#but ill never get it...no matter how much i try

[bundyslittlelamb]

lol I lied im here again ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

WAHHH i keep getting nuked its so tiringggggh ໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১

As usual hewlloo im mary!! Biggest true crime fangirl >< Especially for Bundy! ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১ I’m a mexican teen girl who loves coloring, drawing, watching horror movies, making outfits, painting my nails, etc!

Any age can talk to me I don’t mind! ໒꒰ྀི ∩ ⸝⸝ ∩ ꒱ྀིა

Socials I use ~

Telegram - lytkinsgf

Snapchat - chuugums (a bit inactive here ꒰ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ꒱)

Discord - lytkinsgf

Instagram - richardslittlegirl (My private account I post more selfies of me there!)

Number - Ask lovely <3

I still have school !! I won’t be able to text as much because the signal over there is so terrible ｡°(°.◜ᯅ◝°)°｡ I’m a busy girl.. Ill try to respond to everyone as much as I can!

Just so you know.. I have bpd, age regression and major attachment issues. I am a sweet girl I promise but the more we talk, I’ll get too attached to you. I never want you to leave me no matter what happens. Also for my age regression I act like a child. I’m sorryyy

If you’re from Illinois please let me know!!:0

CALL ME A LITTLE LAMB!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!!

Some of you rich daddies wanted my wishlist :0 how crazy of u lovelies ;w;

MWWUAH LOVE YOU GUYS ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

#1cky br0ther #1cky daddy #1cky little #1cky princess #1cky thoughts #send 1cky asks #1cky daughter

[anonymocha]

Medbleu headcanon medbleu because you made me like this one more (Ex Balloon Party Baby Blue believer)

Baby Blue is KLS representation (I think) how cool. It's a very rare condition where people get so tired all of the time and will be asleep from weeks to months basically. Her way with living and coping with her illness has made Medicine Pocket a lot less morbid about their own condition and enjoy life more.

Baby Blue is more calm while Medicine Pocket is more limbic. Even though Baby Blue struggles between reality and her unending dreams, she has sleep-talked Medicine Pocket out of doing all kinds of awful things to themselves by slowly repeating back their answer to 'what are you doing'. Medicine Pocket wants to be someone she can depend on; they are more careful and steady when thinking of Baby Blue

Medicine Pocket, in turn, keeps Baby Blue safe when she is unaware of her surroundings. It was really crude at first but after they figured out it was impossible to change her condition they became more protective rather than bothered by the constant dreaming.

Baby Blue has a hundred nicknames/petnames for them. Medicine Pocket isn't confident with coming up with these names but she gets so happy whenever they come up with a new one. Blue's favorite name for them is 'Puppy'.

very wholesome..... Baby Blue requires Medicine Pocket to sleep with her for at least 6 hours a day. She can be little a clingy when Medicine Pocket comes home.

also also Blue mistook Medicine Pocket for a wonderlandshark at first and after she presumed them as such they had to step out of the room to try not to cry and explode thats True love .

📣Good Night USA

This is so important to me you have no idea ooouuuhhh 😭😭😭😭😭 I never thought of a proper proper wholesome dynamic between them to this extent and now I am enlightened…

This is a LONG post you have been warned. The MedBlue brainrot is SUPER REAL.

OK I CAN IMAGINE BABY BLUE CALLING THEM PUPPY IN THE SWEETEST SOFTEST SLEEPY VOICE EVER FULL OF GENTLE LOVE AND ADORATION… IM GONNA CRYYYYY AND MELT AND EXPLODE… Mental support Baby Blue is real (both in a meta and metaphorical sense).

I also like how she’s, in her own way, helping to keep the researcher in check. Someone has to keep her safe, therefore they also should keep themself safe so that they can be there for her. Yes, they love their job and the delightful dangers it brings with it. But they also have a person dear to them waiting for them. Also, in my headcanon, Medicine Pocket shelters a lot of supposed-to-be-experiment dogs at Laplace so they got to get it together for their pups, too (I imagine Baby Blue napping together with their puppies at the Laplace fields occasionally… Puppy tea party… Somft…). They want to take care of her and their pups, be dependable, and protect them. They used to think that this protection comes at the cost of their own wellbeing but NUH UH. Baby Blue's presence and words remind them that there are dangerous thresholds that they don't need to cross, no matter how 'logical' it seems.

