#but idk i do this every time where i think im being normal about food just tracking my calories

[pepprs]

not doing good. at all

#purrs #today and yesterday ive been unspeakably depressed. and no one knows what to do with me and i don’t know what to do with me. but ivs been ge #getting absolutely SHIT sleep bc of my siblings staying up late and my sisters ocd stuff which is probably part of it. I now im wide awake a #and it’s 2 and im miseravle and can’t sleep and already did sleep for 2 hours and it didn’t help and im hungry and weak #i truly don’t n kw what’s wro ng with me. i want to be happy and normal but every day i have long moments where im trying so hard not to cry #and i think most ppl would excuse themselves to go cry or take a break or like. speak up and ask for help if they’re miserable but i don’t d #do any of that. i just hold it all in until i get so tired it disappears. and then when i do snap im too miserable and ashamed to actually b #be honest about how anyone can help me which only makes me cry more. atp idk what will help. im in therapy now im about to have some time of #km eating food i like even though it’s not the healthiest ive tried resting and getting sleep and whatever. maybe im just not cut out for #any of what im doing and i just need to detach myself from reality even harder than i am already doing apparently. idk nothing im typing is #making sense i just can’t fall asleep now and im so pissed at my siblings and im pissed at my whole family for not giving a shit that im mis #miserable and easily overstimulated by noise bc i could’ve had ghe room downstairs and im still being held hostage by redacted and being #shaken awake to redacted like last night and work is killing me for the dumbest reasons. i literally cannot keep living like this #delete later

[pears-trinkets]

.

#the whole vet situation gives me such trauma whiplash im too busy with that that i havent really given myself a chance to process today #all i can think about is how painful eating must be for mischa #i noticed she slowed down a bit and wouldnt eat kibble or hard snacks but i thought it might be one single tooth ache idk #i actually thought she was doing better because she slowed down because she has been gulping down food way too fast since the shelter #the last time she had tooth problems like 2-3 years ago i asked a friend to come with me to the vet and she said omg yes of course #and then she resumed texting me normal stuff throughout the day of the appointment and only after i didnt reply the whole day she noticed #like 10 hours too late she was like OH SHIT HAHA!! and this is literally what happens every time when i ask someone to be there for me #when i make myself really vulnerable and ask for help and say that i cant do something alone they let me down #while knowing that i have no one else #i asked my mom to come to the vet once and she literally only talked about herself the whole time distracting me #and then she was like haha yeah lets just drop off the cat at home and go get some lunch hihi!!!! #she never remembers vet appointments even when we just talked about them and loves making fun of me for being stressed and tense #like OH NO WONDER YOU WERE MOODY like im on my period or something #i texted a friend about mischas health issues and me losing my job and she hasnt replied since january and doesnt really talk to me anymore #so i guess that friendship is done too #ill have to go there on thursday alone and overdraft my account and wait until the evening and care for mischa all alone #i cant even talk with someone about this because no one understands or judges my emotions and no one cares anyway #and then ill have to go back to work where everyone knows that i will be gone soon and will pester me about it #they all think of me as a temporary intern anyway and ask WHEN WILL YOU GO FIND A REAL JOB while they make me do theirs #everything and everyone at that job is so horrible and so many people leave and they never learn #a colleague i helped teaching everything suddenly turned on me &my other colleague & made our lives miserable while badmouthing us viciously #and everyone in the office chose her over us and let her get away with it while she screamed at us and behaved like a child #its so ironic how i stayed because i needed money to live and now when i go i will have 0 because of the surgery #i mean its worth it but like #what the fuck is life and what will it fucking be next month

[luffyvace]

Luffy x male reader hcs ☆

Cuz yeaaaaa I never see this?? I’m sure there’s some male luffy simps out there somewhere !!

come get your food I know you exist!! <3

Now luffy’s not gentle with anyone

but if your a guy he assumes you can handle yourself, weak or not

Why? Because your a man! And men have to do what a man has to do

Luffy has mentioned multiple times to protect nami

because she’s a young girl! (Not a grown woman—she’s eight-TEEN)

robin is strong and has a devil fruit so she’s different!

nami has average feats besides some decent durability

but yeah so he’s not gentle at all

you may get treated like zoro and usopp

you two probably seem more like best friends than a couple

luffy drags you EVERYWHERE on your adventures!

like literally you don’t remember a time where you two are separated

which leads me to believe one of his love languages are quality time

playing together, fishing together, fighting side by side, exploring together

did you notice how many times I said together??

yes!! Because your never apart!!!

so, what’s the other love language??

why physical touch of course!

luffy has no concept of personal space

as we know

so he’s always slingshotting onto you, hopping on you back (even if your smaller), dragging you around, whatever!

he does this subconsciously of course

The crew gets this as well but with as touchy as he is with you, you can tell you two are the couple of the group

don’t bother with dates unless you want to have a eating competition

that’s a date he’ll gladly take on without RUINING

In fact he wins!

every time-

no matter what type of competition it is luffy will never hold back

not even to make you feel better 🤷‍♀️

if you’re just as hyper as him you two are the chaotic duo

nami is always scolding and punching you both

not that you learn your lesson or anything

you guys are always doing stupid stuff like challenges and pranks

and bothering your fellow straw hats when you get bored

🤪

With a more rational boyfriend

luffy doesn’t calm down at all

nor does he listen to you any better than nami

he drags you around on his silly adventures whether you want to or not

in fact that may be how you joined in the first place!

