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dodo-begone · 3 years

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ALRIGHTY! LOYAL HERE COMING IN WITH THE CIRCUS HAHAHA

Btw, I’m like 90% sure that I fell asleep while writing so it just stops. Like, there’s no ending/summary/whatever word I’m looking for but can’t think of at the moment and my bird is currently chewing on my phone case oh my god can she please stop—

__________________

I believe the concept of yanderes ft. a isekai-d reader has been mentioned by Shepard and her anons, tho it’s been mainly for Origins SMP. So, I come to you with ideas for the Dream SMP because that’s all I’m familiar with HAHAH—

Also, I apologize in advance because this thing is borderline an essay with how long it is. I’m so sorry—

For example *cue dramatic lighting and a cheesy flashback monologue thingie* oh my god I think I’m losing it, I’m so tired

Y/n and their younger sibling, Frisk, had just finished up another press conference regarding Monsters being back on the surface. All seems to be going well until the ground beneath their feet vanishes and they fall unconscious a few moments later. When they awaken, they notice they’re surrounded by humans—wait they aren’t all humans, what the fuck, since when are there hybrids? They knew everyone from the underground—by name, no less—and had never heard of any currently living hybrids. Only of ones from before the war. Besides, Monsters have been on the surface for a month at most, so there is no way for... oh boy, their head is spinning.

After some very...tense...introductions (“Hi, I never saw you guys Underground, nor have I heard of you, no offense. So, uh, which monsters are you guys related to?” “OI, I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT TUBBO IS NOT A MONSTER!”) they come to the realization that y/n is most definitely not from this world, or even this universe. Y/n’s adamant refusal to fight the “real monsters” that roam this land (“I did not spend countless timelines weeks putting my life on the line to befriend every monster, break the barrier that trapped them Underground, and defend them against my own god forsaken race just to turn my back on them.”) was a pretty big sign, after all. That, along with species of monsters that the SMP members have never heard of and how y/n talked about Souls as if they were a tangible thing.

It’s a rocky start before any sort of friendship is formed: y/n, wanting to be cautious, (and also not having Sans there to CHECK for them) decides to ask everyone what their LV is. It’s risky, and they had no way to prove if anyone is (or isn’t) telling the truth, but it was worth a shot. “Our levels?” A small goat hybrid asked, his head slightly tilting to the side. Everyone assumes that y/n is talking about enchantment levels. “I’m at 26! Ranboo, you’re at 30, right?” “I’m at 37 now, actually.” “Well, I’M at 58. Clearly I’m the superior one here. A real big man, a very manly man, aren’t I?” And a few others pipe in. Color drains from y/n’s face and they take a few steps back, hands shaking as their eyes dart between each person in the room and the exit. ‘How many lives have they each taken to make their LOVE so high? Why do they seem so proud of it?’ Yeah... that was an interesting experience.

- even though they have been reassured multiple times that the monsters of this world are nothing like the ones from their home, y/n still refuses to kill a single one, as I had mentioned earlier. They also refuse to kill animals. It takes a couple tries at explaining LV or LOVE—Level Of ViolencE—along with EXP—EXecution Points—but eventually everyone is on the same page

- Y/n is hesitant to bring out their SOUL when asked. First off, though they’re now friends with those from the Underground, they can’t help but be reminded of every spear, knife, bone, petal, gaster blaster, and fireball that has been aimed at them with the intent to kill whenever their SOUL was drawn into an encounter back then. Second of all, showing your SOUL is something you do with those you trust with your life—after all, you’re literally putting your lifeline out on display when you do so. There are so many different ways that the SMP members can see it

- Perhaps a monster appears

- Eggpire or Dream attack

- Someone forces y/n into an encounter because everyone is too curious to just let this opportunity slip by

- When y/n discovers that the people of this land have more than one life, they’re confused. There is no way that all of these people have SOULS of Determination, and there’d definitely be some issues if people kept rewinding time to their last save point. Besides, only one Determination SOUL—the strongest one—should be able to respawn. Then again, they only know what Frisk had explained to them. They were never able to see the save stars that Frisk would interact with in the different sections of the Underground. So they only have so much to go off of.

- Battle for them is completely different. Despite being in a different world, the mechanics from their world still apply. They can FIGHT, ACT, use an ITEM or show MERCY.

- They use Frisk’s tactic and flirt their way out of a fight or two. They never understood why Frisk did it until now... ‘I mean, I...wow. That was actually effective.’ They’re impressed.

- Oh no, maybe that wasn’t the best idea...they might have some yanderes after them bc of it...

- They probably have accidentally called Philza ‘Asgore’ and Tubbo ‘Asriel’ because both hybrids remind her of the two males from her world. Similar personalities AND Tubbo is a goat hybrid. The poor child is going to be so confused

- If Tubbo’s a yandere oh boy it’s going to be so easy for him. Y/n will probably be constantly at his side and telling him stories about the first fallen child and how they were adopted by the royal family, who are goat monsters! And just explaining the history of the underground and how important the goat family is. Talks about Asriel a lot as well. Probably makes him butterscotch cinnamon pie and tries to recreate golden flower tea to share with him as well. Or, they do that and he’s not yandere and it’s just wholesome.

- If we follow the headcanons that some fans have made, perhaps Frisk (and/or y/n) gave up half of their SOUL to give to either (or both) Chara or Asriel so they’d have another chance at life

- Not only does y/n refuse to kill, which leaves them vulnerable, they also only have half a SOUL, which means they’re incredibly weak. Someone needs to protect them, someone needs to keep them safe, someone needs to—

- Y/n is incredibly agile thanks to all the battles they’ve faced Underground. With their SOUL always out in the open during an encounter and the fact that they refuse to harm anyone, it’s required. I’m imagining them moving like a dancer, using jumps and spins to help them avoid any weapons swung at them.

- This is gonna be annoying for any yandere that wishes to lock y/n up. Even if they won’t physically hurt someone, they WILL put up a fight and make it as hard as they possibly can to be dragged into isolation or imprisonment

- When it comes to who goes yandere, I believe what color of SOUL y/n has (their personality, in summary) would play a big role. Here’s a few of my ideas, feel free to move people around or add to it, I’m really tired and can’t think of many characters LOL

- Red (determination): Wilbur, Technoblade

- Orange (bravery): Technoblade, Dream, Tommy

- Yellow (justice): Sam, Technoblade

- Green (kindness): the kids of the server, Fundy, and Ghostbur

- Cyan (patience): Ranboo, Ghostbur, Karl

- Dark blue (integrity): Tubbo, Philza, Sam

- Purple (perseverance): Dream—this man would love to see how long it would take for your perseverance to run out. I wouldn’t be surprised if your perseverance is the only reason he’s interested.

__________________

From what I saw of the end of what I wrote, it is DEFINITELY cut short. At least I mentioned every SOUL type lolol.

Also, I found a whole other note that’s a continuation of this concept but for y/n being from another game what the hell was I doing—

Expect that to come in another ask once I eat dinner

Sorry i took so long to answer!! I kept getting distracted!

That stuff is so pog man!!!! Puffy might be called “Toriel” once in a while because mom energy and she sheep,,, close to goat!

Gosh all the flirting will bring in so many yanderes or make ppl like “yo wtf??” And there’s a very small amount that are inbetween.

OKAY BUT WITH THE MONSTER STUFF ON THE DSMP- they’d keep the monsters in their house. They’d give them food and everything. Some def become very friendly and will defend. Haha giant spider go prrrrrr

I’d write more but there is so much amazing stuff I don’t think I could add to some of them anyways!!! Plus my mind is just racing other places rn haha

#ask #loyal anon #tw: yandere #rambling with dodo #c: tubbo #c: wilbur #c: techno #c: dream #c: tommy #c: ranboo #c: ghostbur #c: karl #c: philza #c: sam

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pomegranates-and-blood · 3 years

Text

Headcannon: Shieldmaiden friend with his brothers

My Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar/Reader

Summary: “I was hoping I could request a headcanon of Ivar being nervous around a new shieldmaiden that is friends with his brothers? He finds her attractive, but that makes him nervous bc of his legs and what ppl have said all his life.”

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: My horrible attempts at whatever the fuck this ended up being, nothing else I can think of.

A/N: So yeah, I made a thing. Am I happy with the thing? Nope. Am I proud of the thing? Nopity nope. Am I gonna post it anyways and hope you guys don’t hate it? Yep.

But yeah, first time writing headcanons, first time diving head first into season 4 Ivar. I sincerely hope you like it, and idk, would love to hear your thoughts, good or bad, on this one. Thank you!

Taglist: @1950schick

· You were one of the shieldmaidens to accompany Björn to the Mediterranean, and you grew close to both him and Hvitserk on the journey.

· You joined the Great Heathen Army alongside your brother, and everyone was surprised to see Björn sprint towards you as soon as he saw your ship, lifting you off the ground in a tight embrace.

· Although Sigurd isn’t too thrilled or interested in you, both Ubbe and Ivar are immediately drawn to you.

· The former, because there’s rumors about how you once bested Björn when sparring with those curved swords.

· The latter, for completely different reasons. Though, you being a great warrior does help.

· With you being close to his brothers Ivar finds himself knowing more and more about you with every passing day, and in the midst of the war to avenge his father, with his heart heavy with pain and loss, he finds you, with your easy smiles and your friendly nature, a welcome distraction.

· That’s what he calls it, at first. When he spends each chance he has watching you from afar, witnessing your interactions with the group of shieldmaidens you call sisters in arms; when he finds himself thinking of you late at night and early in the morning; when he realizes he misses you when you’re gone, even though he tells himself he has nothing to miss.

· The realization that he actually feels something for you dawns on him when he sees some Dane warrior dancing with you on a feast after Aelle is conquered, and the urge to stake his claim, to go there and interrupt whatever it is that is happening before his eyes, fills him, makes an impulsive hand reach for the axe at his side.

· Ivar is…well, Ivar, so there’s no way he’d willingly let you -or anyone else, for that matter- know that he’s interested in you.

· Which he is. Very much so. Because, much to his growing frustration -in more ways than one- he can’t get you out of his head.

· Still, that doesn’t mean he’d willingly disclose it. He isn’t subtle, though.

· But people notice. His brothers notice.

· Björn isn’t thrilled with it, but considering Aslaug isn’t alive to bend to Ivar’s will and have some poor girl forced into marriage with the youngest son of Ragnar, he isn’t too concerned. If something happens, it is because you choose it so, and that’s enough for him.

· Ubbe bristles up. He knows bits and pieces of what happened with Margrethe, but he has been witness too many times of how Sigurd uses what happened with her against Ivar- something he swears one day will end in tragedy, thankfully nothing too difficult to contain or heal so far-; and he still feels responsible about setting up the whole thing. The last thing he wants is for it to happen again, with someone that is quickly becoming a close friend of him and his brothers.

· And of course, Sigurd notices, and is cruelly delighted in it. He does try a couple of times teasing Ivar about it when you’re near, but you never stood for those kinds of games, so he was eventually discouraged from continuing.

· Doesn’t stop him from privately tormenting Ivar about it. It is his duty as older brother after all, and since Ubbe is too busy mothering Ivar, and Hvitserk too busy trying to fuck his way through England, it falls unto him. He may go too far once or twice, but their relationship has always been that way.

· Sigurd’s teasing only manages to put Ivar more and more on edge about these stupid -pathetic, useless, soft- feelings, and the few times you try getting close to him, he usually snaps at you or reacts badly.

· Because you are very interested, even if you are much better at hiding it. Ivar proves to be incredibly smart, and with the march of the Great Heathen Army being the first time you’ve travelled this far from home, fought in so many important battles, you find yourself fascinated by him and the way he seems to understand what goes beyond fighting, what becomes war.

· But, when you are try getting close to him with subtle flirting or soft touches, Ivar thinks you are pitying him or mocking him, and when you are more direct and try finding common ground to get to know each other, he thinks you’re pushing him away.

· It confuses you, and frankly, it confuses him too.

· It confuses everyone that has become an unwilling spectator to all of this.

· Ivar does try his best at being nice to you, it just manages to backfire most of the time.

· You could be sharing a meal with him and his brothers, and he’d try complimenting you, saying something about how you have proven to be a fine shieldmaiden. But feeling too many eyes on him, feeling like he left himself open for ridicule or rejection, he’d add something else, like how you are obviously aided by the fact you use weapons not familiar to Vikings.

· He’d fuck most things up, is what I mean.

· And he’d know -and you’d make it very much clear- that he has upset you, or made you angry.

· He would try apologizing, but it is Ivar, so “I’m sorry” won’t leave his lips unless someone pries it off him, so, he’d try…alternative approaches.

· First, gifts. Women like those, right? He’d try buying the prettiest, most expensive thing he can find, and leaving it for you to find. Or, if he is in a particularly good day -if he managed to get one up on Sigurd, maybe, that’d be a good day- he’d give it to you in person.

· Throwing expensive things at you wouldn’t exactly work, making you feel inadequate and cheap. He notices, so he’d try something else.

· He wants you closer, so he makes it so that you always sit with him and his brothers at the table where the leaders of the army dine.

· Before long many men -including Harald, to whom Ivar notices you giving easier smiles than the rest, much to his horror- manage to sleaze their way to the chair at your other side, chatting with you during the nights, making you smile and laugh.

· When word of how one of them tried talking your brother into a marriage arrangement reaches Ivar, he pulls back on his idea of having you sit with him.

· To you, it just looks like a rejection, and Ivar notices you grow colder, more distant.

· With the threat of how desired you have proven yourself to be, a beautiful woman and a fierce shieldmaiden, hanging over his head, Ivar grows more and more restless, and resolute he has to prove to you he can offer you much more than any of these men can.

· He tries everything he can think of. Make it so that you are there when he beats his brothers in target practice, boast about how his strategy was what won them many a battle against the Saxons, repeat the tales about how he and his brothers are descended from the Gods themselves.

· When Ivar makes the contraptions for his legs, he goes to find you with -barely contained, he shouldn’t even bother trying to hide it really- enthusiasm, trying to show off in front of you.

· He ties a lot of his self-worth into how people perceive him, into how much of a ‘normal man’ he can pass off as, and as we know he stands a lot prouder and a lot more confident once he gains more control of the Great Army and manages to make those things.

· When you see him, though, even though he is preening and standing tall, chin high and shoulders squared; all you do is look at the contraptions around his legs and back into his eyes.

· “You’re a better fighter without those.” You’d say, and nothing else.

· Ivar would sulk. There’s no way to impress you, nothing he can do to make you look at him with that mischievous streak you share with Hvitserk, or that companiable closeness you have with Björn.

· Anger would quickly enough win over any impulse to sulk and feel sorry for himself, though.

· He’d eventually grow colder, crueler, towards you. He’d feel like you rejected him, and being angry towards you -and in return making you be angry towards him- gives him someone to blame, gives him some way of letting the pain have form, have a target for all the mess of emotions it leaves inside him.

· When Björn starts making plans to return to the Mediterranean, he fully expects to see you depart following his brother and never seeing you again.

· He hates himself for grieving the loss of you, someone he never had, someone that -as far as he knows- never cared about him anyways.

· But he does. The day when Björn and those who choose to come with him will depart East approaches, and Ivar is more on edge than ever.

· Restless, angry, and with no one to blame but himself. But, of course, he won’t do that, no.

· He taunts you, makes jabs at you and how you run after Björn like an enamored thrall, points out you choose to sail a ship like a coward instead of staying here -staying with him- and fighting the Saxons.

· When you snap back, voice loud and eyes furious, that you were never planning on sailing back with Björn, you manage for once to stun Ivar into silence.

· You don’t even give him time to hold on to cruelty, to the pain and anger he uses as both a weapon and a shield. You stand up from the table and leave the hall.

· Hvitserk doesn’t lift his head from his food, but still grumbles that he should go after her. At Ivar’s affronted frown, Ubbe insists that he should, offering his little brother a sly smile and something about going to find his woman.

