#but im also very grateful that im not in the same space i was in last year.

[lostalioth]

𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬

→ premise: you were just so pretty and so much smaller than your boys how could they not love it? though they’ve seemed to take notice of just how much you love it

→ pairing: steve rogers x fem!reader x bucky barnes

→ warnings: smut | 18+, size kink [reader is described as smaller/weaker in the sense of them being super soliders and stronger more muscles etc.][im also not that good at writing size kink so just squint a bit], body worship, dumbification, nicknames [little one, dumb baby, baby], oral [f receiving], creampie [only 1 i was gonna have them both do it but]

→ a/n: 01 kinktober

It was very hard for your boys to keep their hands to themselves around you, they were both very possessive after all but they knew you loved it. They noticed the way your thighs clenched when they stood tall behind you, presence big and looming as their large hands both snake around each side of your waist. Their stares and presence are enough to make the guy talking to you back off. They hear the small lustful gasp that leaves your lips when one of them manhandles you picking you up to place you out of their way. They were more in tune and hyper aware of every motion and sound you made than you'd like sometimes. They could catch on to things you like before even you could. Such as that you really really enjoyed just how much bigger and stronger they were than you.

It had been a couple days of a long mission where the three of you simply didn't have the time or space for many intimate moments, that was until you finally got back home. You're in the middle of a conversation with Sam before suddenly you're swept off your feet by Steve.

With a short startled scream you're thrown over one of his broad shoulders. “Hey i was in the middle of a conversation, you know” you whine and ignore the ache that begins to settle in your core at the action. You smack Steve's muscular back in an attempt of telling him to let you go, with the one hand that was holding your waist still he lets go quickly to smack your ass. You squeal and shut your mouth fast as arousal replaces all confusion and frustration. Steve's other hand that's gripping the back of your thigh squeezes a bit harder around the plush skin. You watch Bucky not far behind you two as Steve carries you to our shared bedroom. A small but seductive and taunting grin plastered across the brunette's face. He watches with amusement as your eyes glaze over, practically seeing you begin to sink into sub space already.

“Wish you could see her face rn, shes turning into our dumb little baby already thinking of all the things we’ll do to her” Bucky's deep voice breaks you for your train of thought before you sink right back away and the rest is a blur until your sat on your large soft king size bed, ass nestled into steves lap and your facing bucky whos sat in front of you.

“We missed your body little one” Steve whispers, coming out desperate and soft, breath hot the back of your neck as Bucky tucks a piece of hair behind your ear and resting his big calloused hand on your face. “Your perfect little body is all we ever need baby” Bucks voice is a stark difference to the blondes as his comes out husky and deep. You gasp as bucky's cold metal fingers find their way under your shirt inching towards your bare chest.

You couldn't be bothered to put a bra on for the long and uncomfortable trip home and you've never been more grateful for one of your decisions til this moment. His thumb brushes across your already hardening nipple at the same time that Steve begins leaving sloppy kisses on the back of your neck making his way to that sweet spot behind your ear. Your breath hitches in your throat as you squeeze your thighs together but steves warm hand slides between them spreading them apart. You whimper softly at the strength.

“We wanna worship that pussy baby don't hide it little one” Steve mumbles against your neck as he starts to unbutton your pants with one hand and push them down with your panties.

The boys move fast to discard the rest of your clothes as well as their own and their lips are back all over your body, kissing, marking, licking every inch of skin that they can.

You're now propped up against the headboard, a pillow behind your back and one under your hips. Bucky has one leg pinned and Steve has the other so your legs are spread, throbbing cunt on full display for them. Their strength while forcing your legs open causes your arousal to leak down your pussy and ass soaking the pillow under you as you squirm a bit in impatience.

“Look at our pretty little dumb baby Buck so needy, you want our mouths baby?” Steve asks in a soft yet taunting voice that has your head going hazy again. You nod yes eagerly and whine as the blonde and brunette hovered their mouths over where you needed them most. A small chuckle leaves Bucky's lips before he is quick to slide two of his thick warm fingers through your slick, spreading it over your puffy folds. The small gasp leaving your parted lips turning into a louder one the second his fingers slip inside you and are fast to find that spot only your boys could. Steve, not far behind Bucky in action, leans closer and starts to slowly flick your clit with his tongue, teasing you by slowly licking shapes over your aching clit. Your thighs twitch and on instinct your legs attempt to shut from the overwhelming pleasure, the pressure building embarrassingly fast in the pit of your stomach.

“You gonna cum already little one? Keep these fucking legs open and cum on Bucks fingers, come on dumb baby” Steve groans against your pussy as he moves his attention back to your clit, sucking it sloppy and hard. Steve's hands grip your inner thighs hard and push your legs away from his head and Bucky pins one knee down to the bed with his free hand. “Cum on my fingers baby then you can get filled with our cocks you miss that dont ya’ little one” Bucky chuckled and watched as you squirm and whine when he starts slowly and teasing stroking his hard cock giving you the perfect view.

With a gasp and fingers threading through Steve's dirty blonde hair and pulling you cum hard on Bucky's fingers. You feel Steve smile against your clit as your chest rises and falls, catching your breath.

Bucky having other plans however the minute Steve pulls away from your clit is smacking his red leaking tip against your abused bud and slamming inside you. Your eyes glaze over and their voices fade as pleasure and overstimulation take over your body. A wanton moan fills the boy's ears causing them to smile as Bucky's thrusts are hard and fast. He's been pent up for days and your walls clenching around his thick cock is a heavenly feeling he desperately missed.

Your eyes fall shut but snapback open fast when Steve is gripping your cheeks squeezing them lightly, you whine, his rough hand making your face seem so small. “Eyes on us baby got it? Look at Buck as he fucks this gorgeous cunt yeah?” He questions and smacks your clit before you can answer, making you clench down harder on buck. “Yes! Mhm mhm!” You nod and hum in response, not being able to form enough words.

The brunette groaning loud and grabbing your hips hard to plow into you even harder. He was so big it was easy for him to manipulate you. “Fuck you’re already gonna make me come little one” his head falls back as he lets pleasure wash over him. He thrusts one last time filling you to the hilt as thick hot ropes of cum fill you up. Your mind goes blank again and before you can register their voices again, Steve's hands are grabbing onto your hips and lifting you into his lap.

“Shes already so fucked out aww well too bad baby i need to be inside you so fuckin’ bad missed it just as much as buck did” Steves voice is ringing in your ears but before you can form an answer he is lfting you up again to slide down onto his cock. “Ah! Fuck steve” you whine and yet still press your hips down to take him inside. “Look at you trying to complain baby you love it when we manhandle you, didn't think we noticed huh?” Bucky taunts and grabs a fist full of your hair to pull your head back so he can kiss you hungrily. You kiss back passionatly with a goofy smile on your face that fades into a lust filled one once steve starts to fuck up into you, hands still grabbing onto your now probaly bruised hips.

You moan against Bucky's lips, head hazy but happy thinking of how well they will take care of you after this. They may manhandle you and be much stronger than you but they could be big teddy bears when it came to aftercare.

→ a/n: this is only my second time writing stucky so i hope its as good as my first one that everyone loved but :) also this was meant to go up yesterday im not doing 31 days im doing 18 im posting a fic every saturday, sunday, tuesday, and thursday but i got busy yesterday and this wasnt proof read too well so im sorry and i rushed the ending to get it out td.

#lostalioth kinktober #kinktober day 1 #smut #fem!reader #steve rogers #bucky barnes #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #stucky x fem!reader #stucky x you #stucky smut #stucky x reader #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #steve rogers smut #kinktober prompts #blurb #bucky barns fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers drabble #bucky drabble #stucky fanfiction #stucky x female reader #stucky #stucky imagine #stucky oneshot

[petite-gloom]

your last post almost made me cry. i’m sorry if people have been making you feel like you’re not doing enough. being sick is a weird, weird mix of constantly proving to people you’re ill enough to need some kind of support, but also well enough to be able to do your own thing and be your own person (at least in my mind).

please be kind to yourself, especially this time of year is so hard for so many people. i’m very grateful for how real you are and always wish you every bit of success and encourage rest whenever you need it! there’s only one of you, so please keep being you! coz you’re kinda awesome.

yeah honestly you're spot on with the first paragraph- i guess because im as present as i am, because i make videos, make things, people maybe forget the reason i do it all- to carve a space for myself as a disabled person in a very inaccessible world, to document things because my memory and recollection is increasingly poor, to offer other people a little comfort through illustration because i know how badly it sucks to be looking for it and not find it. im lucky to be able to do these things but the same acceptance and grace isn't there when im communicating poorly, when im forgetful, when im misinterpreted, when i change my mind, when im behind on messages, etc. its really hard trying to balance reminding people that im disabled and often struggling v badly but also that i want a life and (some semblance of) independence, you're right.

its so shit sometimes because i don't want to make a spectacle of it all (hence why ive already deleted the post that you're talking about) but i also want to be honest about where im at, how im feeling, how my disabilities and chronic conditions are affecting me. i don't want to have to pretend that they're not. i want to make things and share things and i want to do it autistically. i want to be able to talk about how my symptoms relate to certain aspects of my craft, because everything in my life is dictated by and affected by and made in response to those symptoms, and it can all be really hard to manage, especially when i generally feel so disconnected from everything and everyone. its like im always somehow doing too much and not enough and its exhausting. im never on top of anything. everything is always taking too long and im always too tired.

i don't know where im going with this really but yeah. you worded that really well and i really agree. thank you for the reminders and kind words, i really appreciate it. really i do

#answers #i don't know how much sense im making here #but hopefully you know what i mean #not just other people forgetting but i forget why i started it all too #i guess i just wish social media didn't always have to be such a big part of it all so i could focus on the bits i care about (creating)

[gyuswhore]

minghao + beside you (keshi)

im thinking like a friends to lovers bc that’s what im getting from this song but it’s completely up to ur interpretation! cant wait to see what u do with this c:

HI BABES!!!!!