She wants them to sleep with her an adequate amount of hours, therefore they cannot fuck up their sleep schedule by pulling impulsive all-nighters (I’m guilty of this too whoops). These two would get! Cozy! And Baby Blue would softly sleeptalk nonsensical but calming tales from her wonderland to help them sleep. I assume bedtime stories aren’t a very common thing in their childhood, especially when they got taken away with the beagles. So Baby Blue's whimsical, imaginative antics would be like taking back tiny but meaningful pieces of their lost childhood, stolen by a life of cold, clinical, and dangerous research. After they started sleeping with Baby Blue, her warmth and comforting stories allowed the researcher to get not only much-needed sleep, but also sating a yearning. A yearning for coziness and unconditional peace they likely brushed aside for a long, long time through the span of their childhood to teenhood.

On Baby Blue, a lot of people likely gave up on her. Doctor after doctor after doctor shook their heads and raised their hands after examining her condition. Teachers, friends, and even strangers are bewildered by her, calling her crazy, and treating her as more of a 'case study' or 'phenomenon' than an actual person. Those who did stick around her for a while couldn't stand her constant dreamings and tendencies to isolate, they either took it to heart or found themselves drifting away from her. It took her a while but she convinced herself that she was used to it, wonderland and its dwellers were her true friends after all. But at the same time, I feel like she would still realize that she's living in two worlds, and recognizes her loneliness in one of them. She tried to not think about it for a while but it likely bit at her some nights. Medicine Pocket may be the only doctor insistent enough to stick with her for longer than many others before them thanks to their stubbornness and curiosity. That's enough to get her attached to them, to say the least.

I WOULD LOVE TO SAY MORE THINGS ABOUT THESE TWO (such as her wonderland and their research on it, Baby Blue getting curious on Medpoc's research which led to them infodumping, more Baby Blue interactions with Medpoc's pups, Medpoc protecting Baby Blue from weirdo doctors at Laplace, etc etc) BUT I MAY NEED TO SLEEP GOODNIGHT INDONESIA 🔊THANK YOU ANON FOR THE ASK FEEL FREE TO SEND ME MORE OMG THE MEDBLUE BRAINROT IS REAL!!! I want to write a fic abt these two SO BAD. I want them to BE HAPPY!!!

#medblue #babypocket #Baby Blue #Medicine Pocket #mochasks #thank you anon #oh i actually also like the dynamic between Balloon Party and Baby Blue i thought of them before…. #ouuhhh Baby Blue you are the character ever #reverse 1999 #the medblue fic im writing rn is TOXIC i boutta do a u-turn

[dootznbootz]

Odypen definitely and equivalently adore each other BUT I weirdly can't see them as the type to actually say "I Love you".

They still definitely vocalize their love for each other but it's more so in "My Joy", and "Extraordinary Woman", "Strange Woman/Man", etc. And very cheesy lines (both say some cheesy shit in the Odyssey, and he definitely does in the Iliad as well. "Joy like a drowning sailor seeing land" bit???)

I could see "I adore you" but even then, that's probably during very specific moments but the actual "I love you"??? I just typed it just now for fic shit and... It weirdly just didn't feel right and I don't know why. 😅

Idk maybe it's kind of because I see them as over the top in ways, they love wordplay and riddles and I think they'd almost think "...That's not good enough >:( " about it??? I don't know???😂

#I wrote this last night. I'll do the asks I got later. don't worry! :D #I am the cheese god remember?😅 #I think these two would try to “out-cheese” each other and whoever is left speechless first loses #“I would forget my own name before I would ever forget you” bullshit. CHEESY #And yes. “I sleep in our nest with you or outside on the dirt” stupidity >:D #I plan for Odysseus as a beggar to ask why she waits so long. As he's been gone a longer amount of time than the time they had together #(Simply asking as reassurance. He knows his answer. Calypso asked him. but what about Penelope?) but she gets mad at the #“Beggar” and pities him as he must be telling the truth about having a miserable life if he never got the chance to know such devotion #How what they have could never be sullied by #something as trivial as distance and years. How the years with him were the best in her life. Only made better by their son. #'My dear Joy made songs and poems about love a reality as that was simply the life we shared. Even separated our 'song' will always echo #no matter how long it's been. I'LL make sure it always does. And I know he's doing the same... That strange man used to say that #even if he died his corpse would drag itself back to us before he'd ever give up.' #...I'm not one for 'odyssey zombie au' but when I first heard it yeah. :'D Came up with this back then #“His eyes as hard as flint or horn-” Bullshit! The sad lil fuck is hiding sobs with coughs and telling her to keep away for fear of her #catching whatever “illness” he has. The nice thing about being disguised as old means sickly old man works. #... #I'm noticing that Odysseus has a lot of silly oneliners while I write Penelope with a shit ton of set up :'D #They are so silly and I love them so much #...I wrote a lot :'D #Mad rambles #shot by odysseus #my headcanons #odypen #yahoo!!! #sometimes I wonder if I should tag this with more things but I don't want to taint the regular tags with my bullshit :'D I KNOW I'm insane