· Ivar would deny to his very grave and beyond it that his ears turned red at the implication behind Ubbe’s words.

· But he did, trying to dispel thoughts that told him how he was running after you like a lovesick puppy.

· When he finds you, you are still angry, because of course you are. And your anger is to Ivar like an electric shock over an exposed nerve, drawing out all the vitriol and fury and explosiveness.

· Before long he has managed to make you angrier than he has ever seen you, and your voices rise with your tempers.

· A second time you manage to stun Ivar into silence comes shortly after the argument between the two erupts.

· He doesn’t even remember what he was about to say, only that with a few words about how you chose to stay with the Great Army for him makes all the thoughts on his head disappear.

· Before he can twist himself into knots about it, thinking how it must surely be a lie, how you are playing some cruel trick on him; you lean in and kiss him.

· Ivar doesn’t know how to react, not at first. The only woman he has kissed before was a slave his brother instructed to sleep with him, and he refuses to think of that night, of that woman.

· He stays frozen under your touch, until you pull back, and smile.

· He realizes when lack of air makes your kiss end that in your eyes you don’t have that glint of playfulness you share with Hvitserk, or that comfortable understanding you have with Björn; but something more tender, more real, and definitely hungrier.

____

So yeah, that’s that. I have never written headcanons before, and I struggle a lot with season 4 Ivar (who am I kidding, I struggle with writing Ivar in general) even tho he is my favorite Ivar. Idk, I gave it my best, hopefully I can learn from this and get better at it lol

Thank you so much for reading, lovelies!! <3

#ivar the boneless x reader #ivar x reader #ivar the boneless imagine #ivar the boneless #ivar

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hanijunk · 3 years

Text

Alright boys, girls, and nonbinary folks of the world. It’s 5:36am (1/30 when I first started) as I decide to give up on my attempt to continue to focus on learning statistics, avoid studying for my two upcoming midterms, and put off my two actual essays for two different classes.

Instead we’re going into a dive about ✨ KazuFuuma ✨ . Is this me telling you you gotta ship it? No of course not, you’re entitled to your own ships! You don’t really gotta care about it as a ship. But I do want people to recognize it’s THERE canonically, and how disregarding it is extremely unfair to Kazuki as a character particularly. Also, I’m working on the assumption anyone clicking this at least knows the bare bones about what KazuFuuma (ex. You know they are a ship of Kazuki/Fuuma from Dolce, you know they are childhood friends, you know who Dolce is, you know about Honeyworks, etc.) I’ll be making references to specific things, but I won’t always go into heavy detail. Might just hope you know it or take my word for what it is, and go into analyzing it. Some I’ll put direct references to find, but some I’ll trust you can find it yourself. If you somehow read this MAMMOTH and want reference to a specific thing mentioned, hmu I can help you find it!!

Also I hate tumblr formatting sm if you legit wanna read this 7 page essay but hate tumblr format lmk I'll add it as a google doc link instead too. anYWHO

Before actually getting into the meat of things lemme preface some stuff.

Again it’s like almost 6am so this will be disorganized and very train of thought (and likely long due to the fact when I fly by the seat of my pants I’m known to get unnecessarily extensive). It’s definitely gonna be in large part why it’s important to recognize as a romantic relationship foundation and what about it shapes Kazuki’s character in particular. Maybe a bit of how it’s been built up and its general focus and implications. Dunno yet. We’ll see LMAOO

I say f*ck. Not a lot, just a handful of times. This ain’t something scholarly this is for my own enjoyment so if you don’t like that might not wanna read. And it’s not like spitefully I just curse a lot if you haven’t...read my tags before lol

Again this is through the lens of a Kazuki stan. Of COURSE I’m going to have some level of bias, but if anything that bias may help more than hurt because that means I become FIXATED and think a lot about Kazuki. Which plays into establishing just how important it is that Kazufuuma’s relationship is recognized, especially in a romantic light at this point. Lmfao.

I’ll have a few more prefaces about the actual content below but to keep this from getting too long if you wanna read come below the cut owo

I have extremely limited knowledge of Japanese just taking a few classes in highschool (so like 3 yrs ago) and live in America. This means a lot of my knowledge is gathered through the english translations of the super duper incredible and lovely people in the Honeyworks fandom who provide translations (delaix and takanenene esp have provided so much for me being able to understand Dolce) and my own limited Japanese paired with Google Translate for things that remain untranslated.

This only will be drawing on information I have come in contact with and have access to and making assumptions based on that, most (if not all) of which is in the public domain. So things like the Dolce Manga Volumes released via Animate, exclusive 4komas, and Light Novels are out of my area for the most part (apart from again snippets of translations thanks to this fandom’s godlike and generous translators).

I will not be drawing on anything from the first Dolce album with the exception of Nade Nade. From a meta standpoint, I consider those songs as songs made as performance media as opposed to character explorations. Nade Nade is the exception because (1) it was released a whole year before the album and (2) you can tell it’s explicitly an exploration of Fuuma and Kazuki’s interpersonal relationship even if it’s in a slightly more performance based context than the songs that came out with the Dolce LNs. Easiest parallel I can make to show this is if you held Non-Fantasy, Yume Fanfare, and Samishigariya up against each other, you could tell the difference in intended audience and intended purpose the same way the Dolce 1st album, Nade Nade, and the songs of the LNs do respectively. Even if there is some basis to ground Kazufuuma, for the purposes of this essay I’ll be acting under the assumption the 1st album falls under the Non-Fantasy equivalent category.

THAT WAS A LOT OF PREFACING CONSIDERING LIKE 2 PPL WILL PROBABLY READ IT I just have a tendency to anytime I do anything analytical lay down ground acknowledgements for myself to work on just...cuz it makes me feel less guilty for any accidental misinformation even if I’m writing towards my future self to read lolll IM SORRY WITHOUT FURTHER TO DO HERE’S THE BRAIN DUMP

First let’s go ahead and establish why it needs to be recognized as an important relationship. Again, I’m a Kazuki stan. He’s my favorite character not only of Dolce but also of the entire Honeyworks series, and as much as I love him for reasons outside the ship, whether you like it or not Kazufuuma is an essential aspect of his character and narrative. Of course there’s the fact that him and Fuuma are childhood friends, so that’s going to in part define their characters and interactions with each other and those around them. They’re both going to be relevant to one another and important to one another’s stories to an even greater extent than the rest of the members of Dolce. But on Kazuki’s side at least, it’s an EXTREME amount. A running plotpoint in Dolce Diary is the sheer amount of dedication Kazuki has to Fuuma and how much his thoughts and decisions are influenced by Fuuma, whether it be how he feels happiest spending time with Fuuma, how he decided to get his piercing to represent he wanted to protect Fuuma, how he doesn’t want to dislike food so he can eat what Fuuma dislikes, etc. Not to mention running jokes about his borderline overprotectiveness and downright possessiveness of Fuuma, how proud he is when Fuuma gets praised, or that one 4koma that literally explicitly states he can read Fuuma’s mind when he thinks motherfucking ‘dirty thoughts’ about his childhood friend (Fuuma). I still don’t know what the fuck to make of that last bit. Genuinely. Or the fact it’s a fucking running joke. As in it’s not a one off. It’s been brought up multiple times. Kazuki what the fuck.

That’s not to say that he doesn’t have character outside of Fuuma or he doesn’t interact with people other than Fuuma. He’s great friends with Sara, Girisha, and Kippei and is shown time and time again to have fun interactions with all of them, generally acting as the best support friend for every member of the group, not Fuuma alone. For instance how he helps Kippei with his self confidence issues or stays over at Sara’s to protect him from a cockroach (which he fails at lol). Nor is that to say all his interactions involving Fuuma focus solely on his devotion to Fuuma, especially in instances where the manga focuses on Dolce as a group dynamic (though even in that setting there are times where jokes about his devotion are thrown in). He’s kind, he’s stupid, he’s friendly, he’s an amazing character in his own right, and I love him for all those reasons. But that doesn’t change the fact a major part of his character and his character interactions are rooted in Fuuma, and arguably some of his most interesting, eccentric, and notable behaviors and traits revolve around Fuuma (again the mind reading for example).

Hell let’s take it one step further. If you look at the character bios of the Dolce members, you get everyone’s motives for being an idol and interests. Of them, Kazuki is the only one to have another character mentioned directly, not to mention that supporting Fuuma is explicitly stated to be his primary motive as to why he became an idol. Not even Fuuma’s sister is mentioned, though two arguments can be made for this. The first would be that Fuuma’s backstory about wanting to fulfill his dream for himself and his sister was decided later to explain Fuuma’s choice to crossdress though it can be argued it was intentionally done to leave it as a reveal at a later date, to which I would argue I don’t think this backstory was a choice in post. While Fuuma’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra exploring that backstory was released a little less than a year after Dolce was revealed, the preview to set up Fuuma’s backstory was actually the first thing released after the character bios on the Dolce Official Twitter page if you exclude a drawing of Dolce from Yamako. The second argument could be that information about his sister was intentionally withheld to set up the reveal when Fuuma’s extra released to explore it. However, going by that logic (which I do agree with), that would also mean that Fuuma’s inclusion and importance in Kazuki’s character bio also set up his dedicated extra, which I don’t think would be incorrect to assume considering what his actual extra turned out being.

Which brings me to the thing that makes it inexplicable to write off the romantic implications behind Kazufuuma: Kazuki’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra, Suki. I shipped Kazufuuma before even knowing of Suki, sure. But the fact that Suki even exists is a shock to me and drove into me the fact that Kazufuuma wasn’t just my own projection. Again, it’s not a surprise that Fuuma shapes Kazuki’s life. They’re childhood friends, of course they’re going to be important to each other. But this extra explicitly brought Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma under a direct spotlight. At first I was thinking oh, this extra was just to acknowledge the fact that Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship can have romantic implications, but the end of it the conclusion that we got was that it didn’t matter what type of “like” he felt for Fuuma. Originally, I thought it wasn’t anything more than saying there are all types of like, and it doesn’t always need to be explicitly defined, but I appreciated the fact they were aware that they were writing Kazuki in a way that conveyed romantic implications.

Then I thought about it because, again, I love Kazuki of course I’m going to think about his character extra, and realized...that’s not how these character extras have worked. There are only three character extras out as far as I know and have read: Fuuma, Kippei, and Kazuki. If we look at Fuuma and Kippei’s, each extra had a conclusion, sure, but they didn’t have a resolution. Rather, they were simply setting up explicitly what each character’s primary character arc and conflict were. Fuuma’s extra brought attention to the fact that he’s particularly a crossdressing idol by exploring the motives behind it. His choice to be a crossdressing idol is constantly under fire both by himself and the world around him. He’s not immune to those who consider his crossdressing strange, and a part of his story is both finding people who accept his decision to crossdress and to succeed for himself as a crossdressing idol. It’s an essential part of how we understand and define him as a character and it’s a central part of how he interacts with the world around him. For Kippei, it lays the severity of his insecurity under the spotlight and his journey and motives for improving himself. Again, this isn’t something isolated and resolved in the extra; his extreme insecurity and negativity is constantly affecting how he interacts with practically everyone from his fellow Dolce members to his fans despite the fact in all honesty? He’s fucking insanely talented in his own right, his own brother mentioning how smart he is and how he has amazing reflexes. For Kippei, his negativity is an essential part of how we understand and define him and central to how he interacts with the world as much as Fuuma’s decision to crossdress is to him.

Which brings us back to Kazuki, of course. In his dedicated extra, in the chapter that’s supposed to explore and establish and bring attention to an essential part of his character, the aspect of himself under investigation is how he feels about Fuuma. It’s not just how he behaves around Fuuma, it’s explicitly an exploration of his feelings, on top of the fact it’s explicitly an exploration about whether or not he likes Fuuma r o m a n t i c a l l y. Literally the conflict is spurred on by someone outright asking “Do you like him?” and having to clarify “I mean romantically.” What they decided to focus on for Kazuki’s character and emphasize and establish is that Kazuki’s like towards Fuuma toes the line between friendship and romance. His ambiguous feelings towards Fuuma (if we leave them inconclusive as Suki did) are just like Fuuma’s crossdressing and Kippei’s insecurity in the sense the weight of whatever those feelings may be are seen in how he interacts with the world around him and influences his behaviors. It would be another story if they introduced the potential and shut it down all within the extra, because then his central conflict would to me be less directly open to romantic potential and more simply about how his arc was meant to explore the dynamic of the behavior of an extremely dedicated best friend. The fact that he may be romantically attracted to Fuuma or may be only platonically dedicated to Fuuma is instead something that looms over Kazuki in the same way Fuuma’s decision to crossdress constantly looms over him. It’s what Dolce wanted to point to and say this is Kazuki’s central character conflict and central arc: exploring what type of feelings he has towards Fuuma.

Sure, it can be argued that there’s only three Dolce Diary character extras, there’s not enough to be sure about that being the purpose of the extras unless we get the other two’s extras. First, at this point I honestly don’t know if or when they’re going to release an extra revolving around Sara and Girisha just because not only has it been over a year and a half since the latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Kazuki’s) was released despite the gap between the first and latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Fuuma’s and Kazuki’s) were within a year of release but also because the Dolce 4komas and comics they’ve been posting to Twitter have decreased (last one being over half a year ago) potentially due to them deciding to focus on releasing Dolce manga content through the purchasable volumes instead. (This is not particularly related to the Kazufuuma argument, just wanted to put out there my two cents on what Sara and Girisha’s extra/focal arc would be. Based on a large part of the Dolce Diary in conjuncture with Can’t an Idol Fall in Love, I’d argue Sara’s would be his journey to regain his passion for performing, and if it’s not that I’d say it’d be coming out of his self-imposed isolation and opening up to people again. As for Girisha, I have less of a concrete idea but I’m assuming it’d be something pertaining to how people often misconceive him whether it be in tandem with his determination, his optimism and sociability, or his stupidity/ability to ignore those misconceptions and work past them. But Girisha is treated like the comedic relief 90% of the time so I’m not entirely sure, but his primary conflict is definitely rooted in misconceptions of him being his roadblock imo. #MoreGirishaContentPlz) That being said, I personally feel like the three are already enough evidence, especially considering it would be honestly even more cruel for Kazuki’s character-centric extra to be focusing on something that wasn’t essential to his character and character arc, anyway. And though it’s not explicitly stated that these chapters are extras exploring a central character, you can kind of tell based on how they are (to my knowledge) the only Dolce Diary updates with cover/title cards each which include their focal character front and center. So working off that fact, the Kazuki-centric chapter established that a pillar to his narrative was his feelings towards Fuuma and that those feelings are still open to romantic potential.

But if you follow me, this is why up until Can’t an Idol Fall in Love With Another Idol’s release, I was terrified of them writing that off. I would have been ok if it was just an arc that was given attention then continued to actively work in the background, as all the character arcs have been over all of Dolce’s content. The fact that they might be giving Fuuma a love interest and giving Fuuma a love arc while Kazuki’s feelings were still up in the air and were still the primary highlighted narrative for him would have been fucking scuffed. To me, it would be like… why would they make him so Fuuma-centric to the point that even his dedicated chapter was not just focused on Fuuma but focused on the ambiguity and potential of him having romantic feelings for Fuuma, yet reduce him to being Fuuma's designated right-hand man. Don’t get me wrong, friendships are just as important as romantic relationships. But again, rather than conclude Kazuki’s answer in Suki to be that his feelings were of friendship, they left it open ended and allow audience members to be actively aware that Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma still had potential to be romantically coded. It would just be so weird to quickly close off that narrative by giving Fuuma a love interest as opposed to letting Kazuki conclude it himself. It would be fucking beyond frustrating for me, at least Eventually, I kept trying to drive my hopes that they would explore Kazuki’s narrative at all down to the ground because it was a Fuuma-centric novel; maybe if anything they’d explore those feelings in his own novel after the fact. But then they kept having little drops here and there of Kazuki being even the slightest bit relevant and I’d go back to questioning “Are??? They??? Is this on purpose??? Do they know what they’re doing or are they just doing this because Kazuki’s just so important to Fuuma as his best friend that he’s there as his right-hand I genuinely can’t tell???” And um. Welp.