I got serious friends to lovers from this too so that's what I did! Shitting my pants rn hope you like it muah

masterlist

***

[11:35]

Dusting your hands on your pants, you attempt to pry Minghao away from the tire when he's not entirely convinced it's tightened.

It was 10 PM on a Thursday night and, Minghao took it upon himself to drag you out of the slum that was your dorm room and to some cliffside he had gone to with his friends. It was also mandatory for his pickup to get a flat tire just before you were about to head back home.

"It's thickening the plot" He had said, attempting to bring his forced positivity into a road with no streetlights and a scissor jack that took him 20 minutes to find.

You managed with your phone flashlights and a couple scrapes, more grateful that you weren't stranded in what was basically a forest by yourselves at nearing midnight.

"Can we sit in the back for a little bit more, I'm pooped" you whine, clambering into the blanketed cargo bed before he can reply.

Hao has an inability to say no to you so he obliges, wondering if he could switch gears a little bit and move to a topic he's been wanting to bring up.

You both are comfy, heads on pillows, looking up at the stars as you whip out your constellation app.

You're checking for Orion when Hao starts to talk.

"Do you still think about Jun?"

You freeze as you hear your ex's name, not expecting the abrupt change of topic.

"Haven't thought about that one in a minute" You reply with a laugh, looking over at him.

You were telling the truth. Because somebody else had taken over the empty space he left, very quickly.

"Why'd you ask?"

He turns to his side to face you, bringing his hand up to his head, elbows supporting.

"Do you have anyone in mind? You haven't gone out with anyone after Jun, just thinking about it"

Your face answers enough for him, and he starts smiling before letting out a yelp.

"There is someone, isn't there?!"

"No there isn't" You deadpan, trying to cover up for yourself.

"Yes, there is! Who is it, tell me"

He's bluffing just as much as you are, but he may be doing it better as you haven't caught on yet. Minghao is smart, observant, analytical; he knows when something's up. So when he began to feel the lingering touches and dreamy eyes, he knew what it was before you did yourself.

Not to say he didn't feel the same way, the window that came about after your split was enough to re-ignite the fire that he had attempted to subdue long ago. You only encouraged him.

It was cute, though, watching you struggle to keep your composure when asked the blistering question so head on.

"I'm not telling you!"

"So there is someone" He strikes the chord.

You look at him, a little like a deer caught in headlights. "That's not fair"

"Not my fault you're stupid"

"You're right, I was stupid enough to fall for you"

The universe had slammed the pause button the second the words tumble out of your mouth. The owl had stopped hooting, the trees had stopped rustling. You had stopped breathing.

You closed your eyes, not wishing to perceive anything. Your mouth with its tendency to voice your thoughts had gotten you in serious trouble before, but you really didn't think you could ever pull something of this caliber.

You wished you never fixed that tire, maybe you'd be left stranded here to die. It wouldn't matter that you had just effectively confessed to your best friend if you were both dead meat for the coyotes.

Unbeknownst to you, Hao had been smiling ear to ear. All smug once he got over the initial shock.

"Thought I wasn't your type?" he asks. He's enjoying your pain a little too much.

"Please, just don't" You moan, hand coming up to cover your face, in hopes of forgetting object permanence and perceiving Hao as nonexistent.

"Oh, you fool" He sighs dramatically.

You were expecting that.

You suddenly feel a hand removing the obstructions from your face, and what feels like a kiss is being placed right on your lips. He's smiling as he cradles your face, despite the awkward position. You open your eyes to look at him, finding him staring down at you with nothing but infatuation in his eyes.

You were not expecting that.

#seventeen #seventeen fluff #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #svt #svt fluff #svt fic #svt imagines #svt scenarios #svt x reader #minghao #minghao fluff #minghao imagines #minghao scenarios #minghao x reader #seventeen x reader #em.writes #em.mika #em.drabblegame #toruro

[vampykween]

mic i need to know. how vampire!ghost and vampire!price spend their individual time w pet (nickname ?:3) does pet have a favorite…

how does pet warm up to them!! 🧛🏽‍♀️🧛🏽‍♀️ literally kept captive like a bird but ghost and price are so so offputting but nice at the same time.. hmm…

im convinced you hacked into my brain because i was just drawing up ideas on how pet (love the nickname) has a different relationship with each of the boys hehe. i hope this suits ur fancy, i started running away with it like always oops! <3

price shows you to your quarters on the first night after the wooziness of being bitten (by an actual vampire!!!!) wears off. the space is grand and luxurious, and if you weren't so shaken up you'd marvel more at the beautiful window seat with gorgeous bay windows - the perfect spot to curl up with a good book.

once price leaves you alone in your room, you hastily lock the door and sob. what the hell has your life become?! for the first week, you don't dare leave your room in hopes of being able to avoid the creatures holding you captive. price is amused at your little attitude; how cute that you think a little door lock would stop him from being with his pet.

your relationship with price is weird, you're grateful he saved you from the woods, but you also hate him for keeping you in this stupid castle all alone. in an attempt to lower your hackles, price comes with breakfast for you each morning, he knocks as if to give you the illusion of choice whether you want him in your space or not, he unlocks the door and barges in no matter what you say anyway.

he insists on feeding you breakfast himself, you bristled at the idea at first because is he serious?! he offers you a simple shrug and a curt "amuse me, pet." and after realizing it was more of an order than a suggestion you concede.

you hate that price treats you like your his prized possession, it makes it so much harder to hate him. perhaps that was his goal really. it starts to work because eventually, you relax as he pops strawberries and decadent french toast in your mouth one morning - and when he leans in and licks the sweet juices from your lips, you feel warmth blooming in you. suddenly, you can't help but imagine him in between your legs licking over you reverently.

with ghost, things are so vastly different. you don't even see him until you finally work up the courage to leave your quarters. you're exploring the entirety of the manor and stumble upon the most impressive library you've ever seen. flitting between bookshelves silently until you're startled by a looming figure in the corner.

you realize it's ghost and are frozen with the decision on whether to leave him be or go over and try to talk to him. there's something so odd about him, but that only makes you want to figure him out more.

the library becomes you and ghost’s little meeting spot. he’s different when he’s not under the supervision of price, still very much reserved. but unlike price ghost avoids making any advances towards you, in fact, it was you that made the first move.

ghost had been dropping little tidbits about his life before he was turned and your heart ached painfully for him. he was curating a pile of his favorite books for you, and when he leaned into your space unintentionally, you place as shaky hand on his face in an attempt to drag him into a kiss.

ghost concedes and kisses you back with a passion you weren’t expecting. when you pull away and search his eyes for any sort of explanation, he simply shrugs and says he has to leave you for now. you’re left reeling from the magical kiss you two shared, surprised at much more you want from him.

#mic answers #vampire!au #vampire!ghost x reader #vampire!price x reader #vampire!price #vampire!ghost #fem reader

[meowticta]

Uhh, lately i've been reading about cpunk, and guys i love yall, i think it's important to have a space for you, and people who also go thru things you also have, share experiences, etc, a mental condition/neurodivergence will never be the same as using a cane, a wheelchair, having a physical disability, yes for example autism can also have physical symptoms such as dyspraxia, but not because ur autistic ur physically disabled, also not everyone has dyspraxia.

but i also wonder if tourettes... is a part of it? ive been wondering this for many weeks.

like, i remember being very young, walking was an issue, people bullied me for it, sometimes couldn't even talk, because my tics interrupted me, i hit and scream and fall. body hurts when i hit myself, body hurts and is in pain and tired and wants to puke and nauseous after tic attacks that i only want to rest, a few weeks ago i had a tic in my arm that left me without sleep because i couldn't stop, i dont use .. a mobility aid, but i would consider it if tics get worse... lately it's not that bad, waxing and waning tics you know...

but i tend to hit myself a lot + pain + tired, tic attacks are coming again too.. a lot, i have one or two tic attack per 1-2 month i think which is way better than when i was younger (dealt with attacks almost every week..)

and i always wondered if tourettes was a physical disability, you know, it may seem silly andd stupid even, but professionals always told me it was neurological, nothing else, (and they were completely useless too... didnt gave me tips to handle it, therapists barely heard of it, did not give me any support other than a diagnosis and some medication thats all (medication which im grateful tho it helps me ton))

i dont... tend to call myself disabled because people look at me and dont think i am, and i get really scared w confrontation so i prefer not to .. say things like that, m also autistic btw, but thats another thing, i know autism disables me, but i dont know if tourettes disables me

it's been good years, i know some disabilities also have better days and worse days, but i feel like it's too much time for me, from 5+ or 5-months, i can have little to no tics, but they come back too anyways, and i'll be hitting myself and body will hurt.

sorry if this is stupid, only recently have been seeing tourettes being called a physical disability, and it changes how i see myself too

if you answer or read this thank u!