(you remind me of law—platonically)

Luffy always laughs and says “come on m/n it’ll be fun!” Whenever you express you don’t wanna do something

yeah he’s not a great listener

but he is good at picking up on feelings!

so if your genuinely sad he can tell straight away you aren’t your normal self, even if your the world’s best actor

m/n being more sentimental/emotional actually kinda goes hand in hand with luffy since he can pick up on those if nothing else

although you’ll be going through a roller coaster of said emotions-

at least he listens to your demands a little more

Unlike zoro for example as to where he doesn’t get to finish his sentences 🤦‍♀️😬

if luffy ever gifts you something it’ll either be so perfectly accurate (you probably think someone helped him but he did it by himself and didn’t think much of it)

or 😬😬😟

“gee..thanks luffy..”

”no problem m/n!” 😊👍

LOL

if your weak luffy won’t train with you-

you either train with zoro or get stronger with time

it’s not that he doesn’t want to

it just doesn’t cross his mind

he spent 10 years training, he thinks he’s pretty good

All he needs now is experience and adventure!

but if you ask him? Sure!

(im warning you this is training and he doesn’t hold back, especially since your a guy)

idk why luffy thinks guys can handle everything??

like dang you could be a lil gentle..?

anyway yeah

if your strong? Great!

now you can fight along side him :)

random

luffy tells you about everything and anything

Even stuff you don’t wanna know..

”OIII M/N COME LOOK A FISH POOPED IN THE OCEAN!! USOPP WASN’T LYING!”

what??

YUP I’m ending it there 😜

Hopefully my male readers enjoyed this!~ more op content coming soon💗

#anime #anime and manga #luffyvace #anime headcanons #fluff headcanons #fluff #one piece #one piece headcanons #one piece x reader #straw hat pirates #monkey d. luffy #luffy #straw hat luffy #luffydmonkey #one piece luffy #monkey d luffy #luffy headcanons #with: luffy #strawhats #luffy x reader #luffy one piece #luffy x male reader #x male reader #male reader #x m/n #x amab reader #amab reader #luffy x you #wholesome headcanons #wholesome

[mysteriawrites]

Hi bestie~ matchup request lets gooooooooooo

Im a very happy person most of the time. One of those immature but still mature people. I would quite literally do almost anything for those I love and I'm always planning for when I can next hang out with my friends. However, I still do like my alone time and have a flucuating social battery (somedays ill do a lot and want to do more, other days i do one thing and i dont want to do anything else lol)

I like trying new drinks or foods, playing video games, doing sports, singing, drawing, reading and generally learning about stories, no matter what form they come in!

I dislike the ocean, jerks, flakey people (despite having several as my friends 😔), being forced to socalize, and spiders.

Also idk if it matters too much but im also pan and genderfluid! Thank youuuuuuuu <3

Hihi Lexi chan! Thx for the request let’s see who your match is…DRUMROLL PLEASE!!!

🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁

DOPPIO DROPSCYTHE!!!

TW: mentions human trafficking in the beginning

I got Doppio in a matchup trade I did a few weeks ago so you and i are gonna have to share. Don’t worry he has two very big hands/j

You and Doppi mesh really well. You’re both active, full of energy, and down for anything. However you both know how to take things slow and appreciate the little things in life.

You and Doppio met when you were enrolled into XSOLIEL. The student council had been assigned a new mission: rescue and recruit a new student.

You were born with the power to shape shift. Similar to Kotoka Torahime, but instead of turning into people you turned into animals. You’re not quite sure how or why and you never questioned. You loved your ability it made you who you are, however sometimes you wished you were normal so you didn’t have to live in this hell hole…

You were an orphan. You never knew your “parents” were afraid of your ability. They thought you were some kind of monster or demon and sold you to the highest bidder. A rich businessman who made you shape shift and perform and treated you like an animal. You hated every single day of your life there, but you did make friends with the members of the troupe.

One day one the youngest members learned that you were to be sold to a rich man in the audience after the next night’s show. You didn’t want to leave your family and were worried on what would happen to the other performers.

That night you couldn’t sleep at all trying to think of a way out of your fate when you heard a commotion outside your quarters. You rushed out of your hammock to see what was going on.

You were faced with the sight of what looked to be two men in school uniforms single handedly beating up your master’s goons. You ran back before they could notice you and told everyone to hide. You didn’t know who they were or what they wanted but you weren’t willing to take the risk.

All of a sudden everything got quiet. You were practically holding your breath from where you were hiding in case they heard you. Suddenly you heard the crash of someone kicking down the door, and in walked a tall man with black, white and magenta hair.

He found where you were hiding and flashed a fanged smile. He introduced himself as Doppio Dropscythe the disciplinarian at XSOLIEL Institute of Infinity and that he was here to rescue you. He held his hand out to you, and despite not understanding what was going on or who this man was…you took his hand. (Aka author chan doesn’t wanna keep dwelling on this scene so we’re moving on)

6 months later and you’re loving your new life and new friends at XSOLIEL. Ever since they rescued you Doppio had done everything in his power to make you happy and love life again and you two were as thick as thieves. You were so close in fact that you had started to fall for him.

You had been confiding in your other best friend Kotoka (you two bonded really quickly over your similar powers) about your crush. She shipped you guys hard, and knew for a facf that Doppi wanted to ask you too but, too nervous.

However after a bit of hyping up from his friends he finally did. He showed up to your dorm in his 6’2 (187 cm) glory (he bumped his head on the way in), got on one knee with a bouquet of (insert favorite flower here), and asked you out in a very heart felt Doppio style monologue. And you said yes.

Since then you two have been the power couple of XSOLIEL. Him on student council and you on the basketball court. You two also team up for missions as well and dominate your enemies.

Dates usually consist of video games, playing sports outside, and cooking. You two love to hang out with your friends but Doppi can pick up when you’ve had enough and make up an excuse for you guys to leave. He also takes care of spiders for you although begrudgingly. (You’re on your own for cockroaches though)

Have fun with this big innocent goofball.