[latinokaeya-moving]

ok. last living dredges of the alberich clan placing the weight of their people’s future on a small child’s shoulders, definitely fucking him up for life, among other things = objectively speaking not a good move. but also their entire nation was destroyed and whole bloodlines cursed to transform into monsters by the divine self-righteous will of gods they didn’t even fucking worship so forgive me for thinking their circumstances would warrant a kind of clouded desperation that perhaps no one else in the entirety of teyvat would ever be able to truly conceptualise

#x #gi posting #i’m trying to more clearly map out/put to words what i think i want the conflict to be here. with kaeya. in this thing i’m writing #but i just ended up on a rambling tangent bc my god it wouldn’t matter if he had told anyone because they wouldn’t GET it anyways. it’s old #the scale of it all is just too much. how could anyone have helped him? how could anyone have understood the position he’s in other than #himself? this is more than just him and his first family and crepus and diluc #VIBRATING LIKE CRAZY. WHATEVER PERSONAL CHOICE HE MAKES WRT HOW HE FELT ABT BEING GIVEN THIS RESPONSIBLITY AS A CHILD #ITS JUST. ALMOST INSULTING. FOR ANYONE ELSE IN TEYVAT TO GIVE IN THEIR TWO CENTS WITHOUT AT THE VERY LEAST GIVING #THE PPL OF KHAENRIAH SOME GRACE… #oh i’m sick i’m ill i’m going crazy. this is never gonna be how it goes in game but it’s how I FEEL ABOUT IT AND IT MAKES ME LOSE MY MIND

[needylittlegirl]

MAN i almost made it through a whole sunday without crying!!!

#my friend was texting me about stuff on her to do list #and she was like ‘man we’re only four months into the year and ive changed and grown so mich already’ #and i know its stupid and silly #but that just immediately cracked open my fear of like being stuck #and it sucks cause ive been having a hard time talking to her because shes just suddenly light years ahead #i know its selfish too #im just tired of always being the friend thats just. Behind in so many ways #i want to grow and change too!! and ive been trying so hard!!! but nothings happened #tbd #i know everyone goes at their own pace but im tired of mine being so slow #ever since i was little ive seen everyone run ahead while i just get stuck in place and i hate it #im just scared that no matter who i have in my life theyre always gonna out grow me #theyre gonna outgrow me and change so much and ill be exactly the same #im so scared that im just never going to be happy and like myself and my life #idk maybe its the fever talking #i can never trust how i feel on sundays

[lannisterdaddyissues]

today is not a good day

#i am so done with this semester you have no idea #i dont even know why i am still in college i feel like i should just drop out #no matter how hard i study for an exam i cant get so much as a fucking C on any of them #i worked my ass off for this exam and i thought for sure i could get a high B but i didnt even come close #i dont understand i did well enough on my last two exams but i fucked this one up so bad and it doesnt make any sense #theres just no use in me even trying anymore ill never get better than a D on any of my exams #its like these classes are setting me up to fail #im so lost i dont know what is going wrong in my head but it just isnt working #and i hate this #sorry to vent on main but i am so done i am so tired of being stupid i want to go back to when i wasnt failing everything #im so genuinely lost because i thought i knew this material so well so what the fuck happened #to delete later

