#but i wanna see if i actually have lost weight now lol

[roycevelvet]

Darkness at the heart of my love

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x reader Warnings: none Notes: again, don't know where this is going, many ideas, never an ending hihi. Also, listen to this song, it was my muse for this thing/chapter whatever you wanna call it lol.

You traced the faded design on your chipped nail polish, lost in memories of a summer filled with his laughter and stolen kisses. It seemed like ages ago, those sunny days when his voice was always there, comforting and familiar. Now, as you waited for him to answer the phone, you couldn't help but feel the weight of all that had shifted.

"Hey, babe" Noah's voice finally rasped through the phone, heavy with sleep. It was the first time you'd heard from him in days.

"Hey" you forced a smile. "I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me."

He chuckled, but it lacked its usual warmth. "Sorry, busy week. Soundchecks, interviews, you know...”

You bit your lip, pushing down the familiar pang of loneliness. "Yeah, I figured," you mumbled. You weren't sure if you were more hurt by the missed calls or the casual dismissal of your absence, like he hadn't missed you at all.

The silence stretched, thick with unspoken emotions. Finally, you gathered your courage. "So, when do you think we can have a proper talk? It’s been a while since, you know, we’ve had an actual conversation that lasted longer than 5 minutes.”

"Honestly, (Y/N), it's been crazy. I don't know when things will settle down."

The truth stung. You knew it wasn't just the tour schedule anymore. He wasn't making the effort, and your once vibrant connection felt like a fading radio signal, distorted and barely there.

"Okay," you said, your voice cracking slightly. "I understand."

You ended the call quickly as you didn't want him to hear you cry. The quiet in your small apartment felt overwhelming, tears welled in your eyes. It made it hard to see as you scrolled through X.

Among the bright lights and pictures of concerts, there he was. Noah, laughing with a bunch of fans, his arm around a pretty blonde girl, her smile big and happy.

A wave of nausea washed over you. You knew, logically, that he was a celebrity, bound to interact with fans. But the sight of him so close to another woman, the intimacy of his touch, ignited a jealousy you hadn't anticipated.

It wasn't just jealousy, though. It was a deeper feeling of insecurity that had been bothering you for weeks. It ate away at your confidence, leaving you feeling empty inside. You started to wonder if you were just a temporary fix in his glamorous world when he came back home.

Every time Noah didn't respond to your messages or calls, it felt like a punch in the gut. You felt completely alone, like you were drowning in a sea of uncertainty, desperately clinging to the hope that Noah would throw you a lifeline.

But he never did. Instead, he brushed aside your attempts to share your feelings, making empty promises and offering half-hearted apologies. It felt like he didn't really care about you anymore, as if you didn't matter in the grand scheme of his busy life.

When you called, he was always laughing with someone in the background, always busy, always talking. Other times, he was tired, his voice heavy with exhaustion, or sleepy, his words slurred as he struggled to stay awake. But his attention was never one hundred percent on you. It was as if he existed in a world that never slowed down, a whirlwind that left little room for anything else, for anyone else.

One evening, as you sat alone, feeling sad and listening to music, how poetic. The lyrics of "Darkness at the Heart of My Love," the song you and Noah shared, echoed around the room. Now, the lyrics felt hollow, a cruel reminder of a love that couldn't survive the distance.

A bitter smile twisted your lips. The summer had died, taking your love with it. You finally understood Noah's silence. It wasn't just about the tour schedule; it was about him choosing a different path, a path that didn't include you.

The anger that had been simmering beneath finally boiled over. You grabbed your phone and dialed his number, your fingers trembling slightly. He answered after the first ring, his voice laced with surprise.

"Is that it, Noah?" you began, your voice surprisingly steady despite the storm raging within you. "Is this how it ends? With unanswered calls and texts and photos with girls who look like they stepped out of a magazine?"

The silence on the other end was heavy and suffocating. Noah was surprised by your sudden outburst, his usually quick response delayed as he struggled with your words. 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Noah spoke.”I… I don't know what to say, (Y/N). It's not like that."

He sighed. Did he just fucking sigh at your words? This making you even angrier than you already were.

"Then what is it like, Noah?" you asked, raging. "Why do I feel like I'm always waiting for you, but you don’t seem to need me?”

There was a pause, a long silence again. And then, Noah's voice said “I’m sorry, (Y/N). I've been so caught up in everything... I didn't mean to make you feel this way."

His words made you feel hopeful at first. But then doubt crept in, whispering that maybe he did mean it to make you feel this way. After all, he had been practically ignoring you for weeks, so why would things suddenly change now?

"Tell me, Noah," you continued, your voice shaking slightly as you recite the lyrics of your shared song. "Does your love have a darkness? Does it run cold, deep, like the lyrics you so readily quote all the time?"

Noah's answer came quickly, his words rushing out. "No, (Y/N), it's not like that. I love you, I really do. But... I've been struggling with everything."

You listened, feeling a tug on your heart with each word he said. But even as he opened up about his struggles, you couldn't shake the lingering question: why hadn't he reached out to you sooner? Why had he left you feeling lost and alone, without any explanation?

"Goodbye, Noah," you said, the weight of the word crushing you as much as it crushed him.

You didn't wait for a response. You didn't need one. You ended the call, the silence on the other end told you everything you needed to know.

—

But the silence wouldn't last forever. Occasionally, you'd be brought back to reality by the harsh ringtone cutting through silence. Your heart would skip a beat, hoping it was Noah finally reaching out, but it was never Noah.

Everything seemed to remind you of him, yet you never felt lonelier. You couldn't help but wonder why Noah never bothered to reach out, not even once. Did you really mean that little to him? Were you really that disposable?

In the days after, you kept busy with work or watching Netflix late into the night, trying to avoid thinking about Noah. But he was always there, like a ghost in your thoughts.

You tried to find comfort in your usual daily routine, but it couldn't fill the emptiness. The coffee tasted bitter, hanging out with friends felt empty, and the nights felt long and lonely.

You tried to move on, exploring new things and even going on a few dates. But every new situationship felt like a weak copy of what you had with Noah. He had made a big impression on your heart, and no matter how much time passed or how far you went, you couldn't forget it.

Despite the hurt, there was a small shimmer of hope. You wished, deep down, that someday he would return, willing to fight for you. Though you felt really silly and stupid for even dare to think this way.

But even as you struggled with everything, life kept marching on. You started to find joy again in unexpected places, glimpses of happiness.

And slowly, ever so slowly, the ache in your heart began to simmer down. It didn't disappear entirely – you doubted it ever would – but it became more bearable, a constant companion rather than an overwhelming force.

You threw yourself into your passions, rediscovering the things that brought you joy before Noah had come crashing into your life. Music became your refuge once more, the melodies and lyrics you hadn't realized you'd been missing.

—

One evening, a couple of months later, you had a small gig at a nearby bar. It was a simple chance to share your songs with a small crowd which you really appreciated. 

The concert was fantastic, but you did feel kinda relieved when it ended. As you left the stage, still buzzing with adrenaline, you were met with cheers and applause from the small but enthusiastic crowd. Lottie and Taylor, your ever-supportive best friends, beaming with excitement.

“(Y/N), you were absolutely stunning out there!" Lottie exclaimed, pulling you into a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Seriously, (Y/N), that was incredible," Taylor chimed in, her voice filled with genuine admiration. "You absolutely smashed it!"

You smiled at your friends, feeling grateful for their constant support. Together, you moved through the crowd, settling into a cozy booth.

The air was filled with the scent of beer and the sound of people chatting and clinking glasses. Laughter and shared memories filled the air, recalling inside jokes and cherished memories.

They skillfully avoided mentioning Noah though, as they were fuming with him for how he had broken their best friend down to a shadow of herself. 

You were thankful for them, as they had been there since the start, helping you through the heartbreak.

As the night went on and the drinks kept coming, you got lost in the fun with your friends, forgetting about time and how much you had to drink. But just when you were starting to relax and enjoy the moment, you felt someone looking at you.

You turned around and saw Noah, his expression hard to figure out but somehow familiar. And in that quick moment, it was just the two of you, silently looking at each other. Everything else around you disappearing.

