#but idk how to actually get tested or whatever

[snzluv3r]

plot twist update on my gf catching my cold: turns out i caught her cold, and it’s definitely something a little worse than a cold but maybe not quite as severe as the flu

#continuing to test negative and i don’t wanna waste my time on a trip to urgent care bc i don’t /think/ it’s the flu idk #though it would put my silly little heart at ease if my gf went to urgent care and got checked out because she’s been sick longer than me #ugh #yearning hours honestly #also coughing and sniffling and itchy hours #kinda self obs #i forgot i have negative luck when it comes to getting sick LMAO #whatever #she’s worth it and i don’t feel that bad at all #which makes me wonder if maybe it is the flu and i just have immunity or something from having it last month ???? #i made that up somebody is gonna tell me exactly why that is stupid and how it actually works #but at first my brain was like i can’t have the flu again like six weeks later right…. #at least not the same strain #and she doesn’t usually get sick easily or this sick #while i’m the opposite but the poor baby is definitely worse off than me #rambling again see how i wander #who knows…who knows #realized i forgot to finish that thought up there ^ but by ‘immunity’ i mean like #maybe that’s why it’s not as severe lol little booster to the flu shot i got a month too late

[arthur-r]

as usual i am up late into the night planning my future when i should be: getting a good nights sleep so that i even have a future!!

#i have work in seven and a half hours. so i should really be getting to bed #BUT i officially made my final definitive degree plan!!!! i mean not the actual classes but all the requirements i have to meet and how!! #(in order to earn: history and information science double major. with certificates in material culture and classics) #and i’m genuinely excited for every single class i have to take except for human-computer interaction #just cause i know it’s gonna get overly technical in ways that won’t quite apply to my future #anyway every single other thing i’m gonna do is very cool and exciting. so everything is good really #but i should be sleeping. and i’m not. as usual 🤧 #idk wish me luck!!!! i’m so hyped about my degree plan though #i’ll go into more detail another time. i’m very excited #ANYWAY goodnight!!!! can’t be so busy planning my future in library science that i DONT GO TO MY SHELVING JOB #kind of important to actually go to work for the library that employs me…. #and then i might go see a first-printing roget’s thesaurus!!!! or i’ll sleep. we’ll see #followed by lunch with GUY WHO IS THE WORST KILL HIM WITH HAMMERS #(there is nothing really wrong with me he just keeps kind of being mean to me and also expecting me to fall in love with him. but like #extremely passively and not manipulatively it’s just like. hey buddy you’re doing this friendship wrong….) #anyway then i have a class and after that i have an hour to rest. and then a phone call and then a lot of homework #(ten page paper draft due in a week and a half!! so it’s time to start writing the actual body of it) #and then i sleep for a LONG time and then work again on saturday. and then sleepover with somebody i have a crush on?? #and then be normal all day on sunday and do a little more paper writing. and programming homework. and whatever else #and then keep up with the slog for three weeks!!!! and all of a sudden it’s summer!!!! #projects left this year: material culture paper (entirely unstarted. but may research the thesaurus and just win!!!!) #history project (draft due the monday after next and real paper due a week after classes end) #one more programming assignment where i adapt my recipe doubler project (probably. it’s getting stupid at this point but it’s what i got!!) #and a programming test in two weeks and then the final a week after that. then no more programming #and then i just have my weekly latin tests and a latin final on may 5th. and then EVERYTHING IS DONE #ok i got this. sorry for walking through my schedule in the tags it’s how i remember what’s real #can’t believe my fucking partner just kind of walked out on me there hello???? like. we should be powering through finals together #but i’m genuinely better off without him so i guess it’s just whatever. trash took itself out or something?? #anyway. i’m so regular. and i have work in the morning. and i’m going to sleep #thank you world. goodnight

[toytulini]

idk. picky eater rights. im coming to your events and turning my picky bitch nose up at your fancy ass desserts you spent a bajillion hours working over in the kitchen and asking if i can find like a basic ass brownie with no extra flairs or ingredients or steps or whatever the fuck. cry about it. stop trying to feed me

