#but is that depression talking or what i want who knows 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

[irishhorse-blog]

Jimin made a lot of tiktok, with Yoongi, Hobi and other artists, he performed in Seoul, where Jungkook lives, but only Yoongi and Hobi attended, Jungkook was always busy, he didn't have time for Jimin, no tiktok, no support at music shows. Then a friend from another group asked him to make a dance with him and Jungkook accepted. This says everything about jikook relationship 🤷‍♂️

Not really.

Did JK tell you personally what he was doing at that time? Did you hear from Jimin that he was feeling a lack of support from JK? Did JK tell you he didn't want to support Jimin, which is why he stayed in his apartment battling depression? Or maybe Jimin said he didn't even notice JK's absence. Maybe that's what you were told. Which one of them did you hear from?

You don't know anything. Nobody who isn't JK and Jimin (and maybe Hobi) knows everything that's happening or what their precise dynamic happens to be. All of us - you, me, Tkkrs, Yoonminers, Vminers, Koreaboo, Dispatch, everybody - are guessing. We. Don't. Know. Jack. Shit.

We see and hear about *maybe* 5% of the interactions the boys have. We see and hear about 0% of their private conversations. Lest you've forgotten, phones, computers, facetime and other technology exist. You don't have to physically be in the same place to offer support.

Do I know that JK was talking to Jimin on the phone or via text? No. Do you know that he was not? Also no.

I believe that support is more than Tiktok dance challenges, music show attendance (where JK's presence could distract audience attention), and Weverse posts. I also believe that if you took a rational look at the world and included your own obviously limited experiences, you would understand that.

But, kiddo, you do you. If that's what you want to believe, go right ahead. I think you're wrong. I'm not going to change your mind, and you're sure as hell not going to change mine.

Jikook is real. And that's the hill I'm going to die on.

#again with the 'JK didn't support Jimin' narrative #it's as tired and false as 'JK hated/hates Jimin' #Come on folks - come up with something new. #You're boring me #jikook

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simself-Story (18+)

⚠ CW: addiction, drugs, depression

As you can see, my daily morning routine had become a real ordeal for me. Every morning I woke up with terrible fears, that I couldn’t explain exactly? The answer to this, I will soon get in my dreams. Not just my anxiety made life difficult for me, but also the farewell to Philip.💔 😢 Remember how bad I felt when Nico left me?? If so, I don’t have to explain much about how I felt. Just then, I didn’t have to go to work, even though I loved my job at the time. 

Now everything was different and I also had other difficulties, my addiction! This drug just destroyed me. 😔 🤷‍♀️.....Thankfully I had Daniel with me, who took care of me. 💗 💗 I was so ashamed! 😔 I felt totally stupid! Like a defiant baby he had to take care of. But Daniel was so sweet and understanding. That motivated me to face my job and all the everyday tasks, I had so panicked. He himself was not well, too! He’s also struggling with the same damn thing I am. How much our addiction burdened him, I will see at the end of this day. We’ll both go down together...😢 😰

Ma day started at 06:20 a.m. For Daniel, a bit earlier since I had such a hard time getting up in the morning. He knew it will take a while to get me out of bed. So he got dressed & ready to have enough time for me. After Daniel somehow got me out of bed, we sat together on the couch in the living room. I started crying. I couldn’t bear his sad look. He looked at me like I was wrecked. I told Daniel yesterday, that Philip said goodbye to me.😭

Daniel: You can talk to me about him. What exactly happend? 🙁 🤷‍♂️

Me: I don’t want you to think I’d regret it with you. I’d do anything for you! You’re all I ever wanted. I just wish, I’d met you much earlier. Before my heart was so broken.

Daniel: I don’t care, I can handle it! The main thing is we are together! Ily!  You’ll see, soon you’ll be better.....But why are you so sad about Philip? 

Me: He ended our friendship. I’ll never see Philip again! He left me forever.😭 😭

Daniel: I’m so sorry, babe! Maybe you don’t believe me, but I’m really sorry! 😟 I’ll make it up to you, I swear!.... Don’t cry, everything will be fine, but now you have to go to work.

Me: I don’t want to! Please Daniel, leave me at home. 😭 😰 I’m gonna stay here with our kitty and wait for you. I’m not leaving or meeting Sofia.

Daniel: You know we’re a team and I would do anything for you to feel better. But NOW, you have to help me and do what I tell you. I’m not gonna let you lose your job, your education! And besides, that would only worsen our situation.😟 We’re going down slowly! I-....I can’t keep ourselves afloat alone. I need you! 🙁 😔 I don’t want us both to lose everything, because of our fucking addiction! 🤦‍♂️

Me: I hate my life! 😩 😩.....The only thing that matters to me is you! And I’m afraid to lose you.

Daniel: Why? I’m here! I won’t leave.....You told me you were taking antidepressants, but since you moved in with me, I’ve never seen you take any. 😕

Me: I had panic attacks a year ago....But I was afraid to continue taking them, because we are constantly high.

