#but im so lonely right now

[napping-sapphic]

I talk so much about how i want to fall in love for all the things i could do for someone and all the things someone could do for me but deep down, if i’m being honest, i want to fall in love because i just so desperately need to know that love is actually real and that there are people out there capable of truly loving me

#wlw #wlw mood #sapphic #sapphism #lesbian #just like growing up and losing so many relationships #friendship and family relationships all of it #it’s hard to remember that there are people out there who can love you and that that love will stay #regardless of whether or not you can give them something #idk all the love in my life just feels gone and i don’t really think there’s anything i love anymore sometimes #but then i remember the world is big and i should stop worrying so much for now #i dont know my life is a mess lately #and it’s 5 am and i haven’t slept #and im still grieving things #and hope and patience are so hard sometimes #and there’s something about the ugly side of the whole idea of ‘yearning’ that i think about a lot #because so much of my yearning ISN’T pretty or wistful #it’s achingly desperate and lonely and uncertain #i dont know #i dont know if any of this is worded right #or if it’s all nonsense and i should just be quiet and go to sleep #idk

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Not sure if this theory makes any sense at all but I'm starting to believe that there's no time skip between Wally's phone calls and what we see/hear in the show's Media/Merchandise. If we see the Toyland call being made before the Homewarming episode then it would make sense that Wally's expecting Barnaby to come over soon. As well as the Homewarming sketch from the prior update. (I don't know, still kind of brainstorming this perspective)

that theory Does make sense and i've been considering it! the "timeline" is such a nebulous thing right now because we still... don't really know! there are too many variables and too many Maybes for any solid answer.

maybe the reality that the neighbors live in exists outside of time like you say, and like half of me suspects. there's so much reality fuckery already present, but I'm also... unsure of how much merit this holds given what we know / can infer about how time passes in Home. i'm putting this theory on a low shelf to look at but not prioritize

maybe it really has been 50 years, and Barnaby is either still around / Wally is still in contact with him, or Barnaby... isn't there. who knows, maybe Wally was just verbalizing some Wishful Thinking. i mean, Wally is a bit of an unreliable narrator, isn't he? we can't assume that everything he says is entirely accurate or truthful. and i mean, if it's been 50 years it makes sense that Wally would be pushing for connection / to revive WH. who knows how long he's been trying.

hm... i mean. it could be a mix of that and the Outside Of Time theory. who knows, maybe W is receiving calls from different points in the timeline - Wally may have started out just calling, and has just graduated to invading the WH website / getting pushy with the envelopes and media that's been sent to the WHRP. maybe Wally got tired of waiting for W to respond before W was even born. who's to say!

#i mean. idk the emphasis wally puts on Its So Quiet makes my brain tilt its head #it feels like wally breaking composure before he pastes the Facade back on with '-during homewarming' #that and just the way he phrased 'everyones usually so busy so its just me and home for a long while' #Usually so busy. Usually. why not Always? or Is? #usually. #and then the 'its just me and home for a long while' #the phrasing here has Connotations i think! #homebogging #welcome home speculation #wh speculation #OF COURSE. I HAVE TO DEBUNK MYSELF! #what we hear / see from Wally is - ironically - more genuine than the WHRP's or W's recovered media (save the eddie excerpts) #the WH media shows us the ideal homewarming - where everyone is getting into the spirit and spending time together and the like #but then wally could be telling us what homewarming is Really like - lonely. quiet. #WHICH MAKES SENSE THEMATICALLY! and it mirrors how christmas time is. its marketed as this joyful thing that brings people together #when in reality its lonely and stressful. i know i certainly never feel more lonely than i do at that time of year! #so there's just. layers. right now im simultaneously believing in the time discrepancy And them existing outside of time #im leaning on the first one but you know! #BUT!!! IM CONFIDENT THAT THE HOMEWARMING WALLY WAS CALLING FROM WAS NOT THE ONE WE SAW IN THE UPDATE. #wally spoke with enough familiarity about the time of year to make me think 'hes lived through many of these hasnt he' #it could be that time Has passed for the neighbors and its been many homewarmings. #it could be that it Started as what the commercials/update showed us. #but as time passed maybe it became a time where everyone just... Isolates for one reason or another. so now it's just quiet and lonely #im still rolling it all around in my head! many factors and implications to consider w/ this update! #Take All Of This With A Grain Of Salt As Usual!

