#but i'm hungry. i don't know what to do

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[ghostforwhat]

when you’re off of work would you please elaborate on your hannibal service top agenda,,, please my family is starving

i don’t want anyone to starve so obviously I will extrapolate on the service top aspect of Hannibal Lecter o7!! I am going to get so carried away and I apologize in advance.

Alright going to start this off by saying I do think they’re vers but only in regards to each other, I think for canon relationships, Will has a tendency to allow himself to be directed while Hannibal loves to orchestrate. With each other, though, it grows increasingly and alluringly complicated. Arguments could be made and subsequently thrown out depending on what part of the show you’re watching and post fall is an entire free-for-all because you can’t tell me two grown men survive murder-suicide via cliff and then settle into the puritanical rigidity of who tops and who bottoms.

Okay that being said, honestly i could make the case that both of them lean more toward making sure whoever they’re with is getting the most out of the encounter (maybe for different reasons; the popular trope of Will’s empathy causing a sort of blissful feedback loop and in Hannibal’s case, it stands to reason the politeness overlaps with a challenging sort of hedonism, he’s in control and playful about it) but I think that specifically for Hannibal, Will’s reactions are what he’s constantly seeking and then hoarding. Like. Will responding to stimuli that Hannibal presents is basically the premise of the show and Hannibal very clearly gets off on that, maybe not anywhere explicitly but we see shots of his pupils dilating, his gaze always caught on Will, licking his lips, all in response to Will reacting to him. It’s very rare he’s outright hungry at the beginning of a conversation or interaction, he seems to maintain a sense of aloofness until Will snarks or baits or replies or even defers and then, it’s as though he’s desperate to see more. I'm not getting into the whole them eating meals together because I'll devolve very quickly but like. just keep in mind the way Hannibal watches Will eat, as though he savors Will instead of the meal he cooked. Right. Okay. He gets caught up in Will’s responses very quickly, enraptured and almost stupid about it and trying to immediately trigger more which!! Goes hand and hand with him doing very uh lets say unique acts of service (the malewife jokes are only half jokes); the breakfasts & dinners, the driving, the caretaking. Yes all that’s manipulative but to Hannibal, that doesn’t negate that it’s still getting him the responses he wants and that’s also maybe why he’s so quick to say they’re friends because he’s viewing it as a form of relationship building and quite frankly, that is the only way that man knows how to build relationships; he sets himself up as a crutch and then breaks your leg and unfortunately at that point, for Will, for Jack, for Abigail, for Bedelia, for Chiyoh, you are too grateful to be standing that you forget he’s the reason you can’t do it on your own. The others I mentioned learn either very quickly or very (in painful irony) rudely that he is only a crutch as long as he enjoys it, as long as he can benefit from holding you aloft.

However. In Will’s case, he tries to remove himself and finds that it’s him who can’t stand and he’s immediately resentful and desperate to take back that ability, leaving another gift, another act of service, for Will to prove that he can still provide it and detrimentally putting himself on the map for Jack and Mason in the process. He’s so eager to have Will’s response, he waits at his own fucking crime scene. Will gives him what he wants and he’s too overwhelmed to respond with any sort of power or immediate selfishness, he runs again. And then. Muskrat Farms and his surrender. I feel like I don’t even need to explain why that backs up my case here, that man is so so ready to rescue and then surrender all because Will’s involved; two things he’s never done in his entire life, they essentially reduce him to this almost pathetic thing and it doesn’t give him pause at all because again, they’re acts of service whether Will wants them at that point or not. Like Bedelia said it best, he’s obsessed, he wants every reaction, every word, every sigh and curse, he’s very single-minded about getting them and he doesn’t care who he has to hurt, himself or others, to get them. Now, combine all that and the cliff scene and tell me that man doesn’t spend every second they’re in a bed together completely and utterly focused on Will and Will alone.