#toy txt post #they gotta have some picky eater bitches be the judges on those food competition shows i stg #sorry for committing the unforgivable sin of my tastebuds didnt enjoy the food you made. it was intended as a personal slight actually #i am trying to offend you for real. yeah. thats definitely whats happening. god/sssss #like god irl if i dont like food you made ill try to be fuckin gracious about it buf dont fucking get mad at me for like. idk. prepping my #own foods you percieve as worth less or whatever the fuck. ppl are so fucking weird about food. #honestly guy on prev post didnt even dislike the cake it sounded like but was just experiencing the human emotion of disappointment #when the little specific joy he was looking forward too was not what he expected. if she had asked him 'do you mind if i make a similar cake #that is not the exact same as the one you asked for? maybe he wouldve been fine cos he wouldnt have been looking forward to that specific #thing. OR maybe he wouldve said if youre not going to make this very specific one im looking forward to then dont bother i dont want you #wasting the time and effort and then she wouldnt have been mad. or maybe she wouldve. ppl do get weird about that kind of thing #maybe saying that wouldve been a crime too. guess that dumb asshole shouldve shut up and eaten his stupid cake and enjoyed it and said #nothing. a recipe for happiness #anyway. hot take ig stop putting nuts in desserts. alllergy havers will prolly thank you but you know who else will thank you? #every day i see takes about food that make me think i really should be more of a picky bitch eater on maim to knock yall pretentious #food fuckers down a peg tbh. every day i resist the urge but god how yall test me. let me be the judge on a cooking show. #weird assholes who are rude abt ppl having allergies or sensory issues: come here. im going to break you #anyway more of us picky bitches who are picky just for like. casual reasons. we should he loud picky bitches on main. if a cook or baker or #whatever can accommodate my picky bitch ass thats difficult to feed for no reason we can be sure they can accommodate allergy havers #and ppl w medical restricted diets. if they can be gracious about me just not vibing w the food then they can def be gracious about more #sensitive reasons. yea i could choke down the food i dont like probably. it wouldnt make me throw up or send me to the hospital. but why #should i? if youre an asshole to me about simply not liking your shit then why the hell would i feel safe disclosing medical info to your #bitch ass? why would i trust you to follow it? and not try to sneak some shit in bc you think you know better about food? #anyway #picky eater rights. let ppl be picky for no apparent reason. cos the ppl who have uwu Good Valid Reasons(tm) dont fucking owe you that #explanation

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

blood color testing pt 2: i was trying to visualize something and made these

#my art lol #blood tw #fukase vocaloid #yeah im just gonna. leave it at that this was just testing so. yuh #so he doesnt look thattttt bad w/ red blood ig but it just doesnt stand OUTTT its annoying to my color brain idk. #there isnt that much blood splattering here either so its probably not the best example but whatever #i usually always need to adjust his colors the most when i draw him anyways just b/c like... yeah. sorry bestie that bright red isnt it #(SOMETIMES. like dont get me wrong i love the high contrast but for certain things it just does not look good so i gotta mess around) #i probably shoulda fixed something w/ the green blood maybe made it lighter actually cause idk if it looks all that good here... alien vibe #usually i do blue and pink the most often; blue my personal fave cause it looks cool and pink b/c its closer to red/normal blood. but ya #man i really need to LEARN HOW TO DRAW HIM CONSISTENTLY smthn always changes every time i draw this mfer 😭😭😭 #theoretically he shouldnt be that fucking hard to draw but AUGHHHH. just in general i need to pay better attention to everyone's designs wt

[pallases]

holyyy shit

#personal #the physics chronicles #pretty sure that’s the worst ive ever done on an exam. damn #still higher than what i was prepared to get though. and im going to start cramming videos into my schedule from here on out i think. and #actually doing the homework although i don’t know how much help that will be bc what was on that exam was nothing at all like any of the hw #it was like the labs which if i had thought our exams would be testing us on lab material i would have studied that instead of staying up #until 4 am covering entirely unrelated content 😐 but whatever live and learn i guess #should also probably start attending the tutoring center for it but idk what i’d do there it’s not help on specific problems that i need #it’s a better understanding of how to approach any problem and the foundational knowledge etc etc like i need one of those extra sections #where it’s a student who’s taken the class before talking to you for an hour or so and giving collaboration exercises etc why did they have #that for chemistry and coding but not physics 😐

