#but if it’s about fundamentally changing something about your appearance and you feel bad? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cairoswrld · 2 months

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hi, i want to stop the cycle and manifest my desired face

but i feel so ugly, i always compare myself to others. i have no idea how can i be fulfilled while feeling like this :(

i want to stop being disgusted when i look to mirror

can you help me? <3

hi anon <3

fundamentally

the whole thing of feeling ugly either came from "oh society says this is pretty and i don’t have that so i’m not pretty" or "someone said smth about me the other day and now i haven’t stopped thinking about it and oh my word now i’m insecure and feel bad about myself" - what’s cool about that is you’ll realise that the thought of feeling ugly didn’t start with you. it started with something you saw or heard that planted the whole idea that you’re ugly.

you’re not ugly. idc if you disagree bc i’m not trying to convince you that you aren’t ugly. i’m telling you that aren’t. our society is just so weird and stupid that you’ll think you are. you’re not ugly. you’re just conditioned into thinking you are.

comparison

in terms of comparison, it’s time for you to get off social media 🤷‍♀️, get off tiktok, get off whatever you’re looking at to compare yourself to. - if not get off, make a new account that has nothing to do with other people. don’t look at a mirrors either, well for now, don’t.

while you do that, you’re going to focus on your self concept. there’s a lot of self concept content out there. if you want me to explain self concept and provide a more detailed description and guide to it, i can do that but little things that helped me insanely:

subliminals in relation to self concept and physical appearance.

rampages on youtube

appreciate the tiniest things about yourself, so e.g when i made someone laugh, i’d tell myself in my head "aw cairo you’re so funny"

forcing yourself to write a list of things you genuinely love about yourself and read it every so often.

anyways, let’s manifest now.

okay so we want our desired face neh?

1.) decide. - write it out - features you want, a general idea, get a few pictures of the features you want if need be (the only time you’re allowed to look at other people so don’t go around comparing ahem) 🤨, whatever it is. choose what that desired face looks like.

2.) assume. - okay yay now you have your desired face. remember that 1. your imagination is the true reality, the face you see/dream of/think abt that you want, is the true reality. and then 2. assumptions don’t require proof, you don’t have to sit there and point at a mirror and be like "oh no i don’t have my desired face" nah uh. the moment you decide "okay this is my face now" that’s it. there’s no need for looking for proof out in the 3D.

after this, you’ll probably sit there and think ok what now? bc i’ve decided, im assuming but i don’t feel different, nothings changed, etc etc etc. and that’s why persistence is the key 🤭 manifestation is instant, i won’t even explain how bc you’ll understand it as you apply, trust me. but because of your past experiences, thoughts, assumptions, you have resistance and persistence is the key to getting what you want in this case.

3.) persist. - the law of assumption is a very much "believe it BEFORE i see it." persisting is when you remind yourself that "i have my desired face." persisting is knowing that you have your desired face DESPITE whatever the 3D is showing you.

when you truly persist, you’ll detach from the 3D, the way you physically look won’t bother you, you’ll feel good about your appearance, you’ll notice the changes, you’ll know that you have your desired face and it will reflect in the 3D.

so anon, what i want you to do is just persist and specifically work on your self concept. because not only do you have whatever you desire, you deserve it. and i want you to KNOW that you have that, and believe that you do and feel good dammit 😭

okay but then how do i persist despite circumstance and feeling icky and sad ?

change your focus on your desired face instead of the 3D. - whenever you’re not busy living life, and you’re sat there thinking about how ugly you feel. - look at the pictures you’ve decided reflect your desired face, look at the script you wrote or just think of it and say to yourself: "ykw i don’t need proof, because it’s law that the 4D is real and the 3D will reflect that, so if i’ve decided that this is how i look in the 4D, it has to reflect"

i want you listening to nighttime subliminals but also subliminals while you’re studying, eating, cooking whatever it is. subliminals speak more to your subconscious mind. you’ll notice as you listen that you’ll have less negative thoughts towards your assumptions.

challenge negative thoughts. - whenever you think negative things about your appearance, challenge them. - tell yourself that those thoughts don’t even come from you. tell yourself that you have your desired appearance in the 4D so it’s guaranteed to manifest. tell yourself anything that negates negative thoughts. - read this too!!

iwl i’m a little brain dead today, i don’t feel like i explained the persistence part right - so if you need other resources, definitely look for that there’s so much content on the law of assumption.

but also a major thing: it’s okay if you don’t fully believe it on day one, because of the resistance you’ve built up against your appearance. so don’t beat yourself up over anything and don’t pressure yourself about it either. you are guaranteed your manifestations. just be consistent, as you apply the law, you’ll notice the changes in yourself, it will get easier and easier to be faithful in manifestation and also detaching from the 3D. the way you feel about yourself will change. just focus on applying anon.

final take: just remember that your imagination is above everything. and prioritise persisting in the new beliefs. remind yourself that the 3D is 1. not permanent and 2. a reflect of what you believe and persist in. READ PHYSICAL CHANGE SUCCESS STORIES TOO OMG i almost forget to say that but yes read those success stories. and then most importantly, take care of yourself anon. - try not to look at people to compare yourself to, do things that make you feel good about yourself, listen to those subliminals,

yeah idk if i explained this as good as i wanted too - i swear just apply and be consistent, things will change, your manifestations are 100% guaranteed. you got this anon, i can’t wait until you realise how beautiful you already are AND manifest your desires at the same time, i’m so excited for you!!!! 🤭

all the best 🌟

#cairoswrld #physical appearance manifestation #loa #loassblog #loablog #manifestation #manifesting #a nonie #🌟

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bladeweaver-if · 9 months

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What would you be if the Order were to fall?

Link to the demo: here

Orphaned at birth beneath the dim light of a new moon, your fate seems sealed.

In a stroke of luck, you are soon adopted by two Masters of the Bladeweavers' Order - an institution of elite warriors and weaponmasters as ancient as the very cities they are based in. When cataclysm strikes, the Order is left scattered and broken, and you are left aimless, without purpose in a hostile world.

In your search for it, what else will you find?

Bladeweaver is a text-based grimdark fantasy interactive fiction game developed in Twine, focusing on your customizable player character, The Bladeweaver, as they grow up and navigate their way through a crumbling world wreathed in esoteric magic, dark secrets and murky morals, loosely inspired by the late medieval/early Renaissance periods, with a heavy touch of fantasy/steampunk influence.

Grow from child to adult, learn unique skills and master a weapon of Empyrean steel, a unique metal with otherworldly properties. Make friends (or perhaps more?) and enemies along the way as societies rise and fall, as alliances strengthen and collapse, and loyalties are strained to their breaking point.

It won't be easy, but you might just soar. On wings of Empyrean.

Bladeweaver is a mature game with heavy themes and content, including but not limited to violence, strong language, possession, mental issues, drug use, kidnapping and abuse. Due to this, the game is only recommended for those over the age of 18.

Feel free to ask me questions about the game or characters if you want!

Customize your character; their gender, physical appearance and relationships with the cast of characters are yours to change. Even the weapon you wield is yours to choose, with a selection of 6 options available.

Grow from a young child into adulthood in the safety of Sola, a floating city enwreathed in ancient magic. Your skills as a warrior are yours to develop.

Embark on a crushing, dangerous voyage across the fictional continent of Phanol, a land of debts and daggers.

Romance one of four characters, and develop intimate platonic bonds with any or all of them. Alternatively, shrug them off completely.

Discover your true purpose as the past and present merge when cataclysm strikes.

You, variable pronouns - The Bladeweaver

Hours after you were born, your parents were slaughtered and, in a sequence of rare acts of kindness, you land in the care of two Bladeweavers: Callen Edros and Sonia Wierszy. The three of you make for an odd family of warriors, living in Sola, one of the twelve Risen Cities of the Gods. The relative peace you know will not last.

A blood-paved road lies ahead of you; a road you may choose to walk proudly, battling inner and outer demons alike.

Or, perhaps you might struggle, paving your own path in a world that will do its damndest to bestow you with the same fate as your long-forgotten forebears.

Will you lose yourself and the principles your adoptive parents instilled in you throughout your childhood? What else will you lose, or gain, on this road?

Main characters:

Callen Edros, he/him - The Lonely Wolf

Tall, bulky and surprisingly quick-footed, Callen is a Bladeweaver Master of the poleaxe, a lethally versatile weapon.

His presence and weapon of choice are contrasted by his cheery, jovial attitude. He's an excellent teacher, and focuses on mastering discipline and one's fundamentals over all else. He is afforded a good deal of fame in the Order, partly due to his noble background - something he rarely speaks of - and is quite popular, even for a Bladeweaver.

Many who know the man would never have a bad word to say about him, but those close with Callen know there's a deep, enduring sadness behind his laughter.

He is one of your two adoptive parents.

Sonia Wierszy, she/her - The Rising Hawk

Leanly muscled and opting for a brutal combat style, Sonia is a Bladeweaver Master of the falchion, a single-edged blade made for strong chops over quick cuts or stabs.

Loyal, stubborn, brash, and just arrogant enough for some to find it charming, Sonia will often sneer in the face of propriety despite her love for the finer things in life.

Some would even say that her just being as she is, a woman rising through the ranks of an institution rife with men, is a challenge to the Order. Sonia takes glee in pushing boundaries, in proving herself capable and beyond, and expects a similar ambition from those she knows. As a teacher she is exacting, employing unorthodox methods to help find your special skills as a fighter.

It's not difficult for some to wonder if Sonia's coarse exterior is simply a front, obscuring a deep-seated rage and fear, sparked long ago.

She is one of your two adoptive parents.

???, he/him - The Cargo

He will accompany you on your journey across the land.

Four romantic or platonic options to choose from:

Samuel Alban, he/him - The Boy Next Door

Tall and lean with curly blonde hair, deep blue eyes and a giddy smile, Sam moves to the same street as you with his father when you're both children, hailing from the disrant but powerful Abrian Empire.