#actually tourettic #tourette's syndrome #tics #tourette #tourettes #tourette syndrome #cripplepunk #cripple punk #crip punk #cpunk #ticpunk #words are hard

[lucillele]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐚𝐲𝐬

Shuri x Black!fem!reader

warning: probably too long, cute/sappy stuff as usual 🥰🥰

A/N: happy new years!! i know im not active but idk what to post other than fics anyway i had a little writers block so some parts may not be the best or not fit, also i was listening to the ways when i was writing this so i just thought it fits

@flrboyd so sorry this took so long

translations: usana - baby, sthandhwa - my love,

Out of anyone in the Jabari tribe, you were the most explorative and open to new things. You still believed in keeping traditions alive but you weren’t far from modernization either. The other tribes and all of your country’s technological advancements had intrigued you, especially the person behind it.

You had come across Shuri working in her lab while you were on one of your long walks that were really just excuses to get out and observe how everybody else lived. She was always working on something, infatuated with something new every few days. She had looked so ethereal when she was focused on something but you were careful not to look for too long to avoid making her feel uncomfortable and risk being spotted.

You could usually go from place to place without being noticed by most but Shuri had noticed you lurking long ago. In fact, she looked forward to seeing you in hopes that she could talk to you one day. She had learned about you as much as she could when you came around. She learned you were very kind to others even when it came at your expense or discomfort despite being a loner. Still, you weren’t one to be underestimated, you had the problem-solving skills and the initiative to take control of situations when it was needed.

Eventually, on one lucky day, she was able to catch up to you and talk to you. She’d found out that you were Jabari long ago, but she didn’t care. You had proved every stereotype that she had in her mind wrong as you did with everyone that you met. From that day, you two would often sneak away and just talk for as long as you could about anything that was on your minds. She told you about anything you wanted to know, loving how open you were to learning and with people. No one knew you were close friends, much less sneaking away together for hours. At first glance it seemed like it just wouldn’t work, she was the lead scientist behind many of Wakanda’s tech and the princess and you were a part of the Jabari which was against everything she stood for. Over the past few months, you two had proved all of that wrong.

It didn’t long for your feelings to develop and it showed. You were getting clumsy with your excuses and people were starting to get suspicious of where you were going almost every day. Even when you were at home, you couldn’t get your mind off of what you would say to Shuri or what new thing you might learn about her the next time you two met up.

It was starting to show in Shuri too. She was getting bolder to hide how flustered you made her. She was also distracted in the lab and wasn’t making fun of her brother as much as she usually would. Everyone knew something was up but they couldn’t put their finger on it.

You had never told her how you felt out of fear that it wouldn’t end up well and would ruin the relationship and she never told you either, thinking that you didn’t feel the same. It still showed between the longing stares between you two when there was silence or the increasing displays of affection and touches that lasted way too long between two “friends.” You both said nothing, but you were both getting tired of holding back and meeting in secret, not being able to confide in anyone else about how you felt about each other.

When her father was killed, she came to you for comfort, not caring about who saw or not. There were times when it was just silence and you were just in each other’s space and times when she just poured her heart out to you. She became so grateful for you and vowed to never let anything come between you.

On the day of T’Challa’s ceremony, you snuck out to watch from afar in support of T’Challa, being very careful not to get caught. There was no saying what reaction you would get being caught considering the Jabari already didn’t like you getting out so much but couldn’t keep you in the mountains.

You couldn’t help but smile as you saw all of the tribes together, cheering T’Challa’s name. It was the first time you had seen anything like it with the last ceremony being early on in your life. You stepped closer, waiting to hear if someone would challenge. Your smile grew wider as you heard Shuri’s voice, wanting the ceremony to be over. However, your smile dropped when you heard a familiar chant getting closer. The Jabari would like to challenge.

It felt like you had got caught even though they were nowhere near you. You watched with wide eyes as M’Baku stepped up to Zuri and T’Challa. You had zoned out, thinking of what people would think of the Jabari after this and if it would make things worse. At this point, any hope that the tension between Jabari and every other tribe would eventually phase out had dissolved.

“We have watched and listened from the mountains! We have watched in disgust as your technological advancements have been overseen by a child! Who scoffs at tradition.” M’Baku said, referring to Shuri before turning to T’Challa. You had stopped listening to whatever else he said, too focused on if your relationship with Shuri was in danger.

You felt yourself step closer and closer as the fight got more intense and it wasn’t looking good for M’Baku. You breathed out a sigh of slight relief when M’Baku yielded, glad to still have a leader but anxious about the future. You made eye contact with M’Baku before quickly leaving.

As soon as the ceremony was over, you scurried to get back to the mountains and act like nothing happened. It worked at first until M’Baku called your name as you walked past him, you stopped in your tracks, not turning around to meet his eye. “Where have you been, child?” He asked as if he didn’t know, getting up from his spot.

He had taken sort of a big brother role since you lost your parents. You were grateful but there were times when he was hard on you but in his defense, you often gave him a hard time with your stubbornness. Of course, over the years you had tended to just let him speak and ask for forgiveness later rather than permission.“I was helping-” Before you could even get it all out, he interrupted you, causing you to turn around to face him. “T’Challa became King today.” He said, leaning on his cane. “I know.” You said, looking down. “You saw.” He said, sitting back in his chair. “You think I don’t know where you go every day?” He said, tilting his head and looking at you skeptically.

You opened your mouth, ready to defend yourself and Shuri but opted not to say anything. If he found out, it was better to not speak and let him tell his speech but surprisingly he didn’t have one. You were so in your head wondering about what the aftermath of all this would be that you didn’t realize that he was now asking you a question. You never said you were going to listen. “What interests you so much about these other tribes, hm?” He asked, leaning back.

You had just snapped out of your thoughts to register what he said and took a while to try to think of an answer that wouldn’t make the situation worse but he continued speaking before you could utter anything. “Whatever it is, let it go. Everything you need is right here.” He said as if it was final. You couldn’t decide whether he knew about you and Shuri but you nodded and walked away with all types of conclusions swirling around in your head.

You solemnly walked to the spot you and Shuri usually met at. It was facing where you two would usually watch the sunrise or sunset but leave before you could see all of it to get back home in time. You assumed after everything that happened today, she would want to talk to you about it and all the ideas she had. You were right, seeing Shuri’s figure in your peripheral vision.

Her face immediately lit up when she saw you and sat down next to you. “What are you so happy about?” You grinned, poking her cheek as you pulled your legs up to your chest and rested your hands on top of them. “I can’t just be happy?” She said, trying to contain her wide smile. “Well, your brother became king. There’s a lot to be happy about I assume but there’s another reason isn’t there?” You said, smiling back at her.

“And I’m with you.” She said, her smile falling into a more serious but content expression. You returned her look with a shy smile before turning away to look at the stars. You really didn’t want to ruin her night with asking her to help you decide on the fate of your friendship or whatever it was turning out to be. You held out your hand and felt her immediately intertwine her fingers with yours.

“Something wrong?” Shuri said, rubbing her thumb back and forth on your hand while looking at you for any type of explanation as to why you were so quiet today. You shook your head. “No, I just want to listen today. You seem to have a lot to tell me.” You said, moving to face her. “I bet you already know it all, don’t you?” She said, grabbing both of your hands, holding them, and resting them in the space between you two. “I’d still like to hear it.” You said, watching as Shuri kissed your hands. And with that, it didn’t take long for you to forget about what other people thought or whoever suspected what. It didn’t matter when you were with her.

It didn’t take long for you to find out that a stranger had made his way into Wakanda, offering up the cadaver of the very man that killed many Wakandans in the pursuit of vibranium. You decided to lay low, knowing that he was not a direct threat to you but to your country. You wanted to help in some way but you knew you couldn’t so you just hoped that everything would turn out ok even if it was too optimistic.

You were in denial when you first heard the news. Immediately your mind jumped to Shuri and her mother. Were they ok? What happened to them? Where would they go? You couldn’t stop the pacing, the fidgeting, or the staring at the walls. You couldn’t relax to go to sleep and could only go to sleep out of pure exhaustion. You were a dreamer, an optimist that wasn’t naturally built for confrontation but over the years you had learned to put on a tough demeanor and faked it till you made it. And it was tested in times like this.

