#but im tired and angry and its hard bc i dont WANT to be tired and angry. i know we're all trying. i just wish trying actually worked in
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whyyyyy do people think disordered eating is healthyyyyyyy i am going to explode myself soon i cannot live around these people any more my god
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im in a fuckimg shit mood
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maybe im an actual fucking freak but guess who’s been ugly crying for and hour bc of the dw s10 finale 🎉🎉🎉
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having a whats the point of it day
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seeing art or like fanfic of him where they try to like make him normal or overly hot/cute makes me SICK. KEEP HIS GREY SKIN. KEEP HIS AWKWARDNESS. KEEP HIS VOICE CRACKS. KEEP THE FACT THAT HES KINDA CRINGY ITS OKAY. KEEP THAT HES GOOFY PLEASE its literally what makes him so great stop being scared of his flaws
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every day on this trip is worse
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Fallout4 characters with teen!sole
Bestie you are litteraly describing one of my oc's! Of course its purley platonic😊 teen!sole is also from valut and was in fidge for last 200years. I refer to them as 'kid' bcs thats how some of characters would probably treat them anyways. Also its a screenshot vuz I accidentally deleted the ask and luckily had some sort of proof
Maccready
The only guy here with any expirence with kids
Dad vibe
Type of guy who says "We need to cut it off" after Sole tells him their hand hurts
Will teach them how to shoot, hunt ect
Also scold them every time they talk with any shady people??? Like he really doesnt want them to end up like him with whole 'gunners incident'
He thinks that Sole would get along with Duncan well!
If Sole calls him 'dad' mans gotta be so happy
Deacon
Secretly worried about their saftey, like Commonwealth is dangerous place for trained adults, and for kids ESPECIALLY ones who have no knowlage about defence or weapons
But he never shows his worries, just hangs around being cool dude he is😎😎
Rich cousin/uncle vibe
You like this cool hat you saw like week ago? Boom see it apear inside your closed 2days later
His love language (quick remidner that love also can be platonic🙄😎) is giving them little gifts when they don't see him or leaving notes with remiders on them ^^
Quick reminder that he and his wife wanted to have kids! So yeah Sole makes him wonder if thats how it feels to have kids tbh
If Sole calls him 'dad' bro will freeze and panic, probably pretending that he thought that was a joke but he's sweating so hard rn
Hancock
Wtf a child? Here?
Bestie you really shouldn't be here
If Sole is in this cringy teen phase when they do drugs/cigarettes, watch him say stuff like "drugs=bad" meanwhile taking some mentats
Your friendly local drug dealer vibe
Dude gonna teach them how to manipulate assholes, trow knifes, gaslight and still look stylish
If Sole ever tells him about their parents he will be angry, like ??? Why would anyone do anything to a kid???
He will litteraly pay fahrenheit to watch them when he's busy
Preson
"Fire, pretty sky and a lot of storytelling in middle of nowhere" vibe
Im 100% sure he knows how to play on guitar and will try to teach them
He will try to act mature and lead them to the right path but he won't try to be their "new perent" unless Sole is clear that they see him as father figure, he will never even bring this up.
When they call him 'dad' mans will be the happiest minuteman in history. Also if kid will even mention their past caretakers he will just tell them to forget about them cuz they aren't coming back and they are never going to hurt Sole anymore
Gage
How on earth some kid killed Colter? No one knows but Gage is impressed.
He gets annoyed by lack of knowlage and skills, ye ye he gets that they are like 13 or something but come on hes not going to do anything for them. Huh what do you mean you are from valut? Before the war?? Damn kid and im happy to be alive. Stop lying
*sighs* "jesus boss let me do it"
Older brother vibes.
"How many times i have to tell you, dont hang out with pack members they have bad influence on you AND do not even think about going near Nisha"
He needs to learn ALOT he dumped his family and even if he had younger siblings he never really took care of anyone, never, so yeah it is challenging
If Sole somehow calls him 'dad' they were probably incredibly tired or something very emotional happened. No matter how it happend Gage will ignore it and later overthink when Sole wont be around, like ??? Me??? Gee what kind of parental figure this kid had?? Should I check on them more often??
Danse
Uhh erm a child ee greeting?
Akward
At first he sees Sole as lil civilan and just tells them where to find nearest safe place/diamond city cuz hes very very busy and cant take care of child while on duty. If kid hangs around more he will probably warm up
Of course he will ask about their parents but when Sole tells him some upsetting stuff he won't ask again, he won't tell them to go home either. He will just idk let them vibe
I can imagine Sole just tagging along his missions by just begging him to hang out with them constantly. They quickly get along. Very lonley soldier and kid who lost everyone.