Daniel: You can’t just stop your meds without telling a doc! That’s why you feel so bad now, plus you’re constantly having withdrawal.

Me: Yea....I still have almost a full pack at my parents in my room.

Daniel: After work, we’ll pick up your pills.

Me: I’m so tired! I feel ill every day and I am constantly cold. I don’t want to go out, why don’t you understand me? 😢

Daniel: Please, come with me to the bathroom. Do it for me. I get you have no desire and strength. I’m helping you and I’ll drive you to work and pick you up.🙁

Me: I don’t even know what to wear? Everything overwhelms me! 😩

Daniel: I already picked you something. So don’t worry about it!

Before I went to the bathroom, I did a line. Daniel and I didn’t actually do that before we went to work, but since I wasn’t well, he gave me something. I felt better right away! But I got so high, that I fell asleep in the bathtub and Daniel had to help me out to get dressed.

Me: I am so ashamed...

Daniel: Why? You are so beautiful! Actually, I would like to undress you 😉 but...later! I don’t want to risk you being late.

Me: I’m so useless! 🤦‍♀️ I wonder how long it’s gonna take you to leave me too.

Daniel: All this, I don’t mind! Honestly not!...I see the struggle you're going through but you’re still doing your best. Otherwise you would have stayed in bed. But I don’t care, I just don’t want you to lose everything. And nothing can separate me from you except-.... it’s something I cannot.....influence.

Me: You mean....if something happens to you? 😟

Daniel: Yea. 

Me: I think that’s what scares me. That’s why I don’t want to go out or leave the apartment.

Daniel: We just stay together all the time, so nothing will separate us.

Me: Ok. Ily! 💗

We both felt the same, something bad is going to happen to us. 

In the office I finally met my trainer who was not there for so long. She was totally disappointed with me, because she got wrong information. She thought I didn’t do my job while she wasn’t there. But as you know, nobody told me what I have to do or where my office was actually, which is why I sorted files for Martha and the disgusting Mr. B., wanted me constantly in his office. He saw that I had nothing to do and also let me sort his files. But I was glad about that! He gave me something to do, a task, and he helped me when that stupid Martha attacked me again for NO reason! 😩 When my trainer accused me of not doing my job, I was totally shocked! This was simply not true!! But instead of defending myself, I fell silent. As always, I couldn’t get my mouth open when it was necessary. I was so pissed with myself that I started crying as she left the office. But Mr. B. noticed this and told my trainer that I had worked for him in the last few days. I really thought Mr B. was okay. And yes, that was nice of him. But why Mr. B. became disgusting to me, I tell soon.

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#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #my rl with my simself #simself #myrlgameplay #18+ content #cw addiction #cw drugs #cw depression

[brianllama]

8 Shows to get to know me better

Tagged by @autisticharrywells, thank you!!

1. Doctor Who

I grew up watching this and I've been obsessed with it since 2005. She is the love of my life and nothing else will ever compare.

2. The Flash

This is a close second to doctor who. I could (and have, and might do again) sit and rewatch the first few of the seasons on a loop. I don't really like S6 and beyond though. I'm a bit on the fence with s5. It's not my favourite season, but I used to watch it on a loop in the background of me doing uni work because it wasn't distracting like the other seasons were lmao, so I'm somewhat sentimental towards it.

3. Gotham

I really like Sean Pertwee as Alfred (translation: I think he's hot. I will be taking zero criticism on this lol). I love the development of the villains and how casually queer some of them are. I wasn't a big fan of the final season unfortunately.

4. Fleabag

A tragedy and a dark humour comedy. I think the depression vibes is balanced out quite well with the comedy and I always end up watching it whenever I'm feeling particularly depressed lol.

5. The Great British Sewing Bee

It's like bake off but with sewing. I find the judges more likeable than in bake off and the overall show a bit more enjoyable than the most recent season of bake off (rip bake off but it's not as good as it used to be).

6. Warrior Nun

I've only watched up to the first episode of the second season, but I'm still including it as a reminder to finish it so my mate can talk to me about it lol.

Warrior nuns fight demons. The main protagonist was brought back to life with an angel halo which makes her the only person who can actually kill the demons. She's not a nun, nor does she want to be the main protagonist. I'm enjoying it so far!

7. Hannibal

I watched the human centipede on a definitely non-illegal website and I did not enjoy it... Hannibal was one of the shows that the website recommended to me and I thought 🤷‍♂️ can't be worse than what I just watched lol. I thought it was dark and I loved it and I really need to rewatch it.

8. Legends Of Tomorrow

It's queer, it's funny, it's like doctor who crossed with comic books.

Tagging: anyone who wants to do this!