To be continued.

#noah sebastian #nick folio #nicholas ruffilo #jolly karlsson #bad omens #angst #light angst #fluff #bad omens fan fic #bad omens fic #fan fic #fan fiction #fanfic #fandom

[scarqn]

Stranger || Vernon

Vernon x f!reader

Genre:fluff, nonidol!vernon, smau

Summary: you come home from a vacation to a random stranger in your bed, or maybe he isn't so much of a stranger after all...

Warnings: swearing (mostly f!reader lol sos), a lil but of angst & mental health mentions, hella serious anger issues(f! reader), mentions of sexual activity, very much kissing, mentions of food/pics of food:) TALK ABOUT CAR CRASH‼️

A/N: HEY sorry I’ve been gone all week I’m back at school and it’s exam time especially next week so I might be even more inactive (only since I wanna do good on these exams for the bigger ones) but I’ll try myself best. But I’ve always been away this week bc I’ve had no motivation at all and it’s been pretty tuff for me in general. But I hope I can do better in the future. So please forgive me for the long wait for part 4🙏🏼😰 anyways hope you enjoy❤️

Vernon makes his way to your bedroom, he wants to ask about your knee and what happened, but he feels like it may be a sensitive topic to you. So, he just asks if you needed anything else be he heads out. “No I’m okay, thank you though, it means a lot.” You reply. He nods and you get suspicious that he wants to ask you something else.

He slightly glances to your knee and now you know he’s wanting to ask what happened. “I was in an accident.” You say. Vernons head jerks up and he mutters out a single, “Oh.” It was unexpected, he didn’t know, “I’m sorry, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.” He’s genuine, that’s what you like the most about him. He’s honest and kind and somehow doesn’t make small things into bigger things.

“No it’s okay, I can talk about it. I ended up tearing my ACL severely. I almost lost my ability to walk, I try my best to be as careful and even though I’ve been cleared for weeks now, I dont it just stresses me out. I hit my knee and I immediately think of the worst thing possible.” You let out a small chuckle at the end.

“It happened in the states, I was staying with my mom for a little. For about three weeks, then me and my brother got into an accident after I picked him up from the gym. My mom didn’t want me to come back to Korea until I was cleared. That’s why I was gone for so long and the only people know is Mingyu and Minghao and well, now you.”

“Oh,” it’s the only thing Vernon seems to let out, he’s shocked and doesn’t know what to say. “Are you okay?” He asks, you simply nod and say, “Yes, no one was killed. My brother did experience a little bit of brain damage but he’s okay now. And so am I so please don’t worry about me. I had enough of that when it came to Mingyu and Hao.” You laugh.

“Well aslong as you’re okay, then so am I. I’m glad no deaths happened. I’m glad you’re okay, and your brother I don’t know.” You nudge he shoulder softly.

“Mingyu was right about you being a big softy on the inside.” You joke, Vernon’s raises and eyebrow, “Mingyu said that? What else did he say about me?”

“Nothing bad, just a few things he thought I’d need to know before I do something stupid like kicking you out.” You shrug your shoulders. Vernon nods, “Well, I need to get going to I’ll see you later.”

“Okay, I’ll make something when you get back.” You smile at him, he returns the smile and you both bid goodbyes and he leaves.

Once Vernon leaves, you find yourself letting out a big sigh you did notice you were keeping in. At least he now knows what happened to you. You did feel like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders when you told him what happened. Even thought you and your brother are okay, it’s still a sensitive topic. You couldn’t drive for almost 4 months because you was scared. Therapy helped you over coke that though.

“Right,” you say to yourself, “Time for the gym.”

AN: I actually like this one😭🙏🏼

Tags: @dkswife @writingbarnes

(Lmk if you wanna be tagged👊🏻)

#seventeen #chwe hansol #svt #vernon #svtsource #hansol vernon chwe #vernon svt #vernon fic #vernon x reader #vernon fluff #vernon angst #vernon x you #vernon smau #seventeen smau #seventeen fluff #seventeen x y/n #seventeen fanfic #seventeen x reader #kim mingyu #xu minghao

[inthemiddle0feverywhere]

Bad Batch Season 3 Episode 5 (scattered) thoughts and first impressions (ramblings)

Major spoilers under the cut

This one is also very long because mannnnnnn did I love this episode and omg do I have big feelings about it

Also yes I do love each member of tbb but in case it’s not obvious I’m a crosshair girlie. Have been since I first heard his voice in season 7 of tcw so this is gonna be very crosshair centric (because he finally has screen time and more than like 2 speaking lines this season!!)

Lula! 🥰🥰

Is Omega in a supply closet? Whatever better than her barren room at the lab

Ah nope her old “room” the gun turret 🥰🥰

A glimpse of mornings on board the marauder: peaceful boys and caf 🥹 probably only peaceful again now that omega is home

This is Omega’s best look omg the the crocheted vest??? I wanna cosplay her now or actually just wear this outfit fr

At first I was so annoyed they kept crosshair in this ugly ass outfit but I honestly think it’s because even though it’s warm on Pabu he’s always cold because he’s so skinny now (well he always was lean but this is a testament to how much weight he lost as a prisoner) They keep trying to feed him fruit and my man keeps using it as target practice 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I honestly love when they show scenes through like either a scope or helmet visor. Like I really love seeing what they’re seeing. In this case AZI (so happy they took him from Cids bar- sorry “parlor”….it was a dive bar)

He’s so mad at his hand 😭 my poor baby he really should let AZI look at it. What do we think it is? Nerve damage? I imagine it feels tingly like when your foot falls asleep.

I love that Batcher loves him!! Animals know good people. He’s a good man Savannah! 😭😭😭 and he likes Batcher too and anyone that’s kind to animals is ok by me.

Ugh Crosshair teaching Omega about being a sniper 🥰🥰😭🥰😭🥰 one day she’s just gonna pop out with a sick trick shot lmao

Shouldn’t have given him his rifle??? Sir it’s an extension of him, it’s like you gave him back one of his body parts

“Omega trusts him and that’s good enough for me” Wrecker!!! My sweet boy!! Big man and even bigger heart. He’s now kinda caught in the middle he wants to be cool with Crosshair again but doesn’t want to betray Hunter they’ve been through a lot just the 2 of them these past several months. Crosshair and Hunter are like parents in the middle of a divorce 😭

53%???? Fuckkkkkkk way worse than we thought

Echo!!!!! Yay mom came home!

“No hug for me” screaming crying throwing up! 😭😭😭😭😭😭 💔💔💔💔he’s disguising it as sarcasm but he wants it, he wants a hug! SOMEBODY HUG HIM DAMMIT! I volunteer!!! Please

Omega between her 2 dads 🥰 (Though is Crosshair more wine aunt vibes sometimes?) And batcher by Crosshair’s feet of course

Yummmmm I bet Pabu has banging sushi 🍣 Love Wrecker being an unbothered king enjoying his sush🥰

😭😭😭😭😭 Crosshair’s face when Echo mentioned Tech. He knows. He knows he fell or perished (shh no 🤡) trying to save him. They’re twins and he lost his other half and I’m devastated!! 😭

Haaaaa welcome to parenting a teenager Hunter!!!

Are Hunter’s eyes green all of a sudden?

Crosshair being the voice of reason?? I love seeing this side of him. I HC that since he is silent and highly observant he was a voice reason often for the batch. (Can we please get a series of TBB during the clone wars?? Or like when they were cadets or something. We only see them in 4 episodes in tcw and they were just an insane suicide squad who hated regs and didn’t follow orders or have anyone in charge of them like I wanna see their adventures and their dynamic and how they are when they have downtime! Please lucasfilmmmmmm 🙇‍♀️🧎🏼‍♀️)

“I’m older than you are, little brother” 😂😂😂 and she got crosshair to chuckle lol ugh I love their dynamic so much. They are really feeding us rn (please don’t take it away)

Omg he’s so brave bringing them back there! To that freaking ice planet where nothing but trauma happened for Crosshair. I know he probably wished he would never have to go back there again but he knows this will help so he goes anyway

The old armor!!!! Helllllll frickinnnn yeaaaaaa (he’s so hot in armor omg I have a headache)

“Take a guesssssss” 🥵

“He started it” 😂😂 major youngest sibling energy

Mayday’s helmet! 💔💔💔💔 somebody sedate me!! 😭

Why can’t Hunter sense the Wyrm?

