#but in my experience when Just Doing It has never?? been feasible in the way it might be for an NT brain (idk im guessing it is for them)

[dabisqueen]

Pornstar!Dabi (Touya Todoroki) x female reader

⇢ word count: roughly 7K

⇢ plot: as a broke student, you sign up for an assistant job at a movie set. It turns out the job is more than you bargained for.

⇢ warnings: 18+, minors DNI, swearing, size kink, pierced big-cock Touya, fingering, cunnilingus (f receiving), multiple orgasms, loss of virginity, overstimulation, exhibitionism (sex in front of other people (movie set)), creampie, sweet aftercare

⇢ personal note: thank you @/blankexpressions-and-falsefires for bring my beta again! As for what you're all about to read – I have no regrets. Virgin kink goes brrr

"College has always been so crucial, such an essential part of what measures a person’s worth and determines their future."

They say college life is quite challenging. That it can help you come to realize your potential, that you learn more about yourself while in it. That the challenges you experience in university help you grow into a mature person in society.

You have several challenges to face. There's the problem that you focus entirely too much on your studies. In some ways, it’s to secure your future and to compensate for your lack of private life. In other ways, it makes you, because of inexperience, too naive for your own good. Or, as your friends have called it: too innocent. You've never had anyone touch you, never been with anyone in that way. Thus, you never get the hint when someone hits on you or finds you attractive. You have excellent grades – but unlike many of your peers, you’re still a virgin. 

Another challenge you are facing is that you aren't wealthy. One semester into your studies, you are closer to the end than you expected. Leaving your landlord's buro, you take a few steps before coming to a halt and close your eyes as if to gain some semblance of composure. You're broke and desperately need money to cover your rent and living expenses. The bank isn't going to give you another loan, and you find yourself on the verge of having to leave college without a family to support your education.

They say you have to fail first to be successful in the future. But you are beyond failing – you are simply screwed. 

You are very aware of your financial predicament. And you loathe having to live day to day on just pennies. To put it short—you are sick of being a broke-ass, loser virgin.

You sigh. 

Giving up is not a choice. So you do the next best thing: grab life by the horns and start looking for a job. Searching under your bed, clothing pockets, and between couch cushions, you scrounge up enough money to get a local newspaper. In its classified ads, only a few offers deem themselves feasible with your busy school schedule: a late-night shift at a local diner, pizza delivery, or a job doing telemarketing. None of those sound too appealing, but there might not be a choice. Then, your gaze stops at an offer that sounds too good. A movie company is looking for a production assistant on a film set; you don't need prior experience, work hours are during the weekends, and pay is double what the other jobs offer.

You don’t think before hastily grabbing your phone, punching in the number, and waiting while the dial tone rings.

After a distinct click over the other line, a man hisses, "Shimura?"

"Uhm, hi. I- I am calling about the assistant job offer. I was wondering—"

"You're hired. Tomorrow at 5 pm," the man at the other end interrupts in an annoyed tone.

He rattles off the address as you fumble around for a pen, hastily writing it down when you find it.

Before you can reply, he finishes with Don't be late and hangs up unceremoniously.

You exhale, realizing you’ve been holding your breath since he started speaking.

What the hell just happened? 

***

The path to the location is littered with brown leaves, and you struggle to keep from slipping as you walk toward the building. The address given to you is an old warehouse on the edge of town. Its monotonous, featureless walls covered in graffiti make it feel abandoned. There are no visible signs that anything is happening inside at all.

As you walk across the parking lot, you start to see small indications of life: fancy cars—far too fancy for this area- and sensual music permeating through the corrugated steel walls. 

You weren’t sure how to dress for a job you knew nothing about, so you opted for blue jeans, a white blouse, and pointy shoes with heels. Your hair is tied into a neat ponytail, and simple smokey eyes complete the look. 

You aim for a large steel door that the cars are all parked close to. As you lift your head, you take in the old brick building you are standing in front of, lined with large casement metal windows. 

There is a single doorbell, no name on it, and you hesitate before inhaling and pressing it with the tip of your finger.

You hear a clicking sound, and then the heavy door swings inwards. 

Alright, here goes nothing.

***

The set is surprisingly professional—like a luxurious bedroom sliced in half. A row of chairs faces the set on a concrete floor behind multiple cameras and some sound equipment, with the crew standing around talking.

The producer, Tenko, as he introduces himself to you–with tufts of pale hair and seemingly chronic dry lips in dire need of some chapstick – explains that your job will consist of helping around the set, distributing beverages, and handing out the script. Simple work you could do. After introducing you to the crew, he hands you a stack of papers, instructing you to pass them out.

Then you see her—the actress. She is gorgeous, dressed in an ivory-colored silk robe. Her hair is the color of the sun. Her skin is flawless and tanned, and her body is perfect- although almost definitely sculpted by a professional surgeon.

"Where the fuck is he?" You hear Tenko grumble, pulling a phone from his pocket, thumb tapping against the screen.

A flurry of activity breaks your concentration. A door flies open, and a man strides through—the leading actor, you gather, from how everyone else suddenly perks up.

"Fucking finally," the pale-haired director groans, tucking his cell back into the pocket of his jacket.

The man's hair is coal-colored, falling in messy strands into his face. His eyes remind you of the bright ocean, almost glowing in the dim light of the set. His sharp lips pull into a wide grin, his canines peeking out. He is casually dressed, wearing a pair of dark, ripped jeans and a white t-shirt, allowing you to notice just how well-toned his arms are. He is handsome, with delicate yet masculine features and sharp angles set in his face. His eyes are heavy-lidded, and his thin lips form a troublesome grin when his eyes meet yours. 

Shit. 

He holds your gaze before dragging his sinfully blue eyes over your figure and looking away again. Your heart skips a beat because even in the low light, you can see that the actor is incredibly hot. Totally your type. You can't help but stare at him, watching how he moves, the way his muscles ripple under the thin fabric of his shirt, the way his thighs bulge in his tight pants. 

Speaking of bulge. 

It's the biggest one you've ever seen, and the sight of it sends a pang straight to your core. Your cheeks heat up automatically. 

Stop it!

You curse inwardly a few times for thinking lewd thoughts on a professional movie set.

But—you can't help it. He just looks too handsome. It stirs something inside of you you've never felt before. You sigh, knowing that this man has already made his way into your dreams, but in the end, they’ll stay just that— dreams. 

Someone like him would never want to lay a hand on you.

As he approaches the stage, the man stops dead in his tracks, staring at the actress with a bored expression. 

“Not her again.” You hear him groan.

The actress snaps her head around, a stunned expression on her face. “Pardon me?”

"The script calls for an innocent girl." The actor deadpans. "No one's gonna believe that with you in the female role."

The actress jumps to her feet. “How dare you talk about me like that!”

Tenko hisses, “Didn't you read the script? You would have known you film with her today, Touya—"

“I told you not to use my real name on set,” he says with a blase, somewhat impatient gaze.

“And I told you not to let out your frustration on the set, Dabi.” The director retorts.

“Frustration caused by your actions.” Dabi deadpans.

You hold your breath as your eyes dart from the director to Dabi and back to the actress. The rest of the crew acts like this is an everyday commotion on the set. 

“This is not a request— I'm not doing the scene with her, " Dabi says, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

The actress jumps from her chair, visibly outraged, as her cheeks flare red with anger. “You're such a dick!”

“Yeah, you're right. But I’m the best dick in the industry.” He turns around, a sardonic finality in his tone.

You stare at the scene before you, the forgotten papers clutched tightly to your chest. The blonde woman stares at the dark-haired man, infuriated. 

“So, it's either me—or her.” Dabi addresses Tenko, who isn't even trying to de-escalate the situation. “That's my final say.”

“I can't believe you're doing this to me!" The woman wails exaggeratedly.

"Sweetheart, we need someone who conveys innocence. Not some chick as fake-looking as you," Dabi purrs with false care. “Go carry your plastic off the stage already.”

Tenko scratches his neck in annoyance. He watches as the actress slings an array of profanities at Dabi before storming off with quick strides toward the door, slamming it shut behind her.

The dark-haired man stands at ease, reaching into his pants pocket to retrieve a cigarette, lighting it, and taking a deep drag. “Thank god she's gone. What were you thinking, Tenko?”

“Dabi, she's the most requested—” 

“I don't give a fuck.” he runs a free hand through his dark bangs. “She sucks.”

You listen to them bicker, getting more confused by the second. 

“So—what do you expect me to do now?” Tenko's scratching increases as he starts pacing up and down the set. “Production costs will double if we cut and pick things up on a different day. Not to mention the cost of finding a new replacement.”

He jumps off his chair, pacing around the set. Then he grumbles, “We’ll take a ten-minute break. I need to come up with a solution or else—”

“We need someone Pretty, no makeup, normal clothes.” Dabi suggests, "That won't be too expensive. Someone who looks undefiled, innocent.” Dabi's gaze wanders across the room. “Like a student or something.”

Then he sees you, and a smirk tugs at his lips. His stunning sapphire eyes look you up and down. You swallow hard, your shaking hands almost crumpling the papers in their tight grip.

"Like her." Teal eyes narrow as they focus on you. 

You blink back at him dumbly, the room around you completely silent.

"Me?" You answer, his words catching you off guard.

"Yep. You." Dabi's smirk returns, a playfulness in his eyes. 

The director stares at you with the same baffled expression written on your face. "Her?"

"Yep. Her." His grin widens.

"B-But, I can't!" You counter. " I'm a simple student, not an actress—"

"That's exactly what we need." The twinkle in his eyes is still there, "And you have a pussy, don't you?"

"Yes, I—” You catch yourself, your cheeks flaring hot. “W- What does that even have to do with this movie?"

Suddenly, the room goes alive with murmurs and whispers.

Dabi quirks a brow. "You're telling me you don't know?"

"Don't know what?" You helplessly look around.

The dark-haired man turns to his director, "You didn't tell her?!"

Tenko mumbles something about how you would have found out eventually. 

Dabi steps toward you and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Doll, this is an adult film set."

"A what?" You dumbly blink at him.

"An adult film set. You know, where people fuck." He leans forward, deep azures sparkling salaciously. "You know how fucking works, don't you?"

"Yes, I mean—in theory?" A heat washes over your face and flushes down your entire body.

"Yes or no. What is it?" Dabi asks teasingly, raising an eyebrow.

The heat in your face has reached the tip of your ears as you stammer. "It's none of your business."

He steps even closer. "C’mon, sweetheart, tell us."

He smirks, eyes narrowing as he leans closer. He looks at your lips, then back at your eyes. You can smell him with how close he is leaning in. His deep, masculine scent surrounds you, sending a jolt of heat straight through your core. Even though your mind wants to scream at him, to tell him off, you hear a timid voice whisper, "I’ve used my fingers? Maybe some toys?"

It is your voice.

"You're telling me you've never done it with another person?" This time, it is Dabi’s turn to sound baffled as he leans back, taking you in. "That you're a virgin."

"I-I…" You stammer, swallowing dryly.

Looking over his shoulders, he calls over to his director, "It'll break records if we film this. You're aware of that, right?"

"I am." Tenko snaps, scratching at his neck irritably, "You don't need to tell me."

"Ok, then it's a deal.” He nods towards you. “I want her—or I'm leaving."

"You little piece of—" Tenko growls. "That's extortion."

"You won't regret it," Dabi says, shrugging nonchalantly.

"Shouldn’t I have a say on this too?" You ask, but both men ignore your words.

"Ok, it's a deal," Tenko murmurs. "How much do we pay her?"

Dabi turns his gaze back to you. "You need money, right? Or else you wouldn't be here.”

"That’s none of your business."

"C'mon, sweetheart, This is your chance."

“Yes, I mean… " a sound of annoyance bubbles up your throat. "I can't afford my rent anymore, and my landlord will kick me out if I don't pay up soon."

“I sense an opportunity here," Dabi smirks. "Tenko, how much will you pay her if she agrees to do this with me?"

"How much do you want?" Tenko asks you.

“I-I don't know. I've never thought about it." You shyly add.

"Pay her rent plus an allowance," Dabi suggests. "Tenko, you know she's worth it."

"That’s too m—" You swallow hard.

Tenko mumbles disgruntledly: "OK, I'll do it.” 

“You what?" His words leave you stunned.

Dabi interrupts quickly. "What he's saying, sweetheart, is that he'll pay for your rent - if you let me fuck you.”

His lewd words and the deep blue pools of his stunning eyes send a flutter through your stomach. 

“In front of all these people?!" 

“That's what porn is all about, doll.” Dabi chuckles, studying your reaction.

You swallow hard.

"So? What's it gonna be?" He cocks his head, waiting. 

You have always prioritized safety, so common sense tells you to stick to your usual way of life. However, look where common sense has led you: You're almost broke and may need to drop out of college. 