He's endlessly good at making new friends and seems to never lose energy.

Sam comes to struggle with knowing exactly what he wants from life. Will you simply be a friend to him, or will you catch his eye in a deeper way?

Caitlin Clary, she/her - The Inventor

Tall, intimidating and muscular, with ginger hair and vulnerable green eyes, Caitlin is a fellow student at the Bladeweavers' Academy, but she takes a keen interest in engineering and gadgets. You meet her in your first year, as she struggles with bullying from the other students.

At odds with what her culture expects from her, and feeling isolated in a strange place with only her elder brother for company, Cait is shy and closed off when she comes to Sola. She might appreciate a source of comfort during the tumultuous time.

Lucas del Varro, he/him - The Prodigy

Quick-footed and average-height, the black-haired, grey eyed third child of the prestigious del Varro family transfers to your academy in your third year. He's instantly popular, but seems to shrug off any and all affection, although he's not actively hostile to it.

He seems to be singularly focused on bettering his own skills under the weight of his family's scrutiny, and only accepts your presence if you prove to be a sufficient challenge to him. Will you step up to the call, or even exceed his expectations?

Talia Maren, she/her - The Bastard

Curvy and considered a great beauty yet sharp beyond her years, tales of Talia's venom and scheming follow her when she arrives in the city. She is the legitimised bastard daughter of Lord Darion Maren, a major player in the politics of the nation of Telfrin.

She is known to be constantly at odds with her so-called family, who quite publicly disagree with her ailing father's choice to claim her as part of his lineage, making her, as his eldest, heir to his estate. He had sired the girl before meeting his wife, in secret.

With few allies in her own home, she seeks them elsewhere. Talia wishes to claw her way to the top of the social heirarchy, willing to step over anyone who gets in her way.

Are you capable of standing the brunt of her vicious veneer? She can't be all thorns like she's purported to be, can she?

Find out more about each option by clicking on the link in their title.

Current size of demo: 175k words

Genre: Grimdark fantasy

Last Update: 14/04/24 (Chapter 2 additions)

Discord server for game discussion and feedback: here

#bladeweaver if #interactive fiction #twine if #twine wip #twine game #twine story #if wip #medieval fantasy #intro post

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stxrvel · 8 months

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hate is a strong word pt. 2

summary: it took you three fundamental moments to find out what your feelings were about and that maybe you didn't want to have them.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: +3k

warnings: bad words, bucky's kinda flirting, reader is constantly flustered, the avengers are imprudent, still not a healthy relationship, angst at the very end because reader finds her feelings very confusing, pls don't come at her.

note: hi guys! i finally decided to publish this second part and the third one is going to be the last one. i only have like 10% of it but it's on the works. thanks to all of you who read and enjoy my works! hope you like this one too <;33

part 1 ; part 3

Bucky picked up a strange habit after that mission where you found out he didn't really hate you.

At times, when he had a mischievous gleam in his eye, Bucky would call you “doll”.

It was a nightmare.

Maybe the worst thing that could have happened to you was having that conversation with Bucky because now it seemed like he didn't want to let you have a single moment of peace. And he was enjoying it, that bastard was rejoicing in your shame. The first time he did it you wanted the earth to swallow you up, with several wall of eyes on you. You knew those glowing eyes meant danger and yet you walked around them.

Arriving from that mission was an odyssey because you were suddenly uncomfortable around him. It wasn't so much like that when you were alone with him, most of the time, but it was always so weird when there was someone else from the team around.

You two arrived at the Complex two days later. Everything was going well until you started down the ramp of the Quinjet and faces began to appear in the distance. You suddenly felt acutely aware of the closeness of Bucky's body to yours and, not at all disguised, you moved to the other side as you continued down. Bucky barely gave you a sidelong glance with that unabashed grin.

You both stopped when you got in front of the others and even though you were sure they had questions to ask you, an awkward silence surrounded you.

Everyone was looking every which way, especially between you and Bucky, as if they could sense that something had happened. It made your insides churn just remembering it.

But finally it was Sam Wilson who put an end to the silence, sentencing you to eternal sorrow.

“Did you two hook up or something?”

Bucky didn't say anything, other than try to swallow a laugh and all you could do was break their line, stepping in between Sam and Tony and brushing their shoulders hard. No one said anything until you could no longer hear them.

Bucky later told you that he had cleared things up, but that didn't put your mind at ease.

But, well, anyway, back to the main topic. Bucky made it his new sport to call you doll in random situations to get on your nerves. Sometimes he would do it when you two were alone, and well, that didn't upset you that much. But other times, the bastard would do it when he knew there were people who could hear him just to enjoy your upset and confused expression. God, you hated him so much.

And you'd like to think that with the time that had passed you had gotten used to it, but the truth is, it was impossible to get used to it. That Bucky started calling you by that nickname seemed to have flipped some switch, because you couldn't help but think that things around him had changed. Suddenly you were starting to feel like it was too much to be around him, too intense, too annoying, too hot-

Argh. Whatever.

You were having lunch with Natasha on the cafeteria balcony, trying to dispel from your head all the times during that day Bucky had used that… awkward nickname with you. You stabbed at the pasta shells with your fork with a blank stare and a scowl.

“So, it's been a month, has it?” Natasha spoke, her back erect with the spoon full of stew halfway to her mouth.

You shook your head slightly to turn to look at her. “A month of what?”

“Since you got back from the mission. You and…”

Natasha shook her head pointing inside the cafeteria and yes, there was the owner of your nightmares.

“Oh yeah, what about it?”

“You never told me what happened.”

“Because there's nothing to tell, Romanoff, don't-”

“Did you two fuck?”

Your mouth opened wide. You couldn't believe what the woman in front of you had just asked.

“Natasha…” you frowned at her, your voice coming out with reprimanding ink.

“What? Talking about sex is normal these days.”

“Ugh,” you grimaced, shaking your head. “I can't believe it. You better shut up, let me at least enjoy lunch. It's the only time of the day where I can be left alone.”

You heard the spy's deep breathing, but she finally dropped the subject for the sake of peace.

You took a calming breath and tried to enjoy your meal.

“What's up, girls?” someone appeared out of nowhere and sat down in the middle of Natasha and you.

“Hey, Clint,” you replied listlessly, hoping he'd entertain himself talking to Natasha and they'd completely forget you were there.

It was surprising, but those last few days you had spent more time with Clint than with any other member of the team. He seemed to be the only person who didn't really care about whatever it was that had happened between you and Bucky, which was really nothing. So, usually, if you had free time, you preferred to spend it around him.

It wasn't that the others were all the time bugging you and making comments about it, like Natasha did today, but by trying to keep things “the way they were” the environments became very uncomfortable. It was like everyone had convinced themselves that they had to ignore something that wasn't there. Everything was more tense for no apparent reason.

“How was the mission?” you heard Natasha say as you watched the green field in the distance.

“Luckily, very easy. I gathered the intel and saved the hostages. That girl's a lunatic, isn't she?”

“You betcha. And that we haven't directly encountered her, except for Y/N.”

You shook your head in assent when you heard your name.

“It must have been awful.”

It was on the next mission you had after the mission with Bucky, just two days later. It was supposed to be a recon mission, because the data showed she wasn't there anymore, but you ran into her in the middle of an attack. People called her Dark Lightning, some would say it was because of her hair and her shiny suit, but the truth was literal: the woman could summon very powerful dark rays.

You didn't quite understand where she came from because your specialty was HYDRA remnants, but Fury asked you for the favor and, well, you also wanted to get out of the Complex, even if it was only for a few hours.

So as anything could go wrong, in the middle of the mission Dark Lightning showed up and gave a good beating to the whole team, including you. You spent a week in recovery and well, there you were. You had been assigned jobs that you could handle from a computer in the comfort of your room while Fury decided when you could return to the field.

“Yes, she has a fascination with electrocuting people for fun. I think we've seen worse, but she's pretty close.”

“Who could have done worst?”

Natasha and you answered without hesitation. “Ultron.”

“Are you serious?” Clint narrowed his eyes in disbelief.

“He may not have lasted more than a day, but if he had, we'd all be screwed. We wouldn't even be having this conversation because we'd be extinct,” you made your point, stealing some potato chips from Natasha's tray.

The redhead nodded at your words. “The android had access to the entire internet, the entire history of humanity and simply decided that extinction was the solution.”

“Mmm, I think you're giving him too much credit,” Clint waved his hand in a nonchalant gesture, after taking a huge bite of his burger. “Thor's brother was terrible too, wasn't he?”

Natasha and you looked at each other, before you both shrugged to reluctantly agree with Clint. Yes it was true that he had caused a lot of havoc, but that you say a worldwide threat, maybe not so much.

Natasha and Clint dropped you off in front of what had become your new office since working at the Complex. You had a long conversation with them about villains that you didn't want to hear about evil and malevolent plans again for quite a while, but you had to deal with that at work.

You sighed looking at the time on your cell phone. Bucky was supposed to be in there already.

Oh yeah, you worked with Bucky too. Why? You weren't quite sure, but the first day you were there, Barnes walked in like he owned the place without saying anything and sat in the empty chair across the room. The room wasn't that big, so you were always relatively close.

Besides, you also didn't know at what point Bucky became the tech guru enough for Fury to delegate a completely electronic job to him. But in order not to provoke anyone or anything, you decided to remain silent.

You opened the door with a sigh and… yes, there was Bucky.

“Hey, doll.”

He gave you half a look and went back to staring at the screen in front of him. You stuck your tongue out at his back with a frown and rolled your eyes as you closed the door. At first you were glad that you didn't have to argue with him all the time anymore, but sometimes you preferred that to having to put up with hearing that nickname all the time.

“If you really don't like it,” you heard Bucky's voice again after you sat down in front of your computer and you couldn't help but wince because you instantly knew what he meant, “why don't you ask me to stop?”