TOOTHPICK!!! Wrecker defo kept his toothpicks in the armor case 🥰

Frickin ice vulture always an omen. (Animals seem to really like Crosshair though even the scary ones)

“I know you” 😭 I know Hunter meant it in a “I know you’re sneaky and closed off and I’m expecting the worst from you right now ” but it just hit me harder than that. “I know you”- you’re my brother, the youngest I’ve known you since the day you were born. “I know you- I know there’s more to your silence I know your still waters run way deeper than you let on.” “I’m your brother- I know you talk to me I know you”❤️‍🩹

Oh shitttttt thems are fightin words yes let it out everyone

“I’ll do it! 😁” Wreckerrrr I love you

Hunter’s fast af boi!

Batcher is actually ripped af 💪

Ok petition that Cross doesn’t yell anymore it doesn’t suit him at all lmaoooo

Poor Wrecker yes it’s always ALWAYS a huge monster 😭

“Fantastic” 😂😂😂

Omg this is a roller coaster of emotions! Crosshair being soft with Batcher, the nodding! Ugh nothing like fending off a giant ice wyrm to bring bros back together

He’s so pretty shut up I know his head is shaped like a lightbulb

AAHH THERES THE HUG 🥰

progress 😌

“I thought I was being a good soldier 😔” * *pterodactyl screeching *

Welp Im deceased, fed and nurtured but dead at the same time.

Thank you thank you thank you for these past few episodes. Us Crosshair girlies were really in pain seasons 1 and 2

#star wars #the bad batch #tbb season 3 #the bad batch spoilers #tbb crosshair #tbb omega #tbb season 3 spoilers #tbb #tbb spoilers #the bad batch season 3 #season 3 spoilers #crosshair #omega #Hunter #wrecker #echo #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #tbb echo #rambling #ramblings #episode recap #episode review #episode reaction

[vexingwoman]

Uh not actually here to hate but to say thanks???? Ive been thinking alot on my self expression and trying to figure out how to word it, and seeing some of your comments with other people really helped to put in perspective what I was trying to come to terms with. Ive always struggled with my gender but acknowledge fully that I'm biologically female. (Stay with me here till the end please i know lol) I genuinely dont care what pronouns I'm called either and none have ever felt right if I'm honest and nothing I've read or tried has been adding up for me over the years to help me feel any better.

Kinda realizing over the past year or so that I just have this deep ingrained idea from being surrounded constantly my whole life in a woman hating environment that I just have a *really* heavily masked hatred for what general society treats women as and was trying to remove myself from it hoping itd somehow save me from the terrible shit we all go through daily. And it just made me feel even more alienated doing that to myself. Its been a long time of coming around to this and I know how it sounds but I dont wanna consider any of my time wasted. I dont remember what it was but something you said to someone in a long ass comment fight clicked for me and rn I'm sleep deprived and wont even remember what it was in the morning either but I feel like some kind of weight has been eased off me. Im doing my best to unlearn the sexist misogynistic bs ive had shoved down my throat my whole life that made me think being a woman was something to be shameful of and better off without.

Its been hard trying to look into this radfem community and find someone who didn't immediately just insult and exclude ppl that werent already on the ball agreeing. Basically I appreciate your ranting with strangers. Amd indulging some of their curiousity as clearly as you can+defining everything you say constantly so I dont get lost in a whirlwind of hard to understand metaphors. Idk you get it. Something clicked and i dont feel ashamed for the time gone bc I know it was heavily influenced by the oppression of all things normal-human-womanly around me. I hate that we're all so tied into these stereotypes. Its painfully hard to unlearn. Thanks for the help. Have a fat block of text as thanks cause I'm not sure how to sound as genuine as I feel rn. Have a nice day and an even better tomorrow. Im gonna get some sleep now💀(stayed up WAY too late painting lol) bye!

This is so wonderful to hear. I know how dreadful it is doing serious introspection and making yourself aware of how deeply and unconsciously your internalized sexism runs. I’ve been there, and I know it’s even more difficult to deconstruct the subtle sexist attitudes which have been ingrained into to us since birth. Often it seems as hopeless as chasing smoke, because some of our internalized sexism is so deep that it’s invisible, and worse, inarticulable.

Some women will never think on these subjects beyond their surface level—will never dissect their preferences, will never concede that their choices are influenced by sex-based socialization, will never seriously reflect on why they are so desperate to identify out of womanhood. And in a strange way, I sympathize with these women, because I understand that it’s easier to shut your eyes and convince yourself that you were born in the wrong body than it is to open your eyes and acknowledge how much sexism has seeped into and corrupted our own minds.

Basically, I’m proud of you for putting yourself through the pain of deconstructing your own internalized sexism. You are better for even attempting it, and I hope you continue to do so.

P.S. I know exactly which long-ass comment fight you’re referring to, because I only put myself through that once. At least someone benefited from the literal month I spent arguing with that stranger. They blocked me, so unfortunately I can’t even go back and analyze the conversation if I ever wanted to. I would love to know what you took away from it, if you ever do remember.

#terfblr #radical feminism #terfsafe #radblr #gender critical #radical feminist safe #misogny #sexism #trans logic #gender abolition #answered asks

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

had to put these on hold for a while for personal reasons </3 they're likely to still be infrequent, but in honor of kirb2k!

(my notes would only load back to mid september so I missed a couple weeks sorry :c but be warned that this is a long one! it's 3 entire months' worth!)

also, reminder that kirb2k ends tomorrow!!! preorders, commissions, and auctions will all close at noon pst on sunday december 17th! everything is linked in the pinned post or filed under the tag kirb2k!

first is one more birthday kirb from my friend @sleepy-sheep-wizard:

Realized halfway thru that I don’t know what Kirby looks like off the top of my head, so I got funky with it. Happy birthday, thank you for being a good friend

thank you again friend <3 getting funky with it is truly in the spirit of just drawing a little guy for fun, I love his little hat in particular.

on [mirror] @shapeshifterwithafez said: uuuh is Scherben bringen Glück/ Shards bring luck a universal saying? sounfs clinky as a direct translation. anyways in germany we say that shards of stuff you broke brings luck so I hope the luck finds you or smth sorry for rambling ^^

I'd never heard this saying before, but I think it's very sweet! thank you for sharing it with me :)

on [pipefight] @hauntedppgpaints said: goalies with a skate blade and their stick in hand

big hockey vibes for real yeah lol

on [pink] @gaydiation-poisoning said: ...I wanna eat that pink

honestly same, it's sooo pleasing

on [rain] @hive-heart said: Everything alright, daily kirby guy?

not really but sitting by the window in the rain is a good thing lol thanks for asking <3

(also the person who tagged that same post myhouse.wad made me laugh)

on [photo] @ceylonsilvergirl [added] a picture of their cat and said: get adored idiot!! see the hate in her eyes? I’ll make her love me yet!!

me @ my partner's cat

@violet-dragongirl said: oh! I have been meaning to ask! Have you played Kirby and The Forgotten Lands? I assume you did but just wanted to say that I did about a week ago and I loved it and thought of your art! ^.^ And if you haven't, yes, Carby is super adorable and amazing :3

I have! I got it very shortly after it came out, I had a really good time with it. I've been slowly replaying it recently with my partner, they were kind of fond of kirby just by proxy but since we started playing they adore bandee now and say he never gets enough screen time XD I'm glad you also had fun!

on [mice] @ceylonsilvergirl said: girls like swarms of things, right?

idk bro my wife wasn't so big on it when I got a gig housing 30 mice, but maybe she's weird. I liked them. (sadly one of the best paying jobs I've ever had up until the owner lost it and abandoned them with me, yes I still took care of them for the rest of their little lives) (and yes I also got my wife's okay before I took them on in the first place)

on [covid] @mordantivore said: reading posts from when the era of covid safety was declared anathema and ended is haunting. we were so desperate to find ppl willing to help us stay alive. there are fewer of us now bc “allies” are worthless & more of us have died

yeah. fuck. I'm lucky that the people in closest proximity to me are at least moderately careful, but me and my wife and partner are usually the only ones wearing masks anywhere we go except sometimes the employees and I know they don't always wear them when they're out without me.