#Tag game

[moonsmemories]

Ya pal here put in their month notice. We almost out bois ✌️

#thank fucking god lmfao #granted not quitting yet but uh #tbh my goal is that after next summer ill be gone for good #sooner if i can swing it #the only thing keeping me working on weekends is i get sunday pay #but yeah im ready to go #ik its more expensive and loans may have rejected me if i did #but i kinda wish i decided to dorm instead #so i dont have to come back lmfaoo im ready to zoom like #👋👋👋 bye bitches #ive been in a reallt bitter mood rhe last few days and i dont really know why #my emotions are kinda all over bc stress #but im also like ok im done here the quicker i leave the better #my boss isnt happy im leaving but !!! i dont care !!!!! #also my boss is like oh weve been trying to move you back upfront but we cant #bc they refuse to hire people for the bar #which. lol they better start bc my coworker and i both cant work weekdays come sep #and lowkey im like lol i dont wanna go back anymore #but is that depression talking or what i want who knows 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ #they just hired like 10 new peeps anyway so they can figure it out lmao #idk im just super ready to leave lmfao

[justateengirl99]

Sertraline/citalopram/mirtazepene/fluoxetine

So if your unlucky enough to know what these tablets are,

then I don't have to describe to you what this post is regarding. But if you don't I will fill you in.

That medication allows me to deal with a normal day to day life. Although most days it leaves me tired, spaced out and emotionless. Crazy right? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️Why would anyone want to feel like that. Well this is why.

You see I suffer from Depression and anxiety. Let me start by saying, I don't have suicidal thought. This just helps my depression.

In my brain it doesn't sit right, something seems different. I notice little differences that 'normal' people wouldn't notice.

That comment you didn't tag me in, but you tagged other people? I saw that, why didn't you tag me? What's up with me?

You read that message, I saw you did, but you didn't reply.. why didn't you reply? Have I done something to upset you?

You didn't say I love you on the phone.. do you not love me anymore? Do you love someone else instead?

They just made a comment about me. Was it a joke? Was I supposed to laugh? Or do they mean it? Are they being nice? Are they talking about me? Do they talk about me? I bet they don’t like me really.

I say sorry all the time. I feel like I annoy everyone.

And for all those questions I will spend hours trying to answer. Let it all build up in my mind, until it sends me to tears...... it's mental that isn't it!!! That I see things that way.

It's not only mental changes, but physical changes. I don't eat a lot, mainly rubbish, because I need it now and I need the energy from lack of sleep. Insomnia, up all night answering questions to situations that don't even exists. or sleep to much and waste half my day still feeling tired.

I still smile and I have every excuse for when you ask why.

But the tablets help me.

Because I know when I start to feel this way or think this way, I need help.

I know that when my behaviour starts to change, I need guidance.

And I understand that I don't need to be ashamed. I don't need to be understood. I just need to be accepted. Everyone is fighting a battle and sometimes you need to be kinder.

So I may just be another person who's talking about mental health. But this is the reason for my silence. For my lack of enthusiasm.

And to my family and friends, I love you and I'm grateful, because living with this illness is hard, but trying to understand it, is even harder.

Don't suffer in silence.

You are never alone

#speakout

#copyandpasted

#stolen

#mental health blog #mental health support #mental health #support #anxiety help #anxitey #anxiété #writing help #mental help #someone help

[brw]

I love you!!!!! I’m on my phone rn so I don’t have any real good memes or fun stuff to send u but I’m gonna be free a lot over the next few days, and if you want to you can always dm me 💜 if you wanna talk about your favorite comics or whatever as a distraction I would love to learn about them! I hope things start to look up for you soon!

🥺 tysm u are really too sweet that's very nice of u to offer and dw i appreciate even the thought 💕💛

i'm. gonna talk about the current hulk run bc it's very good and makes the brain go brrr because like! canon DID representation that doesn't suck (at least it reads p good in my opinion but obviously i am a singlet and not a system so 🤷‍♂️ could be wrong on this)! it is here!

al ewing said "one thing i do hope remains [after this series ends] is bruce banner as an explicit system of alters. dissociative identity disorder is often represented poorly in popular culture - i don't know how good a job we've done with it, but i do feel like bruce is acting more like a system than he was previously" so like. it is literally undeniable. i mean in canon it was technically confirmed in 1978 (they called it multiple personality disorder back then obvs bc that was the Accepted Scientific Term™) but its very rarely shown in canon as an explicit system so. you know. honestly bruce is the most like... neurotypical-washed? is that a thing? character i've ever seen. smh.