You caught a glimpse of Shuri with her mother, Nakia, and the man she had told you about, Everett Ross. It eased your nerves to know that they were okay so you allowed yourself a breath of relief. You stuck around too long though, long enough for Shuri to catch your eye. You knew Nakia had noticed you as well but all you could think about was holding her. You could tell she needed you but now wasn’t the time, not in front of her mother or Nakia, and sure as hell not in front of M’Baku. Nakia was watching the whole thing, not sure what to make of it. She started to say something to Ramonda but Shuri squeezed her hand, eyes pleading for her to let it go. Her eyes focused back onto you, not breaking eye contact until you disappeared out of her sight.

You spent another night in your room, not sleeping. The look Shuri gave you was the main thing on your mind, she needed you and you were thinking about what other people would think. You told yourself it was because you didn’t want her to be bothered with having to explain why she was friends with you. The harsh reality was you were protecting your heart from possibly getting broken if she were to leave you. It was an illogical, pure emotional possibility that you had come with out of your own insecurity. You loved her too much to hide it from her but you were scared of what seeds would other people plant in her head after it would come out that you had been meeting up with her.

You paced all around Jabariland, hoping to find something that would distract you or give you some type of peace. You walked by a room, seeing Ramonda, Shuri, Nakia, and T’Challa. You had to hold back the gasp you were about to let out before you realized that you weren’t supposed to be snooping. Hearing T’Challa ask for a moment alone with M’Baku, you took the opportunity to leave before anyone had pointed you out. You were interrupted by a cold hand grabbing your wrist, making you jump before turning around and seeing Shuri. You immediately wrapped your arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug which she instantly reciprocated, squeezing you tighter. She took in a breath, taking note of the light fragrance you always used that instantly calmed her.

“Shuri?” You whispered, hands still holding her waist. You saw the way her eyes teared up and immediately pulled her back into you, this time squeezing tighter than you had before. It had been a few seconds of you rubbing circles on her back, listening as she took deep breaths.

“I’m so sorry about everything.” You said quietly, rubbing her cheek as Shuri stepped away from your hug to look at you.

“Do you need anything? I want to help.” You asked, leading her to a more private room where you could talk. You sat down on one of the chairs in the room, Shuri doing the same and scooting closer to you when you held out one of your hands for her to hold. She looked down at your hands on top of hers and then looked up at you. “I just want you to be here. With me.” She said.

This sent your mind into a frenzy of trying to determine if this was real or some cruel daydream your brain had worked up. She must’ve seen the way the cogs were running in your brain because she squeezed your hand to bring you back from your mind. “I don’t care about what others think and I don’t want you to be either. I don’t want to sneak around to see the woman I love.”

Your eyes widened. “I don’t want to either.” You said, scooting closer to Shuri. “I’m not..ashamed of you, I’m just scared. What if they get in your head?”

“Nothing anyone says will change how I feel about you. Have some faith in me, will you?” She said softly. Before you could reply Shuri’s name was called. She turned around to see Nakia standing at the doorway, eyes shifting between you and her. Shuri stood and looked back at you, not wanting to leave you. You got up to kiss her cheek and left the room to give her and Nakia a moment alone.

Though you kept a calm composure, inside you felt like you were in some type of daydream your mind cooked up to comfort you. It felt selfish to be focused on your love life while the fate of Wakanda and other countries was uncertain but you couldn’t help it. Though you kept a calm composure, inside you felt like one of those teen girls in the American movies Shuri talked about sometimes. It felt childish and partly selfish to be focused on your love life while the fate of Wakanda and other countries was uncertain but you couldn’t help it. Your current relationship with Shuri had been a constant thing on your mind the last few months and in seconds she had debunked any doubts that you’d thought up.

Though knowing how Shuri felt about you gave you some solace, the threat that Killmonger faced still worried you. It made it worse that Shuri was going out to fight and would possibly encounter a fight with him. He had his name for a reason and based on what Shuri had told you about him, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill anyone who was in his way. Shuri had tried to assure you that she would be as careful as she could but it didn’t stop your mind from going to the worst possibility.

You walked to where M’Baku sat on the throne, not able to let it go. You tried to push down your irritation and worry to be respectful and greeted him with the little patience you had. “Lord M’Baku, isn’t there something we can do to help them fight? There are plenty of Jabari warriors that can h-“ He interrupted you with just a raise of his hand, making you press your lips together into a thin line out of annoyance.

“I will not give lives of the Jabari to a fight that does not concern us,” M’Baku said, staring at you with a critical look. He waited a moment to continue talking, probably to make you think about what you were asking him to do. “I told you to let go of whatever it was guiding you from out of this mountains, hm? And you disobeyed me.” He said leaning up closer to his cane.

“But this isn’t about me. This is about protecting Wakanda from that man destroying our country, if not the continent or the world!” You said stepping closer only to be stopped by the two men M’Baku always had beside him, causing you to huff and hesitantly step back. The more time went by the more you felt your patience dissolving.

“I understand that you are worried about your lover but I will not let that dictate how I,” He said, emphasizing the “I” and getting up, slowly walking towards you. “choose to lead.” You looked up at him, almost as if you were silently challenging him.

The unofficial staring contest went on for a little bit before you broke the silence. “Out of everything that has happened, this is the one thing we can’t sit out on.” You said before walking away.

At this point, pacing had become your go-to stress reliever if you hadn’t reverted to mindlessly walking and letting yourself end up where your legs took you. Although this time, your subconscious had taken over and led you to the spot where you and Shuri had talked earlier.

You sat down in the exact same spot you did, breathing into your hands before smoothing them over your hair. Resting your elbow on your bouncing knee, you had no idea what to do to pass the time. There was nothing you could or anything Shuri would let you do, but you couldn’t just relax like there was nothing wrong either. You couldn’t help but worry when it came to her especially with Killmonger having had enough time to prepare weapons for himself and to ship out.

Your eyes opened when you sensed someone’s presence, hearing unfamiliar footsteps and smelling a comforting but unknown scent. Your eyes widened as you recognized Ramonda, making you immediately stand up. She slightly chuckled as she adjusted her Basotho blanket as she sat down, gesturing for you to sit back down.

You sat back down and it didn’t take long for your knee to bounce again and for your hands to find each other. “You are not the only one struggling to live with all of this.” She said, tucking her blanket closer around her. If you were this anxious over what the outcome of this fight would be, you couldn’t imagine what she was feeling with both of her children out there fighting.

“It’s hard to not think of the worst.” You said quietly, moving your hands to clutch the sides of your arms. “I know. We just have to hope for the best and believe that they will come home safe to us.” Her wording made you wonder how she found out about you and Shuri or if she actually did find out and you were just assuming.

“I am thankful for the way that you love my daughter.” She said, making you look from the ground to her. “I’ve known for a while, I just didn’t know who. Then I saw the way she looked at you when she thought I couldn’t see it.” She chuckled probably at the effort we put into keeping it a secret only for her to already know.

You laughed with her, thinking about the lengths you and Shuri went to just to keep it a secret. It was funny, really. You spent the next few seconds laughing together, happy to think about something else for a minute. “I know that me and Shuri’s backgrounds are different and so are our beliefs but I admire that. It’s part of what I love about her. I intend to not let that get in the way of our relationship”

“I know. I see how happy you make Shuri.” Ramonda said, smiling. You smiled back, still a bit bashful at how obvious you had been all these months.

The sound of multiple footsteps in unison made you look up, seeing Jabari warriors running out of Jabariland. You got up to watch just how many of the Jabari were running out onto the field. Ramonda, also shocked at the Jabari getting involved for the first time in a long time, got up to look too. You slightly smiled, satisfied with the fact that you were able to do something.

Your pacing was stopped by a pair of arms wrapping around your waist, causing you to gasp before realizing it was Shuri. “Shuri! Don’t sneak up on me like that.” Turning around, you immediately grabbed one of her arms, checking for any scratches or cuts. As you put the one down, Shuri placed the other in your hand, watching as you ran your hand over her smooth skin. “Were you worried?” She said, pressing her thumb against the space between your eyebrows to stop you from frowning.

Shuri got nothing but a look from you as you pulled her into the tightest hug she had probably ever had. There was hesitation in hugging you back and rubbing small circles on your back. The both of you breathe and breathed out in a big huff, relaxing into the hug. You laughed at just how unreal the past few days have been. “I love you.” You said, pulling back from her embrace to look at her. The way Shuri smiled widely in response made you want to freeze time and take a picture of this exact moment. “I love you too, sthandhwa.” She said, pulling you back against her.

“Come with me.” She said suddenly, making you look up at her in confusion. “Where?” You asked. “Home. I want everyone to meet you.” She said, grabbing your hand and starting to guide you to the aircraft she had parked just outside of Jabariland. She looked towards you for your approval. You put your hand up to your chin, acting like you were still thinking about it. “Okay.” You said, smiling, making Shuri immediately pep up and practically run into the aircraft. You hesitantly stepped in, looking at how thought-out everything seemed. This was just another product of Shuri’s beautiful mind. “Is something wrong?” Shuri asked, grabbing onto your hand to help you get in. You shook your head, looking around in awe. “Just admiring your work.” You said, making Shuri laugh as she rested her hands on your waist. “Take your time, usana.”

