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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 7 months

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hi! i sent in an ask awhile ago about lgbtq struggles and im just now getting around to asking about it i hope thats ok! no tws

so my issue is that i think i might be genderfluid because i keep having phases where i feel masc and then i feel fem and each time i just. hadnt thought "oh i might actually be genderfluid" and i just thought my gender like, changed? for good? like i thought i realised i was trans when i was masc for about a year or longer. so i came out n told people to use he him pronouns for me but just recently ive felt like a girl and at first it was really hard to accept because i didnt want to let go of my transness because i had identified with it for so long. but i guess i sorta dont even have to let it go all the way? because i dont feel female or like strictly a girl, id label myself genderfae right now. but anyways, my problem is that everytime i have a phase of feeling like a different gender it feels so permanent. and right now, i just feel so comfortable in my sapphic genderfae identity and i really dont want it to change again. do you know if this is actually a genderfluid experience or if i was just figuring myself out until now? or do you have any advice or tips? anything would be appreciated.

im so sorry, this is the maybe-genderfluid anon again, i forgot to add something to my ask! yk how i said that i felt sapphic and genderfae currently? what i really mean by that is that i feel like a lesbian. i cant see myself being with a man or being a man too, for that matter. but im scared that that's gonna change sometime. i dont know if it would be right for me to identify as a lesbian given my history of genderfluidity and the fact that it feels permanent each time it happens - like now, sure it FEELS permanent but i dont actually know that it is. i want it to be, but i dont know. im very confused. sorry for the second ask but thats probably the main problem. thank u in advance!

Hi anon,

Like I said in this ask, I think it's important to consider that on some level, identity always changes over time, even for people who identify as cis their entire life. There is no pressure to label yourself and your gender, as it can often be a very complex and fluid concept that may be hard to put any one label on, and that's okay. It's also important to consider that identity, including gender, can change over time, and that's okay too. Just because you no longer resonate with being trans or masc doesn't necessarily mean you were never either of these things. Discovering ourselves is an ongoing process. However, it's also perfectly valid to find comfort in labeling or naming your own experiences.

Part of discovering and finding ways to describe yourself sometimes involves experimenting with labels. I think of it as going to a clothing store and trying on different clothes. Some might be too bright, dark, big, small, and some might be passable for a little while until it just doesn't look right and you go shopping for more clothes, and all of that is okay. I think there's a lot of stigma that comes with trying to experiment with labels and find one that describes you accurately, because society tends to have a hard time respecting a change in identity. Sometimes this can influence the struggle to make these changes publicly.

While in the grand scheme of things your identity may shift various times, I think it's very natural and common to resonate with the gender you currently identify with so strongly that it feels permanent. I can understand how frustrating or confusing it might be to feel so sure that this is a permanent identity, only for it to shift over time. But I think it's worth considering that no identity has to be permanent, and it doesn't necessarily have to be a loss or disappointment if or when it eventually changes.

The way I see it is, if you identify as a lesbian now and in the future you find that you're attracted to men, that's okay. I think it's still fair to say that at one point you were a lesbian, etc. Like I said, discovering yourself is an ongoing process. However you want to identify, as long as it is in good faith (doesn't do harm), is valid. It's ultimately up to you to describe yourself and your identity, as you know yourself best.

I hope I could help, and know that we're here if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #genderfluid #sapphic #genderfae

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boomerang109 · 3 years

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hi!! (god i hope the way i type doesnt rat me out skddk jesus at this point it might who even know i feel like its distinct but maybe thats just me idk) but!!! time to just Rant abt twwda, *sighs in the best way possible* ****this***** fic. man. the Very first thing it helped me (that was memorable to me) honestly was the whole acne thing where toph was like are you good looking and zuko’s like ‘well i have a scar and acne’ and toph’s like ‘acne’s a normal thing’ my hesrt just idk why but whenever i have a Bad day abt myself (or the parents are on my back abt it skdhdj i Hate that but thats Not what this rant is abt) im just like ‘its a normal thing’ and!!!! i got that from **your** fic!!! genuinely you Cannot understand how close twwda is to me as a person bc

the whole test anxiety? and zuko not telling his teachers he has trouble hearing? in the fifth grade i needed glasses Bad but i never told Anyone bc i felt Bad (still hold strong to this habit 😃) but God i just- i just *relate* and Finally.

