#but in times like these where im reminded not only of my transness but the fact that other people see me as a freak. thats so hard

[genderkoolaid]

do you also get cis people treating transmasculinity as something super fragile or that they need to affirm constantly? i dont know if this is a transandrophobia specific thing but i get people like over-affirming my gender all the time ("supportive" cis friends calling me a "man" too much, talking about my dick (despite me being. pre surgery. and also it being weird to talk about my genitalia w/o consent), commenting on me "looking like a man" on days im trying to pass more) its like weirdly just. reminding me im not cis for no reason? ive seen stuff where cis people will overcompensate by calling trans men handsome, but a lot of the time in my experience it seems to be directly linked with an obsession of me being a non-passing, pre surgery/"fragile" trans men, its so weird

This definitely isn't exclusive to transmasculinity- I've heard a lot of transfems talk about a similar experience of cis people being very "yass slay queen" in trying to affirm their genders, but (especially when they only do that to trans people) it just ends up being very alienating. I think it generally comes from a good place but there's definitely an issue of cis people both assuming transness is inherently insecure and needs cis approval to feel good about itself, and also having a very narrow view of transness & what trans people's goals are.

Personally I really dislike "short king" as an unprompted compliment because it often ends up just feeling demeaning and pitying (like "aww you're trying so hard to be sexy when you're so short! how cute :) here's a charity compliment lil guy") which just makes me more dysphoric about my height than if you just compliment me like a normal fucking person. It's like people want to be allies but still get uncomfortable/unsure when someone is presenting a certain way while being visibly trans, so they feel the need to either point it out in a "compliment" or overcompensate to try and make themselves feel better about us not being cis.

#m.

[inkybinkyboink]

just read myself back and realized this is a bit venty so feel free to ignore this ask - this was just to say i relate to your post from like 6 days ago (?) about being outed by other people

yes absolutely and if one of the first people in the friendgroup/class/social situation is more uncomfortable with you/transphobic-er than you thought, it becomes a race where you have to come out to people before they get to them. it's like some kind of on-going race against the clock. cause you know that if that first person doesn't like/respect your transness they'll gossip about it or talk about it in a way you don't want them to, or even tell people you didn't even want to tell originally, whether it's intentional or not.

I came out as non-binary to someone i was relatively close to, and who seemed very open minded, and they surprised me with how often they'd bring it up on their own without prompt. As if this little factoid that doesn't change much consumed all their thoughts everytime they looked at me. I have been dressing and talking this way this whooooole time and even told them they could still use feminine pronouns if it was hard to switch (it's the "YOU ARE WOMAN" talk i wanted to stop because they'd mention it a lot) and it still was too jarring for them somehow.

anyway all that to say that i support/hope you won't delete posts like these cause i love seeing people express their trans frustration and annoyance on my feed. i get it and when i feel like that sometimes it's nice to be reminded that i'm not being overdramatic or alone in this experience!!! 😁😁 just like you aren't!!! we are here for you

love your blog bye

hey i hope it's okay to publish your ask!

i appreciate this very much, and im glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me about this :)

i'm sorry about your friend :/ that's really shitty and honestly kind of dismaying to find out those kinds of things, or have those things happen to you, i totally hear you.

it's weird when you tell someone you're trans because they immediately stop seeing you as the person you identify as, and rather (for example, in my case) a man who "used to be" a woman. or vice versa. or a nonbinary person who's "actually" _____. yeah man, like you said, "this little factoid that doesn't change much consumed all their thoughts everytime they looked at me." (at least, in my own personal experience) and it's weird because the only thing that changed was their own perception of you. and for some reason that's a hurdle too big for them to cross.

you were very kind to reach out about this and i'll say it again, i appreciate it a lot. i am here for you too!

much love 💚

#lmao the delete later tag is purely so my page doesnt get clogged with vent posts lmao. sometimes i need to get it out of my system to be #able to move on from it and then after a while i can take the post down and forget abt it #but i get what ur saying homie :') #not tagging this because i dont want t/rfs to touch my blog 😌 #went through that once and i DONT need to go through it again tyvm #trans folks are valid and if you dont agree then leave besties!!!!!

[friesian]

23 and 30

HI MY FRIEND MY BESTIE REMORNIA HI!!! 23. favorite piece of clothing?

the photo of it doesn't exist anymore, but i wear this lisa frank fanmade sweater from one of my fav artists literally EVERY DAY. it is the dysphoria + autism sweater. it has the classic lisa frank jaguar in the center with tropical plants around it, and down the arms has more rainbow plants and tropical flowers. it is my favorite. i know im probably never going to be able to order another bc they were like a one-time sale from years ago, but by god will i most likely wear this thing until its SCRAPS. 30. what reminds you of home (doesn’t have to mean house… just things that remind you of the feeling of home)?

hmmmm. this is a toughie. i had to mull on it for a few. so. i'd have to say this old cologne my wife used to wear before she transed her gener. she'd wear it every summer she'd come down and i would lay on her chest during those hot summer days where we only got to spend a few weeks with one another before she had to go back across the state until winter. either way, she doesn't wear it anymore of course, but now she gives it to me and i wear it since we've both transgender'd. now it's sort of my home. weirdly. its still her, but now it's also me. maybe it's because we live our lives together now. idk. THIS IS FUCKING SAPPY AS HELL, but she really does make me feel at home with not only the surroundings, but with myself. SORRY. SORRY. i'll stop being a fucking oak tree of sap.