You knew he had turned to look at you, you felt his gaze drilling into your head, but you weren't going to turn to see him. You couldn't let him take the pleasure of seeing your agitated expression and the way your eyes gave you away. You were fighting too hard with yourself to try to keep all those weird feelings at bay for him to come along and upset you with five little words.

“You know I'd listen to you.”

“Stop it,” you turned against your will, trying to maintain a strong front. “Let me work.”

You turned quickly again, your heart beating so fast and hard against your ribs that you feared it might bolt. The quick glimpse you got of his playful blue eyes so close to you was enough adrenaline for the rest of the day.

God, you had to learn to control yourself more.

“As you wish, ma'am.”

God, how you hated it.

The second round that day was a couple of hours later, when the whole team was called together to give the weekly previews.

Tony and Steve went first, being the leaders of the missions against Dark Lightning, reporting that they had made great strides in locating several places she was using as hideouts thanks to information provided to them by intelligence, namely Bucky and you.

Clint gave a short report on his last mission and a strategy for the next attack was quickly planned.

Then, it was your dependency's turn. As you had spoken the week before, it was now Bucky's turn.

Without a word, the man moved to the podium and planted himself there looking at everyone present.

“We still have no new information on Dark Lightning. Her last location dated back to a place near New Mexico, but from there we lost track of her. We're using the satellites to see if we can find her.”

You shook your head in a nod. That was correct.

“We haven't detected any unusual developments about the HYDRA remnant settlements either. They seem to be… somewhat quiet for now.”

Yes, that was one way of putting it.

“We also need a new extension,” Bucky jerked his head in Fury's direction, who quickly nodded taking it for granted.

Ah, yes, you definitely needed it.

“And that's it. Anything you want to add, doll?”

Your own breath caught in your throat, causing you to hiccup which couldn't have been more embarrassing. As the blood froze in your veins, a string of awkward coughs and chair movements followed Bucky's words.

Even though you felt like you were dying inside, you looked him in the eye and firmly said, “No, Barnes.”

Your lethal gaze followed his soft smile and the way he nodded and then stepped down from the podium and walked to sit in his place next to you. As if he hadn't just embarrassed you, he picked up the bottle with water in front of him and took it as if it was nothing, paying attention to Wanda who had just taken his place.

And you wanted to pay attention to her, because sometimes the team would make requests and you had to take note, but you couldn't take your eyes off Bucky's profile in front of you, how his blue eyes were focused on Wanda or the way his lips curved slightly, almost imperceptible, that if you hadn't been watching as you were you would have missed it for sure.

You noticed his eyebrows raised as the room erupted in laughter. He took that moment to speak to you without looking you directly in the eye:

“What's wrong?”

You frowned at his profile. “What's wrong? You ask me what's wrong?”

At Bucky's puzzled look, you moved your chair until you were close enough to him for him to understand your whispers. Well, sure, though, super soldier…

“Why did you do that in front of the whole team?” you reproached him amid whispers, drawing a chuckle from him. All around everyone was still talking loudly, so Bucky didn't care too much about the sound of his voice.

You did. Not only because someone might hear you and embarrass you again if you didn't speak softer, but also because that laughter wasn't doing you any good. You felt your stomach turn until you felt like throwing up.

“I already told you that you can ask me to stop at any time and I will,” Bucky shrugged, his gaze still focused on the person on the platform.

“Why are you so insufferable?”

The man set the bottle with water down on the table and suddenly turned to face you. You were speechless at his closeness.

“Why don't you just say it? Or don't you want me to stop?”

You swallowed saliva as best you could, because suddenly your mouth felt too dry. You didn't know what his closeness was doing to your body, but you felt like you were going to explode like fireworks at any moment.

“I just want you to stop embarrassing me in front of the rest of the team,” you spoke between whispers, trying to keep your composure.

Bucky suddenly flashed that sly grin you hated so much.

“So you'd rather I only call you that when we're alone?”

You tried to calm your racing heart with deep breaths, but the truth was that you had lost all sense of reality several seconds ago. You felt like you were in a room alone with Bucky as a haunting silence enveloped you two as the tension continued to build. You could no longer hear any words but the ones coming out of his mouth and you could barely hear your thoughts. You felt that this exaltation was going to suffocate you.

And when his eyes lowered for less than a second, when you realized that he looked at your lips for a thousandth of a second, at that moment you came out of your trance. You blinked rapidly.

“I'd rather you stop trying to annoy me with those provocations.”

“What provocations, doll? We're just talking.”

You let out a growl under your breath, partly out of frustration and partly because of the euphoric way your body reacted to hearing his deeper-than-normal voice.

“You're getting on my nerves, Barnes.”

“Just say the magic words, doll. It'll be over as soon as you snap your fingers.”

“Why don't you just forget about it and leave it alone?”

“Because I like calling you that, don't you?”

“No,” you frowned at the bitterness that settled in the back of your throat. “You get on my nerves. You stress me out, Barnes.”

“God, you look so hot when you get mad.”

Bucky thought he mumbled it and he probably did, but neither of you noticed the dead silence that had taken over the room. You didn't even dare to tear your gaze away from his when you noticed his pupils disappear.

You didn't even have time to think about the abomination that had come out of his mouth, let alone its physical effect on your body, because shame came down on you once again like a bucket of cold water.

Fuck, not again. I can't.

I can't even narrate it.

The third round was the next day. You had been standing in front of the office door wondering if you should go in or not. Anyway, Bucky was doing such a good job for both of you, you didn't think much would happen if you didn't work that day. But no, the sense of responsibility wouldn't leave you alone.

So you opened the door and sat down quickly in your chair without even giving him a glance. But you still couldn't escape him.

On the table in front of the keyboard was a small open box with your favorite dessert from the cafeteria and a glass with a metal straw filled to the brim with your favorite drink. Maybe it was too early for that much sugar, but you couldn't help the smile your face succumbed to as you looked at two of your favorite things in front of you.

Until you heard him.

“I'm sorry,” Bucky spoke behind you.

Though the smile on your face disappeared, your chest constricted at the sound of his contrite voice. Ugh, you hated so much you couldn't control those crazy emotions inside your chest.

“Yesterday I got caught up in the moment and… Well, no, I was just willfully reckless. I'm sorry I put you through that.”

You sighed looking at the detail he had gotten you and thought deeply about his words. You knew his apology was sincere and that his detail came from the heart, but you felt confused inside about how to proceed.

“If you want me to stop, then I will.”

Your ears pricked up at that, straightening up on the back of the chair. Bucky was giving you what you had so desperately asked for finally, but… why didn't that make you feel good?

“I'm truly sorry for making you uncomfortable all this time. I thought… No, that doesn't matter. I should have stopped from the beginning. I'm sorry, Y/N.”

Unlike how you had felt on different occasions, that time when your heart pounded out of control, you felt a chill run through your entire body. You felt like your heartbeat was going to stop at some point because of the whiplash of pain that coursed through your chest.

No, that didn't feel right, so it must not be right.

You turned around on the swivel chair, meeting Bucky's pained face head on.

“If you want to yell at me, go ahead,” he said, straightening up and hardening his features as if he expected a blow.

“I…” the words crowded in your mouth, you weren't even sure what it was you wanted to say to him.

But his face softened once more and his clear eyes sparkling like two stars in the sky reassured you a little.

“I don't quite know how I feel,” you finally told him, your face contracted in concern. “I don't quite understand how I feel and… I don't think I can handle this.”

You pointed between you and Bucky, and the man finally took on a calmer expression. He let the air out as if he had finally pulled his head out of the water.

“That's fine, Y/N. It's a start. You may not know how to handle those emotions, but you can recognize them now.”

“But I don't know if I want them,” you frowned, your own body contradicting your words as you wanted to move closer to the man who had just tried to pretend that what he'd heard hadn't hurt a bit. “I don't know if I want to have these emotions for you.”

Bucky was silent for several seconds, his face inscrutable as your heart continued to pound wildly. For a moment you wondered if he could hear it too.

“That too- that's okay too,” Bucky nodded slightly, his eyes reluctantly moving from the floor to meet yours. The lack of brightness in them caused another ache in your chest. That was what you didn't want, that pain, that desperation to want to soothe it. You hated it. “It's okay if you don't want to have them. We could- could spend some time away so you can deal with it.”

“Would that solve it?” you dared to ask, even though your whole being screamed against that idea.

“I think it would,” Bucky gave you a smile, not at all similar to the ones you had seen before. That one was much sadder, duller, bleak…

“Then I think I might give it a try.”

No, maybe not, you wouldn't put up with that pain. It was better to feel the shame. Yes, definitely. Much better were Bucky's sly smirks instead of that smile that couldn't even reach his opaque eyes.

Oh no, what did you just do?

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky fluff #james bucky barnes #stxrvel talks #avengers #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #winter soldier #the winter soldier #bucky barnes x you #bucky

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inhonoredglory · 8 months

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I think it makes sense to say that angels as ethereal beings in heaven are sexless but if one or two spend 6000 years on earth BEING male-sexed human bodies it no longer makes sense. As people keep recognising, eating food, drinking and driving fast among other things are all deeply embodied experiences and these have fundamentally changed them as people. The whole Jesus story is the same deal, being embodied human is transformative. We live in a time when the concept of embodiment is deeply unfashionable and Cartesian dualism is entrenched, where endless body mods and casual drugs and careless manipulation of core human physiology is enacted with barely an afterthought for deep-reaching and irreversible consequences, but it's a deeply sick framework for seeing the world

(In response to this meta about ineffables and romance/asexuality)

First of all, they don’t have “male-sexed human bodies.” They are literally "sexless unless they really want to make an effort” (Good Omens, 1990).