[mx-misty-eyed]

i am so confused

#don’t rb #so like. there’s definitely something wrong with my brain #or multiple things most likely #and i’m trying to figure out what specifically it is #but it’s hard bc i’m kinda hesitant to self diagnose #all for informed self diagnosis ofc but im just doubting myself/have an internalized/irrational fear that i’m faking everything #especially since my therapist keeps diminishing stuff that i tell her #and i asked her to do a screening for ocd and she never did and idk if she forgot or she just didn’t believe me/think it was a big enough #deal where it’s worth getting tested or whatever #and also with the self diagnosis a lot of the stuff that i’m wondering whether or not i have has overlapping symptoms with other stuff #so idk how to differentiate/figure out what it actually is #like i’m fairly sure i have ocd depression and adhd #and prob anxiety too #(apparently it’s not normal to have a set of words that you repeat over and over in your head to calm yourself down) #but also it’s possible some of the stuff i’m experiencing is a sign of bpd and/or bipolar (more likely bpd i think but it could be bipolar) #and also i’m thinking it might be possible i have osdd? either 1a or 1b i’m not really sure #like i feel like i have kinda different personalities for school and home and stuff like that #but idk if that’s just a normal thing where you act differently around different people #<- like obv that’s a thing a lot of ppl experience i think but idk if the extent to which i’m experiencing it would make it osdd #but also idk? it’s possible i have osdd-1b #idk how likely any of this is but #like idk how to describe it #but i think the description sounds mildly accurate at least #like i def don’t have amnesia #and idk #like it’s possible that it’s different system members but #i also don’t know if that’s a thing that’s up for debate? #like if it was then i feel like it would be more apparent #that there’s different system members and stuff #rest of the tags got fucked up check replies

[papus-clown-enclosure]

Once again fighting for my life trying to stay awake and finish my last module assignment for one class. God i hate cornell notes so much at this moment.

#i did the two open quizzes/tests #kept getting distracted while doing them #maybe tomorrow or the day after i will put all my focus on my art class bc the portfolio needs to be done. i have 2 things to make just to #take their pics and add kt to the portfolio #and then i actually have to do some writing and maybe captions or whatever #god i have graduation tomorrow to attend to and i have to figure out a new outfit #bc the new shirt and the skirt arent going to work out #also idk how the weather is going to be so i might as well use the shirt and a jacket so it doesnt look as loose and boxy ig #like it fits in the shoulders but its super baggy and its supposed to be a cropped button up #i hate having a body #papuka rambles

[lordsardine]

.

#my friend got me on duolingo and it's amazing how i can pull out a phrase from my ass when i thought i forgot it #miscellaneous #im at the stage where im still testing out of units and then needing to do the Premium™ version of levels #because the free version is basic as shit #and then all the grammar is contained in the premium levels #and the basic shit is like a snooze fest #chinese and i are fighting to get to a level where im actually learning new shit rather than just review #(though i need plenty of review) #im amazed how many characters i remember. like right. it WAS my minor #japanese is whatever i took a year and a half of that #german i want to strangle these duolingo characters #some pronounce words weird and then because i tested out of a fucking lot there #they want me to write down their entire sentence and god forbid i forget one fucking letter #aaaaaaaa. idk i have the premium free trial rn and i have been enjoying it so we'll see if i fork over money when it comes time to pay

[jankwritten]

first psychiatry appointment done. feeling....weird about it.

(venting in the tags. cw for what might be transphobia but i'm not entirely sure lmao)