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im just gonna complain abt it here bc i just have to accept that i can't irl bc no one else gets it #its hard to b a dyslexic grad student. u have to read so much. and its good. lots of reading is good. u just have to contend with a soul #crushing amout of discouragement at the fact u just kinda cant read while ur peers r like sure i can read this in class and have things to #say abt it. if u make me read in my head in class i literally cannot fucking tell u what i just read. not a god damn thing and if i try to #let my computer read to me i cant fucking pay attention for long enough so i just have to accept that from here on out ill have to #physically read papers aloud which i hate so much. its the only way i can fucking understand things and it still makes me feel dumb bc ill #somehow still space out while reading and have to reread like 4 times before i understand wtf is being said. it takes forever and it takes #energy and i dont like talking very much and it also restricts me to only being able to read at home which is frustrating #and im like i need to stop my brain from distracting myself with things that dont matter and my counselor is like: ur ocd is trying to make #work ur whole life and im like yeah thats how i got it. its the only way i can keep swimming with the non dyslexics #so its like wtf do i do? i kinda have to take the hit and make work my whole life rn. morn the loss of other things for a while #i dunno im still a bummer rn. like im probably coming off as more an asocial freak than normal bc its hard to talk ans maintain conversation #rn. but whatever. sometimes things just suck and theres nothing u can do abt it but accept it and move on. ill learn lots of things with all #the reading i have to do and that's never a bad thing ...no matter how much i dont give a fuck abt animals #like jesus. i could not even begin to give a fuck about like 95% of mammals. fish r cool tho. plants too #but microbes is where its at. i dont understand y ppl dont understand how cool they r. oh well ill just have to tell them #if i can find my fucking enthusiasm. ugh i have to make one of my classes read a paper and i have to work with someone abt find it. she #works with like rabbits. i refuse to assign a mammal paper. i fucking refuse. we will do plants or microbes or fucking paleontology #i will fight her on this. ugh. light filtering or orchid speciation would b perfect. annoying #at least i get to work with some culturs this week #unrelated

[dogboots]

blog that makes me happy vs nobody will ever take me seriously here as long as I post the way I do

#mousetalk #im aware that a lot of my biggest interests are for children. thats why this main blog looks like a seven year old designed everything #im also aware of how silly i tend to look to anybody who isnt myself. 'adult who likes things for children“ isnt really something you Want #to be known as because this makes you look stupid to folks who do not have or understand the childish stuff #which is pretty understandable. i do look silly taking cartoon dogs seriously and being converned over toy rabbits feelings and whatnot #im not so oblivous as to pretend that i dont lol #i just wish i could enjoy these things and still be taken seriously! im not angry at people for deciding they wont or deciding they dont #like me or deciding im some sort of strange freak who will never grow up. its valid when you consider the everything else about me. #just wish it didnt have to mean that any and all footholds i have in adult spaces werent null and void you know #itd be nice if the two things could coexist. #im really only rambling in the tags like this because having this childish blog as my main ends with me being blocked a Lot #which again! im not mad about! people can choose to interact with who they like and form whatever opinions they want #im just a little sad is all. i have plenty of (mature even!) interests outside of things like stickers or stuffed animals but i cant really #interact with these things here without somebody inevitably looking my way and going oh. another immature person. goodbye #or just assuming that im a child trying to wiggle my way into adult spaces by claiming i am one. according to 1 ask i recieved a while back #i dont know. this really isnt much of a complaint is it. 'people dont take my stuffed animals seriously' is about as stupid of a problem as #it gets haha #maybe someday ill suck it up and rebrand and stop talking about baby animals on my main blog #so i could finally follow a blog for something like a horror game franchise without being blocked on sight #or greeted reluctantly and with an eyeroll haha #TLDR; if this blog stops being happy funtimes it is nobodys fault but my own for being spineless about my own interests lol #i doubt anybody is reading this wall of text (hello if you are) but dont take anything i said in here personally #enjoy what you want to enjoy. dont let me or anybody else dictate that when your life on earth is so short #this is more just me with my own trivial issues that dont matter in the grand scheme of things #okay goodnight everybody thats it for the time being

[suncaptor]

there's something specifically inside my head that is closing up that makes trusting anything so hard. i have to manually keep my mind open to the potential of anything being significant. i am so used to things being bad and things hurting and things not working and being powerless that it takes an exorbitant amount of mental energy to make sure I don't let myself shut down possibility. and I do it because I never want a certainty inside of me besides love to rule anything. but I want my brain elastic again. i want it open like breathing. it doesn't erase the unfairness or the critique or any of the bitter-built philosophy.