"savage hulk", aka the hulk smash guy we're all most familiar with, is essentially the childhood rage and aggression he had to repress growing up (as his abusive father would hurt him when he got angry so it was very clearly clear in his mind that anger = bad) in one form. he's the green guy and again the most common one we see!

but there is also grey hulk, also known as joe fixit! he is essentially the moody teenager bruce was never allowed to be growing up. he also once had a job at security in what i recall to be a casino! he's more mature and articulate then savage hulk is, n yeah he's just weird n cool he vibes

there is! also devil hulk! devil hulk is basically the only hulk content with not fronting. he's very protective of bruce, and was basically made to fill in the role of a father figure that he never had growing up. he feels like the world has been unfair to bruce and again is. very protective. he calls bruce the "little guy" which i find very cute. he appears as larger then the other two hulks and is yellow. again. he vibes. very dangerous but. he vibes.

there is also guilt hulk. guilt hulk is all of bruce's fears and insecurities and self-hatred put into one and kinda sounds/speaks the same as his dad. uses the same abusive/cruel language brian banner used on bruce growing up. guilt hulk kinda dissappeared for a while but has since returned, tho doesn't show up often.

there is also professor hulk/the professor! has hulk's strength but bruce's intelligence, but he's like, his own alter, despite what endgame implies. very smart very cool. would be very dangerous tho if he got angry with the strong smart combo so if he gets too angry he changes into "savage banner", who is savage hulk but in bruce's scrawny body. comic logic says that this only works with the professor and no other one sjenejhute.

and the last one i can remember is kluh! while most alters/hulks come bruce, kluh comes from savage hulk. he is known as "hulk's hulk". while savage hulk (and most others) gets his strength from repressed rage, kluh gets his from savage hulk's misery and sadness. like. depression hulk. i can only recall seeing him once but. he is there!

and yeah! while i'm disappointed that the mcu changed so much and has not seemed to include bruce's DID in the slightest, looking at professor hulk, i also know that the mcu is Questionable at times so like... idk what to feel. grateful but also. u guys could do much better. come on :/ and i agree w/ mr ewing i hope it continues. needs to be more representation. and more like? good healthy scenes? like idk. bruce shows up in some pretty gruesome n gritty storylines, like in ultimates savage hulk was a cannibal and idk. makes me :/ a bit. not to mention the horrific shit that went on in old man logan which i will not talk about bc ew :/ but it was a bad time i do Not Recommend. like i know marvel wants to be gritty and edgy sometimes but. maybe. chose a different character to do that with. hercules is as strong/almost as strong as hulk. so is wonder man. there's other characters that u can have be gritty and edgy without adding to harmful stereotypes.

anyway yeah. this has been an infodump by brieuc 😌✌️

#long post #* long post #holy SHIT i do not shut up #bruce banner #hulk #asks #💛💛💛 #jay 🦆 #brieuc.txt #anyway thank you for asking! i am sorry for screaming so fucking much!

[aleksa-sims]

RL Simself-Story (18+)

CW: addiction, drugs, violence

My family was back home. They were in Italy at my grandma’s family for a week. I think my parents ran away with my sister from all the crap that happened here. I’m sure they were afraid Ana would end up like me. And I totally agree with them!...My mom didn’t want to go first, because she didn’t want to leave me here alone.

Yesterday she called me and asked me to come by. Ana is leaving us soon and my mom wanted us all to meet again. I asked if my dad would be there? I was still very angry with him. But my mom promised me he wouldn’t argue with me or Daniel. She told me that he gave up on me. She said my dad no longer knew what was right or wrong for me. No matter what he tried to help me, it was never right! When I saw my dad that day, I was scared at first. I didn’t expect him to join us. I thought he was about to go after Daniel. But I couldn’t see any anger in his eyes. He didn’t look aggressive, rather hopeless, tired and sad. The longer he looked at me and I at him, the harder it was for him to stand there, so he turned around and left. Not only my dad was sad. Ana started to cry a bit. I could feel that my family was not doing well. 😔 At that moment, even the weather had suddenly changed and adapted to our depressive mood. As more and more dark clouds covered the sky, I also let some tears flow because I saw Ana crying. Something seemed to be wrong here and I was afraid, it had to do with me. 😢

But let’s go back to the beginning! When I arrived at my parents' house, Ana ran right up to me and hugged me as if we hadn’t seen each other for ages...BUT what’s David doing here? You know, Ana’s vampire guy! Ana never wanted to see David again since this incident!? 🤔 Hm, but my little sis met David in the meantime and they were a couple again. I always knew David was someone special for Ana, so I was happy for them. Just....David was a bit confused & shocked when he saw me with Daniel....

David (to me): Why is HE here with you? And... where is Philip?

Me: Uhmm....Ana? What’s that? Didn’t you tell him P. & I broke up?

Ana: Why should I??.... Listen, David! It’s none of your business who my sister’s dating! What’s your prob anyway?

David (to me): He’s one of those bastards who did this shit to me! 😠 I told you everything just a few weeks ago, A.!!🤷‍♂️

Daniel (to David): You nuts? 🤨 I didn’t attack you!! I don’t really know you!

Ana: What makes you think that? I was there too, as you know! And Daniel is NOT one of those fuckers who did this shit to us!

David: But I saw him and this one guy..... um 🤔 ... Dominick, talking to those drug dealers. And those were the same people I kept this damn weed for, and Daniel was involved in this shit, too. I know that from Elena, she told me!