#shuri udaku x reader #shuri x black!reader #shuri x you #mcu fanfiction #shuri fanfiction #shuri fluff #shuri x y/n #marvel fic #shuri x reader #shuri fic

[thefringespod]

Finally got smart enough to make my #AudioDramaSunday list ahead of time so I wouldn't forget anything for once! We're gonna start today with the newest Magus Protocol episode which was phenomenal. Cole Weavers wrote this one and I just adore his writing. Also: Augustus is here 👀

Early access for the newest ep of @souloperatorpod was this week and y'all have a TREAT waiting for you tomorrow. Tot continues to astound me with her many talents and we also get to meet a new character who I'm already in love with

@tellnotalespod has brought us back to Julia and Riley who are overworking themselves (especially Riley. Let them sleep.) I love getting to hear from them in these mini eps but they DO make me want to shake Leo even harder Leo please talk to your friends please

@camlannpod episode 2 released this week and my gods it was so much fun. A blend of deep and emotional scenes and comedy (I'm still thinking about "The CW lied to me") I love every character with my whole heart and have been loving all the theories on tumblr about the show

New @innbetween was so sweet I love hearing the Lowlifes become actual friends. Phoebe thinking that everyone wanted her to leave squeezed my heart so hard and everyone insisting she stay because she was the one that they wanted for the quest??? Just so so good

@somewhereohio has once again knocked me flat with this episode. The worldbuilding around Jasmine and what's going on with her memories is incredible! I am an Orange Splice stan 1st and person 2nd. Also the Nadia/Alex scene breaks my heart because I know how they end 😭.

New Technomancy Project was SO GOOD!! And I was FUCKING RIGHT!!! I said this before but I love having all of them play Belial's game this time around and I don't think there's a single EPO agent who didn't make me cry this ep. The Technomancy Project continues to kick ass

Caught up on last weeks @thesiltverses and gods it fucked me up (affectionate) B Narr does such a fantastic job with Faulkner. I love him. I hate him. I want him to get whats coming to him & I want to protect him from it at the same time. B's performance knocks me flat every time

There was another special episode of @wakeofcorrosion this week featuring the Fringes' very own @totcoc0a and @taytayheyhey! I will never forgive them for what they did to my heart <3 Shaun Pellington wrote a killer script and deserves none of the blame even if it did break me

Continuing to make my way through the Storage Papers this week and episodes 13-19 were VERY good. I said "Nope, don't like that" out loud multiple times while listening to 19 which is the exact reaction you want from a horror pod.

This isn't a new episode listen but @wpwcpod has announced their existence and cast and im SO FUCKING EXCITED!! Not only do I love CL Hendry's writing but it will also feature the Fringes' very own Ollie Bannerman and @chainofbeing Cai Gwilym Pritchard I'm so hyped

Also not a new episode listen but Athan (creator of The Grotto) has announced that his album is coming out on March 29! If you've listened to The Grotto then you know Athan writes killer music. And if you dont listen to the Grotto: DO IT GO LISTEN RIGHT NOW ITS SO GOOD

Here on the Fringes we're preparing for the second half of the season! Episode 19 is available RIGHT NOW at patreon.com/PineTreePods and will be available to the public this Wednesday! Also gearing up to finish the last 3 episodes of season 3 which I'm super excited for

And over on @forgedbondspod the first half of the show is written! The cast has been thrown into a discord and has access to scripts now which is super exciting, I can't wait for yall to hear what's going to come from the first 24 eps

And that's all for this week! It's a long audiodrama Sunday post but there's just. So much good stuff going on. Every day I'm so grateful to exist in this audiodrama space and to share my work with yall <3

#audiodrama sunday #audio drama sunday #pines notes #recommendation post

[tubbo--updates]

Hey, just wanted to say thanks for making and keeping up with this account. While I respect them stopping, it's sad knowing how few update accounts still live on Tumblr! You've helped keep me updated without having to download TwitterX (and honestly I get your Live notifs before Twitchs), and for that I'm really grateful. Im very nervous sending asks so ive wanted to thank you for a while but havent gotten the confidence. Thank you for spending your freetime helping us simple Tumblr folk, good luck keeping up with Tubbathon! ~💙🌧

P.S. you can ignore just has been on my brain, if you don't want to add the message about a Twitter @ linking to an account on here, you could always add a space or a dot after the @ to disconnect it. Again, thank you!

omg this is genuinely so sweet, thank you! i feel so bad i think i read this and was gonna answer it and promptly forgot (it was sent on march 1st)

i sort of feel bad abt the other tubbo accounts that didn't last too long/update frequently, sinxe i know there was one that was updating when i started this and they stopped a bit ago. i hope i wasn't a cause for that, but also if it gave them a break from updating that they needed, i'm glad i could provide that for them

i also never considered that the live updates would get out before the actual twitch notifs (esp with how late i can be on them) but honestly that's such a classic twitch moment anyways

also, never feel worried about sending an ask about anything! i absolutely love the complements and appreciation (and they do make updating easier if i'm ever in a bad spell or getting demotivated) and also any suggestions or critiques are supper helpful (even though this has been going for over half a year, i still feel like there's a lot i could improve on!)

but anyways, thanks so much for this again, i hope you have a wonderful day/night/time and laugh a whole bunch of genuine laughs this week! (and the same goes for all the rest of you too!)

(as for the @, i noticed what while for the most part if they do link to a tumblr they're not the same person, there have been a few cases where they are the same. and when that happens, those people seem to appreciate the tag/mention that comes with it, so i think that unless someone gets genuinely upset/annoyed, i'll keep it how it is (mentioning that it goes to the tumblr vs twitter if it links was also i think i put in place when it did link to someone different and ig people were assuming it was the same person) but if someone ever does get upset, i'll definitely use a dot or space like you suggested!)

#ModSpeaks #ask #anon ask #once again anon so sorry for answering this so late!

[daydark4k]

Going on a bit of a rant here about some problems ive noticed about bootwt.

I feel like it's become increasingly exhausting to be in this community, and ill explain why because i have left it behind.

A lot amazing work has been done by the community to make it a safer space for minorities, but in a way this has put the community on a pedestal. It feel like everyone is expected to be an activist or they are a bad person nobody wants around. 

There's a huge difference in being an ally, and an activist. An ally is someone that will speak against shit when they come across it, do their best to educate themself, stand behind people in every way they can.

An activist goes a step further and seeks out ways to make change. Organizing charity events, going out of their way to educate others, uplift voices and being constantly posting about issues as they come out. Taking on the problems of others is not an easy thing mentally especially if you have your own issues.

Are you a bad person for not making a twitter post when some shitty cc says a stupid thing again? Bigotry is constantly happening and will continue, no matter what the community is like. But, if you were to watch the news, get overwhelmed and have to turn it off instead of tweeting about it, you wouldnt be a bad person right? The victim on the news could have their entire life changed by a tramatic event and you cant even have the decency to watch and give your empathy?

There's this overwhelming crushing expectation in this community of being an activist or else you dont belong. If you dont post wishing a happy holiday, happy heritage month, your deep supportfor the people that were discriminated against, then you dont care. People do it like its a checklist. it's not enough to simply care silently. It feels very performative as an outsider. It's always makes me feel so awful for watching ranboo and wanting to be a part of the community. The guilt is horrible. But if im not kept up with all the bad parts of it, im not doing it right.

There is also ableism. If you are uneducated or make a mistake speaking over minorities because of social issues you might experience, even if you try to be better it's held against you forever. These mistakes are valid and wrong. It's very important to have the attitude to improve yourself and see your mistake. As long as you are trying, why do people feel the need to kick you out of your safe space? I am not active on social media but i have seen this happen to many in the community.

I just hope for a space away from the hell i deal with. I just want to see and share silly art.

It's absolutely amazing the efforts of bootwt to make a good place for everyone. People work so hard and im grateful and amazed at what they have done. Racists should be bullied away. Ignorant people who do microaggressions but are willing to be educated and be better should be educated. Jumping people does not help anyone, help people realize their mistakes.

I hope the community continues the amazing work they have been doing. But lessen up on the expectations of others to also be activists like them. Communities are made up of all kinds of people. Everyone wants different things, some people need an escape from constant negativity. We should try to get along, point out each others mistakes and become better. Not put the community on the highest pedestal expecting everyone to be the same.

I hope this doesn’t come across like im a bigot trying to justify myself. I was really scared to post this but if I’m the only one who feels this is a problem just ignore me

i originally wasn't going to respond to this, but i want to break down some of this and explain it because i feel like i know what you're trying to say, but there's a lot of stuff in here that is misconstrued.