This could be a bad decision. But, it's time to throw safety to the sea.

"OK, I'll do it," you proclaim, and a round of applause and cheers erupt on the set while Dabi nods appreciatively.

“Congratulations, you're hired. Now, get ready before I change my mind.” Tenko waves a hand. “We still have a movie to film here.”

Your heart starts to race, a crushing weight bearing down on your chest. But you know that you have no choice. It's either a free porn loan—or being a forced college dropout. Taking a deep breath, you ball your hands into fists, trying to ignore the signs of panic your body is giving you.

"Okay, everyone, resume positions. And hand her the script.” Tenko moves to his chair, sitting down in it. “Let's do the first take." 

"Hold on," Dabi says. "Why not do it a bit differently this time? No script, no acting— just raw footage. The whole thing.”

“You mean a one-shot film?” Tenko looks surprised. “I suppose that would work. Especially with a new actress.”

“Are you okay with that, doll?” Dabi smiles at you, and there's a warmth in his voice that wasn't there before.

“Do I have a choice?” you sigh.

“Not really.” He winks.

"Are you two lovebirds done flirting over there? " Tenko asks, " Because we're ready to film.”

“We weren't flir—” you protest, but Dabi bridges the distance between you.

"So, sweetheart?" He leans in, his face hovering close, sharing a breath with you. "How are you feeling about being fucked on camera?"

“Nervous.” you bite your lips, your face starting to burn.

"Doll, don't be; just focus on me," he soothes, stroking your cheek. “Forget about everyone else; I'll take care of you.”

He takes your hand and pulls you towards the bedroom set.

“Quiet!” Tenko raises a hand, and complete silence falls over the set as the crew prepares to film you both. 

Tenko calls out a set of commands, which different crew members around the room answer.

“Sound?”

“Set.”

“Camera?”

“Set.”

“Roll sound.”

“Sound rolling.”

“Roll camera.” 

“Camera Speed.” 

“Marker.”

A man with a clapper board enters the scene and calls, "Scene one. Take—uhm— whatever." 

Dabi nods, and that is the cue. The lights dim, and the cameras vanish into the darkness; only the red lights betray their existence. 

You glance around, your stomach in knots, as you realize that this is no game, that this is it. The only thing visibly lit was the bed standing a few feet away. The crew's faces are barely visible as everyone watches you, the man behind the camera tilting it, filming you from bottom to top.

“Hey baby, you alright?” You hear Dabi's voice.

“N-No, not really.” You stammer, your hands trembling, your breathing picking up, as your eyes frantically dart around the dark set. “I don't know if I can do this.”

“Sweetheart, look at me.” You feel a finger hook under your chin when Dabi tilts your head to meet his gaze. It's intense, the turquoise of his irises gleaming almost unnaturally. 

You feel your heart sink into your stomach as his thumb caresses your skin. When he closes the already minimal distance between you, your eyes flutter close in reflex. His lips are sensually warm and addicting against your cheek, and your heart starts thrashing wildly inside your chest in response. Something changes between you, an intimacy blooming as the voices of the people mute.

It's all you need to distract your mind, to make your body heat up. Not with anxiety—

—but in anticipation. 

“Are you ready to give me your virginity?” His low voice rumbles close to your ear.

You nod, like in a haze, every caress of his lips causes your skin to tingle, to burn with passion. He shifts, and you feel him faintly brush your lips, and a zap of electricity courses through your veins. Then, your lips are united in his first tentative kiss. They are so soft, and the way he kisses you is so delicate, almost tender— deliberately slow.

You relax, giving in to how wonderful this feels. His tongue slowly traces the shape of your lips, and you feel your brain short-circuiting. Angling your head to the side, you part your lips, begging him to enter. Dabi reacts instantly, his tongue slipping your mouth, delving deeper, tasting you, consuming you.

You groan—how could a man taste so good?

It makes your knees buckle, and you start panting into his mouth, your instincts taking over, your body reacting to his touch. A desire, a passion, awakens like a wild animal roaring, and you feel a wave of arousal pool in your panties. You can't help it, and you slide your hand underneath his shirt, your other hand circling his neck. You can feel him smirking into the kiss, but the sound carries off into a groan when you rake your nails down the small of his back. 

As he breaks away, a warmth lingers between you and him while he admires your wet, pink, swollen lips, "A little eager for your first time, huh?"

The kiss leaves you dizzy, and you can't seem to form an answer, too stricken by his closeness and intoxicating scent.

The moment passes, and then his lips smash against yours so fast you don't even have time to react. He presses his hips against yours, his clothed hardness grazing against your heat, letting you feel just how hard you’ve made him.

Holy shit.

He's not gentle anymore; he's rough and demanding now. He is taking you, enjoying the shaky gasps that leave your lips. Dabi’s hands trail down your side to find your ass cheeks. He lifts you by the thighs onto his waist skillfully, never breaking the kiss. Carrying you easily toward the bed he releases his hold and you topple onto it, panting heavily.

The lights around you heat the air, and you notice one camera panning across the set while the other tracks toward you on a dolly. Just as your heart starts picking up an anxious speed again, you see a movement to the side. Dabi yanks his shirt above his head, the muscles in his stomach flexing with every movement.

The second the fabric touches the floor, he's on you with his lips pressed to yours and his tongue in your mouth. You feel yourself getting lost in the moment of passion and all you can see is him. Your stomach somersaults and the world around you ceases to exist; it is just you and him— the people around you and the cameras wholly forgotten. The world, right now, only revolves around the two of you.

“You taste so fucking good,” he breathes into your mouth, hazy eyes glowing with arousal. "How do you taste so fucking good?”

You feel his hand sneak underneath your shirt to slowly pull it off over your head. Next, he skillfully removes the rest of your clothes off until you are lying below him, sex and breasts cupped by delicate cotton underwear. 

“Look at that,” he muses. “So innocent.”

Sliding his hand behind your back, he unhooks the bra with an expert pinch of his fingers. Your breasts spill out as he slides the straps off your shoulders, tossing it aside. Then his gaze lingers on your soft, round tits.

“Damn,” he cups them and squeezes them gently, “Where have you been hiding, girl? You're perfect.”

He slides his fingers over your nipples and a low moan tears from your throat. Dabi lets out a low rumble as his hands continue to work your breasts, rubbing and plucking at your stiffening nipples. There’s a deep throb low in your body, pulsing between your thighs, and you're startled at the way you’re reacting. You are so turned on—his touch only adds to your body’s cravings, and as his large palms glide over your breasts; it pulls the breath from your lungs as it simultaneously fuels your desire. His thumbs drag over your nipples again, rolling it between his fingers before leaning down to lick at your pebbled nub. He makes you feel breathless with excitement the more he focuses on toying with your breasts, rolling the tips back and forth between his thumb and forefinger. 

It makes you crazy with need until you're aching, shivering throughout your entire body. You're gasping for breath the entire time Dabi has his lips wrapped around your erect nub, sucking it to send a tingling sensation straight through to your core. Then he's biting just hard enough to make you squeal before soothing the puckered nub with a flick of his tongue.

“You’ve got the most amazing tits,’ Dabi murmurs against your skin. “So soft and full. So natural.”

While he switches from pliant nipple to pliant nipple, you feel a stray hand hook its fingers under the seams of your panties. He releases your nipple with a pop and peppers kisses down to your tummy while he adeptly pulls the little piece of fabric down and off your legs. You're now utterly naked below him while Dabi continues revering your body with wet kisses and nibbles, moving downward until you feel his warm breath on your pubic mound. He spreads your trembling legs, his eyes glazing over your pussy, pupils expanding and then retracting into pin slits.

"Look at that pretty pussy." His breath is hot against your soaked folds. "And so fucking wet—you're dripping."

A shameful sound spills from your lips at his words, and you writhe in his hold. But his hands keep you in place. 

"You're seriously telling me,” he slides his fingers up and down your glistening folds, “No one's been here before?"

You squirm below him as a camera zooms in on where Dabi’s eyes are affixed– between your thighs.

“Cause you have the prettiest pussy I've ever seen.” He snickers. “And I've seen a lot.” 

His warm, calloused fingers slide up and down your slippery folds, his hot breath fanning over your sex. Then he spreads apart your sweet lips; it makes you shudder in anticipation, and Dabi chuckles.

“I can see you twitching for me.” A finger sinks in, making you arch your back the deeper it goes. 

The camera behind him zooms in on your blushing face, and you cover it with trembling hands. 

"Nu-uh, no hiding. Look at me." He slaps your clit lightly—making you jolt. "Let us see your pretty face."

You whimper softly, because you've touched yourself before—

—but this just feels so much more intense.

“Dabi—” you choke out, flinching in pleasure when he slides a hand underneath your ass, 

raising your hips to have more access to you. 

“Relax, baby, I'll take care of you.” A growl tears from his throat, and then he drags his tongue over your gleaming folds, tasting you. 

You cry out, your body shuddering. Over and over, Dabi licks you with deep, claiming strokes, using his tongue to explore every bit of you. 

“Damn, you taste better than anything I've ever tasted.” He pushes his wet muscle into your core, frantic to have more of you. 

“Oh my God. Dabi!” Your toes curl, and your thighs tighten around him. You're both – startled and aroused at his eagerness. Any worries you have are melting away as he drags his tongue over you again and again, making you squirm with need.

A moan escapes your lips– loud, uncontrolled– when his tongue flicks over your folds. When he grazes your little button, you jolt as if you've been stung. 

He hums appreciatively and buries his face into your warmth, seeking out that sweet nub. Your body jerks as he moves his tongue over it, repeating the action when he does it again. You give a little wail, and your hands curl into the fabric the longer he teases. He eagerly works that spot, and you cry out with little choked gasps.

As his tongue circles your clitoris, your sensations spiral out of control. You can feel the tension increasing in your body with a growing urgency to be released. 

“Dabi,” you pant with every flick of his tongue. But he doesn't respond, does not hear– or pretends not to. He buries his face in your folds, hands holding you down by your hips.

With every quiver that moves through your body, with every shiver of response, every tensing of your muscles, you draw closer to the edge.

You writhe against Dabi, with his face between your thighs, lapping at your juices. All the while, he continues to work your little clit with his tongue in slow, steady strokes. 

Suddenly, the feeling that you’re about to cum overwhelms you. Your pussy clenches, dripping with your juices, and your clit is ready to burst.  

Your hips jerk against him, and then a release explodes in your mind, your thoughts crashing all around you. You come with a slight scream that morphs into a moan, but Dabi does not stop his ministrations—

—no.

He continues to lick and suck as you come and come and come.

It's too much; you feel like exploding. You’re a moaning mess, fingers slipping between Dabi’s strands, pushing and pulling at his roots unsure if you can take it if he keeps going like that. 

Your entire body is on fire. The orgasm continues to surge through you– more intense than anything you’ve experienced by yourself– with Dabi gently sucking and licking at your clit. You are delirious, feel like you are floating with no way to find your path back to earth. 

“Dabi, please—” you choke out.

Dabi’s mouth detaches from your overstimulated nub and straightens up, licking your cum’s sweetness off his lips. Crawling on top of you, he gazes into your eyes. “Doll, tell me—what do you want me to do?”

You see his jeans straining from the bulk of his erection and swallow, your body responding with a flood of hormones. 

“Please fuck me,” you whisper, thinking in ways you never have before.

You want to beg him to be gentle, but you can’t seem to form the words when you see him unbuckle his belt before unzipping his jeans, his eyes carefully watching your expression as he does. His cock springs to life, and you swallow thickly. It's enormous—and pierced. 

You feel a momentary pang of doubt, questioning if that monster will even fit inside you. The previous excitement and adrenaline pumping through your veins gradually turn to panic. Your breathing picks up as you stare at his cock, wide-eyed. 

“You look worried,” Dabi says, stroking it with one hand. His raised eyebrows and amused grin tell you he's used to this type of reaction. 

“Are you sure…” you nod towards his cock.

“Trust me,” he says. “I’ll make sure you feel good. It’ll be the greatest thing you'll ever experience.”

Your entire body yearns for his touch, and there’s no way you're saying no now. He’s spreading you wide open, hands on your knees, before he moves to hold himself in hand to align his cock with your entrance.  

"Do you want me to fuck you?’ Dabi asks as he drags the head of the tip up and down your slit. 

“‘S not gonna fit,” you whine with a worried expression.

“Don't be scared,” Dabi says, "I know what I'm doing. So, you'll be a good girl and take it all, right?”

“I'm not sure,” you whisper.

“I know you can...” His eyes stare at you with a desire so intense that you almost feel intimidated. 

He’s spreading you wide open, hands on your knees, before he moves one to hold himself and align his cock to your entrance. The pressure between your legs increases as Dabi nudges the pierced tip of his cock against you.

“Get ready,” he whispers.

