#but im still finding it really hard to consistently work on things in the house

[norrizzandpia]

She’s Missed You (OP81)

Summary: In which Nicole and Chris welcome Oscar’s longtime girlfriend to live with them after he leaves, only to not tell him and have to update him when he shows up for a surprise visit.

Warnings: i forgot if there’s language in this, i don’t think so but maybe? Sort of angst, reader really misses him, THE CUTEST LITTLE THINGS WITH OSCAR’S FAMILY (i would write a whole ass imagine about what it would be like if reader was super close to Oscar’s little sisters and took them out on mornings to get coffee and such if y’all would like that lmk)

Note: I KNOW IT’S NOT A REQUEST IM SORRY I WILL GET THROUGH THOSE BUT THERE IS MORE TO COME TN SO HOLD TIGHT

The feverish knocking on the Piastri’s door late at night had Chris clutching a baseball bat in his hands, stepping suspiciously toward the slab of wood. When he reached it, swinging it open and bracing for a manic person to jump out at him, he quickly realized that aggression was not the needed emotion.

Y/n stood with teary eyes, staring back at the man who had become her second father, and asked him quietly, hesitantly if she could come in. The bat was quickly shoved to the corner of the foyer, Chris’s hands coming to usher her in, wrapping around her shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” He asked. Nicole appeared from the hallway and gave him a quizzical look when she saw the way he was hugging their son’s girlfriend, the way he was consoling her.

Their hearts dropped when they heard her cry, “I miss Oscar.”

—

From that night on, Y/n slept in his room. With him being consistently away with F1, the parents had found out she was drowning in the amount of longing she held for her boyfriend, their son. They were accommodating and gentle to the girl they had known for years, even forcing her to call out of work for the first few days in order to settle in. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been over to their house, spending nights there with Oscar multiple times throughout the year before he had left to travel the world. It was just that she hadn’t been there alone. She hadn’t even shown up at their doorstep seeking a stay in his comforting four walls, but Nicole had insisted when she heard the way Y/n was dealing with the hard transition.

The parents were close to calling Oscar, but just when they decided they would, Y/n made them promise they wouldn’t. She had explained to them that if he knew how much she was struggling with his departure, he would come back and that would ruin his good streak with the season. So, the family kept quiet, dodging questions about her when they finally were able to get ahold of their son. His sisters, Chris, and Nicole were the only ones to hold the knowledge that Y/n was sleeping in her boyfriend’s bed. To be honest, they all secretly found it endearing how she would come back to their home after a long day at work, have dinner with the family, and retreat back to his room to smell him on his sheets and in the sweatshirts she stole from his closet.

The girls, his sisters, absolutely adored her being there, seeing as she would take them to Starbucks whenever she could, allowing for their bond to grow deeper. Their Saturdays were spent holing up in Y/n’s car to eat donuts and slurp down sugar coffee while watching stupid YouTube videos and grilling Y/n on embarrassing Oscar moments.

Nonetheless, as fun as it was, Y/n still felt a hole in her heart when she closed his door and came face to face with his empty bed. All she wanted was to see him, to feel him and his touch, yet she would have to settle for their few and far between FaceTimes.

It was so carefully crafted, the secret the family withheld from Oscar, that they were all so convinced he would never find out.

That was until his surprise visit.

—

Rapid knocking on their door for the second time in six months had Nicole and Chris at a loss for words. The raps being thrown against the entry to their house was powerful and held an urgency that was unmistakable.

“Can you get that, Nicole?” Chris asked her as he washed dishes from the dinner they had had earlier that night.

She nodded, traipsing over to the quickening pounds and opening the door. What met her was her smiling son with a large bouquet of flowers in his hands, a sight so dearly missed she almost fell into a puddle of tears.

“Oscar!” She exclaimed, jumping at her son and tackling him in the arms he had grown to seek comfort in.

At the mention of his son’s name and the sound of his wife's squealing, Chris peaked his head around the corner of their kitchen, catching a glimpse of the infamous brown hair. His smile was unwavering as he dropped the glasses with a loud clunk and ran over to the commotion at the front door.

“What are you doing here?!” He laughed as he wrapped his arms around his wife and son, a picturesque family.

Oscar’s muffled voice responded, “Thought I’d surprise you with the free time I have from the race being pushed back.”

The three of them disbanded, Nicole’s and Chris’s confused faces making him continue.

“Spa’s date was pushed back because of the storm they’re having right now. The race is scheduled for two weeks from now, but that could be pushed back as well because of the repairs they have to do. It hasn’t been publicized yet, that’s why you don’t know.”

At the new information, the story came together and his parents were nodding, bringing him into another hug after having not seen him for so long.

“I’ll be right back down, I’m just going to go drop off my bags in my room.” He murmured in their chests as they squeezed him tightly. The two were so excited to see him, they weren’t thinking about the girl that laid asleep in the very room their son was trying to get to.

He was halfway up the stairs when his mother yelled for him despite the rest of the house being asleep, “Oscar!”

He popped his head over the railing, “What?”

She walked to the end of the stairs, curling her finger at him, “I need you to come back down here.”

His head tilted, but he didn’t argue. His steps prodded at the rug underneath and when he reached his mother, she was ushering him to sit down on their couch.

“I need to tell you something before you go up there.” She eyed him seriously.

“Did you redecorate my room?” He deadpanned, looking at her with faux disappointment.

She shook her head, “No, Osc, baby, it’s about Y/n.”

At the mention of his girlfriend, Oscar’s demeanor changed.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, concerned.

She shook her head, Chris coming to join them on the plush cushions, “Nothing’s wrong with her physically. More mentally. She’s really missed you, Oscar.”

He nodded as if it was obvious, “I’ve missed her too. What does this have to do with my room?”

“She’s in there.” Nicole’s words struck him, but she didn’t allow for questions as she continued, “A few months ago, she showed up here and she was… she was just so tired, Oscar. She was crying and telling us how much she missed you, how happy she was that you had fulfilled your dreams, how proud of you she was, but how, at the end of the day, she couldn’t bear not seeing you. There was nothing to do, but try and comfort her which was a hard feat within itself. Understandably so, I came to the conclusion it would be beneficial if she stayed in your room for a while. Get it? She missed you and the only thing I could think would help her was staying in a place that smelled like you, felt like you were there. So, that’s how we ended up here. She’s been living with us for the past few months.”

By the end of it, Oscar was deeply confused for one particular reason, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Chris sighed, seemingly signaling to his wife he would answer, “She didn’t want us to. Trust me, we tried, but she made us promise we wouldn’t. She didn’t want you to hear and then come back here in the middle of the season, jeopardizing how good you’re doing.”

He scoffed, “You still should’ve told me if she was struggling.”

Nicole landed her hand on his knee, rubbing softly, “Oscar, it was better to have her here and watch over her then drive her away by telling you. I would’ve loved to have both, but that wasn’t reality. Reality was that your father and I had to make a judgment call and we decided what was best. That was what was best. She’s gotten better. Sure, she still misses you, but, before, she was living all alone without anyone and I can only imagine how lonely she must’ve been. With her family moving away and everything, she really had no one to come home to when you had usually been there every time. We were able to give her that piece, so we did.”

Oscar’s mind calmed, realizing who he really needed to focus on, and he nodded at his parents.

“I understand, thank you.” He whispered, standing up and walking toward the stairs.

Nicole and Chris didn’t respond, instead watching as their son took two stairs at a time to get to his girlfriend faster.

When he was out of sight, his footsteps looming over them, Nicole whispered to her husband, “I can’t wait until they get married.”

—

His hand smoothed over the cool metal of his bedroom door, taking a moment to calm himself down before opening the door.

What he found was his lovely girlfriend asleep in his childhood bed, a sight that younger Oscar would go crazy for. The Australian shuffled in and closed the door lightly, placing his bags on the floor gently.

When he was ready, he tiptoed over to her side, sitting down and brushing his hand over her arm that stuck out from the comforter.

“My love, wake up.” He said softly, hand caressing up and across her cheekbone.

She stirred, deep in sleep, but settled back down after a few seconds. Oscar smiled warmly, leaning down and kissing her forehead, trailing down to plant a kiss on her cheek, and then meeting her lips lightly.

That seemed to wake her enough for her to realize someone else was in the room with her. Her eyes fluttered open and stared at Oscar for a second. He clocked the way she seemed to hesitate, wondering if it was really him. He wanted her to understand he was really here with her, so he kissed her once more, this time with more intention. His hand smoothed her hair back and when she began to kiss him back, hands falling onto his back, he pulled away.

“Hi, baby.” He said against her lips.

She didn’t say anything, mumbling something incoherent, before her eyes teared up. The shine of the tears falling down the side of her face had his hands coming to pull her up from her laid down position. He pulled their bodies upright, so he could suffocate her in the material of his hoodie and the lengths of his arms.

She cried into his chest, squeezing at his hips when he whispered how much he loved her, how much he missed her.

Oscar was tired from traveling and even though his eyes felt heavy, he still initiated the conversation he needed to have with her, “Why didn’t you tell me you were staying here? Why didn’t you tell me you were struggling?”