This one was fun and pretty easy to write. Hope you like it

Runners Up: Vox Akuma, Luca Kaneshiro

#multi fandom blog #multifandom #multifandom account #multifandom writer #multi fandoms posts #multifandom fanfiction #matchups #multifandom x reader #multifandom imagines #xsoliel #doppio dropscythe #doppio dropscythe x reader

[wulvert]

PAPERTEETH 54!! WOO!!!! U DID IT!!!!!!!🎉🎉🎉

HWDJQDQFQLD SCARLETS LORE DUMP,,,THNAK U I ENJOY HOW THE STRAW TECHNOLOGY VEIN OPERATION IS STILL UP 2 VIEWER INTERPRETATION (/POS)

ALSO THE KELLYFICATION OF AVERY AT THE END??? WAIDQKDQLXE NICE CHEEKS IDIOT THE BLOODLUST IS COMING. u werent lying she rly is just so on the ground lookign pathetic.

okok heres werewolf biology questions which are. MUCH simpler and sillier and wont make u have 2 explode ur brain:

-do werewolves have to stick to the diets of wolves due to their curse? like. becoming carnivorous even in human form and being unable 2 eat chocolate.

-can werewolves sense? smell? other non-human creatures like vampires in their murderous rampage forms?

-can a werewolf transformation triggered by something other than a full moon be stopped halfway or is it like. as soon as u begin to show signs its already too late

-werewolves get no cool benefits in human form but do they still exhibit like. traits? hairiness, pointier teeth, lupine eyes, ability 2 growl (i would get cursed if it meant i could growl in human form tbh), etc stuff like that

-do animals tend 2 be more averse to werewolves cause they can. sense the dog in them??? idk

-this one is like. a more? spoilery question? so toss this one out if u cant answer for secret reasons: are any other members of trisha's family werewolves? (this is actually specifically about her sister but i wanted 2 phrase it to where u wouldnt be forced 2 like. technically reveal the answer even if u chose not 2 answer. idk if it worked)

nd finally. a silly: what's everyones favorite foods!!! paperteeth nd triptrack!! um. before avery and scarlet became. incapable of eating regular foods of course. tex and terry are also robots incapable of eating but u can pretend theyr not for this one if u wanna

IT WAS CONTROVERSIAL BUT IDK HOW ELSE 2 SHOVE THE LORE IN THERE IM SORRY EVERYIONE

while werewolves dont rly keep many wolfuy traits when human I think thrs probably an inclination 2wards a wolfier diet! can def still enjoy a vegetable tho.

Id think so! I do appreciate werewolves having a rly good nose in human form in other series but for this i think itd make it far too easy for her to have figured out scarlet by now- so my werewolves get nerfed there but yeah she can probably tell while she's a wolf- but her memory afterwards isnt the best- & she stays in the basement after absorbing moonlight so she shouldnt be running into any vampires anyway and if she did I think she'd have trouble saying someones non human for certain after she's turned back.

yeah! if fish were to get rly upset about something and start turning- but then the thing making her upset was resolved, she'd be able to reverse things if she was calming down- if she still turned from residual upsetness she probably wouldnt be a wolf for very long but the issue is the process of turning is rly painful, so that in of itself is usually distressing enough to push someone over. I think before i said being scared or angry can turn them- its more so like any negative emotion.

trisha has yellow eyes but since i elected not to give paperteeth characters eye colours u cant tell but she does. other than that no but again they get a little fluffier when a bit emotional- which can be ok, anything past getting furry is the bad part. . fangs r cute but my werewolves in human form have normal teeth bc they get a new set of wolf teeth every time they transform then they get a new set of human ones when they turn back- it sucks for them but they dont rly have to worry abt going to the dentist cuz their teeth r always fresh and new. actually unless they need braces, bc the braces and their progress probably gets completely obliterated every month. damn, rip. nothin stopping from humans growling as is so sure werewolves can also growl but like. no better than a normal person.

animals think trisha is gross and generally werewolves as a whole- but agnes is brave

spoierlsers...

no they rnt! werewolfness isnt passed genetically & fishy was the only one bitten in the incident.

good questiom ok i think tex pizza hes a basic little robot i think he'd appreciate its hold-ability via the crust, i do think he'd be vegan if he could eat food, i think he'd feel weird abt absorbing meat- like human ppl are made of meat and that'd psych him out.. idk where it is but i have this drawing . i dont know where it is i posted it somewhere. anyway . um red cheesecake bc he's right abt everything. terry does have a mouth. btw so he can taste things like tex can so he can also theorize abt this- i dont think he'd care abt meat like tex does and he'd want to eat something in one bite, like. a cake raspberries on it which most people would not consider that a one bite scenario but he is a big boy and i think he could do it. toad likes butter penne with nothing else on it & i think tara would like a avocado tomato basil etc sandwich. shae eats protein powder for breakfast

avery when alive. probably showed up at mcdonalds at like 3 am asking for chicken nugget meal pls after work a lot, otherwise i think she had a sweet tooth and made her own tiramisu :) scarlet instant ramen with added stuff in it like egg & vegetables and stuff bc its both easy and nice so its favourable 4 its convenience, but thts bc she has to make it. hm outside of that probably deep fried pizza like drenched in chippy sauce. she would also show up at 3 am to mcdonalds. kelly's favourite food probably is chicken nuggets even outside of a lethargic its 3 am and i just killed a man context so there is that. and trisha a5 wagyu grill seared rare steak obviously. i think context 4 favourite food is important though bc avery wouldnt willingly go to mcdonalds in any other context, its probably like how i feel abt mcdonalds 99p burger when im drunk and cold and ashamed to be alive but with more adrenaline hangover than actual hangover hangover. anyway

fishs dad- hopes and dreams.