A mix of a gasp and a cry leaves your lips as Dabi strains against you, feeling like he’s trying to shove a massive pole inside of you. You squeeze your eyes shut as tears gather in your lashes, and Dabi holds back, kissing you, waiting for you to relax.

“Easy,” he says softly, “I’ve got you.” 

The softness of his tone relaxes you and the tension in your shoulders lessens. Then, somehow, something gives way, and he enters you. You gasp, your body opening up to accommodate the massive dick that is now sliding inside of you. 

"Oh my god—” You throw your head back, hands clawing at his shoulders in a weak attempt to push him away.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking tight,” he hisses, eyebrows furrowing before he hits resistance and then pushes forward.

There’s a sharp pain slicing through your core, and you don't know if it's from the stretch or a tear. Probably both. It hurts, and you squeeze your eyes shut, forcing tears down your cheek. Dabi continues to push his hips forward, only stopping once he’s entirely inside, heavy balls pressed against the crease of your ass. The cameras zoom in on the bulge in your womb, where his dick sits buried deep inside of you. But you don't notice them, your brain too consumed by him filling you up, his whole weight resting against you. 

“You ok?” Breathing heavily, he drags his eyes back and forth over your face. 

“Gimme a sec.” Your lips press into a thin line as the pain from the stretch slowly turns into a dull throb. After a moment, you nod...

"I'm gonna start moving now," Dabi says— and then does precisely that. 

Just as you start to feel your body relaxing, he withdraws, only to plunge himself in again. The sudden shock of the movement is incredible. You feel every ridge, every single thick vein. It feels fantastic, and as he slowly slides back in, you can appreciate every inch of his cock. He starts an even rhythm, rocking inside you gently. 

“Shit, just squeezed me so fucking tight,” he moans in response. "I’m warning you, don't make me lose my composure. You don’t want to see me act up.”

Your mind feels detached from your body; you don't hear him, don't even notice the camera zooming in, focusing on how your face scrunches and your lips quiver because of how good he makes you feel. 

He grabs you by the waist and brings you closer to him. Raising both legs in the air, he pushes them forward until your body is folded in half.

“Oh—shit—” You choke out, the walls of your sex stretching to accommodate him. 

“I’m gonna make you cum,” Dabi is panting hard as he starts driving his cock rapidly in and out of you. “You won't be able to walk for days.”

“I-I can’t—” your jaw slackens as you tighten around his dick again, the ability to form comprehensive answers having left you the moment he breached your walls.

He rams himself deeper while his fingers slip between your strands, guiding your face upward, your mouths colliding in a frantic kiss. 

It starts as a slow burn that gradually builds into a white, blistering heat. A feeling begins coursing through you, making you lose control of your body. You tense and arch your back, your head digging back into the pillow, voice caught in your throat. And just when you think you can't take it anymore, all that tension releases, and you cry out loud, a turbulent wave of pleasure hitting you like a storm. All your nerve endings are seemingly set ablaze while Dabi fucks you through your orgasm. 

His eyes are wide with wonder, hearing and feeling you come undone around him. The way your eyes are shut tightly in pleasure, your entire body trembling and shaking in ecstasy, is the best thing he's ever seen. It makes his chest swell with pride. Still, it feels like it's not enough, though, and he needs more. He wants to own you, possess you, make you his.

Dabi snaps. 

With a suppressed growl, Dabi grabs you by your hips and flips you over onto your stomach. He's not letting you catch your breath before he propels his cock back inside you again. His hand slides from the dip in your spine to the spot between your shoulder blades, pressing down until your face is buried in the sheets. At this angle, he reaches even deeper than before, his piercings rubbing your G-spot just right. Your hands tightly fist the soft duvet with every drive of his hips, knocking the air from your lungs.

Dabi seems delirious, pistoning in and out of you now. Reaching forward, he gathers your hair around his fist, tugging it to keep you in place, forcing your head up from the sheets. You sob out his name, your chin and cheeks covered with your drool and tears. 

But Dabi is drowning too deep in pleasure to notice. 

"I’m gonna fuck you so hard you’ll never think of anyone but me in your fantasies," Dabi growls while your elbows shake under the pressure of his forceful thrusts.

Slowly, your mind is falling apart with the pleasure pulsing through your body. Dabi starts drilling his big cock into your even faster now. You tremble below him, thighs quivering when you feel another orgasm building up. 

“You gonna cum for me again, princess?” Dabi groans, “I can feel your pussy clenching around me.”

You nod, too exhausted to form any words. Dabi tightens his hold on your hip, fingers digging into your plush skin, holding you still. 

“I’m gonna cum with you,” he tells you. “I’m gonna fill up your tight hole, gonna breed you so good—fuck!”

"Please—" you whimper pathetically, finding yourself trapped in his lewd promises. 

And then you lose it, feeling like the world is disappearing underneath your feet. Pleasure rips through you, leaving you with no strength. It’s an intense tingling pleasure that starts in your core and spreads through your whole body, from your fingertips down to your toes. It's all-consuming and euphoric, your body not knowing what to do with that much sensation at once. 

You feel your body falling off a cliff into a pile of tingling ecstasy as you cum again with a broken whimper escaping your lips. The orgasm is even more potent than the last ones, like a massive burst of pleasure; all that tension explodes and shoots up the back of your legs and everywhere else. You moan and shudder, your pussy clamping around his cock. 

“That’s it,” Dabi lets out a long, shuddering groan. “Just like that.”

You forget to breathe while Dabi keeps fucking your harder and harder, feral with desire, shoving his cock as deep inside you as he can.

“Oh fuck—” You gasp out, arching your back, fingers twisting against the sheets.

No sooner have the words slipped from your lips that you feel your whole body lock tight again—and then unravel. You forget to breathe as an unending cascade of euphoria detonates deep inside of you. You come undone, shaking uncontrollably as juices gush from your pussy, dripping down Dabis balls, drenching the sheets below. 

Dabi groans, his eyes screwing shut, head dropping back. With one final possessive thrust of his hips, he cums, shooting his seed deep inside you. You feel his cock twitch as he moans heavily, eyebrows sewn together. His body is shuddering, his hips hitching while he rides out his orgasm.

You’re faintly aware of your surroundings, buried too deeply in your bliss. Unable to take any more pleasure, you slump backward. Dabi slides his softening cock from you with an obscene wet sound before dropping down onto the bed beside you, taking you with him.

“Fuck…” he breathed out, caressing your skin. “That felt so—”

‘And—cut!’ You hear a voice call, speaking its way into the mush that is your brain, slapping you back to reality.

You open your eyes and look around in shock, having completely forgotten where you are. The lights switch on, almost blindingly bright. People start hustling about the set, and cameras mere inches away from you now pull back into their waiting positions. 

“That was perfect,” you hear Tenko say through the noise filling the set now.

Your breath catches in your throat, an unsettling feeling beginning to well inside you. Your heart starts pounding at an increasingly rapid pace while you feel panic stretch its icy fingers up your spine.

You feel a warm hand cradling your face, angling it to the side. It’s Dabi. He places his mouth over yours without further ado. 

“You are perfect.” Dabi coos into the kiss, and it happens again— butterflies erupt in your gut, the world around you fading until there's only you and him.

Instinctively, you let go, feeling the tension slowly dissipate and your heart calming down. Dabi smiles as he breaks away from you, and you feel it— a lingering warmth, an unseen connection that spins fragile threads between you both.

A man approaches to help you get out of bed, but Dabi, whose face is still dewy with sweat, moves between you both. He takes the bathrobe from the guy and wraps it around your shivering body before getting dressed himself.

Helping you off the bed, he drapes an arm around your shoulder and leads you past the celebrating crew members from the set until you’re backstage. 

Once in the changing room, he closes the door behind him and leans against it. 

“That was something…” he muses. “You’re a natural. Would you ever consider doing this again with me?’ 

You're caught off-guard, his face radiating a tenderness that fills your heart with something joyful. A warmth spreads across your face, your hands gripping the soft belt of your robe as you nip at your lower lip. “I-I don't know.”

“You should,” Dabi kicks off the door frame and saunters over you with a sinful, obscene sway of his hips. His hand finds yours, fingers interlacing in a silent agreement, pulling you into a tight embrace. “Think about it…”

He lets the words hang in the air for a second. When he pulls away, his arms wrap around your neck, lower half still pressed against you as if you’re not a stranger. He looks down at you like the two of you have been dating for years.

“So, I was wondering… what are you doing later on?” Dabi kisses the tip of your nose. “Do you want to grab a bite to eat and get some drinks?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” A new desire for him grows inside of you. You smile back at him, reaching up to gently play with his dark hair.

“Maybe?” His lips curl into a devious smirk.

“Is this even allowed?” Chest to chest, your heartbeat slowly catches up to his, as if your bodies react simultaneously to each other's warm touch.

“Maybe?” Dabi repeats, his thumb gently brushing along your lips.

When you look into his eyes, a tenderness softens the rough edges of his sharp features. It makes you wonder, he’s been so sweet and caring after everything that happened today– you actually believe he’s a genuinely sincere and nice guy. You feel your heart quiet when you’re with him, as if you have found peace. 

“Well…” you consider, “I've just thrown all my morals into the wind. So, might as well go on a date with a pornstar, right?”

“You won't regret it.” Dabis laughs softly. “Even though you might not be able to move after I'm done with you—”

“Is that so…” You are torn between scolding him or laughing because he's so cute. “Ok, big boy, whatever you say.”

#dabi smut #dabi x you #dabi x reader #dabi #dabi todoroki #bnha dabi #mha dabi #dabi my hero academia #touya todoroki #todoroki touya #dabi fanfic #dabi x y/n #mha au #mha smut #bnha smut #dabi x reader smut #dabi x you smut

[xirayn]

Steddie dads: the origin of Sam

"I want a baby."

Steve nearly chokes on his sandwich as his brain tries to process Robin - staunch feminist and critic of gender roles - wanting a baby. He knows she loves her career traveling the world as a translator and interpreter, and baby doesn't exactly fit into that. He barely fits beyond letters and lunches during long layovers in Chicago like the one they are currently having.

"You?" he asks after a few coughs to direct the bite of sandwich down the correct tube. "A baby? Why?"

"It just seems like an amazing experience. You bring a literal human being into this world and get to watch them grow and become their own person. They're part of you, but completely independent with their own thoughts and feelings and future. Like, they start as basically a parasite, then they learn to walk and talk and explore the world and question and read and get their own sense of humor and ideas -"

"I know, Robin." Steve sighs. He knows she isn't trying to hurt him, but her words do all the same. It is why he wants a kid. Nurturing a child and watching them grow is a dream he has given up on. "Eddie and I have wanted kids for a long time, but -" It isn't feasible for them. Not now. This is about Robin, though. "A kid isn't going to fit into your jet-setting lifestyle."

"I said I wanted to have a baby, not raise a kid." Robin steals a fry off his plate. Steve rolls his eyes.

"I don't think you can do that."

"Why not? Men do it all the time." She pops the fry into her mouth.

"Because they have a wife or nanny or someone who will raise their kid."

Robin smiles as she chews. Her expression encourages him toward the solution for a puzzle she has already solved. He studies her, replaying their conversation back in search for what has been left unsaid. Robin wants to have a baby for someone else to raise. Men have kids they leave to be raised by their wives or someone they've hired. Not all, of course, though men are still praised for doing something as basic as babysitting as if it isn't their own child they are watching. Robin doesn't have a wife and wouldn't have a child just to pay someone to raise them...

Steve and Eddie want to raise a child.

His mouth forms a circle of revelation. The love he has for Robin swells in his chest. Her face softens as she watches him understand what she is offering.

"I want to have your baby," Robin tells him softly, almost cautiously, as if he might reject the gift she is offering him. Naturally, she tries to cover with a tumble of words. "Not the traditional way. That would be - ew. There are other ways, though. My friends Alex and Clara did it. Alex's brother jacked off into a cup in another room, then Clara took it and, just, put it up there."

"Like with a turkey baster?" It is the dumbest thing Steve could ask, but it eases the tension developing in Robin's shoulders.

"No, Dingus," she laughs. "There is this latex cup used for periods they used. Sample goes in the cup, cup goes by the cervix, nature does the rest."

"And by sample, you mean jizz."

"Ew. No. Don't call it that." She gags and waves her hands in front of her. Steve shakes his head with a fond smirk.

"What? That's what it is."

"Sure, for sex, but I want to keep everything as non-sexual as possible. Whatever you do in your room stays in your room."

Steve chuckles. He is still caught in the mix of wonder and happiness at the idea. A child with his best friend actually sounds pretty great, especially when he gets to raise them with his would-be spouse.

"I have to talk to Eddie about it," he says. He already knows the answer, though. They have already talked about it and taken the steps to discover it wasn't feasible for them; not until now.