#vent post #tw vent post #she prescribed zoloft which alright whatever i expected that #but what got to me/rubbed me the wrong way was how she responded to me saying i was trans #she didn't ask me my pronouns or my gender identity. she jumped right into 'when did you first know you were a boy' #and i was already kind of messed up at that point (crying about other stuff) so it caught me off guard and I froze #like. i'm not a boy. i didn't say i was a boy. #but i didn't correct her and didn't get the chance to LATER because when I said 'well I figured it out in like 7th-8th grade' #she started talking about how MOST people figure out they're trans between the ages of 4-5 and how there's a lot of #''''''social pressure'''''' nowadays WHATEVER THAT MEANS?? #and i was like. well okay. fuck me I guess my experiences aren't valid then?? #and then she got kind of awkward about it and moved on so i never got the chance to actually. explain my gender identity #idk. the more i think about it the angrier i get. both at myself for not speaking up and her for saying that kind of shit at all #anyways i'm hoping she has nothing to do with my transition when I go to the endocrin people and talk to them abt it in July #and like she was nice and kind about pretty much everything else. it was just that one thing. #i also feel weird because i overheard the secretary guy tell somebody over the phone that she doesn't like to prescribe #stimulants even to people who have previously been diagnosed with ADHD which. ???? isn't that. the treatment for ADHD??? #which makes me nervous because EYE am going to get tested for ADHD and other such potential neurodivergencies and like. #is she not going to prescribe meds for them if I do have those things?? and what if the testing comes back and I AM autistic #is she going to invalidate that too because there's so many people online who think they're autistic nowadays??? #this all on top of the fact that i had a massive massive panic attack trying to find parking downtown where her office is so I was #already fraazzled and out of it going into the appointment lmao #ahem. so anyway. today has been so rough and I want to sleep for 60000 years. #OH OH OH OH AND WHEN I WAS LIKE 'yeah i took a 10mg thc gummy once but it gave me a massively bad panic attack' #she was like. 'good! I'm glad you reacted like that' and ??? what the hell? that also kinda took me aback. like. wtf?? #why would you be glad that I had a panic attack so bad I almost called 911 and got myself taken to a hospital. like. hello.

[pepprs]

covid is such an evil evil disease and an evil evil thing to live through lol

#purrs #this isn’t prompted by anything im just thinking about it. i hate that thisis what life looks and feels like now and it might always be thi #way. i hate that getting covid feels like an inevitability even though i wear n95s and don’t go anywhere but work and have basically 0 #social life and have put my life plans on hold to wait for this thing to pass when it probably never will. i hate that lockdown was better #and easier than this in some ways because at least back then people were still scared and there still felt like hope and there was clear(is #) guidance and free testing and vax sites and whatever. i hate that free testing and public health dashboards showing covid rates and vax s #sites and all that shit have fucking disappeared even though the variants going around now are more contagious than ever. i hate the #mortifying ordeal of being the only person (or one of the only people) wearing an n95 and sometimes the only person wearing a mask at all. #hate that so many things have been lost and we are not taking time to grieve them or make sure that we are okay and will be okay. i hate #being scared every time i swallow. i hate how there is literally no way to tell if you will get long covid and no way to reduce your chance #of getting long covid or covid at all (aside from masks) just ways to make the symptoms less severe. i hate trying to bring people together #and stay away from people at the same time. i hate all the life that covid has taken out of me and the people i love even though thank god #know more people who haven’t gotten it than who have but actually that may not be true idk. and i HATE that because of covid and how #egregiously badly it has been handled everyone is just like.. perpetually tired and sad and we’ve accepted mass illness and death and #accepted that disabled people (esp those who are marginalized in other ways) are disposable when actually no fucking human being is #disposable and everyone should be able to live happy connected healthy lives and we could’ve ended this shit in EARLY 2020 without having t #deal with any of this absolute fucking NIGHTMARE. like god. i remember sobbing hysterically thinking we would be dealing with covid for 18 #months and now we’re coming on 3 fucking years and lockdown is over but the danger is even worse than it was and like.. no one cares anymor #and it fucking sucks lmfao. i am so tired. i need to move out. and i miss my friends and i miss my life and i miss having fewer things to #constantly worry about and i can’t believe how good and simple life was before this stupid shit. #delete later #i wasn’t planning on going on a huge rant lol sorry it’s just what’s on my mind this morning

[concerto-roblox]

just made the same cup of coffee three times and now i'm crying how's your evening going