on [swim] @northeasternwind said: Jdjdjfkg imagining Kirby being way more bouyant than your average human so them gotta exhale REAL HARD or attach nega-floaties (sinkies?) like weights to dive

lol yeah they probably gotta try So Hard to actually get under the water. (I think diving weights/ballast is a thing that humans use too? I've never gone diving, having my face underwater stresses me out -n- )

on [float] @nickiemoot said: he has to go now. his planet needs him. *slide whistle*

I can only hear this as that one similar part from one of the asdfmovies, it delights me

@vampiricarus said: if you see this just know i love your art so much

aww thank you! <3

anonymous said: just wanted to say I love Kirby and I love your art! I’m always excited to see it on my dash. thank you for bringing a little joy to my life :) I need it once in a while like I’m sure a lot of others do too! Keep up the good work :))

thank you! drawing a little guy brings me a little joy too, I'm glad it can do the same for others <3

on [drain] @ceylonsilvergirl said: I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. Existing is hard work sometimes. A lot of the time

fuck dude it sure is <3 especially when my body keeps trying to shut down lol

on [mud] @why-are-all-the-fun-urls-taken said: Hey man are u doing ok

I am not, thanks for asking <3

on [tummyache] @hobgirl said: :o kirby the gorb why would you do that!!!!! why!!!!!

I didn't want it to go to waste!!! everyone is dumb sometimes!!!

on [wizard] @eau-the-agony said: not enough appreciation in the wizarding world for garlic salt spell. its all kung pow penis tgis and ketamine ape that. not enough of the small joys which carry us through the horrors like a dinky garbage raft

you are so right. the small joys are the most powerful of all.

on [wizard] @beepbeepdespair said: somehow didnt know garlic salt was a thing until this moment. now i really want some. i think i just found a kg of it online for 12 quid??

I am so pleased that you now have the knowledge of Garlic Salt Spell, I hope you got to try it out for yourself :D

on [zelda] @chaos-squared said: Good job!! I’ve had it for longer yet still haven’t completed it ;w;

nothing wrong with that! I only finished it as quickly and thoroughly as I did because I was basically bedridden for all of october, as long as you enjoy the time you do spend with a game it doesn't really matter how much time you spend or how far you get.

on [brave] @gudetamalover said: me tomorrow afternoon when I get all four wisdom teeth out

I'd already had several other oral surgeries on account of Weird Teeth before I got my wisdom teeth out but it still knocked me on my ass for a couple days, I hope your recovery went as smooth as possible! (altho that was also like. 15 years ago. and general anesthesia has gotten a lot better since then.)

on [shiny] @angst-and-fajitas said: Like to slap his bald head reblog to slap his bald head

bald! bald! bald! bald!

on [powerwash] @chronicdilf said: decemberb 16 im goign to walk across the damn stage get my damn diploma folder im going to go home and POWERWASHER SIMULATOR JUST LIKE KIRBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah!!! you're gonna do it!!! you might be doing it right now even!!!

on [cooked] @hobgirl said: oh mood kirby..... struggling with the very last paper i need to write before i can graduate and its got me feeling this way fr

ough, I hope you made it through your paper! lots of people graduating tho that's so cool, congrats to both of you!

on [bears] @jupiterlandings said: I get so happy every time I see Cake and the name Cake being tagged :)

it's such a good name for a bear, I'm grateful you thought of it!! especially given the best I could do for the other one was "kirbear" lol

@violet-dragongirl said: omg seeing that Fav Grobs Post you recently put up makes me so happy! over a thousand (and then some!) GORBS?! :D I'm not only impressed but so proud ya made it this far and I'm so glad you got possibly more to go of Kirby!! :D!! Really great job 🥰🥰

thank you! I'm gonna hit 2000 days of drawing kirby tomorrow, that's so wild!

on [popular] @timeturner-jay said: Op your Kirby art brings so much utter joy you have no idea <3

yay I'm glad <3 I love to draw a little guy, it's good I'm not the only one having fun lol

I got a lot of "good blaze op" on the [macarena], and you're all correct, thank you for recognizing my great decision making B) (I'd been meaning to add the music and blaze it from basically the moment I drew it, I've just been really sick so it took a while.)

(also even if I don't always gather them in the roundup there are names I recognize showing up repeatedly in the tags, some of whom have been here for years, and I'm always glad to see you're still around!)

#text #title text #long post #readmore #reply roundup #asks answered #kirb2k #swearing #coronavirus #sleepy-sheep-wizard #not my art #shapeshifterwithafez #hauntedppgpaints #gaydiation-poisoning #hive-heart #ceylonsilvergirl #violet-dragongirl #mordantivore #northeasternwind #nickiemoot #vampiricarus #anonymous #why-are-all-the-fun-urls-taken #hobgirl #eau-the-agony #beepbeepdespair #chaos-squared #gudetamalover #angst-and-fajitas #chronicdilf

[httpiastri]

I just really need to give Paul a blow job

He deserves it, he's earned it, I need to feel him buck his hips, accidentally making me take more of him

The weight of him on my tongue and his hands in my hair. He just deserves some shloppy toppy and BJ's are so fun.

I could go on and I shouldn't-🙈🙈🙈

oh bestie you're definitely welcome to go on 🤭 never hold back <3

18+ belowwww (and in the ask lol but that's too late now)

he definitely definitely deserves it!! hes been so good recently and he's worked so hard, he deserves a treat 😚😚 hmmm im thinking about him with a hand on your jaw, his thumb swiping along your cheek to comfort you and ease you because he knows blowjobs are not always the most pleasurable thing to give. and im thinking about his raspy voice telling you how good it feels, praising you, throwing his head back because it feels so good…

i kinda see paul as someone who would wanna be like gentle with it because as i said before, he respects that it might not be your favorite thing to do. so he starts off slowly and gently, but i think he easily would get lost in the feeling. when his arousal picks up, the hand on your cheek would slide to the back of your head and into your hair to guide you… slightly pulling on your hair, gentle thrusts because he wants to feel all of you…. he can't control it, it just happens, you're just too good for him, making him go crazy 😵‍💫

and ive also been thinking about like…. we've discussed before how he might have a liiiiiiittle bit of a sub streak and also that last anon talking about him whining….. so before you actually take him in, im thinking about teasing him 🫠 kissing his tip, little licks around the shaft, brushing your fingers along him until he's all needy and whiny 🫠 practically begging for you to just blow him already……..

#not usually into them but for paul? anything #🫶🫶🫶 #asks! #anon! #paul thoughts

[sillybruja]

keep reading if you wanna know about the craziest liar and well known spn roleplayer I've met on tumblr

I will never forget being on tumblr from 2011 - 2015 and being in the supernatural role playing community. It was both one of the best, and worst experiences of my entire life. I role played as Dean Winchester (and actually my page is still up, and I might start up again) and had a fairly large following.

during 2011, the SPN rp community just started growing so I, among a few of my mun friends, were like the "It girls and guys". It's so insane to think about it now, 10+ years later. There were people out there who did not roleplay that would follow me, and reblog my threads just because they appreciated by writing ^.^ it was so sweet. Back to my memory lol.

Anyways, I made friends with a rper on here who ran a Castiel account. We very obviously shipped Dean & Cas, and so did a lot of people. People even shipped us xD we had a ship name and everything. This person became my best friend in real time.

I really really thought I knew this person. He told me everything, every part of his life, every heart break from some dumb guy, every accident he's ever made, etc. I saw him as not only a best friend but a brother.

around 2013, my life took a turn -- things got more serious for me, and I fell off from roleplaying for a bit, and we lost contact. I remember he just eventually stopped responding to my messages. This wasn't okay for me because before he ghosted me, he told me he was really sick. I was always worried that the last text I sent him was the last I'd ever hear from him.

