#but i think only i get what i mean

[madscientistenthusiast]

Personally I think that Azula should have been redeemed simply so that she can become Zuko's horrible little advisor who whispers evil little plans to him so that he can do the exact opposite

#the only reason she gets this job is bc he doesnt trust her anywhere else in the palace #its like enrichment for manipulative girls #also so that he can set her on asshole deligates like a rabid little lapdog #she just has mean fuckin pomeranian energy that thing bites then lights you on fire w flames so hot theyre cold #i think their sibling dynamic could be sooo fucking funny its insane #azula #azula atla #atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko #atla zuko #firelord zuko #DISCLAIMER I AM YET TO READ THE COMICS SO IDK WHAT HAPPENS TO HER IN THEM #also long overdue for a rewatch of the show its insane

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

#writeblr #this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol #by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations #and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me #& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what???? #like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it #''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother #and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!'' #yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious #anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it #it's seen as the only important thing #even if ur gay #and it's a nuanced thing idk #and while rn i i.d. as lesbian #like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like . #sexuality is fluid... #don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label #they're like GET in the BOX #if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me. #(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)

[vaguely-concerned]

sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go

#the locked tomb #harrowhark nonagesimus #john gaius #harrow the ninth #this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL #this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships #(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think #the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real #but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed) #there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone? #yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't) #the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god #when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care #(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution) #and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on #it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there #while john is -- well he sure is being john huh #this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end #(with john slam dunked right into hell that is) #it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up #john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 4: Deranged Bedfellows

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.5)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #mdzs au #lan wangji #nie huaisang #Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU #This is the *first* part of what was supposed to be a much longer comic (LWJ's morning routine in full). #I'll finish the remaining part as a reblog to this post! I just think this is the funnier chunk. #Lan Wangji absolutely is the kind of person who has a perfect internal alarm clock for when it is time to get up. #He already has a dedicated sleep schedule. He is accurate within 10 seconds of 5am every day. #I think the Jiang disciples are most likely used to waking up around 6:00-7:00am #But the allure of having a guaranteed time keeper getting you up in the morning is worth the earlier hour. #I imagine they started outside lwj's door and slowly moved closer as the weeks went on. #Now LWJ has to cope with being way too warm in the night from all the extra body heat. #LWJ is not a fan of this but they scamper off immediately after he wakes up and they at least show initiative to follow routine. #NHS joins in only because he is a chronically heavy sleeper and needs this level of intervention to get up early. #His boldness would be a death sentence in the cloud recesses but here? Whole new game. #Yungmeng Jiang isn't a lawless land. It's just a land with different laws. #And one of those laws is to forcefully domesticate the catboy coded Lan boy through any means necessary. #Completely different tangent: I drew the thumbnail for this before I did comic 134. I then realized they had the same visual gag. #So I had to space this one out so it didn't seem like I repeated the waking up joke. That's my secret and all of you have to keep it. #And in my land the law is that snitches get itches (telepathically transfers hives onto your body)

[cyanastrologist]

❌ Ned Fulmer was fired for cheating

✔️ Ned Fulmer was fired for tarnishing his own brand, and becoming a liability to the company.

#hannah.txt #try guys #ned fulmer #try guys drama #it wasnt the cheating itself that got ned fired #he got fired for having a workplace relationship with a subordinate #which opens the company up to lawsuits about favoritism and unfair treatment #ibr this is what you get for monetizing your relationships #do yall really think ned would be facing this much backlash if he hadn't based his entire persona around being The Wife Guy(tm) #i mean he'd still get some hate for sure but this man literally built his whole brand around loving his wife #like literally worshipping the ground she walked on #only to be caught cheating on said wife. not a good look my dude #i have no sympathy for ned and alex they both suck

[starry-bi-sky]

Broke: danny runs away from bruce wayne because he reminds him of Vlad (bad, overused, fundamentally misunderstands Bruce’s character as a whole for a shit joke)

Woke: bruce wayne doesnt remind danny of vlad masters, but of his best friend sam manson

black hair? check ✅

jewish? check ✅

richer than god? check ✅

gothic? well, mister wayne isnt himself but he lives in the most gothic city on earth so quasi-check ✅

loudly and proudly an activist for various rights including environmental and womens' rights? check ✅

im tired of the "oh danny runs away from bruce because he's rich and reminds him of vlad" give me a danny who actually likes bruce because he reminds him of his awesome kickass best friend who is also stupidly rich

like i’ve been told about the whole “oh fruit loop joke” before and i still think its a cheap, shallow joke if i’ve ever heard one that flanderizes Bruce’s character to an impressive degree. Vlad and Bruce are only comparable in the same sense that they’re both rich and Bruce adopts kids — but he isn’t doing it because of the “adoption addiction” joke, he’s doing it because he sees himself in the kids he adopts and he wants to give them better than he did. Vlad wants Danny as his son to spite Jack, they are not remotely comparable beyond that.