#it's so hard to describe what I mean. i think it's the combo of the like. specific part of my brain's development + the amount of trauma #I have endured + the degree of which that has been taking place on a backdrop of the world being incredibly injust no matter what I do #this is very very silly but the extent of how much this impacts me was made clear by how like. closed off I was to even liking an album by #my favourite singer. like obviously I am obsessively keeping myself open I would never let my preconceived sense of doom and stubbornness #control my willingness to let things in #but it shouldn't be so hard to keep my mind open to things like... liking my favourite musician of most of my life's music........... #and that's a VERY silly example but that's why it's easier to talk about. it takes so much work to be open enough for things like therapy #or religion because they've damaged me so much #how am i supposed to handle this on a backdrop of constant constant helplessness in the face of living insecurity and illness and trauma? #the problem is if you try so so so hard again and again and remain hopeful regardless of how illogical that hope is #but you get let down so constantly since you're never stop trying ever even when systems fail you again and again #and you're watching horrible things happen and everything that shapes you is horror #then regardless of how much you try it's so hard to let yourself let go of the very realistic lived experience of doubt and critique #and I DO. do NOT get me wrong. I am obsessive and refuse to be my own problem #but the act of doing so shouldn't be like this. it's in everything i do. from simple things like listening to new music to even the mere #possibility of a future #i am very worried this one is going to be misinterpreted bc I AM NOT saying I'm stubborn in the face of systems that have repeatedly failed #me. I AM NOT. I am saying to not be shouldn't take this work when it envelops the rest of my life. #if anyone reads this far please please acknowledge the degree of which I almost pathologically try again and again when I can guarantee #nearly everyone wouldn't and still fight to keep myself open to hope because that's just something in me that is like that. but BEING like #that is. repeatedly putting yourself in situations where you are powerless already and helpless to get better and then are hurt more and #there's no way to escape it's just the repeated nature of it and then trying to not be the issue. #it's the problem in itself. #my ambition SHOULD be smarter. #god I'll go into this when I fully understand it another time. i don't think i have this phrased in a way to make all the dots of what i #mean correlate in the significant ways to anyone but me #but hey i guess i'm expecting anyone to read this in a light to misperceive me in the first place instead of accept maybe I'm not explainin #well or giving me the benefit of the doubt. see. #delete

[wickershells]

txt

#i just dont really know what to do. my friends never express concern for me and they never tell me they love me without overt irony or some #watering down of the sentence. they never reach out when i need them and everything they say is so detached and distant and cold #and maybe im just in my head again maybe its getting to the time of year when my life routinely falls apart moreso than all the other month #but i feel so abandoned all the time. and stupid. and unloveable. my friend once told me that her love for me would erode #whenever i vanished for mental health reasons so i stopped vanishing and started instead pushing through the illness and opening up more to #her but it was too much for her to handle and all my baggage almost ended our friendship so here i am vanishing again except this time with #the debilitating knowledge that every day she loves me less and less and less. if i am not there she stops loving me and if i am she stops #loving me. what do i do. my illness takes everything from me every damn thing. she wont call me but she bought a ticket to see me in januar #and i cant reconcile it. shes visiting her girlfriend and its the same price to come over here too so i guess why not. its not really #for me. we dont have plans to do anything for my birthday and i doubt she will offer and i dont want to be the one to do so like last year #i want someone to love me without me asking them to. i want to be able to trust people without having it broken. i want to feel like an #equal and not so inferior all the time. i'm not her best friend anymore. she doesnt tell me personal things she doesnt share everything #she used to with me. i try and try to start doing the things we used to but she doesnt do them. i shared my location again but she didnt #share hers. so i stopped again and she didnt even ask me why. she has not asked if im okay in weeks. if i vanished forever i dont think #she would even notice. i cant see her mourning the loss of me. i dont think i matter that much to her. and it is so painful #with both of my best friends i watch them gladly do things with other people and never do things with me unless i beg. i am constantly #excluded from their lives i am the outsider friend. and it is so damn lonely. and every time i'm presented w the opportunity to make new #friends i'm paralysed w fear because how many times have i lost people. i'm either too little or too much or both at once. constantly absen #or constantly sad and it's poisonous i feel poisonous. i'm not fit for community despite how desperate i am for it i just feel perpetually #undeserving. and so stupid and unsuccessful in comparison to them. i'm too much effort to be around and i get why i really do #even this it's just so much heaviness all the time i am such a burden. they just don't love me as much anymore. love lost #added to my family baggage and my dead childhood dog and the nothingness of my future i just can't see myself continuing i don't know what #to do. my parents don't support me my friends are never there the nhs is a joke i am actually genuinely alone lol #what if i can't recover. some people are destined not to. what if that's me. what if i am never happy. i'm never going to accomplish #anything i'm stuck here. stagnant and unmoving. the most disposable and useless person alive #sorry. will delete later as usual. but for reasons stated above i have nowhere else to put these thoughts #and i am drowning in them #vent