Safe to say Can’t An Idol Fall in Love sold me on the fact that they know what they’re doing LOL. And to anyone who thinks that Kazuki’s feelings can still be read as ambiguous in CAIFILWAI as opposed to explicitly romantic - whether it be due to a fear they may pull the “I like him as a friend” card or due to the disbelief that they have an explicit mlm main character in the Honeyworks series - I’d like to cover any bases that may make you think this way. If you think it’s just Kazuki acting like a protective friend, why do you think he calls Yui a rival? If you’ve only seen the MV and think it’s ambiguous or can be taken as the "likfe" for friend, then does that mean you think Yui’s feelings toward Fuuma are also ambiguous or as a friend? With the way Yui responds, she is trying to rival Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma. She and Kazuki recognize whatever feeling it is that they hold towards Fuuma, both of their feelings are the same type. I don’t think most people would argue that Yui’s confession about Fuuma was one of pure respect and friendship. Plus, if anything I’d argue of the three characters in the MV, Fuuma is the one whose feelings are left the most ambiguous despite him being the central character. It’s heavily implied that he may be forming feelings for Yui, but nowhere is it established either in the song or in the MV, especially if you compare it to Kazuki and Yui’s declarations or if you compare it to Sara’s feelings for Uru in Can’t An Idol Fall in Love. Fuuma’s romantic narrative here is trying to figure out how he feels for Yui, while for Kazuki and Yui they’ve established a rivalry because they both have mutually established they like Fuuma romantically.

If the MV isn’t enough for you and Suki isn’t enough for you for...some reason…??? You can check out the snippets of the light novel which the wonderful takanenene translated: one which revisits the conflict set up in Suki and one that covers the confession scene in the MV in more detail. If the fact that the conflict set up in Suki (aka the lurking feeling of not knowing if all he felt for Fuuma was only platonic or more than platonic) was specifically reestablished in the LN for anyone who didn’t keep up with Dolce Diary didn’t tip you off that it was something important, his behavior in the confession scene as depicted by the LN definitely should have. He’s possessive about his spot by Fuuma’s side. He doesn’t want that spot to be taken by anyone else. Even if he knows that they can help Fuuma, he wants it to be him. And this line: “Kazuki then trails off his words, quietly saying ‘That’s why…’ and then gave Yui a slightly painful smile, his cheeks turning red,” before he declares Yui a rival and states he likes Fuuma. If you can tell me you read that line and are still on the fence about Kazuki’s “like” towards Fuuma being romantic, please message me and I will see how I can get through to you. Like it wasn’t even just a romantically coded confession. It’s just a romantic confession. That “like” is romantic. And I’m so proud that he’s not only come to understand for himself how he feels, but that he’s confident enough to ask the person he sees as a romantic rival to speak in private and not only clarify her feelings for Fuuma but before she can even do that firmly establishes that he loves Fuuma with conviction. Kazuki my boy I’m so proud of you. *sniffs*

And that’s it for establishing Kazufuuma as at least canonically one-sidedly canon and why there’s not only no reason to deny it but also why denying it is a fucking disrespectful move towards Kazuki. He’s a character, sure, but that doesn’t change the fact you shouldn’t write off his struggle to come to be convicted enough to say it out loud. This has been something weighing on him at least a year, if not more (all I know is it started when both he and Fuuma were in some year in middle school). And as a character in a piece of media, I’ve been saying this the entire time, but brushing it off as non-romantic is literally chucking a fucking pillar of his character’s story into the gutter. And to those who may be saying Kazuki’s confession came out of nowhere and is pandering reread this entire fucking essay again I dare you to do it and tell me to my face it’s pandering. Again. Writing off the buildup as pandering is disrespectful to him, disrespectful to his character and narrative, and disrespectful to the wonderful people who have been creating Dolce so diligently and have crafted this narrative for us. Saying his “supposed feelings” and “ambiguous confession” is pandering is like saying Fuuma’s crossdressing is pandering which. If you say either of those I will find you and I will shank you in the fucking gut. Even if you’re not fully into Dolce, recognize these characters are actually very well developed and executed amazingly, as per every Honeyworks character that has come to exist. I don’t blame you if you weren’t aware of the weight of Kazufuuma, but now that you read this I hope you are. That’s mainly what I needed to get out there, but as follows will be me more exploring how Kazufuuma has been built up and generally waving my hand off at where it may be going. If you want you can dip, thanks for reading up to here because I know I repeated a lot because it’s just. So important to drill into your head and has been something I’ve been hung up about constantly. LOL

As for where exactly they’re taking it from this point on, I honestly don’t know. In all honesty, I didn’t even expect them to take it the direction they did. But honestly, I think the direction they went with it is really interesting and better than I could have imagined, in my opinion at least. Honeyworks never ceases to amaze me with their storytelling and narrative choices, and I don’t think there’s any that stand out to me as being severely questionable that they haven’t reapproached at some point down the line. And, again, I think they’re treating this with a lot of care and deserved respect. So I’m just gonna be gushing about how smart they set it up and how smart they’ve been executing it and maybe my own hopes on the direction it could go.

Whether they make Kazufuuma reciprocated I have no real clue or bearings, but to me my gut reaction is they will. Of course, I’m biased, but again if you trace things all the way back to 2018 and step through Dolce’s content and growth from there, I’d say even if they didn’t know if they could execute it like this and see it to fruition, I’d argue that Kazufuuma has been at least heavily implied since the beginning as a relationship they wanted to explore from both sides of the relationship. Obviously I brought up Kazuki’s character bio already, but if you look at the *goes to count* 5th Dolce Diary update already has a joke jabbing at the fact that Kazuki is technically Fuuma’s type (and the way Kippei and Kazuki excitedly react is so cute). The fifth update. And as stated before there are tons of Kazufuuma moments in Dolce Diary, whether it’s played for comedic effect or played straight (and this is post Suki but oh my god I’ve said it before I’ll say it again get yourself someone who looks at you the way Kazuki looks at Fuuma oh my jesus). But song-wise, I mentioned the one Dolce album song I would bring up is Nade Nade and this is where it comes!

Not only is Nade Nade specifically focused on Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship as opposed to the whole of Dolce despite being the first song, it included the setup/preview of the Fuuma-centric extra prior to the full release of the Fuuma-centric extra itself and was released early as fuck. Literally between the 6th and 7th update to Dolce Diary. Sure, it could be to isolate them as a duo for marketing purposes (they’re very often the two promoted idols together if the whole of the group aren’t included), but the way it’s established as a perspective song as opposed to a general idol duet is what fascinates me. Anyone who didn’t know about Dolce prior and only followed Honeyworks for music would be first introduced to these characters through this song alone, and maybe this is where my Kazufuuma bias comes from but I was one of those people LOL. I thought it was just a cute one-off relationship that they had set up for the purpose of a song and that it was an implied friends-to-lovers story that would never get a conclusion. Also I mistakenly thought Fuuma was a girl oop-. In the full context of Dolce, this song in part helped establish Fuuma and Kazuki more solidly as a unique duo out of all of Dolce, but it also specifically explored through Fuuma’s eyes just how much Fuuma recognizes and appreciates the unwavering support Kazuki gives him to follow his dreams as he wishes. For Fuuma, he loves Kazuki too, though whether it holds any romantic potential in the same way Kazuki loves him has never been explored to nearly the same extent. But Fuuma appreciates how Kazuki’s remained by his side and does everything he can to support him, so Nade Nade explores how his way of expressing his love and thankfulness to Kazuki is by never saying that he needs Kazuki by his side. He’s glad Kazuki’s always been there for him, and his reciprocation takes on the form of being ready to unwaveringly support Kazuki and not ask for more than he already has, even if it meant Kazuki would be leaving his side, despite the fact that he really does wish they could remain together forever just as Kazuki does. The one point he lets himself say something vaguely close to always wanting to stay together, he gets a surprised expression out of Kazuki and says an ambiguous “suki dayo.” Of course, this it much less romantically coded than what we get from Kazuki in Suki and CAIFILWAI, but there is an interesting emphasis put on it nonetheless. Keep in mind, this is all established through the song, which released long before not only Fuuma’s character-centric extra released but also Kazuki’s character-centric extra released, so there is at least a substantial setup for Fuuma’s feelings towards Kazuki’s being strong as well and possibly grow to be reciprocated one day.

I think for me the most fascinating part about Nade Nade is how they tied it back around to Can’t An Idol Fall In Love with Another Idol. Again, without remembering Nade Nade, I still thought CAIFILWAI was brilliantly explored and executed, even if some people would have preferred no love triangle. But honestly, revisiting Nade Nade makes me trust even more the direction they’re taking with this. Whether or not they make Kazufuuma canon mutually (which. Even if they for some inexplicable reason didn’t I’m going down with this ship.), I’m sure they’re putting a lot of thought into the story, because the last bit of Nade Nade directly parallels the misunderstanding that arose from Fuuma mishearing the Kazuki and Yui. Fuuma is resolved to support Kazuki in any area he’s given the chance, and that explicitly includes if Kazuki had some girl he liked, which is what he assumes is going on. The fact that they tied this back around in the form of a misunderstanding was really really smart and Honeyworks is always so good at parallels and references back to their older songs, but for some reason I didn’t expect this. I don’t know how to say why, but the fact that the song that started it all, kicked off both Dolce and Kazufuuma, was directly referenced both visually in the MV with a cameo at the start and narratively despite the central dynamic being predominantly explored in this story in particular was that of Fuuma and another potential love interest and involves said potential love interest for some reason makes me think that (sorry Yui) this is all planned out for Kazufuuma in the grand scheme of things. That being said, I don’t know if me thinking it was planned all along is just me with shipper goggles, but the idea it’s come full circle nearly 3 years later is not shipper goggles and a very very well done parallel in my opinion, whether this trajectory was their plan for Kazufuuma from the beginning or not. Just wanted to gush about that some more.

There’s more I could go into especially if I went into specific details about interactions or specific implications established in Honeyworks' Dolce content about different characters that would be fascinating to explore in relation to and under the lens of Kazufuuma, but I think this is uh...plenty long enough. Plus, I doubt you'll stop seeing Kazufuuma posts from me so those ideas will probably just be miniposts or somethin.

Back to the overarching point of this segment, idk what they’ll do with this story in the end, but do I think Kazufuuma will canon? I’m used to looking at ships that aren’t explicitly apparent with a sliver of skepticism, but all things considered (as I stated before) yeah. I don’t see reason why they wouldn’t now that they’ve explicitly identified there is a romantic dimension to it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like to me, the setup isn’t something that would be written off as unrequited? And this doesn’t have to play into why I don’t think it will canon, my personal opinion on the Fuuyui relationship (again albeit through the lens of a hard Kazufuuma shipper lmao) has it’s own merits and is really cute, I find it cute in the way I found Koyuhina cute. I personally never really shipped Koyuhina, and especially since they slipped Kotarou into Ima Suki Ni Naru I was more curious about who this kid was and how he played into things I didn’t really see Koyuhina as something that would come to fruition. Similarly, there’s more importance in the overall sense on Kazuki than there is Yui (considering he’s one of the 5 original and focal members of this generation of idols, this would be natural), as well as the fact there’s just way more foundation and exploration in Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship than there is Fuuma and Yui. As for how much of a balance there is inside the LN itself, the fact that they seem to have spent a substantial amount relaying the foundation of Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship and re-exploring it (at least in Kazuki’s perspective) at all on top of how much content there is covering their relationship prior to the LN ever since Dolce’s origin just feels like that relationship holds more weight. Pretty much Kazufuuma feels more established as a priority in general. The way I personally hope Fuuyui plays out is whether they wind up holding mutual feelings or not or whether Fuuma doesn’t feel that way towards Yui is they get a relationship akin to Kotarou and Arisa. Albeit, Kotarou and Arisa never viewed each other in a romantic light, but they had mutual respect and solidarity. That’s the type of friendship I hope comes out of Fuyui. And considering there hasn’t been a break-up in any Honeyworks’ canon relationships (nor do I expect there to be… they’re all perfect for each other LMAO) it would actually be interesting if Fuuyui get together but don’t endgame and Kazufuuma is established as the inseparable endgame after some realization or another, though I don’t expect them to go that route nor do I know if that’d be the best way to go about it anyway. Also final point, Honeyworks seems to have a thing for childhood friends trope anyway soooooo owo All in all, don’t know where they’re taking it, just excited to see where it goes.

TL;DR of this *counts* 7 page essay, stan Kazufuuma. Not gonna proof this. Maybe I’ll edit and repost but yall are getting a confusing clusterfuck of ramblings over 2-3 hr periods of me writing across 3 different days at around 5am each day. Uh. If you got this far like and subscribe and-- jk plz reply to this mammoth anywhere you see fit or tell me if you have stuffs to add or counter or whatnot I like hearing people talk about Kazufuuma ;w; I am Kazuki and Kazufuuma brainrot can you tell after reading this? No? Lemme just remind you I’m K--

#honeyworks #dolce #kazufuuma #kazuki haiga #fuuma shirayuki #long post #analysis #character analysis #kinda?#nobody cares trash #also keep in mind this is PURELY for self satisfaction LMFAO read it if u wanna dont if u dont idgaf either way #anyway kazufuuma canon fight me #or have intellectual conversation with me #if you want it on a google doc bc it's easier to read hmu #if you can't tell i think about kazufuuma too much #how much of this is repetitive? probably a lot...

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sandysmoved · 3 years

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(Happy Valentine’s Day gay ppl Beffica is sad and I for one think if she fell in love with my OC maybe she wouldn’t be so sad LETS GO LESBIANS)

“Isn’t it SO sad that I call you Bestie?”

Saffi glared at her journal like a mean eye would make the words write themselves, chewing on the end of her pencil harshly. Then, she thought about how long it had been since she’d had more than sauce and foraged plants to eat, and hastily switched to nibbling on her candy necklace, lest she end up developing a taste for wood.

“Haha, I, like, barely know you.”

Behind her, Sprout continued to chant his muffled little babbling, running in circles on the cot like a cat getting ready to settle down. It would be adorable (oh hell, it WAS adorable), if it wasn’t just another distraction bouncing around in her head.

The notes. The maps. The tracks. A missing explorer, and her not-so-missing girlfriend. That thing standing on the cliffs, watching from the treeline. What did it all mean?

“And if I DID get to know you, you’d probably hate me for it.”

Okay Saffi. Deep breaths. You’re smart. You’re good at mysteries. Misplaced mascots aside. Keep it together.

Her pencil refused to cooperate though, continuing to idly shade strands of a violet ponytail in a graphite monochrome.

“Oh well, enjoy it while it lasts, Beffy.”

“UGH.”

Saffi slammed her head on the desk, the pounding in her brain drowning out the concerned chattering of the captive Strabby skittering around the floor.

“This sucks. This sucks so big.”

She wasn’t gonna get any work done like this. She could barely even sit still, her foot tapping out an idle tune (get up everybody, come on and do the wiggle with meee) as she slammed her journal shut. Saffi hummed around her pencil (god, she really WAS going to acquire a taste for it at this point) as she leaned back in her chair and pulled her hair back up into her scrunchie. It wasn’t too terribly late, only a half hour or so after sunset maybe. Surely someone in town would have a request, or maybe she could try hunting down that annoying Noodler for Floofty again. Nothing burned off manic energy like actually getting set on fire accidentally.

“Isn’t it SO sad that I call you Bestie?”

...no. That could wait. Saffi had something more important to do right now, and she had an idea how she was going to do it. She spun in her chair, kicking open the box under her cot, and slid off onto the floor to dig through its contents, tugging an old, worn album from underneath a tangle of useless stuff.