Like, beyond that too i highly doubt vlad masters gives his employees benefits like bruce wayne does. who canonically hires reformed villains and has various branches of medical, industrial, technology, etc in his company in order to help the people of gotham. does Vlad Masters run charities, soup kitchens, etc?? is Vlad contributing to the community? No, no he isnt.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #yes i know its a joke. its only funny in moderation #its also a shit joke #dpxdc vent #this doesnt mean anything i was just getting this off my chest. dont come @ me about it being a joke #i will only repeat what i said: its a shit joke and i dont care #it should be said #also knowing butch hartman and his love for all things superhero i wouldnt be surprised if sam is genuinely meant to be a caricature of #bruce wayne. considering how a lot of other DP things are inspired of the DCU and MCU. Freakshow. the reality gauntlet. danny is reminiscen #of spiderman #like think about it: she's jewish. she's gothic. she's loudly an activist. she's the top athlete in her grade. she's incredibly rich. #she's slightly emotionally constipated. she might actually be supposed to be a caricature of bruce wayne

[xxcherrycherixx]

cupid's gals meet

#monster high #ever after high #c.a cupid #abbey bominable #blondie lockes #heartlockes #c.a cupid x abbey bominable #abbey x cupid #theyre both my proud poly queens #cupid is dating blondie but abbey is her ex who she still gets on great with- #-if you know what i mean 👀 #blondie is fine with it #in fact blondie encourages it- she encourages Recording it and sending it to her too- she just wants to make sure there's no funny business #thats totally the only reason! #also fuck it blondie is a monster fucker shes a big ol monster fucker with a big fat crush on her monster gf #and maybe a lil one on her monster gf's monster fwb- shh #abbey is happy to have open relationship. why waste time on relationship drama when you can communicate with your partner and agree to kiss #-whoever you want? she's dating heath and he definitely doesn't mind that way of thinking. long live the polycule! #im in a polyamory mood bby gonna blast the orion experience-cult of dionysus and chrissy chlapecka-affection brb #add space age bachelor man to that list because fuck yeah thats a polyamory song i forgot #my art

[shower-phantom-ideas]

Danny as Fenton takes a hit that no human boy should survive while in a different city (im going crossover here) and just transforms into phantom and pretends to be all sad that he died. Just for a moment. He then proceeds to kick the baddies ass. Claims he got ghost powers and fucks off. Imagine if Captain America or Batman saw this while failing ti protect him, hell or any hero type. Danny doesn’t think much on it and just goes on with his week. Continues being Fenton of course but what if he runs into whatever hero, but out if costume, saw him do that.

“How are you here? And alive?”

Danny holding a smoothie:”uhhhh I made a miraculous recovery”

He just shrugs it off and goes about his day. It isn’t until he finally gets some sleep later that night that he wakes up in a cold sweat realising he now knows their secret identity. “Oh well it’s neat I guess” starts to go back to sleep only to bolt back up “oh god now they know my secret identity”

Meanwhile said hero is too busy trying to figure out how to help this random kid to even be worried about the fact that they outed themselves. Someone else probably points it out to them and has to explain it twice before it gets thru.

#danny phantom #crossovers #dp x mcu #dpxdc #dp x dc #I like to use batman a lot cause his need to protect these kids probably makes him a little stupid #like imagine him in the batcave looking into fenton now and nightwing comes in starts asking about it #only to have to find out that bruce basically told the kid hes batman #except bruce is tired and worried so he isnt getting it #no B I mean like how does bruce wayne know the kid died. only batman saw it #if you are trying to make some sort of joke it’s not working. now please excuse me I have to figure this out #a sigh and facepalm #B imagine what the kid is gonna think when bruce wayne asks him how he is alive but batman watched him die. #slowly bruce stops typing and leans back from the computer #he freezes #eyes widening #a soft but sharp intake #oh #yea oh B geeze you must be tired if it took this long for you to get ut #bruce with his head in his hands realising he just messed up big time #maybe he should get more sleep after all #as for the mcu I would like to think it was hawkeye or hulk #I like hulk cause it’s also a bruce but I like hawkeye more. guy is very comfort character #clint just kid I saw you die now why don’t you explain that #danny giving him nothing till clints like come on it’s kinda messed up letting me think I let a kid die isnt it. #oh poor me loosing so much sleep watching a young boy become a ghost. I could hardly go on #danny rolls his eyes laying it on a little thick arent we old man #gasp! I will have you know I am only (insert haskeyes age here) #geeze you are waaayyy okder than I thought