[yrfemmehusband]

I feel so fucking sick thinking abt how so many serious medical things were brushed off when I was a child and it's catered to doctors ability to gaslight me because I wasn't aware of issues that I should have been aware of why didn't anyone take an 11 year old with chronic headaches to a doctor why didn't anyone think hm. Maybe this kid needs a doctor,,, when they worsened and developed into chronic migraines, why didn't anyone question my sudden and severe personality changes, save for my classmates, why didn't anyone do anything but berate me and accuse me of using drugs when i started having dissociative states at like 13 why did they brush off my weird blackouts at 13 my sudden suicidality at 12 my constant nausea the way I always felt I had a fever why was i just called lazy? Why didn't anyone take me seriously when I developed weird narcoleptic episodes and insomnia, at 16 why didn't they take me to a neurologist when I was referred one, why did they just ignore my tics after I was able to control them better, why did no one question when I went from A's and B's to D's and F's at 17, why was I punished for being so sick I didn't even know I was sick, why didn't anyone help me before now, why do I have to do this myself, why why why. I'm just so fucking sick thinking about it.

#you can add any thoughts or experiences you have esp if its about physical illness or disability i need to see other people with #this experience im so lonely right now #vent #cripplepunk #medical trauma

[wildstar25]

What physical part(s) of Arsay does her partners find the most attractive! Is it the same for all partners or does it differ between them?

(also optional bonus ask of what part(s) of/about Arsay generally do they love the most, physical or not!)

Meanwhile, if you were to ask the same of Arsay:

#ffxiv #wolship #g'raha tia #y'shtola rhul #wolgraha #wolshtola #y'shtola x wol #arsay nun #graharshtola #y'shtola calling arsay a pain in her side is very much an affectionate thing btw #and i couldnt pass up the joke of g'raha giving the sweet gentlemanly response only for yshtola to be like 'tits tbh' #her defaulting to an answer that would probably stop the conversation before she has to talk to much about her deeper feelings imo #i have. a lot of feelings about yshtola and arsay's friendship #someone who is constantly trying to build walls between herself and others vs someone who desperately wants to form real connections #its not a 'wearing that person down' type situation either #just one lonely person seeing another lonely person and hoping that they could be less lonely together #or that she could at least bring some cheer to #and idk yshtola strikes me as the type to have been like 'if they want to be my friend they have to work for it' #which arsay certainly did #i could ramble on and on how their friendship lines up so well with yshtolas character development but theres a limit to these tags #so just look at how cute shtola is with the slightest blush on her cheeks #graha is a much more complicated topic since he went from Extreme adoration to I want to be her friend but I dont think im good enough #to 100% Hero worship again to Shes my hero and I love her to Shes a person and I love her #to I love Arsay. Even the parts she can't love in herself. I will love all of her till my dying breath. #he thinks shes the most beautiful person in the world and the most important thing in his life #but he now knows how insane she's been about being everyone's hero and he really doesnt want to feed that beast #so hes trying to build her up in other ways #focusing more on the adventuring side than the saving the world side #and then there is arsay who loves so much about her partners and is in capable of narrowing it down to any one thing so its #'here let me list everything that comes to mind right now' with 0 shame or filter

[childofphivorce]

thanks phil :,)

#amazingphil #it wasnt my confession #but i feel the same way #and im at uni right now so if phil also felt lonely in uni and hes phil #then im gonna be okay

[lilaccatholic]

how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?

#babes i actually relate to the frigid angry woman more than im comfortable with but this time there's no prince coming to save her and idk #i was never beautiful but i was and am angry and capable and that's served me well but being angry is exhausting #it's a birthright i can't give to a younger sibling. it doesn't transfer. #i dont inspire devotion. there's no version of this that ends with me waltzing with a true love. #im not the type you launch a thousand ships for. #so what's left? #who am i when i have no one? when ive spent my life making *me* less to make others more? when im nothing but a useful piece of furniture. #i know God loves me! i love Him! but it's not the same. i want *people* to love me. i want to be someone that theyd fight for. #im feeling that 'women have minds and hearts but im so lonely' scene from little women 2019 so much right now. #except im not jo. my family loves me but theyd never do for me what jo's would do for her. theyre also all focused on surviving. #i feel like a military ration. there to be consumed but cast aside the moment something more palatable comes around. #how do i become consumed with joy? how do i let go of the cynicism? its all thats kept me safe! but its choking me too. #its like tony stark in iron man 2. the thing thats kept me alive this far is killing me. i need to find an alternative but its looking like #ill have to synthesize a new element to make it happen and that freaks me out. #ive always been derivative. never an individual. how do i become a trailblazer when my job was always to hold the hand of the one blazing #the trail? how do i become myself happy and free? #because i WANT to be more #i WANT to be more than anger and coldness and a useful idiot. i WANT to be me and be so so happy #but i dont know how to get there #and if someone suggests therapy im shooting you. i dont want to listen to one more person pretend to care about me and tell me #all the things i need to change and spend even longer not learning how to think for myself #i want to be more than this. but i also cant stand the thought of taking up any more space than i do #anyway. #anyone who's read all this thank you and i promise im fine im just in my feelings today lol #im going to work out and get some happy brain chemicals flowing and then ill take a shower and itll all be good. #please dont worry about me! im just having A Moment TM #lilac rambles