“Haha, I, like, barely know you.”

Well then. Time to fix that.

~*~

Beffica sighed, blowing a loose strand of hair out of her eyes as she idly traced lines in the dirt with a stick. This sucked. This sucked REALLY BIG, actually. It would probably suck a little smaller if she wasn’t sitting on a cold hard stone threshold, but like hell was she gonna join the others by the fire when Cromdo was over there, being all...loud. And old. And Cromdo. The squeeb. She probably would’ve gone and wandered idly around the huts, maybe looked at Wiggle’s records again, but she wasn’t in the mood to get yelled at if she came back early.

Or she could go up to the airship, but...no. After that...super uncool moment she’d let slip earlier, she wouldn’t be surprised if Saffi wasn’t too interested in hanging out. Hell, she’d rather go back to the stupid cave right now, than-

Grass crunched underfoot, and Beffica glanced up, blinking in surprise at the sunset orange grumpus standing at her door. Saffi glanced down at her, her expression...odd, in the flickering firelight across the way. Her fingers drummed a bit (nervously?) on the surface of the book she was holding, before they stilled, and she took a deep breath, blinking.

Beffica opened her mouth to say...well, she didn’t know, and she didn’t have the chance to know, because Saffi beat her to it.

“I know...I know it’s...scary.”

She paused, like she was trying to remember the meaning of the words her brain had shoved out prematurely, and for once, Beffica didn’t have a response. Instead, she sat up a bit straighter, watching Saffi find the thread to explain. Patience wasn’t exactly a virtue that came naturally to her. Maybe that’s why she had been so bad at her job, in the end. Maybe that’s why she’d been so bad at a lot of things. But for some reason, in this particular instance? She was willing to wait a lifetime to find out what Saffi had to say.

“It’s scary, being known. Letting yourself be known. And that’s okay! It’s okay to be afraid. But…”

Here it comes.

Beffica flinched without meaning too, and she hoped Saffi didn’t see it. She didn’t need to look any more pathetic than she already had earlier.

Did you enjoy it, Beffy? Was it fun while it lasted? Would you do better if you could do it all over again? Not like it matters, you can’t-

“But, if I’m your bestie…and I really, REALLY like being your bestie, for the record...then maybe...I think you should at least know me.”

Beffica froze, staring up at Saffi with eyes so wide she felt like they’d pop out and roll away. What? Pardon, what?

Saffi looked down at the book, cracking it open and tracing some of the dusty contents with her eyes, suddenly very aware of how known she was offering to be.

“If. If you want to,” she murmured, suddenly looking very, very small.

And Beffica still had no words. What could she say? What could she possibly say in response to something like this? She hadn’t rehearsed for this moment (and clearly, neither had Saffi), she’d never had any preparation for this. This wasn’t a tasty morsel of information hiding under someone’s bed, a secret to be uncovered hiding behind a tree in the middle of the night. This was knowledge offered. This was someone being vulnerable, and willingly. This was sharing.

With Beffica, of all grumps.

She didn’t know what to say.

So instead, she scooted over, patting the empty space next to her in the doorway, and Saffi’s doubts visibly melted from her posture like snow from a rooftop. She plopped down unceremoniously, cracking the old album open on her knee, and Beffica didn’t hesitate to lean in close to watch her fingers trace the page to tap an old photo. “See, that’s me when I was a toddler, I spent the summer with my grandparents, and-“

Beffica couldn’t tell what the sound that escaped her throat at the sight was; kinda groan and kinda laugh. “Oh my GRUMP, bestie, no offense, but who in the world let you leave the house with your hair chopped up like that?”

“I know, right? My grandmother, bless her cotton socks but that woman should NOT have been legally allowed with ten yards of kitchen scissors-“

Saffi launched into the story like it was the easiest thing in the world, like she was reading off the latest big scoop, instead of inviting someone she’d only known a few weeks into the treasure chest of her life. Every story was like that, every explanation for why her clothes were so oversized and mismatched, or who gave her that particular stuffed animal. And not once, not once did she try to prod Beffica to contribute her own anecdote, back her into a conversational corner that could only end in an unwanted revelation, or a total shutdown.

It was...nice. Comfortable. Listening to her talk. Getting to know Saffironica Snakattak (“Only my granny calls me that, though. Granny and Floofty. The rest of you should all call me Saffi.”) as more than just the bright-eyed journalist who fell out of the sky and started pulling everyone back together in her orbit.

And if Beffica leaned in a little more with each tale? For a closer look? To hear better? To rest her head against Saffi’s arm as the night grew chilly?

Who had to know?

#bugsnax #beffica winklesnoot #bugsnax buddy #bugsnax journalist #bugsnax beffica #OC #my writing #they’re lesbians Cromdo

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the-second-tonks · 3 years

Note

hi!! can i participate in hp game?? this is what i sent you for hp ship:

i’m straight female, i have bluish/green eyes and long blonde hair. i’m average height and weight. i’m aquarius and i fit into aquarius stereotypes lol,, i’m ambivert but more extrovert. i’m loud and i have bubbly personality. i daydream a lot and i like making up imaginative worlds and characters and writing about them. i enjoy reading and watching movies. i’m interested in many things: astrophysics, psychology, biology. i love listening to rock music. i’m bad at any form of music and art. i was a very talented child but that kind of went away as i grew up. i’m still good at many stuff but i’m not the best at everything anymore (and i’m fine with that!) i tend to gossip a lot even though i try to avoid it, i can keep secrets if they’re really important otherwise i tell it to someone who has nothing to do with it (if that makes sense). i overthink a lot. i get annoyed easily especially when it’s anything to do with sounds or light (i have misophonia) but ppl think i’m funny when i get mad. i’m emotional but i can’t talk about some things that have to do with them (i can’t say ‘i love you’ it’s just too awkward). i also overshare and can have deep conversations at any time during the day. my style is all girly and elegant but my movements and the way i talk are not. i’m friendly with everyone and can’t flirt if my life depended on it. i can say flirty jokes but it never comes off as flirting. when i really like someone it lasts for REALLY long time and i have hard time moving on. i’m very smart but my brain needs time catching up with some things (it takes me time to understand a joke for example). i have positive and cheerful nature and i’m something between optimist and realist

i think you shipped me with draco, but i don’t know my house, as for the past i really don’t care what wizarding family i’m part of, in fact i’m curious about what you think and i don’t care the blood status and i want to be in the same year as harry, also if it’s not problem i’m curious what would weasley twins think about me? if i did something wrongly here in the ask please say so, thank you!!

Hii ! Sure ! Okay ! No you did nothing wrong !

About you

Your name : Y/N Diggory

Blood Status : Pure-blood

Family members : Cedric Diggory (brother) , Amos Diggory (father)

Year : same as Harry's

Your wand : Unicorn tail hair , alder , 9" inches , surprisingly swishy

Your Quidditchch position : I thinking you'd be a good beater or in the stands !

Your work : I feel you'd be a writer and/or a professor

Your immediate friends : Harry Potter , Ronald Weasley

Your bestfriend : Ronald , Hermione and Harry

A small word from Mr.Ollivander

You might know everything about other's life , Ms.Diggory , but I'd expect you not to miss the minor details of yourself and your life .

Your sorting

You're really kind and unique . Imagination and writing . I think you fit good in Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw , but your thoughts tell me ..

Ravenclaw !!

Your patronus

Beaver 🐻

Doer, Builder, Gatherer . Beavers are friendly and bubbly , but very territorial . They will not hesitate to harm you and ve violent if they feel like .

Your boyfriend

Adrian Pucey (ex)

Reason to get together : He asked you out for the Yule Ball

Time span : Medium (it didn't last much actually)

Reason for break-up : You both fell out of each other and it wasn't anything special that you felt towards each other .

Draco Malfoy (husband)

Reason to get together : You felt bad for him and decided to help him , this improved your relationship a lot and he began trusting you . This led for him to fall for you , but he told you this only after the war .

Time span : long-lived and strong

Marriage : After you both completed your studies and became successful

The Professor who'd adore you

Professor Flitwick . He'd adore you and your qualities a lot . No specific reason , but he likes you a lot .

Your Yule Ball look

This is such a cute dress !

Your date : Adrian Pucey , because you both were mutually pinning ..

Your past

You had a normal and regular past , just like others . Your brother adored you and protected you , your father thought you about the world , but you were also a unique one in yourself . Rebellious when you felt like you should be , you were really a gem of the family .

Your strengths and weaknesses

I'm quite sure that

Your strengths are : Herbology , muggle studies , transfiguration and charms

Your weakness are : flying maybe?

Others are medium

Your strongest spell type : Sneaky

Your weak spot : Curses

Your popularity

It wasn't a lot before Hogwarts . But after you got involved with Harry in the 4th year , yes. You were quite popular then .

What the Golden Trio thinks about you

Harry Potter : Not gonna lie , he did have a small crush on you , but it soon faded . He loves you are a bestfriend and would do anything for you . He likes how positive and cheerful you are

Hermione Granger : She usually spends time having conversations with you . But she loves you for your smartness. She might not like it when you gossip. But she'll be by your side always .

Ronald Weasley : He loves you a lot . Almost like his sister ! He really loves you and would actually help you with your characters and imagination . He'll also get you books (Hermione suggestions)

What the twins think about you

Fred Weasely : He likes you a lot . He might even teach you how to flirt , he'll definitely be a good friend of yours . He'll always stand up for you and will never ever hurt you . He thinks you're a baby who's supposed to be protected . He likes your individuality a lot and appreciates it. Might use your smartness in pranks .

George Weasely : Ever if you have deep conversation , it'd with George . He's really sweet with you and often makes you laugh (though he has to explain the joke a lot). He loves spending time with you and you both are eachother's friend in need .

Marauders'thoughts on you

James Potter (if he was alive) : He'd like you . You'd partly remind him of Lily , but he'll only like you . He'll be fine with you but it doesn't feel as if you both would have a very close bond , I feel it would be a good bond and you both would have fun together .

Sirius Black : He really understands you and your emotions and often helps you with them . He also understands your tendencies to overthink and becomes a kind of mentor to you . He loves you a lot actually . Also , you're rebellious and Sirius loves it .

Remus Lupin : He likes you . He respects you . He keeps his distance but he appreciates your smartness and uniqueness . I feel like you'll help him with the werewolf thingy and he'll be grateful to you all his life .

Could you master all of the deathly hallows?

You didn't try doing it even . (According to me)

A short paragraph on you going to your first year at Hogwarts

"Ced , are you sure?" You asked him , loudly . He smiled at your cuteness again and spoke "Yes y/n/n . You'll be fine at Hogwarts without me . Don't worry ! I know you'll make many friends and gossip together" Cedric teased you and you pouted at him . He laughed again , as you both made your way to the wall from where Cedric said you were supposed to pass . "Alright y/n/n , you first" Cedric spoke as you both reached the wall . You smiled nervously and spoke "okay Cedric " he gave you an encouraging nod and whispered "Run if you're nervous" . And you ran through the wall . Surprisingly , you didn't crash . Opening your eyes at the sound of a horn , you smiled at the plate which indicated 'Platform 9¾' .

Your life at Hogwarts

Year 1 , 2 , 3 : You were with your fellow Ravenclaw friends and Cho Chang . Draco Malfoy was not rude to you but not exactly polite too . You kept ignoring him , but adrain had caught your eye .

Year 4 : You kept thinking about Draco's silver eyes which met your and spoke "Go away" . You were at the Quidditch worldcup when draco had spoke this to you . You retunred to Hogwarts with your regular friends . Cedric took your help to ask Cho out . Adrian surprised you with a sweet date and Yule ball request .Your brother was in triwizard tournament . But the problem was that you and Harry were also in it . Someone had sneaked your names. You couldn't save your brother . You and Harry became friends there after .

Year 5 : You were already quite against umbrigde . You hated her and how she mistreated everyone . Cho got together with Harry and you kinda were cross with cho for it . Harry dated Cho whilst you were with the trio . Harry asked you to join the Dumbledore army and trusted you with their secret . Turns out Cho betrayed you all . But the shocker was Draco trying to hide you while you all got caught . He defended you and saved you from the cruel punishment . You helped harry and others and actively battled in the ministry of magic .

Year 6 : Draco and you grew close . You felt eachother's pain and everything . You both fell for each other hard and he told you about his mission . Before you even had the chance to be confused about who to support (harry or Draco) , a bunch of death-eaters kidnapped you . They tortured you a bit until Draco surprisingly took stand for you again . He and you confessed your feelings and kept going on with the struggle .

Year 7 : You were very loyal to Draco and he was to you , until Harry Hermione and Ron were caught and bought back . You ran away with them because you were loyal to them too and you knew that even Draco wanted the dark lord to die . You knew the trio might need your help and drco wouldn't be too upset for you to go . You ran out of the Malfoy Manor with Harry , Hermione, dobby and Ron and went on with their journey , finally uniting with Draco Malfoy after the war .

Your adventures

So basically , you were a good backup and you , since gossiped , knew many things that harry , Hermione and Ron missed. You were a great help to them . Other things are summed up above.

Draco though didn't like your friendship with the trio , he never tried to break it because he knew they held a special place in your heart. You and Draco had a kid and you both named them after Cedric .

That's it ! I'll take your leave !

I hope you like it !

#ivagvo1 #harry potter #harry potter ships #harry potter requests

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

Note

Ok so Camille’s an asshole on that we can all agree, but I’m really tired of people in the fandom acting like she’s just your typical annoying ex and she makes poor uwu Alec feel insecure cause fuck that. Camille was 100% abusive and manipulative but I also think she was sexually abusive too I mean seeing what she did to Simon and kissing Magnus without his consent even though he was clearly uncomfortable, consent doesn’t really seem to be an issue for her-

I feel like she definitely manipulated his fear of loneliness and not being good enough, to suit her needs. Like Magnus isn’t in the mood for sex or it’s especially triggering on a certain day, either way he’s not up for it but Camille makes him do it anyway. She threatens to leave or go find someone else who can fulfill her needs or take care of her when Magnus won’t, ‘I mean does he even love her when he won’t do this one simple thing for her?’