[bahrmp3]

last night after coming home @ 6 after a full work day and making dinner for everyone that it was 7ish I got told today that what I made was lacking and wasn't enough

no comments like (thanks for making this but I didn't like this) or w/e just straight up (what you made wasn't big enough and I was caught in a limbo of not full but not hungry enough to make myself smth)

its not like I was stopping anyone from making their own food later? what?

#this is a recurring comment and no matter how much I Inc the portions im still labelled lacking and never thanked for my effort #Well ok fine why haven't you made anything as someone who was home before me by min 3 hrs? #I think ill try to not make anything like that with the intent to share #I hope I stick to. my words for a while. at least ;;;; #not to. be like someone who always requires thanks and makes you feel like you are in their debt (aka my father) but hearing a nice word #would have been ncie? esp since first think I heard last night was (what is this smell? did you rst tuna? it smells disgusting like someone #has cleared their stomach) idk idk am I angry or am I overreacting? #tbd #personal #when will we get a readmore on mobile? I want tog ent in peace

[termitesisagrandslam]

interview went good i think? seems like an ok place to work. offers $3/hour more than my last job and has health insurance and dental. main issue is it's a receptionist job and im worried id be bad at it or unhappy dealing with people and phones all day. but it seems not too hectic and maybe id get used to it. idk.

#i get so scared ill be incompetent at things #i worry no matter how much i try to learn how to do something or deal with something im uncomfortable with ill never improve #even tho thats not been the case in the past #well sometimes #sometimes it has been

[todayisafridaynight]

OH about the finale at the shrine, this completely slipped my notice when we were talking about it, but Ichi says he's "reporting" Jo's verdict to both Arakawa and Masato. It's just not translated that way.

Not too big of a difference (well, it is to me, but I'm insane), but if it was highlighting anything, I'd guess it's probably Masato's change of heart. It would've been fair for Ichi to assume Masato wouldn't care and only "report" to Arakawa, but in the context of Ichi doing his damnedest to show Masato they all love him, it works in terms of, "Maybe I made him reconsider, and maybe now he would care."

Also... I'm looking at it in a "measured" way, since the chapter trophies are always just standard "Nth Chapter Cleared" messages that the localization team just spices up for us, but there's something I find really poignant about the Chapter 13 trophy being worded as "Fate of Our Fathers." The pluralization of both the noun and pronoun. Realizations that come too late.

Of course, Masato definitely didn't "know" and had no real reason to suspect it, but the Arakawas have this bizarre subconscious almost-psychic link. So even if he doesn't really think so, there's this sense that Ichi "might as well" be Arakawa's "real" son because they're so much more alike. And maaaybe he felt that way about Jo and himself at one point, because (as we've discussed) there has to be a reason Jo was Masato's "favorite."

[Follow up to this ask]

#snap chats #yeah i have no real notes sorry LMAO LIKE THIS IS GOOD ON ITS OWN YK. every base is covered #LIKE nothing i could say could really enhance anything or add much. god im so bad at words i should drop dead right now #i can reaffirm that masato definitely sees ichi as arakawass 'real' son if his whole 'you remind me of dad' bit is anything to go off of #thats a weird line/sentiment now aint it #masato didnt consider him and ichi as family and ergo he's angry at how similar ichi and arakawa are #i guess that's more of a deep-dive into that hypothetical masato essay ill probably never get to- why masato hates arakawa like he does #about 'fate of /our/ /fathers/' tho thats def an interesting point no matter how you slice it #'our fathers' could refer to arakawa and sawashiro and ichi and masato respectively #i.e. masumi- ichi's bio father and sawashiro- masato's bio father- and what happens to them by the end of the game yk #there's an alt way to see if as both arakawa and sawashiro as both ichi and masato's fathers #though im gonna chewing my cheek on that one. sure we've compared sawashiro to an abusive stepparent #idk... i think it's just cause ichi shows up well into his teens that it doesnt register in my brain that sawashiro could be a father figur #but thats MY personal dumb ass rambling im just here to vaguely try to interpret the title in multiple ways to cover everything #moving on tho... the use of 'our' prevents 'fathers' referring to only one of them . so. Aforementioned Possibilities have been listed #making it sound like i have anything else to say I DONT I ALREADY SAID EVERYTHING dummy. putting myself in the dunce corner #on that note. hopefully it finally got through to masato how much people loved him before he got ganked #i mean for sure it did but yk. still mad about y7 ending im gonna kill someone In Minecraft #'i have nothing else to say' LIAR YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!! THE FUCK ARE THESE TAGS STUPID ASS #anyway im going back to my google doc. im almost done with another cringe fic. sorry #BYE