#so i'm at work and we didn't use to serve coffe but now we do #and i have never made coffee before in my life #and it should be fairly simple bc it's instant #but i forget to turn the machine on when i get to work #and then this guy tells me his coffee is 'freezing cold' #which it literally wasn't it was literally warm but apprently coffee is supposed to burn the roof of your mouth or whatever #i say sorry and then try not to cry bc i feel stupid #and then i go wait for the water to heat up more and i keep putting some in a cup to test how hot it is #i think it's hot enough but after i've made it i start panicking it's not hot enough #and the sink is broken so i go outside to poor it down the drain #and then i TRIP and spill it all over my hand #turns out it was hot enough bc i burned my whole hand and started actually crying #i don't get to the cold water fast enough so it stings like a bitch #then i go make the coffee AGAIN (while crying) and try to calm down #i go give the guy his coffee and say sorry it took so long and i pretend the machine is broken bc i'm so fucking embarrassed #this time he seems nice and says thank you but idk if it's cos he heard me crying or not #i try to hold it in but i accidentally make a weird noise while walking away and i'm hoping he didn't hear me #and yeah now i feel stupid AND i hurt myself #girlies do not believe anyone who says autism isn't a disability 😔 #just realised i misspelled coffee in the first tag but i'm on mobile and am not going back to change it lmao #how to be cringe 101 #i may delete this idk i don't normally vent on here but i needed to talk abt it to calm myself down #and i can't call either of my parents bc of the stupid ******* #sorry i'll stop i honestly feel better now

[mrsmarlasinger]

I was gonna keep the "being quirky don't get u tht Addy scrip !!" post pinned on my blog until I got my ADHD diagnosis, but they TOLD ME I WAS EXAGGERATING MY SYMPTOMS AHAHAHAAHAHA FJFJFJDJDKDK

#I'M STILL NOT OVER IT LMFAOOOO #i scored abnormally on all three of their inattentiveness tests. but i scored MILDLY abnormally on ONE test #SO THEY SAID. AND I QUOTE. THAT I MOST LIKELY ''EXAGGERATED'' #bc i used 1% of my brain power to listen to excruciating beeps for 14 minutes fjfjsjsjsjsfkd #they said all my symptoms are because i'm depressedddddd (which i am) but then WHY THE HYPERFOCUS BURSTS #which girly idk. is depression why i tore thru chuck palahniuk's 30-year-body of work in two months like a freak 😭😭 #is that why i don't do laundry or clean my room etc for months and then do it all in a manic two-day period!! #or why i finished my personality course in one 27-hour sitting?!!! #or why ritalin makes me feel serene and energy drinks barely touch me 💀 #like girly if that shit's not adhd. okay then WHAT IS IT because idk if depression's really supposed to make you borderline manic sometimes #all i know is. i'm lucky i'm smart bc idfk how i got thru college when i was ACTUALLY INCAPABLE of reading textbooks or listening in class #or starting my homework more than 8 hours before it was due and etc etc #my therapist DID tell me that i had adhd and needed to get an evaluation but whatever ig!!!!! #everything is so incredibly hard all the fucking time and i can't function but it's fine!!!! #personal #adhd

[hiddenbeks]

i have finally reached dantooine and this game is glitching more than ever before <3

#el plays kotor #keep having these weird black lines stretching across like. everything #sometimes textures will not load fully. also the sky looks weird on dantooine idk how to explain it but its weird #at least its just graphics glitching! nothing that breaks quests or characters or whatev! for now!! #this game is really testing my patience but i will be brave about it and finish it. i actually kinda cant wait to get to kotor 2 #i know it has its issues bc of the rushed development. but im looking forward to that good obsidian writing...... #like if theres one thing obsidian games do well or at least better than bioware (lol) its well written grey morality #and i've heard that kotor 2's writing has just that #kotor 1 is so painfully black and white and all quest and dialogue choices on taris at least were like #'here i am giving you 200 credits out of the goodness of my heart :)' or 'fuck you. time to die' #anyway. time to finally get a lightsaber yayyyyy

[composing-the-future]

hmm i just. decided to take the shortcut test in my duolingo japanese course for funsies and i passed and it retroactively marked all the lessons in that unit as complete. i feel like i dont deserve it now. this is strange

#kota.txt #i can probably review the lessons i didnt take when i go for the legendary trophy on them #because i did actually pass it #i remembered the katakana from when i did duolingo japanese last year #and its hard to mess up toiimasu when its the only non-name word available #only thing i got wrong was confusing bo with po and also taking a wild guess at the name for germany bc its not phonetically similar #but. hmm #its weird to dedicate yourself to something for so long and then its just complete #doesnt feel like i earned it #but the lessons are kinda a slog and not challenging #so hopefully i can move onto stuff i dont already know now #only things that scared me in the shortcut test were some kanji i didnt know #(although in my experience they never formally introduce you to the kanji anyway they just kinda shove it into a lesson #for a word you know the kana for already and basically just say hey heres also a thing) #and also the country names that werent phonetic like i mentioned before #like its easy to figure out yooroupa is europe but whatever the germany one was is kinda hard to know #ye #i take japanese at school anyway the duolingo is kinda just supplementary #one of the only school subjects i actually give a shit abt #idk how ncea works now bc i think theyre changing it but ill get my 10 maths and english credits and then just get the rest of them #for japanese #i wanna be like a translator or smth #video game localization would be sick #but yea #kota lore #i havent been on tumblr for a while bc ive been playing league of legends #like a god damn loser #but i am finally gonna try to stay clean of that stupid ass game #bc it destroys my mental state #was gonna expand more abt league but nope tag limit i guess thats fun but yea gonna play genshin or smth chill like that :3