Eventually he did respond to me, and I remember him saying, "I'm fine, I might just be gone for a while. It's not your fault" and that was that. Mind you, I was 10+ years younger, and I really felt devastated.

Several months later, I logged back onto my roleplaying account. I remember being spammed with asks and messages about him. One of our mutuals sent me a message saying he had passed away a month prior. She showed me the go fund me that was started for him to cover his funeral expenses. My heart was shattered.

The next year was spent of thinking about him almost every day. I felt so sorry that things ended the way they did, and that he was gone. I honestly felt grief that entire year.

In 2015, I get this intuitive 'nudge' to check my tumblr again. This time when I log in, I see appreciation posts about him, and all of those feelings come back. I remember trying to get back into rping in honor of him, and I remember coming across an account that seemed awfully familiar.

This was another castiel account, almost identical in text, aesthetic, vocabulary, even same psds. I just knew it was him. I can't tell you how, I just did. I remember thinking I was crazy and that this was grief... but, unfortunately, I was right.

Eventually, I gathered the nerve to reach out to this account. I cannot remember the name they gave me. But I talked to them, and I sort of played detective lol.

I deeply knew it was him and felt like it was so wrong that he lied about everything, had everyone upset, and took HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS from people who donated for his funeral.

One day, I was just tired of being nice. I approached him about it all. Of course he denied it. I badgered him about it though, and I even told him that what he is doing is illegal, and that he owes it to people who are mourning a very much alive person.

I didn't stop until he came forward.

He said, "I'm sorry, I had to do this to be with my boyfriend" and my jaw was on the freaking floor.

I told him to come forward, or I will have to do something about this.

Of course, he did not. Instead, he deleted his account. I tried to make a claim against him, but it was never looked into.

I will never forget that.

and if he's still out there, I hope he actually understands the weight of his actions. and I hope justice gets served.

#erys ramblings #this was crazy #i really got traumatized from this #supernatural #spn #spn rp #supernatural roleplay #roleplay #rpg #roleplayer #roleplayers #roleplay blog #rp community #2012 rp #dean winchest #cas #castiel

[letitiaslabyrinth]

GRIEF

warnings: grief, family death, angst

word count: 1175

A/N: this is exactly after Ramonda's death. Shuri never became black Panther and never fought Namor. no header for this one cause i really dont have the time lol. and ik i've been gone for a few days but my phone literally shut off on me and it still hasn't turned on so i gotta use my computer for now.

After Ramonda's death, Shuri had distanced herself from the world. She didn't show up when Riri had tried to get her out of the palace with an invite to Chicago. She didn't celebrate her mother's birthday as its day got closer and closer, she didn't celebrate T'Chala's nor her father's. She stayed in her room all day. She barely ate, if she even did, and people around started to notice. 

Okoye and Aneka were the first two to try and help Shuri through her depression. They tried bringing her food and drinks but when they would come back, said food items would be the same way they left them. They tried bringing her games she could play but, again, she didn't use them. Their last attempt was to spend time with her, but that didn't work either. That was the first time in months that Okoye and Aneka had heard Shuri's voice and it was to tell them to get out. Of course they didn't give up at first but when Shuri started locking her door, they really didn't have a choice but to stay out.

The second person was Nakia. Trying to reach out and help Shuri was more difficult for her since she had moved back to Haiti to be with Toussaint. Shuri answered Nakia's call once to keep her from worrying but that didn't work seeing as how she didn't answer any more calls. Nakia ended up having to reach out to Okoye to check in Shuri but when they were both shut out, they gave up.

Shuri hears footsteps outside her room door before the person knocks. She doesn't answer them and they can't get in since her doors locked.

"Shuri?" 

Shuri sits up slowly. She breathes in deeply and unlocks the door. "Why're you here?" Her voice is low and raspy, surprising both of them. It had been a while since Shuri had actually said something out loud.

"I heard you weren't doing so good so I came to check on you," Riri says. She's worried. Shuri can see it all over her face and hear it in her voice but she doesn’t want to be a burden.

"I'm fine, Riri." 

Riri stays silent for a minute and looks at Shuri. She’s lost weight. A lot of weight. She's wearing sweatpants and a hoodie but you can tell by the way it hangs off her body.

"Let me help you." Riri holds out her hand. Shuri blinks before taking it, opening her door and letting Riri lead her into her bathroom. She sits Shuri down on the toilet seat while she starts the bath, making sure the water wasn’t too cold or too hot. "Do you want me to help you or should I leave?"

Shuri shakes her head. "Don't leave, please."

Riri nods and gets Shuri to stand up. "Put your hands up for me." She helps Shuri out of her hoodie and sweats and slowly sits her down into the water. 

Shuri holds her legs to her chest while Riri washes her back, neck, and sides. "Shuri, I need you to let go of yourself for me. I need to wash the rest of you." And she does. Riri washes her hair last before rinsing her body and helping her stand so she could be dried. She walks Shuri to her bedroom and sits her on the bed. "Anything specific you wanna wear?"

"Doesn't matter," Shuri says, her voice quiet.

After Shuri changes, Riri helps her to the living room and helps her sit down while she tries to make something for Shuri to eat. There wasn't much to choose from, seeing as how everything that was in the cabinets were either expired or close to it. Riri took out a box of Ziti Pasta and checked the fridge for any milk. She smelled it to make sure it wasn't spoiled and took it out.

"Shuri, I'm gonna make you pasta, alright? That sound good?" she doesn't get an answer back but she knows she was heard.

Riri brings two plates to the coffee table in front of Shuri. The TV's on and much to Riri's surprise, Shuri's awake. 

"You think you'll be able to eat?"Riri hands Shuri her plate.

"Doesn't hurt to try." She shrugs and picks up her fork. She’s still tired but she tries her best to give Riri a friendly smile as a show of gratitude.

It had been a few weeks since Riri's first visit and things had been looking up for Shuri since she let herself be taken care of. There were days when Shuri would feel proud of herself for the amount of progress she's made but then there were times—days, sometimes even weeks, where something would trigger about her family and she'd go back to her depressive state of mind and the progress she and Riri had been proud of would be gone.

It was tough on Shuri to actually let herself heal. It took so much out of her not to break down whenever she left her apartment for a meeting with the council. At first whenever she went into the throne room, memories of what happened to her Mother and Riri would come crashing into her brain but with Riri by her side now to keep her level-headed, she stopped thinking about it when it came down to business. Of course she couldn’t just forget how her Mother died and how she couldn’t do anything but watch but she knew she had been in hiding for far too long and the last thing she wanted people to say about her is that she was weak.

Sometimes, Shuri would go days without sleeping and not even realize until Riri made it known to her. For Shuri the days blurred together. Sure, she saw when the sun rose and went down but that didn’t mean she would get tired. She would either spend her days in the lab or in her bedroom listening to music and rocking herself side to side in comfort. Shuri had tried her best to make sure she didn’t get trapped in her bed again. She knew how hard it was when everything first started and to have to go through all of that again wasn’t something she wanted. 

Shuri was 21 when her Mother died. She’s 24 now and she’s still making it one step at a time. She’s healthy, she’s in therapy and has been for the past few months since she realized that she hasn’t been making any mental progress since Riri started helping her. 

Shuri let M’Baku take the throne and become the black panther so she could focus on herself. She needed to heal fully. She knew that. She knew she couldn’t do that if her focus was on her country and fighting and everything else beside her peace of mind.

#black panther wakanda forever #black panther #angst #shuri angst #shuri #princess shuri #shuri udaku #letitiaslabyrinth

[eminems-skittles]

HI CASSSS MY LOVEE CONGRATS ON 500 <333

okay here's what i be thinking LOL: for rooster, dialogues 10, 11, 12, 15, 20, and scenario 1, if ur picking up what im putting down LMAO. maybe friends to lovers vibe

(also no pressure at all to use all the dialogues just the general ~vibes~ from them is what i was going for LMFAO ily CONGRATS AGAIN)

500 follower event

pairings: rooster x fem!reader warnings: uhhh plane crash; vague injuries; hospitals; god awful writing reader's call sign is raptor because that's what hj wanted

dialogue prompts 10-“I almost lost you.” 11- “Wanna bet?” 12-“Don’t you ever do that again!” 15- “You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.” 20- "you feel like home to me." scenario 1- hugs that last a little longer than they should

for hj my beloved <3

it was supposed to be a routine fly. y/n and rooster were just doing a practice before the actual mission when her engine started failing. the loud blaring of the alarm filled her ears as she looked around desperately.