Like all of Neil Gaiman’s angels and demons (see The Sandman), Aziraphale and Crowley have no set genitalia, don’t (by default) engage in sexual activity, and they don’t always present or dress as male through history (although they often do).

critical-gemini-hero (excerpt): "Good Omens is the first big show I’ve seen to basically avoid transphobia all together when the opportunity presented itself, and even say fuck you to the gender binary as a bonus." Neil Gaiman (excerpt): "Thank you! That was definitely what we were going for." (source)

So no, they quite literally do not have “male-sexed human bodies” and they do not ascribe to human gender norms.

In addition, what you are suggesting is that “being in a male human body” equates to “feeling male” and “feeling sexual” because “the body dictates internal experience.”

There are literally millions of people, actual human beings living in physical bodies, who (despite living in culture) still DO NOT feel that the gender assigned to their bodies is reflective of their lived, internal experience. Merely having physical attributes does not mean you have a corresponding internal experience. You can be forced by your parents, teachers, elders, peers and everyone else to FEEL a certain way because of your “sexed human body” but it won’t make it true inside you.

If one's internal experience were so unimportant, then we wouldn't have 82% of transgender individuals consider suicide (source) because of the stigma of trying to get out of the norms assigned to them because of their "sexed human bodies."

Aziraphale and Crowley have lived in history long enough to know how varied and complicated the concepts of gender AND sex have been historically. As spiritual beings, I think seeing how much humanity has varied in its ideas on sex and gender only confirms to them how unlike humans they are (with humanity’s obsession with genitalia, sex, reproduction… food, shelter, warmth, breathing––all things that angels and demons do not need to survive).

They love humanity, they love its pleasures and inventions, but they are still very much detached from it. Looking like humans definitely doesn't help them feel like humans at all. (Look at how they talk about us!)

What are we, sniffer dogs??? They don't know what we feel like on the inside or how our biology works (we sure ain't sniffer dogs) because despite some surface appearances, they don't have the same internal experiences as us. Despite being here since the dawn of time. Despite looking like us in many ways.

They can magic up clothing and sideburns and eldritch heads to scare trigger-happy corporate men, and yet somehow gender and sex (as specifically Western-binary concepts) are something they'd totally get down with?

Also, your line of reasoning imagines people having no internal motivation or desire and suddenly get a tattoo and start to become a “bad person” or something. Yes, of course changing our bodies can affect our psychology, but our internal identity much more often influences our bodily choices than the other way around. I'm taking the drugs because I'm already depressed. I'm getting the tat because I want something cool on my body. I'm taking testosterone because I want my inner identity reflected in some ways on my physical body.

#this got long #good omens #good omens 2 #THEY ARE NOT MALE HUMANS #genderfluid #queer #transgender #trans #lgbt #lgbtqia #asexual #nonbinary #neil gaiman #tagging the tags cuz I think this is important #go meta #good omens meta #ask #anon

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heartbeatbookclub · 1 month

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I was looking at a few posts about autism (as one does) and it just suddenly clicked into place a fundamental thing about Yuri's character that I'd been grasping at, but hadn't really been able to adequately identify. I still have a much longer and more thorough analysis going through a whole lot of my thoughts on Yuri's character and her experience of autism that i'm working on (of which this will likely be a component), but I thought I'd share this separately just to emphasize.

Post I saw which made this click for me was making fun of the fact that most media depicting impaired empathy in autistic characters explicitly depicts them with this unflappable confidence of never having been rejected by people they love. The crux of this is that in actual reality, autistic people almost always have that experience at some point, for some behavior, for reasons they don't really understand. "There is an invisible line where people will get sick of you, and you have no warning of when you're about to cross it." So frequently, autistic people attempt to ride a razor thin edge, walking on constant eggshells to desperately attempt to avoid crossing that line.

Very often autistic people will attempt to avoid doing anything at all which could be considered weird, or off-putting, and will try their absolute hardest to do things in a way that is acceptable to other people, sometimes to the point of outright suppressing their emotions, because they are afraid that they'll say something just wrong enough that the people they care about will push them away, and they don't understand WHY it happened, but they know it's THEIR fault. Sometimes masking is fighting to appear aloof all the time because you can't regulate your emotions in a way that is acceptable to other people.

And holy fucking Jesus, that fits the exact mold of what I've been trying to talk about with the particular way Yuri's anxieties manifest.

It really feels to me like Yuri has this constant fear of breaking the "rules" of socializing, despite not really understanding what those rules even are. She's constantly afraid of saying something wrong, when she doesn't even know what wrong would be, she's just sure everyone ELSE will know it when they hear it. I think a huge part of her social anxiety comes from her own understanding of herself as a very weird person who doesn't really get a lot of how to socialize, and it seems to me like she's probably dealt with her fair share of social rejection and isolation based on those traits. She then felt she had to take responsibility for those traits, probably because it's the one thing she can change, and she is the one common denominator in all of these bad situations (This is something which is pretty common, actually! "Everyone else can socialize just fine, and I have so much difficulty with it! I must just be broken in some way. I have to try super hard to be normal to make friends!")

I think a big part of why it's so apparent in the Literature Club is because she really thinks she's found a place where she can make friends in spite of all of her issues, so when she starts...being herself, and receives even the smallest HINT of pushback, she overcorrects and tries to rein all of herself in to fix her "mistake", because she really wants to make friends here, and doesn't want them to reject her as well.

She's had this experience of others pushing her away for being weird so often that, coupled with her acknowledged trouble for reading situations, when anybody responds poorly to something and she recognizes it, she immediately overcorrects out of fear of being an annoying burden to everyone around her, and that "correction" consists of suppressing herself into being "normal" (or at least "less weird"), because she believes nobody could actually like her just for being who she is. There's something wrong with her fundamentally, and to make friends, for people to like her and want to be around her, she has to "fix" herself.

it's just, like...

it's really hard for me to interpret Yuri's character that doesn't involve her being somewhere on the spectrum, bros. she's written with such delicately constructed autistic coding, despite the appearance of just being a hackneyed weird girl visual novel trope. she deserves the world.......

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anotherwatchedninja · 4 months

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I feel like people forget Time Lords are the same person across every incarnation.

like, ‘14’ even says that it’s not dying. Same memories, same thoughts about people, sometimes expressing something they can’t, not being able to say something they used to.

Think back to you 10 years ago.

You're probably a very different person now compared to then, but you're also not at the same time.

You probably talk differently now, you see the world differently, you might believe different things.

When The Doctor regenerates, that's the level of change that is done but in a few seconds instead of a decade.

Fundamentally you’re still the same person, and you’ve probably retained most of your core beliefs and interests, but you’ve also grown and learnt more about the world; altering many of your less integral values, and even possibly some of you more integral ones.

you could attribute it to a line from one of the novelisations, where the doctor attributes his lack of control over regeneration (and as we can imply, how bad of a post-regen situation he has) is because he didn’t pay enough attention in regeneration lessons.

I think for the Doctor it's like if you woke up and were suddenly 8 again, with all your 8-year-old impulses and personality and likes/dislikes, but your current memories.

The Doctor is always the Doctor. There's no "2nd Doctor" or "10th Doctor" or "14th Doctor." they're all the same person. Just because someone gets clobbered on the head and wakes up from the resulting brain damage knowing fluent German doesn't mean they disappeared and a new person took their place. His brain gets a shake-up, and his appearance changes, but it's still the same person all together.

I think all the media hype about the actors playing the role, and this weird regeneration for the 60th, kind of make it hard to remember that. For the Doctor, it's one continuous line of consciousness. 10 didn't die and wake up again with 13's memories, because there is no 10, there is no 13, there is only The Doctor. We number their faces but they're one person.

And it's confirmed by what he said immediately after the regeneration. He didn't say, "I'm alive!" or "How did I get here?" or something along those lines. He said, "I know these teeth." He realises that he's reverted to an earlier form, but he hasn't forgotten the intervening forms.

It seems to change not just from writer to writer, but Doctor to Doctor. 9 didn't seem to think of his 'death' as the end by any stretch. 10 considered them different people that shared memories, while 11 seemed to see more continuity and connection from incarnation to incarnation. 12 similarly was refusing to regenerate because he wanted to end it, a pointless position unless he saw 'the next Doctor' as still being him. 13 seemed to lean more towards the individual incarnation view, as she felt in necessary to say goodbye to Yaz.

And this is just the Doctor, a single Time Lord. We've seen extremes from literal dissociation from incarnation to incarnation with the One through Union (aka the collective, but that’s due to their condition), to Romana trying on new faces line a human would a new outfit, or how the monk tries to act like their past selves are different people to shift the blame and get away free from the consequences, or how six was post-regen

I just really don't like the idea of them being separate people, which unfortunately does seem to be RTD's interpretation from 10's line of regeneration feeling like dying, and a new man sauntering away. To me that devalues the idea of the Doctor being the same person from 1963 until today. They're the same person, who have been through the events of every single episode, and remember them and all the companions there travelled with.

If they were different people, them meeting former companions just doesn't have the same weight either. 10 for example becomes someone who just knows of Sarah Jane instead of being the same person who travelled with her.

But that doesn't mean it can't still be confusing when an old face returns. It's something that's never happened to the Doctor before, and perhaps it's something that he's never heard of happening to other Timelords either. So when it does happen he's very confused because he immediately knows who this new version of himself is, instead of having to go through the usual self discovery at the start of each incarnation.

I remember from an audio story (I think Sirens of Time), one of the Doctors (i say DOCTORS because time travel) said something along the lines of this: Take every trait of their personality is like a bar graph. Kindness, courage, alienness, anger threshold, etc. each have their own bar on the graph. Each regeneration is essentially the same personality but the bars could be altered with some traits more emphasized in a new face than the previous one.

Some examples of what I mean.

10 and 11 are examples of the alienness trait being skewed in opposite directions, where I feel Smith is more alien-like in his physical behavior than Tennant is. 12 and 13 still have this trait but it’s viewed more subtly through social interactions.