#NORTH UR PFP THREW ME OFF I WAS LIKE HELLO RANDOM BLOG I WILL ELABORATE YES #but also hiiiii what are you doing for the rest of your life and can it be me #haha jk....unless? #i'm literally holding so much back lmao like i didn't even touch on Will's response and manipulation of that behavior #tdlr when i write top hannibal its always going to be him makin will come like 3 times before he even remembers to get off n i stand by tha #so so sorry for this but also i am not at all and am completely correct #top hannibal can be good #theres just an overabundance of sadist/power topping which doesn't always mesh well i feel like idk #that man is hungry in every possible way for Will and when youre starved you don't stop to see if youre full you eat until you can't #but then again what do i know i am a dom Will advocate at heart #be he gentle or not #teacupmotif #asks !

[absolutebl]

Hello!

I was wondering if you’ve seen Good Omens (2 seasons out on Amazon Prime) and if you would consider it BL? It has some similar aspects while other aspects are considerably different. Thoughts?

I started watching Season 1 but like Our Flag Means Death it's not really my thing. I don't watch much TV in English anymore unless I have to for work.

I do not consider it in any way BL. It has none of the tropes, origins, source material, country, archetypes, settings, characters, or yaoi heritage. There's nothing BL about it.

It's kinda gay, I guess?

ALL BL has a queer romantic arc, but not all content with a queer romantic arc is BL.

Also, Good O doesn't NEED to be associated with BL. It's not in it's marketing or DNA. It's not relevant to its fanbase or demographics. Why would they want to slap a BL moniker on it? Why would you? Why would anyone?

I mean there is crossover watchers (between BL and us) but that's about it. But that's because it's Gaimen (not because it's at all BL) and for some reason Gaimen is a big deal with lots of fans. (Don't @ me I can't STAND his stuff. It's like Stephen King. I'm never gonna get it. You do you massive fandoms, don't involve me, I don't like your content. I'm side eyeing Star Wars, Twilight, and Harry Potter too. Look I'm either too old or too young and that shit just sailed by me and I toddled along in a weird kid fog of trying to find queer shit as a total geek - which, as a few of you reading this know, took us olds to some very odd places in the days before the internet... bootlegged Ranma ½ anyone? Just me?)

See my feels on Heartstopper for more on this kind of discussion.

Also, I do think I'm coming down pretty firmly on the side of...

BL has to be Asian.

Something about the cultural and linguistic backbone means BL just doesn't seem to work if it comes from somewhere else.

I'm thinking also about the great 2020 Dialogue around Date Me, Bryson Keller - which is an English Language derivative(?) work of my favorite BL of all time, Seven Days.

And I really don't want to get into that kind of debate again.

All of which is to say:

Good Omens is not BL.

IMHO of course. But...

I'm right.

So there.

*** Added note from the comments chatting with @heretherebedork

The point of genre (or sub genre) is to manage our expectations. It's like the label on a TV dinner. We gotta know if we're getting Spaghetti or Pad Thai. That packaged meal could very well be a terrible execution of either, and they ARE both noodles, but I want my expectations met. And if I opened a container labeled Pad Thai and got spaghetti I'd be pretty darn pissed.

If someone sold me Good Omens by saying it was a BL? And I watched it thinking it was? I'd be mad at both them and it.

#insert cloud of grumpy curmudgeon trash fire smoke over all of this #asked and answered #i haven't eaten yet today and I'm hungry #so there #not tagging this because i really don't debates starting up all over again #I do think author intent matters and plays a role in these things #but also fandoms and what they decide is the ultimate end point of art #so #who knows? #my little fandom heart says NO tho

[fourteenthz]