the enby aang. ive been able yk even tell my irl ant me possibly being she/they (maybe even they/them) solely bc of your fic (i even told her that it was thanks to your fic and explained everything abt the whole enby aang!!!) ill seperate this mess into paragraphs skdhdk but!! please just know how Much you helped me

OH SHIT FUCK the whole a flower in shade can also grow in the sun. that Hit bc its like ‘you dont Need to suffer just bc you can survive in that condition, you deserve the basic necessities too’ and honestly when i read that i just sat there stunned like wow. so?? true??? i honestly just love you and your fic (okay bye sorry skdbdksk !!!!!)

thats my four paragraph essay for you boom <3

okay anon, it’s nearly 2:30 am (probably will be by the time i finish typing) so if im a bit incoherent i apologize. i just know im going to be busy tmrw and i didn’t want this to sit in my inbox (sorry to everybody else who didn’t get responses whoops)

(honestly idk who you are and i hope you feel comfy telling me at some point, but it’s okay if not!) (i do have a few guesses but i keep changing my mind so basically im clueless ahdhdjsks) (actually right after i typed that i noticed something that’s unique—i think—to you. the person i’m thinking of is absolutely lovely, but i’m not going to start guessing or anything cause if you don’t feel comfy having any identity connected to this, that’s okay! that’s what anon is for!! just do what makes you most comfy)

i love that the acne line resonated with you? i think you’re the second person to mention this and i 🥰! it’s such a throw away line but i always hate in fics when people make them high school age and then are like “except for his scar, zuko’s skin was smooth” or whatever the fuck. like no!!! high schoolers have acne!!! and obviously zuko is embarrassed of it, but sokka is just like dude. we all have it, im good looking and ive got acne so just don’t even worry. and that’s the energy im sending you (and your parents cause they better not be on your back about acne that’s dumb af) cause no one is judging your acne (they’re too busy worrying about their own) AND even if they were, that makes them a shitty person whose opinion doesn’t matter. you’re beautiful with acne

i want you to work on asking for help, like mx mak said, it’s not a limited resource! and often teachers/adults are happy to help you. (and often it’s their job/the law that they have to). but also? i wrote zuko missing shit in class being like “oh this is unrealistic if someone was missing what was being said in class they’d get notes from someone” and then i took a class where the prof spoke way too fast and my audio processing said NOPE and there would be days where my notes would just be question marks like zuko and i didn’t ask anyone for help. (i did start recording class which is literally illegal without permission but shhh it’s fine)

i’m so glad i was able to help you and please know i’m here to help in whatever capacity i can outside the fic as well. it’s kind of a joke that being trans is contagious but actually being able to hear about other people’s experiences is So Important. cause six months ago i could’ve confidently told you i was a cis girl and had been sure of that my whole life. but then i finally admitted to myself that my “thinking they/them pronouns were the coolest thing ever and kind of being jealous” thing was not very cis of me. and yeah, everyone’s experience is individual. but we can at least share our thoughts and what we learn to help each other. cause i wanna support you

you deserve MORE THAN basic necessities. you deserve so much more, but the necessities are a good place to start. treat yo self.

please don’t apologize!!! i appreciate this sm, i love you and your four paragraph essay <3

#ask a boomerang #wwda #anon being able to help you in any way with the shit show that is gender makes me 😌#being able to provide support people in hard experiences literally is why i want to write i just never imagined i’d be able to achieve that #with fic so im very very truly 🥰🥰🥰

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