One of those 'depressed dude adopts random child he found in middle of knowhere' prompt
When Sole calls him 'dad' he gonna get emotional fr fr pls civilan he's on duty he cant cry rn 😭
Yall I loved writting for gage i might do part 2 with Gage just trying to figure out how kids work. Also another pole cuz I still have no clue how to delete those on phone. And as always, I used x reader tags ONLY to reach bigger audience 🦊
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i cannot explain how inextricably angry it makes me when ppl try to convert me, get me to go to their church, bible group, etc. what makes me even more mad is that i have to refuse to show any of that anger, and be super nonchalant about saying no, im not going, i did my time. bc ik this kind of evangelizing is just the churchs way to convince ppl that nonmembers are evil, since i dont wanna hear about their weird book club all the time and may (unintentionally) snap at them. like i have to try super duper hard to be extra nice to them, bc ik first hand the kind of psychological damage that comes from it. its tiring. especially living in a super religious area, it happens quite frequently. but i dont want to hurt them more, or reinforce what the chuch has said at all. and ik usually it comes from a place of fear rather than superiority. alot of times its bc were friends/classmates and they think im neat and dont want me to suffer in hell. but it still makes me mad.
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feel free to scroll past this bc its sort of long but i need to get some things out
so my parents just. like. they're so annoying. im not allowed to be on my phone, EVER, and when i get two minutes to pick it up they're like NO YOUVE BEEN ON IT TOO MUCH like i literally only used it for five minutes today??
i cant talk back, EVEN when they've got the entire story wrong and when i do tell them theyre like your fault, should've told us sooner. they scold me for the simplest of things, like accidentally spilling water. like, if my dad spills water my mom doesnt say anything but when i do she lectures me on being careless?? i know my dad has more "power" than me but we're both human beings and we both make mistakes, do we not?
the other day when i was going to bed, my mom made me clean my room from 9:30 to like 10 because "one book in my shelf was out of place" and "your clock is not facing the right way" and then she proceeded to dump all my clothes on the ground and make me fold them again, THEN criticized me when one fold was off, and then she got mad when i got upset because of that
and when they tell me to "not care about how other people think of me", i get it. they're tryna look out for me. but that's the thing, I CANT NOT CARE. my mom was a teenager too once, i dont know why she cant understand. i have to be athletic, good at school, the PERFECT daughter and student, but i can't be a try-hard or a teacher's pet. they get mad when i eat too much and they get mad when i eat too less. i honestly don't know what they want from me
i cant wake up at 5:30 for school and take an hour to get ready and i cant get up at 7 and take thirty minutes to get ready because "one hour is way too long to get ready" and "thirty minutes is not enough time to get ready", i cant leave without eating breakfast and yk what's for breakfats every morning in my house? grated carrots and cucumber hunks in yogurt, every single day without fail, because its "good for my skin" and then they get mad at me for wanting something else because im "selfish" and "greedy" for having cravings.
after my basketball games my dad gives me advice. thats fine. but then he sounds like he's angry with me and im too scared to tell him to sound a little gentler. i drove to my basketball game today with my friend's mom and her mom was so gentle with her advice i was like. damn. so that's how its done with other families. and when my dad gives me advice my mom starts jumping in with absurd comments even when she knows nothing about the game? and she's like, "if youre not doing well drop out why waste our money" like canot i enjoy something i do without being good at it??
man. im just tired. and exhausted. and annoyed. any chance im offered to get out of my house i take it. urgh.
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~ 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘓𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘛𝘳𝘪𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘵 ~ || Ɓօօƙ 1
|| 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘶𝘦 ||
Standing near the ocean, on a hill. Two people. A son and his father. Blood, dripping in the snow, staining its artic glow. Their hair and Sesshomaru's dog fur swaying in the wind.
"Father. Do you insist on going?" the son spoke with such intensity in his voice. There he stood a few meters behind the one he calls father. His father looked ahead, not turning to face him as he spoke.
"Do you intend to stop me, Sesshomaru?" his father declared.
"I will not stand in your way. However, before you go, you must entrust the sword Sō'unga and Tessaiga to me" he suggested, which was really a demnad for his father.
"And if i refuse? Will you kill me? Your own father" he groaned in annoyance of what he thinks what Sesshomaru is really after. "Do you desire power so much? Why do you seek power my son?"