[cirnogaming]

artemis is one of the best characters ever created i think. she likes to feel like a cobb salad when shes having sex. she serves cunt at all hours of the day. shes bisexual. shes jewish. she's always serving a look. she is constantly on psychedelic drugs. she fucks nasty in the dumpster behind wendy's. shes perfect

#iasip #from time to time i think about how artemis transcribed charlies play into a script #with seemingly nothing to gain from it #besides the fact that charlie is her friend and she got to help put on a show #do you think she knew? do you think while writing it all down she figured out what it was actually about #i mean she doesn't deny what everyone is saying about the script but she kind of sides with charlie when he starts bickering with the gang #do you think she felt like the kinder option was to just let him express himself the way he wanted to.. #compared to the rest of the gang she's honestly a pretty selfless person #i mean yeah. she'll usually only get into something if it benefits her #but sometimes there's no reason for her to be involved. someone just asked her for help and she showed up

[let-roman-bite-someone]

ah, you know what my first thought was when i got to this scene?

when logan started off as the side who tried to approach problems as fairly and open-mindedly as possible, and encouraged thomas to not jump to conclusions or assume ill intent.

but he gets ignored, underestimated and sidelined so often that he himself started giving in to the cognitive distortions.

#logan is slowly losing the will to think deeper into an issue #i mean what is the point if he's the only one trying right? #god i can't wait to see how his arc gets resolved #or mayhaps we'll get a corruption arc #sanders sides #logan sanders #thomas sanders #virgil sanders #sasi #tss #logan tss #ts logan sanders #ts logan #logan ts #tss theory #sanders sides theory #sanders sides meta #virgil tss #virgil #ts virgil #thomas sanders sides

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i always feel bad when i see how the point of a lot of saiki's personality traits flew right over the heads of a lot of fans due to him being an unreliable narrator and a tsundere lol.. so a lot of things he says are immediately proved to be untrue and often just him putting up a front, but some people dont pick up on it..

like i see a lot of "haha saiki would never want to watch a romance movie" guys there is an entire chapter (170) dedicated to him being like "i much prefer mysteries to romance stories.." and then immediately becoming absolutely enamored with a romance story.. he was lying, guys, LMAO

less specific ones include:

"i hate children, they annoy me" *goes out of his way to help kids, comfort them, be kind to them, etc.*

"i only use my powers for self gain/my own convenience." "anyway my mama told me to never use my powers selfishly so i always use them to help people and i try my best not to use them for personal gain<3"

"those guys are so annoying, i would never hang out with them willingly." "yeah it took them about two sentences to convince me to go with them. their thoughts seemed like they really wanted me to go, so i did. i didnt want them to be upset. not that i care about them or anything."

(sorry i post about this kind of thing a lot, i just giggle a lot at how the entire manga is so easily misinterpreted and thousands of people have watched the show but didnt pick up on the main characters most defining character traits and frequent bits.. i think there needs to be a masterlist or something disproving all the extremely common misconceptions about saiki k lol)

#not hating lmao its just silly #i once saw one of those 'how saiki k characters would drink their coffee' posts and for saiki it said 'black coffee' #and i giggled #what do you mean you think the guy who only smiles during really sweet moments or when hes eating sweets would drink black coffee #thats so out of character but they obvi were just going by personality which u guess is funny #that mf prob would make homemade pumpkin spice lattes drowned in sugar and creamer and whipped cream and sprinkles #hey genuine question to people who watched the anime this way: how was it still funny ? #him being a liar tsundere unreliable narrator is often the MAIN bit.. like in EVERY chapter.. #did u only pay attention to the silly mini jokes within the episodes and those were somehow still enough to make you love the show ? #or like.. what was it ??? IDK I GENUINELY DONT GET IT #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #saiki kusuo #meows post

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

finally colored that Eddie scribble <3 rough day p.2!