So he just lets her do what she wants, even if he’s having a full blown panic attack Camille doesn’t care or she’ll just leave insulting him saying she can’t deal with this right now and leaving Magnus with no idea when or if she’ll be back. So the next time she asks he hesitates less or initiates it more even when he’s not in the mood so she won’t leave and yeah I have a lot of emotions relating to this. and now I’m thinking about how it’ll affect his future relationships, not even talking about Alec but other people - I have this headcanon where when he got away from Camille and is healing, him ragnor and Catarina live together in ragnors cottage or somewhere away from people for awhile so Magnus can slowly heal and focus on himself and unlearn Camille’s abuse with the help of his family

But despite what this fandom says Magnus has always been a helper and a selfless person to the point of self destruction. He’s unable to prioritise his own health and he wouldn’t be able to slow down and feel the full force of the abuse he experienced cause he feels like he’ll fall apart if he does and ‘no one wants a pathetic crybaby who breaks down when someone moves their hand too fast in his direction it wasn’t even that bad he’s just exaggerating like he always does this is why Camille doesn’t love him back’ (the ‘’ parts were meant to be strikethrough to signify Magnus’ inner thoughts but that doesn’t work on asks)

And he’s scared to get in another relationship cause he doesn’t think he’d be able to speak up for himself if they turned violent or controlling, he’s scared that if they did he’d just let them so he closes himself off from people puts these walls around him and a bright smile on his face that doesn’t let anyone think there’s anything wrong. And theres so much pain going on in the world ‘they have it much worse than him anyway’ and Magnus tries to help the best he can as he always does and he’s always there for people to lean on without any reciprocation and he’s so emotionally and physically tired and he’s not sure how much longer he can take it, almost considers going back to blackfairs bridge ‘really he’d be doing the world a favour’ but theres too many bad memories and he promised his family he would try so he holds on and then he finds Raphael and that obviously doesn’t fix everything but- I was going to continue this but it’s two am in my country and honesty it’s too long already😅 sorry for the rant it’s just a lot of emotions. Im so tired of the ‘Camille’s an annoying ex who keeps getting in the way of my favourite gay ship😠’ metas and needed to let out some feelings before I explode from my hate for Camille

UGH ANON HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE NOT ONLY A GENIUS BUT ALSO MY NEW BEST FRIEND, AN INTELLECTUAL, AND COMPLETELY RIGHT. YOU ARE SO CORRECT!!! idk if uve read my other post that i posted while i was waiting for you but we no longer have the same hat we are SHARING the hat!! i can't believe i got this ask right after i had just made that long ass rant and was in so much need to talk about this like ugh are you my guardian angel. i love you more than anyone else ive ever met

ok ok ok coherent thoughts ok i can do this. first of all THE SALT how does it feel to have vision and coherency. ppl writing camille as just an annoying ex or a bad ex or even as like "oh they both made mistakes and it ended up terrible" drives me UP THE WALL. camille was explicitly abusive, so much so that magnus CANONICALLY WAS UNABLE TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO GET CLOSE TO HIM FOR ALMOST A CENTURY. and she was shown to be abusive, both in the physical sense as you have reminded us so brilliantly and in the sense that her whole "choose me" speech? like she doesn't have to literally say the words "no one but me would ever love you" for that to be exactly what she's saying. she's obviously playing with his insecurities and putting him down while presenting her as his savior, it's CLASSIC ABUSE. she was written as such a perfect to-the-book abuser that it honestly shocks me like they did that really all they ticked all the boxes. the way she immediately launched to talk about alec's mortality too, the way she was obviously trying to make them fight and draw them apart - it wasn't a jealousy thing, it is just that she's abusive and she wants him isolated so she can toy with him and manipulate him

EVEN SALTIER WHEN THEY MAKE IT ABOUT ALEC BEING INSECURE LIKE. especially because canonically he literally watched camille kiss magnus and didn't care, which was sexy of him because i was dreading some jealousy drama or something but instead he was just like. obviously she did it to hurt you. i only care in the sense that she's a fucking bitch. we stan!

as for how she treated him! oof i think the same thing with the same words dioajdsaoij it always circled back to "why can't you do this for me?" in and outside of sex - i mentioned that in a conversation in the comments of my other post but i think that with camille the sexual abuse was really just an extension of the regular abuse, so they bleed together and are not really separable in that sense. at every turn, he had to prove his worth, and she used his fear of loneliness both in the sense that she amplified it and made it seem like the only way to not be lonely was to be with her, and that she gave him just enough for him not to feel desperately lonely so she could string him along. not to mention, they both always go back to how magnus supposedly "owes" her, and yes, it's because of the bridge, of course, but there's also that underlying tone of "because she put up with him and gave him affection when no one else would". even when what she did was nowhere close to real affection. so it's both the bridge and the after. she could have saved him and left, but she stayed. that's why he feels he owes her, and she will absolutely use it

AND UR SO RIGHT ABOUT MAGNUS BEING UNABLE TO PRIORITIZE HIS OWN HEALTH UGH UGH UGH UGH like he has no choice for a while because she left him fucking broken and seeing the way she treats him and the amount of shit he puts up with i can only imagine how far she had to go for him to reach a breaking point and leave her for real. but as soon as he could pretend to have himself together he just threw himself out there. and i believe that he felt guilty for having catarina and ragnor take care of him when he abandoned them because of camille - obviously that's not what happened, she manipulated him into staying away from them, made his life hell whenever he wanted to hang out with them until he no longer had the energy to put up a fight to keep in contact with the people he loves, but it's what he feels that happened, and most likely what camille herself eventually started to tell him happened once they had been pulled away enough. ("you're gonna leave me? and go back to who? your little friends who tried to pit you against me from day one? they're just gonna say 'i told you so', magnus. and why would they take you back when you left them before? when was the last time you even saw them? you chose this, you chose me, and now you're gonna come back to them and expect them to welcome you with open arms? you selfish little prick")

AND RAPHAEL!!! raphael was so important, honestly, we say that magnus didn't let anyone into his heart but obviously raphael was the exception and EXTREMELY important for his healing. it's a complicated relationship because he's sort of a father figure for rapha, and as such, he doesn't allow himself to be completely vulnerable around him, because that's not "his role". but! he was the first person whom magnus let in. and they obviously know each other deeply ("i hate to see you like this" even though magnus looked completely put together to the outside eye) and are plenty affectionate ("sweet boy", the hugs, the way rapha talked about magnus with so much love and awe in his eyes and voice) and trusting (the way raphael went to magnus' loft, not his own damn clan, when he was tortured...). i know this fandom likes to pretend that they pretend to hate each other but NO THEY DON'T they are openly caring and loving with each other fucking fight me on this

anyway, my point is that raphael was the first person he allowed himself to trust, and of course, part of that is simply because raphael was vulnerable and in need and like you said he can't just stay still when he sees someone struggling. but to care for raphael eventually had to mean to open up to him and when he welcomed raphael in, he gained a new member to his family. raphael is his kid. that's no small thing. their bond goes deep and it's extremely important because again, after camille magnus wouldn't allow people to get close to his heart, because he was scared of how they could use that against him. raphael was his first, and the only reason magnus was able to open himself up for romantic love again (which was an extra step, not because romantic love is more important or deeper, but because it's specifically the kind of love that camille used against him, and thus it makes him even more scared) was because he had already been relearning trust and platonic love with rapha

rapha did him good!!! there's a reason he calls him "sweet boy" okay. and rapha cares about him and he NOTICES WHEN HE'S IN A BAD SHAPE EVEN THROUGH ALL OF MAGNUS' WALLS and he specifically didn't want magnus involved with the camille drama even when it had obviously gotten out of hand because he wanted to keep him safe and away from her!!! i want to be shot in the face!!! they love each other so much! fuck!

and also that implies that raphael knows about camille which means he might be the first person who met magnus post-camille and heard the story, which means that he might be (and probably is) the first person who was never involved that magnus opened up about this to. if that ain't some powerful and important shit i don't know what is. because part of abuse is that you can't talk about it - there's this sense of shame and guilt both from staying and from not staying more, especially because magnus canonically still feels like he owes her... aaaaa

this answer is all over the place im sorry but my point is you are correct, camille is a textbook abuser not just a shitty ex, she fucked up his head and made him unable to open up for a long time, and the first person that helped him break those walls was raphael and they LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND DEEPLY thank you for your attention

#magnus bane #shadowhunters #sh #meta #magnus bane meta #camille belcourt is an abuser #long post #ask #anonymous #camille's trash party #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them

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majicmarker · 3 years

Text

so i’ve had a lot on my mind lately — the good, the bad, the ugly, you know the drill. i’m used to the bad and the ugly, but i think (and ofc by my therapist’s rec) i need to give a little credit to the good, too. not to mention the good is largely comprised of people, and those people deserve a sports stadium wave, yk? idk shit abt sports, whatever, but i know what the wave is and it’s like the grandest gesture i can think of, SO

listen, y’all. to get real here, i hate fandom. my time spent therein has been hit-or-miss, but the misses got me hard and contributed to some major self-loathing, etc etc. we’re not gonna get into the specifics, i don’t owe that to anyone, but suffice it to say things got Rough.

but so much of it can be so, so good. and rn i want to keep on my rose-colored glasses, and the rosiest parts for me have always been @kitten1618x and @mygutsforgarters

(quite a few others, too, but i no longer have everyone’s info. and some ppl are newer friends, or relationships that have moved more slowly. i have mad love for u guys too, obvs, but ik melissa and gus irl so we know each other More and they’re who this post is rly about atm. pls know i don’t want to harsh on anyone’s feelings)

the tl;dr version of events is i met them both via fanfic. i happened upon theirs like “bitch!!!! **i** wanna do this, they’re bomb as hell” and then i made them be friends w me. they’ll tell you they wanted to be friends w me first, but that’s not important bc **i** am the one making this post, so they can both like,, suck it.

ANYWAY.

@ melissa : so bitch listen. here’s the thing abt melissa…… i found her while browsing jonsa fic back when i cared abt GOT, and she brought me back to what i loved so much abt romance when i first started, way back in junior high, what’s up. i bad a fascination w historial romantic epics for a loooooong time — those formative yrs, amirite ladies??? — but girl i could never write it so well as melissa. immediately she struck this balance between the drama you expect from historicals and the levity of a good romance, and i was just like, “hand to god this woman must be published already, surely???”

(she’s not, but that’s ridiculous so we’re gonna skip that)

(also she’s busy?? we’ve been friends for like six years and i will never know how many kids she actually has, but the point is she’s a goddamn superhero and i’m obsessed w her, MOVING ON)

i just Had to be her friend for two reasons: 1) she’s too talented, and b) i have said that abt 2 ppl my entire life and she was the first, so i was like, “AH YES MY HOLY GRAIL”

so ofc i slid into her DMs just as effectively as that one guy i had a crush on when i was sixteen and he’s still shooting me texts every valentine’s day bc of the societal pressures i guess (it is Far Less Effective these days, he’s my age and therefore too young for me, gross, but i digress), except me and melissa go way stronger.

she reminded me of why, half a lifetime ago, i started writing romance — bc it’s fun, bc i want to. bc i can do absolutely anything i want, bc who else is gonna read it but me and whoever i share it with? it was all up to me what i wanted to do with it, and i could do anything. nothing really mattered but what i wanted, and i hadn’t felt that way abt anything in such a long time — let alone abt something i used to love so much.

melissa’s writing is so beautiful, it’s everything i wanted to achieve when i was fifteen and never got around to perfecting. and i’m totally okay w that now, bc what do i need to do myself that she’s not already doing/wants to do in the future? when i found melissa’s writing i found a missing part of me — a part i’d maybe lost, maybe i gave it up, idk, but it was totally gone until i found her fics and they fucking clicked. i had to reach out bc there was a part of me that was a part of her, and she helped me find that again w/o even knowing it.

so i found melissa via GOT, and from the start she’d been trying to get me to write some bethyl. years and years, she dropped not-so-subtle hints — and by “hints,” i mean legit directives that i watch just enough TWD to write her some beth/daryl fic. real crafty, she is.

eventually the stars aligned: i was bored w the same dynamics i’d been writing for years, i wanted smthn new, i was restless, i was line editing a bethyl fic she’d written, and — again — this shit clicked. her fic made me want to explore this dynamic i’d never done before, so i watched the prerequisite episodes (no more than that tho, i super hate the show and i’m begging y’all to not @ me abt it anymore). i found smthn that i’d been missing, smthn that challenged and excited me and brought me back around to why i love romance and, more importantly, why i want to write it myself.

so as i was starting to write bethyl, i was poking around the ao3 tag to get a feel for what had been done, what hadn’t, anything i might be missing. and goddamn BAM —

@ gus : this is where u enter dramatically thru a red velvet curtain that i don’t wanna touch (Metaphorically bc you do romance better than me and i’m cool w that bc your talent simply Cannot be touched, and Literally bc i hate velvet) — i was like, “please for the love of god let her want to write contemporary romance, i need some good fckin food”

i happened upon “doo wah diddy diddy” first. ofc the summary hooked me, forget my usual hard no against pregnancy fics (i have issues w pregnancy and that’s all anybody Needs to know, back off), but This Bitch !!!!!!! has a way with words and i wanted to be friends w her straightaway. lmao too bad for her, now she’s stuck w me

gus’s fics gave me what i wanted without having to write it myself. her style is so distinctive, she hits the notes between porn and Actual Affection that is missing from uhhhh, every romance i’ve tried?? (why is everyone so intent on the sex part?? fckin chill. at best it’s unrelatable and at worst u sound like u’d rather wear someone than fuck them, check urself)

she writes w such care, she wants you to know what she’s doing here, and what she’s doing here is combining the physical and emotional needs of both characters w/o infringing on anyone’s comfortability. you root for these characters bc they simply want to be together, no strings (and if there are strings, damn, they talk abt it).

gus makes you believe in love in the modern age. like, not to sound like one of those ppl who post fckin “no one in this generation knows how to love!!!1!!11!!” memes on facebook, those are dumb, but gus’s writing made me think “yeah man, love ain’t dead, it’s just abt how we approach it.”

(if y’all haven’t guessed yet, i have some hang-ups abt relationships. i’ve goddamn earned those. but melissa and gus both brought me back to where i needed to be — in this place where, yeah, we’ve got some shit to deal with, but we all still deserve the things we want, and those things are achievable. i could not have gotten here without them, so jot that down.)

gus is Real, she’s funny, she’s unapologetic in the way she writes. ofc she has her personal hurdles, but who doesn’t?? and tbh nobody writes a sex scene like gus does. physical, realistic, but balanced w the emotional depth that makes you root for these characters bc you can Feel how much they want each other — not just sexually, but in the less-erotic aftermath of that passion. it continues to blow my mind, bc i’ve never seen anyone do what she does. i can’t even pinpoint the specifics, bc she just… Does It. and you’re reading it like “yeah bitch that’s it,” and That’s It.

it’s fckin wild.

these two — my best friends, the lights of my life, both of whom always make me crave chicken tenders at THE most inconvenient hours bc somehow we always talk abt chicken or ice cream or ultimately DQ, but they're both so hot idec — have something special.

i really, really want them both to know that: it’s not just in how they’ve treated me as a friend, but who they are as people, in their creative pursuits. i’ve never known support the way they’ve shown me; i’ve never known this much enthusiasm or investment or belief that i can do what i want with my talent. i want them to know that i feel the same way abt them and their works.

sometimes, when i look back at their writing that completely kicked my ass, i still can’t believe that they’ve become two of my best friends. it’s totally bonkers. they’re This Talented, and they wanna be friends w my spastic ass? GIRL. i’m out.

i’m not always the best at being present, at giving people what they need when they need it. but with everything that melissa and gus have given me in the past few years, i need them to know this — honey!!! i need all y’all to know this, bc i know fandom shit is hard, but you should know some of these friendships are so, so worth all that bullshit, so —

they have so much to give, so much to say, so much to offer. i could not have kept going without them. i couldn’t believe in myself without the faith they’ve given to me. i hope that i can always give that same faith right back.

and that, babes, is what real soulmates are all about.

#i just love them whoops my hand slipped #the majnificent adventures #gus tag #@ melissa wtf is our tag we had like five #how do i not remember five things #anyway i got into my feelings tnt don’t @ me

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jooniely · 3 years

Note

i really want to know wth mxtx was smoking when she wrote svsss ,the premise was cool the first chapters were adorable and funny so how come it became soooooooo horrible, bingqiu is one of the worst toxic relationships ever, like it makes no fucking sense, one instance SQQ call LB a child the next they're in true love uwu ,The power inbalance is soo jarring ,LB literary never listens to a word SQQ says, hurts him,balantly disrespects SQQ friends ,coherce SQQ and guilt trip him into loving him, and leaving everyone he knows for him, what Binghe needs is a restraining order, and life long therapy and fix his daddy issues, but it seems that the majority of danmeis idea of love is toxic abusive relationships ,i am not against the ship , from the way the fans talked about Bingqiu i was looking forward to see their love blossom and them making up in a healthy way, but god was i dissapointed , like at least make it believable ,give them time to talk about their feelings ,clear the misunderstandings ,heal the wounds ,not whatever the hell that rape scene was about ,so is mxtx trying to tell us that raping the man you love with their consent "whatever the fuck this is supposed to mean " tormenting hurting and making them bleed ,is more important than them having a heart to heart conversation about the fuck ups they commited ,and showing how much they cherish each other , the fans will tell you that NO it's a deconstruction of the papapa to save the world trope ,like wtf is that even supposed to mean ,she deconstruct it by using the same awful shit

Anyway svsss was good at first and then it spiraled to complete nonsense ,it felt like mxtx just wanted to get it over with and move on, sooo much lost potentiel ,i recommend reading well written fix it fanfictions to get over the atrocity of canon, there are plenty of good liushen and qijiu fics out there

And sorry that i rambled a lot and for my bad english, i am just super dissapointed ,this wasn't what i signed up for when i read the many positive reviews

Hey anon let's be friends lol. I agree with everything here. You can clearly tell this was mxtx's first novel. Someone said they wrote it when they were in high school? So maybe it was also cuz they were young that it had some not so great things.