"The path I walk is the way of Supreme Conquest. And it is power that will reveal the way for me" he voiced straightforwardly. His father slightly put his head down with disappointment. Why does he seek power? Unlike his other son Inuyasha. Thou they might have forgotten their second eldest of the brothers, the father has not. He is still in search of his son, not giving up. M/n and Inuyasha do not seek power like their brother Sesshomaru. But something else.
[Hard-heartedly: Lacking in feeling or compassion; pitiless and cold.]
"Supreme Conquest" he uttered hard-heartedly. "Tell me Sesshomaru. Have you someone to protect?" he asked. Wanting to test Sesshomaru, he awaits his answer.
He was looking at his father, standing in front of him. He squinted his eyes. "Protect?" he remarked. Who would he need to protect? He doesn't need to protect anyone. He only protects himself. Tension took over as they stood. Only the waves of the ocean could be heard crashing against the sand.
"The answer is no. I Sesshomaru have no idea of such" he says as he spreads out his right arm, with his pointer and middle finger in a position he usually uses. Like his poisonous whips from his fingertips. He stanced himself ready to fight as his father roared, turning into a giant dog demon. His answer made his father very angry.
(sorry its like that *yk the effect in anime's when u try to pause and screenshot*)
How could he forget? I mean yeah it hasss been an insanely long time BUT STILL.
ok but why are their voices deep tho o-o kinda deeper than i remember now that im going back an watching it.
But anyways I hope you enjoyed this s- prologue u-u. And I still am updt TBHK CH51 (warning, it's gonna be long. Soo yea) DONT worry!! It's just school that's taking up the time for me updating. But I've just been having the urge to upt SOME OF MY STORIES but school work is ugh...but hopefully I have it updt by 3:20 pm. AND/OR TOMRRW! srry if I keep saying ill udpt..its just bc I'm busy. 🥱 😴😵💫 and i be tired after school.
Bruh and it's so funny bc yall keep getting onto me about that Sagittarius sign 🤣. GUYS..i only put it there bc i thought it was the GENDER thing for a boy 😖 😖 I even looked it up and it was blue with that sign...smh 😤 but I Luv all signs, don't come for me!
And look forward to new stories. Yk i just keep getting new ideas AND i still don't have my devices still so these ideas are.....(_-_)and doing the stories during school is just *sighs* so yea look forward to those >~< 😞 😔 😭
AND the things small TINY celebrating..whatever u wanna call it, when I post the updt it's gonna say like "TYSM FOR 50K" but now the book is up to 60...k i think, or 56 point something but don't mind that bc that was when i DID hit 50K. BUT TY FOR READING MY STORIES AND FOLLOWING ME I REALLY APPRECIATE IT! IT ALWAYS ENCOURAGES ME TO WRITE MORE AND KEEP UPDT!! 🥺 🥺
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ok 1 menty b for me
i dont know. i think its just always been so alienating. i think theres something wrong with me and its unfixable. and sometimes, if i cant have anything else, i just want at least the fucking chance to express that without people thinking even less of me. and ik in reality nobody even gaf or sees me. but i also know know that if they did, 9times out fo 10 people would be rolling their eyes. whatever. idk. i feel so lonely and i dont think im ever not going to be lonely and its never going to get better because even when given the resources, the opportunities i just can never manage . i just cant . i swear i try . but every single time. my whole fucking life . i just walk away from everything with even less, it feels like. and its getting so much harderand harder. and i dont know how to express it liek ... i fucking feel myself SEETHE as ppl keep insisting "theres still a chance! there's still hope!" like sure bro. but i dont want to fucking keep living my life along the fucking asymptote of getting consistently closer to dying alone but "haha technically its not a certainty" and . like theres just something so fucking repulsive about me and i just cant seem to fix it no matter what. and im so exhausted all the time. and i genuinely dont think theres any way out of that . i go to work and i come home so burnt out and tired. and people are nice there but i dont think i can really connect with anyone . i just cant seem to get close to people . and i dont have it within me to meet anyone else because im so fucking tired all of the time .