Her head stayed glued to the hardness of his body, “Because I’m not going to be the kind of girlfriend that can’t handle her boyfriend going away from time to time.”

“But, baby, it’s not from time to time. It’s every weekend. You’re entitled to struggle, I was struggling just as you were. If you don’t tell me what’s going on, I can’t help you and I can’t be the boyfriend I want to be for you.”

She nodded as she sniffled, “I guess, you’re right. I just don’t want you to think that you have to come back here every time you get a break. I want you to be able to travel and see what your job allows you to see. You’ve always loved to travel, I don’t want to be the reason you don’t pursue that to its fullest extent.”

“No, Y/n, I want to come back here every time I get a break. I know I love traveling, but I’m doing it so much now that when I do get time, I don’t want to spend it off somewhere foreign, I want to spend it with you.”

He took her silence as agreement, shifting the two of them in his arms so they could lie back down on his small bed.

In the darkness of the night, he watched her fall back asleep easily, wondering if that had been something she had had trouble with during their time apart like he did.

He was so enthralled with her finally being back in his arms, he didn’t realize how long he had been watching her sleep until the rising of the sun mocked him.

It was only when the commotion of his household began to erupt, Y/n waking up beside him and suggesting they sleep in a little longer, that he allowed himself to fall asleep right next to the girl who had missed him dearly.

The girl he had missed dearly.

#mclaren #f1 fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fic #oscar piasstri #oscar pia #oscar piastri fanfiction #oscar piastri imagines #oscar piastri fanfic #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri #oscar piastri fluff #oscar piastri smut #oscar piastri x reader #oscar pastry #op81 #mclaren formula 1

[onthejadedjournal]

update

after i broke down school (the day of the deadline) because of how anxious i was about this whole ordeal - my best friend immediately tried to figure a way around the issue and told me he'll try to coax the teacher into listening to him which was so daring because that teacher is very true to her words and she had really high standards for all of us

it was so hard to talk that day. my head hung so low and i couldn't even hear the lessons because of how mentally distraught i was that day - i had to use my notebook to talk to him because if i talked, i know my sobs and hiccups will be heard and i hate attracting attention. he immediately noticed how distant i acted and it i quickly clicked back to the comic i made back then and. idk. I'm just surprised how accurate that was. i dunno. self projection works ig

either way. at the end of the day - my teacher acknowledged the concern and extended it up to sunday this week

i'm happy but i'm still really. not happy. happy because im given one more chance to work on it but unhappy because - i feel that this could've been worked out much better. or better yet. not a fucking animation

and. im also pissed. really pissed

the trailer wasn't mandatory.

the trailer wasn't mandatory.

i could've been. working on the story a week before if it werent for the fucking trailer

but. i cant even be too mad about it because at at least the trailer gave me insight on how i feel about animation?

well for one. im not taking the multimedia art course anymore in college. eye opening moment for me

and two - thanks to many people telling me this; you don't have to make it high effort just to please everyone. its okay to dumb it down because an artist's eyes isnt the same as a normal one. another eye opening moment to me

and i guess the trailer was only good for getting everyone to buy our movie tickets. idk

but. the trailer wasnt mandatory. i just learned that and i was really upset.

again. should i be mad or not? I don't know but it just happens. its a double edged sword

another thing that really made me angry was how everyone thinks this is going to be a walk in the park for me. its not. it's not. "she'll do okay because she can draw" "we're going to win some awards thanks to her" god i wish i never heard those i don't even know the first thing about animation im just really lucky to have nicole help me as she's a genuine aspiring animator.

either way im just so ready to forget all of this when im done. i don't want to share this project to friends because i'm more or less traumatized mentally and physically about this and I don't want to recall it again and i'm dead serious about it.

it also doesnt help that i keep getting called a slacker at home for not doing the animation. if only you understand what im feeling. did you not take the hint when i slept early twice? yeah. yeah maybe you should get it next time. just got told that while i was typing this . hahhah

i've lost my energy to be happy and even to selfship (but with one exception i guess) because the last 2 days i just find myself crying to sleep over how angry i am and it sucks because i cant catch up to what my friends are doing and I don't want to be the lump of coal that opposes their energy everytime i come to them which is why i'm just here to rot and complain about it. i know they're willing to be there to help me destress. i know they're worried about me. but i have to consider the external factors (which is. being accused of being a slacker when im in need of comfort from my friends). if i was the only person in the house then i would've done it in a heartbeat

i don't sound the same right now and it all culminates to this. it's almost a month and this is eating me alive consistently to no end. i get bursts of joy here and there but it doesn't outweigh how tired i am

but thankfully i'm given another chance to work on it so.

now im just praying i can make it. im praying

and leave this fucking school soon

#i got home from school for our graduation pictorials #supposed to finish at 2 #finished at 5 #so much time wasted again #sorry I don't have much good things to say

[treewithabark]

WOW im really impressed with Juno’s loose leash walking skills. do you mind sharing the method you used to go about getting those results? my puppy Loves to pull and i suck at teaching llw

Ahhh thank you! And YES absolutely!

I will preface this by saying that she does still pull. It’s very much a work in progress, but with consistency (a lot of consistency) she doesn’t choke herself anymore and we are seeing more moments of walking to heel or walking with a beautiful slack lead. We are still actively working on the loose lead walking while out and about.

I’m also very lucky to have some great dogblr friends that I can discuss these things with. And while I was struggling with the training one of them actually walked me through how she teaches loose lead walking and I managed to figure out where I was going wrong in the method.

No one is perfect! And if you’re tackling this on your own without someone to spot you it can be really really easy to make mistakes!

Taking videos of your sessions can be super beneficial for this reason. When you watch them back you can see the training from an outside perspective. I’ve noticed that I talk a lot in my sessions, which can be confusing to the dog. So I’m trying hard to talk less and be clearer in my cues.

What I use;

-A collar - I personally use martingales, I like the wideness of them for comfort and weight distribution, plus the safety of knowing they can’t back out of this style of collar.

-A 6ft snap lead - this can be shorter! But the idea is that it’s a fixed lead, not a flexi that changes length all the time.

-Lots and lots of treats

-Two clear verbal cues

So I use two methods. Circle method, in which I walk Juno around in a circle when she starts pulling, or I change direction with her.

I really love the idea of circle method, I watched a great online seminar about it but I find it really hard to describe it in just writing. I’ll have to see if I can find some sources on it to reblog at another time!

The thing that worked best with Juno though, especially at the beginning, was simply changing direction. This worked best if I didn’t have a route planned ahead. Just keep walking and see where you end up! The first day I really knuckled down on the training, we didn’t even leave my road because she’d pull in all directions before we actually managed to make it somewhere. But that’s okay!

So you leave the house. I try to leave the house first. Not because “hurr durr I’m the alpha” but to start the walk off where she isn’t dragging me out of the door before we’ve really begun.

Pick a direction, start walking. Dog starts to pull. You say “ah ah” (think Victoria Stillwell - a short snappy sound that captures the attention and clearly marks a mistake) and you lead the dog around 180 degrees and start walking the other direction. Calling out “let’s go” to the dog. When the dog follows you in this new direction reward with a treat with your chosen marker. Whether that’s a clicker, or a verbal cue. I use “yes!” As my reward marker.

Rinse and repeat.

Walk, dog pulls, ah ah, change direction, let’s go, yes good girl/boy, treat. You are only moving forward when the dog isn’t pulling.

You might go through a lot of treats in the early stages. That’s also okay!

If the dog is lurching forwards again after taking a single treat from you, you can try tossing the treat on the ground away from you, to the side or slightly behind, so the dog then has to come back to you for another treat while you’re still in their sight.

If you find that your dog is hitting the end of the lead quite hard when they pull forwards, shorten the lead so they have less of a chance to jolt their neck. You don’t want it too short though as the dog needs to be able to feel when the lead is slack, a constant tight lead won’t teach them anything.

Same goes for changing directions, don’t let them hit the end of the lead hard, we want to lead them not play ping pong with our pups. Try and lead them in a semi circle instead of changing direction too rapidly and having them get a sharp tug.

You may have to change direction a LOT. As I said, the first day we didn’t even make it off my road. But once they start to realise that they don’t get anywhere when they pull you should be able to go longer distances without the pulling.

Remember to also mark and reward when they’re not pulling. At the beginning this could be just a few steps. They’ve walked a few metres without pulling? Yes, good dog! Have a treat. Hopefully over time you can go longer without rewarding, say going 15 meters instead of just 5.

The trick with both this method, and the circle method, is that the dog is constantly moving. With constant movement and engagement they have less chance of letting frustration build. While the stop start method (red light green light for some people, stopping dead when the dog pulls) doesn’t allow for that constant movement and lets frustration build up over time instead of letting the dog burn off that excess energy.

You can also start teaching “heel” in quiet spots, like your house, garden, secure areas etc. Juno was learning heel in a tennis court where she could be off lead in a gated area with high fences. And coupled with her loose lead walking I began praising her and rewarding her for heeling when out walking. So if she’s walking with a loose lead but then pulls back to walk in line with me I start heavily praising with “good girl, good heel! Good heel!” Then mark and reward with “yes! Heel!” And deliver the treat. It’s nice to incorporate different parts of your training into one once you have the foundations built separately.