6 and 12 were less on the kindness scale but increased over time. 10, 11, and 13 seemed to have that kindness trait more emphasized.

Anger threshold /emotional control can get thrown multiple ways if a respective Doctor is impulsive and expressive vs bottling it up and letting it simmer. I feel like there are many examples to pull from off this alone.

There could be more obvious ones I’m missing but these spring to mind. I do like this interpretation since it lets you know it’s the same person but just aspects can be more emphasized than others across their different incarnations.

I like to think it’s just the same person at different points in their life - hell, we aren’t the same person at 18 that we are in our 30’s, or even the same person we are in our 40’s that we were at 30.

Life changes you, sometimes you’re goofy, sometimes you’re callow, and sometimes you’re stern. In DW terminology: you’re a quirky thief, then a person who has to kill everything they know, and then you become a person capable of finding some solace in life… then to a whole new person.

From the doctor’s point of view I believe they think they are the same person, they don’t differentiate between selves. Think of 12 near his start when 11 phoned Clara, he says he didn’t need to eavesdrop because it was him talking and that she looks at him but can’t see him.

Now this doesn’t mean the doctor doesn’t remember the traits each regeneration has, and this can manifest in their subconscious as talking to their different regenerations; but that’s no different than you talking to yourself in your head.

like, it’s even implied 14 will eventually become 15

#Doctor who #first doctor #doctor who 60th anniversary #second doctor #third doctor #fourth doctor #fifth doctor #sixth doctor #seventh doctor #eighth doctor #ninth doctor #tenth doctor #eleventh doctor #time lords #Regeneration #thirteenth doctor #twelfth doctor #fourteenth doctor #fifteenth doctor

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iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia · 1 year

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I think you are one of the first people I've seen on here that doesn't try to hate on one of the characters while writing them. I'm curious, how would the M6 handle an MC with very low self esteem? I suffer from it and would love to see what you come up with ❤️

The Arcana HCs: M6 with an insecure MC

~ this is one of four requests I've received for an MC who's insecure/has low self esteem - as someone who can completely relate, here are your headcanons my loves, I hope you can receive these affirmations from fictional characters knowing that they come from a very real person who adores you all - brainrot ~

Julian

Oh, he gets it

Sure, he never hesitates to ask for what he wants, but that doesn't mean he thinks he deserves any of it

He can recognize those moments of doubt in your eyes as soon as they appear, because he knows exactly what they feel like on his own face

Which makes his heart ache for you, he knows how crappy that feels and of all the people he knows you deserve it the least

Normally when this happens his instinct is to fawn over you to the point of becoming a public embarrassment

This usually works, but sometimes when you hit a rut like this you just need something to get you out of your own head and enjoy the life you've built for yourself

He's taking you dancing

It helps everything! Focusing on the motions gets you out of your head, it's a fantastic way to initiate some physical contact, and by the time you're worn out you've had too much fun to keep worrying

Once you've reached that point you're fair game for affirmations: what a lovely dancer you are, the way you move is breathtaking, how is he supposed to enjoy dancing without you again?

Asra

On one hand, their love for you is so unconditional that they have a difficult time understanding the source of your doubts

He would love you in any shape, with any name, with any identity. If it's you that's all that matters to him

Why are you worrying about certain details about yourself when none of them change who you fundamentally are?

On the other hand, they know perfectly well what it's like to doubt themself or feel lacking

Once you two are together it's less common for you to spiral because he doesn't let you go five minutes without giving you a boost of some kind

Every morning comes with a tidal wave of subtle compliments. They will flirt with you mercilessly and go out of their way to admire any specific thing about yourself that tends to be a sticking point for you

On the days when it does get bad, he'll pick a place or activity that brings out something he knows you like about yourself

You're a good singer? You're proud of your magic? They'll take you back to the cave to practice combining the two

So many kisses, everywhere, all the time

Nadia

She doesn't struggle with it in the same way, but you've met her family

Being the youngest in a large family of exceptional people, parents with public and demanding roles, and lots of big personalities leaves very little room for self-discovery and confidence

I mean it was bad enough for her to marry Lucio and leave Prakra

She's come a really long way, and been able to address the source of her insecurities, but she remembers what it was like

Her default is already to take every opportunity to fluster you, so even if it's not on purpose you never have to doubt her affections

But she makes being a Countess look easy, she has years of education and good upbringing on top of her natural talents, and you're a humble court magician who was relearning how to exist less than three years ago

She is committed to seeing you succeed in the Palace. She'll happily spend hours teaching you the ins and outs of diplomacy and etiquette in the most delightful ways

But she'll also make sure the two of you regularly visit your old haunts, simply to highlight the things you excel at that she doesn't and to prove to you that you two are truly equals

Muriel

You've seen him go wide eyed before, but one of the times that really sticks in your memory is the moment you casually told him that he could do a lot better than you

Until he met you, he went through life with a total of one (1) friend who had a crippling combination of wanderlust and attachment issues

The fact that he's able to have a relationship with you at all is a miraculous win in his mind

He knows he's not the best at expressing his feelings, but if it's your self-esteem on the line he will learn and he will do his best

The first time he hears you voice your insecurities he's dropping whatever he's doing and sitting next to you

He'll take your hand and wait, as patiently as you need him to, until you've told him everything that's bothering you

He's not the most eloquent person, but he knows the importance of responding to your doubts and he'll painstakingly address each one, out loud, telling you that it's not true and why

On a day to day basis, he makes a point of acknowledging all the ways you make his life better with little words or smiles or touches

Portia

She's a generally easy going person, she knows all her own faults and how to acknowledge and live with them

However, she has her own brand of low self-esteem and it fuels her workaholic tendencies

So much of her life has revolved around the people next to her being the main characters that she has a hard time seeing herself as having any relevance unless she's playing a support role

And then one day she hears you, the exciting, mysterious magician who turns every day into an adventure, casually question your own worth and relevance out loud

She has to process it for a moment before she can respond. Important people experience this too? This isn't in her novels

She'll ask you about it right away. What do you mean when you say that? Why do you think that?

Talking to you proves two things to her: that her own feelings do not make her unimportant, and that you are not as indestructible as she assumed you were

She'll write her favorite qualities down about you and have you do the same, and now you say your affirmations to each other every morning

Lucio

This guy had questioned himself maybe three times in his life before he met you

He thinks he's an above-average dude on his humbler days. He hates acknowledging his oopsies because the consequences scare him, not because he thinks they make him a bad person

He adores you, you keep the world in perspective for him, and he knows how important that and the way you've helped him grow is

But he subconsciously contributes to your struggles at first. Any unique trait is teasing material to him, it never occurred to him that the stuff he comments on might be sensitive for you

Until the day he notices you change your appearance and have a hard time responding to him

Why did you change your clothes to hide that part of your body? Why don't you take credit for your work any more? Why don't you believe him when he compliments you?

When you manage to tell him, he feels awful about it. He doesn't know what it's like to be insecure, but he does know what it's like to want somebody's approval and acceptance

It'll take a while, but he'll prove all the doubts he caused wrong and then tackle the rest. How is he supposed to shine without you as a light source anyway?

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #the arcana #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #the arcana game #the arcana fluff #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

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lord-squiggletits · 2 months

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Y'know the thing about writing feral/unhinged versions of Orion/Optimus, is that you can't go too far into the feral/unhinged direction to a point where OP's core character traits are lost or become too diminished. After all, in a multiple-continuity franchise like TF, part of what makes the stories make sense is that even if details change (sometimes major details), the characters are still recognizably themselves to one degree or another. (Although this isn't always the case due to executive meddling or some characters being such blank slates from their initial G1 appearances that there's basically nothing to model them off of, but I digress.)

It's pretty much another reason why I love IDW1 Optimus, bc he literally is a canonical feral/unhinged Optimus who's unhinged as a direct consequence of who he is as a person and what he's been through. Like, he still has those fundamental character traits of trying his best to be moral and make good choices, trying to be a role model, etc, except after 4 million years of war and untreated depression he's basically holding onto his sense of self by his fingertips. So when he "goes feral" e.g. losing his temper and beating up/killing people or saying hurtful things, he's feral in a way that's directly tied to his normal personality and not just as a random quirk he has.

IDW OP's feral moments arise from the gaps between "Optimus' attempts to be who he thinks he needs to be" and "the reality of the world that he can't fix/seems to only make worse" that cause him to lose hope, or become cynical, or lose his temper. But in this case, the unhinged-ness makes perfect sense because it arises out of Optimus trying and failing to be the best person or to make the most morally good choices he's trying to make. Basically, the "feral/unhinged" label is just another way of me trying to say that he's not just unhinged because he's weird or because he's a bad person, but because it's an emotional reaction (more like an emotional explosion due to pent-up emotions) to the context he exists in.

I'd also say that IDW OP's personality being generally reserved/stoic and (trying to be) noble works in tandem with those moments he has of going feral because it makes him more realistic. His psyche is treated in a way where the writers are like, "Hey what if the pressure of having to be everyone's idol and be the best person in the galaxy at all times actually broke Optimus down mentally and emotionally?" It makes IDW OP far more relatable. Instead of naturally being a perfect Christ-like figure who never wavers in his morals or convictions and is just naturally a nice person who always has the wisest and best answer, being a good person is something that IDW OP has to consciously strive to be. Even when he feels like it's useless, or the cycle of violence will never stop, or any attempts he makes to help only ends up with things becoming worse.