and even if i did and i mustered all the energy and spent all the little time i had left in the world i dont think theyd have time for me. not just bc nobody in their 20s does but also because i dont know . it just never seems to work . and i cant do it again where i try to invest every little piece of me into it when its jsut always left me fucking miserable and pathetic. bro do you know what i mean. not to be 16 and lame as shit still. i feel like im always the idiot ppl take pity on at best . i dont think ive ever been real to anybody. like alwaysssssss...... and even now i feel like every time I HAVE existed within circles of others. its literally 10 times out of 10 just constantly fighting to be included and seen as someone whos not a fucking joke and i just feel like such a fucking . loser for caring so much about it when. REALISTICALLY. pretty much all the people ive met in life will have forgotten i exist. and ok. ok. i just dont think ... like its not like some trait within me right like ... im not As melodramatic to be like oh . oh theres an actual innate trait within me thats activated and stops people liking me. just. the contrary like. i just think theres nothing within me to actually like . or to gravitate towards. so likeyeah sure . that makes sense. why WOULD you want to bother with someone whos just kinda hollow or whatever.. something something or other. and i kind of wish i was more resilient about tht. but i jsut . i guess as is a Guy of that Nature, its just ... im trying to fucking not fucking spiral but i just feel myself fucking filling up with fucking . miserable SHITTY bile or whatever because i just wish i felt normal or whatever. its such a fucking human fucking thing that other people can MANAGE. but i cant . its so so fucking hard and i cant do it and i cant handle it. and i just feel so angry sometimes anyways . bc i hate it . and i keep trying bc i wanna make peace with it because i know theres no out . like ive long since given up on ever thinking its going to work out . because nothing fucking helps but makes it so much worse . anyways. i dont know. but i dont know bro. it drives me fucking insane when people always spout some bs about how "haha everyone has someone! everyone will find someone! like no they dont no they wont . its so .. so much more isolating. or like "EVERYONEEE feels lonely sometimes" like HOW does that help. HOW. and it makes it so MUCH FUCKING WORSEEEE when people tell you about how lonely they are too!!! like cool . i dont have a chance then. sorry i know thats such a bitter bitch thing to say. but idk if it rlly matters like ... at the end of the day idc when ppl have partners. or people they talk to. family who loves them. and youre still lonely. cool. thank you for letting me know, dude. go back to the people who will look out for you and love you whilst i sit in the dark and not speak to anyone for weeks whilst not a single person would even notice im gone .
or like. bro. i dont think a single person has taken me seriously for long enough to ever fucking like me or hold me in enough regard to like... want to talk to me again nevermind like be with me in a certain sense so i jsut. i dont know. sits alone. every fucking day for years maybe. i dont know. i feel so fucking sad and angry knowing deep down that i can know all this and know its true but even then . i cant even have that . people wont even take THAT part of me seriouslyand think im just some fucking idiot whos not even trying. when i really reallyhave but its just so... worthless it feels like . it feels like im never getting anywhere and everyone thinks i just gave up when i didnt. and i dont know. thar makes it sound like people actually see me and really are laughing or something when i dont think its nearly that much. i think its like oh people see me make that as a snap judgement and i fall out of existence again. and i dont know. it shouldnt matter but i feel so fucking strung out and exist between these instances only and idk. idk bro. im trying to be okay with it. but as im getting older i just feel like theres so many more things that are revealing themselves as worse and worse. and im going crazy. im going crazzzzzzyyyy . whatever . insert the mental breakdown gifs . the funny ones where those guys aremoving really fast
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its kinda crazy he smothered me like loll. feels so stupid and lame recounting the same story over and over nothing changes. but i still dk how to process that. some days i feel ive made more peace w everythin and dont feel as strongly and some days like today its more difficult and i think being tired and today not being the best kind of set me up for being more emotionally low abt multiple things in my life. as well as maybe need to stop reading peoples real life stories on reddit abt their abusive male partners bc its more triggering for me than i thought but its hard not to read them :/ idk its just crazy how someone can do something that vile towards u even when you are crying and begging them to stop and saying you cant breathe. literal psycho shit. and i was gaslit for however long into minimizing it even tho deep down i knew it was fucking wrong and i resented him for it but i was treated so dismissively and not taken serious my pain wasnt ever considered so after it happened i was just trained into suppressing it not telling a single person about it not even journaling privately about it just carrying that awful thing w me for idk how long. and i dont even remember when it was bc i didnt document anything mentally or literally and my mind worked so hard to suppress it i justndont have any recollection of when it happened. im guessing either 2023 or late 2022. it makes me angry and sad, and angry bc it is so unjust that he was able to control the narrative once again and determine that that was acceptable behavior and wasnt violent and extremely fucking dangerous too. Would sneer at me and tell me that wasnt smothering or make excuses and act like that isnt inherently Violent and terrible. and even tho i knew it was fucked i was just forced to go along w it even though i resented him for however many months for doing that to me and would bring it up and hed continue to deny it. like i wonder if he fucking remembers that now bc ofc there's been no apology for that specifically but i also have to tell myself i do not seek his validation or acknowledgment bc it is way too late for that and i had to unlearn the gaslighting and manipulation and dismissal and downplaying that he ingrained in me and insisted upon me on my own without him so theres no way i would need him to validate that act or that it happened or was messed up. but part of me still wants that bc even though hes given me surface level apologies and goes on abt his self reflection and discovery that could only occure after he got hit by a bus (enrages me that he now has empathy and some self recognition ig After a traumatic brain injury and months after the breakup) i still did not feel fulfilled by anything he said really. but he is not a person who i seek validation from or value his opinion or perspective at all anymore i never wish to see him or have him in my life again. you dont treat any person like that and yet he countlessly showed me he was okay with treating me violently and terribly and disrespectfully. it makes me sick tbh bc idk how someone does that so easily ur fucked in the head
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good gpd im so frustrated with stuff in terras rn. idont care anymore if they know who i am im jyst. so so frustrayed. its so hard to get stuff u want without spending money and im really lucky i have 3 terras. but oh god its so frustrating seeing people ask for. what even was it. asking for 14 myos. for 1 terra. it makes me so unvelievably angry!!