I finished the novel this morning and I was still NOT a fan. That scene was written in a way to make it seem like it was not sexjal assault but it clearly was. Binghe wasn't even mentally present and was not able to give consent and was terrified of what he did. This is the first time I saw the old binghe from the past come out. Shizun didn't give consent either. He basically just accepted his fate. You're right, how is it deconstructing a trope if you're gonna write the trope? And I think a lot of readers don't realize that this entire scene didn't need to happen. It was some bullshit reason that the author fully knew was bullshit. You have to wait for the special item to load? That's never happened, if it loaded right when shizun asked for it, then there would have not been that assault scene.

A lot of ppl use in universe reasons to explain why some things needed to be done but I'm here wondering why the author needed to add these things. At least let your characters suffer the consequences? Consequences for actions don't always mean getting hurt physically after making a wrong decision. It means after so much trauma, both binghe and shizun would barely be mentally functioning. Shizun's thoughts should have been a mess because this is his student but he also raised him and now that student is obsessed with him. One dream he meets old binghe and literally gets his limbs ripped then the next second sees baby binghe and he's okay after it. Even when he sees older binghe there's no residual fear.

With binghe being a psycho, and it being his sword that was poisoning his mind, why didn't someone immediately try to destroy the sword? Then when binghe is getting his therapy we could have explored the love between them.

As it stands I still don't see the love. I don't wanna read the extras to see whatever love that will develop there because those are extras. That shit should have been in the main book. But whatever I gave it a skim and literally already we got another assault scene. And old binghe wants shizun all of a sudden? The same one you repeatedly tortured?? Why???

Tbh old binghe and old shizun would probably get along well if shizun hadn't been abusive towards him cuz they were both psychos.

Shen yuan essentially looked like he just accepted whatever fate he had. Not once did I feel like he realized this world was his life now and not still some book, he's no longer and outsider. And also to just leave everything? It doesn't seem like to us but he spent years with his sect and qingge and qi ge. Oh my god the connection between old qingqiu and his child hood "friend" that should have been focused on more because in those few scenes we got so much material. So much emotional and complex scenes. I really hope there's a fic that explores this thread.

Anyways I still think their relationship is toxic. I know a lot of ppl still enjoy it and I'm okay with that as long as they know it's fictional. Some ppl are okay with toxic things as long as it's fictional but no matter what some say, it's scientifically proven that fiction affects reality. So as long as things stay fictional and ppl aren't looking at them and thinking this is okay or healthy then I have no issue. Not everyone will agree and understand each other so each side should stay on their own with one hating and the other loving, on their own.

I also ended up ranting lol. If u wanna talk more u can send another ask or just message me I don't mind! If u have read mxtx other works I would love to talk about them as well! Also you're English is perfect!

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allthingshetalia · 4 years

Note

can we pls get a scenario of femreader being bffs with gil. like they literally are together for everything to the point ppl say/think they are a couple. but luddy has had a crush since forever on her but ofc puts gils happiness before his. turns out, she returns his feeling too. this could apply to a humanau but you may do as you like tbh your writing is good. stay safe bb and thanks.

💕I love this so much!!! Thank you!!💕

The large blonde grumbled to himself as he scrubbed the dishes. He could hear your melodic laughs from the livingroom as you and Gilbert were having a pillow fight. He felt horrible. You were suppose to be like a sister to him. I mean Gil always referred to you as his sister, so didn’t that technically mean you were his sister too?

He wanted nothing more than for those laughs to be because of him. They were sometimes, but not near enough to his liking. It was so juvenile. Even if you did return his feelings he would feel horrible for stealing his brothers closet friends. But yet another part of him thought about how nice to would be. You and Gil could do your shenanigans when he was doing his paperwork. You could all eat dinner together- expect for when he took you on a date of course.

But yet he didn’t want to cause a divide. What if him and Gil fought? Whose side would you take? He obviously hoped you would take his side considering you would be his girlfriend, but Gil had seniority over him.

No. You are just as close with him as you are with Gilbert. That’s a lie. And the fact that, that is a lie makes his stomach hurt.

“Careful you don’t break that plate. It’s an antique from the 1700s.” Gilbert’s voice rang out. Ludwig jumped and looked over his shoulder.

“Sorry.” Ludwig grumbled. The Prussian hummed and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

“You good?” The Prussian mumbled. He assumed he asked quietly because he didn’t want you to hear. The blonde nodded, not looking at his brother. “You could tell me you know.”

‘No I can’t.’ Ludwig thought. The blonde finally looked over at him and nodded his head so Gilbert would leave him alone. The Prussian gave him the familiar look of ‘this conversation isn’t over’ and popped back into the livingroom with you. Ludwig finally finished the dishes and decided it was time to take the dogs for a nightly walk. He usually just lets them out the back door but decided he needed to get out of the house.

“I’m going with you!” Gilbert shouted as Ludwig threw on his coat. Ludwig groaned, but maybe it meant you would come along too.

“You two have fun! I’m going to go take a shower and get ready for bed.” You laughed, throwing the throw pillow back on the couch.

“Who invited you to stay the night?” Gilbert teased poking your side.

“Shut up!” You laughed. You paused for a moment and bent down petting Berlitz head. “You take good care of them! Don’t let anyone attack them at night.” You laughed as the dog seemed to understand you, because he nodded his head. “Have fun!” You shouted before running up the stairs.

The two brothers were just about to leave when you poked your head out from the top of the stairs. “Wait! Ludwig can I use your shower? Gilbert’s is disgusting! I promise to leave it nice and clean!”

That did more to the blonde than you will ever know. First of all, you naked. Second of all, naked in a space he is also naked in. Third of all, you’re gonna be naked. The blonde swallowed thickly trying so hard to stop the blood rushing to his head I’ll let you decide which one sorry.

“That’s fine.” He cringed when that came out as a squeak. Flashing him a smile your head disappeared up the stairs.

Ludwig quickly opened the front door enjoying the way the freezing cold chilled his overheated body. Blackie yelped even though he was wearing a little doggy coat and Aster pulled at her lease wanting to see if there was any ice she could play with on the ground. Gilbert closed the door behind him and took Aster’s lease from Ludwigs hand, knowing she was more than enough of a handful and she’s gils favorite.

“So what am I going to have to do to get you to talk?” Gilbert mused, nudging his brother with his elbow.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” Ludwig stated. His tone was perfectly normal but Gil could see straight through him.

“Does this have anything to do with your undying love for my best friend?” Ludwig choked on his spit and he stopped in his tracks.

“How did you know about that?” Ludwig quickly grimaced when he realized how easily he gave that away.

“It’s so obvious! I’ve known you since you were this tall.” Gilbert placed his hand against the middle part of his thigh. “I see the way your eyes get all mushy when you see her and that stupid tiny smile that is on your face.”

Ludwig groaned and ran a hand down his face, continuing to walk. “How long have you known?”

“Since you’ve started liking her! At first I thought it was gross because she is toooo young for you.” Gilbert teased.

“Everyone on this earth is too young for us.”

“Thats a sad fact, especially if you’re with an older woman- because then you realize you are actually older than her.” Gilbert sighed.

“You are speaking from experience.”

“Well I’ve had a lot of experience.” Gilbert chuckled. It was silent for a moment. “You know she likes you too.”

“What?!?” Ludwig glared at his brother stopping his walk once more. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wanted to make sure you were both right for each other. You are both the two most important people in my life. I didn’t want her to hurt you or you to hurt her. But you two would be really good together and I would make a great uncle.” Despite Gilberts joking attitude his words made Ludwig smile.

“I know it could put you in a bad situation. I mean what if things don’t work out?” The blonde mused, sighing when he realized he had to pick up his dogs poop.

“I’ll just stay out of your guys relationship! from this day on you can’t come to me for advice and she can’t come to me for advice! So that way I’m not in the center if things go badly. But you do have to know that if this happens and both of you break up- which won’t happen because you two belong together, she is still going to be my best friend and you will have to see her.”

“Like you could stay out of it.” Ludwig grumbled throwing the doggy bag away. “But honestly that’s a risk I’m willing to take, if she is of course.”

“We could have so much fun! We could all go camping, and hiking and work out together. We’ll be like a big happy family.” The thought of all of that made excitement bubble up in Ludwigs chest replacing the uncertainty.

He absolutely adores you. He would rather date you for a week and have you hate him forever than not even try to date at all. You two worked so well together too. Before he could get to far along in his daydream Ludwig thought of something.

“How do you know she likes me?” The question caused a loud laugh to escape the Prussian.

“I always had a small suspicion, but remember Alfred’s party a while back, when he made us play 7 minutes in heaven?” Ludwig hummed recalling that night. He actually liked that party because you got a little too tipsy and hung onto his arm, so you wouldn’t fall. He loved the fact that you trusted him even in your drunken slur. “Well I asked her why she didn’t put anything in the hat and she said it was because you didn’t put anything in the hat. And you were the only one she would want to be in the closet with.” Ludwig smiled wider than he should have at that statement.

“See that’s what I’m talking about.” Gilbert laughed, pointing at him. “That lovesick grin.” Gilbert made a sound of disgust before turing around heading back to the house. “But I’m happy. You’ve never looked at anything like that and you’re my little brother. I want nothing more than for you to be happy.”

Ludwig blushed and rolled his eyes.

-back inside! Sorry this is so long!-

“Thanks again for letting me use your shower.” You smiled flopping down on the couch.

“It’s nothing. If you want to put some stuff in there I don’t mind. I’ve never been in his bathroom but I’ve heard the horror stories.” Ludwig chuckled. You laughed along with him.

“Thanks Ludbug. I will move some stuff in there tomorrow.” You joked. But you were also serious. Deadly serious. “How was your walk?” You asked. You laid down on the couch causing your feet to press against the outside of his thigh. You didn’t want to be a creep but you also hoped he wouldn’t move away. He blushed and you suddenly felt like you shouldn’t have brought it up. But before Ludwig could anwser Gilbert came trotting down the stairs in a dress shirt and nice slackes. The first few buttons were undone and his hair was gelled nicely.

“Awww does someone have a date? Why didn’t you tell me?!” You sat up quickly. You rolled so your legs were under your butt but this new postition caused your shoulder to almost hit Ludwigs.

“It’s not a date! Francis, Toni and Alfred called. They invited you too but I already said you were asleep.” You breathed a sigh of relief. You hated going out with all of them by yourself. They always got a little too drunk and being the only girl made you a little uncomfy- unless Lud was there of course. He always kept you safe. Like this one time a guy tried to slip you a roofie and Ludwig caught it before you did. He completely knocked they guy out in one punch and turned him over to the police. You shook yourself out of the daydream and stared at noticed that both brothers were looking at you expectantly.

“What?” You asked.

“Is that okay?” Gilbert repeated. He had a small smirk on his face like he knew where your mind went, but knowing him he probably did.

“Of course it’s okay!” You assured.

“Have fun you two!” Gilbert shouted as he walked out the door.

“Car keys!” You and Ludwig shouted in unison. You both blushed and looked at each other. The albino rushed in and grabbed his keys from the front table and turned back around, smiling to himself.

“Did he seem weird to you?” You questioned. You unconsciously leaned closer to Ludwig.

“He’s always weird.” He chuckled. He threw his arm back over the couch, causing you to realize what you did. You felt a little hurt think he didn’t want you to be near him.

“Sorry!” You yelped, scooting away from him.

“Nein!” His voice boomed causing you to jump. “Sorry I-I don’t mind.”

“Really?” You wanted to slap yourself. You sounded like a stupid high school girl. You both leaned back up in the couch and stared at the blank TV. “Can I ask you something?” You turned so you were facing him. He nodded and adjusted so he was turned towards you as well.

“Do you have a crush on anyone?” You needed to know. He stiffened and adverted his eyes away from you.

“Ja.” He replied softly. He looked back at you and stared directly into your eyes.

“Do you?” He leaned a little closer to you and something in your body told you he knew.

“Ja.” You giggled copying his accent. You moved a little closer so your forehead bumped against his. His eyes softened and his hand went up and he stroked your cheek with the back of his pointer finger. The little action caused your heart to melt.

You both smiled lightly before finally capturing each other’s lips in a kiss.

And neither of you noticed the very teary eyed Prussian in the doorway.

#allthingshetalia #hetalia #hetalia blog #germany x reader #aphgermany #germany hetalia #germanyhetalia #hetalia imagine blog #x reader #germany headcons #germany headcannons #ludwig beilschmidt #prussia hetalia #gilbert beilschmidt

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autumn-foxfire · 3 years

Note

What Im thinking about today: BNHA n stigmatization of psychology.

The thing is, we as humans are very ready to help each other (most of the time). Thats why we try to rehabilitate prisoners, thats why we volunteer, thats why proffesions such as doctors, social workers and psychologists etc exist. I think we talked here before how most villains in the series havent been failed by heroes, they've been failed by societal safety nets that were meant to catch ppl like them, just like social workers try to catch endangered kids and psychologists try to catch people with mental problems.

Now i study psychology so ill concentrate on that. Obviously it depends from place to place but mental care is still very often looked down upon as 'something for crazy people.' I have personal expirience with that as when i suggested to my dad that maybe he should look into a psychologist too (after my brother started going to one) cuz he has some issues that he could use a hand dealing with, his response was 'what? But im not crazy'. I study psychology and he still often makes jokes about me treating crazy people in the future. I interviewd a school psychologist for a class and she told us that one of the first things she has to do in a school is get students to relax and feel comfortable coming to her with problems cuz there is a very clear stigma in everyones mind that asking for help with your mental problems is something bad, something wrong, something that means you are crazy, wierd, other and people do fear that stigmatization. Going to a psychologist doesnt mean you are crazy, it means you are having problems that you cant deal with on your own and that you need proffesional help with. Nothing more, nothing less. Those problems can be depression or they can be helping you to deal with lingering emotions from your divorce. Big or small, psychology is simply there to give you support and tools you need to feel good again. You wouldnt stigmatize someone for going to the doctor for a soar throat or cancer so you shouldnt stigmatize someone seeking p much the same help for mental illness.

But people still do because things ingrained in society are very very hard to uproot and things are going for the better with every generation but its a painfully slow process and there is no telling how many people fall through that net because they dont seek help when they still can because they think 'im not crazy im not gonna go to those mumbo junbo psychologist that mess with your head' which is very much like going 'im not gonna go to a doctor for my infected wound, they would mess with my body'. Untreated infections spread and get worse and people fall through.

This is what leads me back to bnha. We dont know exactly how long the world of quirks existed, i think i saw a post breaking it down to be for about 100-300 years but for the life of me i cant remember. We know its not terribly long. 100 years may seem long until you remember a single human can live to 100 years old. Now my question is, if a science such as psychology that has been present since like ancient greeks n egypt n stuff can still be stigmatized.

How accepted would quirk counseling be?

Lets not forget that quirks were heavily discriminated against in the begining, treated as monsterous and the other and the acceptence of them is still something fresh and more extreme mutations still face hate groups. Like its completly canon that there are people alive now in bnha whos parents or grandparents faced discrimination or died because of quirk discrimination (cough redestro cough).

Imagine being Togas parents.

Your child displays a quirk like that. You still have in memory your parent or grandparent who was discriminated and monsterized because of a similar quirk. Quirk counceling exists but why should you take your daughter there. Shes not a monster, this isnt something you should get someone else involved with, its a family matter and what do those counselors know anyway, they will treat your daughter as a monster and make everything worse. You can handle this yourself, you can teach her to supress it. Shes not a monster.