Daniel: Dominick tried to help me get out of all this mess, so he and I talked to one of them! That doesn’t mean I attacked you! 😧 😠 Or did you see me when you were attacked?

David: I don’t remember! They hit me until I passed out, man! 😠

Me: Wait, wait! ..WAIT! 😨...Elena told me it was NOT the guys working for her stupid bf, who attacked you. And I thought these fucking guys got caught?

David: Listen, I just said, I don’t remember! But the few minutes before I passed out, I heard something. I could hardly see anything, I had so much blood in my eye. But one of them threatened me and mentioned this weed thing I did, so it can only be the motherfuckers, working for Elena’s fucker. You understand? And Daniel also worked for these people. 😠

Daniel: That’s over 9 months ago!! Since then I have never met or seen those dicks and not even before. I just know Elena! And this one guy that Dominick and I talked to, I knew that guy before. He got me into this whole thing. His name’s Oliver.

David: Yeah, I know Oliver. And you A., you shouldn’t trust Elena!!! Yeah, she helped me get out of this, but she LIES! Trust me! You know me better now than you knew her! I’m not lying to you! 😟

Me: I never claimed to trust Elena! But Daniel did nothing wrong! 

Ana: And Daniel was the only one I ever told. Without him, my sister would never have known, and you and I would never have reconciled.

Me: That’s true! Ana didn’t tell us all what happened to you two. Just Daniel and he told me something was wrong with Ana.

David: Ok, I got it!... Im sorry, man!

Daniel: Yeah, it’s ok!

Me (to Ana): You could have warned David that Daniel would come with me. 🤨 But I think your vampire guy took your mind. Huh? 😉

Ana: Yeah sorry, I didn’t think of it! ....And if you don’t stop calling him a vampire or just making one stupid twilight joke about us, then I’ll come up with something pretty awkward for Daniel & you, too! 🤷‍♀️

Me: Go ahead! 🤷‍♀️ And the Twilight jokes Philip made about him, not me! And actually I liked Twilight! 🤔

Ana: Yeah, I remember. I just didn’t get why! 🤮

Me: Well, I was 12 or 13?? I imagined myself falling in love with someone one day, like Bella did ... I was so naive to think all men were nice. 🙈 😄

Ana: Ugh, pleas don’t make me gag! 🤢 I found this whole love story terribly dull! I thought that would be a cool vampire movie. But no, just crappy shit! 😕

Me: Oh Ana, I will miss you so much! I’ll come to your college as often as I can and we’ll watch all the Twilight movies together. 😉 😄

Ana: You know what? 🥺 I would do it! As long as you are with me!

Me: 😢

Then my mom came to us and we all talked a bit. How it went on, I’ll tell next time. And this whole thing with Elena and her mysterious boyfriend is gonna get me also in trouble. 🤦‍♀️ But I didn’t trust Elena and I didn’t really believe her the last time I saw her in that one club. Just Elena will soon offer me her help because I was totally desperate and unfortunately I accepted her offer.

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#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #my rl with my simself #simself #myrlgameplay #18+ content #cw drugs #cw addiction #cw violence

[aleksa-sims]

My RL Sims-Story (18+)

CW: addiction, drugs

This morning Philip called me and told me, he has been home for a few days. He will stay here for the next 4 weeks. He has come to see his baby. Slowly he began to accept, that he has a little daughter now, he has to take care of. Philip seemed to me ok and relaxed about all this, but....he wasn’t! He was overwhelmed! Just with everything! And he did something, he didn’t want to! It was about Isabella 😒 .....I wish I’d stayed with him, but... I couldn’t!! I just wasn’t able to deal with P.’s problems and his baby!! I mean, look at me! I was a drug-addicted disaster!!  I was high! I could hardly stand on my feet that day.  Before I went to P., I saw that guy Mike. My new dealer.

I met him alone somewhere in a park in the dark. I bought the usual stuff, but Mike gave me something else, something new! He wanted me to try, but I wanted to show it to Daniel first. Speaking of D.! He didn’t know about all this! He started working again. His summer vacation was over and when he went to work, Philip called me. That’s why I couldn’t tell Daniel, but...I will! 😟 Actually, I shouldn’t have gone to Philip! I know! 🤦‍♀️ But Isabella that beast! 😠 Of course, she told Philip that I have a new boyfriend. But honestly? I knew Isabella would tell him. Still, Philip wanted some answers from me, which I owed him, I think. 😔

When I stood in front of P.’s door, I wanted to turn back for a short moment.😢

But before I could change my mind, Philip opened the door and hugged me as soon as he saw me.

He asked me if everything was okay with me? I had to take a deep breath before I could answer him. Normally, I would make jokes about Philip’s hair, because he told me on the phone, that he got his hair cut, but somehow that hairstylist screwed it up a bit. I just told him I was dizzy and had to drink water, so we went to the kitchen.