not tomention the way terra staff picked all the people who werent that active in chats. but just because they knew eachother well and were friends. it makes me lose hope for ever being a syaff and helping make this cs a little better :(
also how terra gas are always peopel with super detailled "pop" styles. like yeah youre picking smaller artists but.. yhey all have very similar styles and. its discouraging to someone with a chibi style who just really likes designing terras. it makes me wanna leave so bad.
and i. i cannot handle some of the members sometimes. some members will talk about how they dony have much money, like someone said they didnt have money for something. then immediately after bought a terra??? i mean i get that it can be addicting n stuff but. its so so frustrating oh god.
especially when people like. are talking about stuff and someone mentions something cpmpletely off topic. i could understanf if!!! maybe !! they asked nicely for a topic change and left it at tht but. ive seen people spam their own topics in the middle of another convo.
also i dont even wanna mention the trading scene. its insane. man i. ive been condidering leaving for sonlong mostly from members and specific staff. but. aughhhgg i love terras so much i just. wish i could make it better. i genuinely cry over it bc . i love terras so so much but its all going to shit . :C
im mostly just frustrated with dtaff constantly taking customs because if the staff customs channel and their new godly role. it sucks. it makes people feel like their artvisnt worth it, seeinh bids surpass thr hundreds while some camnot sell a fullbody for $5 just bc bias.
if staff see this, im sorry. i wish i didnt have yo go on a vent blog to say this. but i know saying it in the server would just get me silenced. please try to help with these issues seen here. and im genuinely so sorry, i really want to help, but this is the only way i can help now: giving criticism. i hope things change and i can enjoy terras again. i also hope staff are okay, i do not eant this to be mean or stressing in any way. :C [sorry for the typos mod i am very shaky rn and in a bus and carsick so im trying to fix them as mucj as i can. and ty for dealing witg all the drama.]
im sorry youre having such a bad time anon, it can be difficult once you realize all the deep cracks within the foundation of something you like
youre right in saying the trading scene is absolutely insane rn, people have decided that myos arent as powerful of a trading chip anymore but theyre still just as difficult to get, what the FUCK would someone even need 14 myos for
the staff has always been cliquey, if youre not in their little friend group you might as well be dirt, and theyre so biased toward pop artists, thats why kiwi rot was allowed to make a feral terra custom even while the hammer was coming down hard on them.
members are so rude and im tired of people pretending theyre not. at some point you gotta wonder how many times someone will breach social contract again and again regardless of every single time theyre politely told to wait their turn, just say you want to butt in and be done with it. ive never seen so many people absolutely unable to actually pay attention to the conversation at hand and it really seems like they just want to hear themselves talk
staff as a role is just a pretty little modifier to say “im elite, now drop $100s on my customs so you can immediately trade it off and say ‘looking for staff swaps ONLY if you offer me anything else u r getting blocked xoxox’”, none of them actually really use the new role to bring new viewpoints to the species or to make systems move faster, if they were then youd think we would actually have implemented more site functionality than one single fucking forage button and people wouldnt have to wait upwards of 2 weeks to get a myo design approved
terras biggest downfall is that every single person in the server is too sensitive for criticism and take it way too personally, that way everything gets silenced and nothing gets better.
personally anon, i suggest distancing yourself a bit. when i started moving away from the species and focusing on irl self improvement, i felt so much better (and started saving a lot of money)
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