"Duh." There is nothing but affection and good humor in Robin's voice. "I'm going to be in Cannes for three months. I was planning on taking some time off afterward, so you better have the guest room ready."

Steve laughs. "It's never not ready, but I'll make sure it's free."

"Good." Robin glances at her watch. She digs in her bag for some crumpled bills to put on the table. "I have to go. My flight is boarding in a half hour and on the other side of the airport . I'll send you a postcard when I get there."

"Sounds good." Steve stands to give her a hug.

He enjoys the postcards, he and Eddie were even saving up to go sightseeing with her in Europe. They can wait for that to be a family trip, though.

#platonic stobin #steddie #steddie dads

[mallahanmoxie]

one thing about ham dani that nobody seems to get and why I'm always fighting for my life in the webtoon's comment section is that in all her fear and reticence around opening herself up with her friends, believing she belongs in this world, trusting in her place and relationships is that SHE'S NEVER WRONG ABOUT THE NEGATIVES. i think it's very easy to look at dani a hundred chapters in still going on about her place as a side character and what she can expect from them realistically, what she can allow herself to feel for them, and feel frustrated, like she's being deliberately obtuse. but dani. is. not. wrong.

one thing that many isekais do is that they will take the premise of "being transported to a novel" and use that simply as a vehicle for the FL to use her knowledge of the future to her advantage and turn the odds on their head. beyond the initial "ehhh why is the ML flirting with me??" which tends to wear off rather easily, there is little questioning about what being in a story means. and inso's law takes that question seriously. because dani IS inside a story, her friends ARE characters AND THIS IS EASILY PROVABLE SINCE THE BEGINNING. How? because she leaves.

it has happened to her before! It happens multiple times in the novel! that's why march 2nd is SO terrifying for her, because everything she's built can be taken from her in the blink of an eye and SHE will be called crazy and SHE will be left grieving and nobody else will remember what ONLY SHE LIVED. she is effectively, practically, tangibly separate from each world by this experience. when dani insists on the labels of main character, side character, the tropes and the narrative possibilities happening within them SHE'S NOT WRONG!! because those things are TRUE!!! I know it's easy to gloss over it bc we as readers just take everything in as a story, but the crazy plot points? they're insane to her too because SHE is a real person and others are not! They're characters! That's why it's called The Law of Webnovels because dani is making sense of the rules of a world which factually functions distinctly different from hers. she's not making that shit up, it's not (entirely) an emotional hold up. that's shit's fucking real.

the nuance is brought on by the fact that the characters are, in fact, also people. they behave like people (albeit inside the margins of wild webnovel logic), they feel like people and they see her as a person. but she does not entirely reciprocate, because to view them as people means assuming the hurt that will inevitably come when 1) she gets sent back into the real world and loses them all or 2) the plot to the novel finally kicks in and who knows if the guy she liked was the ML and will end up with her best friend and all her love and all her trying were for nothing. No matter what, dani loses.

there's also the fact, which i think is exemplified very clearly in her feelings towards her grades and being compared to yeoryung, that even outside the character/real person dichotomy, ham dani and the boys come from WILDLY different backgrounds. when they graduate high school, they will go to different colleges and they will get different jobs and the wide wide gap which dani had managed to bridge due to the magic of webnovel rules will be opened once again. in the social hierarchy of modern korean society, dani will be left behind. ban yeoryung is somewhat immune to this despite sharing similar socioeconomic status because she has 1) better social capital in the form of her beauty and intelligence and 2) plot armour immunity bc she's destined to be with one of the boys anyway (and again it IS destiny bc she's the FL and according to the genre clues dani's been gathering that seems to be the most likely outcome). yeoryung has resources and tools beyond the story that dani cannot access. even IF this wasn't the world of a webnovel, if they existed in the real world, yeoryung COULD feasibly climb her way up but dani? she's realistic about her prowess and she knows very well that being a good friend and a good person does not mean she will get to remain close to her friends who are much much much richer. my point here being that even if she weren't under the assumption (WELL TESTED!!! SCIENTIFIC, EVEN!!!) that she's in the world of a story ruled by story laws, she wouldn't be silly for guarding her heart against the possibility of drifting away from byr+the boys.

all of this is why i love dani's character arc and her as a person. she doesn't act irrationally. she only acts very, very humanly. it's why i loved the kidnapping arc and her confrontation with choi yuri. she has to learn to treat them seriously, as human beings, because despite factually being characters, they don't have the awareness of it and their lives are every bit as real as any other to them. it's part also of dani learning how to be a person herself, because she's still a kid growing up and learning what's what, and doing so in an environment much more stressful than the usual. i think people are being irrationally mean towards her simply because they do not make the effort to understand her.

#i love her. i love ham dani. favourite fucking girl ever. #inso's law #the law of webnovels #my life as a webnovel #my life as an internet novel #ham dani #and im tagging my meta so everybody knows HAM DANI IS RIGHTTTTT #SHES NEVER BEEN WRONG #I LOVE HER

[high-dragon-bait]

Did anybody ask for Solas and Anders banter?

You just did!

God I really just shoved as many headcanons that could feasibly fit into this. I’m so sorry. 

Like the Fenris and Solas banter, this takes place post DA2 but during Inquisitions timeline.

___

Anders: You must hate what I did with Justice.

Solas: Why would you think that?

Anders: I took a spirit into my body. Now he’s gone. He’ll never go back to the Fade. I can’t imagine you’re pleased with that.

Solas: I was under the belief you did this to help it. Is the truth you coerced it? Bound it and forced it to be one with you?

Anders: No. Never. He was my friend.

Solas: Then I fail to see where I would draw my judgement.

Anders: It was unnatural.

Solas: Only by your understanding of nature.

____

Solas: I am glad to meet another counting spirits among their friends.

Anders: Just the one spirit. And it’s not as if we’re talking much these days.

Solas: I’d argue you’re always talking in some ways.

Anders: I miss him sometimes. The Justice I knew before.

Solas: I’m not sure I understand.

Anders: Justice, when I met him he was different.

Solas: I’m sorry, I’m still confused. How could it have been different?

Anders: He was kinder, before he... met my anger.

Solas: You believe your anger effected it? Changed a spirit of Justice?

Anders: What else could it have been?

Solas: Justice is fluid, just as wisdom, hope, and valor are fluid. The justice you seek against the templars is different than the justice a Grey Warden seeks against the darkspawn. Indeed, even the child crying at her mother after a sister steals her favorite toy is seeking justice.  

Solas (Cont.): Justice simply became the force you always sought.

Anders: That still sounds like I changed him.

Solas: One could argue change is all Justice is. 

____

Solas: I saw you healing a scout in the yard, Anders. He looks well, but I must admit I’ve never seen healing magic such as yours before.

Anders: I made a lot of it up.

Solas: I’m sorry?

Anders: You aren’t taught healing in the circle, no more than you’d need to heal a templar’s burn. Maybe some are, if they’re obedient enough to stop when the Knight Commander says they’ve done enough.

Solas: Forgive me, I may know less of the Circle than I thought. Why wouldn’t they teach such vital magic?

Anders: Think about it. A healer holds the life of another in their hands. A real healer could bring a man back from the edge of the void, but all the Chantry sees is how much power that gives to a mage.

Solas: So your skills you had to learn on your own?

Anders: I experimented. Improvised. I tested new ideas on myself first of course. Turns out being Hawke’s friend offers more opportunities than the Wardens.

Solas: I was aware of the limitations the Chantry places on magic, but that seems...

Anders: Monstrous?

Solas: Bluntly, yes.

Anders: The Chantry doesn’t care how many people it kills to keep mages caged. “Magic exists to serve man, and never to rule over him.” Words twisted to doom us all.

____

Anders: Is it possible for Justice and I to be separated?

Solas: No.

Anders: Couldn’t live without my head, I guess.

Solas: Even that example is too separate. A head can be removed from the body, however messy the process. To separate you and Justice… it would be like trying to take water from rain, light from the sun. What are you even seeking to remove?

Anders: Is it- strange to find that comforting?

Solas: Not at all.

____

Solas: It is not so unnatural, your merger with Justice.

Anders: I guess you could argue possessions are natural.

Solas: Even possessions were not always seen as you know them today.

Anders: What do you mean?

Solas: There has always been the tragedy of a mortal mind breaking against the corrupted nature of a spirit. But what you’ve done, joining your soul with a spirit, was a practice known among the ancient elves.

Anders: Elves... allowed themselves to be possessed?

Solas: A talented scholar may ask to be with one with a spirit of wisdom. While a devoted priest may beg an embodiment of faith. Such joinings were rare, but only because a spirit will not join with one that will harm its nature. For it to accept meant your drive was true, and for that it was seen as a great honor. 

Anders: I can’t tell you how badly I wish I could see this world.

Solas: They were called the somnlin. The Blood of Dreams. Our deepest passions given flesh. Justice believed in you, Anders. It still does.

Anders: I... thank you.

____

Solas: What you did in Kirkwall, I understand.

Anders: There are days now when I’m not sure I do.

Solas: There come times when an action is necessary, but we as mortals can only guess what action that may be, along the consequences it will carry.

Solas (Cont.): We cannot predict who it will truly help nor who it will hurt, even if we believe we do. All we can do is choose to act, or choose to wait and hope another will do so in our stead.

Anders: I had waited too long already.

Solas: And the bravery enough to admit it is a rare gift indeed.

____

(Bonus because it’s a radically different tone from the rest)

Solas: Is it true you escaped the circle seven times?

Anders: I like to say ten, but apparently it doesn’t count if they find you within the first half-hour.

Solas: You’ll have to tell me the stories soon.

Anders: Really I’d like your stories. An apostate all your life, surely you must’ve dodged a few templars.

Solas: Not so I’m afraid.

Anders: Really? Your whole life, not a single templar on your ass?

Solas: I have been asleep for most of it.

#Dragon Age #Dragon Age 2 #Dragon Age Inquisition #Solas #Fake Banter #DAI #I think I've picked at this as much as I could #Anders still sounds kinda shaky. mans is hard i can't explain it

[olderthannetfic]

/728571347409731584

Firstly, the person you're replying to only describe in-person experiences. Secondly, I've been to two universities in the US as a result of getting a scholarship midway through. At one, I was discouraged from attending the queer club on campus by the head of it, as I wasn't queer, I wasn't "really" aroace, I was just "a late bloomer". She informed me that everyone wants romance and sex sometimes. Aro and ace people want it less, she explained, to my face, standing ten feet from me, but they still want it.

No, it's not "only in online spaces". Queer people who use the queer segments of the internet do not only exist in darkened cellars they never emerge from. Teenagers and young adults go to college. It isn't 1998 anymore, pretending the internet and the physical world have zero overlap and what you read online cannot impact or shape your views is ridiculous.

You know how I know this? At my incredibly liberal university, where I live in a gender-inclusive nearly all queer dorm, not only have I heard two separate conversations at floor events about this where it was repeated by other queer students, including ace people, that ace people have sex and ace people do romance, with NO utterance of the word "sometimes", but today? Today, guys, gals and enbies, this Friday, this very fucking Shabbat, I heard it from a professor.

My Social Stratification professor said that asexuality is "a usually treatable condition" and "doesn't mean someone doesn't have sex, just that they have a low sex drive" and when I said some people don't have sex, she said "therapy can help" and topped it off with, "and of course they still masturbate frequently, so they're really not as different as people like to stereotype them as".

I don't. I don't masturbate, it's not fun for me. I don't long to fuck fictional characters or real people. I don't need therapy. I'm not traumatized. I don't have sex. I don't want romance. I don't find reading about it compelling most of the time, either. I don't need therapy for that, because you go to therapy for things that are negatively impacting my life, and actually?

I am aroace in the "wrong" way, a zero-sex, zero-romance, zero-masturbating person, and I'm happy. I like who I am. I like how I am. I have a good life at my dream university, with good friends, a nice room, roommates I like, a mostly walkable part of town, and I'm working on my dream degree to reach my dream career. I'm not huddled in the corner in the fetal position sobbing about the sex I secretly want or on my bed furiously masturbating to anything. I am not lying about my identity, my experiences, my thoughts or my feelings.

This professor is young, roughly 30. That means it's feasible she's been using tumblr for years, as it was popular during her teenage years, or she has been in the company of people who, via tumblr, Instagram, Amino, etc., have this idea of asexuality. And does that idea stay locked inside a computer somewhere? No, because the person who reads them doesn't. The people who read, internalize as truth and believe shitty online takes also exist in the real world. They have physical bodies they take to physical places and they open their mouth and say things, which are then passed onto other people who exist in the offline world.

"The only thing that [they] are seeing is internet wank" NO! The only thing you are seeing is internet wank, but there is not a mass conspiracy of college students across the USA to lie and say we're experiencing things we aren't, which would be the only explanation for so, so many ace people I know online talking in private on Discord servers, tumblr, in YouTube comments and in person having this same shared experience.