#asks

[emptifylie]

today my boyfriend who knows i’m struggling with my ed tried to fuck me. we were making out when he took my belt off and started trying to open my jeans. i turned around on my side hoping he would stop and he kept trying but eventually stopped and said he doesn’t think i actually like him. he seemed really upset. he knows about my eating disorder and he kept calling my skinny and saying i’ve gotten so skinny and how much he loves my small waist. we were so high and i kept getting smoke blown into my face. every couple minutes as we were laying on his bed i would fall asleep and forget where i was. i’m sitting at home after eating for the first time in a few days and i’m in a lot of pain. i tried texting him but he isn’t responding. i don’t think he loves me anymore and i don’t think he’ll be happy if i gain weight. he tells me he wants me to eat more but talks about how much my small body appeals to him. he cut my wrists and bit me today while telling me my wrists were so small and how much he likes that. i will continue to be getting sicker and sicker and i have someone who wants me to, though he would never say that. i don’t know what’s gonna happen tonight. he might break up with me because i’m not giving him what he wants and maybe even because i’m not skinny enough. anyways, i lost more weight. about 5lbs in the last 3 days. i’m really unhappy. i’m unhappy because my boyfriend wants to fuck me and i just want to have someone care. i’m unhappy because my body is covered in cuts bruises and hickeys that i don’t want there anymore. i’m happy my body is getting smaller. i’m mad i ate today. i don’t feel like myself anymore is honestly just the whole point. i genuinely don’t know what happened or why i’m unhappy. my friend asked me the other day why i seem so unsatisfied when i spoke about my life recently. i don’t know why. i have a boyfriend who says he loves me and is quote, obsessed with me. i have a lot of friends and i go out everyday. i’m high or drunk daily. i’m skinny again. or at least getting skinny again. though im failing my classes i get cut slack because they just don’t have the energy to care anymore. they found rotting food under my bed and though they were upset they don’t care anymore. i do what i want and when i want to, so why am i so unhappy? why do i want to die so fucking bad, why do i want everyone and everything to go away as to feel absolutely nothing. why don’t i want to fuck him. why don’t i want to live like a normal human fucking being. when did my life get better and why isn’t it helping? when did it get so hard to be happy, idk if i ever will be again. if i’ll ever be able to let out a laugh that wasn’t forced or a smile that wasn’t faked. to have the desire to speak and to love and to receive love and to show that i care about someone. everytime they tell me they love me it hurts my stomach to try and get an i love you out of me. it hurts to have to call someone beautoful even if they truly are. to accept those same compliments back from someone. to be satisfied with what i have now and not want to go back to what i had before. satisfaction is something i will never have. i will never be satisfied with the love i revive i’ll never be satisfied with the food that i eat, the body thst i have, the drugs and the highs. i guess i’m going nowhere because wherever i go i’ll feel the same. maybe when i’m sicker.

#i want to be a skeleton #pr0 ana diary #ana rules #annarexya #ana trigger #only pr0 for myself #pro 4na #pr0anna #only pro for tags #ed diet #disorder eating #disorderd eating #eating diary #ed vent #edblrr

[mortcannibalism]

human meat isn’t as bad as human shit imo. shit is literally disgusting and it’s l i t e r a l SHIT!! meat is just meat and if you’re into human meat then it’s just what you’re into, i guess. the murder part is where it gets immoral for some but 🤷‍♀️. ~in defence of mort’s rare compulsions~… people kill others all the time legally. for example, in the US the death penalty is legal and the people who work there and have done for a long time, probably have no internal struggle killing people. abattoir workers (who are exposed constantly to the suffering and torture of innocent animals) still work there w no issue.

loads of people aren’t vegetarian and actually have the opinion that creating animal life to torture and then kill- is right. loads of people avoid the moral argument surrounding veganism and vegetarianism because they “don’t want to think about it”. loads of people buy cheap clothes to save a few £$€ when they know full well, human slaves or poor people working in sweatshops in third world countries are being tortured to make them. so many people buy the meat that is treated poorly to save money. people don’t kill/ shoot their own animals because they could “never kill an animal” yet, they collude with the animal torture industry every day. there are ways to promote the better treatment of animals, yet people ignore this. and murder is treated like this unreal awful inhumane crime when in reality most female murderers either have mental health issues (that if were fixed, they wouldn’t murder. so they are reedeemable) or have had unimaginably fucked up lives/ abusive situations! (some are sick, child r*pist p****hile murderers. but still i’m talking about slay murderers not morally indefensible ones.) it’s sick! casey anthony killing that baby (undeveloped brain, equivalent to a dog in some ways, would have in time become a fully developed person. but abortions happen all the time and they would have become people? i’m not saying ch*ld murder is okay its not okay at all TBH they’ve done nothing wrong. i’m just saying from an outside perspective it’s better than… other things ??? idk) to party is no different than people letting their (nice kind amazing lovely, not abusive shit) parents (fully developed brain, aware of everything) die and rot in homes so they don’t have so deal with them because they can’t even be BOTHERED with the people who have given them love and happiness etc. i’m going way off track here this was originally an ask about you eating shit omg. anyway, people are hypocritical cowards!! yeah. i think that was the point i wanted to make for some reason.

im went way off topic sorry. anyway, shit is gross my darling i thought you would have a more refined palate.??! if you’re okay with shit then are you okay with digging up 6month dead decomposed bodies to eat? do you eat soil? worms? would you even bother cooking the ***** meat you eventually… have in your possession? please say you season your food.