"rooster, we have an issue," she rushed out, fussing with the controls. they were both flying solo to test out the training course. rooster was ahead of y/n, leading the way through the course.

"what is it?" he tried to look back at her jet but failed. he waited for her response but couldn't hear anything except the faint blare of the alarm. "talk to me, raptor. what's happening?"

"right engine failed," she shouted. "left engine failure. nothing is working. rooster-"

her comm cut out and all rooster could hear was the deafening silence mingling with the loud roar of the engine, both equally loud in his ear. "raptor!? talk to me!"

he saw a bright orange flash reflect on the glass before he heard hondo's voice in his ear, "raptor's down. rooster keep flying. do not turn back. that is an order. "

"i have to go back, i can't just leave her here," rooster shouted.

"listen, bradshaw, if you turn back you will be grounded. we are sending a search and rescue team," cyclone demanded. "fly back now."

rooster cursed, hitting his hand on his leg before flying back to the base. as soon as he was cleared to, he was out of the plane running to the rest of his team.

"did they find her yet?" he was out of breath, worry was wracking his whole body. "did she eject from the plane or was she in it?"

"she ejected. they are bringing her back right now," bob said, placing a hand on rooster's shoulder to offer some comfort.

the team sat with bated breath, waiting for their teammate to return safely. it felt like a huge weight was lifted from their shoulders when they heard the whirring of the blades. soon the helicopter was landed and before he could even comprehend what was happening, rooster was sprinting right for it.

the search and rescue crew was lowering a gurney to the asphalt as rooster was approaching. his heart broke at the sight. y/n wasn't too injured but she wasn't awake and there was a giant cut on her cheek as well as a few bloodstained rips scattered about her flight suit. the emts started pushing the gurney, breaking out into a run. rooster held onto the side of it, running alongside everyone else.

hours later, rooster sat impatiently in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the hallway with a bag of his clothes at his feet. his knee was bouncing up and down, up and down, as his fingers tapped his thigh anxiously.

"you can go in now. she's still sleeping and she could be out for the next few hours, just to let you know," the on call nurse told him.

before he could even blink, rooster was out of his seat and walking into the small hospital room. he pulled up a chair and grabbed y/n's hand once he sat down. she looked so small and delicate in the hospital bed. he knew there was nothing to worry about, the doctor had said the wounds were superficial and there would be no long term injury or complications. however, it did not bring him any comfort to see her laying in the hospital bed. it was something he never ever wanted to see.

"hey raptor," he whispered, his voice hoarse and low. his thumb traced the back of her hand. "i know the doctors said you're fine but you need to wake up because i can't do this without you. i...i just need you to wake up okay? i need to know you're actually okay."

the room was filled with silence, with the exception of y/n's breathing and the several monitors she was hooked up to. rooster sat waiting patiently for maybe thirty minutes before he felt a shift in his hand. his eyes darted right to y/n's face, jumping slightly when they landed on y/n's open eyes.

"hi darling," he whispered to her.

"hey," she coughed out, her mouth dry from not talking for so long. she looked around, panic in her eyes as she took in her surroundings. "where am i? what happened?"

"you're in the hospital. your engines failed and you had to eject. you took quite a tumble when you landed, but you're okay,"he explained, taking a breath before continuing, "really scared me there, baby. don't you ever do that again." his hand reached up to brush her hair back. he smiled as you leaned into his touch. "how're you feeling?"

"tired. sore." she closed her eyes for a second, leaning back against her pillow. when she looked back at him, she saw the fear in his eyes. "why are you looking at me like that? i'm okay, brad. i'm okay."

"it's just...i almost lost you, y/n. i don't know what i'd do without you, i really don't," his voice was thick with emotion. he looked away, his eyes filled with unshed tears. "you feel like home to me. i don't know how i could go on if something happened to you. i'm just so, so glad you're safe. and i know we are just friends but today made me realize that i don't want anything to happen to either of us before i tell you how i feel. i love you, y/n. so much."

"oh, bradley," y/n sighed, her eyes filling up with tears. she squeezed his hand tightly in hers. "i love you too."

rooster beamed at y/n, letting a few tears roll down his face.

"ahem," the cough startled the pair causing the two of them to jump. cyclone was stood in the door. "raptor, the doctor said you're cleared to go but no flying for a few days."

the announcement that she could leave brought a smile to both y/n and rooster's faces. rooster helped her change into the clothes he had brought for her, a sweatshirt and a pair of his old sweatpants, clothes she often borrowed when she would crash at his apartment.

once she was dressed, rooster was pulling her into his arms as gently as he could. she reciprocated, hugging him tightly. rooster brushed his fingers down her spine. y/n stepped back after a second, or at least she attempted to before rooster was yanking her back against him.

“we can’t stay here all day, brad,” she whined.

"i can. wanna bet?" he said with a smirk.

"whatever, let's go," she said while pulling him out of the room and linking their hands together.

=======

taglist @alexxavicry

#cassie's 500 event #cassie's masterlist #{ writing } #masterlist #bradley rooster bradshaw x reader #rooster x reader #bradley bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #{ top gun: maverick } #{ bradley 'rooster' bradshaw } #top gun x reader #top gun maverick #100

[brucespringsteen]

Hi, do you have any beginner tips for lifting/getting into the gym? I no longer want to be a scrawny waifish butch and instead wanna be able to pick up my gf and look like mid 80s Bruce… If you’re comfortable talking about it I’d love to hear if you have any tips… I’ve been researching and have learned that diet is a huge part in building muscle but as far as the gym goes I’m lost… I’m honestly mostly just nervous because I have no clue where to start and don’t want some dude to help me (nothing wrong honest help I’m just shy and get embarrassed)… Thank you!!!

hi king 🤝🏻

im so happy 2 talk about this cos im in my musclebound era again

disclaimer what i know is a mix of what i learned from my dad and reddit threads LOL and my own trial and error. weightlifting really is the gayass journey of all time 💪🏼😋

first gonna keep it real with u ive lost a lot of muscle mass from stupid life events n being sad lol but im actually getting back into a routine for the first time in over a year. so i haven't properly lifted anything heavier than the 15lbs dumbells i got at home 😂 when i was once able to press more than my weight ✊🏼😔 BUT form is so much more important than lifting heavy. u will get better results lifting at a weight that you can control and build up lifting heavier over time 👍🏼 which i can go more in depth about how to do that. good form is so sexy and makes u feel and look so badass

u might find more eloquent lifters out there who talk about the mind and muscle connection and visualization. it's really cool stuff that connects practicing mindfulness as u workout which is what makes weightlifting so meditative to me. this will also help u maintain good form and i think nourishes a healthy mindset toward working out/yourself in general

n you are definitely right about diet playing a huge part. don't worry about bulking/cutting when ur first starting out, most important thing is making sure you're getting enough protein. if u are iron deficient i would look into taking a supplement! dont know all the science but iron keeps ur oxygen flowing better, so your stamina can be down if ur iron count is low. my mindset about diet is the simpler the better and u should never be miserable lol. i will never give up beer & pizza & a good time 🫡

second most important thing is sleep. make sure u get enough.

1. back/shoulders and biceps

going to the gym can be a little scary, but that's where having a routine helps so much 🧑‍💻doing one of those dynamic workout routines u find on an instagram reel every now and then can be fun and i recommend it. BUT doing a random workout Everytime u workout will make it difficult to see results. doing the same workouts is how u can see ur progression better and focus on good form. im talking about learning the basics of benching, squatting, and deadlifting. 😜✌🏼

if u can, i would aim a routine of 3-4 times a week. I kept it like this:

2. leg day and abs

3. chest and triceps

what helped in staying consistent w going to the gym was having a set time where i would go. ritualistic

4th extra day: fun cardio like interval training or boxing. OR if i was feeling like i just needed a chill day a slow incline walk on treadmill/outside😊 then do some really intense stretching/foam rolling

here is an example of a chest/tris day

The 3 "T's" stand for tiers starting with the most difficult exercises, so I could use most of the energy I have on it.