[songtwo]

i love past lives and la la land and i am not one of those ppl who think they should’ve been together but the reason they make me so sad is bc i know i would make the same choices if i was in that situation like i wish i was the kind of person who would be happy doing laundry and paying taxes i sometimes really do but that will never be me who i am is always going to be someone who leaves

#and this isn’t just romantic relationship oriented like i am that person in every way possible #and it’s so lonely and sad sometimes but i can’t be any other way even though i sometimes wish i was #i miss everyone and the comfort and safety of home but right now this is where i need to be #and i’m sure i’ve made the right choices and i love this job and this city so i’m convinced im doing the right thing #maybe one day i'll be someone who stays but not in the near future for better or worse

[wawataka]

every time i think about that one terumob fanart where it’s a parody of a dating sim where the love interest is a horse it shaves five years off my life

#teru is the horse btw #how many years has it been #like since 2019 #it’s been like 5 years #that’s how long it’s been plaguing me #i’m literally crying thinking about it right now #does anyone know what im talking about #please i’ll feel so lonely if not #cnp rants #mp100

[cowboy-robooty]

no guys you dont get it itager isnt sweet and tender in the domestic gay lovey dovey way theyre sweet and tender in the BRO way

#im a crazy bitch okay i will be like yes theyre lovey to eachother yes thats true #yes i only get gay and shit for itager bc theyre true love and then see something sappy and gay of them and go THAT AINT RIGHT #im a freak okay im such an asshole about itager bc i think theyre lovey to eachother in a very specific way and all other ways are cringe #me when the only itager i consume is the official goddamn hetalia manga #and them doujins made by corolla that mf was the only person ever who understood them (even if they were misguided and believed in gerita) #i like to think in my heart of hearts corolla knew the truth it was just the wrong time. #like how i know bill and ted wouldve loved touhou koishi song its just they were born in the wrong era #but yeah like germany and italy are gay in that BRO way like. its hard to describe but its not gay its more like.... friendship adjacent #like when you deeply care about your bro and act gay with them in that way they arent about that silently looks at the moonlight shit #they look at the moonlight and italy goes 'germany is right now a good time to tell you i fucked your car again' and germany goes 'What.' #ITS A BETTER AND MORE AWEZOME FORM OF LOVE IN MY HUMBLEST OF OPINIONS.... I PERSONALLY PREFER IT #its domestic in the way of having your average daily life of dicking around with your bros and throwing grenades in cars n shit #instead of domestic settling down and being all serious and sappy all the time #its lovey dovey in the way of being like AHAHA IM HAVING SO MUCH FUN!!! yeah bro... i really like you too *hug* im glad youre in my life #i just think thats so much more swag because settling down just does not sit right for me #i think settling down sucks tf you mean theres no more adventures and always sunny shit? #i think fruk can get into that settling down domestic shit but im a firm believer itager cant #because their entire dynamic hinges upon italy coming in and making germanys boring ass lonely life fun by ruining it everyday #its not itager if they arent grabbing eachothers balls and acting like bros #ive said this to wiener but its the itager itapan juxisposition #itapan (japans onesided crush ofc) is great because they act gay but are just bros #and itager is great because they act like bros but are gay #idk its hard to explain the nuances of it all but just trust me when i say canon content and corollas sfw doujins are the only true itager #content #robooty asshole moment sorry guys somethings wrong with me #robooty kun

[melto]

my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.

#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy #which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself #but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible #and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them #and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them #and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it #and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about #but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me #even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around #And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes #somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much #but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself #so everything they had said about me has been true for so long. #every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car #every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart #i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god #im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up. #i think im going to throw up right now. #deeply pathetic. #news with isaac

[frecklystars]

I want to say real quick, again, thank you guys so much for sending me asks. The messages just keep pouring and I cannot put into words how much it means to me, how much I need them right now. I know writing messages takes energy, and half of you don’t even know me, some of you are even saying “oh I just followed you today, I hope you feel better” and!! That’s so kind!!! I fucking love you guys. Thank you for using your time and energy, choosing to write to me. I know I’m just a stranger on the internet, but across the screens, you’re helping a real breathing person heal.