I often see people trying to teach their dogs to walk nice, but all they’re doing is tugging on the lead and saying “no, heel Fido, heel” but it’s clear that the dog doesn’t understand the cue and is just being tugged back into position with no indication that they’re doing the correct thing.

Wow I’m so sorry this turned into a long response and I still had to cut things out! I really hope these ramblings made sense, I’m happy to elaborate further if anything was confusing, or point you towards other blogs that I know can explain it better! I’ll try and grab a video today of the method in action but I’ve found that it’s hard to show with only one hand free.

Big up to @taylor-luna who walked me through her tried and tested method and helped me figure out what wasn’t working! Self training is possible with a dog but having the knowledge from trusted dog trainers is invaluable. Public thanks for the aid!

#dog training #positive reinforcement #dogblr #for my other training enthusiasts feel free to chip in if I’ve missed something! #dog training is to be shared not gate keeped and we do a fantastic job here at discussing stuff and sharing sources

[fairycosmos]

Send tips to avoid binging

hi so it's massively different for everyone and there's no real substitute for consistent professional help which is the no.1 thing i'd recommend and also i dont want to ramble so i'm just going to share a few surface level things that have been helping but im sorry if they dont resonate with you.

breaking the starve/binge cycle - i've only just learned to regulate my eating somewhat. did omad since i was like 11 and it would lead me to binge all the time because i was fucking starving and felt so restricted that when i actually got my hands on food it was hard to stop. it felt kind of counter intuitive to eat more regularly when eating/binging was what i was trying to avoid, but learning to listen to your bodies hunger cues again is really useful. though it takes practice, but that's totally normal.

don't keep binge or trigger foods in your house, even have someone else come shopping with you to make sure you don't buy them. gets easier with time.

draw up a sort of crisis plan so you know you have other options when you're panicking or about to binge. journaling, calling a friend/loved one, chugging water, getting out of the house or away from the trigger, crying it out, redirecting your attention. none of these are cures and they dont work every time, they're definitely very frustrating solutions to hear at times. i know they sound kind of "just take a shower if ur depressed :)" but they're not. knowing they're there and consciously practicing them when possible is still productive.

try to find a support network. if it's possible, work with your friends/family so they can help you help yourself through this. a lot of binging comes from a v emotional and empty place, traumatised even, and feeling supported and heard is a great way to remedy that. be honest with them about what u need, write it down if you need to (sometimes that makes it easier to communicate lol.) let them be there for you. if that's not possible, calling an ED hotline or finding a support group (online or in person) can also help over time.

work on seeing food as neutral - it's there to recharge us, it has no morality, nourishing yourself to the point of contentment is healthy, indulging can be healthy too. it's nothing to feel guilty over, inherently.

know and internalise that relapse is a natural part of recovery, and it doesn't negate progress.

hope you're ok, sending a hug. x

#tw ed #tw binging #80/20 approach also works for me. where 80% of the time ur focused on eating regularly and somewhat healthily and the rest of the time #u can have what u want #that regulation helped stop massive binges #anon

[brick-a-doodle-do]

Serenity Split au questions!!!

Okay so you probably won’t answer this because spoilers (I will ask despite this tho lol) but what happens when everyone does find out about what Tommy is?

And are there others from the over-world in the mortal realm doing what Tommy’s doing right now too that he knows? And if yes, are they able to recognise each other? Or even if he doesn’t know them can over world people recognise their own kind on the mortal plains?

And what do the tasks consist of? Like I know h d gotta get items and stuff but how obscure can some of the items be?

And when he gets them: what happens to the items? Do they just like sit in a box or does he like use a magic quill or something a mark an item with a symbol that makes it disappear??? Like what happens when he’s got an item or completed a task that Tommy knows he’s got the right thing?

And big big big question! Who finds out about Tommy first 👀 because I did some searching of the tags and I think I know who it is but idk lol. I’m also confused why Tommy would threaten to Dream about telling Techno something so very confused and intrigued!!

OKAY THANKS FOR ANSWERING HAVE THESE 🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭🍭

SERENITYYYYYYYYY LETS GOOOOOO I'M SO EXCITED FOR THESE QUESTIONS IDEM THE SPOILERS >:DD THANK U SMSM BECKY :DDDD

i will say that i plan for a total of five people to know about him, and eventually they all just get over the shock and end up helping him. some take longer than others tho 👀

there could be! you never know. :)

and yes they would be able to recognize each other, purely from their features. i've not entirely figured it out and somehow forgot to mention it but tommy's wings come back in after he gets his first task, just to give him a lil boost. but for some reason i haven't figured out yet, if you haven't been to the overworld you can't see them. so only one other person (plus dream) can see them! which actually leads to the first reveal !!

the tasks are pretty different! there is only one that can be found in the mortal realm. all the other ones can be found in other realms! (remember there are four well-known realms. there are others!)

the tasks are generally like some type of plant or something hard to get, just to prove tommy's loyalty and determination with things. and his strength. yk,,,

well apart from them getting stolen once, he keeps them on his desk after he gets them. after that incident he keeps them somewhere more secure! hhh i like the idea of a symbol i will definitely use that. if you still remember the paper and pencil i mentioned, both of them are inflicted with some type of magic that can take it to the overworld, and i'll use your symbol idea so he can mark it and have it get sent. THANK YOU :D and btw dream just takes them whenever he has the time to. he kinda illegally visits tommy using the whole like "guardian angel" type feature the overworld has, hence the hurt/comfort fic i showed u!

tommy knows he's gotten the right thing because it's on a slip of paper, generally telling him of the location and a tiny description of it. sometimes it comes in like a poem form tho that could possibly mislead him!

hmm u really want me to spoil that? wasjdgsjd im jk it's rlly not that big. techno is! tommy goes digging around an old ancient place and finds a book titled "memory", which he sees it's for recovering a persons memory, and he tries it on techno, just because a question had been nagging on him and he wanted the answer. techno looks eerily similar to an old warrior & deity, "blade" (i'll come up with a more creative name i promise) turns out he is. and then cause of the recovered memory he can see tommy's wings since he's been to the overworld and boooom yeah

i honestly am having a hard time deciding whether or not techno should be actual family to phil & wil or not, i'm considering having him be a neighborhood friend that just hangs around, like w/ soot house. either way would work,,,,

you stalked my tags for the answer?? :0 i'm curious, who was your guess??

i don't think i'm entirely following what u said in the last bit but maybe i'm not looking at it right,,,

as apology for not, have this: ghostbur is canon in this! twice, actually. two entirely separate occasions :)

TY FOR THE LOLLIPOPS AND THANK U MORE FOR THESE QUESTIONS I'M HAPPY YOU'RE LIKING SERENITY!!! i hold this fic so close to my heart :D

#brickquiries #becky brickling #beckyu my beloved <33 #serenity split

[jamisonwalker1996]

So I’m going into my junior year of college at the moment. I play lax there, and one of my lax bros Darren and I started beach lifeguarding last summer. It’s a good way to get tan and an excuse to spend all summer at the beach showin off the gym gains. We rent this shitty trailer house on the edge of the town and room together, doin whatever the hell we want. It’s a whole lotta fun, except when you absolutely dump in your pants at work.

Anyway, last summer one of the hottest days of the year, Darren and I had a typical all day shift, 10–6. Darren was on a different rotation today, so I wasn’t gonna see him much. Given the heat and the fact that Darren and I had drank the night before, I was chugging waters, so much so that I was pissin in my trunks every 30 minutes (that was childs play though most dudes i know do the same). I had an egg salad, a chicken sandwich, and a protein shake for lunch, trying to get over my hangover and fuel my body. I make it through the rest of the day and im chillin.

I get up into the stand for my last sit of the day and immediately feel my stomach rumbling. Oh no, I thought, the beer and my lunch had finally caught up to me. I struggle through the next 45 minutes, pushin out nasty farts. I’m wearing only a visor, tight red swim trunks and some white briefs underneath, I definitely was stainin my undies, but at this point i didnt give a fuck. I look down at my watch, 5:45, only 15 minutes left. I had to go real bad at this point. I clench my fists and my abs so hard that my veins were poppin out. Finally, 6 o’clock hits, I’m off the clock, anybody left on the beach was on their own, because I was about to explode.

I get on my ATV and drive to the guardhouse, about a half mile away. My ass cheeks are quivering, I’m cropdusting as I drive, more like cropfertilizing. I park my ATV in the garage and walk towards the guardhouse, a little brick building behind a dune. There was a crusty locker room inside with a single nasty toilet that nobody really used, but I couldn’t care less I was gonna bomb that thing. This was bouta be the sweetest shit I ever did take. I spedwalked, I ran, I didn’t think I was gonna make it, not that it mattered, my undies were already moist, either with sweat, piss, or shit. I sprint up the front stairs and inside, farting with every step. I was gonna make it, I could see the bathroom door. I bust it open, and I see Darren on his way out.