To elaborate further on how to see progress: say this week you're able to bench press 60lbs. Next week you try 70lbs on your last rep and it's kinda hard. The third week, you bench 60lbs again, and it feels a little easier now. The fourth week, you're benching 70lbs on your last two sets. By the fifth week, you find you're able to do your entire workout with 70! Etc repeat etc

when i first started i kept one of those tiny composition books w different workouts and id also keep track of how much i was lifting when i reached a new pr/mile time/etc. u can also just keep this in ur notes app. but i found having the paper in front of me was more efficient than continuously looking at my phone and fighting the urge to check apps in between sets lol. also if i was getting texts id have No Idea which just helped me reinforce the gym was Me Time

before u buy into a gym membership tho, take advantage if they have a free trial. u can find what time is least busy/if the vibe fits for u.

another tip. put a photo 1985 bruce on ur wall trust me this will help.

I can go more indepth about specific workouts or if u got other questions, lmk!

U got this!

[thatkdpoh]

Introduction i think?

Ok so I’ve been like really excited to do this I don’t know why but this is I think controversy? I don’t know how controversy works but this is how it happened.

I am 12 yrs old, My height is 5,1 and holy shit wanna kms but I am 130 pounds. This will flucate and idk how to spell it but it’s like a line with a dot in the front or end and it goes left to right so I flucate to 130 to 140 I hate that.

How I know about ED/Backstory/rant (cringy ik sorry :c :

I was always a fat kid and I’ve hated it, I understand that I didn’t care about my weight but when I was like what 8 to 9 whenever my dad would say cow to me in taqvaylit I don’t know how to write it but I know something’s like amcic or tizizwith or afkroune which is cat, bee and turtle in that order. I would feel self conscious and sometimes cry to because I’m very sensitive which is like cringy i know lol. My heaviest had to been this year like 140 pounds but I think it was water weight and shit. Anyways my mom tried to get me to fast and she would force me or smth maybe not force but like tried to get me to lose weight. She’d say it directly and it would always make me feel bad but like I understand being 130 for like 8 yrs or 9 to 12 is very heavy and embarrassing considering I always saw kids would be more skinner than me I’d feel very bad. Until recently like last year in 6th grade I was reading fanfics of a human au of TMNT i didnt know what ED’s were so when it showed up the word bulimia I thought it meant bullshit but it didn’t sound right so I searched it up and saw the symptoms that’s when I also learned about anorexia and pica etc. When I saw the symptoms I started copying them now this is the part that I think is controversy I copied the symptoms which I know was bad but I was fucking lazy and still am couldn’t do a workout for the life of me or restrict food, I was used to eating a lot and when I saw the symptoms I copied them and they worked!! I loved it and then the minute I knew how to starve myself, I actually don’t know how to continue with that but I didn’t know how much of a deeper hole I got into but I really loved it and still do EMBARRASING. I did do exercise I did like 100 sit ups a day which did nothing but it did make my body ache and stopped, 5th grade was the worst out of all my grades for now but 6th might be second but it wasn’t that bad just a lot of crying and seeing how fat I am made me cry that’s it. Now if I don’t starve at all or try too I would feel like shit. In 6th grade I also saw that purging was a symptom so I made myself throw up but only if I ate way to fucking much and I’m so bloated it hurts and I can’t take the pressure so I throw up just to take off a little pressure and go back but then I’d feel sick which sucked :C. When Ramandan came though I was A BEAST not an actual beast but like it was my oppertuinity to fast without anyone questioning because I live in a studio apartment with 5 other people that are my family >_<. Obviously with my blabber mouth which I hate told everything to my mom but I think she thinks that I’m ok now :D. Any way I’d only eat 5 tablespoons of soup every night and I was very tired and I lost 6 pounds!! Which isn’t a lot but I made it to 124 pounds!! But then I gained it all back in summer break, cried, tried to fast for 3 days but fainted on the 36 hour?? I’m not sure because when I stopped the fast because my mom told me to eat and spoiler alert I cried cause I have little bitchitas if u know Kubz scouts u know. I paused at the 38 hour so like 36 is my highest to fast which is embarrassing again. ANYWAY NOW IM IN 7TH GRADE STUGGLIJG EITH THIS THINGY :]] I sound like those I guess I deserve it heh thing but like no I’m not seriously I just wanted to be silly. Anyway I’m gonna try that ABC diet which I think seems kind of mid to hard but I think fitnesspal would help me with it <33

BYE EVERYONE HAVE A GREAT DAY OR NIGHT HAVE A GREAT THANKSGIVING SND MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! :33

#i need to lose so much weight #thinner is better #@na tips #@tw edd #ed bullshit #th1nsp1ration #thigh g4p #tw ed but not sheeran #@na vent #4ana #proana. #pro a4a #ana dairy #ana rant #tw ana diary #tw ana trigger

[tired-reader-writer]

Arslan Senki Reread

Guess who's rereading ArSen from the start again? That's right, 'tis me!!

How many times has it been?

I love ArSen too much to give a shit, really.

Anyways anyways, I'll just be documenting the little tidbits that catch my eye.

Kharlan's face, lol. He's like, “dude, you're still at it??”

Have I not seen you before— oh.

Went to check and yep, tis the same guy. (screencap taken from chapter 7)

...should I start keeping an eye out for unnamed background characters to see if they're recurring? I can't say I'm not tempted...

Ooooh so palace servant uniforms do have embellishments! Interesting!

Don't his helmet looonlike a bird here? I wonder if it's reference to anything, just as I wonder about Bahman's family seal. Hm.

The inside of Andragoras' tent! Reading Otoyomegatari gave me a newfound appreciation of these things so... here, have it. It could be writing reference!

Smol and somft. Man. Contrast this to Daryun in chapter 120.

Get you a man who can do both.

Just putting this here for reference.

Reading the first battle of Atropatene after chapter 121 just. Gives it all a new sort of weight— not that it wasn't horrific the first time around, but the half-decayed corpses in the pit from chapter 121 really really got to me. They emphasized the horror even more and looking at the battle now, I'm surprised the ones who fell in the pit still have any corpse to decay after... that. It's also entirely possible that the bodies of those who died outside the pit also got thrown in there.

The fact that they're brought up again in such a manner after all this time... Arakawa refuses to let them be just the backstory or inciting incident. Human lives lost, and they will be remembered. That's the sort of feel I got from all that. Damn effective at utilizing them and this event, Arakawa. Good job.

Moving on from that, though—

Ha! Kubard and Daryun casually chatting in the midst of a deadly battle goes way, way back! Reminds me of that one fanart of younger Kubard, Kishward, and Daryun sitting by a fire at night— in armor so they must've been on a campaign— that I saw way back.

Reached the image limit, I'm still like halfway through chapter 3, that'll be it for the post.

Actually, if y'all want, let's do a read-along! You guys can bring up stuff that you wanna talk about too.

#arslan senki #the heroic legend of arslan #heroic legend of arslan #arslan senki reread #kubard #kharlan #vahriz #daryun

[tinnifast]

Food log, 11/4: protein shake (500), chicken and egg sandwich (500), steamed rice + grilled chicken (500)

Had to eat really high yesterday because I was with my partner and she’s hellbent on stuffing me with food to help me recover from my sinus infection, but thankfully I was able to purge all of this via-vomiting, minus the shake and of course my meds that I’m on for my infection.

Rn it’s past noon and I haven’t eaten but I’m about to have a lemonade slushie from sonic. We got it yesterday but I froze it to save it for today. Hoping to have just that and some lowcal soup for the day but I’ll let y’all know how that goes come tomorrow- today sonic is having a sale on their shakes and I won’t be surprised if my partner peer pressures me into getting one with her 🤭

TMI, haven’t pooped in a while so gonna use some laxatives and I’m kinda hoping that leads to a big drop in the next couple days. I wanna be at 160 by the end of the month and despite me having been sick and everything I’m actually feeling super motivated.

