#but i'm literaally always uncertain abt everything i have no idea if i'm doing ok or not bc i've learnt everything by myself while working

[stillfruit]

work complaints

#so i do agency work right which means i reserve each individual work shift individually from a number of grocery stores that offer shifts #i could work at a lot of different places but basically i just work at this one place bc i like it and i know who the regulars ar by now etc #so somewhere around this year they put me in this special list that the stores can have where the shifts are offered first #to those on the list and there was one person besides me on that list i think #this made my life a lot easier bc the shifts go v fast as in if you don't reserve it immediately it's gone and you don't have work #which was fine by me really bc i don't need money to live yet i'm just saving up #at first i thought this kind of work would be ok for me since i don't really have to try and be super good employee bc i'm not a regular #i was like i'm totally ok just sitting on the register getting paid doing the minimum #but what do u kno ofc things can't stay like that bc that's not who i am as a person ofc i have to do everything as well as i can #even tho it benefits me monetarily and otherwise fuck all bc as i said i'm not a regular anywhere and i can get work regardless #so now the store has removed me from their special list and even tho that should be fine bc there's no reason for me to be committed #i'm stressed the fuk out bc what did i do!!!!!!! i know for a fact i have done nothing wrong and the regulars always say i do good job #and they say i'm glad i'm there when i got shifts bc i know how things work in the store by now so i can work more independently #but i'm literaally always uncertain abt everything i have no idea if i'm doing ok or not bc i've learnt everything by myself while working #in the milk aisle and stocking shelves etc #no one has ever taught me anything besides the work as a cashier a little so idk if i'm by now someone who can be called 'experienced' #there was another person who did a huge error with her register that affected me too and that might've made the emplyers think it was me #i can think of nothing else but if it's that i'm p pissed bc it was literally not my fault and i did nothing wrong #anyway the easy way to solve this would be to ask but there's no way in hell i'll talk to the boss and idt the regulars know #so i'm left with this uncertainty and i hate it bc i shouldn't be so hung up on this shit happens maybe they deleted the whole list #but honestly i doubt it #anyway i love how my fear of failure and disappointment make my life not worth living bc even simple things become impossibilities!! #i have a shift on thursday i'll try to ask someone but yea #i'm so overdramatic abt this hfdhfhshhf wow i was demoted a little like over a week ago and it still bothers me like this #like i'm genuinely considering applying somewhere else altogether but then again i could never write an application bc i dont know my skills #watch me be suddenly over this on thursday or be too shy to ask #shit talking