something wrong, otherwise he wouldn't be sharing that hush money with you, or asking you to hide and delete everything.

• Because he would text me once in a while saying something like, "You cross my mind all the time," it would be enough for me to hang on to this hope that *maybe* there was still a chance. I couldn't see that it was just another manipulation tactic that worked well on me because I was still feeling the effect of the emotional annihilation from so long ago. :(

• I loathe how he made me feel for so long and it breaks my heart to know that there are so many other girls who were taken advantage of in worse ways by this egotistical LIAR in his position of power. Seriously, Bassnectar, fuck you.

ALSO: not sure if this was his burner phone or what, but here are the last two digits of the # he always contacted me with (sent in the DM). If any other victims want to corroborate by comparing numbers... Let me know.

(I REMOVED THE SCREENSHOT OF THE PHONE NUMBER IN CASE IT VIOLATES ANY DOX RULES, BUT I CAN SEND IT TO YOU DIRECTLY IF YOU ARE CONTACT WITH ME!) :)

---

#eab #bassnectar #metoo

13 notes · View notes