LOVE AND PEACE ON FUCKING PLANET EARTH

#kelly plays ykz #yakuza 0 spoilers #I'm stopping now its like 7am I prefer to believe they are going to have a dinner and plan a trip to Europe and never come back actually #IM SO OBSESSES WITH THEM IT'S MAKING ME SICK IN THE HEAD #i didn't start this game expecting anything other than brother^tm but you know what. IF #they every single one of majima's old boss can say tell this guy has feelings maybe i can too. yeah. YEAH. #OBSESSED SO BAD with chapter 16 first cutscene... he has absolutely NO hesitation in running up to her. #and the second she goes past him he immediately refuses to let her go. #ITS SO INSANE how he has been so lifeless the last chapter and accepting his fate as a pawn for the next one #to show that fucking face he makes while looking at her. ITS SO WEIRD IN A FANTASTIC WAY my man is having too many feelings he can't #she** can't even see it and it KILLS ME bc he is making the world's puppiest eyes at her IM SO AUAAGAHHAHH SLAMMING MY HEAD ON THE TABLE #I NEED THEM. TO BE. SO NORMAL RN. I NEED THEM TO HAVE SUCH NORMAL DINNER RN. #I'm stopping playing bc i'm not sure that's going to happen so enough tears for today but I JUST. REALLY NEED THEM. #TO HAVE DINNER. HOLDING HANDS. AND THAT'S IS. CAN SOMEONE HEAR ME. #she really is like my top3 favorite characters in this damn game I adore this woman to death. #feeling so majima by his sigh in realief as soon as she stopped walking away when she tripped. the way his damn face changes from pained to #'IDEA!' and imediatelly offers to take her out........................... i'm so unwell at this momento. #I thought if they met again I wouldn't be able to trust majima bc he was so set in being a damn pawn in the previous chapter but man..... #the amount of thoughts behind his eye everytime he looked at her. if they end up playing that as him bring in pain #bc he has to win her over im going to kll a guy. there's no way NO WAY U HEARD ME #thry are literally my everything. there is NO way she is going to survive this game and I'm trying sk damn hard to get #used to that idea but it just sucks i love her so much. and thw worst part i have no idea what's up with majima on the other games #is her dying being his villain storie??? his hero redemption? HELL IF I KNOW. IS SHE EVEN DYING FR?? #i truly think they could get away wih shipping her to another country. and it would make sense for majima to insist her to go. #but oh I doubt so hard they are giving me anything but pain with my favorite relationships in this game. i really do. #until then..... lying down in bed.... thoughts abt majima soft expression at her.... abt the weight her voice #carries rn.... abt the way he said 'hey' and she said 'you think I'm emotional because I'm hungry again'..... they. are. so. #the way they dont even give a choice to walk faster when she is accompanying majima. #I have such low standards at this point. if they don't at least hold hands again i will cry. #he doesn't need to guide her around anymore so... u see my vision? him asking for her hand bc he wants to... hello?

[localrobosexual]

i think i'm gonna try one of those weekly meal prep delivery services because genuinely at this point trying to plan meals every week and setting aside the time to grocery shop and prep and cook and all that shit is really getting to me and it's not lookin good here folks lol

#words of meg #i would have done this sooner honestly but there's like this. weird shame that kept making me not #because my entire family cooks and can cook well and likes to do it #and i've grown up with like. not cooking and meal prepping for yourself is lazy and bad #but i just really don't enjoy cooking at all #and i'm struggling to get proper good nutrition because i don't know what to make #and trying to find new things to cook is far too taxing and time consuming for me rn #and plus if i fuck up a recipe or i cant find the right ingredients or if i don't like it #then i don't have anything to eat that week #and i'd go hungry #i can't afford that shit the stakes are way too high lmfao #sighs #i'm still trying to work thru the weird shit my family left me with tbh #it's not weak or bad or lazy to need or want these things. life shouldnt be hard. accommodations are not the devil

[meraki-yao]

I'm in a law lecture, the lecturer is talking about British history because the lecture content is Civil Law System VS Common Law System

And I'm trying so hard not to laugh because all I can fucking think about is George Villiers

Like as a historical figure, I have opinions on the real-life George Villiers, and most of them are very negative

But mix that sentiment with the fact that Nick's playing him, and I can't fucking stop laughing

Oh God, M&G is gonna be a ride for me

#rwrb rambles #george villiers #nicholas galitzine #mary and george #what the fuck #like seriously everytime I see George or think about George #I fucking laughing out loud #I literally don't know what's fucking wrong with me #it's gonna be weird because I'm those type of people who have a strong moral compass even when watching media knowing everyone is grey #but seriously irl Villiers was a selfish power hungry asshole #Spain's War with England ended because of his death #The people of Britain celebrated his death #how much of an asshole do you have to be for a kingdom to be happy you're dead #but that being said his mother's worse #watching nick play him is going to be a very very interesting experience #I thought he was a cool guy when I read about Henry talking about him in RWRB #then went to wikipedia and went what the absolute fuck

[gxlden-angels]

Hello! I apologize if this is a nosy question, but what is the silly feelings wheel app you were talking about in a previous post? My therapist and I have been working on identifying feelings but I still very much rely on a list of feeling words to have any idea what I’m feeling, so it could be a helpful resource. No worries if you don’t want to share, just thought I would ask :)

It's called How We Feel! I'm not sure if it's available on all devices yet, but it's on ios and the google play store for sure.