"It feel like everyone is expected to be an activist or they are a bad person nobody wants around"

you are not a bad person if you aren't an activist! i hope no one feels obligated to always be on the front lines fighting with people to make change. ranboo's community in the recent months has been one of the most active communities i've been in when it comes to rooting out bad people and making sure they know they're not welcome. if you feel unwelcome, why? you say it's because you don't want to be an activist. you don't have to be! but sending support and love to people who need it isn't activism. being educated and constantly evaluating yourself and your biases isn't activism. that's a part of living in the world we were born into that's entrenched in horrible bigotry that's been taught and ingrained since birth. ignoring these things doesn't make them go away, and the least you can do is acknowledge it and work to not continue the cycle of pain that so many minorities are subjected to. You say the community is supposed to be a safe place. how is it supposed to be safe if there are people who get away with saying and doing horrible things? its not enough to not be racist, ableist, antisemitic, sexist, homo/transphobic etc. you have to be anti- all of these things, and have a genuine love for the people who are affected.

if you feel like these things are too much emotionally for you, you are more than welcome to step away. no one expects anyone to be on the internet 24/7 or to always engage in the negative topics. hell, i've stopped talking about certain ccs and stopped constantly criticizing their actions because i know they wont change. i recognized it isn't healthy for me and there's no point to it. but when it comes to support, to making sure that everyone knows that bigotry isn't welcome, that is a very important aspect of a community. that's the DEFINITION of what a community is! and, if those of us who have followings and have thousands of people who look to us as a reflection of ranboo, don't do these things? how does that look from the outside? at this point it doesn't even correlate to ranboo anymore. me wanting people in bootwt to be educated and respectful people doesn't exist only in the online community, it exists in real life too. i want others to be aware of the impact they have on others. I would think that any fan of ranboo's would want that too, considering its one of the biggest things ranboo advocates for his fans. to be good people.

you correlated being an ally and being an activist, and you said that "An ally is someone that will speak against shit when they come across it, do their best to educate themself, stand behind people in every way they can." is that not what the community has constantly asked for? that's all minorities are asking for. you just described the community! then you say "There's this overwhelming crushing expectation in this community of being an activist or else you dont belong. If you dont post wishing a happy holiday, happy heritage month, your deep support for the people that were discriminated against, then you dont care." isnt that just being an ally, by your definition???? wishing people happy holidays to respect their culture and important days, and standing behind people who have experienced discrimination so they know they are loved and those hurtful things aren't welcome here? if you miss something or are late, that's normal! even if you after the fact say "hey, sorry i missed it but happy x hope your day was well" maybe one person will see it and will feel seen.

"it's not enough to simply care silently." im going to be completely honest. no. no its not. its not enough because being silent ALLOWS bigotry to exist. im going to link this article i researched specifically for this post, because it explains how silent racism works and is ingrained in our society

"It feels very performative as an outsider. It's always makes me feel so awful for watching ranboo and wanting to be a part of the community. The guilt is horrible. But if im not kept up with all the bad parts of it, im not doing it right."

no one expects anyone to always be caught up on which new cc was racist. we want people to be able to recognize bigotry and uplift the people who are hurt. to say, both online and in real life, when its safe: "hey, that wasnt cool, that hurts people." you shouldnt feel bad for wanting to be apart of the community. people are allowed to want to be apart of it. its a fun place to be sometimes! but also, people are allowed to distance themselves and not forgive some of the bad things they experienced.

"There is also ableism. If you are uneducated or make a mistake speaking over minorities because of social issues you might experience, even if you try to be better it's held against you forever. These mistakes are valid and wrong. It's very important to have the attitude to improve yourself and see your mistake. As long as you are trying, why do people feel the need to kick you out of your safe space? I am not active on social media but i have seen this happen to many in the community."

i do agree with you on this one. I don't like how the internet holds grudges. people aren't allowed to change and things they did are always held against them. BUT. on the other hand, if you have hurt people, those victims are not obligated to forgive you. this is a balance that isn't easily achieved in a large community, much less so on the internet. these are things that happen in all communities and its not fair sometimes.

at the end of the day. if you don't want to be an activist, then don't be. if you only want to see art and funny bits, mute terms. the more that these things are discussed and called out however, the easier its going to make it for the future. i don't think its fair to blame hurt people for making you feel bad about yourself. that's something you need to reflect on yourself and recognize why you feel that way, whether it be guilt or ignorance.

im not gonna be responding on this any further, go ham in the comments with thoughts if you want

have a nice day!

#long post #eclipsing #this is just a giant word salad i hope i got my feelings across #i think youre angry at the wrong thing and should direct your anger to the actual bad people. not those who just want to feel safe

[loveackermannn]

update 4/1/24

hello,,

it's been so fucking long since i've posted, about 4 months??? and i am here alive and (kinda) well LOL

i have missed you all so much and while i have still been active in interacting with posts, i have honestly lost my spark in writing. i hate to sound like another blog that is leaving completely after having not posted for months with no explanation, but it sucks to say that's its come down to that.

i have enjoyed my time on here for the past 3 years or so that i've been on this platform, but like most things – sometimes, we grow out of it at some point. i'm happy to say that i truly enjoyed writing for my comfort character (still is ><) but now is the time where i've grown up and am redirecting my energy to other aspects of my life.

the works i have created over the course of building my blog was so fulfilling and i had found such a wonderful outlet to express my creativity. it's also given me a space to interact with you all!!

to my mooties, anons and users:

i am beyond grateful for the support and encouragement throughout the years. every person i have met on here has been so sweet and patient i cannot thank you enough < 3 being moots with some of my top inspirations blew my mind at first because i really look up to them!!! it's hard to tag them all without forgetting some, but just know a lot of my moots are the reason i started my own blog to write for levi in the first place!!

it also baffles me that people STILL engage with posts that have been long passed and buried deep in my blog. it makes me incredibly happy that you guys enjoy the works i have put out and have continued to show that support, thank you a million times!!!

as for where im at right now, i do not see myself committing to writing for this blog anymore. however, all my works can still be found untouched, in my masterlist :D. everything will remain the same as it was! i will still be on tumblr, casually reading and interacting with posts (since it's honestly just a way for me to unwind), so my messages are still very much open!

as for my inbox, you guys can of course send in anything that is not pertaining to a request!!! casual messages and such can still be sent, we can all keep in touch :)

again, thank you all for everything and i will still remain here to catch up with you guys!!

muah xo

- cha < 3

#shitrambles #༊*·˚ chalovesyou !! #not really a goodbye just a goodbye to writing :( #i love you all so much

[redditreceipts]

You have no idea how grateful i am for your blog. Its eye opening and i no longer feel like a hysterical bitch for worrying about what some trans movements (and im talking about those that want to police cis womens bodies too, not only theirs) was doing to feminism for past years.

Don't get me wrong... i think its fine when they do what makes them happy as long as they dont hurt other people. But more and more it feels like trans women want to dominate female spaces. And honestly, no matter how hard i try, i cant stop thinking thats its just male need to be always in the centre of attention. They come to us and instead of finding companionship and trying to fit in... they bring they own idea what a "woman" is and try to force it on every woman. Ones they dont agree with them they dubbed terfs and think that end of discussion. Another example of male entitlement if you ask me.

Im tired of bending backwards to appease them and once again ignoring womens issues as not to hurt trans womens feelings. Shouldn't they too be more empathetic towards cis women? Shouldn't they feel camaraderie with us? I'm yet to find trans woman who fights for feminist issues that dont concern her (i.e reproductive rights applicable only to bio women) with such ferocity cis women who are TRA fight for her right to be called a "woman". I'd want to be proven otherwise but more and more it seems like we're being talked over by men and male socialised people.

Sorry this came out long and probably makes no sense, but i feel like such a failure as a queer person to think like that. Maybe i am. But as a woman im tired of being silenced all over again. Now by the very people that claim sisterhood to me. But it feels like I'm the only one expected to hold my part of the bargain, they are exempt for some mysterious reasons. It's exhausting, I'm exhausted and honestly losing hope that my problems as a biological woman will ever be taken seriously.

Hey :)

I feel you in how difficult it can be to not feel like you have any people who see the same things you do. I also felt alone for so long because I had this nagging feeling about certain things, but most of the people I could find who were worried about the trans movement were conservative. 

And I also get what it feels like to force yourself into cognitive dissonance. It’s hard to try and convince yourself of things that are so blatantly untrue, and in the end, it doesn’t work. at least not if you’re a same-sex attracted woman who is a lot in LGBT spaces and can’t just “ignore” these things.

And I guess that there are some trans women who genuinely care about women’s issues, the thing is that they are not heard or uplifted because at some point they have to admit that women and trans women are different categories, and the trans activists can’t have that. So every discussion can not be about material issues, but it has to be about the use of language and pseudo-philosophical debates. Because if you look at material reality, you notice that cis women and trans women are not just different types of women, but different sexes altogether (even though trans women sometimes live their lives as though they were female and experience discrimination because of that as well). 

But most male-to-female trans activists are displaying such apparently male behaviour (sexualisation of women, talking over women, not taking women seriously, etc.) that you’d ask yourself why they don’t get dysphoria from that? I mean if I were a male who wanted to be a female, I’d at least try to appear female in some capacity lmao. I sometimes ask myself whether these people actually feel gender dysphoria or whether they have some other mental health problem that has nothing to do with being transgender. 