It reeked in there, I could tell Darren had just had the same idea I did, and he beat me to it. I turn to see that toilet splattered with his mess, he hadn’t even flushed. Out of shock from the stench and running into Darren, I pause and it was almost like my body was confused. It wasn’t expecting this in its plan to destroy a public toilet. Darren daps me up and as soon as he slaps me on my sweaty back, it happened. I shat my pants. I immedietaly and audibly explode, filling my tighty whities to the brim. BLORT. Diarrhea mushroomed around my ass and up around my balls. It was awesome. I smiled and closed my eyes as I finally had sweet release. A gallon of hot shit the consistency of baked beans or baby food spilled out of me and onto me. Residual moisture dampened the mesh of my trunks. I had never felt better. The stench intensifies and I come back to my senses. I open my eyes to find Darren smiling at me in awe. “Dude, what did you do,” he says with a laugh. “Too many beers bro.” We both laughed our asses off and decided it was time to head out.

I walk out with pride, with my chest out and shoulders wide. Even though I completely unloaded in my pants I was still the sexiest mf on this beach. That was the best dump I’d ever taken, even if it was into a pair of tight swim trunks. We hop in my truck and the mud immediately smushes around in my briefs as I sit. I felt so primal. This aint the first time I shit myself in this truck. We roll with the windows down all the 20 minutes back to the house, Darren grimacing and laughing at how bad I reek. Halfway through the ride I’m hit with a second wave, and though I definitely coulda made it back, I push out another slimy load right where I’m sitting because why not. I’m a man and I’m free. Darren loses it with laughter. “If it makes you feel better I wet the bed last night,” Darren says. I scoff, “childs play.”

[sweetbabyrayray]

youre a very strong and understanding person, i was really worried i would make you feel worse (i also apologize for being on anon, i just wanted to wish you well). I have a personality disorder and issues with self harm, and i really do know how you feel, it really feels so horrible to have someone you care about kick you to the curb instead of supporting you or trying to get you help, or even just talking to you. i dont know you and our situations sound very different, but i know how that feels to get 0 understanding and 0 empathy when youre struggling inside. your ex being autistic probably made it even harder for him to emotionally understand how youre feeling (though of course we dont blame him for that) - sometimes things just dont work out. the hardest part for me was realizing that some things i did were manipulative, even if i didnt mean them to be, because of what a bad place i was in. you sound like you understand yourself way better than i did and i have lots of hope youll get through this! youre very brave, and very strong to keep moving forward like you are! i hope you get your housing needs met first and foremost. sorry i bugged you so late at night, wishing you happiness in this world and a place to stay- best wishes for the job too! sending hugs and well wishes, and praying you get the support of friends and family you deserve

oh its all good friend! it would take a LOT to offend or upset me, i promise. i typically have pretty thick skin and give people the benefit of the doubt (unless theyve consistently given me reason not to)

yeah, though, it really does. it's not even that he didn't support me, that would be less bad. it's that he directly promised me safety if i gave up everything and traveled countries to move in with him (meaning, spending thousands of dollars, donating half my stuff, selling my car, discarding the ability to find work easily because of immigration laws, pausing my physical therapy for my disability, etc). i wanted to live with him too and needed to move anyway for personal reasons, and he promised me safety if i moved to be with him in canada. then he decided that he didn't want to do it anymore and kicked me out, AFTER i'd already sacrificed everything. its so fucked up dude lol

his autism definitely did make it difficult for him, and i was very understanding of that. the thing is, though, i also have autism. i struggle very similarly to him, but ive worked very hard to still be considerate and listen to other people, to communicate even when its hard. i actively have to remind myself to consider other people's perspectives because it doesnt come naturally to me, either. im not going to stand here and blame him for struggling with things that were crucial to our relationship when they were not things that came naturally to him - that would be not only hypocritical, but plain asshole-ish; however, i am going to blame him for never putting in any work towards meeting in the middle in regards to these crucial things. there was no communication, no understanding, and no respect. his refusal to self-reflect or self-improve caused me an extreme amount of suffering, and his coping mechanisms (i wont go into them here, but basically he was extremely nasty to me) made the situation much worse than it needed to be, and thats fully on him.

thank you for being kind and talking with me. dont worry, ive been staying up late in an attempt to make myself as tired as possible so when i go to bed i just knock out immediately. you werent bothering me in the slightest. if you want to dm me, id be open to it, but i dont mind the anonymous messages either. i also wish you happiness and love <3

#ray speaks

[theintrovertwithadhd]

Winter Survival Strategy

ugh I am so not stoked for winter or fall.

im trying to live in the moment, be present and all that jazz but the truth is, it's coming and In efforts for me to get ready and try to make it better than last year, i've thought long and hard about creating a "winter survival strategy". This is where I think of things to do to get through it so I don't just sit around, eat and get incredibly depressed and let the cold steal my soul. But in all honestly, It also makes me wonder if this is just bound to happen and I need to just accept it?

I've thought long and hard about this and because of this, my long term goal is to purchase or rent a place somewhere it's warm that I can travel to for a few months out of the year that I can live and work remotely from. However, given that my current job is an in office job (which I'm grateful for at the moment), this is not yet an option.

I am a major "action taker" so whenever something doesn't feel right, I immediately have to figure out why and right away figure out what I need to do to fix it and this living through winter in Ontario thing isn't it for me.

Aside from changing my living situation, I've thought of a few other things that I'm planning to incorporate into my "strategy". One of them is to regularly attend hot yoga classes/ work out classes. I find I get incredibly lonely and feel isolated in the cold months, so attending these regularly could really allow me to feel connected with people and it would challenge me to move my body other than regularly going to the gym.

Another one on the list is to go to events, workshops, meet ups in my area of which I have an interest in. I'd find these events through platforms like EventBrite, BlogTO, MeetUp.com and also the Local Library hosts regular events. These will be very helpful where I'll get to learn new things, meet new people and maybe even get outside of my comfort zone a bit.

A third idea I thought of is "mini trips". Now i'm not quite sure what this looks like at the moment, but it'd consist of weekends away or maybe even a week where I'd travel somewhere outside of Ontario. These can get pricey so TBD as I still need to do more research on this.

Now one more item on the list is... ugh... dating. To be honest, I struggle with this one because my time is valuable and as a typically burnt out introvert, I don't just leave my house for anyone. Usually in the winter, my dating life is dependant on the apps because (as we are simply learning here) I don't get out much in the winter. So in order for me to really want to meet someone in person where I believe it is possibly worth my time, we'd have to be talking via text and likely phone before meeting up. However, I think it is important to note - that talk to me in the summer and you'll find me talking to everyone out there and making friends, so not your typical introvert here I might add.

Well there you have it, my "winter survival strategy" which consists of: group work out classes, learning new things through attending events that can be found online, mini trips away and dating. I also forgot to mention we definitely can't forget to take those vitamins, especially Vitamin D, that's very important since we don't get as much exposure from the sun and this will help us the low mood.

So this leads me to ask, whats on your list?

#introvert #winter #wintersurvivalstrategy #winterblues #cold #preparation #blog

[renewingagain]

sunday 9th october 2022 // 4:44pm

once again it’s been quite a while since i’ve journaled lol. i really need to do this more often as it’s quite an effective way for me to check myself, work out whats going on with me internally, and also help me work out things like where my life is headed, sort out my future, establish goals and things like that

but i say this everytime i journal, and then leave it a good few months before i get back to it 🤣

anyway, i started off with this post by actually reading a few of my previous entries just to assess how my life has been the past year, what my feelings have been like throughout, and to then compare to how im doing now

considering that the last year or two of my life have genuinely been some of the hardest years i’ve been through, i’m actually doing pretty well in this latter half of 2022

the past couple of years in a nutshell i’ve had to face

- the shittiness of covid and the impact it had on my life during and after uni

- releasing myself from the chains of religion

- thus dealing with religious trauma

- to then finding myself again and discovering my sexuality properly

- having my first relationship and losing my first relationship

- my self-esteem issues

- physical abuse from another dumbass boy (not my relationship)

- generally being an adult in sheffield

theres probably more to this list but its a general rundown so far. the beginning of 2022 was also really difficult in particular, as this was when i had my breakup as well as moved house, turned 25, faced performance issues with my job and was just generally anxious all the time

to be fair, im still anxious to this day and i’m always fretting about where my life is going. but i seem to be managing it much better than usual

and within this latter half of 2022, i seem to be doing really well and have been living more carefree about things!

first, the break up. it was obviously really hard at that time, and sometimes to this day i do still find myself thinking about alex. it really is a shame that we had to break up for the reasons we did, alas it was necessary. the first 2 or 3 months were extremely difficult, there was always this inner turmoil of wondering whether i had made the right decision. but i know now that i did, and time is a healer. now im fine with it all and wish him all the best of course. i have realised that there will always be a part of me that does love him, i dont know why that is, but its there, i acknowledge it and thats just that and that’s fine! it does make me sad that we don’t talk anymore, but if he is safe and well then so am i :)

the few months after this have just consisted of getting into dating again but also just generally exploring my sexuality! and within that i have been having a pretty good amount of sex. a bit tmi but i had my first threesome(s) this year. they both happened in the same week, both unplanned, and with different people! it was pretty wild but i enjoyed it and it’s definitely something i would do again

these days i am feeling much more comfortable in just being gay and acknowledging it. i went to my first prides this year <3 chesterfield, leeds, and then manchester. had sooooo much fun with them each time and it really made me feel proud about who i am. i know not to be ashamed of this

i went to amsterdam for a weekend in september with kiran and kajal which was so much fun, and i’ve now just spent the past couple weeks in london seeing lots of friends and family. it’s been a really great month! (i’m currently writing this entry on the train as i head back to sheffield now) 

now i’m just at a stage in my life where i need to work out what i want to do and where i want to go. i have a lot to think about.