I genuinely don't know how people think no one could possibly have the same bad take offline that they do online. Q-Anon exists. January 6th happened. People get radicalized into beliefs much more absurd than this and act on those beliefs constantly and "no you just need to touch grass" is what you arrived at as a conclusion instead of "sometimes people are wrong"?

Though I say this with love, I mean it when I say that you don't just need to touch grass, you need to hug a whole hay bale.

--

[trans-axolotl]

(Apologies this is long and rambley)

So ive been thinking on a peer-made trait-based 'diagnostic model' (not for disorders but neurodiverse traits), rather than the way the DSM and ICD do it and what that would look like and if it would be a good idea to propose as an alternative that focuses the patients unique experiences over theorized model boxes with misleading names.

Ive been growing increasingly discontent with how the ICD and DSM both categorize disorders, and the completed alternate models ive seen that already exist are not much better honestly, and worse for my specific brainfuckery. The alternate models that only focus on one section are just that- focused on one specific experience. Monotropisim as an alternate autism model can never be fully realized in the bubble it exists as a theory in. Plurality has like 50 different theory models and half of them aggressively ignore common reported experiences because they don't work with their unverified personal gnosis theory of everything, and the other half are likewise mostly incomplete. Trauma/cause-based models ignore genetic/from birth issues as a known cause of mental illness/developmental disorder and also consider everything trauma to the point of diluting the term.

I figured the best option would be to group traits by perceived experiences or related phenomena, with overlap, and the best way to do that accurately would be to make the 'diagnostic codes' combinable infinitely. (ex- a category that is 'unusual sensory experiences' with synthesia, hypo and hyper sensitivity to stimuli, needing to regulate with the sensory system (stimming) to high degrees, hallucinations of any kind, voice hearing(would also go under the plural category when consistent and personlike in presentation), visual snow, etc and each trait is a unique string of characters you can stack under the category string to create a larger string that describes your experiences quickly and concisely).

(The groupings are still all up in the air and id want to get a lot of perspective before cementing it, but I do want to put synthesia and hallucinations and visual snow all together because they are adding a Weird experience and its sensory based stuff others cannot perceive)

And then I realized that this is just the Geek Code but for neurodiversity,,

Im STILL not sure if that makes it a bad idea or not honestly.

On one hand the way the DSM and ICD are set up is NOT actually that great, and being able to shorthand a list that describes things better and doesnt pathologize people as having 'asshole liar personality disorder' or whatever would be fantastic, on the other it is also clunky, people are gonna be pissed about how I am categorizing things contrary to how the DSM and ICD group things (autism and schizophrenia and plurality are all holding hands and kissing with tongue), and it may more strongly encourage people to share very private information online via sharing their string code of every last neuroweirdness they have (which I do NOT want people doing for safety reasons).

So I just went 'hm, whos a cool antipsych person who may have more insight than I do about trying to make a peer-made description system for those who dont want to use the DSM or ICD to describe their experiences', and I thought of you, so thoughts? Is it feasible? Is it a good idea to try? I have like 500 million projects and I REALLY shouldnt add a new one of this magnitude, but I feel like its an important idea to at least float around first.

Hey anon! My answer got pretty long, so I'm going to put it under the read more.

I actually know a few people doing something like this--the founding director of Neuromancers started a project like this (not much has been happening with it lately, bc everyone is so busy with other organizing commitments and life, but if we ever get back to it i'm really excited about it. you could join the discord for Neuromancers and ask about the project if you want to join). I'm a known DSM hater and think that both the DSM and ICD and most biomedical models of mental illness as well as the "evidence based" processes of diagnosis are so fundamentally flawed, oppressive, and are in no way culturally relevant to the vast majority of people. a lot of us are still going to use that terminology as a shorthand because it's the most accessible and understandable in our current society, but that doesn't necessarily mean we all like it or agree with the way it's formulated in the DSM.

Honestly, I'm always a big fan of mad/mentally ill/neurodivergent people creating more ways of understanding ourselves and creating more resources for us to use. I think that there's never going to be one right model that works for every experience or than can encompass everyone. And I think that there's so much value in really deconstructing and dismantling the DSM--understanding exactly how disorders are currently categorized, the evidence behind it, the lack of evidence behind it, what clinicians and researchers are saying about these diagnoses, how we actually experience these diagnoses in practice, how diagnoses change through history, things like that. It can be super crucial to build our own understandings of just how these diagnoses were shaped in the first place so that we can understand what it would mean to dismantle and build alternative models that feel more affirming for us. I think your idea of trying to group more by traits rather than strict disorder criteria is something that might resonate with a lot of people!

that being said, i think that it is such a large and difficult project and also something that is almost impossible to make universal--there are so many factors going into everyone's experience with madness/mental illness/neurodivergence, and different labels are going to resonate with different people for different reasons. it's hard to predict what language or models will catch on with different people, and not all types of language or models are accessible to everyone. i guess for me i just think it can be helpful to go into projects like this without the expectations that this will necessarily be able to replace the DSM for everyone, and instead thinking more about how this can be a valuable tool for providing more options and ways of thinking about madness/mental illness/neurodivergence! even if it doesn't work for everyone or is only applicable to certain types of traits and variations, i think that this type of creation of knowledge is so, so valuable. i hope that makes sense!

some other related concepts that your ask reminded me of was @bioethicists principles of liberatory antipsychiatry. Charlie identifies the right to your own explanatory model as a key principle of liberatory antipsychiatry, and that liberatory antipsychiatry should affirm and build upon those individual models, and respect that as a way of healing. I think that's a really important insight, and to me makes a lot of sense. We all have the right to draw from our own experiences + minds, as well as use existing knowledge, science, and disability community experience in order to create alterative labels, models, and frameworks for our madness/mental illness/neurodivergence. I honestly feel like I've created my own hyperspecific model of madness for my own bodymind, and that framework has been super helpful for figuring out how to live with my madness. Idk how helpful it would be for anyone who isn't me, but having my own particular explanatory model was crucial for helping me heal.

It also reminds me of the way this really amazing peer support network for people living with schizophrenia in Japan called Bethel House, who developed a framework for radical peer support and healing. This article talks about the concept of tōjisha-kenkyū, which in English would get translated as something like "self directed diagnosis" or maybe "political education," and it seems kind of similiar to English concepts about self diagnosis.

"Self-reflection is at the heart of this practice. Tōjisha-kenkyū incorporates various forms of reflection developed in clinical methods, such as social skills training and cognitive behavioural therapy, but the reflections of a tōjisha don’t begin and end at the individual. Instead, self-reflection is always shared, becoming a form of knowledge that can be communally reflected upon and improved. At Bethel House, members found it liberating that they could define themselves as ‘producers’ of a new form of knowledge, just like the doctors and scientists who diagnosed and studied them in hospital wards. The experiential knowledge of Bethel members now forms the basis of an open and shared public domain of collective knowledge about mental health, one distributed through books, newspaper articles, documentaries and social media." (Japan's radical alternative to psychiatric diagnosis, Satsuki Ayayais and Junko Kitanaka, ).

Anyway, thought I'd share those things to sort of point you in the direction of other people thinking about madness outside of the DSM. if you end up doing any more thought or creation for this idea, def feel free to share with me! I love seeing all the ways people take apart the DSM and build our own knowledge, and would love to keep updated.

best of luck, anon!

#asks #psych abolition #mad liberation #mad pride #ableism

[therealvinelle]

A small continuation of the Pensieve post

Three things, to be specific, one to counter a point raised in the replies of the previous post.

Dumbledore plays the memory Harry received from Slughorn right away. How could he have tampered with it?

It's not so much the how to me that matters so much as it is that everything points to the memory having been tampered with. Do I know how he did it, no, but I know it wouldn't have been impossible.

A few suggestions:

Harry's memory of what happens when he gives Dumbledore the memory is tampered with. His memory of what happened in Dumbledore's office is false, at least partially. The books are told in the past tense, implying they are what Harry remembers and not necessarily what happened. What we know is that Harry arrived at Dumbledore's office at night after having already spent a long (And unknown quantity of) time with Slughorn and Hagrid, Dumbledore had all the time in the world to a. obliviate Harry and give him a slightly different memory of what he saw in the Pensieve, b. confound him while he doctored the memory and make it so Harry didn't remember there had been an interim, c. take the memory, doctor it, give it back, obliviate Harry and let him hand the freshly collected memory to Dumbledore, d. anything and everything in between

Dumbledore switches the new memory out with the old one He already had the old one to serve as blueprint, and all the time in the world to make it do and say what he wanted it to

Ultimately, to me it doesn't really matter how Dumbledore did it. He could have made Harry remember whatever he wanted. The fact remains that Slughorn acts the way he does about it, Riddle's behavior changed completely, the memory itself is... absurd (I'll write a post!) and... there was the fact that Dumbledore knew to search for it in the first place, which I'll get into a bit below.

Why did he do it?

He already had the proof he needed that Tom created at least two horcruxes in the diary and the ring. He didn't know how many, however.

And... this is worthy of its own post, but Dumbledore likes to be the person who knows Tom better than anybody, who understands him and can predict his actions. Dumbledore believes he knows Tom so well that his guesses are rarely if ever wrong.

I think he deduced, on his own, that Tom had created six horcruxes.

This is a feasibly high number, monstrously high and tied up with a significant magical number that Dumbledore would see Tom as being enamoured by. In other words, a number Dumbledore could believe.

My problem with the six horcruxes is twofold, one being that we're here relying on Tom having only made the number of horcruxes he discussed with his teacher when he was a teenager, the other being that... I'm not convinced he made six. The evidence Nagini is a horcrux is too circumstantial ("Voldemort adores his pet snake and that pet snake is peak r/likeus, Harry, I think it's a horcrux." - Dumbledore being an evidence man who proves things. No really, those are his arguments, Tom likes his snake and the snake is pretty smart), and while Harry has his feverish "I'm a snake" hallucinations he never experiences that for any of the other horcruxes. I could go either way on this one.

Point ultimately being, the memory was always worthless because Tom could easily have been lying about the number he was thinking of, just as Dumbledore could easily have come up with the contents of his conversation with Slughorn on his own.

Secondary point being, the conversation as is is... not damning. Tom asks about horcruxes, gets told what they are, it is information Magicke Moste Evil already had to offer, Tom asks a hypothetical question and Slughorn is disproportionately disturbed. Perhaps I'm desensitized, but if you tell someone "horcruxes means putting your soul in an object so the object has to be destroyed before you can be killed" and they reply "cool, so if I make a bunch of horcruxes I'll be really hard to kill" you should have seen it coming.

It's a conversation that reads as scripted by someone who sees Tom's evil as so obvious, so plain to the eye, clearly poking out from just beneath the surface, that of course Slughorn would see his innocuous question as damning. Dumbledore certainly does.

With that, onto the next point.

Were horcruxes brought up at all, then?

Oh I'm sure they were, otherwise Slughorn wouldn't have responded the way he did when Harry first asked about them. The first part of the memory, with the party, Tom lingering, and then asking about them, that all happened or Slughorn wouldn't have had the reaction to Harry that he did.

My whole hypothesis is that something else happened after that.

Dumbledore knew there was a memory to ask Slughorn about in the first place

Slughorn is an able Occlumens, he always carries the antidote to veritaserum on his person, and he guards this memory like his firstborn.

He never, ever, would have given this memory to Dumbledore if there was a way he could deny its existence, just as he never would have tipped Dumbledore off it existed in the first place. We know Slughorn didn't tip off anyone else, or Dumbledore would have had the memory through that person already.

And yet, Dumbledore has to have known it existed, that a sensitive conversation between Tom and Slughorn happened, in order to ask for the memory in the first place.

Two people knew that conversation had happened, Tom Riddle and Horace Slughorn.

Slughorn never would have told Dumbledore, just as Tom Riddle never would have said a word if the conversation was what we were presented with.

Except, one of them must have.

The only explanation, then, the only way for Dumbledore to have known the conversation happened, is if Tom told him.

This is where I think inappropriate conduct on Slughorn's end is the only feasible explanation. And Dumbledore, as it happens, was Deputy Headmaster at the time. Tom, for obvious reasons, would have been unable to approach his Head of House.

Do I think Tom told him exactly what had occurred, not necessarily, but he must have said something that led Dumbledore know there had been an incident with Slughorn. As for what he wanted to achieve by going to Dumbledore, that's again up to speculation but Dumbledore, for all his flaws, had made it clear to Tom that he's a strict, no nonsense allowed at Hogwarts, type of person.

Tom approaching him explains how Dumbledore knew, and Slughorn having behaved inappropriately is the only circumstance in which I can conceive of Tom doing this. Certainly, I think it proves that the conversation can't have been what we were presented with.