[gyalcoeur-love]

this week was so shit... but i only gave up 2 days but it was really hard... all these consequences are so exhausting

#i know i need to grow up and be more responsible #but im so tired of feeling like i have to do x now do y now have a 5 year plan and when aything goes wrong im supposed to have planned for #that already. the most i can do is not give up cause i dont want to but the expectations of me to jump from depressed slacker to studious #whatever is actually going to take a lot more than 'just doing it' or getting a tutor #im literally trying so hard and i am 'just doing it' #but i keep messing up but i still try to comeback. thats not enough for a place like this and thats not enough for the govt to pay for me #to stay in school. #the biggest issue is i can never build enough momentum to study more than like 3 hours and do assignments on top of that like i cant get #around to doing that and we get them every week. idk how other people do it lol #it sounds stupid and lazy but even going to class is hard so when i go back to my dorm its like damn that was hard... then i have to study #then i go back to class and im still behind then i have a test in 4 days about topics i havent reached yet like leave me alone

[baldursgate3tempobsessed]

Astarion teaching Tav embroidery/sewing. Preferably with him dragging them onto his lap for a close-up demonstration.

Why do I make everything so long? Do I have a problem? There is always so much introspective nonsense idk man. Anyway adorable idea actualized below!

Also mentions of sex but this is totally sfw. I went with the timeline of when your sleeping together but he hasn't quite admitted his feelings to himself, as a side!

~

Astarion had no idea how he became your camp's designated seamstress. How was it possible that a team of eight adults were all incapable of knowing the basics of such a fundamental skill?

Then again, Karlach seemed to be perfectly fine with wearing her clothes to tatters. Wyll was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. Lae'zel, for some gods forsaken reason, was only capable of fixing up heavy armor. Gale seemed to prefer eating magical clothing items versus being able to salvage them and the rest were mediocre at best.

The look of confusion on Shadowheart's, who was the second most skilled by far, face when Astarion tried to explain a ladder stitch was enough for him to give up entirely. It was quicker to fix the tears then to explain simple concepts to simpletons.

Brats. All of you. With one who was significantly more brazen than the rest when it came to using Astarion as their personal tailor.

Tav, the lovely thorn in his side. Who could handle wielding a glaive with startingly accuracy, but somehow managed to consistently stab themselves every time they picked up a sewing needle. It was impressive, how useless someone who was otherwise extremely competent could be.

Impressive as it was frustrating. Because somehow you managed to destroy your clothes more often than anyone else. Always bashfully handing him over torn trousers and ripped shirts every other night. Anyone else he would have told to fuck off by now. Even the rest of the camp knew better than to test their luck with anything more than once a fortnight. But you lacked the very basic level of self-control.

It was his own fault for giving you special treatment in the first place. But sleeping together did warrant a few extra benefits. He got your protection and you got to experience the pleasure of being with him. Simple. Or it would have been if you didn't insist on making things complicated.

Because Astarion was starting to feel things. Things that he hadn't anticipated. Because your company was... oddly pleasant. You were an interesting little thing, he had to give you that. Well-read and talkative, but not boringly so. No, Astarion sometimes found himself losing track of time when he was with you. A simple question could easily turn into a two-hour conversation about the silliest things. It was... nice. New. And oh so different from what he was used to.

Cazador didn't even allow him or his brethren to speak in his home, let alone speak to each other unless it was strictly necessary. But here he was free to do whatever he pleased. And he was finding that included being near you, despite how differently you both saw the world.

He couldn't quite blame you for your delusional optimistic views. As a Tymora worshipper you were basically doomed from the start to believe inane concepts like good fortune, luck, and gods, the good that could be found in "anyone".