Philip quickly realized what was going on! I was high and not really thirsty, which is why he got a little.... crabby, but not only because of that! He wanted to know, who my new.......lover 🤨 was. 

Me: Don’t look at me like that! 😳 I know what you’re thinking! I can hear your thoughts.

Philip: Then you know we need to talk! Seeing you like.... THIS, depresses me!! 😠

Me: I'm so strung out! Idk what to say? 😞

Philip: Who is he? 😠 After such a short time! How could you? 🤦‍♂️ 😔

Me: You broke up with me! Just like Nico! I was hardly over him and only a short time after that, you hurt me too! You, like, totally blew me off. You said I was your biggest mistake! 😞

Philip: I never said this to YOU! I meant Nico, you & me!

Me: You were so mad and pissed, that you don’t know what you said to me! But I didn’t get it out of my mind! And I was done with you, P.! 🤷‍♀️....But then, one day, you suddenly came back to me, as if nothing had happend and wanted me to forgive you! And I forgave you! But I couldn’t tell you that.....I was already starting to date someone new. Someone, who has become very important to me in the meantime and without him, I would be much worse off now!... When Isabella told me it was your baby, I just didn’t want to wait for you to come back to me and hope you won’t forget me. But he-,..he was there! By my side, all the time.

Philip: But you promised me as soon as I’m done with my semester abroad, we’ll be together! I mean-, yea, I knew you were going to see someone else, we didn’t want to talk about this topic! But we made a promise! Can you keep this, A.? 😠

Me: I-..I don’t know what the future will bring? I don’t know what will be in 8 months. But I will always be there, if you need me! I promised you that and I will keep it. 😟

Philip: And what if that smack kills you? 😠 🤷‍♂️ What should I do then? You think this will help me? Knowing that I just looked away? Because it seems to me, that’s what you and your new lover do together, right? You expect me to watch you destroy yourself.

Me: Don’t say that! 😢 ...  I swear, I will quit drugs! I just... need a little more time! 😟

Philip: It’s Dominick!😠 That fucker! He gets you that shit, that’s why your parents went crazy.

Me: Dominick? 🤨 Ew, NO!! 🤢 ...Ugh, P.! It’s-..... Daniel! 😬... I know, I know! But, please P.! Believe me! He is not bad! I know he was acting like a jerk when we first ran into him,, but even then, you started threatening him and not the other way around.

Philip: Damn, A.! 🤦‍♂️ Daniel? 😠 I still know how he wanted to lure you with his damn drugs. He's just using you! I could read it all over his face. How he looked at you! 😠 As if you were exactly what he was looking for. I just knew it! That’s why I freaked out when he texted you. I was right about him!!.... I’m gonna kill him! 😠 😠

Me: 🤨... I see, telling you about him, was probably not such a good idea?......That’s why I didn’t tell you!! And Daniel doesn’t give me drugs, hell! 😠 😠 I wanted all this, Philip! Not him! He doesn’t have to give me drugs to sleep with me. I, wanted to sleep with him! I just wanted to forget what was with YOU! 😒 

Philip: Fuck, A.! Don’t you love me anymore? 🙁 🤷‍♂️

Me: Would I be here, if I didn’t love you? 😟

Philip: Then leave him and stay here! With me! As it should be! I know, I have to leave soon again, but we’ll find a solution, or I’ll just stay here with you.

Me: We’ve already discussed this, Philip! So many times! 😩 It just doesn’t work! Besides, you promised Isabella something! And I can’t leave Daniel! 

Philip: 🤦‍♂️... Let’s-... let’s talk about your dad. Why the hell did he kick you out?

Me: You know why! 😭

Philip: Shit!... Come here. No matter what happens, you can always come to me. I’ll give you the key to my apartment.

Me: No, please don’t! 😨 I don’t trust myself!.... Without you, I don’t want to stay here........ I just can’t! 🤦‍♀️ Can we please stop talking for a while😢

Philip: Come on, let’s move to the couch.😟

Philip & his Baby....

After we both calmed down a bit, Philip told me how it was when he met his baby. He was extremely nervous, but when he had his little girl in his arms, he could finally feel it and also believe, that she is his. He could not describe or explain it exactly......He just remembered his dad’s words, which he said to him a few hours before that... P. 's Dad asked him, if he could raise a baby all by himself or would he like to do this with Isabella? After all, the little one has everything she needs and grows up with rich people. So if he doesn’t want all this, he should just.... let it be and let fate decide what will happen. But Philip didn’t want to be like his dad! 💙... He abandoned him for years, for the same reason!! His dad was only 21 at the time, just like Philip was when he had a baby. 