#am i happy with this? no! but im tired of messing with it so this is what we get #i mean its not Bad but. sigh #i gotta get better at coloring stuff its my Art Weakness #no matter how much i try i cannot understand color theory #my brain simply says No <3 #i have perfect color vision and yet. and fucking yet. cant use it for shit! yeehaw! #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #eddie dear #i hope he enjoys that ice cold soda - sold exclusively at howdys for a stellar deal only one hundred percen- *gunshot* #i would like everyone to know that i unironically initially wrong 'seld' instead of 'sold' #and genuinely didnt know why there was a little red squiggle friend underneath it for a solid minute #the brain is rotting <3 i go outside and the ravens start divebombing <3 #i am living up to my url of 'carrion' #dead meat walkin babeyyyyyy #i think the chronic migraines are actually frying my neurons!!! yee! haw!

[front-facing-pokemon]

#baltoy #now okay let's just get the elephant outta the room. baltoy? what does this mean. is it a toy that happens to be a ball. because that's how #i've parsed it my whole life. and i've always not understood it because this thing is a top and not a ball #it's also what like. ground/psychic?? i think that's cool but it's just. like what's it got going for it. i forget it exists regularly and #don't even know if it has an evolution to make it competitively viable #where's that one person who said they were gonna do competitive facts on every post and then only did it on one. i miss them #whatever folks have things to do. not everyone has the time to dedicate to a silly little tumblr blog like i do. so here i am #telling you nothing about baltoy. go girl give us nothing. i am giving you nothing

[cerealmonster15]

cursed au y/n?? Muppets au where Jamil is the token human lol

bad dream(?)

EDIT [3/4/24 hi] bc i was lookin thru art the other day and. i fear i might have been subconsciously remembering this post when i drew this fkdsjlfjkdslj ;A;??? i think i was actively thinking about those posts on tumblr that go around sometimes that are like "if [whatever media] was remade by the muppets, who would be the token human?" and that's what sparked me to be like "haha what if twst was muppets, who would be the straight man human, jamil would be funny" and led to me drawing this,,, but then when i found that post again the other day i was like oh god,,, the similarities... and i def saw that post in the past so it's possible there was influence and i just Forgot The Origin... WHOOPS AND OOPS IT WASNT INTENTIONAL ;;;A;;;. . . .. . ...

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #kalim al asim #floyd leech #azul ashengrotto #jamiazu #SORRY tagging them anyway LOL #cereal tries to draw #twst #teehee. i can only see people draw twst muppets so many times before it infects me #and by so many i mean like. twice. maybe three times. #been thinking about this all day #SORRY!!!!!!!! it’s fine for bed I think #time* w/e #but I needed to get this out of my system #sorry idk what character design is I can’t draw unique muppets #you get the idea. u know what I mean. #posts when everyone’s asleep. avoiding crimes. goodbye !!! #the longer I look at this the more afraid I become 🏃

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

The girls are plottinggggg

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen chao #wang lingjiao #Realizing she was supposed to have an upper lip mole was a cold slap in the face. So sorry ma'am. I won't forget again. #They are evil dumbass 4 evil dumbass and I think we are all missing out on the sheer potential of the comedy between these two. #They have way too much power and are using it for the wrong reasons - which makes them truly great villains. #And when things don't go their way they become piles of whining sludge. #Wang Lingjiao is forever fascinating to me even though we only get crumbs about her. #She's a servant girl who's greatest asset is her beauty and her attractiveness. #Meaning she's had a life being in the gaze of people with significant positions of power over her. #I can't help but read her childishness and petty tantrums as someone who has finally been given the chance to not feel powerless. #If she was a more virtuous type we might 'like' her more but honestly...I don't think she would have survived to this point. #WLJ has only known power hierarchies her whole life. Probably accused of seduction before she even understood what that meant. #I love contrasting her with mianmian because they have similar(ish) backgrounds but different approaches to moving forwards #But WLJ's story is about flying too close to the sun and mianmian's is about going too close to the water. #Like the sea mist dragging her down into complacency - all the sect powerplays are mandatory to 'go along with' if she wants to climb- #-the social ladder. Yet she is the cautionary tale (and a foil to JGY as well) she leaves before sacrificing her own morals. #Mianmian flies away with her wings only slightly plucked while those who sacrificed everything to reach for the top crash and burn.

[lucky-slice]

Do you understand how much kevin respects neil? And i don't mean when it comes to exy, like sure there's a whole lot of you're not good enough followed by you will make court bluh bluh bluh, i mean fundamentally as a human.

Kevin and Neil's conversation after the truth of Neil's father is revealed drives me absolutely insane because I think it highlights a lot about how Kevin views Neil.

so indulge me for a bit....