[diegoshargrieves]

wow three days back on this account and im already venting.

#i know my mom is trying her best i know things suck for her rn but why doesnt she get that she doesnt have monopoly over the #family mental illness quota like i fucking stg. istg. two days ago i break down in front of her and she's all nice and telling me that #my mental health matters and she knows things are hard for me and im all traumatized and i csnt keep ignoring it and i have to take care of #myself because i need to prioritize myself and today she's bitching because she needed to call me in for Job Work Student Stuff #and i was less than enthusiastic and she tried to talk with me about my attitude and i was like 'its literally taking every ounce of energy #i have not to off myself rn and to deal with my own shit and you want me to deal with everyone else's' #cue the discussion about how i dont even do that much anymore and if Anyone has the right to be mentally ill its HER and im never around #for her anymore when she needs me and oh im talking about offing myself but i also give myself personal time and talk to my friends #and its just. oh my god i fucking hate this and i hate everythign. you win i guess? mental illness go poof

[pepprs]

cringe btw. fail a little bit as well

#purrs #not really happy with how i showed up and navigated situations and circumstances today. i think i was not as kind or respectful as i could h #have been. and there’s nothing i can do but live with it and try to do better tomorrow. but this shit is so fucking hard and horrible. this #is not what i thought i was signing up for. this is not how i thought this month would go. and i know it’s normal and natural and whatever f #for like. every aspect of this process to be happening (and yet also cringe and stupid etc) but i just wish it wasn’t happening. i don’t #want to be responsible for planing your fucking goodbye gift i want you to stay. i don’t want to fucking go on a walk with you (i mean i #quite literally do LOL but) i want to keep yearning for i and working towards asking for it naturally and not in wretched circumstances. i #don’t want to have responsibility for all the tasks and people coming into the office and giving me knowing and pitying looks and asking how #this is going and meaning both me starting something and you leaving i want the whole you leaving part to just not even be a thing. i know I #it could be worse i know it’s fucking stupid to be addressing my literal actual supervisor as ‘you’ in the tags of a tumblr post she will #never read but it’s like fucking hell. i care about you so much. this has been a nightmare and i want it to be over but it won’t be ever. an #and i have to live with this somehow and i know it will feel better but for now im just fumbling through it and hurting and suffering and it #like doesn’t even matter. idk. the timing just hurts. it really does. as does the whole thing. idk when i’ll stop being hurt but i am hurt #delete later #i think i said this but i literally have to get assigned a fucking ‘cultural contact’ bc she’s leaving and can’t guide me thru this like i #always dreamed she would. the literal actual slap in the face of it.my heart hurts lol #it’s not just work also. like i know i am a freak about work on the dash but it really is not just work. or it is but it’s like. idk. ugh i #feel so trapped in this i fucking hate it and everyone is gonna tell her / me / us / whatever that this is good and normal and expected and #we’ll be okay etc but it’s NOT. it WON’T. we’re family or something like that and she’s leaving it and me and * are sobbing and * is like ha #having to be strong for us bc both of us are mentally ill wrecks over it and i know he is too and it’s killing me and meanwhile * just fucks #off across the country and we only see her TWO more times???? are you kidding me? LOL! like you just leave? lolllllll. after everythinggggg! #which she’s entitled to do. but it’s like. i thought we all understood… but apparently we weren’t on the same page. and now we’re here. LOL #anyway i am not being any less cringe or fail by continuing to post about this to redacted number of ppl but idk how else to cope. gn lawl #one more thing my heart hurts sooooooo bad. like physically. that is just sick in the head. wtf