The next day, with the help of his mom, Philip made room for his little one, here, in his apartment and also bought her a bed. Later Isabella came with their little one and Philip learned some important things about babies. His mom showed him how to wrap her, how to prepare her bottle and what else to take care of. Isabella was not really interested in all this. She knew already how it worked, so she just took selfies of herself, Philip & the baby. And of course she also posted her pics and even sent me a pic. Idk why she did this??🤦‍♀️ However, Philip’s baby spent some days with him and as I mentioned at the beginning, he seemed relaxed and....happy to me 😕 🤷‍♀️, but the truth was completely different.  He was totally overwhelmed.

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[aleksa-sims]

My RL gameplay (18+)

CW! addiction

As promised, Philip went with me the next day to my apartment to clean up a bit  and I really needed more clothes, because I didn’t have much with me last time. I prefer to clean when I am alone! I don’t need any annoying help! But okay, Philip was a useful help. He put away the Christmas lights & decoration. I hate doing this, it’s totally frustrating! However, the reason for my depressive mood was a completely different one! I just say “Yoga”! 😠 😢

I haven’t talked to Philip yet about that....specific issue. He apologized to me this morning, because he was such an asshole to me yesterday. Nevertheless I was still....sad. And there was this one other little, but very annoying thing, that kept me busy. Why am I overdue? 🤷‍♀️ But I kept this to myself too! Oh, and yes, I actually remembered that Philip really told me about this yoga bitch thing at the very beginning. So Nico was right, BUT Philip had left out an important detail! I asked P. BEFORE I went to bed with him, if he & Nico had done something like this before.  And Philip said, that N. once had sex with one of his ex-girlfriends. This ex-girlfriend really wanted to have sex with N. & Philip didn’t mind. I just thought, ok! It’s not so bad now. But Philip didn’t say that, he was still with her, when Nico had sex with that yoga girl. That’s why it was such a shock to me. I just felt like...SHIT! 💩😢 And the more I thought about this, the more I blamed Nico!! Anyway, Philip’s gonna talk to me about this thing later, 'cause....my grandma is coming to visit me and I told my grandma everything. Really EVERYTHING! Also that I relapsed and after that, I was so devastated. 

When we were almost done cleaning up, I felt nauseous and sat down. Philip then approached me and thought I was acting strange.

Philip: Why are you so quiet and weird A.? What’s wrong with you today?

Me: Nothing! 😶

Philip: Did you find any pills or drugs that were still lying around here?🤨  Idk maybe you were hiding something, before I picked you up a few days ago. 🤷‍♂️

Me: No! 😶

Philip: Look at me! I want to check your eyes!

Me: Ugh! 🤦‍♀️ ...HERE!  You see? My pupils look normal! But you look like you’re high! Have you taken any drugs? 🤨

Philip: I’m fucking tired! Since you’ve been with me, I don’t sleep as much as I usually do. And I get up early every morning to finish my job, so I can pick you up from work.

Me: You’re not responsible for me! And I promised you, I wouldn’t do anything you don’t like. So don’t pick me up from work! 😒

Philip: But I feel responsible for you! I just don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Everything I’ve done in the last few days has prevented you from relapsing.

Me: No! I didn’t want to do it! I promised you, so please, P., take it down a notch!!! I just can’t anymore! I need my space! You lock me up! And sometimes, I feel like you enjoy this? I mean that control you have over me. You know I love you and you use that to put pressure on me. 😟

Philip: Ok, you’re right! You’ve proven that you can stay clean last week. So I’m gonna give you more freedom again. But if you screw it up...I’m gonna take your pills away so you can feel, how deep you’re actually stuck in this shit. 😠

Me: Ok, deal! Then I can meet my sister tonight? 😬

Philip: Tonight? That’d be a bit too much! 🤨  I’ll come with you.

Me: Sure! I want you, to come with me....I’m gonna go upstairs and pack a few of my things, and if my grandma rings, please open the door. I told her, I had a friend with me. So no stress! You don’t have to hide anymore P.! Unless my dad might come. 😉 

Philp: But your grandma doesn’t know we’re together?

Me: Not really! I’ll explain that to her later. So, wish me luck.

Below the cut it goes on....

When I was upstairs, someone called me who I didn’t expect at all!  It was Sandra! She asked me, if we could see each other today. She and Ana will meet later and S. wants to talk to me. She wants to apologize to me. I told her, that if I came, I’d have to take Philip with me, because he won’t let me go alone. But of course, I left that out. And she was totally cool with this. Strange! But I thought about it and decided to give Sandra a chance. After all, she was once my best friend and one of the most important people in my life. Honestly, I was glad about it. And somehow, I felt, that very soon, I’m gonna need my best friend more than ever. 😢

After that, Philip came to my bedroom to tell me, my grandma was here. He asked me why I didn’t respond when he called me? My grandma talked to Philip while they were waiting for me. But I was somewhere else with my thoughts. Nico’s stuff made me so sad and I kept thinking about what he told me on the phone yesterday. 😢

Philip: Heyyy! 😕 Why don’t you come down? Should I tell your grandma about us? I mean, I told her I was helping you here, she was really nice, but.....come on A.!