I think a lot of people forget, in light of Andrew choking Kevin for not telling him the truth, that Kevin's initial reaction was to tell Neil to run.

*sorry for the quality - these are all screenshots off my phone

Kevin's instinct is to tell Neil to save himself, despite what that would mean for the team's success and for Kevin himself. This is significant to me for two reasons.

It highlights that Kevin genuinely cares about Neil outside of his exy potential. For most people, this would be a pretty obvious response to finding out your teammate has a guaranteed death sentence if they stick around, so it might not seem all that meaningful, but Kevin was raised in such an environment were you continued to play no matter what - even at the risk of death. Kevin is unflinchingly callous when it comes to exy and his teammates (*see his reaction to Seth's death), but he is frantic in his concern for Neil in contrast to his fairly passive response to basically anyone else's wellbeing outside of exy. Neil's death will have no real impact on Kevin. If Neil dies or goes to the ravens, nothing changes for Kevin. He is not at a greater risk of being hurt by Riko or the Moriyama's nor will his exy career be effected. That's not to say he would tell Neil to stay if he cared about him any less, but there is a desperation that implies a depth beyond just that of a teammate.

The fact that Kevin is frantic and desperate for Neil to leave, gives weight to his decision to keep teaching Neil in the aftermath of the revelation.

Neil doesn't want to run - he wants to be Neil Josten until the end. He gave Kevin his game and now he's asking him to keep it and Kevin obliges.

This is essentially Kevin promising that he will keep Neil's secret. He will allow Neil to wear his mask and continue teaching him despite the fact that Neil is essentially a dead man walking. This, to me, is Kevin ultimately respecting Neil and his choice. At any moment, Kevin has the ability to got to Wymack or Andrew and give Neil the chance at surviving, but that would mean betraying Neil.

Some people (certainly the foxes) would view refusing Neil's request as the proper and morally correct thing to do. But I think Kevin's immediate acceptance of Neil's decision is both immensely meaningful to Neil and also a signifier of a shared understanding between to two.

Imagine how impactful it must be for Neil, who has never had autonomy over his own life and has been marked for death basically since he was born, to be told that not only will his decisions and his autonomy be respected, but there is someone who will stand by his side on the court, knowing the whole truth, until the very end.

Kevin doesn't have much to offer Neil at this point. He can not give him a future - he'll be long dead before he can ever make court, and Kevin is a coward - he is not andrew, he can't stand up against the Moriyama's or Riko or Neil's father. Kevin can not protect Neil in a way that matters. All he can do is promise to keep Neil's secret and offer him a few more months of being Neil Josten.

I'm not including this to disparage Andrew or to suggest that he does not respect Neil, but this highlights that Kevin knows the decision to keep Neil's secret is one only Kevin would make. Andrew without a doubt would immediately try to get Neil to leave or attempt to get him into protection. I'm not passing a judgement of morality on what would've been the right thing to do, but I do think Kevin's reaction is indicative of the fact that Neil and Kevin understand each other in a way that no one else really will.

Neil and Kevin are a parallel's in a number of ways. Kevin lived the life that Neil was supposed to have and they are two parts of one story.

To them exy is not a game, but it's not really about exy either. It's about deciding to stay just to play for a couple more months even though you'll wind up dead because playing means you finally get to live after years of being a ghost. It's about playing to be the best no matter what, even though the consequences are having your hand smashed and the life you know completely demolished. It's about playing even though you're shaking with fear and anxiety because you need proof that your life, whether it be running to survive or living under an abusive hand, was not a waste.

Kevin agrees to keep Neil's secret because if the roles were reversed, Kevin would like to believe that he'd be strong enough to ask Neil for the same thing. This is obviously conjecture and a heavy heavy reading between the lines, but I'd like to think there's some truth there.

Finishing up with this line because it makes me a little emotional.

Kevin starts the conversation by calling Neil "Nathaniel" and ends it by calling him Neil again. Its right there in the text, "it was a promise". Kevin is offering Neil a life that is fully his - not his father's, not Riko's, but Neil's to do with what he would like, even if its only for a couple more months. If that's not respect, than I don't know what is.

#kevin day #neil josten #gnat be quiet #aftg #screaming and smashing bottles and shouting do you get it at the top of my lungs #do you get it? #this is what kevin does #he believes in people until the very end because that's only thing he can offer #I think there's a lot to delve in here about choices and freedom and growing up without either #and about what it means to live for yourself #even when that means dying for yourself too #maybe kevin doesn't know how to be brave but he knows how to give other people the chance to be