And I feel like this does a service not only to IDW Optimus as a character, but also as a sort of moral/philosophical perspective for the reader to ponder upon? I feel like culture at large (or at least my experience of it) tends to believe that "goodness" in a person is simply an innate feature that people are born/not born with, and that being "good" means that you must be good at all times, both in your actions as well as the way you feel emotionally about yourself and the world. Like, there's a tendency for our vision of "a good person" to be good in every aspect at all times without having to try to be a good person. So I think IDW Optimus' character stands as a good example of how someone can be good at heart but still struggle to maintain those feelings of optimism and hope and justice. It's a good idea to have such a paragon of a character (in-universe and out-of-universe) be so conflicted and to even be mistaken, misguided, or make things worse because it shows that goodness is as much about "trying to behave/act in a way that is good" and not just "existing as an innately good person."

It's way more realistic for a person to want to be good, try to be good, and sometimes/often fail than it is for them to just be a good person. I enjoy the fact that IDW Optimus is both a good person at heart, but also has to strive to be a good person and live up to other people's expectations of what they see in him. I like how he wants to be a good person and change society for the better, but he also spends a good amount of time either feeling hopeless and alone or being angry at/detached from other people because of how frustrated they make him. He's realistically portrayed as someone who wants to be good and hopeful and change things for the better, but is also mentally and emotionally broken by that burden because of how impossible it is for him to Fix Everything and be the Perfect Prime/Leader/Autobot that people see him as. It's this fascinating mixture of "yes, this is who he is as a person" but also "there are things he desires to be that he could never possibly become or live up to."

This got really far off based from feral/unhinged Optimus sdklfjaslkdlfkas. The TLDR is that if people want unhinged OP, I feel like they should give IDW OP a chance because he IS unhinged but he's unhinged in a way that's a realistic/thematic representation of how being an Absolute Good is impossible. And how being a good person isn't just about Existing And You Are A Good Person, but rather goodness is a constant state of flux in which you adjust, you make mistakes, you lose your temper and feel hopeless, but then you pick yourself up and try again.

Also IDW OP really likes climbing in dangerous wilderness and jumping out of flying vehicles which I think is very feral and sexy of him to do.

#squiggposting #idw op love #idk if i adequately explained it in the body of the post. but i really do feel some kind of way about the idea of like #being a good person isn't about just being static. always being the same person. just naturally being good and nice all teh time #but rather being a good person will cause you to be CHALLENGED and being a good person calls you to ACT #and you WILL make mistakes. there's never a situation in which you're all wise and always have the right solution or are infinitely patient #but goodness is something you can CHOOSE something you can BECOME and you can still have negative emotions and CHOOSE to be good #like being a good person is a continuous process of self improvement. you aren't just born a good person #and i'm not trying to tear down the notion of 'goodness' or say it doesn't exist #rather i'm trying to say that it's far more comforting to hear that you don't have to be The Best Person at all times #it's comforting to know that good people aren't just Effortlessly Good because they were Just Born That Way Naturally #there certainly are some people like that but most of us aren't like that. and i just like idw op for that reason #he shows that like. you can be a fucked up mentally ill guy who despairs and loses his temper and is basically suicidal #but you also still genuinely try to be hopeful and try to help others. like you are good because you Try To Be Good #and you Try To Hold Onto Your Principles bc giving up or becoming evil isn't an option for you #but also trying to be A Good Person drives you fucking crazy bc we live in a universe where that perfect good simply isn't possible #so the result is an optimus who's at once Noble Paragon and Unhinged bc he's unhinged as a result of trying to be a paragon

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bettsfic · 9 months

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Hi betts! Hope you're doing good! Do you have any advice on how to distance yourself from social media? I saw that you've done so with success and the older I get the more I feel a bit trapped by the internet.

social media certainly has benefits: keeping people connected, giving a voice to those who otherwise wouldn't have a platform, and it allows you to meet new people in the context of interest rather than location.

at least, these are the things social media set out to be, and over time those benefits, to me anyway, haven't been able to outweigh the drawbacks: compulsively checking apps, doomscrolling, content appearing by algorithm to attempt to cater to my interests, and just generally a lot of wasted time.

i don't necessarily believe that if you stop using social media, suddenly you'll be able to devote every minute of your day to a higher pursuit. the brain doesn't work like that. it always needs downtime. before phones, we had television. before television, we had radio. lacking glowing screens and people telling us things from far away, i think we'd all spend a lot of time looking at the things humans are built to look at: fire, water, mountains, sky. we'll listen to stories or read them or watch them.

during your mind's downtime, i don't think anything you decide to do is fundamentally better or worse than any other thing. but i do think social media is designed to manipulate our attention toward it during that downtime (and honestly, all other times) and that pisses me off. it also pisses me off that even though we impose cause-and-effect sequences to our interaction with social media, it doesn't often provide us with a narrative the way reading, watching tv, or listening to a podcast would. stories are a psychological necessity; without the mind's ability to perceive sequences of events and connect them, we wouldn't have memories. we would have no concept of time, of thinking into the past or casting our thoughts into the future. social media, in its drive to keep us scrolling, looking at posts with no narrative connection to one another, deprives us of the stories our minds seek during our downtime.

this got super long so i'm putting it under a cut. tl;dr you need to remove social media as a positive stimulus and build immediate positive stimuli into other aspects of your life. in other words, social media feels good immediately but neutral or bad over time; most other things like reading feel bad or neutral initially but good over time. so you have to find ways to make the latter feel good with the immediacy of the former.

i don't mean to be "old man shakes fist at cloud" about this. i'm a millennial. from facebook's widespread release through the beginning of the pandemic, i raced to every new social media platform. i was an early myspace adopter. my high school graduating class was the very first year people outside of college could use facebook, and so we're the first cohort to have all befriended each other before graduation and never lost touch, completely removing the appeal of a reunion. i joined twitter in 2008 but never used it, and i joined tumblr in 2012 and never stopped using it.

i remember the day i got a smartphone. i was a few years behind everyone else. it was 2010 and i'd just gotten my first office job and i was desperate to be able to look at social media, scroll through stuff or read something, when i was bored. it was an iPhone 4. and as soon as i got it out of the box, i sat and played on it for 10 straight hours.

for those of you who are too young to remember a time before smartphones, i can't emphasize enough how much they changed things. in my life, i went from waking up and eating breakfast and reading for a little bit, to waking up and eating breakfast and getting on my computer to look at facebook and read my daily webcomics, to waking up and reaching over to my nightstand and looking at my phone.

and i don't know, i just decided i didn't want that anymore. last fall i was at this artist residency with no cell service and barely any wifi. and one day the wifi went out. i had a visceral negative reaction to that, which made me step back and go, oh wow, i am way too tethered to the internet. that day, wandering around the property with nothing to do, i got this intense urge to read an old paperback novel. you know, the mass market paperbacks with the pulpy yellow paper and the misaligned typeface. and so i found a very old copy of fellowship of the ring, cracked it open, and read it all day.

the thing about getting away from social media is that it's slow. i don't think you can really go cold turkey. when i got home from the residency, i went on a long hiatus and had all these strict rules for myself about when i was allowed to look at my phone and when i wasn't, but that didn't really work for me. but i did delete all the social media apps from my phone, and on my computer i logged out of all of them and deleted my saved passwords, so if i wanted to check them, i had to go to that extra step of logging in and even typing in my password. and that doesn't seem like a lot, but when you're checking social media out of habit, muscle memory, something to attend to that might give you a brief blip of dopamine, having to type your password is just one step too far. the brief pleasure i would get from checking my notifications was less than the hassle of logging in.

and that's what it all comes down to: feeling good. in the moment, it feels good to check a social media app, to see that somebody has interacted with your content or maybe with you directly. it's that tiny subconscious exclamation point, the feeling we get when somebody politely smiles or waves at us, when a dog comes up to us wagging his tail, when a well-meaning stranger compliments your outfit. that's the social part of social media. but that's also the part that keeps us cycling through our apps out of habit and boredom.

so you have to take away that stimulus from yourself, and you have to create positive stimuli elsewhere. to take away the positive stimulus of social media, you have to stop posting content on it. content is the mind killer. when you tweet something, your impulse might be to check that someone has interacted with it. but if you step away from the great conversation of social media, nobody speaks back to you, and you develop more patience for the longer-term good feelings of reading a book.

of course, that's complicated. i guess the first step that i did a long time ago was losing interest in traffic and developing the internal validation skills that make interaction on social media a bonus, not a need. before that, though, i had a drive to be seen and listened to. i think i just grew out of that. regardless of the existence of the internet, all people throughout history have spent their lives developing their relationship with themselves, learning who they are and coming to accept it. i'm not sure there's a way to rush that inner journey along.

creating positive stimuli is a matter of adopting a kind of little-treat attitude toward things. you have to really pay attention to yourself. the day i picked up the fellowship of the ring, i remembered that paper is important to me. vitally important. i like to write on it. i like to read from it. and it's kind of weird to say "paper is my special interest," but it is. all tools of writing interest me. so acknowledging that, accepting it and choosing to accommodate it, was my first small goal of building immediate positive stimuli.

some of the connection we have to social media (and phones in general) is the physical habit that develops from it. when smokers quit smoking, their hands feel empty. they're used to having something between their fingers, and so they replace that with something like a pen or a straw.

for me, i replaced the physical habit of phone-checking with paper-holding, either in the form of a book, or a notebook and pen. i set about finding my perfect notebook: the one that feels best to hold, the one i'm eager to fill, the one whose paper is quality enough that i love to write on it. the one i found and that kind of changed my life was a Rhodia A4 spiral bound. i take it everywhere with me. in fact i went to the doctor earlier this week and because i was holding my notebook, it didn't even occur to me to look at my phone while i was waiting for the doctor to see me, even though it was in my pocket (and i did download tumblr again, and instagram to support my sister, who is kind of a local influencer). the positive stimulus of looking at it had become less than the positive stimulus of holding my notebook. the potential to easily write something or doodle felt better than the distraction of social media.

did my doctor probably think it was weird that i was taking notes? maybe. did i look weird sitting in the theater before seeing oppenheimer, brainstorming barbie fic ideas? definitely. but i just don't care anymore. sometimes making healthy choices for yourself in a world built to manipulate your attention makes you look weird.

my advice is to spend a week without social media apps on your phone, logged out of them on your computer, and pay very close attention to the things that make you happiest. find ways to interact with those things continuously, and see what happens.