I missed so many of you, even the people I only interacted with one time, like for a commission you bought from me, or maybe you wrote a nice tag on my art, I do remember you fondly. I always remember when someone is kind to me because I didn’t grow up surrounded by kind people; when I recognize acts of kindness, I really hold onto it. 

To the newcomers, welcome to my blog, and I’m so sorry you’re seeing me like this. I want to say I’m not normally in such devastated state, but I’ve felt so incredibly hopeless for such a long amount of time, I’m not quite sure how to be my old self again. I’m really hoping I can heal one day, and it feels a little bit more possible because of your support. It’s so touching that there’s so many of you who are like “oh I just found your blog today and I’m sending you so much love”. You’re seeing me in such a raw, wounded state, and yet you’re still willing to extend your positivity even though you don’t know me. It means so much.

I cannot tell you how comforting it feels to open my inbox and my dms and re-read all of these messages you’re sending me. And then I’ll refresh and suddenly there will be more. I promise you I am reading every single one of them, and I am slowly but surely answering as many as I can, even if I’m so slow at it, I’m very rusty from not speaking to almost anyone for nearly 9 months lol. Not only do I feel encouraged when you’re lifting me up like this, but spending a few minutes distracting my mind from the traumatic events by focusing on reading your words, it helps to ground me. When I feel more vulnerable to flashbacks, whether it’s just that kind of day where I wake up and the wounds are reopened, or maybe I’ve been triggered by something and my emotions are raw, I’ll try to open my inbox and read your messages again, to try to ground myself. Some of you are even worried about putting content warnings onto your asks, which is so sweet. I promise you you don’t have to do that, but that’s so incredibly nice of you to even think about that. You don’t have to worry about whether your transformers URLs are going to make me flinch, or if there’s pink profile pictures, or if you mention Starscream or Knockout or Megatron or Bee or literally whomever. Just the fact that you’re being careful with me, that’s so sweet, I can’t believe how all of you, 100% of you, have taken me seriously. None of you have made fun of me, none of you have put me down for being scared -- hell, even non-self shippers have told me they support me in my journey to reclaiming the many characters I’ve lost. I think I’ve reached over 100 messages in the last three days that I’ve returned, and all of them are nothing but kind and empathetic. I’m shocked. 

I really thought I was going to be in this alone. I really didn’t expect anyone to believe me. A few of M’s close friends blocked me back when she was manipulating me, and it hurt, because I didn’t even know what I had done wrong. No explanation, I had lost a few people who I thought I was close with. And it was just more fuel for her to tell me how she would think I’m special, that she would never leave me like that. I was scared that when I’d return online, everyone would shun me, that she might be spreading rumors about me (which she is known to do). But I’ve even had FIVE PEOPLE come forward in the last two days and say “I know who you’re venting about, even though you didn’t say her name, and she hurt me too. She hurts a lot of people and I’m sorry she hurt you. Don’t let her ruin Transformers for you, it’s yours.” I felt so relieved to hear I wasn’t alone, that we’re not alone, that I’m not going crazy. Thank you guys for validating my feelings. 

My ask box is always open, my dms are always open (when they’re not being glitchy lol) and none of you should ever worry about “being too overwhelming” when sending messages. You’re not tiring me out, you’re not making me feel pressured to respond. You’re all making me feel seen. You can send me 500 supportive messages and I am going to read all of them. I had no idea how much I needed support until I received it. I burst into tears the first time you guys started messaging me because I was awash with relief. You’re all really helping me get onto the path of healing and I appreciate you so much. Thank you for helping me and thank you for being patient with me as I heal. 

#woof #im so scared that i cant get better. but so many of you keep insisting that i WILL get better #and man i hope you're right. i cant tell you how lonely it feels without my starlight :( #that love is still deep inside of my heart somewhere... i just dont know how to find it again #but all of you supporting me is seriously helping me so so so much #...also it's 5 in the morning and i couldnt sleep bc of a nightmare fhdhfj so. here i am #reading more messages and it helps me forget the nightmare and focus more on the Support #i was so isolated and lonely for so long. only filled with the belief that im unworthy of love #that my own comfort characters would *enjoy* hurting me #and im so shocked seeing these waves of kindness from so many of you #im not used to people being nice to me bc i spent so long being with one person who hurt me repeatedly #so each time i get a new Nice Message im like. surprised all over again #ok im gonna try to go back to sleep now bc i have a bartending shift at the theater in a few hours #im so excited! i genuinely love to bartend at the theater and i love getting to watch free shows #but i wont be able to pour any drinks if i am falling asleep at the counter sdlfjsdf #the nightmare really shook me up so i might be slow to responding when im home from work #but i will try to get back to as many as i can today. u guys are so amazing. thank you.