sorry if this is overwhelming 🫥

Nah this isn't overwhelming I'm glad to see that I interest you. Sorry to disappoint but I am very digusting human being and my pallet when it comes to people is not refined AT ALL. My pallet for normal food is refined though. I don't like seasoning my food cause I can't really handle spice but I do enjoy salting my food. I would L O V E to eat a decomposed 6 month old corpse. I just know the flesh would be mucky and gooky and a nasty colour and it be so slimy to the touch and the texture in my mouth would feel atrcious but I would be sososoososososoos happy. I love worms and I want them to live so I would never kill them. They're so cute and nice and deserve to live unlike people who are all evil and all need to die. The day humanity dies is the day joy can exist again. Soil isn't human and it doesn't seem like it would taste good so I have no interest in it. Besides lots of schizoprenic people have a fascination with human shit and have PICA (a condition where you have the urge to eat things that are not food) so I don't get why it's so suprising. The main example that comes to mind is Alb3rt F1sh (censoring his name so random people don't find this post) and he ate human shit and had a fascination with cannibalism and eating children. To be fair PICA is a rare condition and most of us who have it don't discuss it and keep it to ourselves so I guess that's why it's suprising. Human meat is obviously not as bad as human shit because meat is food and shit is not food. Also I loved reading "~in defence of mort's rare compulsions~" I'd love to hire to be my lawyer if I ever get arrested. What you said about human hyopcrisy and human moral and huma double standars was so interesting and so true and I loved reading it. The only part I'm kind of iffy on is comparing abortion to murder because murder is killing someone who's already born without the mother's or the victims consent while abortion is preventing a life with the mothers consent. Sorry for the late response I did want to respond to this as soon as I got it but I got distracted.

#asks

[sonicunleash]

SHADOW

HI IM BACK I was splatting with my brother :) SHADOW (THE HEDGEHOG)

Sexuality Headcanon: this hedgehog is gay. he is gay I think out of all the sonic characters this is the sexuality headcanon i am most 100% solid and sure on. that hedgehog is gay

Gender Headcanon: OH NONBINARY 1000000% Perhaps even agender Idk he is also figuring it out because he's from 50 years ago and just woke up and learned about all this like months ago. But this hedgehog has never given a fuck about being part of any gender binary and he doesnt have it all figured out but he knows that not being a boy or a girl has felt more him than anything before and he's awesome basically

A ship I have with said character: well I've mentioned in the sonic post that I do like s/nkn/xadow and thinks that when actually written true to their characters they have a lot of interesting dynamics that could say a lot about each other. but nobody is normal about them and actually writes them as Them so instead everytime i see the respective ships i get annoyed. but also its not that big of a deal. anyways kn/xadow in particular has so much potential like god when you are the last of your kind and have no surviving family and you have been easily manipulated by bad people into being tools for them and you'd think that'd be a unique experience nobody could relate to but actually he gets it. He understands what its like having a past you still dont know all about and desperately wanting to know what your here for, what you exist for-- and youre both slowly figuring it out. together. anyways

A BROTP I have with said character: I already talked about it but godddd shadow and rouge and just team dark as a whole. when he woke up he pretty much had nothing and nobody left for himself even the whole planet has moved on from him but then he makes his first like close relationships again with team dark and they mean. so so much to him. Like they Know but also they dont know just how important to him they are, to have people once again he can trust wholeheartedly to be there for him when he falls and he will be there for them too. OH I FORGOT TO MENTION HIM AND TAILS TOO. he's like the awkward cool and quiet older brother that just kinda slowly happened because tails needed some of his assistance on an experiment and then the moment shadow showed that he was following a lot of the tech talk and even giving his own thoughts back well it was over. theyre nerds and talk about nerd things now every time shadow visits and hold a lot of respect and admiration for the other. they think the other is so cool, basically.

A NOTP I have with said character: Well sh/douge obviously but also sh/dria like FUCKING S TOP THATS HIS FUCKING SISTER. Also even if she wasn't like making that relationship out to be romantic just cheapens the whole thing so much and just feels like bad writing and one of those things where people cannot see that a "boy" can girl deeply about a girl without it being a romantic thing. theyre siblings and best friends shut the fuck up!!!!!

A random headcanon: oh god how do i choose. this is going to get long im putting the rest under a read more

well I think his favorite pastimes are working on his silly motorcycle, taking care of his like 10 chao, reading and listening to music.... he doesnt relax much but he likes to read about flora and fauna a lot i think... As well as different modern science books I think living on the ark has made him a science nerd and he wants to catch up on what he's missed in those 50 years.... I also talked about this in call but I think everyone should know that Shadow very much has a sweet tooth I think. There really wasn't many Sweet food in the ark so its all a very new experience for him and he likes stuff like cheesecake and ice cream so much. I also think at the same time he is a pickier eater than most mobians especially when it comes to more unconventional foods like insects. He may be a hedgehog but he grew up on human food and human food standards he sees rouge putting like mealworms in her salad or something and he looks at her like she's insane. sonic offers him crickets and he makes the excalibur face. Also lets throw in another headcanon for funsies but I think shadow kind of has an interesting detachment, almost, to his past self. he remembers most of his past now, and very much still holds the same attachments and love for gerald and maria and to his home, but what I mean is like. His personality, perspective, outlook... they were Different back then, and between the repeated memory loss and all of the trauma he almost feels himself to be a separate person from the shadow of 50 years ago. for any aitsf mutuals think like date but on a less extreme level. Anyways this stuff doesn't come up too much cause there really isn't anyone left who knew him 50 years ago, but lets say something like in the comics happened where he got to see maria again for a temporary time. She would talk to him and want to spend time with him the same way she did 50 years ago but I think he'd realize the Shadow she's seeing is not the Shadow he is. Or at least, not what he thinks he is. does that make sense.

General opinion on said character: he is the coolest character in the world hes so awesome and silly and i care so much about him shadow has always been my favorite character even when i was little so ysee i think about him lots.