I've been using it for about a year. It's more of a chart than a wheel but people usually recognize the wheel better so that's what I call it. When you first start it has a 10-part tutorial about emotional acceptance and regulation, then it has suggestions for each category of emotion. You can access both at any time tho after those first 10 days.

It has a share option so you can have friends, which has been great for me cause it prompts me to check on friends and them to do the same for me. It allows you to just respond with a little emoji in like a "I'm here for you" little notification to your friend, or you can reach out to your friend on your own. Its really helped me cause I'm bad at reaching out when I need support so to me and I'm bad about taking on other's problems even when I can't handle it so being able to send a little emoji instead to make sure my friends know I'm there if they need me and them doing the same has been great

#I know I sound like I'm a being sponsored by this app but it's genuinely been incredible for my mental health #whenever I get frustrated in therapy now about not being able to describe a feeling my therapist asks me to think about the chart #he'll ask me what color I feel and go 'good! do you want to narrow it down from there or continue with just that?' and it's so helpful #I have such terrible alexithymia from both cptsd and autism #it took a year of working with him to even recognize when I felt angry or hungry or sick #my friends and I check in on each other regularly now but it feels less intrusive #cause it feels like indirectly reaching out so it's less pressure to directly respond #and it might not feel the same for everyone since it could be jarring to get a notification saying friend feels miserable #but now that I've gotten used to it I don't feel like I need to solve their problems and make them feel better #Like they might be miserable because they're sick! So I check in and they say they're sick but okay and I don't feel the impulse to solve #like I would if I just didn't see them then saw them in person and saw they looked miserable #I don't blame myself or feel like I personally need to fix everything because I know they felt like that from an outside source I can't #control but I can certainly help them if they want! It's their choice tho and I don't feel bad if they don't/I can't #I feel less need to control my emotions/force them to be positive like I used to cause nobody feels positive 24/7 and I can see it #I don't feel the need to be politely content like I did in church because no one can be 24/7. I've attempted to get my family to start but #they're still stuck in needing to not be openly negative. It also helps me accept that negative feelings don't last forever #Someone feeling miserable because they're sick eventually puts they feel tired. Then chill and I know they feel better and I feel better too #Anyways thanks for listening to me ramble about my silly little feelings wheel app I hope it helps you like it helped me anon <3

[keeps-ache]

new oc :D

#art #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #oc #score of four #doodles #<- because it's not rendered and there was no sketch hvhsbdj #should i put this under the p4lettes tag ? cuz i did put them there... [thinking emoji] #//anyway Saint goes by he/they/it because it's So Fun giving characters multiple pronouns lol #can't go wrong with them either!! accidentally referred to my guy as a girl? that's fine! she's genderfluid now :3 #/not sure what this guy does yet but they look cool so loll #//also speaking of pronouns i've been doing this thing #cuz i have a friend who uses he/she+ and internally i keep going 'shs-he' #sorta blending the two? kinda neat :0 #/ALSO very cool thing is my brother keeps joking that since i'm not treated like a boy or a girl in my family i'm just kinda of an #'it-that-thing' and i'm. hbuhvg ◕^◕ #it's actually very nice and i love it hvhdjv #i don't think he knows i'm nb and i don't think i'll ever tell him but i really love he does that lol #//anyway yeah !! i'm hungry so i'm gonna eat now lol :D toodles and noodles :>

[pollen]

can i get a bit real? i've been trying to think about what i can do to make myself want to be an active participant in my life and it's terribly difficult knowing what i want, big picture and even just in the moment. i'm starting small: what can i do right now to want to be in my life? what do i want to do? how do i want to be spending my time? i really just don't know. coasting has gotten too easy. too comfortable and unnerving.