when i was in london, my massi said i can essentially move in with them once they have finished doing up their house if i find a job down here. could london be the next step in my life?

i’m approaching 25 now and i really want to just have some more direction and feel settled in life. london in particular is probably the best place to be for opportunity. even seeing veena down there, she sent me a job recommendation for where she works and would put in a referral for me if i decide to apply for it. and i’m like why not!

as much as i love sheffield with all my heart, i’m starting to get a little tired of it now and would like something new. i came with the intention of just getting away from home so i had the space to think about where my life is going. and now i’ve had that space and clarity and i have an idea of what i want to do in life now. i know it’s tech.

furthermore, london would be so good for music too. so there really is a lot to think about. i would dearly miss my friends in sheffield, the connections i have there, my best friend sam, my little gay group i have. but otherwise, there isn’t really anything holding me back there. i’m not tied to anyone there in a relationship, and my job there at the HO is boring and something i dont really want. [i am now being promoted tho so thats fun woo]

task: check out that job posting that veena sent and similar 

i also really want to start working on my fitness and health again. i need to get back into it properly, it is important. i want to drink less and start waking up early again and look after myself.

also, i really need to get off my phone and do more things. learn more, go outside, read a book

now that the winter is approaching, it is adamant i stick to this rather than consistent mindless scrolling on tiktok or wherever. i need to look after myself again, meditation is key too.

i need to get back on my learning and development too. if i want to get into tech then i have to put in the work.

also, doing this will greatly benefit my mental health, thus ensuring i am happy, content, and the best me i can be for myself and for other people. i’m tired of having days where i just feel a bit crap. i know they are normal, but lately i am feeling generally better and hopefully this will continue to be on the up.

i also need to learn to transform any space i am in so i can just learn to be content. rather than having my set place, i wanna learn to be content and continue doing what i do at all times.

with regards to my mental health, i’m hoping these ashwagandha supplements i have ordered start to take effect in order for me to feel more focussed and less anxious

tasks:

- start waking up early

- turn off your phone. just literally turn it off and don’t think about it

- start running again and working out. just do it as and when you can. even a 10min run is better than doing nothing. this same logic applies to anything, 10min of studying is better than nothing

- do some proper, consistent, thorough research on where things are going to go and for where you want to go in life. do this alongside your studying and keep dreaming

- make a physical vision board that you can refer to at any time. you certainly have the space for it

enjoy your life, rest, and go easy on yourself. you’re doing amazing sweetie. and go easy on your self-esteem too. someone will love you for exactly who you are. someone has before, and someone will again. you’ll find that person you can just vibe with.

love yourself

[iguanamouth]

we out here

#wasabi #hi its sunny today #im gonna be moving next month.............always worried about wasabi in new places but i think shell be ok we got a big yard #in the new space #some updates: my new meds seem to be workin okay !!! holy shit thats a big deal #but im still finding it really hard to consistently work on things in the house #the studio space i was a part of shut down due to lack of funding so ive got No Where To Go To Work #cest la vie! #im gonna try to be more active on here but i have a weird hangup about answering anonymous asks publically #which is why i keep saying OH ILL ANSWER THEM IN A BIG GROUP but thats also impractical hhhhghg theres a CHUNK in there #shrug!!! if youre reading this we are sitting down in the grass together

[fandomobbsessedb]

Random Encanto Head cannons - part 3 (slight continuations part 2)

When Camilo is on babysitting duty Bruno and him will sometimes put on short plays for the kids to entertain them, but then when they get an idea they think would make a really good play for all of the encanto, they invest a lot of time in it writing a script and storyline. Mirabel makes the costumes, Isabella helps create the set and any music the show might use. Juileta makes refreshments, and Agustin tries to help make set pieces but always somehow gets hurt. After the show Camilo constantly asks Dolores what people are saying about the show.

When Bruno comes back Pepa, Bruno, and Juileta will get into mischief like they use to when they where little. Most of their doings consist of just making people's lives the tiniest bit inconvenient. Hiding all the pens in the house, moving small things around, if someone sets something down on a surface they’ll move it through the house, casita likes to help them with that part. Maybe one night at dinner the table setting is one fork short and there’s no other forks in the drawer or any that can be washed, they’ve all just disappeared save for the ones at the table. Do any of the triplets know what happened? Nope, not at all. What even is a fork? “They don’t know”.

Every year on her birthday or a holiday that gifts are given, Dolores gets a pair of earmuffs. She has a whole drawer in her dresser full of earmuffs she uses every now and then. They don’t help a lot but she appreciates the effort.

Because of Camilo's gift he sometimes gets upset because nobody asks him to look like himself or use his personality for the problem, they always want him to look like someone else. Adding to what I said about Camilo and Pepa’s relationship, she reasures him that he’s perfect the way he is and she prefers her baby looking like himself rather than someone else, unless Camilo likes whatever he changes, as long as he’s happy with his looks, Pepa’s happy. Camilo has to keep a photo of himself hanging in his room so he can remember what he looks like if he's been a person for too long. Sometimes he discovers he likes having different features in particular, he realizes that they feel so right for him that he keeps them from time to time. His room has a large closet filled with all different types of clothing that he wears regularly. He appreciates that his family is happy with whatever he wears. Dolores makes sure to make a nice comment to him every day about how he looks. Whether it’s his clothing choice or if he decides to change a feature of himself.

Because of his room location Bruno made that secret room in the wall years ago when he was a child that way he wouldn’t have to go up and down the stairs all the time.

Luisa is good at photography and has a whole wall in her room dedicated to the things she’s taken pictures of. Antonio’s animals, any plants in nature or the ones her sister makes that she finds particularly breathtaking, sunrises and sunsets.

Julieta over works herself sometimes, she has to make healing food for the entire encanto and set up a stand daily. She’s a strong woman but she’s still a human. Long hours in the hot kitchen make her feel terrible, it’s become so bad at times that she won’t have the energy to eat anything she’s made, at which point Agustin steps in and pulls her away from the kitchen bringing some food with him as he takes her to lay down until she’s feeling somewhat better and can eat something. After the events of the movie, Isabela, Luisa and Mirabel push the townspeople to try and be more careful.

Pepa was having a hard day and she was feeling even worse because she was making it rain so hard. All the townspeople had gone into their homes since nobody wanted to be out in the rain there was nobody to comfort her. Felix noticing her struggle from inside his house walked out and sat down next to her with an umbrella commenting on how he likes the smell of rain. Pepa fell head over heels immediately.

The first time Agustin had gone to Julietas stand he became infatuated with her and would let himself be more prone to getting hurt so he could see her. Or when someone he was with got hurt with even a little paper cut he would rush them over to her stand so they could talk.

#encanto headcanons #encanto movie #tio bruno #camilo madrigal #encanto luisa #felix madrigal #dolores madrigal #pepa madrigal #encanto julieta #isabella madrigal #random #part 3 #idk man

[technowoah]

Forever Was a Long Time Ago

Where you and Clay find yourselves caught up in someone elses lies.

- ANON REQUESTED!

- FEM READER!

Prompts!

4) "I never fucking wanted this/that!"

16) "Stop bringing it up"

⚠︎ toxic relationship, swearing, mentions of sex (?), and horrible writing. I didn't proofread either

It was hard to not talk to him, but that was your decision at the moment. You didnt even tell him what was the matter, and you refused to until you found out your real feelings about where you lie. Right now you were mad, fuming, of course you were refusing to talk to him because he dosen't talk to you.

The reason why the distance between you and Clay grew further and further apart was that a stupid tweet from this girl. He knew what he wae doing too, it was like him to do this behind the scenes. It was a tweet that showed him at a dinner table with another person other than you across the table from him. At least they had the decency to exclude his face from the frame, but the hands, and clothes were something you were all used to. The tweet continued on and on, and you believed every word.

He knew what he was doing. He did this often, because jealousy was a big thing in your relationship. You can admit it isnt all just him too, it was a possesive relationship. It wasn't healthy at all and you knew it. Your friends and family knew too, but you two always found yourself in his arms.

Clay liked to toy with you, but this was taking it too far. You ended up messaging the creator of the tweet and they said that everything was true and they went into extreme detail too. They even brought up screenshots of messages that you would deem fake. If it wasn't for your rage right, you would've debunked that right away.

Wallowing in your anger was a common thing for both of you in the relationship. The first time this happend was at a small party Clay invited you to. He ended up flirting and paying all of his attention to another person just to get you jealous. It started off innocent to make something more out of nothing, but became worse with time. You started to do the same to him and vice versa, it became a habit more than a thing to make eachother horny for a night.