#long post #ask game #sorry for getting Normal in the headcanons part i didnt mean it

[chronicallyillphoenix]

My psych says that i am emotionally dissociated and this is the reason that in the past 6+ months i have actually felt a single emotion. The rest of the time i feel nothing. Absolute apathy. I get physical sensations of emotions (like tight chest when i would usually feel anxious, widespread tension/pain when i would feel angry, sinking chest and nausea when i would usually feel sad) but i dont actually *feel* the emotions. I have been explaining it like how it feels when getting a cavity fixed, the dentist numbs up the tooth so you dont feel the actual pain, but you still experience the physical sensations like the vibrations, smell, and scraping. She says its because i am still living with my ex and even tho we are friends, i still havent been given the chance to step back and actually let myself process all of my feelings.

Thats probably one of the reasons i am just now realizing im probably really depressed. Which would make A LOT of sense given a lot of the things that have happened in the past 6 months. Like. I broke up with my fiance the same day i got the money for a deposit for a wedding venue, i have lost not one, but three of my cats. And i never got to tell any of them bye because they live with my parents and even tho i didnt want them living outside, i didnt get a voice in the matter since i no longer lived there and the house went from my 2 parents, to 4 adults and a baby and they just didnt have room. Two of them were just really old and we think they did the animal thing and just went off somewhere to die alone and it *hurts* because the first one to go was my favorite because of how sweet he was and who i always slept with in my arms when i would visit (i have struggled so hard to spend the night there with him gone). But once he was gone the other two were gone within the next two months and none of them were expected (like we knew bandit and bunnie were old but we expected to them to pass away inside the cat pen where they stayed every night like every barn cat before them had and that way we could bury them up on the hill, but it didnt turn out that way). I have also developed more concerning health symptoms and have gotten no answers to them. And now my mom has broken her shoulder and isnt going to be able to work for the next 3 months and even tho shes getting workers comp, her pay is significantly less and shes my sole source of income right now. And so i am always already feeling guilty about spending any money but now i feel worse about it and am having panic attacks because i got fast food once this week because i was flaring too bad to make anything myself even tho my mom gives me money *specifically* so i can get food and stuff when i am in a flare.

But yeah i have realized i am almost certainly depressed and the funny thing is that the way i realized this was a tumblr poll. It was asking what peoples hobbies were and i couldnt answer it because in the past year i havent really had anything hobby wise. Ive mostly stopped reading, i am not doing pour paintings, not doing my paracord stuff, and anytime i decide im going to finally start knitting i just end up picking up the yarn and staring at it for a bit before setting it back down and going back to sitting on the couch with the tv on in the background for background noise.

Im going to see my psych on wednesday and i hope to talk to her about this but i also dont know what there is to do about it. Probably raise my antidepressant but idk. Im not even sad so i dont see the point in raising my antidepressant because idk what being not depressed would change because were pretty sure the apathy is because of current circumstances and not just because of depression idk. I just want everything to be normal again

#chronically ill phoenix #tw vent #tw animal death #tw dentist #tw injury #tw money

[blackvail22]

9/25/23

10:25am -

i just had my first appointment with my new psychiatrist? i think thats the word. i got diagnosed with BED (binge eating disorder), and ive been saying for YEARS that i had it, and no one would help me. its been 9 years since i first went to a doctor and told them about my eating habits; they didnt help me. i had an obvious ed, and im glad im finally getting the help i need.

my relationship with food is severely complicated. im obsessed with my weight and the calories im intaking, but i cant stop... binging. and the fact i have fat on my body makes me want to throw up, nd every time i notice it, it makes me feel like my insides are being scratched over and over. my fear of purging is the only reason i dont...

a month ago, i was talking with my counselor, and she asked me if ive ever been screened for adhd. i told her no, but i can tell her yes!! my new doctor did a screening thing for adhd, and i have it. shes referring me to somewhere to get a more in-depth test to see what type of adhd and the severeity of it.

i told my mom all of this, and she seemed upset. i dont understand? shes been so rude to me lately... i mean, she always is.. but it feels like she changed? shes so bitter, and shes being like homophobic 😭😭 out of nowhere LIKE WHAT PROMPTED U TO BE LIKE THIS? i SWEAR on everything, being a chronic facebook user ruined her. she wasnt like this before facebook LMAOO shes so sad. but, all well!

im going to try my best to clean my room again. i NEED to get my shit together!! its so embarrassing how messy it is. i have to focus on doing it. i have to do it today; i have no choice!!

10:17pm

news flash: i didnt clean my room. whos surprised? im going to try and get it together before i go to bed because i have to... i have or else ill feel like im letting my boyfriend down lol

yk idk why but being friends and flirting w somsone is so much different than dating them. its insane!

i didnt mention this before but im being put on a different medication that targets bed and adhd and it also helps depression. i have to do a bunch of testing before i take it, though, because its a controlled substance

im afraid of facing my past. i know that i was a fucked up kid, but seeing HOW fucked up i am is... terrifying. like i read through a few of my old roblox messages and woah!!! i was living a double life, holy shit! obvi... i used a fake name, fake age, and some of the stories i would tell belonged to my sister. ill forever be regretful for the way i was back then... it makes me think, though... did i ever really change?

i had this girlfriend named .... lets call her juju. she lived on the other side of my country, and we met because we both ran fan accts for a youtuber on insta. i became ... obsessive? quickly. i feel sorry for her, but i was 12 and she was nearly 16, so... she easily couldve cut me off once she found out my age lmao. idk, i kept trying to find ways for her and i to meet in person because i was so excited to meet her online. she broke up with me, and i made another instagram and pretended to be someone else for a while.... aka i catfished her. i didnt show her photos of anyone else, just used the name "katrina" like i used to. i got her to talk abt her exes and then she talked abt how she recently broke up w someone and how crazy they were. i knew then that my behavior wasnt normal. i didnt understand the boundaries i was crossing.