#like i really just have no idea what i like really i just go along with whatever and it's making me so alienated from myself #i think a lot of it has to do with the agency i was at previously as well. the toxicity and burnout i was dealing with #i'm just so used to numbing myself to get through the day that now that i don't want to do that anymore i don't know what to replace it wit #*with #it's very exciting because i'm hungry for being alive but very overwhelming because no one's telling me what to do #and i don't have to live my life trying to make myself someone who's ok with being told to do things that i don't feel good at #but who am i underneath that! i'm someone. and probably someone decent if not great #but um AH making decisions. being alone with my thoughts. AH AH AH

[quickhacked]

hey what's some good snacks to get from the store when you're a guy who is so fucking hungry literally all the time

#personal #i genuinely do not fucking know why i'm so hungry 24/7 suddenly it's making me insane #and then when i'm having a meal my body is like well now i'm not hungry anymore! and then 30 minutes later i AM hungry again #making me insane xx i'm also craving salty food all the time. basically what i'm saying is diagnose me i don't want to go to the doctor

[ginkovskij]

nothing new i'm just super hungry now on top of everything else ):

#being as i am kinda stupid‚ i am very hungry but if i eat something different from that one specific food i will only feel worse and guilty #unfortunately i don't have control on food at the moment and i'm also overwhelmed by stupid emotions #so i have no idea what to do #very interesting yeah i know sorry #notes of a countryside dandy

[genderfluidgothwitch]

Todays episode of "my MIL thinks she knows better than us" was really fucking annoying and I hope they don't syndicate it

#first off she asked me if she could get me a lunchbox #not if I wanted one #but just wanted to get me one because... I was working longer hours. yes that was her actual reason #and I said no I can't eat at work #and she was like oh you don't get hungry? #and I was like that's literally not what I said #I can't eat at work bc of my ibs #if I eat the wrong thing (and who fucking knows what the wrong thing is? not me!) I'll be in the bathroom half the day #and that's not fair to anyone #and she was like well you can put snacks in it #and I'm like I have a mini fridge and a drawer I can put snacks in #I do not need one more thing to keep track of when I can barely keep track of the basics #and she kept! fucking! trying! and finally I was just like no having a lunchbox isn't helpful! #she finally left it alone after that #AND THEN my husband and I were putting together a new cat tree #and she kept getting in the fucking way #she was fucking vacuuming inches from our toes while we were trying to piece everything together! #and I was just like okay you need to stop getting in the fucking way #plus there's just gonna be more shedding later! vacuum at the end!!!! #but no she kept trying to put her two sense in (I'm Italian I don't read the directions) (okay well I'm not and I do so stfu) #and she kept getting pissy at the cats for playing while she was making her bed up #and then our cat hissed at her and clawed her #because Karen (that's her honest to god name) kept yelling at goose #and goose is a very demonic diva cat and doesn't take shit #my husband and I know how to deal with this. she doesn't. so she gets clawed a lot #and then she gets pissed at the cat as if she wasn't the one being mean to Goose and not petting goose the right way #she frequently tries to give goose attention in a way she doesn't like and then when we tell her not to she says it's okay she can do it #and we're like okay then keep getting clawed fuck if we care. spoiler alert: she gets clawed a lot #just... leave us and goose be. we're all adults and we don't need to be babied all the time. just stop. #codependent c*** doesn't have anyone else in her life so she pesters the shit out of my husband and me

[arsonist-chicken]

PSA, don't talk about anything in your town hall that you don't want every employee and their families to know. Maybe avoid your town hall in general and move to a town where none of your relatives or anyone else you know works unless you want them to know your business.