[hecate-valentine]

CLOUD YOU ARE FAR BETTER THAN ME

CAUSE IF THIS ASKED ME TO JOIN HIM AND DEFY DESTINY

BITCH I AM GONE IN AN INSTANT. GONE. OFF THE FACE OF THE PLANET. NOT TALKING TO ANYONE. I. AM. GONE. MY PHONE IS GOING IN THE TRASH AND I AM LEAVING EVERYTHING. DELETING MY ENTIRE EXISTENCE.

#final fantasy 7 #final fantasy vii #sephiroth #final fantasy 7 remake #ff7 #ff7 remake #ffvii remake #ffvii #im sorry im feeling so much right now #its valentines day and im on my period and lonely so this is the byproduct #desperation to the max

[allylikethecat]

Okay per the poll I’m supposed to be working on Ducklings right now but I keep getting distracted by the Teen Dad Fictional!Matty situation 😭😂

#allylikethecat #ally’s thoughts #im over sharing because i’m feeling needy and a lil lonely right now #i usually char on the phone w my mom every day #but she currently is on an island with my dad #so im LONELY #teen dad fictional!matty #make way for ducklings #mpreg #now is the hour

[xxcherrycherixx]

blondie crouches down by cupid and one of the dragon hatchlings, the creature is the smallest of its litter and super clumsy. she giggles as it trips over its own claw while cupid coos and sets the baby back on its feet. blondie watches the way her girlfriend acts so motherly with the dragon, it makes her think about an imaginary future where cupid coos at a child of their own like that. she blushes at the idea of them having kids, she knows its much too early to think about that kind of thing, but her heart yearns for that kind of domesticity. blondie knows she wants kids, and seeing her girlfriend be so good with children gets her hopes up that maybe cupid will want children one day too.

“whats with that look?” cupid asks teasingly, bondie bites her lip and decides to ask the question "will you ever want kids? i mean, i know its much too early in our relationship to be asking this but- i have always seen myself having children and seeing you act like this has made me think about it“ cupid looks taken off guard but scoots closer to her girlfriend, taking her hand sweetly ”i would love to have kids one day. and i would love if- when the time comes - it can be with you."

blondie flushes and giggles embarrassed, cupid joins and affectionately leans into her shoulder.

meanwhile the little baby dragon continues to bounce about having fun in its own little world.

#ever after high #c.a cupid #blondie lockes #heartlockes #now hear me out/ im not a big kid fic person BUT #maybe these two can have some little ones to look after :3 i 100% believe blondie is the kind to want kids. like first of all there needs- #-to be another Goldilocks and as a firm royal she would make sure she had a child to fulfill that destiny. but she also gives lonely vibes- #-she pushes herself into others lives hoping they will be her friend like with the royals and the bears. i think she would want a big famil #so she doesn't feel that way anymore. and cupid loves domestic romance/ a small little place with her wife and some children seems right up #-her alley. shes naturally maternal and comes from a very big family/ i think she would love to raise plenty of children with blondie.

[temeraire]

i need something niceys im having such a bummer time rn

#bummer tags incoming -> sorry for getting my gross sad all over you if you read them #my mums pretty sick with two things rn and my dad is.. my dad. my grandmas in hospital again and her memory is getting confused #im lonely and i have like one friend irl and i just want a hug and im so conscious of how naive and childish all my problems are #and then some people in online games are mean to me and its just the little thing that tips me over the edge and makes me cry a bit #so i feel really stupid even More now bc thats such a . babyish thing to do :( im so embarrassed by how easy it is to hurt my feelings #or make me upset or angry or sad when i should get over it. i should have thicker skin but i dont im just Really Bummed Out Right Now Pals #monologues #i always seem to nosedive my mental health around this time which. (a) sucks bc october is when my birthday is so thats a BAD present #and (b) seasonal depression is meant to happen when youre going into WINTER not when when you go into SUMMER. why this happen 2 me :( #im just a little guy :(