am i all that different now? i used his snap maps to see when he's at his dad and when hes at his moms or at school. when i planned on moving down there, i looked for apartments that were nearby his primary home. i attenpted to make an acct to pretend i was someone else and see if he would lie to me abt info abt his life. i didnt finish it.... i got like the ick from myself and was thinking abt how crazy i was.

i try my best to not be ... stalker-like. i wouldnt follow someone throughout their day to see where they are, who theyre with. i wouldnt use it to harm him, and if he didnt want to see me or talk to me, i wouldnt force him to by showing up to his house or texting him off the number i give to weirdos.

im getting tired. its 10:37p now, and i keep like closing my eyes every once and awhile inbetween sections.

i think the last thing i feel i need to rant abt is how i told my dad i have binge eating disorder and for dinner when i told him i didnt care what he got me, HE GOT ME FOOD FOR A FAMILY OF 4. he looked me in the eyes and said, "two cheeseburgers, 16 chicken nuggets, 10 cheese sticks, and a milkshake incase u get hungry later" when he KNOWS i have a habit of eating a lot of food in one sitting.

i feel gross from how much i ate today, and im still wanting to eat more.

being told "u can reverse everything thats wrong w you if u just lost weight!" and then having those same people ENFORCE ur unhealthy eating habits is insane

like, do u rlly want to help me? or do u want to just berate me for the hell of it?

okie song song time

this song is so ... relateable. typical pop song but its so good 2 me

[octal-alchemist]

complaininh

hoping praying i can switch my schedule soon. spoke to my manager today, she said somebody on afternoons is quitting so that works for her. not quite sure who it is she means but, neat.

i keep having like. a daily fucking mental breakdown and i am not okay with it. even when I'm okay, my future feels like it has been stolen. i force myself to look at my goals, but they feel pointless and unsatisfying. nothing is good. i live only to talk to other people, but even that can hurt. I can't create right now. i barely want to.

I've been eating a lot, trying a variety of things, desperately hoping something will satisfy this emptiness. it's making me worse. I can't talk about food stuff with anybody though. or about drinking. just in general people in my life are so used to me being uptight, neurotic, and in control - if i mention im struggling w overeating or drinking theyre like "good :) you should eat more." "oh cool, you're drinking again, i missed drinking w you" like hun no... but i dont want to show them how bad it's getting.

these r people i get to see once every few months. so like. i can mask it to be like I'm doing things reasonably for the time we r together so they don't understand. they don't understand that I've been falling the fuck apsrt again. im almost to the point I wouldn't mind being hospitalized again. maybe i need intensive fucking treatment. idk!

my memory has been like a sieve too. every day blends. an ongoing nightmare with bright spots where i get to talk to people.

it's so stupid that I'm making good fucking money but I'm almost as miserable as when i was homeless. at least then i had fucking company.

i normally clean my house daily w a weekly deep clean but somehow it's gotten disgusting all of a sudden. I don't know when i stopped cleaning. I don't want to fix it. im just fucking hiding in bed n trying to brainstorm. how can i fix thisbhow can i fix me. I can't do this alone humans arent meant to be alone but my pride is so damn big. the shit I say constantly on the internet i would never say irl. but theres stuff ive been too scared to say on the internet too.

if i wasn't so scared of guns idve been dead two weeks ago. if i wasn't a coward I'd use the pills i got in march. i want to live though!!!! i really fucking do!!!! but this alone shit is unbearable. I don't even feel like a person. i feel so unworthy of life of living. everyone else seems to be so connected and i can't find my way in. whens the last fucking time i was held? when did i last feel loved? I don't want to chase people away with my insecurities so i bluff like i think im important to some people but its just. so fucking hollow somehow. when i die i will be forgotten in a week. i both want that and im terrified of it. but there's no point in staining someone with my presence after i can no longer see that and feel that so its better if everyone forgets. if this is just a natural thing. expected.

god though last time i tried to kill myself with pills that was so fucking awful and disgusting and they straight up told me it wouldn't have killed me anyway even if i hadn't been taken to the hospital and i dont want to risk failure again it was so fucking expensive anf ruined everu relationship i had for a long fucking minute

blogging shit helps me feel like i can survive, somewhat. reading stories helps somewhat. i feel a little of the love others place into their creative works and it sustains me. i remember that all of my feelings, even the emptiness, I'm sharing these feelings with everybody. but at some point art won't be enough. stories won't be enough. I can't do this forever i need fucking help. i need something to fucking change.

my pride is not that easy to break so im still gonna try and do it independently. idk. make some lists and timetables and organize my thoughts and wait for some fucking. motivation. force myself along because dawn will come.

gotta clean my damn house. figure out how I'll pay the dental bill, if I'm buying plane tickets or not. research local events, classes, costs, times. if it's all in a spreadsheet I'll use it. oh right, fix the room light that's sparking for some fucking reason, I've been lazy so i taped over the switch instead of doing anything. food, I've only got alcohol and desserts and my blood sugars been fucked. hh. this isnt a coherent list exactly but its a start. i have picked myself up before and from worse. and hey, i have some money saved. if i cancel the trip I could even go a few months without working.

n maybe i should just cancel that trip. in this state it would probably be a waste. but maybe ill be better in two months. maybe i need to get the fuck out of here for a bit.

wish I didn't have to make my own decisions

ok editing. i went out of my way to make this message annoying to read hard to get tobthe important point that's dumv of me this is a cry for help tbh . i know yall can't help. i know. im practicing for when i do it irl. but it does bother me that idk if this is read or not if this changes things. if you do read dropping a heart would be appreciated? gonna assume my measures succeeded and nobody read this otherwise

#ramble that topic skips so much im barely following me #cry for help placed somewhere it can only be seen by people who cant help #tw suicide i guess

[paddlepopbitch]