As for his interest in getting the memory, that's for another post but I do think it ultimately comes down to the man having a fascination with Tom Riddle, with collecting every memory he possibly can as he pieces together the Tom Riddle mosaic.

#horace slughorn #tom riddle #anti horace slughorn #albus dumbledore #anti albus dumbledore #harry potter #harry potter meta #harry potter theories

[through-lines]

I've had this idea floating around my head for a while that I've been calling xenogastronomy.

There's been talk here and there about food for nonhumans and alternatives that are safe for our bodies, but what I have in mind is more so this:

How do you make a dish that requires ingredients that don't exist?

How do you replicate flavors that the human body is incapable of tasting?

Basically, it's otherworldly cooking/eating; culinary experiments to (re)create food from worlds beyond this one. And I'd rather have this concept in more culinarily capable hands, but meanwhile, I've been brainstorming dish ideas that are personal to me…

As I mentioned previously, I have ideas about what kind of food I ate as a Nightmare/n, and part of those ideas is that food tastes a little weird: either there's qualities to our food that you just don't get in human food, or we're capable of tasting flavors that humans can't. Maybe they can be roughly approximated to human tastes, but there's always something missing. (Which is a depressingly common theme in my attempts to recall things about my experiences in that world.)

One of the things I'm contemplating is creating meat dishes that involve meat that doesn't exist--which is technically all meat dishes, but it's probably good enough to use mutton for a sheep-like creature's meat. But pian…are not like anything. And maybe there's a certain quality to that mutton that the "real"-world equivalent doesn't offer. So an experiment I'd like to try (if I ever get the time and space to) is messing around with ingredients used to make and flavor foods used as meat substitutes (e.g. tofu and seitan). What could you use in addition to (or in place of) water? What can you use to create strange or unexpected flavors? Could radishes be used to incorporate that burning-tingling feeling into dishes? Things like that.

It becomes apparent to me that a lot of my Nightmare/n dish ideas seem to solve the "flavors aren't quite right" problem by creating overstimulating flavors or stimulating flavors that maybe shouldn't be there by human standards. Which seems like a problem if I ever published recipes! But maybe someone'll find it interesting, if not very edible…

A more grounded alternative is food from my home on the islands. My interpretation is that technically, a lot of ingredients aren't necessarily 1:1 to ingredients here, but are close enough that it's splitting hairs to try and recreate them.

And then there's the pa/opu fruit.

I would very much like to know how to make a fruit. Even if it were say, diced up, recreating the experience of eating fresh fruit would be wonderful. But I know I'll never get the tools to breed ~designer fruits~, and I know that infusing fruit only goes so far, especially when you're adamant about getting the right flavor and texture.

But fruit juice blends are a thing. Many exotic fruits have their flavors described as being a blend of more common fruit/food flavors. Creating a fruit is borderline impossible; creating a fruit juice blend that at least has the flavors is much more feasible. And while it's not the same as eating fresh fruit, fruit juice is the basis for many desserts, which is a fun way to incorporate a flavor from your home into this world. Even if those particular desserts weren't eaten in your home, if you enjoy eating these desserts now, you can still have a taste of home. Neat, right?

Like a pa/opu wedding cake? Come on. That's such a cute idea. I'm just imaging how you could decorate that and the ingredients you could add to that and it makes me happy. It's fun, and it brings a bit of culture A into culture B.

And that's the appeal of xenogastronomy to me! It's a blending of cultures to help me feel a little more at home, in a world where "home" is just stories. A sort of defiant gesture to make those stories a little more real.

Of course, like I said…I don't really have the time or space or culinary know-how to figure this stuff out. But I'm hoping one day I will, and in the meantime, it's still nice to brainstorm. Get those creative juices flowing, come up with ideas to act on when the time is right.

#personal #fictionkin #fictionkind #xenogastronomy

[ghoulsbeard]

the og college questline involving time travel to stop the great collapse makes me think. what would it be like, when some apprentice finally cracks the riddle the psijics left, and the world dissolves and half a city is suddenly there like it was never gone? Eerie enough having a bridge repaired - let alone half a dozen other students come striding back into town, as if they never left. Eighty years. And if it could bring back the town - why, what's the life of an archmage, a master wizard, a few brave apprentices, but another sidestep through time? How must it feel, to those old enough to remember all the changes, to know the grief of having lost and grieved and moved on, but then suddenly jarred with a world changed? What's the price of a magical artefact that can do that for a city? A class? A single life? How could you ever stop using it to rewrite the sins of the past? How could you ever start? How the bloody hell do you go about explaining that to your mapmakers - unless they too, remember no different?

anyway, I sent this to you because your thoughts on the College of Winterhold are always very correct and inspired, and I'm curious what you think of the scrapped plan to undo the Collapse, if I haven't just made that up. Feel no obligation to respond.

ah omg thank you for such an interesting ask im really flattered you thought of me :-) in brief i would say - the idea you shared here sounds extremely immensely fascinating and cool.. if you decide to write it in any way i'll be there with bells on

it would be interesting to deal with something RETURNING so suddenly... its not always (in my experience..) that stories deal with that as the crux of their conflict vs a sudden loss or departure... would everyone remember the world as it was before or would their memories be altered? would any Powers that be (daedric or divine..) take note? much 2 consider

i think its so interesting the eye of magnus could be related to a plan or attempt to unmake the great collapse. i know theyre not doing much with it in skyrim at least that ive seen & your ideas are really interesting and meaty... a good chance for an archmage and korir to mend fences where they fell apart w their predecessors...

you know if anyone has a scheme to 'unmake' the collapse i could see it being the psijics. they seem to be very interested in reshaping the flow of time and they seem to know a lot more about the eye than anyone else at winterhold - id wager ancano and his bosses want the eye for the same reason the imperial wizards want winterhold's elder scroll, etc, etc, but the psijics i could see having an arcane scheme up their collective sleeve

and quaranir at least seems to be stymied by the time rifts that ripple out from winterhold so we know they did not intend THAT at least

I DID NOT KNOW IT ORIGINALLY INVOLVED TIME TRAVEL until recently.. head in my hands... as a fan of weird time shit im bummed. sounds like a cool idea and may have been pretty feasible to implement in game.

ever since reading this post by jiubilant a few years ago its lived in my mind in place of honor. cool as hell concept

#personally ive been approaching the winterhold drama as ... many agents of greater powers at cross-purposes.. because that is one of my #favorite types of conflicts in sf/f lmao

[victoriansecret]

I'm in my mid-30s and my ever-growing love for history has spurred me to consider a career change into the field. I'd love to work in a museum or archive in a research or curatorship role (rather than as an academic), and I live somewhere where I could take time out to get a masters degree.

From your experience - is a change like this feasible? Is there work available? Will a late (re)start be a hindrance to getting a foot in? Is a degree worth it, or should I aim to get volunteer experience instead? Or am I better off sticking with my current decent office job and treating historical research as a passion/free-time activity instead?

This is a great question, and I wanted to give you as good an answer as possible so I outsourced to a friend and former colleague who worked in collections. This is what she had to say: *follow the Emerging Museum Professional FB page. There is lots of advice there

*I don’t think it’s ever too late to follow your dreams. You’re in your mid-30s, not 99! (Although even then I’d say go for it!)

* I’d recommend volunteering at a place you would be interested in working in. It’ll give you a better sense whether or not this is actually a field you’d like to get into, or just a fun hobby. Both answers are totally ok

* I’m a fan of experience over degrees, but it really depends on where you would want to work. Many positions require a masters degree, but not all. If you are in a small town, or more rural area, it would be easier to talk your way into a position than if you are in a big city

* if you’ve loved history for a long time, try to articulate how skills you have in your hobby or through your office jobs relate to the museum field. I used to manage cafes and found that many of those skills transitioned into collections management (inventory, databasing, customer interactions, etc.)

Best of luck! ---

I will echo her point that it's definitely not too late and if it's something you're truly passionate about it's worth at least considering. Obviously it's not always that simple - giving up a stable, decent job is a risk etc., so while I'm generally not a fan of volunteer work, it might be worth trying it just to see if it's something you would like as much as you think. I will also agree with her point about experience over degrees. I've never been to college at all myself, which is a huge rarity in this field, and when I got my first museum job my only work experience was running a salad bar at a restaurant. But my supervisor told me, years after the fact, that part of why she gave me an interview was that in my cover letter I made an analogy comparing running a salad bar to being a historic interpreter: something about how being in the middle of the dining room meant the bar and by extension myself were always on display, and how that would mean I'd be more comfortable with thousands of guests seeing me in period clothing etc. Granted, interpreting is very much about talking and making analogies to help guests understand the past, so it's a bit different from the behind the scenes work in how those skills translate, and how demonstrating an ability to talk is directly related to the work itself, but still. I hope this is helpful, and I hope that if you do decide to pursue this it works out how you hope! Thanks for the question!

[raayllum]

to build on your recent ask, and just to pick your brain a little (gross metaphor, I know), when you said:

"To me, the coins could never have been permanent, otherwise there's very little reason to have them exist. After all, if the parents can't be freed and/or come back, why not just kill them? It'd effect the story the same way... unless they come back." I wonder, in your experience and education in literature, do you think it is feasible/would be an effective avenue of storytelling for the writers to use the (theoretical) inability to free the coined elves as a plot device to teach Rayla about moving on, and that she can't save everyone? she is portrayed as a very determined--and sometimes obsessive--character, and I can recall the writers bringing up her strong devotion to freeing the elves as something that should be questioned (though I do believe this will involve her allowing herself to let Callum/the others help). But, nevertheless, what are your thoughts?

The thing about Rayla is that her determination, and her wanting to save everyone isn't a Flaw, per se. If anything, it's the best thing about her, and the story points that out time and time again (1x03 with the boys, 1x05 with Bait, 1x09 with Zym, 2x07 with the dragon, 3x05 with Nyx): "You have true courage, and a big heart" / "It's because Rayla is a hero. Rayla's brave. She saves people. She does what's right [....] That's what makes her a hero. That's what makes her Rayla."

It's just not only a virtue, as like real people, most of TDP's cast's best qualities are also their worst ones, depending on the circumstance. Callum can also be obsessive with magic, after all (1x04, 2x01, 2x04, 4x02) but that doesn't mean him being a mage isn't his path, or not a Good path for him, particularly when it comes to primal magic. But his persistent, perpetually pushing nature also means he can be impulsive and bite off more than he can chew, unknowingly getting in over his head before it's too late. (Whereas Rayla tends to have a better cognition of her bad odds, but just less concern over them.) If Callum's 'bad path' is being a dark mage, Rayla's 'bad path' is being a loner assassin who takes everything on alone, y'know? Those paths are both from the same places, but there are always more options than the roles they've had enforced on them or have taken up because it feels like they don't have any other choice in war, even if they have/had good intentions regardless.

This also comes back to like, Rayla's relationship with letting go vs holding on. If anything, Rayla has a laser focus on moving on - "We have to keep moving" (1x09) / "Fine, one extra day. One" (2x01) / "Rayla, you're pushing us to move too fast" (3x02) / "I'm fine, Callum, like I already told you [...] We walk away and this never happened" (3x04) - that operates to her detriment, because it's usually when she's ignoring her own pain to prioritize the mission, or putting the mission above most things (other than the boys). If she doesn't linger on her pain/mistakes, she can pretend more easily that it doesn't exist (not "I don't want to talk right now" but "There's nothing to talk about," if you will). Illusions and erasure and all that - very Moonshadow

C: So, uh, yesterday must've been a hard day for you. R: Not really.

We see this even when she comes back in S4 and her attempts to "get things back the way they were" and even her almost complete prioritization of how Callum feels, and very little regard to how she feels (outside of being nervous to see him, which 4x05 quickly reveals is the least of how she's been emotionally damaged).

And this, of course, is because Rayla is very bad, actually, at letting things go. She holds on mistakes, she repeats the same patterns of herself and others who loved but hurt her, and that's why all her self deprecation talk is very similar across the seasons

I messed up. I know I did. (1x02) / You should cut yourself a break. Everyone messes up sometimes, or in my case, all the times. [...] Right up until moment when it really matters. That's when I just, poof, mess it up... And the next thing I know, I've failed. / I dropped it. This is all my fault. I let you both down. I let the world down. (1x09) / I need my friend to trust me, and he doesn't. And I think it's my fault. (2x02 / But every time I tried, I would mess it up, and the next time it was harder, and-- (2x03) / I failed them. It was my fault we were discovered. (3x03) / It's me, and it's all my fault. I failed them. I let them all down. They were right to reject me. I'm not good enough and I never will be. (3x04) / Oh no, I messed up again! [...] This is all my fault. I left him alone. I shouldn't have-- (4x06)

Rayla is someone who is selfless to the point she doesn't know how/when to be selfish, which causes her to be selfish in ways that are extremely detrimental to herself and to the other people around her. In a lot of ways, her inability to move on is an inability to let go of her negative self perception of herself: she fears that failure for her is inevitable ("I'm sure it would've flopped when it was my turn"), she's so terrified of being alone yet continually isolates herself because that seems safer, and because of these negative perceptions, she unfairly punishes herself. For her own mistakes, and for others.