The jealousy thing became more of a guilty pleasure, and the guilty pleasure became cheating. For you two it was okay because you two were going back to eachother, it was okay until now. Now a person was rubbing it in your face, usually it was a quick night without eachother, ignoring one another for a week and then getting back together until the cycle completes again.

It was emotionally tiring but you couldn't break out of it, maybe this was a sign to stop.

Today marks a week and a half with no contact with Clay. You had locked yourself up in your home today, you couldn't bother to do anything productive today. It was just one of those days, and it was a day where you wondered if Clay would text or call you. You shamelessly watched his livestreams, you missed his voice, his touch, his whole being. You wondered if his friends were saying the same stuff about you your friends were saying about him.

You were a puppet. You fell everytime his hands weren't pulling the strings and right now you wouldn't be under his control. You refused this time.

Speaking of the devil, your phone chimed signaling that you have received a message. You had opened it and it was one of many extremely vauge texts from Clay.

( Clay )

Im coming over now

[read]

Not bothering to text back, you continued to pay attention to something else. You were ready to confrony him and put an end to this.

It was a few minuted before you heard the lock on your door being unlocked and a voice calling for you.

"You home?!"

"In the living room!"

He reached the living room and sat in a smaller chair to your right. You two sat in silence until you worked up to courage to speak.

"Why are you here?" You asked him breaking the silence.

"Why did you let me in here?" Clay retorted.

"I mean, it's not like you just invited yourself in. You had to have something to say."

"Not necessarily, can I just visit my girl?" Clay leaned back into his seat.

"Yeah you can, but I wouldn't consider myself your girlfriend." You sat up and croseed your arms. Your phone was to your side waiting to show him the evidence.

"Really? What is this, the 5th time you've said that?" Clay rolled his eyes in response.

"You've done the same thing more time than I could count. You have no right to talk."

"I have absolutely every right." Clay smirked. He knew he was getting under your skin.

"So, Why did you go out with that girl?" You asked bluntly.

"Why wouldn't I? I mean it isnt a big deal we're here now."

"To me it is a big deal!"

"It never fucking was before when you were seeing another guy!" Clay yelled sitting up.

"I never fucking wanted this?! I never wanted to see you with a different guy, but here we are!"

"I didn't fucking start this whole cheating rabbit hole thing!" You flared your arms.

"What I saw was that you were talking with that girl for a while! It was months."

"What?!"

You had brought out your phone and pulled up the messages and extended your arm to give him your phone to read. He had taken the phone out of your hand with a confused face on his face. You waited while he scrolled through text messages while an emotion you couldn't read was on his face.

"Would you be mad if I said it was all true?" Clay had this look of caution on his face.

"YES! I fucking would!" You exclaimed in disbelief.

"I still dont know why?"

You stood up wanting to let off some steam. "This is what we do! Dont you see?! We keep going in circles. I go out with a man, and you get mad. You go out with a girl and I get mad, we come back together, but a whole month?!"

"Does it matter?!" Clay stood up too.

"Yes!"

"Remember when-"

"No! We're talking about YOU right now and how this little fling started a month ago. If you loved her that much stay!"

"Remember when you spent two nights over that boys house and-"

"Stop bringing it up!" You interrupted him.

"Then you stop trying to act like you're a saint!"

Pausing for a moment you wanted to get out of this situation. Clearly this argument wasn't getting anywhere or heading to the right place, your body temperature was hot, you needed to clear your head.

You tried walking away, but Clay held you there. "I dont "love" her I never-!"

"You stayed consistent with her more than me!"

"Stop acting like you're such a angel! Acting like you haven't dont the same too!"

"Not for that long! Get that through your head!" You tried walking away again, but he had a grip on you wrist.

You glared at him, staring right into his eyes, his grip getting slightly tighter wanting to make you stay.

"Let me go."

He froze at that and stood still. After sll this time of you two being together, you have never said those words. They had multiple meanings at this moments. One being "let me go physically" and the other being "let me go so I can move on." You had meant both.

"You mean it?"

"What do you think I mean?" You asked, his grip on your wrist stayed there as you awaited his answer.

He paused for a moment and then he started to speak. "You want to leave this relationship. That's what I believe."

"Well. You are right. Clay I'm tired. You know that!"

His grip on your wrist loosened. He was giving you an opening to leave and you took it. You took that opening and when your hand left his you two were done with eachother. The confrontation was quick, it usually was like this, today you just wanted it to be over. You grabbed your keys and a coat from the coat rack needing some fresh air

"You need to leave my house by the time I get back. Okay?" You turned around to see Clay in the same spot you left him in. He nodded and you slipped on your shoes and left the house for the night.

The windows of your car were rolled down as you rode through the streets not having a destination in mind. It was clear to you, a weight lifted from your shoulders and a new opening was near, but you couldn't see it yet.

You could breathe now, nothing else mattered. You had stopped at a red light and you phone continued to light up. There was not that many drivers on the road at this hour, so you opened the phone to a string of messages.

( Clay )

She lied

I was trying to tell you, but you lashed out, but I understand

I'll focus on you I promise. I wont break promises anymore.

Come back

[read]

You sighed looking at the messages and a wave of guilt washed over you. You had found a place to turn your car around and drive back to your house where he was waiting for you against your wishes.

The circle was completed once more.

#mcyt blurb #dream x reader #mcyt angst #mcyt fluff #mcyt x reader #mcyt headcanons #dream x y/n #dream angst #dream blurb #dreamwastaken imagine #dreamwastaken x reader #dream imagine #dreamwastaken x you #mcyt x you #mcyt x y/n #dream smp x reader #mcyt requests #requested

[samanthadalton]

Star Crossed Lovers (part 14)

Do my eyes deceive me???? part 14???? we did it. im so sorry its taken forever, i will try my best to be more consistent with my writing. love yall for being patient with me it means the most. thank you, thank you. 

warnings: throughout this fic there will be mentions of substance abuse, homophobia, sexual abuse, violence, NSFW, mentions of abandonment, depression and death including suicide

reader discretion is advised

warnings: angst, swearing (lots of it) 

taglist: @drmmyrs @cloud9in @somewillwin @save-me-the-last-dance @baexpoppy @stanzoeywade @ognenniyvolk @thepotatobleh @crazzyplays @fall3ngods @helpconfusedpersonhere @clowneryme @dopeyouth @boys-girls-i-cant-help-it-baby @vonda-b-real @uselesslesbianfr @veenast @cloakanddaggerthings @somethindarker (sorry again if ive missed anyone, if you wanna be added on this taglist or my general one just let me know 😊) 

word count: 4k (i feel like its short considering how long it took me to write but i still hope you guys enjoy) (also i didnt check for grammatical errors properly so sorry if you find any) 

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8 part 9 part 10 part 11 part 12 part 13

The first steps to moving on 

“Bea please,” Poppy whispers, a repentant look creeping up to her face as she looks away from her girlfriend. “It can’t wait.” 

Bea sighs, her shoulders slumping as the last remains of her anger disseminates from her body. “Okay fine, lead the way babe.” 

Poppy stiffens that the pet name but she doesn’t let her awkwardness slip as she leads Bea to a secluded classroom, far away from prying eyes. Both her and Bea turn to look at each other, and both simultaneously open their mouths to talk. 

“I know you wanted to tell-” 

“We need to talk-” 

Both clamp their lips shut, a mutual smile playing on their lips as they look at one another. 

“You go first,” Poppy gestures towards Bea, as she moves to sit on the edge of a desk. 

Bea inhales softly, her tongue darts out licking her lips as she looks down at the ground, her face calculating. “Why does Chloe hate me?” She looks up to Poppy, her eyes boring into the strawberry blonde’s, sadness swimming inside of them, “I just don’t get what I’ve done for her to hate me.” 

Poppy sighs heavily, her eyes awkwardly darting away from Bea’s. “It’s complicated Bea.” 

“Complicated?” Bea lets out a humourless laugh, “I almost just went off on Chloe after she gave her condolences for my mom dying because I just felt she wasn’t genuine and you wanna tell me it's complicated?” 

Poppy sharply inhales, contemplating for a few moments before saying, “it’s because of your mom.” 

Bea scrunches her brows up in confusion, “my mom? What the hell does she have to do with this?” 

Poppy ineptly plays with her hands, not being able to look Bea in her eyes, “at first it was just a classist thing. When you first came to Belvoire, she just wanted to make herself feel superior over you, but in the last year you’ve noticed her getting more mean right?” 

“Right.” Bea stares at Poppy, her expression emotionless. 

“Chloe’s parents have been fighting non stop recently, and it’s been affecting her a lot.” 

Bea’s brows furrow in confusion, “what does that have to do with me or my mom?” 

“Just let me explain first before you react, please.” Bea’s eyes bore into Poppy’s for a few seconds before she nods understandingly. “Her dad cheated on her mom. A lot of times actually. But he was blackmailed by one of the women he slept with.” Poppy pauses for a few seconds, “your mom.” 

Bea lets out a shaky breath, her eyes blinking in disbelief, “no, you’re lying.” 

Poppy nervously bites her bottom lip, “look Bea-” 

“How long have you known?”