The wound festers.

This especially goes hard for japan whos big on the keeping things in the family aspect and not discracing the family. The stigma is still fresh in the memory and you dont want to be that family whos kid goes to quirk counseling. You shut the doors, you shut the windows, you deal with it within the family.

I think that while quirk counseling exists in bnha, it would most likely be seen as something thats shameful to atend, a admitance that you dont have control over your own quirk. Your friends might say 'what the fuck man why are you going there, you arent a monster' even if a quirk that has negative effects should be treated as shortsighted eyes that need glasses. Just because it doesnt function well, doesnt mean its bad. But well stigmatization of disabled is a whole nother thing our society also has problems with and that also connects to bnha (cough aoyama cough). I think thats why its so easy for people in bnha to fall through those safety nets. I do belive they exist but they are new, probably not the most super effective as most new things tend to be and are probably looked down upon.

And hate to break it to shiggy and the crew but thats the kind of a problem that can only be fixed my longterm education and normalization of asking for help rather then burning the systhem to the ground.

I hope that made sense i always get a little loopy with my points when i write a long one fgdgff

No, it makes sense.

Mental health is still stigmatized everywhere, even here in the UK where we’re supposed to have some of the best health care available (which is debatable). To bring something a little personal into this, my flatmates and I were playing a guessing game where I had to describe a word with other descriptions being taboo (in my case it was headache) and as my flatmates know I suffer from chronic headaches, I said as a clue that it was something I get often. Well, a flatmate who was a little tipsy at the time who knows about my depression shouted depression to my other shocked flatmates (I didn’t mind, in fact I found it hilarious). But after we had all calmed down, one of my flatmates said something that stuck with me: “Maybe you shouldn’t overshare things”.

Now, I don’t see telling people I have depression as something I’m oversharing. It’s not private, it’s a mental health condition I suffer from that can kill me if it goes unchecked (before starting medication again, I was very suicidal). In fact, it benefits both me and my flatmates to know that I have depression just in case. And yet it was viewed as something that I was “oversharing”.

This attitude has only arisen because people treat mental health as something that is shameful and should only be known among family members. In fact, I had no clue that DASS (a disability service in uni) was actually also for mental health issues because we’ve been raised with people treating mental health as something “in our heads” and so isn’t as important as physical disabilities, it was only until my uni pointed out that it was there for every condition, physical and mental.

The point I’m making is that I can totally see mental health in BNHA be treated as a shameful secret. Japan doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to mental health anyway (don’t they have some of the highest suicide rates?) so it wouldn’t surprise me if the BNHA universe is the same. In fact, the only mental health issues we’ve seen in BNHA currently are the extreme examples of it such as Twice and Dabi’s mania.

I would love to see Horikoshi delve a little more into quirk counselling and the potential stigma behind it. I know it’s been brought up once or twice (UA treats it as something normal but as teachers who see mental health issues all the time, it’s no wonder that they do) but not enough in my opinion when it’s probably one of the most important stop gaps between making villains.

I don’t have much hope, admittedly, but it would be something fun to explore in fanon too!

#bnha #bnha manga spoilers #mental health #mental health discussion #personal #thanks for the ask!!#thegaygyrus

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sunflowerhae · 4 years

Text

Linger

Episode • 7/8

Mobile Masterlist •

♡ ☾

Authors note• the next part will be the last part I promise guys

Warnings• language, mentions of death I think at this point I can’t remember

Songs• Something - the Beatles/linger - the cranberries/possibility- Lykke Li/ requiem on water - imperial mammoth

•never

•in your entire life

•were you more surprised than when you opened your locker one morning

•and saw a little note float out, and rest itself in the floor in between you and the locker.

•you honestly didn’t want to pick it up.

•what the hell did that asshole have to say to you now?

•you finally lean down and pick up the note

•and you have to hold your hand over your mouth once you open it to stop the crying

•bc you’re in the middle of school

•that’s

•so embarrassing

•lol don’t even ask what school was like the Monday after prom

•right there

•on the page

•is a poorly drawn sun.

•but this sun was different

•it’s eyes were closed

•and it had tears running down its cheeks

•Jaemin wrote you another note for a number of reasons

•the main one being

•he just wanted you to feel beautiful in your skin again

•he regretted everything he said to you

•but the one he regretted the most was telling you you’re not beautiful

•bc wtf

•who

•wtf

•Jaemin had known you for 8 months

•he knew your insecurities

•he knew what to use against you

•and he used it

•and that made Jaemin worse than some of the worst ppl he’s ever talked to

•and he literally can’t look at himself in the mirror anymore

•one time he got so mad he just fucking punched his mirror and it like, shattered

•really fucked up his hand but he didn’t even care at that point

•he was drunk

•felt numb

•so the letters were a way for him to feel something again

•and for him to express his love for you still

•bc no matter what he says to literally anyone

•all he does is love u

•he like truly believes ur his soulmate

•and that he’ll die alone

•and to top it all off

•his parents loved you so they’re always asking where you are

•and vice versa but you told ur mom what happened

•and Jaemin tried to keep it in but one night at dinner his mom is like “i really miss y/n! I told you what we were having earlier bc I knew it’s y/n’s favorite and I wanted you to invite her!”

•and Jaemin starts eating quietly but then starts remembering the first time you met his parents and you ate this so mid bite he just breaks down and starts sobbing

•bc hes like kept this all in

•he doesn’t want anyone to know he actually cares abt u

•but these are his Parents

•so he tells them

•and they are like “bro what”

•and they ask him if his reputation as a high school student was more important to him than love

•and he already knew it wasn’t

•but he was already 10000% sure u hated his guts

•and you did

•but you also still loved him and u hated it

•so you open the letter

•”Sunshine, it’s been a while. I know what happened between you and Jaemin, and I’m so sorry. I’m doing this again, not because I want you to be with me just because you’re single now (you don’t even know me) but because I was there that night. And I heard him. And y/n, I have never heard a more wrong and idiotic being in my life. And I need you to know he was wrong. I need you to know how beautiful you are; inside and out.

First things first, I didn’t get to say it to you that night, because I’m an idiot, and I wish I had, but you looked so beautiful at prom. You’re hair was curled and hanging over your shoulder, and your pink dress with the flower heals; I wanted to marry you right then and there. You took my breath away, even more than the first time I laid eyes on you. But even then you were absolutely stunning. You are so gorgeous in everything you wear. It doesn’t matter to me. I wanted to kiss you, and hug you, and tell you how much I loved you.

But I didn’t.

And I’m so sorry sunshine. I wish I had. I really do.

If you don’t want these letters, then throw them out without ever looking them, I get it. I just want you to have self confidence again; to feel beautiful and smart again. Because I think - no, I know - that you’re the most stunning person I’ve ever seen, and the smartest. And you teach me everyday how to be a beautiful person inside and out.

I love you sunshine.

Always and forever”

•knowing it was Jaemin

•his letters used to make you so happy

•now it upset you so much

•bc what was the truth

•but you didn’t tell him you knew

•you wanted to see what he had to say

•and if you were being honest, you craved his affection still

•bc u were in love with him

•unfortunately

•but it ended up hurting u more

•he would write more letters than he used to

•before, you would get maybe three of four a month

•now you got at least three a week

•and they were all about how amazing you are

•and in a lot of them

•Jaemin would subtly tear himself down

•u read in between the lines to see it

•and you were honestly scared he was gonna kill himself

•you knew all the pressure he had on him; football captain, honors and AP student, the popular boy, the good kid (although that on was a bit tarnished after prom lmao)

•he used to sit with u for hours venting

•and then you would be there to help him

•he no longer had that support

•bc he was such a closed off person, he didn’t tell his friends much of his problems

•well

•no matter what, you were not having it

•it wasn’t that you were weak. you like to think of it as you being strong. bc even though everything he had done, you still wanted to make sure he was okay in the end. you still had the courage to say something to him.

•so you left a note in his locker

•”Dear my secret admirer,

Not so secret, huh? I was bound to find out, what with all the notes you used to give me in third period?

I’m not writing to you for any reason other than to make sure you’re okay.

I can tell when you’re stressed, I think you forget

I don’t particularly like you. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love you

And as someone who loves you, it would be in your best interest if you don’t put yourself down in the letters you write.

No matter what you say Jaemin, you will always be a good person.

You are an amazing captain that your team members are lucky to have. You lead them in a way that they learn to take pride in the accomplishments AND their failures, and to grow from each.

You are a beautiful friend, Always looking out for the dreamies and making sure that they’re happiness is above your own. You listen and you give advice.

You’re a beautiful son, as is no surprise due to the beautiful people that raised you.

You’re one of the top students in the class, you don’t even have to study and you get A’s.

And no matter how much I want to fight it in my head, you were an amazing boyfriend. Until the end LOL.

What I’m trying to say is life is going to continuously beat you down.

So stand up and swing next

It’s going to want to silence you.

So scream.

Fight back, because it’s what you deserve.

And please, stay safe.

I will always love you,

Y/n

Ps. Please stop with the letters. They hurt too much. “

•so

•you slipped that in after the last bell

•and Jaemin didn’t go to his locker right after school, he rushed to practice

•he did have to get a book from his locker afterwards though, so he was in the hallway alone when he opened his locker and the note floated its way onto the floor

•Jaemin was thankful he was alone, bc he sobbed like a little baby

•you were such a beautiful person, so kind and such such a good soul

•and he hurt you so bad

•and yet you still felt the need to tell him all of that

•he started off by sobbing into his locker

•but after about 5 minutes of that his knees gave out and he slipped onto the floor

•and just put his head in his hands and sobbed

•you

•you were at school

•just down the hall actually

•you were in the music club, and you had a meeting after school to bc you had to write a song for the school club banner parade

•(side note. remember previously when i said that you had this club w mark? tell no one, but you were actually still regularly talking to mark! on the first meeting after prom, mark practically ran into the room and when straight to you, and before you could even open your mouth, he was word vomiting how sorry he was and that he had known you longer than any of those assholes and you were an amazing friend and that “ifyoudontwanttobemyfriendanymoreiunderstandcompletely-“ but you had to literally cover his mouth and you were just like “um, well. let’s just start writing the next assignment together, okay?” and before you knew it, you and mark were laughing again together. he actually made you feel a lot better, a lot closer. you both refused to talk abt any of the other dream members, or yerim and miri, but sometimes, something would slip. those were secretly your favorite moments, when mark would joke about something that happened that day, or when he would bring up an old memory of all 10 of you. over the course of the two months since prom, mark had made you laugh the most, and was your biggest reason to smile, honestly.)

•for a timeline, your meetings are about an hour long, sports is two hours long

•you stayed in late to finish some stuff up, as you were the leader of the club

•so you were walking out with ur bass in hand when u heard someone crying really loud in the hallway next to the one you were in

•you went to check and

•who do u see but Na Jaemin sitting on the floor sobbing into his hands

•you didn’t want to pry but you knew it was about u

•so

•you felt like u kinda had to

Continue here

{taglist}

@ivietea @fiveguysgoodbyeguys

@comically-sleep-deprived @woosans-sann @mozartwasajungkookstan @littlefluu @cxcxlxlee @jaesluvklub

@uyuzo @sweetie-yoongi7 @marklexleaf @infatuated-with-you

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orionsangel86 · 4 years

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I was the one with the ask. I want to apologize. I didn't wanna come across as rude. I love your blog. It was an honest question, since I haven't seen any spoilers which indicate that Cas and Dean are gonna make up. Also I have only seen spoilers where they said that the conflicts goes on after ep 9. Last thing was that Jensen didn't mention Cas as a reason for Dean being sad. But I saw ppl saying that Dean is gonna be shedding tears over Cas. I'd like to know if there's any reference material.

Okay so the first thing I need to stress here as in all cases is this: PR is not showrunning. I know I know, we say it all the time. You can’t really rely on small soundbites from the actors taken from interviews and put into clickbait articles usually to satisfy a specific writers agenda depending on the article they are writing.

The second thing to remember: People are going to hype up and sensationalise things on social media to gain attention, likes, notes, etc. You cannot rely on this information either.

What we actually know:

Misha said this: “Cas will return to the bunker and the boys. He’ll be sort of driven back into collaborating with them because we’re still confronting the big bad, which is God. But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”

This quote is from this article.

Then at DCCon the other weekend, the last question asked by Mel aka @/mishasdiary on Twitter, was basically to know if Dean and Cas patch things up and Jensen answered this:

“I will say this, there is an answer to your question in the show. It will be in episode 9 which we just finished. Let’s just say that Dean has a moment by himself, where he prays to Cas. That is a bit of a confession on why he feels the way he feels and why he treated Cas the way he treated him.”

You can see the answer here at about 58 minutes in (last question).

In your ask you sent me yesterday, you also referred to another article (link here) written with soundbites from Jensen. I believe you were referring to this:

"I think the state of his brother always worries Dean. That's who he fights for," Jensen Ackles told TV Guide. "When that support, that base strength in his life starts to waver and [he] starts to second guess himself, that will certainly affect Dean in a way of, 'I can't let him go down this road' or 'I need to figure out a way to help him out.' So it'll be a struggle, not against each other, but for each other. Sam is struggling to find a purpose and Dean is struggling to help Sam find purpose."

But this is standard talk from Jensen and it is also correct so I don’t see why anyone would read this and feel threatened about Dean’s relationship with Cas? Come on now, we aren’t like Bronly’s threatened by Cas’s mere presence. This is very true what Jensen is saying because the brothers are toxically codependent. But there is a true bond between them which has been poisoned over time. Yes Dean will be worried about Sam because Dean is always worried about Sam, but Sam is not part of the Dean and Cas break up narrative.

Jensen also had this to say which I thought was interesting:

[about Sam hypothetically dying] "That would have to be a bridge crossed when he came to it," Ackles said. "Right now, and for a long time, Sam's been the reason that Dean keeps fighting. If you take that away from him, then what does he have? Is there a will to keep going? I don't know how that would shape up from Dean's perspective. Maybe he finds something to fight for or maybe he finds somebody to fight with. Maybe he calls it quits."

So this is Jensen contemplating what life would be like for Dean without Sam, and he’s hardly saying “well if Sam died Dean would also want to die” because Jensen most likely knows that isn’t the case anymore. Bobo has been picking apart that particular arc ever since he wrote Red Meat.

So anyway, brushing off Jensen’s interview aside as nothing even remotely alarming or concerning for DeanCas fans (because we do NOT see Sam as a threat to our ship), lets talk about the prayer. We got Jensen’s spoiler first, and given this was fresh in Jensen’s mind, only shortly after he filmed it, I reckon we can safely assume that what he has told us is at least somewhat accurate (though we cannot of course account for how this may be cut in the editing room).

Episode 9 is Bobo’s episode. Bobo is basically holding the mantle for the DeanCas emotional arc this season (and last season) so I fully expect this to be the next big turning point in Dean and Cas’s relationship. Jensen has confirmed that when Dean is alone, he prays to Cas.

This is already setting a super intimate scene. Dean rarely prays as it is. We haven’t seen him pray to Cas since season 9. The fact that he is alone and not with Sam also confirms the level of intimacy. We can assume that Dean sought privacy for this prayer.

Now, Jensen goes on to say that Dean will explain how he feels and why he treated Cas how he did. This is already sounding like a proper explanation and potentially an apology. We will learn the mystery of why Dean (in Misha’s words) has been acting like such a prick. I never had any doubt that they would eventually explain it. I trust Bobo has planned this all out and knows what he is doing. He likes exploring Dean’s emotional responses - anger comes from fear and worry. Dean is terrified. That is usually why he acts out. Bobo has previously confirmed this and it was even stated in the show itself in Bobo’s episode 14x09 via Kaia. I think that Dean’s treatment of Cas is based on fear. This is why we are so excited (when I say “we” here, I mean me and the general group of wonderful people I scream with daily about this dumb show aka a bunch of meta writers or at least meta literate people). So Jensen has confirmed that we will get a proper explanation of WHY he treated Cas and also HIS FEELINGS on the matter.