But you’re not a failure as a queer person. Actually, I don’t think it’s productive to use that term because being “queer” is some nebulous concept whose creation had only the goal to confuse and obscure the “oppression” of biological sex and material reality. Even a kinky straight guy is queer, a straight woman who gets off on reading Yaoi is queer, and by a strict application of the term “queer” as “people who don’t conform to cultural norms around gender and/or sexuality”, even paedophiles are queer. That’s not to say that trans activists use it that way, but the definition leaves space for all kinds of unethical paraphilias. Being queer is not an oppressed class. What is an oppressed class is being a woman, being same-sex attracted, being gender non-conforming, etc. 

You don’t owe the “queer community” anything. You owe it to people who suffer under systems of oppression like racism, capitalism, homophobia etc. to advocate for their rights and treat them as equals. You don’t owe it to some straight guy who watched too much lesbian porn to advocate for his rights. Literally nobody is oppressing him. 

I actually think that at some point, women will realise their shared interests and stand up for themselves. My only fear is that to come to that point, we will go through some sort of conservative “Dark Ages”, but maybe we can do something to prevent that by showing a third way to analyse gender on the basis of material reality. It’s cool that you’re interested in that as well :) 

[rollercoasterwords]

i agree about gretta gerwigs work, i feel like there are some pieces of femininity and what its like to grow up as a girl that she nails every time, like at least for me personally her portrayals of grieving past versions of yourself and your life always resonate (but maybe thats because thats a pretty universal experience? im not sure), and her interfamilial relationships feel very tangible to me,

but yeah when it comes to her resolutions and her looking forward moments i feel like i dont really follow where her brain goes, it sometimes feels like she just ends up back where she started. and she doesnt play with gender and sexuality much, which is a shame because i feel like she could do it well?? idk maybe its fear, maybe shes cis and straight and those themes just dont resonate with her idk.

i also feel like shes almost choses stories where she wouldnt be forced to confront those topics? like little women has always had the same conclusion, she certainly did add her own artistry to the story but its not like she would have been expected to explore queer experiences there. and the same is true for barbie, barbie isnt exactly known for being a space that plays much with gender, and i highly doubt mattel would have approved a story that included too much queerness bc theyre trying to tell toys to conservative moms right? idk sorry this got long, your comments on gerwig just got me thinking

yeahhhhh exactly like. i am not a huge gerwig fan (not that i dislike her or anything; i'm just pretty neutral towards her as a director) + i only watched ladybird back when it first came out + barbie now. have never seen little women but based on what i know of the book yeah i imagine it's not like a movie where you'd expect lesbians lol nor was i expecting any particularly insightful exploration of queerness from barbie (although i do think it's nice that many people have been able to find meaningful aroace readings of the film)--and like i don't think it's gerwig's responsibility to explore such themes if they are not things she relates to or has an interest in exploring!

i feel like this is moreso just a problem with reception when any certain artist or work of art gets venerated as like....the pinnacle of representation for 'womanhood' or 'girlhood,' which is a category much of gerwig's critical reception seems to fall into. bc there is no single monolithic experience of 'womanhood,' the cultural consensus about what representations set the standard for such experiences always tend to privilege certain experiences (white, straight, cis, etc), oftentimes at the expense of erasing others. and this has been a particular aspect of some of the barbie praise that's grated on me; i've seen a lot of people talk about how it so perfectly encapsulates 'the female experience' and as a gnc lesbian i'm just like. alright then lol. think the treatment of queerness by the film as a whole was also just like....odd. generally speaking. honestly still parsing thru my thoughts on it but sometimes the framing of the movie made it a little difficult to tell whether i was being laughed at or laughed with tbh

#ask #i need 2 go 2 sleep it's 2 am but. that post got me thinking too lol

[petite-gloom]

Hi megan. I just want to tell you that I am very grateful for today's vid. I'm having one of those days where my faith in being able to function in this world is shook to its core. Watching your new vid gave me the break I needed to breathe and stop spiralling after hours trying to distract myself and not managing to. It's not the first time your videos feel like a safe place, and I am immensely grateful. Thank you, sincerely.

I wish you the same calm you brought me. Hope you have a good weekend. <3

oh im so glad anon, thank you for telling me. as someone who also has a very difficult time believing there’s space for me in this world, this message means more than i can say. thank you and please look after yourself. i’ll see you again next week for another super chill breathing break 📓☁️

#answers

[raleighcarreras]

it's all so incredibly loud

Part 6: there's a flood coming to sweep us away

Pairing: wanda maximoff x black!fem!reader

Rating: M (sexual content, language)

Warnings: sex, not very descriptive but still evident, vaginal fingering (r receiving), pietro is the best wing man ever, he's going to make sure his sister gets laid or die trying

Wrd Cnt: 1.9k?

Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Notes: one more chapter (unless i decide on an epilogue) to go! The song is teenage dream but specifically the glee version (stop looking at me like that) 18+ only im so serious

"I'ma get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans. Be your teenage dream tonight."

You had gotten maybe an hour of sleep all night. First, the fiasco with the boys, and then with Wanda less than a foot away from you, relaxation was hard to come by.

You told her you needed her with you to calm down, and in all honesty, you thought you were telling the truth. But the opposite had occured. As soon as you heard her soft breathy snorts of air, you were riddled with energy.

Sleep didn't find you until the 10 O'clock hour in the morning. After Pietro came into the room with Alexis hanging off of his hip, chewing on his shirt. He told you he'd take the boys out to a 24 hour arcade he saw during his 6 am run. Promising to feed them, give them a stern Uncle Talk (TM), and thus giving you space to rest for as long as he could keep their attention.

You whispered a small, grateful 'Thank you' and Wanda grunted out something unintelligible. Otherwise, she had been dead to the world all night and well into the morning.

Wanda slept like she hadn't slept in months. And you did too, for an hour.

At 11: 06, you awoke to an arm tightening around your waist. Wanda also awoke to an arm tightening around your waist.

She tried to peel away from you, "Shit, Y/N. I'm sorry. Force of habit I guess."

You stopped her with a grip onto her wrist that presented itself more forceful than you intended, "No don't. Please."

Wanda replaced her arm, "Ok. I'm not going anywhere."

You had no business feeling this vulnerable. No business feeling like your ex-wife was the only thing anchoring you to the ground so you wouldn't float away into the stratosphere.

And yet...

That's exactly how you felt.

You felt like you needed to roll over and bury your face into Wanda's neck or else you would lose your mind. So, you did. And Wanda let you because she understood. She just got you.

You reveled in it.

If Wanda hadn't started speaking you would have gotten your second hour of sleep.

"Are you okay?"

And of all the things she could have asked, she chose something hard. You would have been better off with a calculus word problem.

You shrugged, "No. Yes. I don't know. I just feel, y'know?"

"Yes. I do. I just feel all the time."

"How do you deal with it?"

You could feel Wanda's eyelashes flutter on the side of your forehead, "Well, lately? By talking about it. Normally, figuring out why I feel like that helps a lot."

Could you tell Wanda why you felt the way you felt? Could you tell her how your stubbornness was leading to your children thinking they were a burden? Could you tell her that in some ass backwards turn of events it was you who dreaded when she had to leave, and prayed for her return?

Could you tell her that Pietro took the boys out to the arcade so they didn't get the wrong idea seeing the two of you in the same bed, and now it seemed he should have taken you too because you were getting the wrong idea seeing the two of you in the same bed?

"I feel-I feel like I should have gone to therapy too."

Wanda laughed at that, "Don't go to Dr. Raynor. She just looks at you until you realize what you just said was stupid."

But you don't laugh, "I feel like I missed you. I feel like I missed this... being with you. I feel like I shouldn't feel those things. But I also feel like it doesn't matter if I shouldn't because I already do."

Wanda shrugged you away from her side so she could look at you better. The two of you mirroring each other on your sides.

"Can I tell you something?"

You nodded with a look of concern, "You can tell me anything." And you've meant that for years. You've never stopped.

"When I went off the deep end and Strange helped me come back to myself, and I said I'd never use my powers again unless it was the last resort...that flipped something in me. I had just lost my family and then I couldn't use the tools I was gifted to protect them if it ever happened again..."

Tears crawled slowly out of the corners of Wanda's eyes but she didn't bother swiping them away and neither did you.

"...that ruined me. Last night was the first time I've slept throughout the night in a very long time."

You grabbed at Wanda's face, your thumbs sliding over her cheekbones and smearing tear tracks in their wake, "Wanda, why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't want to seem weak. I didn't want you to worry about my problems. Yes, I realize how stupid that sounds now."

"We're a team, you know that, right?"

"I do, I just got a little lost somewhere in there."

"Good."

You assume that the fact that you can't tell who leans in first, probably insinuates that you both do at the same time.

But it ultimately doesn't matter when your lips touch for the first time in months, and as your hand trails down from her face to fist into her T-shirt, you realize just how lost you had been too.

You're still not too keen on telling her how her bottom lip between your own felt like coming home. And that her solid grip on your barely covered waist practically had you purring.

You sure as hell weren't going to tell her the last time you had been touched this way was by Sharon all those weeks ago and it didn't feel even a bit like this at all.

Though, when she repositions you onto your back to kiss at that spot below your ear, and you moan breathily into hers, you have a feeling she somehow knows.