Harrow: I recognize that I may pay the price for our mistakes. / I won't hide in the body of another while someone else pays the price for my decisions. (1x02) Rayla: It will just get tighter and tighter until I lose my hand. But I'm ready to pay that price. (1x06) / But if I die, I'll just be paying the price they should've paid a long time ago. (3x08)

VS

Callum: But you didn't run. They have it all wrong. Rayla: Does it matter? (3x03) Claudia: We're not going to the dungeons, Soren! We didn't do anything wrong. (3x02)

So Rayla wanting to prioritize something over the mission that's not for the good of someone else (Callum, the dragon, Nyx, etc) but for something that she personally wants is a massive departure for her and gives her all sorts of room to grow. However, it remains to be seen if Rayla will view it like that. I could see her see saving her parents as a form of 'redemption' - even though she didn't fail them like, at all, but again: it's Rayla we're talking about. Turning it into a duty would be very on brand. "This is a journey for redemption" and all that, even if like... she doesn't Need to redeem herself.

There's layers there then, of her being 'selfish' (wanting something for herself, it being her family) and of being too 'selfless' again, semi similar to her choice to leave in TTM. Because Rayla's inability to let go is unable to be separated from the way she continually punishes/loathes herself; that's what she can't put down, the mistakes and failures she feels responsible for that she'll destroy herself to try and correct, to ensure she pays the price so that no one else has to. That's why she's obsessive about Viren (protection, punishment, self-martyrdom) and prepared to stay behind at the Storm Spire.

Her choices to save and protect Zym are a little different. She, like the princes, wants to make up for her parents' mistakes, yes, but it goes deeper than that - she truly believes that this is right and has the power to change the world for the better, to break the cycle rather than perpetuate it. To make a difference, not as a trauma response, but in the vein of healing.

TLDR; to summarize, I think Rayla's parents, particularly Runaan, have a great capacity to help her unlearn the harmful patterns they've passed down, whether because she's grown beyond them and can help her parents do the same, or in seeing their behaviour and correcting hers, or in having them realize how they messed her up, and saving her right back.

None of this really touches on how TDP's hero side is staunchly big on protecting the value of the individual, and their right to exist/thrive without prejudice/expectation, by laying yourself down (as opposed to offering up others' lives), but I think that's absolutely a component as well. TDP's hopepunk theme - Breaking the cycle, working towards harm reduction, reconciling rather than reinforcing binaries - are all in favour of saying "you can't save everyone, but you should still always Try" (hi Ezran in 3x04) and I don't think they'd toss that out, either. In a world with magic, they could've taken the concept of the Moon Nexus and Rayla wanting to see them again for the same end (which, in TTM, Rayla doesn't think she can save her parents per se - she just wants to know if they're actually dead or not), but uh. They didn't so yeah, particularly because Runaan living means all sorts of messy feelings for Callum and happy gay reunion elves, them living absolutely holds the most merit for the narrative, tbh

#thanks for asking #moon fam #tdp rayla #mini meta #requests #analysis series #analysis #hoothalcyon #hero motif #theme: duality #also pick my brain away #characterization #by mistake

[bugsbenefit]

thoughts on the time skip and how it could tie in perfectly with Mike getting targeted early on

with Mike being such a central character to Will’s And El’s character it really seems like he has one of the biggest targets on his back narrative wise during the next season. especially since Mike was the only character to directly and verbally confirm that he will help Will kill Vecna he now isn’t just one of many threats Vecna could possibly face but also directly standing between him and Will, who’s Vecna’s most reoccurring target (this turn of Mike siding himself with Will isn’t even just told to us in the cabin scene but also later reinforced with the ending shot of Mike being the only one to stand directly by Will’s side)

i do really like the possibility of Mike getting targeted or temporarily taken out at the beginning of the season, but then ended up wondering how that would actually play out in the greater narrative. could they really skip forward a year while leaving this open ended for the characters? and well, there are definitely some interesting ways this could tie in with the story currently being set up:

the impending time jump is one of the things that’s been bothering me the most ever since s4 aired. (in one interview the Duffers estimated it after e2, this may have changed in the writing process but seems to be the best guess we can go off of right now) it’s always hard to incorporate time skips During a season without it feeling rushed. you essentially have to re-meet the characters halfway through. because it doesn’t matter if you tell the audience “none of them changed”, relationships will progress, especially if you jump 1+ year(s) forward. and i’ve really been racking my brain about how season 5 could actually pull off a time jump without essentially having to “start over” since that usually kills the drive and action for a bit which is a bad pace for a final season.

and so, usually, the only really good excuse to abandon your characters for an extended period of time while avoiding having two “beginnings” is to ensure that the characters have no chance to drastically evolve off screen. and in my experience there’s only really one way to show that the characters start back up where we left them. and it’s by breaking up the group.

friendships and relationships are halted that way, the audience knows they’re not missing any critical development. often character arcs are also halted this way in ensemble heavy stories since moving characters away from the group often removes the driving factor of character conflict and development.

IT is a very good example of this. (disclaimer: talking about the book, i haven’t seen any of the movies) the book jumps back and forth between the adults and their kid selves (shown in flashbacks) interestingly, the adult and kid characters are still very familiar despite the characters having lived almost 30 years off page. this is because their character arcs only start majorly moving again when their group reunites since they’re all tied to each other. the book is imo one of the best examples of “they all go their separate ways and find back together” since you really never feel like you missed out on something during the time skip

but while splitting up is usually the best approach to time skips, splitting up the ST cast seems very extreme, because how would this feasibly happen? they’re all back in Hawkins at the end of s4. so while having the characters not interact much for a year or two would probably keep the audience the most invested in the characters... how would this happen without feeling like it came out of nowhere?

and. well. it Did surprise me a bit how easy it would be to explain with story beats we were already shown.

watching the show it’s actually interesting how far the group drifts from each other. it’s also a frequent complaint i’ve seen from viewers: we start with a close knit friend group in s1. but s2 already breaks from that idea a bit by having the hospital and non hospital group. Will and Mike are doing their own thing, and even before Will gets possessed Mike actively pushes their friends away who are trying to help. and as the seasons progress and more characters become important they start splitting off. Dustin is usually with the older teens or Erika and rarely with all of the party. El and Mike were established to neglect their friends for a whole summer. and then in s4 this reaches a peak and is finally starting to get addressed. Max ghosts them. Will and Mike barely talk. and the argument that is highlighted between Lucas and Mike IS about the party splitting up and going their own ways. and it doesn't get resolved by the end of the season.

so we’re actually already left with a set up where the integrity of the group dynamic got repeatedly challenged and then finally verbally called out during s4. the idea that this could be built on during s5 isn’t that far off, especially given that the argument between Lucas and Mike is still open ended

interestingly enough. if we’re actually getting a scenario of Vecna targeting Mike pre time jump, Will’s love confession about Mike being the heart of the party could actually be some really cruel foreshadowing.

because what Would happen if Mike was out of the picture for the time skip?  well thankfully Will actually went out of his way to tell us this last season. the group would fall apart.

the line did always feel significant to me. it seems very deliberate narrative wise to have Will not only point out Mike’s importance to their friend group, literally calling him the heart twice, but also mentioning what would happen if Mike wasn’t there.

just throwing ideas out there but this could play out as them genuinely growing further apart without having Mike act as their heart /glue in this case. or them growing more focused on their individual goals without Mike acting as a unifying factor since he’s always been the unofficial leader of the group, their DM. this could have El and Lucas stuck trying to find Max, possibly with different approaches too thanks to their different abilities (we’ve seen Lucas read to her, El was trying to find her in the Void etc). we were already shown that Dustin would stick to the town and school, the Duffers confirming he would be dealing with grief over Eddie also fits that picture. and all this would leave Will on his own, most definitely clinging onto the hope that Mike is still alive which would give us the perfect parallel to s1 like we were told we would get. however, this time it wouldn’t be Will who’s missing

#this wasn't supposed to be this long originally but after i started writing it really hit me how plausible a group split would actually be #even just based on the events we've already seen on screen #the fact that this would also perfectly tie into the possibility of Mike being out of the picture for a while is just a + #Stranger things theory #mike wheeler #mike gets vecna'd #mike hostage theory #will byers #byler

[sweetmage]

Some Tav!Abdirak thoughts pertaining to intimacy and healing in regards to his backstory and relationship with Ast*ri*n (don't want it in the tag)

⚠️ TW for mentions of sexual trauma and general sexual topics, self-harm, general potentially triggering subject matter

So original I had it in my head that at some point him and Alois became sexually intimate with each other, but after actually writing out his backstory I just don't really think that's realistic or feasible given the amount of trauma he endured prior, the timespan, and the nature of his relationship with Alois. I think the extent of their intimacy was chaste physical affection and domestic activities like sharing a bed for sleep, hair braiding, kissing, etc.

Of course there is certainly a sexual element to his worship, and quite an empowering and cathartic one at that, though there is never any direct sexual contact and he remains fully clothed and doesn't tend to actually get off then and there unless it's a spontaneous thing that happens without touching.

Actual sexual intimacy in any sense (except by his own hand) has remained wholly off the table, both from lack of desire and lack of necessity. It doesn't hold the greater purpose that pain does and it's territory he still is not ready to tread, especially since he has had no close relationships since Alois because he doesn't stay in one place too long.

So with all that said, this actually makes the situation with Astarion far worse than I had initially intended. The first time he slept with Astarion was... not entirely pleasant. He had been lonely, stressed, and for the first time was in close enough proximity for a long enough time to actually form a genuine bond with someone, so when the party came around he was apprehensive but not entirely opposed to the idea. However, after a few drinks with Shadowheart (liquid courage as she calls it), he ends up going through with it... the next day he is certain he never wants to do that again. It was an overall unpleasant experience for him that was only made tolerable by the alcohol, but you live and you learn. He didn't hold that against Astarion, it was his own experimentation and he had confirmed he wasn't ready for sex.

But the next time... that time Astarion was really pressuring him even though he didn't want to (for the dialogue options I kept choosing the ones that hinted at uncertainty). Astarion kept insisting that Abdirak clearly wanted him and it was obvious, which made Abdirak question himself and his own judgement. In a way most out of character for him (brought about as a result of latent, unprocessed trauma) he ended up caving to Astarion and having an over all awful time. In fact, he suggested Astarion bite him midway (feigning that he simply enjoyed it more) to end the encounter more quickly, since he sensed that there was some ulterior motive there.

Sure enough, that was the end of it. The night of the event he secluded himself in the ruins on the far side of camp, going very heavy on the "worship" (read: self-harming with the excuse of it being worship) to clear thoughts. Shadowheart ended up finding him there and dragging her bedroll over to spend the night there with him even though he insisted he'd be alright and neglected to tell her what happened.

He didn't talk to Astarion or offer him blood for several weeks after that and their relationship remained very rocky for a while. At one point (in the variant romance scene you can get from talking to Araj before Raphael) Astarion very flippantly mentions how easy he was to manipulate. This, of course, crumbles any repairs they'd made to their relationship by that point and Abdirak once again refuses to speak to him, leaving before the love confession and explanation. Astarion is genuinely confused by this reaction.

Despite all this and his anger and disgust towards him, he still helps Astation with the deal with Raphael because he's nothing if not good on his word and he is still sympathetic towards the trauma he faced, even if he feels like he has not been offered the same in return.

Naturally, Astarion is quite confused by this and tells him as much and then the main romance scene more or less plays out (with added questioning as to *why* he helped). Somewhere in that conversation (probably after Astarion reveals his own sexual trauma and motives) Astarion gleans the truth and is rightly mortified at what he'd done to Abdirak.

Abdirak, of course, isn't happy that Astarion went through that and he's not also not thrilled about what he did either, but there is some understanding and even a little messed up relief in knowing that he was not senslessly used for Astarion's pleasure.

Likewise he apologizes to Astarion for using him that first night to assess the depths of his own traumas instead of taking the time to work through that on his own.

After a very long, uncomfortable, and difficult talk they take entirely off the table and agree to start over.

I don't think they actually sleep together again until post canon, not even at the graveyard scene. Astarion becomes ready before he does which makes so much more sense for Abdirak now that I've realized his first times ever willingly engaging in a purely sexual encounter were those two horrendous encounters with Astarion.

I think it's a very emotional experience when they finally do though 🥺 Of course naturally things get kinky later as the trust between them develops further, but it's still a very big thing that first time. It takes more trust than letting Astarion bite him every night (even after Astarion nearly killed him that first time he drank from him lol) does.