#i love my wife #ah. an opportunity to gush about wife??? ok. watch this shit #pours out my 10+ years of emotions for this woman #i am a simple man. i need a hat that just says

[himbos-hotline]

For the ask game.

1. Share a song that makes you think of [fic title]

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

3. What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

4. How many WIPs do you have right now?

1). Share a song that makes you think of [fic title]

Theres no fic title here but Im gonna just throw out that This funny feeling by Bo burnum always reminds me of Would you love me more [if I killed someone for you] the utter like emtiness of that song always makes me think of how Matt must have left after killing his brothers boyfriend just because he wants kenny to *see* him

2).Do you read/reread your own fics?

All the time, theres something so nice about going back and re-reading ideas that stole my brain chemestry. Plus im the only one writing Jay so I kinda like have too..does anyone ever re-read a fic and find every spelling mistake ever?

3). What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

To you I'm just a man [to me, youre all I am]. it was my irst ever fic for AEW and holds a special place in my heart

4). How many WIPs do you have right now?

Way too many!

For AUS:

What baking can do The Bakery au that is current w WIP. A non-wrestling AU where Hangman works in a bakery. There is an overveiw post here

I love the taste of his pretty red lipstick [I love the taste of his pretty red tongue] The stripper AU where all your favourite wrestlers are strippers/Work in and around a strip club owned by William Regal.

Step by step book one: The baby AU [currently unnamed] The first fic in a four part saga. A bunch of wrestlers are now children. A spin-off an old fic that was never published. A look at aew/wwe wrestlers as children/toddlers all the way up to college [in later instalments]

Beauty queen on the silver screen A very much self indulgent AU where the members of the polycule [Adam Cole/Kenny Omega/"Hangman" Adam Page/Wheeler Yuta/Original Character(s)] are a mix of creative/acting creatures and are also soulmates. aA look into how common soulmate AU tropes would work on mutiple soulmates.

Money money money [Must be funny in a rich mans world] another self indulgent AU where Jay makes his own wrestling company and just has a little gang of sugar babies wrestling for theri enjoyment.

And for WIPS:

Til death do us part, please keep breaking my heart [Til it ceases to beat,please be mine] A hangmatt/Hungbucks fic that takes place just after Hangman wins the AEW world title. Currently three chapters in, A look at how the three of them try to mend fences without kenny knowing.

The ghost story would be over A look at Jay during the current BCC and Elite fued. Three chapters in, Jay is dealing with the instant aftermarth of Regal leaving- a look at Matt being a big brother and how Jay adores the BCC despite everything going on.

And I'll be in denyal for just a little while [What about the plans we made?] I thouhgt it would be a good idea to write specifically a Jay and Cole enemies to lovers fic. Showing how the two of them are linked and how they KNOW one other. They're not soulmates but they kind dare. Follow the two of them down the path of transness and love. I loved you once [names gonna change] A currently unnamed fic that looks at Kenny being in love with Hangman and only realising it when Adam leaves and starts dating Cole. A spin-off of a fic that my big sibling wrote and I have persmission to also make the words for it.

#mouse has pals #cordellwinchesterwalker

[fox-steward]

hi, not sure if this blog is active bc im on mobile but you seem v knowledgeable so i hope you are. i have a question if thats ok. ive been id'ing as ftm trans/nb for about 6 years now but havent rlly been able to come out to many ppl or transition at all so im still largely presenting as female. i wouldnt rlly call myself gender critical or anything like that, but i know transitioning is a long & difficult process and im wondering if there is a way to alleviate my dysphoria without going (1/2)

“thru all that. i dont want to transition only to realize that i dont feel better and there was an easier way. in other words, id like to rule out any possibility that im not trans before medically investing in being trans. any chance you have any advice for me? (2/2)”

hey there—still active, if sporadic.

when it comes to healing from dysphoria, there’s no cure-all, no hidden path to healing that you’ve simply yet to uncover. just as there’s no way to guarantee transition will make you happy, there’s no opposite guarantee either. i can only share some of the stuff that has worked for me and some of the hardships i uncovered about living as trans, which i hope you find helpful.

what helps me?

get clear with yourself about what you believe about gender, ideologically. i personally feel, if my beliefs do not stand up to critical thought, if they cannot be supported by rational arguments, then those beliefs are not worth holding on to and i need to let them go. this is what happened to me WRT transness, gender, and all that.