Me: Yeah, ok. Sorry. I....I didn’t hear you. 😞

Philip: Are you ok? ....Seriously now! What’s wrong with you? 🤷‍♀️ And don’t say nothing again!!!!

Me: I’m just sad! You know? I had to think about N....😔

Philip: Does this have anything to do with...yoga?🤨 N. called me and he was totally pissed on me about this yoga teacher we both had something with. But I told you about it A.! And believe me, that was just....Idk? I didn’t care! Honestly! This thing was her idea! She wanted him and asked me.  And I thought, why not? 🤷‍♀️ I had no feelings for her! I tried..... but, nothing came. I didn’t care about her! I just had....you know what! 😬

Me: I didn’t konw you’re into yoga, P.!? 🤨

Philip: Well, I certainly didn’t do yoga with her. 🤷‍♂️ 😄........Sorry! 

Me: I don’t give a shit! Just.... shut up and never talk about this again!

Philip: That with us is something completely different! I love you and Nico loves you too! I swear! And that yoga...ex, she even had sex with Sofia’s brother! She was a bit crazy, I think? No I’m sure she is crazy!

Me: 🤢 🤢 Just stop P.! What kind of women were you with? 😦 🤷‍♀️ Are you into bitches like her? 😧

Philip: Really not!!!  I was 18 or 19 and I...I’ll explain later! But your grandma is waiting.

Me: Oh, shit! My granny!

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[aleksa-sims]

My RL gameplay (18+)

It was almost afternoon when I finally got out of bed. I went into the kitchen to see what Nico was doing there, I was a bit......annoyed. Idk? When I’m depressed, I usually don’t like.....just everything!! I don’t want to do anything! And it’s all hard for me! No matter what.

Me: What are you doing here, N.? Shouldn’t you be going? 😩

Nico: Are you feeling better, babe? I went shopping and cleaned everything up. I even did the laundry, so you don’t have to do anything today! 😇 Just......relax. 🤷‍♂️

Me: Um...Are you ok? You did something wrong, right? 🤨

Nico: No! You are so bad just because of this stupid party yesterday. Everything was perfect before. I want you to be fine while I’m away..... Are you hungry?

Me: Ugh! 😩 No I’m not hungry N.! I’d better never eat something again! And what did you do here? You never do it right! Now I have more work than before! 😩

Nico: What do you mean? I’ve cleaned everything up! I cleaned up the dishwasher, I went shopping for you, so you wouldn’t starve in the next few days & I cleaned everything else, just like you always do! 🤷‍♂️

Me: Yeah, I see! You never do it right! Why didn’t you put the vacuum cleaner back in the charging station? What’s so fucking hard about it for you? 😠 The vacuum cleaner has to recharge! It’s never charged when I need it!

Nico: I wasn’t done yet! I was just going to do this! And why are you pissed? What happened at that fucking party yesterday wasn’t my fault! I didn’t want this! 😞

Me: Yes, but these are your fucking friends, that make me feel so shit.

Nico: Oh, I understand! 🤨 So I’m the bad guy here again, right? And Philip is once again the one who will later comfort you and free you from me. 😒

Me: Did you eavesdrop on me? 🤨

Nico: No! I was busy here and I did everything for you, because you can’t do anything yourself! You don’t even go shopping! I do everything here!

Me: 🤣 BUT that’s what YOU wanted! The only thing I should do is to be there for you in bed. I’m that dumb girl, that can’t do anything on her own and depends on you. 🥺🤨

Nico: That’s not fair! And I NEVER said this or wanted this! 😠

Me: That’s fucking live N.! The world is supposed to be....NOT fair! 🤷‍♀️

Nico: Tell me what you want me to do to make you feel better. 😕

Me: Nothing. 🤷‍♀️ ...That’s the way it is. 😒🥱

Nico: Look at me! I talked to P. I just want you to stay with him while I’m gone, you’re not going anywhere alone! Can you do this?

Me: Don’t worry N.! I can’t wait to see P.! I won’t leave his side.

Nico: I have 2 hours, before I have to get to the airport. Since you don’t want to eat...you’re coming with me now, I have to take a shower. You’ll feel better afterwards.

Me: This.... shower thing 🤨, I only do with P.! 😈 Remember?

Nico: That doesn’t mean Philip has all the rights to our shower! 😠 You used to shower with me too! 🙁... . Let’s see, who you prefer. 😏

Me: I have the feeling, you see this thing with the three of us as a competition between Philip and you. 🤨

Nico: I love you, I just want to do the right thing for you! I want you, to love me as much as I love you. 

Me: And you think I don’t love you? 🤨

Nico: No, I know you love me. And....now just come with me! I won’t see you for almost 3 days. 

Me: Ugh, it’s ok! 😞 I’m sorry! I don’t want to fight with you! I’m just...Idk? It’s not my day.

Nico: I know. 😕

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