The MOST interesting part of Jensen’s spoiler, is that he called the whole thing a CONFESSION. Dude. The last time Dean confessed to anything was in a church and it almost gave me a heart attack. Since that scene was the closest this show has ever come so far to Dean actually coming out of the fucking closet.

So not only is this an intimate prayer to Cas, an explanation of his bad treatment of Cas and an admittance of his feelings over the whole thing, its also a confession.

Interesting choice of words Jensen. Confession to what exactly? Because this is starting to feel suspiciously like a very profound moment between our two boys. It’s clearly an important scene.

Then Misha on top of this, has confirmed that Cas hears the prayer. Which yay for starters, and also think about how he explained the situation:

“But that tension between Cas and Dean will play out for some time, and we won’t really have a resolution to that. I think the audience, and frankly Cas, will finally understand what it is that’s upsetting Dean so much in episode 9. So we’re a ways off from that arc feeling like it’s resolved.”

You have to read this entire paragraph as one:

The tension will play out for sometime but Cas and the audience will understand what the deal is in episode 9. So we are a way off from that arcs resolution.

When Misha was talking about the resolution being way off, he was talking about the time between now and episode 9. He confirms that it is at least somewhat resolved in episode 9. That’s what I interpret as being implied here anyway.

This plus Jensen’s entire answer was to the question “when will Dean and Cas patch things up?” Jensen answered “episode 9″.

Like??? How are people misunderstanding this and blowing it so far out of proportion? Bitter people are so desperate to cling to their negativity that they are totally misinterpreting the information they are being given. It’s extremely frustrating.

Anyway, the one other gripe you had was about Dean’s prayer being about Sam or because he is worried about Sam. Okay except that has come out of absolutely nowhere other than bitters who are actually threatened by Sam which I find utterly ridiculous. So what if the prayer is triggered by Sam? Maybe Sam is in a perilous situation and Dean doesn’t know what to do so he prays. I mean, is that really so bad? Dean usually IS motivated by Sam, so it’s not exactly a huge deal. The main thing to focus on here is that the prayer will be about Dean and Cas and THEIR issues. It will resolve THAT ARC. The arc that doesn’t involve Sam.

Honestly, I don’t think that Dean’s prayer will be triggered by Sam though. Because Sam has never been part of this particular arc that Bobo has been writing. I mean maybe its possible that the whole thing could be triggered by Sam yelling at Dean to sort out his shit with Cas because they are stronger together and Sam is fed up of being stuck in the middle in which case GREAT because I would LOVE to see more exasperated Sam telling his brother to talk to his estranged husband. 12x10 is one of my all time favourite episodes BECAUSE OF SAM.

But again, I don’t think that an intimate private prayer confession from Dean to Cas will have anything to do with Sam because quite frankly, I can’t see how to fit him in a way that makes sense outside of my own 12x10 repeat above.

So please, stop panicking over things we don’t know. Stop making negative assumptions. Focus on the good stuff and enjoy what the show is giving us right now. I’m still riding the DeanCas break up scene high because that shit was romantic AF and no one can tell me otherwise. I’m still amazed that in this shows final season Dean and Cas’s emotional arc is getting pushed into the A plot. In all the years of watching this show this has only ever been the case once before and that was in 13x01-13x06. This is a huge deal. Enjoy it and stop letting negative Nancy’s drag you down.

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scrutineyeze · 4 years

Text

i’m seeing a lot of ppl tossing around ideas about the nature of Fear & the Fourteen Fears (& some about the Extinction & its place in that), so i thought i’d try my hand at it too, lol. these thoughts have been kicking around my head for a while, & i’d be really interested in hearing what others think about this !

gonna put a warning here just about descriptions of fear/s & stuff. also a heads up: this contains spoilers for all of the magnus archives up to date [6/29/2020] and also i have A Lot of thoughts & can Not shut up, so this got. long. (2.7k) & ,,, increasingly weirdly worded bc uhh that’s kinda How I Write

without further ado: my thoughts on Fear, its facets, & how Old these might be. possibly also featuring mentions of the sublime & various things i’ve read. (i’ll work to paraphrase and/or quote these things as succinctly as possible.)

01. introduction 02. Fear: that it is not distinct Fears 03. Fear: a continuation, that it is in Facets 04. on the separation & age of such Facets 05. on, indeed, why such facets cannot be seen are Separate 06. some closing thoughts

01. thesis: robert smirke is Wrong about Fear. robert smirke believes that Fear is distinguishable into Fourteen Separate Fears; this has been shown to be, of a sort, already incorrect, as jonah magnus figured out & demonstrated with the only successful ritual, which entailed bringing in all the “fears” at once. however, to think of them as distinct Fears as in plural is a misunderstanding.

02. the following are selections from the meno, a dialogue written by plato & this translation is from Cathal Woods. beginning at 71d.

Socrates: … But you yourself, divine Meno, what do you say virtue is? … Meno: M: But it's not hard to say, Socrates. To begin with, if you want the virtue of a man, it's easy. A man's virtue is this: to attend to the affairs of the city effectively and in the process to benefit his friends and harm his enemies and make sure that he suffers nothing similar himself. If you're looking for the virtue of a woman, it's not hard to express. It's to manage her home well, preserving her possessions and being obedient to her husband. And there's a different virtue for children, both male and female, and for an old man, and, if you want, for a free man and, if you so desire, for a slave. And there are so many other virtues that there's no problem saying what virtue is, since there's a virtue for each occupation and stage of life with respect to each function of each person. And I take the same to hold for vice, Socrates. Socrates: It seems I've had some great good fortune, Meno, if, when looking for a single virtue, I have discovered in your possession some kind of swarm of virtues.

socrates then goes on to ask about bees & if meno thinks that they differ from each other insofar as “their being bees” or if they only differ through other means, such as beauty, size, colour, etc. meno says that they differ by other means, not through their being bees, & socrates presses then that virtue must be the same: there must be something which makes each of the attributes which meno listed virtues, and that connecting thread must be Virtue.

imagine, then, that we are talking about fear. (not so hard to do, when we are talking about fear lol.) so it might follow thus:

Socrates: meno, what is fear? Meno: Well, it is of corruption, and of violence, and of death, and of …

and so on—except that meno could, of course, differentiate further than simply the fourteen which smirke spoke of. as said in 111 “Family Business:”

I always think it helps to imagine them like colours. The edges bleed together, and you can talk about little differences: “oh, that’s indigo, that’s more lilac”, but they’re both purple. I mean, I guess there are technically infinite colours, but you group them together into a few big ones. A lot of it’s kind of arbitrary. I mean, why are navy blue and sky blue both called blue, when pink’s an entirely different colour from red?

and, of course, he goes on to say:

I mean, you could see them all as just one thing, I guess, but it would be pretty much meaningless, y’know, like… like trying to describe a… shirt by talking about the concept of colour.

but i would (will) argue that it isn’t meaningless to try to describe Fear as it is, which is as a single Entity. because it is the differences by other means (beauty, size, shape) which distinguish the facets of Fear, and not that it is distinct from itself by its Being Fear. that which makes us afraid—and us here, and likely everywhere, will be in reference to living things which feel fear in general, tho i will try to make myself clear at any time i speak less or more generally—makes us afraid through its Shared Connection to Fear, not through its connection to any other thing or other attributes. if something has the capacity to induce fear, then it must contain within itself the connection to Fear, or its being scary—the way that a bee, regardless of its other features, will always share with other bees their Being Bees, and the way that virtues must all contain within themselves that which Makes Them Virtuous in order to be listed as virtues at all. “that which Makes Them Virtuous,” socrates says, must be Virtue, & he spends the whole dialogue trying to get meno to help him answer that question (plus an interesting part about memory & reincarnation, but that’s unrelated).

(i’m going to say here that you Really Don’t Have To Read the meno. i uh personally dislike plato, esp when he’s not talking about love—but this is neither here nor there.)

03. so this brings us to, well, if Fear isn’t separate, then what are the Fourteen in relation to Fear? i’d say that they’re Facets of Fear, the way that honeybees and bumblebees are both bees, and aren’t different insofar as “their being bees,” but they are different in terms of other things, such as size and shape, so you might call them Facets (or different manifestations) of Bee-ness.

this does, also, allow for the looseness of seeing Fear like Colour. you can stick to the basics—blue, red, yellow, green, etc.—or get into specifics—ochre, cerulean, lilac—but you’re still discussing Colour. at the same time, Fear works similarly; you can speak of Fear of change (which would include fears such as uninjured to injured, healthy to sick, alive to dead), of depths (which is my reasoning against the point in 111 that “[s]ome really clash, and you just can’t put them together” … “I doubt The Buried would be bringing through The Vast,” because the fear of both seems to me as significantly more similar than dissimilar: the fear is often categorized as not being able to breathe, due to a too-much or not-enough, and also as the fear of being insignificant in comparison to the size, the fear of a deepness you will Never comprehend that Will Swallow you—a video i would Highly Recommend is “Fear of Depths,” made by Jacob Geller; he talks mostly about caves, the darkness you can’t see into, the call of the void. he talks some of the creatures at the bottom of the ocean, a lot about various video games, including a platformer which causes you to lose the floor. it’s a game about going deeper, ever deeper, and yet … you’re plunged into a massive, empty space. it’s a very, very good video. cw for talking about someone dying stuck in a cave.)—and you can speak of Fear in specifics, even more into detail than the Fourteen do. the Fourteen seems, to me, as a relatively easy nomenclature for these things, especially as understanding these things involve “paradoxes that most adults couldn’t handle” (111)

04. and i’m not arguing, necessarily, against using such nomenclature. to talk about Fear is difficult—i believe, much like socrates believes in Virtue, that there must be something that we can speak to which will succinctly categorize all that we find Scary, but, just like socrates and his search for Virtue rather than the naming of virtues, i find myself at a loss. i have my own thoughts on its connection to the sublime, & how terror and awe meet—how i find it impossible to separate the two, and other thoughts on how perhaps calling what i’m speaking of Fear is a reduction of what it Is—but i think putting those thoughts in another meta is a better organization of my thoughts.

so to talk about Fear in a much more manageable way, to talk about it in its particulars, in its Facets, allows us to better speak to it, just as, when trying to speak of Bravery, one does not need to speak of all things Virtuous.

however, i do believe it important to bear in mind the distinction between something being a Facet of Fear, and something being A Separate Fear. this is when we come to the “age” of various “fears,” or facets. this is another point at which i believe that robert smirke is wrong. he believes that the flesh is the youngest entity, that the end is old & so is the dark—and i’ve seen further speculation from there, about the eye being young—which, in light of how the eye (or, at least, jonah magnus, which i think is more likely, as it does seem Fear is malleable based on belief—as it should be, if it is to reflect our Fear) feels about children’s fears (cf. “Night Night,” ep. 173), i’ve seen quite a bit about

in order for fear to exist, the Fear must have been there since the first time fear was felt—or must have been created simultaneously with it, or some such thing. if Fear is indeed how i’ve described it, and smirke took the easy way out by calling it by its Facets as meno did Virtue, then i would argue against the saying that one facet of Fear is older than another—especially because the difference seems only to be in how close one pays attention.

consider the hunt and the eye, for a moment. at first glance—indeed, likely from smirke’s point of view—the hunt would be an older fear than the eye. we understand the hunt to be the fear of being chased, the fear of being made prey, the fear of predators lurking or stalking or hunting. and we understand the eye to be the fear of being watched, seen, known, of having our secrets brought into the light—the eye, as i’ve seen algie @equalseleventhirds say (along with a great deal of other things that i find highly interesting! they have had a lot to say about the connection between fears—fear soup is the nomenclature there—& also about jonah’s effect on the apocalypse & the distinction of Fear that we’ve seen in season five; all of this i highly recommend checking out) is younger than others, and from how these facets are understood now, it seems possible

after all, animals have been afraid of being prey since there were first hunters.

except to be hunted, you must first be Seen. how many animals protect themselves through camouflage? how long have animals used camouflage to protect themselves? how many animals Must fear being Seen just as much as being Hunted because, to them, those facets are inextricable?

05. which brings us to the facets being incapable of being made separate. we—and once more, this is all living things which can feel fear—don’t ever fear only One Thing At A Time.

from a piece of my writing (which is still very much in the works):

“Fear … isn’t that separate. The cabin fed on your fear of loss, yes, but also of being alone—of being left alone. Of being the sole survivor. Of watching us slip away—of losing us to an unfathomable violence that hid[es] … you’re not only afraid of one thing, Tim. It all blurs together.”

in this instance, i’m talking about desolation—kind of. 111 describes it as the “[f]ear of pain, fear of loss, fear of unthinking or cruel destruction.” but where does the fear of pain stop connecting to the fear of being prey, of being the victim of some unexpected violence? from “the Eye Opens,” ep. 160:

You see, the thing about the Fears is that they can never be truly separated from each other. When does the fear of sudden violence transition into the fear of hunted prey? When does the mask of the Stranger become the deception of the Spiral?

where does the fear of loss stop being the fear of being alone? if you’re afraid of losing those you love, you’re also afraid of being made separate from them, of being alone, aren’t you?

even the flesh, which smirke thinks began with the industrial revolution, must have existed since there were first bodies. even if included within other facets, there are so many things which force us to recall our own physicality in the worst way. in the disease & decomposition of bodies—in things like gangrene, in the bacteria that consume flesh—in the witnessing of flesh (sometimes yours) in the mouths of predators—hyenas and lions don’t always kill their prey being beginning to consume it—

humanity’s stories are full of reminders, too. we have cannibalism in our fairytales (hansel & gretel) & we have it in our propaganda: horror stories ranging from during the famine in Jerusalem during Titus’ siege—Reza Aslan’s Zealot: The Life and Times of Jesus of Nazareth, “There were scattered reports of Jews who succumbed to eating the dead.” and i think i’ve read of similar rumors spread about early christians eating children, tho can’t currently find any sources—and also in significantly more recent times we also tell stories of various people participating in cannibalism, or of monsters which only consume human flesh, or people driven to starvation (cf. ep. 58, “Trail Rations”)—these stories aren’t new. living things have probably feared our own bodies since we had the knowledge that they age and deteriorate and die—that we must eventually end because of them.

this is also why i don’t believe the extinction is any more than another facet of Fear, just like any other; (from “Rotten Core,” ep. 157) “[p]erhaps it is an existential fear that flows through the others like a vein of ore.” it overlaps with and through and into the other facets just as each other in turn folds into the rest. i mean ,,, how many apocalypse-setting shows/books/movies/podcasts exist now? how big was the “2012 as the end of the world” thought? (they made a movie about it: 2012.) us, our end, & the life that comes after … i’m put in mind of a post i recall going around:

“but we built robots, who have beat-up hulls and metal brains, and who have names; and if the other people come and say, who were these people? what were they like?

the robots can say, when they made us, they called us discovery; they called us curiosity; they called us explorer; they called us spirit. they must have thought that was important.

and they told us to tell you hello.”

06. this has all been a rather long-winded (and somewhat meandering) proposition on how Fear might work—i’m Very interested in how other people think about Fear/the Fears/the Fourteen (& if anyone wants to talk to me about the Sublime & where that meets Fear, i’d ! be Very interested in talking about that, i might make another post about that too). i see each facet of Fear as inextricable—when talking and/or writing about them, i find it hard to keep any of them separate at all, especially when it comes to fears i specifically have myself. what do other ppl think ? how separate do you see the various fears/facets ?

#tma #the magnus archives #magnuspod #meta #season 5 spoilers #ig idk i kinda only referenced night night & an au version of cozy cabin #but anyway yeah ! i have a lot of thoughts on how fear works ! im very curious to see how other ppl think it works !#pls come talk to me about the nature of fear lmao !

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