Poppy’s face scrunches up in anger, “this isn’t my fault Bea. I only found out that day I went to talk to Chloe about us. Chloe made me promise not to say anything to you-” 

“Poppy! My mom OD and I don’t even know why. And now you’re telling me she was blackmailing the St James family and it doesn’t occur to you that might have had something to do with her death?” 

“They’re not the fucking mafia Bea, jesus. They were trying to settle it quietly by giving your mom some money and make her sign some stuff so she couldn't threaten them anymore.” 

The devastating ramification of Poppy’s admission hangs in the air as the two girls let the words settle into them. “Chloe really is sorry about your mom Bea, we all are.” 

Bea sighs, staring off into space, as a few tears begin to fill up in her eyes. “I just don’t know what to do.” Bea begins sniffling, but Poppy makes no movement to console her girlfriend. Bea notices and her expression sobers, “so, uh what did you wanna tell me?” Bea sniffs a few more times, before looking up at Poppy, giving her a small encouraging smile. 

Poppy looks away, guilt creeping up on her face, as she tries her damndest not to catch Bea’s small smile on her face. “Bea…”. Bea carefully assesses her girlfriend’s demeanour, noticing the similar body language during when they first asked to take a break, she thinks back to the last couple of days, she had barely heard from her girlfriend, and now she’s not affectionate, even after she almost had a mental breakdown in the middle of the hallway and her smile drops. “We have to break up,” Poppy says, her tone so monotone and dry as if she didn’t mean the words she was saying at all. 

“I don’t understand,” is all Bea can muster, evidently hurt by Poppy’s admission. Poppy winces slightly at Bea’s tone, finally breaking her robotic demeanour as she lets out a few sniffles. “So is that it? We have to break up,” Bea retorts mockingly, “is that all I get after all these years?” 

“Bea..” Poppy reaches out but Bea immediately takes a step back, tears flooding in her eyes. 

“No,” she holds her hands up, “I don’t get it, things are going good, or at least whatever twisted definition of good we’ve made up. Where the hell did this come from?” 

“Bea my dad-” 

“Of course! Hayden Min fucking Sinclair had something to do with this. Why do you still live under his shadow? You talk all this shit about breaking out of your father’s prison and wanting to achieve your own goals but he sucks you back in.” 

“That’s not fair Bea,” Poppy interjects, balling her hands up into fists in an attempt to subdue her trembling, “my dad has given me so much and he’s threatening to take it all away.” 

“Yeah, all you have to do is get rid of me. Me or the Min Sinclair name.” 

“Bea this is the life I have, okay I’m not like you, I’m not built like you.” 

“So what? I can grow up without a dad and now without a mom but it’s okay because I’m used to pain and disappointment?” 

“I didn’t mean it like that, you have a plan, things you can achieve, I need the Min Sinclair name, I’m nothing without it.” 

“Wow.” Bea shakes her head, “So I just meant nothing?” Bea wildy throws her arms in the air, anger bubbling under the surface of her demeanour. “We’ve practically been together since we were kids. And you’re just gonna fucking throw that away? And for what? Fuck you Poppy.” 

Poppy takes half a step back, dumbfounded by Bea’s outburst. She scrunches her brows, evidently hurt, “you don’t get it Bea. Even though your mom wasn’t the best, she still supported you, even if you didn’t know about it. My dad he- my mom what would she think?” 

“Your mom? Poppy what kind of shit is your dad brainwashing you with? Your mom is dead! You have no idea how she would react to having a gay daughter, but I know she’s probably disappointed in you.” 

“Fuck you Bea.”Poppy runs out of the classroom, tears streaming down her face, leaving Bea on her own. 

“Shit,” Bea whispers to herself before throwing a bunch of punches at the wall, each more cathartic than the last until she can’t physically hold herself up anymore. Bea defeatedly slides into a chair, cradling her head in between her hands, letting the tears free fall, as reality begins setting in that she lost the one thing in the world that was her everything. Poppy Min Sinclair was her rock, the girl who she gave her heart to, the love of her life and just in a matter of moments it was over. Maybe it was too good to be true. The beautiful, perky popular rich girl and the girl who had almost nothing, complete polar opposites, it never should’ve worked. But time and time again when faced against the world they persevered so why was this time different? Poppy had chosen her namesake over the love of her life. She chose the life of glitz and glamour over the girl who gave her her entire heart. Bea feels her entire world crashing down, how much more heartbreak could she take? Was her life always going to be so hard? So full of hurt? Full of pain? She winces at the thought, her head hammering as she comes to the realisation that she understood her mother’s pain more than she thought. 

…. 

Bea hops off her bike, parking it in front of her house, as she pulls her phone out to look at the time. ‘It’s lunch time,’ she thinks to herself. After the day she had today, school wasn’t the best option for her right now. She makes her way to her front door but stops in her tracks when she realises her front door is slightly ajar. Her survival instincts kick in as she effortlessly pulls out her pocket knife, carefully pushing the door fully open. As she steps into the living room, her eyes dart to the closed door of her mother’s room, but when she hears a creaking sound coming towards her bedroom, she cautiously moves towards the source of the noise, the grip on her knife tightening. As she creeps up, she sees the door of her room half opened, a hooded figure standing by her bed with their back facing her. 

Bea stealthily sneaks up to the figure placing the knife a few inches from their throat before lowering her voice to a threatening tone, “who are you and what the fuck are you doing?” The figure gasps, dropping a bag that’s in their hands with a deafening thud before raising their hands in a sign of surrender. 

“It’s me, it’s me,” the voice whimpers out. 

“AJ?” Bea raises her eyebrows, retracting the knife from his throat while pulling down his hood with her other hand. “What the fuck are you doing?” Bea takes a step back while AJ scrambles grabbing the bag he just dropped moments before. When he turns to face Bea, his eyes are wide, filled with fear as he clutches the bag closely to his chest. 

“I have to go,” he says as he attempts to run out of the room, but Bea pulls him back, her face crumpled in suspicion. 

“No we’re not doing this, give me the bag now,” Bea snatches the bag out of his hands before he can protest and opens the zipper to find it filled with cash. She grits her teeth, anger settling into her features as she whips her head up to AJ, “is this my fucking money?” 

“Bea, I- I can explain-” 

“What the fuck AJ!” Bea throws the bag onto the bed, the cash spilling out as she jabs an accusing finger at AJ’s chest. “You’re stealing from me now? I haven’t seen you in god knows how long, you don’t call, text nothing. Even after everything that’s been happening in the last few weeks but you have the audacity to fucking steal from me? Money that I’ve spent years saving? Money that I’ve bussed my fucking ass off for, are you serious right now?” Bea’s voice is filled with rage as she’s practically screaming, her voice now thundering. AJ winces, guiltily averting his gaze to the ground, unable to meet Bea’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry about your mom Bea, I wanted to visit-” AJ croaks out.

“But you didn’t,” Bea interjects, her voice lowered but filled with hurt. “And now you’re taking money- I mean what is so important you had to steal from me.” 

AJ paces towards the bed, hanging his head in shame, when he speaks his voice is quiet, full of fear, “I’m in some bad shit Bea. These guys aren’t playing around.” 

“I told you not to fall into the wrong crowd, I warned you this shit would happen.” 

“Bea please, I’ll pay you back I just need it.” 

“No! What the fuck, when will you pay me back huh? This is my college money, I’m not letting you give that away to your crackhead friends.” 

“Bea please,” AJ clasps his hands together, his tone pleading, “I don’t know what to do.” 

“AJ I have too much shit on my plate right now, I can’t deal with this. You need to find something else, I can’t help you.” 

AJ’s face pales but he stands up, and makes his way towards the door, before leaving he turns to look back at Bea, “I’m sorry about everything.” 

Bea keeps her eyes trained on her bed where the money is sprawled all over the mattress, “yeah me too,” she replies quietly. Bea hears the front door close and she collapses to the ground, letting the tears flow. 

……

A few days later, Bea sits in her dark living room, curtains shut and lights completely off as she wallows in her sadness, drinking from a bottle of cheap beer, as she stares absentmindedly at the ceiling, so drowned in her thoughts she doesn’t hear the resounding knocks on her door until she hears a voice call out, “Bea! Are you there?” 

Bea crumples her brows, forcing herself to stand as she makes her way to the door, she wearily makes her way to her front door only slightly opening the door before poking her head out. “Veronica?” Veronica gives the girl a wide smile before pushing the door more open, ushering the figure behind her into the house too, “Carter? What are you guys doing here?’ 

Veronica looks around the dark room, noticing the pile of empty beer bottles on the floor, “yikes, drinking on your own on a friday night Hughes? That’s really sad.” Carter stands near the edge of the living room, as if he’s an explorer, his eyes darting all over the living room as he assesses this new environment. 

Bea on the other hand scowls at Veronica, “what the hell do you want Veronica, I’m not in the mood.” 

Veronica frowns slightly, pouting her lips together, “we heard about you and Poppy.” 

Bea rolls her eyes, “yeah well I’m trying to forget about her.” Bea picks up her beer bottle from the ground and makes a show by exaggeratingly drinking from the bottle until it's empty. She discards the empty bottle along with the other ones before turning to look at Veronica and Carter, “so if you’ll excuse me.” 