Wanda's hand slithers up to your chest, raising your shirt up as it goes. Eventually, Wanda gets tired of the garment and slips it easily over your head. Her own following suit soon after.

Her hand tweaked at a nipple, smiling at your squeak of a response, "You're beautiful."

Another unoccupied hand trailed over your stomach before stopping at the hem of your shorts and underwear.

You've got the sudden urge to scream, maybe even beg, "Wanda...please."

"Are you sure?"

What about any of your body language in that current moment said 'unsure'?

"I'm sure. Touch me."

It's not make-up sex that you're having. At least, not really. Not...yet. It's more of 'thank god you're here with me and not letting me slip into a state of mortal peril' sex. Which is, of course, the next best thing.

When Wanda does finally slip underneath your thin garments, and the pads of her fingers trace delicately over your center, you think you might cry.

Whether it be from relief or some other feeling is the least of your worries at the moment.

In some way, you feel bad for Wanda, there's no way she doesn't feel your nails currently digging into her arm, but judging from the glimpse you get every time you manage to pry your eyes open, she seems pretty pleased with herself despite any pain she may be feeling.

The worst part? She's not even inside of you yet.

You're losing your mind over her fingers circling your clit and slipping, sliding over your lips. And you're drenched. Dripping some might even say.

"You're soaked, Detka..." Is what Wanda ends up whispering over your parted mouth. And you have no choice but to cosign.

You could feel her fingertips teasing at your entrance and your chest heaved. It took everything in you not to buck your hips to speed the process along. Only because you know Wanda. You know she likes to bask in your impatience. In your neediness. You know she likes it when you beg.

And you can't find it in you to do anything but.

"Wands, please fuck me."

She's leaning over you now. She had forgone general confidence and went straight to cocky, for lack of a better word. There's no need to pretend like you don't like it.

"Open your eyes." A simple request, it would seem. But it was easier said than done.

Soon, you manage to open your eyes, unfocused as they are. You stare back at Wanda with a bite to your lip and a strain to your neck.

"Say it again."

The words dribble from your lips like milk down a chin, "Wanda, please fuck me. I need-"

Your expletives cut off in exchange for a sharp inhale of breath.

Her fingers slipped into you easily, your resulting moan is the loudest one yet and just as sinful as your whimpers.

Wanda eyed you through her eyelashes, most of your energy was being used to stare back at her.

Her fingers rutted out, then back in. Pumping into you with enough force for your breath to hitch in rhythm.

You whimpered and panted, urging Wanda to pick up the pace. And she happily obliged.

"You look so gorgeous like this." The praise fluttering throught your ear and wrapped softly around your chest.

The hand that wasn't permanently glued to Wanda's poor bicep, reached for her neck, bringing her down into a deliriously arousing kiss.

She pumped into you, as firmly as your underwear allowed. Your bud caught against her palm. It was almost too much for you.

Your hips rolled against her hand, moans increasing in pitch and volume until Wanda had no choice but to muffle the sound with her lips again.

"God...Wanda!"

The kids may be gone, but you did still have neighbors.

It's not much longer after that you let go into Wanda's hand. Your legs trembling and your mouth falling open in a silent scream.

Wanda brought you down softly. Her hand on your waist to keep you from moving.

"But-"

"I'm good. Get some rest. I know you didn't sleep. I thought you would pass out somewhere in the middle of that, if I'm being honest."

You pouted and playfully swatted at her shoulder, "You snore and I got unused to it."

"That's not why you didn't sleep."

You bit the inside of your cheek, "It's not. I find your hog calling cute for some reason."

Wanda ignored the insistence that she snored, "What kept you awake?"

You weren't exactly sure what to say. The simple answer; you had been thinking all night. Too much and too little.

The complicated answer; you missed your fucking wife. And then, she was right there next to you and you didn't know what to feel. You didn't know if you wanted her back permanently or just needed the temporary comfort.

There was still a big question about this entire situation that you had yet to receive an answer to, and maybe then you could begin to figure things out.

"It's my turn to tell you something." You breathed out softly.

"Tell me everything."

You swallowed around the metaphorical lump obstructing your throat, "When I found out about...y'know....I couldn't help but think it was my fault, it was something I did to push you away. I thought that, and even though I didn't know what it was, I still tried to fix it, to fix me. And, that wasn't good...I-I just need to know if it was something I did."

"No. No, it was never you. After Strange, I guess I just felt like I wasn't enough. Like I couldn't be enough. And instead of talking to you about that like a normal person, I got so drunk I couldn't see straight and went home with someone who couldnt either. Fuck, I am so sorry I made you feel like that. I promise it was never you. You're perfect."

Your tears soak into the skin of Wanda's neck. Marking her in a way you've never done.

The silence that results is somewhere between comfortable and not, but Wanda breaks it anyway.

"Go on a date with me."

You hum, that time you really were seconds from passing out, "A date?"

"Yes. A date. I think we've changed a lot and should probably reintroduce ourselves to each other."

You nodded slowly, "Okay. You have to find a babysitter though and it can't be Pietro because he needs a babysitter too most days. I have a feeling he let Alexis chew his shirt right off his body today."

"Deal."

Another bout of silence. This time, you're the one who breaks it.

"Fuck, we're going to need so much therapy."

Wanda laughs.

"I'm sorry."

"I know." And you do. You know she is.

Eventually, you do fall asleep, and right before Pietro and the kids get home, Wanda slips out of your room into the livingroom. Making it look like she was there the entire morning.

#wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maxmoff x y/n #wanda maximoff #marvel female reader insert #marvel fanfiction #wlw fiction #jessicas fanfic #its all so incredibly loud

[confessions-official]

Cw addiction

This year is so fucking exhausting so far. I love my life, im happy where im at etc etc but–

Im a recovered alcoholic and last week an acquaintance i see way more often that i'd like was confirmed to have a relapse (also alcohol related) by a mutual friend and that fucks me up every time i see them. I talked to that acquaintance before they relapsed, and they still showed up drunk several times where i could see, in spaces we both frequent, even knowing we're both in the same boat. I would never do that to them. Never.

Another person contacted me to meet, who i broke up the friendship with because he kept trying to whine to me about his new boyfriend's alcohol dependency. So i did meet him, thought id give him a chance. Well, he spent 3 hours crying and trying to guilt trip me, and then infodumping some more on how he's managing his boyfriend's alcoholism now, and that said boyfriend came home shitfaced and after taking too much benzo and like. I dont care. Or rather, i care too much, im tired, ive been sober for almost 10 years now is it too much to ask that people leave me tf alone with that topic? How often do i have to say the cravings never go away? Whenever im stressed my first instinct is always to get drunk, and its hard and exhausting to resist that! Harder when every fucking one keeps reminding me! I just wanna be left alone!

This evening my flatmate had guests, who brought, ofc, alcohol into my home! After i even threw all my cooking alcohol away this weekend, just to be safe! And i know the guest couldntve known, but im just so stressed.

Flatmate poured it all down the drain after the guest left, and im very grateful, but i also feel like someone is raking nails down my brain.

Anyways. Im fine, and i will continue to be fine. I just wish people would respect my boundaries.

.

#confession

[luveline]

hi jade! i saw u make a post about how you still live at home and i do as well, and i think we are about the same age. how do you feel about it ? if you don’t mind me asking. i’ve been struggling a lot recently. i feel really restless and like i need to move out. i just feel sort of behind. i also recently just came out to my mom as a lesbian and she’s not supportive at all / doesn’t believe me lol so it’s made things 100 times worse. idk. i do obviously feel grateful i can save money and i know it’s practical but it’s for sure tough

I do not want to be living at home for the only reason that people say it’s embarrassing!! I love living with my family and especially my sisters and I’m in a very fortunate position with my mother wanting me to live here too, so in that way i feel okay with living at home, and also because everyone I know my age pretty much also lives with their parents still. The only people who don’t are friends who’ve had kids, I know that the money I contribute here is a quarter or even a sixth of what I would spend living alone (if I could even FIND housing) and with my university course, I don’t think I could manage to study and work the amount I’d need to to support myself alone, so im really grateful honestly to be living at home because it’s given me the opportunity to get my qualifications!! Im so so sorry to hear that she’s not supportive, that isn’t right or fair. Yeah it’s great that you can save some money but absolutely not great to live in a home where you aren’t wholly supported as you are! it sounds very tough!! But I don’t think you’re behind with the way things are more and more people are living at home later and later, and I think unless you have a reason to move out (such as kids or perhaps to be in a better environment (totally depending on how you feel and what you want)) then there’s no reason to rush. Obviously I don’t want to encourage you to stay with a parent who doesn’t support your sexuality but I also know realistically that it’s sometimes your only option, or the easier one in a hard life. But no I really don’t think youre behind, maybe some people think we are but personally I don’t 😭 I do WISH I was able to live in my own space, of course I wish that and I know that we are in actuality outliers and most people our age have moved on (edit: in the uk!) but it doesn’t in my eyes matter as much as how happy you are or what your options are, does that make sense? If you want to move out and you think you can do it then I definitely think you should give it a try!! Especially if moving out makes you happier!

#jade's asks #ily