Speaking of- my partner went to grab breakfast for herself this morning so I actually got to weigh in since she was gone! 167.0! That’s the least I’ve weighed since this relapse started, and I’m really excited about it. I was hoping to be under 167.0 by Monday and now it looks like I may actually get there.

Only issue is I have a doctor’s appointment Tuesday where I know they’re going to weigh me and if they see I’ve lost like 10 pounds since the last appointment in October, there’s going to be questions. I’m going to experiment with layering clothes and seeing how much weight that puts on according to the scale at home. If that mixed with drinking a ton of fluids doesn’t help, I pre-purchased ankle weights in anticipation for this that I can just try and wear under loose pants. I’ll let y’all know how that clownery works out 😂

I’m feeling a lot better since my hospital visit but I’m still really congested so I’m using that as an excuse not to have dairy/milk/anything too fatty while I’m with my partner today.

Last thing; a tip for any of y’all who struggle with stomach acid build up or acid reflux bc of your eating, try Pepcid! It’s over the counter and has been working really well for me lately to manage my hunger-nausea. Zofran is great too but you need a script for that lol.

-tinni💙

#ed not ed sheeran #ed not sheeren #pro a4a #4n0r3xia #pro4ana #tw ed diet #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #a4a diary #ana trigger #tw purge #tw sickness #tw mia #tw medication #tw emetophobia #tw illness #tw disordered eating

[the1trueanon]

thinking about how Sage/Rosemary's plant motif and gardening connection started out as an aesthetic choice, but have actually grown into being very strong symbolism for how Rosemary is meant to represent life and being lively and being alive versus simply living

because Rosemary is meant to encompass the idea of being human and being alive. while Sage is like everyone else and is very much simply living, her general character being muted and soothing and just existing, Rosemary is designed almost as an exact foil for Wally. where Wally is unsure of expression and emotion and doesn't quite grasp it all, Rosemary is extremely emotive and lively, almost to an overly animated degree. BUT! Rosemary isn't just animated, like the other puppets are. she isn't just bouncy or excitable, or gets frustrated at simple problems. she has crises. she goes through human struggles, as a soul who once was human. she knows what death is, but is grasping to understand her own. she's unpredictable. she's happy and enjoying time with her friends one day, and unable to leave her house from the crushing weight of everything she's experienced the next. she puzzles through existentialism. she doesn't just feel happy or sad or upset, she gets depressed and anxious and lost. Wally can't predict her, he can't tell how she'll react (which I 100% think he can for the others. he's too observant not to, observation is his whole thing), he doesn't understand but he wants to.

and what makes all that even better is she doesn't just go through these things alone, she talks them through with the others. she shares it, she lets her emotions and experiences and overall livelihood overflow into the others. she's so full of life that she passes it on to characters who, frankly (hehe :3), shouldn't have been touched by it previously. and yet by sharing it, she doesn't hurt them more, but instead ends up helping all of them understand and reason through the -- honest to the puppet gods horrifying -- breakdown of a world that once was simple and happy and innocent and safe. they mature with her, and she somewhat unwittingly acts as their guide through that (WHICH. ANOTHER FOIL MOMENT. BECAUSE WALLY IS ROSIE'S GUIDE THROUGH THEIR WORLD AND THE TWO'S ABILITIES TO REACH OUT BEYOND IT).

and I've always loved having that idea brought up, about Rosemary being so lively. "You're so full of life" -- practically the most accurate way to describe Rosemary at any state of being (and, ironically, spoken by Wally, who again, I unwittingly ended up making Rosemary a sort of foil for). She is meant to symbolize life, she and Sage are meant to be this sort of "living vs. alive" thing, where neither is bad but its obvious how different they are! and I just! the idea of Sage, a character essentially set to be a sort of vessel for this human who brings this idea of truly being alive to these guys who desperately need it in a time where just living isn't enough to brave whatever horrors are coming for them now, also bringing things to life as her job and aesthetic is just!! augh, it's such nice symbolism and even a nice lil taste of foreshadowing maybe?? and I love it so much!!

and like! genuinely this all kicked of subconsciously and I didn't start connecting it until I thought about trying to maybe change Sage/Rosemary's motif (which, tbh, I started thinking about because I've designed her Reboot AU version (who I'll be sharing soon ;3 wanna get a good collection of doodles to share with you guys before doing so), who instead has a fashion aesthetic instead of plants. I'm not sure why yet other than I like it and I've been influenced by the dress making videos I keep seeing lol)! and I realized that I genuinely can't because it's not just aesthetic anymore! it's ✨symbolism✨!!

ANYWAYS I REALLY FUCKINNG LOVE THIS PROJECT AND I LOVE CLOWN AND THEIR BIG BRAIN AND I LOVE MY LIL RABBIT AND I LOVE EXISTENTIALISM AND I LOVE SYMBOLISM AND CHARACTER DESIGN AND IM SORRY FOR RAMBLING ABOUT IT FOR A REALLY LONG TIME OKAY BYEEE 💖

#SORRY WH FANS YOURE GETTING BURDENED WITH MY BRAIN'S INSANITY I CANT HOLD IT IN ANYMORE #i wanna share more about my characters #and i wanna get better at sharing #now that im realizing how much i just LOVE character design and breakdown #i wanna share more with you all so you can see why i love it so much 👉👈 #SAGE AND ROSEMARY LITERALLY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME #seriously these guys are how i explore so much and so many ideas and i wanna share that with all of you 💖💖 #because it really is just so interesting and exciting!! #anon speaks #anon rambles #anon's ocs #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home arg #welcome home oc #sage clearsky #rosemary louis #welcome home sage #welcome home rosemary #wally #wh wally #wally darling #welcome home wally #welcome home wally darling #characterization #exploring characters #symbolism #✨symbolism✨ #character foils #anon rambles in the tags

[skadream]

happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)

it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY CAR from me. but like, its been working for now ok!

mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.

physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc

i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!

oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.

overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)

[emptifylie]

hello hello!!! i couldn’t weigh myself today but i SHOULD BE 129LBS!!! finally under 130 again i think ughhhhhhh. i’m kind of nervous to actually weigh myself cuz what if i actually am not 129 :( i think i am. i look thinner. i went to the gym, burned 300 cals, and even tho it’s only 11 am i already walked 15k steps! i skipped school to smoke and walk a bunch :) i’m going to school tomorrow again tho :/ have to get my education lolz!! i’m so glad i’m getting thinner tho actually! even tho i’m still fat i lost 10lbs in 2 weeks that’s not too bad. i’m scared i’m gonna be forced to eat today. my moms onto me lol. she keeps asking me if i ate today and checking the trash to see if i’m lying… i learnt from past ana mistakes tho and i hide the evidence better now LOL. i smoke a lot of weed today. but im not even fucking high, my tolerance has gotten too high. im wasting weed and money at this point by smoking cuz my highs barely exist. im gonna take a t-break! not gonna smoke until friday maybe??? it’s only tuesday tho so i might change my mind as usual :/ i also wanna quit nic. i haven’t talked abt smoking nic on here i don’t think, cuz it’s kinda the least of my problems. but i think my lungs are actually getting fucked up and that scares me. i wake up every morning and cough so hard and it hurts and it’s fucking TERRIFYING. i wish nic wasn’t so bad for you because it’s such a habit now. like everyday for the past 2 years it’s always constantly on me i’m always hitting it, i have to buy a new one every 2-3 days. so i’m gonna try and quit that soon hopefully! but idk it’s kinda scary cuz what if it makes it harder to starve and i gain weight :(

PLS GIVE ME TIPS ON HOW TO QUIT NIC

#eating diary #ed vent #ed bllog #ana trigger #disorderd eating #tw ed diet #only pro for tags #tw ed sheeran #tw edd #meanspø #pr0anna #not pr0 just for myself #pr0 ana diary #not pr0 4na #4n0r3x14 #pro 4na #4n4rexia #4n0rexic #4n4m1a #4na fast #4na vent #4na thoughts #4narex1a #4norexi4 #4namia