Veronica steps towards Bea, wrapping her hand around the brunette’s arm, “we’re not here for Poppy stupid, we’re here for you.” 

Bea raises an eyebrow, “for me?” 

Veronica turns to look at Carter, beckoning him forward, Carter breaks out of reverie and clears his throat, “yeah uh, we wanted to take you to a party.” 

“A party?” Bea looks between them confused, “I’m not that interested guys.”

“Wait, wait, wait Bea,” Veronica pleads, pulling Bea closer to her, “you’ve never been to a Belvoire party and the year is almost over, we thought we should take you to at least.” 

“I don’t know guys,” Bea says skeptically, “a lot of people don’t like me.” 

“Who gives a shit? You just had your heart broken and you need to let loose.” 

Bea sighs, pulling away from Veronica, “I don’t think it’s a good idea.” 

“Come on, it beats drinking in the dark on your own.” 

Bea sighs, dropping her shoulders, “what about uh Poppy?” 

“Poppy?” Veronica arches a brow, “her and Chloe are staying in tonight, she said she needed to catch up on homework or something.” 

Bea purses her lips together in thought before sighing,  “fine.” Veronica cheers, “but,” Bea over enunciates, “only for a few hours and if I don’t like it I’m going home.” 

“Okay, deal,” Veronica squeals, wrapping Bea in a big hug. Carter chuckles as Veronica gestures for him to join the hug, he awkwardly wraps his arms around the two girls, before pulling away. 

“Okay, I’ll wait in the car while you girls get ready. Just uh don’t take too long.”

Veronica playfully rolls her eyes as she Bea towards her bedroom, yelling back “thanks Carter.” Giddy, she rushes to Bea’s closest, assessing her clothes until she finds a short red dress hidden in the back. “This!” 

“No, no, no,” Bea shakes her head, pulling the dress out of the ombre-haired girl’s hands. 

“Why not? It would look so hot on you,” Veronica’s eyes trail down Bea’s body, as she sharply inhales. “Bea, you’re single and sexy, stop holding yourself back okay?” 

“I’m not,” Bea pushes back defensively, “I just-” she sighs heavily, “no one at Belvoire has ever seen me dressed up, I’m just- I’m nervous I guess.” 

“Then we have to show them what they’ve been missing for the last three years,” Veronica gives Bea a devilish smile as she takes the dress from Bea’s hands, sliding the dress off the hanger before handing it over to Bea. 

“Uh you gonna stay in the room?” Bea nervously wrings her hands together. 

“Why, are you offering a show?” Veronica lifts a teasing brow, noticing Bea’s cheeks redden slightly, which prompts her to let out a small laugh, “I’m kidding, don’t worry I won’t look.” Veronica makes a show of raising her hands to cover her eyes. Bea laughs as she slips out of her clothes and into the dress, she awkwardly clears her throat, grabbing Veronica’s attention. 

“Hey, uh help a girl out with her zipper?” 

“Sure,” Veronica moves to stand behind Bea, her hands ghosting around Bea’s exposed back, her breath momentarily taken away. She sturdies herself and places one of her hands on the small of the brunette’s back while the other moves towards the zipper, zipping the girl up. Bea smooths the dress down with her hands appreciating herself in the mirror, “you look gorgeous,” Veronica whispers into the shell of her ear. 

Bea’s face completely flushes red and slightly jerks at Veronica’s admission, “uhh thanks.” 

Veronica notices the awkward shift in the atmosphere, and promptly changes the subject, “so where’s your sister?” 

Bea sits in front of her mirror, a comb in her hand as she brushes her long locks, “she’s staying at a friend’s tonight.” 

“Cool,” Veronica answers back but her tone falls flat. The girls bask in the awkward silence as Bea continues to get ready but when Veronica notices Bea struggling to do her winged eyeliner she breaks the silence. “Hey do you need help?” 

Bea smiles bashfully, “yeah.” She rubs the back of her head with her hand, “sorry Poppy used to help me with my makeup.” 

“Right,” Veronica’s face slightly falls but she quickly covers it up, ushering Bea to come and sit on the bed. “Come on, I don’t bite,” Veronica bites the bottom of her lip, “unless you want me too.” Bea laughs but obliges sitting on the edge of the bed. Veronica clambers onto her lap, her thighs settling on the sides of Bea’s legs, and in response, Bea’s eyes widen in surprise but she remains glued in her spot, too shocked to move. 

“V, what are you doing?” Bea whispers, her voice attempting to come across as reprimanding but it comes out as breathy. 

“Relax, I’m just doing your eyeliner.” Veronica plucks the wand from Bea’s hand and angles herself close to the brunette’s face, as she begins drawing on the wings on Bea’s eyelids. Bea steadies herself, as she feels the heat of Veronica’s body so close to hers and when Veronica is finished with putting the finishing touches on her eyelids, she hops off Bea’s lap, making her way towards the desk, scuffling through Bea’s makeup bag before taking up her place on Bea’s lap once again. “Now I think this colour would look good on you,” 

“You don’t think it’s too much red?” 

“Oh babe, red means power, dominance, you don’t wanna be thinking about Poppy the entire night, you wanna have all eyes on you Bea Hughes.” Veronica uncaps the lipstick, her eyes burning into Bea’s lips as she carefully applies the red colour to her lips. “Perfect.” 

Bea smacks her lips together, evenly spreading the red on her lips. “Thanks V.” 

Veronica’s eyes dart to Bea’s lips, her tongue slightly running along her bottom lips before she breaks out of her reverie flashing Bea a smirk, “don’t thank me yet, thank me when you’re having the time of your life at the party.” Veronica slides off Bea’s lap, holding her hand out, “come on let’s finish up because Carter’s been waiting for a while.” Bea smiles up at Veronica, taking her hand as she lets the ombre-haired girl pull her off the bed, as they continue getting ready. 

………

Once they arrive at the party, Carter drops the girls off at the front of the huge house before telling them he will park the car. Veronica’s gaze darts to Bea, who’s nervously toying with her hands, looking up at the intimidating house, the lights blaring and as the music echoes throughout, the bass thumping in their ears. Noticing the nerves settling into her, Veronica slips into Bea's, giving her a reassuring squeeze, “hey, it’s okay, it’s just a bunch of drunk, preppy uptight teenagers, nothing you don't usually face everyday.” 

Bea lets out a small laugh, “just in a big ass house,” she jests. 

“Yeah, just in a big ass house,” she gives Bea a light squeeze as she starts pulling Bea into the house with her. Automatically, they’re met with stares and whispers, as the students look astonished at Bea, some appraising her outfit, while others are confused about her presence. “Hey, just stay with me okay?” Veronica whispers over to Bea. Bea nods, her eyes roaming the room. “I’ll get us drinks.” The ombre-haired girl gives Bea a reassuring pat on her arm and leaves her side and Bea walks into the living room, observing the difference between the vibes of the party between the north and the south. Her thoughts then move to think about Poppy, how Poppy would love going to parties in the north but Bea couldn’t find the appeal in it. Poppy. Poppy, who broke up with her. She’s interrupted from her thoughts by a tap of her shoulder, and Bea turns around to see Veronica offering her a red solo cup, Bea takes a sip and winces. 

“What the hell is this crap?” 

“Yeah for a bunch of rich kids, their taste in beer isn’t the best,” Veronica jokes, slightly nudging Bea. 

“We have way better beer in the south side.” 

“That I can agree with.” Veronica looks over to Bea who looks lost in thought, “hey what are you thinking about?” 

Bea sighs heavily, “Poppy,” she mutters. 

Veronica nods once, “right, yeah.” 

“Poppy would’ve loved a party like this, big fancy house an-” 

“Bea,” Veronica says, her tone slightly agitated, “this,” she gestures around the room, “is a no Poppy zone. That means we don’t think about Poppy, only about fun.” 

Bea nods, “fun. I can do that.” Veronica lifts her cup in the air, “what are we cheering to?” 

Veronica gives Bea a smile, “here’s to the first steps in moving on.” The girls tap their cups together before downing their drinks. “Now if we wanna get drunk, we’re gonna need a lot more of these.” 

The party is still ongoing, and Bea sits in a circle with a few girls from the volleyball team and a few of the football team and other people she doesn’t recognise while Veronica sits beside her. 

“Bea you look so pretty,” one of her teammates says. 

“Yeah Bea your makeup is literally gorgeous,” another chimes in. 

“Who knew strip tease can clean up well,” Ford jests, but Bea slumps her shoulders a little, remembering that these people are not her friends. 

Carter enters the circle slapping Ford on the head as he goes, “shut up, Hughes is cool.” Bea gives Carter a nod of appreciation before looking down at the drink in her hands. Her thoughts move a million miles a minute, but there’s a constant one stuck in her brain, Poppy.

Veronica looks over at Bea, frowning. “Hey come with me.” She stands, excusing herself from the group and Bea follows her close behind. 

“Where are we going?” 

“We’re gonna play a private game of truth or drink.” 

#playchoices #queen b #poppy min sinclair #poppy x mc #star crossed lovers #thank you for waiting #i promise to be more consistent #love you guys