#source: my mother works in the town hall in the social housing department and immediately when arriving home #starts telling everyone everything that happened today and who applied for housing and who got it and who was kicked out etc etc. #which I Do Not want to know; and also it's another reason for me to move away for a while at least after graduating #because otherwise i'd have applied for social housing in my town which. requires filling out the forms that my mother reviews now. #she doesn't decide who gets housing but i don't need her to look at all my documents and insurance times and former employers etc etc #SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I don't want to know any of this!! how do you arrive home and immediately start talking a mile a second!! #@people who are in relationships: how the FUCK do you deal with coming home and not getting some peace and quiet? #i would lose it if I came home and was immediately talked at for the entire evening about things i don't give a shit about #and that should also not leave the town hall or even the office it belongs to #'are you not hungry or do you just not want to eat with us'. what. the fuck kind of answer do you expect to that. #yes i'm hungry but i'd rather sit in my room hungry and go to my swimming club hungry later than eat with you #and be talked at and questioned about what i did today and what my plans are for the tenth time this week #and having to repeat everything twice for some reason. sunday aka me leaving cannot come soon enough #mine #vent and rant #i also don't need to hear about her GODDAMN DIET PLANS *AGAIN*. i don't care i don't care i don't care!! #leave me alone with dieting!! i'm perfectly capable of falling back into disordered eating habits all by myself! I don't need someone else #to talk about diets and weights and weight loss and calories and weight watchers all the time for that! #i'm perfectly capable of hurting myself like that all on my own; i don't need outside encouragement! god. i cannot wait to live alone #and have my own damn kitchen and enough money to buy proper food that's good for me and that i like regularly. #maybe even see a dietician once to help me find some foods with iron and other things i often have too little of. #and no one to tell me when to eat and then be passive-aggressive about it when i say i don't want to eat now

[la-cocotte-de-paris]

That week just before my period is wiiiiiilld I be out here daydreaming about riding a thick cock and sitting on a milf's face and such like woowwwww she really turns me into a demon huh

#it's like princess katie don't even exist it's just demon katie and she wants to FUCK #also i kinda hate the word 'cock' unless i'm crazy horny?? i never use that word for it in any other situation lmaoooo #and it applies to strap too relaxxxxx i'm not straight ew #AND I CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT HERE BC EVERYONE'S FUCKIN BUTT-UGLY #fr it's like you're hungry and you wanna eat but you're in a v slimy 'restaurant' where you know there's no hygiene regulations #and the place has a reputation for giving customers food poisoning #that's what it's like here (in my humble opinion~) #so you just choose 'not to eat' bc you know it's just for the best in that situation #that's my lil analogy for what it's like here in *r*land ew #Ms PMS Week genuinely makes me insane #roacc

[iridescentoracle]

@eglerieth replied to your post: Hello! I am here to ask about your Dior headcanons…

What’s your Galadriel headcanon?

Oh man, I didn’t see this!! Thank you for asking, i fully did not expect anyone to actually get far enough into the Dior post to see that let alone actually want to know. Sorry I’m two days late!

So! What we know about Galadriel in the Silmarillion:

She hated Fëanor but thought being a queen sounded pretty sweet/desired power

She’s named as one of the leaders of the Noldor across the Helcaraxë

Instead of founding her own kingdom (like she’d explicitly originally wanted) or moving in with her brother she got married and stayed in Doriath and learned a lot from Melian

Eventually Melian was like “hey so you should explain the weird ominous evil metaphysical cloud i can see hanging over the Noldor so i can explain about it to my husband bc he should really learn about whatever happened before it blows up in everybody’s faces” and Galadriel was like “yeah he probably should but i’m not telling”

At some point Galadriel asked Finrod why he wasn’t married yet

One time Melian casually foreshadowed Beren’s existence to Galadriel, who has no recorded response

That’s it. That’s literally all we know about what she was up to. She was super jazzed about the prospect of Ruling A Kingdom and then made friends with a queen and learned a bunch from her and… was still alive after the War of Wrath, and in between we have nothing.

We don’t know how she survived the Second Kinslaying, we can assume she made it to the Havens of Sirion but don’t know how she survived the Third Kinslaying let alone what she did/where she went after that… we don’t know what her reaction was to the death of her only remaining family member in Middle-earth, for which her cousins and the great-uncle in whose kingdom she lived were both partially responsible…

Like, that's weird, right? Galadriel is firmly established as someone bold and interested in being a ruler and stubborn as all get out, and then she… does nothing and everybody seems to forget she exists for several hundred years and some major political upheavals that should have personally affected her? It's not just me? That's really weird?