#jun rambles

[thelazyhermits]

Got some TWST-related content underneath the cut~

Okay, so there's something I've been thinking about for a while now that I've finally decided to make a post about since it's better for my brain to just write out these kinds of thoughts/ideas lol

I've been wondering, what if it's possible for UM to experience the kinda growth that Quirks do? Like, just as heroes can improve their Quirks via training, what if that can be done to a certain degree with UM?

I just really like the idea of Yuu finding herself in the kinda position where she can help her friends strengthen their UM if they so desire to do that, like what Fortune does with her students and their Quirks.

The main person I think of when I picture this kinda scenario is Kalim since I feel like there's so much potential with his UM.

For starters, he can create all that rain with just a little of his magic, which makes me wonder what would happen if he purposely used more magic than necessary. Would the the rain last longer? Would it rain even harder?

I didn't mention this in my Book 4 summary post cause this idea hadn't crossed my mind at the time, but I like the idea of Yuu asking those questions out of curiosity after she learns about Kalim's UM.

Even though she's not in a teaching position in this AU, Yuu has grown up constantly trying to improve herself and become stronger for the sake of survival, and she's always studying her opponents' abilities in order to properly gauge what kinda threat they are to her.

Plus, there were times when she'd offer advice to all the poor kids in the underworld who were younger than her and suffering because they just weren't cut out for fighting like she was.

So, as a result, Yuu just automatically finds herself analyzing people's abilities, and this leads to her making observations and asking questions.

After Kalim first shows off his UM in Book 4, Yuu asks these questions, and he's very surprised since he really never gave much thought into what his UM could do if he used more magic.

And when he says that he never really thought much of his UM since it doesn't seem very useful to him, Yuu is quick to tell him how useful it could be to others who don't have access to water since, despite what he thinks, those types of people still do exist.

Plus, Yuu thinks Kalim's UM could also be useful to him if he were to find a way to increase how much rain he can produce.

For example, if Kalim ever found himself in a dangerous situation, he could summon a torrential downpour the likes of which make it hard for anyone to see anything around them, and while his attacker is caught off guard, Kalim could make his escape.

If it was possible for Kalim to summon enough water to actually knock someone to their knees, that would be even better, but Yuu figures the first idea would be more feasible between the two.

Kalim is fascinated by Yuu's ideas since those kinds of thoughts would've never crossed his mind, and I feel like, because of his experience with kidnappings, etc, he'd take an interest in being able to have this method of escape that doesn't involve hurting anyone.

Fast forward to Jamil's final OB battle, Kalim is bound and determined to do whatever he can to save Jamil. He convinces Yuu to let him work as a distraction along with her and Grim rather than just let himself be protected by her while the Octatrio take care of battling Jamil's Phantom.

I just really love the idea of Kalim taking a stand in this moment. He wants to fight alongside Yuu and do everything he can to save Jamil. He's used to being protected, but this time, he wants to do the protecting.

Because she wants to respect his feelings, Yuu agrees to team up with Kalim, and she's the one who brings up the conversation they both had about his UM the other day.

Yuu knows it's a shot in the dark, but she really wants to give the idea a try since that has the potential to catch Jamil off guard and provide the opening she needs.

Kalim immediately agrees to try her idea, so while Yuu takes care of distracting Jamil along with Grim, Kalim starts the incantation for his UM and begins pumping out more magic than usual in hopes that this will have some kind of effect on his UM's final product.

Fortunately, much to Kalim's amazement and Jamil's disbelief, Kalim is able to summon a heavy downpour, but it only lasts for a moment because this is Kalim's first time doing this, and this is something that requires more practice to fine-tune.

Thankfully, because of her Quirk, Yuu had foreseen Kalim's success, so she had already started running toward Jamil before the downpour started.

As a result, during the brief period of time when Jamil's vision is hampered thanks to the rain, Yuu is able to approach him and punch him hard in the face, at the same time Azul and the others finally take down Jamil's Phantom, resulting in Jamil's defeat.

I just really like the idea of Kalim contributing more to the final battle, so I wanted to change things up a little bit and have that development with his UM that's so full of potential.

I also love the thought of, after Book 4 events, Kalim secretly approaching Yuu and asking her to help him train his UM because he wants to become stronger and surprise/impress Jamil. And he's hoping he'll also be able to help people down the line by strengthening his UM.

I think it'd be cool if through training Kalim could create downpours when he needs them and also eventually gain the ability to summon rain in small select areas and just focus all his magic on the one area that needs rain, like an empty well for example.

Even though not a lot of time passes in between the two books, I'd love for this training to bear fruit in Book 5 during Vil's OB battle since I really want Kalim to get a chance to shine by having him use his UM in the battle since he could use his rain during moments when Vil tries to use poison gas on everyone, and he could hamper Vil's vision as well.

Kalim can't do this too much, of course, since it's more taxing to use his UM when he pours a lot of magic into it, but he's still able to help out a lot with his UM.

His actions completely catch Jamil off guard, and while he'd never admit it, Jamil is a little impressed with Kalim's growth. Of course, he'll still chide Kalim about overdoing it and order him to not do anything reckless/dangerous since he's still in charge of keeping Kalim safe lol

Because of how well he did during that battle, Kalim continues to train with Yuu after Book 5 events since he wants to impress Jamil even more, and I feel like he'd see this as a way he can become more of an equal with Jamil since he wants to become a more capable mage like Jamil.

Plus, if Kalim can use his UM to protect himself, that means less work for Jamil, and Jamil won't have to put himself in danger for his sake, which would definitely be a big motivator for Kalim.

Yuu is all too happy to help Kalim train whenever he asks since she likes being able to help him, and she thinks it's good for him to have a goal for himself that he can strive toward that can only be reached through his own efforts and can't be done by other people or solved with money.

I just think this would be a nice addition to Kalim's character development arc in my A Twisted Future series ^^

#fortune in twisted wonderland

[mongeese]

as a fellow member of the kristen/tracker need to break up club pls speak on it more

Ask and ye shall receive. So first of all like you said in the tags of that post they are extremely messy codependent and not the healthiest relationship in the world. Although to give them credit, they are actually remarkably functional for teenagers in their first relationship, and practice a good amount of effective communication, but they are still teenagers in their first relationship. And they live together. There is very little separation between the two of them, and I think Kristen especially probably ties her identity very heavily to Tracker. If they broke up, she'd have to completely re-evaluate herself.

On the other hand, it seems feasible to me that Tracker has some built up resentment toward Kristen; she was of course being possessed while in the nightmare forest and so we cannot take anything she said as truth, but it's true that Kristen's issues seemed to dominate their relationship and what they talk about. Kristen can often be selfish by accident, which already has caused some tension between them. To me it seems likely that that could build up, especially given their experiences in the nightmare forest and how they both hurt each other in there. (Another thing I wish we'd get out of junior year but doubt we will is the whole gang actually facing the trauma of adventuring, but given the genre it's unlikely and honestly I don't know if they could successfully pull it off even if they tried. But I digress).

Ultimately it comes down to the fact that they are teenagers in their first serious relationship, and they're both emotional disasters. They're also both starting two different religious sects in two different countries. Kristen most definitely will not handle the distance well, and I think Tracker could start to grow suffocated by her overwhelming attachment. Which brings me to my second point: it's the best decision for Kristen's character development, imo. Her arc in the first season was dealing with her sexuality and loss of faith. In the second, it was her finding a new faith, based around uncertainty and mystery. I think it's time for her to learn how to be a person and to embrace these things without Tracker to lean on, especially when it comes to sexuality. Tracker was her gay awakening! I think if they break up, she'll be lost and depressed and as full of doubt as she always has been, which is ofc where the most interesting character stuff happens. Who is she without Tracker? What does it mean to be gay when you aren't dating anyone? How do you navigate heartbreak? These are interesting questions to explore in relation to Kristen, but they're also quintessential to the themes of the whole story. Teen breakups are as much a part of coming of age as teen relationships, and to me it would just ring more honest if they didn't stay together. The whole "starting dating in high school and never break up" gets on my nerves to no end, and I just desperately want more media to explore ending relationships in a way that doesn't always portray it as a tragedy.

And of course, last and most important is that it would be really funny. Ally fucking nails awkward flirty horny-but-angry-about-it characters. They would roleplay that shit so well the post-breakup conversations with inappropriate flirting would be amazing. Just imagine the "inspiring" speeches that would come out of a breakup. Kristen could write angsty teen lesbian poetry. The possibilities are endless and 75% of them are hilarious

#d20 #fh #kristen applebees #tracker o'shaughnessey #thank u for the ask i love talking about my fh headcanons and hopes

[floralcrematorium]

Hetalia Emoji Asks:

🌻 - If you could change a single thing about Hetalia as a whole, what would you change? This can be as drastic or as insignificant of a change as you'd like!

😡 - Biggest fandom pet peeve?

🗿 - Do you have a single favorite headcanon (either from yourself or someone else)?

🏳️‍🌈 - Favorite sexuality/gender headcanon(s), if you have them?

Thanks for the ask!!!

🌻 - If you could change a single thing about Hetalia as a whole, what would you change? This can be as drastic or as insignificant of a change as you'd like!

There's a lot of things that could change about the show, but I think the one most feasible for me to explain would be the length of episodes. The show's episodes are easy to binge since they're so short, but it leaves me wanting more. I never feel satisfied watching an episode. I know it's impossible to get the right nuance needed in the show's writing, but I think having the actual time to expand upon some things may be of benefit. Though, there are some episodes that actually benefit from the short format, the Davie episode being the prime example. The Halloween special in World Twinkle was longer than normal and that was so much fun!

😡 - Biggest fandom pet peeve?

Of course there are things that bother me. I hate vagueposting and there are blatantly obvious issues within the fandom in addition to some minor ones. I don't want my blog to become a space where I go on angry rants often and I also don't think it's my place to yell about things I may not have the full picture of, so I won't rant about the fandom rather than explain my general stance on navigating fan spaces:

Your experience in a fandom is cultivated by you. There will always be people who like things you can't stand. You cannot police what other people do. I think the best course of action is to generally just move on. I don't really block people without reason because if I see something I don't like, I just scroll away. If it bothers me, I'll block the tags. There's obviously flaws to this, but I'm someone who just doesn't have the energy to argue so I tend to keep to myself. This really just pertains to certain ships

I do think that there are things that should be called out. Bigotry has no place in any fandom. I've never blocked anyone faster than the person who followed me with an SS uniform hat in their header

I also think that if you make a mistake, apologize and move on. None of us are perfect. There's no need to immediately reply to someone who points out that something you've done may have been harmful when you're still heated. Take the time to reflect then respond. When this happens, it's not an attack on you personally. I've made mistakes before and what I did was apologize and read up on/ask for resources on what I didn't know about

All in all, I came back to the Hetalia fandom because I needed something to keep me busy now that I'm living hundred of miles away from the life I had been building for the last several years. I had my reservations, but I stayed because the fanbase is a great way to be introduced to people, places, and cultures you might not have run into otherwise. I'm constantly learning there are more to subjects I thought I knew about or am learning things I simply wasn't exposed to. I don't personally write nationverse because I don't think I can pull it off as well as others and prefer to just absorb the content instead. Maybe I'll take a crack at it some day, but that's not right now

🗿 - Do you have a single favorite headcanon (either from yourself or someone else)?

I like the idea that Nyo and 1P characters can coexist. The same goes for 2P

I don't know where I stand on the nations having a universal language vs having to learn other languages in order to communicate. Having that language barrier would be interesting. Seeing the way linguistics evolves is really interesting, but I don't know enough about it to say more than that

I like the idea that in nationverse, the characters can die. They'll come back, but they can die. You know Francis was guillotined at least once

I also like the idea that Alice or Amelia may have been tried as witches? When I was developing my Nyo England muse (she's on pause because I have a lot of reading to do for her and I haven't been able to sit down and focus), I had thought considering both Arthur and Alice are associated with magic it would be interesting to see the different ways this affected them. I have a little ramble here about Nyo England

Ludwig has like. Three dogs canonically. I like to think they're his coping mechanism

I don't know where in canon other than the stupid wiki that it says Francis is afraid of computers, but I like to take this and make him completely technologically inexperienced. I like writing him as a guy in his mid twenties who has the most old man ass phone case ever. He knows how to do basic things on a computer, but if any errors happen he's calling Mattie and Alfred for help

🏳️‍🌈 - Favorite sexuality/gender headcanon(s), if you have them?

ASEXUAL ALFRED F. JONES. Not a headcanon I thought I wanted or needed, but one that's helping me come to terms that I may be ace

I generally don't care about sexuality headcanons because I don't really use labels for myself. I find it hard to assign myself a label so it's even harder for me to do so to characters who aren't me. I've seen people using different ship names depending on who they think is the dom, but i just really do. not. care. I use what the most popular name of the ship is

Hetalia Asks

#floralcrematorium ask box