#writing advice #reading advice #social media

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hotmessmaxpress · 27 days

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i'm in loooooove with your a/b/o au it's so good !

so now we have a healthy mated marc who just looks like the loveliest and sexiest omega on god's green earth. how do you think the pack and vale (love me some possessive vale) would react seen him getting hit on by another alpha in the paddock ?

Hahahaha the mental image of this is hilarious to me because tiny sexy marc walks around basically Being Hot and Talented so obviously every alpha within 100km wants to rail him into next week, but fundamentally marc is, before all else, Down Bad for vale. Marc was literally going to let himself die rather than get mated to an alpha that wasn’t vale. He’s insaneeeee

So alphas are like ‘😎 I bet I can change his mind’ and strut up trying to be all sexy and cool and marc is like ‘oh [whatever thing you just said] sounds very cool but did you know that [something relating to vale or his pack]’ and alphas immediately go ‘ohhhhhh he’s crazy! I get it now’ and wander away

So the rest of the pack doesn’t really have time to react to marc getting hit on because alphas are very quick to realize they aren’t getting anywhere lolll

But let’s say that there was some uniquely thick alpha who wasn’t getting the picture:

Marc is being interviewed by some podcaster he doesn't recognize. They're on camera, sitting in two chairs in the middle of the paddock at the end of a long day. The interviewer is speaking Italian, and Marc is happy to show off how his skills has improved since joining the VR46 pack.

The interviewer is being a little familiar, though. He keeps touching Marc's arm, and complimenting his appearance instead of his riding, and Marc is starting to get a little uncomfortable. He pastes on his PR smile and tries to focus on his grammar as he responds to the questions.

Vale and Luca come upon the two, ready to leave the paddock in the evening. Marc had the interview on his calendar, so they knew they would have to wait on him a bit as he finishes up, but as soon as they see Marc they know. They can see Marc's PR smile that doesn't touch his eyes, and they see as the interviewer touches Marc's arm again.

Marc pulls his arm away and folds his hands in his lap, hoping the interviewer will get the message. His eyes flick up and meet Vale's for a moment before they return to the interviewer.

Vale takes a step forward without thinking, ready to go grab his mate and put the interviewer in his place. Luca stops him with a hand on his arm, tugging him back.

"They're on camera."

Vale growls. "So?"

"You don't want to be that alpha, do you? Marc can take care of himself. You can wait until the interviewer is done to go rip that guy a new one."

Vale growls, low in his throat, as they wrap the interview up. When the camera turns off and the interviewer holds his hand out to shake, Vale strides toward the two.

Luca follows closely behind, to keep Vale in check but also to check on his brother's mate. Marc can handle himself, but that doesn't mean he should have to deal with an alpha who oversteps his bounds.

Marc steps up to Vale and tucks his nose into his neck, scenting him and relaxing as he feels the safety of his alpha. Luca steps up next to him, and wraps him in a hug as Vale lets him go to turn to the interviewer.

Marc and Luca watch as Vale growls at the interviewer.

"Can you not see that he isn't interested?"

The interviewer rolls his eyes. "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

Vale growls again, stepping toward the interviewer. Despite his posturing, the interviewer takes a step back.

"You don't need to put your hands on an omega that isn't interested in you, especially one that is clearly mated. If you want to keep interviewing in MotoGP, you better keep yourself under control. There's no place for an alpha that can't control himself in this sport."

The interviewer seems to take that for the threat that it is. Vale isn't just any alpha; he's Valentino fucking Rossi, and if he doesn't want someone in the paddock he can easily make that happen.

The interviewer opens his mouth as if to respond, and Vale growls. It's not directed at Luca but it still makes a shiver run down his spine. The interviewer's eyes wide and seems to think better of responding. Instead, he turns to go to his cameraman and wrap up.

Vale turns to where Luca and Marc are observing.

"Oh, gross," Luca groans. He can clearly smell how aroused Marc is at Vale's little display. "You two can get your own ride back to the hotel."

Luca pulls out his phone to call Bezz as he beats a hasty retreat away from the grossly affectionate pair.

Marc smiles and steps toward Vale, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss.

"So... hotel?"

#marc and vale are so gross for each other #alphas still wanting to try to hit on him is lowkey valid though #marc is just that hot!!!#motogp ask #rosquez a/b/o au

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velinediary · 2 days

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Comparison is ruining you

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶✿

One of the lessons I have had to learn to become who I am now is to stop comparing myself to others. It's not a lie that if you ask Veline from 2022 how many times she compared herself to different people, the list would be endless. But now, I see it more clearly and I know that I have greatly reduced this behavior that was harming me for many years. I want to mention that this doesn't mean that I don't sometimes have moments where I feel bad about myself, but the feeling doesn't linger for long, as I choose to let go of that feeling and come back to myself.

Although it may sound contradictory, comparison is good only if we know how to use it. It can help us identify areas for improvement or find inspiration, but it is also fundamental to remember that each person is unique, and the true measure of success lies in personal progress and personal satisfaction.

Here are certain aspects that we often compare ourselves with, so you can identify which ones you are comparing yourself to. (Remember, if you have all of them, there's no need to feel bad. Instead, it's a sign for you to start your own path.):

Physical Aspects: It can include height, weight, physical build, facial appearance, etc.

Emotional Aspects: The ability to handle and express emotions, empathy, emotional intelligence, etc.

Intellectual Aspects: Comparing cognitive abilities such as intelligence, creativity, problem-solving skills, etc.

Social Aspects: The ability to relate to others, communication skills, teamwork ability, etc.

Professional Aspects: Work achievements, skills, educational level, etc.

Personal Aspects: Values, beliefs, hobbies, lifestyle, etc.

Now that we know these aspects, let's move on to some tips that helped me reduce my level of comparison.

○ Focus on Yourself ♡

I know this advice has been given many times, but it is extremely true. By focusing on our own progress and not that of others, we start feeling better. By this, I mean letting go of thoughts like, "Look at her, she's been going to the gym for a month and already has visible changes, while I've been going for a year and still don't see anything," or "She just joined university and knows everything, while I can't even answer the professor's questions," among others. My loves, it's not like that. Each person has their own time to achieve the results they desire. The more you focus on your own path and what you want to achieve, the less space there is to think about others.

○ Cultivate Self-Acceptance ♡

We all have strengths and weaknesses, and that's why we should embrace them. We need to learn that we can't be good at everything to avoid frustration, but of course, there's always room for improvement. What I mean is that we should acknowledge both our strengths and weaknesses. First, to improve in areas where we struggle, and second, to enhance and make the most of our strengths.

○ Be Your Own Comfort ♡

Being our own comfort in moments when we feel like we have failed can be very helpful. Don't hurt yourself or beat yourself up over something you did wrong. Even I have to remind myself of this. Don't be cruel to yourself! Don't become your own worst enemy when you have those feelings. Instead, embrace and accept that fact, knowing that you will do better next time or that it won't even matter in the future.

○ Social Media is Just "Social Media, Not Real Life" ♡

I will try to keep this brief, as it is a vast topic with many subtopics. Social media is designed for sharing, creating communities, and making friends. However, over time, it has become a constant need for validation to boost our egos. Now, don't get me wrong, we all want to feel accepted or validated, but what I have realized is that the more you seek it, the more you want it. If you don't know how to handle it, you may end up feeling bad for not receiving the attention you thought you would get.

Of course, as it has been said many times, not everything we see on social media is true or dreamlike. Some photos may have been edited beforehand, or the person posting may not have felt genuinely good at that moment.

After all, these platforms only go so far. How many times have we remembered a specific post after closing an app? None, because real life exists. Not everyone around us has that "amazing" physical appearance or the "ideal" job as portrayed on social media. Not everyone follows trends or has "perfect skin". That's why we need to look beyond what is behind the screens and live our lives.

Conclusion

My dear girls, comparison will only serve you if you know where and when to apply it, without crossing the line, of course. Each one of us is on our own path towards becoming a better version of ourselves, no matter how long it takes, because that's what it's about - persisting and not focusing on what others did or didn't do. In the end, you are the one who will be telling your own story soon. I don't want to hear similar stories from everyone else because I want to know what you had to go through to get where you are.

Personal Note:

Creating this blog doesn't mean that I have everything figured out or the perfect life that every girl would want, but I'm still in the race, trying to reach the goal without looking at whether others have already achieved it or if they have surpassed me. I go at my own pace, and that's what matters. In fact, creating this blog is part of who I want to become.

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Thank you to the women who have made it this far, and I hope you enjoyed this post and found it helpful. Love yourselves, embrace yourselves, and have patience with yourselves because you will need it on the journey.

With love, Veline. Kisses!