start small—what is gender? is gender innate? do we have gendered souls? how could we have gendered souls if gender is a social construct? okay, so we can’t have gendered souls, so what is gender, if not innate? is gender the social expectations and norms attached to the two sexes? is it possible to break those roles and expectations? does breaking those roles and expectations change anyone’s sex? no—males can behave in typically feminine ways and females in typically masculine ways and that does nothing to change their sex. so what would conceivably make someone (or myself) trans? inhabiting the social roles and expectations of the gender associated with the opposite sex. since we already established that gender isn’t innate and we don’t have gendered souls, there’s no merit in the “born in the wrong body” narrative; it is not possible to be born in the wrong body. we each get one body, no matter how we change it. but if i wasn’t born in the wrong body, why do i feel so uncomfortable with mine, especially with the sexed aspects of it? if you’re female, the likely culprit is misogyny. you don’t actually have to hate women on a conscious level to be suffering from internalized misogyny. we live in a misogynistic world, it saturates everything. if you’re female, it affects almost every factor of how you move through this world—how people treat you, what opportunities you’re given, which behaviors are encouraged for you and which are discouraged, etc. if you are inclined to prefer masculinity—for whatever reason—society will encourage this in males and discourage it in females. having your way of being subtly discouraged all the time can easily lead to feeling disconnected from your body, perhaps even hating it, especially since you know that your way of being would be ENCOURAGED if only your body were male. and that’s when many of us encounter trans ideology that tells us we CAN be male—in fact, we actually were all along! all we have to do is change our bodies drastically with lifelong medication and surgery, all we have to do is trade money and time and health to convincingly imitate the opposite sex—THEN society will finally recognize that our way of being is okay—because we were actually masculine MEN all along, it was simply our female bodies obscuring that. does this feel like a good or healthy trade to you? it doesn’t to me, but i can’t make these decisions for you.

there IS an important caveat, a shortcut that bypasses this bad trade entirely—and that’s realizing that your way of being is ALREADY okay. masculine females and feminine males are healthy and good. it’s not always easy to comfortably BE that way in a society that does not embrace masculinity in women and femininity in men, but the solution is not to change your self, it’s to change the society. and the only way you can do that is by carving out that path—BE a masculine female/woman and you’ll show little girls today that there’s a place for them in this world.

i did try out the trade for myself, however, and i learned a few things you might find useful—maybe these lessons i learned can save you the time and money and pain i’ve already spent.

1) you never actually change sex. you’re always chasing the aesthetic imitation of the opposite sex with transition, but never becoming the opposite sex. in this and so many other ways, transition never ends.

2) passing is conditional. when your sense of self is predicated upon others seeing you a certain way, it can be taken from you in a second. i could be treated like one of the guys for a year, until one of them finds out i was born female. now that he knows, he cannot unknow. now my experience is tied to how he sees me—does he see me as a woman now that he knows? is he comfortable with me in the locker room? it was stressful and uncomfortable for others to have this level of control over my experience of the world and of myself. it’s also out of my control whether he decides to lend manhood to me now—will he use male pronouns with me? will he call me a woman? will he out me to the others? will he sexualize me or sexually assault me based on my female body?

3) as stated above, transition never ends. no matter how well you pass, transition always requires maintenance. you’ll need bloodwork as long as you’re on hormones—that’s time and money you wouldn’t have otherwise spent. you’ll need supplies for your hormone shots—time and money you wouldn’t have spent. there will be instances where you need to disclose your trans status, thus repeating the coming out process infinitely—doctors or EMTs, new intimate partners, friends. this process is exhausting and othering, it’s an ever-present reminder of the fact that you’re trans.

4) medical transition is expensive in terms of money and heath. taking hormones is always a risk. there’s potential for: cardiovascular risk associated with testosterone, vaginal atrophy and sexual side effects, changes to mood (some for the better, some worse), not liking how hormones change your body. then there’s the financial aspect. in the USA at least, this costs money—money for doctor’s visits, money for the hormones themselves, money for the supplies to administer them. there’s risk in any surgery—risk of death or serious complication, loss of function and sensation, improper healing, chronic pain. and of course, the monetary cost associated with surgery. removing the uterus can have lifelong consequences—early onset dimentia, lifelong need for synthetic hormones, osteoporosis.

5) there is no “actually trans.” there’s no meaningful distinction between “true trans” people and others. trans people transition and identify as trans. their dysphoria isn’t any different than mine was. there’s no method for parsing “real dysphoria” from something else. transness is an ideology. i liken it to religion. there are no “real christians” and fake christians, there are only people who believe and those who don’t. that’s the salient difference between myself (detransitioner) and trans people—belief. and if something requires me to believe in it to be real...well that’s a good indication it probably isn’t.

good luck out there. these are heavy questions and weighty struggles. there’s no harm in focusing on other aspects of your life when you’re having trouble answering Big Gender Questions. rooting for you.

#detrans #detransition #radfem #radical feminism #transgender #ftm #non binary #just talkin #gender #asked #answered #anon