So, my Galadriel headcanon is that she’s inexplicably absent for most of the Quenta Silmarillion because she was deliberately erased/left out by the scribes writing things down because there was no way to acknowledge her presence in Doriath during and after Beren & Lúthien’s whole everything without getting into the messiest bit of Sindar-Noldor political tension that didn’t involve the Fëanorioni, because (again, headcanon) Galadriel Did Not Respond Well to her uncle getting her brother killed as a side effect of trying to get her cousin’s boyfriend killed and there was A Lot Of Tension for a while there (when you’ve got that kind of interpersonal tension between people who are both essentially Political Figures, i figure it’s probably going to turn into political tension unless they’re both trying very very hard to avoid that and potentially even then)

…and then after Thingol’s death a few years later, I think one of the primary contenders for Next Ruler of Doriath was Galadriel “Well I Came Here For A Kingdom In The First Place” Granddaughter-of-Olwë and also her husband is related to Thingol* and Lúthien’s clearly removed herself from contention so if the Sindar want a monarch who’s actually related to the last one they both qualify, it’s perfect and obviously Galadriel should be the next queen of Doriath (it is not obvious to everyone)

* on a side note, Celeborn is mentioned twice in the Quenta Silm: #1, Galadriel stays in Doriath because she’s marrying a “kinsman of Thingol,” while #2, shortly after Thingol’s death, Celeborn is referred to as a “prince of Doriath.” Not actual evidence, but it sure fits in nicely!

Like I said in the Dior post, I don’t think anything ever came to outright surface-level conflict; a civil war in Doriath is not getting left out of the Silmarillion. Tension between Galadriel and Thingol, though? and then between Galadriel and [various other contenders for the throne after Thingol, potentially including Dior himself when he arrived] that had everyone a little nervous? when she didn’t become queen and did (however begrudgingly) accept that Dior was the closest thing to a consensus pick and did survive the next several thousand years only to finally wind up as functional queen of most of the remaining Sindar despite eschewing the actual title? That I can see getting diplomatically left out of the histories, and explaining why she’s completely during the parts of the story where you’d think she’d be most involved.

#eglerieth #replies #lotr #character: galadriel #the silmarillion #listen i love galadriel more than words can express but so much of what's interesting about her is her character development #we know her best from LOTR as one of the oldest wisest most powerful most respected people in all of middle-earth #and she started as this stubborn willful power-hungry kid? #it's been a long time since i first read the silmarillion but i still remember discovering that and how it blew my mind #so while i do think all of this makes sense as An explanation for her disappearance from the text #part of why it's *my* explanation of choice is that i love that that's where she started and i think it's a shame we don't get to see more #of first age galadriel being this complicated messy figure who makes her third age self look all the more amazing #bc how the hell did she get there from here #so it works out so nicely if part of the reason we don't know more about early galadriel being Complicated™... #is just how Complicated™ early galadriel was #anyway the main thing i have realized in writing this & the dior post is holy shit i think about the silmarillion too much #i have. so many thoughts and opinions that i have never discussed with anyone and i don't even know what i actually need to explain #/what facts & opinions i need to establish as context for the stuff i'm actually trying to talk about #guessing the answer is "a whole bunch that i didn't‚ but not like half the things i *do*'' but i genuinely do not know!

[moonchild-in-blue]

A Sweet Romance 🍫

I was going through one of my high school sketchbooks yesterday, and I found this cute little comic I made about chocolate. I thought it was so funny lmao

Clearly 17 yo me had her priorities sorted 🍫💍

#also it was funny cus most of my sketchbooks were either anatomical studies #or just really REALLY dark disturbing stuff #there was a page of some hanged fairies/mermaids. teenager me had a lot to say poor baby #anyways. i noticed today that i hit a very tiny but significant follower milestone #not that it really matters cus this is a random blog but. it still baffles me that there are people here- #-who actively want to listen to what i have to say and share. it's bonkers. i don't know what to do with all of you #i feel like i'm throwing breadcrumbs to a horde (?) of hungry feral pigeons. expect i'm in the middle of it #ANYWAYS x2 #i shall stop rambling now #enjoy my chocolate marriage story and it's tragic conclusion #darya talks to herself