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moths-in-a-coat · 1 year

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calling house of leaves a horror book is a bit misleading. yes, there are horror elements but the house itself doesn’t really belong in the horror genre to me.

the house is really only scary to the occupants because it defies what they know to be true. it breaks the fundamental laws of physics and is just something unexplainable. it doesn’t do much outside of that to be honest.

the house to me feels more like a lonely being that only scares people because it’s very existence causes fear. the house only significantly changes and reveals itself as something that can be feared once the occupants leave for a month on vacation. it’s almost like the house is crying for attention. a way to say “hey! look at me!” in the only way it knows how. by changing. it feels unintentionally scary, not something malicious

the house doesn’t even harm anyone outside of tom. it only ends up killing tom when they try to leave the house for what seems like good. it doesn’t want to be alone again so it tries to keep its people with it for as long as possible.

it even interacts with the occupants by changing itself to suit the expectations of them. navidson once he makes his final expedition into the house finds the journey to be surprisingly easy at first, but only after he wishes for it to be like that. the house seems to only become difficult to navigate once navidson tries to leave as evident by the staircase elongating when he tries to leave after they rescue the others.

i feel like if the house was purposely malicious, there would have been foreshadowing through sinister vibes of the house or it being off putting in some way, but that’s never present before the fact its bigger on the inside is shown.

again, the house is scary because it seems like defying what you know (or think) to be fundamental truths that you don’t question about the universe to be the only reason it’s scary in the first place. and this is where i would like to draw a comparison to pelafina and her experiences with mental health.

as seen through her letters we can see thar she suffers from delusions and warped perspectives of the world. despite that, she views her delusions as incredibly real and unquestionable when she has them.

when things start to change though (ie the appearance of the“new director” and how pelafina is convinced he is going to harm her at one point despite being the old director who she liked and said was a good to her) she becomes distressed and scared. she finds the world something to be feared in her times of delusions as evident by her reasoning behind attempting to kill johnny before she was institutionalized.

to be more clear, she rationalizes killing johnny as something good because it will save him the pain of living in this world. when pelafina goes into this state of distortion, she becomes paranoid and as seen in her letters has trouble differentiating reality from her delusions. she goes through a time where she thinks the workers at the institution are only changing her bedding once a week when they change them once a day, and once she views it that way she wants to get away from the institution.

simply put, she’s scared of the world because it defies what she thinks to be true. it lies to her and deceives her and tricks her. which is so incredibly similar to how the occupants of the house view the house itself.

and the world, similarly to the house, is not an inherently malicious thing. yes, bad things can happen in the world but that doesn’t mean there is no good. yes, the house can be scary, but it doesn’t have to be.

to me house of leaves is a book told through a story from a boy to his mother about a house that lies to you but doesn’t mean to hurt you. it is about the tragedy of your mind lying to you and how rightfully scary that can be. it’s about how despite the fear that comes with living, it can be worth living if only to meet people, no matter how fleeting your interactions may be.

it’s about the love shared between a mother and a son, between you and the strangers on a street, between you and your friends and family, between you and every single relationship you’ll have in your life and how they stay with you for as long as you live and then some

no, the house of leaves does not read like a horror story to me at all

#if this is not coherent that’s bc it’s 2am and i just finished this book like an hour ago #the moth talks #house of leaves

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broomsick · 3 months

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🌞 🥂 ⭐ 🧭 for the polytheist and pagan ask game!

Thank you so much for the ask!

🌞 - Which deity(ies) are you closest to/do you worship the most often?

The answer to this has changed a lot over time, and will likely change again. I have worked closely with Skaði, Óðinn and Loki in the past. For the past two-three years or so, I have mainly worshipped Yngvi- Freyr, Baldr and Thórr! All Gods have been a joy for me to worship, but I feel I have developped an especially close bond with Freyr and Baldr. Within the heathen circles I am active in, I have earned myself the nickname Freysgoði, meaning priest of Freyr. The name is a nod to the Icelandic saga character Hrafnkell Freysgoða, whose patron God was famously Lord Freyr.

🥂 - What is your favorite devotional act or offering to give?

Tough question! All acts of devotion are enjoyabel to me. I love to dedicate prayer readings and songs, as well as to sacrifice offerings into a bonfire. I often do the latter in honor of Yngvi-Freyr, generally at the beginning and at the end of the harvest season. Devotional toasts and the ritual pouring of alcohol is also a personal favorite, due to its established historical roots!

⭐ - What is something you wish people outside your practice knew more about?

I have answered this question already in the previous ask, so I will now come up with another answer! After all, there is much I wish non-pagans, or non-heathens knew about the heathen path.

Something I feel I must say is that yes, norse paganism has earned itself a bad reputation, thanks to highly conservative, folkist groups. It's a heartbreaking fact, but one that should drive us to fight even harder against prejudice and hate. Especially considering the large amount of LGBTQ+ people who make up the norse pagan demographic. A lot of the people who go against the traditional norm when it comes to their identity naturally drift towards unconventional spiritual paths as well, and to try and push them out of pagan circles is to deny them a fundamental right. What I wish more people knew about heathens is that so, so many of us are kind and open-minded people. I have met amazing people thanks to this path, all of whom fought fiercely against exclusion and hate in heathen circles. As practictioners of an open practice, we have a duty to make it so all may feel welcome to join if they desire. I'm proud to say that as it currently appears, at least in my area, we are making progress in that direction. The only ones who are not welcome in the norse pagan path are those who discrimate against gender, sexuality, ethnicity and religious roots.

🧭 - What led you to your practice?

I'm proud to say that I have been pagan for nearly eight years now! The story of how I became pagan is really quite ordinary. There was no "grand reveal", no being somehow "called out to". No God came down from the sky in a flash of light to tell me to worship them. I had already been practicing witchcraft for a little while, and had been atheistic pretty much forever. I didn't know about the existence of paganism at the time, and I had never even heard about it once. While browsing the web for witchcraft inspiration, I stumbled upon a prayer to Óðinn and two main thoughts crossed my mind: A. for some reason, the fact that such a religion exist feels so amazing and relieving to me; and B. this is the religion I was supposed to practice all my life. It was as if spiritually speaking, I had subconsciously been waiting for this specific moment to happen and now, every piece of the puzzle had clicked into place. This was the simple, logical and natural beginning of my spiritual life.

#norse paganism #heathenry #norse gods #paganism #ask #asks #ask game #polytheist asks #pagan asks #deity work #polytheism #spirituality #deities

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system-of-a-feather · 1 year

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On Anger, Trauma and Recovery

I just got done piecing together a clearer image of an issue I've been struggling to paint a complete picture of and therapy had me talking about my relationship and shit with emotions and it got me thinking now about my relationship with my specific longest term and old favorite emotion - anger / annoyance and here is the thing about it.

Anger is not inherently evil, bad, or destructive. It's actually incredibly productive when handled right and it stems from a sense of self love / love and the knowledge that you or the thing you are angry for deserve better than what is being given; that something feels unfair and needs aren't being met and the feeling of anger is the driving force to right those wrongs. It is inherently a defensive and healing function and feeling, so it is incredibly important to not only accept and embrace your anger, but to hear it out entirely.

The issue with anger that then comes though is that often - when people are disordered or traumatized - a lot of the time this anger is un-honed, un-polished, directed openly, and handled with limited depth, internal personal understanding, and and insight to exactly what the anger is, where it is coming from, and why it is appearing the way it does. And that isn't to shun or say anyone is 'less than or bad' - anger is one of the most intense emotions for a lot of people and considering it is a back up response to feeling imposed upon, threatened, or taken advantage of it is very very easy to get caught up in a fight-flight that makes it hard to sit down and clearly listen to your anger. It's a hard skill to learn, and one I've been developing for a while.

But great strength, power, and maturity comes from being able to learn to not only hold, embrace, and take pride in your anger, but to also listen deeply to it, understand what it is trying to tell you, and polishing that anger into a blade to carve out the life you and those you care about deserve.

And so this might not apply to everyone because these are some notes from my own personal journey and effort in learning to understand how to listen to my anger better (and in this case, I mean literally MY anger, but it can apply to your local 'angry' part). I'm mainly sharing this cause I don't think I've seen any good posts or resources on a more structured way to approach anger that didn't sound like "uwu your anger is valid uwu" which I think turns off so many "angry" people / parts

Step 1: Learn to become aware and notice when and why you are angry; then learn to become okay with sitting with that anger and postponing the urge to do anything in the immediate response to it. Just sit with it and feel it, interact with it, think about it - but don't do anything to 'solve' the anger.

Tips: Try to find something that you can non-verbally and/or independently express through - music, art, venting to your pet, even exercise / martial arts if you can maintain connection with your anger. These sorts of things can help ease the urge to have to do something about it that tends to limit and end the "listening" portion and impedes in deeper understanding to it

Step 2: Once comfortable with sitting with anger, when you notice your anger, try to find a way to set some time aside to comfortably interact with yourself on the topic that makes you angry. Get some music that helps you think to yourself in a more open ended free flowing manner, lay down on a comfy bed, get some tea, set the vibes well and look the anger 'in the eyes' so to say and ask away.

Tips: Ask yourself why does [thing] make you mad? What is wrong with it? What do you feel like is unfair and needs to be changed? What need is being ignored / not met? Who / what is not being heard? What exactly is your anger upset about? Try to polish away the specific names and people of the immediate situation and try to understand the core fundamental needs of yourself. Is something about the situation making you feel not seen? Do you feel like your needs are going unnoticed? Do you feel like you are not being included? Do you not feel like you were given a fair chance? Why is this situation triggering such a feeling? Does this stem from a feeling in the past? Try to understand the deep connections threads that come together to make you feel this way.

Step 3: Once you get a feeling that you understand where this anger comes from (often in my experience it clicks with a but of an "ah, okay" feeling) resurvey your current situation. Compare your findings of what the meat of your anger is and what it wants changed to what your situation is. See then where you can best give your anger what it needs and what it wants to start to right the wrongs that it is feeling in a compassionate way to your anger / yourself. You may not be able to go to the extent that you wish, but the very least you can start to give your anger what it needs to be as intense and as aggressive.

Your anger doesn't deserve to have to be so loudly angry just to be heard.

Your anger should be able to show itself to you and for you to be able to hear it out and meet it's needs.

As a general skill of this is built anger doesn't leave and it doesn't become less present - because anger is important, anger is your friend and it's kept you alive and motivated you to love and stand up for yourself - but the built better relationship and ability to listen to said anger in a compassionate manner can become incredibly productive both in healing yourself and minimizing the damage of "anger issues", but also in fixing the environment around you that may be worsening your mental health and overall quality of life.

#alter: xiv #anger issues #anger #emotional regulation #healing #recovery #bpd #c-ptsd #ptsd #did #actuallydid #aspd #npd #ocpd #mental health #mental health recovery

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