You were as sweet as you were aggravating and Astarion truly, honestly, had no idea how your insane trusting nature hadn't managed to get you killed yet. But then again he... kind of liked that about you. He liked that you trusted him. It made his life more convienet and... it was nice to be seen as a person worth confiding in. Instead of the blood-sucking monster he really was.

He... liked that. He liked you. A fact that he didn't enjoy thinking about. He didn't really know what to do with it, and the implications of where his feelings could lead were starting to become unsettling. So he pushed it out of his mind. It was an easy thing to do when doom was always looming in the background. He had plenty of things to think about that didn't include his fondness for you.

Like the inner-rage you caused when you managed to somehow rip the same shirt twice in one day.

"That's it," Astarion announced when you bashfully asked for his help yet again, "Come here. I'm teaching you how to sew."

"But you always get mad when you try," You whined. But despite the hesitancy you still obediently sat next to him as he got out the sewing kit, "Do you promise not to snap this time?"

"That depends," Astarion said with a roll of the eyes, "Do you intend on not maiming yourself with a sewing needle?"

Astarion smirked at the way that made a blush crawl up your neck, "That was one time!"

"Actually darling it was closer to seven," Astarion corrected as he snatched the shirt from your hands, "Now pay attention. Look at where the tear starts. Notice how it's on the seam?"

You nodded along as Astarion explained the basics to you. He could tell that you were trying your damndest to pay attention, but when it was your turn to hold the needle your hands couldn't stop shaking. Astarion frowned as he tried to watch you work, his view obfuscated by the angle and the flow of your hair.

Well that wouldn't do.

Before he could think better of it he was hauling you into his lap, ignoring your surprised squeak as he situated you just right.

That was better. At least now he could see what you were doing. It was a sloppy stich, sloppy enough for him to undo it before putting the needle back in your hand.

"Now do it again," Astarion ordered, "Let me see what your doing wrong."

Astarion watched as you tried again, frowning when he realized your shaking was even worse than before. In fact, you seemed more nervous than ever, your face red as you kept your eyes down.

It made Astarion torn between watching your hands and looking at your face. You really were adorable, getting all worked up from simply being in his lap, all while trying to stay dutifully undistracted. He could almost hear your heart racing, obvious through the tension coursing through you.

Silly little thing, acting all shy like he hadn't already literally been inside of you. But at least you were doing better, your stitching straighter than Astarion had ever seen it. Maybe he'd have to make the lap-sitting mandatory from now on, for the good of your learning.

"See," Astarion said softly, his breath tickling your ear as he leaned in closer, "You're perfectly capable of learning this."

"So it looks good?" You asked, taking a chance to glance at him. Astarion hadn't realized just how close the two of you really were. He had never... seen you like this before. So closely. Even when you slept together, he had been a bit distracted by other parts of your body. He never noticed just how many light freckles were hiding across the bridge of your nose, how your eyes looked almost golden in candlelight. You smelled nice too, sweet. Like you had been rolling around in a field of lilies. Considering your personality, Astarion had to wonder if that's exactly what you did.

It would take almost nothing to press your lips together. Barely a turn on the head.

"Astarion, are you listening?"

The sound of his voice snapped him out of his revelry. He straightened, clearing his throat as he looked over your work again, embarrassed in a way that he couldn't quite describe.

Maybe you weren't the only one being affected after all.

"It looks better," Astarion said honestly, "But still needs work. You'll almost certainly be needing more lessons."

Preferably like this. Astarion wasn't quite ready to let you go yet, not when you felt so pleasantly warm in his lap. But luckily enough for him, you didn't seem quite so keen to leave.

Astarion tightened his hold on you laughing at the way it made you gasp, "But that's enough for today. I think you've earned a reward. Don't you?"

"I-yes?" You said back, your eyes flitting from Astarion's mouth and back, "Please?"

You really were too precious. How could he possibly say no to that?

Astarion grinned as he tilted your chin up, finally pressing your lips together. It was an odd feeling, kissing someone when he couldn't stop smiling, but he supposed you just had that effect on him.

Maybe being the camp seamstress wasn't so bad after all.

#astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #baldur's gate 3 #asks #cutsey #this was a very cute idea