21.1.23

fuckkxkck

I’m mostly recovered now and am trying to lose weight in a healthy way (its working lol but so slow and i’m still trying to switch off my ana voice that’s yelling at me that it needs to be fast and instant) and i’ve noticed this time around losing weight and learning about nutrition and my bodies needs it’s so crazy to me how little i would eat and how much i would purge. The thought of binging and purging now makes me ill. even though sometimes i think to myself oo i have a chance to b/p what do i want? And then i think nothing, i had lunch and i’m fine. I’ve also noticed my relationship with my body and my body image is crazy how much it’s improved after just moving away from anamia like i’m the heaviest i’ve been rn and i look in the mirror and think but i still look good how can i weigh so much? the only parts i don’t like about my weight right now is that i don’t like the way clothes fit on me and my feet and legs hurt from the extra weight. I like being skinny and i want to be thin but not in an ana way in a healthy normal way?? idk recovery is wack. realising how different my thinking is in every moment is wack. even teaching myself that foods i would never have eaten (even ones i loved) like rice and pasta are okay? and i can eat a serving and not feel like i have to gorge myself or beat myself up for eating it or even throw it up. even now the only difference im making to lose weight is making sure im in a calorie deficit and not snacking and i’m not even reaching the cals in my calorie deficit bc it feels like so much food compared to what i’ve been making myself eat for 10 years

anyway im 74 today and myfitness pal says i’ll be 71 in 5 weeks (and its okay) I just want a healthy weight i can maintain and enjoy and feel good in my clothes and feel confident knowing i beat ed and can lose weight and not slip back into that headspace bc ultimately if i get there again i’ll be back where i am now anyway so its easier to just skip that and do it once

[wildchildwrites]

12/1/22 intro

hi lol

my name is umm.. Anastasia. not really but lets go with it.

im in no way shape or form a writer. actually I think its a subject I failed in school at one point. idk but I did bad. the rare time I did well it was cause my dad wrote them but every other time it was terrible. I think the only thing I was decent at was rewriting cliff notes to the point where it was believable that I read the book when really I didnt even no where was it was let alone flipped a page of it.

but either way im here... rambling on about my life.

I feel like this will be good for me. maybe ill finally at my overly grown age, will learn how to type or write, spell, put a normal sentence together idk lol this is honestly for therapy purposes. Getting your thoughts out and/or journaling is so good for you and im a train wreck. like a really pretty -looks like they have it together for other people ...kinda- train wreck. ya know?

I just want a space where im completely honest. nothing about this will be like my carefully curated ig lol. no one knows me here so Im going to (for my own sake) completely expose myself. flaws and all. I tried a diary and it didnt work. so hopefully me feeling like I have this overly cute (but not cute, more raunchy and secretive) blog that people pay attention to, ill keep up with it more like I do with my ig LOL

soo... here goes nothing I guess

I like fitness but im overweight cause I love food and lack discipline. But I get praised for my body cause im still an hourglass so im "thick". Im a middle child (hence wild child) but really the oldest(one day ill explain that). I sometimes feel like im an addict but my addictions don't look like other peoples so that label confuses me but nonetheless I have an addictive personality that comes in waves. I struggle with my mental health but I prefer to talk about it more in symptoms I struggle with rather than the actual diagnosis. but even with that being said I feel like I bring up my ADHD at least once every conversation -side note: I really have adhd so my writing will be all over the place so I guess just think of this as a science experiment..."inside the mind of a non-writer with adhd" lol looking ass. ANYWAYS I am very intelligent but just with other stuff. Medical stuff, street smarts, cooking skills, caretaking, and I could probably sell water to a boat or whatever the phrase is.

but basics... I am girl... I mean young woman lol weird saying that. im 26. I live alone with my 4 month old, crate trained, potty trained (can you tell im proud) puppy, Pinky. I finished some college. I have a license for a decent career but choose to work as a waitress at a strip club that I work at with my brother and im dating a married man.

yeah these stories are about to get interesting. My life isn't normal but I feel fairly average.

xoxo gossiping about myself girl

[whydoikeepwakingup]

I haven't been taking care of myself lately. I haven't been lotioning or anything, which is usually important to me. Same with teeth. Haven't been brushing every night and I haven't flossed in a while. Idk what's happening with me but I think today I'll make it a self care day. Stop focusing on my bf and hanging out with him & do more for me. I haven't been drinking water either unless I'm at work. This is also an odd habit for me. I normally drink water all the time. Idk where these habits have come from but I'm hoping I snap back after this post. I feel like im falling apart physically. Not taking care of myself, eating too much sugar, drinking soda. Idk whats going on with me. I also deleted my Twitter. It's weird not having it anymore. I'm so used to checking it and reading my timeline. I deleted bc it was useless. I only seemed to use it for complaining to myself occasionally, and the user base was extremely toxic. Like thinking abusive situations are funny. It would be accounts calling out abusers but making jokes and promoting toxic personalities at the same time. I hated being around that. I'm looking forward to Xmas this year. Me and my bf have money to actually get each other more than one gift, and we're safe and alone for the first time. I haven't been this excited about Christmas in years. I want to make sure he gets almost everything he wants. Idk what we're doing for dinner that day at all. But we spent Thanksgiving alone for the first time and cooked. It was fun and we didn't do traditional Thanksgiving food. We watched Wednesday and loved it and watched random videos and talked. I loved this 4 day weekend. I am broke this month though bc I missed a lot of work from being sick and then I went to Disney for the very merry Christmas party that I had planned for months, then it was Thanksgiving. So much work missed. But I'm not worried as long as the bills get paid. I've been playing Pokemon Violet w my bf and it's been both fun and annoying. The game has too many chances of your pokemon confusing itself or something and other odds stacked against you.

#personal #mental health #depression #life #thanksgiving #holidays #thoughts